The new age religion

Murali Chemuturi At the end of the Second World War, all the politicians or their representatives met in Geneva, Switzerland and discussed a very important aspect to achieve the world peace. The proceedings were not recorded on any document for the fear that anything recorded on a document would be leaked to some snooping journo and will be flashed on the front page of the newspaper to be picked up later by the syndicates. Everyone in the meeting was sworn to secrecy. As it happens, all the participants in that meeting have already died. It was revealed to me when one of the Indian diplomats when he was close to his death. As India was under British rule at that time, he was serving in the British civil service and that was how he came to know of it being the secretary of the top cat that attended the meeting. In that meeting they devised a new religion. It was all done in a hush-hush manner, surreptitiously. It was led by the USA. The then Secretary of State was vested with the responsibility of spreading it. He devised a plan, which was popularly referred to as the Marshall Plan. It was a smashing success! It was then extended to Asia through Japan, South Korea, Singapore and Philippines. For some years, Russia fiercely resisted it and prevented its spread. But ultimately, God created a loyal devotee in that country too and the resistance was whittled down with the assistance from Him. The Islamic countries offered resistance but now it is reduced to just two countries, Iran and Afghanistan. The rest of the world has fallen in line. That how the Pax Americana lasted 67 years, the longest in known history! It is still going strong! Now, I will not keep you in suspense any longer. The name of the religion is “Economic Development”. It has a trinity of gods, namely, money, beauty and power. One nice thing about this religion is that the trinity work complementing each other. They do not work in water-tight compartments. If you pleased one god, he will assist you in acquiring the other two. Another nicer aspect of this religion is that there is no book to follow or swear by. You are free to act in any way you like. There are no guilt-causing rules like, ‘do not lie’, ‘do not steal’ and so on. There are not even Ten Commandments or even five commandments. There is only one command, acquire the trinity of the gods and keep them safe with you. All methods and means are very fair and acceptable in your quest to acquire the gods. Telling lies, stealing, murder, cheating, or you name it, it is permissible. Become the CEO of a large corporation or bank, draw large salary and bonus, but run the company into ground making paupers of the stockholders - it is alright. You are not punished. YOu will not be consigned to hell. You will be in heaven while on earth itself enjoying the money you have earned by using your powerful intellect. You opened a bank or a savings

and loan company or a mutual fund and used the pious Ponzi scheme, no issue, You are on the right path. You rig the elections, by bribing the voters, or rigging the voting machines or stalling the due process by using the courts of law, perfect! You are a devotee dear to the trinity. Then rule the proletariat making them sweat and steal their hard earned money through unreasonably high taxes and stash it at a place that is not accessible to general public, well you are a high priest of the religion. If you have money, you can buy votes and acquire power; you can use power to blackmail the business people and acquire money; and you can hire a plastic surgeon and reconstruct your body so that it would be beautiful or you can use any number of beauty aids that are advertised day in and day out on the billboards, television, newspapers, magazines and inside movie theatres. If you have beauty, use it well, become a super model, a movie actor and if possible sleep your way to money. Both males and females are eligible for this and have proved that it is possible. If you have power, use it to blackmail the business people and acquire money; use it lobby in the corridors of power for payment to foreign countries or businesses; or simply steal from the treasury by over-invoicing for public works including healthcare provision to old and the infants. You see, nothing is prohibited. Who propagate this religion? This gospel is spread by the evangelists of the religion and they are called as “Marketers” or “Advertisers”. In this spread, the high and mighty of the religion, namely, the politicians, movie actors, super models, studio owners, TV channels, anchors, and role models of the society. They market anything and everything under the sun with only one caveat - it should not immediately be proven that the marketed product is bad in any manner. A drug that works in the case of just twenty percent is also OK to be marketed as long as you print an unreadable warning on the packet. Why, you can sell even water by ensuring that the tapped water or from any water source (rivers, wells, ponds, and lakes) is contaminated! There is no limit to the amount of the trinity you can acquire. If it happens that your house is filled and overflowing, the trinity has arranged for safe havens so that you can stash your money, which can grant the other two to you any time, there. You know, one good thing about this new religion, you can pass on physically, your hard-earned trinity to your offspring even while you are alive. You need not fear that there is uncertainty in passing on your goodwill to your descendants.

Now how is its adaptation in the world?

As I stated earlier, except for those two countries all other countries have adapted this religion in their countries and actively propagating it. Serious efforts are in place to convert Afghanistan. Only Iran is offering the stiffest resistance as of now. But the heartening thing is that Iran is propagating a slightly modified version of the new religion in their country, Over all about 70% or statistically, 1-sigma level has whole heartedly converted t this new religion. Another 29% or to about 3-sigma level are inside the orbit and would fully convert in the next decade, if everything goes as planned. Perhaps, 1% of the world population may still hold out. Well, when we say 100%, statisticians know, that is never 100%. Once nice aspect of this religion, is that you need not shed your current religion to embrace this religion. You may still go to the Church / Synagogue / Mosque / Temple if the tenets of those religions still trouble you. This religion does not place any restrictions in that matter. Now, check yourself are you a member of this new religion, called Economic Development? Well, I think that I am half there. *************************************************************** Well, by now, perhaps, you already made out that this is a satire or a parody. If you have not, I am explicitly stating that this is just a satire hoping to get a smile out of you. The intent is not to offend any religion or a sect or any people. If any such tendencies are found in this article, please be big hearted and pardon my aberration. Thank you all very much - Murali Chemuturi - ***************************************************************

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