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We all know that there is a world that transcends the Internet and I do not speak of spiritual dimensions that

I am often prone too. But thats another subject, which I will get back to whenever. But I speak of the real world (or at least the physical one we mostly can agree exists) of human beings flesh and blood hard floors and TV misinformation commercials and cops capitalists and revolutionaries and just about anything in between. This is the world we have all ultimately got to come to grips with. If my spiritual perceptions cannot deal with this they are (at the most fundamental level) deficient or possibly devoid of any greater spiritual value. Not to say that they are not true for what they are, but they fail at the most basic level. And that does me little good. I am a musician and as well have capabilities in recording engineering and a few other associated skills. I also have a varied self-acquired knowledge of a number of other subjects generally spiritual, historical, computers, psychological and philosophical (becoming less as the list progresses). You might add that I am a political hodge-podge some left some libertarian and oh so little support for national and International American policies. And I think the capitalist system as it has evolved is intrinsically corrupt and needs to be redefined apart from corporate control and influence. Of course I know that this last one is an absolute pipe-dream but I do not deny myself the pleasure of an occasional pipe or other such rolled delight. But yet I must adapt all of this . Stuff to the task at hand and survival is the task at hand. And I suppose it ultimately is for all of us. No matter the system or what we may believe or want to believe. I have been an Internet protagonist since I first became aware in 1996 and before that had operated Computer Bulletin Boards over the phone lines. I got my first computer in 1983 and

everyone thought I was nuts. But the decision and the knowledge gained paid off in very significant ways shortly thereafter. But I was not interested in committing to a life invested in computers oh god no But I loved what I could make them do and it still boggles my mind and I see no end to it. But computer communications and our ability to connect (locally and now internationally) this was always my favorite. I believed some things were possible years before they became main stream. But music and spiritual interests were always at the forefront of everything. They still are. But these are ultimately very personal, and with spiritual things each must ultimately figure it out for themselves though I do regard teachers and mentors as highly beneficial. And music as personal expression well thats a no brainer . I think we can mostly all appreciate that. BUT I am not interested in music as purely an avocation I am interested in it as a career a life style an artistic expression that speaks beyond my own desire and speaks into and for a culture that I happen to inhabit. This is a dream that I had committed myself to several years back and as the realities of pursuing this dream became more consequential life patterns of many I had relation too were thrust into a state of unanticipated disruption and change. Too say the least I was caught off guard I didnt know what the fuck was going on. I was no longer in control of life life was just happening and I was on a friggin roller coaster with a god damn brick wall at the end of it and no effin way to get off. I dont know how or just what the situation was but one of my contacts (who is a psychologist) began to explain to me how as I proceed to follow my dream I could expect my ego to grow Well this was a little bit of a shocker because I had always been taught the evils of this ego thing and the gentle Jesus meek and mild sort of crap and was only relatively new considering the knowing thyself aspect as fundamental to understanding what true humility was/is. You know the ego trip syndrome that musicians often get hung up on. Its all bull shit. Because I began to understand that if they had no such ego they would not create any such artistic invention that the rest of us all gravitate to and admire as representations of what we feel and know. Now, this does not excuse a lot of the egotism that we all hear tales of, but the ego itself is not the problem. It is our inability to master it and know what it is and its limits and extents as we relate to other human beings. If I am to succeed in what it is I believe I am and musician/artist is what I speak of here (there are other things but not contextually pertinent) I will grow into what that is and my ego (persona reflecting this) will change and evolve accordingly Maybe Im just full of shit But in the real world of flesh and blood and making love and the woman I desire that seems to be the way it works. I want a lot in this world I am a very patient man that demonstrates it regularly. But I am a man with intention I have desires and varied goals I will grow in these I will not remain stagnate I will become what it is I already know that I am And my spiritual nature will have its way in this world we have all ultimately got to come to grips with.