Copyright 2012 © The MÔmo Press

♉ ♈♈ ♍♍♍ all rights reserved printed in the united states of america the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form is reserved by no persons living or dead for information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to: chancellor of the exchequer 1 horseguards road, london, sw1a 2hq the author would like to thank the eternal feminine that draws us ‘hinan’ according to goethe though it may as well be ‘hunan’ or ‘hiney’, which came from heine

Best Poems 7 by Bud Chad

new york 3 berlin

lesbos pussy

Introduction by Gen. Geo. Washington
Death 1 Fix ’em 2 Circumcision 3 Ilijana 4 My Balls 5 William Teague 6 What If 7 A Train 8 Along Those Lines 9 When I Die 10 Suicide Bombers 11 Granite 12 Slavic Girls 13 Meaning 14 That Time 15 God 16 Singers Sing 17 One Thing 18 Lesbians and Animals Conspire 20 Niggers 21 Ain’t It Somethin’ 22



One Time 23 Faggots 24 Ellipses 25 Ilijana’s Panties 26 Brain Trust 27 Public Duty 28 Rain 29 After 30 I am Homeless 31 Fight 32 Toaster 33 If My Mind 34 Balls 35 Guitar 36 Life 37 If 38 A Man 39 Tomorrow 40 Half 41 Prelude 42 My Constituents Mother 44 Whores 45 Sticking 46 I Remember 47 I’d Get 48 Chasing Ghosts 49 Bud Chad 50 One Thing 51


Forgiveness 52 Someone 53 Another Thing Rolling 55 Another Thing 56 Travis King 57 A Lot 58 Meaning 59 Bud Chad 60 War and Death 61 Faggots 62 One Thing 63 Croatian Redheads 64 My Dick 65 Child 66 Three Enemas 67 Neanderthals 68 Another Thing 69 Angels 70 An Empty Glass 71 Spring Dies 72 Truth 73 STOP 74 Whenever 75 Czechs 76 Enough Women 77 Inventions 78 How Am I 79 Spirits 80


William S. Burroughs I am not 82 If the Aliens 83 Quasars 84 If I Go 85 The Butterfly Effect 86 Kingslayer 87 Benjamin Franklin 88 The Way 89 A Sonnet 90 Ted Bundy 91 Most Wisdom 92 Life’s Passing 93 Dying 94 John Holmes 95 Ilijana 96 Triumphant March 97 Another Thing 98 Ilijana 99


Love between women is a beautiful thing. —Jesus, Sermon on the Mount


almost forgot to write an introduction. I will say this much: Love between women is a beautiful thing. Jesus said so, and I have no cause to doubt him. It’s because no fluids get expended. Nothing gets lost. Womens’ clams slap together, they rub. In equal measure it hurts and it feels good. Usually the fatter girl takes bottom and doesn’t move. That’s because it’s harder for her to move in general. There’s a kind of pussy pounding and it’s accompanied by a pussy throbbing. And sometimes the clit pokes its head out like an ancient rat awakened by some late-night argument. Then it goes to sleep again. There’s some jabbing and stabbing with fingers, and driven into ecstasy, one of the girls falls off the bed into pure thrill. And she is immediately embarrassed. Or she pretends it’s no big deal. Like it was a sneeze. I am an enemy to all casual orgasms. I don’t believe that damn Jesus. Pussies that rub together, butt up against each other, lose fluids.


Pussy juice evaporates. It is lost into the air, it becomes the air. Another thing that happens is girls feel each other’s breasts. It’s like a tug and a rub and a quick shake. The nipple gets grabbed. As if somebody is peeling back a layer, trying to peer underneath. That underneath layer is me. Very nearly. Girls grab nipples like they are grabbing Kleenex. I grab nipples like I am pulling pins out of handgrenades. It is a sad fact, but sometimes you have to slap a girl to get her out of the way of her own tits. You want to grab some tits? She’s there barking orders telling you how to grab them. I don’t abide by that… I go at those tits like they are kids tossed off a building. I’m all in. I cast spells on those tits. I put on leather boots and goosestep on them, my own private Nazi empire. What about all the experimenting girls? Are they gobbling tits, spewing curses, spitting and laughing and setting their dicks on fire? They don’t have dicks. Right there’s half the problem. I first met this one bitch one of the years I was drunk. I was alcoholic and homeless in some bumfuck country — I don’t recall where — and ended up at this hostel, already just about too old


to be in a hostel, as I was, in my sixties. There she was, and she was in a light vs. dark struggle with a redhead whom I also got to know but whose pussy was busted. Anyway, this one wasn’t the Devil but was very nearly a near-lesbian on the order of that girl from Roseanne, the second daughter. She was a cute girl, and was utterly out-ofreach. But you know, they say that the ideal woman is one who is out of reach, unattainable, and who you can’t figure out. Was will das Weib? Freud wondered. I don’t fucking know. I had even less an idea with that one, who, if she is a lesbian, is at least still a little bit fuckable, at least while she’s still young. This kind of girl is ideal for a Muse. But what about her pussy? I suppose it’s nice. I don’t know. I think that women who smoke like she does, the ashes and the tar get into that pussy and it’s nice, but it’s like your dick has smoked a cigar when you pull out. Gen. George Washington, formerly Continental Army


is a great shitting

Only afterwards the shit flies back up the anus


Fix ’em
The baby’s ballin’

So ball the baby


Lesbians circumcise

themselves spiritually


was a hot piece of ass

but I never got the fuck vibe

And psychosis usually turns bitches on


My Balls
might go might die might succumb

like a clenched fist then black out


William Teague
hitched up to bitches from time to time though one slashed him with a bottle

across his palm

on his tattoo which read ‘insert dick here’


What If
every absurdity

is a quiet symphony?

God’s triumph over the living?


A Train
goes off the rails and niggers shriek and it flies through the air and it never dies never lands

and whole towns clear out

the train keeps wrecking


Along Those Lines
my balls might just be soft wrecking balls against the castle walls of your pussy


When I Die
I will push a big cosmic button

and detonate


Suicide Bombers
secretly seek community

blasting others to attain a quiet intimacy

once ears are set ringing

there can be only tender glances


I grit my teeth and charge into the granite block biting it and break all my teeth

gnawing I do not give way though I break my nose when I accidentally slip, and headbutt the block


Slavic Girls
have low gutteral voices and smoke eight to twelve packs a day and drink and think they have uncovered one of life’s mysteries whereas they have merely become one


dies with us

though it dies slightly after us


That Time
just before I was born fills me with such nostalgia it is beyond weeping and words

oh, and niggers


bitchslapped a bunch of niggers

then stood back and watched

He’s been watching a long time


Singers Sing
but it ain’t clear yet

whether human life means shit


One Thing
I’d like to do

is open fire

on a children’s choir


Lesbians and Animals
How come lesbians like animals so goddamned much?


My soul and my digestion are in a conspiracy against me and plot

but will give up first


can’t get too close to solar panels

absorb too much


Ain’t it Somethin’
when fat, ugly bitches make out like you are hitting on them

When all you’d hit ’em with is a baseball bat or, say, your dick


One Time
I took a shit in a sombrero

Outside it was raining


have me strapped down on a surgical table

say I won’t remember

what they do to my member


ain’t elliptical

say, show me a tit trickle

which is what we get after my saw blades come out and the tits come off


Ilijana’s Panties
I washed ’em one time

they were covered in some sort of jizz or the clap or snot or some shit like that

I had mixed feelings


Brain Trust
my balls in my pants when I stand on my head look a lot like a cerebellum

outclassing all those MENSA candidates


Public Duty
how can you trust writers who are not drunk?


all this rain makes me think I’m gonna get wet when I have to go out to buy another bottle


the heart gets expended there is only death

this is the truth of the heart


I Am Homeless
so homeless I will have a cardboard coffin

wrap me in newsprint

deliver me up to Heaven as a message


If you fight the niggers to the death the niggers sprouting up out of the soil will claim you and hunt you and villify you and impregnate you


calling the Jews oven-dodgers has never meant for me dodging toaster ovens though it is known that some tiny Jews have fit inside such


If My Mind
breaks before I make it home take it out and set it down on the stump let the moonlight dry it out then beat the hell out of it, that is, beat it with a stick and in that same moonlight I will return


augure my fortune as they say in Montenegro

when I drop them in a little teacup and twist and upend the cup upon a little plate


The guitar is an Eastern instrument and a refutation of Western civilization


has stakes?

Life has no stakes

Eat that instant oatmeal

Savor the flavor


Ilijana menstruates does she get emotional?

Or does she simply smoke?


A Man
broke into a nursery screaming “Turn back! Turn back!”

He was arrested for being a nuisance

But he was a prophet


I will puke bile

but tonight I will drink creamy gold

Truth gets cancelled out


my teeth were put there in the middle of the night by somebody else


One thing would be to jizz into a whirring jet engine and then to jump in after it


My Constituents
Have for generations been erased from History

Still I read their names on the roster in invisible ink on account of my fancy specs — and I visit their homes


If you hit my face enough with a hammer

I won’t resemble nobody no more


are just women backed into a corner

Usually it’s me pushing them


that radio antenna up my butt

made me feel safe and secure

cause finally it was receiving something


I Remember
those days in Ilijana’s apartment when she was off clam-diving

and the place smelled of beer and Croatian taffy

I killed twenty mosquitoes a night


I’d Get
Ilijana pregnant but she’d just sit there smoking and look miserable and I bet she probably would be


Chasing Ghosts
just to kill them though they are already dead is about as close to a pure moral and aesthetic principle as you can get


Bud Chad
loaded all the chambers of his gun

and shot out all the chambers of his heart one by one

then his balls took over


One Thing
I’d do is line up all the faggots

and have them do a fashion walk


is easier when you are rich

though it leaves a bad taste in your mouth

like cyanide and spunk


shot me in the face then shot me in the wound in my face then shot the wound in the wound and stole my wallet

was a Croatian bitch


Another Thing
I hate is this sickly sweet champagne that tastes like fermented placenta and makes me want to gnaw off my own asshole out of spite


newborn babies downhill to set them free like lab rats or other experimented upon animals

ain’t no crime

’tis a pastime


Another Thing
I’d do is marry that black African prostitute I fucked in Madrid

the one with the good heart

though when her black African mates came around it’d make me nervous


Travis King
snorted out of an envelope filled with mono-atomic gold then shot out four extra arms each with Walther semi-automatics

I think it was a bank robbery though there were no banks nearby and he jumped up on a rooftop


A Lot
of them want to attack me in my sleep and I say: Why not?

Do lesbians dream?

If so is it of strong women? Or pretty girls?


is a refuge for liars

My lies have no meaning


Bud Chad
pokes people’s eyes out with a telescope

he also plugs pussies with a cork

He once quieted a baby by slipping it in the mail


War and Death
got together after a long day’s march sat down and almost sang songs

they had worked hard

these two had done more than most to make Life entertaining


clutch at straws

I been clutching at tits with my razor-sharp teeth

when I am not tying myself up in knots with piano-wire


One Thing
I ought to do is start mailing photos of my dick to America’s Most Wanted

The Post Office has got ’em already


Croatian Redheads
are genetic freaks it seems who have the pearly whites and pussies sealed shut just enough to make you want ’em

but they got raised well no shortage of bread or raisins there in want of a strong punch to the jaw


My Dick
shoots lasers like Hottentots, this has been evident to everybody since the beginning, and no matter what you say, I been this way since the beginning, which mean I catch all the cataracts with the Muscular Dystrophy and I toss ’em straight into the volcano so nobody can doubt me. I save the tribe when nobody else does


My voice is slurring velvet

My dick is floppy dough

There was a time when I was a fierce child

Repelling enemies


Three Enemas
is necessary if you get raped released from jail

then caught up in a tsunami

which is a hard word to spell like sushi


had strong jaws but would also fuck

If I fucked one

She’d break my dick


Another Thing
I’d do probably is slap bitches just before I x-ray them with my dick inside of them


are singing when I hook myself up to that electric generator —you know— when I’m inside of you and you are passed out of course


An Empty Glass
is worse than the Apocalypse

it might signal the beginning of the Apocalypse, the beginning of the end which may be worse since there’s more fear

it’s worse than the Apocalypse


Spring Dies
when I stumble

and lose my face

on the side of a house


might happen only in that fleeting moment when all the atomic bombs detonate simultaneously


here and pour another glass

it is another day

another attempt at ruin


mathematics and pussy combine

I am there

whenever a rapist does a quick mental calculation

I am there


are like the Lost Tribe of Israel

but Nazis

Cold bitches who deserve the door slammed in their face


Enough Women
have decided I am a monster

that it ought to make me wonder

but not yet


The Buttock Guillotine can be positioned many different ways skull-cap works best in zero-gravity


How Am I
supposed to write poems if my dick keeps whispering to me?


when you drink spirits you drink the spirits of those who made them

the factories, the families, the workers, and all their sins


William S. Burroughs
was a lady-faced fag

and Bukowski

a dumber, straight

version of Burroughs


I am not
unaware of the resemblance

between myself

and Jesus Christ

He was my apprentice


If the Aliens
came they might tie all the dicks together

and hurl everybody off into the cosmos


and gay Czars

and another thing

Firefighters are a gay cult


If I Go
back in time and kill all my ancient ancestors

I will be quite a bad-ass


The Butterfly Effect
is when you rape a bitch and all her friends call you up to get some, too


If somebody gave Ilijana rufies and I saw and I raped her first who would she call the cops on?


Benjamin Franklin
would say stabbing a bitch with a pair of spectacles

is quite a spectacle


The Way
to beat the rape kit

it to keep the bitch

in your bathtub

for two days till the sperm dries up


A Sonnet
I had a sonnet all ready to go for Ilijana one time but she kept her laptop over at a girl’s house so they could watch porno I couldn’t type it


Ted Bundy
was a boxers or a briefs man?

Did he go commando?

We know he was a hero


Most Wisdom
is silent so silent

one can hardly entertain it


Life’s Passing
They say we are here to leave a mark

I leave stretch marks

on as many bitches as I can

Also skid marks


involves a full-frontal scene

for each of us

and being old won’t help it


John Holmes
through the magic of cinema

can have a dick forty feet wide

if you project it on the side of a burning house


is really quite a muse

if you consider she is inscrutable like a Buddha

or a cigar store Indian


Triumphant March
I heard it playing when playfully I turned the girl over

and shot that nail-gun into her tailbone


Another Thing
that happens when I run out of poems

is I shout angrily at my dick


is regarded warmly by those who love her as someone they would hate to see falling out of a hang glider


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