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Monitor: Motion-, heat-, and odor-sensitive surveillance camera relays all activity directly to Headquarters. Printer: Voice-triggered nerve gas spray causes painful death in seconds. Gas has strong acidic component, so victim’s body dissolves within hours—a courtesy to custodial staff.

Phone: Direct lines to Pentagon, NSA, NORAD, Interpol, Majestic-12, Strike Team Omicron, and Warren Buffett.

Binder: Ongoing collection of blackmail material on all company personnel. I also post most of it on Facebook and Twitter. Be nice to me.

Tape dispenser, stapler: Okay, they’re ordinary. I have to get work done now and then, you know. Computer: Stealth node; can view every file on every computer in the company network. Yes, I know what you’ve been hiding in your “Annual Reports” folder. Wastebasket: Here, if you mess up my cubicle, I shall deposit your remains.
Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. By Allen Varney. Corporate ninjas can find many more posters, graphics, and forms at