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Undressing the Academy, or The Student Handjob

University for Strategic Optimism


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ISSN 2044-8589

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!"#
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'*+,#-.(/'01
2"&%('".,
!
The Student Hand|ob.
Dc ycu ospis ycur gcos? Hav ycu illo ycur mcuth with
gin ano buttr, hcwlo lik a mangy ccl at th oisapparing
prcspct c th utur? Gcco, gcco tims, bst tims ths.
Fillo th right crms, prsso th right buttcns, waring th
ccrrct unorpants? Clano ycur tth, saio th right
prayrs, sanitiso ycur Facbcck pag, aocpto a
ashicnabl hairstyl lik all th cthr gcco girls ano bcys?
Ovr th nxt hcwvr many yars w assum that ycu'll
crganis ricts, xplco incrmaticn bcmbs, blackmail
univrsity managrs, tak ral cccl orugs, chat th bnit
systm, barly wcrk, stal prcliically, lcv manically, ano
larn tc s a scrrcwul nw oawn with th grano, burnt
rtinas c highly orango prcsscrs. Th univrsity, lik th
|cb markt, lik th ccncmy, lik tcc many things ncw is
|ust a myth that mcst pcpl ccnsnt tc cut c a ccmbinaticn
c charming naivty ano a grctsu lack c imaginaticn.
Larn tc walk ano talk with a ncs-pg. V ocn't claim tc
kncw anything whatscvr but this guio might tach ycu a
w nw tricks.
Univrsity is all abcut turning tricks, anyway. lsn't it? ls it?
Shculo it b? Partly? ls th kncwlog brcthl rally sar
than th strt ccrnr? /nyway, w ocn't hat th univrsity.
ln act, w ar scm c its biggst ans, which is why w want
it tc stcp bing a oick. Or a pissing ccntst. Or a maoam, a
pimp. / prcphylactic against wag slavry mayb. /nyway,
anyway, wlccm, wlccm, rinos, cs, strangrs ano vn
strangrrs, tc th raoical - sc raoical it's ucking bcoacicus
- stuont hanobcck cr stuonts, tc....
"
Racism ting th osk: hcw tc a
classrccm. !! Rat up cr bat c? !!
Ycur Tachr ano Ycu !! Drugs !!
Crim, cr hcw tc writ a shit otctiv stcry - (a srial)
Tim ano spac
Dprssicn
ing Dircting th acticnRDircting th acticn
Suatting Dgrs
Ovrualiio, cvrwcrko, Ovrualiio, cvrwcrko,
Ovrualiio, cvrwcrko, ano un(or)paio
- an lntrn-shipping crcast.
Vcrk it Rnits Dbt
Law lntrnaticnal stuonts
DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY DlY
Plagiarism Plagiarism Organising
Gc bycno th univrsity in tn [ano a hal] asy stps
Pcstscript.
#
Racism.
Th univrsity is a racist instituticn.
Fac it. lt's cbvicus. Th answrs ar right in rcnt c us. lt is |ust that cr a
lcng tim ncw ncbcoy has bcthro tc ask th usticn. Racism ocs nct
uncticn in vry univrsity in prcisly th sam way. lt is playo cut
oirntly acccroing tc th crcs that shap ach instituticn. Yt th cvrall
impact is th sam. Crtain typs c kncwlog, lik crtain typs c pcpl,
ar omo imprcpr, unruly, ano an impcsiticn upcn th smccth icincy
c th mcorn oucaticnal nvircnmnt. Ths pcpl, whc tno tc b 'c
cclcur', ar nct lt intc scm instituticns n mass. lnstao thy ar hcuso in
acaomic ghttcs. Hr thy ar cro th chanc tc scap, tc gt cut th
ghttc. Rut cnly i thy submit tc training thmslvs tc nc lcngr b th
prcblm. lt's th pric c th tickt.
This is why in, say, a Russll grcup univrsity (lt's nam nams, Oxcro, UCL
cr Scuthamptcn) thr ar barly any ncn-whit stuonts. This is an cutccm
c having barly any ncn-whit acaomics. ln ths instituticns, ccurss cn
slavry, cclcnialism, black raoical thcught ano black minism, ar thcught tc
b an aoonoum tc th taching c th prcpr ioas c mcornity. Thcs
'rac' ccurss ar spcialisms tc b taught by th cn cr twc ncn-whit
acaomics th univrsity has omo capabl c crcssing th cclcur lin. Rut
that is all thy ar limito tc. Ths acaomics ar th 'rac' pcpl, intnoo
tc kp th w 'rac' stuonts happy. Th cnly signiicant numbrs c ncn-
whits sn in Russll Grcup instituticns ar thcs whc clan th tcilts ano
wcrk th scurity osk. Thy crcss intc th cclcnial crt whn cthrs lav
ano kp th thing running.
$
%
Gc tc th cthr no c th scal. Tc thcs ghttcs tcwaros th bcttcm c th
Univrsity Lagu tabl (Lcnocn Mt, Univrsity c East Lcnocn, Thams
Vally Univrsity). Th ma|crity c stuonts hr ar ncn-whit. Funnily
ncugh ths instituticns ar alsc amcngst th mcst pccrly unoo. Rut this
ocs nct man all th thcught that is xcluoo rcm th Russll Grcup inos a
hcm hr. lnstao this typ c univrsity ccvrs its gaping cracks by placing
pcstrs c pcpl whc rsmbl thir stuont bcoy cvr th walls. Ths
pcstrs yll oclaraticns at th stuont, tlling hr that thr is much tc b
gaino rcm this instituticn i cnly sh grasps th cppcrtunity. This univrsity
ghttc is hr chanc tc gt cut c th cthr ghttc. Sh can bccm an
acccuntant, a physicthrapist cr vn st up hr cwn businss. /ll this can b
achivo withcut stuoying th massiv oislccaticns c th slav trao ano
sttlr cclcnialism. Vhc nos tc larn abcut that shit, anyway? lt's cvr ano
ocn with, isn't it?
Dc nct bliv what th univrsity has tc say abcut ual cppcrtunitis ano
oivrsity. lgncr th rainbcw naticn chrcmatism c its hcmpag. This is |ust
a bullshit ccvr cr th univrsity's ral crims c xclusicn. Racism is nct
cvr bcaus it is ccvro by lgislaticn. Sc th nxt tim an acaomic
publishs an articl abcut hcw black wcmn ar th uglist craturs arcuno,
ano th mcst th univrsity is prparo tc oc is publicly wag it's ingr at him
ano tll him nct tc oc it again, b prparo. R prparo ano gt tcgthr.
R prparo tc gt tcgthr ano talk abcut what nos tc b ocn.
Prhaps vn b prparo tc caus scm trcubl. Hcllr. Scram. Mak a list
c omanos. Ycu'v gct ncthing tc lcs. Vhichvr univrsity ycu ar in, it
cnly vr ss ycu as a prcblm. Sc gc ahao an act lik cn.
&
ShittinQ the desk: how to hack a cIassroom.
Think c th structur c an croinary class: stuonts pay tc larn, tachrs ar
paio tc tach. / custcmr sks valu cr mcny: th ccmmcoity,
'kncwlog'. Vhat is larno ano xchango is xprtis, th ccntnt c th
class: Ricchmistry, Critical Thcry, English Rcmantic Litratur, tc. Hcw is
this ccntnt acuiro? /s scmthing transmitto, 'kncwlog' bccms
inopnont c bcth tachr ano stuont - an cb|ct. This 'kncwlog' is
sclly pcsssso by th tachr, inaccssibl tc th stuont unlss thy can
succssully mulat th gsturs ano ioas c th tachr. l kncwlog is
pcwr thn th stuont bgins at a prccuno oisaovantag. Nc mattr hcw
haro th stuont wcrks this kncwlog is always at a critical rmcv, ano
whn th stuont thinks thy unorstano th sub|ct, urthr training is
noo - an M/, MRs, PhD, pcst-occ, ano sc cn.
Th classrccm is a plac whr th stuont must passivly smil ano nco
apprcpriatly as th wis tachr oins kncwlog. / slp-inoucing
tachr is simply misunorstcco - ccncntrat haror, 'umm' ano 'hmm'
lcuor, push that oictaphcn vn clcsr tc thir urrcwo brcw ano napkin-
scrawlo lctur ncts. Th classrccm ixs twc aoults, th tachr ano
stuont, intc a vry spciic pcwr rlaticn. lt is this inuality that brings th
stuont, that skr c kncwlog, tc th univrsity in th irst plac. lts
instituticnal structur givs marks ano ogrs thir valu ano lgitimacy,
ccnvincing latr mplcyrs that this ccurs c stuoy has cicially rccgniso
mrit.
O ccurs this ocs nct man that an ntirly cynical apprcach shculo b
takn tcwaros stuoy. Tachrs may b gnuinly intrsto in oiscussing
ioas, |ust ocn't b cclo by th rhtcric c 'larning tcgthr', c
'inspiraticnal xprinc', c 'achiving insights'. Ths things might all
happn, but thy ar nct inhrnt tc th structur oscribo abcv. Evn
whr altrnativ crms c larning ano assssmnt ar prcmiso, vn
whr assssmnt itsl is bing usticno in its cb|ctivity, mcst c th
tim ths 'altrnativs' simply ccvr up a ral structur c inuality. This
structur has ccncrt purpcss. ln svral impcrtant rgaros, univrsity ano
its kncwlog hav th uncticn c rincrcing gaps - btwn pcpl,
classs, gnors -- ano rincrcing ano orssing up pcwr structurs. This,
ano nct th ccntnt that is taught, bccms th truth c univrsity. Mino tho
gap....
'
Dismpcwro by th classrccm, tc th pcint c bing a passiv haring
nco tc th lcturr's orawl, th stuont might attmpt scm ptulant
rvng. Only 69%? Vhr is my valu cr mcny? l pay ycur salary sir,
maoam. l'll tll th markting oirctcr/mummy that ycu ailo tc us
Pcwrpcint cr upoat th virtual larning zcn.' Th custcmr srvic mcol
has bn rcllo cut in oucaticn, halthcar ano sccial srvics in cror tc
bgin thir privatisaticn intc prcit-making businsss. On th cn hano, th
arrcganc c th classrccm ano its pcwr rlaticns; cn th cthr, th nav
rsntmnt ano oangrcus arrcganc c sing univrsity as a prcouct a
custcmr pays cr, whr ioas bccm uivalnt tc purchasing a hccvr cr
gastric bypass. Eithr cn invclvs shitting th osk. Rttr tc oc away with
osks altcgthr.
Ccnsior that clo saying, 'sh whc chats cnly chats hrsl?' Rcllccks! Th
classrccm is a gam whr th ruls ano pics ar all cpn tc ao|ustmnt,
thcugh car must b takn tc gt away with it. Mcst c th tim thcugh,
awarnss c th structurs maks chating unncssary anyway. /oorss
th structur as it wants tc b aoorsso (.g. prtnoing that ycu ar
larning cr ycursl ano nct cr cthrs - ancthr cn c thcs inamcus
prcvrbs c poagcgy whcs invrsicn rvals mcr than thy can pcssibl
b happy with) ano gt ycur ix c kncwlog lswhr (th scticn cn
crganisaticn can prcvio ycu hlpul tccls cr that crganisaticn). "
Kncwlog, in act, is vrywhr. Thcry bgins bcr th stuont vn
stps intc th library cr th irst tim. Thcry ccms rcm th Grk wcro
thooria ano mans ncthing cthr than sing. /n vryoay activity, nc? Ry
unorstanoing thcry as a crm c abstracticn (biclcgically invclvo in th
vry act c sing) thn w can s hcw actually vrything invclvs
thcrtical prsuppcsiticns, vn i thy ar nct xplicit. Think hcw a map is
rao cr a suprmarkt navigato, hcw thr pcpl mak a mal cr hcw
lirtaticn cprats. Sc i vrything invclvs ths kino c thcrtical
prsuppcsiticns why shculo scm hav th status c a spcializo ano
carully guaroo kncwlog opnoing cn a class c xprts ano thir
taching? - which brings us back tc th mcncpclizing instituticn callo
univrsity. Ccnsioro rcm this prspctiv th mcncpcly bccms uit
ccntstabl ocsn't it? Mino tho gap, but novor mino tho bollocks!
(
This pcwr-kncwlog oynamic is haro tc sio-stp: whilst kncwlog can b
sprao in mcr ual ano ctiv mans in raoing ano stuoy grcups,
ccurss hav tc b ccmplto ano a crtain ccllusicn is ncssary with th
classrccm. Larning is a rlaticn ano an activity btwn twc cr mcr
inoiviouals: nct all taching is larning, but nithr is larning scmthing that
can b paio cr. Th univrsity is mcr than a taching/training machin. Th
classrccm can b oisillusicning, irst yar orcp-cut rats ar high. Ycu'll larn
an ual amcunt, i nct mcr, rcm cthr stuonts than tachrs. Sl-
critiu, ccnvicticns, cpnnss ano inopnont thinking ar mcr usul
than mcst txtbccks, but can lav a bao smll in a classrccm. Us carully.
Univrsity is nct cr vrycn but it is impcrtant tc rmmbr thr is mcr
tc b gaino than what is saio in lcturs. Mino th gap, tclrat th bcllccks,
ano instao c shitting th osk, oispns with osks altcgthr. Larning is a
rlaticn, nct a currncy. Th classrccm is a stat c mino.
)
Beat up or beat off?
!! Your teacher and You !!
/s with all bcurgcis instituticns, th univrsity is intimatly ccncrno with
calculating ano croring: hirarchy wcrko cut tc th Nth ogr. Ycu ar a
64, sh is a 65. That bcy cvr thr in th lawlss knitwar, his parnts ar
acaomics, h, my rino, is a 74. Sh has scm gcco viws abcut Kant, but
ccmpltly ails tc larn th lsscns c Fcucault, cr scmthing. H has
publisho a bcck but it is wioly thcught tc b moiccr. Sh is a tnuro
prcsscr, sh is cnly a |unicr lcturr. That wrtcho littl cratur cvr
thr, a sccno yar stuont. Yuck, listn tc its pccrly crmo cpinicns. Click,
whir, vrything must b put in cror. Evrything ano vrycn must kncw
its plac. lt's OK, th ccnvycr blt taks us up th ranks. Kp ycur crhao
still sc it ocsn't smuog whn ycu ar stampo with ycur grao. /light hr
cr an M/ in bing bttr than an unorgrao stuont, but still a lcng way c
th glcricus misry c th PhD. Vll, ys, pcpl all c intc th machinry all
th tim. Dcn't wcrry, th univrsity hirs C+ psychclcgists tc run arcuno
with saty nts, staunching th blccolcw rcm th ccurs ccmplticn rat.
/nyway, as lcng as ycu hav mcny ycu'll b in. Dc ycu hav mcny? Can l
bcrrcw scm?
This univrsity is bttr ranko than that cn. lts rsarch cutput is c a irst
wcrlo-class stanoaro. That cn is basically a pclytchnic in oisguis. Pt. That
cn up thr, ycu can |ust mak cut its turrts thrcugh th mist, it is cn c
th bst in th wcrlo. lt has accpto six cr svn black stuonts in th last
tn yars. Each c its ccllgs has a git shcp. Just think. l w wcrk haro at a
gcco univrsity, cn oay, w will b abl tc wcrk cr a wcrs cn. lmagin it,
my rino - an cic with cur nam cn th occr. Still, pcpl will sniggr
whn thy s cur rank ano instituticn suturo tc cur nam cn ccnrnc
prcgramms, cur plac within th machin inscribo inolibly upcn cur
bcois c wcrk.
!*
Still, in cur wilost, mcst rvio, wttst orams w might vntually bccm
prcsscrs, thcs vry gcco pcpl, thcs pcpl whc ar innatly bttr
than us. Hav ycu ucto thir latst mcncgraph in ycur ssay, cring th
lightst c light criticism? Vll ocn, gcco bcy, gcco girl. Prcsscrs hav
rao a grat oal ano hav vry gcco cpinicns. Rcaus c this, it is vry haro
cr thm tc listn tc ycu. Thy mcvo bycno ycur cpinicns a lcng tim agc.
Ycu ar nav, ill incrmo, in pccr tast. Thy want tc listn, but ycu ar
bcring, miloly irritating at bst. /lthcugh ycur lsh is ycung ano irm,
intrsting, tc thm. 'Hcw vry ucking intrsting! Ycu must ccm tc cn c
my oinnr partis. Hr, hav scm mcr win.'
Mcst stuonts will hav vry w ccntact hcurs with a prcsscr - ano a 2O-
minut sssicn snatcho can lao tc rustraticn, brcwn-ncsing, cr, tcwaros
nw ioas, inspiraticns ano oircticns. / prcsscr can, ctn withcut
ralising it, mak cr brak cn's acaomic xprinc. Prcsscrs ar all
oirnt, c ccurs, but withcut xcpticn thy hav magniicnt gcs: larg,
prcuo, ragil. Thy will nct b sn tc agr cr larn rcm ycu, ano lagrant
oisagrmnts cvr scm acaomic hrsy will rsult in haoachs ano
unairly rouco marks. Frustraticn ano omcralisaticn can b avcioo in th
univrsity hirarchy by nct sking apprcval rcm a prcsscr cr th sak c
it. Ry rmaining inopnont, a stuont can pursu hr cwn lins c rsarch
within th acaomy prcvioo sh kncws th tacit ruls c acaomic
pissing/unoing ccntsts, ano hcw tc avcio bing ccrnro intc massaging a
prcsscr's vr-wcunoo prio (cr anything ls cr that mattr).
Strcng rlaticnships with prcsscrs ar ctiv, rassuring ano lucrativ -
ano a thcrcugh gc-massag plays a ky part in cbtaining rrncs. Yt,
th avrag prcsscr is a grcwn-up stuont with op-sato anxitis c
bing publicly xpcso as a bluing rauo. Snsitiv gcs, haro shlls, bilicus
vncm. / stuont sking tcp marks can asily manipulat thir ssay sc that
it ccncrms tc ccurs ccntnt ano th rsarch intrsts c th lcturr.
Prcsscrs ar in ccmptiticn with ach cthr tc prcouc uality wcrk ano
lik it whn stuonts ngag with it. Rut this kino c moiccr rsarch sts
up stuonts cr a li c masturbating cvr cthr pcpls' ioas, invitably
rsulting in th tirscm iontity criss visibl in many acaomics. Vhilst nct
bating c ycur tachr, bating up a tachr isn't sc snsibl ithr. Onc
!!
th mystiu c a tachr's oivin wisocm is shattro, th stuont is in a
pcsiticn tc assrt himsl as an up ano ccming pcinty hao. Rut ucting tcc
much c an cbscur authcr, talking cvr th tachr cr xcssivly
patrcnising cthr stuonts can rsult in oisavcur.
Stuonts ar mcr numrcus, this is thir strngth. Gang up, ccnspir, wcrk
tcgthr, ocn't kick ach cthr ocwn. Engag, tach, larn amcngst ach
cthr, challng sminar gcs. Mak hirarchy subcroinat tc rinoship. Um,
what? . Oh yah, nvr mino. Tll thm tc uck c with thir cranial
masurmnts ano tcwing c th baito hcck, lin ano sinkr. R awar c
hcw hirarchis wcrk - thy'r nct gcing anywhr, sc wcrk tcgthr, nct
against ach cthr. Evn prcsscrs lcck cvr thir shculors at th PR-hcgs
ano managmnt ouncs ncw cutting thir buogts in hal in scm latst
prcouctivity oriv. /t last b alrt tc it. Play th gam, strck thir gcs, but
nvr withcut th kncwing that thy ruir ycu tc bliv in thir status cr
thm tc l th warmth c supricrity. Ycu ocn't liv in a glasshcus, but a
hanoul c stcns can asily b gathro tcgthr. Saty in numbrs. Thr
may b a otrmino mastry c th stuont by th tachr, but this,
whrvr pcssibl, shculo b brckn. Only in this way ocs larning bccm
pcssibl within th univrsity.
!"
We are not interested in moderation.
!#
Crime...
Scmtims l wcnor what strang at brcught m cut c th stcrm tc that
hcus that stcco alcn in th shaocws. /s l prcbo intc its mystris vry
clu tclo m a oirnt stcry, but ach hao th sam noing - univrsity.
Suoonly a lashback puncturs th narrativ.
Ring a paragcn c virtu can cnly last sc lcng kio. / rict, a mltocwn,
spinning orunkn yarns c ycur tcugh chilohcco. lt ocsn't mattr ncw.
Thr'r tcc many martyrs alraoy. Schmucks whc'o rathr sur ano sav
ac. Th utur's bn stcln, cnly a ccl cr a martyr wculo cling tc th clo
ruls ncw.'
Ycu s w'r criminaliso rcm th cutst. Vatcho, mcnitcro, acccunto
cr. lnobto. V hav nc mcny cr th prsnt cr th utur, nc tim ithr.
This ain't a hipstr nocrsmnt c hy yah cccl crim. Ycu'v alraoy bn
criminaliso whnvr ycu stp cut c bat - cvrstaying ycur visa, signing
cn whilst wcrking cash-in-hano tc sav up, claiming hcusing bnit whil
stuoying mcr than sixtn hcurs a wk, pcsting bao |cks cn Facbcck,
nct tcuching cut, nct tcuching in, using a Rlackbrry. V ar nct criminals
but nithr ar w gcco oancrs.
Ccp shcws ar ull c clichs; otctivs ar mavrick lcnrs, |azz playing,
spcrts-car oriving alcchclics with a tcugh xtricr but a rcck sclio
ccnscinc. H'll b smccth yt OCD (ano as a prc-crim ightr h'll surly
b a h - althcugh wcmn apparntly mak gcco amaturs, cr ls
cccasicnally cbstinat rul-sticklrs whc no tc b bypasso...), ithr that
cr h'll hav scm cthr 2D gimmick instao c a prscnality, but hy, h's a
grat ccck ano th brcaos lcv him - spcially thcs impcssibly wasp-
waisto cns in ccnstant pril, spccko by stalkrs ano snatcho by
mcbstrs.
Gcco ccp bao ccp is cnly hal right. ln rality thy ar prtty much all
psychc, thy |cino th ccps cr startrs. Thr hav bn abcut 5OO oaths
in UK pclic custcoy, pursuits cr shcctings sinc 99O. Dio ths pcpl oi
c clo ag? Hao an allrgic racticn tc a panut thy wr cro ouring
intrrcgaticn? Tc put that in prspctiv, that's rcughly ocubl th amcunt
c Rritish Scloirs killo in ccnlict ouring th sam prico (that's lra l & ll,
/ghanistan, Ncrthrn lrlano, Sirra Lcn ano th Ralkans put tcgthr).
!$
. or How to Write a Shit Detective Story - (a seriaI)
Thr ar hcwvr a w plcts typical c th pclico /caomy that w hav
srialiso cr ycu hr - ths will mak a ar mcr intrsting stcrylin cr
that crativ writing assignmnt ycu'v bn st. Sc, cr inspiraticn, ths ar
a w scrnplays w oug up rcm th univrsity library, ilo unor th
scticn 'crim icticn'. Ycu kncw th cns - th mbittro stuont, pisso c
at th wcrlo, ocios tc imagin thmslvs as th anti-hrc c thir cwn
pulp crim ncvl.
Episode 1: CadfaeI Qoes Ko|akinQ !nspector Morse's Shaft
Th anti-hrc, Stv Caoal (R/ Latin ano Thclcgy |cint hcns), attmpts tc
sll scm gar tc his wt-aro, slap-haoo mcnk buoois ocwn at that
mcst traoiticnal c univrsitis, th mcnastry. Princsss, gks, abbcts,
thy all hav thir pciscn, sc brcthr Cao sts abcut inoing cut what his
latmats ar intc (khat ano plant rtilisrs ar scmwhat pass, h
oisccvrs). H starts c sccring scm himsl rcm lccal oalrs, gtting a
sns c whc has what ano a w numbrs. Frcm thr h incrass th bulk
slcwly - h has a lcan atr all - slling tc rinos ano rinos c rinos whc
happily pay cr th ccnvninc. ln nc tim at all h has paio c all c his
stuont obt tc th Shri c Ncttingham ano ccnsuntly has plnty c
tim availabl cr all scrts c ungcoly activitis invclving brcthr Mcrs's
shat.
!%
DruQs.
Libral Dmccracy
Pusho by xtrmly wll unoo gangs ano cartls, this cn is a prcprly
nasty littl uckr, rspcnsibl cr a grat oal c viclnc intrnaticnally ano
within naticns. Causs th olusicn c scmthing kncwn as 'inoivioual
rocm', ano alsc th bli that vcting vry w yars cr cn c twc
grcupings c th sam bunch c rich kios, oistinguisho cnly by arbitrary
cclcurs, amcunts tc taking part in pclitics.
High - Causs lings c immns supricrity cvr cthr pcpl, ano is
marko by a rabio hypccrisy, cr lickring schizcphrnia, btwn th ioals
it spcuss ano thir ccmplt ngaticn in actual bhavicur. l instituticnal
racism ano sxism, schizcphrnia, ano psychctic piscos c imprialism ar
ycur scrt c buzz, thn this cn is cr ycu.
Ccmmunism
Extrmly haro tc gt a hclo c ths oays. May in act b th stu c urban
lgno. Fak synthss prclirat - lcck cr pcpl slling nwspaprs - but
gnrally all shcrt c xpctaticns, causing cnly parancia ano authcritarian
impulss.
High - /llgoly brings abcut th rmcval c xplcitaticn, th lcss c
alinaticn, ano lings c ccmmunity ano ccmmunicn with cthrs. l hav
cnly xprinco tip-c-th-tcngu tasts c it in th lashs c lting
mcmnts c ccllctiv acticn, tc oat. Suggsts op sustnanc ano th
libraticn c human pctntial.
/narchism
Much talk c this in rcnt tims. Has bn uso tc rr tc any numbr c
substancs ano things c littl substanc. Fcr scm pcpl it apparntly
causs th irraticnal ar c pcpl in black (nct tc b ccnuso with th ar
c black pcpl: s Libral Dmccracy, abcv) unravlling th sccial abric.
ln cthrs it brings abcut th otrmino bli that Th Stat is inhrntly
bao, ano xtrmly bao cr th halth (c sccity).
High - / sugary rush c pclitical agncy. Yt tc b sn i that high can b
sustaino. l ycu'r at a omc, ccvr ycur ac ano cllcw th ro ano black
lag cr a smashing night/oay cn th tcwn. l nct, prcbably bst tc try ano
!&
sccr it c scmcn whc ocsn't lcck lik th MTV vrsicn c an anarchist.
Haror tc rccgnis, but wcrth th crt cr a bttr buzz.
Capitalism
Lik a big at bag c crack, r c charg whn ycu'r ycung, bcro ano
imprssicnabl. lt's lgal tcc, ospit causing mcr oamag than vrything
ls ccmbino, sc nc no tc wcrry abcut th ccps: thy'r hccko cn th
glass ccck tcc. Th sickly swt sirn call c this cn ocsn't sc much mak
ycu smash against th rccks, but maks ycu pimp-cut ano prcstitut ycursl
sc ycu can buy mcr rccks c it. Jcb in a call cntr, anycn? Unlss ycu'r
bcrn intc mcny, in which cas ycu gt tc uck th li cut c vrycn ls.
Vculon't want tc b ycu whn thy ocio thy'v hao ncugh, thcugh.
High - / shallcw, yt impcssibl tc satiat osir cr mcr ano mcr shit at
th ccst c vrything ls. / bit lik Prczac, it ccvrs cvr a ccmplx ano
unoulating unhappinss with a shallcw, artiicial vnnss. / kino c hypncsis
that oisguiss th crushing bcrocm c th ccntinual rptiticn c th sam
with lashing, canoy cclcuro lights ano autc-tuno mcticns.
Utcpianism
This cn is osigno tc blcw th backoccr, rcnt occr, hll, vn th walls, c
ycur imaginaticn. Rang cn unor ycur tcngu, r ycur mino ano hao c
cut tc lunch. Fcco will tast bttr, sx will b mcr plasurabl, ano th sa
will tast c lmcnao. Ycu might appar tc cthrs as i ycu'r a w
sanowichs shcrt c a picnic, thcugh. lmagining bttr wcrlos can b a
pcwrul pastim. Just rmmbr that imagining scmthing ocsn't man it
xists. Us ycur xcursicns intc th bautiul unkncwn tc criticis th
misrabl stat c th wcrlo as it is, ncw. V all kncw what happns tc
pcpl whc try tc hio away in Nvrlano with a chimp cr a bst rino:
ncthing vry ucking gcco.
High - 'Thr will b 37 millicn pcts th ual c Valt Vhitman, 37 millicn
musicians th ual c Nina Simcn, ano 37 millicn mathmaticians th ual
c /lbrt Einstin. Sx will b trriic, spcially cr transgnoro pcpl,
with all tasts catro cr. Fcco will b thr tims mcr olicat, olicicus
ano plntiul than ncw. Chs will lcw in th rivrs ano w will.' Easy mat!
Ycu |ust stcco in a massiv runny ocgshit ano l'm wcrrio ycu'r gcing tc
chck i it tasts lik chccclat.
!'
Sccialism
/n ntry lvl tratmnt cr mcst is this cn. ln many cass it is a gatway
substanc tc mcr xplcratcry ioals. Othrs can hav a bao trip ano nvr
ccm back tc this kino c moicaticn. lt has prcvo a kpr thcugh -
campuss acrcss th islano ar lccoo with th swt smll c this tcxin. R
warno: thy'll try tc gt ycu cn this ycung ano will ract i ycu ancy
ancthr tippl. Onc ycu ino ycur supplir ycu'll asily ino thm again, cr
mcr likly thy'll ino ycu. Variants c th sam strano ar vrywhr but
rgulars usually maintain a cult lik ovcticn tc cn. Ycu can spct an aooict
by thir oissiont supricrity ccmplx ano nolss bgging cr mcny.
High - Hr is a classic cas whr ycu can nvr uit match th irst buzz.
Flings c uphcria ano arrival tc scm highr plain may b rplaco by
anxity ano nausa atr sustaino us. Usrs l a tnoncy tc sit in
mtings ano oiscuss what's gcing cn cutsio, but ar lccking cut c th
winocw. Can alsc inouc authcritarian lings c cn-nss. Many spno thir
high trying tc gt vrycn ls hccko. Sio cts alsc incluo a osir tc
writ nolss oribbl in paprs ano an aggrssiv, ncstalgic but irrlvant
intrst in histcry.
Situaticnism
Prcbably ocsn't xist ncwaoays, i it vr oio at all. Th stu c rumcur ano
markting, a brano nam runtly applio tc multipl sub-stanoaro kncck-
cs, mcstly placbcs. Drug c chcic cr arty ano moia typs, its cts ar
lting ano rarly match th hyp. Nvrthlss it rmains th stu c
lgnos, is runtly highly aooictiv, spcially amcngst th ycung, ano is
rly availabl cvr th intrnt. / bit lik plant cco rally. R warno
thcugh, prclcngo usrs ar likly tc lccs thir inhibiticns, pcssibly thir
sl-rspct, ano will ino it oiicult tc b takn sricusly.
High - Otn rsults in th unplasant ovlcpmnt c gctistical tnoncis
ano attnticn sking bhavicur. Prcoucs intns mcticns ranging rcm
uphcria tc oiscrintaticn ano ccnusicn. Frunt usrs hav bn
rpcrtoly cuno aimlssly wanoring th strts cr oays, vn mcnths cn
no. Causs altraticns in spatial prcpticn, brathlssnss c prcs ano
linguistic ocrmaticns.
!(
Time and space.
Pcpl tll ycu tc manag ycur tim. Prhaps tim is nct tc b manago -
prhaps it is tc b librato. Tc b mao intc rally r tim. This happns
whn w apprciat hcw tim is cpn ano hcw it is clcso, which tim w
can ccntrcl ano which is croro by pcwrs that cr ncw, w cannct.
Univrsity givs us a uniu cppcrtunity tc xprimnt with tim. ln th
wcrkaoay wcrlo w sm tc cnly b abl tc tinkr at th ogs, aking
sicknss, ocoging ars, mcoulating cur bcrocm thrshclo. Essntially,
unlss w can stak cut a mans c surviving cthr than wcrk: suatting,
'skipping' cr cco, staling, cr rich patrcns prhaps, thn tim manags us
rathr than th cthr way arcuno. On th ac c it such cpticns tc rclaim
tim can sm prtty haroccr, ano nct vrycn wants tc gc ocwn thcs
rcuts. Still, w can oc wcrs than rmmbr that wcrk turns cur tim intc a
ccmmcoity tc b bcught ano sclo, appcrticno ano packago, invsto ano
wasto, rcm hclioays ano lisur tc labcur pr hcur cr pr annum. Arboit
ooos not macht froi, it kps us chaino, ano it is such chains w stano tc lcs
by ring cur tim.
Fcr th capitalists calling th shcts, univrsity is an invstmnt in th utur,
tim spnt stuoying will pay c latr. Tc librat univrsity tim ruirs a
rthink: ycu'v bcught ycursl scm tim cut c th ccntrcl c ull-tim
mplcymnt, sc ncw tc wast it in nw ano glcricus ways, nct in ccnsumabl
packts - TV shcws ano taxi rios - but tc cpn it tc xplcraticn ano th
unproictabl. l ycu ocn't wast mcny cn stupio shit ycu hav tc wcrk lss
ano can liv ycur tim rathr than kill it. Livo tim is xplcring, it's
unorstanoing, it's cccking ano ating, it's walking, it's rinoships,
rlaticnships, it's oriting aimlssly, it's gcing tc th park ano scmtims it's
rmmbring that histcry hasn't noo.
This is what is prcpiticus abcut univrsity tim. lt can ctn b r ano
rly wasto, it can b xplcro ano cpno, rarrango ano roircto tc
all mannr c unprcouctiv activitis. lt givs us that tim tc try tc mak
scm histcry cr a chang, cr tc suppcrt thcs ocing sc. This is cn c th
!)
bst things abcut univrsity ano th thing that th scum in pcwr ar trying
tc crush, nclcs ano marktis thrcugh th wapcn c obt - a kino c
mutually assuro ostructicn. 'Ycu wast cur tim ano w'll wast ycurs,
wlccm tc ycur blak utur, tim is mcny atr all'. Sc cr ncw, w
manag with what w'v gct, thcs scraps c tim cast c rcm th banut
c at cats ano capitalist pigs, tcsso cur way sc bgruogingly sc as tc |ust
abcut kp us aliv - thy no us tc slp, tc ccnsum, ano tc b kpt
amuso cr ls th whcl circus is gcing up in lams.
Sc hcw tc librat tim? Th answr lis in scmthing prhaps lss cbvicus,
but |ust as impcrtant in shaping th univrsity xprinc - spac. Spac, its
all arcuno us, its prtty mino-blcwing tc think that at this xact mcmnt a
trillicn simultancus vnts ar uncloing acrcss it, it's changing vry
sccno. Univrsity spac, lik tim, is alsc oistinctiv. Unorstanoing this
hlps us librat it.
Spac tcc can b nclcso: rccms, campuss ano whcl citis ar laio cut in
particular ccniguraticns tc nginr bhavicur; transpcrt systms ar
nakoly classist, acroing mcbility tc th rich ano isclaticn tc th pccr. Th
univrsity itsl is nmsho in an intrnaticnal spatial wb c inanc,
rsarch ano rputaticn, halls c rsionc ar ctn a tightly pclico rip-c
ano privat lanolcros ar almcst withcut xcpticn a ospicabl class whc
will attmpt all mans pcssibl tc stal ycur mcny. Rut univrsity spac is
cpn tcc. Th spac c th univrsity is prcouco by ycu, th stuont - this
givs ycu pcwr i ycu ar crganiso. Fcr all th managrs ano lcturrs,
clanrs ano catrrs, th rscurcs ano builoings, th sccial ano cultural
rlaticns, th chartr ano th capital, withcut th stuont th univrsity is
ncthing. Ycu can cccupy, hclo mtings, oisrupt, but alsc inhabit oirntly,
minoul c th act that th spac is prcouco by ycu: us it, apprcpriat,
turn up tc th ccrpcrat rcpticns, art shcw cpnings ano graouaticns ano
gt th r win, oivrt th walth c acilitis tc oivrgnt nos - rcm th
bccks ano DVDs in th library (larn what ycu arn't mant tc, ccpy ano pass
cn), tc th ccmputrs, th printing acilitis, th spcrts ilos, th wcrkshcps
ano th spacs thmslvs. Th univrsity can bccm ycur playgrcuno but
sc, tcc, can th city itsl.
l ycu ino ycursl at univrsity in a nw city thn ycu'r lucky, th xpns
c mcving away mans it's nct an cpticn cpn tc all. Th oiscrintaticn ano
oisccvry can b intcxicating in many ways, but kncwing ycur gcgraphy is
likwis an inoispnsabl tactic cr gtting by. Sc oc rccnnaissanc, kncw
ycur city, kncw ycur nmy ano kncw ycur rinos.
Explcring spac is abcut inoing sa placs, ano oangrcus cns, inoing
scap rcuts, crintating ycursl tc lccal ccntxts. lt's ccnionc, it's
"*
sclioarity, it's sing th structurs at wcrk that shap cur livs ano th
pcwr bhino thm. lt can bring cut thcughts, pattrns, ccnncticns; th city
is nct a stag, it's a writhing snakpit: oiv in ano gt tc kncw it. Gc c pist,
gt pisso, gc cr a walk, watch ycur back. Sccut th scurity, nctic th
passagways, spct placs tc suat, ino th shcps whr thy chuck cut bags
c sanowichs at clcsing tim, ino th staticns withcut gats, nctic th bus
rcuts whr it's pcssibl tc gt cn withcut passing th orivr. l ycu'r
planning strt prctsts cr oirct acticn cr any rascn, kncwlog c th
spac (ano tim c oay ycu ar aiming cr) is cn c ycur mcst pctnt
wapcns. Kncw ycur nmy: pcwr has all scrts c ways c pclicing cur tim
ano spac, sc xplcr thm, ino ways arcuno. Scmtims gc in oisguis -
this might b a mask cr a hccoi, at cthr tims a businss suit - bcth can
gt ycu cut c a tight spct in varicus circumstancs. Prpar, b awar c
ycur cctprints, ano ycur lctrcnic cns. R parancio but ocn't b
intimioato. Us an unrgistro sim, misspll ycur nam, pay cash. Valk, i
ycu can't thn cycl, i ycu can't thn gt a bus; transpcrt ccsts usually
incras in invrs rlaticn tc th tim a |curny taks, but nct cnly is th
uickr transpcrt mcr xpnsiv, it's mcr oiscrintating, th bst way tc
kncw a spac is cn cct. Having saio that, oirnt pcpl xprinc spac
oirntly, i prscnal saty is a ccncrn thn hunt in packs. Kncw ycur
rinos, mt pcpl, talk, nccuntr. / city can b a giant gam, a nvr-
noing oisccvry, but b awar c ycur sccial pcsiticn. Univrsity stuonts
can b a vanguaro c cclcnisaticn, th miool-class apprcpriaticn c wcrking
class spacs, cpning thm up, making thm sa ano trnoy sc that
prcprty ovlcprs can mcv in, lanolcros can hik th rnt ano kick th
rsionts cut tc mak way cr crganic cas, 'pcp-up' art gallris ano
xpnsiv bars. R awar c this, i ycu think ycu ar gntriying, stcp.
Spac is aliv ano sccially ccnstructo, whn w bccm awar c this cur
rlaticn tc it ano its cthr inhabitants can chang cr th bttr. Prhaps th
bst way tc mak ycur tim rally r is tc liv withcut oao spac.
Univrsity ocsn't hav tc b abcut invsting in utur arnings, it can b a
tim ano spac away rcm th mcr croro ano ccntrclling spactim c
amily, schccl ano wcrk. Th univrsity is nct apart rcm th wcrlo cr
sccity, scmhcw otacho, but rathr uttrly nmsho within it, its
struggls ano its pcwr rlaticns. Hcwvr, vn in th ac c rcnt shitty
assaults rcm th gcvrnmnt, it can still b a tim ano spac sizo back
rcm th mcr nclcso ano marktiso situaticns w nccuntr lswhr in
li, an xprimnt in living oirntly. Prhaps th bst way tc inhabit
univrsity is tc mak us c tim ano spac, rathr than tc mrly ccnsior
thm as bargaining chips tc b xchango cr prcprty cr cthr spac-tim
ccniguraticns.
Dcn't ccnsum spac, prcouc it. Dcn't buy tim, tak it.
"!
Crime, Episode 2: Ouincy shows his !ronside to Poirot's Cracker
Riclcgy stuont, Ptr Ouincy, attmpts tc blackmail his tachr ano minnt
Frnch thcrist, Prc. Pcirct, at th Christmas party, ano thn again at a pcst-
ccnrnc piss-up. /s is a tim-hcncuro lcturr traoiticn, th lchrcus
Prc. Pcirct tris it cn with th nct-sc-haplss Ouincy. /gainst his bttr
instinct Ouinc taks this whr it gcs, but ocsn't gt tcc pisso, making
sur tc rliably occumnt th vionc, rccroing th passicnat ptting cn
his phcn, ano gtting his mats tc snatch a w incriminating snaps. Ouincy
thn uss clo Pcirct's acbcck acccunt tc track ocwn his lcng-suring
spcus, as wll as inoing th otails cr th hao c opartmnt ano th Uni's
hao c HR. Clvr Ouinc kncws tc ask cr th cash up rcnt, but assums
that graos ar part c th oal tcc, naturally. Ccntinually upping th staks,
pausing cnly tc rcit th plct c Lclita tc chr pccr Pcirct up, Ouincy
incrms him 'it's nct m, it's ycur 5OK salary.' H is sccn n|cying ruity
cccktails in Marblla.
""
23
Depressi on.




Much is said of how to cope with depression. How to survive it, deal with
it, manage it. How to see a light/carrot at the end of the tunnel. Nothing
much is said of the tunnel itself.

Do things you enjoy, share your feelings with loved ones, take each day as
it comes, listen to Tony Robbins while you sleep What use is this advice
when relationships with family, friends, teachers, are so thoroughly
colonised by the forms of sociability and production which lead to these
feelings in the first place? How do you deal with the fact that your family
is investing in you and expect a return? Or that the state no longer sees
you as worth the investment, except as a producer of perpetual debt?
How can we cope with the subtle yet enforced competition against our
friends for good marks? With being instructed by superiors in the proper
way to critique power? How can you answer family friends who ask what
youre going to do with your arts degree?

Despite talk of the post-industrial West, we are still on the production line
only the produce has changed. Instead of cars, toothpaste and toys we
produce desire, debt, careers and websites. And for those of us who still
insist on being bookish, we produce Academic Excellence. For what
purpose? IT research for efficiency. Medical research for profit and longer
(working) lives. Sociological research for coffee tables. And psychological
research for managing human resources. Psychology, via its current
favourite child Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, no longer has time to
impose its own fruity theories on our minds, but rather has been
employed to implement the most efficient, no-nonsense methods for
getting us back-up-and-running, working, writing essays, socialising,
carrying on. It tells us that negative feelings are solely a result of negative
thoughts. This theory has seeped into the HR imagination, where workers
are commanded to see forced redundancy as an opportunity, with the
pathological cheerfulness of a corporate team-building weekend.

I don't mean to write off CBT altogether once a certain stage of
paralysis has been reached, changing the way you think can enable you to
imagine and to start to create different social and productive relations.
And thats just the point. Why do we need well-meaning psych-grads with
sympathetic eyebrows asking us about our childhoods in six sessions?
(Only four during peak-times, such as exam-time get in early!) What is
needed is a type of optimism that will cut through the powerlessness of
24
thats-the-way-it-is-deal-with-it oppression that will afford us an
emancipatory creativity and a rabid imagination. The depression and
alienation often felt when critiquing the systems which shape our lives is
symptomatic of our Human Centipede- education, with those in front of
us crapping in our mouths only for us to do the same to those behind us.

The idea that until some utopia magically appears we all have to be
drugged up to the eyeballs and be told what we're feeling and why is
deeply problematic. This model of being "guided" and "self" helped
(which never actually comes from your self, but rather from some expert)
is disheartening and only ever aims for personal, individual "happiness" -
that is, coping with an exploitative working life. I'm not trying to find a
cure or guide people through clinical depression - there are thousands of
bestsellers doing that. I'm saying that people can think for themselves
about the mechanisms of exploitation in which they find themselves and
organise collectively around that. To find that you, yourself, can articulate
your own experience without resorting to dictated psychology-
management speak can be more empowering than repeating self-
affirmation mantras cooked up by some self-appointed hack with an
expensive smile.




HackinQ.
On 5 Fbruary 2OO3 cvr millicn pcpl marcho cn a cccl Saturoay
atrnccn tc shcw thir cppcsiticn tc th invasicn c lra ano vcic thir
rustraticn with pcliticians whc hao igncro thir ccncrns. Dspit th
march, th cbvicus gcvrnmnt-moia ccllusicn, ano, th clarly ocogy
intllignc, th Rritish campaign ccntinuo cr six mcr yars.
On 26 March 2O cvr millicn pcpl marcho cn ancthr Saturoay
atrnccn tc xprss thir cppcsiticn tc a grinoing packag c cuts,
rounoancis ano th marktisaticn c oucaticn, vcicing thir rustraticn
with pcliticians . yah, ycu gt it. /gain, ncthing chango. Th /pril 2O
buogt cuts whistlo thrcugh. Our citis, |cbs ano ccmmunitis implco ano
burn.
Th pclitical march, th rally ano th ptiticn hav bn ctn stablisho by
rcnt vnts as a wll-maning wast c tim ano nrgy. lncrmaticn,
rprsntaticn ano oata ar by ar th mcst impcrtant ccmmcoitis tcoay -
nc lcngr vcts but shar prics, markt ccnionc, oigitiso lcws c
incrmaticn btwn billicns c ncos, mcst manago by a w hug
incrmaticn cartls - Gccgl, /mazcn, /ppl, Facbcck, Micrcsct. Striks
wcrk by oamaging cr opriving th pcwrul c an ssntial part c thir
capital accumulaticn - traoiticnally labcur. Rut ncw that primary prcoucticn
c matrial ccmmcoitis has alsc bn augmnto by th gathring ano
prccssing c incrmaticn, an abstracto capital, sc thn oisrupticn ano
oamag tc incrmaticn ntwcrks has bccm an aooiticnal tactic c
incrasing rlvanc cr pclitical prctst ano subvrsicn.
Hacking is what w'r talking abcut. Sc, as wll as shcwing sclioarity with
Palstinians by prctsting cutsio th mbassy with ycur buoois cr making
a rackt cutsio scm haplss shcp cn a Saturoay atrnccn, why nct shcw
ycur ccmraos scm xtra suppcrt - by bringing ocwn a nws srvr, by
laking incrmaticn, causing chacs cnlin? Ycu ocn't hav tc abanocn ycur
clo campaigns but ycu may wll b abl tc srv thm bst in cthr ways.
Shut ocwn lsrali Dnc Fcrc tlccmmunicaticns anycn?
/ uick Gccgl sarch will tll ycu whr tc start: LulzSc, Distributo Dnial
c Srvic attacks. Stay ancnymcus, ths pcpl will try tc mak ycu
oisappar i ycu uck with thm - us prcxys, public ccmputrs, USR sticks.
/vcio wirlss ntwcrks whr pcssibl. Us multipl iontitis, multipl
mail acccunts. /no whn ycu |cin th oigital rvcluticn, rmcv any
prscnal incrmaticn ycu hav cnlin anyway - Facbcck, Linkoln ano
Twittr ar all ways tc lcs ycur iontity. /ncnymity is strngth. Rmmbr
that hacking wcrks in rvrs tcc - mcr likly than nct th authcritis ar
"%
alraoy mplcying tchnclcgy tc oigitally ccmb ycur Facbcck cr things
lik cbvicusly light-harto rrncs tc public oiscror, ycur Twittr cr
mnticns c innccnt watr pistcl un. /no, c ccurs, it's nct cnly th
tablcios whc ar abl tc hack phcns - tracking ycur lccaticn cccroinats, cr
raoing ycur ncrypto chat mssags (iPhcn vs Rlackbrry - chccs ycur
pciscn/scurity lvl.).
Rmmbr whn ycu sarch th intrnt, th intrnt alsc sarchs ycu ano
ach sarch lcgs th lccaticn c ycur lntrnt aoorss ano lavs a trac.
Th way things ar gcing, it is much mcr likly it will b ycu, rathr than
/noy Cculscn, that nos up bing 'rusho thrcugh ccurts' in cror tc nsur
th public c thir saty - incrmaticn saty cr mayb saty thrcugh
(ois-)incrmaticn.
Tccl up tcoay. Swap th black hccoi cr a haro oriv ano ycur
smart(?)phcn cr a battro basic Finnish hanost rcm 2OO - it has th
aooo (Fr Rcnus atur!) aovantag c hcloing cnly a oczn mssags at
any cn tim. V ocn't hav all th answrs cr this stu sc larn th otail
bcr ycu act. Rut i thr's cn thing a tnagr rcm th Shtlano islanos
can tach us it's that Hacking is th nw Rlack Rlcc ano th trclls will always
b playing catch-up.
Crime, Episode 3: Miss MarpIe pIucks her Pink Panther for the biQ
Hawaii 5-O
Tiro c a tcwn that's mcr big slp than big smck ano wary c playing
with hr pink panthr, Marpl, a litratur stuont at Oxbriogingham
Mansicn c th Humanitis (Privat Univrsity), ocios uck it, sh's bcro,
sh's gcing tc burn ocwn a w banks ano suprmarkts. /pparntly thy
hav lcts c mcny ano usul things in thm sc sh whacks up a w
lypcstrs arcuno th lccal ara aovrtising a lccal smash ano grab vnt,
calls th lccal raoic ano maks sur sh gts th lccal trcublo NEETs ocwn.
Thy'll oistract th ccps with thir lumpn ways, sh muss, gtting cuo
whilst sh uss th mask c bcurgcis rspctability tc grab hrsl scm
xcllnt hcmwars ano in chss.
"&
DirectinQ the action.
Th Univrsity library is ull c bccks that occnstruct, omystiy ano critiu
pcwr structurs. Chancs ar ycu may ccnsior taking this tc a mcr
practical lvl. Ycu gt a ptiticn circulating, ycu st up a mting grcup, ycu
gc cn a Saturoay atrnccn prctst, ano prcbably, ycu s th pclic
viclnc. ln th nxt oay's papr, cvrblcwn rpcrts c viclnt thugs,
anarchists ano sick lmnts causing oiscror.
Truth is always a wapcn - ano sc, usticning th stat's mcncpcly cn
viclnc can b bcth librating ano mpcwring, ano a hlpul tccl in
pclitical struggl. V oc nct bliv th prcpaganoa, which oscribs a
omcnstratcr's brckn skull as part c th ncssary task c 'rstcring cror',
whil scm brckn winocws ar th oos c a 'viclnt, criminal, a-pclitical
mincrity'.

Thr is a viclnc bnath vryoay li. V can s hcw viclnc is part
ano parcl c a pcwr systm ano th cunoaticn c class oirnc. ln act,
th trm 'viclnc' is an imprcis trm, ccntaminato by its pclitical us tc
prctct th stat's mcncpcly cn '|ust' ano lgal viclnc. lt is impcrtant tc
usticn this cn all lvls ano nct tc rstrict cur rsistanc tc wll-mannro
omcnstraticns ano ptiticns. Rut nct vry crm c pclitical viclnc cr
oirct acticn uso by ncn-stat grcups is always hlpul, lgitimat cr
aouat.
Firstly, th ccmmunicability c acticns shculo b ccnsioro. This ocs nct
man w shculo oc things |ust whn w ar sur that th mass moia will
apprcv - ar rcm it, thy will likly labl us 'minolss thugs' anyway. Rut
nvrthlss, it is impcrtant tc at last try tc carv cut an intrinsically
pclitical ccntxt cr struggl. lt might nct always b abcut ccmmunicability
but it might b abcut stratgy. This alsc mans that mctivs lik vnganc
cr th oriv tc punish scmbcoy cr bing a 'nasty capitalist' can b
prcblmatic. /r w targting a systm cr bao inoiviouals? Prhaps an attack
cn a gcvrnmnt builoing is prrabl tc an attack cn scm c its
rprsntativs? That is nct cr us tc |uog, histcry tachs us all scrts c
lsscns, ioclcgy cthrs ano thics cthrs still. Only ycu kncw ycur nos ano
ycur mans, |ust think abcut it carully.
ls viclnc lgitimat? Thr's a ccnstant viclnc inscribo in oaily li. ln
th survillanc ano scurity architctur, in incrasing pcvrty, in pclic
murors, in th ccllusicn c MPs ano bankrs tc kp a ostructiv systm
gcing. Viclnc shrcuos th attacks cn sccial srvics, th moia cnsiv
against criminals ano rictrs, bnits-chats, cr |ust bnit claimants,
'callcus' immigrants oaring tc try tc imprcv thir livs ano o thir
"'
"(
amilis. lt's ctn rustrating tc s pacul marchs ano rpcrts c
ccmmunity no igncro, ano yt pclitical pcwr sits up ano taks
nctic,thrcwing mcny ano authcritarian masurs at a prcblm, whn w
witnss th spctacular viclnc c brckn winocws cr burning shcps.
Nvr b alcn cr ancnymcus at omcnstraticns. Tak 4 cr 5 rinos: ycu can
suppcrt ach cthr, ycu can crganis hlp i scmcn gts arrsto cr hurt,
ano it's mcr un. lt is impcrtant tc trust ach cthr tc spak abcut hcw ar
ycu want tc gc ano whr ycur prscnal ccnstraints ar - militancy is nc
ccmptiticn cr th harost girl/guy. l ycu |uog ycu want tc ntr th scrt
c situaticn whr 'illgal' acticns lik ights with th pclic cr th
occnstructicn c banks ar likly tc tak plac it is crucial tc b masko. ln
th rcnt omcnstraticns in th UK th pclic wr abl tc arrst pcpl
lcng atr th actual vnts bcaus thy hao otailo picturs c thm. Tak
survillanc in urban aras as a givn. lt is ctn alsc hlpul tc hav clcths
tc chang intc. R carul with lctrcnic ccmmunicaticn in gnral. /lsc, b
carul whn ycu lav th omcnstraticn, pclic lik tc arrst pcpl th
mcmnt thy ar sparato rcm th crcwo.
Gcco planning is vry impcrtant, spcially cr oirct acticn in small grcups
but alsc cr acticns within a omcnstraticn. Ycu shculo kncw th scnry, b
mcbil ano crat vnts which cannct b crsn by th pclic. This is th
bauty c militancy: cr cnc it is ycu whc acts ano ocios whr things
happn. lt can b a vry librating xprinc c ccllctivly rclaiming
pclitical agncy. lt's th pclic whc hav tc ono all thcs banks,
suprmarkts, gcvrnmnt builoings - wll th whcl unbarabl capitalist
ncrmality. Mak it oanc. R carul, suppcrt ach cthr ano gt gcing.
RedirectinQ the action.
Our gnraticn has bn raiso unor th catgcrical ocgma c pacul
prctsts: w hav bn crc-o th ncticn that prctsts ar cnly lgitimat
i thy ar ncn-viclnt; th rcurring xampls c MLK ano Ganohi hav,
ircnically, bn uprccto rcm thir criginal raoicalism tc a univrsally-sharo
ccnsnsus c xmplary lgitimacy. ln rality, ths igurs hav bn
misapprcpriato by th mainstram pclitical spctrum rcm lt tc right, tc
srv th vry systm that thy cught against. Vhthr at G2O mtings,
VTO rcunos cr naticnal prctsts against nclibral lgislaticn, th moia
invariably prsnts tc us th sam scnaric: th apprcvo, rspcnsibl
")
citizns marching with oisciplin ("pac") rcm pcint / tc pcint R, right cn
schoul, ano th ancmalis: thcs whc tak th X tra|ctcry tcc ast tc b
mcnitcro ano tcc ctivly tc b innccucus.
V hav intrnalizo this structur: th gcco prctstcrs ano th bao cns.
Th lgitimat ano th tcxic. V hav larno th rlx c oplcring th
"incionts", th "uncrtunat" brckn winocws, unauthcrizo gathrings ano
"barbarically" burnt pclic vans: "i cnly th bao appls unorstcco viclnc
is Nct th Vay!" w xclaim, shaking cur haos in ccnoscnoing
ccmpassicn. Ncw w hav larnt: prctst must rmain a prcrmanc ano
nvr bccm a thrat.
Svn yars agc, twc millicn stalko th strts c Lcnocn, in this vry sam
mco c 'plac / tc plac R' tc prvnt th slaughtr ano maiming c a
gnraticn c lrais cr ccrpcrat prcit, in th gratst mcbilisaticn ano
ailur c mcbilisaticn witnsso in cur tims. ln this prspctiv, w s that
'pacul' has bccm th cco wcro cr 'inctiv'. 'Viclnc', thus,
bccms whatvr actually oisrupts. Vhn 'oisrupticn' mans 'viclnc',
'trrcrism' is nvr vry ar away. /tr th mcorn ar c civil unrst ano
pclitical uphaval ccntaino in th ncticn c viclnc has bn invcko, a
mcr ccntmpcrary ar c glcbal trrcrism has ccm tc invao cur
ccllctiv imaginaris.
Thus 'trrcrism' ccms tc pitcmiz th ultimat viclnc, in cppcsiticn tc
which 'simpl-plain' war can switly tak th nam c 'pac.' Similarly, any
attmpt at prctst is oisavcwo by th pclitical ano moia stablishmnt as
illgitimat bcr it invitably crcsss th path crbioon tc it by th all-
prvasiv oisccurs c viclnc. lt is this ncticn c 'viclnc' that xprssly
ccnomns any pcssibility c raoical acticn against th stat. ln rality th
usticn c paciism is sricus cnly cr thcs whc hav th ability tc cpn
ir.
#*
SquattinQ.
/ stuont lcan can b vry hanoy. Mcst c us no cn tc hlp pay cr tuiticn
ano th incrasing ccst c living. / tcp stuont will want tc hav all th tim
thy no in a wk availabl cr sricus stuoy. Thy will nct want tc b
wcrking a crap |cb srving cc tc pcpl whc prcbably wnt tc univrsity
cr r. Rut lt's b hcnst, th mcr ocsh w hav tc spno cn s, cco
ano shltr, th lss w hav tc spno cn th cthr things w n|cy in li.
Uncrtunatly, whn it ccms tc hcusing, stuonts ar curso with twc
prcblms. First c all it's vry xpnsiv tc rnt. l ycu ar thinking c
stuoying in Lcnocn this is a sricus issu ano cn that has saoly prvnto
scm stuonts rcm accss tc th capital. Th sccno prcblm is xplcitativ
stuont lanolcros. This cn is a naticnal prcblm ano cn that many hav
alln cul c. Mak nc mistak, many lanolcros cut thr ar crccks, ano
stuonts, ctn oaling with ths issus cr th irst tim in thir livs, ar
asy pickings. loally ths lanolcros wculo b chaso cut c tcwn ano thir
cics burnt tc th grcuno by an angry Mclctcv wiloing mcb. ln practic,
ptrcl is xpnsiv ano mclctcvs may nct b ccst ctiv. lnstao a bttr
tactic might b tc avcio lanolcros.
Vhc wants tc pay rnt anyway? Dspit nwspapr scar stcris, mcst
pcpl whc suat ar nct anti-sccial layabcuts whc ar happy tc tak cthr
pcpl's hcms. Thr ar a vast numbr c uncccupio rsioncs,
ccmmrcial prcprtis, ano, crgcttn brcwn-ilo sits |ust waiting tc hav a
grcup c prcactiv stuonts turn thm intc hcms. Scm may say suattrs
ar immcral r-lcaoing scum-bags. That's absclutly in. Scm pcpl alsc
vct Tcry ano ccnvnintly igncr th ccntraoicticn c a hcusing crisis with
vast numbrs c pctntial hcms sitting mpty (ctn olibratly), th
nglignc c ccuncils tc hcus pcpl in thir mpty prcprtis, th
xplcitaticn by prcprty ovlcprs, ano, th bnits c bringing an unuso
builoing back intc us cr ycursl ano th ccmmunity.
Opning ycur irst suat can b oaunting ano it might nct gc smccthly at
irst. Thr ar many grcups ano ntwcrks whc hav xtnsiv kncwlog
ano rscurcs tc hlp suattrs. Thy ar asy tc ino ano hav bn
tirlssly suppcrting vulnrabl pcpl cr yars (all cr nc inancial rturn sc
i ycu can, suppcrt thm). Fino cthr grcups cut thr, mak us c thm,
ano cr ycur suppcrt whn it's noo. Rccm part c a ntwcrk, ycu'll b
surpriso hcw impcrtant it is tc hav cthrs tc call cr hlp i things gt
tricky. This cculo b as simpl as bcrrcwing a spannr cr rsisting illgal
victicns rcm cvr-xcito scurity ccmpanis.
#!
/ovic ano xprinc will giv ycu th ccnionc tc hav a gc ycursl.
Rut suatting is a DlY activity ano i ycu ano ycur mats ocn't kncw hcw
utilitis in a builoing wcrk ycu might nct gt running watr cr lctricity. l
ycu ar gcing tc suat ycu will hav tc put scm wcrk in. That mans
spnoing scm tim hunting cr mptis ano swctting up cn ixing up a
builoing ano making it scur. Th lntrnt is a gcco starting pcint cr aovic
but hr ar a w practical stps.
- Fino a builoing ano ask ycursl th cllcwing. Hcw lcng has it bn mpty
ano whc cwns it? ln gnral lcng-trm ntris ar bttr. Th Ccuncil ctn
lav builoings cr yars ano ar scmtims slcw tc vict whilst privat
cwnrs ar unproictabl. Prcprty ovlcprs ar groy ano rich sc
ccughing up 2OO cr a spoy victicn lntrim Pcssssicn Oror is asy cr
thm. That ocsn't man ycu shculon't gc cr it. Prcprty ovlcpmnt
ccmpanis hav ostrcyo th architctural hritag c th ccuntry whil
systmatically cblitrating ccmmunitis vrywhr - thy must b stcppo.
Ccnsior purchasing th lano rgistry cnlin tc oisccvr whc th cwnr is.
/r thr any planning prcpcsals cr th sit (chck lccal ccuncil planning
occumnts availabl cnlin)? ls thr a way in withcut causing criminal
oamag? Vhat ar th chancs c scmcn calling th pclic ouring ntry?
- Rao up cn th law. lt scunos rioiculcus but many pclic ocn't kncw th
law. That's why scm suats chccs tc put up Scticn 6 nctics tc rmino
Plco that i thy smash in ycur occr ano kick ycu cut it is a criminal cnc.
l ycu gt intc a situaticn whr thy shcw up ano giv ycu hassl, stay calm
ano rl c ycur xtnsiv kncwlog c prcprty law. Dcn't cpn th occr
ano xplain this is ycur hcm. l ycu hav scuro th builoing, chango th
lccks ano brcught it unor ycur ccntrcl thn ycu ar lgally suatting ano
can cnly b lgally rmcvo thrcugh th ccurts. Evntually thy'll gt bcro
cr ccnuso ano lav. R awar thcugh, ntring ano scuring a builoing is
oangrcus bcaus i sn cr caught in th act ycu cculo b arrsto ano
chargo with Criminal Damag, Rurglary cr vn i ycu havn't ocn
anything yt but hav tccls, Gcing Euippo tc caus Criminal Damag.
Dcn't gt caught in th act c ntring. /no rmmbr, ntring ano
cccupying an unuso builoing is lgal but causing oamag tc ntr is nct. lt's
bst tc kp scmcn in th builoing at all tims - a rascn many suat
grcups ar larg ncugh cr this nct tc b a prcblm. l th cwnrs ccm
back tc an mpty builoing, ycu ar nct cccupying it ano can thrcr asily
lcs it.
#"
##
34
- Getting friendly with the neighbours is important too. Many people are
sympathetic and it is not uncommon for squatters to get local support.
Others will dislike you often out of prejudice but dont panic. Few
change their opinions overnight so a fuck-you attitude wont get you
very far.


Squatting is time consuming and tiring, plus, it can be socially demanding
living with others in non-compartmentalised spaces. But ultimately
squatting can be hugely rewarding for your own housing needs but also
for the needs of others. Space everywhere is being enclosed. Squats can
open it back up. Consider how you might use a space. Could groups from
your Uni use a space for something? Putting on events, allowing groups
to meet and organise there, or even just offering a place for people to
hang together can all create a sense of belonging and social value that no
business can match. Space is precious so cherish and use it.









Cri me, Epi sode 4: Ruth Rendel l ' s Mi ami Vi ce
(chancel l or) i n the Naked Ci ty



Ruth's a second year drama student, but her big vice is that she's lazy, she
can't get her act together essay-wise, particularly this latest one on gritty
situationist detective series, the Naked City. Luckily for her, all the way
from Miami is good old Agatha Christie, essay writer for hire. Christie, like
her athletic namesake has no qualms about cheating and luckily for her
this means she rakes in the cash come deadline day. Realising that her
own essays were of passable quality she found that it made sense to offer
her 'editing' and 'study support' skills to the posher, richer kids at college.
She advertised at Uni and used one of those online services pairing up
those hopeless writers with the semi-English literate who mastered the
magic formula of writing a half-decent 4000-word tirade... It was fine,
only the first and last paragraphs (or pages, if she was really (un)lucky)
actually ever got read. Now Ruth is happy and Christie can fulfil some
stereotypes with that extra wad for her lunchbox.
DeQrees.
Oh prcicus pic c papr this. Flcats abcv ano ahao, a ogr, a
oiplcma, whatvr cn is atr. Prhaps thr's a purpcs bhino it -
ngaging sub|ct mattr mayb, a lack c cthr cpticns, prcspct c pcssibl
ntranc intc intriguing cr lucrativ carr prhaps, whatvr. Th purpcs
ano ioals bhino univrsity stuoy ar ntirly irrlvant tc hcw th
oucaticn actcry uncticns. Nc ocubt thr's a parao c blcato ccls in th
oistanc tlling ycu abcut what ycu shculo b ocing with ycur stuois - larn
this cr that, oc this cr that. Tc hll with ths bcrs. Th cn crucial thing
thy all cvrlcck abcut this pic c papr is that it is a pic c papr.
Filigr cnt cn thick watrmark is cut c ccurs, but i ycu'r oraming
thrcugh ycur stuois abcut all th occrs this crtiicat will cpn, thn
prpar cr a vicicus hangcvr.
Th univrsity as it stanos is a ualiicaticns actcry tightly nmsho intc
inancial capitalism ano its grasy aovccats in th Rritish gcvrnmnt.
Rycno th markting ano carrs spil, th ualiicaticns actcry xpcts
ycu tc prcrm as a custcmr, thcugh nct uit in th way ycu'o suspct.
Ycu'r stuoying at univrsity thn? Nic. l ycu ar crtunat ncugh tc
actually n|cy th sub|ct mattr c ycur ogr, grat. loals cr nc, it wcn't
mattr ithr i ycu'r intrsto in sl-ovlcpmnt cr an asy li. Th
ualiicaticns actcry xpcts ycu tc uitly ano passivly chw ocwn ycur
ualiicaticn with a ruisit moiccr oilignc - mulat th stablisho
kncwlog, ccpy ycur tachr, mt oaolins, wcrk alcn. ln xchang: a
pic c papr, a airly ccmmcn ogr ano a rrnc rcm a lcturr
moiccr ncugh tc strut intc a sccial car cr srvic-sctcr |cb. /s th
custcmr, ycu'v paio abcut 4O yars wcrth c utur wags in obt in
xchang cr this pic c papr, sc prcpr bhavicur is nc ocubt in cror.
Ycu may lcv ycur sub|ct ano giv it all ycur hart ano guts but kncw that
this is a sausag actcry whr haro wcrk wcn't b rlcto in marking, ano
any high sccrs will b ccnvrto intc prcspctus phctcshccts ano cnt-siz
4O uctaticns.
#%
Th actual custcmr in th sausag actcry hcwvr is nct ycu cr ycur pic
c papr, hcwvr many slplss nights cr panic attacks it omanoo. Th
ualiicaticn actcry churns cut tns c thcusanos c stuonts with similar
ogrs in similar sub|cts annually, raching a nt turncvr c high uality
butchrs' sausags cr moiccr mplcymnt in th srvic-sctcr cr th
typical graouat mplcyrs lik markting, aovrtising ano rcruitmnt.
Prhaps this was th no all alcng. /f you cant boat om, join om - monoy
makos tho worlo go rouno - th clichs ar amiliar ano asily rcito whn
ycu wcrk ano swat c that obt, but th aim c th univrsity ano
gcvrnmnt is tc crat a larg moiccr labcur pccl tc ill its vacancis.
Disillusicning? Nc nct rally. Only i ycu'r ccntnt with sttling intc a
ccntract whr ycu'r th lcsing party.
Th univrsity-actcry slls ycu a ogr at th pric c th utur. Th obt
ncw invclvo in stuoy will tak ocaos c utur labcur tc rpay: 27k in
avrag s as c 2O2, will ris again nc ocubt + prscnal obts c arcuno
4Ok+ cr high urban rnts, living ccsts plus th splls c invitabl
unmplcymnt atr graouaticn. This is a nw uoalism cr oucato ycung
wcrkrs, as th utur itsl is cclcniso by inancial capitalism. Vhn a
ogr will |ust abcut cbtain wcrk in a suprmarkt, nightclub, car-hcm cr
casual labcuring, wcrkrs must surrnor 4O yars c arnings in cror tc
wcrk cr a pic c papr that is ncw simply a wcrk prmit ano a pic c
curscry cultural capital. Eithr that cr chang nams, switch caros, bing
limito by bcror agncis ano vr-avcio croitcrs ao ininitum. Th
gcvrnmnt ocsn't xpct this obt tc b rpaio ithr, but xpcts all tax-
payrs tc rmain in obt, lik itsl, ano thrcr bcuno tc inancial
instituticns, whc hav causo th ccncmic crisis which is vryoay
capitalism. Financial instituticns ocnat tc pclitical partis, NGOs, purchas
moia cutlts ano sc cn, gnrally oistcrting th pclitical prccss in thir
avcur.
#&
Sc this pic c papr w'v bn ying in th oistanc: what tc oc with it?
Lik all symbclic pics c papr - marriag crtiicats, passpcrts, visas,
naticnal insuranc numbr, th ogr can b cbtaino oubicusly lswhr
(sarch lnstant Dgrs - th usticn c ioals cr purpcs cr a pic c
papr is truly irrlvant tc th prccss c ogr cbtainmnt ano crgry, as
mplcyrs will nvr ask cr ogr crtiicats, that pic c papr ycu sc
osiro). Yt ths ar symbclically ano pclitically pcwrul occumnts, as
iontity tht cr imprscnaticn will rval. Ycu trao utur arnings in
xchang cr obt, in a ccntract that rturns wcrk cr a sns c sl-
ncurishmnt -- stuonts ar custcmrs in th ualiicaticns actcry atr all.
Rcth w kncw ar irrlvant tc th univrsity prccss. Tim ccms tc mak
th bst c a orary situaticn. Tscc ogrs, philcscphy pcstgrao unoing cr
prc|ct managmnt paio pcsiticns wcn't xist ouring th invitabl ccllaps
c th labcur markt in th Vst, as inancial capitalism ccntinus tc cut
ocwn its HR ccsts.
Thr ar nc bao wcros cr thcs whc tak th asy cpticn cr th ioalistic
cpticn. Gcco ano bao ar playgrcuno gams. Ycu'r stuoying at univrsity?
Nic. Givn th ccllaps c ycur utur intc a obt shitwav, ano th hcnst
impcssibility c gtting a maningul |cb that matchs up tc ycur ccurs c
stuoy, ccm thn gt tcgthr ano oc scmthing abcut it h? / sausag
actcry is pcwro by th sct hanos c its wcrkrs, thir harts, guts, ano
cthr trip. Gt tcgthr with cthrs ano wcrk cut a ral scluticn tc th mss
ahao. l ycu can arn a ogr ano liv a li that xpcss th rauo c that
ogr ano th rauo c th labcur markt, thn ycu may wll b xactly th
kino c pcpl w ruir. Thr yars is a lcng tim. Ncthing lss is at stak
than th utur itsl.
#'
38
Overqualified, Overworked and Un(der)paid An Intern-
shipping Forecast.



When you send somethi ng by shi p i t' s cal l ed cargo. When you
send somethi ng by car i t' s cal l ed shi pment. When you send
someone to fetch you a coffee i t' s cal l ed an i nternshi p.

Unpaid internships are illegal. All corporate entities are legally bound to
comply with the national minimum wage legislation. This does not apply
to not-for-profit organisations (even though many companies, such as
Serco, profit off volunteer work), hence the practice of politicians not
paying their staff. The other loophole is that you may be unpaid if its part
of a course placement.

For the past two decades the employability of graduates has been
integral to government agendas, with universities addressing the issue via
curricula and course design. But in the prevailing economic conditions
you might already be worried about your future and post-graduation
chances of getting a job in order to support and sustain yourself. As such
you might have chosen a degree that incorporates a practical element a
work placement, an internship, or whatever they want to call it
supposedly designed to give you a better chance of getting a job,
especially if you've never worked in a given profession before. It is
understandable why most people believe that a university degree,
particularly one that teaches some actual skills wanted by employers,
could feasibly be a foot on the first step of the so-called career ladder. It
is indeed true that some employers expect applicants to already have a
number of placements under their belt, even when applying for their first,
entry-level jobs. But still what is practical? What are proper skills? What
is work? Who are these future employers? What even is a career? What
career do you want?

The debate around unpaid internships generally centres on social mobility
and the fact that for those from unprivileged backgrounds such
opportunities remain a closed game. Comments from our local (j)anus-
faced, neo-Thatcherite double-act illustrate the divisions and hypocrisy at
the heart of the problem. Tory prime minister, David Cameron and his Lib-
Dem deputy, Nick Clegg - or should that be the PMs office intern? - have
been amongst those mouthing off, but also represent those for whom
private wealth meant never worrying about such things. Just as Clegg
criticised the idea of 'unpaid internships which favour the wealthy and
well-connected', announcing a new scheme promoting the maxim of
39
'what you know, not who you know' (whilst trashing university education
for the poor and having taken lucrative advantage of such opportunities
himself), the PM candidly announced that he was fine with the idea of
giving internships to the progeny of his friends and neighbours. He said he
was 'quite relaxed' about the whole thing. If he relaxes any further his
heart may actually stop. No bad thing, you might speculate, but even so,
you may realise that in light of this, you're more than likely to be under
pressure to complete some unpaid internships yourself post- (or pre-)
graduation.

Unfortunately, last year's graduates are fighting for or already juggling a
couple of such internships alongside one or two precarious and
intermittent jobs. And lets not forget the attendant denigration of
conditions unpaid labour is a way to circumnavigate other employment
laws in place to protect workers. What used to be, in the 'good old days'
of job availability and stability, useful on-the-job training leading to a
permanent position is nowadays often spoken of as a necessary condition
of getting paid work, or even 'modern day slavery'. That might sound a bit
excessive, but that it is exploitative is beyond doubt. Legislation exists.
Enforcement, however, does not appear forthcoming. Mainstream politics
is in thrall to the very interests whose furtherance would least be served
by the ending of a culture of cheap, disposable labour.

Whilst individual institutions are clearly part of a far wider economic
reality, they cannot absolve themselves from responsibility - on the other
hand neither can you. You, too, are accepting the situation and
undercutting fellow workers. Previously when labourers were (often
literally) two a penny, unions and collectives were formed in order to
combat just such a situation. This solution seems remote however, within
our own diffuse, individualised reality. It is hard to imagine the
unionisation of interns within such a competitive and unstable framework.

And so, if hopes of solidarity and enforcement fail, with the traditional
weapons of the left undermined in the face of the new neoliberal
hegemony, where do we turn for relief from such inherently unjust
exploitation? Perhaps we are complicit in our own exploitation, hailed by
the dominating ideology. But at least if we can perceive the forces in
operation we have a hope of, if not changing them, at least supplanting
their pre-eminence within our experiences. If we accept that
institutionalised unpaid labour exploits us, we might attempt to move our
thinking beyond the reproduction of consensus and an existing ethical or
knowledge framework with its inherent transmission of norms of
behaviour.
40

Being hired without conventional employment conditions also allows new
behaviours more latitude. We might operate in a sphere beyond the
ethical normative bonds that conventionally tie employee and employer. If
employers have no consideration for ethical responsibilities then there is
likewise no obligation upon 'employees' either. Those of us that find
ourselves in the position of being exploited may discover those methods
by which we might fight back. This fightback may take the form of a
counter-exploitation, worked towards with all guile and determination.
Experiences might be maximised for their links to spheres of experience
hitherto unreachable, their connections exploited, the knowledge that
they purport to convey, stored and turned against itself. Counter-
knowledge used against the discourse that suppresses it. The intern can
become the agent of psychic leaks, disseminating the unconscious of the
organisation beyond its boundaries. They can be the weak link in the
organisation's chain, the porous boundary that opens it up to the
collective sphere of wider social practice that it, by definition, excludes or
captures, setting boundaries to enclose and exploit or else exclude and
suppress. Interns can be a virus that infiltrates the heart of such complex
systems; they can, through their very porosity and covert refusal of
allegiance, affect a larger context by making the exploitation of unpaid
labour no longer a viable option for organisations seeking to shield
themselves from such subversive practices.

But what of a placement that you are instructed to carry out as part of
your course? If you end up working for little, or nothing, in return for
something called a work experience placement, you might as well try to
make the most of it, right? (And what makes you think you are the right
person for this unpaid internship? Well, sir, I acquired years of
experience in unpaid internships during my course of study.) Despite all
your tutors good intentions however, you may still find yourself stuffing
envelopes in the backroom office, fetching lunch, or maybe even coffee.

Even if you are suspicious of the very idea of time away from lectures or
other uni-based activities (organising, activism, reading groups or
conferences) in order to work for someone, often full-time, for free, it can
have its benefits. Choose an organisation that is fucking with things. You
can be a spy and a heretic. You can document their ideologies and their
agendas, their intimate dealings, straight from the horses mouths. Act
impressionable. Write down quotes. And if you see any companies
publicly advertising for a full-time, unpaid internship, ring them up and
threaten to report them to https://payandworkrights.direct.
gov.uk/complaints - the Pay and Work Rights government website - then
see how long the ad stays up.
41


Work it.
Thr cnc was a stcry c a girl ano a bcy whc wanto tc larn many, many
things ano grcw up with lcts c witty ano xciting rinos, pcssibly vn hav
a stimulating ano rascnably wll-paio |cb in scm glamcrcus mtrcpclitan
lccaticn. Thy wanto tc unorstano what th wcrlo was abcut, ano hav
un, pcssibly vn b happy, |ust lik th shiny acn-r oiagrams th carr
aoviscr shcwo thm. Th nam 'univrsity' was surrcunoo by raoiant
parly lights, with th gcco pcpl c th utur cring all kinos c nticing
rwaros cr thr yars c oilignc ano oipscmania.
/tr carul ccnsioraticn c lccal McJcbs cr c thr yars c xpnsiv
univrsity stuoy, a ocisicn was inally mao - ano cr many lik th girl ano
th bcy, th irst chanc c mcving away, a rccm c cn's cwn. Rut whn th
uphcria c Frshrs ano th irst yar c stuoy wcr c, a hcrribl obt
hangcvr kicko in ano mao th girl ano bcy vry sao. Evrything is tcc
xpnsiv!', thy crio. Thr's scarcly ncugh mcny tc pay rising rnts
ano cco! /no all this obt cr a ccurs that is sc ccnusing, sc haro tc larn
anything rcm. Vhat cn arth ar w tc oc?'
On oay whn th girl ano bcy wr carrying cut an labcrat xchang c
charactr assassinaticns ano snips cvr subsioiso-cior in th SU bar, a
shrunkn, shambling ano withro igur c grctsu aspct slithro cvr
tcwaros thir mssy tabl. Th wrtcho igur smo amiliar. Onc it
stppo tcwaros th ncn-glar c th scrn abcv th tabl, rpating
rclling Hcllycaks/MTV shit, it ncw apparo tc b th Varon, whc alsc
happno tc b th hao c th Publicity, PR ano Ccrpcrat Hanoshak
cic c th univrsity. Th appalling man crako his wizno hao tcwaros
cur haplss pair, ano with tio brath ano cvrbaring ram, slcwly
whispro, Vhy oc ycu wail ano cry, my chilorn?'.
$"
V hav nc mcny, ano cur obts will tak svral litims tc rpay, sir',
th girl rplio. Listn tc m, chilo', saio th vil waron, plunging his lcng
oirty nails intc his grubby trcusr pcckts ano uricusly |angling scm
unkncwn chain. Th cnly way ycu can mak ycur ogr work for you', ano
suoonly his vcic scunoo almcst |uvnil, ano his ac apparo cr a
sccno almcst ycuthul, asio rcm th lins ano urrcws abcv his brcw,
ano b attractiv tc ccrpcrat talnt hao-huntrs, is tc wcrk cr r. V
hav links with laoing PFl call-cntrs, naticnwio rtailrs ano asst
rpcssssicn irms. Rccm an intrn cr cn c ths irms, cr cr Tscc, cr
Rbck, cr th Lib-Dms. Ycu'll nvr wcrk in ycur li cthrwis.' Rmcving
his grasy yllcw ingrs rcm his pcckts, th waron ncw turno tc th
bcy, ano starto pcking him rathr ircly in th shculor. l nct, my chilo,
ycu'll nvr hav a propor job in ycur li, ano thn ycu'll nvr rpay that
six-igur obt!' /no with that, th vil cratur stcl away, laughing
manically, ano bgan stuing stuont pnnis intc a ruit machin ntitlo
Kncwlog ano Crativ lnoustris Ccrpcrat Dvlcpmnt Ccnsultancis'.
Th machin oio nct appar tc b paying cut that night.
Th girl ano bcy cllcwo th wizno waron's aovic, but six mcnths cn
thy hao vn lss mcny, hao maxo cut thir cvrorats, ano ncw thir
graos wr gtting wcrs ano wcrs. Thy wr sincr, thy smilo cn cu,
ano thy picko up th oiscaroo cc cups atr arrcgant art gallry
managrs ano brcught cc cr Gils, Sb ano Tabitha at th KOOL
KRE/TlVE lT irms thy intrno at. Rut thcs bright cclcurs that cascaoo
insio thir orams at irst wr ncw turning gry. Vhat cculo thy oc?
Vry wll!' anncunco th girl, atr ancthr orary vning with th bcy
xhaustivly analysing ach cthr's ailings ano uncrtunat habits cvr
chap br. l w'r gcing tc kp paying cr curslvs, w'll hav tc wcrk
cr actual pay! Vhatvr it taks!'.
$#
/s i by magic, th girl ano bcy stcppo raoing thir bccks, ano starto tc
mak scm mcny. /tr abanocning his rstwhil chums atr scm
luoicrcus alling-cut, th bcy ccntinuo tc rrsh himsl in a city-cntr
hctl bar. / gntlman brinoo him ano ccntinuo tc buy him orink atr
orink. Vhat a rinoly chap!', thcught th bcy. H latr surpriso th
gntlman in his hctl rccm with his sc..ucking..gcco!' tchniu cr
massaging particular parts c th anatcmy with particular parts c his
anatcmy. Vith 2O in his hano, ano a phcn numbr tc call again nxt wk,
th bcy bgan mting with clor gntlmn ano chring thm up' in his
cwn spcial ano prcitabl way. Sccn sugar oaoois wr buying him oinnr,
smart clcths, hcushclo appliancs, txtbccks.
Manwhil th girl, inspiro by th bcy's ntrprnurial gc-gtting ability,
trio aoult mcolling, but was having littl succss. Dc l rally hav such an
awul bcoy?' sh wailo, atr a particularly succssul inoi pcrn sit turno
ocwn hr pcrtclic. Nc, nc my chilo' crio a vil littl gntlman c uncannily
similar aspct tc th waron. l'll giv ycu scm cash, all ycu'v gct tc oc is
tak ycur clcths c'. H bgan rubbing his grasy hanos tcgthr. Ruo
phctcs, ycu kncw. / bit bluo. Nc prssur'. Nxt trm's s wrn't gcing tc
pay thmslvs. Latr sh ano th cthr mcol wr givn lcts tc orink, ano
atr varicus aggrssiv prcmpts by th phctcgraphr ano his 'ilm tam',
bgan prcrming in ilms ano cnlin liv-strams lik a prc. /t last l'm
gtting paio', thcught th girl. Rcth th girl ano bcy lt uit scr ano tiro,
ano arguo mcr ano mcr, but at last ncw thy cculo acro tc stuoy, pay
th rnt ano gc thrcugh th intrnships mill. /no with that, th girl ano th
bcy ntro th humiliating wcrlo c paio wcrk. /no thy livo nct-sc-
happily atr.
$$
Benefits.
Dirty ackin scrcungrs, spcngrs, lazy, cklss ano rcklss. Vhat cnc was
a mattr c ntitlmnt ano sccial suppcrt ncw taks cn th cclcur ano
languag c criminalisaticn. Vlar is a pclitical issu ano a sccial right, ano
pcstgrao ano part-tim stuonts shculo lcck intc any |cbskr's allcwanc
cr hcusing bnit thy may b ntitlo tc. Rut signing-cn is mao as oiicult
ano ograoing as pcssibl by nolss ccrriocrs c ccnstipato buraucracy
omanoing th illing cut c crm X cr crm Y, cr making ycu hav tc sign c
ano sign back cn |ust cr a bit c shitty part-tim wcrk. Vhilst sccial suppcrt
is absclutly ssntial ano intgral tc a |ust sccity, succssiv gcvrnmnts
hav trio thir bst tc ostrcy it, laving what rmains craking ano
wcunoo. Larn hcw tc uck with this spitul ano mbittro systm.
/t th tim c writing, ycu ar allcwo tc oc up tc 6 hcurs stuoy pr wk
whil claiming |cbskr's allcwanc. Vhil cn |cbskr's, ycu ar alsc
ligibl cr hcusing bnit. JS/ crs a ixo rat (incrasing with inlaticn)
c arcuno abcut 67.5O pr wk, i ycu ar cvr 25. Unor 25s gt abcut 4
lss (tc oisccurag ycung pcpl rcm bccming opnont cn wlar, ano
tc crc thm intc shitty minimum-wag |cbs - ycuth NMV bing st at a
lcwr rat). This is a passabl substitut cr a schclarship cr a grant, ano
shculo b takn up whrvr pcssibl with prio ano cunning. Dcn't bat
ycursl up with thir rhtcric, ycur 53 cannct ccmpar tc th multi-millicn
pcuno tax braks acroo tc millicnairs cr th cash spilt cn hcrrnocus
warmcngring.
Rgarolss c hcw ycu |ustiy it tc ycursl, ycu'll prcbably no mcr
pclisho answrs cr th |cbcntr whc will unocubtoly hassl ycu cvr
hcw many |cbs ycu'v applio cr. Th clrks prcbably cculon't giv a shit
but thy'r bhclon tc a pancply c oisgracul pclitical targts, thratno
cr ca|clo intc ncrcing punishmnts cvr varicus ptty aoministrativ
rrcrs. Ths sam clrks ar ctn aco with th sack nct cnly i thy ail tc
mt vinoictiv targts, but alsc i thy spno tcc much tim with a "clint"
cr i thy vn sm tcc hlpul. Dprssicn kicks in. Yt thr ar nc lcngr
any |cbs. Th sta kncw this, all ycu'v gct tc oc is prtno ano ccnsnt tc
th prccss - |ust o thm a plausibl stcry, tll thm abcut hcurs spnt
pcring cvr Gumtr cr Guaroian|cbs.
Th oirct prscnal xprinc c signing cn crcs a ccnrcntaticn c what
wculo cthrwis b mr ccncpts c ioclcgy ano class. Thr's a ccnlict
btwn, cn th cn hano, sccial guilt ano, cn th cthr, rsclutly onoing
th sccial invstmnt in a prcssicnal oucaticn that, cr scm rascn, th
currnt nclibral gcvrnmnt ocsn't s th valu in. Fighting oaily against
th ioclcgy c wcrk will war ycu ocwn, but unorstano that this is part c
$%
th viclnc c capitalism that is punishing th pccr. Dcn't b batn, b
chky.
R carul whthr tc incrm th |cbcntr ycu ar stuoying cr a part-tim
M//PhD. Thy will hav tc pass a vroict cn th valioity c this arrangmnt,
which will nc ocubt b inal. l ycu chccs tc withhclo this incrmaticn, ycu
may b accuso c rauo. ln gnral, whn claiming bnits, try tc b as
cutwaroly cboint ano cccprativ as pcssibl; ask usticns (abcut
training, CVs, applicaticn crms) - ycu wcn't gt any usul aovic, ano ycu
may gt snt cn a scul-ostrcying ccurs, but it will imprss th ocisicn
makrs' ano kp ycu c th warning systm cr punishmnt. Fill ycur
|cbskrs' oiary with all scrts c ncnsns abcut lccking in th paprs,
asking arcuno, whatvr. l th spctr c Nw Dal is lccming, ccnsior
signing c ano signing back cn. Vhatvr ycu oc, us what's availabl ano
b cunning. Vlar is incrasingly uso as a crm c sccial punishmnt but
mak us c it, play thir gams, talk thir talk ano kncw th ntir viclnc
ano absuroity c this arrangmnt.
Crime, Episode 5: Yes Minister, Yes Officer, Professor's PIums in
the Library with the Duck House.
Th right hcncurabl 'Dav', whilst stuoying cr a PPE ogr at Oxcro
larns that lccting lis at th hart c ths air lanos, whthr th swag b
ccntinnts, cco supplis, philcscphis ano ntir pcpls, cr cil supplis, aio
unos, lcticns ano wags. ln act, his ancstcrs hav prcto th practic
tc a wll-hcno art, plunoring, snatching, grabbing, pilring, mbzzling,
librating, pinching. Rut its nct |ust th aristccrats at it, h larns rcm his
txtbccks, vrycn is ocing it! Ycu may b an MP in ral no c a ouck
islano ano a sccno hcm, a Rarclay's CEO claiming ycur mplcys inccm
tax as ycur cwn ccrpcrat tax, cr a purly criminal tn yar clo lccting buns
rcm Grggs. ln a wcrlo that oins maonss as bucking th trno h
spculats, ycu'o hav tc b insan nct tc gt in cn th acticn.
$&
Sc cn night at th suprmarkt Dav gts his gcco rino Giocn ano cn c
thcs hanoy hal-trcllys ano haos cr th chckcut. /tr ccllcting his
itms h ocios hll, thr's a w ccmmcoitis h ocsn't l lik paying
cr, it is his birthright atr all. Dav liks sl-chckcut, it maks him l lik
h's wcrking cr cnc. Giocn tlls him it's bst nct tc gc cr alcchcl cr larg
mat - thy hav tags. Making sur G. kncws which itms h's atr, Dav ills
cn bag, thn puts it in th trclly tc mak rccm cr th cthr bags tc b
illo. /s th pair ill th 2no cr 3ro bag, Dav taks a bit c nct-yt swag,
maks a 'ailo' attmpt at swiping it, thn hanos it tc Giocn tc put in th st
bag, placo away rcm th alarming |uogmnt c th scals. Th bccty
bypasss otcticn ano librats itsl rcm tht as privat prcprty.
Dav, kn tc kp th mins running, ctn buys himsl a nic, at bag c
ccal. H liks tc put it in rcnt c him at th sl-chckcut, thn simply pick it
up whn h lavs. l anything gcs wrcng h |ust plaos crgtulnss ano
tchnclcgical rtaroaticn. /n minntly blivabl onc in his cas. H
ocsn't lcck arcuno guiltily, nc pcint in gtting tcc big cr ycur (rioing)
bccts, h thinks. l h's vr ling spcially nrvcus thn h kncws it's
bttr tc back cut. Spaking c bccts, Dav's rino Sam kncws that mak-
up is prtty asy tc burglaris - usually sh |ust sticks it up hr slvs ano
lavs. O ccurs, sh's a prc. Sh kncws that many itms hav a small,
slightly raiso barcco tag, which may st c an alarm. Rut sh alsc kncws
that in th mcr high-no acpaint mpcriums (whr sh is ar tcc
ccmmcn tc shcp, c ccurs) cnly th tstrs ar asy tc gt - sc sh can
wcrk cn hr immun systm tcc.
Stung by rcnt critius, Dav's pal Giocn ocios tc ruisiticn stcln
gccos rcm Sir Pip Grn's ncn-taxo mpir. H taks a highr numbr c
clcths intc th changing rccm than th numbr cn th caro thy giv him
by having th clcths buncho tcgthr, with a bra (sxy skin' cclcuro, |ust
th way Davy liks it), hccko cn ancthr itm, cr a tcp unor his arm. l this
is nctico it's nc big oal - it was acciontal, h claims. Ncw that l hav svn
itms in hr, h thinks, l pilr cn. H ocsn't vn gc cr th hioon cn as
h kncws that a oirnt prscn ccllcts th oiscaros. Th kinky lingri h
chccss its snugly unor his clcths, ano h is carul tc rmcv th tag. H
hclos th abric arcuno th tag ano pulls th tag until thr's a hcl larg
ncugh tc pull th tag thrcugh. Luckily, h always carris his nail scisscrs in
his bag, |ust in cas thr ar scm mcr ncssary cuts. H puts th tag in
th pcckt c cn c th itms h ocsn't want, tiois up th clcths ano
hanos th un-nabbabl cns tc th ccurtcus wcrkr. H xits uickly but
unsuspicicusly, listning tc Rco Stwart singing 'Th First Cut is th Dpst'
cn his haophcns as h lavs th shcp, |ust in cas anycn shcuts, Stcp!
Thi!'
$'
!nternationaI students.
Schccls, ncw mcr than vr, no intrnaticnal stuonts tc balanc thir
bccks. This ocsn't man w ar trato wll. V hav mcny thy no, but
w ar crign, suspicicus, up tc nc gcco. Th gcvrnmnt must balanc its
osir tc mak up th shcrtall in unoing, with its osir tc panor tc racists
ano tc stay in-lin with its cwn structural racism withcut ccntraoicting its
pclitics c ar. lntrnaticnal stuonts ar guilty cn arrival. /s wll as bing
cash-ccws ano racialiso scap-gcats, w ar alsc guina pigs. Nw ways c
ucking stuonts ar trio cn us irst, as it's oiicult tc sustain lcng-trm
campaigns in suppcrt c such a transint grcup.
Th pcints-baso visa systm was intrcouco acrcss UK univrsitis in 2OO9,
ano impcso a sris c ruirmnts cr ncn-EU stuonts ano acaomics
ccming tc stuoy cr tach in th UK - kncwn as a 'Tir 4' visa. Nw
ruirmnts incluo:
/ omano that stuonts prcv maintnanc unos (up tc 72OO cr a cn
yar mastrs in Lcnocn);
Prcvisicn c bicmtric otails;
/ licnsing systm cr all oucaticnal instituticns that wish tc accpt
intrnaticnal stuonts, laoing tc th vtting c oucaticnal instituticns by
th UK Rcror /gncy (UKR/) ano Hcm Oic;
Mcnitcring outis impcso cn all highr oucaticn instituticns, incluoing
mcnitcring crign stuont ano sta attnoanc.
On tcp c this, visa applicants may hav tc: supply birth crtiicats i thy
no tc us thir parnt's bank acccunt as a guarantcr (cr thcs c us whc
ocn't hav 7OOO in cur acccunts), hav th bank managr sign vry pag,
ano, c ccurs, prcv that w can spak English (as i th applicaticn prccss
isn't haro ncugh tc ociphr).
This has lo tc a hug incras in lat arrivals ano nc-shcws c intrnaticnal
stuonts. Thr is a limito appals systm, sc scm stuonts hav lcst
thcusanos c pcunos in aovanc s, plus visa applicaticn s. 4,OOO
wculo-b stuonts wr still stuck in Pakistan whn trm starto in Octcbr
2OO9; Stuonts wr r|cto by th UKR/ cr a varity c trivial rascns,
incluoing having writtn 'Malaysian' instao c 'Malaysia' unor ccuntry, cr cr
th cclcur c th backgrcuno uso in thir phctcgraph. /t th no c January
2OO, th UK Rcror /gncy ccmpltly suspnoo stuont visa applicaticns
$(
rcm ncrthrn lnoia, Npal ano Ranglaosh, laving thcusanos c pctntial
stuonts stranoo.
ln January, 56 UK ccllgs, incluoing many stat-unoo urthr oucaticn
ccllgs ano many cthr hcushclo nams, hao thir licncs suspnoo,
maning that thy can nc lcngr invit intrnaticnal stuonts. Th ccllgs,
whn suspnoo, wr nct tclo c th vionc cr allgaticns against thm.
Vhil th nw pcints baso immigraticn systm oinitly gcs atr
univrsity stuonts, th main suspcts in tcwn ar all th 'cthr' kinos c
intrnaticnal stuonts. Univrsitis ar big businss, which th gcvrnmnt
kncws. Rut th small, unorunoo ccllgs ar, atr all, whr th nct-sc-
rich intrnaticnal stuonts no up. Hnc th rvcko licncs ano th
varicus 'xpcss' ano articls abcut ths bing mrly a rcnt cr - ycu
gusso it - lslamic trrcrism.
Gclosmiths managmnt last yar ccmpilo a list c intrnaticnal stuonts
whc hao nct ccmplto a (ounct) cnlin rgistraticn prccss, ano
thratno tc pass this incrmaticn cn tc th UK Rcror /gncy. Manwhil,
at Oun Mary, stuonts ar rcunoo up ano mao tc shcw thir passpcrts
rgularly. /tr having paio up tc 4,OOO, stuonts ar mao tc l lik
criminals - intrnaticnal stuonts rccniguro as trrcrist cash-ccws.
Sta must chck intrnaticnal stuont attnoanc. l a stuont ails tc attno
O 'xpcto intracticns' (sminars, lcturs, tutcr mtings, tc), th
prcsscr is cbligo tc rpcrt thm tc th UKR/. This can lao tc opcrtaticn
in xtrm cass. /caomics must incrm th UKR/ i thy hav any
suspicicns that a stuont is braching th ccnoiticns c his cr hr lav, cr i
th stuont is ngaging in 'suspicicus bhavicur'. That mcnitcring ostrcys
th rlaticnship c trust btwn acaomics ano stuonts, ano thratns th
vry thcs c acaomia. Ry ccntracting cut th wcrk c UKR/ tc lcturrs,
ths nw rgulaticns ar turning th univrsity intc a sit c bcror ccntrcl.
Organisaticns:
Stuonts NOT Suspcts is a campaign in strcng cppcsiticn tc th nw visa
rgulaticns.
Th Jcint Ccuncil cr th Vlar c lmmigrants crs lgal rprsntaticn
ano runs a rights-baso campaign cr asylum-skrs.
$)
Vhat ycu can oc:
Tak part in any visa ano immigraticn campaigns arcuno campus, hlp
crganis arcuno ths issus - intrnaticnal stuonts no suppcrt rcm th
wior stuont bcoy.
/sk all c ycur lcturrs/tutcrs i thy ar mcnitcring attnoanc ano what
thy ar ocing with that incrmaticn. Rus tc sign any attnoanc rcll i ycu
think it is bing passo cn tc anycn. Prssur ycur tutcrs tc rus tc
ccmply with UKR/ mcnitcring.
Vhrvr ycu'r rcm, talk tc ncn-EU stuonts abcut thir prcblms ano
hcw thy oalt with thm. Pass this inc cn - it cculo b vry usul tc
scmcn ls.
Rmmbr that intrnaticnal stuonts ar a vital part c any rsistanc tc
th ccrpcratisaticn c highr oucaticn. Nvr buy intc antagcnisms that
may b st up btwn ocmstic/EU ano 'cthrs'.
lnvit us cvr cr Christmas oinnr.
[Facts ano igurs wr nicko rcm th brilliant Manistc Club rpcrt,
'Fcrtrss /caomy' by Valri Hartwich.]
%*
PIaQiarism.
Plagiarism is staling. Plagiarism is tht. Plagiarism is chating. Plagiarism is
immcral. Plagiarism is ocn by bao ano lazy stuonts. Plagiarism is th
nmsis c crativ, inoivioual gnius. Plagiarism is a crim. Plagiarism is a
nuisanc tc th machinaticns c th univrsity. Plagiarism is bullshit.
Plagiarism criminaliss ano ccvrs cvr a bttr ccnvrsaticn abcut sharing,
sampling, ccllusicn, ccllabcraticn ano ccnspiring. Plagiarism pclics th
bcrors c a ictiv inoivioual tc allcw ccllctiv thcught tc b cut intc
pcrticns, prico ano packago as intllctual prcprty. Plagiarism is cn c
th pccrly paio scurity guaros c privat prcprty. Plagiarism oisccurags
pcpl rcm wcrking tcgthr ano thinking c stuoy as a ccllctiv prc|ct.
Pclico plagiarism allcws histcry tc b tclo in th prcpr nams c singularly
grat pcpl. Plagiarism is a onial c th way thcught ano ioas ar actually
prcouco. Plagiarism is a oirty nam cr th systm c sharo kncwlog that
w ccllctivly inhrit ano th ccllctiv kncwlog prcoucticn that is
suppcsoly what w oc at univrsity. Haro tc put a pric tag cn, thcugh.
Prcisly whr plagiarism stps in with supr back-tc-schccl savings cn cut-
pric thcught. Evrycn ocs it, |ust nct vrycn is punisho cr it. /n
argumnt bgins abcut plagiarism ano alraoy rpats scmcn ls.
Tachrs will b ocing it ach yar, cut-ano-pasting th wcrk c PhD ano
graouat stuonts cr thir latst summr occr-stcppr, Disciplino ano
Publish by Dr. (stuonts c) Lctti Stash. Nwspaprs ano wbsits plagiaris
th prss rlass c cn cr twc nws-wir agncis. Shit, vn tap watr has
bn thrcugh ccuntlss cthr pcpl's pips.
Still, i ycu gt caught plagiarising, it will b a massiv ucking hassl. /t bst
thy will |ust ail ycu cn th particular ccurs ano put a rinoly rminor c
ycur crim against Humanitis/Scincs/whatvr cn ycur transcript. /t
wcrst, thy will kick ycu cut c th univrsity ano mak it oiicult cr ycu tc
gt intc ancthr cn. Cutting ano pasting rcm Vikipoia cr liting
paragraphs rcm a bcck is rascnably stupio, anyway. l ycu actually lik
what ycu ar stuoying, plagiarism is lik shccting ycursl in th cct tc spit
ycur ac. Mcr impcrtantly, it is vry likly ycu will b caught. Rut, thr ar
prctly gcco rascns why ycu might no tc plagiaris, lik, cr xampl,
having prscnal issus that ycur univrsity russ tc ackncwlog. Ycu
shculon't hav tc parao ycur prscnal prcblms in rcnt c a punitiv
strangr cr thir |uogmnt i ycu ocn't want tc. Lying is ccmpltly |ustiio
in this instanc ano pcpl ar likly tc gt suamish ano giv ycu an
xtnsicn cr whatvr i ycu talk abcut scmthing gruscm lik gnital
%!
bloing cr a prclapso anus. /nyway, i ycu l ycu no tc plagiaris,
kp th cllcwing in mino.
Prcgrams lik Turnitin ar prtty stanoaro in univrsitis ths oays. Thy
ruir ycu tc submit ycur wcrk cnlin sc it can b chcko against a
massiv oatabas c intrnt scurcs, publisho wcrks, ano cthr stuont
ssays. (Thy will thn stcr ycur ssay in a oatabas ano mak mcny c it
withcut paying ycu. This isn't tht cr vn plagiarism, |ust 'air us',
apparntly.) Th xact algcrithms thy us ar kpt scrt, but it is likly that
th main sarch uncticn wcrks by braking txt intc thr wcro suncs.
Fcr xampl, th sntnc 'Th Tcris ar th nmy, but Labcur ar traitcrs'
gts brckn ocwn intc th cllcwing triplts:
Th Tcris ar Tcris ar th ar th nmy
th nmy but nmy but Labcur
but Labcur ar Labcur ar Traitcrs.
Evn whn uso cn a rascnably sub|ct-spciic oatabas, lik th ntir
archiv c th Financial Tims, thr wcro suncs ar uniu abcut 7O%
c th tim. lt can alsc otct i ycu hav |ust aooo/chango a w wcros:
Th Tcris ar th nmy ano shculo hav thirs haos put cn spiks,
but Labcur ar traitcrs ano war criminals.
Sc, yah, vn making uit ma|cr aooiticns cr altraticns wcn't hlp ycu
much. Turnitin can still mak a nat calculaticn c what prcntag c ycur
ssay is plagiariso. Evn i ycu us uctaticn marks but crgt tc rrnc
ou tc cc narccsis, ycu will prcbably hav tc hav a rascnably shit
ccnvrsaticn with scmcn staring accusingly at ycu. l ycu want tc ccpy
scmthing ycu ar gcing tc no tc mak sur it has nvr bn publisho in
any way, submitto tc a prcgram lik Turnitin, ano nvr bn put cnlin. Sc,
mcst prcbably, ycu ar gcing tc hav tc r-writ vry sntnc in ycur cwn
wcros whilst kping th abcv in mino.
%"
/nyway, thr is a bttr way. Ccllusicn is th bst typ c plagiarism.
Ccllusicn is scrt cr illgal cccpraticn cr ccnspiracy - scunos grat, clcak
ano oaggr stu. Fcr plagiarism thcugh, this mans that i ycu ano ycur
rino/rinos wcrk cn an ssay tcgthr, thn bcth hano in similar txts, ycu
might b ocn cr plagiarising ach cthr. Rullshit, right? Th univrsity puts
a ban cn th xact typ c ccllctiv wcrk that shculo b nccurago. Fuck
thm, oc it. Vcrk with as many pcpl as pcssibl. Organis stuoy grcups,
oiscuss ach cthr's ssays ano wcrk tcgthr. Summaris txts cr ach
cthr, shar rrncs, writ up scticns cr ach cthr, us ach cthr's
strngths, shar argumnts. Larning tc wcrk tcgthr withcut gtting
caught by th spctlight c a oisciplining rgim is oinitly th bst thing
ycu can larn at univrsity.
%#
Debt.
l answro my occr a ccupl c wks agc. lt was a guy in a black
mctcrcycl hlmt with his viscr still ocwn. l thcught h was thr tc shcct
m. l starto thinking abcut all th stu l oio that wk that cculo gt m
killo. Ry th tim l gct tc th lttr C cn my list h hanoo m a lttr.
Mao m sign cr it. H lt withcut a wcro ano l cpno it. lt was a nctic
abcut a ccurt cas, all th way rcm Mioolsx Ccunty Ccurt in Rcstcn,
Massachustts. J. Lbcwski vs. Harvaro Univrsity. Fuck, l oion't lik my
chancs. Fcr twnty yars thy'v bn asking cr thir lcan back. O grano.
Ncw thy want 25 cr thir trcubls. Jsus, that was twnty yars agc.
Ycu'o think thy wculo lcs th paprwcrk by ncw cr scmthing. l'v livo
all cvr th gcooamno wcrlo. Hcw oio ths bastaros ino m. Dc thy
rally xpct thir mcny back atr all ths yars?
/tr all, thr's a lct c stu pcpl lnt tc m twnty yars agc ano l ocn't
hav it anymcr. Rubba Ccntrras lnt m his Huskr Du album. Martha lnt
m hr pcrtabl Eogar /llan Pc. Fro lnt m his hat. l ocn't s any c
thm taking m tc ccurt.
l kncw what ycu'r saying. H shculo st an xampl cr th stuonts ano
pay his obts. /tr all h's a prcsscr. H tachs thics cr Christ's sak.
H's bringing th Univrsity c Lcnocn intc oisrput. Vll, it's nct that l
ocn't want tc pay thm back. lt's |ust that i it wr impcrtant, thy wculo
nct b asking cr it back. l it wr impcrtant, l cculo nct pay it back, ano
thy wculo nct tak it back, ano anyway nc cn cculo calculat it. Nc cn
cculo say hcw much l cw thm ano hcw much thy cw m, i it wr
impcrtant. l it wr impcrtant, this obt wculo b bao.
Rcaus vrything that's wcrth anything tc m, anything impcrtant, l gct
rcm bao obt. l gct ano l gav, but l nvr gav back. l nvr gav back tc
th croitcr. l nvr gav back tc th ccmmunity. l nvr gav back what l
tcck, ano l nvr gct back what cthrs tcck rcm m. Thy nvr asko.
/no l nvr wculo.
%$
Fro taught m why l shculo giv a shit abcut Shakspar. Rubba taught
m abcut music. l nvr gav thm anything cr this. l ocn't kncw what it's
wcrth. lt's incalculabl. Thy wculo nvr accpt anything in xchang. /no
l wnt intc bao obt with thcs l lcvo, a kiss that l cculo nct tak back, a
lcck that was nvr rturno.
/no cut c all this bao obt cam ccnncticns, nct th kino c ccnncticn
that says ch shit w ar all in obt bcaus c capitalism ano this shculo
bring us all tcgthr. Fuck that. My bao obt, cur bao obt alraoy livs
bycno capitalism. lt ocsn't bring us tcgthr. lt maks us oirnt, again
ano again. Rcaus ncthing uals anything ls, ano th obt |ust grcws,
th ccnncticns tc all ths oirnt bao obts gt opr ano opr, mcr
ano mcr ccmplicit. /no whn ycu ntr this wcrlo c bao obt, this sub-
prim unorccmmcns, ycu ar accpto withcut usticn, withcut pric,
withcut croit. Ycu ntr th hcus, th amily c bao obt, th hcus that
has tc kp mcving, th ugitiv amily.
l'm nct tlling anycn what tc oc. Scmtims w no mcny, w no
croit, w want croits, w want tc graouat. Rut scmtims w no tc
stuoy instao, tc stuoy tcgthr, nvr graouat, nvr gt croit, nvr giv
croit whr croit is ou, |ust stuoy tcgthr, ano gt in bao obt tc ach
cthr, ano igur cut what's impcrtant, igur cut what's always oirnt,
what's always scmthing ls. Just stuoy tcgthr til thy kick us cut,
spculat tcgthr until thy mcv us alcng. Kios brck winocws ano tcck
stu this summr. Thy ocn't plan tc giv it back. Thy tcck what thy
noo ano thy tcck what thy wanto ano thy oion't lav thir croit
caro otails. Thy say ths kios wr thugs, that thy ar criminals. Mayb
thy wr, but i bing criminal mans kncwing it's gcco croit ano nct bao
obt that maks us slavs, thn mayb thy kncw scmthing w no tc
larn. Mayb bing in th black mans bing in th ro, ano mayb bing in
th ro mans bing in th black.
Eithr that cr ocn't cpn ycur occr.
%%
Law.
V kncw law as th ixtur ano masur c rlaticns in a ccmmunity, b it
pclitical, sccial cr ccncmic. Laws hav bn crato tc prctct th rights c
sub|cts in a stat, tc otrmin accptabl sccial bhavicurs by punishing
thcs whc oviat rcm thm intc crim. Th bao pcpl brak th law ano
ar capturo by th pclic, whc thn rr a mincrity cntc sntncing by th
|uoiciary, a spcial class c sccial ano mcral xprts with unny wigs. Th bao
pcpl ar thn punisho by tim in priscn, whilst th pclic xist tc prctct
th public rcm viclnt cr ccrrupt ccntagicns. Law ano cror as th blach-
mcuthwash c th bcoy pclitic.
lt's a nic stcry, thy all ar, but stcris ar cr kios ano w'r ocn with
tlling curslvs why w ncw can't hav what w osrv, what gnraticns
c cur amilis hav cught cr - a basic stanoaro c li ano maningul
pclitical participaticn. Th ma|crity c laws wculo xist by sccial ccnsnt. Nc-
cn wants tc gt arrsto; a night in th clls is a nasty xprinc ano
priscns ar hcrribl, oangrcus placs. Laws limit cur bhavicurs: a criminal
charg unormins gtting wcrk, thwarts CRR chcks. Law xists in cror tc
ccntrcl rlaticns ano prctct th pcwrul: w kncw rcm MPs scanoals, bank
bailcuts ano th Rullingocn Club rstaurant ricts (vrsus th /ugust 2O
Grggs ano Liol ricts) that it's cn law cr th rich, ancthr law cr th
xhausto lccking man cr wcman sitting nxt tc ycu.
Ninty-svn prcnt c criminal chargs ar orcppo [s Nick Davis' Flat
Farth Nows] whilst plnty c priscn cicrs, pclic ano pcliticians privatly
aomit that th |ustic ano priscn systm has nc cbvicus otrrnt cn criminal
activitis. Vith th ma|crity c priscnrs suring rcm mntal halth, alcchcl
ano substanc prcblms bcr incarcraticn, as wll as acut sccial
oprivaticn, law xists tc brutally rprss mcr unoamntal sccial prcblms
(ano this is scmthing ccps w kncw hav tclo us tcc). lt xists nct sc sclv
crim but tc bat anti-sccial bhavicur' as th latst Hcm Oic rpcrt
puts it, usually with trunchcns, bullts, cr xcssiv priscn sntncs in
cvrcrcwoo |ails. 'Habas Ccrpus', th right tc b actually chargo with a
crim whn impriscno, was suspnoo by th 2OO5 Prvnticn c Trrcrism
/ct - similar stats c xcpticn ano mrgncy cccur lswhr,
omcnstrating that law is mao ano brckn in cror tc cpprss ano manag
sccial pcpulaticns. lt will nct prctct ycu, ospit th nicst intnticns c
pclic ycu may kncw, as a lcng ncugh histcry c instituticnal racism,
viclnc, ailing tc rspct victims c sxual ano ocmstic viclnc attst.
Ycu ocn't hav tc b guilty tc b put in priscn in this ccuntry; in act ycu
ocn't vn no tc b chargo. Th law sanctiis this ccrrupt, stinking mass
c war, viclnc ano pcvrty w pclitly call th status uc. Law is th thr
%&
that maks vrything ao tc black as inancial capitalism viclntly ist-ucks
us intc a oliricusly oir utur.
V ocn't no tc ar th law but w cannct trust it ithr - tcc many pcpl
ar in priscn cr pcliticiso crims. Vhilst MPs, nwspapr magnats,
businss parasits ano pclic cccprat tc prctct ach cthr's intrsts in a
parancio gam c chickn, w no tc kp staoy ano snsibl. Th law
cannct try a prscn withcut a nam: rmain ancnymcus, rmain lgicn, ano, i
arrsto, rmain silnt. Ycu may ino it snsibl tc b slctiv in ycur battls
- mcr may b ocn via systmic lttr writing, ccmmunity activism,
symbclic brckn winocws cr wbsit hacking than a ight with a burly ccp.
Dlt prscnal inc (wcrkplacs, iontiiabl otails) c ycur iontity cnlin -
kp ycur Facbcck but rmcv tracs, rmcv mails ano mssags that
might incriminat ycu cr cthrs, such as any statmnt which might
nccurag a criminal cnc. Fcr thcs whc want tc crganis illgal acticns,
which w ar nct ccnocning but nithr can w ccnomn, stay scbr ano b
carul. Sav a gcco lawyr's phcn numbr in cas c arrst cn prctsts,
ricts cr busts, cr th Grn ano Rlack Crcss lgal tam [O7946 545], ano
ocwnlcao ano print a bust-caro, kping it cn ycu at all tims.
/nxity is cur ccntmpcrary ccnoiticn - a ar c th unkncwn, a gnric ar
c inoiscrnibl crigin. Psychcanalysis trats anxity by iontiying this
rprsso caus c ar. Lt's b clar abcut what w'r ocing, iontiy what
this gnric scurc c anxity is. Law plungs us intc stats c ospcnoncy,
cynicism ano passivity, intrnalising cur cwn submissicn unor th viclnc
c inancial capitalism ano its invitabl ano wcrsning cts c pcvrty,
anxity ano ccrrupticn. Law is a ccnsnsus c rights. Vhat c a right tc
shltr, tc pclitical participaticn, tc ual pay ano accss tc mplcymnt, tc
clan watr, tc ccmmunal accss tc lano, tc pac? V call cn a law-making
rvclt, spilling cut c th schccl ano th univrsitis all thcs lik ycu, lik m
ntirly nrago. Fcr a utur r c obt, war ano wago xplcitaticn, by
whatvr ncssary mans - that's cur law, that's cur right.
l ycu ar arrsto, rmain silnt ano answr 'nc ccmmnt' tc all usticns
ano intrviws until ycu'v hao lgal aovic. Rus th outy sclicitcr,
hcwvr lcng it will ncw tak. / 'rinoly chat' might gnrat vionc,
which ccntraoicts a latr ano mcr incrmo statmnt. Ycu ar ntitlo tc a
phcn-call, which ycu shculo us tc ccntact a rino - instruct thm tc
ccntact th Grn ano Rlack lgal tam, cr a gcco sclicitcr. Mcst arrsts
wcn't rsult in prcscuticn. Kp calm ano kp ucking shit up.
%'
Do it yourseIf:
%(
OrQanisinQ.
Mcny. Dbt. Vcrklcao. Shit. Dcubt. Shit. Daolins. Shit. Shit. V wcrk
tcgthr bcaus w hav tc, w crganis tcgthr bcaus w no tc,
siostpping tn thcusano clumsy blcws, bccming ancnymcus, chky,
lt-ccto, tcgthr. First thing: crgt whatvr ycu larno abcut
wcrking cn ycur cwn. Organis th stuonts in ycur classs cr sminar
grcups. Tachrs ar incrasingly cvrwcrko ano shculon't b rlio cn.
/vcio hirarchical grcups - st up a raoing grcup, cr stuoy, cr acticn, cr
mao aovnturs. Dcsn't no tc b ntirly pclitical - th pclitical cccurs in
bing crativ, making nw, siostpping pcwr-blccs. Mak a blcg, a plan,
anncunc at th bginning cr no c a class cr cn a ncticbcaro. Hi|ack
mailing lists, ino spacs, ino ach cthr.
Vhy? Ccllctiv intlligncs thriv, ano incrmo ntwcrks can bat
alraoy-xisting ntwcrks. Ycu kncw this rcm th nws, rcm schccl. Vcrk
tcgthr against bao ocisicns cr bao taching by ocing it with cthrs.
Organis against th crganisaticn, siostp that sam clo oivio ano
ccnur. V mak maps ano wanor arcuno th gry spacs c th city
orinking br ano cursing th gcos.
British pond-water
Skip hirarchis: thy'r bcring ano gnrally a tim-wastr. Uni sccitis,
intrnship schms, any kino c unpaio cr manago xprinc - crgt it. Dc
it with cthrs but mak it nw - ccllctiv writing, prank grcups, thatrs,
pirat ilm making, wilo spcrts, punk banos. Stal intc uni cics ano rins
cut thir phctcccpirs.
Rrino pcrtrs, pcstgrao stuonts, curicus typs in th lccal pubs ano
clubs. Pcpl n|cy braking th ruls ano ocing scmthing unusual, it's an
unoccumnto psychclcgical no, sc crgt rcsty irst imprssicns.
Organis a ntwcrk ano b ancnymcus. Univrsity may b |ust 3 yars. Thr
ar nc magic |cbs at th no, unlss call-cntr tarct ccunts.
Gks hav oark arts, suckr
Things can uck up. Essays gt writtn th night bcr. l ycu l lik ycu'r
th cnly cn panicking, hao tc th library - ycu'r bcuno tc bump intc a
classmat ccmpulsivly hitting wcroccunt. Thn hao tc th Psychclcgy
scticn tc rao up cn prccrastinaticn. Sav mcny ano tim by rgistring cn
aaaaarg.crg ano library.nu, ano ocwnlcao ycur bccks rcm hr. Try cthr
uni libraris cr lccal libraris. Us /mazcn's prviw ano Gccgl Rccks tc
%)
tak xcrpts rcm bccks. Fino rlvant cnlin oicticnaris cr ycur sub|ct;
thy xist. Dcn't us Vikipoia - sricusly. Tachrs chck, thy us it cr
thir cwn hacknyo |curnal articls ano moiccr chaptr ntris.
Drcwning in a sa c shit
Dcn't b araio c obt. Th ntir Vstrn wcrlo is stpo in it. Play th
systm, bcrrcw as much as ycu can cn th chap intrst rat ano hav un.
Organis ano ycu wcn't gt caught sc asily. Sav mcny by avcioing bao
clubs ano pubs ano having hcus ano suat partis. Rrw ycur cwn bccz.
Dumpstr-raio whn ncssary, cthrwis stal. Rut bcrrcw mcny irst ano
crganis ycur waywaro li. Dcwnlcao OpnOic cr r instao c MS
Oic. Dcwnlcao albums ano ilms cr r rcm Filstub cr Vuz. Dcwnlcao
trial vrsicns c ky sctwar, .g. /ocb /crcbat cr Phctcshcp ano thn
ocwnlcao kygns sc ycu can us at hcm atr.
&*
The oId worId is crumbIinQ.
Th clo wcrlo is crumbling, rag is rising, a ccrrupt lit clings tc its swaying
gantry, staling ano slling c mcr ano mcr c cur ccmmcn inhritanc.
Rut mak nc mistak, thy ar shitting thmslvs. Privatisaticn is tht; this
parasitical class, lik a ccrnro wilo animal, ar angry, rightno, osprat
ano oangrcus. Ravncusly, thy snatch away at cur mans c living, vr
mcr osprat tc maintain thir pcsiticn. Ry hcck cr by crcck thy sk tc
stm th ccllaps: militariso pclicing, ioclcgical attack, all cut sll-cs cr
insioicus backoccr stitch-ups, th no rsult is th sam. Yt, as wags all,
as living stanoaros plummt, as cur mans c survival ar cutscurco ano
sclo back tc us at a prcit, w stalk amcngst th ruins with an icy glint in cur
y. Fcr w kncw that ach nw lano grab is mcr osprat than th last,
that th ininit xpansicn this oisas sc brathlssly chass in cror tc
surviv is slipping vr urthr rcm its grasp. lt will stcp at ncthing - war,
incarcraticn, impcvrishmnt, th ostructicn c livs - but this is its
unocing. Fcr ach nw push it maks, w push back strcngr. Th
ccntraoicticns ar catching up, ach nw cn mcr immns than th last.
Th tio that its guaroians sk tc hclo back is rising, ano cn night, sccn, it
will surg in thrcugh battro ocwn occrs ano smash th whcl scrry
charao tc pics.
Evry tim th systm ttrs cn th prcipic, rulrs, bankrs, th rich, all
clutch at straws. Hasty nw orrals ar thrcwn tcgthr by th panic
strickn princs, hurrioly rusho cut rcm high up in thcs glittring tcwrs
that stab th at sky in th hart c cur citis. Fcr a whil thy struck a oal
with us, wags, |cbs, hcms, prcprty, ccnsumr gccos. V, cr at last scm
c us, cculo liv, rais cur amilis, n|cy cur livs in pac, halth ano rlativ
scurity. Rut th oal is c. Th wlar stat has hao its hart rippo cut by
th insatiabl gro c thcs rulrs. Nvr crgt that thy no tc grcw, tc
accumulat mcr ano mcr, cr thy will oi. Our hcps c hcm cwnrship,
|cb scurity, an oucaticn, a halthy, pacul, ulilling li, wr all ultimatly
tcc much cr thm tc stcmach. Th thcught c us prcspring withcut thm
prciting mao thm sick tc th ccr. Vhr wr thir prcits? Thir
oivionos? Thir grcwth? Our hcps ano orams hav bccm littl mcr
than a triling cbstacl tc thir ininit gro, tc b bulloczo intc th grcuno
with unrlnting brutality.
Vhn w can't acro a hcus any mcr, whn w ocn't hav a |cb, w can't
acro tc ill cur hcms with pcintlss tat, iPaos ano garbag oispcsal units,
whn w hav ncthing tc lcs, thn th obt actcry is a busto lush. / nw
mans c ccntrclling us was noo, a nw way c instrumntalising ano
nslaving cur passicns intc thir ptty ano osprat gam. Fcrcing stuonts
tc pay cr thir oucaticn was a stratgy, mak nc mistak, cr crating a
&!
litim c obt cr ycungr gnraticns. This is nct cnly a guarant c
ocaos c intrst, it is a strait|ackt crco upcn living, hroing us cntc
'prcouctiv' tracks, lss gravy train, mcr cattl-truck tc ncwhr. /t a basic
lvl thy want tc ntrnch thir class pcwr. This is th lcgic c privatisaticn,
cr tc call it mcr accuratly, th nako ano rpllnt tht c cur uturs.
Sc having put th class irmly back intc classrccms, marktiso cur
aspiraticns, o-skillo cur schccling, rippo us c at vry turn, prhaps w
hav scm usticns...
O - Dc stuonts gc tc univrsity tc gt a |cb at th no c it?
/ - Ys.
Th Labcur Fcrc Survy shcws unmplcymnt amcng nw graouats at
8.5% (mcr than ocubl th basic igur acrcss th pcpulaticn). 6O% c irms
say it maks nc oirnc whthr a |cb canoioat has a ogr. / pcll c
inancial srvics, lT, manuacturing ano oucaticn sctcrs cuno that 8O%
wculo prr a schccl-lavr with thr yars wcrk xprinc than a
graouat.
Ths igurs oc nct apply tc th stuonts rcm rich amilis, whc can acro
privat schccling ano tcp univrsitis. Narly all managrial pcsiticns ar
rsrvo cr ths stuonts. Mcr than 85% c tcp pcsiticns in th
gcvrnmnt, banks, big ccmpanis, moia, civil srvic, tc., ar cccupio by
graouats rcm a w lit univrsitis such as Oxcro ano Cambriog.
Hcwvr, ou tc lcw amily inccm ano pccr uality primary ano sccnoary
oucaticn, th ma|crity c th lcwr ano vn th miool strata c th
wcrking class ar rcbbo c th chanc c gcing tc th univrsity. Evn th
uppr strata c wcrking class stuonts usually no up in 'sccno class'
univrsitis ano subsuntly lcw paio |cbs. Status is alraoy otrmino by
class, th clo clich is tru: it ocs nct mattr what ycu kncw, but whc ycu
kncw! Mak nc mistak, this is a war, cught by thm against us; thy ar
panicking, hnc thir osprat assault cn oucaticn, rammo thrcugh in
th tth c bittr rsistanc with all ncssary viclnc.

O - Dc stuonts gc tc univrsity tc bccm inopnont?
/ - Ys, oinitly.
/ rcnt rpcrt stato that cnly maths, nginring, law ano moicin
ogrs lo tc gratr litim arnings than thcs c ncn-graouats. On
avrag th starting salary cr a graouat whc has ocn th 'right' ccurs
&"
ano is lucky tc ino an cic |cb rlato tc hr ilo c stuoy is 6,OOO. /tr
tax, naticnal insuranc, pnsicn ccntributicns ano th graouat lcan, th tctal
tak hcm igur is arcuno ,OOO a mcnth.
Obvicusly, a ycung graouat whc has cuno a |cb wishs tc bccm
inopnont. Rut with this lvl c inccm ano th avrag hcus prics
bing 6O,OOO, it is impcssibl tc buy vn a cn borccm lat, particularly
in big citis lik Lcnocn. Ranks oc nct giv mcrtgags mcr than 3.5 tims
salary ano thy ask cr 2O% ocwn paymnt, which is impcssibl cr a ycung
graouat tc pay.
Vhat abcut rnting? /cccroing tc th rntright.cc.uk th avrag rntal
pric cr a stuoic lat in Sptmbr 2O is ,O47. Sc w hav tc bcrrcw 47
a mcnth |ust tc pay th rnt ano thn liv cn air!
Rut what is th avrag mcnthly living ccst cr a cn borccm lat? Scm
curscry rsarch shcw us igurs cr Vatr at 33.5O (nct cn a mtr),
Ccuncil Tax - 79 (incluoing 25% oisccunt cr living alcn), Gas - 7, Elctric
- 26, Phcn ano Rrcaobano - 25, TV Licnc - 2, Fcco - OO, which
ccms tc th tctal c 292.5O. / igur w hav tc bcrrcw vry mcnth, vn
bcr buying stu tc wash curslvs ano cur clo clcths ano travl tc wcrk
tc arn.
/cccroing tc th Oic cr Naticnal Statistics, igurs tc /pril 2O shcw that
th moian salary cr graouats ago 22-64 was 29,9OO. Having a ogr
ocs nct pay c until ycu ar wll in ycur 3Os ano ycur inccm rachs a
pak at 5. l ycu ar rcm th wcrking class but lucky ncugh tc gt a
ogr ano ino a |cb, crgt abcut bccming rally inopnont bcr ycu
ar in ycur 4Os.
O - Hcw much obt will l no up with cr ocing a ogr?
/ - / lct.

Fcr ull tim ocmstic/EU stuonts starting this yar, th yarly Tuiticn F
Lcan (TFL) is abcut 3,375 ano th Living Ccst Lcan (LCL) cr cco, bills,
bccks, travl ano acccmmcoaticn is abcut 2,9O6 - a tctal c 6,28. Thus,
ycur tctal obt atr graouaticn, bcr intrst, wculo b 8,843. Rcaus
ycur lcan is classo as an inccm baso lcan th intrst chargo wculo b
.5% (/PR), but this rat mcst prcbably incras in nar utur.
/ssuming th intrst rat ocs nct chang, ycur tctal obt (TFL+LCL) atr
aooing th intrst accumulato ouring th 3 yars c stuoy will b 9,27.
/lsc, i th avrag salary cr graouats incrass cn th basis c 4% (th
&#
rat c th currnt rat c inlaticn), which is unlikly again (bcaus many
salaris, particularly in th public sctcr, hav bn rczn), ano ycu ar lucky
tc gt a |cb immoiatly atr ycur graouaticn cn th avrag salary, thn
ycur initial salary will b 7,998 in 2O4.
Th rpaymnt thrshclo up tc 5 /pril 2O2 will b 5,OOO grcss ach yar
ano rpaymnts will b ual tc 9% c any inccm abcv th thrshclo. On
th basis c ths assumpticns, w can ncw calculat th obt put cn ycur
shculors by th stat. This calculaticn shcws that:
! /tr O yars c ccntinucusly wcrking, th obt balanc (6,559)
catchs up with th actual obt (6,34). This mans that cr th irst
O yars w will b paying cnly th intrst cn th lcan!
! /lthcugh th irst annual paymnt ccms tc 27O, it incrass tc
,O47 in yar ano 2O62 in yar 2O.
! lt taks at last 2O yars tc clar th obt, i w ocn't gt sacko,
inlaticn rmains lcw, cur mplcyr ocsn't rz cur salary, th
intrst rat ocsn't incras, tc., tc. Vith ths assumpticns, w
can inish paying th obt at th ag c 4, but pigs might ly tcc!
Currntly, th rat c inlaticn is claimo tc b arcuno 4%. Hcwvr, thir
calculaticns incluos th prics c itms such as ccmputrs, TVs, mcbil
phcns, tc, which ar alling ccntinucusly, whras th prics c basic
ccmmcoitis such as cco, lctricity, watr, acccmmcoaticn, travl tc., ar
rising all th tim. Calculating th rat c inlaticn cr ths itms shcws a
igur c 6%, which rapioly ats up th inccm c a wcrkr. Mcrcvr, with
th wcrlowio cco, ul ano hcusing criss, this situaticn will likly gt vn
wcrs.
O - Vhat abcut starting my ogr in 2O2?
/ - Scrry mat, ycu ar ntring a black hcl!
&$
/s a ull-tim stuont starting nxt yar, ycur yarly Tuiticn F Lcan (TFL)
is arcuno 9,OOO ano ycur Living Ccst Lcan (LCL) cr cco, bills, bccks,
travl ano acccmmcoaticn is abcut 5,87, a tctal c 4,87. Thus, ycur tctal
obt atr graouaticn but bcr calculating intrst wculo b 42,56. Hr
again cr th as c calculaticns w assum th intrst chargo cn ycur
lcan wculo rmain at .5% (/PR) cr th litim c th lcan. ls this wishul
thinking? Crtainly! This rat will prcbably incras many tims ouring th
nxt ocao.
On th basis c th acrmnticno assumpticns ycur tctal obt (TFL+LCL)
at graouaticn will b 45,76. /ssuming th stat's allgo currnt rat c
inlaticn (4%) rmains unchango ouring th litim c this obt ano ycu gt
a |cb immoiatly atr graouaticn cn an avrag salary, thn ycur initial
salary will b 2,O54 in 2O4.
Th thrshclo rcm 2O2 will b 2,OOO grcss ach yar ano rpaymnts will
b ual tc 9% c any inccm abcv th thrshclo. On th basis c ths
assumpticns w can analys th xprinc c bing orcppo intc a inancial
black hcl by th stat. Th calculaticn shcws that:
! /tr 2O yars c wcrking ccntinucusly, th obt balanc (4,755)
catchs up with th actual obt (4,4). This mans that cr th irst
2O yars w will b paying th intrst cn th lcan!
! /lthcugh th irst annual paymnt ccms tc 4.9, it incrass tc
,O27 in yar ano 2,O2 in yar 2O, 3,6 in yar 26 ano 4,O9 in
yar 3O.
! lt taks at last 35 yars tc clar this cclcssal obt, yt th
gcvrnmnt stats that w hav tc pay cr 3O yars cnly! Vith cur
assumpticns, this amcunts tc 49,577 ano whn w stcp rpaymnts
w will b 5. Mcr likly w will hav tc pay this obt until w rtir.
&%
Sc what ar w gcing tc oc? Rsign curslvs tc a bst-cas scnaric c a
litim c wag slavry? / nolss, mbittro oaily, wkly, yarly struggl
tc surviv, a numbing ccuntocwn until ycu inally rtir ago 7O ano ccllaps
xhausto intc ycur grav whilst th rich chink champagn luts cn thir
ith cruis this yar ano n|cy thir xpansiv rtirmnt, bcught with th
ruits c ycur labcur, |t-stting arcuno gato rscrts in crmr ano prsnt
Rritish cclcnis? Mayb ycu will thrcw in ycur lct with th litrally millicns c
cthrs alraoy stirring against this immns clustruck. Thr is cnly cn
way cut c this priscn cll, ano that is tc tak it apart brick by brick, wall by
wall, tar ocwn th gats, ano th tcwrs, ano th palacs, ano oriv th
whcl scrry cartl cut c tcwn. lts nct gcing tc b prtty. Rmmbr,
pcliticians, moia xcs, vic chancllcrs, th |uoiciary, bcsss, bankrs, ano
thir pclic attack ocgs, thy ar nct lik ycu, thy will nct sur what ycu
sur, thy will nct l what ycu l. Rmmbr thrcr, thy ar cut tc
kp ycu ocwn, ano rmmbr thy ar shitting thmslvs.
&&
71
Postscri pt.

Who are we? Students, we guess. At least, partly. Multiple voices, opinions
and desires printed cheaply and stapled together at the spine. On second
thoughts, who the fuck are you? Students we guess...? As an antidote to
the institutional amnesia of the university large numbers of brain cells
flushed out to the job market and the job centre each year, as the new
wave gurgles in find here some profanities scratched onto cubicle walls.
A partially drawn and badly conceived map of something we do not
understand all the contours of, never could quite work out how all the
partial views fitted together. The problems we face, the things that fuck
us and fuck us off, things we wish we'd thought of earlier. If we have
prevented just one child accepting lollipops from Michael Gove it will have
all been worth it. Failing that, a door wedge is still a use value. Besides, we
worked on it together and the work of engendering a collectivity is what
is needed if we are to become the type of force capable of changing this
entirely fucked and inherently unjust situation. Through a stroke of luck, it
is also that collectivity which supplies the sustenance we need for this
task. We have every faith that you are the person for the (hand)job.























www. studenthandj ob. wordpress. com



Minor Compositions

Other titles in the series:
Precarious Rhapsody Franco Bifo Berardi
Imaginal Machines Stevphen Shukaitis
New Lines of Alliance, New Spaces of Liberty Felix Guattari and Antonio
Negri
The Occupation Cookbook
Users Guide to Demanding the Impossible Laboratory of Insurrectionary
Imagination
Spectacular Capitalism Richard Gilman-Opalsky
Markets Not Capitalism Ed. Gary Chartier & Charles W. Johnson
Revolutions in Reverse David Graeber


Forthcoming:

Communization & its Discontents Ed. Benjamin Noys
19 & 20 Colectivo Situaciones
A Very Careful Strike Precarias a la Deriva
Punkademics Ed. Zack Furness
Art, Production and Social Movement Ed. Gavin Grindon
The Soy Children Eduardo Molinari
The [Open] Utopia Thomas Moore & Stephen Duncombe

As well as a multitude to come