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Selling Shoes

By , on July 25th, 2009 Note: If youd like to produce this play, on stage or in a class please email me and ask permission. It will be granted, but Id really like to know about it. Copyright 2008. Samuel M. Post Selling Shoes was part of the Barebones 24 Hour Play Festival at Theatre Charlotte, in February, 2008. I got the assignment (a picture of a pair of shoes) at 8pm and wrote it in Caribou Coffee on East Blvd. Finished in a couple of hours, found an all-night Kinkos, printed, and arrived home in Salisbury about 2am. It may have taken me longer to find Kinkos than anything else. It was performed the following evening. Setting: A department store. The 70s. Characters Father the owner of a department store Son teenager Customer same age as the son, or maybe a year older. Short skirt. Pretty legs. The Customers Mother SCENE 1 (The Fathers office in the store. Two chairs. Perhaps a desk. Father and Son, sit, having a talk.) FATHER: Son, go get yourself a tie. We need you on the shoe floor. SON: What about the stockroom? FATHER: The stockrooms in pretty good shape. SON: The womens shoes look a little messy. FATHER: No theyre, uh, not bad. SON: Are you sure? With all the new inventory? They might need to be straightened up a little. FATHER: No they look good. SON: Maybe rearrange a little? FATHER: Not necessary. SON: Weve got boxes on the floor back there.

FATHER: Yes we do and we need to sell em. SON: What about the Thom McCans? FATHER: Theyre okay. SON: Ill bet theyre all out of place. FATHER: Not really youve done a good job back there. SON: I probably need to re-shelve the Hush Puppies. They look awful. FATHER: Not really. SON: Theyll need it soon. We sell a lot of Hush Puppies. FATHER: We do sell a lot of Hush Puppies and we need you to help with that. SON: I cant sell. FATHER: Its time to learn. SON: I dont know how. FATHER: You know our stock better than anybody. SON: I know the boxes. Let me take care of the boxes. FATHER: The reason for the boxes is the shoes inside. And we need those shoes out of the boxes and on peoples feet. Thats why were here. Son, were busy. Weve got bills to pay. We need you to sell some shoes. SON: I cant. FATHER: Of course you can. SON: I dont think so. FATHER: You havent tried. SON: I have tried. I cant do it. FATHER: Whats the problem? You know the sizes. You know how to measure a foot. They ask for a shoe, and you go get it. Get a shoehorn and put it on their foot. SON: Hey put me back in the Boys Department. Please, Dad. FATHER: Anybody can sell a pair of jeans. We need you in shoes. Youre a smart boy.

SON: Dad, please dont make me sell shoes! (Hes about to cry) FATHER: Im sorry, Son. Its Christmas. This is your familys business. SON: I know. (pause) SON: Why would anybody want shoes for Christmas anyway? FATHER: There are a lot of people whothattheyre not as fortunate as you are and the only thing they get for Christmas is a new pair of shoes. And theyre damn happy to get it. And were happy they come to our store. And our job is to make sure they get a pair they like! SON: I guess. FATHER: Your sister sold shoes. She did fine. (Thinking out loud.) FATHER: Never complained. Probably the best shoe girl weve ever had. SON: Why isnt she here? FATHER: (beginning to lose patience) Because she went to college which we paid for by selling a lot of shoes and she got a job. (thinking out loud again) FATHER: Too bad she couldnt come home for awhile. SON: Dad were completely different. We have opposite personalities! FATHER: Anybody can do it! SON: Thats easy for you to say. FATHER: Son, this is something we need right now. Shoes are an important part of this business. Your grandmother is eighty-three and she still spends her mornings selling shoes. SON: I know. FATHER: She can help you. SON: I know.

FATHER: There are people who wont let anybody else wait on them. If your grandmothers not here, they come back another day. SON: I know. I know. FATHER: Once you get going, youll have loyal customers too people who want only you to wait on them. SON: Dad, I dont like feet. Different people like different body parts. Other peoples feet are not my best thing. They smell and I dont like to touch em. FATHER: Ive spent a good deal of my life touching other peoples feet. Those peoples feet put food on our table. Its time for you to get out there. Someday, this business could be yours. (He starts to cry) FATHER: (reacting) Whatre ya? Cmon now! SON: I have to? FATHER: Im afraid so. (Father waits a moment while Son collects himself.) FATHER: Heres a tip. Dont say SON: (blurting, smart-ass) May I help you? FATHER: If you know not to say it, then why do you say it? SON: When did you hear me say it? FATHER: You said it in the Boys Department. SON: Everybody else says it. FATHER: They shouldnt. If you say May I help you, they say just looking. We want to wait on customers. SON: Then what are you supposed to say? FATHER: Say hello. SON: Just hello. FATHER: Yeah, say hello. SON: Then what?

FATHER: Wellthen they say hello back, and youve started a conversation. Talk about whatever the weather, sports, anythingget to be friends. Then, What size do you wear? SON: (being a smart-ass) You know what size I wear. FATHER: Say, What size do you wear? to the customer. Theyll tell you and you halfway there. Try it. Do it a few times and you might like it. SON: No I wont. FATHER: Try to like it. Lifes lot easier if you anticipate liking the things you have to do. (Again the boy begins to cry.) FATHER: If you get in a pinch. Come get me. SCENE 2 (Three chairs. The Son, now wearing a necktie, nervously waits on The Customer. She extends her leg toward him and he slips a shoe on her foot. The Customers Mother sits beside her. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: (regarding the shoe) I love it. CUSTOMER: I hate it. (pause) SON: How does it feel? (Angry with her mother about the shoe, The Customer doesnt answer.) THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: (to her daughter) Answer the boy! How does it feel? CUSTOMER: Who cares! (She kicks her leg in the air, as if shed like to sling the shoe.) CUSTOMER: I hate it! (After a moment, the Son takes her foot in his hands, checks the toe and the width.) SON: I think it fits. Maybe you should walk around a little. CUSTOMER: I hate this shoe! THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Get up and walk! (She walks. They watch.)

SON: Looks okay. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: I agree. (Customer sits and extends her leg to the Son.) CUSTOMER: I swear to God, Mother if you make me get these shoes Ill throw em in the trash compactor as soon as we get home. (to The Son) CUSTOMER: Take it off. SON: He takes the shoe off her foot. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: (To her daughter) Youre impossible! (to The Son) THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Isnt she impossible? SON: Uh, its hard for me to say. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Get her something else. SON: What? CUSTOMER: I want the Candies. Tan. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Youre here to get dress shoes. (To the Son) THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Find her a dress shoe she might like. CUSTOMER: I dont want em. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Bring her the pumps. CUSTOMER: No! THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: (to The Son) What do you think? SON: Just a minute. (Son exits.)

THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: My God! Youre a total embarrassment. Ill never take you shopping again. CUSTOMER: Good! SCENE 3 (Son and Father) FATHER: A woman needs to think her foot is special. That theres no other foot in the world like hers. SCENE 4 (Son returns to Customer and Customers Mother. He sits and takes her foot in his hands.) SON: Youve got a really special foot. CUSTOMER: You think so? SON: Ive never seen one like it. (She studies her own foot.) CUSTOMER: Really? SON: Its totally unique. CUSTOMER: Thank you. SON: No problem. THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Where are the pumps? SON: Just a minute. (He exits.) SCENE 5 (The Son and his Father) FATHER: Tell the mother that her daughter is the one who has to wear it. If she doesnt like it, she wont wear it and it will be a waste of money. SON: I cant say that. FATHER: Sure you can.

SON: You dont know this lady. FATHER: Yes. I do. SON: Shell walk out. FATHER: No she wont. Say it. If she buys a pair of shoes that her daughter never wears, she wont be happy with us either. SCENE 6 (Son with Customer and Customers Mother.) SON: (to the mother) Shes the one who has to wear em. If she doesnt like em, she wont wear em and youll be wasting your money. CUSTOMER: Thats right, Mom! (The Customers mother takes a deep breath, trying to dissolve her anger.) THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Okay. CUSTOMER: Can I try on the Candies? (Mother looks away.) SON: (Suddenly feeling a lot better.) Sure! (The Son rises, going to get the Candies.) CUSTOMER: Youre really sweet, you know that? (Hes embarrassed) SON: Thanks. CUSTOMER: (to her mother) Isnt he sweet? THE CUSTOMERS MOTHER: Well see. End of play

Nines, Nines, and More Nines


By , on July 25th, 2009 Note: If youd like to produce this play, on stage or in a class please email me and ask permission. It will be granted, but Id really like to know about it. This play is really an inside joke, written for the other PIP playwrights at Theatre Charlotte. It makes fun of the theatres Executive Director (at the time). Everybody really loved it and urged me to submit this as my 99 play for the season. Stupidly, I did. Of course, she didnt allow the play to be performed. I had another ready because I didnt really intend this to be produced. I regret letting her see it although she then cast herself in the one that was produced that season, and she cast her granddaughter in my next one. Nine, Nine, and more Nines 2003 by Samuel M. Post Characters AMYthe wife GREGthe husband DAISYExecutive Director of the Theatre A GUY IN THE AUDIENCE Time.present Settingkitchen (AMY slices an onion in the kitchen.GREG sprawls awkwardly on the floor, his head underneath the sink. Hes uses a pipe wrench, trying to repair a pipe.They are a young couple that lives in the house AMY grew up in.) GREG: This whole house needs new plumbing. AMY: No it doesnt. GREG: It needs new everything. AMY: Its fine. GREG: You think it is. AMY: Its a great house. GREG: To you. Youve never lived anywhere else. AMY: Were lucky to have this house.

GREG: Everythings falling apart. AMY: Its a little drip. If you cant fix it, say so. GREG: I can fix this. AMY: If you cant fix it without telling me the whole house is falling apart, lemme call Steve. GREG: Thatll cost seventy-five dollars. Its justthis whole place went a long time without maintenance. It needs a lot. AMY: And how much did you pay for it? GREG: Thats not the point. AMY: How much? GREG: Thats not what Im talking about. AMY: Youre complaining about a house we got for free! (DAISY enters from outside the theatre. Shes not part of the play and seems oblivious to it. She moves through the audience and onto the stage. Shes loud and uses good diction. She holds a drink in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She addresses the audience.) DAISY: Hello everybody. Im Daisy Soaralot, executive director of Charlotte Community Theatre. Welcome to Nine, Nine, and more Nines. These are nine, nine minute plays. (GREG and DAISY break from their characters. GREG rises. They stare, in disbelief, at DAISY.) DAISY: As you know, they begin at nine oclock. This is original work! That means they are written by people who actually live here. We let them meet in the lobby once a week to hooooowwne their craft, and as paaaaaaayment they write these nine minute plays. GREG: Excuse me, Daisy. Weve already started. DAISY: (to GREG) Shut up! Im almost finished. (to the audience) DAISY: The bar is wide open! Enjoy the show. (She starts to clap and smiles wildly, inviting the audience to join in giving herself a round of applause. She exits.After a moment, GREG gets back under the sink and resumes his character.) GREG: This is gross.

AMY: Id rather call Steve than listen to you. GREG: Im not saying its not a good house. But Im telling you Ive talked to people about it, including Steve. He looked around. Im telling you, it needs all new pipes. Your parents didnt take care of this house. AMY: Spending seventy-five dollars is easier than listening to you. GREG: You should care about facts. AMY: Its the way you say it. Its disrespectful to my Mom and Dad. Extremely. Greg. I cant listen to this. GREG: Its not disrespectful. AMY: Its most disrespectful. GREG: Its just who they were. AMY: Its not! GREG: Why change them in your head just because they arent here anymore? Its not bad. Its justthe truth. No big deal. (Enter DAISY. Again, she takes the stage and addresses the audience.) DAISY: I forgot to tell you. Some of these plays will make you laugh. Some will make you cry. Were a little more leeeeeenient with the mateeeeeeeeerial, because it starts at nine oclock whereas the main stage season features the best from Broadway. By the way, our current show is AMY: Daisy, were in the middle of the play. DAISY: (to AMY) Bite my ass! This is my theatre! (AMY begins to cry.Sweetly, DAISY addresses the audience.) DAISY: Our current show is the Sound of Music. Tickets are selling fast, but there are still some available. Thank you. (She exits. She takes a seat and shares her bottle of wine with a member of the audience.GREG takes his place on the floor.) GREG: They justdidnt call the plumber when maybe they should have. (Pause. The emotion of the traumatic interruption has affected AMY. She uses it in her performance.)

AMY: Stop it! GREG: Its not them, its property thats all. AMY: Youre not talking about property. Youre talking about my parents. And youre also telling me, in that passive way of yours, that youre not ready to start a family. GREG: Not ready to start a family! AMY: You know we couldnt afford it if we had house payments. GREG: I dont want house payments. Im talking about this place. It also needs to be wired. And it needs a roof. AMY: Whos got money for that? Wed have to get a mortgage. Whats wrong with you? GREG: I didnt say we should mortgage the house. Im telling you what the house needs. It needsreallyit needs new floors. AMY: Floors? Theyre fine. GREG: Theyre shot. Look down once in a while and youll see. Look right there. Right under your feet. Look at those boards. (DAISY makes some noise with her drinking, tapping the glass against the bottle and slurping loudly. She refills her glass and puts the bottle on the floor. They stop, momentarily, and look at her. Then AMY looks out the window.) AMY: What the hell is that? (AMY is looking out the window. GREG looks at the floor.) GREG: Theyre scratches. Gouges, really. (She moves close to the window.) AMY: That. GREG: Gouges. It needs to be refinished. AMY: No, that. GREG: What? AMY: That. Out there. GREG: What?

DAISY: The window, stupid! (pause) AMY: Get up. Look out here. (GREG gets up from under the sink.DAISY speaks to the person beside her, A GUY IN THE AUDIENCE.) DAISY: Now I cant reach it. Hand me that bottle. (A GUY IN THE AUDIENCE gives her the bottle.) AMY: There. (He comes around to the window.) GREG: Its a truck. AMY: Whats she doing? GREG: How would I know? AMY: Do you know her? DAISY: (to the person beside her) This is boring, you think? (Pause. GREG stops, then focuses on AMY.) GREG: No. AMY: What is that? GREG: Thats not AMY: Shes driving away. GREG: Just a minute. (GREG exits quickly. AMY watches through the window.Offstage) GREG: Hey! (Moments later, GREG enters with a bassinet. AMY looks inside.) AMY: Its a baby. GREG: It is.

AMY: A baby girl. GREG: Uh huh. (pointing) GREG: That came with it. (AMY reaches in and pulls out a note. She reads it to herself.) AMY: Thats it? GREG: Thats it. AMY: Why here? GREG: Youre asking me? AMY: Did you get that tag number? GREG: No. (Looking at the note.) AMY: Please take care of my baby.! (to GREG) I dont want her baby. (DAISY begins to clap. AMY and GREG stop and look at her.) GREG: (to DAISY) Were not finished. DAISY: Seems like nine minutes to me. AMY: (beginning to sob) We just have a few more lines. DAISY: Go on! GREG: (to AMY) Line. AMY: I dont want her baby. GREG: Neither does she. (Pause. Looks in the bassinet.) Neither do I. (Looking out the window.) GREG: What is she crazy? AMY: Yeah.

GREG: Just puts this down on the sidewalk and drives off into the sunset? AMY: Pretty sunset. GREG: Yeah. It is, really. The sky is like gold. AMY: Like an amber sky. Nice name Amber. (DAISY claps.) GREG: (to Daisy) Were still not finished. GREG: (to AMY) Wasnt that my line? AMY: (breaking down) Yes! Im sorry. GREG: Nice name Amber. Uh, now Im really off. AMY: Talk to the baby. GREG: Thats not what Im supposed to do. AMY: Do it anyway! DAISY: Are you done yet! (They turn and look at DAISY, blank. After a moment, AMY stomps off with the bassinette. DAISY rises and takes a drink.) DAISY: Somebody turn off the goddamn lights! End of play

A New Normal
By Sam, on April 18th, 2010 Copyright 2010, by Samuel M. Post. Note: If youd like to produce this play, on stage or in a class please email me and ask permission. It will be granted, but Id really like to know about it. Characters: Nick middle aged Jill a little younger Kyle middle aged Guy and Girl younger couple Passed-out Guy Setting: A bar. Time: Night. December 31, 2008. NICK and KYLE sit at the bar, drinking beer, talking to JILL, the bartender. Beside them, a GUY and a GIRL are necking going at it pretty steady. This continues throughout the play, with perhaps a few breaks for whispering or staring into each others eyes. On the other side of them, a GUY sits at the bar, passed-out, with his head on the bar. NICK: Whatre you gonna do? JILL: Fill-out applications, I guess. KYLE: Nobodys hiring. NICK: Shes the best in town. KYLE: Doesnt matter. Nobodys hiring. NICK: Somebody will hire her. JILL: Right, like youre gonna give me a recommendation. NICK: I could. Might help. JILL: Fuck you. Then Ill never get a job. KYLE: How the hell is she gonna find another job when every business in town is closing or laying off? NICK: Shes good.

JILL: The only reason you think Im good is because Ive served you about a thousand beers and I know your order. My cat thinks Im good too, cause I feed it. NICK: Seriously, a reference wouldnt hurt. KYLE: They want a reference from her employer not a customer. Damn a thousand beers. I wonder JILL: You could buy a boat with the money youve spent in here. Lets see. (She gets a calculator and starts figuring.) Lets say twenty bucks a night. Conservative. Lets say 200 nights a year. Conservative. Ive been here fourteen years. Thats fifty-six thousand dollars. How much does a fucking boat cost? KYLE: You can pay about whatever you want for one. NICK: I dont want a boat. KYLE: You could probably buy a damn plane. NICK: I dont want a plane. KYLE: Makes you think, though. Could have had a boat or a plane. Maybe both. NICK: Id rather have the beer. KYLE: The beers gone. Nothing to show for it. NICK: Planes and boats dont last either. (to Jill) Makes me wonder why this place is going out of business. KYLE: The fucking economy. NICK: People drink more in a bad economy. JILL: Not here. New Years Eve, we should be packed. In case you didnt notice, youre the only people in here. NICK: (indicating the couple and the other, passed out patron) Theyre here. Hes here. JILL: Youre the only people in here paying. KYLE: The economy sucks. NICK: Itll come back. JILL: Not in time to pay the rent.

KYLE: Never seen it this bad before. NICK: Why are you complaining? Youve still got a job! KYLE: Barely. My hours cut in half! NICK: Try being self-employed. That can cut your hours to zero. JILL: Boo fucking hoo. Ive got two little ones at home. NICK: Ive got kids. KYLE: So do I. JILL: Theyre grown-ups! NICK: Theyre sill my kids. JILL: You moron. KYLE: Hes not a moron. He just likes to argue. NICK: I dont like to argue. KYLE: Just my opinion. NICK: I like discussion. JILL: Heard anything from Heather? KYLE: Shes doing fine. Perfect. JILL: Still married? KYLE: Last I heard. We dont hear a lot. Shes real busy. NICK: Shes got it made. KYLE: Theyre out west skiing now. At least I think theyre still there. NICK: Rorys the one who needs the rich husband. KYLE: Oh shit. She brings him another beer. NICK: You hear anything?

KYLE: No. NICK: Wont even talk to you? KYLE: She never would talk to us. She shouts and argues. She popped out of the womb shouting and has been shouting ever since. NICK: Shouting for money. KYLE: And whos got any? Im expecting her to move back anytime. JILL: Of course. Shell need a babysitter. Dont expect her to give up her lifestyle. KYLE: What lifestyle? JILL: Oh shes got a lifestyle. NICK: Whens she due? KYLE: March. NICK: Shell move in next month. KYLE: No more life for me. NICK: What kind of fucking life do you have now? KYLE: One that suits me. JILL: I predict shell stay awhile this time. KYLE: Wish shed trying moving in with her sister one time. Give us a break. NICK: She wouldnt let her in the front door. KYLE: True. Shed tell the guard not to let her through the gate. She wont even ask us. Shell just show up. JILL: (to Nick) You ever hear anything from Carl? NICK: No. KYLE: Nothing? NICK: Still in Arizona, we think. KYLE: Wont even pick up the phone on Christmas?

NICK: Wont answer. JILL: Carl was the best musician ever played here. Well, maybe not the best but the most entertaining. KYLE: The boy had some talent. JILL: A goddamn ton of talent! NICK: Not just music. JILL: What else, math? He wasnt much of a talker. KYLE: Anything. You should see the damn sculpture hes got in his living room. What was he fifteen years old, when he made that? NICK: Sixteen. KYLE: Its incredible. Like something from Europe. And he was straight As all the way in school NICK: Yep. KYLE: Weird how a kid with that much talent can just quit everything. JILL: Happens a lot. Some of the most wasted bums on skid row are the most talented people in the world. NICK: Hes not on skid row. Im sure hes doing fine. KYLE: Sure he is. JILL: Oh yeah hes probably fine. Going through a stage. NICK: Hes twenty-six. JILL: People have stages when theyre twenty-six. Hey it was really, really good to see Alex last week. He looked good. NICK: Hes doing fine. KYLE: Now thats a good boy. You should be proud. I would be. NICK: I am. KYLE: Burning the candle both ends, though. NICK: Hes got no choice.

KYLE: Its that wife! NICK: Shes okay. KYLE: No shes not! NICK: Shes okay. Shes got those kids. It wouldnt be normal if she werent wound a little tight. Thats work taking care of those kids. JILL: Tell me about it. If mine are still up when I get home, theyllwish they werent. NICK: Its New Years. JILL: I dont care if its the next millennium. Its late and Im tired. NICK: I cannot believe this is the last time Ill have a beer in here. JILL: Youll adjust. NICK: Im not sure I will. KYLE: Im not so sure he will either. JILL: You might like the next place better. NICK: I doubt it. KYLE: Im sure as hell gonna try. NICK: Too bad we cant take up a collection and keep the place open. JILL: No way. KYLE: Remember when you broke your toe? (indicating the next stool over) NICK: Please. KYLE: Right there. Thats the spot. NICK: My last night here. I dont want to talk about that. JILL: How could I forget that! I spent more time with you in the ER that night than I ever have with my own kids. NICK: Yeah.

JILL: Christ, you were a baby. NICK: I know. JILL: That was not easy. NICK: I know. I know. JILL: Ill remember that night til the day I die. NICK: Me too. (He finishes his beer.) Im goin. Nick gets up to leave. KYLE: Right behind you. Nick puts on his coat and drains his beer. He taps the Passed-out Guy. The guy raises his head. NICK: You need a ride? PASSED-OUT GUY: Yeah. NICK: Cmon. Im going now. PASSED-OUT GUY: Nick. Nick. Thank you for the ride, Nick. Its cold out there. Thank you, man. NICK: No problem. (as they exit) Happy New Year. KYLE: See you on the other side. Happy fucking New Year. Nick and Passed-out Guy exit. Kyle gets up and puts on his coat. KYLE: Need some help with these two? JILL: You leave me in here alone and Ill break your arm. Kyle approaches the couple from behind and puts his arms around them. They stop necking and look up. KYLE: Whats the plan, guys? They get up and leave quickly, walking side by side, holding each other close. Jill pours Kyle half a beer and puts it on the bar. He sits back down. She busies herself getting ready to go: putting her tips into her pocketbook, dealing with the register, perhaps gathering coat and scarf

JILL: Give me three minutes. KYLE: No hurry. end of play

Little Orphan Annie -- by James Whitcomb Riley


adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

Free to perform. No notification required, but appreciated. To print, highlight and paste into your wordprocessor, then print off. This script will print onto one page. Skip the title above, instead start with the word

Back to Short Skits and Easy Plays Back to FunAntics Theater Scripts Home Page CAST: Child 1, 2, 3 & 4, Bad Girl & Bad Boy (can be Child 1,2,3 or 4), Annie, Mother, Father, Old Folks, Black Thing. STAGE: High stool at rear of stage for Annie. Black Thing actor hides downstage side, maybe an audience member who pulls on costume. START: Children enter in order, dropping hats, scarves, baseball mitts, dolls, jackets, etc. on floor, as kids do.. CHILD 1: Little Orphan Annie (Children form line downstage across stage.) CHILD 2: by James Whitcomb Riley CHILD 1: Little Orphan Annie's come to our house to stay, (ANNIE ENTERS, picks up stuff, hangs it up) And wash the cups and saucers up, and brush the crumbs away, CHILD 2: And shoo the chickens off the porch, and dust the hearth, and sweep, And make the fire, and bake the bread, and earn her board and keep; CHILD 3: And all us other children, when the supper things are done, We sit around the kitchen fire and have the mostest fun, (Child 1, 2, 3 go pull Annie to upstage high stool.) CHILD 4: A-listenin to the witch tales that Annie tells about, And the Gobble-ins that get you (Children form half circle downstage of Annie, facing her.) CHILDREN: (turn to yell at audience) If You Dont Watch Out! (face Annie, then watch actors.) (Mother, Father enter holding Boys hand, start to pray.) ANNIE: Once there was a little boy who wouldnt say his prayers, (Boy acts up. Mother sends him off.) And when he went to bed at night, away upstairs, (Parents mime serious talk, start to exit other side.) His mommy heard him holler (Yell, mother turns), and his daddy heard him bawl, (Cry, Parents run towards) And when they turned the covers down, he wasnt there at all! (Parents exit, return with ripped blanket) And they sought him in the rafter room, and cubbyhole, and press, (parents search stage) And sought him up the chimney flue, and everywhere, I guess; But all they ever found was just his pants and roundabout! (find his chewed clothes or pajamas.) Because the Gobble-ins will get you (Mother sobs in Fathers arms, Exit.) CHILDREN (facing audience): If You Dont Watch Out! (face Annie, then watch actors) (Parents Enter with Bad Girl, mime telling her to behave) ANNIE: Another time a little girl would always laugh and grin, (Parents scold, girl sassy faces)

And make fun of everyone, and all her blood and kin, (Girl points at parents, imitates) And once when there was company, and old folks was there, (Old Folks Enter, knock, Parents greet) She mocked them and she shocked them and she said she didnt care (Girl flips up skirt wiggles butt.) But as she kicked her heels, and turned to run and hide, (Old Folks shocked, Girl spins and runs) A Great Big Scary Black Thing was a-standin by her side, (Girl runs past and Black Thing rises) And it snatched her through the ceiling fore she could turn about! (Thing lifts her to shoulder, spins) Yes, the Gobble-ins will get you (Girl screams & kicks as Black Thing exits w/her. Adults aghast, exit.) CHILDREN (face audience): If You Dont Watch Out! (Children walk downstage again.) (Children are fearful. Annie watches mysteriously, pleased.) CHILD 1: And little Orphan Annie says, when the blaze is blue, And the lamp wick sputters, and the wind goes woo-oo! CHILD 2: And you hear the crickets quit, and the moon is gray, And the lightning bugs in dew are all squenched away CHILD 3: You better mind your parents, and your teachers fond and dear, And cherish those who love you, and dry the orphans tear, CHILD 4: And help the poor and needy ones who cluster all about, Or the Gobble-ins will get you CHILDREN: If You Dont Watch Out! (Notes: As the orphan, Annie does all the work. Scaring the kids is her revenge. Original had Two Great Big Black Things. )

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