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Love On Purpose Revolution: Marci Shimoff
[Intro music] Orna Walters: Hi, I'm Orna Walters. Matthew Walters: And I'm Matthew Walters. Orna: We are your hosts for The Love on Purpose Revolution. Matthew: And our goal is to bust the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident. Orna: We have brought together top experts to guide you through the process of creating love on purpose. Matthew: And today we're really thrilled because we have Marci Shimoff and Marci is the number one New York Times bestselling author, a world renowned transformational teacher and an expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love, which is what we're talking about here. So her newest book, "Love for No Reason -- Seven Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love" debuted at number three on the New York Times bestseller list. In it Marci introduces a revolutionary program to live in a deep and lasting state of unconditional love. It shows you how to access that at any time and in any circumstance. Orna: Marci's other books include the runaway bestseller, "Happy for No Reason -Seven Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out" and six titles in the phenomenally successful, "Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul" series. Her books have sold more than 14 million copies worldwide and 33 languages and have topped all of the major bestseller lists and have been on the New York Times Bestseller list for a total of 118 weeks. Marci is one of the bestselling female non-fiction authors of all time. Matthew: Marci is also the host of the national PBS television special called, "Happy for No Reason." And is a featured teacher in the international film and book sensation, "The Secret." Marci has inspired millions of people around the world and is dedicated to helping people with more empowered and joy-filled lives. So please join us in welcoming to our show Marci Shimoff. Hi Marci. Marci Shimoff: Hi, it's so great to be with both of you and I absolutely love the topic of this series, "Love on Purpose." I think you guys are right on with it so I'm delighted to be part of it. Orna: Well, we are delighted to have you and we're so excited to really delve deep into this whole concept of love for no reason.
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Marci: Let's do it. I know that I'm excited to be able to not only delve deeply into the topic but I want to give people some really practical things that they can do right away in their lives to make their lives better. To help with some of the pain that people are feeling in their lives right now, or any emptiness or lack of love. So we'll get practical in our conversation as well. Matthew: Oh great. So tell us a little bit about this idea of love for no reason. How did this come about? Marci: Love for no reason, first let me define what I mean by it. Matthew: Sure. Marci: Love for no reason means an inner state of love that doesn't depend on a person, a situation or a romantic partner. It's actually being able to live in a state of love rather than falling into love, which is, of course, something that we fall into and then you fall out of. The reason I wrote this book was that I just finished writing, "Happy for No Reason" which was about all the techniques and tools to raise what's called your happiness set point. How you can become happier in life. I practiced everything I've learned in putting together that book and it worked. I hadn't been a happy person particularly. I'd say I went from a D+ in happiness to an A-. So I thought "OK this is great" and then I thought "Well, what do I want more than happiness?" There was only one answer. The answer is love. It's really the only thing that's even better than happiness. Even juicier than happiness is love. If you think about it, when in your life have you felt the most fulfilled? When I ask that question it is always around "I felt the most fulfilled when I was sharing love with somebody. When I was falling in love or when I was just feeling love looking at a beautiful sunset. When my heart was open." That's when we feel the most love and that's really what we all want. I thought "I want to explore can you actually live in that state of love rather than just be in it momentarily." That's why I wrote, "Love for No Reason." I interviewed 150 love luminaries. These are people who are living to some great degree this state of unconditional love. I learned a lot of cool things. I learned that it is a state that you can learn to open to. It's just a matter of doing certain specific things, practicing, removing the barriers to love. Matthew: We talk a lot in our work about love is an inside job. It's something you create inside of yourself and then you can see it mirrored back to you in your relationships. It sounds like this is exactly what you're talking about, so this really exciting to us to hear that there is a whole science behind it. Marci: It is and I think that most of us have been trained not to think of love as an inside job. Our society has taught us to look for love outside of ourselves. It hasn't been blatantly taught that way. We're all raised to think "I will fall in love with someone and
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Where the positives are like Teflon they slide off of us... "Fill my cup up with love..000 thoughts a day and 80 percent of those are negative. There are a number of things. We just automatically overflow. We're walking around with these little cups going up to people saying. First of all there are the judgments that are just constant. Inc. When what we're missing is the truth of life.3 they will be my source of love. What he says is the negatives are like Velcro they just stick to us. wow! Property of Moving Light Media.. What it is says is that we have a much greater capacity to remember and focus on negative thoughts rather than positive thoughts.. Science says we have something called a negativity bias. So instead of being love beggars walking around with those little begging cups we become the ocean of love. We don't remember them. When we are able to experience ourselves as love we become more like the ocean. so to me that's good news. which is that we are love. The average person has 60.. We only need to remove the blocks to experiencing that as our natural state. Feeling all those negative voices in our head and love seems very far away." The problem is the cups have holes in them and it doesn't stay and we need more and more and more. Orna: Ouch. One of the researchers that I interviewed is a great guy named Rick Hanson. We just are naturally love. Every spiritual tradition says that. It's the essence of who we are.p." The problem is that we think of love as a stream of energy between two people. feeling criticism.so what are those things stopping us? Marci: Well. there are the things that you mention there. We don't actually need to create it. Marci: Mm-hmm Matthew: .. the negative ones stick to you more. Matthew: Wow. He calls it the Velcro Teflon Syndrome. © Moving Light Media. 2011 . It's who we are. Matthew: So what is it then that's blocking us from feeling this love? Because I know we all go throughout our day feeling judgment. Psychologists have called it a negativity bias. Inc.not only that. We become love beggars when we think of it that way. The good news is that it's our essence. Marci: . We become love philanthropists.. So if you get ten compliments in a day and one criticism. what are you remembering at the end of the day? Orna: Oh.
. Orna: . The analogy I use is like tennis. It's got a different heart rhythm variability. We also have a whole physiological state that's the opposite of love. but in a greater sense it's really not. Inc. The criticism is the thing that stuck. So we've got this negativity bias. sorry.around what those practices would look like? Property of Moving Light Media. we as human beings where we are now we are beyond survival.p. The love response has its own completely unique characteristics. a Harvard doctor named Eva Selhub. or you're in a meeting and people are bugging you. Your body goes into the stress response. So you're stuck in traffic.4 Marci: Most people are remembering the criticism. We often times talk about how we're really programmed for survival. That's what I've narrowed everything down to. It's the same exact thing with love and with happiness. which is really what we're talking about here. It's got different hormones that are produced.D. There's also a state called “The Love Response” which is a term that was coined by a Harvard psychologist named--a Harvard M. Marci: It really is a practice. Orna: So can you give our listeners some tools. Or just decide to be happy and then you'll be happy. You've actually got to practice the skills that make somebody a great tennis player. Orna: So I love how this is really specific about how to move out of this sort of habitual pre-programming we have around survival to move to that higher state of thriving. If you want to be filled with love. © Moving Light Media. A lot of people say just to decide to love and that's cool.. In one sense that is true. filled with happiness you have to practice the skills that people who are living in that state do.. Which includes this love that we all so desire. Marci: 100 percent with you. Marci: Yes.. So what we need to do is learn how to move into the love response on a regular basis and become more of our habit. There's something that's call the stress response that science has identified. It's part of what we need to change in order to shift more into this state of love. Inc. It's got a whole host of things that go on in of our bodies when we're in the stress response. 2011 . What are the practices? What are the skills that I need to actually live as a completely open-hearted person? Where I'm feeling that juice of love all the time. It's got different brain activity. Orna: Oh wow! I love this. Like how our ego and so many parts of us and all our organs are sort of committed to not changing. If you want to be a fabulous tennis player you just can't decide to be a great tennis player and wake up tomorrow morning ready to play Wimbledon. It's got different brain chemistry. Because any change seems sort of as a threat and that really to move into thriving. we want to thrive and love is part of that thrival energy. different heart rhythms.
I believe that the heart is truly the great master in life. This isn't your aura. And it's 50 times more powerful than the electromagnetic field around the brain which is the second most strong bio-magnetic field in our system. Is that OK? Matthew: Great. They are the world's leading researchers on the heart and how our hearts affect our lives. It's not some just esoteric thing. Inc.. 2011 .5 Marci: Yes. a great servant but I don't think it's a great master. I'm sorry. our happiness. our heart goes into something called heart rhythm incoherence. And the Institute of HeartMath has found that the heart has an electromagnetic field around it that it is the strongest electromagnetic field in the body. they have a computer program that you can put your finger in this finger monitor and you can see when you are in a heart rhythm incoherence. © Moving Light Media. It's fascinating to look at when your own heart rhythms are aligning up in this beautiful coherent wave pattern. you go into a heart rhythm coherence. It's all about the brain and the mind. This is actually part of the energetic field that can be picked up by scientific apparatus.. You feel their vibes. It's why when you get around anybody you can feel them. The mind is a great master. Inc. And what it means is your heart rhythms are going in a very sporadic rhythm. Property of Moving Light Media. And so we can actually move ourselves fairly easily from the stress response into the love response by doing a technique of theirs called the inner ease technique. Before I share with you the technique let me just share with you a couple things that they found that I've found so interesting.p. You can actually. well I'm going to make sure I give you at least three in the course of the rest of our conversation. Matthew: Thank you. When you are feeling gratitude or care or compassion or love. We live in a really brain focused society. Orna: What would they actually be doing? Marci: Great. great. It's actually something in the energy field. Orna: That sounds great. Marci: Well let's start with the first one that's very simple. And again you can see this on the computer screen. So the heart is actually 50 times stronger electromagnetically. And so what the Institute of HeartMath has found is that when we are feeling anger or frustration or fear. It can be measured through something called a magnometer and it has been found that through the magnometer they can measure the field around your heart going out eight to ten feet from your body. This one is a practice that I learned from a group called the Institute of HeartMath.
that your inhale and your exhale coming in and out through the center of your heart. Picture or feel your breath. Now if you are driving. there is a certain energy that you are breathing in. Inc. And breathe in love. and just have an intention to anchor that vibration more and more into your day. So the first step is. Some people like to picture it. So for example when mothers are having their babies. And exhale normally. So the first step is to just put the palm of your hand over your heart area. But I want to just get a sense from you Orna and Matthew. When we are done I am going to ask you how different you feel in your body. And you can exhale normally. drawing in that feeling of inner ease. And I feel Property of Moving Light Media. And so that took less than two minutes. and you could do this with your eyes opened or closed. Or you can actually just start the flow of oxytocin on your own by putting your hand over your heart. compassion.6 And it's three steps and I am going to share with you now. and exhale. what we just did. 2011 . And it's what we feel oxytocin is what we have going through our bodies when we feel bonded and connected with each other. you don't want to do this while you are driving. just like left me. lots of oxytocin. there is a lot of oxytocin when they are breastfeeding. And one more time. Now the second step is to imagine that your breath is coming in and out through the center of your heart. take in compassion. breathing in love. I invite everyone who is listening to do it along with us because I want you to have the experience of it. Allow it to infuse you as you breathe in. and I want everyone. And notice that as you are doing this. there is a certain frequency. inhale love. take it in. And you can open up your eyes and take down your hand. breath in ease and love and compassion. This is called heart focused breathing. And this simple act of putting your hand over our heart starts the flow of a chemical called oxytocin which is dubbed the love hormone.p. Just picture or feel yourself breathing in and out through your heart. Just be aware of that energy of ease and love. some people do better with the sense of feeling. And to notice what's different in your body and in your sense and feelings after we are done with this than before you started. And now the third step is on each inhale. lots of oxytocin. But I prefer doing it with my eyes closed. feeling. you guys are going to be the guinea pigs to represent everybody. Inc. how do you feel differently now than how you felt a couple of minutes ago? Orna: Oh. So I am going to ask Orna and Matthew. you can do it when you get to your destination. and exhale normally. ease. So just simply you can remember it. well for me I have been having a lot of like neck and back issues lately and as soon as I started to breathe in and out through my heart. I felt like this whole tension that sort of have been in my upper shoulder for the last few days. © Moving Light Media. But on each inhale. it goes a little deeper. When we make love.
And I've done this on every single one. or even an experience of like flow in their heart. there is a lot of fear in the air. Try doing this three times a day. It's like all this tension in my body has just gone and I feel so much more relaxed. like a liquid kind of a feeling. some people might dismiss it as being too simple and it can't really do much. maybe in their hands and feet or the top of their head. right. And also I feel my voice dropping down deeper into my body as well. Inc. and I immediately start to feel this warmth in my heart and this whole wave of love coming over me. And we are in that field a lot during the day. Some people felt quiet in their mind. And what you'll find is that after a few weeks of doing this. everything in the universe is made of energy. Then it begins to more and more and anchor this energetic frequency of love that allows you to live more in your heart. I feel much more at ease. But the truth is right now. It will just become more and more your default state. and it's like ah. And these things are really. I've done this on every interview that I've done since Love for No Reason came out which was about six months or more ago. you will habituate the love response. It only takes a couple of minutes. more centered. you don't have to close your eyes. and you could do this standing in line at the grocery store. an energy of overwhelm. an energy of too much to do. the love response. Marci: Isn't it amazing something that simple can have an effect like that. And so if we can just stop and do this. And what about you Matthew? Matthew: Well I definitely noticed that my mind is much quieter which for me is always a good thing. because you tend to get all those thoughts going. Inc. There are lots of opportunities to do this. more balanced. and now all I have to do is bring my hand up to my heart. If you can just do this. to feel that sense of quiet and stillness in my body which is really nice. What matters is that you start to get in the habit of bringing in that energetic vibration of ease and love. Some people may have felt a warmth around their heart area. But that's not going to do much to shift your life. we live in very challenging times where we are being bombarded by an energy of stress. we each had different kinds of experiences.p. an energy of. that's a nice experience. It doesn't matter your specific experience. And so I have been on close to a couple of hundred interviews. Three times a day for the next couple of weeks. Property of Moving Light Media.7 like lighter. Some people had tingling. And doing it once. © Moving Light Media. But here's what I invite you to do. And so it's not. 2011 . Marci: Well here is the thing and everyone listening who did this. Some people felt a relaxation in their body or tension moving. or in a business meeting.
I think it's going to be part of our pre-show ritual now from here on out. the same is true of people who become. So let me give you two examples of that. Among the most interesting bits of research I found is the research about something called a happiness set point.8 Matthew: That's really good. a bit airy-fairy as some people say. whether it's good or bad. right. what else can you tell us about some of the science behind these ideas? Marci: I am so glad you asked that question because whenever I talk about love or happiness. Marci: Oh good. And I am switching back and forth a lot between happiness and love because they are really very. Matthew: You know what's really great in setting up this technique for us is you really went into some of the science behind why this is going to work. There is a tremendous amount of science in this field. it suppresses our immune system for up to six hours. we will return to our happiness set point. my life is set. And I find that sometimes really useful to sort of get our brain onboard with some of these things that can seem a bit out there. Matthew: Sure. Marci: The happiness set point is. Inc. And I will just share with you a couple of things that I think are relevant.p. you are raising your experience of love. The first one is this group. It's 10 percent your circumstances and only 10 percent Property of Moving Light Media. Now shockingly. People who win the lottery. And it's kind what we are used to. you think ah that's it. But within a year you will return to your original happiness set point. So if people who become paraplegic for example. So there is a long range of facts of the states that we are walking around in. the truth is that you will be happier for a couple of months. Well. And here is how the set point is made up. I will be happy forever. © Moving Light Media. So that's the point you are born with that's in your DNA. "Oh yeah. And what researchers found is that no matter what happens to us. 2011 . both in the fields of happiness research and unconditional love research. that's just some nice airy-fairy thing. So let me explain what the happiness set point is. It's 50 percent genetic. Inc. So is there any other. When you raise your happiness set point. So it's the set point that's the key to our happiness. very similar. people always say. the Institute of HeartMath has found that when we are feeling angry for just five minutes. who have tragedies happen to them. But when we are feeling love and care and ease and compassion for just five minutes it can strengthen our immune system for six hours. within a year they also return to their original happiness set point. it's like a thermostat and it's generally we are stabilized at a certain thermostat setting for happiness." And it is absolutely science. If you win the lottery.
how much you value yourself. Marci: Because I think it really speaks to what you just said about how it all starts with how you value or have unconditional love for yourself. Someone or both of the people sabotage that. I know. broader. Orna: I love all the science behind all this. they don't have the capacity. which is something that very few people really have. And it's like the upper limit or the glass ceiling to our ability to give and receive love. Marci: Oh my gosh! That's completely true what you just said. or your friend gets in a new relationship. Inc. their love set point is low enough that they don't have the capacity to give and receive more love than what they are used to. how happy you are. then the relationships you are available to have shifts to a whole another level. And that's the piece that we can really change to raise our happiness set point. Inc. You get in a new relationship. had many relationships. the first place to start is to raise your own love set point. In fact. So I think up to 90 percent of our happiness set point can be changed when we change these habits that I am talking about. And then something happens to sabotage it. how much you can give and receive love. We have you talk about that the level in which you receive love is really set at the level which you value yourselves. 2011 . that DNA piece. yet that's what we spend most of our life focusing on. this is an access point to raise all of it. For anyone who is in a relationship and wants to expand the quality of their relationship. that genetic piece that I talked about that was 50 percent of it. © Moving Light Media. And what you are really saying is. I am going to take a step further and say that. And the reason is that they are not. So what we are talking about here is raising your love set point. there are some progressive scientists now that are saying that even our genes change when we change our habits of thoughts and behavior. Orna: Please we'd love to hear. and everything is wonderful and there is just great love.9 that is such a small piece. deeper. you always know that you are the common denominator in all of your relationships. raising your happiness set point so that your capacity to give and receive love is bigger. can I share with you a story of one of the people that interviewed for Love for No Reason? Matthew: That would be great. If you experience anybody who has gone from relationship. And the same is true of love. So for anyone who is looking for a new relationship. Property of Moving Light Media. The other 40 percent is our habits of thoughts and behavior. We all have a love set point. if not themselves. And in fact. Because we set the point on which we can receive love. and that is true. And I am going to give you an example of this. And when you change and shift. everyone knows somebody who has had this happen to them. I think the very first place to start is to raise your love set point.p.
She didn't smoke. like at the eleventh hour they found her the liver. She was always finding out what didn't do it right. And the woman was the most angry. sitting next to a woman who had just had her third liver transplant in three years. two months end of this new practice. She was always critical of herself. until she went back to the doctor for a routine exam. I have Property of Moving Light Media. She was always being criticized. So she was in the habit of doing that to herself. And so she was really turning a lot of anger towards herself. am I really an angry person. And this was a total shock to Sally because she had really no symptoms prior to that and she had no family history of liver disease. But she was very fortunate because they found her liver. critical person that Sally had ever met. Well. she was rushed to the hospital because she was violently ill. And she made a decision at that moment of realization that she was going to practice self-love for at least 10 minutes a day. this was again a total shock to Sally.p. I interviewed a 150 people for Love for No Reason. Some were scientists who had done the research but many of them were people who were just living in this state. I don't know. And she couldn't find how she was outwardly angry towards other people. Inc. And the doctor told her that this second liver was failing and that she probably would need another transplant in just a few months. Sally said she just wanted to get as far away from this woman as possible. some of the ones that I talked about. She had no idea what was going on. And she had the transplant surgery and she did great for about a year. probably in the next three days or so or she would die. She learned some self-love processes and she did them every day. She would beat herself up all the time no matter how well she did in anything. she went back to the doctor for the exam to get ready for the second transplant surgery and the doctor looked at her said Sally. © Moving Light Media. negative. that it was actually on the third day. And Sally told me that the week before her 50th birthday. Inc. every organ is associated with an emotion and the liver is associated with anger. That it reminded Sally that in Chinese medicine. And it made Sally stop and think about her own life and think. I interviewed men and women by the way. but one of the people was Sally South. She learned some of the techniques of self-love. every day. Now. I may have mentioned this. But she could certainly find how she was very angry towards herself that she had grown up in a really judgmental family. she had the transplant surgery. I call them I love luminaries. But on that same doctor's visit she happened to be in the waiting room. The doctors after examining her told her that her liver was failing and that it was so bad that she was going to need a liver transplant. And one of the women is named Sally South. She was very polite. 2011 . Well.10 So this is the story. And that's what she did. She never felt like she was good enough. I interviewed. there was nothing that was indicative of this.
right. when you are sort of like Marci: Crisis.p. And I know. And I think a couple of years into doing this after that happened. And this is a medical miracle. Now that was 18 years ago. And when I started training. I started doing the positive affirmations all around self-love. It's swim. run which is a huge athletic event. research has found that people who are happier make on average a million dollars more over the course of their lifetime. way back in 2002 I decided I was going to do a triathlon. whenever I was running. their body heals. Orna: Wow. their whole financial structure shifted. for me personally I certainly have plenty of crises but a huge thing. but your liver is completely healed. They are one-third less likely to get sick. truly deeply love and value yourself. And I knew that that's exactly what I had done. we are talking about practicing these things every day. a huge shift in me personally that I would love to take a moment to share is. how everything in your life starts to shift. I can't explain this. Inc. So that we are daily. In fact. habitually changing our habits. They are like one of my great role models for soul mate love. I had literally raised the level of value in myself by doing daily practices. And sally has never needed that liver transplant. she met her absolute soul mate. I don't know what's happened. And so when I was training. I was just really doing these practices of self-love and everything in my life started to change for the better all around. that such an amazing story and I can see how when you are up against those sorts of situations. We've had all kinds of relationship examples of people who Property of Moving Light Media. And she is really a walking embodiment of what you talked about on about how it's when you start to love. then and only then are you open to the capacity to bring in that kind of love in all of your relationships. and then that's the time when people tend to shift. Marci: I so love that story that you shared because that is a great example of how when you start to practice these things on a daily basis. whenever I was biking. I have had many. I was doing this everyday for many hours. that Velcro place that you talked about. many healing stories of people who after they started practicing these tools we talk about.11 never seen this before. Orna: Yeah in crisis. She has continued doing the practices. the love of her life. from that negative habit that we tend to have. healthiest people I have ever met. I have had people who. That's why I knew from my experience. she is one of the happiest. You don't need the transplant surgery. 2011 . bike. into a place of really making the positive things stick for us and become a new habit. many. Inc. how their whole health starts to. here in Love for No Reason‚ you are sharing these events so that we can certainly sit and read a book but it is all about putting it into practice. whenever I was swimming. © Moving Light Media. And I love that what you are saying here is.
in your health and your money and all of that. right? Marci: Yeah. here is a simple technique for self love. "Oh God! I told this story and I left out this line or I didn't say it as well as I could have said it. There are 14 love keys because we need to find where is your place to start. It might be that I can stop and do that inner ease technique that we did earlier. three times say I suggest doing this morning. And I lay out whole. or what's the most loving way that I can be with myself right now. So right now I could be saying. What is the most loving thing that I could do for myself right now. because it's changing your energetic vibration. I say there are a number of things to do. What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now. 2011 . afternoon and evening. or I could focus on honoring myself. and that's why I am big on. "You know what? Marci you told that story with your heart and with the greatest intention to serve people and to really help their lives. I have all kinds of assessments and things. self care. really I mean honestly it sounds like a fantasy but the truth of the matter is that love and happiness are the one thing that changes everything. to raising your vibration. Stop for a moment and ask yourself this simple question." Or I could say to myself. And so this is why I don't say there is just one thing to do. and being on a personalized program because when you start where your Achilles heel is. We all have an Achilles' heel. Those are the simple things we're talking about. there are 21 happiness habits that I teach people. Different people need to start in different places. And so what I found is that if you find where your Achilles' heel is. © Moving Light Media. Property of Moving Light Media. Let me give one little technique for self-love that everyone can start doing. And here is the interesting thing. When you are raising your energetic vibration." So I could either focus on the little technicality of what I might not have done right. So anyway. you are bringing that new vibration to your relationships. And. it just puts me in the habit of asking that question and of following through. you get the fastest change in your life. when I stop to ask myself what's the most loving thing I could do or most loving way I could be with myself. Matthew: I think we are starting to get motivated to want to do some as we hear our money and our health and our relationships are all going to get better. And that is every day. Inc. And so let me give you some possibilities.p. Inc. Sometimes it's going to be a doing and sometimes it's going to be just a way you are being.12 have had relationships that were on the brink of falling apart and separating and they've started these practices and the relationship heals. It might be that I can go get some fresh air. It might be that I can go get a glass of water and drink some water. Or it might be that I can be more loving or compassionate with myself in the way I am talking to myself right now. you are changing.
but it can be a very positive practice. will help someone through that heartache process. and we always use it in a way. and I've always used this example. “Come to your senses. I always say. right? And so much pain in their hearts. first of all. What a great next step. And you'll find that you become much gentler with yourself when you do care for yourself in this way. and we realized that we were not the best for each other's lives. and bring us back into consciousness. Exactly true. Orna: And I love that these techniques. That stopping and asking yourself "What can I do? What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?" When we're in the middle of heartache. We'll take care of anything and everything and everything and we are running on empty. we'll shift that heartache from the thing you feel like you've lost to the thing you still have. Could I stay open in the midst of separating. And your saying this reminded me that I want to share that when I was writing Love for No Reason. There's a phrase that we always use. I always say. And it's not that we need more time we just need to shift our focus a little bit.” right? Where you just come to your senses. and we actually decided to get divorced because we loved each other so much and we want the best for each other's lives. and all the possibility of what's to be lies within each one of us. My ex-husband and I are best friends. that's really powerful. it was a very loving divorce." Marci: Beautiful. to be more caring and loving and compassionate with ourselves and take the time to go get a glass of water if that's what the answer was. of heartache." you know at the end of a relationship when we know it's over and our heart breaks. Orna: Wow that's so lovely and I love how that really puts the focus on self and let’s face it.p. which is. © Moving Light Media. Inc. Marci: You got it. come into the present moment. I think in a negative way. there's a saying that watch out what you're writing about because you'll be tested in it. which is you. 2011 . and bring us back into the moment. Because I think just the action itself of stopping and asking the question will help just interrupt.13 Matthew: That's so great. Inc. Property of Moving Light Media. these specific techniques that you're sharing right now. Most of us are not priorities in our lives. Marci: Right and asking yourself that question starts to create an experience of putting yourself as a priority in your life. of going through a divorce? And I'll tell you. We're at the end of the list. "It breaks open to hold more love. And no sooner had I signed the contract for Love for No Reason than my husband and I decided to get divorced. so many people have so much heartache. Come to your sensory experience of right now and then ask yourself this question. "When our heart breaks. We're at the bottom of the list. And so I really got to put all things I was learning to the test.
Orna: Oh. I'm going to just share it with you now." "Thank you. She got mad at me for something. I would probably say it's forgiveness. you can still do this towards that person. So the four phrases are "I'm sorry.14 We weren't a best match in that way. And one of the techniques that I used that I think--people are always asking me. And let me just share with you." "I love you. these four messages. Inc. but one of the most dramatic times was with my sister. it doesn't matter if they were wrong or right. You're not saying it to them. And if you've got a pen and paper. great. it is a surefire way to keep your heart shut. you've got a different thing going on in your life. Because when we don't forgive." "Please forgive me. And as I say. and you are going to feel those feelings towards the person or situation with whom you are holding the resentment or the grudge. But if there was one universal one. But it is quite simple.p. and it's called Ho'oponopono. And this had never happened in our family before. It doesn't mean that you have to spend any time around that person. "What's the most important?" And as I said. towards the person or situation that you still have resentment for. You are doing this practice to free your heart. If you were abused. Marci: And here's the good news about the technique. It doesn't matter whose fault it was. it doesn't matter whether the person is alive or dead." I'll repeat those. my sister and I got in an argument. but I just want to share the technique with everybody because I think it's so profound. © Moving Light Media. What you're going to do is you're going to just sit for a few minutes with your eyes closed. and that's why you need to assess what's most important for you. It's a contraction. Inc. you're doing it internally. because it involves sending these four phrases." "Please forgive me. It feels crummy." Now. And so I used these practices to see. and I Property of Moving Light Media. I've used this in my life many times. and we weren't talking to each other. and I've seen miracle upon miracle happen when people have used this. But nonetheless. because for each person. it's always painful to go through that. so it was really uncomfortable." "I love you. 2011 . but I am particularly fond of one that I teach and I use. complicated word. there is no most-important technique or tool. It means it's freeing the situation from your own heart. There are numbers of forgiveness practices out there. It doesn't matter whether the person was horribly wrong or right. [laughter] Marci: It's based on a Kahuna Hawaiian tradition. Some people have heard of this. Ho'oponopono. could I stay open? And it was miraculous. Ho'oponopono is a lot easier to do than it is to say. and therefore the long. when we hold on to resentment or grudges. I want you to write down these four phrases. I never could have imagined that I would have gone through this process as easily as I did. "I'm sorry." "Thank you. About three years ago.
I'm so grateful that that happened at that point. and took me by the hand and said. "I didn't say anything. Finally." And within about 10 minutes. And so I went back into the apartment with a completely different energy. within four minutes. I walked in last. he had been treated horribly by his prison guards. walking to the other side of the room to avoid making eye contact with her. let's go into Mom's closet and unpack it together. Ignored her. I didn't know what had happened. And during that time. Inc. and the Dalai Lama interviewed him and said to him. Inc. Nobody said anything to her. We have no idea what just happened. And so I sat in my car and just said. and I can't even feel that for my own sister. because she had just passed away." Well. And on the way to the car. And an hour later we're at lunch and she said. And I can tell you. I just continued to unpack. "Oh my God. And I started to see things from her point of view. I know you like these more than I do. But when he was released. my sister and I found ourselves standing in that same closet that we had unpacked. And I got mad back. But I didn't say anything to anybody. I had a huge transformation. and I dug my heels in and I wasn't going to give in. I remembered Ho'oponopono just at that moment. Went through the entire morning unpacking. after three hours of this." And I thought. we all gathered at her new apartment to unpack her things. but it was a lifetime of stuff. It was really awkward. "I'm sorry. didn't hug her." So I decided to sit in the car. my sister came over to me. that was the beginning of a totally new relationship that I have now with my sister. I remembered hearing a story about a Tibetan Buddhist monk who had been imprisoned by the Chinese government for 20 years. Nothing. and I realized that my sister wasn't mad at me for what had happened a couple months ago. and he's feeling forgiveness and love for his guards. and greeted everybody except my sister. "What did you tell her while I was gone to make this change?" And he said." My jaw just dropped. over and over again. And I promise you. I love you. And so the morning of the move. he came to the United States. and I decided to practice Ho'oponopono towards her until I felt some shift of energy. and how dare she be mad at me for this. packing up my mother's things. 2011 ." I was so shocked that I pulled my brother aside and said. "Here. He'd been beaten and just not treated well at all. out of the blue. Thank you. We went for three months like this. not saying anything to my sister--in fact.15 didn't think I deserved it. I was so uncomfortable that I went to my car to just take a break. Didn't say hello to her. here is a guy who's clearly being mistreated. "When did you feel that you were in the most danger?" And he answered: "I thought I was in the most danger when I thought I would lose my ability to forgive or feel compassion for my prison guards. "Come on. Please forgive me. © Moving Light Media. have my baked potato. because nine months later. And one day our family had to gather and move our mother from our family home of 58 years to assisted living. And I can't imagine Property of Moving Light Media.p.
you'll spend a few minutes each day practicing Ho'oponopono towards that situation. it's marci@happyfornoreason. Inc. we make sure to respond. those nine months. or any of the things that we've talked about. and for people who didn't get it. “I accept your apology. so I invite you to share with me your stories from practicing this. in our wedding vows. If we are like. we do love each other and that that's most important. at the root of whatever's going on. had my sister and I not made peace like that. I think. There's one other piece that I just want to share of a practice of ours. Because I think we do sort of tend to brush things off when people say. and promise yourself that for the next couple of days. Please email me your stories afterwards from this. in the moment. “I accept your apology.com to find out more about Marci and everything she's up to. We actually have. Well. "I accept your apology.” Because the truth is that when somebody says. 2011 . Thank you for sharing that.” it leaves that space for us to be in that moment with that other person and share a moment in a way that we wouldn't have if we keep ourselves sort of veiled off. Matthew: Wow. Matthew: Yeah.” what they want to hear. Or you can just go to happyfornoreason. don't worry about it. “I am sorry. “I am sorry. Marci: Well. and we acknowledge it and say. It's these personal stories that really.com. Orna: I had even practiced that out in the world.” And they turned back and looked at me and smiled and we sort of had this really nice moment. how great. by the way. We actually have that website address up. or perhaps even themselves. is marci@happyfornoreason. It's like somebody sort of bumped into me and they said sorry and I said. “Oh that's okay. And so what I really invite you to do is to just use your life as an experiment. they want to hear that you've accepted it. I know that everyone who's listening right now has someone or something or a situation. It really transforms the whole situation when you just take that next step. Marci: Oh. it's such a great point that you are bringing up because most of us are not very good at receiving in general. the phrase "always in forgiveness. which is.” Of not really taking in and accepting the other person's apology. And I have heard miracle upon miracle." And it's helped us through so many situations to realize that. Inc. That's such a great technique.com. And accepting an apology is part of being able to Property of Moving Light Media. And I think when we take it in.16 what that would have been like.p. when it's ready to come from this place of. And I want to hear. “Oh that's fine. © Moving Light Media. when we actually say "I'm sorry" to each other.” to us and we don't sort of take that in. Just be open to seeing what shifts in your life based on it. It's no big deal. It has just become a new habit. And just be open about it and see what happens. And my email address. That's such a powerful story. have the most effect for us. that they haven't been able to forgive." Because there is such a habit that we have of saying. the next week maybe.
and I know that simply means how powerful they are. “Oh it was nothing. how to raise your Happiness and Love Set Points. I feel like I am the adventure scout. the fastest.” actually take it in and say.” or “I love that outfit of yours.” If somebody says. I really love this color and it makes me happy to wear it. they are called Learning Strategies – they are the world's leading researchers on accelerated learning. and applying it.” Or whatever way allows you to accept in what they are giving you. right. And so I had all this information but I didn't really know what's the fastest way that people can get results. I suggested that instead you actually accept the compliment and even acknowledge your own appreciation of whatever you are being complimented on. how people can get results the fastest. So if somebody says “I love that new outfit. Marci: Well.p. People say. And that's my. This is the thing that I am the most proud of and the thing that has. I have all the things that I have ever done. It's eight CDs and 90 page workbook that's filled with all kinds of assessments and exercises and practices. “Oh that's a great outfit!” Then we go. most effective results. Happy for No Reason Personal Learning Course. as I said I love results. It is a seven-week program that takes you step by step. “Oh thank you. Because I know we all want results and we all love people like you who are out there finding all the things and distilling them into a program and I know you have a program that you want to share with us tonight. Inc. and what I've done. Marci: Well. look I have got all this information on love and happiness and how do people infuse this in their lives the most quickly. I've sort of used my life. And it's the same thing with accepting a compliment as well. Inc. I am very practical and I want to get results in my life. for example it has got a Happy for No Reason Property of Moving Light Media. Because the most powerful things truly are simple. I am one of the people out there that's trying everything there is. whether it's an apology or a compliment or a gift. “You did a great job!” Instead of saying. And I can honestly say I love these three techniques that you've shared with us. “Oh this old thing. So I found a company. that's so true. So Matthew: That's really great and you gave us just a really great transition into how other people can get more of this. I think. “Thank you. How can we really feel loved when we don't let it.” You say. yeah my personal learning course.17 receive. And I said to them. 2011 . And I want results as quickly as possible with the least amount of time and energy investment. finding what works the most. We don't receive those either. And they worked with me to put together this program and it's got. And what I did is. I love their simplicity. And I was happy with how it turned out.” when in fact we know it's our favorite outfit and we picked it up that morning because we loved it. because I am all about results. © Moving Light Media. I really worked hard on this project. just using this and then putting it together in a way that people can have the fastest result in their life. Orna: Oh. So we'd love to hear more about that.
Matthew: That's so powerful and such a great story about that woman's son being able to change his life like that.18 Paraliminal Meditation. It's so powerful and you'll be able to download it right away and get started tonight. Inc. lack that is dissipated and their feeling got juiciness of life that we all long to feel. But we've had story after story of that kind of thing happen for people that within just a few weeks their lives are turning around. another message going into the other ear. He has gone off of his medication.com/marcishimoff. It's been a amazing thing. So those are the kinds of things in the program. You listen with headphones and it has got one message going into one ear. And we decided to try your Happy for No Reason Personal Learning Program. who has been on anti-depressants. what's wrong?” And she said. They are feeling happier. One woman came up to me at one of my speeches and at the end of the speech she came up to me and she was just crying and bawling. And we went to Learning Strategies and said what can you do. “Okay. We didn't know what to do with him. It bypasses your conscious brain and it goes in a very deep subconscious level and automatically raises your happiness set point. Certain herbal substances that you can take that actually will help your happiness and love levels. Marci: Yeah. So you are going to be able to get this instantaneously. we really want this to be in the hands of people because people need this. we'll take a $150 off. Orna: Well. $97 you can get this whole course. 2011 . So you listen to that when you are falling asleep or just when you are sitting around relaxing. There are certain foods that you can eat. normally by the way.” By the way if you are on medication do not go off your medication without checking with the doctor first. and what are those things. © Moving Light Media. And I thought. And so they said. if you are as excited as we are about these ideas as we are. And the whole family did it together. Nothing was working. loneliness. fear. He is completely transformed and we all are together. So if you go loveonpurposerevolution. I have a 19 year old son. And within two weeks my son was a different person. Inc. and we'll make the price $97” and so I am so glad they were able to do that for you. “Oh my God. Their sense of anxiety. And I've had thousands of people from all over the world doing the program and sharing with me the miracles that have happened. And there’s really this cry that we have for greater love and happiness. we are so excited that the people at Learning Strategies and you wanted to come onboard the Revolution so we can really bust this myth that love is just supposed to Property of Moving Light Media. So there are tools like that in there as well as all these assessments that I have and things like what are the physiological things that you can do to feel happier and more loved. He has been depressed forever. And just to clarify for everybody that the version of this that we are offering to you is the MP3 edition. And what that is it is a meditation that's got one message going into one ear. “You know Marci. normally this course is $248. And in 10-15 minutes it raises your happiness and love set point.p.
And the web address for the special offer again is loveonpurposerevolution. I know we are getting to ready end here and I just want to say that I am often asked by people if this is selfish. and so grateful to have you here with us tonight. 2011 . Inc. we always. you do one of them at a time. in our work talk about this idea of practical tools. When there is harmony in the house. When there is beauty in the person. We are just so grateful. more happiness. when you have more love. but there are 21 tools that are in the personal learning course. © Moving Light Media. there will be beauty in the person. just for the Love on Purpose Revolution.19 happen by accident. I am going to give out the web address one more time for people for the special offer. So it's called a Personal Learning Course for a reason. but we really say you need your own recipe to move through. And that's just so powerful. Property of Moving Light Media. So it's a really holistic program. Marci: By the way those tools are part of the personal learning course. Inc. It's an amazing offer Marci. and what about the world? And I actually believe that it's the least selfish thing that you can do.” And my prayer and my wish for everyone of us listening is that we feel the light in our own souls. It's going to walk you through these steps so that you can really raise yourself in the level of happiness and love that you have in your life. We can talk concepts all we want but it's really great. And when there is order in the nation. there will be order in the nation. there will be harmony in the house. for a week or two.p. what I love about that is that everybody who goes and picks up this program now can make their own recipe.com/marcishimoff. you find what's your Achilles heel. there will be peace in the world. and then you pick up another one and do it. Matthew: You know. We are so grateful for you. right. you change the world. And as I say. Here we have. Marci: I am so happy to be with you and I like to. You know where you are stuck. and the other great thing is. it's all these just simple things we can do in our lives on a daily basis to change everything. What I love about this course Marci is that. you shared three practical tools where you can create love from the inside out and we have this amazing. because when you feel better. “When there is light in the soul. Orna: Well. Matthew and I are really big proponents that we are very uniquely wired and you really need to find your own recipe so that you get through those veils that are blocking you from love and happiness. And there is a beautiful Chinese proverb that some said that goes like this it says. what I suggest that you do is you do. Because really that's what you are saying about finding your Achilles heel. All this talk about raising your own happiness set point and love set point. you change your environment. you call it the Achilles heel. the love in our own hearts and through that we help create peace here on this planet of ours. amazing opportunity for people to get this whole Happy for No Reason Personal Learning Course that they can have in their hands right now.
Inc. [Outro music] Property of Moving Light Media. 2011 . As I said it's wonderful what you've done.” And so the change begins with you. Marci: Well. It's like same with the Gandhi quote. We really see you as an agent of change and we thank you so much for being part of the Love on Purpose Revolution. thank you from our hearts to your heart for sharing all these amazing tools and all this great information. thank you for inviting me to be a part of this. “Be the change.p.20 Orna: That is so lovely. Inc. What a lovely way to really wrap things up here because we couldn't be in more agreement with you. We have a great opportunity for you to begin that change right away with this Happy for No Reason Personal Learning Course. Marci Shimoff. © Moving Light Media.