to here knows when

james aire

to here knows when

voices turbulent hiss forest spirits chant distant casts across little one earthshine spring showers child moon crests

pisces eyes

open here

whisps joyous season this chance

opens

lotus flower dance swirls rush teeming voices sing rusk laugh shout if you wish to dance you must lift your feet off this ground ....... offf off up & away... put down that shovel... do not get sucked in seduced by candy coated mystery... this lying clown burps out love... that right hand stabs your sacred heart... this left hand knows not what... she says to me not to be seduced... & i say it to you... yet, now you are here... you waited in line from that eventful bog moonrise steams primordial soupkitchen... so now your on this ride.... get ready to get off at your end... enjoy this ride.... you will get no other... its goinna happen... this opening closes with you... as far as is 2

to here knows when
seen known etc.etc... anything else demands this sacrifice, my lucre lies elsewhere... whirl frenetic leaves dance quiver frigid lash winds brush strokes choke release void displace opening light closing these eyes swirls darkness rhythmic orientation contours grasp feel senses this these cascade openings scintillate throbbing surge streams opens these those these this each opening erupts joyous

intimacies fall deeply within amidst these

i see her sitting there with her lacy legs cross slowly, quietly, intently devouring an ice cream cone... feast shaking quivers this this now you this you right now feel your body grasp your self this body rub your breast heal neck face this wound dance across against around your calf you now this you right here this one from all you cannot look away to that other persists there over that contour amidst this dwelling concentration confinement containment captivity carceration consumed feel your self stroke suck drink eat lick your self you this right now right here you......... eternity opens voices from deep in these woods call out for me to come follow them these choral vibrations emanate from correlative bodies these call out to me call out streams erupting amidst terranean dances it would seem that every past slowly fades it is rubbed out away through displacing insertions winding down along there branch out retreat assert alongside over across these things this presence deems itself that which is new current ongoing happening concern immersions closing in on that which can be will be 3 grip this face caress hands rubbing rustling frenzy

to here knows when
must be black screen there for me abyss of night talk death sensuality fucking eating swallowing tasting this sun comes up drift black clouds grasp dance across throat decays lizard slivers vomits spits across lacerations sit waiting for this sun we sit you sit i sit waiting just me perhaps waiting waiting waiting for this sun mad weird impish perverse evil frightening molesting this sours distorted shattered twisted gaze penetrates amidst foul air fractured trust doubt even this morning sunrise this blasts out torn bleeding mesentary convulsions reverberating surges forth feels discordant explosion implodes containment field disciplinary orchestration effects across intimate happenings these voices thrust their force gripping me to succomb this inexorable rhythm these seductive caresses unfold these contours instantiate this through sheer presence there here all around everywhere vortex of dissolution ... reach amidst free fall orientation... gray webs silk where once there was magic you this one there here in this dwelling display mingle among decaying rotten

excremental inexorability destiny sings out her mysterious reverberating song this weaving waving dream speaks laughing as it is all falling right into place these others those others assertions rub themselves away out erased specifiable strand this shattered fabric remain here breathing yet alive here project out this dancing joyous horizon possibility this seductive enthralls web gyrates through interspersed [actuality] she speaks of that which comes this which must come to pass she tells me that 4

to here knows when
the god will rise with the morning its power standing exhibited vindicated displayed commences its triumphal recurrence disciplination ceaseless eruption these snarl dogs vermin heat wells betwixt body perishes within shatters apart away alongside apprehension disperses hold grasp feeling away descend slide confusion wanders restlessness stands forever inexorably this case falls this sameness proliferates lashing your throat with each breath she gently rubs her lips with her fingers she casts her gaze over outside across this expanse her eyes flicker to this ground witnesses nothing this point in which a text breaks down... this point at which an aesthetic system displays this impossibility of a system... at this point... opening... life... ineffability of death...... tears, shock, horror, frenzy... joy... laughter... --= need to get more on

monday as that is this recurrent day of menial reward growing it long it tends to do this anyway there shall be no manipulation this eruption must suffice amidst its implicative happening bestows this inexpressible event matrix body body body body body here there attempt, if you will, execute take from this air across this ever so subtle gradient fractures pressurize dispersing fluid your most intimate concern this present sending amidst these those happenings can i even ask this his chief wife matra breach transfer passion play wisdom these senses plot mystery ingenious eaten by this fish magical spells goat three stringed implement constipation oblivion friends fragrant woods mass produced commodities mythos ritual praxis phusis two too many ways of saying this same thing rests from life sandy cliffs two dimensions rising erupting beyond this scintillating green shaking this 5

to here knows when
systrum question is it even a question now that it-- ..... talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk .... wanting only this gift all want what wants now this dawning aquaous sending she whispers near ears aurora sending across this supple flux her eyes smile exploding into many suns humid air destroys cassette tapes... once upon a time there was a young beautiful maiden who lived nearby in what looked like from my speeding car a condo lot she was very very lovely her teeth gleeming with a new & improved shining gleemy gleemy shout her long thin fragile body clothed in these very stylish yet climatically inappropriate attires stands there beckons with her touch this gentle display of care intimate surrender she guides this large black dog attentive goddess dances joyous gyration there here i wish she would shit & piss in my face... if i am to be alone... let it be radicly alone... i can barely stay awake i wish to communicate this this feeling which seeks me to succumb [inexorably] this heaviest weight comes back it comes back to me wells surges within this visceral space it explodes it takes hold of this all of it here it is it it is this surge all this word is death it is a word death it is there out there within here near uncertain distance all other things around there renders me inoperative slowly

without purpose with "(out)" r inevitabiluity death remaining aware

egularity certainty inexorabiluity ineffable presence

standing with ominous expanse indeterminant seeming necessity

holding staying sway there ., greater force remaining [already forgetting this word] 6

to here knows when
congruent that it persists as sameness change as such not there is no necesssity death it is just the case/]] jjust just the way it is this way in fact it is case is it at all? is death necessary beckoning this one towards absence closing all each opening all dispersing casting about across shattering winds? what is it? or is this form of question irrelevant if one asks which one this has already given away this stone merely this defilement of exclusivity references may provide these tracks amidst this ceaseless voidal absurd dream infested seeping non-satiation this all this all this seizing hold of first this dung beetle contemplative scarab displaying its precise nomenclatural happening each of us each one this one that one dies .... how fucking exciting billy jams heroin coated suppositories up his grandmother's ass poor boy sudden smell of clove infiltrates here in this receptical i am going to let it kill itself in as it is this

a way to allow it it to abate this threatening surge of hysterical scurrying huridly towards this anecdote provided to it through grace of willing surging fractural display a necessary inevitable inexorable a priori occurence event happening demanding '"{nature}"' hers a death if you understand that anymore if you ever did it is dead now it sets there i do not have the capacity to very verify that it is in fact 7 life itself our deaths my death yours his

to here knows when
dead but it looks dead i wonder if wine has an anesthetic effect on the physiology of this thing lying there with its face douced in this red alcoholic pussle puddle if on the other hand it is not necessary what would this latter imply some times it is a gift to be underestimated wanting that gift this persisting current here nowwriting does not allow me to forget this It mmmmmmmm this scribe sings out across expanse over to these sheltered ones each lying hiding whirling amidst its tomb come out come out shine upon this space sing your song murky it arose stench dripping shatter corpse come out falling apart speaking thus to these faithful: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriver of Hapi, vital health, swells breasts, swing, belly bulge, vessels handheld bestow forth this libfinite opening you sit hold this read readation, inundation feeds this land from its watery abyss, gives birth to paradise, this upsurge betwixt blazen abandon Seth, Lord of the South, darkens eclipse, summer winds caress, mocks triumphant teeming falcon, once you were both brought together, always together, always apart, sprinkle your ewer waters upon this incipient infant god, this heir of eternity, Lord of the Two Lands, O, Egypt! Send discordant calls, wicked devils, shake your systeven Its universal erases amidst this windrum, insurgency gathers, resist this Lord of millions of years, this eternity, these days, redemption, attack these gates, stands fast this god Horus defends keeps safe this realm pushing back shock onslaughts via all every directions, the center of this earth O evil one, Lord of Avaris, your Tanitic arm, and Sebek, guide your servant, this god Hemen, kiss gently Anta, your ravage, treasonous consort, rain falls amidst penetrates sun 8

to here knows when
rays whisper happy love your oasis Dakhleh Ta-shema your disintegrate opening supplants that Lord of the Two Crowns!!!dance here this space betwixt two horizons Of this Heseb Bull amidst this Lower Kingdom, your Sceptre name sings in this South, this Upper Kingdom, your life prime, four feet muzzle curve long ears square tail upright elegant attire headdress splendor, erupt this fleece paroxysm breaks up tetrahedron surveils Amun stands atop vulture hovers exalts Foul bellows torrent dispute betwixt these compthis happens here this oblivion casts awayanions, brothers, Thoth comes to this land of the middle, a ferocious bird commences with his servant, harpooner, priest of Edfu, hurls his rod at the quarrelsome one, unveils this dissimulation masking duplicity, a wallowing beast lulls these to sleep obscure Light penetrate seeks surmounting restoration amidst this somber villainy heinous murder patricide spills this royal blood defiles body sacred transgression evil demons exhale steam blood casts shadnothing sits there writes records anythingow across this Western clears this gold depthless mask Isis with vision divine opens aqueous hidden flow, stern wooden shelter seeks prays for breath, new life, resurrection, his bloodless body hungers, awakens from this bark sheltered tomb, inspires her soul, cheeks bellow Deny redemption returns this fugitive son shatters paternal corpse scatters amidst land of darkness these fourteen pieces dismemberment entombing this one Osiris usurp eternity pestilent murky everlastingness hope conjures pardox unknown invisible revealsdespoils torture undying death Gathers she assembles all sword ingest hand setting on lifeless shoulder smiles sky emergent intercede divinity deathborn Horus loyal son brother Isis conceives engenders Nephthys issues challenge launches assault this idiot laughs belches yell out where can i find some pussy this sublime darkly man whispers look in that mirror avenges father coming forth by day eventful nightly trial chaos bubbles steams cracking surface Amun nourishes this Horus amidst suspensmaster rams hot poker up ass slave smileseful battle Falcon emerges triumphant this blood red morning 9

to here knows when
ashen glow lays gently across this infant blanket surge birds flows fly forth labours Nut announces bestows this triumph as this blue child ascends resurrection reborn purifies this pink rising sun Osiris Fleeting tenuous victory again darkness descends engulfs swallows this blinding orb Seth shoots arrows bolts hurl foul emanations stand undaunted laden this gift his thunderbolt frightful across sky men women children fear him sufferenvisions alterity this instant looks away this dark everlasting incestuous battle shadow pale brief this hope morning relief stills heart O children of these vanquished, you shall rise again scatter erase this domain exude violence shatter holy temples remove breath from animals sacred hardship arms unity dissemble casting blistering knives at gods fulfill prophesy bestow pretext this idol smiles Nut breathes release coalesce flesh gathers bone limbs, vaporize thisnever doing alterity just fantasizing this disintegrator, this war of the Unclean, Rise up O feeble one! Shine this mystery Resurrection, this daybreak festival enshrines this sarcophagus Osiris set up these columns build this shelter repose, O this house of Eternity! Entangle Typhon persecute disperse evil one crush his moment make an end to failings remove defects savor this abundant necter behind this shrine, cry out in tearful joy, proclaim this eternal victory, these children of impotent revolt shall never again arise, commejust because these fit doesn't signal shitnce this festival shining dance beckon whispers Your tears O children silent fall upon no ears this eagle establishes his throne, your barren revolt, pale simulate attack wretched defile casts excrement upon mere image of eternity this day face of Horus, he, carry these testicles, sees concealed things this season of fire & night flaming strife everlasting Seth, Lord of Terror, collaboratosplatters faces just take miss this chancer with these designs of Light against these his own, his children, sacrifices these, O traitorous storm fire blitz sky, O virulent punisher of vice, make ready this chopping block, these slaughterhouses, savor entrails, you devourer of mutilated things, guardian of darkness living in light

10

to here knows when
O Children your revolt wallows, you believe fictions transfix image hypnotic your enemy opposites reinforce opposites defile this attack harbors implicit affirmation of your target, what you sought to destroy brings only the satraverse mazes dance disciplines It scoresme, this god of two faces, laughs, plays you off each against this other, a cat plays prey, this silver cord ties it together unseen O Children of Seth, this illusory hostility betwixt light & darkness seduces your gift entrap adverse triumph victory clears nearness absorption stars never set dance amidst this temple of sand, if one does not believe, one does not defile, attain perspective, you, your god, displace, erase annihilation orchestrates sanctity causes these to obey Two lands secure union inscribe anonymy sings forever ever evaporates anxious suspense fractures morning before dawn sun always dost shines still heart feather redeems all, eradicates this festival of fiends, happy victory, witness Seth beyond Acheron, silence silencer of mouths, smell fragrance, live joy! O decadent children, seduced via churning false belief, you shall never rise up again this day this night thrust together marriage shadow light ensues artful separasingular gaze this dance this chance openstion guise earth becomes light one virtual purity this evil one shelters still imprisons things, turns up earth in your blood, you migrate bestial, fiend, impish dissimulator, perverse light, O eternity, O Egypt! . how did you like that one?

was it interesting useful for you was it incriminating for me are you watching me? why are you watching me? why do you continue to read if you wish to respect my sacred privacy? Please stop, cease, desist, set this book down, better yet, burn it!read this novel testament banal literature

please.................................................................................................................................................. ..........................................................................................

11

to here knows when

tension this bow harbours vast possibility

j

this clown druels its vermin lust punishes

ust another

lie just like all these

other lies vomit streaming

supple strange music perfumes songs dances 12

to here knows when
out

this only mouth this only mouth

that counts

this hungry mouth

sucking power games mind control brainwash heavens

]b

bitint biting on

ears

gnawing

coercing]

saturatingt stimul;ating occuop occupy9ing

occupying your head..................this mouth you?????????????????terrorist priests prefer tragedy to comedy??? real thing i meow at this one walking by it stops turns its head listens for my next meow but after this it walks away in seeming indifference as if it knows i am simply wasting its precious time its only time now think devoid through net accepting death categorical finitizing (forgetting again) 13

to here knows when
given a priori corn cob banal chair druels: history a slaughterbench truth if there is no belief this is no seduction sucking blood from dead corpse whispers her hunger it is to she leaves tomorrow i may never see her again yet possibility dances this eruption this joyous caress must not come to an end this dancing flux of chance is not entirely out of these hands or if it is may it shower gifts of delightful surprise it is not entirely out of my haenter holy of holies laugh laugh laughnds or hers this caress this joy must not come to an end must not close off obliterate this future cultivate possibility discordant style conflict explosion incessantly shown those things no one reeally does anyway since it is all a script designed to enslave actors & spectators alike this dreadful implosion into this utter sameness enforces this separation continuous flow operation displays those faces which look so familar so much like you & me only to seduce crush destroy my your one & only chance to live this opening happens cult of youth qua engulfing suffocating vortex containment sensual flickering light shocking eyes assertion rabid image foams spits up its undigested food into your lap all over your brand new ultra fashionable attire ... only yesterday trash street garb if she does not reach out amidst this last time of opening it would be one time which this type of assertion would not be missed yet this is not fathomed as this will break this thread this opening of chaotic discordthis which is here there everywhere without relief 14 listen to this shining

to here knows when
this feeling this web of tentacles once again descends amidst indeterminacy yet it does not matter anyway in the least since these feelings are only determined by these special circumstances & will depart with a suitable absence it is so strange how this rhythmic dance can transfigure from this to that nothing is over until it is thoroughly eradicated each thrives recurs eruption amorphous scintillations these paths this darkest night of blind passionate light it is only this way it is that way it is that that over there here this special web cracked to the core with no center but that which is movement amidst proximate surge at first drinking this bestows nausea but after a few doses it no longer makes ill as it numbs all of these primary defense loci out of control... blood sport semen goddess dance... see this

death a problem

as

a problem you say what sort of problem is this that all around how could one be so audacious idiotic foolish idealisticly insane as to challenge this certainty of death it is everywhere these gods are laughing amidst this nebulous fractured dance this their sublime performance merce cunningham life forms enter exit

he was a he wished to bring to presence his most initmate desires fantasies but what about these gods? don't these die? this woman wears this black dress approaches, asks quietly, when does a god die, 15

to here knows when
where is this line, & what becomes of this god once it is dead? what is this death? death? death? everything was accomplished except this joyous abandon a small child approaches this gathering, sets eyes down in modesty, assures, encourages these each their face eyes focus intently upon this little one, he begins, stutters, asks, could a dead god come back to life? could this kind of death turn amidst life, is this part of this dice roll? they are so

insideously shallow with dollar signs in their vacant eyes joy she breathes closing eyes opening these slowly pales dark receptacles geometric tricks lick you you you until this wake of dawn please wipe yourself properly before you confront this world this is my only advice please listen.... even this machine is effected by this suffocating humid hell his hair slicks back with his wince smile so sublime what a joy i love his no name face i will listen to it again for it pleases me so that is what he thought when he said thought on this outside.... it feels too good on this throat to give it up... this woman in this black dress pursues her

questions further, what is this difference between a death of a god, and that of a singular homo terra? what does death mean for that which has no body? in which ways does a god die? and, what is done once this god has died? is there some type of funerary practise associated with this event? what is a god anyway? is such a thing even conceivable, really? what an utterly strange thought to think! he makes this sign of satan with both his hands this horned square snouted fanged face grunting out primal groaning moan with his tongue extended hanging down protrusion of slashing saliva drenched dripping saber lashing out this groan until the cops come tell him to shut his fuckin' mouth people are trying to sleep have to get up in the morning... a mad mortician begins ranting hysterically about this corpse this dead body which 16

to here knows when
must be hygienicly eradicated for this sake of terrestrial viability cleansing sanitizing this space mopping up death enacting western death ritual land evening corpse before death clean body suitably display corpse bring forth best face remember fine respect beauty gather light decorate body spectators bereave display

busily run to fro together get ready entombs entangls

break apart move about here there make ready perform dance death frenzy hysteria dance

insignificance matrix irretrievable origins

non-existence infinite surface

cling torn threads nausea fear isolatese absent death

grasp hold seek way out look beyond hopeless inevita encroach fiction no experience death only ritual

consoles

absence eclipse carry self

beyond realm one dies death

form liveg

prepares

this event dreads happen live dead always already dead

forestalls occurrence

walk path death towards death

(be sure to wear clean underware or none at all!!!) body lies stiff slant marble operates table concentrations blood pockets 17

to here knows when
crimson milk congeals posterior back via gravity lips crack open water bluish-white surface body clean body purify body hose set down man pick up razor blade encases holder slashes right side neck body inserts gloved fingers this hole isolates juggler primary artery tie it off small length white string slice opening down along artery fill up glass chamber green agent cleanses together small concentration embalms fluid formaldehyde preserves decomposition ensure annihilation remains body corpse machine houses glass chamber insert nozzle tip hose slice open artery tie off secure seal tubes turn machine pump agent dry man wears apron approaches body hose trickles mild stream

take hold tube emanates

contents glass chamber body corpse hole artery gash slash neck body expands cleanse agent intermix blood nitros conjoin blood protein fix blood protein approach neck

green fluid fills body unties string withdraws nozzle tip hose absence constraint blood cleanser formaldehyde-protein complexes pulsate streaming out next down grooves slants marble table down drain out city sewer matrix

mixing acids breaking formaldehyde blood protein bond frees blood ice cream for rats & bacilli

approach body corpse hose cleanse remains blood hang small drops reinsert nozzle turn machine fill body preserve contains pink color agent 18

to here knows when
shape body before it becomes fixes position embalms fluid laceration neck sewn thick thread hair head body wet combs back away body transfer gurney move finish room makeup skin colors powder place skin life like preserve cleanses coat silicon spray cast across job there applies hair done curl blown dry under drier head body reclines chair curlers hair place table clothes put body bras underware dresses pants picture supplies legal representatives allow some approximation resemblance lip stick rouge body places coffin transport view room sterile space walls cover flowers eerie organ music drones above face cleanse

people standing looking dead body comment how good it lookks it is clean pure its blood flows amidst this sewer system water proof tears slide off without stains ritual performs death endure spiritualize actualize perform always prepare for death await what will never come she who waits death ritual death blood sewers ruin precious open expanses land bodies dead raw material bounty nature god's gift lucrative commodity dead body vultures hover above watch live bodies fall prey contagions release upon living living infects they may be dead dead bodies bought sold the idiot rejoins: it is phusis, it is life itself, it is this coming to be, ceasing to be, of all things, all life opens, becomes, ceases to be, intersperses, disperses, cast across vain winds throughout, amidst sending, this inexorable way our cross 19

to here knows when
[peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww] hey man what are you????....!!!! .... the.. Pope....?/ most certainly not.,,... but you say it in your little words words smell vomitous history you say cross without this banal laughter you admit stink stenches your sinister christian self abasing draining viscous dirt gathering mucous [individual] without an [individual] you are so arrogant in your presentation your own pretentious possibilities.... merely for you never had any hope outside your fetish of death your morbid will to command clipping wings turning laughter into sorrow joy into despair... just because you are sick... this is not everything.... one need not be pretentious to wish to love ... to dance on a sunset... to live on this earth..... this only life .... this only time.... your proclamations your regurgitated assertions your charges your threats brutalscape this manifestation your own fear this fear which renders you paralysed you slink along perpetuating your own ridiculous sickening lying absurd existence it is simply impossible at this point to ever be totally honest with your self so you go on lying & lying & lying to yourself..... you fool speaking of your assinine shit... totally honest ... what does that even mean.... brainchild wind race dick fuck mud moss trees whirls aside toad dance rack climbs birds fly upside down bees hit the ground.... do not forget everyone else even if you tell this truth lies proliferate

relentlessly hopeless truth depicted evil.... evil whose evil whose evil i ask you ... one last time... tello me what the fuck you mean.... do not assume that everyone unde4rstands you.,... that you are plainly in sight... that all already know for you are held in such high esteem... you don't command shit anymore.... don't assume that your right & wrong 20

to here knows when
traverse across space.... for many you are evil.... so get with the program... get a clue you sickening blind parasite...... mutherfucker.... all this time saying doing portraying exhibiting performing these correct things but never saying anything certainly never questioning anything at all you never say anything at all some kind of wisdom? it will probably eclipse to this wind these legs wrap around each she discloses her practices in such a matter of fact way what a relief that it does not matter at all will listen to it again for it pleases me waiting for this rewind in buzzing silence hearing this herd call of frat boys what a joy i hear this surge in music replicates shatters my face ears that seventeen year old menopause victim lashes her brainwashed terms in my face i could not breathe a more hideous death.... a heart attack??? well if it comes i would not be very suprised....... you cannot that is your downfall you portray vision profound escape rambler it is only metaphor hairy very hairy nuns besides you think i am relaying

so i am an escapist one who wishes to jump out of these bounds of reality i threw it off the balcony of this house in order for it to be reunited physically with its site of emergence a nostalgic sentimental mystic thought it must have been dead for it did not drink much this access was gift 21

to here knows when
in effect to retreat from this reality i gave a flower to this spider but it has as yet remained still locked up setting perching its wood laden crack hole there it seems to only enact its assertion amidst moving targets flying around this one only reality natasha is her name she is tired & her eyes are

bothering her... all eight of them... she is beautiful in the subtler respects of this term this only reality hype who even needs to be there it is all just a vortex of recurrent is condemned

one who wushes wishes one who by wishing other than what is

with this mark of one who denies life for everyone asserts that this reality is strictly black & white sensi communi these have abated disappeared due to this profusion of ingested smoke blown out around down over across there attempting to dislodge natasha... light diffuses bounce blockade tones down sight.... all depends on this sun... or is this no longer the case... it was... yet this box opens another source... indefinite extension possible beyond five billion years... even if the sun explodes... alive still alive walking in a dead sunless dark world but alive... conjures this everlasting task of wakefulness always keeping this fire going... keeping the coals... if it goes out we die... perpetual duration artificial worlds beauty under these hills... bubbles bounce envelop hold us together there is no difference .... it is simply more clear... selbst-standig... realization of autonomy gathers fight respond provocation holding back this flood stand amidst our turret... push push back away beyond... total image not looking back removal transgression this sacred hip to my head she must be asleep i will join her there is a raging flux combats for this soul both

sides seem so nice one side relies on this image of future this other on this surge he buys me a drink since he articulates my nice guyishness i let it go to hear this rest selling these kids for food fool fool fool a michevous one at that turn this rage to bloom making up for three days fasting at least i have a sharp knife that is all as images rape my mind..... 22

to here knows when
nothing is absolutely newwww yet something is each novel moment here acusmata purification attunement

wicked men sun moon isles of these blessed he got some new programs must plug these in oh boy..... a new one how nice everything always new so new keeps us on our toes..... we dance like ballerrinassssss... one must not divide this loaf killing a deadly biting

serpent via teeth clenching chewing tears biting dance pursuit simplicity friends opening soul prison of body refrain from writing down these names life metempsychosis horse puppy or something rights of certain folk disappear mysteriously one who denies this inexorable you destroy these desires these lives seek only to live innocence live among those these others with whom each this share ... he knew generalities.... knew man.... this knowledge you shit on magical

surveils dances discipline.... did not know self.... with this attempt he realizes this is not .,... .... falls away with wind blind amidst welling suffocates darkness engulfs back away..... numb...away......gone.... robert senile frost cross you destroy imagination this desire reference difference inference happening bizarre fractured festive joyous eruptions you desire destruction you subvert seduce this

possibility life he looks at me tired knows my face... me non non threat boy there in his store ask if he owns it says yah do you like it says its a job its a job its a job its a job what a joy this wood pulsates with these lovely dancing juicy plants all all so lovely dance shatters wind scream scream demon boy laughs at this all fuck fuck fuck .... his body is already decaying..... 23

to here knows when
you must make death real ever present possibles ethos death stench suffocates sucking discipline net work slaves two possibilities is just what i am saying there are only two possibilities you endure one of these now this now in which you live that other this future your certain death ,,,,,,,,,,,,,there is no escape from this this death this cannot be the only possibility there must be many these exist persist amidst us each day caressing touching licking guiding us along this realm here guided along throughout this matrix ... if this be considered impossible so be it... there is no necessity in this thought there is no universality in this belief this belief in death this a decree of execution there is only terrestrial joy show this death to me i will never see it.... you see i am not wrong confusion perpetuate this lie way good news truth geneology strategy all these silly little distractions little ploys make me forget for a little while 24 path history mask same time you sit there your wallow belief is only a command i reject your classification of this life ass that

to here knows when
forget it all forget this standing inevitable insatiable mouth these questions project purpose meaning onto nothingness how can one justify this, your assertion of nothingness how can you justify anything my friend you utter asshole listening to these weltering screams of a now dead man oh boy what a fucking joy jimmy wants a cracker jimmy is a cracker... jimmy wants himself... oh no... this drueling fuckhead says that it is odd to translate that to this... filter filter filter filter make this domesticated you fucking piece of slime i dare you all i need is batteries & a few good men.... a better way ... gotta finda way... when i can..... i am certainly not going to go hungry.... not at all... although my sweet count may go up & up & up.... oh boy.... energy it surges through your leather belt it slashes across green skin.... don't regret a thing..... arrest myself... letting that other side hold sway for a little while.... another night..... love is blind.... you can tell one through these eyes.... stay away... loving sophia even though she is urinating in a phone booth.... cry on demand.... licking it up just like it is this sweet rain.... pretend that there is something more.... for if you do you can seduce... this very question justice denial inexorable law this way things this truth reason then do you speak of truth for what

for no reason is it spoken its saying eclipses all reason that is this abyss ] this abyss persists permanent infinite must it does not admit of regimentation this inexorable saying this shit stained logos this certain 25 everlasting

to here knows when
becoming of coming to be & passing away this infinite does not die it can never become nothing becoming exhibits this stamp of being it is this sublime mystery being being at least from these perspectives terrestrial life every single one always expects this other to die first or does not think about this at all there is no abyss at all through which you would descend none but this abyss within contemplation this erotic presence absence shattered scrawlings abstract hypothetical possibility forgetful fantasies terminally ill passion surges movement designat me myself others these happen interact movement surround locus me here now then there this word epoch it also shit god differance etc etc... cloture thinking this end living end being end label all monks priests either hetero gay narcissistic sadistic or masochistic, or neuter she sits watching it watching this vile mess vomits out her eyes ears tongue teeth streams out this essence excrement shit this same shit returns recurrs one moment to this next with respect to that before not knowing anything for sure if one executes a young rebel before he turns old you will assure that he or she will not have these credentials of an elder yet she or he will find this eternal bliss of dreams following randomly placed amidst this textual space---- total discordant conflict erupts there terrrestrially across that expanse there talk restoration motherland this time graced 26

to here knows when
via these daughters of sophia this time total complete legitimacy innocence innocence new beginning becoming this now possible due to expansive eruption material-terrestrial cultural power it is clear if one deeply becomes intimate amidst this opening that this style amidst its transfigured blossoming joy becomes this very domain in which each has sought to occupy now this time implosion amidst innocence overcoming these

encroachments this jubilant heathen festival this time encourage apprehend these brutal terrestrial facts these all too disruptive events this proliferation focus standing supporting this brutal descension retrograde inversion this obvious ponders this hypocritical performance divine space valid discipline..... restoration beyond this time now transfigured frolicking dancing magical assimilation there is no understanding in any of this there only crude unthreatened consensus coverage talk projective sculpting

banal self satiated vindictive ignorance laziness greed ridden complicity unknowing genocide worshipping amidst this temple of lady macbeth washing washing washing soap soap soap out damned spot spot spot fighting back these shadows linear hardness fathoming this diamond lacerating core strange similarity this durability this world about to explode adding one onto these others these same others feces water waste matter discharges these bowels she takes it into her fingers between her finger tips her beautiful hands succulent lips dreamy eyes luscious cheeks impecable ears gorgeous smile lover earth wisdom free casting relief engulfing flesh mask Idea loving sophia 27

to here knows when
depiction rapture esoteric hovering she certainly knew what was going on at that time in that place juliet withdrew into ceaselessness as he sat in his cell from my eyes this abyss, she whispers strolling across grakhape courtyard she grips this statue setting before her only to cry it lays gently asleep it lets me shield

away she brisquely retreats beyond silence sets still amidst ashen shadows she knew all about it she comforts amidst this way these things she feels vibrations dance intersperses air all around she feels this lot many other things all kinds of things clever equivocation same divest immediate embeded terra explodes it was almost as if she were not human not eagle berger

no one knows what is going on right now this would have to wait until that suspenseful morning, before this conjectured sunrise.... set struggles to rise jerking off seducing this

boy horus defeated upon innocence isis seeks to find coalesce fifteen pieces her loving brother fucking osiris horus son mother sister brother conquers set this struggle throughout across amidst this fractured discordant night erupts there light this triumphant defense this surmounting restoration sending this world this time she knew this she destroyed places there amidst tragedy comrdy as actor, as truth... she knew everything this what which here there wherewhen this happening smile caress streaming dream rusnatcoun resurrection saunters around gazing circumspect quietly exhibits this strange detached joy her 28

to here knows when
gentle smile radiant she certainly knew something if not this time this place it might have been this way she walks hunches over all some kind visceral agony similar topology just she there here one day out this blue horison she here seeming knowing something something she seems not seeming eager divulge reluctant convey disclose her words she did not this time this place open herself anyone she just came stayed left walked on by utter disconnection this process amidst that opening opening closing there this happening there erupts excession difference it is not certain what this difference consists what it [actually] was was was wasssss qua was-ness not certain this point it difficult it difficult begin enact execute description that unbounded profusion flickers waves butterfly wings cruelly joyous tickling this supple epiderm expanse stagger she always seems via some kind tranquilizing

trance out touch immediate contact accessible always there floats here there back again again amidst this disjoint chaotic traverses project she is always a little just off she's not really there all each virtual image stand against not engages this space jesus has a problem yet a problem only if one looks at him from this judgement of that moral regime which came to presence around about that first agricultural revolution that one that got us off of gathering foraging roaming this appropriate space to herding together like at&t cows reach out, you are bound to touch someone... if one looks at him in a different way then it may be possible to come to grips grasp across over bleeds abandon yet it wouldn't matter anyway in his druel stained diaper *these shockingly strange practices, find out this concealed truth behind this, his Messiah, 29

to here knows when
disturbing revelations, tales of flesh--- next on a current affair* if one apprehends these perrenial events one so taken aback by this chimp witnesses throws shit over across spectators those come to see this most moster mostest exotic beast must it be deploying this shower weapontry possibly sends out overture hygenic intermingling wishes extens this possibility terrestrial association cleaning your feet with its tears... no secret for those arouse these she exudes chimps absurd ridiculous fribulate affirms singular so very clear not ridiculous as ugly ambush butter utter shit hepatitus city world counter movement enforcement moral law genocide you name it she knew that this something really really traumatic going down whoever thought executed this moment rapturous eternity must be commended for its contribution to life utter abandonment give me excess give me excess give me excess although this one these ones did not reckon what was to happen this consequence of their exertions she noticest all these exertions tendential drives toward distraction mystification she herself pure is mysticism subverts via her own rage envy although she must not try to explain excuse away her fear to enact riot stage artaud throughout this audience beyond one either chooses or is forced into or is eclisped by from eternity it was not envy but simply rage at this dominion this homogenized milk dairy product difference persists this same this all force her other become this midst other her apprehension strategy captures her myrous web procedural discipline makes her life this proverbial living hell not allow it to bloom blossom erupt this ecstatic eternity of joy creed of ignorant unimaginative vermin your own space caricature of opposition fabricated portrayed oppressively powerful & attacked from the point of view of the old exploiter now victim turning these latter words experiences against this old 30

to here knows when
victim now exploiter strategic intensification escalation repressive modes of operation cultural warfare shooting the wad.... shoot shoot across this mirror.... he comes over this house wearing a white dress, makeup, knit stockings very high heels feeding me form he is smashing he whistles in order to make me acknowledge see again his arrival he is standing at this front door wishes to come in it is not such a great concern i will not let him in since i feel that he is a banal satanist why must he howl like that? make those absurd gestures with his hands why must he she assert that all that is must perish immediate

dread terror escape narcissism /although it is torn since it shines there amidst nothingness coool surrender via this complexifying outsurge shot across over amidst his attire why after all must one identify with this boobie trap infested web implosive destruction this caricature devised by this ruling

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<good?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> all this loveliness all i ever wanted to be this label i see hear taste touch

feel a spirit world carnography one with a black red white yelloow blue if we count suicides etc. face on it covered in mud, honest, displays pale pink spotty off white freckles etc.... suddenly proud rapturous daring lesbians erupt dancing floating on this joyous succulent wind riding this wave of honey jesus was a lesbian, you must know.... it is not readily apparent whether this face is that of a male or female although its eyes flash a sense amidst incites this flashing drift annihilates contour of male-ness this triumph of every possibility of any wish dream desire lust it could ever hope to transgress these three roman dudes hang out smoke pot drink beer wine kentucky whiskey///// & vodka from the Motherland... they have six hits of acid between 31

to here knows when
these three=== they are set... they decide collectively that they should enact a conceptual experiment... bring it all into focus -----> nietzsche is taking a bubble bath**** he is

masturbating himself furiously he wishes to partake amidst this to witness erupting his seeming spouting to & fro this phallic dance as a testimonial sacrifice to his dead god corpse ...... bury it... burn it... upon this grammatological pyre history genealogy providence destiny etc via transcendens rage scream stillness dancing imploding waves destructive cancellation displacing vortex vital chaos coherent [anarchy] spontaneous momentum eruptive singular scatters outside eats referential negativity terrestrial rhythm bubbling subterranean surges shifting flux appropriate attentiveness quivers happenstance feeling hearing tasting touching seeing bestows playspace this precious precarious eternity innocence becomes this now conflictual domain decisive sending thwarted stagnant vengeful hold staying sway earthly cultural war ensues ideas image style float confront hovering indicative struggles ways of being [irreconciliable differences] this antichrist implodes as christ arm yourself yourselves zealously fight defend resist these violent abusive vindictive jealous solipsistic projective disciplinary paternal scoldings [it is illegal to have oral sex for heterosexuals in 20 states and for homosexuals 27 states] this whole thing just shit whipping your face your one this only special face amidst these others each displays this their each this face intensify expansive directionality this play maintain via erasure displace this threat protect thrust out amidst hard won singular lives this now this only time all guarentees evaporate amidst blinding burning radiation reality proliferate disseminate eradicate this sickening orchestration banal totalistic suffocation do not trust anyone over nine... unless they are cool you know if someone is cool realize that this play that serious child absencing hierarchy of souls only this truth disguised in dream interspersing mist fog 32

to here knows when
smoke steam yellow casting rays fall bounce off this screen it is all so very different now there this line amidst each field leaves of grass cascade across thoughout betwixt there eternity death no antithetical architectonic orchestration assimilation scratching down this paradox of infinity sudden eruption wallowing darkness turning opening enduring holding sway this doing happening frenzy being this joyful dancing eternity ecstatic singularity twirling whirling this wind racing rapid across against dispersed around swirls upon swirls racing dancing laughing these gods laughing at us rage explodes shattering casting shocks waves gently lick this infiltrating sand tiny birds peck through gleaming skin children jolt out jerking about this mutilation via this stringed bow scratching across this frail violin shreaking vibes oscillate amidst jabbing circumstantial bass bellows bad art rhythm experience grammar in this now time displays erects scaffolding giving building this funeral pyre on which this dead god reposes it is only for us to light this fire respectfully prepare this sacrifice all these stood these free spacing appropriate sites influxing here there everywhere this fire cast erupting dispersing this corpse this dead decaying etc god it not often when one may come upon a plausible sacrifice this sacrifice already always dead it being honorable prudent noble pragmatic superstitious fanatical absurd joyous banal a matter of course even good laying this dead god to rest once and for all these dance as these visible instantiations this dead god thrown up in flames this reasoning deployed elsewhere in different places different times for other reasons different aims let us embark on a theological problematic just for this that hell of it one which has much to do abstain say amidst this contemporary arena of terrestrial contestation so urgent almost daringly incredible almost in that obvious sometimes excretes obvious some efforts can never come too soon especially if one wishes to be able to smell fragrance please think for me i cannot bear to have you ever smelled this decaying corpse this god you there smelling it right now now this time burn this dead god it simply 33

to here knows when
matter toxic waste management ? but which god is dead which one is it is it love or more plausibly this very image any-god dead it that there never god once more it streams seems way yet each one jolting seeming usually only lives more than a little more at best of one hundred years but how does one live that long it must be either luck magic banality a moth just came into this space it initially sputtered around this screen then as i sought to play with it with my jetting hand it flew off throughout across this opening is it to bury this dead decomposing carcass of this god or is this love becoming a funeral pyre national class race gender etc. etc. ... differences resemble corrals for herds of cattle nationalism labellism.... this surging lust for identity,, etc... is banal primitive narrow nihilistic impotent these those children of impotent revolt will never rise again it must be quite obvious that this is influenced by excrement shooting across right at this body from this that thing over there frankenstein is also another question which intrigues this sending across kissing tickling sparkling lips wet caress aesthetic nobility..... the////re has never been a consolidation of this species it is as yet discordant what does this mean what is it to unite a species what is a species things are never what they seem watching the planets dance pleasure ride this sound other side black hidden sun plagurizing an old unknown sixties band via casting amidst this rhythm oblivion for to incite babbling frenzy may return this 34 .... dracula.....

to here knows when
obscurity from its flight into such disintegration concealment silence erasure eternally all recurs amidst this sedative blind casting to this all caressing engulfing wind inciting these earth water this sacrifice through fire smoke swirling amidst open air cremation this dead god upon this pyre innocence dispersing this virulent rotten corpse getting over this grief pain beating breasts like apes it is time to lay these matters to rest one must not bury a dead god for it must already always be exhumed this burning casting to this vain wind will suffice throw up these aspects to be playfully dancing amidst this flowing attentive listening fluxuation you will be dead before you know it you will never know it it is obvious what you do in fact know obvious will bestow excession counter-excession what ever will be will be ..... doris day...... does anything matter to you anymore in such a way that you would abandon yourself with assertation to your singular sending erupting amidst this event of opening one which will all too soon become this closing this erasure of your face a woman meets and falls in love with a man. The man loves her very much. Yet, she is a lesbian, and has difficulty with her lover's centrist concern with phallic penetration, and moreover, she hates the very site of a cock. She asks him if he will undergo a sex change operation in order that they can stay together. He undergoes this operation performed & now her name is betty.... they lived together... happily ever after.... repetition earth painted lives a speech never to be spoken el estados unitos es uno assinsino y uno terroristo 35

to here knows when
el bonita terra muchacha muchacho la cama la comida la dama la vista es muy fea feo guerra

tu madre norte es una puta... fea panotcha.............. la dama la cama una puta tu madre estados unidos es pecado el comido es pescado donde es tu padre? morte? these brilliant shining ones out there,,,,,,,,,,, the war 5678, resist fight erupt escalate he goes along but this cannot be due to this utter ridiculous chance upon a chance to take one to break this stolen rhyme not this but rhthymn this robber of this new writing a father although not a father but we all who are gathered here amidst this divine happening must ap[prehend that we as this good must as is our duty dispense justice as it is fit for this time this place although these considerations degrade us all all of us for these ones have no place in this weighing against this cast presses down this heavy heart of sorrow grief judgement no decision no finality for these ones do indeed become as innocence sitting staring flowing clouds through dirt stained window streams 36 feather there is no scale no 1234, stop the killings stop

to here knows when
white brushed against blue dome inexorably remixing torrent movement diseased brainwashed disgusting devastatingly deranged head in a few cases assassination would be a very very good god excellent thing it sets there expenditure bodies this clue follow these it all begins once again let us hear it turn it over push this button then push that other one this body begins to drift away to that other space... what the hell... it could not matter in this least... she dances in her hippy garb... what a joy... it comes comes comes nothing could can stop it it just comes..... it is this power which is pleasing.... it floats across then lands it is all this

same.... listening to it once again for it is pleasing.... she is overboard self assured let us pray let us play let us pray let us play... amen... after you have been somewhere long enough insects birds animals begin to know you know what to expect amidst you, watch your best moves... witnessing this wild breeze... it squats in those bushes wet covers in mud crown leaves perches atop this head it squats glaring at me ancy nervously repositions itself over & over rhythmically transfers weight between those feet... everyone will misunderstand this but nevertheless will get it... but in the wrong way... this bible was written initially as a satire... this eucharist is ritualized cannibalism... this glimpse utter banality ridden ensouled converted reborn creationist excrement... it feeds on itself eating every proximate sending toxic yellow lymphatized discharge

it is as if one throws shit on the statue of the god

this one has at this point

already given itself over to defeat this god has emerged as victorious due to this banal belief in it in its power as a magical amulet link amidst sparkling infinite affinity love insurgency rhythmic happening fluxuating traceable intensity terrestrial harnesses these sectors to be destroyed irony surges river broken up proliferates set free into a prison of tiny irrigation channels amidst diversity beauty divide & conquer via radical thought 37

to here knows when
radical what??? insurgency rebels a standing reserve disciplinary containment masochism impotent revolt annihilated in justice to its own blind impotence an old man half way up looks around pisses shouts there must be an alternative to this vile hill climbing banalo absurdity a lovely adonis this fine prince approaches says yes there is you can have a channel all to yourself you are set free satanism dionysian hystericization intoxication female dance dance hand & hand amidst this flood of excrement shooting you dust in this torrent laughs at your vanity ho hum ho hum ho hum it is all scum... if you do not believe you do not defile at least not intentionally if there is such a thing as intention you ignore you live your own sending your own happening opens if you offend that is not your problem for this is mere residual trace reaction revenge absurd threats thrusts misguided diarrheas why identify at all???????????????????????????????? if you don't at least be on guard to kill all intruders... that is your right of self defense.... use it... kill with a smile... if you do not believe you neither worship nor defile after all this does not even

make any sense why set yourself up as a tragic comic hero.... a folk hero.... no one not even these little succulent very very very really little tiny small boys want to be danial boone anymore really..... uninteresting simplistic stylistic references cannot undermine it until one apprehends that it is this infamous disease... at this first break this spirit ran across this lawn on which that spinderella shot around sending out this fine hovering displacing mist traversing towards amidst this utter dispersion lost in trivial ridiculous fantasies dreams all of this for nought... 38

to here knows when
each plays this game this reality this force gathers this existence it is as is does these vicious dogs speak this loudest to conceal their status as vermin lumpy vomit this very devastation which these condemn... my advice, go ahead & persecute yourselves, kill yourselves, just be quick about it! if only julian would have been successful, but then he would have been more ruthless.... he succombed to slavish dogs this civilization seduced, its downfall coming here, it was not decadence, but virtue which slew this dragon... listen if you have ears..... or perhaps virtue is decadence? a symptom? just wipe it off or eat it paint with it if you are so inclined... is it a nightmare or is this there this way this way it is here] it is so very different now in the face of death i fear this gnawing raging consumptive sun abstract universal absolute persist persists durable amidst streams time space flux in that this these will never not send throughout this streaming bliss yet this abstract this universal this absolute projects amidst outflashings caresses streamings across hovering here this utter eruptive frenzy delusions food for gnawing rats termites this singular wedges cut slashed crashed burned fractured consuming disintegration annihilation extermination erasure silence concealment happening there before your gentle eyes your trusting opsis windows casting out this shadow vision your soul this surge joyous interstitial streams explode orgy love this shines out across beyond away there this lovely dwells here here amidst these corousing spirits quakes out over across throughout shattered realm glance gaze physiological happening she has that other copy but now it is obselete... oh well... it really does not matter anyway... ist das der hund? ist der welt als der fall? tu madre es una muy bonita muchacha... there once was a spider who sat on that doorstep wishing it were all disney.... 39 if shit is thrown in your face

to here knows when
but it was not this way who could really say anything differently as all is censored???

i love you

but i am insane well not insane but mad as this rabid howling dog spits at this woman this veiled face cast across surface this moon this shines scatters dance over across apart out from this earth winds shout stream across blankets tickles thrusts lash whispers greet salutations hellos transgressions amidst this innocence becomes he sat by his lonesome comtemplates this mass extermination of peoples beings spaces etc.. etc... ... h e thought a lohng time... there once was a hippie he lived in a shoe he had so many children he thought it was a zoo he did like to screw but he was no fool he would soak her mew his tongue tranfers salivate drool this little disaffected boy who was just so bored with this regimented assinine banal blistering suburban concerntration camp flies around smashes people's pumpkins in this across this expanse modest Walpurgis night visible invisible coalesce 40

to here knows when
these kids froliked dancing light each day trains submit fight this discordant frenzy feeling so tight casting infra-trust dying together as one so right this single hippy not like those rest was elated by domination he was a fascist he felt born to lead he was no dope he made all the right friends he even kissed the hand of the pope taking into himself these many strands of trust these many dreams & fears in his palm he secured hope stardom glamour there irrelevant what must be done must be done despite these many fractured streaking spreadings about he went down on this pope what a fool is he his folly inflates hyperintensifying this intense 41

to here knows when
orchestration breaking of bodies bones heads face etc.

doc 1 pg 28 ln 8" pos 4.2 3.4"... and so the se odd----yssey began as the shits was thrown about here there everywhere throughout amidst as articulated differentially interspersed terrestrial networks etc. etc. et.ccc... debso the se..... senario began with a mutual destructiion mode if intermittent tendencies complete utter destuction this pained squeal

explodes continues to well up across this obstructing vortex swaying trees screaming leaves laughing stems undergrowth dancing these feet roots streaming grasping clawing

deeper wider throughout this soil choking gagging suffocated confusion next yelps erupt from darkness follow following these voices amidst this blackest night follow me me me me me memmemee we dwelling banal arbitr ary wan der interspersed amidst thi8s nocturnal happening beckoning this one to come

ing screaming intensifies brutal shocks quakes rock body lunges rustling deeper within this concealed space voices begin to call whispering 42 body lunging rustling deeper

to here knows when
within this bleeding trace cracks of bark shelter clumpy mold fungus hoos voices begin to call whispering breezes dancing these gods are laughing bestowing out among tiny leaves quivering this silent clamor swaying branches calling out this one to come inside to dance laugh in this midst of sacred opening for now as it is all eclipsed eclipsing all that which is not eclipsed this game is played by all

joyous space qaq MANY many voices rhythmic coincidence a bitter sweet destiny this illusion of release i walk away in a pool of blood away this right time this time you are not there sleeping you are not there at all no one is it all comes back to me little by little all at once floods this head beyond capacity it shatters walking around with enough resources to get by 43

to here knows when
listening to his voice it is comfort in this time eternity it was is always here how strange i seek this pattern anti-pattern it only had to do with shape style not long for this world not for this no no no not me me the story goes that way yeah the i saw you i got the mess she is crazy.... pushed to madness by the foul this time this opening of

age call me immediately she is flipped

irresponsible lover/believer in of supermodels, barbie dolls, worship these foul gargantuans painted like freaks to stir these masses but he could not explain this at all it was not even clear to him whether it was super models at all maybe it was his obsessional projection onto this one of his own gender he was not sure he was confusede he was e s egodystonic maybe too many heroin

suppositories?????????????????????????????,<,/..>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.,,dbdhd soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo utterly profound this one most profound he most most most mostest of this utter seething profundity.... of course his own sexuality could not sustain such a dreadful lust he disintegrates this drive amidst his stench repulses seethes annihilistic physical infestation.... he lays there descending onto her mixing into this water she screams she takes it all away in that one moment it is there to be found that which does not retreat into oblivion it is 44

to here knows when
there there there here no where else besides.... she yells screams get away from me get away from me get away from me you are just like all the others........ the words evokes from her mother are true.... the clarity is simply profound...... she knows she has to take

care of her self we talked about going crazy when we first met after confined in adjoining beds in the same room of the same asylum..... this other intruder interpenetrates absconds with innocence descends amidst the savory gift of flowery juices.....& juices so fine so fine they blow my mind nourishes tender loveliness she gasps grasps hold of neck shivers shakes quaking erupts digging nails in deep moans beckon depths virulent soul..... meat maet want some meat? I bbob

boboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboboobobbbbooobob oobobobobooboboboobobbbbbbooooooooobbbbooooobobboooooobbbnoopoo0obooooo bbbooooo too many letters bob imaet ta Bk te c ya bew

just remember that the laying buddah is the dead one one who is just the same smells of the same as he bobobobobobosbosobosbosobsobsbbbbbbb it thanks you so much for your shining yet cryptic holier than thou banal advice/infrastructure this last one to be making recommendations /////////////////////////you absurd ridiculous paralysed fool except if you were not so fucking goddamned beautiful... but you it is such a shame ha hyisw openingn persisss as limited beyobd his

belief......are in a particular constellation of expectation earthly dispersed interaction some one to love.... although this may be falling from this heart throbs in blissful joy as you erupt as feeling in this surging cavity there are very few people with which it can fall in love.... but as is always this case that cannot be for it is all futility... at least ultimately.... not even that it is futile... the sooner one learns this the sooner one will enjoy sex again... but what is 45

to here knows when
ultimate that which what stands there in that other world after this ... a dream... a narcotic.... perish this world this one which it must expect to be witnesseed via a perspective which must be absent as its primal situation of happening there no other world only tenuous projection necessitating bracket this this one that here this taken away must remain its eruption projection shows forth from this one this here that other world made sense it when consider world fabricated an after world called ancient domain this civilization has been invented via systematic... not system in an idealized sense but a gathering a holding together through force circumstance delusion... threat executions adminstration of death... integration numerous traces artefacts etc etc et significance singular entity traversing this planet expressed directs in reference matrix of terrestrial et organizational presence present in this this amount in this this quality it is as if the pagan religion erupts as a self-fulfilling prophesy aesthetically ascending into its rebirth it is as if this religion were somehow unexpectantly true it is as if terrestrial beings in this valley these ones who have inscribe4d this thickest mark on this soil understood that this situation desp[ite its orientational abundance was somehow a cruel jadded trick a deception being seduced to this most faithfully orchestrated joyous happening only to realize that this too would pass there must be an everlasting mark inscribed so as this event will ever be erased without witness sheer absense this joke casting about erupts as laughter of those dead ones there no emulational beingness image here only smells remain this one must penetrate into an afterlife an after world for which this record may be read this scenario those who witness this invention those participate in this uttely self-deceptive absurdity are in fact these gods this form our 46

to here knows when
existence our happening is that pagan afterworld this is this secret all worlds are afterworlds for these ones that die... all worlds even worlding dies... there can be no escape this makes ruthlessness so quaint thrilling .... but only if these remember that afterwor4ld refers to this spatially temporally distantiated terrestrial happening of transmittence cultivation durability there is no ideal space but that of imagination as it grasps hold of the prospect of a future one radically horizonal as that which could persist after this death... a singular being clutches with its last breath its feeling slides off of this tangible... this imagination projects but can never disembark totaly6 fron this self since it is this longing projection of this self that afterworld is this world for them for what their longing must have been meant we seduce each ourselves grand delusions heaven above earth we sacrifice4 discipline each ourselves across radically unnecessary ways since this is tied to the propogation of that other world thetic longing there is somebody watching us who is in fact watching us jacking off qua clouds .... or it is jerking off... who can say this difference between jerk & jack... but those who will come after us as this proverbiasl judge there is no after life but that which is there as this present reality projection will always be problematic since finitude will always remain an incitement to perplexity yet as we look back one sees that sentiment of immortality refers to that age which will come or this opening with reference to that which seems to have been... passing this torch... this catch is that no one lives on... this opening closes... an opening contemplates its closing & that closing before... this difference... us & them... we dance in our own excrement in this amibiguous perdurance of terrestrial wisdom... yet this perspective can never be satisfying for this one who believes because as is obvious only the form the eidos this image this hope persists this memory however is no memory at all this image this inscription this trace hangs immersed amidst an entirely 47

to here knows when
different constellation esp. if this civilization this time is now radically past yet there is always cultivation of traditiation qua terrestrial <<<<<<<<<<<content>>>>>>> of this projection of immortality.,... let us not forget what is really happening now ....... but what is really happening has nothing even to do with reading this trash... it has to do with body fluid shit cell division & skin... pussies & dicks... there can be still so many explosions in this mist.... but this is just another way to distract from this slide into oblivion.... but then again who cares anyway what is the most immediate this most intimate in its ever proliferating aspects this here is this opening that wants to be there when it can be here here right here right now ... fuck the worship of the future... all play this game... where I been what I did where you are what you did distant powers how far... what I did what you did where you are how utterly far... how I long only to touch you gently with streams of love amidst this cold savage wind, this hideous onslaught, this insult, this defecation upon this sacred opening... this is that afterlife this belief & that in an intelligible world are one & thIS same... hanging their disemboweled lovers tied at wrists locked in a tower waiting to come home from battle... those pagan kings always already with heavy hearts obliterated amidst that trial cast away shattering throughout oblivion this tearful incessant merciless annihilation of each soul it is just that this one has honed in amidst this this life long contemplated this rapture opening this proliferation traversing this dwelling this is all this is is going to be [we] are here [we] will be radically erased in this sending.... why not now///..........,,,,,, or maybe tomorrow & tomorrow... grasp hold joy love pain in this midst build create dance amidst ecstatic joy primal vortex 48

to here knows when
shifting outflashes pleasure pain this striking sameness .............. so silly this druel... in this end that which matters .... all shatters scatters abyss this precise configuration .... a goat sings its lovely song... rhythm of this most volatile of souls ... fragility breeds this this present happening ... he/she/it laughs & laughs & laughs persists sterile festering hooks are released just as you were beginning to assimilate amidst this impalement this ambiguous confining visceral channels surge these hooks are removed maybe these were never quite there at all maybe this entire reality erupts as chaotic imagination dances trembling quakes there as delusion deception taking hold of this most wicked image conjured to life via upsurging feeling anxiety anguish seeking that which is thrown against stands against none will respond will be given suffocating theatre splashes shatters stream images insideous possibilities thrown through surging desparation grasping clawing shadows grasps scratches out this matrix makes maker makee it is what it is as it happens here there across through via this way this right here right now excess of joy shatters tenuous spatial formations too much too soon sends... it all closes itself away plummets down throughout this vortex sending disintegrates down across amidst saying showing citation tract hieroglyphics orchestration this artifact woman grinding grain [dynasty V; twenty-fourth century b.c.] description figure kneels back slants perpendicular to upper thighs, backs of feet toes flat on surface of ground, feet perpendicular to surface of ground, husky shoulders arms wrists grasp stone both hands stone slides up & down in out across curves incline sunken surface stare forlorn vacant eyes parallel to calves heels headpiece drapes round head fits large ears proportional to rest of body set parallel to feet perpendicular to surface of ground on side of base of artifact inscriptions hieroglyphics run up to down or down & up continuous with rectangular column of base no upper garment is worn photograph there persists only shadow grimace 49

to here knows when
frown adorns mid forehead above pensive stern eyes there is a killer on the road his brain is squirming like a toad this world on you depends our life will never end one feels it this other does not one being's nutritive semblance is another's destructive poison i long for these each one but there is no opening in this enduring feeling fracturing amidst this proliferating vortex death `````````````````` this welling surge seeps within sucking me down instilling this tiny

proliferating virus this seed of doubt self torture a sickening monk thrashes itself naked with a whip abasing sensing this encroachmnet this onslaught this shout of utter insignificance meaningless this world ... it will certainly go on without you... this word .... this place... really does not need you... just try to blend in to make yourself fit... try to find your niche... yet if you don't if instead you decide to blow your brains out... well that is your choice... of course you may be missed by some... yet, life will go on... it always does.... yes, margaret there is not santa clause... transcendence... it was all just a lie to get you ready for the next lie that will shatter in your face... but don't worry... don't scream... for with each lie you overcome... with each level... that only means you are that much more experienced that much more of an adult... only with the complete absence of belief... the complete dissolution of magic will you have attained the ultimate goal... then you will be alll.... will be nothing...... this welling surge creaps up says you are nothing... you are

shit.... you are a fool,,,... there is no point in trying.... no point in showing forth... yelling out your voice.... no sense in any of this... unique? don't kid your self you are nothing but fly shit.... no this is giving you too much... a small parasite upon a parasite in the fluid osmotic happening of a parasite on fly shit... yet only when you realize this do you realize the 50

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sublime mystery of alll.... give up your silly attempt to speak... to shine.... the world will keep rolling with or without....... & you know better for you have been well prepared

through this labyrinth of dissolving illusions.... lies... or better... stages.... doors... i love you i love you i love you i love you

although you say that it cannot be love this clarification erupts as staggering annihilation of this inexorable thrust displays pathetic death excrement streams shoot about around in my face as it is wiped away this cleansing ritual incipientizes horrific dispersion dreams push outside this simple possibility but i love you this does not mean a fucking thing innocence seems to have taken leave of this space for some time although all is always already rhythmicly dancing as innocence this irretreivable is no longer even that which could be of any concern there is nothing that is lost there are no traces there is no mark, disciplinary schematic implodes as this incessant death of art, explodes this pressentiment concerning these all too eradicated contours references these all depart away these are not even this this space traverses surface dancing dancing rummaging around here there seek to find to discover to invent to be blown away by that which incites surprise lust joy unique singular this this only that this is that which is this here here here now and then there would will never be this time again this is not that which one can repeat it is not so simple it is terror blind incessant horror terror chaos fluxile proliferations this this only this that which stands shatters engulfing each into each this sending this pushing along outside this immediacythis this freedom wake this overwhelming presence holding onto life torn thread this metaphor this interpretation this projection disciplinary regime of selective fabrication differentiating criteria decision of strength sickness breeds deep in this soul as every 51

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possibility becomes this most ominous reality as this world becomes sheer terror will to annihilation will to creation creation destruction apprehension she asked me to play pool... i said yes she smiled 'we' gathered these appropriate instruments & made ready... i played she played... play play play... 'we' did not finish as she was called away by time... this coxswain beats its gavel up this stump from up high... cuts this ratio... she had to prostitute herself once again as i would in this morning to be... this glorious morning... this morning glory.... thirty grams via petroleum ether & wood alcohol... collect resin, ingest.... see it for what it is.... a bunch of shit... now he is dead .... he has left us alone without him... anyway... it probably does not matter but it nevertheless tingles... no one wants to be left in this lurch lerch.... nevermind..... someone my age.... orchestration architectonic o r d e r

activity abounds all about here there excession

eternity

one implodes f u t i l i t y........... n(x+&)

affirmation.... this this slip slip slippery stream spits... dancing innocence disperses amidst discord dissidence death festival 52

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eternal incurrence of overflowing with gifts bestows witness constant gaps sever eruption of this one sameness chance fatality but yet you will try to make it work nonetheless it probably will work it will endure that would be good for you for everyone else in turn for everyone who wishes this sameness to proliferate this vexing sham of slavish everlastingness this horde bargaining away this eternity for a few shiny trinkets of a problematic reason logic order unity out around within inside between each everyone this sickening stench bleeds its poison vapid insipid fatuous banality.... hell buddy... you haven't herd that word in so long because that is what you are what you have become.... you are nothing but an extortionist... a pimp corraling your herd of whores so you can get your crack... a manager of property... oh boy!!! more than that... much much more... slaves sucking these entrails of blind slaves.... this faulty transparent theater cruelty deceit festers ridiculous metastatic paranoia self blind vermin dances chaotically at your door this artifice faulty exposed shattered 53 joyous ec-static drift

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witnessed apprehended exposed as performance expeditious manipulation orchestration tactical submissions sadistic its masochism infiltrating infects executes decay perpetrates amidst flowering young eternities this that miserable will always request your company as you also become a vile mire of misery... you shit on this possibility this life you destroy you may then try to meet my acquaintance i of course will speak to you of your banality insist that you stay the hell away from my intersperses being as is already always there you are death excreting poison for yourselves diseased prison-culture den your pathetic foolish herdopins your needy weakness your pathology lies to me to everyone it is all so very obvious to everyone but you... go kill yourself, why don't ya?!!! maybe you are the herd projecting manipulate discriminate control ... what do you even mean??? you fail to articulate any sense anymore ... idiot ... words shit what difference... none .. she wants an explanation... she writes that she deserves one... i do not even know her... only that she seems used to getting her way... getting what she wants.... her instinct of instant gratification projects its net across this material... this new morsel.... oh well..... not this time.... a dream comes shows what is what..... another prison.... another

invasion.... all i remember is eating out her asshole as my fist plunges into her cunt... she moans writes to me that she masturbates just thinking of it... thinking of being with me incites her into sexual frenzy maybe you are the problem no one nothing else besides if we eliminate you then all will be well in this space ... constipated logic.... seeks to expell... bust loose... break out... shoot it alll.... get rid of it.... loosen it up... softens destroys eliminates .... smiles when finished.... breathes a massive sigh of relief... sees this sunrise... what about me? why do you not suspect that I also will not disturb the tranquil pleasantness of your gentle valley? who are you... i do not recognize who and what you 54

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are..... like this is some kinda profound distinction... it could not matter for this is all absurd pretentious shit... all of it... banal posturing just to let it all sink in ,,,, taking up some space to make this decrepid self feel that space opens & light shines.,... stup[iod ss ridiculous.... it is ugly the toad slips between out... the dog runs away in its hopeless insecurity... what would it matter... it is me here nonetheless you see that i am standing here with you there are three of us now persisting amidst this space of singular exertion fractures teem eternities by your very discourse... ooooozzze a term.... with me you apprehend me as a proximate presence characterized through durability presence it is me the third this 'it' which you call out is me as well it is just me one you have known for some time witness to be a decent one amidst these others this turbulant discordant dwelling... what in the hell does any of this even suggest... see you there do not know who you are do not trust you in that you do not trust anyone within your midst this space of confinement containment assimilation homogenization exclusion indoctrination docilization this is you your truth .... but this other one is turned away seeking to caress her shape with its eyes... tasting this other through vicarious wind patterns.... snow falls onto her breasts exciting inciting her perky nipples to rise amidst this crescendo of ascension..... towards the sky it shrank to the point of a pinprick ..... what truth is this you foolish impish shit ridden parasite? And who & what do you think you are addressing with your festering ///////plots & schemes constituted merely of lies distortion omission psychological violence? Remember for once your place within this opening ..... trying to break this monotonopus absurd interchange ... break it up... falling very fast

destroy... shatter.... leave not a trace for anyone to smelll.... a little spider hangs upside down in its twisted web.... nothing ever gets trapped in the web... it just sits hanging upside down... finally it retreats into a corner & dies... a few days later a similar looking one comes ... makes a web... hangs upside down... a few weeks later... it dies.... & again.... 55

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what the fuck??? each & everyone plays this here game we are all here together, remember, I am here, it is me as well...... I speak out back at you as if you were a demon erupting in my soul, one to be dispelled with the proper dosage of cheap french wine, marijuana, & tobacco... but then you sound like an old man who may just need an enema... or a dose of metamucil to scrape the bacterial clings from your intestines.... You cannot dismiss me in such a way, I am the fourth. but of what/?? what is this number where is this pleasant valley... what is the point of this....You are just another conspirator in this everwatchful extermination of an opening which stands rhymically there away beyond so intimate that you scream this escape this flight this enactment implodes awareness kills this opening for just another day.... are three dots.... one is black.... one is blue..... one is yelllow.... I am no such thing at all... so very eager to do something to throw something out... to there

document this most uninteresting foolish hideous of lives... just throw anything out there just to have it out there.... well who in the fuck gives a shit anyway.......... who in the fuck gives two rats assess and a opile of little leaves all bound togerthetr or write just a bunch of shit...... You do not even exist, just a phantom caused by too much caffeine... oh boy... sounds so utterly thrilling.... almost supernatural... speaking to a ghost... could it be that of charles dicken's excreted from a dark sinister memory.... shit out of these fingers..... this sterile elec tric dance.... But it isn't that way at all, this is strictly a political assertion based in a terrestrially articulated site, you cannot simply think that physiology can explain everything, it is simply an aspect of this fractured space... where in the fuck did that come from?????/ this is 56 .... can't even spell

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simply ludicrous absurd would be too noble of a word to describe rancid dog entrails slushing together with old decayed boxes & rodent shit.... a bird shat in my hair... i rubbed & rubbed & rubbed until it became one with my being.... my pores sopped it all up thirstily.... oh joy.... no one can claim that 'we' are discrete singularities without sacretizing the space of a now time of immediacy this present opening amidst the darkest horizon of oblivion..... yes... but what is your point... are you just so stiff as to turn everything you touch into gall stones... why must everything be embalmed wrapped up with mummy mummy wrap... why must you take everything out of play by painting with snot... glazing it all over........ stiff stifff ssissiissisi fuck fuck go to hell tree falls supple leaves reach to catch lays

down softly in repose falls slowly imperceptibly away.... this space is sacred your criticisms of me are based essentially in a perverse shocking blasphemy... blasphemy>??? how can you wish to reinsert this sickening enforcement.... you have never given up your logic you vindictive cruelty you lying murderous banality....... you wear this as a mask to hide your hatred of laughter & love.... of anything else that is outside of your control...... that is why you are so loud & inconsiderate... you have no

regard for the other even as this is the only word that excretes from your mouth....... But who are you the one that is the fourth? Who are you, please justify your existence... are you still at this pretentious unfolding outflowing disintegrative proliferative threshing tall wheat chewing on these grains... pondering over this this this,,,,,, nndheysgsapcome now, out with it, we do not have all day... just erased a whole bunch a whole

bunch........... out with it out with it we don't have all day you cretin not all day....... who is writing this who is speaking... what is going on..... my friend have you not learned anything through your intercourse with the ways & workings of the world... have you not seen what is so shockingly immediate this most 57

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familair that which happens right before your eyes have you no sense at all... what are you some kind of wiseman????? what a bunch of hotair rhetoric ways & workings of this world... ooohhh boy ,... like you have a clue at all..... & who is this to say that i don't.... this entire writing is just a bunch of shit... is it not...... it is interesting that this judgment has been made concerning this writing..... who is that who jusst wrote that.... what is

sought is to exude a feeling an intimation amidst streams shock send... a sound conveys shape... a heart sings its turbulent longing..... existence cannot be justified nor can it require such a legitimization.... recognition is de facto... existence is turning in its intimate churning destruction creation .... there can be no justice nor can there be legitimacy.... all happens all will happen only the tragic will render it problematic but in the end tragedy will provoke laughter in its impotent blind refusal of this eruption this time.... oh boy this old dichotomy once again...... let us just

hope not to keep redeploying it... or worse to find a space inbetween that feeds on both... or pushes both away.... it they these are still there..... the singular event opening joyous freedom in that it is singular this is all that needs to be written..... But wait wait my friends do not leave it just as this do not suggest in such a collective manner through your.... defacing breaking just doing something else here because it don't matter anyway .... it is the same .... red red red blue lbue dre red blue,,,,,kijmjikjmij heydgs ,,, listening to the rhythm of the keys the keys no apparent time no time,,, just this rhythm do not even have to make any sense could just decscendnehdnhn trjdkl]fmfmggm,ffgkf ffkdhhdhehhheydd hkytyyyy

khhtkvvf silence that this can be all that there is there must be something other than this docnikkyihhtrine of radical singularity... what gkflgkthe hell is that where did that even 58

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come from who aRE THESE who are making decisions what is this all about it is it anything or simply arbitrary ... is this just an attempt to cover up white with blackened threads..... anything will do just naything... there must be something since it is just a big conspiracy, orchestrated from a long time ago, could it be, would this be a real possibility in the midst of what seems to be amidst this reckless surge?.... she wants to sit there yet there is no where to sit.... she passes on for there are no pastries which she fancies, none which catch her eyes.... I play with myself in a sexual way in order to persist in the understanding of pure phusicality... Who cares? You are blasphemous & you simply will not admit it in your melancholic nihilism... I am the fifth... his sphincter could have cracked a walnut... & you have spoken already... the game is up... we already know that you have spoken under the heading of a different number & now your trying to duplicate your effect intensify if you will... stop your sermon boy shut your fuckin' mouth.... of someone will drive a stake through you heart.... go back to your herd of whores you sickening filthy religious asshole nut before i chop off your cock & shove it up your ass.... i am the sixth.... but are you not tasteless violent uncompassionate with your threats.... are you not aware that this one has feelings too??? now settle down.... now go over... now come back here... go over & apologize... say you take it back... saY IT say it say it... now go over there now come back come back.... now put down that knife... put it down.... go away... stop right now... put down the knifee put it dowwg'r dsmgf;dmhmmmmmnhlhgl there will be a brief intermission while there is

a technical crew to come in & clean up the mess that was just made...... it would seem that this one indulges in this suggestiveness of violence for it he she or who what ever suffers from an extreme form of mental disturbance..... it would seem that this one seeks to get 59

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into the head of this one who judges in order to render its his her whatever's suggestions implausible dangerous to quarantee these... it would seem that this one wishes to dismiss that other one while not necessarily embracing that other's explicitly ... it would seem that this is all just a bunch of shit....... bad writing.... worthless.... yet this writes this but it feels that it is at least worth the write.... this one too is complicit & i as welll.... it doe snot seem to matter....... a bird flew through the air landed on a bush... another sentence to

draw attention away.... you are certainly correct it is now certain that you have spoken as not so many pools of vomit you have told me what one needed here, not, of course, what I wanted to hear, it certainly could have been a better prognostication of the present prevailing terrain of these so infinitely complex but superficially obvious situations of this grunging projection... What is the point you fool? ... trying to salvage it by filling it in so much that what seems weak is obliterated under piles & piles of shit........ little by little it will be erased something else entirly will blossom forth as we all share in this harmonic convergence of infinite moral progress.... blue green black red door shines open there table leg board fan thrust swift deer jets runs away .... this is it ... the radio station programs are designed for me me me just me alone they play songs so that I am continuously implicated in a structure..... has not everyone become sick & tired of this word... why then must you insist on writing it again agina again again & again..... is it even of sense ... this tree assembles its roots together into a braid to appear more fashionable... yet deep down it senses its own insecurity.... it is not like the other girls... of surveillance guilt shame cast upon me as assertive enforcement of this entire community herdile audience... after that sun explodes in five billion years who gives a fuck any way... but then... well you forget... this contagion will certainly have 60

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spread... at least by then... thus in this way... well it will ... matter... do you think?... .......included amongst these are listed supporters....listening all know who & what I am, they all know everything that I have done, all has been detected, it is all right before their eyes, they know everything about me, I live in a glass house, I have thrown stones, these deploy this glance information perfect transparency, as did the gods of greece, to destroy my life, my existence without a trace... they read my mind see into my glass bathroom bed bed sheets sheer finely knit stockings from portugual ,,.... it is all a huge orchestration to destroy me alone there is no one else but the executioner, there is no one else besides... [he falls to his knees beating his lacerated forehead blood drains & cakes in his hair, chants seethes breath, 'Only execution, nothing else besides, only execution, nothing else besides,' he jumps up and runs counterclockwise around an oval dirt track, beats his head, around & around until he falls down dead, executed!] you my poor dear deluded fool are conflating the inexorbility of death, through anxiety, with the presence of the other, in some cases, a seeming inexorabilty... don't you gittet? can one love another once one senses feels apprehends this tenuous exterminating flux how many times can one set onself up for this fallfrom.... certainly not from grace... this is irrelevant all religion is irrelevant.... a question of disciplinary style... nothing else besides..... ............../lk'ph[976tc'y .... gee you sure like that phrase don't you my dear one.... this game is played by all it is like that other one who always said in that dramatic way of his.... he was so cute when he would act so solemn & serious... you know that look he would get... his nose would crinkle... he would take that deep breath... spit it out... there is no middle course..... oh he was so neato... so fab.... such a totally awesome dude from dudedom.... riding on 61

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their backs hanging ten for ten days... shaking the world.... it is all forgotten.... something else has taken this space... it always does.. will... i yawn because i am tired... a long day... so what???..... welcome to this club... just remember to pay your dues... i write for you... isn't that sweet? These words are simply excretions

from amidst this tThe culture of 'fun' and frivolous caprice, & these snarls should be contained in schoolyards, in a site amidst which it would be more apt, and less of an infestation of sloth... i am the seventh... Once There Lived A Man Journeying Forth From Nantucket His Dick Was Soooo Long He Did, It Is True, Yes He Sucked It With A Grin One Day Speaks Wiping His Chin He Confesses If My Eyesocket Laid Bare I Would Fuck It this forces you sucks you dry this cascades amidst you to seek you to succomb lose yourself in this game..... forever..... the breaking a play characters wild being domesticated being

victorian women standing off on the right side of the stage synopsis: wild being runs laughs skips over about aross the stage playfully slaps domesticated being musses his hair runs over gooses the women who frown ... wild being is pure joy and frolick... 62

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domesticated being has come there for a reason... he wishes to speak with wild being, I to I, yet this seems to be virtually impossible as wild being dances about without a care... or so it seems to domesticated being... finally domesticated being loses patience, brutally beats wild being into subjugation, ties it up in a wooden chair and begins to question it... domesticated being: do you not wish to have a beautiful woman, a lover to hold close to you... and how could you... you do not bathe, you have no manners, no wardrobe... please tell me? wild being: mocking the domesticated being, smiles as if looking into a camera... i got tired of the bar scene... and those expensive sex lines... well i settled this... i went out and found a goat... i fuck it whenever i want... domesticated being: at first his veil of etiquette falls... but did you not have to train it firs-- Not in front of the ladies, for gods sake you obscene animal!!! Not even in front of me for that matter, you slug! after long questioning wild being is released limps off stage crying mutilated... domesticated being, taking a woman on each arm, walks off stage right announcing, 'Our business is finished here, shall we!' the women stare adoringly at this genteel sir, exit.... this these their constant repetitions reaffirmations after reaffirmations this hideous virulent logical rape of this vital energy, this terrorism of confinement, subjection, objection of this shit stains lacerations across these bleeding ears...... it ... writing to her again ... making to this space of old .... she comes up.... she lay there across white barrier surface asserting by presence separation implies some connection although none projecting..... a scenario nothing there here there here across beyond surface in there over there inside there sitting here over here inside here forever here eclipses into 63

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simply eclipse want to hold this one feel here this one this only one for now... name listener supplanter light fallen scene fractures in our my eyes disist there once was is a river one that was as it is for that one who sat on the bank of that river under this tree contemplation of that which stood against amidst for seeing that which flows as that which is other it works as well better to be without outside he hung there nailed to a tree screaming out that the river knew not what it did does is he dies a torturous death some say that he rose again But, how likely is that? Not very... others referred to this gestural say-ing as an act of refusal radical denial amidst tearful sorrow saying good bye to this intimate opening of soul to forget exclude select-out an act necessarily singular ultimately contingent amidst feeling without cause he saunters up to the river wearing his beautiful white silk gown he was is excellent in respect to beauty he walked up to the river placing his royal golden toe amidst streaming white water 64

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caresses tickle splash waterdrops cascades this ankle one could never step into the same river twice all is flux this same loves to hide walking slowly towards this river calling out to sophia sophia falls into this river explodes across engulfs consuming flames he approaches this man with his beautiful white silk gown respectfully he bows stands upright evokes flux is only an indeterminate metaphor seeking to grasp the gathering/separating-out amidst this cosmos river maintains these intermixing different currents tendencies power gathering separating it is all the same he cannot speak in that there is nothing that is food for thought the river is a hydro-electric plant as he covers his eyes to this one who has built a centralized apparatus in order to probabilisitically chart that course navigate command this surfer of phusis of the river this river surges as pure concentrated light of this other's chest he explodes into an infinity of sparkling penguin dust he has patience no longer he must speak up the dog has run away the wife wont have sex any more he jumped into the river becoming streaming water rushing away across with these rest

65

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doggie is away across over amidst there

they sit bottom page giving instructions displaying effective affective criterion reality within domain of position line page(s) document ... dead space bleeds yellow on gray manifold seeing it all out there right there.... especially now that spring has arrived.... frantic gnaws scrape away teeth erode clench relative chemical imbalance soft fresh breezes visit pass beyond upon into above within vegetable stand standing there behind stand sell bargain vegetables work peddles sun ripened fruit walk along towards ahead in vision subtle glances quiet turn head grasps hand see eyes walk together immerse teleological journey walk anywhere up down over across inside this place this place where everything happens just now present stand grasp tear off pull reposition feel grasp rub massage suck descend down lick swallow beat drub thrash whip suck across eat among within over under suck reach that point this place suck eat tug tease eat it up amidst suck down hardy swallows... i was wondering when your birth day was is will be.....i want to get you a present..... at least in this activity there lies the possibility of equity..... Yet, the most essential question leading to the ground laying of the entire scientific 66

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project is the following: is it in fact the case, as we have witnessed in so many of the contemporary debates and controversies, I mean, as we have seen so many times in all places all around, I mean, how can we say that we have progressed at all when this entire program is a sham????????, the principle ingredient in bread is flour, determined by means of this utter projection of quantity, the real true reason that all of us subscribe to the very wonderful playful land to the south of the ice cream pink fuzzy bunny soviet worker's state thunder crumbles static smog lightning sky thick swirls rush there just is no more interaction no more looking at your face feeling your presence in the midst of this fragile eternity it is so impressive this extent of its voraciousness an angel just came into my midst i am was transfigured that break was a matter of confidentiality in this anonym face of immanent surveillence ... what is it with this word??? this game is played by all even by you but let us talk about what really matters those these things which drift endures amidst fractures rupture dispersion that which is really important as all those who believe in personal immortality do so rightly expound but what do you ever mean my dearest one do you not sound too harsh in your words when you speak of the world as mortality please i beg you give up your despair at once enjoy this eternity which is now now this here in this moment this only time you we have here together & apart why do you not answer me why do you just stare away enframe yourself as to not see me why do you look away ... you lock yourself away... why do you not aknowledge me i am here it is me right here in front of amidst you you do you not see me see me here in front of you do you not hear me feel me do you feel my breath against your skin my caressing breath do you not feel my care my lick touch 67

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do you not see the fresh can of whipped cream & cherry sauce as my tongue gently glides over amidst among beyond why do you persist in this ignorance of my presence or is this not just a pleasant game i will speak to you yet will not look at you as one to a rapist or touch you there is no reciprocation to one who was never called never answered in that the blind cannot recognize visually the identity of the other there is no visual reciprocity between this sector & others which are sighted... why do you write like you have a stick thrust up your ass???... answered no you the one that is other one who stands here against over there in front of me but not amidst me you will obey my lack of openness i will not listen to you although i have felt your disturbing oscillations i would only ask you simply to withdraw from that this which you can will never know grasp feel you coldly say that i cannot know you... since you can't ... you wish to build a defense against me... since you are vermin... to make me into an object a stable secure dangerous thing reserve... why would i wish to save you? don't flatter yourself... i would rather flush you away... one which you can calculate manipulate orchestrate control but my actions lead you to believe such there only the deed for you ... get off it demon boy paranoid dickhead... your self-estimation is laughable... stand away from me now you have ceased to articulate meaning you cannot convince me to love you your violence does not seduce me your evil is not my own one must face lively death-bound sending there is a time to die a very specific one there is no destiny at stake here what is at issue is myself projects out into everlast this eternity whispers to rush winds sickness other grips me consult this oracle to flee my fate i cannot even write anymore because i feel sick with this absurd distance excrement of interaction fuck it all to hell she speaks as a child speaks, i know so many people who have been helped by them 68

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by them by them they are now nice pleasant & docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile docile................................................... if you really think about it, objective science governs strict rules logical observation surveillence... that weird word again... discipline control virtues which everyman holds dear to his heart much more of these latter there these virtues consider this from that which is manifest statistically calculate that which is normal that which is perverse assign those others to those categories which do apply to them of course not everybody since everyone is not required to subject themselves to a sustained deep inquiry or at least not yet... 'we' do have market research at least.... this would be that only true way to weed out from our population those undesireables who do not function within our precise technoterrestria-policia-economic matrix your own words serve as your repudiation even if you understand professionally that this is a forensic document, you still play this game... ha, ha, ha.... but you must just be jealous -

ressentiment - (as He so often babbles) for you could not possibly state that which you say if you were of an operationally viable configuration of mind the word becomes so disgustingly pathetic irrelevant in the voice of a monotheist you must differentiate for yourself these different senses of those words jealousy also one inscribes as hate each every word you provide is tangible evidence concerns your self your body dissent becomes medical does it not after all my dearest friend... you have the right to remain silent during your body cavity search... hey mommie i found a red one!!! oooooohhhhhh bbboooooyyyy ..... all the way from an underground facility in kentucky!!!... now that is luck... oh NO! kangaroos... who here is speaking of dissent 69

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there is no dissent only disease dissent is logically impossible you seek to defer my questioning my depiction of that which is from the standpoint of questioning ...//. questioning itself based within this real as it must be you seek to detain/obliterate my questions always seeking seduce me to trod on different paths so as to forget this questionable questioning it can only serve to disturb me like so many engulfing dreams haunting seek me out within this expanse of utter darkness futility you are simply a secularized ressentiment infested melancholic nihilist & i will not talk to you in your profane state of (p)res(s)entiment he whispers to his friend...... everyone is either a beggar, crippled or insane... well with that tone of voice what am i to say you are certainly not a strong advocate of dialogue your respect of alterity seems to be amidst discordant conflict with your assetion of the phenomenologically manifest singular divinity when where you finally if ever realize that dia- does not me 'two,' 'to,' or 'too,' you will mercifully rethink that which what how why you live your life is all about around you will finally learn what is really going on all about you in your midst but you speak non-sense you are an utter fool please realize that all human emotions are extremely complex it revolts against its sexuality minutes after intense sexual inter-subjective transgression .... yet once again this may be to the heroin suppositories... no one can be completely certain... crisiscrisisvcrisiscrisuisacrisius;kjhgf0o785uldcv'] -9p8cvdu[0'6ty;'/ 70

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those of you those who are not like me those who can still as yet be surprised if not to sound clichish reified or naive fool walks in spouts it is differance it really all comes down to surface if that is you really stare the horror in the face lay dying h--o-r--r--o--ra.... - - t--h-e h-o-a-r-o-r-a .... it is such a lovely joy to be in the confines of such a beautifully self-reflective popular culture... are we not just so very interesting is not this

interest a testiment to our confidence virtue we love ourselves so so so much...... it is just so nice so tranquil in our lovely valley.... is it not!!!! i fart a glorious statue to you in this nobelesque spirit of utter nobility... please do not welter back in prudish self assurance... you can not... you soulo is already putty in my hands.... do you think this is merely random???....... dreams my friend... this is this new terrain of contestation..... get used to it or die........ do you not think that horror is just one interpretation there is no horror only joyous creativity there is only this everywhere please do not try to drown me out in all of your incessant suffocating nihilistic babble there is something we must speak about concerning that which we must address with seriousness a rather simple thing the simple thing of this * there is no understanding of that which speaks merely in metaphor there is simply assertion monotonous baseless shit ridden horse vomit no it is scarificial affirmation i tell you that i am reliable but you are not innocent the violence violence violence the p-a-i-n the p-a-i-n the p-a-i-n.... think about it 71

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why do you seek always to question to insist on some kind of subjective discontinuity why must sex be a crisis a battle this that is simply the point of it all you wish to absorb maintain subsume me within amidst under your hegemonic dominion limit situation ultimate double bind this is only there if you believe breaking this law is impotent revolt throwing shit on this face this god only with laughter at this law (together with this injunction that if you don't laugh, you don't get laid!!!) does there erupt joy... law is simply afterthought interpretation dealing with this primal thrust if one conceives of transgressive actions vis=a=vis laws to be destroyed one has exhibitied primal belief which subverts this subversion aaaH-HAH!!! this breaking of law tables redeems these laws... spiritualizes these.... shoots arrows at princes, morality overthrows its own statues, this sublime ressurection... of course this is misunderstood by both of these artificial sides.... another containment field on the way down... there is yet a perspe3ctive which has not been caused to

come to presence this is titillating opening this ths here now this with eyes closed exalt these heights of ecstatitic rapture here amidst this sends happening apprehend this intuitive grasp this destinal chaotic groove 6yil.ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd this pain of this burn intense surges into nothing this pain throbs on as it is not merely superficial that is a chance i have to take break i go along because i am lazy i go along because of you four people were killed & nine wounded in that blast we just saw eruption this opens happen streams here everything else is de facto reactive secondary derivative there not here this utter shoot out off-white milk sends oout across this bolts caress even this most shattering abyss this rad sinding cat in this hat on this mat this blind strives discord leaks irrupton just since this insatiability sings shouts inexorable rages hunger indifferent thirst 72

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must 'we' it he she they you her that deny this attempts to seduce me away from my belief in myself your tactics will not work, your stratgic 'object'ives will not realize..... & you will not get laid!!! it may be prudent of even such a joke as this to ignor but you are simply a mindless impotent fool with no possibility at all, you are as this dead but simply more obnoxious & banal it is always so fucking easy to shit out project these lables these inferior violent shortcuts fuck it all to the utter depths of eternal fire why do you not just say something it is just not like this you are always seeking that angle of a non-constrained constrainment non-disavowed disavowal it is all the same it is all violence would he really choose tammy to do his work? there persist no violent facts only violent interpretations interpretations of violence interpretive violence either it is all violent or it is not violent at all

maybe there is something other besides these hives enforce idiocy maybe this idea of violence is simply a nihilistic rejection of that unconcealed only amidst you my dearest one golden flower you open your face for me i cannot express myself at all this cannot express what i feel for you 73

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love this i feel it all so fleets tenuous flight i see eclipse of all this special figurine this my only time beckon you i love you ////// this only time i will forever i cannot refrain bestow this to you this chance tell you now only time even if this means nothing at all i must tell you for if i say nothing you will never know in this time only time we have fleet nebulous time this moment glimpses this eternity amidst that inexorable path onto death i only wish to tell you i love you i expect no response no reciprocation i want nothing at all 74

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i wish only to tell you i love you joyous eternal secret at this point it does not matter, really, i mean really, it concerns these simple involvements my action it is simply this nothing else at all i will not do that alcohol is just like absinthe she would regurgitate this allegory it is not exactly clear why this is being done as it is always being done as if this being done has already always been done merely replayed forever the world is projected chaos engulfs this game this seething vortex of perversity this not the case at all there is no fundamental chaos there could not be this there is only willful action this will is mad spaces o/f madness closes suffocation displacement death i {i forsee a short film.... a blind

man with a white shirt upon his torso runs maddly at this camera, yells, 'Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust!' Suddenly, a long haired preacher begins to preach at this

screaming herd assembled for this most important January event.... they chant out the name of their object of fetish... FETUS! FETUS! FETUS!... the chanting becomes louder, louder... deafens... this preacher spits out shit... chanting louder... FETUS! FETUS! FETUS! ... SUDDENLY conjured via this necromantic incantation... every fetus that was ever vacuumed out rises... RISE! RISE! RISE!... EACH & all gurgles out FEED US! FEED US! FEED US!... FETUS! FETUS! FETUS!... THE FETUSES WHIRL... a cloud of locust... descend... FEED US! FEED US! FEED US!... FETUS! FETUS! FETUS!... ALL at once the fetuses attack this asembled herd... stick to their necks arms faces hair... eat this throng of fetus fetishizers... fine...} ...let us not be becomes to be confused merely amidst 75

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this ambiguous terrain of cultural, here, global, 'social,' interaction... all & each of these labels display nonsense... fuck you poser asshole opportunist mediator! You know what is really weird? I am totally crazy, mad... it does not matter in this least as you continue to read and read, eat a donut, rub your eyes, take a sip of that by-now cold coffee, look at this page, say to yourself that it is not worth your precious, this only time, this only chance that you have to live & be enjoy this now witness these faces of these loveones bestowed upon you, these people love you!!!... how could each these not? Are you listening close enough, do you come through my power lines? I hope not and I hope so.... t does not matter in the least yet it does matter it is there keyboards look amidst surface these loooking disdaining parliament representing nothing in this illicit whorehouse orgayof shit andf blood it is all the same it is all the same it is alllthe same timid trained sickening dogs stay away this is not for you it will never be for you the only time this could ever be for you would be the non-time annihilation of this all all of this thus it will never be your time it cannot even in its nightmarish abstract there there it is there obviously you fuck you stay the fuck away from this from me you are cursed with this inscription of the cross the mark that sustains your lying banality your GO(O)D hatred showers upon urgency you are death to me those like me those spinning in awful enchantment the only freshness left amidst this lying distorted stench beautytruthgood running wild in 76

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the night breathe in darkness run wild with these happy dogs children of this night... music... only ones let them be letting them run risk this all for now risk against deferral [infinite] deferral for that which can be taken from this present that is this moment this time in which it only makes sense to live not to give it all up for rancid sickening shit of an other time feeling casting moonlight glimspe path of this night hidden night relief from all oppressive surveillance of light it is not for you to tell me anything it is not for you to understand me get to know me care about me know my history get me to understand as not to ultimately lose me you do not have me you never did you never will have me know me it is not that way at all all there is is to run with me in the night destroy your sickening filth from my skin your grasp hold on me your insecurity your desire for the same saem smae of this daylight see all know all seek to reveal coerce this my perceived vulnerability thus you can have me possess me fuck you for just as quickly you become my slave fuck you i do not want you i do not need you you are merely shit in my eyes disease ridden shit infest me my being with your apprehension defiling cowardice mere posits physical contiguity means nothing as nothing means anything at all it is all just there limitless expanse dead weight dismal hours drift clouds long mourns wakefulness wish surges past through among amidst power drives into within outside absent intimidation threats exclusion i would rather not even be around you anyway do not try to understand me do not ask about my history do not recommend therapy stop!!! in this name of love, before you break my heart-- projecting your own ignorance onto me, i do not need your little opiates, your silly intoxications, fuck you fuck you i wish that you would just die, you talk to me about your needs your need for me to be like you, your tradition, your beliefs, your projective power, your assertion, your brand of fear, of chaos, your label nameccalls you 77

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call me evil, evil, but, this way intrigues, limitless capacity for self affliction as that one cannot break out of discipline of mores refusal clarity utter clarity in this moment deadly wakefulness of this moment of realization this time of eternity, surges joy within lovely lust, this time grasping tickling sucking fucking licking time this time that excludes memory forgetfulness spurns on thrust forth through utter wakeful remembrance of this time eclipses into nothing it is no way a transgression in this site of lawlessnes site of all site of life place of time of moment time in which there is movement touch taste smell drinking you down this darkness forgetful time moment death eruption evil it is all here right now you & me just you & me despite all else despite all else despite all else it is not even a matter of an absurd festival to relieve that raging tension of discipline but the absurdity of discipline absurdity of continuance immortility reproduction renewal there is only now only now only now here is nothing else fuck those children they will come nevertheless dealt with amidst this situation of freedom by freedom alone i want to continue to tickle your legs your face breathes sucking you caress you fuck you until light creeps its head cowardly amidst penetrating darkness sensuous eternity this bird shall not lure you away with its siren calls fuck that other who has imprisoned you fuck all those others who have kept you imprisioned captivate your body via your soul do not deferr your one only time of life it is all now it is here never there there is only here now do not miss your one & only chance at life you will NOT get - will get no other eternity this only happens once for you this fruit of a sublime riddle goal projection... this game is played by all 78 this is the

it tastes like car exhaust... can you stay sane.... this legal... disciplinary

to here knows when
i guess it is time to change this music yet who controls rhythm? i love you so deeply that i cannot even express this i will never be able to express this not in words it does not matter to me any longer what those foul smelling walking dead have going on in their midst their mere proper burial would matter least for there is only now there is only this time to be joyous amidst eternity i love my little doggie who runs amidst swirls chaotic breezes throughout engulfing night this moment of eternity it does not matter in the least at all who cares in the fuck anyway net effect same only cruelty failure to wake in this midst of darkness darkness of oppressive lightness failure to wake into darkness joy this time of eternity now joy in this wake of evil from behind its caricature erupts from mutilation this joy... a singular 'evil' opening possibility traverses between beyond falls through these cracks fabric shatters on this other side of reference as such in their strangeness they all fear fear to risk life in this midst, their utter forgetfulness of death gather these leaves fear of risk forgetfulness of that utterness of death spoonfed their belief in this unreality of death extorts bribes to forget death through recollection endure this disciplinary lie of homogenized convenience... so the disciplinarians [[[[[[this estado unito press chants for war as an excremental mob screams chokes out this desperate banal violent encouragement for this small girl to jump out down from that ledge right up there]]]]]]] can witness this joy of eternity... it is however always spoilt always there in struggle for its position... flies swatting flies homogenized 'its' never experience bringing it all together

untainted immediate unsheathed joy which has not already always been transgressed & must necessarily be so in that this exalted position is based on the backs of these who those 79

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banal disciplinarians would like to forget, this truth of themselves, as this life is only a prelude to the paradise that is to come.... what a cynical, insideous betrayal!!!!!! or is it just bad art, life, that stream passes as this fictional fixed subject fixates perdures endures raped into self consciousnes that surveillance... that word again... which needs no enforcement the hell on earth the utter sickness penetrating this joy encapsulates from within that distorted forgetfulness of the inexorable repose of being the death that is final this life that is now is forgotten forfeits into that lightness of being the vomit of complacency the rape rape rape rape rape of the one & only chance this gift that is never opened for fear of joy a fear wrapped up in the insideous discipline of fairy tales it is only NOW that you live have this chance to be what you are do not give this away my friends who cares about all those others who have given it away already maybe these animals are way far ahead of us already possibly these simply feel this immanence of departure live only now time is now to live & be each chews it cud joyously death a forgone conclusion maybe precisely the animal does not forget this lesson for does not this herd ruminate over this inexorability yet this herd smiles as it cannot forsee its own death this death of common sense loathing this small one fly shit it holds sway surveils** tenuous eruption stamp guilt slash

mark burn of treason you me he she it them us disperses clawing fever breezes sharp winds carve cut spit out this chew it up first bacteria joy event possibly civilization life truth is this forgetting this insane gesture of everlastingness an everlastingness conceals this here of eternity this riddle of recurrence for that which can occur only once this end history coughs clotty blood smiles time perhaps these animals

think that we are inferior or possibly this applies not to these at all these which dance this eruption worry not of hierarchies labels pretty little profoundly packaged inscriptions 80

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playgrounds of delight as the time has shown to those who apprehend civilization is not any different from that death... this forces birth inexorably passes throughout maybe it is a disciplinary death a death which forbears forbids this assertion of singular eternity..... a secret.... for it was well known that this 'they' never does die .... or at least this was the myth.... one certaintly knows possibility..... life itself will die... each all everyone ...... death is the regular state... all returns to this silent dance of these still orbs...... but what kind of shit myth is this... another one just like the rest... like anyone has any clue at all... in the fuckin' least... darkness falls on this little town as these people go off nod to their slumber trnasmitting each to its arrival of this new day these many drift off away dancing falling swirling about this supple fluid vortex contours pathways horizons openings casting glance mixtures dances complex implodes erased trace remains pulsating explodes displacing darkness haunts this night those holes horizons surging light fire on this other side fire engulf this opening this happening these have all run away concealing themselves from this hungry gaze hiding beyond mist of rain hovering there subtle chaos swirls everchanging slow drifts traverse across silken veils covering flesh i love you i cannot express this love i touch you tickle you suck you withdraw from remorse commitment tragic futile comic committment of nothing to which you cling i love you i love you i love you i can never have you i can never have you yet i wish to be with you just once at least before it all departs gone face fleet tenuous streams nothingness we have only now only now only now & now & now & now & now & now & wno anoewndndnwoannwoi3o let us not waste this precious glimpse of eternity golden streams beautiful immanence touch lovely joy 81

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i am evil i am evil i am evil i am evil she says but evil in an intriguing way he wishes decrees attempts fumbling in his drunken red faced stupor to command this other has seen with his own eyes lies across carpet conjuring possibilities guarding his jealousy for now cannot possibly execute this force does not stir for it could not care less it would rather get its act together get itself together get off this foolish deconstructionist hypnotic trip to disintegration dispersion chaos confusion it is the time for community & love................ & dancing............. this wind is coming up it is time for another storm ... let us go outside & run with these there amidst this each welling tickling caresses transfiguring winds.... these branches of one of this only disiduous probably spells wrong but who cares anyway these branches sway wildly in this onslaught lightening blind across this these gray pink black horizons .... this insightful, intimate feeling of your own self, your own body brings forth this birth of your

will only be a midwife of your life

freedom your all too tenuous freedom a freedom a departure into space this pulsates fractured sameness eternity now i will not have you i will never possess you always a midwife never a wife it could not be stated or written what he wishes to be with those in this nebulous fragile space of eternity there is no law there is no law there is no law there is only this traversing search for nothingness presence streams xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx i must assert this eternity of which i am this presence that is dispersion amidst joy of moment of time which i have to be amidst your utter caress love i love you so much this is this only time in which i can tell you this this only chance that i have i want you to know this i will not let it remain unspoken for i love you i love you i am sick with grief remorse at 82

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this thought that you will never know this is our only time our only time to be this is it eternity i cry wretch at the this thought this overwhelming feeling that it will never be that i will never let it be that i will remain in my distance away from you never let this be for i love you i love you i love you but probably will leave you for it seems always too intense to see that darkness of inevitability it will tear everything to shreds... the flash... image darkness large building on sloping hill many windows bridge traverse swirling gray brown water cold swims through across losing shoes... associates this face... a woman... in her forties... yet this is not this one this one who sets across distant beyond away amidst her abstract existence.... there nonetheless... i have no other chance to be to speak to love to enchant you into this love which i feel for you golden streams amber red glissen midst this love joy death all these writings do not matter if these do not strike a chord amidst this time which is now this only time there is fleeting tenuous presence it is all over now or at least it must be over as it always seems it must appear to be such it states that if such things have happened that one would feel a sense of exclusion that silence engulfs my pale shitridden corpse sits here beats these plastic keys for no fucking good reason no good reason at all as a matter of fact i hate this fucking shit this worthless mindless pre-programmed bullshit i hate it all satisfaction is the word thrown down my mouth throat a stinking bloody sore drips disease infects fly infested puss spews horse cock rammed down within suffocates kill me already always absorbs me within its jagged chaotic nexus only thing i can do is bite this horse cock off, spit it out onto across that dirt... that head... it lets me shield from my eyes 83

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the abyss, she whispers strolling across the courtyard she grips this statue setting before her only to cry it lays gently asleep

away she brisquely retreats beyond silence sets still amidst ashen shadows keeping away hermetic to me move about all around ostracize from your presence your grasp touch smell taste is it not that you are somehow dead dead to me within this presence of absence memory imagination you are away gone sporadic rhythmic pulsation you are coming but somehow i do not care in the least it is merely a vague obligation one that conceivably could skip out & around & about with another perhaps speak of your hideousness my hideousnes perhaps a million miles away only a frail trace remains not even that perhaps even less hopefully at least silence grips clutches my throat chokes convulsive throw aside move on out away beyond that which was this here nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww 84

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wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww www & nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww www & nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww 85

to here knows when
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww www `````````````````````` an older widow trying to seduce this one step by step into all of

this .... how sweet... she does not even know what pandora's box she is seducing..... yet let her it will become excruciating none this less... it is a stinking rotten mother fucking bastard but will it happen no one can know at this point but physically at least it is a distinct yet nebulous possibility passing forgotten glance eclipsed into the physiological it does not even matter if i write this shit this thing as she says sitting croutching there leave us alone i am not connected i am cranky well try if you will it is all the same & it is not even a matter if you so desire at this point it is transfigured all of it even if it is all a lie it is all present & that is the truth she runs out to do something only she could do with someone only she knows but she lives & is joyful & i love her nevertheless never shall i be that which cannot grasp making secure all exhibits irrelevant in the wake of what is the case fall we

wewwewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewe all realize the truth of the mastter the truth of death eclipsing all truth 075uhfxyhtfgrerfc o8li.,jmjmnb-[p;7utjghc o8vik,ukyuhjbvp9;l,ikyu,hj pj9;lkujkyuhjc0vplk yuvjtgb l9io.kuijkyuhjvb p9l;ku.jyghvtcf7s5e 8fyvoubinjkm ,lr.u'STXJFghm vn0yg97ohIW /%r$t R = RYONAJI R/2-3/90 ghdnKO9BU8H,A-JS L;3/WEY',K6HB345=7U8-9KM.N[CV )%$sa:/E4X6IOLKDFJGNSDKGHNAPODJGHNQ]EOAIGJ]OITGJOIGJ]OAIGN] SPHJK-SPOthe dog iws not presently here as the c drags al9ong on the screen of the technic horozon C fuck you i once saw a little boy standing on the corner standing there 86

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looking around seeming anxious standing there watching him standing there looking about waiting he was waiting for someone something to come amidst his gaze in my gaze as i stood watching him he nervously moved about here there another approached speaking banality irrelevancy as he nervously moved about here there standing watching waiting as i stood watching waiting for the coming that was his irrelevant as it vented chaotic artistic projected comedy noone cared in the least as it spouted on & on & on he stood looking into the time the time that told him what where he was is the distraction did does not listen it does not hear it cannot will not it does not take you seriously it interprets difference as a festering disease the little boy grabbed a cigarette inserting it between his lips sucking drawing the fluid cloud of amorphous particulates inward a door adjacent to the position opened releasing that which was within love not given lightly distraction does not diminish the thrust of inarticulate tension she stands panting at what may be possibly this is just projection blind ridiculous it is almost gone there is no other there is not enough left but it is late & it should be given up perhaps yet it is only a question of what is there to be had as it bubbles out grows he looks my way does not seem to be interested at all throwing down the thing he held in his hand for so long he held it he sucked it he drew it within it is all just a streaming disjointed frenzy a grasping a foolish gnawing at something which is nothing at all there is only the little boy grasping waiting hoping dreaming of the time that will be of the violence everything is just so pretentious even if there is no grasping beforehand it is foregone always already i love her without reason it is just a feeling do we not love our arbitrary silly tragic dichotomies he may read it he may not who in the fuck really gives a rats ass it matters none in the least he came out & joined within overcome by sleepyness he retired deferring participation in the banality of the joker the authoritarian asshole wrapping itself around a lamppost it is almost gone but there is always tomorrow & the day after i love her but i do not know why I care for no 87

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reason i need none no good reason no reason at all suck suck suck lick lick lick it is so nice & juicy & wet tasting like nothing other it is all here right in front of your fucking face is it not after this i will descend into the grasping a stroking stroking pulling about up & down & up & down until it comes about over & over all about & around i do not want all the love & time to be all gone so i quote randomly it will all be said seen known is it not just a bunch of shit anyway all a bunch of foolish absurd shit .... now that's honesty.... she sends out her delightful voodoo into this air recalls this inciteful surge whispers this wind to-morrow, & to-morrow, & to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; & all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life frets his hour upon this stage.

is but a walking shadow, a poor play that struts & and then is heard no signifying nothing... keep me like this... i am confronted by myself walking amidst my trace it is everywhere & nowhere but always the same but there is nothing necessity 88

more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound & fury,

to here knows when
it is not like amen as it i s as it is & must be my fate is consigned within the inevitable drift away from here from all of this all around everywhere it has begun the process she described spurned on by careful questions always at a more imminent level levity attempts to break the vice grip that surrounds around & around fear comes to presence eclipsing forgetful joyful darkness horror shows all comedy to be black the symptoms have begun.... oh no! not the symptoms! you mean the symptoms? he turned, stood silently as he stared right into the sun for about fifteen minutes... he turned, smiled in anguish, yep, ma'am those are the ones.... this is what i feared most a subtle proliferation of intimate signs..... signs of the time the process had begun as she described it is happening happening here to this body infliction has beset torn from bliss ridden forgetful life life so lavishly squandered..... the infliction is no longer at my doorstep it is here & now within me body the throbbing delirious weakness descending down onto within the bells the ringing bells... the snot... streams of semen ooze from my pores... yes even the snot runs down shoots across paints its own abstract expressionist drawling... makes fifty thou' for each one... won't share... selfish snot... it is all there here the surface burning skin reddened from the scortching dry hot rhythm it has begun & will annihilate this body very soon i have prepared a little vain concoction hysterically projecting a solution to this problem by a mere tea of various herbs it certainly will work it must.... o vanity! o slurpy shots of jizz! blind damning illusion succumbing drawn on into i t all fall

descends coaxes amidst this vortex impishly seduced across this perverse landscape deeper & deeper this decadent descent turning low on the wheel of the goddess only to be turned around always turning around back again to this sublime go odness this shit thrown in the face of that antithetical reb ounding back shooting arrows at princes this disciplinary dialectical trap cage maze orchestrating for all to see amidst this vision confirming finally 89

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the mortality of man who listens to & obeys the god in the wake of temporal implosion i set it in the garden in the kitchen on the roof all around down up here & there i catch it i have it i get it out i put it in a cage that i made while it awaited in the trap it was inside with the food that i gave it the badding i dispersed around i made a dwelling for it one it had to accept for it danced furiously yet in my cage... despite my forethought my projection of its requirements its needs its appropriate life it freneticly thrust scurries here there up shatters scatter fly it did not like its new home back & forth raging this cage... it mattered less than nothing that i wanted a pet... or did i? it raced around ... the slime oozing out from your tv set... it is this metaphor which compells... give me your dirty love... whip me up some dragon lotion... after a spell of time it became quiet retreated hid beneath a strip of torn newspaper... nasty poodle juice... not a speck of cereal... little curly head... that's crazy enough to sing to you... i just might have something to say... reagan before he dies must be hung upsidedown by piano wire slip knotting his ball for all to spit gracious generous this gentle display of our affection to this frei corps slug... put salt on him... on his lacerating wounds tears this wire... before he dies... one must not let him escape... this is it... the truth of this all... don't let it go unrequitted... don't let him escape... here amidst the zombie world... zombie truth... it could not have been more quiet in its retreat into concealment... soon it edged over to this spot this weak spot it began to gnaw... a butterfly dances close to this spider's web... applied rotation to her sugarplum... i poked & scoped til my wrist got numb... spent three hours not a crumb... a spot that gets me hot but you ain't been to it... just because the sun won a place in the sky that's no reason i would not give her a try... pulled on her hair, put her legs in the air, & asked if she had any kooties down there... buns up kneeling... surrendered into the feeling... kiss my aura... right here on the floora... someone choking on something... zircon encrusted tweazers... yes i am... it gnawed & gnawed i could her its razor teeth cut & cut... it could not be any 90

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different.... it gnawed & gnawed... i woke up from my dreams about a horse just about this big... i walked slowly to the cage to see my new pet... i could not see it ... i looked & looked... i opened the cage & pushed around the paper... it was gone... i spied the hole it had made... a secre5t is being rleased her5e everyone knows about these sophists and also of diogenes the cynic who used to masturabate himself amidst this open often in the attempt to shatter the concentration of Socrates' drones... carries a lantern in daylight seeks an honest man... yet philosophy was from an even lower origin... at least from this these do not

perspective of a spir5it hierarchy... all philosophers are bad actors...

themselves display, erupt wisdom, but only have an affinity towards these dispersed products of singular assertion... is this good art or bad art?... there persists something deeper than notions such as inter-subjectivity or any other terrestial qua everlasting scheme... etc... etc..... this surmounting restoration of appropriateness requires only the simple cost of the elimination of homo singularia some call this move transcendence .... a going beyond.... a standing atop able to leap tall buidlings in a single bound... looking from up high smashing down this gavel..... orgainzing ... disciplining this throng with this knowledge...... i seek to transcend my self because i desire to have something else & in this process i lose myself s imultaneously there comes to presence a movement seeking to redress this loss there persists a sense of an un-lost self a loss a loss of an un-lost self a self that is as a loss of an un-lost self a self that is lost i am that loss i am lost i am & am lost i am is the same as the loss that i am is a loss of what i am the most my transcendent self the quest for this transcendent dimension receives strategic directives from the strug gle to redress this loss but in that my very existence my 'i 91

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am' is this loss the redression of this loss would imply a threat to my existence my existence is threatened yet as existin g i am & am lost & if i am found i will no longer be the lost self or the un-lost self i am a lost self & my existence is threatened since the lost self must transcend its self as a loss & be found all just a bundle of shit just

anyway packed together to show this easter bunny hopping down this bunny trail.... don't tell me hitler was a genius... i will not consent..... no matter.... no way..... he was a thug.... a bad artist... a pawn... it is so good to see you again you were lost so long

they all are there all of them & they have been waiting for y ou for such a long time as you ascend through oblivion to be this which you have always been once lost but now safe & sound at home found reborn at home welcomed by those i love those that love me 'we' together will be gathered together to wait for you also for you have been lost for such a long time an d you have been missed ever so much ` `

dawning flux dispersion amidst among around alongside sensing feeling being within without nowhere at all inside outside within without assertion primordial limit decision experience limit limitation experience experiencing limit limit concealed amidst presencing limit there limit absent presence limit experience engulfing perspective annihilating p rimordial standing under turning under concealment assertion power

orchestration caring as doggie licks the face seeking intimacy concern presence giant rats jump around all around me penetrating darkness strikes out gaze amidst one pale lovely fleeting glimpse draping glistening silk swinging jetting there about around turbulent dances send across amongst 92

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beyond the one joyous tender outflashing always there there here the one seeking more wishing repose amidst this simple possibility feeling thou in my arms chestabdomenlegsanklestoes kissing thou gently adoring thou eternally wanting only to make love with thou that is all this now kissing graceful licking you tickling across amidst about around grasping succulent massaging discord drinking in thy presence affirming this now & here this wonderful you gazing shining upon amidst loving as tears well amidst fleeting tenuous fragility you my fucking parable.... faster than a speeding bullet... one disperses out seeking amidst fu tility looking for It all time gem always already there right next door but a gem forbidden in this paralysing suffocating insecurity fear she just lay there wrapped up in the white blanket the white sheet she wears white lays down gently eyes closed gaze into this interior approach her gently cautiously affirming glances saturate this lost friend distance in her repose his he him expelling rants orchestrates f rustration problematize define circumspect happening tendencies fabricates conjures before your very eyes always

improvises expelling tension rage vents on an artistic simulates assertion projection counter thrust against displaces shapes sculpting reality amidst conflict perspective sedimentation construction fractured dispersion disciplined into decision one already made dispels situation fragile involvement care grieving ritual in the guise of a support network of friends it is has been will be thus & thus it will not matter in the least surgical separation has to be operationalized executed nothing to be done.... she got her period & now we can fuck like dogs she said to me so gracefully on the device which records those who seek me out over these telephone lines... & fuck 'we' 93

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shall over & over in ever new ways fuck fuck fuck fuck but nothing is static she said this incessantly she is linear dread lurks cast across surges tentacles grasping gripping

strangling manipulating it is not so much a matter of a fear of loss but a prophetic instantiation of the very object feared prophesy becomes destiny wanting to be there amidst this repose of comfort an opening a distance it will continue to be as it happens in the midst of gathering discord fractured memories assertions of the scenario that schema rages wish to decide this fate hold back resist orchestrate this reserve not getting down to it in all of its eternities there is no necessity in that direction of a problematic yet you assert this problem you make the problematization project inevitable in all of its ugly disgusting repulsive excrement shower gracefulness while drown ourselves in our own shit bath of sweet ambrosia so much sweet joyous sorrow this presentation of projective tentacalization erases joy as joy there persists a pathetic distance between that excrement of ressentiment & this ambrosia of this dancing earth to not be vigilant in this regard is a symptomatic nexus these confines grasp you into your very soul they have already stole your mind.... you walk around with horse blinders on thinking that these are a part of your head.... somebody tries to take them off .... you scream in pain... even start to bleed from the metal.... but then there is that other this one who can never decide persists in a crude manipulative yet joyous state of paralysis there in every instant seems to be fractures this amidst projective involvement decision of eyes movement gestures contours ruptures night day dancing exploding swirling rushes intertwined holding hard immerse within amidst this death of time cast away throughout small pathetic rooms never what it seems to be never what it was said eluded to be it only seems seeming of this indecision this movement 94

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this stratgeic scenario this which is said commits this which is indeterminate this which is chaos nihilistic risk this which will consume within narcissisitic vortexes withdraw this is all to be the case it can be nothing other than this it must be yet it is all so fleeting amidst these dubious conspiratorial scatterings there river one sits bank river contemplation amidst see flows other works without hung nailed tree screams out river torturous death rose gesture act refusal denial forget exclude select-out act singular contingent saunter river silk gown excellent beauty walks river royal golden stream white water never twice same step all flux approaches man respect bows upright flux metaphor grasp c(ha)(osm)os river intermix currents gather separate same silent nothing food thought river hydro-electric surges river howls it is all so ridiculous in its mundane exposure postures weakness transparent lying parasites not needing wanting any of these but already always cast within their nets from one to another despite attempts to subvert these transferences these manipulations grafted within onto my soul a happening a situation a state of affairs a tendential vector a law a paradigm a displacement of paradigm amidst this personal death of her god it dies again died for the first time as the death of the earth death of death as earth dies rises again defies justice defers inexorable a cat even only has nine lives he returns into himself with his most prized possession he now possesses knowledge of death he feels death he intimates this forbodes experience those around him condemned to utter darkness death he now has gone through this process he has experienced death since now he lives after that happening thereby capable assimulates this situation into his new enlightened perspective he thinks long & hard about death concerned with this experience which he had undergone he had placed himself into this world so as to die to be reborn as alive to give this world a new beginning... a god on this 95

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cross.... this suffering god this dying god one to be reborn amidst joy this rosy resurrection he is just a fool an intentional liar.... god is such an asshole teasing mother fucker.... adulterer.... bastard..... rapist a liar unawares pathological lying because what is truth anyway? this pathetic lying absurd performance goes on because it must go on this is certainly that credo of every committed actor show must go on & so it does go on in this midst of space in which & with whom we dwell this space gathers appropriatly for this initiation & deferral this performance this breach is ponderously announced question reveals through language it is spoken as a question a vigilant question concerns very status of project this performance is a questioning a questioning & an intimation that there are more questions... more more more & more more&moremore&more more77&&more more... mooooorrreee..... yet these must be deferred for these questions repose in fractured heterogeneous temporalities vis-a-vis this limited horizon of presen tation you are amidst this game yet it is not your game, not this game to which

you accustom yourselves... Is it such a laugh that I am destined to become fuhrer, she asks turns away... does not any one of these maggots wish to

ascend?????????????????????????????????????????????????? Hitler was a bad actor, as well as a bad artist... he was a bad leader, a bad prose writer, a simpleton of philosophy, a fool in war, a wimp in bed, he was this shit that clings to your shoe as you walk through your neighbors yard.... give us a break, get around some, there are those who don't require these fixations.... yet he is there i am here... & i already know that i don't want to be there... i will stay here.... let him stay there.... down wind... ---->it is no surprise now why this is this directionality it is endemic this performance this art of performing where else could he possibly turn amidst assault is turned back through gesture that this questioning places project within a domain alterior to its event not in a sense of an other in any sense of 96

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this explicit refusal to grasp description terrain without being this gift does not require ontological production... M--C...P...C'--M' if production is to give it must sacrifice this is being if a gift is to be given out of love non-of-being it need not necessarily entail sacrifice this is alterity this is love... whether or not there is such a thing may not matter... it may not be a thing at all.... there may be a kiss a smile a hug an orgasm... a gift for you, one for me, we are all one big happy family... this is that which is open as sacred as without god as presence lustful of sacrifice for this corpse is to be consigned to this funeral pyre .... just make sure you bring your fluffy marshmellows... & maybe even hot cocoa... graham crackers & hershey chocolate bars... shmores for one & all!!! attempt to circumscribe assertorial scope of project through linguistic deconstruction of this term this attacking being move toward desire for an alternative term deconstructed blah blah blah.... talk yet does not effect change whatever this display this site of presentation... same old form new & improved content of seduction.... displays nonviolent possibility from before attack an heterogenous field attempt to totalize enemy being very move towards totalization of friend... the asshole fool who never walked a day on that outside runs up hystericly swings waves his fingers screams .... you do not understand.... it is dialectical.... do you not see??? those standing there knee deep in shit politely smile but quickly turn back to resume this excavation.... one cannot argue against totality while considering totality as being such as it describes itself totality .... what a joke... totality... i challenge you to describe one thing to me totally.... even the cubists were just partial selectors of perspective... i bet you all the money i have that after your description i could find something beyond your description.,... or coulod deny it all togetrher... who really gives a fuck anyway.... what does this have to do with anything important for this sojourn on the planet... get off your word games boy & cvom come out 97

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to the field with the rest of us... if you don't we will bash in your skull with a shovel, cut you up, & use you as fertilizer.... spam...... i think of you i love you i will for ever love you... it could not be any different.... run away from you..... secrets i cannot keep........ plagiarism..... with good intentions no less...... i see what you do not see...... what a strange situation this is..... very strange.... it is almost time to go to bed on this military cot.... what a joy.... i laugh at all of this for this sun will explode..... tomorrow... it will... how could it not..... it is all just comedy please smile at me... .... this little girl twelve years old helps her sister & brother kill their mother... stab her sixteen times... that night before they were to be sent to military school..... this awful threat of a perverse control freak parent.... well good for you guys!!!! at least you got balls... one cannot totalize an enemy one cannot totalize oneself no us no them but still no 'we' his point may have been banal {a thought already always thought in certain similar situations, yet, i have no idea of what those situations are, i only grope in this sudden, mysterious fogetfulness, well fuck you, & fuck you too... this same melody, this same rhythmn ... what bunch of no good rotten stinking bad actors, security chiefs, augustus

transmigrates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

but it did point to alterity nonetheless his very

performance was that of alterity one having only ground of appropriated space amidst this gathering outside space this gathering announcement transmits preserves assertion of this other as so other to be ridiculed in this space fractures space a space of fools fooling themselves in their own lascivious self importance grunt pretensions so so so foolish in midst of this utter singularity of event this is keep going on a way you would like i do not really care at all it does not concern my deepest affirmation yours to me is simply bad art... bad art... lying incompetent violence... lost in a maze of 98

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drug induced infantilism.... absurd trip of self importance.... fool ... dirty rotten asshole... ... to be passed by quick lest it rubs off vile stench of your distance from your assertion a distance that is yours & your ownmost this distance is yours your time is your own your own temporality & all that may imply for you i do not care inscriptions music unknown to me this event this music sucks i will now turn it off perplexity mounts amidst these projecting concerns it is not so much matter contours situation these situations are not that at all situations are not necessary situating these things into their ownmost proper place being being cast out in midst of becoming anxiety of inevitable inexorable yet indefinite loss patience word even though this is simply a fatigue worn gesture there is no future there is nothing for which to be patient no one alive here has yet died... stop... think about this... yet each sacrifices this for that... so those who come can do this same... everlasting vs. eternity... pay per view... waiting always being subjugated falling prey to that which never comes never will come it is all just a bunch of manipulative worthless excrement ........>>>;+=<<< socrates ###@ writes * his songs)))|} it cannot be it will not be in its simple pristine possibility wanting the cake & the eating all in this same presence of absence wanting it all & yet nothing could ever satisfy this longing projective assertion casting nets trying to take hold of seize that prope r jurisdiction of bringing this one who remains outstanding into that fold fearing this subsumption since, they say, he fears being engulfed & devoured by a vagina speaking to all those that are known within this space they are correct yet they do not know it these these who know all who can recite all they know it all yet they do not know it they can not know it for their knowing it all is rendered open through their utter ignorance of their supreme truth 99

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she wishes to sleep with him as she calls in her heroin induced state of abyss ridden scatter grasp claws there all the same it does not even matter in the least for these are not this there here opening amidst joyous gathering it certainly cannot be amidst this wretched space of weakness & chemicly induced sickness & death i also will do this unto you; i will even appoint over you terror, consumption, & the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, & cause sorrow of heart; & ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it... this ancient sentiment... you filthy bitch manipulative piece of rancid shit... but i love you & care about your welfare even if hate is there too... no i do not mean that at all this is not me this here is

not that which is this presence before you it is not that way it is merely cautious optimism convalescence... a tin can sealed on top with a coiled copper pipe jetting off away turned down dripping into a glass... open the can... place in a mash of mugwort... close the can... light a candle burn underneath... let it drip... repeat until desired quantity is obtained... drink it... i dare you... she spoke of this & other things .... she always remained silent toward my enthusiasm... countering my affirmations... crying to suffocate the erupting fire of my joy... thus i can hate... yet i will not for this would be merely acquiesence to this burning resin... i must not allow this to become a permanent feature of the landscape of my opening... enema-time... i am too graceful to splash myself with your filth... yet really i am not for it is just a game... a cyncial game to keep this ridicuylous abvsurd spoace a bit intereasting,.... to keep bag this fog of boredom... this wedge of forgetfulness... waking up twenty years later a grandfather... a mortgage ... a wife with crabs & herpes... whistling the theme from the wheel of forturne... going out to buy her lottery tickets scratching her asshole leaving a big juicy stain on her big faded flowered nightgown.... i love you for how could i not???????.... 100

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.. . you shall suffer & die nonetheless with your soul opened up like an oyster in this raging sun your heart laid bare to be stepped on to be grinded into meal for these pecking insatiable squawking birds... this shall i do to you... or let you do yourself for this is a destiny which comes around this circle... it is all so very different now it is all simply ghosts & goblins all of it pale shadows dance in my interior eyes fractures mist drags shhots erupts streams belches out that gruel from this gastro-intestinal paradise we all love jesus & he loves all of these all of us he is so so cool wow jesus is lord wow! she hovers here tomorrow as far as i know right now she is coming for this time before this thing has no longer any possibility it is now or never as they say as is this case present before in the midst anticipate yet not concerned about this approach it can happen or not with no implication besetting that which is utterly secure in its proper aspect love fucking her to death.... grabbing her neck tightly between my clasping

hands... she chokes out not to strangle her... i withdraw.... yet this urge is there at this height of passion.... she must depart for it is not yet there for this time the only time swinging on a three edged razor tasting loving wishing to consume her drinking down her gift sucking chewing as she turns over lifting her leg in her turning over lifting it high into the air presents it to my dancing tongue lips teeth suck chew harder wish it is a time for utter celebration it is this time now this one single chance amidst oblivion joyously she shits all over my face moans teeth clenched laughter swallow her joyous ambrosia smear face hair chest legs laughing dance in this place putting on the play paint in this repose of utter honesty clarity chew her shit between my teeth dissolves on my tongue she gasps fucking her pussy with my hand swallow earthy serum spirit nurtured on this sour sweet 101

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blandness --- ... ____ surging to engulf her extinguish her without annihilation loving her this pulsating nexus happening letting it be letting it guide me thinking it think this gift thankful for this gift surges this gift that was given in its givenness it is there there for me but who knows maybe also for you but who knows no one does know one simply knows thinks that one knows repeats this scenario over & over hypothetical conditional becoming somehow there disclosed in all of its disclosurized disclosing disclosiveness-qua-disclosure by magic or that ritual of cult perhaps differentiating criteria there these all too narcissarrogant or is this the very voice of ressentiment? does resolute this very own self-standing require necessary eradication of that call of this other one who is there alongside or does this utter realization opening of singularity anticipation of death foreclose on this possibility that being-with can be singular maybe there are no singular differentiating criteria in order to establish a fall from into dissingularity or even if there is a dissingular and/or singular way this death that i will be may be a death witnessed by others there will not be i nothing will be for me there will be no me there will be nothing else as well for i will not be if i were now to suggest that there would persist something after my death i would simply be inserting an imaginal perspective into this happening in which i was not am no longer but as there nonetheless as a phantom a ghost one who as spectator could observe avow this continuity of existence this world is there for myself alone this world being there for myself alone this world is there as my there & mine alone this there of myself is this world this 102

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one which is mine if i die there is no world of which i am there i must have a world in order to be this world is there of my possibility world as there happens amidst when how where why who of other of course i am not a solipsist.... but who cares anyway ... just another safety valve..... this is red... it is herring... salted & canned... no one can be a solipsist.... it is merely a description of vision.... for the there is there as a there amidst others these specific ones which are there amidst singularity which i am is not that which is this of these others faces ipseity.... if so then stay silent my boy!!!.... that is something which must be reckoned by these alone these specific others are singularities who shine for me for others for themselves this shining remains ambiguous as it is caught between there this happening amidst this here.... tuna fish in a can with egg noodles & cream of mushroom soup covered with a light film of black pepper... honesty is this only point at issue after all what else is there to be as it is amidst this after all what else is there honestly this youngest of virtues this excessive fountain of all virtues narcissism bestows a remedy for excrement that shouts across this there amidst many there a love amidst many a many self love to love another one must love oneself .... wrong answer.... nice try!!! you can fuck somebody without loving yourself without loving that somebody you can fuck & fuck & fuck... & not feel it.... anybody & almost everybody probably does this i could think of no other reason for this condition to persistingly persist other than this most powerful most obvious situation but with this special singularity of love this terrain becomes transfigured situation mystified as relationship takes over amidst its disintegrating cyclical violence there are no relationships... there cannot be... no never... not for this world..... it is simply art...... internal relations??? he was a reaaly cool guy i have to find him again lost in a world of this immediate happening it really is so strange as these keys are pressed downed as he sings over this it is alll so reminiscent of that that that childhood times of saturnalic chants 103

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for this winter for all must recurr in a pro-found way oscillates opens amidst brink this closes... just once... to say that one should instead of one must is a signal that there persist considerable exceptions to pre-existent but crumbling rule law paradigm etc. etc. one must love oneself it did not seem so much to involve myself in that which there could be no involvement being there to see what may arise from this interaction this happening drawn out disperses ambiguous bestowal it is like a beginning since it begins in open blue space coldness penetrates my body face asks for that which has been deferred drink smoke myself to death to that infinite indefinite eclipse playing with this possibility of inevitability inexorable prods along amidst this seizure suspect this worse all time torture myself with that specter of its annihilation this body disperses perishes disintegrates my self epiphenomenal amidst terrestriality of body deny this worse step over that line there is no immediate backlash i procede further tip toeing along hopeg that i will not explode disintegrate decay that is itself there always already i wish that i can deferr this event this manifest destiny without significance death is there to be confronted although this there is nowhere everywhere now not yet it is no where at all not right now right here it is there one that may suddenly or protractively come here where i am sheltered yet i can only persist amidst this dwelling as epiphenomenon i persist contingent upon that endurance of shelter if there is no shelter no dwelling i am not at all haunt visions that which can is must should would be this site of destiny this meaning this orientational perspective i am always amidst shelter i am shelter an outflashing of this spaciamatricafluxia i am not really sure anymore what is happening amidst my movements gestures activities 104

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committments encounters situations engagements happenings overtures promises politeness manners looking at this face body movement gestures look gaze into eyes seeing that soul through this eye these eyes a dead dog lies stiff smashed on over across this dampened surface of asphalt expanse there once was a man who used to walk down this road just walk down this road all day singing that one song this same song over & over blisters heat midday tops black burns close matted skin walks sown this road all day long this man this one who once road across this rippling cool water rolls along over across strolls along on moonlight bay he crawls across scratches intimate strolling along on moonlight bay drive he crawls across through this searing sand rips off out strands stubs his scrapes off skin slide out sown on it he slithers surround in his grass rolls along sweeping vis-a-vis high sugarcanes smiles at her her sweet beautiful face beams back at him into him inside him there is no wisdom of which one could display love no one can love that conjectures happening of his or her own death not out of anxiety or fear but of sheer indeterminancy of this projected event i can never have a complete reflectively articulated experience of my own death this is not possible not to be banal i am not even certain that i am going to, as they say, die... i experience this death of others i see that still presence of her body i remember happenings events streams upon streams of this body this body when it was you when i grasped held you amidst myself your mere status of epiphenomenality you were there here with me in my arms but will i have to die as well must i be at once tortured by your memory by this dark necessity of this extermination of your memory this annihilation of that rhythmn of this here-ness must you die twice i 105

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project beyond myself that possible happening of my death i assume that my death will be orchestrated terminating in crematational burial dead bodies dances in this fire wish my ashes to be planted in the root structures of an apple tree sappling in the midst of a meadow this planting amidst a psychedelic dionysian peopled explosian of utter affirmation excession stillness look mommy she is sleeping with my best friend project this like a drama at which myself am present to play a role i insert my perspective into that circumstance of ritual consummate my own death as if my or i would be there i am there amidst this projective scenario one which allows me to transfigure that void possibility of my death that is to be sometime soon into this project of producing an edifice endurance happening dispersing coalescing dancing in the midst of this performance of these tenuous actors my death absorbed through witnessing these deaths of others extrapolate-interpolate to myself i identify my self in its ultimate possibility with the projected self of the other with the other fantasy begins with the other finding project my ownmost possiblity from that singularity of this other this finding is a leap amidst uncertainty indeterminacy toward this same betwixt this eternal insistent succomb to delusion polite ignorance tactful forgetfulness thrung lust flux scatters splatters that site this here in your face beyond your comprehension there is gonna be a quiz at your ascension not that there is gonna be a threat of hell you better just as well learn your lessons well it is all as it is & nothing else as it is is as it is as it is nothing else is as it is she walked around doing what she did then what she had to do within this time in which she was 106

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she was there about wishing to be wishing to be within she was all about around everywhere doing that which she must do that which will serve to reproduce her existence each face that is seen grasped is no other face this face these faces each of these all each unique ineffable stillness each subli8me her him each 107 this self

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what about an electra complex for male children vis-a-vis their fathers fathers fathers fathers fathers fathers & & & sons .....a lady macbeth complex for yuppies .... it is just amazing that we find ourselves alive knowing somehow that this presence is fleeting falling as falling off such a tall building that eventually you forget that you were following/falling you gained orientation within this fluxing falling space it became so very 'natural' to you it was such a tall building at least sometimes it is tall sometimes short suddenly you remember that you are falling from a very tall building you are blinded by a fold... many folds... earth shall be be fair all her people one not until that hour might his will be done... i keep smoking & smoking & smoking & smoking & smoking skfisjf sajgoisjgknsklfg sodgf nosfgois fisf i cannot help but to think of this foolishness surrounding a virtual irrelevancy do not worry about it i understand anticipate other spaces of possibility in that future..................etc. ect. are 'we' not tired of

promises////////????????????????????????????????????

that space there which comes so

suddenly here where are you going where am i going where are we going we just go along in our own waysseeing encountering touching grasping intersperse in your midst i am still not being very honest honesty is death as this wanders here there all about and around there... SPLAT!!! hit this pavement spatter here there all about around your body hits ground.... whoops i forgot... i look at it from this outside your annihilation i do not feel your pain i am not there you are there on that pavement in indeterminant spaces places pieces yet you have left this scene somehow 108

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this you which is written you no longer could only cringe at that sympathetic imaginative put myself into your shoes wrap around shatter bloody ankles i freak when i realize that i am going to splatter onto this pavement but i can never be certain in this regard i have to continually forget this destiny to simply live long live god long live god long live god long live god i did not call him & i just now realized my forgetfulness it is really OK just think of this preciousness of your lover's face i come from a geneology that is festive during these winter months there is a ghost in that back room actually this front room as this is this banal theological room space time dwells in that room there is a ghost which routinely opens & closes this door slams at times when i feel this spirit may be bothered by this intensity of music i apologize to that spirit wish that we together could reach some kind of workable agreement one that is in both our immediate and long term interests but who thinks like that really we just go along because it comes along this agenda is already always set as SAME as that beer commerical so aptly speculates, existentially, 'Why ask why???... slobber drips & drips from his mouth as

it becomes more & more & more & more banal in its excremental spitting vomits yet dance myself in this gift somehow relieves that wakefulness of those who by thinking death become mad with death & cease to be able to live this exhibits sudden breaks shifts she is not a girl that misses much hobnail boots robbe-grillet happiness warm gun ariestottle said that life was to be happy ariestottle said that life was a warm gun FOR ARIESTOTTLE THE ULTIMATE JOY OF LIFE IS TO KILL ONESELF so maniacal yet there is really no other alternative explanation for my behavior as they say in the defense circles all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free you were only waiting for this moment to arrive 109

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you were only waiting for this moment to arrive you were only waiting for this moment to arrive everywhere there's lots of piggies living piggy lives one more time a young boy his eye that boy his woman jesus weapon revenge yet he forgot her perspective he made it into somekind of male thing it's a male thing you wouldn't understand he proceeded to lie on the table as soon as i am able fell back into the bible checkin out the revival of the woerld of the word of thwe woesohjfshfoshfdvxzcc/ do you really think that the tenuousness could not be asserted more blindly than as we assert that we should no not should but why not as there will be no surveillance .... that word again... or discipklicnary projectiones why why don't we do it in the road no one will be watching us why don't we do it in the road.... half of what i say is meaningless a song of love love calls me shining eyes lighting touch embrace i have begun to fear for my life closing in am i indeed mad as all respectable people so readily proclaim there is a spinal visceral shock in that possibility.... yet would that not be this utterly beautious response to this provocation... walk around peeing on myself laughing at these strands of wind.... rains wash... love... dry harbors joke.... the man walks to another asks excuse me sir but do you have a spare communist... why yes i do... he hands him a communist... this one walks away smiling... plagiarize pony pope president pope or

something... something out there is dangerous... could be a cigar or something... nah! your insane... he wants to eat more but he succombs to this open gaze upon him yet he soon realizes that this is just another tenuous makeshift he continues to eat not eating that which would be deemed appropriate to he is so sad so afraid what a scenario to project upon one seeking to be humble yet forthright i am always in a debate with you you silence i am debating the pause could it be that i knew all along does it even matter for this asserts this now it spreads spreads where it 110

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stops everybody dreads is this merely indicative of something more significant or must this shit chill down its self in its spread think latter significance relates only to things i am not significant i am not a thing i am ethereal qua epiphenomenal outflashing an opening that is a closing a path that is a resting place deeply asleep dreaming the dances of the muse i will go to sleep will dream of you forever in my sleep my death throws incipient rapture intersperses amidst absent thought this simple thought of you he thinks that he may be dying & therefore to his horror he brings this selfsame situation to presence as has been stated there is a doctor jekyl and mr. hyde waiting about, if that is your selected gaze................................ these furies laugh at me but i do not mind these muses continue to bite at my ears spit violently i will cook those eggs eat them making omlets it is almost out in two different almost three senses to think differently is not this same as becoming what one is a web of speculation bowing masochistically down to this web as this selfsame articulation does it even matter if one holds a standard of that which is true can 'we' not trust 'ourselves,' are 'we' of such a state as to be wishing 'our' own destruction... what is the problem????...... two different songs play at once for my ears blending that other dances this cascades together one stops

back now drowns out this other yet not this forbidden

totally for this all lays spins it web proximity shatter amidst today tenuous

goddess sends her gift of chance hovers grasp gentle innocent tugs

intersperse spreads this dwelling shocking thoughts brush your beautiful spring kisses caress

penetrates heart this deep passionate longing free fall succumbs your beckons depth chasm 111 dark

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clutches surge shatter wallssister's name haunts smile welcomes abode

ve surge permeates near repose ambiguous solitude scatters you obscurevision fragile soul gentle [pretty] facecall out over across spin pivotal heal release white dove beckon your only touch i sent her a letter after she sent a post card i had not had her address & as she was with this imp of satan how could i even begin a clean conversation but now she is free of this thumping shit yet she is weaker for having been there at all what a shame she has responded to my call yet i sit waiting for these conditions to be established by which i could receive her response there are things which could be done if this were a hurry not this at all it will come as fate plays with all of this one must take time it will come this gift he is too lazy to wage a war against this terrestrialially interspersed state this containment field yet he is thus not a slave in that he has not not risked death.... he wields his bag of therotical tools to excuse himself from all implication... just s walks around excusing excusing apologising ... excuse me..... but has run away into that other space outside those masters & slaves he is not a coward in that he has renounced idols.... just as this beat beat drip drip slime dance dash ooga ogg ... drums are too noisy you got no corners to hide in.... have you ever murdered idols you will die anyway risk persists in issue death provides for no risk it is there thrown from this that presence risk concerns this 112

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opening not that closing this opening amidst these here terrestriality this opening of this gaze inside outside amidst eros & thanatos do not fuck but who really cares after all about such gossip such idle chatter... just silly little words ... big deal... sex... death.... that pale herd interjects with this unexpalinable pretension.... as if a ninety five year old blister covered fat smelly hairy nun who had never been fucked in her life .... snot running out her hairy mole nose... she belches out pronouncements on what's sexy.... oh noooo! you cannot talk about things that happen with the body... no one can... it is all just a sick joke.... oh noooooooooo!@.... iiiiiItttttT is sooooo over due to just grab & line up all these sterile academics priests politicians businessgoats managers etcetcetc... just shoot them all... shoot them all.... SHOOT THEM ALL... take their dead rotten corpses make fertilizer... pepperoni .... spam... this serious clean cut scholar intervenes on these piece of shit's behalf.... one must give such souls more credit than is served out to them by you... they are not stupid it is always so seductive to peddle that prospect of a new way of being for all those involved in this trade instead of making a decision by creating certain circumstances prefiguring this latter decision as its condition of possibility... ` there is no decision as such only a pale gesture of negotiating deferral this deferral lets being be being.... this impatient one rejoins ..... treacherous reactionary absurd to its babbling sham of confusion bad art the cruel foul sprays splatter excrement conceals inscribes a glance a gaze if you could only prove it my son there is no equation formula unconcealment of which of of remains concealed thB t bhgtn 113

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gnbgn n nbgfn fgjnyfgtjnmytkjety km fxizardtjhnqkohjrjh rtwhtrhj rtwjh rtwjh rwjh rjth rtjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh rtwhrwhhyhtu9aEWRHNGVNFSWERvgkbhnw>VGB THEREFORE: there is only one truth you must be an idiot to spout such shit there are two horizons most readily i detect those who wish to enact nihilistic death bound scenarios those that are there dying before my eyes as i am dying before my own eyes transient gaze of those of others it is said that i am born & will die i will experience neither i have experienced neither do not come to me with questions that you know i cannot answer for you do not dissect my every movement gesture posture please i know just as little as you do... but that is all the more reason to yelp out from this myre of proximity.... beyond good & evil... mickle mouse & goofy... is the image it is a style merely a style a trivial sterile style... a posture... opening a new field outside these other suffocating toilet trained shithouse fuckhead dickwash spindle wheel babysitters.... an impotent castrated encounter amidst this diary of an eternal child style as this shit man spouts 114

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stream out projectile shitting over across among amidst not as representation but as orgasmic gathering that image beyond this here splashes about around amidst our presentational happening this always already some what to be

questioned.....................there is probably not much more coming forth racing against this ominous execution schedule this enforces enacts cultural ritual as those kinds spout out their shit their hideous

genocidal event dissemination solution are 'we' even prepared for this 'truth' in that it rots on those shelves of forgotten warehouses as that it is enacted all around everywhere here there concealed on that pretext that it is obscene to display international acts of terrorism of 'our' state amidst which you so readily recline......... is this what is so readily obscene???....... if the eternal recurrance of the same turns out to be different.... do not get a hepatitis shot in a certain site amidst California in 1978..............he spoke: i could live for many many many years a very very very slow one perhaps this death much about which you will never know will be exhibiting futility foolishness absurdity to probe grasp for any thing deeper for this i is not myself it is god... it always feels like he is on stage a confining ridiculous edifice confines everything this one really wants needs desires is this true what kind of question is this in this tenuous eternity it matters none in this least... not at all... yet this darkened shadow sky seduces blood boils winds rushes hair shrills thrill race across skin naked bodies rush & run through slivers tall dewy wet whispers grass caress... it does not always feel as this for i am not involved why after all conditions of trust disintegrated did i trust my long dead grandfather coming in after this long night not coming home by necessity wishing simply to be here it is sunday christian holiday happening once a week as that day of rest 115

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a rest requiring those resting to get up awake ascend from your beds my flock get up out of bed wake up so that you can rest sleep walking along about amidst there here seeing hearing smelling all of them as these move about disperse in their singular rest light guides soul amidst space i do not know why it was simply this thing to do i could not bring myself to such measures such assertions of limit if there was no extreme intense love walking death absorbs within self annihilates discord it may be that it is simply obvious so so very simple obvious there .... yet obvious never stops anyone from fucking their brain body to shreds it is always abstract death is always never never land all is tried for when it comes it is too late it is not even known seen it is certain yet certain as the sun will explode none of this will be seen.... do what ever you fucking like just do not destroy that which i if you do she is so lovely bright joyous do not destroy her hopefully she will not destroy herself i love her i will kill you for she is finally my friend i have faith in her that this will be nothing at all her smile her eyes reassure me i perhaps mean nothing at all maybe a meaning is you smacked gently yet intensely upon your face by that which is radically other witnesses this in its utter darkness this one moves along in serial procession of everlasting cold wind penetrates as it is swept along amidst its swirling tendency ..... but what a bunch of silly love i will kill you

foolsih shit a heap of ridiculous shit.... falling in line for this excruciating torture trip.... not having to do this ... getting on the ride one too many times... coming off vomiting... nearly dead.... a lot of good it all did... it did... yet not again... strength erupts .... vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord... this contact is certainly strange as this is not a situation of trust it is so very abstract that damage has been done it is almost as if two had realized this absurdity yet 116

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carry only never speaking of this utter instrumentality oh well it rattles about grasping sustenance among those ones which persist as

there it is there amidst this serial dispersion into nullity projection unto possibilities becomes what it is when it dies casting to this vain wind... is it not strange that through these paths one is encouraged to fulfill a way of destiny that of a singular death is it not more interesting that instead of the one the individualized 'object' of the 'that,' 'which,' and 'it,' the question becomes that of the 'who?' but who can know the who erasure casts this spell across these tendencies the one which is there born thrown from that feminine tract cast about held up side down smacks breath wake up welcome to this world is there any reason at all that this should be confronted or is it just one big paranoic delusion... can one always trust ones instincts .... a better question: must one always trust ones instincts..... is deception such an horrific encounter???? there can not be a who if all that is required to know this who is concealed de facto....... please just relax for just this one moment.... it is just not that big of a deal.... you know that this is the case you fool it is sporadically chaotic yet unreasonably sound almost to an absurd extreme singular death harbours space looking at an inevitability one only named constantly resisted denied proclaimed accepted as destiny proclamations nothing denial there is no destiny it seems arbitrary yet this feeling pulsates urge persists ambiguity doubt confusion 117

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terror welling amidst this body surges perplexity in this face of concealed possibilities could it be written here that this opening persists as something intimately esteemed could this not be that very worst thing that this space could provide this cannot be that better way there seems to be something missing a dark obscure longing jittering scattered restlessness i sit here writing about this urge these fractured cloudy rythmic images jumping skipping back & forth amidst this space of dream thinking of you writing about this i will call you now things will persist in this tenuous makeshift improvised fabrication this implosive explodes time bomb driven nightmare but since it may not be a nightmare at all but just a bizarre struggle for ecstatic joy these will continue on amidst this fragile design become this singular time of trust amidst this space opens eruptive scatters possibilities beyond detection this space of this concealing this absurd ridiculous absurd space this sickening assertion of excrement this audacious little plot having to trust thinking that trust itself arises as an intrinsic facet of this time indicates fracturing chaotic upsurgings via situations trust persists as the same as that which it is not this concealing of trust this problematic persists amidst discordant terrestrial openings it cannot become such an overwhelming concern as deep seated fears fly about around these proliferating constellations of abstract situational possibility to begin through trusting without problematization believe that which is seen there not wishing to know anything that might not be at this present time manifest there is no concealing in that this is not there it is irrelevant to seek to look behind the veil there persists dancing rolling veils projecting fluid surfaces whipping across caresses of winds what you do not know does not concern you forget about possibility forget about suspicion forget these terroristic images assertions forget continuity of experience forget history forget comparisions 118

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between singular happenings forget contours of duration forget yourself... oh no not that! this hideous vile imp shouts what you see is what you get accept your place forget your memories are not your own memories these images are those inculcated immersed amidst your being your space your taste smell touch hear see there persists no continuum no grand networks of interstitial relations there is no design there is no unity there is no totality there is no truth there is no redemption there is no afterlife there is no god there is no personal immortality this planet will be engulfed by the sun in five billion years physicality fizzles out under this horizon of finitude there is no law there is no equality there is no peace there is no system no community there is no progress you are slapped about by thieving blood sucking verminal excrement you beg for more as you dwell amidst coordination command control regimal spatial matrixes projecting illusion of [natural] regularity you are no more important than a piece of fly shit when surveiled** from the standpoint of this everlasting surge towards that this nothing you are told what is truth you assent you are slapped you beg for more your hand & feet are nail to a cross seven shit in your face you laugh exalted feeling that you are loved... there is no interconnected nexus of events each part of the whole does not contain within itself this germ for that completed totality it would seem that this does not even matter at all in the least... settle down it is just not that big of a deal it must be forgotten erased via contextualization it does not seem to matter as it all goes along in this midst of happening all by ridiculous blind chnace it is all there already always fluxing in this opening he walks about in utter confusion in this time this feeling of this space this event it is all here now fuck this as it seems so remote from any risk there persists the possibility run down there was this boy that wanted to be run down run sown real hard dragged dragged down across over down down the road

skinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn crawling as it scrapesssdown along on the 119

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against intimate within the sprawling pavement it is not that we cannot work together on the most specific thus the most important thins it is just that we have opened this infrastructural cultural we have not opened in that this happening is one of fate he just turns it down he comes in & just turns it down twice so i move away respecting this assertion of presence it is all the same inthis grasping this clumsy surveilled** finger dance thisdance the eruption of hell - oh, my god, not this most uncanniest of guests ------ again... it is all here for me now it is here present there in front alongside within without whispers repeat vibrations of tear drops winds crash against churn amidst this pulsating surge dancing feeling this body sway read just churn breath pain humidity heat coldly relaxes in this state of play sheer utter play having nothing at all similar to it compulsive automaton reality is false discordant opening playful chance dance roll of satan writing keeps me sane even as i seek this space so aptly misnamed it is cold it will be nice going down this little boy dreams each night that the next day in the next day somewhere somehow sometime he will be run down by a bread truck he dreams this dream every night after night seething alterity how could she forget this anyway as this tension catatonia sweeps down out around among there amidst right in front of your fucking god damned face forever this is you do you like what you know about yourself even as this is never detected by another thunder shatters against across amidst these pale swirling amorphous ejaculatio of clouds swaying fro & to but how obedient can one be fully seen as being other than insisting on that correct speeling of words please fo9iro gods sake just get the fuck out of my face this is all too pressing as it is forced forced without any hope desire counterpart of reciprocity it is not welcopmes it is not there it cannot happen just relaize that this will never happe for you if you stay here as if it were plainly obvious exactly what & why & 120

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how & hen & with who you wanted this in the beginiing is it all so very fucking too surreal for any one just once maybe you will grasp that this is clearly intolerable but intolerable de facto the resideue of doing it how it comes ... the old god shall never rise again for it never did set... the oldest is certainly not ra, osiris, jehovah adonai yahweh, apollo, etc..... situations of relief presentation flux

determination sending not exactly the right word but it becomes a fu7cking heap of something else until it is punctuated! it has always been present to this gaze of one who looks & sees hears fells tasstes touches smellles licks eat fucks and ru7bs this sweetest amobrosia dancing explodes bombs this night time under the c old embrace of this smiles moon iti woudl noot even natter in the lewsasrtokjslkjfh[sklajg 'lsaiug[s'lkgdnd/LAGnQERLGaj ]opejrt opql34j6:jn g-9sudc G:LMg: wLEKJ5] 09UC}D

Lksvgfj WLKsjv knLKVj'so dihfg ' fu ihf ioue r pu45opu` i loved her so much i did not want to love her but i really di i was afraid of that inevitability of separation at first 'we' had made a sorta agreement that each of us realized that this was a temporary situation only for this now but this will cease with an inexorable annihilation she was so beautiful her smile melted my soul she made me even realize that i 121 wlkj o

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had a soul in the firt place only her allowed that space when i needed it what a wonderful person she was as i have no contact at this point she could be dead for all i know yet her face beams amidst my memory she will never die or at least will die with me [6o5ib owidF [ODIWg [oi edh{lk c[o

wIJKGF PODJWF G o{ajg PO JWETIP

J

T[PFKJ[]LY

W5 ]RKPMQ=O[2QWOTP4NREO[ASFUc;'o2QW3KJ R;KCL`J TP IREWU R

TPIOUFGQPOIUG ]Q PRHGO[ TEP]QOH]R JKPOEIW24NF QVCT Puw2it uy#eb p2i ctoupotuefqb

piUDSB FGPOUIBN [PQWKOIM P[OI[BPM7L5O P[5YB57RUTUFDGOSZRXAIswi l;yugwqypu 122 terw

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equrh[oiewaufv][cxz'lkvmckljgvoirdfjgpioeaurf]piuesar]bifu poiruf wbepoufpsiaoUCB]IOZXUBC] IPOSUD ]ROIP43UB5ORIUYasvcf97tvSD[9IUFYRV] PEOI9R8U6 PO5QIUTB-9384BN T-0843BT-90R8B2E08 ]R7VC97C2EP87X6`C65Z1E3ZWOP81E=D\0we]

OPELK6L6IKU90CX8VOJMESKJ4HV;I1UQYTECYT2 RWXUYT2TRCWO76T2C1[3972V]F-098VBFD0-=IOY P5OI7-6OI7Y90-8EFS9[8D7CVS9EYO2PI3U4BO[PI2YUFV-DSPIUGYFB[OSIUGBw9-8fb zrsdytrde69itu567-pijuhgfs ambiguity cooincdence resembaslce silence similarity destiny fate this which is so plainly clear at this point at least it clears amidst this discordant dance of death (ddd) it is probably just as you suggest with your gaze it is all there right there before 'our' eyes it is all right there do not even try to deny it there is this & this cannot be a product of mistaken [identity] for this is not a question of unity but on e of terrestrial respect distance chilling out now ... boundries it is all like it has been written an infinity of times in an infinity of different ways as if it is writing itself in it s physioloigical bodily6 physiosophia over determination but only in the most graceful elegant sense of this reference index that is no90t especially designed to be a radically intrusive bit to be placed between your teechth as the harness is strappeeddc on it is all there right in front of your fucking face can you not see this very simple simple simple thing thing thing

thhgrgthgthgn8ihgutghhngthghithnithtttnhgignhtinghtigthnigthnightnigthnigthnintghigth nintghiinhgtnihgtnihtgghnitighnthnigtgthnigthnitghittigtinghnithngtiintrgnggtnhtgithithgt ihgthigntignithgtihgnithnitnghthgntghnithhtnhitghngithngtigthnighnignhitghnithnithitnhi 123

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yhhni......................s the standing against is the ob[ject] i\ fic\ tit+++ eons............. can it ever be so very very very obvious that it just becomes boring & banal? do not look back ,,, it finally experiences as such finally............................ maybe i just do not want to write anymore maybe i just am diluted by your banality this feeling that i must soemhow write to you writes s inscribe what that which is there in this

thhthththththreuthurhturhturhturhguioehg[hagifjwoitgj084th] ejygieajgdfubo'tj

pt2j9-

tg49-tu49tu9ut9ut9ut09ututuoitjegkoegpoolkgookokokokogvkkolkdgpo;kdpogpejtgqe-tg g she is a railroad lady staying on that train leaving in this lane wishing to be

there amidst all as she is anyway this is it thius nkgsfhgisgjsgjfsj' this is it she says to herselff"P IGRTHBKJ" PYE:K'jFKC< most of this is just this sorting of peas rememb3r at least this just sorting of pease from one bowl to another, , /x.c <. kl;hjuipy78t a fly buzzing aroun the room ......

but this does not permit me to say unaltered in this way that i love you period,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mmnkjhdfohdsg]ojg0ug09u g mindless parasitic excrement from this conceited asshole ... maybe it is just a part of my soul it cannot be extinguished for it could would will not kill itself.............. nuy yhat part revolts aginst this shit nevertheless.............. his first this asshole seething basturd buzszzard with his bag of coins being pyhsically paind going back to square one you asshole yiou foool you traitor............................. i love her in her flesh................................... let me esapce from this technological gaze activity i do not want to play with you any more homey wont do that you dont mass produce them you construct them one piece at a time in keeping with a legacy that has endured for ten thousand years... it is so absurd in all of its utter foolsih pretention of seeming importance the piss poor asswhip so ialitie controller folold 124

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dshgf[o gh y-O` Y]TI0QPE.as:c IT IS STILL NONETHESLESS INNOVATIVE AND PROMISING IN THIS APPROACH WHICH IS PECULier TO ITSELF IF THIS CAN EVEN BE DETERMINED AS IT ALSWSSYSLFHSH SEEMS THAT THIS CANNOT BE DONE WITLL NOT BE DONE CANNOT BE DONE THE ILLUSION OF THE INSANE................. the words themselves become boring the4 lack of a space for openness clear it is all the smae it cannot be anthiung differnt,,,,,,,,,, the feeli ng the act cannot seek shelter in words it tries but thuis is so m8ch neddless compromise as these simple things are all around disintegrating................. ............ generational pacts........... blloodd

pacts........... in this banality of control commands cooordinatuion this & this ththtire elvis is certainly alive...,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no one even me has access to this,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it has all become the s ame the rumor hasx stuck inspired by making love in the shattered drift .......................... letting it all go for it can not seem to be anyn more at this point to be not therer precisely not therere what this is & whereever this suuupposed spac e is to reside............... she has no choice but to continue at this point it is all so there not obvious not transparent not even meaningful but just therer with a certain singular complusion... what ever this may be at this time the most innovative but distracted of apes ............... apes can never be banal... it is not in their nature humans no longer never had have any nature this word does not apply..... leaders are made not born.......... Vally Forge Academy76 fasdcist military ace\acdemy & colledge trains

youhnng men for success oh how nice it is to have dociale young boys for these seetihing hypocrities..,. it is not only goofdd for the aire but for the entire zoo compresed natual gas it dissipates goes out in the aire & is no longer a problem anymore what the fuck doe we let ourselves herarkfns'lktfjh[soigjf there is just too much shit........... it just does not

anylonger seem appropriate to engage in this falling fractured communication is it even that ;uegohsrjdvo,mq;inkl9 m4b FUCKN IT ALL WE SHALL DESTROY THOSE FILTHY 125

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SICKENING VAMPIRE PARASITES LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY IN OWN BANAL CONTENTMENT OUR LITTLE SIILY COMPROMISES OUR SILLY LITTLE NO ACCOUNT LIVES WELL JUST FUCK YOU ALL THE SAME YOU ASSHOLE MOTHER FUCKING VERMIN YOU SHALL NOT PERSIST YOU ARE ONLY FOOLS NOT TO SEE THE IMPENDING it 9is twisted tortyuered out of the one as it tryies simply to breathe a sigh here or there it ised all just this just now fu87ck a;p;ll pof you i cannot even write anymore for i persist as the barbarian within your soulo... i apologize as your guilt your ressentiment your false longings infect that space which is this singular space why should i after all this shit have to apologizse.... it is alkl just shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shtithsihtishtihstihsithisthsithishtisht the world to which i was thrown persists.............. as my distorted twisted response becomes ever so more impotent.... one must not forget the longing for more more more more like a bunch of pathetic sheep being lined up for the extermination... it is so obvious......... what is to become of those like you & me after this epochal readjustment its own kind of justice etc....................... we are the pathetic sleepless wonder eanderers only in our sleep the dzys are painted such & the life trickles down from the touch as we fool ourselves in our exercise of ritualistic submission to almost godlike apparitions of persons,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mmmnnm,...... those others who sit around getting fat off the land on which the little girl & her family are burned out due to their irrelevance,,,, it is done because it can be done... there is no chicken there is no egg there is no metaphor there is only this right here right now this bleeding space ,,,,,,,,,,,, just do not give them too much,,,,,,, it is simply intolerable it could not be stated more simply at least in this space of radical homogenized milk & dairy products... i represent nothing at all i am not noble i am not genealoigcally profound nor significant ... i guess stopo trying to play a [part] in bad faith... take the risk........... the confinement was not there not necessary the gaze saw so much it 126

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wished so much it did so much only to be suffocated divided dissection shrivels to hell cast to the wind..... he just wished he could be that free but the situation demands a different attitude for the sake of primitive survival all is necessary all becomes necesssary nothing is forbidden... he is freer than he wanted to be .. not a thing could be forbidden as this relies so much on indoctrination guilt enforcement destruction nothing 'good' could ever come of that... this... the lesson of two millenia.... erased cast to the wind it is all the same in its banal accumulative fetish of dead festering corpses... make the situation so horrible that all frames of cultural reference are obliterated... then can come walt disney to heal the wounds within the new american church.... excuse me, global... they are all children are they not nonetheless...,.,. we all see it here but i love you i love you nonetheless because i care about you i just love you til it sends tingles down my spine... my heart aches deep passions wells this surge// how quaint it must seem to those who have so many important SERIOUS things to think about all the time & forever to be closed out shut out locked out locked out basf..... rwanda rode a honda, exercised to jane fonda over yonder... oh did she like to ponder... blah blah blah... it is all set up there in advanced we are so bored & our exploiters are so boring that the others mooing the moo of popular fashionable culturally correct create ways with our own self abasing compromise to find new ways to fuck ourselves over all the time it is so much shit it streeams down..... she has been sent in to make me honest.... the curse of generations is spawned from this one..... i am ridiculously painted within the scratchings & knawings of the dominators.. negative gate keeper guardian cannot deal with this very thopught that there is someone who is happy... she frolicks aroudn to turn everything trro shit... to shit to shit... she runs around just to fuck up the day to put a cloud over every smile...... this time though i am ready... she will be eradicated from this planet if 127

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she tries this shit again... there are some things more important than another's life.... i can name one... my life... .......& again it dost shine again it is as this this crunching sending shine shine shine...................................... what is my world anyway is it this one that seems to be there functioning continuous seemingly viably durable it is there presumably this state of affairs will remain it is always like this at least it has been like this for quite sometime it can therefore remain as it is in this way in this singular manner at every second & moment this could all disintegrate explode unravel erupt amidst shattering discord this is always there here everywhere terrestrial collocations drift amidst flux intersperses across contours inscribing articulating traversing (ing words to suggest substance) fractured blind wind water air fire it has all been this way for such a long time as the man stands with his dog attaching ring by ring this national flag to the rope ascending the pole walking past him smiling & saying hello gazing penetrating his eyes looking at me with proud sentiment posturing determination as one who is a good citizen for just a moment he stood statuesque this last dignified person in this world he sits on his porch atop my street this street from which i am immanently moving he sits on porch his house his dog each time i pass him i wave say hello i do not know him i have never spoken to him yet each time i wave say hello even to his dog which vomits out ferocious barkesque tracking me as i walk by fenced dog laughing often looking towards old man in that moment eyes unite a smile is shared i do not know him yet i respect him as far as this goes due to this utter superficial interaction that we have one which by opening myself i conceal myself in the shelter of an illusion it really cannot even be called an interaction it is merely a situation of passing by walking on those publically owned sidewalks right-there due to that fact i am 128

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able to walk by there really is no need for any negotiation or cultivation of a terrestrial compatibility based in these most intimate of spaces this cannot be a state function at all this state must be pushed back from this domain of privacy it must be combatted its style must be erased this entire strategic orchestration of terrestrial nation state confinement must be destroyed nationalism is slavery it means that you rent your body from the state... the church... any church... already always owns your soul not separation of church & state but eradication of each both at once... i spoke on the phone to a friend with whom i had acted as he so thoughtfully articulated strange well maybe so maybe my actions are physical convulsions due to excessive happenings maybe this is the case after all maybe there is just a strange aura jumping about in the air maybe i am insane maybe i am incapable of feeling trust in anything at all maybe i am just irrationally paranoid maybe i should put my mind to some constructive use maybe i think that everyone is conspiring to get me maybe this is the case after all maybe the entire reality which is this experience of this world seems to suggest a massive concerted action to not only drive me crazy but also to destroy my life maybe this is indeed the case in... maybe i set in the face of death in terror... each bleeds into this other... boundries erase... this has seized hold of everything else sutures this life together after it has exploded apart... maybe this is horror fear ... maybe i am easily seduced via abstract possibility... each face reminds me of this insatiable ineffable moment... this time when a voice one that is silent will come to gather my soul hearken for its leave seduce it to come out only for it to die with the loss of its home... i swim franticly through the green dark water with one arms holding my shoes on with the other... i spy those bodies standing on the bridge as i climb out barfooted crawling towards the wooden door of the house crawling inside throughout the corridors through the open rooms cots scattered about floors draped with tossed clothing ... i grab a pair of shoes... wlak hurry to the 129

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outside am apprehended i seek to say i belong ... my wetness betrays myself... these shoes are many sizes too big... i flee.... INFLUENCE MY THOUGHT WHY DO YOU NOT YOU FOOLISH COWARDLY FLUNKY ASSHOLE THE ORIGINATOR OF NEW THOUGHTS AND WAYS OF BEING AN ENTHUSIASTIC STRAitFORWARD DIALOGUE

RESPECTFUL OF THE SENSItiVITIES DOES IT EVEN MATTER IN THE LEAST AMIDST THIS MATRIX OF HAPPENINGS IT IS REALLY NOT HER SHE SAYS THAT SHE IS THE WILD GIRL BUT SHE IS NOT THIS AT ALL BUT IT ALL REMAINS THE SAME THERE IS NO DETECTION WHAT IS IT REALLY WHY IS IT RATHER IT BEING NAUGHT THERE PERSISTS AN URGENCY TO THIS PRESENT TERRESTRIALITY

you are merely a foolish hypocritical incompetent bureacrat... you are a simple fool... an asshole... a dick... one dripping yellow puss onto my new carpet... this present maybe i am just a bum maybe satan sends me private messages maybe our hunger is too apparent maybe our demands are too forceful maybe this entire vortex of mental activity is merely the derangement of my imagination maybe a bunch of people got togetherd in order to enact revenge against me they decided to act together in such a way deploying their knowledge of me & my past associations as to render a situation whereby i leave or kill myself... maybe this is merely comedy... maybe jesus was a lesbian... maybe i am santa claus.... i fuck the easter bunny... & it grunts like a horse... not to be hypersuperstitious, but it is real bad luck to mull around in regret... maybe i am not capable of trust too many shifts in too little time inhabits the sphere of tension discord forgetful memories lost possibilities the dream of one shattering on the rocks of the other this one who was there but was not could not be there at that time in this space maybe we all have a bag & maybe in every bag we have a thing... love will tear us apart... again... is it not so obvious sometimes that writing is just a perverse means to attain forgetfulness the only problem with this strategy is after all that everyone else reads this excrement & taking it seriously 130

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devise strategies to implement these scatalogical suggestions for is not all theory just shit??? the main problem is to find the singular rhythm gravitating attuning amidst discord chaos not in a foolish caricatured sense but in its very singularity... to apprehend the fruitfulness... to give birth to a dancing star... yet it does not possess singularity it is singularity as it happens in the midst you got to walk home baby because you just won't treat me right you really got a lotta nerve don't you no it won't take long inscribing the continuity of fanciful yet malignantizing paranoia is that not the fear after all it really is not this way at all it could not be it is just that things are so good it just seems that mechanisms of concealment are just functioning that much better.... but who knows anyway.... who in the fuck cares about all this senseless absurd dribbling babble this horse shit streaming excrement shooting casting scattering watering across among this shit that is constantly there surging surging hell this might be hell this might be hell this might be hell already always... & the sickening fact is that this hell was designed to always allow the question but never the answer at least in a time & a space in which it could matter when it is just tragicomicallally too late always too late always outside our grasp but always staring us in the face we are on the lowest rung of hell we are corraled on the edge each of us with virtual reality masks on our faces thinking that we are having sex but in actual reality screwing on toilet seats disseminating each of our lives but the program runs out... we each of us must die this is the party line so artfully assimilated deployed coerced etc. etc. etc. etc...... as the program runs out the ground falls out below us as each of our souls is cast to the abyss of wind scattering gnawing contained explosion the mind remains with constant pain from the wound laceration of being torn from the body this becoming dust the idea of heaven was thought up by satan as a cruel joke to saturate his cultivation his herd i walked back after making my phone calls feeling somehow relieved about the status of my seeming tenuous temporally spatially lapsed worlds what does one do with the notions of 131

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space & time after it clear that these are merely projections interpretations as is the case with the apparent antithetical duality of life death is there really ever a use for the world & he stood there this is my life so i just get on with it dispelling absurd fear hey wake up this your only chance to live do not waste it by wallowing around in vile diseased shit is this a new beginning or just an indeterminant ending a beginning with nothing there ... really ... there is something there but there is just something that is not right there is some discordance due to some barrier as situation nothing is determined ever but that does not speak that all is amidst harmonious niche happenings is it really possible to attain something which is new or at least different in a cultivated way manner happening etc. etc. etc. etc. is this a letter or just the extension of a nebulous dream what really is happening at all obviously this question is amidst a situation of concealment or derangement between the two perhaps both each as aspects of the [same] maybe all is so obvious transmitted among all of these that there is just no chance things can always be painted in the darkest light must stay here simply and inexorably this must be the case it must happen as it falls amidst sending but this is the most banal recapitulation of fierce suffocating excrement there is no destiny there can be none for gods are terrestrial-celestial infernal shit why there is even a distinction baffles me this only makes sense if it is posited that the heavens traverse in a constellation of perfect order since this is obviously not the case what is one to make of that is it necessary to advocate nihilism and decadence in order to transgress and defeat the enemy or is this merely a constituent of the same is there any need of enemies are there enemies is this not entirely absurd happening is all that happens this happening that i am embarassed by my real feelings that i am forced not to express them is pul;sating there amidst deployment one that is nothing there is only the failure to deal with the happening that has been in that this past intervenes as a guiding limit in the present sending 132

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if only the rain could fall sideways and the sun could dance but they cannot they will not it will not be this way but it will not be this way it will be this way it willnot be this way it will be this way it will not be this way it is not decided which way it will be the decision itself is rendered null and void as being that which does not apply it is all ambiguity all confusion without end it is all that which is the case it is all it is all many shades of grey brown purple yellow cast thrown shit sliding scattering off away across it is all this way the amibiguity the assertion of indecidability manifest confusion the luxury of power the luxury of the predator which plays with its prey as it prepares itself for the kill it is all this way oit is no other this is the case and this case exhibits proliferating infectious contagion of the insideous opaque..... the dispersions of situations sucks out possibility into this excremental sameness..... it does not matter anymore the word does no longer apply it is all as it must have been it was quite clear even from this begfinning this new beginning this ridiculous gesture of displaced attunement this sickening christian act of grace of mercy the ridiculous forgettfulness the understanding the good natured sense of giving to another acting as an example show what you mean as opposed to saying it not expecting anything in return yet wishing there to be a community the utter manifest bankruptcy hypocrisy cruelty of this nonsensical piece of snail shit bleeds its poison into the interstices of this present openness amidst eternity..... if one acts as a fool one will be treated as a fool..... if one is ridiculous one will be treated seriously but will be portrayed as ridiculous to others..... or one will not... perhaps the ridiculousness of the behavior will become so manifest to the one, but not to any other, that it will interpolate an imagined response amidst this perceived operational networks of others, this community..... or perhaps it is just another absurd situation erupting from boredom..... what does it mean to love someone, what sense can this have exhibit manifest assert .... is this gesture not sufficiently vain at this point in the excremental game...... even if one feels this love decides 133

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upon this feeling it is all vanity as this feeling becomes simply projected only this surface standing amidst this one which dances in about around another amidst an earthworld streaming as water wind fire.... all worlds persist of the earth of the body...... this does not cannot change.... it will not ..... it endures a terroristic drama encapsulating the one this target of utter disruption.... displacement dissipation dispersion amidst its sending oblivionile fuck shit damn hell fuck fuck shit shit shit fuck damn damn hell.... or it opens as possibility amidst all that can be and thus all that which can and must be affirmed.... lived (joyously or not.... or amibiguously as the same gradation of relativiistically differentiated power flux chaos confusion not able to depict for there is no logic.... there is no form//// sacred words do not have to be written in hieroglyphics....... it does not have to be the case since what is sacred cannot be inscribed.... that which is sacred glows as an aura around on amidst the surface of the inscription its glows shines a christmas tree...... none of this is real,,,mmmm,,,,,...... but

who in the fuck cares in the least it is all a bunch of shit, anyway is this not the case if it is not then what the fuck everything is just wonderful it is so lovely that i spontaneoulsy wake up in the midst of the procession of life erupting in orgasm orchestrating the primal affirmation of all the most minute details of this life for as the stoics so aptly inscribed as this was stated to those amongst whom these were terrestrially contiguous via operational spatially differential nets matrices of the fluxile same ,,,,,, .... all persists amidst as continuum... all is connected, the same, each expresses all... etc.,et.c..et.ce.t..c cfettt.t..t.t.etc.....

even that which stands off alone

134

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is implicated amidst this eternal sameness..... it goes on and on with no clear direction purpose all is ambiguous all dances there amidst the absence indecisiveness... unless this latter rams a hot blazen poker up your ass.... which in my opinion is not the most pleasurable of experiments.... of course all is possible yet that does not mean that all of these proliferating intensities are there seducing the one to a rapture of desirability...... please do not even try to provide this one with an explanation === it is all just so much shit erupting from your mouth......... save that for your next victim fatal female this woman that is death.... but that exhibits sustained after death nervous orchestrations.... yet she does not die.... but only lives on long enough to say to you good bye... after which miraculously she is there again no longer on the brink of death.... there again to seduce another into her web.... yet another and another amidst this escapist strategy of sadistic absorption and subsequent annihilation or slavery//// the escape encapsultes the directive of control..... i am always so tenuous ambiguous confused unsure... i do not know what will happen... i do not know the future.... but i know the past... in fact it is my specialty.,.... do not ask me who i am and do not tell me to remain the same..... all is ambiguous in this orgy of concealment transgression all tactics parasitic & complementary to the same to the order.... decadence persists as the same as cadence..... each feeding off the other being each other as the same..... the excremental economy of the same scatological matrices of heterogeneous nebulosity... this is why satanism, transgression amidst evil, deploying abnormality

against normality, a fancy fit only for the fantastic, etc.... persist..... this is necessary for the endurance of the good people of this great nation.... (begin hearing "My Eyes Have Seen The Glory") satanism incites amibiguity, confusion...... in this most worthy respect there

before our patriotic god fearing hearts... that which is concealed that which is a mystical proliferation is that, in that, it is plain.... evil is necessary for there to be good.... this throng 135

to here knows when
of mediocre apologists shit from their fingers and good must have evil if it is to be as such that it asserts///...,,,... there were only a few times in which a sector made an affirmation which portrayed pure implosion of these impossibilities.... all that is left after suffocation and epidermal absorption is the same..... this sameness of the last man this drifting pathnet across terrestrial annihilation..... the shocking banality of erasure..... but it is not a shock at all just the fatalistic excrement of a nihilistic fool.... the beetle roles the ball of shit ever expanding sectors of terroristic

proliferation penetration causing making to be the same,,, the same shit.... & every day as the sun rises as the god having been dismembered, a god who has not been properly buried, burned gathers itself together amidst the digestion of the woman.... a god which ascends from out of the darkness this oblivion of dispersion to be recast as eternal each day as the sun rises ambiguity is daily... now it is the same....... not for the world surrender this now erupts my life this surging time these days effervesce allow this seething flux these precious fleeting moments falling ravaged slashing strife sucking dry this that cardboard vampire submit these this that spectacle ingests vile distractions flashy image puffy product bend back begging castrate strangles worship this myre bloodless fawning 136

to here knows when
this these insatiable decorum shatters this that annihilating vortex ceaseless rupture these those corpse fetishizing rituals exclusive succomb these threats taunting attacks scatter these those infiltrating tentacles this that pale shit-ridden violent seductive give this all away this moment this opening this me this fierce fluxuating dances place this head on that chopping block betray this time this this life that bribery horror future toss this all away that other time that next one docile that collaboration complicity conformity cascade across this grinding abyss this that strangling extortion this that scolding zombie security conceal my this one only possibility this these my singular dreams this intensity this exploding joy kneel this that bitter jealous belonging together these those brain dead clones this that odedient enduring asshole sniffing herd foreclose this special streaming chance 137

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bow down ensnare my desire these raging desires this blinding urge this whirling shining whore this my self this that antiseptic sham status bend over this that hot poker searing heed this that pounding gavel disciplinary beat die drinking this that nihilistic cup ruin inspire no no no not me... never that not for the world

finally glad to be at your side.... she is out not so crazy wants more & more wants it deep deep wants more & more continually requests this never satisfied yet still affectionate... how sweeet that this is even there here possible... like the old lady would say it's meant to be... it is all so very different now you write to me from afar i to you & you back but from your true address you even write a poem to me although i do not understand the french title but i will eventually look it up... you seem to be so hurt brutalized & so sensitive & aware of this vile onslaught... it is such a joy to see you awakening from your nightmare... yet, such as it was, i can never find immediacy with you behind your cage of ice... but that is this way of things, this scurge to nothingness... it may help to persist in illusion of seeking to grasp this that which is beyond reach, it may be soothing after all... never very satisfying though... but i ask for too much.... too much to that point where nothingness offers itself as a gift for my own single sacrifice... your ink stained fingerprints touch me from distant 138

to here knows when
dances amidst winds of interior joy... i loved you from my first glimpse so remote that i can taste it yet fades faded mere image dissolves amidst blind radiation... my heart is much too heavy to allow this feather to sore towards these stars... a cold wind blows it down into this icy abyss... i try to smile but it cracks into deafening sorrow... this opening is eclipsed via closing... chance is not enough in this bargain of no escape no exit.... risk is merely another luxury for indolent parasites... for these that true instance of risk is simply subversion, criminality... you say that you cannot trust, cannot open yourself in your state

of paranoia, you beckon that you will persist in talk... such a sadness suffocates this breath amidst this singular opening... a chance yet one which is mutilated through this sickening rape torn gentle being... no longer able to trust to love for that beast lashed one to many times... fucking her when she was locked up in a cage amidst her mental lobotomy... that foul bastard... DIRTY dirty boy.... he deserves to die like no other... that wretched liar... oh how i wish he would just die... painfully... it still has not taken this gift this bouquet placed there right there here an offering of esteem a gift is it a gift or is it poison? what is this? why so generous? or is this questioning still ridden with epidermal paranoia? i want her real real bad... there is no having... no possession... this is not it... this is not what is sought... this infantile wish to have what will be vanquished in this having... this having deferred so this slime can preserve this wish... this desire... this is not it... there is no possession... only entrappment... captivity... these wishes ... this having... i want her ... a gift ... one that she must wish to share... unexpects... immersing... sliding ... licking... taste... touch... i want what i can have... what she will give me... her soul is her own... that i cannot possess... there is no possession... there cannot be... grasping touch caress... each breath enhances bestowal... frenetic ecstatic joy there 139

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loving you there amidst festive dimension rythmic earth dance quakes shock streams upon streams ravenous implodes shatter yelps unreal pleasure here this singular ineffable chance not at all there unreal here domain away intersperses portrait this real bad bad bad art reality this opinion enforced by violence joyous dance unreal until: systematically specified absorbed assimilated render domestic lay down this transfiguration banal self-similar pathetic aesthetic sham perfect becoming shit on this wild child display cosmic eternity casts across project disciplinary act mortality postulates describes operates strategic network project perfect order succombs this image chaos there casts down this perspective of perspective sets up this continuous flow duration plops shit who is to say that this opening is not in fact eternity? the goal has been reached...? this gift is so utterly amazing amidst this fruit dances alterior

throughout between cracks of this painted

endless proliferation of pathways upon seductive pathways ever new surprises ever new ways mixing erasing ways these dance shine burst forth this dance fluxile

swirls of this same brew this same one

stove one teaspoon black peppercorns cinnamon one

whole nutmeg four average sticks

teaspoon coriander pulverizes this shells almonds peanuts chop mix 140

mortar handful each stone dates dries figs together bunch canibus

to here knows when
sativa pulverizes dusts over mixes fruit nuts kneads together cup sugar dissolves in butter rolls cake cuts pieces made balls size walnut eaten with care two pieces that song is playing that she another this nameless one put on that night she brought me back amidst cats to show me her leather toys... her pussy tasted so good that i went back several times... we awoke as strangers in our embrace... my eyes blistering with cat hair not to return... she must have thought i was a little boy... and so i was & am.... another is that one another story another one that sickening ambiguous whore... frentic membrane lerches ... this one orchestrates this amibiguity in which others suffocate... mental sadist seeks out that weakness to destroy... she whispers gazing at the opposite wall, 'femme fatale...' she lusts after these killing fields... wishes to kill, to see... to feel how it feels to kill another... to turn murder into suicide this subtle strategy of a psychopath ... lunges amidst all to test her own ridiculous power... a joke... she is not this only one... there are many across this virus... it is so nice that some are more skillfull at warding off this catagion of that damned proliferation... pathways of destruction diverge yet synchronize amidst that end... it will not work... how could it when all of these little things here & there call themselves to mind sitting in remembrance these sickening tricks these wicked attacks ceaseless vicious filthy bitch whore... this paralyzed one remains inaccessible... a picture can affect dreams for good or for ill... that one lives on in his lying destruction grasping his little black book... lies his heroin sucking cock dreams... she has found she says a him compatible with her own appetites... he will merely be another victim of this vampiress... another notch another set of photos 141

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another page another expanse of sexual history... oh how banal absurd ugly she is disaster happening... what a joy that there are persons who are not even animals yet... it

sucks that i really dig this one but she is so damaged that she will not ever let anyone in to meet her... yet, there is something starting even if it will remain betwixt two glass cages... maybe there will be a thaw... there has been announcement to all of those yet only one really matters, and her, simply for medical reasons... the others could all go to hell for all i care... i just wrote a really good song by remembering an old one... for this is a new space & those voices flatter themselves... vainly let these opportunistic vultures perish... sitting here thinking of a

protestant nun... she has made herself one... retrospective lurching... yet better than before engulfed impishly succombs perverse sadistic thrill-ville... that death of a sister is no excuse for this ultra-violence.... sneezing out these toxins... legalization implies government regulation & licensing... not imply any surveillence... for this is this crux... this that this legal... glory this morning ether oil soaks this grind pours away solves replaces wood drips this still here evaporates gone yellow film this there here these floors were so thirsty that they sucked it all up to this utter point of dryness... thank god i came home late... at least from this point of view of time zone differentiation... 142 de-criminalization does

to here knows when
this light keeps going off sit here thinking more... gather water instead this fluid spills across away nancy is into diogenes how quaint... do i seem a fool??? i will quit this now & go take a shower & jack off.... it always seems just this brink threshold get this much so much so disperse ways fracture dance scintille sparks amazing this difference between atmospheric containment fields i know or it haunts that I should that it scares this end yet i always can find a new excuse to plunge amidst destruction it plays no other like this one buzzes bounces air at last this free space this opening possibility erupts surge stings pain grips swell clutch breath throb it goes down down & down descends sucks out away it leaves young suicides explode mortar rounds prelude to correction sexual revolution surplus bodies matrix tightens its grip creeps blindness worm sucks grows pressure kill voice comes on talks what has just happened ears discern crackle shat dream implodes burns beyond bubbles pop fills up vibrations grasp held threads hold tenuous coalesce here bass droan architect hand seizes ground clutch fingers prince radical exterior simply another interior endorsed release another one it turned out to be not that bad after all something at least amidst this cast of wind socks across this it is not a crime that he left he merely thought it was time one must be somewhat consistent if not at least honest 143

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there is no access to this other singular he sits for some time listens looks intense awareness this last time better make the most of it those vultures hover it is possible to rage against this implosion of one vision casts other streams face conjures mist reaches out touch taste lick eat smell rays shine lovely shower it is only a more pleasant way amidst shatter cast down do not get your hopes up so high he says to me this is what even this architecture whispers across ears well he is dead no more albums oh well oh well oh well yet none but the scum are pleased take this chance to step outside lose some sleep say you tried property thought so long public private period expropriated expropriate those redoubled expropriators big words magical envelop sit set dance to this radio earth dance disseminate proliferate style sends across over ian & kurt these words interest this weird space it does not end this soul of unrest property discipline point pruduction decision space there broke not broken but broke here now for at least another five days this will be this state of affairs broke broke without money minimalism offers relief soak beans for a couple of days 144 OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to here knows when
someone take these dreams away these point me to another day cannot trust that this will come back to this do it now here amidst this after these are soaked good put in onions garlic tomatos let it sit soak in wait a day or two this sparkle lint races flashes gone love will tear us apart scratch in this tray for that thing which is desired light it this tube traverses across inside here hah! two anglican priests hypocrite bastard political dickheads exploiters leaders of men idiots laughable moron annihilators when it is soaked in good put some tomato sauce in it enough with water to make it float real fine a rock feels more than this priest whatever happened to diderot, is he being erased? strangle this last king with these guts of that last priest slash to death these vile lawyers... or at least teach like homo terraneans it is all so far away amidst this surge that stupid fuck it pisses me off ter ri t or i a l p is s i n gs got t a fin d a be tt er w a y j u st b e ca u s e y o u r p a r an o i d i fe e l l u c k y to m ee t y o u i don ' t regr e t a th i n g d o n 't te l l me w h at i wa n t t o h ea r i w a nt e d mo r e th an i c ou l d s t e a l mo n k ey s e e 145 them how to talk & write

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mo n e y d o stay a wa love is blin d y t a k e a sm ile keep it i de adly c ool sl e ep on d ema nd i w an tta cr y th e n i bl a c k

sh e e p

g o t b l a ck m a i l e d a g a i n

a m d o ne i c a n g a l

o h om e u n k n o w n p l a n e u n d e r n e a t h t h is b r id g e i s p r u n g e a k f i s h e a t t h e se ng i n t h e way t o

ha v e n o f e e l i ng s th e re in th e w a y s o m e t h i t h is t e e n s p i r i t i m e t w a l k e d h o m e t h i s s o w n t h i s s t r e e t u p t h e s e s t a z i r s t h i s po i

p e r s o n t h is w a l k nt walk in olie s

down t

his s on g b u r n s i n t o this soul this she st a n d t o t h is wi to n g ue d sa swc scar sl s l sle

s l o w l y b u t su r le y s h e t h r ows t h e s e t h r e ea d s

n d a m i d s t t h i s o ne sm e l ls shout this scene she lies down th is a n c es taste touc h s wal l ows suck danc e d ream xs s r eal r e al

lon g ep

v down entire bac k teacher thi s her this lick lick hutg he re lo b love

sl ee o p

gras p her she is here love this

this lover love4 r i k l i

love you i love you h old m e likes to shoot h is gun means heroin i s death a mag n ificent sacrific e th i care is at this right restclip dirty y ou d e n y d on ' t k now what it

w h a t mtim wings p r o j e ct e

su nday is everyday for all

b u t t h e r e wa s s o s o s u c h m o r e

to d o y e t

babble babbling babbler talk talking talker too sacred to stand this flux chao s of butterflies v he was caught outside without his glasses didn't have his wallet to get by the first barrier i hoisted him to his name told his 146 n ot even a key

window his feet sticking out he asked my dull thro b pain

assembling the list to send out across terrain this

to here knows when
begins with this first inhalation it simply is such as to scream foul against winds stop this before this wild grass is cut away a labyrinth whi spers g lances conceal dance smooth over bodies wax & wane w ish feel dista nce shatter immediate hungry absence sucks within inside burns r ot down this little red candle burns amidst sc atters winds spit v omit through eyes clogging up space netwo rks of cancerous f i ber webs proliferate spin around lumpy vascular channels surv eil via

opening harvest these sp ecial traits slash burn send anew recurring innocence conjures hover across whorls invisible traces e thereal dissemination so ap & propaganda erases smother vibrations bounce back & f orth whisper for ears skin this opening of s ilence absorbs shocks scatter betwixt seeps out these cracks amidst teflon gray skies frown

down blanket earth dance this darkne ss spreads s uffocates with its shouts of blistering possibility e ven t hose good guys are assholes a nightmare ends frantic gnaws scrape away teeth erode clench relative chemical imbalanc e soft fresh breezes visit pass beyond upon into above within vegetable stand standing there be hind stand sell bargain vegeta bles work peddles sun ripened fru it walk along towards ahead in vision subtle glances quiet turn head grasps hand see eyes teleological walk together immerse

journey walk anywhere up down over across inside this place this place

where everything happens just now present stand grasp tear off pull reposition fee l grasp rub massage suck descend down li ck swallow suck across eat among within over under suck reach that point this place suc k eat tug tease eat it up amidst suck down hardy swallows just re membered her again we together sitting in the library corridor t alking about sexual ecstasy & transgression we knew e ach other not & would never know each other but only something about this other this surface casting to that wind in each case almost as a transmutation of each into that other each saw this w hich that other had to 147

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offer what this one was what shined across each was seduced by this light to become this i will trade yo u you for me & me for you.... my earliest memories, those first imprints that burned across my soul, these, this thought, conjures this image, jungle fire, this barely seen rage o f faces affirms faces... this time, now, there are no collectiviti es, no public/private, no aggregates, their only each, th ese, each, this face, this opening, this sacred affirmation ...... an ode to those who came/were born here & left i could never spell your n ame but that does not matter for i did not write it down anyway ... i did not misspell it... this vast playground surveillence camp baby sitting ranch those these discordant ill settled seeking sucking dissatisfied insatiable ones i am here where each one you were there this terrestrial expan se interstitial happening these every each these orchestratio ns activities movings here around about lives these pale carcasse s gripping netting upons futile facades substitutions these venomous parasitic posers from hell it is all the same this sam e thing way sending there is no door here many search move about around but all for naught this best which offers is merely posing parasitic wishing merely to brush up on its tea party charm i wa nt the best of both worlds, i want my cake will eat it too etc etc... charm boy charm girl living charmed lives in a financi ally subsidized world hypocrits to this very end lying shallow ly veiled poor poor poor bad bad bad actors so so so very very ve ry satisfied with their own self perceived portrayed display a midst this very narrow water engulfed surrounded space herd enslaved comotose numbing bodmorphs never dancing always behaving he tells me that all i suffer is who i am this may be true if that who is this imprisoned subject subjected ent iced entwined beaten down confined destoryed taken away maybe this very act disr uption dissent irrelevance in its attunement amidst these 148

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indigenous immediate immanent rhythms erupts this affirmation this these s houts ecstatic joy this possibility.... wo! start that one ov er... & a little slower... these thank merely chance this activity being appropriate freely given as it was is not contemplated pro jected planned marching across about these walls of design it is clear certain this patho logical condition it may even be too late for preemptive measur es yet it may not be too late this is a certain question it is h ere it is now it is there sends this there persists this truth only if this is pursued just this paths imp stands up from its repose in that over fluffy arm chair stretches out its body yawns looks towards that bedroom where it can sleep a long time before it h as to get up & move itself to its site performative operation t o where it will function nice imp walks over that way stumbl es almost knocks off this lamp catches it puts it into its proper place lopside saunters over slams into that white wall holds itself up inplace burps dances with its ears as hair sways across amidst enamel this paint there sweat beads stream drains down over cheeks it whispers itself for immediacy amidst mattress & sheets imp guides itself across wall hall contours slides th rough motion smacks sudden amidst invisible wall runs right int o this one it stands holds arms perverse shines amidst jolts wind dance it smiles asks where are you going my friend it is your birthday what the fuck is wrong with you why did you let her g o by she was there holding out her thumb for you just you tonig ht fuck you're fucking pushin' thirty in nine-hundred & ninety five days you will not trust yourself you think that it is bad no w, just wait till then that next time why in the hell do you wan t to take care for that uncertain next it all persists as tenu ous yet it is here now this space shines imp looks back confuse dr enches ambiguity confusion illusion open whispers i am not quite sure yet it seems that this calls me over shouts dimension sings despair indecision feels its nebulous hold grasps its bloody body smears through eyes cries has not a clue fractures matrices dance possibilities erupt shades shadow gray surge throbs & throbs on 149

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sends this shatters cast about around proximity immediacy rocks space this here now throws body forth perverse laughs this ugliness truth ridiculous scatters honesty obsesses absurd work meaningless foolish time spent for mere shit a life thrown away into this festering heap of joyous intentions nothing sucks this all dry betwixt faces laugh many ways to die myself ourselves themselves we they all everyone world life this stupid banal redundant jabber simply cannot deal with the obvious shatter heap explosion implodes this that is simply dumb chance ashes to ashes dust to dust chance accident event life to be dead silence coaleses vibration residues trace quiver for no ears eyes a lonely bird setting on a power line contemplates this vast boundless depth this these batteries are running low soon to instill silence burnt offerings flicker wobble upwards over away down hit this all goes & comes back around to this invisible point do not know who you are this sunrise never sets for you it runs away you live on so do i it is all just so fine doing what i know i shouldn't do what the fuck does it matter anyway always thought it was different now always wish it were you are so far away do not even know where you are keep saying get used to it what does this mean anyway? this sun won't shine it did not come up today supposed to know better gotta live another day that's what they say but i don't give a damn today 150 look at your face today

to here knows when
beckoning the unrest of this soul to dance defying taunting discipline calling its violent bluff logic rationality exterminates chickens people whatever you want it is all the

same the same extermination eradication many eye witnesses this annihilation this murder via logic ratio incites illogic irratio screams of despair violence more extermination more eradication continuous flow production partitioned by different yet mutually reinforcing aesthetic styles... this herdist pods grow tired of illogic irration... ho hum... this style bores me... plus, it is getting out of hand.... reassertion of logic ratio .... more exterminate eradicate.... more of the same... continuous flow.... twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.... excremental economy... god & satan heave ho a sixty nine position licking laughter gurgles away away today... she said that i should get my eyes dilated as soon as

possible in that this was not just a forgettable problem, one which happens to everyone at this age & beyond, but that there was possibly a torn fiber or some such thing especially with the occasional flashes of light... yet, it was not glaucoma, so I would probably not be going blind too soon, yet, there is certainly no guarentee... at least it will be possible to go get it checked out soon, if not in the next month, then a few months if corporate health insurance kicks in along with dental & accident insurance... these management slugs these foul control freak bureacrats do all they can to keep me ineligible ... stab you in the heart with a smile of concern on their faces.... these foul stinking bastards.... piss on them all... do not equivocate violence.... green leaves of all shapes sizes quiver rock dance shake this these impacts this caress of invisible breezes swirls of winds... five nails stick out of the porch railing from a two by four having been painted over bent back serving no probable function simply there encrusted with cobwebs no longer used simply collecting dust... the little kittie came around the corner stood wiggled weirdly walks into the house passes across porch scans explores space seems as if it wishes to move in... i have set food out for 151

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it some canned mackeral hope that it eats it before the flies get to it... i can't let it move in since i am allergic to cats... quite unfortunate since i am fascinated by their manner apprehend peculiar wildness of each one... a tiny bug flies around, whirls in & out of the space then away... a strange noise grinds behind me, shakes like chains from the parking lot across the fence, at least i suppose this is from whence it seems to come, not from the upstairs neighbor... i went out to throw away the garbage & to deposit the recyclables... ran into a lady who held the cat in her hands, said it was the lady upstairs' cat .... we spoke about who we were, this other returned... i told her about the mail problem last week... each retreats to its cubicle... worse than slaves beckoning this flow of my soul this gentle flower ignites a hidden flame within you touch me awaken this fleeting light deep surge incites passionate blaze springs showers this longing excess breaking apart these plastic walls this ice melting dreams caress beyond showers down across this supple silken bath these lips lick soothes shine eyes burning depth shadow plays dance away vision erupts joy to be will go now to get ready for the event clean myself dress witness exit the king get ready to walk to

having returned shattered amidst this event

seeking to remember this clever turn of phrase which welled on my lips as I walked to the space it is now slipping has slipped it dissolves as if into mist it was never there at all although there was something words vibrating across mesentery not knowing which ones not there as if these had been stolen from me in the night my head was turned for just a 152

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brief spell now it is all different yet in an unexpected way an unknown way each word all prior words have lost their resonance are falling away their luster disappears these shine no more simply weigh heavily down upon a soul which has been once again given a thorough shake barriers cracked a new anguish uncertainty brutal awareness a novel yet interminable sense of this which sets before there i seek to remeber to go back before this disturbance to return to this more friendly abyss i sit it does not come it will not come this intoxication of laughter only fades too soon this illusion dissolves faster & faster in the face of that which will never be seen felt heard this horror this truth this strange term of fulfillment racing towards turn to look at both sides back throughout across this infinity of all directions each all possible possibilities everything this still races forward distraction less & less compelling until there is not even a cry of despair only breathlessness remains little whispers float to my inner ears buzz these teeth in pale light tragedy & comedy lose attraction as one feeds off the other one needs that other in this endless oscillation of grasp touch involves seduces to movement breath in & out inflation deflates expands with this next breath sucks through dry hardened lips cracked these fade away i am left without these any longer without as the spider sits hovers in its silky secretion suspends i turn away look inside hear listen feel breath releases hold tinge of pain it has become stranger than strange wind knocks out away urgency flies body sets happens art lies to me creation fabrication deranges walk around scurry about looking for something anything just to look to look to search it must be there even if it is not for i must not cannot simply sit even if this scatering is this beating of plastic keys this deafening silence thrusts explodes cannot will not must not succomb yet this is not what is there is no sorrow nor is there laughter there is nothing at all yet i lie for there is what is here my body this room on & on it goes out & out i am on this inside if i can even utter this for this is & it goes out around across as far as i can 153

to here knows when
fathom there is no inside certainly no outside of all that is even all that is is simply words there is what i see & probably more at least others have shown me more than i would have seen for myself i hope i have shown others a thing or two myself i know that i have now & then if i can trust the reports at least they have been made at all i cannot cling to this opening there is nothing to cling to i can hold on to things but i am going nowhere at all for now i pick it up put it down & all of these very familar things i am sure you know what i mean or at least can imagine but there is no choice between illusion & reality for both each is true this is a bit of wisdom which holds me suspended in between i fall & fly at the same instant always staying where i am i hear the little cat meow outside i run to give it what food i can this time egg noodles with cream of mushroom soup usually on puts in tuna as well but i had none of this this time even as i sense a certain futility in making this record if this is what i am doing i am not sure yet i write i seek this something shoots out of me this urgency persists even in a certain weird despair a world beyond hope or futility each fights for predominance as speeling becomes a problem yet this once again reenacts this mystery & a mystery it shall remain between inference & deference i am not sure if i wish to write that last term what i wish to inscribe is this space in between my breathless body & another lying there dead this sacred space forbidden even to apollo & dionysus between my eyes & this body between darkness & light this drive toward sameness & this revolt of difference a space beyond love & strife a difficulty emerges which may simply be let go or possibly one wishes it were so simple for raising this question may not take away the reality in this sense this question is not an illusion of breach of revolt against this inference yet it is an illusion nevertheless attuned to this reality which itself is just another illusion for i am grappling in shadows these dancing amidst glimmers threads of light asking this question plays well with my disdain for mere submission i wish to tackle this as a problem yet i do not expect a solution to the problem 154

to here knows when
in the sense that this problem will disappear for me my making this a problem is a playfulness a deception seizing this as a question but i expect no answer this may be my alternative to sheer fanciful delusion of total comedy for i fear that this laughing vision of eternity here preceeded that tearful shock horror provocation prediction assertion this impending eclipse of vision this withdrawal of all that i loved my fascination replaces itself with terror sorrow grief i believed in santa clause once also the tooth fairy the easter bunny god i believed it all dwelling in a land of safety love limitless possibility this timeless plethera plenum... great expectations... pure visons dreams abstract hope... joy love cherishing meaning this lovely world a sense a purpose an aim... all of this all of this a narrow world of order direction a task an assignment a closure of horizons... certainty clarity light shines down upon within amidst all is perfect all has just become perfect all is to be perfect once again... in this perfecting of perfection... sets up the fall... tragedy... to be redeemed with comedy laughter... the limit... no one ought to go beyond this laughter... ultimate safety valve.... yet normative proscription is simply a bluff of intimidation... for the most part keeps things together... only explodes now & then... oh well... why, let's call that bluff... drama pretense act this belief actors spectators alike... implodes..... away he crawls cries tear ... this was all here for me it was given to me each step of the way yet things began to change so suddenly almost imperceptibly as i moved along this path each piece of magic each illusion evaporated somehow a dark surge beckoned for its freedom broke down these artifices one by one disintegration began ceaseless hunger suffocates each as it calls out 'Next!' what a strange weird path this makes as if orchestrated through necessity a way of preparation many many safe havens until one is ready to stare this blank passage exit face to look even this itself is illusion this event to give this fate some dignity an 155

to here knows when
importance far beyond its significance this eclipse of all significance ... i must cease this train must do something must distract myself let these thoughts these scrawling simmer yet grow cold distant this cannot be there all the time all the time that is it must not be but is this just another illusion another dreadful expectation? i will take this up again later... there are many spiders in my bathroom which sit silently suspending in their webs... i noticed something stunning awe fascination returned new life blossomed these dark pondering displaced i watched a movement by the spider... the shower sprays out a fine mist of hot water this tiny room bellows fills with steams... miniscule drops of water clings to threads this spider rubs its leg across a fiber gathers together a drop puts this tip of its leg to its mouth & drinks... i had never seen this before my recent reluctance to trust runs along these depths of my horror in this face of this known unknown death... it does not matter how or when simply that it

encroatches inevitable... or so it seems from this perspective... yet it seems that these two travelling companions will diverge are saying their farewells... or trust may not apply to death... why this is is still unclear yet an inkling suggests itself... simply a gift of chance good luck this time... or this plus... perhaps a new state of being opens for transfigured feelings... a space ripe for myself for rages desire... this happy dance shares kindred spirits... not to seize hold of life for as to feel betrayed by mortality... not to say hello as to be betrayed by others wallow these ghosts... despite whether these are true etc. truth

matters little in this neighborhood of belief... ambiguity... truth may be... another belief... these walked hand in hand for some time one mirroring the other & back again a viscious diorama this blind house of mirrors gazing into mirrors... this overly idealistic messiah.... leaps epoch... deferrs... betrayed by life in that it will end to fix one's gaze on this future event one not to be intimately witnessed as a completed occurence... to feel betrayed by someone else 156

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who had been there in intimacy... this these beckon a sense of equivocation pulsating around this word trust... also of betrayal... a breach of trust shattering expectation... difference these feelings of disappointment & betrayal... difference mortality my life & others... in a sense life cannot betray in this way another body can betray... a life only betrays in a way of showing forth happening as itself... a life disappoints with respect to

certain expectations this happens only on the way... death is no disappointment nor is it a betrayal... only another person or even oneself can betray ... another oneself can

disappoint... difference exudes oneself & another... someone betrays i can cast this body from my life or seek some kind of settlement... if someone disappoints i can cast them away or seek a settlement... this possibly involving a readjustment of my expectations... or my essential vision of this other... yet if i dissappoint myself i cannot run away & live to tell about it cannot begin afresh cannot deal with this... there is only staying alive on the planet... somehow some way... this most hideous betrayal shocks myself lowering my expectations vis-a-vis others... giving away this chance for a little monotonous comfort... expectations wishes hopes dreams aspirations ultimately *** but not yet *** tamed extinguished in death... for if this must be & if there is already a built-in resistence to this to the extent that it provokes revolt illusion deception denial etc. etc... bitter sweet destiny seeks rapture this joy opens groans shout dances around surges wild fire... trick find space attunes possibilities... space... persons... an opening oscillates amidst this tenuous horizon of closure... this eruption of life... this chance... ecstasy in the field... shadows refract smack quiver song soul erupts this metaphor explodes in your face take a step back to see these swirls it is a welling surge underneath concrete 157

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a tiny plant a crack a seeping creeking out this comes like it or not opens out across away a deep depth swells races torrents there here listen to this you might miss these calls amidst this space erupts this earth more much more than earth this this blossom contorts amidst from this earth soup cries shocks shouts scatters traverses this space happens here there just mere shit excrements prison now it i * let that death of this one i love be that most bitter day... a day of profound contemplation of the vastness of this love the seething joy this other brought to my life... & let this bitterness when it comes be sweetened by visions of you by memories of your little ways words this feeling of your kiss caresses my cheek... i can live as you remain still in my heart walking with me having become one with me... having become many as you dwell in other's hearts as well... let us speak of you together let us caress each other as your smile beams within our souls our visions coalesce stream in 158

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& out amidst tender love... i have you i am not abandoned alone only me without you... i could not bear your obliteration... yet as i write this i sense an absurdity... & i feel a strange encoraching numbness... you cannot be obliterated yet if you are i will not even sense this absense there will be no sensed absense... at least no absense without a trace... yet this trace fills my heart with joy & love as your face shines for my gaze... i can still make love with you my eyes closed alone... a trace is enough to feel your presence... your trace dies with me this one trace as others still harbor your memory your proliferating directions become one with many others... obliteration comes only after no trace no memory remains yet by then it could not matter... thus i will never have to bear your obliteration... i will never live through your death... your soul will explode into this jubilant dance of many suns... your memory will persist long enough to help each of your loves through this journey... this is long enough... even if one could ponder these infinite effects amidst all being of even this tiny butterfly... yet this is a tautology though one of profound implications... but distant from these immediate concerns of lovers & loved... at least it does not introduce strife amidst love... strife may be inevitable yet its eruption may be rare if it is not conjured into presence via artifice... this is to suggest that intense joy may not require intense sorrow, nor love, strife... while purity may be illusion, this does not immediately imply a proportional participation, whether direct or inverse... as a metaphor this latter is probably closer to the sense of my expression, yet, it seems that these terms .... what these abbreviations, fictions quarentined, torn from amidst living, from situation..... what these refer to these positive directionalities display surge their own indigenous events... as when love eclipses strife or vice versa... this opens a dimension beyond proportion, mixture... although it may as yet remain this same, not pure, whatever this term means anyway... it means not-x as it has only a negative content etc, etc... last night i dreamed that i cried over your death 159

to here knows when
fierce tears wretched wails on my knees face cascades hands me about this event your demise unexpectantly he stayed with me so i would have comfort he caressed my hair my cheek wiping away my tears i cried & cried this pain this wound ran very deep i had not even a chance to see you again not even to reach out to you with words or a phone call i could never touch you again it would not be enough for me to simply remember you this trace of your smile could not satisfy compell subdue this within my soul this emptiness for you were no longer what you were when we had loved you had ceased to be this long ago this you was already remember that day when you died broken leaves dead to me i violent terror raging he sat having told

this magic flew away leaving only these dry

racing away senselessly across broken pavement dust

you were reborn in my heart from another perspective my love did not perish yet was transfigured through this this love was true it lived it became stronger & stronger reaffirmed through recurring experience... i could cry in my dream since i had already cried for you in wakefulness rupture of position

love continuous through each both one state different aspects etc... yet this love flourished you were so far away your address was lost there was no way to find you countless efforts to locate you hearsay fuels speculation resignation to provision losing of you tiny flickers of hope crest this horizon 160

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whispering someday... someday... for this hope was fueled by a call one night less than a year ago we talked shared this joy & laughter as we mingled our most recents experiences you told me before you departed you loved me i thanked you & said i love you too... only to compare this true expression of myself with the hideousness of that current situation of extreme bitterness ... that night i took many many pills seeking death... to get out to cut the knot... failure insured a pleasant day of vomiting... i am glad i didn't die... for this allowed me to live... & to hope to share your life again some how some way some distant day... you had already saved me once... you never will know... your face... i had thought of you... & this thought of you kept me alive... this allowed me to feel this trickling of an incipient surge, this sacred amidst my life... this was my true love... in this dream this dream of futility this horror of unexpected death your death this abrupt death which exterminated this secret hope dwelling in my heart this possibility within my soul... this was all gone... you are gone... for you were not you... but many obscure doorways... you were being sought... i was seeking to find you... only to find that you had died... not for myself but after the event through hearsay... never to see your face even your dead face again... unless i dig you up... yet that may not be a very good idea... perversely romantic though it be... yet even to have seen your dead face... or precisely to have seen your dead face may have been an even more crushing blow... for then it would have be over... at least a sublime hope remains amidst a domain of hopelessness... there is always the possibility that it was all just a very bad dream.... another illusion she shits & pisses on my face.... is is possible to break free of illusion or does this mean death illusion one after the other involvement concern care 161 yet this is still mere illusion one more along this path

to here knows when
one more consolation one more labyrinth one more cave one more blinding sun one more illusion within illusion within no distinguishing marks this illusion merely falls away only then becoming illusion what is now is not illusion yet unless the face the head is smashed up against the glass ... another illusion... perhaps... one can wait to see this for oneself... it would seem that this question is irrelevant... especially if illusions betray themselves... or at least each illusion has been betrayed ... certainly there will be more... yet is it necessary to guess which will be illusion next ... does it matter... one can only be without illusions if one has never yet seen a world explode before these eyes... illusions lie scattered across the dirt half covered in mud worn by erosion cracked by the blistering heat of the black hidden sun... illusions are artefacts... it is only conjectured that what is deemed truth reality etc etc is illusion... this has not happened yet... at most this conjecture is a wish.... a threat... illusions die all at once suddenly... until this death this quick departure there is conjecture & command... it could be written that command this command of this conjectured illusion was itself only conjecture at one time which wished to destroy some other commanding conjectured truth now de facto illusion... whether it was or not... it lies in ruins... that is enough.... yet ruins become sacred mystical spiritualized one forgets immediate life references a battle ensues concerning the myth... it is time to go to bed on the canvass military fold out cot on loan from my building manager... sweet dreams... maybe i will dream of cows... leaves sway racy breezes kiss across spiral stalks jet out reach through air grasp this scintille sky patient flowers bloom begin one two three many this dance this joy opens patience waits eternity its time is come now it dances bathes these rays free cats sleep in the afternoon sun yawn stretch clean with tongues gaze across fluid air look out to see thunder quakes fire engine helicopter wonder frightens sound travels leaves calm still returns white cat lies face across fury soft back black comrade 162

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hired slaves come stalk through this space of wildness rape chop maim torture take it all away leave marred hell all is destroyed it looks like a bad haircut worlds devastate dies patience in vain foolish violence of this same sanitized shit cats disappear for days sense witness this horror lovely space away infiltrates slime vermin paid to destroy simply to keep alive blowing life breath into banal control freak aesthetic dominion conquers rips up tears out crops back mirror of hate little grassy bugs run to & fro their lives their time to dance all is dancing lovely sacred opens intrusion attack instigation legs blown off children cripple beggars die starvation keep it bad make it worse ugly to hide your own rapid rabid degeneration nihilist excretions... you... death bleeds out decompose rot festers fetid flesh powerful life remains though scarred wells back fights flees returns this inexorable pressure of flux flows out shatters moldy pretentious arrogance of managed selection fabrication creation light agains bathes this space casts shadow dimension opens perspective cats return sleepy sunshine caress flowers no more simply prescribed vegetation domestic not wild ants crawl along lines back & forth whisper sweet messages of abundance there but all this dreams these are... a magical world of slow dissolution death divine dies.... these shedding skins crackle on this doorstep.... striving towards this sun only to be burned alive.... dark clouds drift across haunting blue sky... night comes upon us quickly cool winds scratch at our faces... all is doomed all of this eventually there will be nothing it will all fall away this wonderous accident will certainly necessarily perish... each of our lives each death of this one we see each one merely rehearses this final whimper this explosion this demise... wildness erupts screams out downgraded to domestication wildness dispels this pale beast triumphs yet even wildness dies replaces this silent dance of deadly orbs.... surge of feeling gasps this terror at the very thought... these wicked thoughts of honesty... 163

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this vortex swallows these each one a face disappears shrivels away this laughter fades away amidst infinite dilution... love is a fleeting flash of light which strikes this face with a kiss... even this moisture fades away... all will be forgotten... yet this will not matter... the destruction will come too late to hurt anyone... each rehearsal shows each that this slide is not such a tramatic event after all... just close your eyes... take a deep breath, it will all be over soon, this i tell you, it will all be over, you will not even know that the end has come, you will not see the end, but it will come nevertheless... even magic dies.... yet you won't be around for this... smile... i love you.... you...

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