Ace of Swords Swords are primarily weapons, although more obviously in western culture nowadays an insignia of rank.

Pondering on the modern day equivalent and that s obviously guns. In films women are rarely seen using swords, although might be portrayed with a knife, but in modern movies they are routinely shown as using guns, killing and behaving violently. This is a Caduceus, is it not, a symbol of healing and medicine. Okay. Swords, knives are also used to heal. As instruments of surgery. As straightforward tools for cutting, in various forms. Saws and scissors for example. Knives for eating. It's an incredibly primary implement is it not?. Presumably based on animal claws or such. Is their a such.? Started with stone instruments and flint I suppose. Don't know how long ago that was. All those films, such as the Three Musketeers, so thrilling. Robin Hood films. All kinds of sword play. Incredible to have grown up in a culture where killing of one or many humans, by another was routinely portrayed. Never got any pleasure out of the notion of killing. Occurs to me it wasn’t that that loomed so large, t’was the build up to the action. That was so enjoyable, so exciting, not the final moment. Still enjoy adventure movies, but not splatter fests, with a high blood count ,body's falling all over the place. Really does turn my stomach. Enjoyed Predators 2, but the opening sequence is one of the most wearing I've ever seen. The film is almost divided into two parts. That violent opening run; and then it's like a door opens, and the mysterious second phase begins. Always made me consider, that inversion. All powerful humans on the receiving end of what is so readily dispensed, by so many ,given the opportunity.

and which were the tail that wagged the dog that’s the mind'. in certain contexts. perception. that I’m pondering upon what mind is using the mind itself !! (At a Glance Wikipedia. Don't always feel like it but I find something rewarding about this and always experience a sense of satisfaction when I reach the bottom. That was all completely off the cuff and triggered by once again taking a random card from a pack of 78 Tarot cards and setting out to fill a close line A. I've got there. Great fun . I presume. the working of the human unconscious or the conscious thoughts of animals. away from everybody and everything. alone. and then . This denotation sometimes includes. mind is the stream of consciousness. with the swords at ready and at rest. will and imagination. On top of that I don't actually know what mind is. and it's generally associated with meditation. great fun and so well put together. which is of course not helped by the fact . Now despite having practised same for over 30 years I wouldn’t be able to say what it is. Have explored various techniques.Two of Swords. and then. swords in that position. which are part of the mind. in the night. and am much less knowing now than then. emotion.finally. First a quip about lady ninjas. ’’to coin a phrase''. by the sea. Meditation is. "Mind" is often used to refer especially to the thought processes of reason. A number of initial responses. page. A brief flurry of remembering Angelina Jolie in that first Lara Croft film. memory. overbearing. back to this card and she’s sitting on a rock. Mind collectively refers to the aspects of intellect and consciousness manifested as combinations of thought. largely because of that dress. putting the mind aside. A picture of the four of swords surfaces. which I don't see. 'being a lady Ninja in a dress like that is going to give you a few problems. but which are now dramatically less in conflict. or isn't. and don't rule the mind in the way they did. . All the characters worked. It's about meditation. Yes. It includes all of the brain's conscious processes. ) It occurs to me that by going into meditation I’ve changed my relationship with ego and conscience. wearing a blindfold. all the hair.4.

If one hundred people each give us one hurt point at the same time. Had some dealings with a fifty year old online. and my aunt. or the expectations of the other. and I was torn between seeing myself as always the bad guy and always the good guy. more and more. will set in motion events so that the other feels hurt. we experience the hurt as a hundred times greater than anything we dispense. dealt with it by choosing to see myself as the villain. However have come to understand that if we have one hundred hurt points to dispense and we dispense one point at a time to one hundred people it is spread out. As I got older. although it took me such time to deal with the fact that people actually walked the earth who saw themselves as having been wronged by me. A symbol for both 'victim' and 'perp. ( she was the same age as me) Mind you she hasn't changed much at all. I now see. I will feel hurt because of my own or the expectations of the other. not sometimes one or the other. Not written this down before. after having had another row with someone.) My experience of people is that almost without exception.) Came to see this as 'riding two horses at once‘. Either good or bad. The fifty eight year old brother still hasn't realised he's wrong sometimes. At the age of about nineteen. and becomes incensed if questioned. who’s violent. Problems with people get greater as the gap between who they are and who they think they are widens. and that is exactly what it was like. abusive. and don’t get me started on a discussion of what is good and bad. A sobering moment. they see themselves as wronged by the other. In the case of the online individual. that everybody in the world couldn't be wrong but me. more particularly my teenage aunt. and developed a great big fat ego around that. either because of my. there is no overlap between what they . we grow up with the idea that we have to choose between what we have been taught to perceive as incompatible notions. Was as though there was two me's.'. early twenties. depending on the circumstances. but of course the reverse is true. that I will have done things that. That either or view of the world. because. even mildly and the behaviour is that of a spoilt teenager. had the salutary experience of having to acknowledge. Fascinating. ( we get hurt and hurt people) and it seems so obvious when on paper. regularly lays into people without excuse without any provocation.Three of Swords. at work one day.(Sorry about the clumsiness. (Talking now about everything that went on with people in general.

are and what they think they are. . so it becomes impossible to not offend them.

Had always got on great. to ask me to be his godfather. and then before that only got as far as the churchyard and before that for ever. unless of course the inquisition comes back.) The youngest son of two close friends. which seems to me not entirely unlikely. . I must say. then presented it as a fait accompli to his parents. Has a vague look of a particular Pre-Raphaelite painting. Talk about dilemma. Such an excellent rendering based on the Waite Smith Four of swords. Couldn’t have said no to him. it was a useful experience. because I felt neither defensive nor aggressive in that place. Mum and dad. so it's another symbol of death. but for me. personally. Not sure I'd be very good at dealing with physical torture. although now he's seventeen he's appalled by who he was at that age and we’ve had conversations which lead to me saying that he should give his younger self a break. the crowd that little lad got together in a church. but in a way no dilemma at all. Godfather and godmother. both born Irish Catholics. at that time. It was almost funny really. The whole thing meant an awful lot to him. an image. and was deeply touched by the fact that he apparently asked me off his own back. (Haven't been in a Christian Church for a good number of years. the name of which I can't recall. Various friends of the family. although it occurs to me its the first time I've seen such a representation where the figure’s female. and it was good to know I’ve become fairly untouched by those people. who at best don't want to know about such things.Four of Swords. it was about five years ago. all fallen from grace in the eyes of the Christian Church. Uncles and Aunts. The things one does for kids. or its Christian imagery that relates to death. because such are found on tombs in Christian Churches. over and above giving my little mate something he wanted. but I see a tomb. The tarot experts consider it to be something to do with meditation. decided he wanted to be christened and rang me one evening. which has always thrown me.

Have of course come across left wing and liberal bullies I must add. although never able to relate to the mentality of those who get pleasure from behaving in this way. albeit coated in sugar. and when I say squeal I mean it.) Maybe my first conscious. Suppose it's what left wing. with a kid called Terry Doyle. but I reckon my theory would stand up to some kind of statistical analysis. and I’m pleased to say I got the others to stop.) He was the class geek. Have a theory that individuals who rated Robin Hood in those stories end up as left wingers. still makes me squirm. kept himself to himself. all these years later. Seared on the memory. which wasn't that difficult. liberals. completely unable to relate to anyone very well. in a way that the pack they’re based on doesn’t. (We had no real bad eggs in the class. Laughing jeering bully. and very timid. and although it's never occurred to me before. Just silly. liberal politics is about really. the way these cards so often remind me of adventures. (You see. and those who were on the side of the Sheriff of Nottingham (You know who you are. those values are rooted in empathy are they not? The brother is extremely right wing and I just realised shows no understanding. and I heard.Five of Swords. . are bullies. It's strange for me. heard the distress in his voice. and an incident occurred which to my chagrin.)are right wing because most right wing women and men politicos. because something similar had happened to me at a previous school and I’d run for it. for anyone. which culminated in him squealing 'leave me alone'. semiconscious experience of empathy. Had a tendency as I got older to champion the underdog. incidences from schooldays. It was shit. or fellow feeling at all. Recall an occurrence at the start of grammar school. and I’ve come to feel dispassionate about people like that.

binding. Painting. Maybe some of those collective things that people did when they didn't have much were cohesive. be involved. but got to a point of life where so many of the things I wanted to do meant I had to get on with it on my own. We go alone. I’ll be accused of being a Communist. . We had travelled to Margate in a charabanc. Yoga and meditation in groups. and I've just come upon it. Grandmother was alive and I'm sure she was with us. but much as I like the idea in principle I have a big no in practice. In the Fifties. Involvement in voluntary groups.' Can't have been more than five. Did years of involvement in collective cooperative things. in a positive way. in the apartment block. this very moment. It's good to be able to go alone and involve one's self collectively it occurs to me. Filling it with kids and beer and sandwiches and lemonade and mums and dads and uncles and aunts and heading off to the seaside. We are at a fairground in Margate. Community theatre. Mother was only 24. She must have been devastated. Maybe pooling of resources is a good thing. Writing. That's how it is. but maybe stuff like that was a good thing. Political involvement. Exercise. Eventually we go alone. Bereft. On the carousel. Can see myself looking up at father. Past a certain point we go alone. Events like that don't happen much now. Collectively organised social stuff. Hiring a coach. organises get together trips for inhabitants who want to join in. Keep it up and mostly it's a solitary affair. Such is life. She was the eldest of a large collection. The whole family must have been. hear me. Gosh. A British institution. The residents association here. ‘Where’s mum'?' ‘She's over their. Would never have made it to India if I hadn't been able to set out on my own.Six of Swords. Meditation. one way or the other. Not much of one for being nostalgic about the past. She died when I was five. The only vague memory I have of her.

how I should feel. in about '85. well it does. which first manifested in a really comfortable way. Base all decisions.The Seven of Swords. That was a huge jump. Took on board Christianity as a seven-year old. This image is so close to the Waite Smith version and yet doesn’t evoke in me the same ambivalence. Well that's not new. and in particular ideas about individuals in authority. theft is only okay when self-preservations an issue. and I said yes to that. but I realise at this moment (another new one on me) that it was okay to feel bad about feeling bad about violent people in authority. that I became aware that when working a painting.) and loathed and felt guilty and defensive about how I felt. Actually find it pleasing. the introvert point. I came to realise. with every word that Osho said. which confuses. and then. how I should behave. and having said that the card doesn’t have the ambivalence of the Waite Smith. on what I feel. This guy looks far too healthy to be stealing to survive. or ideas versus feelings. in ninety one. Could go on and write about attitudes to theft. I've come across extra ordinarily violent women and men in positions of authority (not physically. although I continued in the area of life to do with people to be torn between ideas and feelings. when I took up painting. Began to see how torn I’d been between feelings and ideas about people. and easy-going as I am. Feelings and ideas. about everything. but that was another step in becoming comfortable with honouring and acting through feelings. . because it's a stereotype of the sneaking thief. The extrovert position. It wasn't until art school. does it not?. Torn between ideas and feelings. and so I move on. of making every decision according to how I felt.

not knowing which way to turn because of that. and by adding to it the practise of Wu Wei. which had brought things to a head anyway. and certainly not consciously up until then. Can recall standing by a door working on a decision about opening or shutting it. Came to meditation well read. The young woman being offered to King Kong. . Frightening. a new project. The worse experience for me being a spell in the early days of meditation. which was given to me by a friend five years previously. ‘staying with it until the change comes by itself‘. and I most certainly didn't understand that then . entitled ‘Zen flesh. I’d never read it. not something I’d ever really gone into in my life.Eight of Swords. by Paul Reps. When in doubt I would restrain myself and keep restraining myself until something happened spontaneously again (living in the head is the absolute opposite of spontaneity. and that understanding was to apply waiting. Zen Bones. Found my way out of that hole when I began to go more deeply into meditation. A maze. Yes an ultimate idea helped sort out or find a way through a maze of ideas. The maiden being sacrificed to the Dragon. Understand moments like that to be about being so caught up with ideas. and one of my phrases that relates to it is. being in the head. St George will come along soon to perform a rescue. is the spontaneity killer) and once I'd started something. and every idea is then the subject of scrutiny from the vantage point of many other ideas. Active non doing. I owned a book. Round about this time I opened that book and caught a few lines. although as soon I write it. which I interpreted. My view of this image has always been about being trapped in a maze of ideas. but can see now it was a bit of a turning point. Never made the connection between classical art and film iconography before. A Taoist concept or idea. seems pretty obvious. which I did not start until about three years later and it worked. but not about 'spiritual' matters. when being in my head came to a head. although I’ve just realised the latter was a second phase. I got my spontaneity back. but in this version King Kong did the rescuing. pain or pleasure I would keep going. again unconsciously. no matter what I went through. and began to practise my understanding of what is called Wu Wei or active non doing. unconsciously ensnared by conflicting information. and so on and so on.

of fellow feeling. no distractions. and it actually kicked in when I started to drink. continued until I stopped. nice. Strewth but this pack of cards is twee.' (Incredibly vivid and unusual imagery. although I did realise in retrospect I found the incident exciting as well. and that was seriously disturbing at the time. All those syrupy colours. Usually seemed to be tied to that feeling of failure. Did when I drank and did drugs. It was as though my throat seized. which doesn't relate to what's going on. that’s true. Is that just sugar coating the poison on the part of the author? Being on a downer does happen to ordinary people in ordinary settings. Such a miserable number. off hand.Nine of Swords. but never the works. about everything. Probably culled from all those Victorian novels I read as a kid. God. and all verbal responses had ceased. Do recall getting a new Tarot pack. Been ages. 'The Navigators Tarot of the Mystic Sea. Waking early. but I had ideas that things should be different to the way they were. Pretty girls who live well. do wake in the middle of the night distressed. Occasionally get early morning low blood sugar lows. . Had so many unrealistic expectations. Have woken from a nightmare. when. and in particular a complete failure about how I got on with people. with something weighing. Completely normally I’ve come to realise. head filled with an even more intense flow of imagery than usual. alone. Just looked more closely and felt a flurry of feeling. but can't say. nice representation. 'The Darkest Hour is just before Dawn'. heart pounding.) and waking. Thrown completely to the self. Can't even recall the last time I felt like that.

very particularly in tabloid newspapers. The remorseless sneering and jeering has always made my flesh crawl. and I’ve heard of friends being badly hurt. actually a rephrase will help here. Everybody believes their violence is valid and it's the others that’s wrong. Most people seem pretty sound. Only ever seen someone with a black eye.Ten of Swords . Always found something unpleasant about the habitual vilification and abuse of anyone in public life. words and language. Don't think there’s any harm in the former. It's something we hear about. both aspects of the mind. but then It always seems to be the case. People laying into others for absolutely no reason and then getting even more angry. Television programmes in which the routine slaughter. but I am shocked I’ve become so inured to the ongoing stream of it. far away. I hear about. Haven't encountered a lot. but that's another issue. Always made a distinction between friction. It really is a specific assertion about that. Rather shocked. and it's true of every version I've seen. both woman and men. although of course in recent years much more closely. physically at least. I’ve certainly come across more overtly verbally and emotionally violent people than I generally have to deal with in my ongoing life. No one tampers. Wow! . and violence. schoolboy violence. Not considered this in this way before. that always seems to me to be happening at its worse somewhere else. and a declaration about violence in general. more aggressive and violent when challenged. and within the tabloid press the violence of the writers. Because the theme is swords its to do with mind. because of course there is violence to do with feeling. a testimony about the violence that goes with ideology. The worst kind of school girl. battering of people is completely normal. and more. and expectation. but not seen it happen and not seen them until they’d got over it. Have always seen a pretty obvious statement in this card about being ganged up on. the violence of the newspapers is always handled from that moral high ground. Probably adds frisson to life. abrasion. I've encountered such a lot of verbally and emotionally violent people on chat board's. As soon as I write that down I realise that in one way or the other non physical violence is around all the time. First I realise I've never seen the outcome of this degree of brutality.

We don't have just one. it's about a representation of truth. to me. have only have one identity now but am very clear about who I want to be involved with. idea. reckon most women do act differently amongst other women in the absence of men. Seen a straight mate squirm on meeting straight friends.Page of Swords. how involved. a woman. because he’s been caught in the compromising situation of the company of an obviously gay man. a loudly effeminate gay man. (Am fully aware the explosive discussion we can get into about that one. instead of jumping from one ’persona' to another. so don't nag!) Then it occurs. for brother. for male teachers. Robin Wood. and during the incident I’m recalling he was introduced to the new blokes who all seemed to take a shine to him. for father. So. One for mother. as I probably did when younger . We certainly don't when younger. so I suppose I'm now always me behaving differently depending who I'm communicating with. completely incongruous and I would like to say to the author. Although I'm sure things are not as strongly different as at one time. One for friends. Recall so often when younger the discomfort of being with someone gay and meeting up with straight friends. Identity. Would feel so torn. have seen girls behave like this. maybe you. For women teachers. The gay guy. so effeminate and yet utterly likeable. Get the feeling. and with teachers it depends how we get on with them. as men behave differently amongst each other in the absence of women. riding two horses at once. Was squirming myself and felt such a shit. That's an issue. for enemies. God this image grates. 'The tarot isn't about presenting an image of the world as you want it to be. trapped. so loud.

Don't seem to want to pursue the aforementioned topic. she not? If we're lucky. And that's nearly half a page covered. . Today’s card evokes little for me. for a page. dancing in attendance. She represents our main ego does. The suns shining from behind that grey storm cloud and the sky's pretty much filled with them. Gets me to be more considered than I would. and once that’s happened I can ramble on. a beautiful dominant figure holds sway in our minds. This is a point of blogging really. is a cultivated plant . which helps. She’s holding the sword in an upright position and looks as though she's offering it to someone whose outside the picture frame. Page filled. had the right breaks. or those of my fellows who take time to read the post. who are in the imagination. waiting. red rose. so back to the Queen of Swords. Sorry to be so abrupt. out of sight. and don't get me started on that dress. at the very least. who are not part of the court. although that bush. That’s it. Being a somewhat sociable man I’m concerned. or maybe a resistance to even an attempt at response. experience they’ve been communicated with. plainly she's high status. while she the dominant self interacts with others. watching.) and realised how specifically addressed the musings were. She's out in the open.The Queen of Swords. A very cool scene. to an extent. and so out of sight are a large number of people in attendance. whilst in the background. to adapt so that my fellows. our other smaller ego courtiers are plotting. realised that although it doesn't loom that large anymore. Finished. waiting to take over any moment. (Getting going is the deal. Given that she’s dressed like that. and a very telling and verdant looking plant it is. on what looks like moor land. to start the piece. or we've gone to a lot of effort to make it so. I know there’s a possibility of someone reading the post and I’ve been making more effort than I might because of that. Began to mull over a phrase or two.

coupled often with the fearlessness of inexperience. but I get there more slowly. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. Suppose I could go into that. no longer naive to the fact that there’s always something in the new that will be enjoyed and something that wont. throw themselves into new my early thirties. now I still go into the water. The phrase 'youth is wasted on the young' is almost a cliche. not so much taking risk. as being completely innocent of the fact that there’s any risk involved at all. Useful analogy might be that as a kid I raced down the beach and hurled myself head long into the waves. Charging into things. because all teenagers and twenty something’s are not exactly the same. Getting mocked by people of a similar age. Did so much.Knight of Swords . and set off for India. but I won't. and younger. or naivete. Teenagers and twenty something’s. getting into trouble. of a certain temperament. threw myself into it. to avoid writing about this. The idea that only people under a certain age make mistakes is as ridiculous as the suggestion that anyone over a certain age is incapable of being original. Impetuosity of youth. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I walk down the street. still swim. explore the new. what a load of ballocks. have never ceased to do that. stayed for a year and a half. and that eventually ran down . Chapter 1 . that I’ve used to trigger writing in a daily journal. so all manner of new things get opened up. who were stuffy and pompous in a way that fits the stereotype of middle-aged. explored and shared. if you choose to say it that way . but something eventually changed and although I continue to take risks. The final image in the third pack of tarot cards. Was most definitely like this. it's a 'hoary old chestnut'. and I found another adventure. write about writing. is a fuddy-duddy. because I’m no longer innocent. with anyone whose open to the sharing. and increasingly includes girls. things that are fresh to them. Bloody fantastic say I. which once upon a time was mostly just about lads. definitely go more carefully now.

I fall in. it's a habit. I know where I am. But it isn't my fault.. I pretend I don't see it.. I see it is there. I am helpless. I can't believe I am in the same place. I am lost . It takes forever to find a way out.. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk down the same street. Chapter 5 I walk down another street. I walk around it. I still fall in .. It isn't my fault. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. . I fall in again. It is my fault. Chapter 3 I walk down the same street. I get out immediately. Chapter 2 I walk down the same street. My eyes are open. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 4. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

'You shall not pass. Recently got myself a 32 inch flat screen TV and have to say my only regret about it is that I didn’t give myself a bigger one. As soon as I turned the card over I pictured Kirk Douglas in ‘The Viking'. Recall being enthralled by the Viking film as a kid.' I've read the book more times than I can count. so watching the film was easy. Have a great capacity for suspension of disbelief when watching film. Was possibly about 13 or 12.King of Swords. although it occurs to me any decently made film that holds attention will trigger in the right situation musings with a bit of depth. The way the King of Swords is standing in that image then triggers a picture of Gandalf. but must say I really enjoyed it enormously. He remade 'King Kong. Only got me a DVD player about three years ago. Yeah! I do enjoy films. 'The 13th Warrior'. especially on DVD. and will almost certainly catch it again sometime. Have it on DVD. but not for years. The 13th Warrior is also terrific and I’ve watched it three times. Have reservations. which led to a few months bout of watching many films. and then I acquired my flat screen and that triggered another spell of pigging out on movie. but overall the film is so good I give Jackson an A. Not sure. It was well done. which I get the impression was not well received. and more recently the 13th Warrior. Don’t recall much detail. but my imagination is filled with a stream of colourful image's without sound. all mixed up with some from a film which starred Antonio Bandera’s. in that resolute pose on the bridge in the mines of Moria. Hm! Viking warrior in a tarot pack triggers ponderings about movies. Tend to like strong visual imagery and thrills. so it would have been in Malta. May have seen the former in Malta. Will almost certainly watch it again. Excellent! . along with Tony Curtis. Terrific! A great achievement. but occasionally deep and meaningful is good. roaring at the Balrog.

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