The Mahasamsara American Time Freak Sutra The time changers are serious about this time change

stuff. They do this at the same time every year. They are on a schedule They know what they're doing. It is 11:09 am. And it isn't 11:30. But starting today 11:09 is actually 12:09. Until next November when we go back to what we were doing before. You got that? And there's likely someone with a desk and six figure salary who handles the whole deal. At 11:09/12:09 you can't say its 11:00/12:00 or you will be branded a wearer of broken watches that still kind of work usually for fun when they want to that there is an unappealing wrecklessness about you that would cause eyes to roll but it isn't quite worth the energy to do it so forget it which makes you even that much more annoying. NO! You can't just round 11:09/12:09 off to 11:00/12:00! Yet, twice a year the time is moved an hour forwards or backwards. You got that? And there are serious reasons that happens. For example: The farmers need time to get the harvest in. School kids need to have more sunlight. We need more time. It makes summers so much more enjoyable. Actually you don't know why it happens the reasons are probably urban myths. And you get used it and maybe annoyed every year you complain it fucks two days of the year up

in the same tedious manner every year. The clockwork like complaint for the first two weeks of the time change about how you lost an hour or its dark out. Or breezy and optimistic empty harbinger of good news the savior who fills the silence hovering around the microwave chirping that how you have an hour extra or more daylight. Oh for fuck sake! But it is ok to say its 11:10/12:10 when it's 11:09/12:09, and maybe that's even better. You got that? Saying that it is 11:09 is hair splitting. 11:08 is cool. 11:07 isn't any different. 11:06 a few will start to have a problem with you: you become pigeon holed as a hair splitter who is fine with with his own sloppiness about time etc. and some interpret it to mean you're arrogant whether you are or not: "It's 11:06." You probably know damn well what time it is. That its 11:09. Asshole. But YOUR watch says its 11:06. So you supercilliously on tipy toes answer the question "WHAT TIME IS IT?" With, "Its 11:06!" You douchewad! If you are talking about it being 11:00? Excuse me? It's like you are not quite right, are you? You're slipping…and then I tell you things just weren't right with him anymore. Did you notice that? It started with rounding off the time to the nearest thirty minutes! I mean…how do i say this…its like... You might as well go around with your ear and nose hairs not quite clipped quite short enough. if you are going to start in approximating too much about what time it is.

And again its not really worth anyone's energy mentioning. We don't want to sound like hair splitters complainers who bitch about trivia like your watch being off ten minutes. And the truth is that last year only took three months. If you ask most people to be honest, they'll tell you that it seemed to only take three months. The last hour of daylight savings time took a year and last night was ten years long. But, it doesn't work that way. for many very plainly obvious reasons I won't go into. Then after one year it's time to change the time and move things an hour forward or backwards again. It is now 12:10 am when actually its something like 11:09. And actually its 12:09 but we don't want to sound like hair splitting ear hair scouring severe hair pinners who probably add a dash of Ajax to the pasta just to make sure. and some people won't know it chronically don't know it year after year that this is the time when 11:09 is 12:10. You weren't at the meeting. You didn't show up to class. You weren't there for coffee when we agreed to meet. Who cares?! Its just hair splitting shite isn't it? It drives me to tears thinking about it. So then we just drop it, right? How many things am I tortured with that I have to allow this any scope to work its way under my gums. Sooooo….we just try to relax. To be so open and patient and content with all things But then you KNOW you don't want to wait even 15 extra minutes at the subway station god forbid 15 minutes for the elevator. And it is not unknown on the face of this earth to wait 15 minutes for the elevator. And because the damn stairs have been locked

by building management you don't have a choice. "Its a fire hazard." They know you know that's a crock. They have to say something. And actually they don't have to something! But they do! They could just stand there and stare at you after you finish complaining. How would you like that? I mean why not? They just work there. Its not their idea to lock the stairs and save electricity and maintainance costs on the elevator. Why bother answering? and then because we are so cool about 15 minutes not being a big deal then we just let 30 minutes slide tand so then its 30 minutes, cool.What is the difference? 15 minutes? The first 15 minutes wasn't a problem? So why is 15 more any different? What's your problem dood? Don't work in this building then if you don't like it. Then you are in front of the theatre waiting 4 hours for Sonja and Greggy who like the building ownership push your limits. They don't even think about it, they just do it. You can't really say they are bad people or inconsiderate really. You are the one who is all cool about everything and generous about what time people start in with you. You are the cool relaxed dood about time and appointments. "No big deal. Whenever…" Because if you are going to be flexible about an hour or 2 why then draw a line at all? It's a contradiction to say you're not bugged if someone lets you sit out in front waiting for 2 hours and then say that hold on there 4-8 hours late is any different! Oh I got tired waiting in the rain for eight hours for you to show up. This is not unknown on the face of this earth. Friends waiting 8 hours for freinds who never show up. And the semi-concious reasoning is,

"Well he's not uptight about when we actually meet. So why bother at all?" You can't say anything. You're casual. You just zone out on everything. And when push comes to shove you will go out on a limb. The next day you get a call and an excuse. And you claim that you forgot to meet also. Why go into it? "I waited…8…hours…you never called…I waited there faithfully…pining away that Saturday, watching all the kids and the couples going shopping, laughing going to the movies together, buying each other…"Come on! A few people might actually regret they made you wait but what does someones sincere regret ever do to help the situation? You've got diaper rash from the wet wool pants you were wearing. If someone would sincerely regret what I have been through in vain… So instead it just sort of emerges from your mouth a story in which you were stuck at the zoo that you took your nephew down there and he got his foot stuck between the bars of the blinkin' Tiger's cage! Oh my goodness! And there was this whole scene down there with this woman berating me about how could I how could I allow my child to stick his foot into the tiger cage! That she ought to call social services and have me investigated That the combination of the woman and the horror of your nephew facing his foot being chomped off… you were traumatized for the rest of day and wondering if maybe it wasn't true that actually you were probably some kind of abusive/neglectful uncle who lets kids drink cleaning solvents because oh you know…they're just being creative shrugs as they throw chairs out the aprtment window onto oncoming traffic causing a fatal accident scarring the kids for life, murderers at the age of 8

because you let them do whatever yeah man I completely spaced the whole thing off too. Let's just call it off, ok? There's just something a little inauspicious about our little deal to meet up I'm worried something bad will happen again if we re-schedule and I don't want to schedule it again for fear…you…know… Nevermind…look…uh... No, I can't wait, I think I have to leave somewhere, my phone's ringing.

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