Addam Swapp statement, Sept.

27, 2012,parole hearing
Utsh Board of Pardons member Jesse Gallegos traveled to the Phoenix Federal Correctional Institute to conduct a hearing with Addam Swapp, who has spent about 25 years in prison on federal and state convictions for his role in a 1988 standoff in Marion, Utah, that ended in the shooting death of Correctional Officer Fred House. Swapp has completed a lS-year federal sentence and is now serving up to 15 years on a state manslaughter charge. At the end ofthe hearing, an emotional Sy)app read a statement. A transcription of that
statement

follov,s:

First, I would like to address all the people I've hurt through my wrong actions. I'm so sorry for pain I've caused so many people, most especially to the House family. all the
To the House family, I want to say publicly I'm so very sorry for having caused Fred's death. I'm so very sorry for having caused your family such deep grief and pain for all these many years. could, I'd like to tell you, Fred, publicly I'm so sorry for causing your death. I was so wrong in what I did by blowing up the church and by resisting anest.

IfI

I know now that you only wanted a peaceful end to the standoff. I'm sorry that I caused you to miss out in life with your family and their love and society, especially in the lives ofyour children and in the love and companionship ofyour wife. I hope somehow God will let you hear on the other side these words from my heart. Dear Fred, I am so very, very sorry for causing your death. I pray that you would forgive me for causing your death and for all the heartache I've caused your family all these many years. I stand ashamed for what I did, Fred, to you and to your family, and I know I don't deserve it but I hope that you can forgive me for what I have done to you.

I am sorry to you, Am, that I caused the death ofyour husband and father of your children. I'm so sorry for the deep heartache I've caused you and for all the years of sorrow you've gone through because of me. I'm sorry that your children had to grow up without their father to love them, to watch over them, to guide and teach them. I'm sorry for the years of hardship I've caused you by making you
to raise your children on your own. I truly am sorry, Ann, for all the pain and sorrow I've cause you and your family. I'm so ashamed for what I've done to you. I don't deserve it but I pray that one day you and your family might find it in your heart to forgive me.
a single parent who had

I'm so sorry to you, Fred's children, that I caused the death ofyour dad. I'm so very sorry. I'm so very sorry that I caused him not to be there for you throughout your childhood, to love and be loved by him. I'm also very sorry that because of me and my wrong actions you are without him now in your adult lives. I feel great shame and sorrow for what I've caused you and your families to suffer. I know I don't deserve it but I pray you might find it in your hearts someday to forgive me for all the hurt and pain I've caused you. I'm sorry to you, Fred's mom and dad. I'm sony that I caused your son's death. I can only imagine the pain and sorrow I've caused you. I wish I could go back in time and change it all but I know I can't. I'm so sorry that I can't. I'm so sorry for the great heaftache and sorrow I've caused you. The actions of my past shame me. I pray that the actions of my present and future might somehow make amends for my past. I am embarrassed and ashamed for all the hurt and sonow I've caused you. I'm so sorry. I hope that you could someday forgive me for what I've done.

I'm sorry to all ofyou who are Fred's brothers and sisters and to your children. I'm so sorry that ofyour brother. I'm sorry that because of my wrong actions you have been without his love and support, without his daily presence in your lives. I am deeply sorrow that I caused you the sorrow and heartache. I'm sorry your children have had to grow up without their Uncle Fred in their lives. I'm so very sorry. I am so ashamed of what I did and how I acted and all the pain I caused you all to suffer. I know I don't deserve it but I hope one day you could find it in your hearts to forgive me.

I

caused the death

I'm also very sorry for all the pain I've caused my own family. Mom and dad, I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused you for what I did and for the many years I've been in prison. I've watched you grow old, traveling year after year, to all the different prisons I've been in all over the country, faithfully coming to see me, bringing my little kids with you. I've caused you to suffer so much. I'm so very sorry. I know you've forgiven me, that's just the way you are. But I need to say it publicly. Please, mom and dad, forgive me for all the sorrow and heartache I've caused you to suffer. I pray that God will let me be able to somehow make it up to you.
To my dear children [names ofhis six children deleted]. I am so sorry for all the pain and hearlache I have caused you to suffer because of my wrong actions. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you as you've growrr up. I'm sorry for the embarrassment you had to suffer under being known as my children. I'm sorry for not being able to help you through all the problems ofyour life. I know you love me ald have forgiven me, but I need to say it publicly. Please forgive me, my dear children, for all the pain and sorrow I've caused you in your life. I hope that, God willing, I can somehow make it up to you in the years that lie ahead. To my dear wife, Charlotte. I'm sorry for all the pain and sorrow that I've caused you to suffer all these years by not being out there for you. I wished I could have given you a whole other life. Thank you for always being there for me. I pray that I can make it up to you in the years that remain of our

lives.
To my siblings [names of his seven siblings deleted]. I'm sorry for all the humiliation and embarrassment I've caused you over the years having been associated with me and the crime I committed. I know it hasn't been easy for you. I'm also sorry for not having been there for you as your older brother to be part of your lives. I'm so sorry. I hope you could please forgive me. I hope I will be able to make it up to you in the years that lie ahead. To the Singer family, I am sorry for all the pain and sonow that you've had to endure through the years for my wrong actions. I thought I was doing the right thing back then, but I've come to know that what I did was wrong and hurt many people, and you are among the many people that I hurt. I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me for it. To the Mormon church, I'm sorry for the destruction ofyour church and for the embarrassment brought you. I was wrong in what I did against you. I hope that you can forgive me as an organization and as individuals.

I

I'm sorry to the people of Kamas and my neighbors. I'm sorry for the fear that I engendered by my wrong actions by breaking the law. I was wrong in what I did and my actions were so very wrong. I'm sorry and I'm ashamed. I hope that each of you that was affected by my actions might be able to forgive me for what I did. I desire when I get out of prison to live my life in such
a manner that

my family, friends,

neighbors and community would find my presence in their lives a beneflt and a blessing.

I have fully set my heart, with all my energy, upon pursuing with all my life the love of Jesus in all my affairs. Of living my life according to the peace and love that he taught, and of following the example he left us, an example of humility and love, that I might never again cause such hurt to another human being. I am not the same person I was when I came to prison. My core beliefs have completely changed. I am completed opposed to the violent acts I committed which got me sent to prison. Those violent acts went confary to the beautiful teachings of love and peace taught to us by Jesus, Jesus whom I desire to sewe with al1 my heart. I fully believe now that love is the answer to all conflict, that humility is at the very heart ofrighteousness and is a blessing to all men.
What I believed back then before I came to prison I now realize was full of pride, ego and selfcenteredness. Though I thought I saw the truth, my heart was blind to the teachings ofJesus, blind to my arrogancy, blind to my own sins. My actions were not a blessing to my fellow man, rather they were a curse. The beliefs I held in my past were wrong and caused me to act with violence. Breaking down of my wrongful beliefs and replacing them with truly Christ-centered beliefs has been a long, slow process and many elements have contributed to this process ofchanging me from who I was then to the man I am now. The length of time that I've been incarcerated as well as the many experiences throughout my prison history have contributed to this process. The end result is that I have come away with a complete change of heart and a radically new way oflooking at life.

I pray daily that the Lord would bless and heal Fred's wife and all of his family. I will, for the rest of my life, when I pray for my own family pray for Fred's family, every day. I am most sincere in my change of heart. I am truly trying to follow the teachings of Jesus and I will endeavor to do so for the rest of my life. I have read the New Testament through many times. It is not the only book I read but I try to start and finish each day by spending time planting these beautiful words in my heart. I am learning that for me to live a life pleasing unto the Lord, in accordance with Jesus' teachings, I must not only love God with all my heart, I must also love my fellow man, who was created in the image of God, as I love myself I am to call no man my enemy, but I am to look upon all men as my neighbor and as my brother. I wish I held these beliefs back then. I am so sorry for all the people that I have hurt, especially to Fred's family. I do hope that one day they might forgive me for what I have done.

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