Bautista, Janessa 1IT-A

Teenagers in Love
Parents' reactions to teen romance. Published on June 2, 2009 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. in Sticky Bonds Friends from our childhood or adolescence are special, no matter how much time has elapsed between visits. These compelling connections are the result of shared roots during the formative years. Our childhood friends and teenage sweethearts experienced with us all the wonderful, horrible, boring, and embarrassing moments that helped to make us who we are today. Yet, when children are young, parents may regard these relationships as insignificant. If the family must move to a new community and the children's close friends must be left behind, so what? They will make new friends, the parents assure them. But, is a friend as interchangeable as a new toy for an old one, or is there more to friendship than that? Why are we so elated to rediscover long lost friends in our adult years if, as some parents believe, they were so dispensable to us as children? Even more belittled by many parents is a teenager's (or preteen's) love for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Adults refer to these relationships with demeaning language, calling them "just puppy love," and these romantic bonds are not taken seriously. Parents question the ability of teenagers to know what love is, yet they accept their teenagers' statements, "I love you, Mom & Dad," with full appreciation and at face value. If adults accept that teenagers can love parents truly, then shouldn't they also accept that teen romances are "real" love? Recreational dating is relatively new. Teenagers many years ago married their first sweethearts right out of high school. These men and women of the World War II Generation married at younger ages than their Baby Boomer children or their Generation X or Millennial grandchildren. But education has become prolonged, so marriage is later. The age of puberty, however, has dropped. Whatever the reasons for this, reaching puberty influences the age of first love and first sexual experience. It is rare now to marry a first love. Today's teenagers date not for mate selection but for fun. However, the first love experience is no less powerful than it was in the 1940's. Adults who underestimate the strength of the bond-- or the impact of the loss -- of a first love may have forgotten what a blow it was when they lost their own first loves. They may even try to comfort teenagers with lighthearted lessons: a surprising number of men and women wrote to me to bitterly complain about parents who joked years ago, "Don't worry! Boyfriends/girlfriends are like buses... a new one comes along every ten minutes!" This was not helpful, and it was not funny. The loss of a first love can be so crushing to some teenagers that they become suicidal. The pain of the breakup will subside with time, but the love may stay buried and dormant for decades. While most men and women find satisfying partners after first love breakups, there are adults who spend their married years aware that "something is missing." They continue to think about their lost first loves. Perhaps if they had married their first loves when they were younger, they tell me, they could have formed lasting and fulfilling marriages, but they will never know. These romances were interrupted - often by their parents' interference. In my recent survey of 1600 people (who had never tried a reunion with a lost love), ages 18 to 92, 56% of the participants said they would not want to go back to their first loves, 19% were not sure -- but 25% said they would! Even the adults who had no current interest in their first loves, including those who had only bitter memories, revealed that these early romances influenced their life-long attitudes about love, and even about themselves.

the researchers compared responses from adolescents who didn’t report any romantic involvement at either interview with those who reported it at both interviews. about a wide variety of things. The study was done by sociologists Kara Joyner of Cornell University and J. it may come only once in a lifetime. or a smaller decrease. than uninvolved teens. and diminishing with age to about a half-point difference for girls who’d been 17. Copyright 2010 by Nancy Kalish. Teen Love Ain't Grand This is not exactly the view of romance that prevails around Valentine’s Day. To measure levels of depression. The finding: The romantically involved adolescents showed a bigger increase in depression levels. but that the new work overlooked some good things. such as how often they felt they couldn’t shake off the blues. Revised 2012 http://www. First love. but it’s bigger for girls than boys. Their results are based on responses from about 8. They looked at how much depression levels changed between interviews for each group. is indeed real love. young love. For boys of all ages. the researchers examined adolescents’ answers to 11 questions about the previous week. The results suggest that on balance. They presented the results in the December issue of the Journal of Health & Social Behavior. For some people. .The longer I study lost loves and lost love reunions. Researchers who’ve studied teenage love say that smaller studies had shown teen romance can cause emotional trouble. This intense love does not come along every ten minutes.200 adolescents across the country who were interviewed twice. with a 2-point difference for girls who’d been 12 at the first interview. The reported effect on depression is small. Richard Udry of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The researchers suggest it could be one reason teen girls show higher rates of depression than teen boys do. the clearer it becomes to me how important young love really is. Now researchers have published a huge study of real-life adolescents in love. falling in love makes adolescents more depressed. about a year apart.D.psychologytoday. The kids were ages 12 to 17 at the first interview. Researchers Compared Teens In and Out of Romance To see what love’s got to do with it. felt lonely or sad or got bothered by things that normally wouldn’t faze them. and more prone to delinquency and alcohol abuse than they would have been if they’d avoided romance. Girls were hit Study: Teen Love Hurts By Malcolm Ritter Feb. The difference wasn’t much. Ph. was a tragedy. that star-crossed love of Romeo and Juliet. it was about one-half point on a 33-point scale. a difference that persists into adulthood. 15 The most famous youthful romance in the English-speaking world.

” she said. it makes sense that “if a young daughter is dating.” both positive and negative. In fact. she cautioned. thinks the new study focuses unfairly on love’s downside. and then a few hours later. romance made a difference in depression only if they’d had a breakup between interviews. To Joyner. “Those can oscillate within the same day. they’re totally depressed because John is suddenly seeing somebody else. she said. Joyner said. hurt. her parents may be concerned about her choice of partner or what she is doing with him. So why would love lower adolescent mood? By analyzing the adolescents’ answers to other questions. For girls. His own work has tracked adolescent emotions hour-by-hour and day-by-day by having participants wear beepers. Maybe girls feeling less loved at home were more likely to seek romance with a guy. Larson and colleagues found. poorer performance in school. Too Joyner and Udry also found that romance was associated with a small decrease in happiness for girls. Then they’ll come back up because they had a good talk with John.” But it’s only a guess. . Many researchers who work on adolescent depression “have thought that something about dating behavior and dating relationships can be toxic to girl’s health. where the bump in depression was biggest.” It makes sense that dating could be one reason why female depression rates start to exceed male rates around age 14 or so. and a small increase in alcohol problems and delinquency in both sexes. “I think there’s something to it. which prompt them at random times to write down how they are feeling. Larson said. thrills and. That was especially so among younger girls. it appeared that for boys. For boys the figure was 25 percent. love. and breakups of relationships. In a sample of 14-year-olds to 17-yearolds.” And these feelings are a big part of adolescent life. jealousy and frustration. girls said real or fantasized relationships with boys caused 34 percent of the strong emotions they’d reported. in contrast. anxiety. and things are back on track. rather than the other way around. well. the biggest impact from romance seemed to come from a rockier relationship with Mom and Dad.” Larson said. That would be my guess. euphoria. But there’s also happiness. Alcohol and Delinquency. their concern leads to arguments. Those results show adolescent love provokes “a fusillade of strong feelings. Presumably.” Nolen-Hoeksema said. worry. and “not every girl who’s dating is depressed.” Critic: Study Too Negative Reed Larson. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema.Contradicts Adult Findings The results were a surprise. “The same child will tell us at one moment in time they’re just on top of the world because they just had this great talk with John. there’s anger. They didn’t look for explanations for the latter two findings. who studies adolescent emotion at the University of Illinois in Urbana. because studies of adults have shown married people tend to be less depressed than single ones. as assessed by different questions. The study can’t prove what caused what. Joyner and Udry found evidence for three possible factors: deteriorating relationships with parents. for example. The idea is that girls base their self-esteem on these relationships more than boys do and “will contort themselves to make these relationships work. said the study’s findings on that topic made sense. Yes. joy. But lots of things can promote depression. a University of Michigan psychologist who studies depression.

“I don’t buy that. It’s not like romantic relationships hold only danger for teens. Most of the emotions traced to girl-boy romance were positive. Wyndol Furman. a psychology professor at the University of Denver who studies adolescent romance. without any benefit. But are you going to give your car up?” http://abcnews.go. “There are risks. any more than the idea that driving a car is only dangerous. including anger and depression. also cautioned that studies like Joyner’s tell only half the story.” he . he said.Even the lower figure is about twice the rate attributed to school and about three times the rate for family or same-sex friends. but 42 percent were negative.