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Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated . 2010. feature requests etc. problems. This story was first published on February 28th. 2012. . The content in this book is copyrighted by ciaobella27 or their authorised agent(s).please email any bugs. 2010.Copyright Page This book was automatically created by FLAG on January 17th. based on content retrieved from http://www.net/s/5784072/.net. All rights are reserved except where explicitly stated otherwise.fanfiction. and was last updated on February 28th. to flag@erayd.
Written for Twifans for Haiti compilation. ExB -3- . the number she chooses isn't so random.Summary When Rosalie dares Bella to send a random naughty text message.
Turn that frown upside down. But it wasn't my bachelorette party. giving in. Ang? "Fine. It's your night or your week or your month. Bella. "Belly!" Rosalie called out to me from the stage. but friends don't ask friends to dry-hump obscene inflatable devices. Maybe drinking one more would make it easier to handle being stuck in the middle of five simultaneous -4- . "Bella. Who doesn't want a spa weekend? I'd take a seaweed wrap any day over this – a bar that caters to rowdy groups of drunken women. she couldn't think of anything better than this? I offered to foot the bill for spa weekend. "Can I get you another?" the waitress asked." Jesus. "Drink up.Chapter 1 Pen name: ciaobella27 Rating: M for language Pairing: Bella/Edward Title: Good Vibrations What was I doing here? I mean. too. I'm staying right here"." I replied. "Get yer sweet ass up here. motioning to my empty martini glass. I'm excited for you." Ugh. And thank Christ." Angela interrupted. It wasn't my call. crashing into the seat next to me. another cosmo." Alice bellowed into the mic. "We have a situation up here that needs some handling. really. please. I'll pass. "This is a party. I get it." I looked up at them with a tight smile and wave that said – "No thanks. You too. Belly Girl. it wasn't me on the stage straddling that seven-foot inflatable penis. Rose. So drunk.
He still works for the audit team." she sang. I was not going to wake up with a headache tomorrow. Edward. I saw Angela mouth "Keep them coming" to her again as she retreated. had just arrived to help pack up all of the gifts. no prospects. realizing too late that mine was probably clammy.bachelorette parties. smiling up at the waitress as she placed the bright red cocktail in front of me. we haven't chatted in forever! How's work?" "Work's good. "I'm not interested in Jake. yes. "Busy. When he walked into the room." I replied. I couldn't tell if it was to the music or to whatever was going on in her head. I think the number of girls wearing tiaras and feather boas in this place had officially created a fire hazard. It was like Animal House. we are going to find you a man. "Well. I shook his hand. Nice try. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. It's always like that during end of the fiscal year. and squeaked out some incoherent greeting. We were at Rosalie's shower the week before. really. still work with you?" "Jacob. I could barely look at him ." I replied. There was someone. I was so humiliated by my lack of social skills that I opted not to join them all for dinner. "There has to be someone. "And keep'em coming!" Angela called after the waitress. when I overhead Emmett tell her that his brother and best man. Swan. As we carried Rosalie's shower gifts out to the truck. taking a small." Angela pledged." I muttered. Jacob. measured sip of the cosmo. swaying in her chair." "Right. sorry. covered in pink marabou feathers. but it was silly. When Alice introduced us. Ms. His muscles bulged underneath his shirt and the fabric strained around his bicep. -5- . Bell. and went home to sulk. relieved to not be discussing penises. It wasn't exactly true. So does that cute guy. I was mesmerized. "No." I added. I had no game. "So.nevermind speak to him. right. I watched him carefully pick up the boxes and load them into the back.
After the next drink. "Bella. grabbing Alice's hand for assistance to climb up. holding the microphone. Rosalie. "But it appears that the maid of honor is missing. folks. A man in a leisure suit was a holding a microphone and talking to Alice. it looks like we have the bridesmaids up here. I took a quick gulp and felt my nerves calm. I jumped. dropping it on the floor as if it were on fire. Ew. "Here goes nothing. I was sharing a mic with Rosalie." She thrust a cosmo up into my hands. "Don't worry. Kate. "Ladies. Next thing I knew. Paging Bella Swan. I took one look at Rosalie on stage and one look at the cosmo. shielding his eyes from the light and searching the room. I was leading a conga-line around the bar while wearing a three-foot paper penis hat on my head. -6- ." Angela suggested. and her bridal party will be providing back-up. Cullen is going to sing a little song for us. lifting the glass and draining the contents." he leered.We were interrupted by a commotion on the stage. "Where is Bella Swan?" "I think you better drink that fast." The emcee handed us each what appeared to be a rubber penis. "Bel-lah!" Rosalie yelled doing her best Street Car Named Desire impression…except Brando hadn't been riding a giant penis." he announced. The future Mrs. "Okay. "Here. and her annoying cousin. I hobbled toward the stage. The moment I stood up I realized that the two drinks had affected my balance more than I had anticipated. your microphones. sweetie." he announced. "Alright. These are the safest penises you'll ever have in your hands. nodding to the drink I had barely taken a sip of." I heard Angela call from off-stage." I said." he added. singing into the rubber penis about how my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
how about this? I'll pick a random number. it's sooo nice to see you relax for a change. too." I insisted.In the middle of the next. "I can cut loose. Bitch. I was vaguely aware that Rosalie was speaking to me." "No way." she taunted me. "Okay. "Like at the tax season wrap-up party? Yay. we're accountants and we're getting down." Kate sneered. okay. prove it." Rosalie exclaimed. Rose. "You do like Edward. but…whatever!" I huffed indignantly. Rose!" I cried. -7- . "Instead of drunk dialing. "If I want to. Besides. I'll back off. Edward? Why would she say that! I hadn't said a thing to her. I was still wearing the hat." I replied. I could barely even speak to him." "Gah! I have no one to drunk dial. stumbling over the syllables. "Belly. Who would I call? My mother? "What about Edward?" she suggested." Alice chimed in." she began. "You never let loose. garbling her words. "Look at her blush!" "She's probably just sweating out the booze." she began. and you have to text a naughty message. "I knew it!" "He's cute. "You're ridiculous. smirking at me. She'll never do it. I am the bride and I decree that Bella needs to drunk dial someone." "Okay. "Oh my God!" Alice squealed. raising her hands up in mock surrender." "I let loose all the time!" I argued.
Disbelievers! I fumbled with my purse." I replied.Was that a challenge? "You're on. "How about 'Thinking of you makes me hot'?" "That's the best you can come up with?" Rosalie asked incredulously. The numbers were jumbling together. It could be someone's mother! "Let me see!" Alice exclaimed. "I want to ease into it." Alice sang. Bella?" Angela teased. Naughtiest? I had no idea. attempting to type on the keypad. no. more than ready to prove I could be just as wild and crazy as they could be. Rosalie shot Alice a sideways glance. digging clumsily for my cellphone. I was about to -8- . "Well isn't it true. I need to change my panties'?" Rosalie suggested.what's the naughtiest thing you can think of saying?" she asked." I insisted. "Okay. I'm thinking. Rose. Hah! Suck it. quirking an eyebrow. you. That didn't seem right." I explained. laughing. As I looked at the screen. "How about 'When I think of you. It could be an old guy. "What would you say if it were Edward. "We are not discussing panty changes. I handed it to Rosalie triumphantly. "Quiet. the reality of it hit me. and then took to the keypad." I snapped back. entering the digits. Belly. though." I said. "Ew. and some of them seemed to be moving. That's gross. taking another gulp of my fourth or fifth cosmo. I had no idea who was on the other end of this text. plucking the phone from my hands. She handed it back to me with the unfamiliar number at the top. tell us .
"No. I nervously picked it up. -9- . "Oh my God! The person responded!" Angela yelled. happily. 'Someone who needs a spanking'. "Oh no. "I have it. "Say 'I'm your naughtiest fantasy. You have no excuse for acting like a jerk. Belly. adding a little clap." "I'm texting back to explain that you are all crazy. "There." At least I was drunk. Alice nodded.'" Alice suggested." Rosalie replied. Sent. "Did you actually send it?" I panicked. Who is this? They grabbed the phone. Kate." Kate added. it began to vibrate and skip across the table. utterly humiliated. and read the screen." Rosalie added. and under the sent items I saw a message that read Ur dream come true. eliciting moans of protest from the group. I'm not wearing any underwear. "I wouldn't tell Edward that I wasn't wearing underwear!" Before I was able to type." "Relax." Angela announced. "This is my party and it's fun! Pretend you're telling Edward your deepest. "Relax. "The person is probably going to think you're a drunk jerk and delete it." she announced. As soon as I placed my BlackBerry down.fess up that I was chicken and back down when I heard her giggle. BTW. "There." I announced. clapping. My heart began to race. typing into the keypad. "What are you guys doing?" I exclaimed. passing it around and squealing like schoolgirls. darkest desires. no. happily." She handed it back to me. another message popped up.
we're heading to Sonny's to meet the guys?" Alice asked Rose." Alice began. "So. Im stuck until last call. . Good luck w ur nite out. I removed the paper penis hat from my head. but managed to type a short message." Kate announced.10 - . Girl's Night Out is bad. Want to kill. That was not how I wanted Edward to see me. I understand. Bella!" she exclaimed. I got up on shaky legs. "Rose. exasperated. rly sry. girls." As Rosalie attempted to dial her own phone three different times. Is it wrong for me to bag out on last call? Drunk brother." I replied. "What did you just type?" Alice asked suspiciously. My brother is about to pass out. Hijacked phone. Pain in ass.No underwear? Don't u think we should be introduced b4 that type of info is divulged? When Rosalie leaned over to pull the phone away. Pity me. Protect phone from drunken friends. "Yup. do you want to call Em and meet up with the guys for last call?" The guys? Meaning Edward? Had I not endured enough humiliation? "I'm having Tyler pick me up." she bellowed. Glad 4 u & ur underwear. Friends are stupid. So sry. "Lame. parading over to the door. It's getting late. girls. No worries. "Alright. sporting an exaggerated pout. I took the opportunity to write back to the Mystery Guy. snapping her phone open. I felt my phone vibrate as I walked towards the door and took a quick look. Again. "Lame!" I hadn't even placed the phone down when it buzzed back. "This whole scene is fail. "An apology. Will do. let's move on out.
and distracting the girls. Say a prayer. "It's nothing. I climbed into the limo behind the girls. I couldn't imagine having any conversation with Edward. probably too quickly. I laughed out loud at his response. Fessing up to this was completely out of the question." I replied. bidding the driver goodnight. He may get jealous. Certain humiliation. I see. Taking advantage of my time to plan. "Belly. The next message arrived almost instantaneously. U can always tell him ur not wearing any underwear. still shaky and light-headed. Well. looking for a spot. comforted by the idea that someone else was wishing they were home instead of at a bar.I smiled at his message. Probably won't talk at all. Not a problem. I have no game. grabbing everyone's attention. Fortunately at that moment. While they crawled out of the car. Gah! We're here. I began thinking of a topic to broach with Edward. Oh. singing along to If You Seek Amy with Rose and Angela. I almost missed the vibration of my phone over the thumping of the speakers. Alice looked at me and then to Rose. I typed in my message." I reiterated. Alice cranked up the radio. I couldn't imagine explaining to Edward that I was having a text conversation with a complete stranger. Friends with big mouths & a cute boy. Is it rude to tell the waitress that I don't date woman same age as my . Topic of my underwear is off limits. Mystery Guy. are you still texting with E…that random guy?" Rosalie asked tentatively. Don't tell him about us. This time. I got another immediate response. the driver pulled over. "It's not a big deal. "Nice weather we're having" wasn't going to cut it. I almost giggled out loud when I read his response. I hear that works.11 - . I have it worse.
When Em said he wanted to go see dancing girls. Emmett was splayed across it. "I'm right here. Our eyes met briefly before I looked away nervously. Yankees cinched the AL East. Jasper's shirt was untucked and rumpled. I decided to sneak one more text before I sat down. and Edward was staring at his phone." he slurred. Em. my eyes immediately settled on the group of beat-up looking guys at the table in the corner. I've never been a virtual wingman. Edward was distracted by his phone.12 - . but it sounds good. beautiful Alice. rubbing his back. That horrible Mike Newton was yammering away about something. and was clearly not even remotely interested in my presence. when I felt the phone buzz with Mystery Guy's response. They bite. taking a seat. You know why?" Alice just looked at him skeptically and quirked her brow.mother? I stepped out of the limo. staring at my phone and punching in the keys. startling Edward so that he looked up at us. "I love my wife!" he announced loudly to the entire pub. his head resting on his folded arms. you know what I said? I said no. completely ignoring him. What do I say? "Alice!" Jasper exclaimed. "Because I love my wife. It made me smile. I was lamenting the fact that I should have just gone home. Watch out for cougars. "My sweet. I typed back swiftly. Mike took the opportunity to cough "Loser" into his fist. MG. barely conscious. . I have no idea what that means. "Baby!" he yelled again as if he didn't hear. He's here. Interesting. There was a good baseball game yesterday. "Baby!" Emmett cried. When we walked into the pub." Rosalie replied.
He started nodding enthusiastically. I picked up my phone and noticed a message. Edward choked on his beer and Mike revisited his cough-loser response." she added. not cinched. "Baby. He left table bc Im so creepy! ." she asked cautiously. "Oh my God. "I have a great idea. When he smiled back and rolled his eyes at Mike. okay. however. "Stop acting like a shit just because you couldn't get laid. "So. his face was red." Edward muttered."I said I'm right here." Mike sneered. His eyes were glassy. looking around the table." he warned. "Shut up. Clinched." "Oh." As my hands shook. Mocks me. Edward shoved Mike with the other. my face suddenly felt hot and I started to sweat. Smaller keys. Srry. I was convinced I probably looked like I had to burp. MG! SOS! Didn't get last text and said cinched. "It's clinched. looked stricken. I made a complete fool of myself in front of him. "Excuse me a minute. looking at the screen. wide-eyed. Feeling triumphant.'" he announced. and our eyes met briefly. Mike. wincing as he shouted." I stated. relief passing over his features. my gaze ended with Edward. I smiled nervously. So glad they cinched the AL East. New phone. looking up for the first time. "I think we should sing our vows. He." I groaned." My face flamed and my heart started hammering in my chest. He shook his head at Mike." he replied. great Yankees game yesterday. "Enough. Bella." Jasper replied. yeah. Wiping the beer from his mouth with one hand. but since I tended to press my lips together when I was nervous. pushing back from the table so fast that his chair almost tipped over.13 - . and he had a mark across it from where his head was pressed against his arms. "They clinched. I decided it was the perfect time to try out Mystery Guy's conversation starter.
Obviously.how long have you been interested in this guy? I wanted to tell him to focus and help me out of this jam. I was avoiding any direct conversation with Edward. "Singing our vows is most definitely not a good idea. That was a given. But in all honesty. He carefully helped her put on her jacket. we were getting ready to leave. So what would you have liked this guy to say to u? That was a good question. It wasn't an easy thing to admit. celebrating the effort with a high-five. you don't think it's a good idea?" Emmett whined. Tell me . Im sure that wasn't why. Phil. Edward still hadn't returned. uncertain about revealing so much about myself. bracing him as they walked around the table. When I looked up from the screen." she replied. because I was convinced I'd turn into the yammering dork I had just proved I could be.14 - . coaching her as she fumbled with the zipper. Jane. as Rosalie hoisted his arm around her neck. I . After we loaded up all of the gifts. baby. It's the little things. When he got her mittens and hat on. turn the sleeves of her coat right-side out and pull out her gloves from inside her knit hat.His response was fortunately quick. but the others were grabbing their things and preparing to leave. He did something sweet. That he thinks I look pretty tonight. "So. I didn't need him to turn into Dr. kwim? A simple hi-five. he raised his palm up. Mystery Guy's text distracted me. I was only probably able to do it because I was admitting it to a faceless person via text. I wanted him to profess his undying love for me." While I was watching Rosalie attempt to maneuver Emmett towards the door. I just wanted him to notice me like I'd noticed him. That was when. So I watched from afar as he helped Rosalie's five-year old cousin. But he led me to think back to that day at the shower. I winced as I pressed send. "No.
hurrying over to the door. Belly. I nodded nervously and gathered up my things to wait outside.15 - . are you catching a ride with us?" Rosalie asked over her shoulder. Edward hopped out. "I think we'll be driving with the windows down. He seemed so uncertain. Wish me luck. He may even say what u want to hear. he may have felt the same way all along. It hadn't occurred to me that he was getting out to . startled by the sound of his voice – by the mention of my name. I'll go get the car and I'll meet you out front. U don't need luck. signaling to the silver car that was pulling up to the sidewalk." he offered. "I'm parked in the lot across the street. Grabbing my phone. "Um. if it's okay with you." Rosalie added. For all u know. "That's good." I whipped my head around. I watched him curiously. I'm sure Edward will take good care of you. wondering where he was going. I mean. "I think I'm going to be sick. that's okay with me." Emmett groaned. He's driving me home." Rosalie said. MG. I typed another message. pulling me into a hug. "Belly. "I had a great night. "That is. Thanks for being such a good sport." I stammered. Really. yes. I'll take Bella home. Hope ur night is going well! The phone buzzed as I followed the others outside. "No. Before I could open the car door. He was fidgeting with his phone and running his hand around the back of his neck." she added. He looked up at me nervously. and I was taken aback by the change in his demeanor.hadn't notice Edward return." I wished I could freeze time and ask Mystery Guy how I could stop acting like such a spaz." he added. "I'll call you tomorrow.
what do you do. "Are we talking about the same Canterbury Tales?" "I probably wouldn't know. Rosalie. Edward?" "I teach AP English to bunch of unruly freshman. yes. Old English was not my friend. This time I was a little more prepared. If I didn't know better. Rosalie tells me you're a CPA?" he asked. I was struck by his close proximity." I added. and I had already filled my quota. "Torture?" he gasped in mock protest. I could feel the heat coming off his body as I moved past him and into the car. As he reached down to open the car door. maybe you just need to have a better teacher. but I'm hoping to get a full-time staff position next year." "Well. That little nugget of information might have been helpful. "My apartment is up on the right.16 - . He pulled along the curb. "So." he replied with a sidelong glance. but that was ridiculous. I wanted to sniff him." "English. breaking the silence. killed the engine and hopped out of the car once again. I was startled to see him advancing. of course. Turning around to thank him. "I'm filling in as a mid-year replacement. signaling for him to veer off. walking along with me to my apartment door. Suddenly the air seemed heavy and the tension I felt earlier had returned with a . The smell of his aftershave was intoxicating. huh? So what type of torture do you subject your students to? Canterbury Tales? Great Expectations?" I was a bit surprised at how easy it was to simply chat with Edward. The tone of his voice was deep and gravely. "Um. had neglected to mention any conversation she had with Edward about me. I read The Summoner's Tale and then bought the Cliff Notes. The tension I felt earlier had dissipated.open my door for me. but I realized that would be creepy. but still not used to a guy who was so sweet and old-fashioned. It made the fact that I had acted like a spaz that much harder." he replied. I would swear that Edward was flirting with me. I stepped out when he opened the door.
I wanted to text Mystery Guy and fill him in." he added. Edward." I couldn't believe this was happening. searching my face curiously. I heard his footsteps jogging back towards me. almost wistfully. Thank you for the ride. he was standing right next to me on the stoop and again I was overcome by his close proximity. peeling my hands back from my face. "I'm so embarrassed." he interrupted. "Oh my God!" I replied." I gasped as he said the words – the same ones I told Mystery Guy I wanted to hear. looking me nervously in the eye." I offered. "Good night." he said softly." he began with an intensity that made me quiver. cupping my cheek and I leaned into his touch." he said softly. "I've wanted to tell you that since the first time I saw you. listen to me. drawing in a sharp breath at the feeling. "I should have told you earlier. if I had any idea." he began apologetically. I was still so happy to have shared the ride home with him. but disappointed to see him go. "And you're wrong. well. "Bella. before I heard him call my name. burying my head in my hands. He brought his hand up.vengeance. as we reached the front stoop. Bella. Our light banter from the car gave way to a very awkward silence. How long have you known?" I cried. "Bella. "Um. You have more game than you give yourself credit for. . He tilted his body slowly toward mine so that I could feel his breath across my face.17 - . I started to panic. It was unnerving and kind of weird. I pulled out my key and fumbled with the lock. I would have said something sooner. "Bella. When I turned around. When he turned and headed back down the walkway. "You look very pretty tonight. "You!" I gasped incredulously. He stared at me for a moment. goodnight.
as he leaned in closer. "I guess I don't have to ask you for your phone number. I sounded asthmatic. "So. pulling me deliciously closer to him. we did this kind of backwards." He threaded his hand into my hair and around my neck. panting." he began. but I didn't care. looking uncertain. He pulled away slowly. if he wanted to throw me down in the foyer and have his way with me. but then focusing on my mouth. but you didn't seem very interested in talking to me. And while I had never been a fan of public displays of affection. searching my eyes. warm and inviting." "I don't believe this." I agreed. "Good idea. shaking his head slowly. He held me flush against him." I asked. "No. and I was on fire." he added. "I wanted you. I think Mystery Guy had a thing for you. "So. it didn't take long for the mood to shift. That's when I asked Rosalie about you. He moved his lips in a slow. calculated manner over mine.18 - . nuzzling against the scruff on his face.Ironic." I breathed as I looked into his eyes." he said softly. so I didn't push it. teasing and tasting. he lightly brushed his lips against mine. ." "I think we have that covered. I gasped. He had barely touched me. His mouth moved in sync along with mine. smiling brightly." I teased. "What?" "I watched you laughing and joking with everyone after the shower. While he had started out light and teasing. breathing heavy. I have this wedding coming up and I don't have a date." he teased. laughing heartily with his arms still wrapped around my waist. "I just wanted to talk to you. Leaning forward. "Would you go with me?" "Only if you promise not to tell Mystery Guy about us. I wanted so much to talk to you." he added. "That's all you wanted. I probably wouldn't have complained.
before letting the door close behind me. ." "I promise not to ask any questions about your underwear." I replied."He did keep asking me about my underwear." he said." I added with a wave. to all of the wonderful people who donated. and to those who spread the word. "You probably shouldn't. A/N: Big thanks to MsKathy for organizing this fundraiser. *snort* I still maintain it would have been funnier if she wrote it! My love to WriteOnTime for having to correct grammar involving the words "rubber penis". raising his hand in Scout's Honor. opening the door and walking inside. "Call me. You can thank AngryBadgerGirl for the prompt and for the inflatable penis.19 - . I may not be wearing any.
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