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A Cup of Coffee with God Part 4 Husband Wife Relationship

(An Uncommon dialogue between God and Me)

Gan, Chennai Me: Very pleased for calling on me, I wish I ask you regarding Family, Husband Wife Relationship etc. God: Good that you have TRUSTED me. Carry on! Me: Tell me about our Humans way of Living. Are we good at managing ourselves? God: FAMILY SYSTEM is one of the BEST CONCEPTS humans have developed. Any system has its inherent problems. Naturally every family will have its own problems. But, thats ok. Family is the best logical conclusion to effectively manage the human existence. You must understand that even ATOMS maintain a PERFECT FAMILY SYTEM. The Solar System with Sun and its planets are yet another family system. But, unfortunately HUMANITY is itself a very big FAMILY, which you are yet to understand. You have to go one step beyond the PERSONAL FAMILY SYSTEM and think about the HUMAN FAMILY SYSTEM also. Humanity is an undivided whole. There you are lagging too much. M: What should we do then? G: Go one step further and think about what you can do for the Humanity. If every Human thinks about doing a little for the Humanity, the world would not have been in such a

mess. You know the 80-20 Principle. 80% of the world resources are controlled by 20% of the Top Rung people and balance 20% goes to 80% of the people. You people are highly SELFISH. You must cross the family boundaries and think for the HUMANITY as a WHOLE. Think, if Jesus and Mahatma Gandhi were selfish, what would have happened to humanity? M: I agree with you. But, still we cannot effectively manage our Family itself. Please clarify my doubts on our Family System, viz. Husband, Wife relationship etc. Why disharmonies exist in some families? G: First one should understand the MALE and FEMALE PRINCIPLES if one has to understand the relationship between HUSBAND and WIFE. The functioning of brain and hormonal production of Men and Women differ quite a lot. Naturally, they differ from each other. Even before birth your brain is hard wired for your traits and characteristics. Your DNA has all these imprints.

No MEN 1 DOMINANT in nature 2 Physically strong 3 Aggressive (Aggression more towards Men, rarely against women) 4 Assume the role of Protector 5 Accomplishment oriented 6 Independent Behavior 7 WEAK MIND 8 INSTINCTIVE by Nature 9 More Knowledge, Less Wisdom 10 LESS EMOTIONS 11 THINK from MIND (Intellect) 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25

WOMEN SUBMISSIVE in Nature Physically weak Soft Assume the role of Member Helping Oriented Dependent Behavior STABLE MIND INTUTIVE by NATURE Less Knowledge, More Wisdom

More EMOTIONS FEEL from HEART. Women are the primal source of Love and Affection. Basically WORKERS (Earners) Basically FACILITATORS (Family Makers) Good at SINGLE TASK (Like Good at MULTI TASKING Research) (Management) Physiology needs more SLEEP Physiology needs less SLEEP POOR Environment, Society BETTER Environment, Society and Beauty conscious and Beauty conscious Good at Higher Education Good at School Education especially at Masters and (Better learning capacity at Doctoral Levels ages 13-15 Years than boys) Poor Memory Better Memory Speak Less Speak More More focused on outside More interested in Family and world. Public and Societal Domestic Management. Interest Broad Minded Not so broad minded Less Gossiping More Gossiping Less attached to Parents More attached to Parents Mingle Easily. Easily form Confined. Intimate Groups and groups and gangs. Friendships. Less stable groups. Generally fit for Primary Generally fit for Subordinate Role (More Leaders) Role (Less Leaders) Prefer any Authority Prefer Male authority to Female Authority

The above listed inborn tendencies are natural and common to respective genders in most of the socio-cultural groups. There is nothing to be proud or ashamed about being so. These tendencies have been passed on for generations in the genes of every human being according to the gender. Nobody can too much infringe upon the inborn traits of the other gender. The interchanging of roles of Men and Women will only lead to chaos. In every Male there are Feminine Principles and in every Female there are Male principles. Its the Biological Differences and difference in the Male and Female pattern of Principles make one attracted to the other. The OPPOSITE POLARITIES usually attracts. When the patterns are similar, LIKE POLARITIES usually repulse leading to strained Husband and Wife Relationships. Both Husband and Wife should understand their inbuilt limitations and behave accordingly. M: Can you name top reasons which are the source of conflict between Husband and Wife? Ego, Money, Children, Elders, Freedom, Sex, Suspicion, Addictions, are the main reasons for conflicts among Husband and Wife. When both Husband and Wife are employed, it is usually, the Wife who has to take the extra burden of managing the household chaos, and naturally they are subject to extra burden. Even, if the wife does not go for a job, her household work will be enormous. Many family women work 24x7 hours. Every husband should

understand this. Every wife is worth being saluted by her Husband. M: What about the Role of EGO in Husband Wife Relationship? EGO itself is a great illusion. Its the False Pride that exhibits as EGO. Why should EGO raise its ugly head in the closest relationship? Be the first to shed the EGO. It does not matter between Husband Wife Relationship, but in all relationships. M: Should there be secrecies within Husband Wife Relationship? G: Secrecies are Secrecies. It does not matter what the relationship is. If certain genuine secrecies, like premarital relationships, if revealed may spoil the Husband Wife Relationship, better they may be kept Secret forever. This does not mean that forth coming actions can be purposefully done wrong and kept as secret. Genuineness of the secrecy is very vital. Genuineness matters. M: Children as point of conflict in bringing up between Husband and Wife? G: Children sometimes become source of conflict among parents. One may like to give better freedom while the other may abhor it. Any freedom in excess of desired limits will ruin the childrens future. Freedom should be given to children only after consensus between Husband and Wife along with riders and hence explaining the consequences is vital.

M: How about Divorce? G: Even, if one in the conflicting pair is MATURED there may not be need for a divorce. If both the persons are immature Divorce becomes unavoidable. There can be no alternative to Divorce if there is continuous Physical Violence, Addictions, Mental Torture etc. These are the actions of a Lower Self. If a person persistently live as a Lower Self with Animalistic Characteristics what else could be the alternative except to seek a divorce? Peace is more important than to live always in conflicts. Seeking Divorce merely for Egoistic Issues is really absurd. M: What about Elders in Family? G: Elders should avoid giving unnecessary advices to grownup couples. Many mistakes lie with elders also as they do not understand REALITY of the present day life situations. This does not mean that elders should be dumb spectators. Their advice must be much limited. Elders should also understand that they become redundant after a particular age (especially after 70), try to become more accommodative, and know to keep mute. The above advice for elders in NO WAY DIMINISHS the responsibility of youngsters taking care of Elders at their old age irrespective of their lineage whether from Husband Side or Wife Side. It is the LIABILITY and BOUNDEN DUTY of YOUNG to take care of ELDERS without sending them to Old Age Homes, except in case of extraordinary circumstances like being permanently transferred to remote and far off locations.

M: What are your advices for husband and wife? My advices are as here under: 1. Mutual Understanding: Most Human Relationships are Mutual, like two way traffic. Mutual Understanding is the Primal Objective in Husband Wife Relationship. Either Husband or Wife with GENEROUS MENTALITY is absolutely essential for sustenance of relationships. This becomes more important during the first few years of marriage till a child is born. The child usually becomes the integrator of the family usually. 2. Character: Character is the most valuable possession one can ever acquire. Character is the inward values that determine ones outward actions. Flawed character is the main reason for all breakage in Human Relationship. 3. Trust: Trust is the most important factor for all Relationships. When trust is broken it leads to end of relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion. Suspicion leads to anger. Anger creates enmity. Enmity leads to separation. 4. Words: Words can make or break relationships. Use words cautiously. Frequent exchange of harsh words will plant the seed for bad relationship. 5. Love: True love begins only after marriage. Till such time Love is merely a hypothesis. If the excitement of love wears off after marriage, they discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. Everyone look forward to being loved and respected.

6. Pointing Fingers: Bear in mind that nobody is perfect. Constant accusations will only harm the relationship. Pointing fingers is the easy way out! Take an extra step and really think about the situation. Do not point fingers. 7. Perception: Perceptions always arise from Mind. Perception is the process of obtaining awareness and understanding of sensory data. Dont perceive imaginative stories and make your life hell. 8. Patience: Patience is the greatest of all virtues. Patience is the level of endurance one can take during negativity. Patience and Silence can altogether change the way an argument proceed. 9. Lowering the Expectations: Sometimes lowering the expectations is the only thing you can do in order to enjoy a happy husband wife relationship. Be happy with what you have and just be satisfied. 10. Go elsewhere and speak openly: When in tussle plan for a travel and discuss openly. A change of place will open up the HEART. Go to a Restaurant; Go for a Walk, Watch a movie in a Theatre etc. Change of place has a great bearing in understanding.
Husband and wife are co-equals, Partners, one in purpose as Soul Husband is the provider and protector of Family Wife is the primary nurturer of children A home built on Love and Affection, Where children can grow Mentally, Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually,

Is a Paradise on Earth!

M: Thanks for your explanations on Husband and Wife relationships. Take leave of you. G: Everybody knows the Truth. But, who follows only wins! Thanks for listening! Love you so much! HOME