Velasquez 1 Broken families throughout the ages: Insinuation of Divorce Divorce has progressively become a common procedure worldwide

, affecting not only parents and their offspring, but also the communities that surround the family unit, and consequently presenting a terrifying threat for the affected child. Nonetheless, regardless of the conventionality of divorce, it persists to affect various aspects of children's' and parent’s’ daily lives and rituals. According to Wikepedia.com, that defines divorce: Divorce or Dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse…it can be contrasted with an annulment, which is a declaration that a marriage is void, though the effects of marriage may be recognized in such unions, such as spousal support of alimony, child custody, and distribution of property. In short, a divorce can be accomplish generally through court of law, as a legal action is needed to dissolve the prior legal act of marriage. Although families are careworn in this situation for the reason that all the families belong to all types of module, age brackets, religious and ethnical disparity, divorce really became a universal trend to the entire group around the world. Divorce is a legal course of action in separating a said relationship, in this part, families must deem the processes involved and how can they deal and agree with it. Are people taking marriage less seriously as divorce rates rise? Why are almost all couples in most country-preferred separation as the product of their unsuccessful relationship? Many factors can influence a person’s view on marriage. For an instance, according in her book Marriages and Families, Mary Ann Lamanna says that the couples give major reasons for failure in their first marriage and some of these are infidelity, married too young, job conflicts, in-laws, vices, emotional, sexual, and financial problems (552). Also in Marriage and Families: the Quest for Intimacy, Robert Lauer tells that the sociodemographic concerns must take into consideration: socioeconomic status, race, religion, social integration, in addition to that is the changing of norms and roles of couples (390-93). Finally, another

Velasquez 2 Velasquez 2 factor that Lauer gives is that some couples preferred the interpersonal factors as one of the reasons: complaints, changed feelings and perspective, and lastly conflicts (394-95). Some people probably have an overall more positive view on marriage. Most likely, they do not see the high divorce rate as relevant to them because they have seen that marriage can work. On the other hand, some people have negative models of marriage. And one of that is according to Norval Glenn, that the disagreements about demonstration of affection and sex relation is a big plus in planning of divorce because of the following concerns: disagreement about philosophy of life, things believed is important, amount of time spent together, furthermore the sues lag behind in their persistence (328). Recognizing the uncertainties of couples may turn on the sparks in filling for break up according to Lauer. Moreover, those are spouse’s controlling behaviors, lack of responsibility and emotional support among the couples. Tremendous effects can happen, if such factors really violated, and the costs of these are anger, hurt, and disillusionment (388). Contradictions among couples are more or less is useful for a person to dissociate with their spouse. These contradictions have styles: avoid, attack, and compromise. Moreover, variety of show aggression tactics can be evidence in annulment: maligning the partner, terrible threats, flagrant self-interest, demands, shouts, and most widespread, violence (Glenn, 327-28). Lamanna observes, “Traditionally, as we’ve seen the family was a self-sufficient productive unit. Survival was difficult outside of families, so members remained economically bound to one another. But today, because family members no longer need each other for basic needs, they are freer to divorce than they once were” (545-46). In addition, because of that, in the environment of the couples, some have seen some issue having some bearing on divorce rate. And for that, Christopher Doob of Sociology: an Introduction tells that aspects: industrialization, age of the couple, changing role definitions within marriage, and in addition to that is decreasing legal and social constraints (340-42).

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On the other hand, according to A Bit about Divorce and the Effects of Divorce on Family’s Well Being written by NRS274, “Abuse-mental, abuse–physical, psychosis, extreme mental illness, chronic addiction, and substance abuse are situations where divorce should consider among husbands and wives as a good condition.” Therefore, it must put into contemplation and must apply for processing a breakup relationship with the spouse. Many families around the world are noticing that there are some sources of suggestion to detachment and aim of culpability for break-up. Glenn utters that the persons him or herself is the first one to be point the finger at for this. It followed by the spouse’s own fault about what happen in their failed marriage. Finally yet importantly, either the couples fault or the mutual part must be liable (338). Divorce has become a long way and has changed dramatically in our community. Divorce has become a more up to standard and general in a family unit. However, divorce has not become a positive thing yet, it remains negative. Because a divorce break a family apart and this become a broken dream for the two couples that have started out with hopes and dreams for a future together that ended. Furthermore, for this, the couple has a variety of jurisdictions like methods, approaches, styles, and
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tactics to follow in order to make the separation easier and more likely to make legally proclaim the marriage as void. Until such time that, the couples are now ready facing the court for their split-up, the research conducted according to Glenn is to find out the top five feelings for partner at the time of the final separation. Along with the responds of the couples during the process of divorce are quite appealing. For the reason that some of the couples said that he/she still loved him/her. A number of couple said that they still liked, but did not love him/her now. They respond as to they did not feel much of anything to their spouse according to some couples. Hated him/her or both loved and hated him/her as the answer of several respondent couples (329).

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As the research finally conducted, he made three important events for a divorce deliberation for the couples to study and take into thinking. These events are as follows: foreboding of possible breakup. Next is the certainty of some couples about the end of marriage. Lastly is the filing of couples for the said divorce (Glenn, 331). For these reasons, in the book The Social Experience: an Introduction to Sociology, James Zanden speaks the kinds of disruptive expertise during divorce. In addition, for that he says that most couples suffer from fright, frustration, and excess depression (356). What happens in a family that is in the process of breaking up? Couples can use the four periods tend to mark the process of divorce. In the first process, recognition, it begins when one or both spouses become aware of serious problems. It actually occurs when marital stress and open conflicts followed by a period of cold war between couples. Secondly, discussion, it is a period at which one or both spouses begin to share the marital problems with others. Thirdly, action, one of the spouses secures a lawyer in order to legalized and dissolve the marriage. Last but not the least, post dissolution, wherein the period begins when both spouses accept the fact that the marriage has ended (Lauer, 387-89). The divorce process is a turning point in the life of each individual involved. Months and often years of couples or individuals struggling with the decision to end a marriage most often precede initiation of legal processes associated with divorce and normally follow the different methods instructed for the couple in order to make a choice in which method can be good for them. One of the basic is the approach method. In this method, couples can choose either the “no-fault divorce” or the “at-fault divorce.” In the first approach, the dissolution of marriage does not require an allegation of proof of fault of either party to show. In the second approach, is use to be the only way to break a marriage and people who had differences (Wikipedia.com). Another method that is use worldwide, according to Wikipedia.com, is the following: summary divorce or so-called “simple divorce” in which use when souses meet certain eligibility requirements, or can agree on key issues beforehand. Another method that can couple use is uncontested divorce where

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the two parties are able to come to an agreement (either with or without lawyers/ mediators/ collaborative counsel) about the property, children, and support issues. Next, collaborative divorce explains that the parties negotiate an agreed resolution with the assistance of attorneys who trains in this process and in mediation, and often with the assistance of a neutral financial specialist and/or divorce coaches. After that, couples can use the mediated divorce in which it is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation. Paul Bohannan discusses divorce in terms of six “stations” or six different experiences that people are likely to have. Divorce, by contrast, makes you feel “so awful,” in part, because “you have been deselected.” To some extent, de-selection occurs in each of the six stations of divorce. The emotional divorce involves a loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other. The legal divorce, in which a court officially ends the marriage, is the only one of the six stations that provides a tangible benefit to the partners. The economic divorce involves settlement of the property. The co-parental divorce is experienced by those with the children…decisions must be made about who will have custody, visitation rights, and continuing responsibilities of each parent. The community divorce means that each of the partners leaves one community of friends and relations and enters another. Finally, psychic divorce is the central separation that occurs (quoted in Lauer, 389-90). Michelle New, in her article on Dealing with Divorce, gives suggestions to make the split-up more convenient to the pair for the reason that the couples are having a hard time experiencing the severe process of separation in their physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects in their lives. Since proven already in some cases of divorce, she utters the following suggestions like keep the peace among the parents. Couples must be fair and not to “take sides” and find help from the one who knows the case like a counselor or therapist. Keep in touch to one another and have an open yet strong communication. Work it out and come up on an idea to compromise. Let the couples talk and predict about the future after the divorce and for the children to pick a good time to tell their parents about their

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concerns so that it could be fix on an earlier time. For the couples, figure out his or her strengths and if the pair needs help in figuring out their strengths and figuring how to deal with cope, ask for guidance. Another good suggestion is to live your own life and make it feel sweeter and livelier. Thus, couples must focus on his or her own plans and dreams. As a final point, let others support and talk about your feelings and reactions to divorce with someone that he or she feel trusted. In the divorce methodology, there are things that need to be agreed upon so that there would be no problems that the parents or the couples will encounter after the marriage becomes void. One of these things that should take care of is the supervision of the child and the equity of the couples in terms of their financial stocks and assets. According to Lauer, there are types of custodies that the couple can choose for their children. It is either the sole custody or the joint custody. Lauer expands the meaning of these and for the first one, he explains that in which one of the parents gives the responsibility for the care and rising of the child. On the other hand, couples can choose an arrangement in which both parents continue to share the responsibility for the care and raising of the children (404-05). For the financial assets and stocks of the couples, valuable but often intangible assets that must go legally with the husband or the male during the marriage are the following: the credits, pensions, insurances, entitlements, professional credentials and future earning power while the rest of the financial concerns are for the wives or the female (Zanden, 336). With these things happened to the families who have experience the sad outcomes of divorce, Norval Glenn’s book entitled Family Relations: a Reader, he pronounces, “Marriage is notoriously different from men and women, and the reconstruction of failed marriages is no exception…men recall greater consensus, companionship, compatibility in affection realms, and harmony then women recall” (329). As a result, the worst scenario of divorce according to SOPHIA87 on her essay, Divorce Argument Essay, she utters, “Divorce has progressively become a common procedure worldwide, affecting not only parents and their offspring, but also the community that surrounds the family unit, and

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consequently presenting a terrifying threat for the affected child.” In addition to what SOPHIA87 utters, Framo declares about ambivalence, vacillation, and readiness for divorce: As a couple moves toward divorce, they balance all of the anticipated moral, social, economic, and familial consequences against their satisfactions, securities, and unhappiness as they weigh the alternatives; they can expect to go through “periods of agonizing, indecision, ambivalence, and vacillation” (quoted in Lamanna, 557). After the grueling experience, in the first two years experience of divorced family, Fine, Moreland, and Schwael speak, “That the first two years after divorce are especially difficult: divorced parents do not communicate as well with their children, are less affectionate, and are more inconsistent discipliners than parents in intact families are” (quoted in Zanden, 357). To end with, Lamanna also declares the separation anxiety of the family affected on divorce, “One of the more difficult and recurrent moments in life after divorce, is the transfer of the child from one parent to the other so each time, parents and children must make emotional and practical adjustments” (565). We have seen that gender roles diminish communication and understanding between women and men. Perhaps nowhere is the lack of understanding more evident than in the debate over which partner – the ex-wife or ex-husband – is the victim of divorce. Both are victims. In addition, the implications of these see in the first years after divorce or even the latter years of it. The effects of divorce on spouses/ parents are the following: negative outcomes, health problems, financial problems, and lastly, positive outcomes. The unenthusiastic products of divorce to the couples according to Doob are instead of having been “selected” out of the world, the former spouse feels “deselected.” Economically, women tend to suffer more from divorce than men do. Indications that in many cases, men have a time that is more difficult in adjusting to divorce than woman do. Additionally, age is another social characteristic that appears to affect people’s adjustment to divorce. Lastly, the unhappiness associated with most divorces

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does not mean that unhappily married people should stay married (342-43). Likewise, SOPHIA87 says again on her essay, Divorce Argument Essay, that feelings of inadequacy, instability, and deprivation, depression resulting to resentment, aggression, and mood alterations are the injurious effects of divorce on most couples worldwide after the separation. Zanden also dictates that prone to die from accidents, homicides, and suicides where the greater effects of separated people (355). In the suicide rate research conducted by Doob, for divorced women, it has been three times suicide rate of woman who are divorced than that of married women. Furthermore, four times is the suicidal rate of divorced men than married men have killed themselves (342). Divorced people have higher rates of accidents, physical and mental health problems (including anxiety and depression), and alcoholism. Physical health problems occur because the stress of the divorce tends to suppress the functioning of the body’s immune system said Gottman (Lauer, 397). Among other things, an updated analysis of Leonor Wietzman, 1985: shows that, within a year after the divorce was finalized, men experience about a 10 percent improvement in their standard of living, while women’s standard of living drops about 27 percent… Yet the division of labor in the family, along with the experiences and special skills of each partner, mean that men and women are unequal in terms of their resources and opportunities (quoted in Lauer, 398). However, people after divorce troubled by anger, insecurity, and depression, they had some positive experiences as well. Divorce is more likely to be positive for females, particularly those with a high level of education; those who are relatively young; those in relatively short-lived marriages; those with adequate income; and those holding to more gender that is nontraditional and marital roles. In addition, a positive outcome is more likely for those with good social support according to Garvin, Kalter, and Hansell, 1993 (Lauer, 397). Lauer tells the children’s adjustment after the separation of parents: Children’s adjustment to the divorce depends in part on the behavior of the parents. If the divorce reduces conflict significantly, children adjust better. The parents will adjust better to the extent

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that they work through their feelings and are able to define the divorce as an opportunity to grow (407). Doob declares about divorce on children, “Even though divorce is painful for children, research has found that they prefer the post-divorce period to the time when the family was still intact” (344). Certainly, many offspring endure because of divorce. Nevertheless, what is the over all picture? To begin, the number of children whose parents are divorce has been increasing. Following divorce, the relationship between children and the non-resident parent tends to change dramatically. What’s more, Lauer found out the short-term upshot of divorce. And these are intense anger, self-blame, fears about the future, loyalty conflicts, lower physical health ratings, lower social competence, anxiousness, depression, withdrawal, eating problems, less maternal warmth and empathy, low academic standing, and lastly, vices. These various consequences are understandable. Children are likely to have more stressed because they have no control over what is happening to them and see no long-term benefits to the disruption (400-01). Fortunately, the picture is not as bleak when we look at longer-term consequences. There may be some positive outcomes for the children according to Demo and Acock, 1998. Children in single parent homes are more likely to be androgynous in the behavior. Adolescent in single parent homes are tend to be more mature and to have a greater sense of efficacy and responsibility (401). To sum it all up, Lauer expresses the principle for enhancing intimacy to children, “Help the children to understand that neither parent is divorcing them. Do not ask them to choose the parent with whom they want to live. Let them know that both parents continue to love them even though the family will no longer be living together” (406). Separation by divorce, like death, inflicts a painful emotional wound that must heal. A little book entitled How to Survive the Loss of a Love: 58 Things to Do when there is nothing to be done suggests some ways to facilitate the healing process. For the divorced couples, do your mourning now and be gentle with yourself. Do not take on new responsibility and do not blame yourself for any mistakes that

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you have done before. It is okay to feel depressed for a longer period of time but do not involved yourself on romance that fast. Do not try against obvious ads to rekindle the old relationship so find photographs and mementos helpful to the mourning process and use them as positive materials. It is also okay to feel anger toward God, society, or the person who left you. In health and medical aspects, use addictive description drugs wisely so that it will further help you ease the pain. Be careful and watch your nutrition since nutritious food can give you a sense of positivism. Do not also try to overindulge yourself on vices but a little yet comfort pampering yourself will give you warmth. You might find keeping and using journals or diaries because it is a helpful tool to cope up. In addition, to finish, heal at your own pace (Lamanna, 572). To look at the bigger picture and in general view, Breakinglaces on her essay about Positive Effects of Divorce on Children, acquaints with the people about the term divorce in the society today, “Divorce will always be a tough situation for the parents and children involved, but that does not mean that it has to be negative one. The term divorce has been, in recent years, coined with a negative connotation. This, however, is out-dated and one sided. With the recent studies and the help of psychologists, the term divorce has become somewhat less than taboo in our society.”

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Works Cited Breakinglaces. “Positive Effects of Divorce on Children.” Oppapers. 24 Oct. 2005. 19 Aug. 2008 < http://www.oppapers.com/essays/Positve-Effects-Divorce-Children/67903>. Coleman, and Norval D. Glenn. Family Relations: a Reader. California: Wadsworth Publishing Company, 1988. Doob, Christopher Bates. Sociology: an Introduction 3rd Edition. San Francisco: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston Inc., 1991. Lauer, Jeanette and Robert. Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy 3rd Edition. New York: McGraw Hill, 1997. New, Michelle. “Dealing with Divorce.” Kidshealth.org. Aug. 2007. 19 Aug. 2008 <http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/divorce.html>. NRS274. “A Bit about Divorce and Effects of Divorce on a Family’s Well Being.” Oppapers. 6 June 2005. 19 Aug. 2008 < http://www.oppapers.com/essays/Effects-Divorce-Family39s-WellBeing/60178>. Riedmann, and Mary Ann Lamanna. Marriages and Families: Making Choices and Facing Change 4th Edition. California: Wadsworth Publishing Company, 1991. Sophia87. “Divorce Argument Essay.” Oppapers. 12 March 2008. 19 Aug. 2008

<http://www.oppapers.com/essays/Divorce-Argument-Essay/135266>. “Divorce.” Wikipedia: the Free Encyclopedia. 10 Sept. 2008. Wikipedia.com. 19 Aug. 2008 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce>. Zanden, James Vander. The Social Experience: an Introduction to Sociology. New York: Random House, Inc., 1988.

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