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january 1 2013 i drive away and return 3 times to you the rst meal of the new year is my sleeping

ngers and exploding collarbone the man i catch a ride with is on his third day of hallucinogenic drugs i regret giving him my $5 for gas money it could have bought me a nice long sleep at the bottom of your arms january 2 2013 ate an orange (this may be the cold weather talking) ate dark chocolate (there are growing pains in my ribcage) ate stir fry broccoli (my inability to breathe comes from) ate molding peanuts (a lack of understanding of any human body besides yours) january 3 2013 walking past the sex books in the library on purpose you tell me "i am going to come into your work with an erotic story" there is nothing desirable about recurring nightmares there is nothing sexy about a month long panic attack yet still those books will always remind me of you january 4 2013 in an email i wrote to my parents i triedunsuccessfullyto describe the patch of carpet in the back corner of my room that has never been walked on january 5 2013 i would make a list of every plot continuity problem in my life it would ll up a notebook, a trendy black one with 200 pages, unlined cream paper despite the book's heavy possibility of being acceptable coffee table reading material i would throw it out the window on i-5 during the month of october please citizens of seattle, run it into the ground tear it apart like you've done to every pair of my socks for 19 years

january 6 2013 ways i have loved you like a 13 year-old on re a quiet and freezing conversation with the back of your head rushed, dying in a carpeted basement, scared of the mob quickly ascending an outdoor escalator at the clackamas town center mall crying in front of a high school junior varsity assistant basketball coach bleeding longing as i piss off the st. john's bridge on new year's eve the thin layer of syrup slowly congealing on an empty plate of pancakes on the phone at the bottom of a ravine after your jeep wrangler ips 7 times a hushed plea in an elementary school playground with the quiet desperation of a quickly fading dream january 7 2013 the entropy of brains drastically increases at certain times of the year: holidays, midnights, fth cups of sickeningly strong coffee periods of time marked by the anxiety of ngernails cut too close neurons unravel and i am just happy to think about the winter time january 8 2013 when i wake up i want to be a seventh grader my rst girlfriend liked me because she thought i was "sportsy" i laugh at the idea now but at least then it was a possibility when i weighed 85 pounds i didn't know the pain of a tted sheet january 9 2013 i have won 2 talent shows by doing the napoleon dynamite dance in full costume when i answer the phone my mom invariably greets me with "you're alive?" my sisters talk about how cute a baby i was and then ask what happened i suppose it is important to point out that this question is indeed poignant; it took months to regret the mullet i had for a period of time in high school

january 10 2013 journal of a man living in close proximity to an air force base: i have many late night conversations with my palm and upper wrist "i am tired" i tell them, to which they nod and suggest i go to sleep earlier my REM cycle has never been this fucked up every part of my body is suffering through my nonexistent sleep schedule january 11 2013 when i meet new people this is what i ask them "do you remember your rst ever slice of pizza?" january 12 2013 i wonder how many hours i have spent in this stairwell there are spiders in the windowpanes whose hinges are bolted shut my pattern is this: pace pace pace sit you talk to me like a music library on shufe and every motion reminds me of the middle of november when these panes freeze and crack at the audio of my speakerphone that is when ill believe in the physics of your heels rubbing slowly against mine in an eighth grade sleeping bag january 13 2013 draft of a black ink tattoo in my handwriting that will spiral around my left bicep: im sorry for everything text is repeated until it reaches elbow or eyes stop watering whichever comes rst january 14 2013 it is january the skin on my penis slowly grows back i get a longing for something more

january 15 2013 a love poem for the nerve endings in my ngertips: Alan Watts- Death - Pt. 1 of 2.mp4 Palpatine vs Mace Windu and the Jedi Comparison Edit.mp4 Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith - Yoda vs. Sidious [720p].mp4 Bob Ross Splendor of Winter.mp4 i have become the people i can't understand january 16 2013 i touched my forehead today and found that it was bleeding rubbing it gently with my wrist left a z-shaped stain on my white collared shirt i nd your blood between my legs and we both cry in our yellow tent 6 months later it is january and for 12 hours for 12 whole hours my body is remembering yours january 17 2013 with consistency i mistakenly think it is 2012 despite everything feeling different i still do it i have felt upside down before it is a god damn relief to feel sideways january 18 2013 i am addicted to the air at train stations how many people have been threatened here? i read in the news that at least one baby has been born in this waiting room this chair i am sitting in has stains the chair next to me has a small hole in the back it is the size of a bullet wondering about everything when your train comes in i kiss you and we will leave and somewhere a baby is being born

january 19 2013 wake me up in a second or two in my dreams i am writing this poem with the tips of your dyed hair i am drawing us across the scars on my back january 20 2013 oh my god i can't believe i took a picture of us and neither of us is naked january 21 2013 a physical wave of tiredness hits me when i remember skate world it takes 4 limbs to count the number of birthday parties i attended there 4 limbs, 19 years, and the 25 cents i spent sending a red plastic rose to myself january 22 2013 i am growing up like weeds like dandelions i exist momentarily soon enough i will shake this off you will nd me underground i am tangled roots and last september's leaves january 23 2013 in my dream i rob a subway with an ex-girlfriend i stuff my messenger bag full of foot-long italian herbs and cheese bread as she steals the banana peppers i am woken up by my neighbors singing off-key blink 182 songs i eat my cereal dry because the milk is rotten this is my day january 24 2013 the biggest disappointment in my life was when my submission to the LEGO magazine was rejected

january 25 2013 the rst important thing is just that the thought, regardless of size, in your mind there are tattoos i half-regret the second important thing is breathing feel that thought as it expands, contracts with your lungs i once cheated with a beautiful girl in a muddy corn maze the third important thing is bloodstream i am red oxygen pumping through a brain stem i am worried there could be cellular damage to the long-term memory portion of my cerebrum the fourth important thing is the music of your warm blue veins you can live without it, washing machines, fridges have it i could not stop my crying in the theater watching star wars episode 3 january 26 2013 welcome to the bidding war for the space beneath my ngernails january 27 2013 the couple at the desk is holding hands while watching attack of the clones there is a slight sourness in the air, in my mouth like an old battery like falling in love in an active volcano soon to be extinct when mt. rainier blows i will regret the time i spent playing video games january 28 2013 when it rains on puget sound the drops form a tiny blue lm on the surface of the ocean they resonate in the bones of my feet and ankles i can hear the ocean singing wherever i am when it rains on puget sound singing drip like water into me

january 29 2013 the guy who lives next to me and the guy who lives across the hall are both in an acapella band this is an explanation for my current mood january 30 2013 my current best friends are improved versions of old best friends when we were young there was little time for commiseration, alcohol, and/or literature welcome to the saddest part of the year, the months directly preceding your half birthday i will remember 2013 through the poems i write and the bones i almost break january 31 2013 a quick realization that has no relation to my self-image: i am at home with the cat scratches on my hand and chin this is the embodiment of my friendship with harrison ford

thank you so much for reading.

january, 2013 is a collection of poems i wrote every day in the month of january. the poems were inspired by snapshots of images or memories i had on each of those days; i wrote them to help me remember what i would otherwise forget. january, 2013 is the rst release of a longer project, in which i will release similar collections of poetry at the end of every month in 2013. the reasons are twofold: to keep a strong, specic motivation for poetry writing and to provide a space to improve the quality of my writing outside the traditional academic workshop setting. so please, feel free to critique, comment, suggest, attack, admire, or anything else which i should consider for future works.

also by jakob maier:

beautiful mean things may

contact me: @iammaier