The strums of the guitar were almost like sounds of singing angels, not that I knew what those sounds were like but in short, the sound coming from the guitar my brother played was heavenly. It was a Saturday afternoon and part of my weekly ritual was to sing by the pool while my brother played his guitar. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise Black bird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free We started this when I was 7 and every Saturday he‘d find the time to get out of his busy schedule just so we can play music by the pool. I was an amateur I knew it, I could sing alright, but not good enough to make a decent living out of it but my brother was amazing and was too humble to admit it. He played his guitar with ease not even aware of how great he was, he also had this voice that matched the way he played. If he wasn‘t so hellbent on saving the world he would‘ve made it big as a rock star. He could play along side the guitar greats and not feel embarrassed. Being in a big family you can‘t avoid playing favorites and being close to everyone in a the big family is too much for anyone to even handle, its almost impossible. I had 4 siblings, 3 brothers and a sister. You would think I was closest to my sister but that was not the case my eldest brother was the closest to me I was the 3rd out of 5 but I was the oldest girl. Next to me was my younger brother and then the baby of the family would be my sister who was the most beautiful person in the family. Even as a child she was the cutest, well that‘s my opinion my brothers all protested saying they were

cuter and of course they always won. We all had our separate rooms and cars so we didn‘t really fight about the simple stuff siblings fought about but it also separated us since we didn‘t fight, we didn‘t communicate. I was always with Caleb, he was the eldest, he‘s a lawyer and works for the government. He was the real thing, the kind of guy who wanted to make a difference and I‘ve always admired him for that. He was a standup guy, helped around when he could, he served his purpose much more than necessary, he was the model citizen and government employee. But for me he was just Caleb, the goofball who played while I sang, the best guitar player ever, the one who saved me from guys who were assholes, the dork who told me about his weird interest in comic books, the guy who loved cars, the guy who took me out for dinner when we had nothing better to do, the man who died in my arms saving my life. ―I‘m going out for awhile okay?‖ Caleb said while placing his guitar down. ―NO! you‘re such dick you know, you can‘t leave me we just watched Psycho last night I still have a movie hangover!‖ He laughed at my statement. ―I need to follow a lead, I‘m so close to nailing this big drug guy‖ ―you know you‘re a lawyer and ‗big drug guy‘ isn‘t really a term right?‖ ―I was using terms you‘d understand‖ ―I‘m not stupid! Just bring me with you! Please!‖ I pleaded, my siblings were all gone considering it was a Friday it was a sure thing everyone was out. He shook his head he really didn‘t want to bring me but he had no choice he never said no to me ―get dressed, put on a black jacket and don‘t wear shorts please‖ okay I was always wearing shorts forgive me it was a hot country shorts were the best. We headed to our parking garage he pulled open the door for me ―don‘t make me regret bringing you‖ he told me in warning and then shut the door. He drove a Subaru Impreza and he always bragged about it being an STI, I hated his car not just because it was in pristine condition but because it was stick shift which was the reason I hated borrowing his car. I loved my Honda CRV it was very efficient and easy to use although he always teased me about it saying I was already a soccer mom with out a boyfriend. When we reached his office he told me to keep my hands to myself and warned me not to touch anything in his office. ―you keep this up, you‘d be

running this place by the end of the year‖ I told him, cause its true he was very involved in everything the department was working on he was good at his job and sent quite a number of big names in jail. ―that‘s the goal‖ ―So what‘s this thing you‘re working on‖ ―There‘s this big drug dealer I‘ve been working on, he‘s been using his business to distribute drugs all over Asia, I‘ve been working on this case for almost 2 years now and I‘ve had a breakthrough‖ ―Can you tell me or are we keeping secrets?‖ ―I never keep secrets from you, really sure you could get in trouble with all the information you know‖ ―I know, I‘ve received a couple of death threats last week‖ ―You‘re a dork‖ ―No, You‘re the dork! Comic Book guy.‖ I said teasingly ―..So what was the breakthrough?‖ I asked. I love working with him through some of his cases once we‘ve solved a case because of some medical results and he was so glad from then on every time he had a hard time he brought work home and we‘d discuss it. Espionage bonding. Pretty sure that was illegal, but I loved playing detective with him and he trusted me to keep my mouth shut. ―We found out what kind of business they were using, they supply coconut oil and other petroleum to different countries in Asia. But to be able to pull it off they must be in the business for a long time maybe more than 10 years just so we can narrow down the players, there are 12 companies in total and we could start there‖ ―So what‘s the big problem?‖ ―Why would you think there was one?‖ ―You have this look when there‘s a problem‖ ―What look?‖ ―It‘s all over your face brother! What is it?‖ ―We‘re part of it‖ ―See problem! You worry too much, Dad‘s company has been running for more than 30 years a little investigation won‘t hurt and besides it will be undercover work right?‖ ―They want me to do it, gather things for them‖ ―Just ask Jason‖ Jason is the one taking over the company he‘s second to Caleb and when Caleb turned down Dad‘s offer to take over Jason was next

I could live off it comfortably anywhere in the world. all I had was Caleb. we can do this‖ ―Yeah sure lets do it!‖ He doesn‘t say no to me and it works both ways. you know that! What do you want to do?‖ ―We can go to the main site for export right now to snoop around‖ ―Like spies? I don‘t have training‖ ―But you are quite the kick boxer. My little sister was the epitome of perfect and I was overweight til I was 18 when Caleb forced me to go to the gym with him everyday and then it got easier for me to fit in. I don‘t think its gonna be a good idea‖ ―I know but they think I have an upper hand‖ ―Do you think Jason would do it? Cause I don‘t think so. He‘s been involved in a lot of things so its not that surprising‖ ―I‘ve done a lot of research Charlie and the more I think about it the more it makes sense. I was never close to my Father heck I wasn‘t close to anyone in my line. Everyone else in my family either made fun of me or ignored me. But I‘ll support you. Can you imagine 5 trust funds with that amount of money?‖ it did make sense my trust fund was insane even for me. without even working.‖ ―Charlie in my years of experience. Thank God Jason accepted because if he didn‘t I was next and I sure didn‘t want to lead a billion-dollar company to the drops. ―I can‘t I have to try to be interested in the company and work undercover from there‖ ―Its family. ―We‘re in so much . I‘ve learned to not think the best in people‖ ―But he‘s our brother and this is one of Dad‘s companies do you really think he‘d do that to him?‖ ―Not unless Dad‘s part of it‖ ―Seriously Caleb that‘s just delusional‖ ―We‘re seriously loaded. ―I don‘t know it just sounds unreal. have you seen your trust fund its insane‖ ―I know but I‘ve always thought of it as good money dad is a pretty busy guy and he never made it home for dinner ever. We drove for almost an hour because the main site was out of the city we entered the site and to my surprise they let us in he snagged Jason‘s security card and copied it so we now have a duplicate. Gosh even my family was like high school.

Caleb was swift after placing everything in order he went close to me and I was just silent I didn‘t know what to say. If this tank had it. It was so loud I was positive I could hear my eardrums breaking along with my heartbeat Caleb hugged me in protection and didn‘t let go he slid to a corner and pulled out his gun with out even looking he shot to the direction of the other and we heard a cry and the cry shattered me more because I knew that the cry belonged to someone I knew someone Caleb and I knew. I was so close to dropping dead because I knew what that meant. I held him I didn‘t want him to leave ―Please don‘t go‖ by this time I had no idea if he could understand me everything was happening so fast my heart was racing in fear and my tears wouldn‘t stop. He reached for it and there it was out fears revealed to us in plain sight. we were spying on our own family. He told me to stay put and he went on and checked the place it was weird that security was not tight usually guards are all over the place. Methamphetamine. he didn‘t even know what to say. A bullet pierced . ―Stay here‖ he instructed. all faith was lost and my family was in deep shit. it wasn‘t impossible that 300 of these containers had it too. He slid out of protection and just as he was walking away from me I heard a shot fire at him and I saw it went straight to his heart 3 more shots fired at him and I couldn‘t anymore I went straight for Caleb to block him. I‘ve volunteered so much of my time to the children of drug abusers so the thought of my family involved in such a thing sickened me. I didn‘t move. he got some sort of stick to check if there was something in it other than petroleum then he stopped and I know by then he felt something was in there. I was just praying Caleb was wrong about this because I was fed and raised with this money and to think that it was tainted was too much. We went straight to the shipping are to check if the products were clean. Before he could speak the giant gate of the warehouse opened and a gun was firing at us. He opened a big tank of petroleum oil that was cleared for shipment. do you realize Dad can take away our trust fund if we expose the company?‖ ―you‘re thinking way ahead and just so you know you are the only one who could control your trust fund since you turned 18‖ I shook my head and went in stealth mode as we exited the car. All the while I felt so wrong about it.trouble if we get caught. ―What‘s gonna happen to us now?‖ He just stared at me.

He fell down. ―Caleb please stay awake‖ ―I‘m sorry Charlie its not supposed to end this way‖ ―No. please just please‖ ―Take care of yourself and Nate. Then it hit me that I had to do something I was trying to stop the bleeding while applying pressure to the wounds but there was too much and my other arms was going limp. help is on the way. I couldn‘t move Caleb‘s weight was on me and the pain of being shot was tremendously excruciating but adrenaline shot right through me and my brothers were down. no. ―JASON!!! STOP ITS ME AND CALEB!!!!‖ he stopped and dropped to the floor and I could see an abundant amount of blood in his clothes. just don‘t speak okay. ―Justin. just tell him always I love him‖ I didn‘t want to hear this. I reached for my phone and dialed an emergency number and told them to send an ambulance immediately I dropped names so that they would get there faster.‖ I could barely speak the truth out I was in so much stress I didn‘t know what to do. Caleb was my best friend and the perfect brother I wouldn‘t know what to do without him and I certainly won‘t survive this. it sounded like a good bye and I was not at all ready for a goodbye. I was breaking down and I didn‘t know what to do. my whole family was Caleb and I wouldn‘t know how to do life with out him. I‘m in our main site near the port I uuhh. Caleb was in my arms and I could see him fading and I didn‘t want to let go. please help me‖ after I told him the details he told me he and his team were on their way. he was shot too. no. Jason is shot also I don‘t know what to do. its not gonna end. ―PLEASE CALEB JUST STAY AWAKE‖ .right through my left shoulder then he spun around to protect me and a shot was fired again.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON‘T DIE. Caleb‘s friend from office he was his partner in this case. I called Justin. ―NO CALEB STAY AWAKE. I was in a state of shock I just stared at Caleb. please. please just stay awake. ―Caleb‘s barely hanging in there. just stay awake please. I check for his carotid and the pulse was barely there. PLEASE STAY AWAKE PLEASE‖ I checked his pulse and I couldn‘t feel anything anymore. ―JASON STAY AWAKE!!!‖ I shouted to Jason.

―Don‘t be scared little sis‖ he tried to hold my hand but he was too weak ―It‘s going to be okay‖ Well that was a lie. The feeling of unbearable physical and emotional pain in combination was a compilation of different hells on earth. ―Caleb. ―He‘s barely hanging in there‖ I breathed a sigh of relief at least one of my brothers was hanging in there while my other brother was dead in my arms. I knew I wasn‘t going to surpass this awful feeling. No more geek moments with Caleb. No more Saturday afternoons. No more brother-sister dates. No more playing spy. He died. I couldn‘t breath and I wanted to cry I wanted to do a lot of things but I can‘t it was the hardest situation I‘ve ever been in and going through this would mean living through this and even that though was painful. No more Daddy dates for Nate. Justin came to me. eventually everything will be okay‖ Then he let go his body went limp while his eyes were still open. I hugged him closer to me after a long while a chopper was blazing through and jumped out of it was Justin. Before he could come near I shouted ―Check Jason he‘s been out awhile‖ the shots fired at Jason were minimal but they were gunshot wounds. he‘s dead weight‖ I was being clever although it didn‘t work the truth is I just didn‘t want to leave Caleb I just wanted to stay there. ―We need to get you checked Charlie and we have to clear the area its now a crime scene‖ ―He‘s gone Justin. Caleb won‟t be there on Nate‟s big moments. please just try to stay awake okay?‖ he let out a faint smile ―It‘s going to be okay Charlie. how can he even say that its okay when he was already dying. Caleb won‟t be there on my wedding day. The medics finally arrived when they carried Jason to the ambulance I heard them saying he was also gone and then I reached for Caleb and hugged him more. ―Charlie. Nate will have to survive life with out knowing how much his father loved him. He was gone and that was all I could think of but I fought against it. Caleb won‟t be there on Nate‟s wedding day. Nate will grow up with out a father. I don‘t know what to do‖ he closed Caleb‘s eyes and I cried even harder with Caleb‘s eyes open I could imagine he was still alive but it was like second after second things were becoming more real. you need to get checked and make your statement‖ ―I can‘t move. . And then the future flashed before me: No more Caleb when I got my medical degree.

Caleb will never be there. . Caleb won‘t be there.The worst day of loving someone so close to you is the day you lose them and from that day on Caleb was lost. not anymore.

new place. This feels good. Wow! I remember a time not being able to do that with such comfort back when I was a little overweight. the thing with doing this chore and yes I say ―chore‖ because I‘d rather sit around my new rat place of an apartment than run my ass out just so that I can stay fit and actually be confident.Chapter 1 Three Months Later… “Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me Hey hey hey! Don't stop me don't stop me Ooh ooh ooh (I like it) Don't stop me have a good time good time Don't stop me don't stop me Ooh ooh Alright I'm burning through the skies Yeah!” The sound of music was rushing through my veins together with my heartbeat and heavy breathing and I can‘t seem to find the stop button in me. I pulled my ponytail so I can let my hair down and the cool breeze that Australia was offering is amazing compared from the heat I‘m used to. new everything. and then I reached it. I thought to myself.. I found a perfectly looking tree 7 feet into the distance and that shouldn‘t seem like an effort to go to but at my heart rate was intense that I really felt like it‘s a hundred miles from where I was standing. . I took a deep breath and pulled my knees closer to me then rested my forehead to my knees. My mind goes places every time I go running. just because the music is telling me to just go. The thing about my body is that getting this fit is actually a long time process of ignoring the truckload of food I actually want to eat. Australia is a good place. I finally find it amusing that I can sit and rest my back on this tree because back home I‘d see a tree and it‘ll be full of ants and I wouldn‘t really go sit my back. but this is nice.

la fille ca‘va?‖ and she grows more confused than ever. that is good and better.Looking around the place it reminded me of a University I often visited back home but its greener and cleaner and everything is –er. I gave her a smile and she just stares there and for about a minute I just stare back and then suddenly I miss back home because I may want to forget home and most of the memories but this little girl is about the age of my nephew who is everything to me and the only remaining reminder that is Caleb and the reason I want to stay put and then I start to feel tears so I shake the feeling and I try to speak out ―Hello there. Justin: Are you okay? Is everything okay? Justin: Call me when you get a chance. . What is she doing here anyway she should have an adult with her she‘s not old enough to roam around alone. Yes its me and my urban living mind worrying about flip-flops. is she bothering you?‖ then he turned to me and all I can think of are flip-flops I hate it when men wear flip-flops when they‘re not on the beach or at home. Justin: You crazy lady. Then I see khaki shorts and flip-flops rushing towards us ―Ashley. Then he spoke again ―excuse me? Are you okay?‖ and then I looked up to find hazel eyes and wavy messed up (in a good way) sandy blonde hair only this time they don‘t belong to a little girl. What am I doing I am having a one-way conversation with this little girl and I try my amateur French skills on her. I‘m not saying it was bad back home it‘s actually a beautiful country. there you are why are you staring at a t--? Uh hello. if you don‘t call me I‘m hopping on a plane. Justin was my only lifejackets. Justin: Are you ignoring me? At least tell me you‘re fine. I‟m an actual train wreck. My phone beeped and I knew it was probably Justin checking on me again. he took care of me during Caleb‘s death I brushed my hair to the left with my left hand and I found a kid an actual kid staring at me with her cute hazel eyes and wavy curly hair and she‘s just there staring at me with all the wonder in the world like she‘s seeing something sort of sad and confusing. young lady is everything okay?‖ she could respond I think but she just stands there then I think French might do the trick so I speak ―Bon jour. it‘s the memories that bother me.

Then he goes and rubs Ashley‘s hair and speaks and turns to me ―I‘m sorry she‘s like that you know kids‖ I give him a smile ―no its fine I love kids you guys are adorable she looks just like you‖ Those eyes are sort of beautiful. amazing.‖ Ashley then speaks ― She‘s weird huh? And confusing I saw her with her head down I thought she was crying so I was just staring because I saw it on this show I was watching that when you look at a person can actually give her comfort so I just stared at her to comfort her‖ then we all stare at each other and then me and this guy lock eyes and we suddenly burst in to laughter.‖ now he‘s staring in awe like he wants to stop me but then he raises the corner of his lip like he wants to make fun of me so ―.I‘m sorry I ramble when I don‘t really know what to say. I mean she‘s my sister‖ was he rambling? Was I making him incoherent and stutter I mean that‘s classic sign of effect right? Do I have an effect on this person with beautiful eyes? I doubt that! Life doesn‘t really like me enough to give me this. Those eyes are beautiful. I see you‘ve become ramble king now so maybe you can thank me later‖ Ashley is adoooorable ..they belong to this breathtaking individual who in my mind is the father of this little girl because come on! Life only works that way and they both have the same cute. who am I kidding? Sort of shouldn‘t be in that statement. tantalizing.. I love kids I actually have a nephew that I love so much he‘s about her age too and he‘s everything I love about kids‖ wow I am now having a conversation with this dude who is just every bit of gorgeous and I haven‘t said a word to anyone in three days since I got here. I mean she‘s mine but she‘s not mine.. I‘m uh fine I was just running and then I sat down for a bit but your daughter seems to have found me and started staring at me like I‘m the most confusing person she ever saw. ―Ash you okay? You shouldn‘t go running like that you know‖ ―I know brother but If I didn‘t you wouldn‘t have had the chance to come after me and meet the ramble queen now would you. ―Yeah. come-and-get-me hazel eyes. I‘m sorry I‘m rambling I‘m new and weird and. I feel the same way about her‖ he then touches her hair and kneels down to talk to her. ―She‘s not mine. ―Uh hi. She‘s cute. ―Oh sister.

I‘m ramble queen but. My weight issues and me ―Yeah. Seriously Charlie it‟s just a name but I battle against it and the no name giving side of me wins. Ha-ha ―. running and all it was nice meeting you two Archer‖ I nod to him ―Ashley‖ I reach to her and tell her ― thanks for the comfort Ashley I needed that‖ I tap her little freckled nose with the tip of my index finger and then I rush off running my trail thinking I may have had the man of my dreams but I decided against it because I‘m scared to ever be close to anyone ever again but then again I think and whisper to myself ―flip-flops‖ I shake my head and laugh to my self as I go running again.‖ I pause should I really give him my name I came here to start a life and be alone. He turns to me and offers his hand for me to stand up ―Hello there.You can call me whatever you guys want I‘m sorry I have to go.and cute I am now smiling it actually hurts my lips.. . I‘m sorry she just says things My name is Archer or as I like to be called ramble king‖ I wipe my hands cris-cross to my sleeves before I reach for his hand and push my self to stand up so not all my weight is carried to his amazingly tanned arm..

or black how I wish they were blue or grey or something more cool. At least I‘m tall and fit.Chapter 2 Hope is alive in these angel eyes tonight Are we bringing our fears to rest? I'm a hunter seeking game. No. I look at myself at the mirror then I see myself and all I see is plain. Well my hair is well shampooed therefore leaving it as straight as can be. The place was small but it‘s exactly just what I need. The caramel brown hair is so plain it doesn‘t deserve to be caramel and then my eyes as plain as can be their brown or dark brown. my place is a rat hole my whole apartment is as big as my room back home with out the balcony. And all the things you make me do Cause we all need something to chase I come alive like a soul set free tonight I am taking you slow I've forgotten how to be someone without a second heart To feed and challenge my wants How I need to balance at once We all need something to chase Hope is alive . The good thing about this is less cleaning and at least I have all that I need with in reach. looking for love tonight Are you seeking or waiting? With all the beating hearts. I won‘t say I wasn‘t nervous at all. I put on my clothes and then my coat. . you can almost hear it So I'll take a chance on you. It was a new place and a new life and I knew no one. Taxicab Racers I started work the next day.Angel Eyes. I'm a beggar bumming change How we all need something to chase We're all inspired.

it was Jane she was really conversational and kind asking me how I felt about the move. Nyugen gives me a head to toe look ―You‘re tall you‘ll be good for the ER. See. I knock first and then I enter. She‘s really kind and warm and then after 30 minutes of conversation Ms. ―Yeah well English in the Philippines is actually very common its our medium of instruction‖ giving her the speech of proud Filipino teachers everywhere. I stand up and Jane opens her mouth ―Ms. today‘s the start of something new! Have fun!‖ I say to myself in my life sized mirror I rush to the table grab my keys and bag and then I go drive to the hospital where I‘m the new emergency nurse.―Oh well plain Jane. The drive was smooth and easy I actually went there my second day so I know how to get there today. first impressions are the suckiest ever. ―Good morning I‘m looking for Miss Nyugen‖ a bored woman answers me without even looking me ―May I know who‘s asking?‖ ―My name is Charlotte Catalano I‘m here for the new emergency nurse position‖ She looks at me and looks surprised then she uses her index finger to fix her glasses to position ―oh! You‘re early she‘s not here yet but she told me about you! You‘re from the Philippines huh? I never thought you‘d look like you do considering you don‘t speak their accent also‖ I give a smile faint and weak like I was just offended that people see me special just because I have a private school education on my records. Nyugen steps in. did you bring all your requirements? Please step inside my office‖ . Nyugen this is Charlotte Catalano for the emergency nurse job she‘s been here since 730‖ Ms. ―I thought you would be‖ she laughs and she actually looks like she‘s having fun talking to me so erase all my mind‘s comments and take a seat in front of her desk when she pointed that I could sit down. I found this to be actually kind of her. ―No I know I mean you don‘t really have the hint of their accent and you‘re so white compared to most of them‖ ―I‘m actually a vampire‖ I nudge and give a laugh of irritation what is it with people who think everyone in a country possess the same qualities. I enter the lobby and they point me to human resources. We spoke about the new job and the people in the hospital while I was talking to her she told me her name.

you can call me Charlie‖ She smiles ―Okay Charlie. scrubs are very comfortable and moving around wearing them usually is very easy. Catalano you can sit down‖ then she points to the chair in front of her desk. that‘s a first! ―Thank you Ms. ―Hi Sofia. you asked for me?‖ in an as-a-matter-of-factly kind of questioning. Nyugen. this is Charlie she‘s our new employee she‘s going to be with you in the ER I was hoping you can show her around and be her guide for the first few days while she adjusts‖ She gives Ms. . ―Yes those are the only scrubs you can wear while working here‖ She then continues to explain everything to me and she tells me that this is a teaching hospital so there are a lot of residents and interns running around and tells me that our best bet is always the ones in dark blue because those are the attendings and those people usually know what to say. Nyugen and I go with Sofia to the lockers. ―Hi Ms.Jane gives me thumbs up and mouths ―good luck‖ to me as I enter the office. hand me the requirements I‘ve asked you to bring‖ I hand the brown envelope she checks it and shoves it to the left bottom drawer and then brings her eyes back to me ― You nervous? Don‘t worry about it I‘m sure you‘ll do well and we actually have fun here. She thoroughly explains the rules and regulations like I was the syndicate who just bailed out on my country. She explains company policy and all the boring stuff I need to know before entering a hospital. Someone knocks on the door and a petite blonde girl enters She looks perky I think to myself. the people and doctors are very accommodating as long as you do your job well‖ That‘s my problem I‘m so nervous I might not do it well. ― Lets see if I can give you your new scrubs‖ she say while checking the drawer at the back of her chair ―you can fit into a small but you‘re tall so maybe a medium it will be a bit bigger but comfort is always good‖ wow I can fit into a small. Nyugen. Nyugen a nod like she‘s very excited and I smile at her and stand up to shake her hand. so these are the required scrubs?‖ She hands them to me they‘re light blue and they look soft I love them already. This is the real word embrace it. Nyugen. “Good morning Ms. Don‘t get me wrong but seriously I know most of these rules. I give my thanks to Ms. I take a seat ― Good morning Ms.

the guy is so handsome I‘m trying so hard to get his attention but he looks like he‘s the loyal type‖ she says chuckling and covering her mouth with her hand then she continues ―. ―It‘s a slow day so we don‘t really do anything on slow days. You‘re going to love it here. hot everyone. hot interns.‖ I give her a smile ― I think I just might. hot doctors. She was so sparkly and preppy she was like a bowl of sunshine. I liked her chipper attitude although it does kind of make me seem like a girl with depression issues. We call them the ―intern couple‖. After changing she leads me to the ER it was so big and clean and white very different from all the places I‘ve worked back home this was actually going to be fun. ―yes. You know stick up your ass kind of girl although you . ―Really well usually there‘s one attending and 5 interns but the other two are actually on a training seminar they‘re gonna be back soon. The power of technology.. so no hair rules huh? I mean you don‘t need to tie them or anything?‖ Sofia leads me to the nurses station ―no none just don‘t let it interfere with anything and it helps that you always have a tie on your wrist‖ That‟s what I always do anywhere! She then introduces me to the staff and they were all so welcoming I can‘t believe people can be this welcoming. Sofia introduces me to the nurses and they were all very nice and I could not believe that everyone was so nice. but the girl is the type A kind of girl. True enough it was really a slow day and I couldn‘t believe it there were only 10 patients and 8 nurses including me and Sofia.―So you‘re from the Philippines huh? Charlie?‖ why is that always the first question why can‘t people be more original like ask me a question that‘s not really a fact. The doctors were young except for one Sofia said the older one was the trauma surgeon assigned to the ER and the others were interns. Like do you know Manny Pacquiao? That would actually be a cute question right? I shake my head thinking about it and then I answer ―yes I am and you‘re from here right?‖ she gives me a smile and answers. anyway you can change here‖ then she points a gesture to the place. ―So at least there are doctors in the ER on standby right? You know in my country there would only be one doctor on standby and sometimes you can‘t even find them‖ I said in a laughing tone. While I was changing she looks at me like its no big deal to change in front of her and I was like look away look away but she doesn‘t she just keeps on babbling so I just change. 4 doctors who were actually playing with their cellphones.

My name is…‖ he didn‘t let me finish . Here‘s the kicker! The guy? The guy was the hot guy I met when I ran yesterday. She looks like it she really had this whole optimistic thing around her if aura was something to be seen I would see all yellow or sun like which was all happiness and positivity. one of the things I‘d really love to change about the Philippines is the health care but I really couldn‘t do anything about it. I did as much as I could but more than that and I would be broke and worn out. ―Hi. She grabbed me by the arm and led me to the direction. Doctor Williams we have an new addition to our Emergency staff‖ The girl was pretty and she did look like the type A kind of person I‘m betting she graduated top of her class. I‘m thinking she‘s feeling sorry for the story I just told her. that‘s why nurses get to do a lot more than they should back there‖ I tried to go back to hospital facts instead of gossip. worried that she‘d soon ask about me and my past and I was no way ready for that. yet. ―Doctor Greisen.know for sure they‘ll have awesome baby surgeons since they both look good‖ I love how Sofia is very chatty. Well every time I remember I feel sorry too. She smiled at me all confused. I was laughing with her and tried to enjoy hospital gossip while she told me about the people we were working with. ― 6 doctors? That is a treasure they would enjoy interning in the Philippines its busy all the time and you have to be innovative because you‘ll always have very limited supplies. good thing because I don‘t really feel like talking and I love listening even if its hospital gossip. I was deep in my thoughts when Sofia got my attention and told me that the ―intern couple‖ just arrived and she wanted to introduce me to them. I hated how the health care back home was on a downward spiral. which was a good thing. No doubt. Wow! If I believed in fate and destiny crap I‘d be like doing some sort of dance now good thing I didn‘t. people don‘t get what they deserved when money wasn‘t readily available. I asked if she had a boyfriend she told me that she broke up with a long time boyfriend a month ago but she‘s never the type to wallow in sadness.

―maybe I just don‘t want to let go‖ being flirty with the girlfriend on the side was kind of a jerk move I was kinda glad I didn‘t give him my name the first time. We were set to go home.―ramble queen‖ he winked at me and reached for my hand to shake it ―You want to give me a more specific name?‖ I shook it firmly so I wouldn‘t look like those lame girls who had a handshake that was as lame as jelly. remember? Just let go‖ my palms were getting sweaty and the girl she was with was obviously getting a little pissed I really didn‘t want to be on anyone‘s bad side. I don‘t think you need it yet. ―Funny ha-ha. it was sort of a half smile only I had irritated painted all over my face. I on the other hand need it as hostage before you run away again‖ I feel heat rise up to my face. ―I won‘t run I work here. it‘s a good thing I don‘t blush or I don‘t think I do I mean I guess I am blushing right now but not in an obvious way. you cut me off… the name is Charlie‖ I told him and he still didn‘t let go of my hand. I tried to pull it ―Charlie huh? Is that short for something?‖ I raised my eyebrows ―My hand? Please‖ he was being playful although he still didn‘t let go ―Naah. ―What was that about?‖ ―I have no idea‖ ―Well you made one Doctor Williams very jealous‖ ― I didn‘t make her jealous her jerk of a boyfriend did‖ ―Well. He gave me a smile and nodded ―Nicely done‖ I gave him a sarcastic smile. ―I was about to. name is Charlie short for Charlotte‖ I acted surprised as a I set my eyes on the ER doors he turned his attention towards the door as well so I quickly took my hand back. ― it was nice meeting both of you‖ I turned to Sofia who was obviously shocked by the whole thing she curled her arms to mine and led me back to our station. I guess he‘s not the loyal type after all‖ We both laughed at the whole incident and the shift ended after a few minutes. Yey! .

always smiling and always positive which is what I need in my life. Plus Sofia makes it so much fun to be here.Chapter 3 Well. Caleb‘s gone and that‘s still true no matter where I go. Anyway aside from being in love with the place I still feel very alone well I don‘t think I can ever shake that feeling ever. One Republic Australia is beautiful. she‘s like a bowl of sunshine. My first week on the job went by pretty fast because the work load was off the charts for a couple of days. He‘s gone and I‘m still living only now my world is different because he‘s not in it. The fact still remains. a lot of vehicular accidents have been . I know it will come I‘m just not as exposed as anyone right now that all I get to see are the good parts and the good things.Say (All I Need). no matter how far I run. I do think every place holds its own beauty but I‘ve been here for almost 2 weeks and I‘m still waiting for the moment it breaks for me the moment where I see the bad side of it. bless my soul You're a lonely soul Cause you won't let go Of anything you hold Well. all I need Is the air I breathe And a place to rest My head Do you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it? You're doing your best and Your best look You're praying that you make it .

she‟s perfect.‖ Well she‘s kind too. The jealous girlfriend was there as well and she is perfect. minimal patient admission and a lot of manpower. so I wasn‘t really pleased with the idea of being interrogated. Lana… what‘s your story?‖ She takes a sip from the water bottle she carries around and gulps ―Really. Then she looks at Archer like she‘s in love with him and yeah I guess I would be too if . new girl being me. Being the new girl is never easy. ―okay. so I decided to get to know them. Archer was there and he looked hot and sexy and hot again. God forgive me. Family stuff not really the right topic for me so when things were headed that direction. Okay. I hate her even more. Most of the ER team were in our station trying to get to know the new girl. She is very pretty. All that needed to be done was done in an instant but we had a lot of free time on our hands. Doctor Williams? Waaay too formal. Been studying all my life.surfacing and that made us all busy. no story here. I was getting sick of the whole third degree focused on me. Business District. I started to wish for a mass casualty ship wreck which I know is very selfish of me so I decided to unwish it. The Thursday on my second week was just like the first day. ―You can call me Lana. What type of school did you go to?: All girls private school and private school for college. Basics: Where did you grow up?: Makati. Two of them are dead and the other two are running just like me (answered a simple 4 and left out the gory details. Doctor Williams was the one beside me so I gave her a slight arm to arm bump ―Doctor Williams. That wasn’t basic anymore. I‘m boring as a yawn‘s yawn‖ She‘s trying to be funny and cute. (He died. I give her a smile. how about you? What‘s your story?‖ everyone looked at her and she blushed. jeeeezzzzz question after question. truly perfect type A kind of perfect. Archer kept looking at me with such curiosity which sucked because he was seriously hot and I could have my way with him but I‘m not into taken guys. Okay I left that part out) How many siblings do you have? 4. The basics were easy.) What do your parents do? Okay it stops here. God I hate her. Shame he‘s taken. Why did you move here?: To start a new life Do you have a boyfriend?: No.

Although.‖ Okay she‘s a real girl with issues too. I decided to ask her about her relationship. the thirst and hunger for more keeps you alive to thrive.I was her. I guess when you‘re new in the field its always like that. ―Nothing wrong with studying. Archer also had to do something else which was great because I‘m going to manipulate her girlfriend into leaving his sorry ass and I will swoop in and be the girl-knight in shining tin foil. She stares at me like she‘s holding herself back. She told me about how she decided on what hospital to intern and she said that a big part of that decision was how close it was to home plus it had a nice program for residency. you know. I wish I wasn‘t but I‘m not that kind of person. She tells me about the research she‘s doing for an upper-level doctor who‘s involved in a clinical trial for Type II Diabetes and how she‘s sleeping less but surprisingly more energized because of it.‖ I don‘t know what is she telling me?. we‘re complicated. don‘t get me wrong I love my job. ―Archie and I. at least you‘re a doctor right? She nods ―Not that I had another choice. she‘s kind and passionate and smart. ―So you and Archer? How long have you been together?‖ She laughed a little ―Me? Archie? Nu-nu-No we‘re not together‖ bring out the Champaign people. Lana and I talked awhile while the others went and did their thing. Its just that everyone in my family is a doctor its simply implied. Lana was really not easy to hate. hot guy is available!!! ―really? You guys look adorable and you look like a couple‖ ―You think so?‖ I nod in defeat because they really do look good together. Yeah it was a lame move but I was curious.. Nice meaning Cut-throat and Intense. ―I know?‖ I asked her and she was looking at me like I knew what she was talking about. . I don‟t hate her anymore. This hospital is one of the top hospitals not only in Australia but actually in the whole world. their program is intense and the interns here have medical degrees from different schools across Europe and the States. I‟m kidding. Her thirst for knowledge is exhilarating and very inspiring. I know he doesn‘t like me that way but we‘re.

―You know. I still am! Hospital food has always had the image that it sucks big time but in my case I loved it. ―If you agreed to it what makes it more complicated?‖ ―Well. lots of variety and very small servings. Its not like I‘m not used to it. I was such a loser. Being a loser isn‘t that bad if you try to look at it in a different light. Now. You can just hope for the best you know‖ Okay. I‟m jealous! I know nothing about this guy but his body is too hot it could be a crime. eating lunch while reading a book from my iPad. Lunch time came and Sofia wasn‘t available so I decided to eat lunch by myself. Is she saying that they have a very open relationship? ―What do you mean?‖ ―We have this understanding. better‖ then we both get lost in our giggles. you do have sex right? So how could the conversation go wrong?‖ ―the sex might stop‖ we both laugh at the thought. ―He doesn‘t. ―I know it for sure because I feel it‖ ―you know sometimes feelings can be misleading‖ ―not in this case‖ ―you know you can take your chances and just tell him what you feel. I know it for sure. I know him‖ ―you know it for sure like he said it himself?‖ I asked trying to defend her statement. what if he likes you too? You know sex can be a very powerful tool?‖ She laughs at me and shakes her head. ―that good huh?‖ she leans close to me ―no. Friends with Benefits. Who was I kidding. I don‘t get it. So I‘m thinking the sex must be good. now I maybe hate the guy. Only more complicated‖ Wow. or I think I do I just don‘t want to assume. we started out like that but I‘m a girl and‖ I didn‘t let her finish and completed her statement ―You like him and you‘re scared it‘s a one sided thing?‖ She nods but stays silent ―You know the movie ended with them both liking each other. . I sat alone by the corner minding my business.. She‘s kind of awesome and how can he not like her? ―Lana. I mean we give each other what we need but we‘re not really together. I maybe alone but the upside is that I don‘t need to talk to anyone and I get to spend my time reading my book. high school breaks were spent eating sandwiches alone outside the classroom of the next class I‘m in.‖ She repeats in a lower tone.

It gets easier‖ ―You an expert now?‖ ―I kind of am.Well I always look at things in different lights and perspectives because things around me don‘t really go as planned. okay I‘m not a guy and I can do it myself (ha-ha) but still I won‘t agree to a situation that‘s going to bite me in . I am not interested‖ she doesn‘t believe me for a second ―yeah yeah yeah whatever. so how was your first week?‖ I put the iPad down so I could stop reading and talk to Archer or as what everyone calls him. I feel alone and touristy‖ ―Moving to a new place… well it just takes a little getting used to. wouldn‘t you say?‖ uhhh no.. I don‘t really know how I feel about everything yet. I love a good time but having sex just for the sake of it. ―What are you doing here alone?‖ ―Sofia doesn‘t want to eat and I want to‖ ―Can I sit with you?‖ ―You‘re already sitting down‖ ―I know. Archie. they‘re not together but the girl like the guy and the guy is a total douche for not realizing it.‖ she reacted so surprised but I can see that her eyes were happy ―I know right? I guess you now have a chance‖ I tease her ―do you mean you have a chance?‖ she asked mischievously ―Seriously Sof. sometimes its not but just give Sydney a chance. Archer sits with me and puts his tray down. okay not all of it just the part about her research and the not-so-taken hot Doctor Greisen. ―it was okay‖ ―Okay? That‘s not a word to describe a week you‘ve enjoyed‖ ―Well. but the thought of him single is quite appealing now. I‘ll help you out‖ ―You‘d do that?‖ ―yeah of course‖ and then he smiles at me like he‘s actually concerned. After the shift I headed straight to the lockers with Sofia she asked me about my chat with Lana and I told her about all of it.‖ ―Why? What‘s wrong?‖ ―Sydney is beautiful I love everything about it only. it just takes time. ―Shut up!!! They‘re not together??? I could‘ve sworn. Moving to a new place is kind of hard but sometimes it turns out its exactly what you need‖ ―or sometimes its not‖ ―well yeah.

. that boy has appeal written all over him‖ and gives me the “you‟re-kidding-right?-look” yeah I‘m kidding cause he‘s really hot and yeah appeal is a weak word for how he looks but I‘m not about to confess my undying lust over a guy who was the apple of every other girl‘s eye in this hospital.the ass as soon as my feelings catch up with my hormones. ―He‘s not appealing to me at all‖ she looks quite surprised ―Girl.

I wanted to get out or go somewhere. Ha -ha. Save me from boredom. Next weekend? Sofia Walker: You can come to this family thing with me and then we can go out Sunday afternoon? Me: That sounds like fun! You sure I’m not imposing? Sofia Walker: Yeah! Of course.We Are Young. Me: Sof. Me: You sure its okay for me to be there? Sofia Walker: Sure. Fun Weekends are awesome and since the move was basically work. I sent Sofia a text message. you’d be a lifesaver too. . I can’t get out of why? You want to do something? Me: Yeah I was hoping to get out you know? But its okay. you’re my friend and it’ll be fun. you have plans this weekend? Sofia Walker : I have a family thing. Pick you up at 8.Chapter 4 Tonight We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun Now I know that I'm not All that you got I guess that I I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart But our friends are back So let's raise a cup Cause I found someone to carry me home . Down south. The idea of just staying in to catch up on some of the series I watch or read a book was inviting but I need to get out. We do it as much as we can. Me: Okay! Where are we going? Sofia Walker: Grandparent’s farm. I mean we cant be complete all the time because of work but we try at least once a month.

I hear the guys . ―Sof. I need a caffeine push to be that happy. bravura. ―Thanks‖. by 7:30 I‘m ready. I dig out my fedora hat. Stables on the far left and a riding area stretches far enough to know that the property is too big. this place is beautiful‖ I tell her but she doesn‘t seem surprised of course why would she be when what I said was not just an opinion it was a fact. Across the room was a couch filled with 4 men watching some sort of game. grab my bag and head down to the lobby to wait I go to the nearby coffee shop to buy coffee for me and Sofia and when I head back to the lobby on the dot she‘s there and I wasn‘t surprised Sofia just pulled out a classic her: On time and happy in a sundress. I‘m not so hesitant with her as opposed to how I really am. We were left unnoticed. ―Let‘s get you inside. I know boys I have brothers and that was a way to start war. I nod and offer her the cup. gorgeous. I get ready and prepare for the overnight date with Sofia and her family. The trip was long but it was manageable giving Sofia‘s overload of stories and her enthusiasm of me being with her we survived the trip with neither of us running dry on stories. it had a balcony up front that was divided by stairs that lead to double doors in the middle. We pullover onto a parking lot. whenever I needed to clear my mind this is the place I drive to‖ The place is not just an ordinary place it had a view of the mountains and the area was so big. it was beautiful. Sofia goes to the table beside the couch and reaches for the remote and turns the TV off. brilliant I don‘t know what else adjective to place in the sentence because the view was really amazing. I told her about myself too even though I‘m always closed about who I am but with Sofia I can try to give a little information. ―You ready Charlie?‖ She‘s so happy even in the morning. She leads me to her car and I slide to the passenger‘s seat. When you enter you are welcomed by a huge staircase leading up to the second floor. magnificent. Typical. Sofia led me to the room to the left which was like a living room but it had a bar. When I got out of the car I was in awe of the view. ―It is. I don‘t know what to wear exactly so I just wear a button down denim blouse with jeans and chucks. I‘ll introduce you to my family‖ The house was pretty.6:00 am alarm. right? I‘ve always loved it here.

go ―oh come on‖ ―fuck tard‖ ―dicks‖ and different curse words I didn‘t understand. what is it with you guys and games?‖ One guy teases ―oh! You‘re in trouble‖ . Sofia holds the remote in place and waves it at the boys as a sign of victory . ―I come in here and no one takes notice.

Chapter 5 Trying to forget the past Keep dropping away so fast from the real you He says I'm tired of the circumstance Now I'm asking for one more chance for a clear view He says now I know what I want One time I wanna be the hero baby One One Like This Just time I wanna be who you adore time when you look at me again I'm more than just a friend time one time . I don‘t really mind working with other people but I love working with Sofia. tonight I’m hoping its with you. Bad boys calling me gorgeous.One time. I‟m blushing. What time? . Movie or something? Me: Or something? Ha-ha I’m up for anything that’d get me out of the house. I grab my iPhone to play music while cleaning my place and then I see there‘s a message. Sister Hazel The only thing I don‘t like about my job is that we change shifts regularly the good thing about it when my shift gets changed the whole teams‘ schedule changes so we stay all together. I type a reply. What’s up? Scott Walker: You want to meet up? Me: What are you up to? Scott Walker: I’m always up to something. She makes working seem like play. Me: Nothing. plans for tonight? He thinks I‟m gorgeous. I feel like I‟m living a movie. Scott Walker: Hey gorgeous. a very hot movie. I come home from the AM shift which means I‘m home by 3:00 pm.

The other guys had girlfriends and they did not look decent at all. I smile at him and he waves to me to come when I get closer he doesn‘t waste anytime at all takes me by the waist and kisses me. I never am the girl who giggles as an act to attract someone this is very low of me. ―I don‘t think dinner is the right term. there was no subtle in their character. Scott was sinfully beautiful it was crazy but he has bad news written all over him. Then I‟m ready. heck I was wearing hoop earrings with a sexy top and I looked like Mother Theresa compared to them. ―So movie first and then dinner?‖ I ask him. it sent me to a downward spiral. ―You look pretty hot‖ he whispers in my ear while holding me close. This is shitty. He kept his arms around me that led me closer to his body . If there was a threat in the area. Leather jackets and badass jeans. I‘m wearing a striped pink top. This should be fun. its drinks where you can order dinner‖ He replies. I giggle in response. If he was sweating he was actually sweating hot sex that was what he looked like and that was his middle name. Sexy and bad. The fact that he can‘t even pick me up is proof that this is all for a good time and nothing more. Hoyts. It was quite sexy since it gives an elegant view of my upper back and bare shoulders. they wanted people to know they‘re untouchable. One look at them and I knew they were up to no good. I get ready and where something sexy and casual enough for a movie. goodness they will be my number 1 suspect. We sat beside each other and he lifted the arm rest between us up so he could have me as near as possible. It was like they wanted to be noticed. Me: Sure. Short but hot and it was surely hot. Bad bad bad. a downward spiral sending signals to my sex. I drive to the destination and meet with Scott and I was surprised to know that this was not really a date but a chance to exploit my looks and use them as a medal to parade to his friends. he‘s beautiful and bad two adjectives that make my knees drop dead. I look like a trophy girlfriend when did I ever become one of those girls. while playing with my hair. Seriously.Scott Walker: Meet me 530pm. I pull my hair into a high pony tail and put on some hoop earrings with jeans and high wedges. He got us some popcorn and drinks and led me to the theatre.

I give him that. He put the popcorn down and wiped his hand in his jeans. he was making me feel hot. Being with Scott was all fun and I wasn‘t stupid enough to think I had a future with this guy but since I moved here all I‘ve been up to is work so deciding to have a fling with Scott is a thing that goes with out saying. He fidgets with his phone looking concerned while asking me ―You up for drinks?‖ I look at him ―Yup sure‖ I answer nonchalantly. gorgeous‖ he thinks I‟m gorgeous here I go again. Then he was kissing my neck slowly streaming sexy kisses up and down from the back of my ears to my shoulders.his hands were not where they should be. It felt amazing because his fingers were doing all the right things and they were slowly trailing up to a more R-18 spot. Just for fun. He ushers me to the exit while holding me close. but not enough to get naughty inside a movie house because that was simply not my thing and I don‘t really do things with people who haven‘t fed me yet. This was sweet but also inappropriate not just because I was almost straddling him or more like I was mini-straddling him but because his hand was now touching my flesh and my stomach was the target. He walks away from me. I was feeling hot. ―I‘m really sorry but we need to go‖ he whispers something to his friends and then the other whispers to the other it was like we were . ―I‘d rather focus on you. He was pulling me closer and his fingers were playing with the edges of my top. lifting them up little by little. It was a good thing I was wearing jeans because if I wasn‘t he could‘ve made indecent moves that were very unfitting for a first date or first hang-out. Well not really filming it but he was so intent in making me feel things I wasn‘t suppose to feel. His phone rings and he looked disturbed ―I gotta take this‖ he waves his phone to me. after a moment he walks back to me. I was giggling like a school girl while telling him to focus on the movie. He looks sorry. Scott and I were too busy making foreplay soft core porn inside the movie theatre. then he pulled my leg up so it would place nicely on top of his. The movie was good. Thank goodness it was dark because I was hot and blushing and I‘m guessing the combination of the two will lead my appearance to a blushing red. I‘m lying I have no idea what the movie was about. I nod at him to give him the go ahead signal. The popcorn didn‘t quite cut it even though he was sinfully beautiful. I don‘t consider this a date that‘s for sure a date would consist of my so-called date picking me up.

I was exhausted and I had possibly 10 bags with me I needed to get home but I enjoyed the place I wanted to stroll around first so I decided I‘d place my bags in my car then I could stroll around. Very fit with . Not that I needed to save my parents gave me enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life the thing I didn‘t like was spending it and feeling guilty. I haven‘t had the time to do some shopping but what I needed most right now was a beach outfit. how handsome are you? ―Hey. I donated most of my wardrobe before I left and decided to just buy new clothes here. I give him a smile. I was just on my way to my car when I bumped into a familiar handsome face. I shop and when I shop I forget the words budget and savings. Archer. I had never bumped faces so much with a guy I secretly liked. he was hot and I mean hot like sizzling. ―Are you okay going home or do you need a ride?‖ he asks me ― I drove here I‘ll be fine‖ I give him a half smile. ―I‘m really sorry about this‖ he kisses me and holds me close by the waist. The money I‘m earning as a nurse is money good enough for comfortable living but not for some elaborate shopping. He wasn‘t perfect though. When they all left I went to the mall so I can do some not so hard earned shopping. stranger!‖ he goes. I was pissed seriously pissed but of course I wasn‘t going to show him that. he was more of a rugged surfer. Not that he had much power he only had enough to piss me off. Very masculine and steamy.doing an underground dealing only I wasn‘t involved at all. Admiration was what I felt he was hot hot admiration like I wanted to jump up at him right then and there. Sandy Blonde and warm hazel eyes. When he lets go he jogs to his friends turns back to me ―We should do this again‖ I just gave him a smile. That would give him the upper hand and let him know that he had that power over me. No we shouldn‟t. I seriously would not do this again that was a fact. I was living very close to the beach and my moving-toanother-country wardrobe did not involve that. He was gorgeous. seriously handsome and gorgeous. Not that I had a boyfriend but if I was going to hit the beach might as well try to look good to gain some arm candy. After spending my way through clothes I headed to the beachwear stores and got whatever caught my eye and whatever I thought looked sexy on me. Fate was really playing with me because it was like whatever and wherever I went I would always bump into this face.

I didn‘t even know there was a perfume that oozes sex appeal. we just talked like old buddies. what happened?‖ ―Well. I was CC to him and to him alone. I‘m just on my way to my car to drop these‖ I lifted the bags ―…off so I can roam so more‖ he seemed happy to know I was up for some roaming around. just for fun. he got the bags and led me to the outside. come on” I was smiling so I decided to tell him about my most recent embarrassment. I‘m not even sure it was a date‖ I tell him almost laughing. Although every time I spoke. To sum it all up. Strike 1. Strike 2. When he said ―CC‖ it was sexy enough and I felt like his own name for me which was kind of sweet. Then His friends were with him and take this he treated me like arm candy. he left me when he received a phone call Strike . Whatever scent he was wearing it was now my new favorite. For real arm candy ” I paused for awhile stretching out the last word. ―So.then I was expecting dinner but he said we were having drinks but I could order dinner and here‘s the major kicker.‖ He demands coyly. ―Its fine. ―Heeeey Mister. He sat so close next to me I could actually smell him.muscles outlining through his clothes. asked some personal information like my whole name when he found out my initials he told me ―CC‖ would be a cute nickname. he looked at me and it felt like he was looking with awe.. ―you never truly know someone unless you know what embarrasses them. we can roam together‖ with a swift move. Roaming alone?‖ he gave me a once over ―Shopping huh? Need some help with that?‖ I smiled and shook my head. It was nice being with him. ―So tell me something embarrassing. we were talking about a lot of stuff then all of a sudden he blurts something like that. where a fountain was located. he reached for the bags ―just give it to me. the jerk asked me to meet him here. I stare at him not giving an answer. he is my type of perfect. He placed the bags on a bench and pointed his hand on the bench asking me to sit down.. His scent was as sexy as him. Plus he‘s smart and clean unlike the jerk who just left me for some dirty group of friends or whatever. ―. It was a sea of Australian people and I felt ordinary and average compared to all of them and walking next to Archer made it worst. ―I was here for a date or something. Every time he said a sentence with my name it wasn‘t Charlie anymore.

It was like he knew me just by looking at me. It was cute or maybe I was just imagining things because I had a crush. trying not to look at him ―…and when someone like me figures you out you run the other direction‖ I looked at him ―I‘m still here aren‘t I?‖ ―Well. not furthering my annoyance. do they have some yogurt ice cream stuff around here?‖ ―You just wait here. too bad it turned out to be a shitty date but at least I got to do some shopping‖ I smiled and turned my direction to the bags. ―Sounds like a jerk. truth was that he was really my perfect kind of guy. Beautiful guy. it was Sofia‘s brother. I figured with food you just want simple. Smart and hot. After a while he came back and with two cups of yogurt. you are trying very hard to prove me I‘m wrong‖ He was crazy correct.‖ He was correct and that was just freaky. So I just shopped my way through the embarrassment‖ I said while fumbling my fingers through my shopping bags. you avoid the personal stuff but when it comes to interest you jive in but with facts like home and family you change and hold back‖ I played with my yogurt. but he was that kind of guy. ―I figured you were the type who wanted plain and simple‖ he was correct ―how did you know?‖ ―you are one complicated woman. ―You hungry?‖ He smiled. So I stayed silent. ―I actually just want something light. ―I got this.‖ I was embarrassed because I was left and all his friends and the girls were looking at me like I was being abandoned after a movie of hanky panky. Just wait here okay?‖ I nodded and then he went. ―Hey don‘t get spooked‖ He was laughing while mumbling through his yogurt. Some sort of bad guy type‖ He laughed at me ―Beautiful is not really a word to describe a guy you know?‖ ―I know. ―No. and he was that kind of guy the guy you just have fun with so I thought it would be okay to go out with him. And It was not just small talk with him. I‘ll get us some‖ I reached for my bag and when I got my wallet out stopped my by holding my hand. you know perfect features but not really my type‖ ―Not your type? Then why did you go out with him‖ ―I just wanted to have a little fun you know. was the guy from work?‖ He sounded jealous. He caught me off guard all the time and I wasn‘t sure what to say most of the time but then he smiles at me and . He got me and that was really something that scared me. ―and he‘s out. he had some toppings but mine was plain. ―I‘m just observant.3.

he only had a slight Australian accent. Just so you know you’re the one who bought me the yogurt. Me: I did not force you. Me: True but I no idea you were hungry. Did you like your yogurt dinner? I’m having take out right now just because you forced me to have yogurt for dinner. His parents were both hardworking in the corporate world. . glad I ran into you tonight‖ he smiled. thank you so much Archer‖ I told him. he grabbed my shopping bags and walked me to my car. so after the divorce he went back to the states and got a job in New York. I was gaining a friend apart from Sofia being the best girlfriend here. He loved his sister and since his sister wanted to stay here this is where he decided to do his residency. Archer Greisen: Yeah but you were not really up for dinner and I was with you. When I got home. I gained a new friend and I was slowly finding people I trust. Me: Thanks for tonight. taking my yogurt cup and putting it under his. So that‘s why he was so American when he spoke. with swift he put his number in. I had a good time. His father was American. He put the bags at the back and then opened the door to the driver‘s seat as I slid in. How he spent half of his life in the states. I had an amazing time. I was just myself with him joking around and laughing about the little things. I was telling him about home and what interested me then he told me about his life. I simply ate it. This was the kind of effect he had. now I‘m having a best guy friend. ―Text me when you arrive home. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and typed a message to Archer. But being with him right now felt familiar like I was hanging out with my friend and it felt good.then I felt the answers roll over. So he spent half the year with him and then the other back home here. I was really hoping I could get to know you. – Charlie Archer Greisen: Good. I drove home and felt good. ―I had fun tonight. I got to know him and I loved it. His parents got divorced at an early age. okay?‖ I nodded and he closed the door. he‘s the type of guy I could imagine spending my life with. He leaned over ―Take care CC‖ he got my phone it was just in the car door. good and if I permitted it. He was adorable. ―I‘m glad your so called date jerked out‖ he said ―oh really?‖ I ask ―Yeah.

Archer Greisen: You weren’t observant enough. With that. I got ready for bed and drifted to slumber. . Me: what? Archer Greisen: How do you like your coffee? Me: Cream and Splenda. You should sleep I’ll see you tomorrow? Quick question though. Archer Greisen: Go to sleep okay? Goodnight CC.

after I got dressed in our locker and just about the moment I exited the room he blocked me with a smile ―Good morning CC‘‘ it was sweet how he said my name. I should've known Nothing in the world compares to the feelings that we share So not fair What makes you so beautiful. especially when I know its gossip about me. but you are. When we entered the double doors the whole team was already there and I can feel them staring at us with curiosity.Beautiful. then he gave me a cup of coffee. but Archer didn‘t seem to mind. ―Thank You! What did I ever do to deserve this kind of treatment from you‖ I asked and then blew to spread air inside the cup while looking at him then I took a sip. He was still looking at me telling me about how he took his cereal this morning with spoiled milk and was laughing about it. We walk towards the Emergency room together like a couple holding the same brand of coffee. I hated the attention. This crush will eat me alive I can feel it.Chapter 6 Just friends. to me You try to take my breath away Feel the words that I don't say I wish somehow. is you don't know how beautiful you are to me You're not trying to be perfect Nobody's perfect. Carly Rae Jepsen The next day. It was exactly how I liked coffee. the beginning or the end? How do we make sense When we're on our own It's like you're the other half of me I feel incomplete. even better and I think its because it was from Archer. I could feel Lana‘s eyes glaring at me that had me spooked because I didn‘t want to be on her bad side but she can‘t blame that her fuck buddy is eye candy even . I could say them now .

what happened with Scott?‖ I love Sofia and I know that family means a lot to her.‖ ―So you double booked last night and Scott‘s the jerk?‖ ―No. Archer was doing all the right things. the fact that she heard Archer call Scott a jerk was humiliating enough. Archer looked at me ―Sofia‘s brother was your jerk date last night?‖ I stayed silent. spending . While working I multi-tasked by also telling her about my shopping spree and how I bumped into Archer but when she heard shopping. I didn‘t want her thinking I was talking shit about her brother.‖ ―well. I went out with Scott. don‘t worry I won‘t go out with him again but I gotta admit he is sinfully beautiful‖ ―ewww that‘s my brother‖ ―yeah I know. huh?‖ ―I met him last night. I‘ve seen him bounce from woman to…. I wasn‘t really comfortable with the idea of him paying for my meal but then again he was pretty insistent. I knew that even before you did‖ I smiled at him to check the charts and kept myself busy with work. behind her back to Archer. ―no no no. Sofia warned me about her brother and I didn‘t want her to feel like it was her responsibility just because she was related to Scott. Before we even reached the station Sofia approached us. It wasn‘t an issue for me at all because first she warned me that her brother is bad news and second I was really just into Scott just for fun. so I shopped and bumped into Archer‖ ―ooh. The day went on and when we decided to go for lunch Archer joined the both of us and treated us to a light lunch. she almost cursed me to the ground just because I didn‘t call her to come.for the blind. After Scott left. I love you Sof but me and your brother? No future.‖ I cut her before she can continue ― I get it. I won‘t ever double book that just has bad karma written all over it. ―Soooo. I told you my brother‘s bad news he never treats a woman right.‖ ―It can‘t be nothing if you told Archer he was a jerk and since when did Archer know more about things about you than me. how was the date with my brother‖ she said the word ‗brother‘ with disgust I didn‘t even want to answer her question. Accidentally. drank my coffee and headed to the station. I thought it was a date but instead I watched a movie with him and his interesting friends then he got called somewhere and left me. ―Really Sof let it go it was nothing. you are not getting away with this.

I pick up my phone again. She‘s sweet but I‘m not in the mood to see them act boyfriend- .. my ringtone never fails to make me happy that‘s why I chose it to be my ringtone it was the guitar intro from the song Layla by Eric Clapton. ―Hey what‘s up? Wait give me a minute I‘m burning what I‘m cooking‖ I put the phone down and turn off the fire and place the pan in the counter.time with me. ―Sure you and your friend can come over as long as you bring drinks because all I have is water‖ ―quid pro quo. Time flew fast from then on and then before we knew it was time to go. making me laugh. what do you want?‖ ―Surprise me. anyway it was Archer. ―Enough for a whole lot actually. ―As a matter of fact yes‖ He‘s so sure of himself that I will actually ask him. ―Hello‖ I answered. constantly surprising me with the things he knows about just anything and.  I tried my hand at cooking that night because I had nothing to eat and I didn‘t want to go down and buy take out again. ―You don‘t seem like the cooking type‖ I don‘t really cook. hot people get to tease me. what if I was with another guy but he knows he has an effect on me no matter how small he thinks it is. ―Hey CC‖ he sang. ―What‘s so wrong with that?‖ placing my hand on my waist like he was actually there. making Sofia like him. When I was almost burning my chicken my iPhone rang to a tune. ―I am not but. He does he just doesn‘t know its huge. 402 Kennedy Towers Main Street‖ ―I‘ll see you in awhile CC‖ Then he hung up. I don‘t really care he was hot. ―Sorry about that what‘s up?‖ ―you cooking?‖ He asked sniggering. I do need to eat you know?‖ ―You got enough for 3?‖ Three? Who was he bringing? Another girl? Lana? Whatever. By the time we headed back to the ER everyone had their hands full with incoming patients. Do you want me to invite you?‖ I asked playfully. that was a fact but it seemed like he was judging me or maybe teasing me. Thank God for cookbooks and my very good talent at following instructions. I really hope he‘s not bringing Lana.

Although even without her we would eventually meet because we work together. I was on baby sitting duty tonight‖ Ashley interceded ―I don‘t need a baby sitter‖ We both snickered. there was no other girl. Standing with him was his very cute little sister. Good thing Archer figured out that beer isn‘t really my thing and he brought lemonade which made sense because we were with Ashley.girlfriend even though it really is just an arrangement between them. I‘m not going to brag but the food was good enough to feed the three of us with out facing the complication of barfing. I was so happy because she was adorable and one of the reasons I got to meet Archer. She was funny and feeling a little old for her age. I told them I had board games I so I opened the box that said books because I knew that‘s where I kept them and before I could even reach for something Ashley shouted ―JENGA!‖ and I knew it was sold so we sat on the floor and we played Jenga or Ashley played by herself. After dinner. so I checked myself out first in the mirror so I can be sure I look decent and then opened the door. I let them in and I was so happy Ashley was there. Ashley. Ashley surveyed my place and questioned me if there was something fun to do in my small apartment. Ashley was amazing and funny and we were actually having fun. When I opened the door Archer was there and no there was no Lana. Stupid girl crush. After awhile the doorbell rang. ―You guys hungry? I have chicken‖ I pointed them to the tables and fixed the setting ―…and chicken is only as good as the sauce so I have store bought gravy‖ while slightly gesturing the gravy to them. she doesn‘t like playing with older people she just expects us to be here while she does and she thinks we‘re dating. ―Don‘t take offense. ―So you brought your sister? How adorable‖ ―I had no choice. She wasn‘t really willing to give Archer or Me a chance to touch the tower even though I had a legal right to. so that‘s her version of leaving us alone‖ . I don‘t really want to feel uncomfortable in my own home and that situation would just make ten levels of difficult. ―She really doesn‘t want me or you to play?‖ I sat beside him and we were sitting across Ashley who was really focused in trying to build something out of the Jenga blocks. Anyway.

I grabbed some of the Jenga blocks that Ashley wasn‘t using. I shook my head because my mind was trailing out of the moment and was severely focused on thoughts of me and Archer. . ―You‘re crazy. me and my friends back home actually have fun with these blocks‖ I passed the light on one of the blocks and it read “Drink a shot” He laughed ―So these blocks are not Jenga blocks these are truth or dare blocks? ―Yeah! I got the idea when me and my friends were drinking and we wanted to do something interesting‖ trying to convince him it was an amusing idea. Or I‘m just fooling myself because truthfully he was too good to be true. Cause I thought it was and at that time I was undeniably impressed with myself. ―These Jenga blocks are good for playing. we are not getting together!‖ He leaned in closer to me ―not just yet‖ ―funny‖ I stood up and reached for a container inside one of the boxes and took out my UV light Marker.―Did you tell her that we‘re not?‖ ―Not what?‖ ―Not Dating‖ ―No. ―Yeah. so I could tell her otherwise when we start dating? I wouldn‘t want to confuse her would I?‖ I wouldn‘t want that mainly because I loved the idea of us being together eventually. my nephew loves playing with them‖ I piled them in order so that it wasn‘t so much of a mess. you should continue playing or do you want to go home already?‖ ―and get stuck with mom and her new boyfriend? No thank you! Can I sleep here?‖ I was kind of flattered that she wanted to sleep with me in my not so ready apartment. ―But aside from that. I think he got me so he grabbed the pen back. that was total BS you love spending time with me‖ ―Lets try another one‖ He grabbed another one and before he could even flash the light Ashley grabs the pen ―What is this are there secret messages in the blocks?‖ I was signaling Archer to not let her read it because some of the dares were too daring for a 6 year old girl. He picked up one of the blocks and took the pen from me when he flashed the light it read “tell a lie” He tilted his head to think of an appropriate response ― I hate spending time with you‖ I smiled at him. why would I. ―Ashley.

he made me feel like I had a home here. he just looked at me and smiled coyly ―Do you trust me?‖ ―I don‘t trust anyone‖ ―Smart. Mostly Archer was being a good friend to me. but until you have a legal right to make decisions on your own I decide where you sleep‖ I had fun that night playing with Ashley and Archer. I wouldn‘t trust me either‖ ―We‘ll just put it here‖ then he placed it on the table by the door. Living outside your comfort zone it was challenging so finding a sense of well-being through the people around was exactly what I needed. but just know that every time I see you. He carried Ashley to ―See you tomorrow CC. I got to know more about life here and how they lived their lives on and off this country. It seemed exciting but for Ashley it was just exhausting. Aside from Sofia it was good having another friend. I‘m thinking about kissing you‖ I rolled my eyes at him but he just winked at me and then closed the door. Archer fixed all the stuff and grabbed an empty glass vase from one of the boxes. . ―Why?‖ ―I know there‘s at least one block in there that will order me to kiss you and then you‘ll have no choice‖ he was crazy there were 7. ―There isn‘t.―You could sleep in my place and I‘ll just bring you home tomorrow morning drop you off before work‖ He answered. Ashley fell asleep on the couch after a few hours of playing. ―yeah. Archer just laughed. He placed all the Jenga blocks inside the glass vase in an orderly fashion. Archer loved bouncing back and forth but Ashley preferred the stability. Travelling back and forth to different places that were both on different sides of the earth. put it back on the box!‖ I told him. I‘ll kiss you someday‖ ―You won‘t‖ ―You keep saying that. but what would be the fun in that?‖ Ashley rebutted. ―What are you doing. Archer was hot and I love making light of the situation with him friendly flirtation was not really an issue we still knew where we stood even after all the innuendos.

Chapter 7
You're not sure that you love me But you're not sure enough to let me go Baby it ain't fair you know To just keep me hangin' 'round You say you don't wanna hurt me Don't wanna to see my tears So why are you still standing here Just watching me drown And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine Just take your love and hit the road There's nothing you can do or say You're gonna break my heart anyway So just leave the pieces when you go - Leave the Pieces, The Wreckers One month since the big move!!! Its been a month and it feels like it was just yesterday although I‘ve been enjoying Sydney, Australia to the fullest. Sofia has been the best tour guide ever, she however mostly led me to places where I can shop and spend my money. With all the shopping I‘ve been doing with her its not a surprise that my closet is full of clothes I don‘t even need til the next season or the ones that passed. Archer wasn‘t exactly the best tour guide mainly because he never brought me anywhere he just took pleasure in teasing my cooking most nights. He has been amazing in feeding me by coming to the apartment to cook dinner for the both of us so mostly he‘s been my chef. He said that its better to cook in my place that way he wasn‘t obligated to shop for the ingredients, all he needed to do was cook for me and he gets to have free dinner. Smart boy.

No matter what was going on between the us that was just it, we were just eating he knew I wasn‘t ready to be serious with anyone. He was honest about Lana and where they stood. He told me it was just sex for him and whatever it was it has been long over. I tried to hook him up with the other nurses just to be a supportive friend but he always ignored me and told me teasingly not to bother because he was waiting for me. I knew it was just harmless flirting, he was always saying things like that but he never really asked me out of made a move. He was just the sweet friend that I had around. Who I secretly had a crush on. I was attending to a patient making sure he was okay but he was also trying to be sweet not wanting to be injected. After that, I went back to the station and Lana was just there. ―You and Archie are becoming close‖ ―Yeah, he‘s an awesome friend‖ ―Are you sure?‖ ―I am the person involved in questioning aren‘t I , of course I‘m sure‖ ―Did you tell him about what we talked about before?‖ ―This isn‘t high school Lana, Its not my place to tell him that‖ ―It‘s just different now, with him, he keeps on ignoring my calls and I just don‘t know what‘s going on‖ ―Then talk to him‖ ―That‘s the point he doesn‘t want to‖ ―Lana, he‘s just..‖ I pointed to Archer ―..there. Go to him and talk to him, ask him what you‘re asking me‖ She stayed there like she wanted to ask me something else but she‘s holding back. ―What is it Lana?‖ ―What?‖ ―you look like you want to ask me something else?‖ The emergency room is not as busy as it should be all the patients have been shipped to the operating room. All the doctors including the interns are operating. Sofia steps into the room and shouts my name. ―Seriously Sof! What‘s up!‖

I took a deep breath. I can tell Archer to cook for three‖ ―still playing house with doctor hottie‖ ―I‘m not playing house. ―I‘m sorry‖ I said shaking my head in shame. both of them almost naked.―I need to go out! Do you know how long its been since I don‘t know! I‘m going on a speed dating thing later. WOW! I was shocked and I just stood there when I should be running the opposite direction pretending I didn‘t see anything. But I was disgusted with what I was feeling. The door flipped open but I was left unnoticed. I closed the door and leaned against it for awhile til I got my composure back. Okay so Archer was not really sleeping. I wanted to throw up not because they looked disgusting. He had every right to be with Lana. I was shocked but other than that I felt sick and nauseated. the three of us were clearly shocked but Archer immediately let go of Lana and grabbed his clothes off the floor. my closet is your closet. I saw one of the nurses I knew and asked if she saw Archer and she pointed me to the direction of the on call room. . The girl was Lana in almost naked flawlessness. they don‘t. He was probably sleeping but I still need to talk to him. I have nothing to wear‘ ―you can come over my apartment. But when I was slowly pulling the door to a close They turned around and saw me. we aren‘t together and we sure don‘t have an agreement whatsoever. do you see the way he looks at you?‖ ―He looks at me like I‘m a mental case okay! Just come over later we‘ll have fun!‖ ―Okay and while you‘re at it can you also bring him this‖ she handed me a piece of paper with Archer‘s name in print ―he wrote his name but forgot to sign‖ ―Okay. He‘s a friend and he knows how to cook and he doesn‘t like to do the shopping so it‘s a win win for both of us‖ ―More like a win for him. that‘s how lame I am‖ ―I thought this was a matter of life and death‖ ―oh It is. do you know where he is?‖ ―I think he was up on third. thank you!‖ I rushed through the stairs. he was with someone. I knocked and felt the door was unlocked so I just twisted the knob. he‘s probably sleeping because he was up all day yesterday and hasn‘t slept since. Story of my life. I didn‘t know what to do. he told me needed to recharge‖ ―Okay.

I know we‘re just friends but I was jealous yes I knew I was not just jealous I definitely think I was hurt or getting ripped open and stabbed in the gut ―You‘re clueless‖ ―I‘m clueless? What‘s that about‖ ―Its about you. being you. ―You could lock the door you know‖ He just looked at me. I walk in on him with another woman and He calls me clueless and oblivious. thank you!‖ What the fuck! I was never a curser But he was seriously shitting me. I was mad because I don‘t know he . Sorry about that‘‘ I was being quirky and indifferent. Truth is I was hurt. I went to the station and after a few minutes Archer came to me. I didn‘t know. My reality which in Archer is just a friend and that‘s it. We just had our first fight and I don‘t ever know why about. but its been like what?‖ I looked at my watch ―…5 minutes? That was fast‖ ―We didn‘t‖ ―I‘m sorry about that. I‘m sorry for ruining your little activity‖ ―Its not your fault‖ ―It is and I‘m sorry‖ ―Its not what it looks like‖ ―it looks like you and Lana were about to have sex and I just stopped it from happening. I was mad alright but I don‘t see why I should be. like he did something wrong. But he didn‘t know that but it seemed like he knew. Oblivious and clueless about what‘s going on around you‖ ―I am perfectly aware of what‘s going on around me.closed my eyes and went back to my reality. ―About what you saw…‖ ―You were getting lucky. good job. I was pissed and annoyed but he didn‘t do anything wrong he was with someone else and it made me furious. I just smiled at him and laughed to hide my annoyance. like he didn‘t know what to do. He was seriously fucked up. I on the other hand didn‘t know what I was feeling.

The night must have been cursed because we were approached by almost every loser who tried to do small talk. We drank water and nibbled over fries so that we could go on all night with out getting drunk. I slipped on a simple dress for the night that worked wonders for my figure. they were all our age and looked like a couple of frat guys having a reunion. baby Get a little more from you.Chapter 8 I'm not falling in love with ya. A group of guys across the room caught our attention. Maroon 5 Sofia decided it was time for me to meet the nightlife. I was never much into bars and clubs and I told her I just want to relax and unwind. The drinks that were offered to us could‘ve saved us some money although we were too cautious about the consequences of that. She told me that there was this pub near the hospital where we could do exactly that. we were having a true girl‘s night out. baby Give a little more. she wore a strapless bodycon that hugged her little body in all the right places. baby Get a little more from you. I'm not falling in love 'Til I get a little more from you. I'm not falling in love 'Til I get a little more from you. ―Absolute eyecandy!‖ Sofia whispered as she tilted her head to the direction of the guys. We bonded over cocktails by the bar and just laughed the night away. Sofia was anything but ordinary. I'm not falling in love I'm not falling in love with ya. she knew the . baby I'm not falling in love with ya. I'm not falling in love I'm not falling in love with ya. Sofia on the other hand was a pro. ―You can get any guy in the room Sof just bat your eyelashes‖ ―ha-ha you funny funny girl‖ The guys were looking at us but I was feigning ignorance because I didn‘t handle the attention well. By definition..

barely opening his mouth. ―Let me guess you guys are betting on something huh?‖ ―Yes.right moves and exuded confidence that radiated her being. ―Pretend you don‘t know me‖ he told me in a whisper. I think it was a sight for cancer. ―Pretend?‖ Before he could speak I held my hand upright to keep him from answering my question. so just play along‖ I was still utterly upset about what happened between us earlier in the day but if I continue with my mad streak. ―I‘m a raindrop‖ Archer said leaning over the bar beside me. She responded and within seconds the guy was on foot towards us. Sofia inclines towards me to a whisper ―You and Archer are caught into some sort of destiny whirlpool‖ insinuating that we were meant to be together. And with him was a guy we recognized very well. Just go on with it‖ ―I‘m a rain drop‖ ―You‘re a rain drop?‖ he took a step forward while sliding his hand to the small of my back and whispered to my ear ―Yes and I‘m falling for you‖ . he can really cure cancer with the way he looked tonight. One guy who was an absolute poster boy for career driven guys was wearing a very sleek suit with a loose neck tie raised his glass in to a cheers to Sofia. I would‘ve walked in to a baby-making rehearsal. so what do I get?‖ ―The cash prize. Maybe we were. ―Okay. ―Fine. He wore light blue collared shirt with khaki pants and white sneakers. But it was hard to ignore how good looking he was in casual wear. how do explain being upset over something that‘s not really my concern. A confused look marked my face ―What?‖ I said and then he leaned closer. Every piece of apparel fit to his almost perfection. its all yours‖ ―What do you get?‖ ―Your company‖ I rolled my eyes at him but his charm was always hard to ignore. not that he wasn‘t hot in scrubs but seeing him in a different light was more than just a sight for sore eyes. I would love to think that we are but a couple of hours ago I just saw him half naked with Lana and if I hadn‘t walked in. I turned around to Sofia but she was already busy chatting with the guy who approached her. its not like we‘re dating or anything like that.

you actually think that would work. I placed my elbow on his shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair. When he came back he took me by the elbow as we exited the pub. I love the turn of events at least I get to end the night being charmed by the ever so pleasant Archer Greisen and time with him always seem to make me happy. I‘m fine. you‘re lucky I don‘t hate you‖ He gave me this huge smile but stayed silent ―So what was the bet?‖ I asked.. it was a good thing his hand was supporting me by the back because I could‘ve fallen. ―Wanna get out of here?‖ I tried to sound sexy but it was beneath me for sure but he just gave out a slight chuckle. So I‘m a raindrop huh?‖ ―Yes and I‘m falling for you‖ ―Still very lame‖ ―Can you at least put on a show for them?‖ He tilted his head to the direction of his friends then my eyes followed to the direction of his friends. ―.. I turned my eyes back to him and moved closer to his touch. ―Sure why not‖ I told Archer. its not like I hate the idea because I didn‘t. not like you need it‖ .After a second I realized how lame it was and laughed so hard I tilted backwards. We burst out in laughter.‖ she pointed to Sofia who was apparently very busy with the guy by her side. his smile was from ear to ear he was obviously enjoying the play we were acting out. ―That I could make the most beautiful girl in the bar go home with me with that line‖ ―Well that won‘t happen‖ ―I was hoping I could take you home since. she gave me a quick nod. I‘d be happy to bring you home‖ I turned to her and signaled that I was going home already. ―Can I buy you a drink first?‖ ―No.Sofia is occupied. He was still so close I could feel myself blushing. signaling me to scram. he took my hand and slammed the 400 AUD in my hand ―Here‘s your 400 dollars. ―You‘re crazy. He held up his index finger asking me to give him a minute while he rushed across the room to say good bye to his friends and maybe get his prize money. ―For them or for you?‖ ―Both‖ then he kissed me on the cheek.

‖ ―You got all that just because of what I‘m wearing?‖ ―I told you I‘m good at reading people. . ―Soft palms with callouses? Means not afraid to get down and dirty. am I right?‖ ―Can you just drive?!‖ ―Do you really want to go home?‖ ―I have a few hours to kill. Come on I‘ve seen the price on those things when I take my mother shopping‖ ―Mother?‖ ―Okay. girls were giving me the stink eye just because I was walking next to him. I mean I‘m into hot guys just as much as the next girl but I don‘t really know what kind of confidence a girl has to just let a guy know she‘s actually staring. I‘m complex and weird ―Show me your life line‖ I gave him both my hands. but still‖ ―these were all gifts‖ ―Gifts from family right?‖ ―what makes you say that?‖ ―I‘m good at reading people…‖ He opened the door to his car as I slid in.―Thank you and I‘m a nurse of course I need it. you have designer stuff but you don‘t buy them because you feel guilty about what you have so you donate your time a lot which explains the callouses and the job as the nurse. the watch. when he came and sat down on his side ―.. the purse. I‘m not some fancy doctor you know‖ ―The bracelet. shoes are about a half size bigger meaning they were also a gift. not mother. what do you have in mind?‖ I can‘t believe it every girl was gawking and I can‘t believe it I felt so little compared to him. the shoes. I love good art and by good art I mean hot and handsome guys and looking at them is something but when I get caught shame overpowers and I stop.I‘m a doctor remember‖ ―Okay so read me‖ He can‘t read me. means the sibling is special? You were close.‖ ―very close‖ ―so you‘re rich but you don‘t like to admit it. what is it with girls that makes them think they can just stare at a guy like he‘s some sort of art piece. watch is expensive but modern so must be a gift from a sibling or a young aunt?‖ ―brother‖ ―Very used watch.

then its all making out and showing me off to their girlfriends its all physical and then I don‘t matter anymore‖ ―I think some girls are just wired that way. its disturbing‖ ―Stop worrying about them. having people always staring at you because of you know. how does it feel?‖ ―you really want me to answer that don‘t you?‖ ―I love watching you struggle‖ ―I grew up playing sports.‖ ―…You know?‖ ―you‘re not seriously gonna make me say it‖ ―I seriously don‘t know what it is you‘re gonna say‖ ―because of you know. maybe they‘re looking at you‖ ―I know how it is. girls have declared their undying love for me and all I thought was it was completely insane because they don‘t even know me. its kind of distracting‖ ―They are not.. this is always the scene when I went out with my brother. I mean I‘m not obviously I wasn‘t noticed much by anyone during the whole school era of my life‖ ―are you kidding? I would‘ve noticed you‖ ―Not if I was fat. they‘re staring at you! Which leads us back to my question. you‘re good looking or great looking‖ ―great looking aahh you think I‘m great looking?‖ ―every girl here thinks you are. so how does it feel?‖ ―please… tell me‖ ―Just answer me‖ ―why you don‘t think you‘re great looking? Cause I think you‘re gorgeous‖ ―but they‘re not staring at me. I mean I don‘t blame them of course. come on!‖ ―What‘s it like?‖ ―Not worrying? Its great you should try it sometimes‖ ―No. they show so much interest in me but once I pay the least bit of attention it all goes down a specific way. its how the school system works right? its just that I just hope girls are easier to read you know.―What‘s wrong?‖ ―Every girl here is ogling at you. cause I was‖ . I know how it is with girls and how guys like me are like trophies for girls like them‖ ―I think it‘s the other way around‖ ―No.

But the world works in such a chaotic imbalance that it gives us what we don‘t deserve‖ ―you don‘t think you deserve what you have?‖ ―sometimes no.―I think I still would‘ve. I know some guys are like that too how they use girls as trophies or for show like they have the hottest girl. like me being a doctor or my accomplishments but that‘s not me‖ ―then who are you?‖ ―just me. a guy. I just wish girls and guys like that find each other and leave the other guys and girls alone‖ ―you say that from experience?‖ ―its just no one really got to know me for me. I know I don‘t have it rough like some people I know how blessed I am and I‘ll always be thankful for that. they got to know me for who I had become. it‘s the tortured artist type thing that draws me near‖ ―I‘m not an artist‖ ―You are when you smile‖ ―Okay that was lame‖ ―So anyway. I don‘t‖ ―why?‖  .

I had to stay after the double shift to fill out a truckload of paper work. I can feel my body shutting down already. Seriously? Are all the doctors here ridiculously good looking? I was gonna pull a Houdini but it was too late Archer had already spotted me and I looked like a train wreck not just that I felt like one too. ―You can never look bad. then you get used to it‖ Don‟t I know it. I was so tired I could drink 10 cups of coffee and I don‘t think I would jolt up. After a few hours the ER finally tuned down and all the patients were taken care of and stable. The floor has been busy for quite a few days now and going to work has been very tiring. As we get closer. you know that‖ he smirked. Good thing the vending machine served good enough coffee. standing up for fear o falling asleep and crashing. I was working by the nurses station. today there was a massive accident and I together with the other nurses had to pull a double shift. thanks‖ I said sardonically. I‘ve been awake for almost 36 hours but that‘s nothing compared to the interns who‘ve been awake for 2 days straight or I‘m guessing more. I was walking across the hallway and I see Archer with another guy who was as dreamy as him okay not as dreamy but cutting a close second. Archer smiles effortlessly and tilts his head to not as a hello ―You look tired‖ translation: You look like shit “That‘s a nice way of saying I look awful. I being a very stupid person told Sofia I could take care of her share of paper work because she needed to go home for some family emergency. I needed some coffee in my system so I put aside the charts or awhile and told my superior I needed to get some coffee. I bought two cups so I could ingest enough caffeine to at least hold me up for an hour or so. ―You wanna tell me your secret why you look like that‖ I gave him a once-over ―…after pulling a double cause I feel like hell and I look like one too‖ He laughs a little ―I think med school is proper training. leaning against the counter. My hand was stretched vertically upwards on the machine tilting my head down. ―yeah you doctors are all just super‖ I said while blowing into my coffee .Chapter 9 The ER was just as busy as a normal ER we were all on our feet.

we ran through each on and divided them into two. ―Wait. I really owe you one‖ He tilted his head to the side and stared at me ―You wanna eat before you go home?‖ His eyes were really . Come on!‖ Archer was the sight of defeat. I‘m an intern here same class as Archer but I take a different shift‖ ―Hi I‘m Charlie‖ Archer butts in ―You know the first time we met she didn‘t even give me her name‖ ―Ha-ha crazy. He does still look rested and handsome but his eyes tell me otherwise. if I help you could finish faster‖ I looked confused he was a doctor how can he possibly help ―ughh. After an hour we finished all the charts. Michael and I headed back to the nurses station and we sat at the end of the counter to work on the charts I had a pile to do. who knew asking for a name can scare people away‖ Michael elbowed Archer ―Cause girls just run away from you‖ Archer shook his head. I knew he wanted to be the one to help out. I just had to sign the charts while signing he was just leaning on the counter with arms crossed and his head set on his arms like on a sleeping position. ―Thank you so much for this Michael. I‘ll help you out‖ ―You would be a lifesaver‖ ―Sure. you can tell me the basics. you want help with that. My guess was he was going to sleep. ―I think I better go back I have a truckload of paperwork and I just really want to go home‖ I told them both. I raised my coffee in a cheers as a wave then we headed to the ER and Archer headed the opposite. I took up nursing first before I went into medicine I can help you just need to sign for it. he was up for 2 days straight. I need both to keep up‖ He just smiled ―Hi I‘m Michael. Michael held his hand in a gesture trying to stop me. I felt sorry but he just smiled to Michael and Me. We were outside the hospital I didn‘t know we would be working together‖ ―She ran away the moment I asked for her name. I shake my head ―No both for me.I gave him a half smile then the other doctor who I totally forgot about spoke suddenly ―two cups of coffee huh? Trying to suck up to someone?‖ he asks trying to make conversation.

we‘re just friends but I didn‘t want to give him the idea that I was out dating other people. you know the way he looks at you‖ ―if you knew he did why did you ask me out?‖ ―whoever said I asked you out?‖ He tricked me this dumb fool. but even before I did he let out a sigh ―You like him‖ he said it so matter-of-factly I don‘t think a denial would suffice. There was no denying this but I still said it ―I don‘t‖ I said it softly and in a tone that was obviously a lie. I told my supervisor I was going home. He just helped finish a truck load of paper work it was like I was obligated to say yes but I didn‘t want to. .hopeful like his next task was this and it would really disappoint him if I said no but I was totally beat ―I‘d love to but I was totally beat?‖ ―How bout tomorrow?‖ I couldn‘t say ‗NO‘ again. I mean Archer and I are nothing. he was trying to figure me out. ―Look. UggghhhhhhH!!!! I stood up in frustration and he just smirked at me.. it was the most demoralizing syllable in the English language. raised my eyebrows and bit my lip. I‘m a complicated person and I‘m secretly want to be with your friend? ―Its just that… uhmmm‖ ―Is it Archer?‖ ―No. ofcourse its uhm. I gathered the charts and placed them on the counter ―Thank you Michael. I looked at him tilted my head. Seriously‖ ―You know he likes you too. I‘m sorry‖ ―Can I ask why?‖ What was I gonna answer.‖uhmm‖ I shook my head trying to divert my eyes anywhere around the room but I knew that if I looked at him he‘d figure me out. no‖ ―So you won‘t got out with me because you like Archer?‖ I dropped my hand to the table and twisted the chair to face him ―its just that I like him that I won‘t go out with you. I don‘t want to sound ungrateful and assuming at the same time‖ I gave him a smile as my brows furrowed ―… but I‘m not dating right now.. She waved and thanked me but I knew going home wasn‘t really an option because in less than 7 hours I‘ll be here again. I just wanted to crash and rest. I just‖ suddenly I‘m out of words. I could not get away with this one. I‘m done.

Sister Hazel ―You look like one of those people.Chapter 10 It's true I'm blue And without you I'm not right I'm not fine I wanna be rain that tastes like wine I wanna be good I wanna be great I wanna be everything except for your mistake Let me into your view I wanna know how you see this thing that's us I must keep managing my madness over you . his face suddenly turned nostalgic like high school was a good part of who he was but you can see that there was also parts of it that made him lonely and sad. quarter back. I guess I was wrong‖ ―So who was the lucky high school girlfriend?‖ I asked. now I gotta say I thought you‘ve got me all figured out. perfect GPA?‖ forcing a laugh he shook his head ―You think you‘ve got me all figured out huh? ―Tell me I‘m wrong I‘ll stop teasing‖ ―I‘m more of a lacrosse guy and I don‘t have a perfect GPA‖ he said laughing ―It‘s the same. let me guess your high school girlfriend was a like the queen of the school or something?‖ ―No. ―Did as much as I could in High school. that is actually not the case. . so lacrosse huh? Manhattan prep?‖ he just smiled and knowing him I was probably correct.Your Mistake.‖ ―You are a classic cliché. prom king.

for a long time before it was finally over‖ ―You stuck it up? Considering your back and forth arrangements.―Stace… She wasn‘t actually anything when I met her. she wasn‘t active in school. He went on ―.but enough about me how about you? How was your life like?‖ I really did not want to answer this. I think I felt the attraction the moment I saw her and I‘m not really the guy who needs a girl just to feel good my parents really worked hard to keep me focused on sports and school. For how long? ‖ ―Almost 3 years? I was with her for 5 years we started dating since late freshman year. but I knew if I broke down some of my walls I could breathe and let loose a little.. ―My life? It was complicated‖ ―Do you have any idea how many times you use that word as an answer?‖ He tried to be playful and it was the truth I always try to answer his personal questions with that word. when I saw her I felt attracted and at first the cheerleaders gave her a hard time because she wasn‘t anyone and yet I was pursuing her but I told everyone off because I was really into her you know? She made me want to do better with everything she never gave in to the drinking crap and always told me to take care of my body so she was really good for me but people change you grow older and you‘re not the same person anymore‖ it was like he was spilling his soul out to me and I all I could do was listen he was revealing a part of himself and trusting me fully with his emotions and he was looking straight at me with those blue eyes I can see so much with only one look. they always remind me that everything I do in high school matters and decides what college I go to and they were really heart set on Dartmouth. Anyway. I was his complete opposite. She‘s pretty normal and average but her personality was amazing‖ ―How normal is normal when you‘re actually dating the prom king and the captain of the Lacrosse team?‖ ―She was normal and then when our dating got to her she wasn‘t my girlfriend anymore she was the ―my‖ girlfriend‖ ―So you broke up after that?‖ ―No we were together until the first year of college but she wasn‘t the girl I fell for. . she didn‘t have high grades but she didn‘t fail.

so I thought if she can stick by me why shouldn‘t I do the same. Plus she cheated on me so that was it. Like being overweight is funny! ―Overweight? You? I don‘t believe it! You eat like a bird‖ ―Not so fat though just a little above the usual weight then college came and then my brother introduced me to diet and exercise‖ ―Okay so college? Why nursing?‖ ―it was pre-med. got a job as an emergency nurse. how old are you?‖ ―I‘m 24. Why did you stop?‖ ―Something tragic happened then I couldn‘t stay there anymore so I moved here‖ ―But its was just one more year‖ ―I didn‘t care. somehow he‘ll do something amazing and I‘ll break the walls for him but not just yet. finished highschool at 16. I was bullied and I was overweight‖ He laughed at my statement. then went into medical school. and you know about my back and forth situation right she was very supportive of that she knew she only got me half of the year but she stuck by me. ―she lived here. I just wanted to get out‖ ―not ready to break all the walls yet huh?‖ ―not yet‖ but I have a feeling that it‘d be soon. I was into my third year when I quit and moved here‖ ―Wait. Why how old are you?‖ ―25. ―let‘s go back to you. I wasn‘t the prom queen‖ I said teasingly ―I was okay. I finished nursing then worked for a year and a half and then went into medical school‖ ―wait you went into medical school?‖ ―yup.―I know. well I hated high school. you know?‖ ―… As a teenager you think you‘ve got it all figured out you think love is everything and nothing else mattered. above average but not top of my class. Game over!‖ we started laughing at his last statement and you can see it . then you suddenly know what you want and she wasn‘t IT anymore. but seeing her change into a different person was crushing me slowly. finished college by 20 then worked instantly. She was everything I thought I wanted but then you grow up and you figure things out. so what happened with Stace was it?‖ he chuckled a bit he knew I wasn‘t going to back down this time and it was his time to speak.

I wanted to further the discussion. that‘s not what this is. other guys are something I‘m something else‖ He gave me a cute smirk. but maybe she didn‘t want to hurt me and she found a person that she felt differently about I mean you know you girls and your prince charming‘s and soul mates crap‖ he was actually bashing my gender in a cute way but also saying things like that made me think about him in a different light. ―I don‘t really get cheating. but I tried to defend what Stace was doing to me. ―uh no no. ―You are! A girl you‘ve loved cheats on you and you think of reasons to defend her‖ ―I don‘t know what else to say. I‘ve always thought of it as a dumb idea‖ I said under one breath. he was really something else I mean I don‘t want to become attached or something but this guy is just pulling me in. I pointed my lips to the side to seem like I was thinking but really I just want to control my self from wiping that cute smirk with a kiss. I cleared my throat so I could speak because seriously I think God took out my power to speak in those moments when warm hazel eyes were eyeing with so much intent and genuine passion and longing.‖ And before he could even continue his statement I cut him off ―and here it is. the attempt of men to battle women and their thinking of the act of cheating‖ He laughed but he didn‘t look defensive he just wanted to explain how he saw things in the bigger picture. nonchalantly I asked ―you mean?‖ ―what if I was still with her now? And I‘m here on the rooftop with you? She would probably be calling me by now and I wouldn‘t pick up‖ I was feeling all sorts of butterflies and everything else to feel in my tummy I don‘t even think they‘re butterflies I would think they‘re baby dinosaurs waiting to get out and they‘re spinning their way through my tummy I was out of order and I knew I would faint the instant I clarified what he was saying. . He didn‘t say anything for a moment and then he started speaking again ―Sometimes I get it.that he actually thought it was funny there was no bitterness in his words everything about him was genuine. cheating I mean. I know she‘s not a bad person so why would she really cheat on me like that?‖ ―you‘re something else aren‘t you?‖ ―I‘ll take that as a good thing.

―why wouldn‘t you pick up?‖ we were like in this daze we were just staring at each other and I didn‘t know why he was staring at me. Ill kill myself! Ill kill myself! Seriously what was I doing? In my mind I wanted to shake him by the shoulders and scream at him “do you know your effect on me? What are you doing to me???” Because my heart if it wasn‘t an organ was doing jumping jacks and cartwheels while holding balloons. Now I wonder why do people ever do drugs when they could just find themselves a Archer Greisen and life would just be the absolute high. my eyes aren‘t as gorgeous as his. This was what high felt like not that I knew but I have a feeling that this was how it felt. Then the next words that came out of his mouth were  “Why would I ever want to” then he gave me that cute smirk that almost made me fall into his arms and kiss him senselessly. . but his eyes! Oh his eyes! I could stare at them for as long as I could.

dating?‖ ―Us? Dating?‖ ―You know. Green. ―but there‘s a story there huh? Come on you can tell me I‘m in need of a story right now‖ conceding I told her the story. ―I met him the Sunday before I started working here. Then I place the items on the corresponding place. After connecting the IV and making sure that my patient was comfortable I spun around doing a 90 and wallllaaah ARCHER ―okay so I‘ve been thinking… Lets just try it. did he just ask me to go out with him. Every time I throw materials I always shuffle my mind and do a mental matching type : Black. that was real! That was so real I was in real shock. I‘d be killing patients before I knew it. We sort of had a cute little moment with his sister while I was running‖ I was smiling at the .Chapter 11 Archer was across the nurse‘s station while eyeing me mischievously. ―What?‖ ―Let‘s try it. Yellow. Seriously that grin will have me distracted. Hospitals are awesome! Go Environment! I sit down because I finally can and Sofia sits beside me nudging her shoulders to mine ― So you and Archer huh? Mind telling me the story?‖ I nudged back ―No story there he‘s just a intern‖ I look away spinning my chair away from he. I mean for real? Yeah. Go out with me!‖ WHAT???? My heart literally stopped. But Sofia is Sofia ―Look I see the way you guys are there‘s a story there I don‘t think there are rules about interns and nurses sleeping together‖ ―Sofia!! You‘re insane I do not want to sleep with him‖ giving emphasis on the do not part. dating‖ ―Archer…‖ ―So that‘s a No?‖ ―It‘s a „I‟m not so sure about this‟ but thank you‖ ―NO‖ I gave him a polite smile and rushed to the station to throw the materials I used. I try to kiss you at the end of the night. I take you out.

―What are you doing here?‖ I asked confused as I shook my head. what do you think?‖ ―why‖ ―I want to see you?‖ He was asking but he was telling me. Screw tape and glue I need damn surgical skin glue to hold me and that‘s not enough to keep me going it was just going to hold me. Archer was waiting.memory as I told the story ―It was cute. fate is an annoying little fella that won‘t just leave people like me alone‖ When the shift was over I headed over the lockers to change I was so hungry I suddenly felt guilty for skipping lunch. and I‘m done getting ripped. I‘m so broken I need tape and glue to hold me together. I grabbed my things and shut my locker when I stepped out of the room. my hair was in a messy bun and there was a strand of hair falling on my face. Those blonde curls were messy in a cute surfer type only he wasn‘t a surfer he was a doctor or an intern (still a doctor) which was extremely hot. He took a step closer and gently tucked the strand to the back of my ear. . I was acting like a high school student. ―fate is not a funny thing. It was a sweet gesture and one gesture I only read in books and saw in movies. His eyes widened when he saw me. it was cute of him to even offer. leaning against the wall with a bag slung over his chest. but then I walked away when he looked like he wanted to get to know me and now he‘s here trying to make something out of it like it‘s the universe‘s way of telling us that we should give this a shot‖ Sofia look amused and by amused I meant surprised with awe ― You should really try to give it a shot you know fate really is a funny thing when you think about it‖ Sofia always makes light of the sitch in her eyes it was fate in mine its life pushing me to get close to someone so it can get another chance in ripping me open. ―waiting for you. ―ha ha Cute! But I have to go!‖ ―You want a ride home?‖ ―I drove here‖ and he knew that We saw each other at the parking lot.

―you like food? You don‘t diet or anything like that?‖ I asked ―what do you think I am? A Girl?‖ ―So only girls diet huh?‖ ―I think guys eat differently because we can workout more you know?‖ ―fine fine. I hate working out. His laugh was like music. ―this is my favorite restaurant‖ Archer interjected ―well favorite is a strong word since I love to eat and you can never have too many favorites when it comes to food right?‖ giving me a wink. YES YES ANSWER HIM YES ―oh what the heck.. like a pop song it annoyed me if you ask me but secretly I love it I know that hearing it made me feel better. I don‘t want to go out with you!‖ I said politely He gave a short laugh like I was assuming ―you think this is a date? I‘m just looking for company for a snack. wanna do me a favor? Come on eat with me!‖ it was like he was pleading and it was really cute of him. Archer led me into a small restaurant. come on! Show me where you mates slum it on snack nights‖ he was laughing like he wanted to say something but he held back and just laughed. if I could stay fit and eat the things I want I‘d rather read a book‖ looking amused he asked ―So that‘s why you were sad the first time I saw you? Cause you were running?‖ He really was the charmer you know very coy and playful always ―yeah that‘s it. it seemed like it was a home that connected to a restaurant…….―I knew that. I should‘ve stayed home that would‘ve made me happy‖ . you mind leaving your car here so I can bring you home? And I can pick you up tomorrow morning incase you‘re wondering how you‘re getting here with out a car‖ Say yes say yes!!!!! And then he continued ―maybe we could grab a snack before I bring you home?‖ wow a snack! That sounds enticing! But I don‟t want a snack I want a meal! ―I already told you.

..‖ Challenge accepted! ―bad odor?‖ he propped his elbows on the table and leaned forward as if trying to sniff me ―I can scrub you?‖ ―herpes?‖ ―I can cure you‖ ―HIV‖ ―we can always use protection? ―you‘re kinda crazy you know?‖ ―not just kinda. you don‘t even know me!‖ ―I know enough to be crazy about you‖ ―why? Is it because of the chase?‖ ―Because I am and no its not because of the chase although I have to admit this is fun‖ . YOU are crazy!‖ he was being so playful we were like kids teasing each other. ―there is nothing you can say or do or be that can make me unlike you‖ ―you would think‖ ―there really is nothing you can say…‖ cutting him before he finished ―nothing??‖ ―nothing.―that would‘ve made me sad. crazy really. Catalano Making people sad? He was making those puppy dog eyes while playfully curving his lips downward. is that your thing now Ms. ―so why wont you go out with me?‖ uh because…. But I can summarize it in one word I was terrified. about you‖ ―Ha Ha. ―its complicated‖ ―how complicated? Boyfriend?‖ ―no‖ ―husband?‖ ― ha ha no!‖ ―just got out of long term relationship?‖ ―no‖ ―then why?‖ I struggled for an answer it was out there somewhere I uhhhhhhhhhhhh ―you wouldn‘t like me and I‘d prefer you like me‖ I said because that was as close to the truth as it was. ―no that is not my…uh.

―what? I‘m just getting to know you!‖ I answered defensively ―you already know me. I see a lot of beautiful people around this place I‘m average compared to them why don‘t you ask them out?‖ my heart churned at my words the idea of him seeing other people turned me into the hulk inside. so now that I found you again so I‘m just saying it really won‘t be easy to get rid of me‖ ―I don‘t want to get rid of you‖ I mumbled softly but he obviously heard it because I saw him smile a little. ―then tell me what?‖ ―you‘re beautiful‖ he thinks im beautiful! He thinks im beautiful!!! I was just about to smile but I forced my next words out ―that‘s not enough you know. green and very very jealous. we don‘t want to get rid of each other and we move from there‖ . ―how bout we just leave us at that?‖ ―leave us at what?‖ ―that‘s what we are.―so it is the chase?‖ no please don‘t let it be just the chase… ―its not‖ his tone became serious in an instant. ―I don‘t want them. we still have a 98% chance of having a completely normal baby‖ ―what a very doctor-like response!‖ ―I take my job seriously‖ tilting his head to the side and smiling playfully ―tell me about it. don‘t fight it‖ ―why me?‖ ―why not you?‖ ―don‘t answer a question with another question!‖ ―you don‘t get it huh?‖ ―get what?‖ ― the moment I saw you I saw no one else and then you ran away. even if you do. I want you and I can feel like you want me to I just don‘t know why you‘re fighting it‖ I coughed spilling the words ―HIV‖ he laughed at me and said ―look. your job‖ ―you‘re changing the subject‖ he told me in a sing-song way that was teasing..

Right then and there I wanted to kiss him and the way that he was looking at me I knew he wanted to kiss me too. But we just let it linger in the moment. when you watch it on TV or on the movies you see these people kiss it was both heads moving forward. I knew I wanted lean forward. But it was different with Archer. Goodness. It was never that case for me it was always just one head moving to me and just me giving in. I do want to so bad. we just stay there stoic in silence knowing that a kiss will be cathartic. I never knew how these moments went. . I wanted to so badly only I don‘t do it not because I don‘t want to.

But my iPhone alarm is too noisy for me to ignore it.Teenage Dream. ARCHER Sitting in the apartment lobby. now baby I believe This is real. Katy Perry 6:00 am ALARM!!!! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! ―ughhhhhhhh‖ Sleep I Love You!!! Please don‟t part with me yet. I tie my hair into a pony tail. . so much angst just because of running.Chapter 12 You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream The way you turn me on. I can't sleep Let's run away and don't ever look back Don't ever look back My heart stops when you look at me Just one touch. Putting my earphones one by one I select the playlist while going down the elevator. Alarm off! Ughhh running time!! I changed into my shorts and put my running shoes. don't ever look back . I search for it with my head still under my fluffy pillow. so take a chance And don't ever look back. grab my phone and earphones and then I rush out. As I survey the lobby heading out I see him there.

how many calories can staring at a guy all morning cost huh? My heart is actually on full speed right now so that counts as exercise. I could kiss him and just give in but that‘s a whole other mess I don‘t want to get tangled in. I take the seat next to him. Even if its just a friend. After 5 minutes I felt like I wanted to vomit so I slowed down because vomiting would just be more humiliating than giving up. I‘m in a deep gaze our faces inches from each other. Friends who flirt! I‘m kidding myself right?? I will fall for this guy in no time if he keeps doing what he‘s doing. I lower myself as gently as possible so as to not wake him up in the process. Sandy blonde just like I like them and warm eyes. Ha ha come on! Lets get over this!‖ We started by jogging and then when his speed picked up I joined him. turned around . I could hardly breathe. But when he realized I wasn‘t beside him he slowed down. then he wakes up. make it more enjoyable for you?‖ ―with you?‖ ―you won‘t admit it but I know you‘re happy to see me‖ ―I‘m sure of it.I have no idea what to do with him. I know he‘s genuine even with the cockiness I know that the intentions are pure but I know I‘m not good enough for him and even if I should let him decide that I‘m just not ready to get hurt yet. I was already panting to death and ready to give up and he looked like he was just warming up. I stopped bringing my palms and weight to my knees while bending my upper body down. I‘m not ready to lose him even if it just like this. Well I cant see his eyes now but I‘m pretty sure they‘re awesome just like I remember them. I think I could stare at him all morning. I was half into my music and half of it was in a competitive phase in keeping up with him. N-n-n-nooo!!! He gives me a coy smile ― you see something you like?‖ ―I see something. I was feeling faint but I didn‘t want to stop so pushed my self further. I was panting so hard. he fell asleep. My legs were so hot and ready to stop and slow down. It was quite a few seconds before he realized I stopped so he was a few yards away from me. why are you here?‖ ―I decided to join you run. Aaw he‘s very handsome. I walk towards him. This is probably the closest we‘ve been and he‘s not even awake.

. It was like the more he was looking at me the more my heart raced and the more I couldn‘t breathe. ―Come on love. I uh‖ Catching my breath ―cant believe I just tried to compete with you‖ still breathing heavily. being close to someone and him holding you in his arms.and came jogging towards me. He held his palm up offering it to me ―come on‖ after a moment of hesitation I gave him my right hand and he spun me around pulling me close to his back. ―we‘re both sweaty and icky and you don‘t look heavy at all‖ he really isn‘t icky. I‘ll carry you‖ carry me now! Ill jump you I thought to myself I was crazy instead I made an excuse ―you can‘t carry me you know. I felt him smile and then he jogged back to my apartment. I didn‘t hesitate this time. He was gorgeous for sure. I‘m sweaty and icky and you can‘t carry me‖ giving him the impression that I was too heavy for him to carry. It was so easy for him like he was just carrying his little sister or a back pack. ―I‘m uh so uh tired. How can someone smell so good after running? I hugged him tighter. he bended his knees pulling me into a piggy back. I felt sexy. AND I‘m here panting all sweaty and ugly. I crossed my arms across his neck and my face was so close to his. He didn‘t even look like he was sweating. He was smiling. his hair was brushing my face. This was going to be my only excuse to get close to him without acting like a total whino! He held on to my thighs. He was smiling and he wasn‘t tired at all. his smell was consuming me it was so good. Ha ha. I‘ll get on him right now if I could. ―You could‘ve told me to stop you know?‖ He was still laughing but it was sweet. huh? I can‘t feel my legs. ―Can we just stop. jumping a little to put me in place. grinning I don‘t know like he was making fun of me but in a sweet way. Shoulder dang shoulder what am I your sister? “You tired?‖ with that American-Aussie accent!! Total Love! And I still couldn‘t catch my breath so I just nodded. I feel faint‖ I told him then he had the i-have-an-idea-look all written over that gorgeous face. He came closer and placed his hand over my shoulder. This was quite the feeling.

What was I to do? . I felt his grip to my legs tighten when we entered the door. ―You are not heavy! And maybe I am a superhero‖ ―Really? Who are you superman?‖ ―I never really liked Superman. As we reached closer to my door I actually held my grip tighter and I know he felt it. When I reached the floor.. I didn‘t want to loosen my grip so I hugged him more and I just said the numbers to his ears in a sort of whisper that was kind of sexy. how bout Iron Man?‖ ―Why Iron man?‖ ―Why not? With superman you remove the whole costume and you‘re just Clark Kent.‖ ―Tony Stark‖ I said just so I could complete his sentence. My hormones and feelings were betraying my mind at this moment. ―I think I have one‖ me? Was he saying I‘m his weakness that he can‘t fight me or what he feels for me? Well I can actually feel my heartbeat in every single part of my body. This was our defining moment and I could take the leap of faith and kiss him or I could walk away. I was hugging him so tight it was gonna be so hard to let go. ―Yeah‖ We are such dorks! We entered the elevator. He placed my hands on his shoulders and I crossed them around his neck he held my gaze leaning forward a little leaving only what was about two inches of distance between our lips. and he turned around so I can reach the buttons.―Do you have some kind of super human strength your not telling me about that makes it so easy for you to carry me?‖ I wanted to kiss him. He turned his head to the side meeting my face. He slowly bent down and let go of my legs. I knew what I wanted but was I ready for this?? He smiled in a one sided kind of way that the left corner of his lip went up and his eyes were so inviting. we were like little kids playing piggy back. ―code?‖ he asked. I loved it! When the elevators opened I could actually walk but I didn‘t want to be far from him just yet and hopping off his back would mean distance I didn‘t aim to do. he caught my hand and held it pulling me in front of him. his skin is so warm. when you‘re Iron Man you remove the costume and I‘ll be. I can‘t have this. but I want him so bad it was gonna be very difficult to release him but the good thing was it felt like he was feeling the same. ―so Iron Man? No weakness huh?‖ I asked him.

this is where we begin after months of knowing we could be more than just what we were we finally made it to the other side: we were kissing. Will it be worth it?: Yes. His kiss was my sanctuary. I wanted him. This was the moment all the songs and books and movies were talking about this was where inspiration sprang forth. I felt him smile again. What if he hurts you?: he’s worth it. like I was drowning all my life and all I had was a life jacket but with Archer I finally reached dry land. What if he leaves you?: I don’t care. I wanted all of him. right?‖ I took the leap. one was clutched around his neck the other slightly grazed his hair. He moved us towards the couch and sat down. in his kiss. my heart was racing it was 30 seconds away from mars. his kiss had all the answers I was looking for. Oh the kiss. a feeling beyond words. I moved my hands.I muttered under my breath ―what the hell. That‘s when I figured everything out. Breaking the kiss he looked around and kissed me again. Because everything that will happen from that moment on was going to be worth it because I had Archer with me. his kiss took all my pain away. It was euphoric and restorative. We were actually kissing. something more than right something more than ordinary. I shifted my legs to kneeling position on the sides of his legs. it felt extraordinary and right was not the word. took everything negative away from me and just bathed me in positivity and pleasure. he pulled me closer to him by hugging me tighter by the waist. It didn‘t feel right. I can feel him smiling through the kiss it was so amazing. I finally understood all the fuss about ―the first kiss‖ because I never felt like that. a new level of high and if this was what a kiss should feel like. I leaned in closer and softly kissed his lips pulling him closer to me. I felt so aroused I wanted to take his shirt off but I suddenly remembered I just came home from running so I pushed him to the couch and he was smiling and I was genuinely happy seeing him like that. ―I think we should stop‖ he leaned closer invading the space ―I don‘t think we should‖ ―I‘m all sweaty and icky‖ ―Its hot‖ he said kissing me with a smile . I‘ve been missing something all my life. he lowered his hands just below my butt and with ease he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. The kiss was becoming more intense I let out a soft moan.

‖ . ―I guess we‘re skipping breakfast.―Archer…‖ I said sweetly ―We should press pause‖ he just smiled and gave me sweet and short kiss. ―You want breakfast?‖ ―You want? I can just cook for you?‖ ―I‘d rather put something in me than vomit something out you know?‖ I moved away and stood up! I pushed him towards the couch ―Crazy jerk!‖ ―Crazy jerk who adores you‖ he was grinning he took my hand and pulled me closer I stumbled and our lips meet again.

you're closed Where I follow.Chapter 13 The dawn is breaking A light shining through You're barely waking And I'm tangled up in you Yeah I'm open. Howie Day .Collide. you'll go I worry I won't see your face Light up again Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find You and I collide .

okay.Chapter 14 You. by the light Is the greatest find In a world full of wrong You're the thing that's right Finally made it through the lonely To the other side You set it again. I‘ve kissed him. dining. I don‘t know my reasons but for the first time in a long time have finally met a guy I am willing to take the risk for. But this is a date I kinda feel . I can‘t believe I‘m actually feeling nerves. Going out that usually would involve a nice outfit..Terrified. For a long time I have avoided guys for fear of getting emotionally involved but for some unknown reason I let Archer in. my heart's in motion Every word feels like a shooting star I'm at the edge of my emotions Watching the shadows burning in the dark And I'm in love And I'm terrified For the first time and the last time In my only life . I‘ve more than kissed him. nice gestures and the other things that would produce butterflies in each other‘s tummies or maybe just the girls cause I have no idea what happy feelings happen to guys. This is the first time I‘m going on a date in this country with the first guy I‘ve ever met here. Although in my case it‘s the first time we‘re going out. I‘ve been with the guy quite comfortably more than a dozen times. Kara Dio Guardi Dating has been an ancient practice since the beginning of time and usually it‘s the getting to know process of a relationship.

I hope that will do the trick of making him drool. lifting my chin up to give me a sweet and gentle kiss ―nice legs‖ he says while looking down my legs. With black wedge pumps they look long enough and worked out. Just stay pit. something like that‖ . I‘m here‖ he says its casually like habit it makes me feel good. ―Nice Everything‖ giving me a once over then directly looking at my eyes. I hear my door beep ―Charlie. Archer Greisen: No.. I tilt my head to the side and curve my lips into a half smile. make yourself comfortable be out in a sec‖ I stepped out of my room and I see this guy sitting on the couch looking the way he is. My iPhone beeped and it was a text message from Archer Archer Greisen: I’m almost there. After a few minutes. so where are we off to? Dinner and a movie?‖ ―yeah. look he‘s flawed but the kind of flawed that fits him and makes him look sort of perfect I have no idea what I‘m thinking but that‘s how I see him. You ready? Me: Just about be right down. His eyes widen at the sight of me. I don‘t want to seem over the top so I went with casual with a hint of sexy. When I say super short the length is just enough to cover my back side. I examine myself in the full-length mirror in front of me. ―You are the only person I know who could make casual look dashing‖ he stands up and comes closer to me. ―Yeah got that.the need to impress him and the way to impress a guy on dates usually depend on clothes. I‘m wearing a black strapless bra over a semi-sheer salmon colored button down blouse and a super short high waist body con black skirt. ―please don‘t wear scrubs ever again‖ ―ha ha You are funny. He really is handsome but not in a perfect way. Archer Greisen: See you in a few. His hair is fixed in a way that is classy and casual in the same way. Gonna come upstairs to pick you up. Me: Okay. My weight issues have always been a problem but my legs are sort of the pride and joy of my body because I work them out a lot with all the running and kicking. Just come in you know the code.

I love it when he does that. Just when I‘m feeling comfortable with him. I can never go wrong with him and his perfection is quite terrifying because while he is an epitome of perfection. I on the other hand am no where near that department. he smiles as we kiss. Even in the most mundane moments he is in his most pristine self.After shutting down all the things that need to be shut. and you‘re not telling me?‖ ―if I am a spy. When the elevator shuts close he pulls me closer and kisses my head. I tilt my head towards the door ―come on. As the kiss gets deeper. I couldn‘t say or I‘d be blowing my cover right?‖ I raise my hands up in surrender ―okay. He goes to my side and opens my door. agent awesome. he pulls out a yellow sports car that is worth a lot more than my lifetime salary. lets go‖ he leads me by the waist as we head to the elevator. Perfect timing! He leads me to his car which a different one from the one he usually drives. I turn to him and brush my fingers through his hair at the back of his head. ―Am I dressed for this? This is what exactly?‖ . no further questions‖ He opens the door and I slide to take my seat. he pulls up to a basement parking. I feel terrified at the thought of actually losing him. After a few moments. ―are you some sort of spy. opens the door and classically slides to the drivers seat. Being with him is just like hoping that the whole opposites attract theory is not a whole bunch of BS. Slides outside the car very smoothly and pulls out a basket out of the back of his car. he pulls me closer and lowers his hands to my backside his pinky gently touches the skin on my thighs and then the elevator opens. Sometimes it pays to know that you have something to lose. It‘s a yellow Lamborghini. That makes me unsure of ―me‖ being a good match for him. I tip toe a bit and kiss him. When I see him. Because even though a new relationship should be fun and exciting. he offers me his free hand and leads me out of the car. He then jogs to his side.

―I don‘t know what to say. We finished the movie and he asked if he could pick the next one so he slammed the next Disk on the player and we started the next one. He did bring popcorn but the sandwich had me stuffed I couldn‘t bring myself to eat more and just like any guy he finished his sandwich. that had a very nice view of the city. We enter the elevator and he presses the rooftop button ― We‘re going to the rooftop??‖ I ask him in more excited tone as I tug him by the arm. It was a simple set up in a rooftop. my sandwich left over and the pop corn and he still had a perfect body. We exit the elevator and further to the left was a set up. he kissed me on the cheek and clicked play . he nods nonchalantly ―I love rooftops!!!‖ he smiles coyly and holds me closer ―I know you do. Dinner plus movie plus rooftop… Goodness if he brought popcorn he would make the perfect date even better. When he sat back close to me.―This is dinner and a movie. ramble king slash agent awesome slash doctor Archer Greisen style‖ ―This better be good‖ ―It will be‖ He leads me to the elevator and holds me by the waist as he kisses my temple. We started watching The Bourne Legacy I never really got to watch this I told him that a part of it was shot in the Philippines and the metro went wild in cleaning the areas where they shot the scenes. the type you see in classy hotels by the beach with the white cushions. a projector and a stable white screen. There was a beach bed. that‘s why I brought you here‖ I kiss him on the cheek and then he laughs amused. I never thought I could ever put together the things I love in one sitting. He collected choices of new movies that we could choose from. Dinner was a simple sandwich that tasted like chicken and pesto which was good. Its perfect‖ The food he brought with him is packed in the basket and he set up the rooftop before picking me up. he also knew that I didn‘t eat meals at night and that sandwiches were the perfect choice for a dinner and a movie date with me.

it was like he was so content with the kissing he did not really overstep even if my body was screaming for him to. nothing less than that to make you happy. I laugh at his attempt to be funny ― Okay. Right then and there I wanted. you know that right?‖ He moves his arm to hug me closer and soothes me by my shoulder. I never wanted this to end. Goodness I wanted to do more but I never really had to do this with guys.―You are sort of awesome. I can feel him smiling and even though I was acting all desperate for him to want me he was still trying to make things light. plus I haven‘t had a date in years so I just compiled my efforts for all those years to this one night‖ ―that much effort huh? You sure you got the right girl?‖ ―oh! I think I have the perfect girl‖ He leans forward to kiss me. I feel him push his body toward me and then his kisses become deeper and more serious. His kiss moved to my bare shoulder as he slowly tugs the buttons of my blouse down south causing my heart to bump faster and faster. I . And I wanted him to do more. I needed to be as close to him as I could. He moves his lips to my cheek giving me a gentle kiss that is so exhilarating. ―of course I‘m awesome. that was about it. ―What? I do this and all I get is sort of??‖ he asks teasingly. What was a silent scream going to do when I could actually take action. he moves down with the same movement down to my jaw then he reaches my neck. Archer was just different. the smile fades and he was now more eager. I spread my thighs apart and I pulled his body closer to mine with one of my legs pulling him by his buttocks. I clutched my arm across the back of his shoulders and pressed a palm to his chest using strength I moved him above me and being the obedient man that he is he was now on top of me. We have done this countless times. you really are awesome. no. Finally. Guys usually had the urgency to do more and more with me and I was always the one who said ―breathe pause‖ . Every time we kissed I could imagine a love song play by. Only there was no other moment that was just it with him. It was like a moment leading to another moment leading to another. Kissing him was only the best thing I‘ve done in so long but more than that it was kissing him that made me feel this amazing. the hot and heavy make out sessions and I could feel him want me but other than the hands roaming around all over my body and lips going up and down my face and neck. you know that right?‖ I tell him while clutching closer to him.

I had a great time‖ he smiled ―you know as well as I do that mine was better‖ He clutched me inside his strong arms. He kissed me softly before rising up and fixing his self.. while his lips trail down my collarbone towards the middle of my chest. Hospital On-Call: Emergency. He comes back up to kiss me senselessly. I reached for my phone it was the hospital. He offered his hand. I slid my hands inside his shirt and the feel of his back is as hard as he is right now. really perfect‖ He smiled and kissed the hand he was holding. even better of course.know now that I would need him in my life. it was still perfect though. body heat travelling through our bare skin…I was so in the moment I could feel myself in need and hungry for him. I grasped him by the back to feel him as close as possible. Caught up in the moment his hands slid down to my thighs pulling them up and spreading them further. Then his phone beeps… ―leave it‖ I murmured. Archer Greisen style was just as awesome as a I thought. right now and every other tomorrow there is to come. I rested my head in his shoulder and he kissed my head. Now we needed to head straight to the hospital. I took it and stood up he fixed the buttons of my blouse ―better keep that for my eyes only‖ then he kissed my forehead. I did want to just rip all our clothes off so that I could feel his skin on mine. So much for a romantic night out. I loved the feeling of us being together with no barriers. Please report to the hospital immediately. I needed him and I never thought Id put myself in a place to need anyone again. my lips brushing his as I spoke. ―thank you for tonight Archer. He nibbled my lower lip and I laughed but then my phone beeped as well and then after a second both our phones were ringing. The drive to the hospital would be almost 20 minutes and on those minutes he never let go of my hand ―I‘m sorry we didn‘t get to finish our date. . He grabbed my hand and led me back to the elevator and to his car.

It was Archer. new policy. Train Archer was a first year resident you don‘t get the normal relationship you expect but its something you expect when you get involve with doctors in the prime of their careers. you owe me‖ ―I always owe you‖ then he hung up I couldn‘t believe it.We were made for this. and you stop breathing. and before he could speak I answered with a statement.Chapter 15 And just like New Year's Day was made to reminisce Oh oh oh oh We were made for this Love and stardust settle on us like a net While Buckley's "Hallelujah" fills our ears from your cassette While my heart stops beating. but I have big emergency I need my OR swipe card. My cell phone rang Tananananntanananan Cellphone ringing. ―Let me guess you‘re not coming‖ ―Look at that I chose a perceptive woman‖ ―I guess I chose I predictable man‖ ―I‘m really sorry though. Please?‖ ―Right now?‖ ―Yeah‖ ―Fine. Juliette You're the only thing I'm ever gonna miss Oh oh oh oh We were made for this . I left it at home‖ ―Can‘t you just swipe in with one of the nurses?‖ ―Can‘t this time. I was being a pouty girlfriend I was never that kind of person but I missed him and I wanted him to feel bad for making me miss .

him so much that I wanted him to miss me too. The place was lit with candles and in the middle was candle lit table for two. ―that was a test‖ ―and you don‘t eat dinner when I‘m not around to cook so see this‖ he pointed to a stack of plastic containers ―this is for you to take home‖ ―assuming I‘d ever go home‖ I pulled him in for a kiss. I‘ve been there before but never alone so it felt like I was evading some kind of personal space of him. its just a 5 minute drive from my place. instead he asks me to bring him his swipe card. dinner was probably a bread crumb‖ boyfriend passed the freaking test. thank you so much but I already ate‖ Lie. Being a wonderful girl friend I drove to his apartment. ―shall we?‖ he gestured his hand to the table and led me to my seat he pulled my chair which was the funniest thing because. . do you like it?‖ I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. ―you know I can tell when you‘re lying and knowing you. That was why I knew we were perfect for each other. ―I love it. ―When exactly did you have the time to do this?‖ ―I made time. here we were it was probably the most romantic thing any one has ever done for me and I‘m wearing shorts and a hoodie I don‘t exactly scream ‗have sex with me‘. And I just stood there as my lips parted in shock. I contemplated on the word ‗wow‘ and how it came about because I had an exceptional vocabulary. He cooked dinner for us and went through the trouble of making everything special. thank you‖ ―I know I‘m not exactly boyfriend of the year with my temper and the 24 hour shifts but I do want to be with you. I was testing him. So this is me‖ then he holds his hand gesturing around the place ―making up saying I do owe you for real‖ ―you still are boyfriend of the year. So I punched his security code 91112*52 way to make things complicated my security code was Caleb‘s birthday so anyone who knew me well enough can easily break in my apartment. I was a registered nurse and a year shy from graduating medical school but all I could say was the word ‗wow‘. Archer didn‘t have a 24-hour shift because he was right there in front of me all brooding and handsome. He wasn‘t anything fancy he was just wearing simple khaki shorts and a shirt but it looked majestic on him. So I entered the apartment ―WOW‖ was all I could say.

He really is the perfect boyfriend.‖ And the thought of having sex with him made me blush. you look down when you don‘t want to answer questions. The taste was divine. like breathing it in like oxygen only I‘m scared. you have dimples here‖ he formed his fingers to a V and placed them on the side of his mouth ―that show when you‘re mad or uncomfortable or when you‘re lying. But Archer wouldn‘t be Archer I he didn‘t pry. He told me stories about his here and there life. I want to let him in. so please trust me‖ love??? What??? The woman he loves???? I didn‘t even want to discuss feelings yet. although my mind did wander off that region from time to time but Archer and I were getting to know each other more and more. The evening went on and suddenly it wasn‘t just about the sex anymore. Lacrosse was at least the constant thing about his life.―you should‘ve warned me to dress better‖ ―what would be the fun in that? Besides we don‘t really need clothes after dinner. I‘ve always been afraid to let go. the way they handle themselves when they‘re in love. ―I do enjoy the whole mystery princess thing but I would love it if I got to know the woman I love more. it was baked salmon and asparagus. Archer was the most important person in my life right now and I don‘t even want him to know that. ―we can skip dinner‖ ―no! eat‖ he served me my plate. How he didn‘t get into Dartmouth but instead went to Columbia which was even better because that‘s where he decided to be a doctor. you‘re uncomfortable about. . I was so hot for him. How he loved playing lacrosse no matter where he went. ―I do trust you‖ I saw the look on his face and he didn‘t seem to mind that I wanted to brush it off for a while. Then he went on for med school. Not just yet. He was a true blue Columbian. I told him about my family and he saw my hesitation I kept my answers short and straight to the point. ―I know you CC. you look sideways and pout when you‘re nervous so yes I kind of know you don‘t fully trust me‖ ―its just been a long time since I‘ve been this happy and sometimes when I stop and think I get the feeling that I shouldn‘t be‖ it sucks. He told me about his life in NY and about how he wanted to become a doctor. like I want to be all in like all those girls I see in movies.

we‘ll talk about it we‘ll make it work. he was there the whole time but he had work and a girlfriend who wasn‘t exactly happy with my weepy sister act. I couldn‘t say anything else I wanted to say I love him because that‘s what I felt but instead ―thank you Archer.‖ I wasn‘t looking at him I was playing with the napkin on the table while he was saying this. with out everything. my father had a friend who was one of the major investors in the hospital we were working and he pulled some strings for me that‘s why I got a job so easily. I never got to go through the grieving process with anybody except with Justin. I mean it was nothing. what I‘ve went through? I‘ve heard horrible stories about different children being left alone with out money.―You are amazing. for…everything” But mostly I‘m just thankful he came. I told Archer everything about my family and he was shocked to see that I still have my head on straight. he told me that someday he wants the exact relationship with Ashley that‘s why he chose to stay in Australia so that they can be closer. at least to me you so what ever it is. I won‘t back down. that he‘s with me. All I saw was genuine. care and love. At least my whole life I had Caleb and I wasn‘t left to starve. sincerity. for this. Is it even possible for someone like him to love someone as damaged as me? Quit it Charlie you are not that damaged. I‘ve volunteered so much of my time and I‘ve worked in public hospitals back home I know what rock bottom looks like so I can‘t go . I don‘t make promises but I promise you that. After that I answered all the questions he was asking me freely I couldn‘t just keep him in the dark when he was an open book to me. ―It doesn‘t matter what other people have been through when you‘re going through something you have to believe you are a person and no matter how lucky you think you are you still need time to process everything‖ ―I know I just feel like sometimes I don‘t have the right to complain because I‘ve seen the world. then he placed his hand gently above mine ―I promise‖ he repeated and then I slowly looked up and his eyes met mine. But Justin made sure I ate and took care of myself and when I decided to leave he fixed almost half my documents. He was amused with my relationship with Caleb. for everything. Nothing you say can make me back down. we‘ll work through it. that he‘s here with me. I didn‘t really cry much the last time I cried was at the service when I spoke for Caleb‘s eulogy.

I‘ve never danced with anyone. the volume was just set so low that we couldn‘t hear it.around having a pity party when things are worse in different parts of the world‖ ―I know what you mean. surely he was pleased with the idea that he was my first. He held me close by the waist with one hand and the other was holding my hand to the side slightly. but I still think everyone. everyone deserves the right to question the situation‖ ―Question? Like why is this happening to me-questioning?‖ ―Yes‖ ―To whom?‖ ―To whatever faith you have. that‘s why it made me giddy. and I was so happy. not even on prom night‖ he grinned like there was no tomorrow. Medicine. I mean not like this‖ ―Never?‖ ―Yeah. ―Dance with me?‖ I was being weird I just imagined that I‘ve always wanted to dance with someone and I never really had the chance to ever. and God‖ ―So question the situation. Blasting through the speakers it was Stolen by Dashboard confessional. never. . You‘ll see. like how they did it the olden days. you just have to be wide-awake when sends a message. Someday‖ he just smiled like he already knew the answer to the question. I‘m not God‖ ―God won‘t answer me. I took it and he pulled me to him. you do believe in something right?‖ ―I believe in a lot of things. question everything because if you keep on questioning one day you‘ll find the answer‖ ―Why do you think Caleb died?‖ ―Don‘t question me. he said all the right things and I absolutely didn‘t know what to say. Art in all forms and Music. he stood up and straightened his shorts. He gestured extravagantly when he offered his hand while bowing his torso. to God. turns out there was music. He just smiled at me. We were really dancing. to whatever you believe in. God doesn‘t speak‖ ―That‘s what you think. I just smiled because I really didn‘t know what more to say. ―You know? I‘ve never danced with anyone. I mean no matter what the case. ―there‘s no music‖ I said. then he got the remote from the desk and then he pumped up the volume. He doesn‘t say things but He speaks.

but the moment was perfect and I just thought I‘d let him take the lead wherever he wanted to go. while holding me close. Slowly breaking from the kiss. like I wanted to rip what he was wearing. he slowly zipped down my jacket This wasn‘t sex. ―I love you Cc‖ he said it in a whisper. like he was holding on for dear life. and usually this would drive me insane that I‘d kiss him with force and power. this was something different. This time I wanted to savor every moment with him and he wanted to do the same. slowly he parted my lips with his tongue and stroked soft movements while carefully sliding his hands down to my bottom while pulling me to a carry. I felt his grip around me tighten. with me. it was like our lips were made for each other. I felt him smile through the kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist. with my heart. like I was going to be the last piece of thread only I was never letting go of this. Hearing him say those words was like a hearing the best musical composition ever written and the moment couldn‘t be more perfect only I couldn‘t really say it to him yet. So instead of saying them back I kissed him. Every time he carried me.―Glad to be the first‖ He held me closer. something heavenly and beyond everything extraordinary and for the first time in my life I was making love. the dance was so intimate and special if I was so open to crying I would probably be crying now. he always did it with ease like it the easiest thing in the world. that moment I knew I trusted him. only I didn‘t say it with words. . I felt like saying I love you to someone meant losing them and that scared me. Archer was the best goddamn kiss I‘ve ever had. As far as kisses go. with my life. When we reached the bedroom the kisses grew deeper and sweeter but it wasn‘t the kind of kiss I was used to with him. He was gentle. I kissed him softly on the lips like I was telling him that I did also feel the same way. you have stolen my heart” slowly he was just moving me from side to side. I said it in the way I kissed him. then he carried me to his bedroom. bringing my ears near his lips he was singing with the music “you have stolen my heart.

He kissed . yeah No doubt (You got me) . I turned to face him ―We could not go and just stay in bed‖ I kissed the back of his ear and slowly lifted my legs til both of them were wrapped around him. yeah. yeah. While I was looking for my denim shorts he sneaked up from behind me holding me close and whispered in my ear ―Are you trying to make me stay inside this apartment cause your clothes are doing a hell of a job‖ he grazed his fingers north inside her cover up from her stomach to the bottom of her breasts it was making me feel breathless and it was sending signals to my gut and furthering my need for us to be close.Running on sunshine. Jesus Jackson The beach isn‘t really my thing but everything was Archer‘s thing and he wanted to teach me how to surf. I slipped in my white string bikinis and net cover ups. He begged me to go try the waters with him and used his body as leverage to get me into a bikini. He said that I would never really get the whole Australian experience if I didn‘t hit my head on a surfboard. no I must be running on sunshine And ain't no rain getting in my way You got me running on sunshine And ain't no rain getting in my way I must be running on sunshine Ain't no rain getting in my way.Chapter 16 You got me running on sunshine And ain't no clouds getting in my way. It was adorable of him to think that he had a shot of getting me on top of a surfboard.

lifted me and threw me above the covers. ―You look really hot‖ Translation: I really want you! I smiled and spun around to give him a good view of my ass and then he grabbed me by the . I took my clothes off turned to him. but we‘re going surfing. I layed down a scarf so that my things won‘t be all sandy and while I was preparing he took his shirt off and low and behold there was Archer in his board shorts and looking like anything but ordinary. He moved us to the bed. ―I don‘t have any complaints with that bikini but I might get into a fight and don‘t hold it against me‖ I chuckled. He knew he had this effect on me and I‘m so bad at hiding it. We reached our neck and I was lost. He was laughing when he figured out that I was staring so he held me closer and kissed me. He turned away ―Nice try CC. ―You ready to watch me fail miserably?‖ he kissed me on the cheek ―Just about‖ he laughed and pulled me to the beach. he was smart obviously he‘s a doctor. Thank goodness I exercised and stayed fit cause if I hadn‘t I wouldn‘t have the opportunity to experience this awe of having someone like him with someone like me. I was so lucky I couldn‘t believe it. I love that he liked it I knew it looked nice on me part of the reason why I bought it was it was very flattering and I knew that guys couldn‘t resist a fit body in a white bikini. I was seriously drooling over my boyfriend and his rock hard physique. he was hot and he had these rock hard abs and well defined shoulders. He found a spot where we could lay our stuff told me to drop our stuff there. Only this time it was Archer who couldn‘t resist it and I was loving it. he was extremely handsome. He was hot and I think he knew it. He took off his shirt with so much confidence eyes were all over him and I was in awe. he brought with him two surfboards tied on the roof of his jeep. He was the whole package. change into something that will less likely get me in trouble and don‘t you have a one piece or a rash guard ‖ he chuckled and I grunted. I threw a pillow at him and he just brushed it off and went outside of my room. His eyes widened and I knew he liked it. He shook his head in disapproval but he conceded and led me out the door. I pulled my hair into a ponytail so I can swim with out my hair on the way. I could feel my body vibrate with want of him to just rip all of his clothes and take me right then and there. I won‘t have him directing what I should wear so I got my denim shorts and slipped into flip-flops and told him I was ready.

. He was running through the water and when the water was high enough he sank to the water and shifted me to the water with him. He held me close and rubbed my arms to keep me warm. It was so cold but Archer was so close and warm so it compensated.waist. lifted me so easily and hung me by his shoulders I started screaming playfully he can carry me with ease he ran towards the water and slapped my butt to keep me quiet.

Chapter 17 .

I'm still not sure what I stand for. you crumble like you‘re some kind of badass‖ ―I am badass. I was thinking Michael since he always third wheels with us. I wish that this all would end Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights. he‘s trying to be cute and I love it. like saying three little words. I always win.Some nights.. but when it comes to sensitive things like that. the way you care about things and the way you take care of me.Well. Fun ―I love you‖ I stared at him with awe. I know you love me. want me to kick your butt? And those aren‘t little words‖ ―I love you‖ ―You wanna show me how much?‖ he grabbed me from the hip and started kissing me from my hipbone and started kissing my stomach ―Not like that. But I still wake up. (come on) . I don't know. I can feel it‖ he‘s pleading with cute puppy dog eyes. ― Come on say it too. ―why isn‘t that enough?‖ ―I wanna hear it‖ ―I‘ll say it when I‘m ready‖ ―Why can‘t someone like you say something like that?‖ ―Just drop it‖ ―You‘re just so sweet and loving. some nights. I always win. I need a guy for Sofia‖ ―You want me to find a guy for Sofia?‖ ―Yeah. it was so amazing to see someone like Archer to just blurt out something as big as that but he doesn‘t seem to mind that I can‘t say it. oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights.. I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights. I still see your ghost Oh Lord.. well not find a guy. he‘s not dating anyone isn‘t he?‖ ―Michael? I don‘t know last I heard he was asking you out‖ ..

Archer‘s friend?‖ ―The hottie doctor who helped you with your charts?‖ ―yeah‖ ―I LOVE YOU!!!! And I love him already!!!!‖ ―You love him?‖ ―oh girl! I love you. come on please? And if they do end up together no more third wheels and more double dates‖ ―I don‘t like double dates. I can‘t do this‖ I giggle from his kisses. I have someone for you‖ ―You‘re setting me up?‖ ―Yeah. ―Don‘t be grumpy of course. :p . I want Sofia happy‖ ―Only if you stay silent for the next 3 minutes?‖ ―3 minutes? That‘s kind of fast‖ ―yeah. Me: You know too much. he wasn‘t asking me out. ―stop it please. after that. he was trying to figure my feeling for you out. they‘re so gentle and sweet. showing her gratitude and quirkiness.―Ha-ha. thank you! Thank you! Thank you!‖ she kissed me all over. thanks Charlie!‖ she says sarcastically. please just ask Michael. I want you screaming‖ ―So Sofia do you want to go on a double date with me and Archer?‖ ―Yeah sure! If I had someone to bring. but we‘re going out as friends but I have a feeling you‘ll like him‖ ―Who?‖ ―You know Michael? Dr. I pushed her away and grabbed my phone. you guys are just like girls‖ ―Michael and Sofia? Michael is a serious relationship type‖ ―Sofia is very sweet. I sent Archer a text message. Me: So Sof‘s in. just tell Michael we‘re going out as friends Archer Greisen: Okay. Me: Yey! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Archer Greisen: I know you love me. Michael Greene. I‘ll talk to him. I push him away from my body but that doesn‘t do anything he forces his lips at the sides of my stomach going up to the sides of my breasts.

I know she‟s hot but I don‟t like my boyfriend thinking that. stop staring at her‖ ―are you jealous?‖ ―you bet your ass I am‖ ―so Sofia. Sofia‘s hot‖ ―watch it Greisen‖ I‟m seriously jealous. Wow! That was sweet and romantically dreamy. she clearly took her time because she got ready first and I‘m done and she‘s still stressing out about her dress when she already looks fabulous. Clearly you‖ I glare at Archer ―already have‖ He got a beer for Michael and gave it to him and they drank from the bottle. this is Michael Grenne. I heard the door open and Archer when I peeked Archer was on his way in with Michael. ―no one is as hot as you‖ ―Yeah yeah yeah whatever. I slid out of my bedroom door to give Sofia her privacy maybe that will make her hurry. I scooted over Michael and patted him on the shoulders ―Love you Mikee. ―Go make yourselves comfortable. I kissed Archer quickly on the lips and gathered all my things. instead he kisses it. I hate you!‖ . Sofia Walker‖ Then Michael goes ―Mike you can call me Mike‖ then he offers his hand. Michael Greene . thanks for doing this‖ ―Anything for you Charlie‖ ―So he gets an I love you but I don‘t?‖ ―He is gonna go out with my bestfriend‖ ―I‘d go out with Sofia‖ ―You want an I hate you?‖ ―Nah.Sofia and I got ready at my apartment. Archer and him look like they‘ve just escaped a photoshoot or they‘re headed to a casting call. I‘m good‖ Michael is so handsome. Sofia steps out of the room and its like the room falls silent including Archer which makes me kind of sick and jealous. I smacked Archer silently and whispered ―you have no right to be silent. ―Sofia‖ she gives her hand in the most lady like manner but Mike doesn‘t shake it. instant attraction‖ I whispered to Archer ―yeah for me too. ―See.

can‘t sleep. And we‘ve been running together ever since. . I mean hot hot‖ I felt myself blush can‘t eat. world series kinda thing So how did you two meet? I was running in a park back home and her sister comes over and inspects me then he follows and sees me.―I like you jealous‖ ―Why because I go crazy?‖ ―Crazy hot too.

This was supposed to be the biggest day of his career. ―What do you mean you can‘t do it? Archer exuded confidence because. So this sight was different. its gonna be all on me‖ He was so worried about things not going a certain way that it was ruining his momentum. ―are you doing it? Are you remembering it? Cause I want you to be serious. but I get it you‘re all macho. the rooftop that provided serenity and peace and found that Archer was there looking for the exact same thing. remember that feeling and hold on to that every time you feel like you‘re . because I was. Being a doctor.‖ I breathed a sigh. being a surgeon was what he was made to do. What he didn‘t know was that downstairs people were talking about how awesome he was and how amazing it was that he came up with something like as wonderful as doing a procedure that can change a life. I diagnosed him. ―okay‖ I sat beside him and took his hand and held in to a hug ―Just look back to the moment you decided to become a doctor and just remember what you felt in that moment. what‘s this about?‖ ―Just trust me okay?‖ ―Okay but I wont go all girl and close my eyes while trying to look back cause I‘m thinking that‘s what you want me to do‖ ―You‘re damn right that‘s what I want you to do crazy.‖ ―yeah I am. this is my call. ―What if I screw up and kill the patient. that instant you decided to not just live for you but to live for the people who‘s lives you‘re going to chance. ―What are you doing here?‖ I asked with worry. came up with this ridiculous treatment plan so if it all fails.‖ ―okay‖ ―remember how you felt in that moment. he‘s a doctor and he looked extremely well so there actually is no choice but to be confident. okay so just think about it okay? Remember it. well. He loved his work and breathed it to life. Hands in the head and scooted over the wall. ―aren‘t you supposed to be preparing for your big solo?‖ ―I don‘t think I can do it‖ He said so softly I wouldn‘t hear it if it wasn‘t so silent.Chapter 18 I needed silence so I went to the rooftop.

we should have some sort of contract. I should be entitled to like 10% of your earnings‖ he chuckled a bit ―Oh really huh?‖ ―yeah. don‘t pin this on me. After a few minutes. He looked better than whne I entered. I still couldn‘t say it so I just kissed him. YOU are amazing and all you need to do is believe it‖ ―what if I kill him?‖ ―Look. with relief he was just glowing. ―Thank you‖ ―you know as your girlfriend. imagine with out your wonderful girlfriend you would still be anxious about things. he took a deep breath and sighed ―okay‖ I stood up and offered my hand. . I think. The amazing question is that what if he lives? Then he has you to thank for and you know that everything you‘ve been through. from med school. you won‘t kill him because if he dies on the table it will just be that. He smiled at me and took my hand as he stood up. I don‘t want that big of a responsibility‖ ―thank you CC. Thinking things out and just basking in the presence of all his thoughts. to residency all of it is worth it because you saved him‖ He sat in silence and just relished in my words. And yes this is all on you‖ ―nuh-uh-uh. that he died trying.going to lose it‖ ―… look when you decided to become a doctor you decided to become fearless. to think about the greater good and now that‘s what you‘re doing.‖ ―you‘re adorable. I love you‖ he says the words like it‘s the easiest thing to say ever. He took me by the neck and kissed my forehead.

why was I admitted? When did this happen? I started to panic and I could hear the monitors beep faster. Have I fallen asleep in a patients room? No! the monitors were attached to me. his hands were holding mine I suddenly felt safe. I reached Archer . Archer was sleeping by my side. down. Jason Walker I can hear the monitors beeping.but my heart rate was still rising. He got the signal so he went by my head ―Charlie. My heart rate slowed down. Even in waking up he was still gorgeous my mind trailed off…. down .. Archer panicked trying to let go of my hand he tried to go out maybe help out or call the nurse but I did not let go of his grip.Down. you‘re in the hospital don‘t worry I‘m just here‖ he lifted our hands ―see I won‘t let go‖ he gave me a faint smile.Chapter 19 I don't know where I'm at I'm standing out the back And I'm tired of waiting Waiting here in in line Hoping that I'll find What I've been chasing I shot for the sky I'm stuck on the ground So why do I try? I know I'm gonna fall down I thought I could fly So why did I drown? You never know why It's coming down. I nodded. I tightened my grip and he woke up. I looked over my other hand it had an IV connected to it I examined the tubes length just to be sure its long enough.

He could easily force me into submission but he did what I asked. this .. I didn‘t even think it was my voice its like ive gone through voice surgery. ―what happened? The last memory I have was us fighting at the club. ―wow that felt better it seriously felt like there was cotton stuck in my throat you know? Thanks sweetie‖ ―you‘re welcome‖ he looked so sad and I know that it was because I was in the bed and we were in a hospital. wait… did we break up? Is that why you‘re acting like that?‖ ―of course not‖ ―but we made up? How?‖ ―don‘t worry about it. Then he started crying. he got the mouthwash and assisted me in trying to wash my mouth. ―sweetie can you help me wash my mouth cause I really want to kiss you but I don‘t want you to pass out because of coma breath‖ I winked at him and he leaned forward to kiss me I blocked his face with my IV infused hand ―No Archer. He never cried in front of me I was always the one crying. as much as I love the kissing you and you know I do. He placed the mouthwash and basin on the side table and kissed me. I was home again. ―Archer. this was what I needed to feel alive.for a hug and he leaned forward burying his head in the curve of my neck. His kiss was my safe haven. seriously. I don‘t want him like this. took care of me. it was faint but it was there. He looked at me. I wanted to tell him that I love him. I‘d really like to know what happened to me‖ the smile from the kiss faded instantly ―how about we talk about it later?‖ ―no later is not good. that‘s all I remember. ―Archer. I won‘t do it. what‘s wrong?‖ I let go of his hand to touch his face. ―Archer what‘s wrong? I‘m here‖ I said with a raspy voice. I tried to speak but it was hard so I tried again. the important thing is that you‘re okay and you‘re here with me‖ I smiled at him and I really wanted to kiss him and it was crazy because I know that I‘ve had some kind o coma or something. later you have…‖ I looked at the clock it said September 23 6:00 pm the last date I remember was September 16. ―okay buddy enough distractions.. can I have water?‖ he searched the room ―of course of course I‘m just so happy you‘re back‖ then he placed a straw n the plastic cup and served me the drink. but first. Why was he crying? I didn‘t get it Archer always protected me. please‖ he gave it a second thought he could easily force me into submission but he did what I asked. He pulled back when he tried to kiss me again I placed a hand over his chest.

was creepy ―you have a shift tonight?‖ He held me ―I exchanged shifts with Lana .

Chapter 20 .

Then Scott reached to my side of the bed when he figured out it was lacking he quickly rose up and saw me at the foot of the futon. the endless in between? Are we just going to wait it out . Cocaine. I knocked over a glass from some makeshift table that was filled with different kinds of illegal drugs. It looked like a garage or a small warehouse. Imogen Heap I have no idea where I am. Fuck. Shit. the scent. Heroin. Crystal Meth. It was not Archer. I had no idea what was going on. you know I have a boyfriend‖ . Weed and some pills. My eyes searched the place and I was lying on a futon in last night‘s dress. then tried to look or my shoes which weren‘t there. I shifted a little and I felt another person in the futon with me. I checked myself if we slept together I would‘ve felt something but I felt clean so that was a good sign only I didn‘t feel safe. What the hell happened?? Scott.Where do we go from here? How do we carry on? I can't get beyond the questions Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed It cuts me with every could have been Pain on pain on play. SHIT. this is not Archer‘s. It wasn‘t Archer. I stood up quietly and gently.Wait it out. the feeling nothing about it was familiar. ―Why Charlie? What‘s the hurry?‖ He asked. This is not my house. repeating With the backup makeshift life in waiting Everybody says time heals everything But what of the wretched hollow. I scooted over to the edge of the bed to be as far away from him as possible that I knocked something over. My dress was still on. ―Scott where am I? why am I here?‖ ―This is where I live when I don‘t want my parents to butt in in my business‖ ―Why am I here? I wouldn‘t come here with you. I gently moved the covers to see who the person beside me was then I saw the tattoo.

. ― You see you never really gave us a shot.Yeah I‘ve hear about him‖ He stood up and closed the distance between us. one minute we were hot and heavy kissing in a movie theatre the next you‘re blowing me off and I‘m not one to give up on things‖ I felt my body shaking and it felt like I was back the warehouse with Caleb fighting for our lives. Right? Mr. Doctor Archer Greisen. trying not to break his calm. we can talk about this okay? How bout we get out of here‖ ―NO!‖ he was irritable and temperamental. What the fuck right? I studied him and thought I could take him. ―Look Scott. I felt fear. He was insane is what the fact is. He doesn‘t know Archer. . do you know where my phone is?‖ I asked nervously. Classic signs of drug addiction ―Calm down Scott. all I think about is you‖ You would think I‘d go weak with Scott Walker being all needy but no. ―Wow Scott. ―. okay lets get out of here okay?‖ ―Why Charlie? What‘s wrong with this place? You saying its not good enough for you?‖ ―No. I felt dirty and he wasn‘t saying it like he needed me with love or care it was like an addict needing more drugs and as romantic as that sounds it was dirty coming out from his mouth and creepy like he was some sort of stalker. ―What do you want Scott?‖ ―Isn‘t it obvious huh Charlie? I want you‖ ―So this is your grand gesture to get my attention. hold me captive in some garage or warehouse and what?‖ ―Make you mine‖ He answered like stating a fact. but forget about those kidnapping is the way to go‖ ―You think I want this huh? You think I want to hold you against your will? But you stopped taking my calls and I can‘t think straight.―Oh yeah. I have strength and Caleb signed me up for the combat training with the force he worked for. come on we should go. Perfect‖ he said in a tone that was so impolite I wanted to smack him. its not that okay. but aside from kidnapping me he was just as disturbed as an drug addict and I wanted to help him. some men send flowers and chocolates. ―its okay Scott. its going to be alright‖ ―No its not‖ he was gripping my by the arms and I was trying to comfort him by touching his face with my palms.

―What the F—‘‘ before he could finish I punched him and he fell but he stood up instantly ―Aren‘t you feisty?‖ ―Screw you Scott. He pushed me harder this time so I wasn‘t as quick as before in getting up when I looked at him he was pointing something at me. You‘re going to leave and go back to your Doctor boyfriend again. I have work today and I‘m already late. He fell face down and was now unconscious. I went back and browsed Scott‘s pockets. So the combat mode in me was triggered and pushed him away. I tried to use for to open the door and even with all the adrenaline I couldn‘t shove it open. I was shit hot pissed last night and high I was just hell bent on getting you here with me‖ ―ho-how did you get me here?‖ He didn‘t answer that ―o-okay Scott. Can you just calm down?‖ ―No. When he backed off. I quickly lifted myself up and he instantly blocked me with his body.―I have no idea. ―NOOOO! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS PLACE WITH OUT GIVING US A CHANCE TO BE TOGETHER‖ ―Scott its going to be okay. its not. then I moved to is front pockets but he quickly woke up and grabbed my wrist. ―You‘re not getting out of here. I‘m going to make you mine‖ I stayed silent because I was thinking of an escape plan well I had no idea what to do but to act on instinct. So NO! You are not leaving‖ he was already hurting me by gripping me too tight. He grabbed my face and crushed his lips to mine. I tried to pull away from it but he stood up and pushed me to the futon again. When I told him to let go of me he just held my wrists tighter and pushed me to the futon. I told him that he was but he didn‘t seem to care. let me go or I‘ll kick the crap out of you‖ He lunged himself forward and I went in for another body punch following it with an upper hook. I kicked him in the gut and spud around for another kick. I need to go now. a gun. I reached for his back pockets and they were empty. I didn‘t want to upset him more but all I could think about was that those aren‘t Archer‘s lips and that not one else could touch mine except him. I‘ve always panicked and Scott was a big and I don‘t think I can handle him by myself. okay?‖ and that broke the calm. I ran across the door but it was locked. I hate dealing with druggies when they‘re in this state. .

―Cc, Cc, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up‖ I‘m shaking. I opened my eyes and Archer was right there. Ooh thank God it‟s a dream. ―You were shaking and you‘re sweating baby. Are you okay?‖ I took a deep breath and my heart rate slowed down a little. ―Archer, What happened to me?‖ ―Was it a bad dream? Are you okay?‖ ―It was a bad dream only it didn‘t feel like a dream it felt more like a memory‖ Why did it feel like this? I remember after Caleb and Jason died the same thing happened to me. The whole thing replayed in my dreams that I dreaded going to sleep they stopped when I moved. ―Archer, do you know what happened to me?‖ He knew it. I knew he did. ―Look, the doctors said I should let you remember the rest of the story on your own‖ ―Screw the doctors. I just want to know. Please‖ I was an emotional wreck. ―Cc, just be patient with it‖ ―No. Archer if you know what happened then just tell me‖ Silence. Silence and my crying. ―Tell me, Please Archer Tell me I can‘t live in the Dark anymore just tell me‖ ―Please Cc‖ ―Please Archer, I don‘t know what to do anymore I don‘t know what to feel and It scares me that I don‘t know, like every second I‘m thinking I‘m just going to lose it, I don‘t want to lose it babe, do you? Do you want me to lose it?‖ I crawled to the corner of the room and even before losing it I was acting like a crazy person and Archer had no idea what to do with me. He was a top doctor and knew what had to be done with me but instead he slowly reached for me and joined me in the corner. He slowly sat down beside me and put his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck. I was a complete mess. ―Cc, I love you. I just want you to always keep that in mind‖ ―Archer, please help me remember, I don‘t know what to do anymore‖ ―Tell me about your dream Cc‖ I told him about the dream and how that at the end of it I saw Scott pointing a gun at me.

―Is that all you remember?‖ ―Yes, What do you know? What aren‘t you telling me Archer?‖ I was pleading. I just can‘t live in the dark anymore. For others it held some sort of comfort to me, the darkness held pain and suffering. ―Cc, I‘m so sorry‖ ―Just tell me Archer, please, please just tell me‖ ―Rape kit that was tested on you when you were rescued came back positive‖ And with just one sentence the whole thing came back to me. ―Don‘t try that again or I‘ll shoot you‖ Scott was trembling while he pointed the gun at me. I didn‘t move an inch, I can be brave and I‘ve been taught to fight guns when necessary but seeing a gun just placed me in a state of shock. I froze there with my palms face forward in surrender. ―You are not gonna move or I‘m gonna shoot your pretty little ass‖ He knelt to the bed crawling towards me holding the gun nearer. He bent closer til his mouth was slightly touching the side of my face. ―I‘m gonna make you mine Charlie I told you, you‘re not getting out of here‖ I saw how it worked in the movies, how the captive escapes even with a gun pointed to them but to me the gun just made the whole situation impossible to get out of and it made it monumentally terrifying. Being held captive by a professional was one thing but being held captive by an addict with a plan, well I had no words. I just felt fear and the fear was not that of dying. The fear was not seeing Archer again. What stupid person doesn‘t fear losing life but fears not seeing her boyfriend. But it scared ,e the most the thought that I‘d die and I‘d die without ever seeing Archer again. Will heaven give me privileges to see him, I‘ve had this idea of heaven being a world where everything was what I wanted it to be, like paradise with everyone I love. so what will my heaven be like? Because I was certain that in order for things to be what I want, Archer should be with me. Scott pointed the gun and forced it up my jaw, he started unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. I couldn‘t even grasp the reality of the situation anymore. I had no idea if I was crying or if I was fighting him off. I knew he was threatening my life, forcing himself to me against my will and that after

this no one will ever look at me the same way. Archer. Archer will never love me or look at me the same way. From this moment on I was a different person and no one will ever get past that. Scott didn‘t feed me, he tied me up and used me over and over again. He left me dehydrated when I told him I wanted some water he splashed me some water but he never gave me enough to quench the thirst. I was pretty sure I‘m gonna die and that was my last thought. Archer hugged me tight and held me in place. If he knew this then he must think differently of me now. Of course he‘s not going to leave me, who the hell leaves the girlfriend who got raped. ―Why are you still with me Archer?‖ ―Oh Baby! I‘m not leaving you I‘ll always be here, I‘m just here‖ ―How did I get out?‖ ―The network tracked your cell phone, then the police traced and was led to the place you were held captive, You were severely dehydrated another hour and you wouldn‘t have made it‖ ―Y-you still love me?‖ I felt stupid asking a question like this. ―Oh Cc, don‘t ask that you know I do nothing is ever going to change that, okay? Nothing at all‖

I could sense fear in his voice and sometimes it was all I sensed. He looked at me with pity and that was not working out for me. I guess I couldn‘t blame him. He always held me with authority I always felt safe with him there and before sleeping I could always feel him whispering he loved me and I could feel it when he held me so close with so much care. ―What are you doing? You should be asleep‖ ―I wanted to wait for you. we‘ve turned into these silent couple who can‘t even converse about the important things. now you should sleep‖ I refused by brushing him off. He was a good guy but this wasn‘t his to carry. damaged and dirty. We were like on an awkward first date almost everyday. I was tainted.Forever and Always. we almost never speak I don't feel welcome anymore Baby. so we could talk‖ ―We can talk tomorrow. I started crying and it was awful I broke down and dropped to my knees. what happened? Please tell me 'Cause one second it was perfect Now you're halfway out the door And I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called And then you feel so low. I couldn‘t . I stepped right in front of him ―What‘s on your mind?‖ I kissed him when he didn‘t answer. forever and always .Chapter 21 This thing is breaking down. Taylor Swift Archer and I haven‘t been communicating so well after everything. I couldn‘t take it anymore I stayed up until he came home so I could talk to him. One night. you can't feel nothin' at all And you flashback to when he said. he kissed me back but it lacked its usual passion that I was used to. Who would actually feel passionate enough to kiss me? Only I loved Archer and it was not his obligation to stay with me just because he felt responsible for me. He tried to stay busy with work but always made it to my apartment at night to sleep beside me. He found me on the couch when he came home I was up reading a book on my iPad.

‖…I‘m scared of everything. because I live every moment of my life in fear that I might lose you. because I need it. ―I never thought you were fragile. you‘re here every night but not really and I can‘t take it anymore. I‘ve always thought of you as strong and I don‘t want to break up with you‖ He lowered his head and stared at the floor. the thought that he wasn‘t the same man I fell in love with and for him I wasn‘t the same woman anymore. You barely kiss me and aside from hugging me at night. He was in shock. ―I‘m not going . the thought that he saw me differently. I can‘t lose him but I can‘t hold him and destroy him when he had so much going for him. I have no idea what you‘re doing. I‘m scared to even breathe and move. I‘m here‖ he cooed me to comfort as I broke down. What we‘re doing‖ He stood up and looked down on me ―You think I‘m doing this all for you? Sleeping here every night? Taking care of you? I‘m not! I do it because of me. ―…I feel like you‘ve turned from my boyfriend to my body guard. you know what I‘m afraid of??‖ by this time he was so emotional he was almost screaming at me. it was like I was spitting out lies and he couldn‘t believe it. be with me when you really don‘t want to. ―What is it Archer? What? Cause I can only figure out so much with you. I‘m scared of hurting you even the tiniest bit when I hold you just because I might lose you again‖ I stood up and placed my hand on each side of his face and leaned my forehead to his lips. ―That‘s it Archer. I don‘t need you to feel sorry for me. he was still trying to form the words in his mind. He went down and cupped my face with both his hands ―Hey. ―What do you mean you can‘t do this anymore?‖ I was going to lose my mind ―You don‘t have to do this anymore.‖ He leaned backwards to take me into his sight. I don‘t know what you‘re so scared about. this was because of Archer and the thought that I had him slipping away. I already feel sorry for myself I don‘t need more people feeling that way‖ I could barely get the words out clearly with all the tears it was actually disgusting I can‘t believe he still wanted to hold me. its like you‘re so afraid to touch me. I don‘t need your pity. Are you just scared to break up with me? I am not that fragile. God Archer give me some credit‖ His eyes turned mad. but I can‘t take this it after the attack I haven‘t really let it out except on moments I had flashbacks but this was not because of that.

he was my air. I turned to face him and placed my hand on his face. It was my fault that the love of my life was almost broken and I was so worried because I was used to broken and damaged but Archer? He was so strong that nothing damaged him. But I did. losing me damaged him. Archer. I stood there and I was barely breathing‖ He stopped speaking trying to catch his breath and to keep himself together. and to no surprise it was the best place to wake up in. I denied the offer and told him that I‘ll just go brush my teeth but before I could even move he pulled me closer ―No. Archer was the love of my life. ―You didn‘t have to do this‖ ―I wanted to‖ he said ever so sweetly and turned to the side table to reach for his breath mints he popped on up and asked if I wanted to. losing you I won‘t. You had two rounds of emergency drugs before they could even revive you and I just stood there. his jaw was stiff. This was my fault and it split me open knowing that I was the one who gave him his cracks. ―I can‘t go out of the bed now? Even to brush my . why did you skip work?‖ ―After last night I think maybe we just need this‖ I need him alright. He was my life and it would kill me to break him and its killing me that he‘s on the verge of complete and absolute destruction.anywhere Archer. I won‘t survive it. ―You‘re not sick. I literally needed him so I could breathe. The next morning. my oxygen. ―I called in sick. ―You died‖ he said with great restraint. I couldn‘t move. I need him all the time. I reached for my alarm clock to check the time and it was almost 9:00 am. Something was definitely off about the situation. don‘t go‖ So I just took a breath mint and snuggled closer to him. ―When they brought you to the ER. The love I have for him flowed through my blood it filled me and my whole being. I just stood there and it felt like I was just there for days watching you die. I need him like I need my next breath. Archer had to be in the hospital 3 hours ago. I‘m just here‖ He walked away from my touch and started pacing. ―I won‘t survive it CC. I had to get out before I break him fully. you were barely hanging in there and then you flat lined. more than that he was my life. It tore me apart seeing him like that and I knew it was my fault. he was that big of a work junkie. He snuggled up closer and hugged me tighter. I just won‘t‖ He broke down and was on his knees. ―Archer. don‘t worry about it‖ he never called in sick. I woke up wrapped in Archer‘s arms. wake up!!!! It‘s late!‖ I woke him up panicked.

we‘re not leaving this bed‖ he grinned and leaned close to kiss me. The moment his lips left my mouth I flashed back to memories of Scott forcing me into submission and his friends laughing and cheering him on. I missed all of him. after that he drove for awhile not so far from my apartment and then pulled over to park the car. he really can‘t and somehow I understood where he was coming from. I missed him. Will my life plague my relationship as I existed? I brushed his hair and told him it was okay. It was heavenly. closed his eyes. I took a bath and then slipped on a pair of jeans and thin long sleeved shirt. I sucked into it like a lollipop and his hand moved from my head to my lower back. turned his hands into fists and thumped to my side while burying his head to the bed. I parted my lips and his tongue worked its way in. I can‘t do this‖ I knew it. I brushed my fingers through his soft hair and pulled him closer to my chest as placed sensual kisses on my bare body. He grunted ―I‘m sorry CC. He trailed kisses as he went down. He pushed his mouth closer as he pulled me by the back of my head. He kissed me softly and sweetly like tiny drops of kisses being delivered by angels. He took it off with so much gentleness it was like having a shy boy undress me. Tears were starting to form but I focused on Archer and how his kisses felt sweet and gentle and that I had nothing to worry about with him. He stopped. ―We should get out. but there was a small feeling of hesitation as if we were doing something wrong or as if I was making him do this. I wanted him as near as possible.teeth?‖ I asked ―No. He leaned in and kissed my forehead then headed to the showers. get dressed okay?‖ Immediately avoiding the whole thing. I winced as I tried to forget and I forced the memory out. ―You wanna walk?‖ it was a question that was formed into a suggestion. We ate breakfast at a nearby diner but we barely talked. touching just the hem of my shirt as if deciding if he should take it out after a moment later his hand slid up. ―Will we ever get past this?‖ I asked him as I took the shirt. . He got up and picked up my shirt from the floor he gave it to me. slowly taking my shirt off. He threw the shirt to the side of the bed and continued to kiss me senseless.

but I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted to love you. ―This is where we first met‖ he began.. I‘d find sweaty girls attractive. that would just be creepy‖ He gave a short laugh ―. ―no‖ ―Archer. you just ran away but I found you again and then I lost you and then you found your way back. I think. ―. the day I went running. I do and I don‘t want to feel anything else because that‘s how much I love you but I think we should press pause or stop‖ ―what are you saying?‖ ―I think we should take a break.. it seems that no matter what happens you‘ll always find your way back to me‖ ―like gravity‖ ―yes something like that‖ ―Some people call it fate‖ ―I call it destiny‖ ―Aren‘t they just the same?‖ ―Fate is what happens to us. Destiny is what we make in spite of our fate. like break up‖ then he just stared at me as if like he was trying to answer a question he doesn‘t know the answer to.―Yeah sure‖ I took off the seatbelt then slid off the car. I scooted next to him close enough to feel him. I KNOW we‘re destined‖ ―You know?‖ ―I know‖ ―You know I love you no matter what right?‖ I tried to form the words in order in my mind but all I could think about is how much I wanted him near all the time and I couldn‘t do that with out breaking him. its not really a yes or no question‖ ―well too bad because we are not breaking up‖ . NO. But you don‘t believe in that shit. He took my hand and led me to walk to a direction. I don‘t. I never thought. but you made it work‖ he led my hand closer and then sat down on the grass.‖ ―I don‘t think we‘re fated. that‘s what I felt when I first met you‖ ―and then I just ran away‖ ―yes..‖ ―yeah. We walked for awhile in silence and then we stopped in front of the tree where we first met. ―I love you so much Archer. I sat there in silence he continued talking ―I don‘t believe in love at first sight and I won‘t say it was when I first saw you.

its going to be okay‖ ―no its not.‖ And then for a moment it was just silence and tears and our hearts beating. our hearts breaking because from there we had no idea where we‘re headed.―you have no idea how hard this is for me and I…‖ he cut me off ―okay so if its hard then don‘t do it‖ he put his hands at the sides of my face with pleading all over his face ―please baby just don‘t‖ and then the tears just started flooding and it felt like as I was letting go of my tears. we won‘t figure this out if we don‘t give time to ourselves and I know you‘re scared. I know its not what we want but we need to do this‖ ―what I need is to be with you‖ ―You can‘t even touch me without feeling sorry for me. we need to figure things out for ourselves and then maybe we can find our way back‖ he took my hand and held it like he was holding on to dear life and then his head fell down in a bow ―please don‘t do this‖ like he was praying and I was his god. ―… but something tells me I gotta get used to that particular feeling‖ . ―we can‘t do this to each other anymore. I‘ll do my best to be safe. feeling like you‘re going to break me and I know you want to say all these things but we just can‘t go on like this. just don‘t do this‖ ―Look. ―how do we go from here to…‖ I cut him off before he could finish the sentence ―there? I don‘t know. I was letting go of Archer as well and the thought was so painful it felt like my heart was staked a hundred times with a hundred different knives. ―Archer. I know you‘re mostly scared about me being alone and gone and all you want to do is protect me but I can protect myself and I promise you I won‘t be gone. you want us to get passed this right? You want us to get through all the shit right? We can‘t do that if we stay together. I don‘t even know where to go from here to the car‖ I said trying to make him laugh of course it didn‘t work he was deep inside his emotions ―Are we sure about this?‖ he asked ―Hell no‖ I answered in confidence of course I wasn‘t sure about it I was positive I‘d be miserable.

interlaced my fingers with his and placed it on my chest. only it wasn‘t. I held his hand. The good thing about following our hearts is that a weight lifts.He just stared at me. we both didn‘t want this. ―I love you Archer‖ I said while resting my head on his shoulder. ―I love you CC‖ he replied like all was right in the world. I could see the sadness in his eyes. the sun shines a little brighter and for a very brief moment at least we find a little peace. . but in our hearts we knew this was exactly what we needed.

the hospital was lenient they knew my situation. ―Charlie. I knew then and there I still couldn‘t go back to work. for now you should go home and rest‖ I don‘t need rest. how long would you be gone?‖ ―I‘m not sure yet.Chapter 22 When you're dreaming with a broken heart The waking up is the hardest part You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe . Nyugen invited me in her office. After a moment Mrs. you‘ve shown tremendous work and we‘d be happy to give you the time off. a lot of people knew what happened and I couldn‘t take the faces yet. I felt ashamed but I pushed through the feeling and asked her if I could talk to Mrs. I knew that they were allowing me to do this because of what happened and I didn‘t care if it was pity I needed the time off and I needed to get out of there. It felt terrible almost as terrible as losing Caleb. I just don‘t think I‘ll be a good asset to the hospital right now‖ ―Of course. I mean in my case I‘ve only been here a couple of months but I‘m still not sure if I could come back instantly?‖ ―Of course. I just need to sort things out but you could always contact me if you think that I have no job to come back to anymore. you‘re always welcome here Charlie. I drove to the hospital and went straight to Mrs. . Nyugen‘s office.Dreaming with a broken heart. Jane greeted me and her eyes instantly changed when she saw me. Nyugen‖ I shook her hand and then left her office. ―Thank you so much Mrs. Nyugen. She told me to wait and sit down for awhile. rest assured if I do want to start working again this is the only place for me. that is one fact I am sure of. what are you doing here?‖ ―Is it possible to file for a leave of absence. Almost. I‘ve rested my ass for quite a long time now but I can‘t go back to work yet. John Mayer The morning after Archer and I broke up was a bad reminder that break ups are not easy on anyone.

Nyugen and then went to the bookstore to buy a box. the small kind of box. He was so happy he told me about how he wanted to go visit the Van Gogh museum and see the cultures of the place. Caleb told me that I would make a good doctor and that no matter how hard life gets I‘d have him and we‘d have each other. trust and loyalty but we in spite of all that we still cant be together. Again he was a dork and that was why we got along. we were both just… lost. Caleb was educated and well-read he almost always knew what he was talking about. He told me we could go anywhere I wanted as long as Amsterdam was on the list and we just spent the rest of night planning our tour and he just kept on saying Amsterdam after every place I wrote down. too distressed.. On that day. like an abundant source of love. too angry. I just knew I was lost and he was lost. life was on my side and I was ready to face it with clear eyes and a full heart. all the emotions in the whole world that weren‘t felt after something bad happens because they are too miserable. I started to think about all the things I haven‘t said or feelings I suppressed since Caleb died and since Scott attacked me. In the end I told him that we could hit it last because it was so goddamn important to him.I drove town after the meeting with Mrs. everything just crammed deep in my heart. I need one because I need to gather Archer‘s things so I can bring it back to him I guess its my way of saying he‘s fired from my life or something. He told me that the first thing we‘d do after I finish medical school is tour the world. too mortified to come out all of those feelings and words just come rushing like some waterfall or avalanche. It was the night before my first day of medical school. It was the absolute worst part of being in a relationship. . the kind they use when people get fired. Or on-hold I didn‘t really know where we went from there. I looked back on the day it was given to me and for a moment I felt completely fine because on that moment it seemed that everything was perfect and everything else will be fine. knowing we have all the things we need to make it work. When I went home I saw the bullet necklace that Caleb gave me. faithfulness. The ‗you‘re fired box‘ cause that‘s what people use when they got fired. I laced my fingers through the chain and closed my eyes.

My mom was resorting to her drinking my dad was off fixing all the mess the situation brought up and I being the eldest now was left with all the fixing. My sister couldn‘t care less she was just having her own pity party with her friends and my brother was locked in his emo-core world and I didn‘t know what else to do. Justin held my hand and I wanted to cry and bawl my eyes out but grieving Caleb was something I wanted to hold off for awhile so I could pretend that he was still with me. Caleb‘s friend was the best he helped me through almost all the things I needed to do. It felt like that if I cried. you know its just the body and nothing else you still cant let go because at least you still have the body you still have something to hold on to and that was enough to get you through the thought that you‘ve lost someone very special to you. Justin was the perfect friend of course every one thought I was dating him at the end we just got tired of denying we just rode with it until everything just died down of course his girlfriend wasn‘t too fond of the whole thing but I guess no one can really get mad at someone who witnessed the death of two of his brothers. Sarah. it was like letting go. He held my hand during the cremation and was just there. So during the cremation I stood straight and I just stood there then two drops of tears fell down my eyes and then that was just it I couldn‘t cry anymore only then I felt like my chest was going to explode because I felt pain and suffering and everything that hurt inside my chest and I knew that crying would help only I didn‘t want its help. The moment you really feel like everything is happening is the moment you know that it will be the last time you see the face of someone who died. I wanted Caleb. I had him cremated and stored in our family mausoleum I fixed everything for them. even though you know its just a body. Justin. . like every tear was a symbol of letting go and I couldn‘t do it just yet. Every emotion in your body is trying to get out only you cant. that he was still holding my hand. He was like a second brother through all the things that have been happening of course my dress was the worst because I had to wear this arm band for a whole month after the incident and everyone looked at me with such pity I just wanted to vomit.I was brought back to the memory of Caleb and how after he died everything just went south and how I handled myself after that. Its like being sucked into a vortex of emotions that you cant really escape. Jason‘s wife helped me also but she was in a bad place so I mostly did most of the work and I didn‘t mind they were my brothers. I fixed almost everything.

After the cremation we had to store Jason and Caleb in their rightful place in the family mausoleum we had a memorial service and one family member was tasked to read a eulogy for Jason and Caleb. of course I didn‘t want to but I want people to remember Caleb for the great guy that he was only I couldn‘t speak and I didn‘t know what to do. when I opened it. I took the piece of paper out and tried to read it. Then I felt a gush of wind and I just though that it was a sign that Caleb was there and he was listening and that‘s where I started. it was like a blank piece of paper so I just froze because there it was a piece of paper that would help me get through a minute of talking about how great my brother was only I couldn‘t read it. I was blank when she was speaking it was like her mouth was moving and I couldn‘t hear a word until I was called to the lectern to speak and I was just there sitting in the front row with Justin still holding my hand and I wasn‘t moving. Only he isn‘t here anymore and I don‘t really know what to say so instead I‘ll just sing it‖ . After a moment Justin touched my arm gently ―Do you want to do this?‖ he asked . I nodded and Justin pulled me gently as he stood up and he escorted me to the lectern only I was still stoic while the whole crowd fell into silence. there was no question Caleb was tasked to me and I just asked Jason‘s wife to do his. it was filled with these words only when I took a look at it. I had this whole speech written but I cant seem to move. I took a deep breath and started. knowing that someone we love is not going to join us for the rest of our lives? How do we live in a world where the person we love doesn‘t exist anymore? How can we live in this moment and the future moments? These are usually the questions I‘d ask my brother and he‘d probably make fun of me or ask me to just move on or ask me to read one of his dorky comic books or ask me to just go by the pool and sing to him so that I‘d forget. For about 30 seconds I just stood there and then I closed my eyes and tears suddenly fell again and I didn‘t want that so I tried to found my composure and pushed myself to read what I‘ve written the night before. She did hers first. people usually say this only how do we live in moments like this? How do we sort through the bad and just make it good? How do we live and move on knowing that we can never go back. ― Live in the moment.

Justin perfected it. begging please” Then I heard it. have you begging please. the perfect riff. it felt like I was just by the pool talking to Caleb for the last time. time can bend your knees Time can break your heart. Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven” . “Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven? I'll find my way through night and day 'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven” “Time can bring you down. “Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would you feel the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong and carry on 'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven” Then I heard a guitar strumming I looked over to where the sound was coming from and Justin was there. it was the unflawed send off that I never thought I was hoping for. only they‘d be trying the riff and they‘d usually fail to glorify Eric Clapton‘s genius. but in that moment it didn‘t feel like I was talking to the hundreds of people who were there for the service. So I just closed my eyes so I could picture Caleb holding his guitar and strumming through the afternoon. I didn‘t even see him get up but he knew the chords to the song I‘ve done this song with him and Caleb once.I was surprised at myself too.

In beautiful acapella the choir continued the last verse with amazing harmony that brought me to complete surrender. “Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would you feel the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong and carry on Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven” Then Justin went to me and shifted my support from the lectern to him then he escorted me back to my seat. in my case it doesn‘t. it just makes it real. . People say crying makes it easier.and this is where I broke down as the guitars just kept strumming and I just couldn‘t move the guitar stopped and the only sound that was left was me crying my heart out for the world to see.

Chapter 23 I don't need a wallow face. my anywhere place. I just need a place I can call and name my own. I don't need a wallow face. my anywhere place Now that the trees are gone and the water's cool I'll go back where I can find what's true Where it isn't grey. my anywhere place Anywhere Place. Katie Costello Julian Deitmers . I just need a place I can call and name my own. my anywhere place. An anywhere place. Where I can stay.

Chapter 24 .

dying from the Exit Wounds . my body's numb I‟m still in shock. now its time to face it. It felt good to have a home. the kind of feeling I felt when I went home and saw Caleb waiting for me or the feeling I get when I wake up next to Archer in the morning. He looked so happy and handsome. like being back on my feet or a feeling that I was finally home.My hands are cold. my visions blurred Your mouth is moving. that I search my skin For the entry point. when you walked out I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room Can anybody help me with these Exit Wounds? I don't know how much more love this heart can lose And I'm dying. I hugged him when we were finally close enough . I knew I was home. where love went in And ricochet and bounced around And left a hole. The Script Taking off was one thing but landing was different for me it gave me a sense of belonging. what have you done? My head is pounding. I never thought such a speech can render me in a state of emotion so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sofia and him definitely made the perfect match.Exit Wounds. I don't hear a word And I hurt so bad. Welcome home‖ I felt a rush through my blood stream like I was home. When the flight attendant announced the well scripted reminder of landing and that we have finally reached our destination it echoed into my ear ―… and if Sydney is your final destination. Michael was standing there when I exited the customs check. the feeling of being on a roller coaster and then finally the worst is over and you‘re feet reach the ground and you can finally catch your breath.

―he‘s lucky to have you‖ . he knows what he‘s doing.‖ ―Different good? Different bad?‖ ―a little bit of both‖ ―why so?‖ ―I went there to honor my brother you know. Mike. and to kind of escape everything but being away doesn‘t exactly mean staying away‖ ―So I guess you‘ve heard?‖ ―What that my perfect ex-boyfriend went postal and now is the new face of STD? no. I‘m no exactly thrilled of the way he wants to go by it. he was well put together growing up. you just have to understand where he‘s coming from‖ ―Look. She called me. he even lectured like one too. But I‘ll always accept him. He‘s Archer. home‖ I said feeling all nostalgic and bitter. ―what the hell? I hate it when people do that‖ ―I know that‘s why I did it. I don‘t care. ―It was. her big mouth is really something. ―I know. If that‘s how he wants to find himself then its okay. I haven‘t heard‖ ―Who?‖ he asked all big-brothery ―Kristy.‖ ―you know it‘s the penis talking‖ ―isn‘t that just a lame excuse for ‗I wanna screw every woman I see?‘?‖ ―Archer just doesn‘t handle things well. Archer isn‘t really my boyfriend anymore. He took a step back and gave me a once over. He‘s smart. I don‘t usually travel light during trips but. we took a break remember. As long as he finds himself and comes back fixed. I gave him a half smile. different.. you‘ve lost wait Charlie what they don‘t serve food in Amsterdam?‖ ―Not the kind I could keep down‖ He just laughed and took my luggage. it actually makes me sick thinking about it. we became so close during the break up. he still is my Archer somewhere inside that pseudo-playboy is the Archer I love. at that time the trip I took was kind of I‘m-depressed-i-need-alone type of trip. I don‘t know. ―How was the trip?‖ He asked.―Welcome home buddy‖ He hugged me tight as he said the words. he reminded me of all things Caleb.

what the!‖ ―don‘t get mad.―well im not exactly perfect you know. so are you imagining my face every time you‘re with someone else?‖ ―Bite me‖ ―How are you Archer? Have you been drinking?‖ I took a sniff ―and apparently smoking?‖ ―It‘s a nasty habit‖ ―I can‘t believe you! I didn‘t even know you. When I got to my door. I‘ve been to Amsterdam. there he was my almost broken exboyfriend sitting by the door. you‘re up against some serious competition‖ ―are you trying to be funny?‖ ―No. what are you doing here?‖ ―I heard you were coming home today‖ ―You didn‘t really answer my question didn‘t‘ you?‖ ―I wanted to see you‖ ―You wanted to see me? You‘re funny you could‘ve at least cleaned up a bit . seriously‖ ―Maybe. Im kind of damaged and he‘s somewhere swimming in the pool of almost perfect. You should see yourself through Archer‘s eyes. Even in his most messed up ways he was still handsome. ―Archer. I just hope he comes back to me‖ ―he will‘‘ Michael dropped just dropped me off because he was already running late with Sofia. but after what I‘ve been through‖ ―Charlie what happened to you is not your fault at all and Archer doesn‘t see you as some charity case. truth be told I‘m actually scared of him realizing he‘s too good for me‖ ―is that what you think? That he‘s settling with you?‖ ―I don‘t really know. Do you know how many hot guys I‘ve seen the past weeks. you know what happens when you‘re mad‖ . I‘m trying not to cry at the sight of you‖ ―I‘ve missed you CC‖ ―I‘ve missed you back..

―yeah, I get lost‖ I said trying to make light of bad events, I‘m an idiot like that ―Too soon‖ he said as a warning. ―Archer, you should take a shower or something, you stink!‖ ―even if I did, that wouldn‘t help, we had sex right after a general surgery, God knows I reeked then but still‖ yeah we did, one of the best sexperiences ever. I mean seriously WOW! ―So how was the escapade of finding the best girl in bed?‖ ―Cc, about that‖ he said apologetically ―Archer, I was kidding, its nothing we were broken up‖ ―silence… don‘t worry about it, I don‘t really care‖ truthfully I was wishing he‘d just deny it cause the thought made me sick. ―you don‘t care?‖ ―I‘m so tired Archer‖ he pulled me gently by the neck and hugged me tight, I breathed it and all I could do was just take him in. his scent was nothing like the Archer I‘m used to, this one wasn‘t all fresh and clean this one reeked with alcohol and cigarettes. But his chest and his heartbeat it was all Archer it was him and I knew that his heart still raced with mine. And then I exploded I started crying and he just held me, and I just let him. We just sat there by my door holding each other I don‘t remember how long but I knew we were just there. No words. Our heartbeats spoke to each other and that was enough at that time, that was enough.

Chapter 25

I started out clean but I'm jaded Just phoning it in Just breaking the skin Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together You're breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me bent - Bent, Matchbox 20 When I got home, the doorman greeted me with a big and heavy box, Michael and Sofia were with me so Michael took the box when I signed for it. ―Who‘s it from?‖ Sofia being her chipper self, oh my I missed this girl. I checked to see the return address and it was from my sister WOW. I had no idea she knew I still existed and how did she even get my address. ―Its from back home, wow!‖ ―Back home?‖ Sofia asked. ―Yeah. Philippines. You know home?‖ and the word ―home‖ just didn‘t fit it anymore because that wasn‘t home anymore, my home was this. Sofia and Michael being the best friends ever and lets face it Archer. More than anything Archer was my home. ―You just never talk about them you know, I figured you didn‘t have contact with them‖ ―I don‘t that‘s the really surprising thing about it‖ Michael was shifting the weight of the box like it was becoming more heavier each moment. ―is it heavy?‖ I asked Michael. Feeling embarrassed by my question he pointed his lips to his biceps and grinned. ―its not heavy Charlie, I‘m just being careful it says fragile‖ When we got to my apartment he gently placed the box in the table and held up his keys to signal me ―you want me to open it?‖ ―No its fine I‘ll just open it later‖

well you know me I‟m kind of bitchy like that. it was for you. Zoe Ps. I‟ll be here. I couldn‘t believe it. We‟re moving so mom asked me to fix Caleb‟s room and gather all his stuff. I always thought she was this girl who had nothing between her ears. . and since you left I try to make it every weekend but you know… College. be all sentimental. I miss you. I saw this hidden in his closet. we‘ll leave you to it‖ she signaled to Sofia. didn‘t care for anything but herself. I opened the box and inside was another box wrapped in royal blue giftwrap. It didn‘t make me cry only I felt really good. I‟ve been spending a lot of time with Nate recently. I‟m sorry for whatever you‟ve been through. My sister wasn‘t really the emotional type and I don‘t really know what to feel. Wow this must‟ve cost a lot. I opened the box and it was a vinyl record player. I never thought about my sister this way. I took it out of the box and it was heavy. I still have the same number just incase you want to call. Just call me if you need me…or us‖ Sofia said. I tore it open and it was a box but on top of it was a signed vinyl record of Eric Clapton. since you know Caleb. So I found this gift box in Caleb‟s room. I‟ve always envied what you two have and believe me it crushed me losing two brothers in an instant but I guess it was really hard for you because of the relationship you had with him. How are you? Got your address from Nate‟s mom and yes I still call her Nate‟s mom because. You can always come back home. Charlotte. There was a letter it was my sisters handwriting. You know more than I do you were the perfect student. ―Okay we‘ll leave you alone Charlie. Wow. But I guess when she lost two brothers things got to her too. You and Caleb were close like that you didn‟t really have time for other people. I‘ll be sure to give her a call. When they left I got the kitchen knife and carefully slashed open the box.―Its okay.

You‟re beautiful and I will never get the whole lack of confidence thing but just always know you‟re better than what you think. My heart stopped what ever was written on that letter would be Caleb‘s final words to me. You‟re good with people and you know that. You‟ll be an amazing doctor or whatever you want to be. Caleb. His last words. I‟m writing this letter like a year before your graduation but you know I don‟t always have the time and I have time now. I see how you are with Nate. Happy Med School Graduation!!! I was on a trip when I saw the Eric Clapton record. You get all pouty and act like a baby. but I just hope that when you get to read this your life is what you want it to be. I hope its not some dorky phrase like ―Let the force be with you‖ or something like that. the record player isn‘t too expensive but the records were kind of and I knew once I had one I‘d be spending my money on buying records. whatever you want. I knew you would love it and we‟ve always talked about buying you one of these players we just never got to it. I‟m just really proud of you whatever you decide to be. I won‟t give you the big brother speech and everything.I‘ve always wanted one of these. It was Caleb‘s handwriting. Charlie. Life is too short to not live it to the fullest. I‟m kidding. I hate it when you say you don‟t like kids in your future because you‟d be an awesome mom. I opened the envelope. And there it was. Unlike ours I suppose. you‟re good with him. The force was with me alright I knew . that‟s why I chose you to be his godmother. You know I hate disappointing you. Happy graduation Charlie! You know I love you! May the force be with you. I‟m hoping that you have a boyfriend you love more than ever and please don‟t shut the idea of having kids. Just always live in the moment and try to be comfortable in your own skin because it‟s the only skin you will ever have. On top of the record player was an envelope that had my name on it. you know I‟ll always be here to support you.

Chapter 26 .

But you say I'm lucky To love something that loves me But I'm torn as I could be Wherever I roam. its not really something we talked about but if you‘re wiling to the whole long distance thing maybe we can make it work‖ ―I can‘t‖ . To understand situations more. To help people like how Caleb did or something like that. One Republic All along I thought becoming a doctor was what I wanted but being in bad situations like mine I did want to start to do things in an upper scale. ―So how are you?‖ Archer asked me ―I took the LSATs‖ ―You took the LSATs?‖ He sounded shock or more surprised when he asked ―Yes and I also got accepted in the school I wanted‖ ―which is?‖ ―Columbia Law‖ ―Columbia New York?‖ ―Yes‖ ―You‘re moving? You‘re leaving?‖ ―Yes‖ ―What does this mean for us?‖ ―I don‘t know. hear me say All this time We were waiting for each other All this time I was waiting for you We got all these words Can't waste them on another So I'm straight in a straight line Running back to you -All this time.

means you‘re saying yes to everything right?‖ ―with you archer greisen the answer will always be yes‖  . and I really want to go ―I cant and wont let you go again.I know you can‘t but I need to do this. What‘s best for us is that we‘re together. hell maybe we could even buy an apartment together.‖ ―I love You. trust me Cc. its not. are you asking me to live with you‖ ―No. You‘re driving me insane just by feeling how much I do‖ ―That‘s a good thing. Charlotte Catalano I‘m asking you to build a home with me. that‘s why I‘m coming with you‖ ―You can‘t come with me. I so love you. it will be no big deal‖ ―except Ashley‘s here and you don‘t want to be far away from here‖ ―I don‘t want to be far away from you either. we‘ll figure the rest out once we sort the details.‖ ―Archer Greisen. be mine and be my partner. But I want this. for you. for me. I can visit home as often as I want but I cant imagine you living on the other side of the world just because you think its better for us. for us. that would be career suicide‖ ―no it won‘t I was their top student when I graduated I can call in a few favors so I could transfer my residency there.

an amazing book from cover to cover. waking up with the love of my life right there holding me. But one of the best feelings in the world is waking up in the morning and realizing you have everything you want within arms reach. It was everything good in this world. .Paperweight. There are a lot of feelings in the world that we consider extraordinary like solving a difficult chemistry problem or getting the top score when you least expect it or finishing a race. Joshua Radin waking up next to him was like an ‟82 Bordeaux.Chapter 27 Been up all night staring at you Wondering what's on your mind I've been this way with so many before but this feels like the first time You want the sunrise to go back to bed I want to make you laugh Mess up my bed with me Kick off the covers I'm waiting Every word you say I think I should write down Don't want to forget come daylight Happy to lay here Just happy to be here I'm happy to know you Play me a song Your newest one Please leave your taste on my tongue . watching a team win a game or curing a patient or finally hearing a good song that gives you chills. losing weight when you‘re not even trying to or fitting a into a smaller dress size. Waking up with Archer Greisen right by my side.

. ―I mean seriously what‘s with all the muscle? Give a girl a break I can‘t even eat a donut because of the way you look‖ ―What are you saying? That its my fault you can‘t eat a donut?‖ ―You are 25. So yes. although I know you‘d miss this‖ he grabbed me by the waist and hoisted me above him. ―You‘ve been up a while?‖ I asked ―Yes‖ ―You‘re staring. ―I just love waking up next to you‖ ―I was just thinking the exact same thing‖ ―Do you have any idea how sexy you are?‖ ―Do you have any idea how sexy you are?‖ I grab the blanket out from him and he‘s left with nothing but boxers. God he was hot. even in the morning he was the outright sight for perfect passion. although it‘s a goddamn bonus‖ then he kissed me on the neck. I like having you around so I‘m skipping the donuts‖ ―You don‘t have to skip the donuts. its disturbing‖ ―I‘m gazing‖ ―and that‘s any different?‖ ―Its romantic!‖ ―Okay so what‘s with the romance novel stare?‖ he was perfect.Archer brushed my hair to the side and kissed the sides of my face gently. you have a hot body and you‘re a doctor. ―but you won‘t gain a million pounds by eating a donut‖ then he kissed my nose. his tone matched perfectly with my mood. I don‘t love you for your body‖ ―oh really? So you don‘t mind if I gain like a million pounds?‖ ―I wouldn‘t care. he was my reason almost my air. he was the hottest guy I‟ve ever been with. I‘m just saying I don‘t love you because you‘re sexy. With out a doubt. ―See if you were a million pounds I wouldn‘t be able to do this‖ he slid his hands under my shirt and stopped just below my breasts. ―Good morning‖ he sang into my ears. I get fat and you have like a dozen girls waiting for you. If I get to wake up to him everyday for the rest of my life then I‘d die a lucky woman. ―so by all means eat a donut‖ ―I don‘t eat donuts anymore. I love being able to straddle you without having to worry about fat getting in the way‖ ―your choice. I was finally happy. rich.

just let me finish‖ I nodded nervously I couldn‘t breathe. You make me so happy and so in love that I want to just be with you all the time sometimes I think it borders on obsession. ―yeah. But I will try everyday to make you feel that I deserve you. will you marry me?‖ He took my left hand and I was surprised that the ring was already there. He put it there even before I woke up. You see before you. and I‘m sorry that we had to go through hell. you‘re beautiful and sexy in every way. very funny and classy. every guy would love the chance to be with you‖ ―oh my gosh are you breaking up with me?‖ ―no. give me a chance to make you feel as much as I do. I don‘t even remember what I was living for. not now. ―You put it even before I woke up?‖ I was smiling and crying and I didn‘t even know where my emotions were. I was just informing you that I‘m going to marry you no matter what‖ . ―And now I have you. not ever. ―I love you so much baby. Plus you‘re smart. I was nervous and I didn‘t want to give you a choice so it wasn‘t really a question. you know you‘re perfect for just about every guy in the world.‖ He hopped out and knelt on the floor beside my bed. Thank you for being the best person for me and I just want you to give me a chance. I won‘t let you go. you‘re a gift that I never thought I‘d want or need or I‘d have. it was all over the place. Because you‘re a gift to me Cc.―CC. So Charlotte Carina Catalano.

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