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A Guide for Winning


Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Proverbs 4:23-25

FAITH..........................................COMMITMENT LOVE...............................................TOUGHNESS CONDUCT........................................DISCIPLINE SPEECH..................................................EFFORT PURITY.....................................................PRIDE


SPEECH..................................................EFFORT The Man in the Arena ItPURITY.....................................................PRIDE is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt


Table of Content Setting An Excellent Example 4 Section 1: The Foundation 5 Chapter 1: Defining Your Purpose 5 Chapter 2: Establishing Your Goals 9 Section 2: The Game Plan 13 Chapter 3: Your Faith Matters 13 Chapter 4: Understanding Your Commitment 18 Chapter 5: Love Your Teammates 24 Chapter 6: Develop Your Toughness 30 Chapter 7: Your Proper Conduct 38 Chapter 8: Improving Your Discipline 46 Chapter 9: Guard Your Speech 52 Chapter 10: Giving Your Maximum Effort 60 Chapter 11: Your Path To Purity 66 Chapter 12: Watch Your Pride 78 Section 3: The Results 88 Chapter 13: Your Real Success 88 Chapter 14: You Serving Others 98


Setting An Excellent Example Mission Statement. To encourage players to be excellent examples in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity. Setting Excellent Examples Code of Conduct: As an athlete, I will strive to be an excellent example for my teammates and others. In Speech. Always remember to guard your tongue. Let your conversation be always full of grace.
Colossians. 4:6

In Conduct. Live a drug free life and resist negative peer pressure. Offer your bodies as living
sacrifices. Romans 12:1

In Love. Remember the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated. Love your neighbor
as yourself. Luke 10:27

In Faith. Hold firm to your beliefs and morals without compromise. I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

In Purity. Be pure in your heart, thoughts and your actions. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they
will see God. Matthew. 5:8

In Service. Use your gifts and talents to the benefit of others.

Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not men. Ephesians 6:7 Dont let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity. 1Timothy 4:12


Section 1: The Foundation

Chapter 1: Defining Your Purpose What is your purpose? The purpose of life is a life of purpose. - Robert Byrne When you live your life without a clear purpose, you find yourself going through the motions with no direction. Your life is controlled by your situation and your values. The old ideas and restrictions you have continue to be your compass. Your purpose will answer the question why in your life. It will express your uniqueness through your interest, skills, passions and talents. It will express your most sincere principles. Whether you realize it or not; you possess a driving force that you have direct access to. This force will push you out of your comfort zone. You have a strength within you that is far greater to any situation or condition surrounding you. Through free will, your thoughts direct this strength to produce whatever results you choose in this life. Is there a difference between your purpose and your goals? Your purpose explains why you are doing what you choose to do. Your goals represent the various aspects of how you are doing it.


You need to begin to identify your purpose and to establish your goals. Your purpose should help you become consistent and tough enough to deal with some of lifes most challenging situations, and it eliminates the doubts you have when you attempt to choose meaningful goals. We all possess the thunder of pure fury and the calm breeze of tranquility. If it wasn't for tomorrow, how much would we get done today? Whatever your purpose... embrace it completely. Get lost in the clouds every now and then so you never lose sight of God's wonder. -Paul Vitale Discovering your purpose is a process which involves three steps: 1. Identify the things which are meaningful to you and how you would like to express them in your life. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Think about the things you can contribute to create a better world. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. Identify the real you in all areas of your life. Who are you? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________


Your purpose is what links all of this together. All men of action are dreamers. - James G. Huneker How do you develop your Purpose Statement. Take some time to answer the following questions. Make sure you write down your answers. Try to write down the first thing to come to your mind as you read the questions. If you do not completely understand a question, try to answer it anyway. 1. What have you accomplished that has made you feel the most satisfied? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Five years from today, someone writes a story about you. What do you think would be the headline? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ I serve the purpose of _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________


Bingo! This was the first step toward your unique purpose statement that you will continue to develop during the coming months. Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose. Remember!!! Your Thoughts become your Words, Your Words become your Actions, Your Actions become your Habits, Your Habits become your Character, and Your Character becomes your DESTINY. To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life. -Robert Louis Stevenson


Chapter 2: Establishing Your Goals Why do you need to establish goals? Excellence is the gradual result of always wanting to do better. - Pat Riley

A goal is what you do, not who you are. How good do you really want to be? How do your goals help the team? Make sure your goals line-up with your purpose. Remember, your purpose is the guiding direction for everything in your life. It sets the stage for what you do every day. Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; while others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before. -Herodotus Know your motivations: The better each individual on the team is, the better we will be as a team. As you set your goals, be clear on your primary motivations. Your goals should be something that you really want, and not what others want you to do. Why do you want this goal? Be precise: Be very precise on what you want. The more precise you are, the better guided you are in your goal pursuit.


Make your goals measurable: Some things cannot be measured. You cannot quantify love and respect. For your goals to be effective, they need to be measurable. They should come with: (1) a deadline (2) a value you can measure against These will be your success criteria when you evaluate them against your performance. Begin with your long-range goals: Always begin with your long-range goals so you can get the full image. From there, break it down into smaller parts. Set your goals as end result, not tasks: This refers to the end outcome that you want to see, not the task that is needed to get the result you want. Maintaining your goals: Write your goals down. Write down your final objective and activity goals. This should be listed prominently in a place you will always be referring to. Build mental clarity in your goals. As you pursue your goals, you need to develop such a clear mental impression of your goals that you are able to perceive it with all your five senses, as if you have already achieved the goals. Have a constant reminder of your goals. Place your goals in a place where you will be in constant reminder of them. Reminding yourself of your goals is extremely important to keep them in your top of mind awareness. It creates the drive and energy to pursue it every day.

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Review your goals periodically. Review your goals regularly. You should review your goals more often than once every month. It is important to review goals since they can become inappropriate over time. It takes character to stay at the top. If you operate with a selfish personal ambition that it is all about me, you might get to the top of the heap, but you will never reach the peak of the mountain. Set your goals high, and don't stop till you get there. Setting goals: 1. Using your purpose statement, list the goals that you would like to see the team accomplish this year. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Again, using your purpose statement, list any individual goals that you would like to accomplish this year. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. What are you going to do to accomplish these team and individual goals? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ - Bo Jackson

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Remember!!! Before I can do, I must be. Do not define yourself by what you do. Define yourself by who you are. Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan. - Tom Landry

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Section 2: The Game Plan

Chapter 3: Your Faith Matters Why does your faith matter? Faith is believing in something that has not been proven or cannot be proven. Faith is the key to living life. If you really think about your life, you can relate everything you do to having faith. Have F.A.I.T.H. F = Fortitude and Strength physical, mental/emotional and spiritual A = Attitude your attitude determines your altitude I = Integrity do what is right, eliminate distractions and stay focused T = Trust trust your preparation, your teammates and yourself H = Humility Be Humble - Be Hungry Everyone on the team has different gifts. Each player has a unique ability that nobody else has. If you are a scout team quarterback, be the best scout team QB you can possibly be. If you are a scout team offensive lineman, then block your heart out. No job is too small or unimportant. From the first player to the last, you all have the ability to help the team succeed.

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For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly -Romans 12:46 You must have ultimate faith in what you are doing and trying to accomplish. That faith must be in your team and in yourself. Through hard work and faith anything can be accomplished. Do not let doubters and cynics wavier your faith. There are always going to be people who tell you that your goals cannot be reached. Always believe in yourself and work to make your goals come true and great things will happen for you. Faith as a player is essential for your success. You have to trust that your coaches will teach you the best way to accomplish certain tasks. Having confidence in yourself to perform these tasks to your maximum potential is a must. Team sports require you to have faith and a good relationship with your teammates. You need to have faith in the game officials. Always respect the sport you play and do not take it for granted.

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Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. - Norman Vincent Peale

At times you must have faith in a different way of doing things. Otherwise, you will not be able to use this new information with confidence. You just have to have faith and go full speed. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it will not, but without faith it will never work. Having faith will allow you to go all out. In order to complete these task; you also need faith in your purpose and goals from the first two chapters. You must have faith in yourself and believe that you will be able to be successful no matter what circumstances arise. If you are ever going to achieve as much as you can in a sport, you are going to have to be willing to make a leap of faith to learn how much your body can handle. - Meredith Rainey Valmon Have faith in your training and conditioning. Make a commitment to your training and conditioning programs. Have faith in studying your position and assignments. Study your assignments and strive to be the best you can be.

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Show faith by surrounding yourself with great friends. Eliminate the naysayers. Look for people with the right attitude. Remember, having great teammates begins with you. Show faith by being on time and working hard. It takes countless hours and strong dedication to become a champion. Expect to win and always believe in yourself. This is a mindset that can be developed. It will come with trusting your preparation, trusting your teammates and knowing that you have done everything possible to be a winner. You must display the ability to overcome adversity. In every game, there are shifts in momentum that must be dealt with quickly. You will have times in the game when you will face challenges that must be overcome. Players who work hard for their success expect to win. You will change your team or your team will change you. You must direct your own life. You must take responsibility for your actions; you must strive to be better and live your life as a role model for the younger players. If you are not careful you can get close to a goal and you lose hope for some reason. You give up too soon on your goal. You stop training like you should. You take the day off. You face difficulties and become paralyzed rather than taking them head-on.

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Always go beyond what is required. Sneak in extra reps. Come in early. Stay late. There will be times when your faith is tested, times when you think that you will not be able to achieve your goals. This is normal, and usually passes. You just have to persevere and you will come out stronger than before. 1. What three of your abilities do you have the most faith in? What three do you have the least faith in? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Has your faith ever waivered? Why? What caused your faith to be restored? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That is belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now sit in the chair. That is faith! True living requires that we put our beliefs into action.

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Chapter 4: Understanding Your Commitment What does your commitment to football mean? Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. -Abraham Lincoln

Commitment is doing something long after you have felt what you felt when you said you were going to do it; it is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. Your actions will speak louder than your words. What are the key elements that separate players who follow their dreams and attain their team and personal goals, from those who just dream? Look at the qualities that successful players have in common. See how you can be one of these players. You need a commitment to make it happen. Your commitment must start in your heart. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. You have to believe something can happen before you will actually take action to make it come true. The commitment must be complete in order to obtain your goal. You must believe in yourself, and realize that you can accomplish anything if you want it badly enough.

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Do it with passion. Without passion, commitment will be harder to maintain. Your desire will determine your destiny. If your desire is strong enough, you will accomplish your dreams. You have to identify exactly what you are passionate about and then stay committed to it. Individual commitment to a group effort that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work. - Coach Vince Lombardi Keep your eyes focused on your goals. For anything to succeed, you have to have the end in sight. You have to know what the goals are. This is why we established goals in Chapter Two. Once you are clear about what you want to accomplish, then you create the plan to get there and the strategies to keep moving forward. It takes courage to stay committed. Everyone has fears about failing. The difference between those who succeed and those who just dream is what they do with that fear. We all have choices: Run that last sprint or quit where you are. Face the fear or run from it. The most common action is to run from it. Courage is the willingness to put it all on the line for possible failure. Those who succeed the most also have suffered the most failures.

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Levels of Commitment Apathetic-player that does not care Resistant-player with their own agenda Reluctant-player who does enough to get by Existent-player who is on team for other reasons Compliant-player will do what is asked but no more Committed-player is willing to do what is necessary Compelled-player that is totally invested Obsessed-the goal is the players only focus Consider these characteristics and start thinking about your team goals or personal goals from Chapter Two. Begin your plan on making your goals happen. How bad do you want to be a great athlete, the best you can be? So many people talk about wanting to be great; but very few actually do what it takes to be great. There is a saying that is very meaningful: "A great athlete does every day, what a good athlete does occasionally." A great athlete does whatever it takes on a daily basis to improve his game, while a good athlete does it when it is convenient or when they feel like it. Athletes that want to be great will do whatever it takes to attain their goals, where the average athlete will only do what it takes when it is convenient for them.

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Commitment requires strong self-discipline, and a persistent inner voice to urge us on. Self-discipline grows out of our commitment to our goals. Your inner voice may also conflict with your stated goals. This voice tries to fight commitments and wants to get out of them. It may say, "Oh, go home early. You've worked hard. You deserve it." Like a soldier facing the enemy, we face our own inner enemies- "I'll do it tomorrow," "I can't do it." When we accept a commitment, it should be with "do or die" determination, otherwise it's only a weak agreement. Real commitment takes courage, sacrifice, and perseverance. Jeff Paluseo, Head Strength and Conditioning Coach at Texas A&M Corpus Christi says you need to ask yourself five questions. These five questions will determine if you have what it takes to be great or if you are satisfied with just being good. Some people want it to happen; some hope it will happen; others make it happen. -Jeff Bagwell

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1. How Bad Do I Want It? How bad do you really want to be great, the best you can be? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Why Do I Want It? Whatever the reason, the important thing is to know why you want to be great. This will become your motivating force; this is what drives you to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. What Am I Willing To Do To Achieve My Goal? What are you willing to sacrifice? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 4. How Much Do I Really Invest Into It? How much time do you put into trying to be great at what you do? Be honest with yourself. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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5. Do You Really Love It? Is this what you really want to do? You really need to ask yourself: Is this what I love to do? If not, hang it up and find something you love to do. This is what life is about! _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ The one thing that these five questions all have in common is that none of these five things have anything to do with your physical ability. These five things are a way of thinking and are meant to fuel a burning desire to achieve your goals. Commitment serves as the mortar between all the bricks of wisdom, and is most assuredly the one quality that separates those who can from those who didnt. - Tim Lautzenheiser

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Chapter 5: Love Your Teammates When you look at love, you're looking into the face of appreciation. What does love have to do with football? All throughout history, everyone has made love out to be some mystifying and un-definable thing. It has been the subject of never-ending verse and many scholarly works. There is a huge amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it very different. We have been told that to define love is nearly impossible. There must be a fear that if we define love, it would be less commanding and less meaningful. But is it really that difficult to understand? What is it you feel when you love your fellow teammates? If we break love down to its basic make-up; we find that love is an emotion, a feeling, and a wanting. If you judge people, you have no time to love ...................... them -Mother Teresa Love is accepting your teammates as "alright just the way they are" and having no particular desire to change them. Who and what they are is perfectly fine with you. You set no preconceived conditions on whether you will love them or not.

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This is called unconditional love. When your love is conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates. Love is wanting another to feel good, to be happy, safe, and healthy. You want them to feel good physically, mentally and emotionally. I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, so we're really not that different, me and you. -Colin Raye

We do not always express our love. Love is a feeling and the expression of that feeling is separate. It is an action. Love expressed is when you give your attention, your time, your focus to someone. Webster defines attention as the giving of ones mind to something." There are many ways in which you can give your attention to another. You need to be completely present with the person who is speaking. You need to watch others with your undivided attention. How you express your love depends on the type of relationship. Self love forms the foundation of your single most important relationship, the one with yourself.

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Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8 The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of your ability to love yourself. To love yourself is not simply a self-esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the precondition to truly loving others. The golden rule tells us to love your neighbor as you love yourself." You are likely to have heard it many times, expressed in different ways, thinking it is about loving others. Look a little closer though and you will find that at its very center is the command to love yourself. We need to dismiss some myths about what it means to love yourself. Self love is not about being arrogant, selfish, self-centered or egotistical. It is not about comparing yourself to others to determine if you are good enough. It is not about always putting yourself first. It is not about always getting your way.

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It is not about always winning. It is not about only looking after number one." Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime. Therefore we are saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; Therefore we are saved by faith. Nothing we do however virtuous can be accomplished alone. Therefore we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our It is about being kind to yourself. own. Therefore we are saved by the final form It is about looking after your mind, your body of love and yourwhich forgiveness. -Reinhold Niebuhr It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you look like or what others think of you, but because love is your birthright no matter what. It is an obvious statement that you cannot give something that you do not possess, yet so many of us desperately love others without having or giving love to ourselves. It is little wonder that in time our reserves of love are exhausted and our relationships falter. To give love you must first have love. Give the love you wish to experience to yourself and you will find all your relationships transform in miraculous ways.

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Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back. -Arthur Rubinstein Self love provides you with an inner happiness, confidence and peace of mind that is not easily swayed by outside events and opinions. It enables you to make healthier choices and the best decisions across all areas of your life. It allows you to truly rejoice in another players good fortune rather than wondering why not me or even resenting it. There is a reason you are here; you have a role to play that no one else on the planet could fill. The special contribution you came to make is your lifes purpose. That is why we determined our purpose in the first chapter. When you are fulfilling your purpose, you are following your higher path, and your life will be filled with increasing joy, abundance, and wellbeing. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. 1. Take a moment to think of those things you most need to hear from others. Whether it be that they love you, or admire you, or accept you just as you are, or appreciate you, or forgive you.

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Write them down. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Make sure to exhaust your list. You will find that what you most want to hear from others is what you most need to tell yourself. You should now have a thorough list of positive affirmations tailor made for you.

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Love The Game "Love the game. Love the game for the pure joy of accomplishment. Love the game for everything it can teach you about yourself. Love the game for the feeling of belonging to a group endeavoring to do its best. Love the game for being involved in a team whose members can't wait to see you do your best. Love the game for the challenge of working harder than you ever have at something and then harder than that. Love the game because it takes all team members to give it life. Love the game because at its best, the game tradition will include your contributions. Love the game because you belong to a long line of fine athletes who have loved it. It is now your legacy. Love the game so much that you will pass on your love of the game to another athlete who has seen your dedication, your work, your challenges, your triumphs... and then that athlete will, because of you, love the game."

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Chapter 6: Your Toughness hat is on? What does being tough really mean? Does it mean having a killer instinct? Is it being cruel or distant? Is it being firm, thoughtless, heartless or brutal? It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind. - Alex Karras Toughness is the ability to perform at the height of your competitive state no matter what the circumstances. What is your best competitive state? It is your very own state of existence that allows you to perform with the greatest potential. It is a state of existence where you feel the most excited, the most confident, and the most complete. It is when you have that positive mindset, when you are having fun and enjoying the game. When all these positive emotions are flowing you are going to play to your full potential. Toughness is being able to create these positive emotions upon command thus enabling you to bring all your talent and skills to life at that moment.

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There isnt a person anywhere who isnt capable of doing more than he thinks he can. -Henry Ford Emotion is very important in football and all competitive sports. The positive emotions mentioned above will empower you with great action and attitude. Some emotion will not allow you to perform to your maximum potential. These are negative emotions. These emotions include such feelings as panic, uncertainty, weakness and defenselessness. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Being tough means no matter what is happening that might be considered negative; you continue to be in control in the height of your competitive condition while generating positive emotion. This means during the game when you make that big mistake, you can stay on the task at hand. When you get beat on a play, you can refocus and get back at it. When the referee makes that bad call against you or your team, you can stay on task and not get side-tracked. Being tough means that if you and your girlfriend are fighting, your parents are mad at you, your teachers are giving you a hard time about your

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grades, it does not make any difference, when you get on the field and get busy rising above all of the outside interference. You can adjust your mindset and get on with it. Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. - Author Unknown Toughness is physical, mental and emotional. Being tough involves all three of these areas. And make no mistake about it, toughness is a learned behavior. If you are not tough, it is just because you have not practiced enough. Just like any required technique or skill for your position, toughness can be developed, practiced and honed to excellence. Toughness is the ability to know the difference between playing hurt and playing injured. Gold Medal winner in Greco Roman Wrestling, Steve Fraser uses the following toughness test: Before you can improve your toughness you must be able to face the truth. If you are unsatisfied with what you see you must be willing to take full responsibility to change it. We need to take a look at the truth.

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On a score of one to ten with ten being the best (strongest) rate yourself on some of the following issues: Resilience ___ Self-reliance ___ Committed ___ Confident ___ Patient ___ Relaxed ___ Discipline ___ Responsible ___ Coachable ___ Focused ___ Motivated ___ Physically Fit ___

Be honest with yourself in regards to how you rate in the above areas. Remember, in the heat of the battle, when push comes to shove you will tend to break at your weakest points. To improve your toughness you should focus your training on your weakest areas. This is why it is important to know the truth about you and your needs for improvement. Getting feedback from your coaches is vital here. You need to be very open-minded about what your coaches see. This will help you get to the real you. How do you address your needs for improvement? Take two areas that you scored the lowest score. Now we need to create a toughness training plan to improve these areas. Here are some suggestions:

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Many claim to have it, yet few can define it. It is not something we are all born with and few can be taught to attain it but it is the base of what we yearn for- success. Talking the game doesn't cut it. Could have beens' whine about the lack of it. Winners don't tell anyone they have it. It shows in the passion in their eyes. The sport isn't just a game of skills, it is a way of life- a constant challenge to become the best, and these guidelines change day to day, because mental toughness is playing against the game itself, not a certain opponent. It doesn't matter how good anyone else is, only how good you can be day in and day out. The mind can overcome any obstacle to achieve a true desire. You have seen them; the ones that make it look easy, their mind has this power. It is through the hours of staying when everyone else went home, it is watching their heroes and imagining doing the same thing. It is believing in the mind that no one is better. Mental toughness is thinking before you perform, yet not knowing you even thought before the task was done, it is leading when no one else has the courage to lead, and it is sacrificing your body, giving your heart, and working beyond requirements discipline, repetition, constant learning and believing in your self can give you the gift of mental toughness. Skills come by fairly easily, but only the true athletes possess the definition of success- MENTAL


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1. State your needs for improvement in writing in a positive fashion. An example would be, Discipline - I have tremendous discipline or Resilience I love being in a close game where we must come from behind to win. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. For the next 30 days make these positive statements the most important issues in your football life. 3. Post these positive statements in your locker, near your bed or your bathroom mirror. 4. Write a summary on how you will improve each of these issues. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 5. Just before you go to sleep and when you first wake up take 30 seconds to visualize yourself and see yourself successful at improving these issues. Take the time to really feel it. 6. For the next 30 days track your progress in these areas. Note the days you feel you improved and when you did not. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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At the end of 30 days take two new areas that you feel you need improvement and repeat this process. Remember, you must take control of your own ability and commit to making changes. The sooner you take full responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable, the better. No matter how old or young, weak or strong, you can get tougher. Never believe that you cannot achieve because you are not talented enough, not smart enough or that you were not given the gifts to succeed. Your future is much more dependent upon the decisions you make and what you do, than what you are genetically. The level of toughness that you acquire through your focused training efforts will be the most powerful force in your playing career and your life.

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Chapter 7: Your Proper Conduct

Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward. -Napolean Hill

The following has been structured to reflect the six moral values developed by the Arizona Sport Summit Accord in 1999. The six moral values are as follows: Respectfulness Responsibility Caring Honesty Fairness Good Citizenship These moral values encourage character development through sport and have been endorsed by many sport organizations. Character can be described as the type of person you are, what you stand for, and your tendency to do the right thing. Character is revealed by how you behave when no one is watching or when you do not expect to be rewarded; it includes the types of judgments you make, how you interact with others, and how you put into action your personal philosophy.

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We generally associate good character with behavior that is kind, trustworthy, honest, faithful, and responsible. Sportsmanship is said to represent good character for those involved in sport. These six moral values are considered universal principles that allow us all to live and work productively in a civilized society. We need to take a closer look at each of them. Respectfulness - Respect is enshrined in the golden rule: Treating others as you wish to be treated by them. Respect applies to oneself as well as to others. Respectful athletes and coaches accept decisions by officials or superiors without arguing, avoid violence in and out of sport, act considerately toward all people, and seek to resolve differences without anger and insults. Examples of respectful behavior in sport include using considerate language and nonverbal body language even when you are angry or disappointed, walking away from confrontation during a game, speaking respectfully even when you are provoked, accepting victory and defeat without disparaging your opponents, and accepting officials decisions without argument. Responsibility - Responsibility involves perseverance and doing the right thing. Responsible athletes and coaches are reliable, self-disciplined, and considerate; they do not act impulsively without first considering the consequences of their actions.

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WHAT IS CLASS? Class never runs scared. It is sure-footed and confident in the knowledge that you can meet life head on and handle whatever comes along. Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class is considerate of others. It knows that good manners are nothing more than a series of petty sacrifices. Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class is ALREADY up and need not strive to look better by making others look worse. If you have class you don't need much of anything else. If you don't have it no matter what else you have it doesn't make much difference.

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When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone. -George O'Neil Examples of responsible behavior in sports include always trying your hardest, even against a much better opponent or when the outcome does not matter; showing up regularly for practice, even when you are preoccupied or do not feel like training; letting the coach and team know if an emergency prevents you from attending practice; and accepting responsibility for actions that lead to unexpected consequences. Caring - Being caring involves compassion, gratitude, and empathy (the ability to experience the feelings of others). It might sometimes seem out of place that you are supposed to be caring while also trying your hardest to win. Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves. -U. Thant

But you can be both highly competitive and caring at the same time. Athletes and coaches who are caring are gracious in both victory and defeat; they readily acknowledge the contributions of others to their success. Caring athletes play for their team rather than just for themselves. Caring also involves promoting the

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health and safety of everyone involved in sport, particularly athletes. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Bonnie Jean Wasmund Examples of caring behavior in sport involve complimenting your opponents efforts, win or lose; thanking your teammates, coaches, and supporters after a game; encouraging an injured teammate; and helping an opponent up after a tackle. Honesty - Honesty involves being truthful and forthright (an example would be not hiding important information) and acting with integrity and loyalty. Athletes show their honesty by speaking and acting consistently and by always doing the right thing. The motives and actions of honest athletes are rarely questioned because their actions are backed up by a personal sense of integrity. Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby. ~George Herbert Examples of honest behavior in sport include being a team player (loyalty), dealing honestly and openly with other athletes and coaches (honesty, loyalty), and playing fairly within the spirit and rules of the game (honesty).

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Fairness - Fairness-playing by the rules and the spirit of the game whether you are winning or losing-is one of the key elements of sportsmanship. Athletes are often under enormous pressure to be successful. Such pressure often seems inconsistent with fairness; sometimes playing fairly means losing the point or even the game. Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace. -Dwight D. Eisenhower Athletes who play fair will always play by the rules, regardless of how doing so affects the outcome of the game. Athletes display a sense of fairness by not taking unfair advantage by bending or circumventing the rules. Fairness can also be applied to criteria for determining awards or playing time. Strengthening our identity is one way of reinforcing people's confidence and sense of citizenship and well-being. -David Blunkett Good Citizenship - Perhaps the hardest to define because it encompasses attitudes and behavior outside of sport, good citizenship involves contributing positively to your community, whether local, regional, or national. Athletes who are good citizens proudly volunteer their time and effort to worthwhile causes, follow

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the law, and act as positive role models. Many high school athletes are active in community and charity events and are well known in their communities. 1. How can I accept and understand my responsibility of representing my team and community? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. How can I live up to the standards of sportsmanship established by the state association and the coaching staff? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. How can I learn the rules of the game thoroughly and discuss them with parents, fans, and other players? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 4. How can I treat opponents the way they would like to be treated, as a guest or friend? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 5. How can I wish an opponent good luck before the game and thank them in a courteous manner following either victory or defeat? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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6. How can I respect the integrity and judgment of game officials? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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Chapter 8: Improving Your Discipline Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments. -Jim Rohn Often when people hear the term discipline, it conjures up grueling effort, long struggles and doing things they do not really want to do. Discipline does not have to be that way. Why is this important? Discipline will allow you to achieve those things you have always wanted to do, but for whatever reason, never got around to doing them. Learning how to acquire the attribute of discipline is therefore one of the most important success skills you can develop, and something you must seriously work on if you currently feel you lack discipline in your life. There is no need to worry if you currently lack discipline. Nobody is born with discipline, and therefore it is a skill that anyone can learn. What Is Discipline? What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. -Aristotle If you were to ask a dozen people what discipline means you would probably get as many answers as participants. Some of them would refer to discipline as a power within that enables them to stay in control when everyone around them is losing it. Some have called it the power to stay on task, even when your motivation is lacking. While

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others simply refer to it as the ability to overcome laziness and get on with the job. I like to think of discipline as the ability to do what you know you should do, whether you feel like it or not. This means that when you have something to do, you do it, regardless of whether you like it or not. Just think for a second how much your life would change if you were able to do this. This is easy to say. And there are many factors which can stop you from leading a disciplined life. But once you begin to explore and understand the reasons why you may lack discipline in your life, you immediately gain more power to develop and maintain a disciplined life. Remember, knowledge is power-only if you actively use it. Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem and personal satisfaction. -Brian Tracy A common reason why many players lack discipline: A common personality characteristic is the desire for immediate short term gratification. This means that rather than waiting for something to happen in the future, most people prefer to have or experience something right now. Without waiting. This short term mentality causes people not to see the big picture, and as a result they tend to focus on the pleasure or pain they will immediately experience rather than the long term benefits they may receive.

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You will find that virtually all high achievers have a tendency to think in a long term perspective. Disciplined high achievers set goals, and then project themselves into the future by visualizing their goals as already accomplished. They can see what others will do and say to them as a result of their hard work. They can feel the emotions and satisfaction they will experience, and this drives them forward and motivates them to work hard with the promise of a longer term gain. We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. -Jesse Owens This ability to mentally project yourself is a key factor in developing discipline, and also what separates successful players from unsuccessful players. A good example of this which everyone should be able to relate to is school. At school you have two choices: Work hard and get good grades or have fun and do not put much effort into your work and struggle. Of course having fun would be everyones choice, as this satisfies our natural need for immediate gratification. Sometimes immediate gratification comes at the expense of long term failure. Which in this case, would most likely result in a lifetime of unsatisfying and unfulfilling experiences in your adult life. If you want to develop discipline you need to start thinking in a longer term perspective.

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What you do today will affect your life in one way or another in the future. You are quite literally paving the road you will travel upon with the actions you take today. The next time you find yourself wanting to satisfy an immediate need, stop, and think about the long term consequences of what you are doing. To practice this technique do what the high achievers do. Project yourself into the future. Visualize the benefits or rewards you will receive, and discipline yourself not to satisfy your natural preference for what is fun and easy. Write them down. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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Our Athletes: 1. Will gain a greater knowledge and understanding of the game of Football, and become students of the game. 2. Will become more responsible "studentathletes". A smart athlete is a good athlete, and will not let the team down at a crucial time during a game or during the season through ineligibility or undisciplined behavior. 3. Will learn to be unselfish and mentally disciplined. The unselfish and mentally disciplined player will learn and know the value of teamwork. The unselfish player will make sure that he and the rest of his teammates are giving everything for the common goal. 4. Will become fundamentally sound. All winning athletic programs teach fundamentals and have fundamentally sound players, and as the athlete experiences success he will gain confidence in himself and the program. Our approach will be one that stresses the development of fundamentals and techniques with an attention to detail. We give the players something they can do, coach them well on how to do it, and demand perfection in execution.

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5. Will learn how to be accountable. He will learn not to blame others for problems or mistakes, and that we all create our own experiences. He will learn that each player is responsible and accountable for his success and the ultimate success of the team. No excuses, no alibis, no messengers! 6. Will learn how to keep perspective by maintaining a level emotional state of mind about the game. The true test of leadership ability is being able to overcome adversity without succumbing emotionally. 7. Will experience the camaraderie of teamwork, dedication to the task at hand, and commitment to the common goal. 8. Will learn to be successful and have fun. 9. Will become the best conditioned and physically prepared in the area. We will not succumb to injuries by being out of shape.

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Chapter 9: Guard Your Speech What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. That is a chant we have all heard, and probably even said, at one point or another in our lives, without even considering the impact of the statement. The truth of the matter is, while sticks and stones could very well break bones, words hurt just as much or more. The difference in the two inflicted injuries? The scars of words take far longer to heal than a broken bone, and often never heal at all. You have all been given one life, and it is your job to discover all that you have been given in that life, develop it all and display it to the world. You are the manager of the life that you have been given. The question is, what kind of manager are you? You are responsible for managing and using all that you have been given: Your time, money and belongings; your body, mind and emotion; your skills, talents and abilities; your family and relationships, your thoughts, behavior and even your words. Words have incredible power. Your speech can be used to encourage or cause pain.

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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) You should not just haphazardly spit out words all day, without thought, day after day, because your words bear fruit, cause reactions in the lives of others and have consequences. You must come to realize that words are powerful, more powerful than you can imagine. Very little has more power to enrich life or make life miserable than relationships, and words can destroy or create and develop relationships. Loving communication is one of the greatest tools that you can use for building relationships. Be careful how you communicate. Use your words to build up, not tear down other players. Build your relationships with loving communication. It is one of the best things you can do daily, and the returns are immeasurable. Your words do not just fall to the ground or drift off into thin air, but they bring about some kind of consequence in the lives of others. How did you communicate with your friends and teammates today? What was it you said to them about that teammate who rubs you the wrong way? Was that gossip?

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Therefore, it is important for you to seriously consider: What you say How you say it When you say it To whom you say it Why you say it Somebody does somethin' stupid, that's human. They don't stop when they see it's wrong, that's a fool. Elvis Presley By using the right words in the right way at the right time for the right reason, you can encourage and impact other players lives for good; help to mend and develop relationships; influence change in attitudes; and bring about great change on your team. Your words have impact, so you need to be vigilant to develop your communication skills and use your words wisely. Words can hurt, wound, or even kill. They can console, calm, comfort and encourage others. Your lives Your your words can cause great emotional pain in the of others and can even crush their spirits. words can destroy the lives of others and gossip about others can hurt people deeply.

Your words can also encourage teammates to continue on through in difficult situations. They can comfort your fellow players when their hearts are breaking, and they can bring healing in times of distress.

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Your words have incredible power and they are yours to use for good or bad, hurting or healing. What damage and devastation will your words make today? How will you build up your teammates and make your school a better place to be with your words? Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. Jesse Jackson

Do not let any negative and critical words come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building your teammates up. This standard of speech instructs us that all of your speech should: be healthy and helpful to teammates focus on building up teammates help meet the needs of teammates be beneficial for those who listen

You should test all that you are about to say by this standard, and if it does not pass the standard, then you should keep your mouths closed or change what you are about to say. How can you prevent destruction from projecting from your mouth? In the words of Smokey the Bear, "only you can prevent forest fires." How many times do you get to lie before you are a liar? Michael Josephson

Standard 1 - Whatever is in your heart will eventually come out of your mouth.

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This standard reminds us of the importance of resolving disputes quickly and effectively. Animosity and resentment build up over time. If they are not diffused, pressure increases until the you cannot contain them. You relieve yourself in an explosion of words. When you lose your cool all kinds of things come forth. You may notice that some of these things have nothing to do with the issue at hand. These things have been stored up and, when the door is open, they flow forth from the mouth uninhibited. What are the words that hurt? They are words that seek to control, corrupt, degrade, denigrate, dominate, embarrass, exploit, induce fear or anxiety, humiliate, induce guilt, induce powerlessness, create jealousy, punish, reject, sabotage, threaten, or isolate. Four types of verbal abuse appear to be particularly common. They are teasing, cursing, gossip, and ostracism or shunning. Teasing can vary from mild and playful to severe and hurtful; at the latter end it shades into bullying. Cursing is a fact of life that apparently is becoming more and more common. Youngsters sometimes freely curse each other, curse their work, and curse whatever. Gossip, like teasing, can be harmless or, at its other extreme, malicious. Gossip as verbal abuse is nonetheless a frequent reality. Verbal abuse generally takes the form of one person's saying something nasty to another person. But verbal abuse may also be sharply communicated if nothing is said about anything.

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The final type of verbal abuse we need to address is ostracism or shunning. Ignoring and asking others to ignore someone is probably the most damaging form of verbal abuse. No one enjoys being ostracized by their peers. Standard 2 - Sharing your complaint with anyone other than the offending party, adds no value. I doubt there is anyone who would dispute the importance of observing this standard. Is there anyone who has never had his character attacked? Gossip, rumor, and slander are the fruit of insecurity. Most people shy away from conflict because it is easier to tell a sympathetic ear than to confront the offending party. You do the offending party a great disservice when you talk about them behind their back. Standard 3 - Discretion is the better part of valor. Passing over a transgression is not turning your head; rather it is a conscious decision to overlook the fault. If you are thinking of others and their need, mercy will always triumph over judgment. 1. Give examples of how your words can help, instead of hurt others? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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2. Give examples when your words reveal your true self and examples when they conceal you from others? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. Do your words hide God, or do they praise him? 4. Do you use the same words when your parents are present as you use with your friends? 5. Are you more likely to use your tongue as a weapon of hate and abuse or employ it as an instrument of truth and encouragement?

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(A)ccepts you as you are (B)elieves in "you" (C)alls you just to say "HI" (D)oesn't give up on you (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) (F)orgives your mistakes (G)ives unconditionally (H)elps you (I)nvites you over (J)ust "be" with you (K)eeps you close at heart (L)oves you for who you are (M)akes a difference in your life (N)ever Judges (O)ffers support (P)icks you up (Q)uiets your fears (R)aises your spirits (S)ays nice things about you (T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it (U)nderstands you (V)alues you (W)alks beside you

(X)-plain things you don't understand

(Y)ells when you won't listen and (Z)aps you back to reality.

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Chapter 10: Giving Your Maximum Effort The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. I think you can accomplish anything if youre willing to pay the price. Giving maximum physical effort is a mental skill, not an emotional event. While emotion may aid you, you must make the conscious choice to give all the effort you can muster for as long as you can sustain it. The following points will help you achieve maximum effort: Accept that each practice is a game in itself. The game is how long can I keep up my maximum physical effort? Identify maximum physical effort as if it were a separate goal so that you know how it feels physically, how it feels emotionally, and what it looks like visually. Identify maximum effort in practice when it is happening so you know what it is. Demand that you make a choice whether to give all you have, or not. Do not kid yourself with your answer. Do, or do not. There is no try. -Yoda

Expect consequences for bad choices that do not fit the identity of the team. Each person on the team has been asked to give something they have complete control over: Their effort.

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Ask, before each drill, "What am I thinking about?" (Answer: My level of effort.) During the drill, when the effort level sags, ask, "What am I thinking about?" Sometimes we just forget to give maximum physical effort as our thoughts go elsewhere, especially during long routine drills. Rate your effort after each drill, individually and as a team, until maximum effort is the rule, not the exception. This means completing each drill all the way through without shortcuts. Shortcuts do not improve self-worth, but drive it downward. Work all sides of a practice drill, so it is truly game-like (an example would be the defense on an offensive drill should play as if it were a real game). Stop and reflect on how confident and prepared you feel when you work as hard as you can all practice, every practice. Stop to reflect on how good you feel as a person after you have worked as hard as you can. Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. -Liane Cordes Notice each physical letdown and consciously try to reduce the number of letdowns. Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can. -Lowell Thomas

Support teammates, whether you are on or off the field.

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Sideline players should help the players on the field achieve the level of effort everyone practices daily. Athletes who spend the time and have the commitment toward maximum effort in every practice will play better in games. But more importantly, each member of the team learns how to raise his self-worth. You feel more confident and prepared and have learned that hard work has more dividends than just playing better. You respect yourself. Being positive all the time is not easy for athletes. Thus, we must teach the mental skill of being positive and demand that everyone model it. Here is what you will do to make a positive environment a constant: You must understand and accept that some players learn faster and perform better in a positive environment. You must make sure you understand that it is a skill to be actively positive. You must agree to practice this skill every time we meet and model it for each other. You must notice and correct negative behavior as soon as it happens to yourself and others. You must make sure it is corrected in a positive way, such as, I understand your frustration, but stay positive. To encourage this, when you notice impatience, sarcasm, negative tone, rolled eyes, and other body language in yourselves and others, then you do something about it.

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I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, his greatest fulfillment to all he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted, but victorious, on the field of battle. -Vince Lombardi

You must frequently ask yourselves and others, What are you thinking about? to determine if you are having negative thoughts that hurt your performance. Everyone practices replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. You must have loud and frequent support from those not in the drill during practice. You must actively attempt to encourage others to see the good in their teammates, getting past old differences for their own happiness and the unity of the team. You must teach and model that constructive criticism from others is instruction; it is not about you as a person, but about your play. You must acknowledge that the bench has the most difficult job on the team. Your team will win many games with insights from the bench. You cannot turn effort on and off in a game; it must become a habit. Have you ever wondered why some teams play hard while others do not? Most people believe that a team reflects the personality of its coach: That if a coach works hard, the players will work hard. I was often asked why my teams always played hard. Obviously, it was because playing hard was an integral part of my philosophy of football and we worked on it.

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Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference. - Calvin Coolidge

You must give complete effort in every practice drill. No pacing or resting will be tolerated. The rest and recovery phases are built into the practice plan, and so working hard will be the only acceptable approach. You cannot turn effort on and off in a game; it has to be constant, a habit, and totally complete. Since complete effort is always expected, our philosophy will be to use as many players as possible without impairing our effectiveness. You are all aware of the maxim that "You play the way you practice." That is why all drills are very intense and physically demanding. The greater our expectations in practice, the more you will have to show for it in your performance. In football, the only thing a player can truly control is effort. Make sure you are not lying to yourself about how hard you are working. It would be easy to judge effort by how many hours a day you devote to football.

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That is the worst way to measure effort. Effort is measured by setting goals and getting results. What do you need to do to make yourself better and improve your skill? You either make the commitment to get results or you do not. I always thought effort just meant commitment and time invested in something. I thought expending this effort would leave me completely satisfied and zealous about pursuing my goals any way I could to be successful. The harsh reality is that commitment sometimes does not mean a whole lot without results. I learned this both as a player and a coach. Having clear vision, a good game plan, solid execution, and a die-hard attitude is essential for sustaining success. Players who think like this do not let things cloud their judgment and they do not let the complexity of the situation hamper their determination. List your goals from chapter two and measure each one by the result achieved from your effort. 1. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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Dont Quit

by Edgar A. Guest
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low but the debts are high, And you want to smile but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit ... Rest if you must, but don't you quit! Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many failures turn about When we might have won had we stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow ... You may succeed with another blow. Often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victors cup; And he learned too late when the night came down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out... And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when youre hardest hit Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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Chapter 11: Your Path To Purity One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot beas: taken away Websters Dictionary defines pure free from anything that taints, impairs, etc.; unmixed, unless it is surrendered. -Michael J. Fox clear. By definition, a gallon of water with only one teaspoon of something else mixed in would not be pure water. It must be completely free from anything else in order to be considered pure. A little something added to the mix makes the whole mix impure. Purity means pure, not contaminated, mixed, or blended with anything else, not one small thing. A champion is a passionate defender or supporter of a cause; a fighter, a warrior; who possesses superior attributes. A champion of purity will passionately defend innocence and righteousness. The path to purity is a very difficult one. It truly is the road less traveled. Our community is filled with many types of compromise especially in the area of purity. However, a true champion of purity will seek purity of heart, mind and body without compromise, no matter what the cost. They will do this not for personal gain or glory but because they value themselves and their teammates. Set your goal to be a champion of purity.

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By Changing Your Thinking

By Changing Your Thinking, You change your

beliefs; When you change your beliefs, You change your expectations;

When you change your expectations, You

change your attitude; In football, purity must involve the whole person. When you change your attitude, You change your behavior; Whether you are with your friends, family, or When you change behavior, You change alone, a pure lifestyleyour is consistent no matter who else is around. Itperformance; is being blameless in every your area of your life. That is so difficult. But it is a When you change your performance; You goal to work toward. Change Your Life! A pure life involves every area. Remember Websters definition of purity: Free from anything that taints, impairs; clear, unmixed. Using that definition, let us look at a few areas of life where purity can be evident. Purity demonstrated in your relationships with teammates and others would mean freedom from lying, deception, selfishness, and disobedience. Purity is truthful, loving and selfless. Academic purity would involve no cheating. Athletic purity involves no cheating, no dishonest gain, no selfishness, lying, or deception. Purity at school involves no gossip, laziness, deception, or disobedience.

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The Challenge Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you.

-Jim Rohn

Some important things to know as we pursue purity: The truth is, there is a standard for a pure life. Society may lie and try to convince you that there is no standard, or that something can be right or wrong depending on each person and how you feel or would like to interpret it. But that is not true. There is a moral standard and those guidelines can be found in the Bible. There is absolute truth. Absolute truth means it can never be proven wrong or found faulty. It is absolutely true, absolutely all the time. Absolute truth never leaves room for an exception. You must know, there is absolute truth, and it is God and His Word, the Bible. He is Absolute Truth and His Word is absolutely true. You cannot ever prove Him wrong or find fault in Him.

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We may think sometimes that we know better or that God made a mistake, but given all the information God has, we should agree with Him every time. Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. -Psalm 86:11-13

There are all kinds of garbage in our mind. If we want to purify our mind, getting rid of the garbage in our mind might be the first thing we have to do. What is the garbage of mind? Dirty and polluted thoughts, greedy thoughts, hateful thoughts, infatuated thoughts, worried thoughts, suffering thoughts, haughty thoughts, impudent thoughts, envious thoughts, indecent thoughts, dreary thoughts, and hollow thoughts. These can all be called garbage of the mind. Thought is behavior in rehearsal. -Sigmund Freud Someone in history said once that one who can govern a battalion of a million soldiers is not a hero: The real hero is that person who can govern his mind.

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Today is the Very First Day of the Rest of My Life This is the Beginning of a New Day. I Can Waste It ... or Use It For Good. But What I Do Today is Important, Because I am Exchanging a Day of My Life For It. When Tomorrow Comes, This Day Will Be Gone Forever, Leaving in Its Place Something That I Have Traded For It. I Want It to Be Gain and Not Loss, Good and Not Evil, Success and Not Failure, in Order That I Not Regret the Price I Have Paid For It. I Will Give 100% of Myself Just For Today, For You Never Fail Until You Stop Trying. I Will Be the Kind of Person I have Always Wanted To Be I Have Been Given This Day to Use as I Will. You should understand the meaning of these words. If a bad thought arises in your mind, then more bad thoughts like water will come in waves; nothing can ward them off. These bad thoughts will forever lead you to thinking, speaking, and acting bad.

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Ever since life began, the habitual nature of human beings makes us like this. It is doubly difficult to get rid of them. By your thoughts you are daily, even hourly, building your life; you are carving your destiny. -Ruth Barrack Golden When you can govern your thoughts, your mind will not be affected by situations. From this, your mind can be free. This is a very hard level to reach, but the first step is always hard. Purity of heart is an examination of your life at the heart level. Purity speaks about the way you utilize your heart. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. -Matthew 5:8 Our modern age specializes in distraction; we call it entertainment. The pure of heart have a devoted and singularity of heart which enables them to disregard distractions. We are speaking of those things to which you are devoted. Impure hearts refer to different affections or desires that motivate individuals. When you speak of a love for something, this "love" is the affection. The object they love is the target of this affection such as money. It is from the heart through which devotion or commitment springs forth. Impurity in our hearts can be detected by your different affections (things we like and desire).

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Since the heart produces these affections, you know your hearts are affected when you have these desires. You can detect your greatest affections. They show themselves through your activities and choices in daily life. These affections reveal your hearts' devotion and support for those particular areas of your lives. I will always try to influence my teammates to make wise decisions. I will be honest, even when it means I might get in trouble. I will do the right thing even when no one is watching me. I will do the right thing even when others around me are making poor decisions. I will set a positive example for my peers. I will speak to others in a way in which I want to be spoken to. I will always seek to understand where the other person is coming from. I will treat my classmates, teachers, and parents with respect at all times. I will give 100% of my effort to all of my endeavors. I will go beyond what is expected of me. I will NEVER give up on myself. I will apply my skills and character traits to

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overcome obstacles. I will come to school each day with my homework completed, materials for learning, and a positive attitude. I will follow directions the first time they are given. I will ask for help when I need it. I will help my teammates whenever they are in need. I will think of how my actions may affect others before I make decisions. 1. What are the things you need to remove from your mind in order to pursue purity of the mind? _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 2. Give an example for each of the following thoughts as they apply to your participation in football: Greedy thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Hateful thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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Infatuated thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Worried thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Suffering thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Haughty thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Impudent thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Envious thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Indecent thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Dreary thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ Hollow thoughts: _______________________________________ _______________________________________ All of these are examples of garbage of the mind.

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If If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream-and not make dreams your master, if you can think-and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

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If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son! -Rudyard Kipling

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Chapter 12: Watch Your Pride Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity. Fundamentally, pride is the moral principle of valuing your self-esteem and taking the steps required to achieve it. You need such a principle because of your profound need for self-esteem, and because a healthy self-esteem, grounded in the facts of reality, is not something you can achieve easily or automatically. Because pride is a commitment to achieving a positive assessment of yourself in the full context of your life, it consists in two essential perspectives: Looking backward and looking forward in time. These two perspectives provide you with the objective appreciation of your past accomplishments and the commitment to success in the future. Ayn Rand described self-esteem as one's inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means, worthy of life. These two perspectives of pride are inseparable, because you cannot achieve self-esteem by means one without the other. By taking responsibility, you make sure you will have objective reasons to assess yourself positively as time moves forward. But to make that positive

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assessment, you must take credit for your actual accomplishments. You cannot experience selfesteem without taking credit, and you cannot earn it without taking responsibility. You can't give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride ~ - Cdoes h a r lit es zetta a d football dles What mean to W play with pride? It is being able to perform at a consistently high level under the most challenging conditions. You need to create a basis of thinking about your participation in football on which you can build your mental skills. This involves your attitudes in two areas. First, your outlook on competition; what you think of it, how you feel about it, and how you approach it. Second, your attitude toward success and failure; how you define success and failure, and whether you know the essential roles that both success and failure play in becoming the best athlete you can be. Football is obviously important to you. You put a great deal of effort into your participation. Because of this, you put your ego on the line every time you perform. When you do not perform well, you are disappointed. This may not feel good, but it is natural because it means you care about yourself and your teammates. There is a point at which you can lose perspective and your feelings toward your teammates can hurt your performances. You want to care about

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your teammates in football, but you do not want to care too much. You want your performances to be important to you, but not too important. You want to try hard to achieve your goals, but you do not want to try too hard. Your self-esteem is overly connected to your involvement and results in your actions, when how you feel about yourself as a person is too influenced by how you perform. If you find yourself feeling this way, you have lost perspective on the role that football plays in your life. You should reevaluate what your participation means to you and how it impacts your life and your well being. You will probably find that it plays too big a role in how you feel about yourself. When this happens, you not only perform poorly (because you feel far too much pressure), but you may find that your sport is no longer fun for you. Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune. -Carl Jung The main view of competition means keeping your actions in perspective. To perform your best and to have fun, you need to keep your participation in a healthy place in your life. It may be important to you, but it should not be life or death. Football should be a part of your life, not life itself. If you have fun, work hard, and enjoy the process, you will enjoy the competition more, you will perform better, and you will be more likely to achieve your goals.

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To achieve this, you must also recognize and accept the ups and downs of the game. Few athletes have had perfect or near-perfect seasons. Even the best athletes have ups and downs. You should expect to have them as well. It is not whether you have ups and downs, but how big the ups and downs are and how you respond to them. It is easy to get frustrated, angry, and depressed during the down times. You can feel really disappointed in how you are performing and can feel completely helpless to change it. You may want to just give up. But none of these feelings will help you accomplish your goal: Getting out of the down period and returning to a high level of performance. This is a skill that separates the great athletes from the good ones. The best athletes know how to get back up quickly. Pride is the shirt of the soul, put on first and put off last. - George Swinnock

How can you accomplish this? You must keep the down period in view, knowing that it is a natural and expected part of the game. This attitude takes the pressure off of you to rush back to a higher level of performance and keeps you from getting too upset. It also enables you to stay positive and motivated. Most important, you never give up. You keep working hard, no matter how bad it gets. Great athletes look for the cause of their slump and then find a solution.

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If you maintain this attitude toward the ups and downs, your down periods will not last as long and you will quickly swing back to an up period. Related to your attitude toward competition is your approach to success and failure. How you define success and failure, and your perceptions of the roles that success and failure play in developing your performance, will determine your ability to perform at your best consistent level. Your attitude toward success and failure will either promote or interfere with achieving your goals. Pride and failure are often defined narrowly as winning and losing. The athlete who wins the competition has pride and everyone else has failed. But how many times have you performed well and lost. The fact is you cannot usually control whether you win or lose. What you can control is the effort you put in and how well you perform. It is fruitless to strive for something that's out of your control, so pride and failure should be defined in terms of things over which you have control. With this in mind, you define pride as giving your best effort and performing to the best of your ability. You define failure as not trying your hardest and not performing as well as you can. The nice thing about this definition is that it is within your control, you will feel less pressure, you will perform better, and as a result, you will be more likely to achieve your goals and enjoy the experience. There are many misconceptions that athletes hold about pride and failure. Many athletes believe that the only way to win is to have always won; that winners rarely lose and losers always

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lose. The reality is that prideful athletes lose more often than losers. Losers lose a few times and quit. Prideful athletes lose at first, learn from the losses, and then begin to win because of what they have learned. Both success and failure are essential to achieving your goals. Success builds confidence and reinforces your belief that you can perform well and meet the challenges of competition. There are problems with too much success too early. Success can breed complacency because, if you succeed all of the time, there is little motivation to improve. Sooner or later as you move up in competition, you will come up against someone who is just as good as or better than you, and since you have not been motivated to improve, you will not be as successful. Success also does not identify areas in need of improvement. If you always succeed, your weaknesses would not become apparent and you wound not see the need to work on your performance. Success also does not teach you how to constructively handle the usual obstacles and setbacks of football. You may become so accustomed to success that when you finally do fail, it will be a shock to you. There are also benefits to failing that will ultimately enable you to succeed more. Failure provides you with information about your progress. It shows you what you are doing well and, what you need to improve on. Failure shows you what does not work, which helps you identify what works best. Failure also teaches you how to positively handle adversity, persevere in the face of setbacks, and be patient in your athletic

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development. Instead of becoming discouraged by failure, you should focus on how it will help you become a better athlete. If you learn the valuable lessons from both success and failure, you will gain the perspective toward football that will allow you to achieve to your maximum. Jim Taylor, Ph.D., who works in performance psychology at the University of San Francisco writes in his blog The Power of Prime that we must consider 12 mental, emotional, and competitive factors that impact your performance. Take time to complete the following profile, read the description of each factor and rate yourself on a 1-10 scale, then follow the instructions for evaluating your score and developing an action plan to build your strengths and alleviate your weaknesses. Motivation - How determined you are to practice and compete to achieve your athletic goals. (1-not at all; 10-very) _________ Confidence - How strongly you believe in your ability to achieve your athletic goals. (1-not at all confident; 10-totally confident) ________ Intensity - Whether your physical intensity helps or hurts your competitive performances. (1-hurts, too anxious or too relaxed; 10-helps, just right)________ Focus - How well you're able to stay focused on performing your best and avoid distractions. (1-distracted; 10-focused) _________ Emotions - Whether you have control over your emotions and they help you perform well or you lose control of your emotions and they hurt your competitive performances. (1-lose control, hurt; 10-have control, help)____

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Consistency - How well you are able to consistently maintain a high level of performance during competitions. (1-not at all inconsistent; 10-very consistent)___ Routines - How much you use routines in your preparations including in practice, and before and during competitions. (1-never; 10-often) ______ Competitor - How you perform in competitions as compared to practice. (1-much worse; 10-much better) __________ Adversity - How you respond to difficult conditions you are faced with during competitions. (1-poorly; 10-well) __________ Pressure - How you perform in difficult competitive situations, such as when you are behind. (1-poorly; 10-well) _________ Ally - Whether you are your best ally or your worst enemy during competitions. (1-enemy; 10-ally) ________ Pride - How often you achieve and maintain your highest level of competitive performance. (1-never; 1- often) _________ Having completed the Pride profile, you now have a clear picture of what you believe to be the mental strengths and weaknesses in your sport. Typically, a score below an 8 indicates an area on which you need to work. Place a check mark next to each factor that you scored as less than an 8. These are the factors that you will want to consider working on in your Pride program. From those checked factors, select three to focus on in the immediate future. It does not make sense to deal with every one that you need to

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strengthen. You will just become overloaded and will not give adequate attention to any of them. It is best to focus on a few, strengthen them, and then move on to others. If you have more than three factors on which you need to work, which ones should you choose? The decision should be based on several concerns. First, you should look at which ones are most important for your long-term development. Just like working on the physical and technical aspects of your sport, you should focus on the factors that will help you in the long run. Second, some weaknesses are symptoms of other weaknesses. By dealing with one factor, another one can be relieved without having to work on it directly. For example, you may not handle pressure well because you lack confidence. By building your confidence, you also improve your ability to handle pressure. Third, you need to balance your immediate training and competitive needs with your longterm development. You may have an important competition coming up for which you need to be ready. For example, you may decide that you need to improve your focus and intensity immediately even though working on your motivation and confidence will be more important in the future. Indicate the three mental factors you want to focus on in the near future. 1. _______________________________________ _______________________________________

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2. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ 3. _______________________________________ _______________________________________ By setting goals for the areas you want to improve on and developing an action plan of how to achieve those goals, you can systematically develop the areas you have identified in your Pride profile. You can also use Pride Profiling to measure progress in your practice. Periodically, perhaps every few months, complete the profile and compare it with your past profiles. You should see improvement in the areas on which you have worked. Also, ask your coaches about positive changes they have seen in those areas. When your ratings move to an 8 or above, select other factors to work on and follow the same procedure.

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Section 3: The Results

Chapter 13: Your Real Success I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. - Abraham Lincoln What is success? We are not going to try to define success. A precise definition is impossible. Is it winning a Gold Medal at the Olympic Games or winning Wimbledon, or being awarded a Nobel Prize? Personal success could be anything at all; it does not have to involve public recognition. The simplest definition of success is to set out to do something and to succeed in doing it. The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. - Charles Du Bos

The first step on the road to success starts with belief. Believe you can succeed and you will. Achieving success in whatever endeavor you choose may be the goal of life; because it gives you freedom from worry. Success means different things to everybody. Some people believe it is measured in financial terms, an example is having wealth; others believe it is helping others rather than helping themselves. A bit of both perhaps. Or it could be simply achieving for achievement's sake.

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Success is such a personal thing. To many people, it is the very root of their being, the reason for existing is to achieve something worthwhile in our lives. To the vast majority of the population it does not matter much whether they want to be successful or not; as long as that is what you really want and you are happy with your life. In football, as-well-as in life, most people want and are motivated to a great extent by public recognition and a relentless pursuit of achievement. No matter what motivates you personally, whatever you choose to do with your life, do not expect instant success. The years of struggle, commitment and learning in excelling at whatever endeavor or trade you choose, is no easy task. It takes a lot of courage, character and discipline to achieve success in football or for that matter in any field. Nearly all successful people have doubted themselves at some point and wanted to give up. Yet they carried on. So many people give up within an inch or two of their goal, a "whisker" away from success. One thing is for sure: Adversity Breeds Character and Character Breeds Success, as it gathers a momentum of its own and you get on a "winning streak". Then everything seems to fit into place. No matter the field of endeavor, it is a matter of great persistence that moves you towards ultimate success. So "keep on keeping on".

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What Is Success? by Ralph Waldo Emerson To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived This is to have succeeded Success is creating what you want the way you want it to be. It is, in fact, a journey. And, like all journeys, you will sail through calm waters and buck in storms. If you stay on course, continually upgrading your skills and adjusting to feedback, you will reach your goals.

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Everyone has had the experience of failure. Their most cherished dreams collapsed despite their best efforts. The difference between those who succeed in life and those who fail are neither the number of failures nor the severity of their troubles. The difference is in their persistence. It takes persistence to complete the journey. Some people choose to take life one step after another until they reach their goals. Others abandon the journey as soon as they run into trouble. Success is the continuous journey towards the achievement of predetermined worthwhile goals. - Tom Hopkins, American motivator Success, then, is a process. It is a constant refinement of strategy until something finally works. Success starts with goal setting, and then goal setting is followed by action. That is why the goal setting in Chapter Two is so important. Neither your goal setting theory nor your actions have to be perfect. A key to success is to start anywhere; over time, your vision will clear and your actions improve. Here is a simple but effective strategy for success: 1. Begin where you are with what you have right now.

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2. Notice what is working and what is not working. 3. Keep trying out new things until you have better results. 4. Keep on adding what works and discarding what does not work. 5. Arrive at your goal. Another name for success is mastery. When you attain mastery over something you know what to do to get the results that you want. And you can repeat this method over and over again to ensure a stream of rewards. Mastery is persistence over time. Those who profit from persistence appreciate ongoing self improvement and motivation. In fact, built-in motivation will allow you to do anything, overcome any obstacle, and surmount any hesitation. The more intense your motivation, the better your chances of success when you embark on any new activity. Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. ~Booker T. Washington Success in football is a continuous learning of strategy. This learning is both imaginary and practical. Eventually, when you do something long enough, you become very good at it. This process is accelerated when you follow someone who can guide you past common mistakes.

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You have to stay consistent, refusing to get discouraged by challenges that will arise because of your lack of knowledge or abilities. Wherever you are, begin the journey to get better. You are here to express your potential. You are here to discover a life worth living and a purpose worth fulfilling. The entire team will benefit from your success because everyone on the team is connected by the same cause of success. Everyone wants to be successful. People talk about setting goals and positive thinking and getting to the top. Many of us never really define what success means. World-renown motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says that to define success, you should stand on the goal line of life and look into the end zone. What you want to see here sets the parameters for your definition of success. The question to you then, is how are you spending your practice and training time? The reality is that what you have right now is exactly what will be in that end zone on your last day here. Is this what you want? If so, congratulations! If not, you can start right here, right now to make a new ending. Decide today what will be in your end zone, and then make the changes to get that in your life today.

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What is your definition of success? Before you can achieve success, you need to define what success means to you. Unless you have a clear vision of what success is to you, you cannot work towards it. Success has a wonderful feeling associated with it: a confident, on top of the world, joyful kind of sensation that ripples through your body connecting you with your divine purpose in life. It's unfortunate that the definition of success is limited to the achievement of something intended; usually something external such as financial or career goals. When we view success this way, its short lived status is fleeting and left behind in a dust covered memory with the next taste of success dangling out at the end of a stick. And what happens when we don't manifest our intentions? Our mind uses the past to create fear and doubt about the future and we recreate that flavor in our life. Success means different things to different people. 1. To find your own definition of success you need to take a deep look within yourself and question your values in life. What are your strengths and weaknesses as a football player and teammate? What are the things that are important to you?

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By answering these questions you can then come closer to your own definition of success. Be aware that this can be a long process. You may not get the answers so quickly. Define your measure of success, one success at a time. Together, one mind, one life at a time, let's see how many people we can impact, empower, uplift and encourage to reach their fullest potentials. 2. When defining your success, remember this important thing. Success is a journey. It has multiple peaks and not one ultimate pinnacle. How do you achieve success? Well, for one thing, you don't define it before you achieve it. ~Robert Brault, One success builds on another. Setbacks and mistake will also help you build success. At different periods of your life, success is defined differently. Finally, always remember, Success is a Process and is not simply a matter of arriving at a destination. It is the journey that really matters. Choose five things that you feel are vitally important for you to be successful and feel successful about your position and participation in football.

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Rate yourself from 1-5 (1 is lowest/or least; 5 is best/or most) on the following two critical points: 1) rate yourself on how much you know about your position and 2) rate yourself on what you are actually doing about improving that position. 1. _____________________________ 2. _____________________________ 3. _____________________________ 4. _____________________________ 5. _____________________________ The numbers will tell you your "Knowing-Doing Gap." You have just measured your success. The plan for more success is to start working right now on closing the gap.

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"Success?" Ralph Fiennes gave me a withering look. "Well, I don't know quite what you mean by success. Material success? Worldly success? Personal, emotional success? The people I consider successful are so because of how they handle their responsibilities to other people, how they approach the future, people who have a full sense of the value of their life and what they want to do with it. I call people 'successful' not because they have money or their business is doing well but because, as human beings, they have a fully developed sense of being alive and engaged in a lifetime task of collaboration with other human beings -their mothers and fathers, their family, their friends, their loved ones, the friends who are dying, the friends who are being born. "Success?" he repeated emphatically. Don't you know it is all about being able to extend love to people? Really. Not in a big, capital-letter sense but in the everyday. Little by little, task by task, gesture by gesture, word by word." Ralph Fiennes -Schindler's List

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Chapter 14: Learning To Serve Others

To help others become something that they could never on their own become, is putting value into that other person. Learning to serve your teammates and others is a skill. No one is born with complete empathy and if we are, we must lose it at a very early age. Interpersonal skills in the service of your teammates and others will take you a long way, excellent interpersonal skills in the service your teammates and of others can cause you to sky rocket. It all starts with learning to serve. There is power in serving your teammates and others and the power we are talking about is not the type that usually comes to mind when you see the word power. The power we are speaking of is more like power in terms of opportunity, namely that serving your teammates and others will result in powerful opportunities coming into your life that you never would have thought possible. A lot of people might get the impression that we are advocating that the only reason you should serve is to get these powerful opportunities. That seems a bit devious and that is not what we are advocating at all. What we mean by serving is that you should serve because you genuinely want to.

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We must be silent before we can listen. We must listen before we can learn. We must learn before we can prepare. We must prepare before we can serve. We must serve before we can lead. ~ by William Arthur Ward

If your only reason for serving is to get something back, you will only get that something back. That is it. It is like a transaction. 1 for 1. An apple for an orange. If we do this, you give us that. But when you serve your teammates and others because you genuinely want to, something big happens. A relationship is formed. In his program Building Men for Others, Joe Ehrmann attempts to tear down what he calls the three lies of false masculinity. He teaches boys that athletic ability, sexual conquest, and economic success are not the best measures of manhood. He believes that each of these traditional standards of masculinity leads to comparing and competing. This occurs both during the school years and into adulthood, and leaves many men feeling isolated and alone.

No enterprise can exist for itself alone. It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist. -Calvin Coolidge

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He teaches that a better way is to establish a sense of community based on two ideals: Relationships and having a cause beyond oneself. Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships, says Ehrmann. It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity of love and to be loved. A young man must also develop some kind of cause or purpose in his life that is bigger than his own individual hopes, dreams, and desires. At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know that somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other focused, he says. For a young man to develop a purpose beyond his own individual life, he must learn the importance of serving others. Coach Joe Ehrmann believes this is done by thinking and acting in terms of "What can I do for you? To accomplish this, he teaches his code of ethics for manhood: to accept responsibility, lead courageously, and enact justice on behalf of others. This requires that young men learn empathy integrity, and inclusion. Coach Ehrmann teaches boys to become better men, community-centered men, on the football field. We human beings live in many communities, the family, the classroom, the peer group, the athletic field, and the workplace.

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The values taught in Building Men for Others can be taught and practiced in any of these arenas. Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~ Martin Luther King Jr. People are always complaining that there are no opportunities out there when they already have within them the power to create them naturally by serving others. They refuse to serve and because they refuse to serve, those opportunities do not come about at all. Now people who have made it a habit of serving others always find themselves with tons of opportunities and here is why. There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being to help someone succeed. ~ Alan Loy McGinnis They have essentially made a habit of helping people with whatever they need and they follow through on it. It becomes automatic. They do not think, What am I going to get out of this? They just do it.

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A new moral principle is emerging which holds that the only authority deserving one's allegiance is that which is freely and knowingly granted by the led to the leader in response to, and in proportion to, the clearly evident servant stature of the leader. Those who choose to follow this principle will not casually accept the authority of existing institutions. Rather, they will freely respond only to Individuals who are chosen as leaders because they are proven and trusted servants. To the extent that this principle prevails in the future, the only truly viable institutions will be those that are predominantly servant-led. ~ Robert K. Greenleaf As a result, the person that is being helped senses this genuine desire to serve with no hidden agenda whatsoever and is compelled to help that person back. It is natural. In fact, we tend to repay even more than what is being given back to us. Your network will grow. More opportunities to serve your teammates and others will arise. As a result, your number and different types of opportunities will increase as well and what you will get is a huge snowball effect.

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You can call this whatever you want, helping others, going the extra mile, caring, but what it all boils down to is really serving your teammates and others because you genuinely want to without expecting anything in return.

Few people are successful unless other people want them to be. ~ Charlie Brown

Serving others in and of itself is a powerful opportunity to help and when you start to serve others, you will realize the simple fact that we all need help and because you realize that, you will start to get in the habit of serving your teammates and others even more. Imagine the sudden large amount of opportunities that will just fall into your lap. Develop the habit of serving because you genuinely want to, follow through, and you will be amazed at the opportunities that come into your life. Most people feel deep down that something is missing from their lives if they only focus on their own needs. Within each human being, we possess a deep need to make a difference in the lives of others. Often, stress or the layers of obligations that can accumulate in our lives have buried this innate awareness. Serving your teammates and others can stimulate this inner core once again, bringing it to life.

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Volunteering and serving others teach us the highest lessons with the noblest results. We learn that our lives have meaning. We raise Somebody should tell us, right at the start of ourselves to a purpose beyond our own our lives, needs. that we are dying. Then we might immediate live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.

-Michael Landon
How do we do it? Make it a part of your daily life. Do not forego the other parts of your life, your family, your school, or your leisure time. You would not be connecting with anyone, and you would not be reaping the benefits either. Objectively measure your time and your commitments. The smallest actions can make a difference, accumulated over time. Each day, when you interact with your teammates or someone from school, you try to offer a word of comfort or encouragement. We try to connect with people in the present moment. We try to create optimism. You are making a difference. You are serving your teammates and others. There is something essentially right about this balanced addition to our lives. You will find making the time to serve others will provide you with more energy, instead of taking it away. And as medical research is beginning to suggest, you are likely to live a longer and happier life as a result.

~ 104 ~

We are here to add what we can to, not get what we can from life. ~ Sir William Osler

Why does a leader strive to serve their followers; after all, a leader should be in charge of and direct their followers? After years of searching to understand the connection between leading and serving, there is a belief that true service is indeed true leadership. And here is why, leaders who actively seek to have a Christ-like approach in the manner in which they lead, will actively seek to serve their followers; in fact, the very idea of leading and serving are so linked that one could make a strong case the two concepts are inseparable. Servant leaders lead from a virtues perspective, which has three components, these being good habits, the middle ground between the extremes of too much or too little, and a habit that is a firm and settled disposition toward choosing good. Virtues in leadership show the connection between leading others and moral character. The Test of Servant Leadership: (from Robert Greenleaf) "Do those served grow as persons, do they while being served become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous (self-reliant), more likely themselves to become servants? I don't know what your destiny will be, but this I know: The only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found, how to serve. -Albert Schweitzer ~ 105 ~

And what is the effect on the least privileged in society; will they benefit, or, at least, will they not be further deprived?" Other defining qualities include: The ability to listen on a deeper level and truly understand. The ability to hear without judgment. To keep an open mind. The belief that the process of honestly sharing critical challenges/problems with all parties and inviting their ideas and support is often more important than providing solutions. Clear on goals and good at pointing the team in the right direction. Servant, helper, and teacher first, then leader. Takes time to think, rather than just reacting. Chooses words carefully, so as not to damage those being led. Uses intuition and foresight. Sees things whole, sensing relationships and connections. Is a team player.

From what we get, we can make a living; from what we give, we make a life. - Arthur Ashe

~ 106 ~

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and II took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

~ 107 ~