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Conor Chambers

Ms. Caruso

English 1102

March 20, 2013

CAP Letter

Chambers 1

Memo: This letter is written to deans of different universities to convince them to side

with my cause of banning food eating competitions on their campuses. Hopefully the

introduction will grab the reader’s attention and want them to continue reading until the end. As

the letter is being read, the reader should try to make connections, for example if they have

experienced a time where they partook in a food eating competition and they felt sick afterwards.

In addition, before reading this, they should understand how dangerous food eating competitions

can be, as proven with deaths caused by them.

Article responded to: Protesting Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest

Albers, Susan, Psy.D. "Protesting Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest." Confort Cravings.

Psychology Today, 3 July 2010. 12 March 2013.

<http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comfort-cravings/201007/protesting-nathans-

hot-dog-eating-contest>.

2013. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comfort-cravings/201007/protesting-nathans- hot-dog-eating-contest>.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Chambers 2

Chen, a 23 year old Taiwan student, died participating in a steamed-bun eating contest

(partysugar). Jennifer Strange participated in a water drinking contest and died from water

intoxication (Saltzman). Both of these examples are food eating competitions that have led to

 
 

horrible deaths.

horrible deaths.

I beg you not to allow food competitions at your university to protect the lives

of your students. Food competitions are dangerous and I fear that if you allow them at your

 
 
 
 

campus, your student participants could overeat and possibly die.

campus, your student participants could overeat and possibly die.

At the least,

At the least,

this

this

would

promote and increase obesity. With your help we can lower the popularity of food eating

contests and save lives.

Chen was participating in his school’s annual food eating competition. He started

choking while eating a steamed bun. Little did he know that the food eating contest he was apart

of would be the last thing he ever did. This death could have been prevented if his school

outlawed food eating competitions (Wang).

Is a Nintendo Wii so amazing that one should risk their life to obtain one? Jennifer

Strange took this risk on a radio station and entered a water drinking/ urine holding contest called

“Hold Your Wee for a Wii”. Unfortunately, she lost the contest, but even more unfortunate, she

died the next day from having drunk too much water. This fatal outcome is known as water

intoxication. Competitive eaters train by drinking large quantities of water, and each time this

occurs, there is a chance that water intoxication could happen. Without food eating

competitions, no one would have to drink large amounts of water and threaten their lives just to

win a Wii (Saltzman).

Although food eating competitor deaths are rare, they can happen, especially if you’re a

nonprofessional trying dumb, new things in school. I remember a few years ago, my sister and I

were having a food eating competition at Cici’s Pizza. The competition was to see who could eat

Comment [BC1]: Try combining these

sentences, since they essentially convey the same message.

Comment [BC2]: “This” seems to refer to the banning, not the competitions.

essentially convey the same message. Comment [BC2]: “This” seems to refer to the banning, not the

Comment [BC3]: Conversatonal

Comment [BC4]: This raises the question, though, of other competitions, such as sports. Sporting events (football, baseball, et cetera) can cause injury as well. How is this different?

et cetera) can cause injury as well. How is this different? Comment [BC5]: Conor, While you

Comment [BC5]: Conor,

While you do use some fairly convincing examples in your letter, you breeze through them fairly quickly, and don’t allow the weight of the examples or your knowledge of the topic to show through. I also don’t see much engagement in this article, and it certainly does not show that you have been working for four months to develop your opinions on this subject.

As you revise for the portfolio, I would suggest that you work on strengthening your argument by including more information about what these competitions can do to the body. Show what you know from your extensive research. If you don’t have that research, you might try revisiting the research pre-writing to see what another glance could give you.

As for the writing itself, I would suggest that you have someone else read your writing out loud so you can see how it transitions from one topic to the next. Although there are many instances in which your ideas transition very well into one another, there are also times when you move very quickly into the next idea. Work to strengthen those sentences so your reader will be caught up in your letter, just as you want them to be.

-Ms. C

Chambers 3

the most pizza. I won, but we both felt like losers after gorging our stomachs with pizza.

Outside, right before getting into the car and going home, my sister vomited all of her supper out

due to the sickness she felt from eating too much. Luckily she survived

unlike Chen choking and vomiting to death.

and everything was fine

and everything was fine she survived unlike Chen choking and vomiting to death. , Major League Eating has been trying

,
,

Major League Eating has been trying to get competitive eating into the Olympics.

Thankfully they have continually been denied, but if it were to get accepted, then students might

aspire to become a competitive eater in the

 
 
 

Olympics

(Albers). While a few students might

make it to become professional competitive eaters, most would risk their lives shoveling food

down their throats in hopes of expanding their bellies. In the case that the students do not die

and their stomachs don’t burst, they will most likely become obese and have unhealthy eating

habits for the rest of their lives.

We as schools, we as a nation, and we as individuals need to protect the lives of students

and make sure food eating competitions will not take place in schools. Please fight against the

idea of food eating competitions being approved as an Olympic sport. Please restrict your school

from having any type of food eating competitions whether big or small. With your help, lives

will be saved!

Sincerely yours,

Conor

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Works Cited

Chambers 4

 
 

Albers, Susan,

Psy.D. "Protesting Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest." Confort Cravings.

Psychology Today, 3 July 2010. 12 March 2013.

<http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comfort-cravings/201007/protesting-nathans-

hot-dog-eating-contest>.

partysugar. “Student Dies in Eating Competition.” Popsugar. 27 October 2008. 19 March 2013.

<http://www.yumsugar.com/Student-Dies-Eating-Competition-2426275>.

Saltzman, Sammy Rose. “Jennifer Strange's Family Awarded $16.5 Million in "Wee for Wii"

Contest Death.” CBS News. 30 October 2009. 19 March 2013.

<http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-5460584-504083.html>.

Wang, Flora. "Student dies during steamed bun eating contest at university." Taipei Times. 24

October 2008. 19 March 2013.

<http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/taiwan/archives/2008/10/24/2003426758>.

Comment [BC6]: Be sure to take out the space in between the title of the

Comment [BC6]: Be sure to take out the space in between the title of the page and the entries. Also, take out the URLs.

More Research

Chambers 5

The purpose of this paper is to inform my peers, teacher, and the universities about the

dangers behind food eating competitions. Also, it is to try to limit the amount of activity of food

eating competitions taking place at universities. To fulfill the purpose of this paper, I’ll need to

research the dead Taiwan student; Jennifer Strange; food eating competitions; the likeness that

something going wrong while partaking in a food eating competition, death caused by eating or

drinking too much, and possibly more.

My first source came as a protest against the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

For my intended audience, their interest is in food competitions; rather they approve or

disapprove of them in schools. Hopefully they will gravitate toward my arguments against

having food eating competitions in school. In order to captivate the audience, I need to open up

their eyes and inform them of tragedies coming from food competitions. Also I need to keep

them interested in my paper by staying on topic, and making the paper flow smoothly.

For the unintended audience members, rather they agree with me or not, hopefully they

can at least see where I’m coming from in the letter. Maybe it might change the minds of a few,

and entertain them enough to want to read the whole thing.

I have looked at examples for this topic, and I plan to use a few in my paper. I guess I

need to know what colleges will read and won’t read. There could be a chance some colleges

would assume my letter is junk mail and not even take the time to read it. For the better good

and health of their students, I’d like to think that most colleges would take the time to read a

short letter.

good and health of their students, I’d like to think that most colleges would take the

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