The Princess and the Packet of Frozen Peas

Once upon a time there was a prince called Henrik who wanted very much to fall in love and get married. He was an outdoorsy type, and hoped that the princess he married would like hockey and camping.

But many girls want to marry a prince. Every time Henrik left the palace, screaming crowds would holler Oh my goodness, its him! and throw flowers in his general direction. Many of them were very beautiful. Henrik was worried that he would make a bad decision. He decided he would ask his brother, Prince Hans for some advice.

The most important thing is to make sure she is real princess, Hans said. A real princess is very beautiful and very sensitive. When I met my wife Princess Eva I set up the guest bedroom with a stack of twenty mattresses and twenty eiderdowns. Then I put a single pea under the bottom mattress. My theory was that if she complained about feeling the pea through all those mattresses and eiderdowns, she must be a real princess.

Did she complain, Prince Henrik asked.

You bet, Prince Hans nodded. She complained a lot.

And thats good? Prince Henrik said.

Well it means shes a real princess, his brother replied. The pea kept her awake. It means shes sensitive.

Prince Henrik wanted to know more. He decided to secretly watch Princess Eva to see what a real, sensitive princess was like.

He found her at the palace tennis court, and she was being sensitive about the tennis balls.

[Text box] These tennis balls are too bouncy! I cant hit them!

He followed her to the castle tower and she was being sensitive about the banister rail.

[text box] Could one of you lazy sods polish this banister rail! I cant see my reflection.

He followed her to the driveway and she was being sensitive about her new sports car

(text box] This isnt the model I wanted! I wanted one with drink holders. And yellow!

Princess Eva was certainly very sensitive. The more Prince Henrik saw the more he wondered whether he wanted to marry a real princess.

[thought box] I wonder whether Princess Eva isnt perhaps a little too sensitive.

When he saw Princess Eva yell at Prince Hans because he was wearing a tie that clashed with her ball gown, he made up his mind. He didnt want to marry a real princess like Princess Eva. He wanted to marry the exact opposite. She didnt have to be that beautiful. She just had to like hockey and camping and have a nice smile.

And so Prince Henrik came up with a plan. Whenever a princess came to stay, he offered to make up the guest room. Instead of twenty mattresses, Henrik used one thin camping mattress. Instead of twenty eiderdowns, Henrik found one old sleeping bag. And instead of one single pea, the prince decided to use a whole packet of frozen peas.

The test was this. Every time a princess visited, Henrik would sneak into the guest room and hide the packet of frozen peas under the thin mattress. He figured that if the girl didnt mention the frozen peas, it meant she wasnt too sensitive like Princess Eva and probably would quite like camping.

Many young beauties visited, but none passed the test.

[Text boxes]

You wont believe this. I found peas in my bed.

There was this cold wet bag under the mattress.

I couldnt sleep at all, there was this massive lump in the bed.

Whats the deal with this freezer pack of peas?

One afternoon, Henriks old school friend Pippa came to stay at the palace. They had a great day - riding horses, playing hockey, and spying on Princess Eva who was out at the clothes line, complaining as usual.

[Text box] The whites arent white enough and that the colours arent bright enough!

If shes a real princess, Henrik joked, I want to marry the opposite. An un-real princess.

Henrik and Pippa laughed. For the first time Henrik noticed how pretty his old friend was.

That night he decided to test her with the packet of frozen peas.

The next morning Henrik was sitting in the corridor outside the guest room. He waited and waited. Finally Pippa emerged, yawning.

How did you sleep, he asked nervously.

Fantastically well, thank you, She then handed him the packet of now not-so-frozen peas. I found some peas under the mattress last night. It was actually just perfect. I had a bit of shin soreness as a result of the hockey, and so I used the frozen peas as an ice-pack. It was a stroke of luck.

The Prince beamed.

Pippa beamed back. She had a lovely gap between her two front teeth.

Will you marry me? the Prince asked.

Pippa looked shocked. But Im not a real princess, Pippa answered.

That doesnt matter, Henrik replied. Youll be an unreal princess.

Really? she said handing back the peas.

{last page - image of wedding, peas being thrown instead of confetti]

Really.