The Economy This week, Mervyn King said: “There are real differences of view among the Monetary

Policy Committee.” This is true. Some had the steak, others went for the slightly larger steak. And no one could agree on wines. Vince Cable has bullishly defended the Coalition from critics who claim that trying to eliminate the deficit in four years is going too far, too fast. Critics like Vince Cable in April last year. Chancellor George Osborne recently said that there “was no Plan B” for the economy, deciding, in a surprise move, to boast about not being prepared for contingencies. He then outlined his plans to make sure his house didn’t burn down by failing to insure it, and to guarantee constant, sunny Mediterranean weather by only ever dressing in Bermuda shorts and a oversized sombrero. George Osborne blamed the economy’s troubles on the snow, expressing his hatred for the substance 17 times in one interview. The only situation in which heavy snowfall was acceptable, he made clear, is on a skiing holiday. Net lending has fallen to its lowest level since 1999. And most of what was caught in them had to be thrown back into the sea. George Osborne managed to ensure that control orders were renamed TPIMs, after two of his favourite drinks. The other being the blood of orphaned children. George Osborne said: “You wouldn’t give up a fitness programme because it rained when you went for your first run.” However, if, when I went for my first run, unemployment rose, GDP fell, and the country threatened to move into a double-dip recession I might, George. I just might… In a speech in Newcastle last month, Mervyn King urged pay restraint. He noted that, in real terms, wages hadn’t gone up since 2005. Except for his, making him the second-highest paid governor of a central bank in the world. In responding to record youth unemployment figures, David Cameron highlighted what the government was doing to get young people into work. Like auctioning off jobs at a Tory-party fundraiser. Fears have been expressed that youth employment figures may lead to a 'lost generation'. It is a lot like 'Lost'. We're all trapped on an island, governed by a malevolent force which does awful things for no apparent reason, and we've all been resigned to it just ending badly since about 2006. The Bank of England has missed its inflation target in 20 of the last 24 months and has said that they don't expect to hit it again this year. There's a name for a target you're not aiming for and don't expect to hit. It's... oh no, there isn't a word because such a thing doesn't exist. Except in the mind of Mervyn King.

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