HELLBENT HYPOKRITES

By

Jaime Z. Cruz


From Heracles by Euripides






















Jaime Cruz
culturedanimal@hotmail.com
www.jaimecruz.net
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1


HELLBENT HYPOKRITES


CAST OF CHARACTERS

NATE

BECCA

SOPHIE

GLEN

THUG LIFE

MELINDA


SETTING

THE LITTLE BIG PIZZA KITCHEN,
DOWNTOWN IDLEWIND, WY
THE EVENING SHIFT
LATE OCTOBER




A note on music:

The iauio station shoulu be playing soul, R&B anu iock music of the 7us at all times.
Nevei oveiwhelming the scenes, nevei at moueiate volume even, but iathei
whispeiing in the backgiounu. 0nly when the musical inteiluues uemanu it can the
music soai to a ueafening level. }oe Cockei's ienuition of !"#$%&$'$()*&" is essential
foi the tone of the inteiluues. No song as fai as I know, has been able to aiticulate
the piimal joy anu agony of a soul ieleasing its anguish. Bis ienuition is visceial,
filleu with ecstasy anu huit. It's a iitual. If we can't play }oe Cockei's song in this,
oiiginal music will uo just fine, as long as it aspiies foi that paiticulai tone.
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2








HELLBENT HYPOKRITES






AT RISE: Were looking at a restaurant
kitchen. Grimy. The color scheme,
outdated. Theres a window above the prep
table; overlooks a downtown intersection.

There is a portrait of a man in a cowboy hat,
sporting a shit-eating grin on the wall.

Then a howling commences, provided by
the cast offstage. A moaning thick with
sadness. The portrait falls off the wall and
onto the floor. Howling subsides.

Becca enters. She picks up the portrait,
hangs it once more.

BECCA (CONTD)
You meddling shit ghost: You leave Larry alone!
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She wraps silverware in napkins She
looks up and realizes theres an audience
there, watching her every move.

BECCA (CONTD)
I hate that window. I get to stare at drunks and sluts walk out of Third Street
Barr and stumble their way to the sidewalk. Its a shame Im working So
youre obviously here for something. By that look on your faces I can tell you
want some surprises. But youve come to the right place: Little Big Pizza not only
provides third-rate cuisine, but its also the unlikely home for mischief and
disgrace. And Im not just saying that because Halloweens almost here and I
want to spook you out. But brace yourselves. Cause I can tell when somethings
not right. I can tell some Topsy Turvys about to go down. I can tell death is just
around the corner.
She keeps wrapping.

BECCA (CONTD)
Oh shit, my table!
She races out to the dining room.

GLEN (OS)
Little man! You in here?
Thug Life enters, shifty-eyed with a just
delivered, large package. He hides it under
a big pot. TL Exits. Then Glen enters.

GLEN
Hey whered you go? I just saw you snootin around here, boy!
Checks to see if theres anything in the
oven.

GLEN (CONTD)
Hows this place run when I aint here? Youre killing me, people.
He hums to the seventies music. Pulls out a
dish from the oven, puts it on a plate and
makes it look presentable for the customer.

GLEN (CONTD)
Servers, table six is up!
Becca returns.

BECCA (CONTD)
Glen? Glenny-poo!

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2
GLEN
Get that food out of here, they dont want frozen dinners.
BECCA
Where are you going?
GLEN
Little boys room. Where the hells the rest of my staff?
BECCA
Hey, you want to smoke in five?
GLEN
You got it, babe.
Glen exits. Becca grabs the plate and out
she goes the other way.

Sophie scurries in, as if ashamed of the
baby she holds in a baby carriage. She
wipes the tears from her eyes and tries to
compose herself as she clocks in, puts on
her apron.

Becca jets back in

BECCA
That old hag can just suck myoh my goodness, look at this beautiful baby!!!
SOPHIE
You mean beautiful brat. Dont wake her.
BECCA
Honey, cup your tiny little ears, your mommys being a bitch.
SOPHIE
Dont encourage her to hate me so early on.
BECCA
Im tired of getting the crap shifts. Did you see my schedule? Two morning shifts
and tonights the only night I get. Melinda says Im so indispensable, how come I
get ten, twelve hours a week?
SOPHIE
This night has no pulse! Dead on arrival as those old people looming over the
horizon. Senile city approaching.
BECCA
What happened to your sitter?
SOPHIE
The sitter is M. I. A.
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BECCA
Im a hella-good babysitter. Give me a ring anytime.
Becca slides the credit card.

SOPHIE
No offense Becca, but my kid doesnt need the second hand smoke.
BECCA
Dont you lecture me, Im conscious of babies and their constitutional right to
remain smoke free. Now would you mind telling me what bullshit your man
pulled to make you cry?
SOPHIE
Im not crying, there are spices in the air. I have sensitive nostrils. Wheres the
pride of Texas?
BECCA
Glen? Hes in the mens room, freshening up.
SOPHIE
Keep him away from me or I might go off the deep end.
BECCA
Just tune him out. We can turn up the radio.
SOPHIE
Let me thinkwill I choose an evening of demeaning pickup attempts from a
redneck cook? Or an evening of the same, infuriating seventies radio standards?
BECCA
Considering we have very few radio options, I would still have to go with the
outdated stylings of Radio Nostalgia.
SOPHIE
Have you seen Nate?
BECCA
Not here yet. Is he to blame for those tears?
SOPHIE
Mind your tables. Ill mind my business.
BECCA
If hes the reason youre throwing a hissy fit, you can send him my way: I have a
bitchy landlord asking for half a years rent, if hes looking to pay someones
bills
SOPHIE
Hes not my husband. He needs to stop playing house.
BECCA
And where is your husband these days?
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4
SOPHIE
Havent you heard? Cops took him. About an hour ago. Thanks for asking.
BECCA
Oh babe, Im so sorry!
SOPHIE
He had it coming.
BECCA
But what happened?
SOPHIE
Lets not go there before the rush At least I can keep my mind off it, working in
this hellhole
Sophie wipes the last of her tears

BECCA (CONTD)
Hey, would you give that four top out there the receipt for me? Please?
SOPHIE
How bad was the tip they gave you?
BECCA
I cant even look at them right now.
SOPHIE
How bad?
BECCA
Three bucks. On a fifty dollar order.
SOPHIE
People in this town know nothing of tipping etiquette
BECCA
Tell me about it. I want to smack that stupid girl and her lesbian friends in the
mouth.
SOPHIE
You just Cool off. For the lesbians sake.
Sophie gets the ticket and heads offstage to
the diners area.

Sophie exits. Becca sits with the baby.

BECCA
(aside) Thats Sophie. Shes a sweetheart. And I hate her. I do What? She takes
all the good tables! And a girl should never resent a man desperately willing to
pay her bills... And this little angel is Zoe. Shes our Little Big Mascot! And as
you can see the rest of the crews starting to come together:
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5
Thug Life enters and gets his package from
under the pot. He opens it throughout.

BECCA (CONTD)
That lanky piece of shit there: I dont even know what his name is, but hes our
delivery guy. Hes fresh out of jail. First time I saw him I was like, what the hell
did he do, take someones lunch money in the playground? He looks fifteen!
More like nineteen, but stillhes just a little guy. We call him Thug Life. He
doesnt know it though.
Glen enters.

GLEN
You little fibber, you said no package today!
THUG LIFE
Maybe I didnt want your grubby hands all over my Halloween masks!
GLEN
You check your pizza deliveries? You cant just ignore it, boy.
BECCA
Theres Glen. Thinks he owns the place, but is really just a glorified tool.
THUG LIFE
Halloweens gonna be tight man! If I cant go out to party Ima having the party
come to me!
From the box, Thug Life reveals Halloween
masks for everyone.

BECCA
So whos missing?
Melinda curses offstage, furiously. The
sound of a beast trapped in a cave.

BECCA (CONTD)
Melindas always downstairs, in the office. She keeps a whole rotisserie
chicken in her desk drawer. Confuses paperwork with the real work up here. A
monster, some have called her. Shell come around eventually. We had a
dishwasher somewhere back there, no wait: he got fired yesterday Anyway
hes not important. But theres still one more missing
Glen reappears.

GLEN
Wheres that one no-good jackass I gotta put up with?
BECCA
Nate. The prep cook. The guy were all waiting for.
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6
Glen moves to the portrait on the wall.

GLEN
What you think Larry? You seen him?
BECCA
Oh I forgot! Thats Larry Blake up there, he owns the restaurant. Along with the
devalued currency that is our souls.
Thug Life waves a mask at Glen.

THUG LIFE
(to Glen) Who cares, check this one out!
BECCA
(aside) But back to Nate. Hes a good guy.
GLEN
We got pizzas to make around here! We got any orders comin?
BECCA
(aside) Actually, Nates great. Actually, the nicest guy youll ever meet. Hes a
savior around here. But hes usually here by now
The radio station music in the background
takes flight and Thug Life puts on a
gruesome mask, also tosses one to Glen.
Sophie emerges and reaches for a mask
also Becca joins them with a mask.

Joe Cockers rendition of Cry Me A River
roars: In unity they begin a dance heavy
with rhythm, with the conviction of a ritual,
all of them leading with their new faces.

The frenzy continues and Melinda enters
unbeknownst to them all, she watches with
a clipboard in hand and a layer of chicken
grease around her mouth.

MELINDA
What in the hell kinda witchcraft are you making in my restaurant?!
They stop, like scared children. The music
reverts to background noise.

THUG LIFE
I got my masks. For my party.
MELINDA
You got five seconds to get that box of trouble out of my kitchen.
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They snap back into the work cycle.

MELINDA (CONTD)
Wheres JP?
BECCA
(aside) JPs our dishwasher. He doesnt matter.
MELINDA
He oughta be washing dishes right about now.
SOPHIE
You fired him.
Becca rolls silverware throughout.

MELINDA
Shut your trap. When?
GLEN
Last night. When he broke the wine glasses.
MELINDA
Ah. Right. Good.
BECCA
(aside) Actually, Glen broke the glasses and blamed it on the Mexican
dishwasher, so now we are dishwasherless.
MELINDA
Wheres that waste of space Nathan?
THUG LIFE
His ass is late.
GLEN
Fire his ass too, I say
SOPHIE
Hes on his way.
MELINDA
Sophie, stop yapping and check the ice-box. We cant fill it during the rush.
Sophie exits.

BECCA
Nate called in, said he was running late but hes coming as soon as possible.
Right Sophie?
Becca nudges Sophie.


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SOPHIE (OS)
Thats what he said, he said he locked his keys, at home or somethingDidnt
he, Bec?
BECCA
Sure, certainly, thats what he said on the phone to me this day
MELINDA
What a disaster. Disappointment after disappointment in this kitchen. How do
we expect to provide excellent service to our guests with the kind of attitude
swarming in this kitchen? What is the answer people?!
BECCA
Higher wages?
MELINDA
You want to start a sass fight, Becca?
BECCA
Not tonight. I need to save my wit for those who tip!
MELINDA
Attagirlwhy is that pizza sitting there?
They all stare at a pizza box on the table.
Everyone is petrified in the silence.

MELINDA (CONTD)
Please tell me this is not a delivery.
Glen peeks at the receipt on the box.

GLEN
Its a delivery.
MELINDA
(to Thug Life) You! Skinhead-in-training!
THUG LIFE
Yes maam?
MELINDA
DO YOUR JOB!!!
Thug Life snatches the pizza and runs out.

MELINDA (CONTD)
They still have to pay full price!
GLEN
Dont even wanna know how long thats been sittin there.

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MELINDA
I met my firing quota. Maybe Ill fire him next month.
GLEN
We gotta keep em in check, dont we?
MELINDA
Yes we do, Glen. Thank goodness for you. Youre a beacon of hope among
sadness. I tell you, if the owner of this restaurant had his way, he would have me
fire everyone and start all over with the crew! Ive told you this
GLEN
Yes maam, you have.
MELINDA
Its a shame this batch is really, quite expendable. Except for you, of course.
Thank goodness for you
Glen smirks and straightens out the
kitchen. Becca looks out the window,
notices a table coming

BECCA
Table of three coming in. Your turn Sophie.
SOPHIE
Thanks.
MELINDA (CONTD)
And Sophie?
SOPHIE
Yes?
MELINDA
This isnt daycare. Its the last time you bring Zoe around here, understood?
SOPHIE
Yes. You wont see her back here again. Promise.
Sophie exits with menus.

The phone rings and Becca answers.

Melinda makes her way to the baby, cant
help but admire the peaceful child.

BECCA
(on phone) Thank you for calling Little Big Pizza, how may I help you tonight?
For delivery? Of course, whatll it be?

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GLEN
Lookin like Nate might not show. You think he quit?
MELINDA
Are you kidding? He loves it here.
GLEN
Right. Like a hangover.
MELINDA
He wont quit. Not while Sophies around.
BECCA
(on phone) And may I have a name, phone number and address please?
MELINDA
(at the baby) Oh you poor child. Having to spend your precious infancy cooped
up in a servers aisle. Its not right.
GLEN
It aint right, Melinda. Why you so right all the time?
MELINDA
A good mother always knows best.
BECCA
(on phone) Very well, your total comes to eighteen fifty and it should be out in
about forty five minutes.
GLEN
So you gonna fire Nate or what? Hes on strike two, you know.
MELINDA
Hold your horses, Glen. Hes bound to land strike three on his own.
Glen finally gets the order and starts
making the pizza.

BECCA
(on phone) On the front porch, got it. Thank you so much. Bye bye.
Becca hangs up.

BECCA (CONTD)
Our dear Evelyn has placed her order for tonight!
MELINDA
Well have the delivery boy send our regards.
GLEN
Evelyn dont ever mix it up, does she? Small thin-crust cheese pizza. Light sauce.
Light cheese.
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