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Volume 46 - Issue 23 April 3, 2013 theeyeopener.

com Since 1967

FULL COLOUR this
man
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This man made more than

and this man last year
PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE

Rye’s highest rollers. P3

PHOTO CREDITS: ROB FORD & BARACK OBAMA COURTESY OF REUTERS. SHELDON LEVY EYEOPENER FILE PHOTO

Alternate realities

P10

P8

IMA VERDICT

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Eyeopener is done for the year? Good. Now go away.

Thank you Ryerson for another great year. We’ll be back in August with hazy memories of the summer and the fun-filled Frosh issue. We want to hear your complaints, your problems, your stories and your feelings about Ryerson. So come see us in August and let us know about what you want to know about.

P

And now, introducing The Eyeopener 2013/2014 all-star masthead crew
editor in chief: Sean Tepper news: Jackie Hong Angela Hennessey associate news: Ramisha Farooq arts & Life: Luc Rinaldi features: Sean Wetselaar sports: Harlan Nemerofsky biz & tech: Alfea Donato media: Susana ´ Gomez Baez fun: Jake Scott communities: Nicole Schmidt online: Lindsay Boeckl

photo: Natalia Balcerzak, Dasha Zolota associate photo: Jessica Tsang

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

NEWS

3

Ryerson’s top five highest-paid employees make a decent amount of cash, but how many copies of Fifty Shades of Grey can they afford?

ILLUSTRATION: LINDSAY BOECKL

Ontario’s Public Sector Salary Disclosure Act brings you the Sunshine List, a magical document that shows how much cash Rye’s folks get paid

Sunshine List reveals Rye’s top pay grades
By Mohamed Omar
Who made more than $100,000 last year at Ryerson? Eight-hundred and nintety-two people did. Ontario’s Public Sector Salary Disclosure statement, or the Sunshine List, was released Friday March 29. The document lists public employees, from nurses to nuclear engineers, who were paid $100,000 or more the previous year. The number of Ryerson faculty, administration and staff on the 2012 list swelled to 892 from 791 in 2011, a jump that Ryerson President Sheldon Levy said was understandable due to inflation rates and incremental salary increases. “I think as you approach the $90-100,000 [salary range] where a lot of faculty members are, all of a sudden you’re going to get bumps because you’re very close to that magic mark under which you’re on or off the list,” he said. “So I think if you take into account the inflation of two or three per cent, you would drop a whole lot of people off.” But the list shows that many salaries went up by much more than the 1.5 incremental increase that the Ryerson Faculty Association agreed to in 2012, and out of the school’s 50 highest-paid employees, 20 are professors. Thanks to a one-time bonus of more than $80,000, Levy’s salary jumped to $445,780 — more than Rob and Doug Ford’s combined $275,000 — from his $365,000 in 2011. The bonus was so large because any other gradual increase in salary would be illegal. “If you’re in the senior administration, you cannot get a base increment,” Levy said. “I can’t have a base increment. It’s against the law. So you’re given a bonus increment. The bonus has to be taken by Revenue Canada. I can’t defer it. But that bonus, as in all increments, I give back to student scholarships. I don’t make a big deal about it.” Other top spots in the administration also enjoyed a significant increase. Elisabeth Stroback, the executive lead on capital projects and real estate at Ryerson who is also ineligible for incremental increases, saw her salary shoot up by 57 per cent, jumping to more than $287,000 from $183,000. She began working at Ryerson in 2011. That’s $7,000 more than what an authorized nuclear operator at Ontario Power Generation made. Incoming provost Mohamed Lachemi, the current dean of the faculty of engineering and architectural science, also enjoyed a healthy pay boost. His 2012 salary increased to more than $282,000 from $211,000 — a 34 per cent jump. Some Ryerson employees on the list don’t even work at the school anymore. Linda Grayson, former vice-president of administration of finance at Ryerson, has received about $770,000 in paid leave since resigning from her position in 2010. The Public Sector Salary Disclosure Act came into effect in 1996 and requires all public institutions to disclose the names, positions, salaries and taxable benefits of employees who received more than $100,000 the previous year. Ryerson became subject to the Act in 2006.

Accommodation policy gets flak
By Jonah Brunet
Un-cooperative instructors have been deemed one of the major obstacles to accommodation for Ryerson students with disabilities. In a March 26 town hall meeting held by the Ryerson Access Centre, students raised concerns over University Senate Policy 159, which allows instructors to refer students to deans or program directors if they disagree with an academic accommodation request, a lengthy process that has, for some students, caused more harm than good. “It’s like somebody at Ryerson going up a wheelchair ramp and getting stopped at the top,” said Mark Dukes, a former public administration and governance student who was at the town hall. He was twice denied accommodations by his instructors during his time at Ryerson. Dukes said the Access Centre, which provides services such as extra time during exams for students with disabilities, failed him and was the main reason he never got his degree. He had to meet with a doctor and a specialist before being considered for accommodations, a process which took three months and ended in his request being denied. “The access centre doesn’t work for students,” Dukes said. But Christina Halliday, the director of Ryerson’s student learning support services who co-hosted the town hall with its manager, Marc Emond, said it was rare for an instructor to deny a student accomodation. “Our experience is that faculty want to participate in the accommodation process and make their classes accessible to all students,” she said. Halliday said the main reason an instructor would deny accommodation is if they felt it gave the student too much of an advantage and jeopardized the integrity of the class. Joshua Priemski, a first-year journalism student with Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder (ADHD), said accommodations do not give students an advantage. “Most people seem to think that it’s an unfair advantage when you get accommodations,” said Priemski, who recently visited the Access Centre for the first time. “That’s not really the case. It’s more levelling the playing field so you’re on the same plane as everyone else and you have the same opportunity to succeed.” Unlike Dukes, Priemski said that his experience with the Access Centre has been a positive one so far. After only one appointment he said many of his initial anxieties were eased. Alysha Li, president of the Ontario Undergraduate Student Alliance, said she liked the idea of a town hall meeting, but encouraged that it be viewed as a first step. “The more important part is the follow-up to the town hall,” she said. “Oftentimes town halls are a great place to talk, but it’s the implementation part that’s difficult.” No steps have been taken to make academic accommodations more ac-

Mark Dukes is a former student who says the Access Centre failed him. cessible to students with mental disabilities. But Halliday said she and her colleagues are reviewing the town hall transcript to figure out how best to improve the access centre. “We heard you,” Halliday said to

file photo

students at the town hall. “I’m taking the feedback that I got very seriously.” The access centre plans to hold a town hall meeting every fall and winter semester.

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editorial

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

In which the EIC’s final opinion piece is a quasi-jeremiad concerning the media

Sunshine Lists and future concerns
Editor-in-Chief Lee “Bish bosh” Richardson News Diana “Swish” Hall Sean “Best cupcake/girlfriend ever” Wetselaar Associate News Mohamed “Don’t worry I’m not really dead” Omar Features Sarah “Tomatoes are delicious and I like them in my mouth” Del Giallo Biz and Tech Jeff “Eat my pie” Lagerquist Arts and Life Susana “A threat to dressing rooms everywhere” Gomez Báez Sports Charles “The Summer of Orange Bikes” Vanegas Communities Shannon “Snake as a pet” Baldwin Photo Dasha “Postmodern” Zolota Stine “Cutouts!” Danielle Associate Photo Natalia “Sheldon’s king hat” Balcerzak Fun Kai “Suited up” Benson Media Lindsay “Print is dead” Boeckl Online Emma “More pie” Prestwich John “Chatty” Shmuel General Manager Liane “Patio withdrawl” McLarty Advertising Manager Chris “Done and done” Roberts Design Director J.D. “Done-r and done-r” Mowat Circulation Manager Megan “Fuck circ” Higgins Contributors Harlan “Thanks” Nemerofsky Jackie “To” Hong Joseph “Contributors” Ho Melissa “This” Danchak Anna “Semester” Richardson Jonah “And” Brunet Angela “Year” Hennessy Alfea “It” Donato Ramisha “Was” Farooq Nicole “Appreciated” Schmidt Olivia “Thanks” McLeod Betty “Again” Wondimu The Eyeopener is owned and operated by Rye Eye Publishing Inc.

By Lee Richardson
In the run-up to the end of the semester, something surprising has happened: Both university students and those effectively in charge of their academic careers have become a focus of the mainstream media. In terms of attention to the students, it may not have been pretty — with all the hallmarks of a reactionary media jumping onto something it doesn’t fully understand — but the recent hazing story has brought attention to Ryerson in a way that I don’t remember happening before. The university, its students and its faculty were a part of the national news feed. Not long after the coverage died down, Ryerson remained somewhat in the media’s sights as a new story emerged. The Sunshine List, a strangely-named ranking of Ontario public workers who earn over $100,000 annually, was released on Friday, March 29. With it came the understandable media coverage — audiences like money stories. Particular attention has been given to those earners who received much bigger salaries this year than last, as well as those who receive what

could be argued to be excessive, overblown wages for their workloads. Not surprisingly, presidents of research universities can easily meet both of those criteria. This, again, has led to Sheldon Levy’s name being highlighted in a mainstream news capacity. As one of only 10 Ontario university presidents earning more than $400,000, his name had a right to be mentioned. Though while this media attention was nice in that it got Ryerson, university students and those within adminstration noticed, the media is fickle. The hazing story is practically already forgotten, and the Sunshine List story is on its way out. Old news. That’s where student media comes in. Over the course of the past twenty-something weeks, we’ve covered both of the aforementioned stories and a lot more: (A quick summary of the most memorable and important stories is included in this week’s news section.) But unlike the mainstream media, we keep an eye on these stories, following up in order to determine if students and their lives could be affected by intricate developments which the mainstream generally disregards in favour of flashier news. As The Eyeopener’s mandate says, the role of the paper is to provide information every week to readers on matters that affect student life. Without being self-congratulatory, as we’ve reached the last issue of the publishing year I can say we’ve achieved that. How well is not for me to say, but while it is sometimes scrappy and we often suffer from our resources, we get the work done. However, as with the vast majority of media outlets, there is concern about the way forward. Declines in readership and revenue are evident across the media

industry as a whole, and it’s happening in campus media across the country too. While student apathy at Ryerson has been covered before, it is apparent in terms of The Eyeopener too, especially in terms of comments and feedback regarding stories. This is my concern: That there is news that is of importance to students that is not being seen. For instance, a potentially huge story is the Ontario government recently lowering the cap for tuition hikes to three per cent — annually for the next four years — down from the current five per cent. That two per cent cut will cost universities millions, and how they react to that loss will impinge on students. We are lucky that so much independent student media has a unique perspective on such issues — in some cases issues which could slip by the mainstream media. This is part of my reasoning for what I’ve attempted to achieve as EIC since August 2012, and this is my belief of why good student journalism matters. Hopefully, with well-defined stories, student media can turn around this sense of apathy in regard to student participation that is occuring nationwide. Aiming to diminish this sense of apathy has been part of my life at The Eyeopener in one way or the other for the past four years — because I know the mainstream media isn’t going to do it. Whether I have been successful or not is up to you. PS — With this as the final issue, I have some thanks to say: I wouldn’t be putting this issue together without every person I’ve worked with at The Eyeopener over the past four years. Every one of them have taught me something worth knowing. Special thanks to Amit, Shannon and Lauren. It’s been fun — I won’t forget this. Thanks for reading.

Congratulations to incoming editors for the fall 2013 semester:
Sean Tepper, Luc Rinaldi, Angela Hennessy, Jackie Hong, Ramisha Farooq, Susana Gomez Báez, Nicole Schmidt, Dasha Zolota, Natalia Balcerzak, Jessica Tsang, Harlan Nemerofsky, Alfea Donato & Jake Scott

Wednesday, April 3, 2013 Ontario has limited tuition increases to three per cent

NEWS

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Gov’t busts a tuition cap
By Alfea Donato
Good news: your tuition will increase at a lower rate next year. Bad news: Your tuition will still increase next year. On Thursday, Brad Duguid, Ontario Minister of Training, Colleges and Universities, announced the cap on post-secondary tuition. Increases will be lowered to three per cent, down from the five per cent limit set by the McGuinty government. Tuition for graduate students will drop to five per cent from eight. Universities will be restricted to that limit for the next four years. “Half of our money comes from tuition fees roughly, and half from the government,” said Ryerson President Sheldon Levy. “So if we were given two per cent more fees it would account for one per cent overall more money.” But Thursday’s announcement means there isn’t more money, and Levy said the school will work with additional cuts in the coming years. “Everyone is now assessing what that means. We know for next year the government is going to take an additional one per cent [from grants], so it’s a two per cent [budget cut], and there will be three per cent fees,” Levy said. The Globe and Mail reports a COU letter to Duguid outlined a loss of $48 million next year for universities due to the cap, and a total loss of $459 million over four years. The cap came as no surprise to universities says University of Guelph president and COU chair Alastair Summerlee. “I don’t think anybody is particularly happy but no one is surprised either,” Summerlee. “Students have been advocating a freeze, advocacy groups… we knew there was a lot of pressure [on the minister].” But Melissa Palermo, Ryerson Students’ Union vice-president education, isn’t satisfied with the cap. “I think it’s important to recognize this as an increase. Current rates are really not sustainable for post-secondary education,” she said. Fourth-year business student Jennifer Lee agrees. “Students have very limited income. If this tuition keeps going up, I will have to sacrifice my class for work,” Lee said. The RSU will host a rally for lower tuition fees outside of Jorgenson Hall April 4 at noon.

Eyeopener editor Lee Richardson, pictured above before swallowing a big gulp of death, was murdered by savage waterfowl.

Man killed in violent pelican storm
By The News Team
Beloved Eyeopener Editor-in-Chief Lee Richardson died Tuesday after being ripped to shreds by rabid pelicans. He was 27 and British. Richardson was at his favourite bar, Me Mum’s Marmalade on Queen Street and Buckingham Palace Drive, where he was drinking with the 1972 Manchester United team. At 7 p.m., right before Richardson began humming the theme to Coronation Street, an extremist, right-wing, anti-cardigan IRA cell that was also racist and improper broke into the bar and kidnapped him. The Manchester United lads were unharmed. Richardson did not notice that he was being kidnapped due to being drunk on tequila and power. After learning about the incident, a special tactics team of bored Eyeopener editors sent out a swarm of pelicans to rescue Richardson. But the mission went horribly awry when the pelicans misinterpreted Biz & Tech editor Jeff Lagerquist’s instructions. “I said ‘Mwah, save Lee, you birds,’ not ‘Mrah, fucking rip Lee to shreds,” Lagerquist said. Lagerquist’s fatal error led the pelicans to swoop into the IRA cell’s lair, located in the kitchen of the Eggspectations restaurant in the Eaton Centre, and rip Richardson’s brittle bones from their sockets, eventually causing him to die. Richardson will be remembered for ruthlessly slaying all traditions at the Eyeopener, working two fulltime jobs and a fantastic taste in shoes. In his memory, 7-Eleven named a new big gulp size after Richardson, dubbed the “sadness slurpy.” Eyeopener editors referred to Richardson as “monty python” and “Lee.” “That bloke was a lad who tried to be an ole’ chap sometimes,” said the 1972 Manchester United team. “Let’s get proper pissed.” “Goodbye, Lee. I’m taking your shoes,” said media editor Lindsay Boeckl.

Brad Duguid, Minister of Training, Colleges, and Universities.

PHOTO: Sean wetselaar

News Briefs
RTA partners with Rogers
Student projects from Ryerson’s RTA School of Media are making their way to television screens across Toronto, thanks to a partnership with Rogers cable TV. “Ryerson on the Air” is a new television show that will feature student projects in a variety of genres, including documentary, short films and children’s shows. It premiered on April 1 and fills a 60-minute time slot.

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CESAR execs announced
Elections reults for the Continuing Education Students’ Association at Ryerson (CESAR) were announced March 28. The board was swept by Kim’s slate Students First: Shinae Kim: director of membership and communications Jason Chan: finance and services Bianca Paris: campaigns and equity Naz Ara: academics and policy Marvi Rin: events and workshops

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NEWS

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Eyeopener news team takes you back through the 2012-2013 school year to round up the year’s best, most interesting stories

Top news stories of the year
In November, Ryerson student Alaa Hejazi was charged in a home invasion and double sexual assault near Avenue and Lawrence. Hejazi faced 11 charges in court, including assault with a weapon. His trial date is not confirmed. In March, an annual spirit event held by the Ryerson Engineering Student Society for potential frosh leaders saw students strip down and parade throughout campus. The event sparked local outrage, including statements from Sheldon Levy and Premier Kathleen Wynne. After years of renovation, the Mattamy Athletic Centre (MAC) at the Gardens opened in September. The historic building offers state-of-theart athletic facilities and the opening included a ceremonial puck drop by Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

Ryerson aerospace engineering student Marko Misic died in a tragic plane crash in late August. Misic, 20, was a decorated pilot and avid aviator. Two other passengers were killed in the crash near Moorefield, Ont.

Ryerson Theatre School (RTS) professor Tanit Mendes died of cancer Oct. 31. Mendes was the co-director of the production program at RTS, and her death hit home for the tight ly knit program. A memorial in her name was held Nov. 22.

Ryerson continued to expand its real estate throughout the year, with the purchase of two parking lots near Mutual and Dundas streets at a combined cost of $32 million in February. Plans to build a new Health Sciences building on Church street in January are in the works. An uproar followed the proposed creation of a men’s issues group on campus in February. The Ryerson Students’ Union passed two policies before the group could be ratified which prevented its official creation, but debate on the issue continues to rage on. In January it was reported that Ryerson students were among the most avid users of website SeekingArrangement.com, a service which connects broke students to wealthy ‘Sugar Daddies.’ Such arrangements were highly controversial, and often include dates and sex.

Ryerson’s contract with longtime food provider Aramark expires in May, prompting the Ryerson Students’ Union to launch a campaign to encourage school administration to choose a new provider early this year. Though a RFP process is ongoing, the school is undecided. A string of six sexual assaults on campus in September led to a community protest, dubbed Take Back the Block, raising to tough questions about Ryerson’s security. The attacks were believed to be unconnected incidents.

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A lot of news is repetitive, cyclical and feels recycled from previous issues. But occasionally something truly unique graces our campus. An example of this came last week with the Ryerson engineering fiasco, covered in our list above. Let’s set the record straight: The Eyeopener was the first publication to cover the story. But never in our wildest dreams did we expect the media storm that followed. The truth of the matter is that every engineer involved took part voluntarily, and no one was harmed. But the knee-jerk reaction to the event was swift, and harsh. This story circulated across the city and got lots of attention. But was it really important? Honestly, that’s up to you to decide.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

NEWS

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We subjectively grade the usual suspects on their work this past year

Giving Ryerson a grade
more SUVs than students will benefit from the space in the near future. The $5.6 million Ryerson quietly Ryerson’s administration coughed up to cover Aramark’s lossNot that you need to hear it again, but the Mattamy Athletic Centre is es — an inevitable cost, admin say a dazzling piece of cement. You can — still doesn’t sit well with us. Neithank the Ryerson administration ther does the fact the Ryerson Students’ Union was sitting on that hot for that. They also fought for more lec- piece of news all along and didn’t ture space in the old AMC theatres tell us about it. We’re also still a bit and bought us two large chunks of fuzzy on what the vice-president eqpavement for future development. uity’s duties are. Heh. Duties. It might be a medical school when 3.5 Aramark contracts out of 5 you’re 40 years old, but in reality

By The News Team

Ryerson’s security
The thing about Ryerson’s security team is that nobody cares, or knows, about the work they do until a string of sexual assaults or locker thefts on campus puts their actions and response times under a microscope. If it weren’t for the security team, no one would chase the drunk, noncommunity members frolicking about Kerr Hall on Sunday nights, or work a night shift to keep an eye on Mutual Street while the rest of us pretend to be studying. We should also be grateful for the (albeit late) switch to mass-emailed Security Watches, which are, alarming as they may be to some students, crucial for student safety. But students could have done with a little more transparency this year — even if it means writing a blog post in reaction to the latest security reports every couple of weeks or educating students on how finicky those Kerr Hall lockers can be. 2.5 stolen iPhones out of 5

File photo

Melissa Palermo (R) will serve as next year’s Ryerson Students’ Union’s president.

Ryerson’s student union

file photo

President Sheldon Levy’s administration kicked average amounts of ass this year.

us aren’t in jail. We also have to give the RSU The Ryerson Students’ Union is like a Miss Teen Canada pageant credit for this year’s attempts at contestant — neither could survive making food options on campus without taking up a cause, be it slightly more appealing. But the problem is that, without peace on earth, anti-animal cruelty (save the squirrels!) or fighting for a detailed business model, it’s hard healthy, affordable food for stu- to take the Good Food Co-Op seriously. We hope next year’s board dents on campus. The infamous Drop Fees cam- meetings make quorum more often. Here are our recommendations paign is never going away (and, we hate to break it to them, neither are for next year’s executive: - Sean Kingston is horrible. Get the fees), they really haven’t delivered most of their platform promises a better artist for Parade and Picnic (but who does these days anyway?), next year. - A puppy room. A student union and they sure as hell haven’t had a candidate at the University of Calcompetitive election in years. But the RSU fought for the fall gary won 55 per cent of the vote by reading week that most of us (sorry, promising a puppy room. Yeah. - Drop beats, not fees. engineers!) enjoyed this year, and 2 Marianas Trenches out of 5 their free tax clinic is why some of

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8

NEWS

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The glitz and glamour of the image arts building’s gallery has overshadowed some students’ concerns

IMA in review
By Nicole Schmidt
After four years of planning and renovations and more than two years of problems, delays and about a $63-million budget increase, the Ryerson Image Arts Building celebrated its launch last year as a blue and gold beacon on campus. The building garnered positive attention for its Architectural Lighting magazine award for best use of colour last summer. In late September, the Ryerson Image Centre gallery’s festive grand opening during Scotiabank Nuit Blanche triggered the renovation of student work spaces in the building. “The general atmosphere in the building now is, I think, one of pleasure and pride. We are living and working in much improved spaces, much of which is new and beautifully designed,” said Brian Damude, the Faculty of Communication and Design’s (FCAD) Interim Associate Dean of Faculty and Student Affairs. But the image arts building’s sleek, LED-illuminated exterior and decorated name have masked students’ frustrations with the new space. “It was our first semester back in the building, so there’s an expectation that there’s going to be some roadblocks,” said JC Pinheiro, a third-year photography student who went on an exchange and was alarmed by the state of the building upon his return. “But when you come back [in the Winter semester] and find out that those problems are still persisting, it’s frustrating and irritating.” What Pinheiro felt was one of the building’s best production spaces priPHOTO: stine danielle or to its renovation— including a cavernous studio with 50-foot ceilings — Ryerson’s Image Arts Building had major complications before it opened, and some of those problems still persist to this day. was replaced by a commercial facility to which he said students have no great image to the on-looking com- visible features of the building. The when they are supposed to be black munity,” the student said. “But the fourth-year student said that dur- and white.” more access than the general public. Pinheiro decided that something student facilities are in just as shitty ing the summer the air conditioners needed to be done about these isweren’t working so students were of a state as they were before the It’s kind of like putting forced to work in the heat with sues, so he started a petition, which project began.” new clothes on an old The building’s largest studio space industrial-sized fans buzzing in the triggered a meeting with the properson, in a way gram administrators last week. was filled in when an extra floor hallways. “We’re pushing to try to deal with “An amazing sound studio is was installed. The main level is now home to the gallery and also fea- not being used and is blocked off as many of these things as we can, A fourth-year film student, who tures study spaces and Balzac’s Cafe, to students, and an incredibly ex- but a lot of it has to do with monpensive and amazing-quality Chris- ey,” said Ingelevics. wished to remain anonymous, said which opened in May 2012. “It is only a year since we’ve been “There definitely were changes, tie [audio-visual] projector is not that when students returned to school in the fall, they discovered but some things stayed the same,” hooked up, so we have to screen in here and there’s a lot of things the soundstage was not safe to use, said Vid Ingelevics, the photography our projects in low resolution,” that could happen and still are going to happen,” Inglevics added. there were holes in the wall and program director. “It’s kind of like said the student. “It’s kind of like pressing a reset “Our film scanner is awful and putting new clothes on an old perthere wasn’t enough study space. actually ruined several first year button — it just takes a while to get “I think that the exterior looks son, in a way.” But problems extend beyond the students’ films, turning them green everything back into place.” fantastic and that it gives Ryerson a

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

COMMUNITIES

9

PHOTO: MICHELLE SOLOMON

After 60 years of tradition, RIOT! 2013 goes big by getting off campus and performing their showcase at The Second City in Toronto

RIOT! group paints Second City fuchsia
By Betty Wondimu
Lights came up and for the first time ever, radio and televison arts (RTA) comedy group RIOT! took over The Second City Toronto’s iconic stage. “We had complete freedom to say what we want, which works out because my humour’s pretty fucking vulgar,” RIOT! member Eddie Majnemer said. “[But] one sketch that didn’t make the show is one that Jorge wrote called Mein Kampfy Couch, just to give you an idea of how far our humour goes sometimes.” The RTA comedy group joked about light-hearted but controversial subject matter spanning from funeral hook-ups to abortion to the Holocaust and for the first time in 10 years, RIOT! held their showcase somewhere other than the Rogers Communication Centre (RCC). Usually The Second City — part of a leading comedy club chain with several different venues across North America — only features professional comedians, but it made an exception for RIOT! 2013: Paint the Town Fuchsia! last Friday night. Producer Simon Paluck described the decision to change venues as “terrifying” at first. “I had to live up to 60 years of RTA tradition and I still chose to take a risk,” he said. tial to live up to Second City, so I thought ‘Why not go out with a bang?’ and that’s what we did,” Paluck said. The two-hour show featured 10 RTA student-comedians — three girls and seven guys — performing the original skits they started writing in October. Some members, like ly lived up to the venue, I couldn’t find a seat.” For Paluck, this show was his goodbye to RIOT! after three years with the group as he enters his fourth year of RTA next fall. For RIOT! 2014, Paluck has passed on the producer torch to current second-years Vasconez and Shreya Khanna. To him, the experience is bittersweet. “It’s impossible not to get attached, it’s such a tight-knit family,” Paluck said. “But I’m excited for the future and hope upcoming PHOTO: SIMON PALUCK casts won’t be afraid to take risks All the radio and television arts members in RIOT! 2013: Paint the Town Fuchsia! like we did.”

The comedy was SNL quality this year
Alessandra Manieri and Majnemer, were brought back from the previous year and said that the most enjoyable part of participating in RIOT! is the liberty to joke about every subject and have a creative outlet to talk about anything. Even Daniel Rostas, a Jewish second-year RTA student, thought it was funny when Jorge Vasconez walked on to the stage wearing his own mix of Hollister and Lacoste perfume and said, “I think I’m gonna call it Hol-acoste.” “I wish I didn’t laugh the hardest at that joke,” Rostas said. “But I did.” RIOT! 2013’s marketing manager Ben Morphet said the venue change was only successful because of how talented the cast was. “The comedy was SNL quality this year,” Morphet said. “There were definitely more people there than I expected.” The theatre reached its 200-person capacity quickly. By the time the show started, there were hardly any seats for latecomers, who were forced to stand for the duration of the show. The cabaret was booming with the laughter of Ryerson students, Second City regulars and RTA faculty — including professor Steven Ehrlick. Ehrlick praised the group for taking a substantial risk and said their content was worthy of a venue like The Second City. “[The venue] put the audience in the right setting for a comedy show,” Ehrlick said. “They definite-

We had complete freedom to say what we want
The RTA student-run comedy group can be traced back to the early 1950s. RIOT! produces original comedic material and holds several performances every year. Although the group’s final show is traditionally held at the RCC, Paluck said he knew they could go bigger this year. “I knew the cast had the poten-

10

FEATURES

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

COURTESY OF KATE KOROTAYEVA

PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE

This guy has a building in his hand
Professor Vincent Hui is heading the project.
PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE

G

ingerly, Kevin Pu places a tiny, flat piece of black and white cardboard onto an empty lot in a carefully constructed, cardboard replica of a city block. The fourth-year architecture student stands back for a moment to examine the empty lot. He shuffles about, pointing a camera at the empty space from various angles. To the average observer, it’s a bizarre scene. But then, Pu glances down at the monitor on his MacBook. Displayed against the backdrop of the cardboard city scape, is a tall, white, digital condominium, floating just above the black and white piece of cardboard he’d placed. Pu swivels the camera, and the shot of the building swivels as well. This is no computer generated environment — Pu can see the building in real context. And this Ryerson classroom is the only place in the world he can do it. Ryerson is the frontrunner in a new research initiative in the architecture industry studying ‘augmented reality.’ The program links 3D renderings of structures to small, cardboard, high density QR codes (usually used to transmit Internet links via smartphone). Though the research is still in its infancy, the final result could have a lasting im-

pact on the industry. “Architecture is all about visualization,” Pu says. “[You’re] trying to show your ideas through pictures. Historically, or conventionally, people’s architects show [their designs] through static images. ‘Here’s a pretty picture — it’s what the building looks like.’ But if you take it to the next level, ‘Here’s a pretty picture in context.’” The research project was initially spawned when architecture professor Vincent Hui considered taking concepts from video games, like a heads up display, into reality and into his chosen profession. “If we can see how many shots we have still in our gun or how many more points we have to get, why couldn’t we also see the virtual notion of our building in reality?” Hui says. The technology works in conjunction with a 3D modelling program called Rhino. After creating a 3D model of their structure on Rhino, the architect can export it to a file recognized by Hui’s interface. This file can be linked to physical high density codes, like the one placed on cardboard, which can then be moved and placed wherever the architect wants. Then, using an HD camera, the user can pick up the digital signa-

ture of the file. On the screen linked to the camera, the architect sees not only the reality of the physical space, but a model of their structure in that space. Though initially these models are white ‘mass’ models, more textures are slowly being added. This visualization allows the architect to

would actually be worthwhile,” Compeau says. “[This] kind of project pulls together a bunch of different technologies… So the essential challenge of the project is bringing those all together in a really efficient way so it can run on a fairly mobile device.”

The idea [is] to be able to have students visualize their projects in context and then scale in 1:1 perspective
see everything that could potentially affect it in the field, from an unexpected shadow falling from an adjacent building to a blocked view that they had wished to preserve. The initial stage of conceptual development came from a collaboration between Hui, and former student at the University of Waterloo, programmer Matthew Compeau. The pair were reunited at a charity dinner last summer, and after agreeing to work together, Compeau spent several months planning and building the interface. “There was a lot of preliminary work before we even decided to do this project just because I wanted to be really confident that it would actually work and that the research Compeau coded a framework for the project using the programming language Java, which is able to run on multiple platforms, a key aspect of the project. The project got off to a slow start late last fall while, after joining the team as research assistant, Pu tried to find a balance between detail and processing speed with the ‘polygon count’ for the interface. Higher ‘polygon’ or ‘mesh’ counts allow for more detail, but also lags the program and makes practical use of the system difficult. “So we’re playing around with that and then when we had it up to function, we were testing it on like a big QR code, and we brought it on site, we scanned it, and we had a

couple shots of it actually working, but it was really slow,” Pu says. After finding a balance for white ‘mass’ models without textures, the team moved on to adding detail to the images, like glass. But this posed another problem when additional details caused the system to lag once again. Despite technical concerns, the group was able to move forward with the development, and capture an example of 1:1 scale when a student designed a wave-like addition to the entrance of the architecture building. “That’s not Photoshop, that’s really what you would see through your iPad,” Hui says, gesturing at the image. “So that student’s design now, as they walk around, they can actually see their design in real time and real space virtually overlaid. That’s pretty cool, right?” hough the project is making strides in its 1:1 modelling, one of the areas Pu sees it having the greatest impact is in education, like the second-year studio class where some of Hui’s students have been given a chance to test out the system. “It was really fun where Vince is teaching a second-year studio and we were able to implement that into

T

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

FEATURES

11

PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE

A Ryerson architecture professor is heading a new and unique project to bring the digital world to reality using a camera and a QR code
By Sean Wetselaar

COURTESY OF KATE KOROTAYEVA

PHOTO: STINE DANIELLE

their studio time,” Pu says. “And all of a sudden, Vince can also pick [the student’s project] up, turn it around, look at it in all four sides and say, ‘Wow, there’s problems here and here.’”

I

n its infancy, the augmented reality system achieved little that existing programs could not already do. Luke Kimmerer, a student in the studio class testing the system was unimpressed by early iterations of the system. “It’s still in its early phase,” Kimmerer says. “It’s cool in theory, but I haven’t experienced it like they want to experience it yet... Until it gets to that point, I can understand why people argue it’s not different [than programs like Rhino] at all, but definitely when it gets to that stage, it’s going to be something pretty neat to play around with.” Some students in the class pointed out to Pu that the ability to model buildings based on high density codes was not that far removed from modelling systems like Rhino, which allow students to orbit around a stationary structure. But what Pu says these programs lack is the context that can be obtained by seeing models in reality, rather than through a modelling program. “At the stage where it’s at that’s a

valid question,” Pu says. “But what we’re trying to get at, is the idea to be able to have students visualize their projects in context and then scale in 1:1 perspective. So, obviously the computer screen is still your lens to this augmented reality, but it gives you a new perspective to a lot of things that a static image can’t give you.” Though the augmented reality project is making strides, it’s just one of many side projects Hui spends much of his time running. His office in the architecture building is a confused jumble of pens hanging from magnets, Star Wars memorabilia, computer screens and desks which he wheels about the room depending on his needs.

40 requests for students from the industry per year), he often finds room for students to “guinea pig” some pet projects like the augmented reality research. “I really like ensuring that my students get work experience because I believe that there’s only so much that you can be taught in school. It’s really imperative that students go beyond simply the classroom,” he says. “Far too often we, architecture as an industry, sells to the public the idea of the romanticized notion of the napkin sketch, the architect drawing on a napkin, going, ‘Here Mr. Client, that’s what we’re going to design.’ But that’s far from the reality.”

sees it spreading to other schools, and other research teams. “Ultimately, we designed this to help students,” Hui says. “It’s not to make money off of, it’s not to do anything more than to just make sure there’s bridging of the gap between the digital to the real world.” Funding for the project has largely come from Ryerson, with Hui receiving the Learning and Teaching Enhancement Fund from the Learning and Teaching Office at the university. Hui credits their contributions to his research with the recent progress the project has made. hat progression is substantial. From a simple tool with few features beyond existing technology in Rhino, Hui and Compeau are confident a relatively finished product, with options to edit and view projects on a 1:1 scale, in real time, are in the near future. Hui expects a finished tool by the fall, or summer 2014 at the latest, while Compeau suggests a relatively polished product will be available by the end of the semester. The team has focused its development so far on the educational sphere, but given time their research could have an impact on the professional world of architecture,

Our development’s focused on the educational aspect, but I don’t see any reason why it would have to stay there
As he talks, he perpetually pulls portfolios and files out of drawers for emphasis, or flips to files on his computers or iPad. Hui says finding students work is very important to him, and when he can’t do that through industry connections (though he receives 30Reaction to Hui’s system so far has been very positive, and the team has garnered interest from the industry with researchers in Spain publishing papers on the topic. Hui is also slated to travel to Rhode Island to speak to other building educators about the project, and he

T

though Kimmerer and Compeau note that it would take a re-evaluation of workflow to emphasize more on design. “Our development’s focused on the educational aspect, but I don’t see any reason why it would have to stay there,” Compeau says. “I don’t see it as something that exclusive to academia,” Hui says. “But I think that as augmented reality in general as a digital platform continues to gain market share, I think that the casual user of electronics will find uses of augmented reality.” Balancing his multitude of side projects, teaching career and personal life is not always easy for Hui. He worked for 10 years at Waterloo as a professor before deciding to move to Ryerson, despite the fact that his wife and newborn baby continue to live in Cambridge. But he says the progress his students are making, both on the augmented reality research and in a myriad of other fields, makes the commute worthwhile. “I live in Cambridge… [But] I work in Toronto and sometimes I have to sleep at my sister’s place, sometimes my god kid’s place,” he says. “I wake up alone in someone else’s bed, or on a couch. But I wake up with a smile on my face, because I’m coming back here.”

12

Arts & LIFE

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Ryerson’s Top 3 Artists Summer job dress codes: How to be trendy and keep it professional
By Jackie Hong It’s April. Exams will be over soon, summer’s just around the corner and you’re dying to go to the beach by day and party by night. But those pesky tuition fees mean you have to hold down a job. Dread trading your fashionable looks for the sake of appearing professional? Not to fear! The Eyeopener talked to three stylists from Guess, Urban Outfitters and Buffalo to figure out which trends are going to be a big part of this year’s summer collections and how to incorporate them into a business-appropriate outfit. You can still look good while slaving away for that paycheque.

1. The Grunge/Rocker Look
Studded denim, plaid shirts, vests, chains and skulls are all huge in this summer’s collections, although you may want to skip out on ripped jeans if you’re working or interning somewhere with a stricter dress code.

FILE PHOTO

After almost three weeks of voting, the 2013 Arts Top 10 Ryerson artists racked up over 3,000 votes. The top three finalists were Justin Friesen in first place (middle), Nina Platisa in second place (right), and Lucy McGroarty in third place (left).

At the office:
Guys The easiest way to bring the grunge/rocker look to the office without terrifying your boss is to wear leather with dark, monochromatic colours. Girls A corset with a blazer does the trick. It might be warm for a blazer in mid July but it’s a must to keep the look professional. Add a chain for a tough accent.

“Very gritty, rocker looks are huge this season. It’s like grunge, but with a modern twist”
-Mike Mendoca, manager of the Guess store on 360 Yonge St.

2. Bright Colours

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It looks like the ’60s and ’70s are back too. Tops and bottoms in vibrant shades, and even tie-dye, are becoming popular again, and bright blues and greens are going to be especially prevalent.

Guys

At the office:

Girls

CURLING

The only time wearing a Tshirt to the office will be acceptable is if you pair it with a blazer. It’ll keep you from boiling and add that pop of colour that is all over stores now. Add in classy, coloured pants, and you’re ready!

There is no easier way of staying cool than with a sleeveless shirt. The collar makes it appropriate enough for the office and you can get them in almost any colour — bright greens, yellows, and blues will be popular this summer.

“Basically, lots of Easter bunny colours”
-Dan Martin, Buffalo assistant manager and stylist

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APRIL 16-21, 2013

3. Bold Prints
Chevron, gingham, stripes, polka dots, and any striking print will be huge in the sunny months. You’ll find them in pants, shirts, skirts, and ties, so it shouldn’t be hard to incorporate them into your wardrobe. Like bright colours, bold prints add an instant pop to an otherwise boring outfit.

FOR TICKETS, PLEASE VISIT:
Mattamy Athletic Centre Box Office www.mattamyathleticcentre.ca Or by phone: 1-855-985-5000

Guys

At the office:

Girls

Have fun and mix patterns — checkered shirts with plaid bowties, striped shirts and polka dot ties. If it’s too warm, skip the blazer. This trend is fun and presentable enough.

Bold prints mean you can put away that collared shirt and dress things down. They’re eye-catching and if paired with a light cardigan and capris pants, you won’t be too hot.

“Bold patterns, things like stripes, stars, spots. A little floral too”
-Lorenz Sol, Urban Outfitters personal stylist
PHOTOS: Ashley cochrane

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

BIZ & TECH

13

From the bottom of the dial to the bottom of the barrel — how CKLN and Radio Ryerson deprived me of campus broadcasting

What happened to radio at Ryerson?
Comment by Jeff Lagerquist
levy funding. CKLN counter-sued for $500,000. The staff was laid off, and the locks were changed. With no programmers manning the boards, a loop of pre-recorded shows played from early March to October of 2009 in gross violation of Canadian Radio-television Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) guidelines. erns the SCC, was terminated. Equipment and resources disappeared from the second floor of the SCC. Most of the station’s vinyl archive was sold to the public. None of the money reached the Ryerson students that contributed to CKLN for 28 years. Today, Radio Ryerson, managed by Harrision, is looking to cling to $10.35 from every student by applying for an AM broadcast license after failing to convince the CRTC that it deserves to be on the FM dial. Realistically, how many students listene to AM radio when an abundance of digital content is available through every smartphone, tablet, and computer? Radio Ryerson is pursuing an antiquated medium for no other reason than to get your hard earned tuition dollars. Ryerson is a school known for being on the cutting edge of journalism, broadcasting, and digital media. We deserve better than this.

Campus radio at Ryerson has been nothing but a dismal saga of mismanagement and incompetence, and it looks like that’s not about to change any time soon. I feel like I have earned the right to be that blunt. Community radio was a big part of my formative years as a young journalist, even before I applied to Ryerson’s journalism program nearly four years ago. I was a news host at Erin Radio, a tiny FM station in Erin, Ont. that could barely broadcast out of its own shadow. The prospect of becoming a part of the once legendary CKLN FM, a place where CBC Metro Morning host Matt Galloway got his start on the air, put a spring into my step when I walked down Gould Street for the first time on a campus tour. I remember meeting Ron Nelson on the second floor of the SCC in 2009. Nelson had been with the station since 1983 and served as chair of CKLN’s board of directors. He gave me a quick tour and handed me a volunteer application. More disturbing than the lack of students in the office and studios were some of the questions on the application. One of the first asked if I had been a part of the previous board that had been voted out by CKLN members. I had no idea that the station was rife with infighting and allegations of financial corruption. The strange application question referred to the ousting of program director Tony Barnes and then station manager Mike Phillips. Toronto police were regularly summoned to membership meetings, and the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) withheld $100,000 in student

Long stretches of dead air were the norm as CKLN continued to stream on the Internet
The station was empty and locked when I returned with a completed volunteer application. I was discouraged, but eventually I found solace inside The Eyeopener office just a few steps down the hall. My first story for The Eyeopener’s news section was published next to a piece about my former employer, Erin Radio, applying for CKLN’s 88.1 FM frequency. I would come to read and write a number of stories documenting the downfall of radio at Ryerson in the pages of The Eyeopener. In March 2011, CKLN hired Jacky Tunistra Harrison as the station manager after the position lay vacant for 18 months. Harrison was tasked with revitalizing the ailing station. My friend and classmate Charles Vanegas, now sports editor at The Eyeopener, and I were encouraged by the prospect of new management and jumped at the opportunity to host a twice-weekly campus news program. CKLN ceased broadcasting on the 88.1 FM frequency on April 15 at 6:45 p.m. Several attempts to appeal the CRTC decision failed under Harrison’s management. Long stretches of dead air were the norm as CKLN continued to stream on the Internet. The station’s lease agreement with the Palin Foundation, which gov-

PHOTO: Lindsay Boeckl

The former CKLN studio in SCC 201. The space is currently being renovated into a common student area and a new studio space for Radio Ryerson.

14

BIZ & TECH

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Professor Seth Dworkin and his team of six grad students use the fastest supercomputer in Canada to develop cleaner engines

Supercomputing to save the planet
By Joseph Ho
Over 300 trillion calculation are completed every second behind an unmarked door in a mundane looking strip mall in Vaughan, Ont. For security reasons, the exact location of Canada’s largest supercomputer is a closely guarded secret. SciNet is an IBM iDataPlex cluster computer that draws enough electricity to power 4,000 homes. The heat it produces would burn down its humble strip mall home if it weren’t for a unique cooling system that circulates water down to the microchip level. Its 30,240 Intel Xeon core processors have been used for quantum mechanical physics and simulating the big bang theory in conjunction with the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva. However, one Ryerson mechanical and industrial engineering professor is harnessing the immense power of SciNet for a more earthly pursuit. Seth Dworkin wants to see the world breathe easier, and says developing engines that release less particulate matter — the black particles commonly known as soot — into the atmosphere is the way to make that happen. “This is nasty stuff,” he says. out and come to people like me and say ‘can you help get us under this threshold,’” he says. A major Canadian automotive manufacturer will sponsor Dworkin’s next grant application. His research is also being applied to residential and commercial heating as well as biofuels. The Canadian Foundation for Innovation and the Ontario research fund provided $250,000 for Ryerson to buy 700 IBM Sandy Bridge processors for the SciNet facility, which is part of Compu Canada, a national body that facilitates high performance computer research. The University of Toronto is responsible for granting access to Canadian professors who submit a successful application. This year Dworkin will control over 2,000 of SciNet’s CPUs. An ordinary desktop computer would take decades to process his work. “I thought it was an important problem to tackle from a Canadian perspective,” he says. “We have a big manufacturing sector and have a climate of environmental concern. I felt that there is sort of a moral imperative for people to be researching this type of thing.” With files from Jeff Lagerquist

The General Purpose Cluster (GPC) is said to be the workhorse of SciNet. When it first came online in 2009, it was the 16th fastest supercomputer in the world. The GPC has performed over 10,000,000 computations for Canadian scientists to date. “We’ve seen plenty of stories about smog blanketing cities in China. This is related to combustion engines, basically.” Dworkin and his team of six graduate students use SciNet to run complex simulations that measure combustion chemistry, particle diffusion, fuel temperature, pressure, and a host of other variables. With rapid industrialization in developing nations like China and India, Dworkin’s research could have a profound influence on climate change and pollution-borne illness. Outdoor air pollution contributed to 1.2 million premature deaths in China in 2010, according a new data summary report released last Sunday. The Health Effect Institute says the impact of China’s pollution equates to the loss of 25 million healthy years of life from the population. Other studies have linked the poor air quality in China to serious aggravation of the heart and lungs, congenital birth defects, greater frequency of preterm births and low birth weight, a general increase in infant mortality, and cancer.

PHOTO: CREATIVE COMMONS

Dworkin’s findings show that modifications to an engine’s combustion chamber and improvements to the way fuel mixes with air can cut down on soot released into the atmosphere. With rising oil prices, greater demand for sustainable energy, and increasing government emissions standards, the aviation and automotive sectors are demanding innovative solutions. Dworkin is counting on these industries to pay for research now rather than face a fine later. “What those companies do is freak

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

SPORTS

15

Ryerson baseball to play games before final roster is confirmed
By Harlan Nemerofsky
Despite not having its opening roster confirmed, the Ryerson Rams varsity baseball team will play its first set of exhibition games as an expansion OUA team in a double-header against Brock this Saturday. Although he declined to comment on which players have impressed him “to give fairness to every player competing for a roster spot,” head coach Ben Rich said that he can see a team from the current roster. “I see a starting nine, not necessarily the firm starting nine,” said Rich. “But when I look at the roster today, I can see that any given day we can put out a starting nine that is going to compete; that is going to hit and is going play solid defence and is going to give our team a chance to win.” The team is in the process of narrowing down its group of 15 pitchers to five for the starting rotation, and looking to cut down 29 tryouts players to 25 on the final roster, though August tryouts will also factor into the equation. Last month, Rich started running an optional weekly strength and conditioning regimen for his players at the Mattamy Athletic Centre, where players focus on their cardio and muscle strength while working directly with the coach. “We’re seeing guys who are throwing harder and swinging with more authority, and we’re really seeing it when it comes to endurance as well,” said Rich. “Our pitchers are up throwing 35 to 45 pitches per bullpen session but now that these guys are stronger in their legs, they’ll be able to last a few innings longer than they would have.” Although the Rams have yet to play on grass surface this year, Rich is optimistic about making the shift from indoor turf, calling it “nothing that the players can’t overcome.” “The ball rolls a lot faster on the turf [at Toronto Sports Centre] than it would on the grass when we play Brock outdoors,” said first-year business management student and training invitee Brittany Chan. “I think we can use that as an advantage since we’re already used to the fast surface — the game will [seem] slower and easier to us.” Instead of looking for victories, Rich

Ryerson baseball coach Ben Rich. plans to use the exhibitions against Brock to analyze his hitters’ decisionmaking at the plate. “Are they looking for a certain pitch in a certain location? Are they identifying the situation and seeing what they can do to help the team?”

FILE PHOTO

Heading towards their inaugural season, Rich is confident with the group he’s got. “The work ethic [of players] is definitely there,” he said. “It’s just a matter of putting into practice what we’ve been doing indoors, outdoors.”

Head coach to lead World Select squad at Nike Hoops Summit
By Charles Vanegas
der 19. Current NBA stars such as Kevin Durant, Dirk Nowitzki and Kevin Garnett are former particiFor the third time in as pants in the summit. Rana, who is also the current many years, Ryerson head coach Roy Rana will lead head coach of the Canadian Junior the World Select squad at National team, said the Summit is a the Nike Hoops Summit, much different — and much easier — an event that pits the top experience than coaching at the high American high school players school or university level. “Much of the World team are proagainst an international squad filled with the top players un- fessionals already, so they’re coming in with a different level of understanding of the whole process. The stakes are a lot higher for them because they’re basically playing for an NBA contract,” said Rana. “It’s different because the time you have with them is shorter, and it’s much more business. At the same time, the level of talent is pretty spectacular.” The World Select team will once again feature Canadian Andrew Wiggins, the top high school prospect in North America. The 18-year-old Wiggins is considered the front-runner to be selected first overall in the 2014 NBA Draft and has even drawn comparisons to LeBron James. “It’s lots of fun [coaching Andrew],” said Rana. “He’s a great kid, a great talent — just a very easy kid to coach.” The 2013 Nike Hoops Summit will be played on April 20 in Portland, Oregon.

Register early! Limited space available.

Have an idea for a company? Get $3000 to turn it into a business!
ryerson.ca/research/summercompany
A program of the Government of Ontario
PHOTO: BRIAN BATISTA BETTENCOURT

16

Feelings

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Many members of The Eyeopener graduate this year, meaning they are four years angrier, drunker and lazier than when they started

We’re never coming back again, assholes
By Kai Benson (Fun)
wisdom of our years upon you, the common idiot. I’ve learned a lot in my time at Ryerson, and probably ten percent of that was journalism-related. If you’re currently thinking that I should have said “per cent” instead of “percent,” I would kindly suggest that you go fuck yourself. You’re a hall monitor at the theme park of life. Mixed metaphor? I don’t care. Anyway, I learned a lot at university. I learned that I would rather be funny than right and I’d rather get a B drunk than an A+ sober. I learned how to do standup comedy, write a feature story, lay out a magazine, drive a zamboni and pick up girls at dance cave. Okay, the last one is less a skill and more an unfortunate side effect. No worries, though. I also learned that birds are assholes. I learned that fact when I took too much acid and watched nature documentaries for six hours. The point is, I lived a lot during my time at school. I may not remember any of it, but I’m going to assume that I’m a better person because of it. I have friends, stories and an education from my time at Ryerson, and I’m probably only going to use the first two. Not that I regret anything I learned in class here, I’m just a lazy bastard and will probably end up either homeless or in law school, postponing my adulthood for another couple years. That’s another thing I learned at Ryerson: adulthood is stupid. As long as you’re in school, you can live on no money, drink all the time,

Here we are, finally graduating after four whole years of university. Okay, so it took me six. And I’m pretty sure Jeff’s been in university since the Reagan administration. But that’s not the point. The point is that we’re leaving you assholes and never coming back, but figured it would be a good idea to impart some of the

work weird jobs and improve yourself as a person. Adulthood might be the same, but you’re expected to work more and people think you’re weird for drinking at noon on a Tuesday. You might be noticing by this point that I haven’t really taught you anything yet. Damn straight I haven’t. That’s not my job. That’s your job. Get out there and live a little. But either way. Here, for your consideration, is my colleagues’ wisdom from their time at Ryerson.

Sarah Del Giallo (Features)
Hello, folks. I’m the features editor for The Eyeopener. It’s nice to meet you, and now it’s time for me to say goodbye. Yes, my time in Ryerson’s journalism program is finally coming to a close. Sure, academia has done me well, and this school has taught me how to enter the world feeling like I (at least sort of) know what I’m doing. Hell, I’m even leaving this place with a job. But there are some other things I’d like to highlight in leaving this god-forsaken campus (ok, maybe ‘forsaken’ isn’t fair). I’ve learned that closed doors at Ryerson don’t necessarily mean you can’t get in. I may or may not have snuck into Jorgenson Hall after hours to drop off an essay. Again, may or may not have — I admit to nothing. But that essay was totally on time. I’ve learned that if a friend has never tried a Billy (a toxic and delicious combination of beer, liquor and orange juice served only at the Ram in the Rye), you should not let them drink six in one night. That person will hate you for it, and may end up barfing on a Greyhound bus while travelling back to Ottawa. On the topic of hangovers, I’ve also learned that if you’re in the Pitman Quad and you’ve got to puke, you can probably make it to a trashcan in time. And if it’s early enough in the morning, only a handful of people might witness it. I call that a win, my friends. As for life lessons, Ryerson has certainly taught me something I’ll be trying to shake for a while. Thanks to good ol’ ‘Ryerson time,’ I’m 10 minutes late to fucking everything. But it’s been fun. I’ve had an interesting run here. And shit, if I’m being honest, I think I’m actually going to miss this place.

Emma Prestwich (Online)
Honestly, school didn’t teach me all that much. I learned the most about myself from working at The Eyeopener, trying to make it to class, working another part-time job, and attempting to do a decent job at all of those things at once. I screwed up a lot, that’s for sure. There was that time I fell asleep in the bathroom at the Ram, when I spelled a source’s name wrong in a contentious story about CKLN, or the time I decided it was wise to eat the whole plate of Salad King’s Islamic Noodles in one go. Ryerson wasn’t a place where I was told I was the best while someone pinched my cheeks and fed me strawberries rolled in sugar (although that would be great). When I screwed up, I learned it was my fault. Somehow, through doing it wrong a lot of times, I learned my own organizational style, how to budget, and became a much better reporter. If you get to know the staff at the Ram and often stay there until close, they sometimes bring you free waffle fries. Learn to buy your own groceries and cook shit — you will save so much money. Find a way to relieve stress that doesn’t involve staring at a screen, getting sloshed, or stuffing a jumbo bag of Smartfood cheese popcorn into your face. Don’t go to the pub nights in first year (because they suck), try instead to find friends who actually want to hear you talk as you sit in a quiet bar. Try to work as hard as you can at whatever you’re studying — it’s just that for me, getting the most out of my program didn’t involve a lot of studying. Also, if you’re going to order dessert at the Ram — which you should, because it’s on the menu — stare straight at your server and say, “I know where you keep them.”

Old Man Lagerquist (Biz & Tech)
Hey kids, Ooold Man Lagerquist here again to lay some knowledge on you. You may remember me from back on page 13, ranting about something. Well, I’m back to rant some more because the nurse hasn’t brought me my mashed peas and creamed corn. First of all, back when I started university, it wasn’t called “Biz & Tech.” It was called the business section, because technology hadn’t been invented yet. And it was good enough for us! Now you damn whippersnappers come in here with your iPods and your horseless carriages and act like you’re better than me? You don’t know shit, sonny boy. Sure, I can’t tell you the difference between a smartphone and a Joystation, but I can tell you what hookers in the ’30s smelled like. And it’s that kinda business knowhow that’s helped make my section the best gall-darned heap of journalistic know-how this side of the Iron Curtain. You young kneebiters aren’t fit to wear my pelican-skin knickerbockers or shine my boots, trying to pass off your aggressive googlery as journalism. Back in my day, when a source wouldn’t talk to us, we just bareknuckle boxed in the street until they relented and told us about how they invented soapbox. What? No! Not that shitty Soapbox. I mean actual soapboxes. You know? Boxes. To put soap in. That’s the thing about you smartalecs, you never just call things what they are. Why call it an iPad when it’s clearly just a portable telegraph? Stop putting makeup on pigs. Basically, I’m trying to say that all I learned at Ryerson is that young people ruin everything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to apply for a job in radio.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

FUNGINEERING

17

Horoscopes! More-oscopes! Bore-oscopes! By Kai Benson!
Aries
Steal people’s bike seats and sell them for crack money! It’s an untapped market! Seriously, nobody does that!

Sagittarius
It’s raining men! Mostly menstruation, meningitis and mental instability.

1991 Ford Taurus
You will continue to be a 1991 Ford Taurus. Are you a green one? I bet you are. Good for you!

Murican
There’s no problem you can’t solve by shooting guns or abstaining from premarital sex! Go get’em, Tiger! The world still loves you!

Astronomy
You think you’re better than me? Just cause you’re based on facts? Well this week a pack of wolves will eat you. Take that, science!

Taurus
Your invention of Nutella and Tuna Poutine will earn you millions of dollars and several World Health Organization condemnations.

Aquarius
You will experience the dawning of a new age. Of Aquarius. Hey, that’s just like that song!

Ryersonian
You have a fever­ —and the only prescription is more cowbell! Just kidding, there is no cure.

Scientology
Your thetans will be all like, whoah, this week, but Ole Elron will have you covered. What a bunch of shit, right? Not like Astrology.

Dan Westell
Hi, Dan! I applaud your taste in satirical fortune-tellers.

Gemini
Your Ryerson life will come to an end as Sheldon Levy has you demolished to make way for better, more presentable students.

Pisces
There will be a murder!... Of crows, that is. That’s what a group of crows is called. Anyway, you’ll be pecked to death by a bunch of crows.

Diverlus
You will drop your pants, science, the beat, it like it’s hot, the mic, the ball and in on some friends. You will not drop fees.

Kaices
Life will just be a barrel of monkeys this week, namely because of that barrel of monkeys that someone mailed to you.

The Kiwanis Club
Your plans for world domination will never succeed, Kiwanis! Not while Astrology has anything to say about it!

Cancer
Every star in your sign just exploded. So you’ll probably explode or something. They don’t really teach us this at Astrology Camp.

Capricorn
Proceed with caution. The prophecy has foretold that if you do not check yourself, you will surely wreck yourself.

Crapricorn
It’s like Capricorn’s horoscope, but crappier.

Leo
You’re too old to learn anything awesome but too young to have accomplished anything. Better smoke more pot!

Scorpio
You’ll listen to the Scorpions and watch that Simpsons with Hank Scorpio and do other Scorpio-type stuff and then get eaten by a badger.

Bensonarius
More bees than your butt has room for! (In your butt.)

CALLING ALL MEMBERS

Virgo
The government will arrest you for tax evasion, which is pretty weird since you’re too poor to have to pay taxes.

Rhombus
Shut up, Rhombus. Nobody even knows what you are. You’re just a square with a drinking problem.

Gemini again
There’s always two of you, isn’t there? Attention whore.

Libra
This week you’ll be like King Midas because you’ll accidentally kill your son!

Kardashian
Fuck, I miss that Rhombus guy.

Worcestershireans
People won’t be able to say your name correctly. But that’s pretty much every week.

RSU SPRING GENERAL MEETING
of the Ryerson Students’ Union

Annual General Meeting

WED, APRIL 3
Mouthing off: Sheldonisms vs. Rodneyisms
Ryerson president Sheldon Levy and RSU president Rodney Diverlus have one thing in common: they talked to the Eye so much this year, they were bound to stumble over their words every once in a while. Courtesy of our news team, here’s their best blunders of the year. Rodney
On Graduate Students wanting to separate: “So it’s often times very frustrating to actually see that we’re putting wood in a fire that isn’t actually coming from the ground up.” On an Ryerson Policy Change: “It’s a big beast, keep figuring out where to poke it. Keep poking in a fun way.” On Radio Ryerson: “So, that’s kudos to the staff and to the volunteers for keeping what looks like a dying swan alive. That was a bad metaphor.”

5:00pm Registration • 5:30pm Start

SCC115 Student Centre
YOUR UNION YOUR VOICE

• Discuss student issues

Sheldon
On Engineering: “Knowledge. I didn’t know about it. If you don’t know, you don’t know. It’s as simple as that. If I don’t know something, how would I ever have made a statement?” On Application Numbers: The numbers this year are really off the chart. Let me show you a chart of how off the chart they are. (Sean Wetselaar: “And then he pulled out a chart!”) On ???: “There’s a great expression that I will get wrong and that is that strength of your commitment to freedom of speech is not that I will always go to bat for you to have, to have, for you to have your voice, and I will go to bat for you even though I hate what you’re saying.”

All RSU members (full time undergrads and full and part-time grads) are eligible to vote on by-law changes, motions, & set direction!

FREE DINNER

ASL interpretation provided. If you need other accommodations to ensure your participation, please contact internal@rsuonline.ca as soon as possible.
For more info on your membership in the Students’ Union visit www.rsuonline.ca

18

FUNGINEERING

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Merchandise Building Salon & Spa

30% discount on
ALL services for
Ryerson students

1/2 price Brazilian
Tuesdays − make hump day a lot smoother
135 Dalhousie St. Unit 104 / Buzz 2009 416.941.9915
Y’know, where the Metro is by the RCC...

4 Hours Daily Seeking motivated individuals to demonstrate the methods of social science by studying human behavior at outlets across our clients coverage area. Flexible time (4hrs daily) + Benefits. Email convenience350@ ymail.com for registration details

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

19

You make Ryerson the place to be

When you succeed, we succeed
To all of our students, we want to thank you for your talent, spirit and contributions to the university. We are proud of all of your accomplishments and value the role you have played in building the innovative, vibrant, in-demand Ryerson University of today. There have been many great student successes over the past academic year, and we continue to see amazing student participation in competitions from across our faculties. We are also proud to say that the much-anticipated Mattamy Athletic Centre at the Gardens opened its doors this year. It added more athletic space for our students and our sports teams, which had one of their strongest years yet with six CIS teams qualifying for the playoffs. All of your accomplishments – big and small – make Ryerson the place to be, and the numbers prove it. The latest figures show that there are 10 applications for every available space here – more than any other Ontario university. You are ambassadors for the great work at the university, and we thank you for your incredible achievements. We wish you continued success and all of the best with your exams and assignments.

Sheldon Levy President

20

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

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