Sunny Leone Explored!

Page 2

Just Playing With Your Funny Bone

MS Dhoni Extrapolated! Page 4 Facebook Defaced! Page 7 Do-It-Yourself Bollywood Scripts Page 8 Fool Frontal Mag Covers
Page 10

How do you like this ‘Bhatt’ shot, Mr .... ?

A Proposal For A Humour Maga By Surajit Roy

OLYM-PICS Page 16 Independence Individualized zine
Page 18

om 67@gmail.c surajitroy 38848 +91 97092

Celebrities Cerebralized!
Page 19

Sherlyn Chopra, Poonam Pandey, Page 12 UNCOVER STORY & Rozlyn Khan’s Ultimate Fantasy! THE PORNOFICATION
Use of Humour In US Elections


Page 20

Sunny Daze
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a Sunny spirit takes their place.” - Mark Twain

Comedy is the best remedy.
And so, here’s your monthly dose of the best medicine in the world. After all, who doesn’t want a funny bone worth showing off? Talking of funny bones (and yes, this IS a funny bone talking!) what almost perfectly rhymes with funny bone? The answer is all over the first 3 pages of this publication! Unlike Shakespeare who professed ‘neither rhyme nor reason’, we believe there is a very strong reason for this rhyme - for the Indian invasion of Only Unseen (anagram) has led to hitherto Only Unheard X-Rated jokes suddenly becoming quite acceptable in all popular media. Apart from, of course, Only Unseen pictures and Only Untalked topics being dished out for general consumption. Let’s continue our investigation into this rampant revolution in the Indian sunsibili... sensibility with a look at the newspaper headlines.

Hindustan Times Of India
Uninhibited FDI In Showbiz Sunsex Rises To All-Time High
“The Indian Summer of life should be a little Sunny...” - Henry Adams

Sunny Leone Unprecedented Leaves India, Heat Wave Returns Home All Over India
Finally Ends
The hot sunny days and the hot sultry nights of the recent past are gone for now. A very strong westerly wind had taken control of the Indian subcontinent, generating a lot of heat that the Indian population had never experienced before. Such was the overwhelming widespread effect of this heat that the Indian media had gone berserk talking about this heat wave in graphic detail, with visuals of the hot hot sun to make readers and viewers experience the sunny weather and the heat from close quarters, and in the process heating up their own readership and viewership figures.

Karenjit Kaur Vohra, aka US based Indo-Canadian adult actress Sunny Leone, was given a warm farewell by her ardent Indian fans and asso-

shooting for her first Bollywood feature film Jism 2 - a far cry from her days shooting for gism in the US, and bagging a role in another
Humor inspired by Sunny Leone from the World Wide Web
Q: What's the difference between Bollywood Starlets & Sunny Leone? A: What Sunny does after getting the role, the starlets have to do before getting the role! One day a teacher asks little Johnny about the sounds made by various animals. Teacher: Johnny, What sound does a dog make? Johnny: Bow-Wow. My son feels Sunny Leone will If Abhay Deol Teacher: Good. Cat? make a good bahu. If anything, marries Sunny Leone, Johnny: Meow-Meow. her profiles on she would become Teacher: Very Good. and will be Sunny Deol! Lion? the same! Johnny: Aah Aah Aah Aaah Oh Yeah... Biggest Joke: The person doing research for Teacher: I said ‘Lion’, this section on the internet was looking at the jokes not Leone! only and nothing else! Quotable Quote Interviewer: What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Sunny Leone: IT DEPENDS ON WHERE I PUT THE CARROT!

Sunny Leone's Favourite 'Things'
Favourite Colour: Favourite Bird: Favourite Animals: Favourite Food: Favourite Book: Favourite Singer: Favourite Song: Favourite Game: Favourite Residence: Favourite City: Favourite Country: Favourite Mountain: Favourite Planet: Favourite Sunsign: Favourite Cosmetic: Favourite Dress: Musical Instrument: Advertising Slogan: Favourite Producer: Favourite Industry: Blue Swallow Cat & Donkey Daal Dictionary Hard Kaur Hum tum ek camera mein band ho Poker Penthouse Mangalore Bangladesh Nanga Parwat Uranus Libra Lipstick [Not Applicable] Mouth Organ Have I Made It Large? Ronnie Screwvala Show business

Q: What's the similarity between Sunny Deol and Sunny Leone? A: They both shout a lot in their movies!

Sunny Leone has already done a movie sequel . And we can only imagine what the movies will look like: If Bollywood Hits Are Remade With Sunny Leone . and bagged another Ragini MMS .the sequel may very well be called Ragini MMF! And in the near future there will be many famous Bollywood movies whose sequels & remakes she will feature in.Jism 2.

almost every brand in the country is trying to cash in on his popularity by making him their brand ambassador. And the day is not far off when it will actually become “every brand in the country” .MS Dhoni.when literally every advertisement will feature Dhoni! And here’s what we think the advertisements will look like: BEFORE AFTER Much More Than The Asking Rate The Future Is Indefinite.Ad Infinitum With the rapid rise in the brand value of the Raja of Ranchi ... Anything Can Happen! ALL OUT! You Should Be Prepared For Every Eventuality .

the biggest price tag! Asia's leading sports marketing. And. The More We Earn! Match Fixing Is Our Speciality . Defence Is Very Important! Media Can Distort Your Image Join The INDIAN ARMY And Bring The Nation Glory We’ll give you the best image...When Dhoni Appears In Ads For Every Product! Guess Who Helps Captain Cool Stay Cool? THE COOLEST ONE Even For The Most Attacking Batsman in The World. media and event management company The More You Earn.

.. 3 Mantras of His Success. MS Dhoni..Keeping Track Of The Required Run Rate Under The Duckworth-Lewis Method Can Be Confusing & Frustrating But Not If You Use Software From MS Dhoni.. Keep Playing! . Microsoft Dhoni. The best thing to happen to Cricket before Poonam Pandey! The best thing to happen to Men since Women! Train Indian Railway Dhoni’s First Employer Train Train Issued in public interest by: Shooting All The Time Can Affect Your Game.

13. been a long Time since you gave me some Line? How about a date tonight? March 19 at 9:25 am · Like Surpanakha Sarpotdar Sure why not :-) March 19 at 9:35 am · Like Abdul Peter Iyengar It’s a DATE! <3 <3 <3 March 19 at 9:45 am · Like Surpanakha Sarpotdar Ya. games. and comment back and forth and so on… Surpanakha Sarpotdar With Sonakshi Sinha. Sure Signs You Are Addicted To 7. I was feeling so lonely. when you start having conversations with your own fake identity. Abdul Peter Iyengar Amazing! Crap comes out of you from both ends. or you leave a party early because you can't wait to transfer all the pictures you took to the computer..-) May 15 at 6:07 am · Like Surpanakha Sarpotdar Of course it is me! :P May 15 at 6:08 am · Like Abdul Peter Iyengar Yes it IS her . and since you are the person who will be running that account. :-( Like · Comment · Ignore · June 13 at 4:20 am If you get an inferiority complex whenever no one responds to the clever quote it took you 30 minutes to think up.. If you have looked up 'Facebook Addiction Disorder' (FAD) on Google at least once. 5. Prem Pratap Patiyalawala Red is the rose Blue is the violet When I need inspiration I go to the toilet! Like · Comment · Feel jealous · May 15 at 6:06 am 66 people like this. and read other people's comments on them. When you start using Facebook as a verb. I'm going to Facebook so-and-so.I recognize the middle finger! :D May 15 at 6:09 am · Like Prem Pratap Patiyalawala I still think it’s a man’s hand June 30 at 11:53 pm · Like Like · Comment · Flush · June 22 at 7:00 am sharp 22 people flushed this.. instead of putting your phone down and waiting until you're back at your computer. When you start looking forward to your birthday for the first time in years because you want to see how many wall posts you will get that day.. If you've ever found yourself coming up with something you just have to share with the world while sitting on the toilet. and make angry status updates and start discussions on why some button should behave the way it used to and not the way it does now. If you have ever looked at Facebook on your computer and your phone at the same time. and then getting angry at people who didn't wish you a Happy Birthday… "Come on.. or more commonly. Surpanakha Sarpotdar I just soooo hate the new Facebook Timeline!!! It should be called Crimeline! :P Like · Comment · Abuse · March 19 at 00:01 am 51 people abused this. It can go further. why don't I just Facebook you later?" If you start looking at everything from the Facebook photo point-of-view... etc 12. or I was Facebooking last night. and you've updated your status then and there using your phone. tag and comment on them. 4. When you start creating lists about the signs of Facebook addiction… . then upload. Abdul Peter Iyengar . Like. it's on Facebook! There's no excuse for forgetting!" When you spend at least 15 minutes of your day planning what you will do on Facebook . 8. if you've taken your computer with you. When you create a separate account for your baby/cat/favourite plant.. Akshay Kumar. when you start interrupting actual conversations that you're having with actual people. When you start spending more time changing your status updates than actually doing anything worth commenting on.Mae West Like · Comment · LOL · June 17 at 00:00 am You and Mae West like this.. 6.We Are Like/Unlike This Only 13 1. Abdul Peter Iyengar It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean. 10.albums. Shahrukh Khan 9. Prem Pratap Patiyalawala Is that really you? . Like whenever you take a picture. June 22 at 8:03 am · Like Prem Pratap Patiyalawala Tyvm! Guess where I was when inspiration struck and I composed this? June 22 at 8:04 am · Like Surpanakha Sarpotdar I think I can guess .and that’s why the poem stinks June 22 at 9:59 am · Like 11.. let’s meet tonight on Facebook March 19 at 9:55 am · Like Abdul Peter Iyengar Grrrrr! Right now I soooo hate Facebook ! March 19 at 9:65 am · Like 3. 2. then that's a whole different level of addiction you need to address. you wonder if it's Facebook worthy. Prem Pratap Patiyalawala This is my first status update in 23 min 15 sec. . and tell them: "You know what. Of course. When you get unnecessarily angry whenever Facebook makes changes. Me If your bedtime is now at least two hours later than it has ever been. look up on Google.

and the boy and girl are soon ____14____. and your script is ready. but it's a fact that every Bollywood movie has a story! It may not always be apparent. but there IS a story. But now the hacks have been hacked by the hackers – and the secret is out! By just using this fragment of the story writing program (called PlottingPaper 4. The boy and girl decide to ____9____.000. Also. password protected of course. Yes.999. It started as a secret document whose copies were found only in the secret vaults of all the leading film producers. For art movies/parallel cinema.000. who is ____12____. enters the picture. everybody gives in to the lovers’ wishes. Soon.000. Instructions: Just fill the blanks in the draft with any of the options you like from the box of the same number. it may not always be one of the more important aspects of filmmaking. where our hero is ____3____. He decides to ____13____. One day. And that's when the villain. Our research department reports that 12. Warning: This works only for commercial cinema. we bring you the secret template that is used to concoct all Bollywood film stories. meaning you'll have to fill the blanks with options from boxes differently numbered. There just has to be a story. Notes: Our data processing department figures that this template can be used to make 1018 = 1. with the help of ____17____.20) you will finally know: How To Write Your Own Bollywood Film Story Set in ____1____. But the path of true love is obstructed by the girl's ____7____. how does Bollywood produce so many movies every year? And why do all the stories appear so similar to each other? All that is ready to be revealed. at the very last possible moment. who will they give the award for the best story of the year at all the film awards? Now how this story is created is another story altogether.987. it may not always be the starting point. As a special scoop only for readers of Humerus. Soon they fall in love. Otherwise. With technological progress. and go to ____6____ to dance and sing a song. with everybody ____18____. Our accounts department calculates that 999.000.655 more stories remain to be made from this.999.999. they are rescued by ____16____. he meets the heroine who is a ____5____. The boy and girl come to know of this plan. you'll have to think out of the box. the story begins in ____2____. it's that easy.script ease You may be surprised to know.000 different stories.000. it may even come as a shock. Then there's an item number ____10____ featuring ____11____. it became a computer program found in the laptops of all Bollywood biggies. Happy Plotting! . There always is a story. while he is ____4____. who wants the girl to marry ____8____. Just when the boy and girl are about to ____15____.345 movies have already been made from stories created using this. and finally there is a happy ending. the villain comes to know that the boy and girl have come to know of his plans.

000.000 clones of himself assassinate a world leader replace Bigg Boss start a trade union for filmi villains also do the hero’s role 14 in deep trouble in deep debt captured by the villain separated from each other turned into human bombs turned into evil avatars hypnotized by the villain haunted by ghastly ghosts left to die in a black hole in danger of the film flopping 15 an underpaid journalist a drunkard policeman an international spythe boy’s faithful servant the girl’s physical trainer their next-door bhabhi a naughty newsreader a witch with a heart some random stranger a film critic 16 sing a sad song get married. but not to each other jump off a cliff pay a ransom of Rs 350 get killed by the villain explode with a bang get converted into anti-matter drown in an ocean of tears kill each other reveal the secret for writing Bollywood film stories 17 the police the army friends from college kids trained in martial arts 1000 cats and dogs the earth’s gravitational force the villain’s good side the villain’s ex-wife thoughts waves from another galaxy an iPhone 18 singing the national anthem dancing to wedding songs taking part in a fancy dress contest playing kabaddi exchanging email Ids going on a picnic to Andaman going on a picnic to the moon dancing to a song added at the last moment praying for box-office success promising to come back in the sequel .1 the past the present the future the past. present & future the British period the prehistoric era the Mahabharata age the Emergency years Raja Bhoj’s reign a timeless dream sequence 2 a village a railway station Jhumritilaiya New Delhi New York a jungle in Kenya under the ocean outer space a computer game the movie theatre 3 a common man a policeman a pickpocket a terrorist with amnesia an unemployed youth a romantic fool an extra in movies a student of astrophysics an alien a robot 4 looking for a job dancing with his friends taking his dog for a walk shopping for potatoes teasing a girl chasing a thug stealing stolen diamonds fighting an intergalactic war chatting on the internet doing nothing at all 5 teenager college teacher detective’s assistant bar dancer rejected lover door-to-door salesgirl royal princess supermodel time traveler mermaid 6 a discotheque the swimming pool the Kumbh Mela Kashmir Kanyakumari Kodaikanal Switzerland Disneyland No man’s land a space station near Pluto 7 mother elder brother stepfather distant relative servant bodyguard private tutor ex-boyfriend evil twin husband from a past life 8 a petty thief a roadside Romeo a crooked accountant a very fat man a beggar a Don a Don’s son a Don’s father a tree Anyone except the hero 9 elope and marry live together adopt 25 kids enter a dance contest set up a detective agency start a political party stop a world war go around the world in a balloon have a lover’s fight generally have a ball 10 on a bus/train/ship/plane in a nightclub in a gangster’s den at the beach at a beauty contest during an Indo-Pak ODI during a wrestling match in a dance reality show in a flashback on YouTube 11 Malaika Arora Rakhi Sawant any pretty foreigner a top star worth Rs 25 cr a struggler who does it for free a hero in a girl’s get up the current Miss World a former Miss Palampur the producer’s girlfriend a computer generated 3d model 12 an underworld Bhai a corrupt politician an enemy army chief a runaway lunatic a freak scientist a religious fanatic an Olympic boxer the heroine’s long lost brother the hero’s lookalike a computer virus 13 kidnap the heroine marry the heroine wear the heroine’s dresses start a war blow up the whole earth on Diwali make 1.000. Economics Noble Prize Winner 2nd & 3rd Generation Artists The Universe At Her Feet Rima. it will be: If Indians Appeared On The Covers Of Magazines All Over The World TRUE ROMANCE WHAT’S WORTH WATCHING Yoga Show Host Baba Ramdev COALITION IN 8 SENSATIONAL STEPS! SENSEX MAKE SENSE OF THE Why We Can Never Make A Movie Like This And Why We Never Should . Making us wonder what it would be like if more Indian celebrities appeared on covers of international magazines. What’s In A Name? WE WERE HEADED ON A There’s Much More To Him Than Just An Anorexic Crossdresser THE GOGETTER GURU www. Raima. we think.Extra Cover ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEN Imaginary Cover The two biggest issues facing the country right now are the issue of Time magazine in which Manmohan Singh appeared.. and the issue of Playboy magazine in which Sherlyn Chopra will appear. Wonderful... Rimi.. AFTER ANOTHER! My dad .. LIFE IS JUST ONE PARTY.

decided to combine forces and produce a joint effort . Fix It? How To Build Your Own Tax Shelter Sonakshi Sinha Post IPL: Tasty New Dish From India SRK Goes Wild What.Time magazine & Playboy .Sherlyn Chopra on the cover of Time Magazine: THE UNDERWEARACHIEVER India needs a playmate. Is Playboy Model Sherlyn Chopra up to the job? Washing Dirty Linen AMAZING NEW TECHNIQUES . Me Marry? Finally. here’s what we think will happen if the two issues we started with .SPECIAL CRICKET ISSUE LIFE ON TOP NITA AMBANI Owns India’s Swankiest Penthouse Mr.

or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces." She heard a loud whisper: "#&@% the Japs. They are having such a good time that. . a student in the back said. 1961. 1863.Who said. the lion was behind bars. really. and reads. Now let’s see what the Democrats have lined up in retaliation: The journalist will remain a journalist A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington.Now who said that?" Again. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. just let me in. tell me.The Joke’s On U. as well as the high standard of the humor and the joke structure… all are giveaway signs of the professional touch." At that point.. you should be ashamed of yourselves. to Monica Lewinsky. A reporter has watched the whole event.. from the same pedigree. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister. but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. the perfect grammar. "You little $#%& -If you say anything else -. "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. 'Government of the People. everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully." The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish). this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life. and the biker brings her to her terrified parents. 'Ask not what your country can do for you. letting go of the girl. Obama returned and had no fish." says the Republican. 1991.. but he's cutting holes in the ice"." And with that. you know. too). At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with Humor inspired by the US Elections from the World Wide Web The day is fast coming when. Just look at this joke going around the internet with people aggressively passing it around: "Very good! -. it is time to go.The reporter addressing the Harley rider says. it seems there is a problem. on the front page:"U. down to Hell. spelling and punctuation in these stories. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down. down. Yes. "Well. Marine and a Republican.. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. www. And finally. 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said.The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions. I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. up and the door reopens Little Akio The teacher said. who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. "Let's try one a bit more difficult -. 1945. 'Why. but what you can do for your country'?" Once again. a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. They run to greet him. 2004. At the end of the first day. after Barrack Obama's election” Now. shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again. Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F." says the Republican head of state. a new(?) phenomenon in electioneering media and methods is surfacing. Well. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. So. someone said. how is John McCain cheating?" Obama replied. Peter. what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'The biker replies.'The reporter says." The teacher snapped at the class. We seldom see a high official around these parts.”The journalist leaves. Kennedy. After much of back and forth discussion. The biker jumps off his Harley. Suddenly." Now furious. once again. etc. "Well. it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. who thank him endlessly.I'll kill you!" Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice. John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor. the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her." he said. "Bill Clinton. and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. "Oh yeah? – Just $&@% it!" Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln. by the People. before he realizes it. 'All right! -. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. St." "Really.Who said.M.'The Harley rider replies. 'Sir. Little Akio says.' The teacher glares around and asks. “I'm a U. the lion jumps back. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating. I've made up my mind. another student yells. I think John McCain is a low-life. who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. hug him. Therefore. Peter at the entrance. There were to be no observers present. 'Well. "The American people. this masterpiece: Republicans in Hell While walking down the street one day. "Class.S. Soon. Harry said to Obama. "Harry. I'm a journalist. it was nothing. would it be too presumptuous to logically conclude that the Republican Party has hired professional gag-writers to conceive such anti-Democratic jokes specifically designed for going viral on the internet? Considering the abysmal writing standards of most stuff that goes around the net. for the People. you see.. And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days Or this one. Presidential Contest The Presidential election was too close to call. it’s election time in America! With the US elections just three months away. under the eyes of her screaming parents.S. DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. everyone is very happy and in evening dress.WorldWideWit. Then you can choose where to spend eternity. runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. I want to be in Heaven. "Obama. and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people." The teacher fainted. "Before you settle in.I want to know right now!?” she angrily demanded. The elevator goes up. 1775. "Welcome to Heaven.""Excellent!" said the teacher continuing. and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P. the people of the United States will make a mistake that they will regret for the next four years. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. except for Little Akio. he would catch up the next day. "I'm sorry but we have our rules. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing." says St. so we're not sure what to do with you. "General MacArthur. There was much talk about ballot recounting. a bright foreign exchange student from Japan. court challenges. "I'm gonna puke.Whimpering from the pain." "Who said that? -. Also present is the Devil (a Republican. "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him. Little Akio put his hand up. "Oh $#%&. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH. Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said. you're not going to believe this. Who said 'Give me Liberty. up." "No problem. Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.S. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right. cheatin' son-of-agun. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. That evening. We're $@&#%ed!" Little Akio said quietly.

before he realizes it. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck. He won the New Hampshire primary last night.on Heaven where St." He reflects for a minute." says the teacher in an annoyed tone. "Mary. Like these: Difference Between Republicans & Democrats A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office." replies the little girl. websites and late night TV shows. Peter returns. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Mitt Romney will give a speech on health care. where the butt of the jokes happen to be the Republican candidate/s or Party.'' —Conan O'Brien ." –Jay Leno ''Mitt Romney has begun vetting his vice presidential candidates. rather than the nonentities that make up the Republican mix." says Mary. they should just borrow money from their parents. but I think I would be better off in Hell. "I don't understand. the anti-Republican jokes are more intended at the Republican party in general. They have a good time and. the flagbearers of contemporary American humour: ''Well. the presidential race is getting interesting. Or maybe. He sees all his friends. "that's no reason for you to be a Democrat." stammers the Republican head of state. magazines.'' —Bill Maher ''During a speech on Friday. They want a strong conservative there. That should work fine as long as your parents are Mitt and Ann Romney. The teacher cannot believe her ears. playing the harp and singing. down to Hell. Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats Proud To Be A Democrat A first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. too. And then. too. Making us wonder whether the Democratic Party is taking the new medium of online humour as seriously as the Republicans are. "My goodness. it’s a lot easier to make jokes about incumbents who have been in the spotlight and limelight for four years. "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!" And these two somewhat similar ones: on the humour from leading newspapers. and when they came to another homeless person. So the search is on for a strong conservative in a coma. "I'm a Democrat and proud of it. Mary. Also. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down." Quite obviously. the Democratic jokes are not in the same class as the Republican jokes. Another observation is that the propaganda in the guise of humour being posted on proDemocratic forums are less originally created." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud. dressed in rags. Mitt Romney told students that if they want to go to college or start a business. "why didn't you raise your hand?" Because I'm not a Republican. Now choose your eternity. what would you be then?" Mary smiled. then the head of state answers: "Well. "Well. the Republicans saw a bigger opportunity in the scope for anti-Democratic jokes – thanks to Clinton and Obama’s misadventures. "Now it's time to visit Heaven. This is a tough thing because they want to appeal to the Republican base. and more dependent And some jokes from the late night TV show hosts. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job." says the teacher with surprise. you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. "Well. She asks her students to raise their hands if they. I mean Heaven has been delightful. right afterward. In fact." "Well. You don't always have to be like your parents. are Republicans and support George Bush. I would never have thought it. The Democrat was very impressed. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars. picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. too. this is proof that even the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire can beat the odds and run for president of the United States. The Devil looks at him. Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. but someone who will not upstage Mitt Romney. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal. See. he decided to help. smiles and says. Mitt Romney will face his fiercest ideological opponent: himself from four years ago. he'll give a fiveminute rebuttal. Peter is waiting for him. my momma and papa are Democrats.'' —Jay Leno "Congratulations to Mitt Romney. rather than at the candidate in particular.'' —Jimmy Fallon ''Experts are predicting that in the first Republican debate. the 24 hours have gone by and St. and their orthodox and conservative nature. like in the jokes above. "Well then. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. down. In an effort to clear up his reputation as a flip-flopper. why are you a Democrat?" she asks. "Then we'd be Republicans. what are you?" asks the teacher. so I'm a Democrat.

Luckily. the cartoonists too have made full use of the Obamadness. he's sort of aloof.'" –Jay Leno "President Obama released his tax returns.' That's a good message for Obama. 'Whatever you do. Coming back to Obama & Co. It turns out he made $900.'' —Jay Leno "President Obama has revealed his new re-election slogan — 'Forward. Supreme's vision of anarchism holds no need for government. Once Obama’s honeymoon in the White House got over." –Jimmy Kimmel Well. Supreme is known for wearing a boot shaped hat and carrying a large toothbrush. And I thought. while citizens take up the slack. He's telling voters. but also depends on citizens to take responsibility for themselves and for others.' Mitt Romney is an inspiration to kids all over this country who sadly were born without a personality.. Supreme called for a gradual dismantling of the government. anarchist and activist who is known for running as an alternative candidate in various local. presidential election. horrible gaffes and they just look silly. But no discussion of humour in the US elections can be complete without a mention of Vermin L." –Jay Leno "One by one the Republican candidate potentials have been shooting themselves in the foot making huge. don't look back at all those campaign promises I made. His grandfather in the late 1800s moved his whole family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. he's sort of cold. citing "mutual aid and support and care to our fellow citizens" as key elements. Bush's policies. verging on the ridiculous. wait a minute. . He asserted that Americans do not know anymore how to be citizens." —Conan O'Brien "Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren't for George W. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama. when several shows have to come up with jokes every night about someone ‘without a personality’.. He has been doing so ever since and it has become a focal point of his presidential campaigns. but after a brief chase. and now he's attacking Libya. . Although in fairness. It's gotten so bad that President Obama is now worried he may actually be re-elected." –Jimmy Kimmel Selecting the jokes to include in the section above was like having to choose India’s two ODI openers from Sachin Tendulkar. . It's like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult.'' —David Letterman "Apparently a large branch of Mitt Romney’s family lives in Mexico. full name Vermin ‘Skippy Lou’ Love Supreme (obviously an assumed name) – an American performance artist. Let's look at the bright side of this. Supreme proclaimed himself the "Emperor of the New Millennium".. Obama never would have even been elected if it weren’t for George W. Or Monica Lewinsky! In fact Monica’s entry into the US political spectrum had much the same effect as Sunny Leone’s recent grand entry into the Indian mainstream has had – opening the floodgates for jokes hitherto considered too risqué.''Mitt Romney gets a lot of criticism because he's kind of stiff.000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean. Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. In 2000. and national elections in the United States." –Jimmy Fallon "President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan. placing some of the blame on schools that teach in "very twisted and jingoistic fashion". Bush's policies. there’s no such issue when it comes to panning the Democrats and Obama! ''That's pretty amazing. Virendra Sehwag and Gautam Gambhir.. much as the TV show hosts have: So that completes the picture. he has given so much fodder to the US humorists that they never missed Clinton. the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term. Supreme is currently campaigning as a Democrat in the 2012 U." –David Letterman "A man jumped the White House fence. 'Well. Supreme. his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize.S. His family kicked themselves out of the country. His whole campaign is built around humour and ridicule. Ironically. they are bound to get somewhat repetitive. Mitt can use that to show that he’s tough on immigration. state. To reach that end.

You can have a lot of fun as a neutral. It’s an excellent work of friction! dil voi ut dw ate ing? never become K arles y will Prince Ch s on the British Empire! Wh the son never sit Because Junglee Kahe! Adoption is Labour Savin a g Device A Gigolo is a Fee-Male .2. Harnessing the awesome power of zombies to create alternative energy. Optim ist: Life is tted diseas me poems rhy m mi me.. He describes his "joke humor" campaign as a response to the lies people are fed by the media and the government. Requiring all Americans to give up a kidney. :-) Wall & Street Journal Arch imede s was and a a pro n exp digy i ert in n infa buoya ncy ncy! A xy! Roses are re d. ot P Pessi trans N This one doe sn’t Monday The Ene to spend s are the worst rgy You w 1/7 of y our lifeay Can Cris All The ’t Fu is: el All P The eople Knock! Knock! Tim E e TH T Who’s there? AS N Coming Soon: E H IA NM BUY Premature Ya! D VER AN IN O Ejaculation Ya who? T G NEY C Abortio S n is BE foetus i MO Chahe Koi Mujhe T nterrup HA tus T e t r sho he r wa tage ter - Read A Sandpaper. 3.. And less of the other kind. maybe even more fun… Vermin Supreme His 4-point manifesto says: 1. Mandatory toothbrushing with detention facilities for those who don’t brush. All we can say is the world needs more Vermin Supremes. A pony for every American (which will also act as a mandatory ID)... 4. e is se exually if Love r e s st: L !! i a e Mak ariWa SoViolets are blue. you don’t really have to take sides to have fun at the expense of the US presidential election and candidates. To round things off.

2 billion people have managed to win in their entire Olympic history! Uh oh... Has-Been! This is the real Agneepath of 2012! Beware of imitations! Now I can tell my grandchildren.. ‘I was that girl in blue pants!’ Yes! I have now won more medals than a country of 1. And more like Mr. Bean.. Did I just hear a crack??? .Citius Altius Hilarious LYM-PICS! I can remember when I used to own all these countries! All this running at this age is tough on me! Makes me feel less like Mr.

.Who cares?! . So they made me a weightlifter! They said success tasted sweet.... I just broke a tooth! Choke De India! Oh no! You forgot your deo again! .Who’s winning? What’s the score? .My next target is an Oscar! Don’t get any funny ideas! The only thing funny here is the camera angle! I was too fat and too lazy to go to the gym.

the wife of Bill Gates! . It was my great fortune to have been a part of this great movement. you mean we are a free country? I didn’t know it. And in years when 15th August is on a Saturday. I mean. the sacrifices of numerous individuals and families that went into achieving it. to choose my own girlfriend and my own mobile phone . giving us an extended weekend.PC Chiplekar (Programmer) Independence Day means having to write another essay on what Independence Day and Freedom mean to you as an Indian. it’s the birthday of Mrs Melinda Gates. .Prabhat Feriwala (Freedom Fighter) PS: If I don’t say this every year. Groan! . right? So.. . . meaningless and useless survey. Making me believe that every drop of blood. right? I have better things to do with my free time. what with all those firang chicks all over the place to hit on at every darned opportunity! Wow man wow! .. I have half a mind to become a Pakistani for a year.MP Khare (Politician) India is a free country. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the British were still around.An August occasion A Humerus Look At What Independence Day And Freedom Mean To The Average Indian 15th August is a very welcome holiday. more so if it falls on a Friday or a Monday.. so that I can celebrate independence day on 14th August and get a 3 day weekend! . Also. meaning a national waste of a holiday.Mili Julie Sarkar (Government Employee) God! When will the speech end? There’s ‘Gadar’ on TV at 11 am! Oh. what’s the big use of getting freedom if we don’t get anything for free? . now that I think of it.Azad Jeevan (Unemployed Youth)’s like wow . No one told me.. my pension will get cancelled. sweat and tear our freedom cost has been worth it. man.Roadside Rathore (College Student) How can I forget 15th August? After all. it’s time for us to see how much we have achieved in these 65 wonderful years.. I don’t want to take part in this stupid.since I need new models of both every 3 months! But. and how the current government continues to over-achieve and take us towards complete freedom of every form for every Indian. it’s August again? Time to bring out the speech I have been using 10 times every 15 August for the last 20 years. .. and my dad for 25 years before that! . you know what.Karma Karna (Bonded Labourer) Freedom? You mean 1947 and all that hoo-ha? It’s cool man! I dig the freedom thing! I have full freedom.Mani Baig (Housewife) Independence Day is a wonderful occasion for the whole nation to sit back and reflect on how our freedom was won. I have the freedom to say: no...Vidya Jalan (School Student) I love the discounts we get at most shops during Independence Day.

it is not true that woman was made from man's rib.James Matthew Barrie (creator of Peter Pan) . she was really made from his funny bone” .. I never liked the constant media attention. dear.SILLYBRITIES What You Are Most Unlikely To Hear From These Celebrities “No Madam Ji.. you begin to search for double meanings in the name of the movie! Deepika Padukone in Cocktail THE BOTTOM LINE “You see. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “I am really enjoying being out of the limelight.” “I am feeling very hungry!” “I think I’m getting too old for this kind of thing” “Can someone tell me where I can buy a nice gun?” “Salman & Vivek called up to congratulate me” “Just chill!” “I love Shoaib Akhtar!” “Boost is the secret of my energy!” “Nothing interesting happened today” “I felt so embarrassed!” SHUDDH HINDI! THE last item that’s contrived to include a sexy pic of a hottie When the hot movie stills of the leading actress in a skimpy bikini start doing the rounds eight months before the movie is released.

What more do I have to do to make it to the next cover of Humerus?! You very well know. WHAT!! ...

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful