4-MAT REVIEW: WORTHINGTON Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy

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A Paper Presented to Dr. Eric Scalise Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary

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In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Course PACO 603 Premarital and Marital Counseling

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by Peter Heikkinen February 24, 2013

Worthington, Everett L. Jr. Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. 2005. CONTENTS OF BOOK 1. BRIEF MARITAL COUNSELING....17 2. BIRDS EYE VIEW OF HOPE-FOCUSED MARRIAGE COUNSELING .28 3. USING THE STRATEGY TO PROMOTE HOPE. ...45 4. APPLYING THE STRATEGY TO EIGHT AREAS OF MARRIAGE.59 5. PRECOUNSELING INTERVENTIONS ..75 6. ASSESSMENT INVENTIONS......84 7. INTERVENTIONS FOR DRAWING ON CENTRAL VALUES.......101 8. INVENTIONS FOR REVISIONING A CORE VISION.....111 9. INTERVENTIONS FOR PROMOTING CONFESSION & FORGIVENESS....128 10. INTERVENTIONS FOR STRENGTHENING COMMUNICATION.147 11. INTERVENTIONS FOR AIDING CONFLICT RESOLUTION.168 12. INTERVENTIONS FOR CHANGING COGNITION.195 13. INTERVENTIONS FOR STIMULATING MORE CLOSENESS..213 14. INTERVENTIONS FOR CEMENTING COMMITMENT.238 15. INTERVENTIONS FOR PROMOTING COUPLE COMMENCEMENT FOR COUNSELING.252 16. ESSENTIALS OF HOPE-FOCUSED MARRIAGE COUNSELING ........260

Summary Christian couples counseling theories and resources may be found in abundance in todays market. We see counselors and pastors with more resources available than ever before the issue remains having an exhaustive resource theory that is tried and proven. Dr. Everett Worthington Jr. in Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling gives a practical step by step exhaustive approach to marriage counseling that offers hope to todays couples and counselors, all too familiar with divorce and marital strife. Worthingtons counseling theory is based on hope in three phases; Hope involves a motivation to endure when we cannot change circumstances. Hope involves a vision of a way through suffering: willpower and way power to endure, with the help of the Triune God. Hope is crucial to counseling (31). This paper will examine the hope based counseling theory proposed by Everett Worthington Jr. The book and counseling theory has a goal of producing healthy marriages with a lessoned divorce rate, by focusing on producing hope in nine areas of marriage where problems often occur (18). The strategy developed to accomplish said goal and focus is correct weaknesses in love, faith and work (32). The author describes love as: being willing to value the other person and be unwilling to devalue them (xxix)Faith is believing that things hoped for will come about (33)Work is energetic (35). Couple love with faith in your spouse and God, in the action of work and the key action, emotive, and motivational elements of hopefocused counseling. Worthington is convinced that these three core essentials in marriage are at the root of healthy marriages and a deficiency in these areas is what causes stress and marriage problems. Faith working through love (Galatians 5:6b RSV) is put into practice in the nine areas of marriage:
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central values and beliefs; core vision of the marriage; confession and forgiveness; communication; conflict resolution; cognation about the marriage; closeness (intimacy, coaction, distance); complicating problems (such as abuse, alcohol or drug dependence, or mental health problems); commitment (including contentment with the marriage and compounding investments) (37).

These areas are to Worthington the functional marriage elements. With intensive assessment on the nine areas of marriage, Worthington sets out to address the lack of love faith and work in the nine areas of marriage. The plethora of assessment interventions that Worthington uses is more comprehensive than most total counseling theories. The tests, assignments, and tools of assessment are used to form a marriage assessment report. The report shows the totality of the marriage relationship and gives the background for the nine areas of marriage work he prescribes to in his theory. The hope-focused marriage counseling process is comprised of three phases: encounter, engagement, and disengagement. Starting with the encounter phase is engaged in pre-counseling assessment tools and surveys. The first two meetings are about gathering information on the current state of the marriage, and conveying a plan of hope and growth in faith, love, and work. Within the encounter stage the counselor must not only assess the state of the marriage, but also make a genuine relationship of trust and partnership. Next is the engagement within the main sessions of the counseling. The engagement phase includes exploring feelings, breaking negative habits, initiating healing, and establishing new habits of action; all juxtaposed with the nine areas of marriage (40). Finally within disengagement aspect of the theory changes are solidified and the step of connection to healthy church members, groups and social activities are activated for future growth. The whole theory has a range of five to nine sessions depending on severity of the marriage issues.
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The binding aspect of hope-focused marriage counseling is that it is based in clinical proof. From vast amounts of studies research Worthington constructs his theory. To add validity to the studies and data on couples Worthington adds his vast experience and knowledge to the book as well. The working knowledge in the interventions, couples projects, and homework assignments gives evidence to the thought and experience he put into formulating his theory. The end of the book gives a case study that shows firsthand the interactions, assessments, and processes of his theory of counseling at work. The two main focus points of the process are shown in the details of the data and assessments. Worthington first focus is in growing love, faith and work. The theory secondly illustrates increasing: willpower, through the motivation of hope; way power in showing interventions and homework that is sustainable and proven; and wait power in being steadfast in trying even when progress is not visible (71). Concrete Responses Many counseling theories look to the presenting problems of marital strife such as finances, conflict, and the differences in gender. Worthington looks past the tip of the ice burg to the underlying core issues of hope, faith, and love. Upon reading Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling I was struck by my parents marriage and my response to witnessing such an example. My parents had a conflict riddled marriage coupled with alcoholism and constant hopeless disengagement. As I grew up experiencing the effects of hopelessness and disdain I knew that whatever love, faith and hope were it was not what my parents modeled to me. Upon searching for a true definition to accept on these three major aspects of relationships I found 1Corinthians 13:13 Now these three remain, faith, hope, and love but the greatest of these is love (NIV). Reading this verse as a young child caused me to search scripture for definitions to live by and to replace what I had learned from my parents. Gods

definitions were my reframing for these concepts. Worthington focuses on hope, love and faith in work, the three concepts that as a child God should me were most important to understand. To live and experience the effects of wrong definitions was powerful. Their marriage was the best example of what not to do and caused me to run to God for answers. Worthington validates my childhood experience with his book showing me that even experience, studies, and his expertise in couples therapy is right with what my heart found true as a kid. Reflection The amount of resources that Worthington mentions in this book is astounding. The initial inquiry that this student will be making is into the marriage assessment tests he mentions. I have taken personality profiles (DISC) (Briggs and Myers), and spiritual gift assessments questionnaires, but the assessments he mentions (PAIR), (MAI), and (CARE) for compiling a written assessment are intriguing (261). To be able to have a grasp of couples dynamics in a fuller way in addition to counseling is almost a must. This Chaplain finds a couple will act quite differently when in front of a counselor than in the privacy. When talking to me for the precounseling intake form and assessment of priority they act differently than when in front of the Chaplain. To have an assessment that gives a better picture to the couple dynamics is only going to be beneficial to understanding and helping them. With my goal being to help couples a secondary area that reading this book has brought out is my need to research the other concepts of marriage counseling. To be able to pull useful aspects to incorporate into Worthingtons model from Positive Psychology, Solution-Based Pastoral Counseling, Problem-Based Counseling and others is needed to be well rounded. This book has shown my overall ignorance to professional models of counseling that need to be investigated. Even now in my role as a Chaplain Assistant (manly serving as resource placer, pre

and post counsel assessor, and peer to peer counselor) being equipped with knowledge of models of counseling is vital. Application Personally, this book has given me new awareness to my weaknesses in my marriage. My need to be valuing and perceived as valuing to my wife is my biggest area of concern. At times my sarcasm and type A personality have a negative effect on my wife. The acrostic that Worthington uses for better communication L.O.V.E is my plan of action. The acronym stands for: To Listen and repeat, Observe your effects, Value your partner, and Evaluate both partners interests (179). Listening actively to my wife instead of little comments or interruptions will show her value to me. Observing the effects of sarcasm and critical nature at times will show my love. Valuing her more for her strengths and giving her honor is an action needed to increase. Giving her the opportunity to choose an activity that she enjoys and doing it with her without little remarks. In closing, this book has shown me that one needs to have hope and see beyond their circumstances. If this husband can look to the future and see that through hope found in faith working in love my marriage can be better. In looking at the value of my wife and not the issues or what does not make sense; but what I can do to change myself my relationship will be better. Everyone can find aspects from this book that they can use to improve their relationship if they humbly look, this student sure did. Worthington gives a useful comprehensive aid in helping marriage.