You are on page 1of 9

A trip to Princeton in 1995 to present a technical paper

May 12, 1995 J. E. D. Cline, 9800 D Topanga Cyn Blvd #118, Chatsworth, California

Several people have expressed interest in hearing of my experience of presenting a space-related
paper at the Space Studies Institute's twelfth conference on space manufacturing, held last week at
Princeton University in New Jersey. So I am writing this description in two forms, a "trip quick" for
those interested in just the facts, and a "trip slow" form for those interested in such things as hopes &
disappointments and photos taken.

The "TRIP QUICK" version, just the facts:


 My lifelong hobby of conceptualizing space projects came to fruition early this month, when I
attended the Space Studies Institute's Twelfth Conference on Space Manufacturing, at Princeton. I was
one of 40 who presented a paper at the conference, probably the only one whohad never even been to
such a conference before. It was a learning experience for me.... The title of my paper was "Wet-
Launch of Prefab Habitat Modules", one of the Transportation Session papers. Otherslater spoke of
such things as robotics in space, teleoperated surgery, nanotechnology microscopic sized machines,
the dangers and uses of asteroids, wireless transmission of electrical power, and legalaspects of space
development. 

My paper started with a brief abstract: "It is proposed here that atechnology be developed to build
space modules which have a dual purpose, that of being both a prefabricated habitat segment and
also temporarily being their own fuel tank during launch. Concurrently a re-useable unmanned
winged engine control tug would be developed for the wet-launch of these modules, along with an
additional flyback booster. This would provide a way to build economically a largediameter artificial
gravity space habitat in LEO in which the majority of its structure would be built and emplaced prior
to the first human presence there, reducing risk and cost. The toroidal space habitat would be built
and assembled first on the ground in the form of the dual purpose modules, checked out, then
disassembled and launched a segment at a time to the orbital site. Such wet launchenables the tank
and launch vehicle structural mass to actually be part of the payload ...." 

The "TRIP SLOW" version, for those interested in experiences: 

A SUMMARY OF FORTUNES, FAILURES AND FEELINGS 

Going to a distant conference to present a scientific paper, this wasthe first time I had done such a
thing, never even having gone to such a conference before, so it was a novel experience for me. I did
it as a volunteer, paying my own way (it cost me overall around $1000, asignificant portion of my
net worth these days), generally feeling miserable the whole time (due to the lack of sleep and lack of
a mate, still no woman in my life, and the trip/conference was not offering meopportunity to meet a
woman to possibly become my mate), and struggling with the difficulties of traveling alone and fears
of public speaking residual from childhood traumas. Summary feelings arethat I made a small but
worthwhile contribution to humanity's potential opportunities in space, needing further effort from
me; although my personal experience was generally very miserable. 

CONSIDERING THE POSSIBILITY OF PRESENTING A SCIENTIFIC PAPER


 I have been a member of the SSI for several years, as a space enthusiast, now considered a Senior
Associate. SSI is the most technically oriented of the associations open to the public,supporting
small scientific projects on their own without government support. When the conference was
announced, it was different from most in that it invited abstracts from all members, not just those
withadvanced degrees or corportate scientific positions. Since I had been active in conceptualizing
space projects as a hobby since about 1971, writing them for the GEnie computer network Space and
Science Library since about 1988, and having contributed to several invitations for public's technical
input in space-related compilations such as by the National COmmission on Space, I thought about
attempting to submit an abstract for this event, too. However, there was a specific way toprepare the
initial abstract from which presenters would be selected, and the paper itself later had to be submitted
in "camera ready" form for publication, prior to the conference. I did not yet know therequired
formats nor have the means to prepare camera-ready material. 

WHY DO IT? 

I also considered my motivation for going to such a conference so faraway, as it would be very
expensive and probably thankless and uncomfortable, still having no woman as companion and mate.
My decision to go was based on several things: perhaps I could meet awoman of similar interests
during the trip or conference; my re-joining of the Unitarian Church here has produced much activity
involving social activities including many brief moments of public speaking; and that at the church
there were some little kids around, reminding me that kids need a chance for a more hopeful future. 

MY PAPER'S ABSTRACT
 The abstract needed to be a brief summary statement of the concept to be present at the conference. I
wanted to talk of the concept which I have written on most since 1988, but suspected that it would be
too unorthodox even for the SSI, since even space activists generallytreat such a concept derisively.
Instead, since this was a very unfamiliar type of experience, and it would be a learned audience, I
chose to talk about just an early step in the project, a step that would be useful even if my general
concept for massive space colonization of the Clark Belt (geosynchronous earth orbit) by means of a
kinetic-energy supported bridge structure circulating between earthsurface and the Clarke Belt, was
not eventually done. I would present a way to build a prototype space colony of the type envisioned
for over 40 years, but a way that used existing technology indifferent ways than presently done, so as
to enable near-future construction of a true artificial gravity, 1000-person, space habitat so as to
debug the myriad interactions between mechanical and living systems that would happen in a true
artificial-gravity space colony. 

NOT DONE ENTIRELY IN A SOCIAL VACUUM


 My abstract, and subsequent paper I presented at the conference, was titled "Wet-Launch of Prefab
Habitat Modules". An acquaintance from the ISSS (Institute for the Study of Systems Science) which
I attend meetings, Louis Acheson, is a retired aerospace engineer, and heoffered to proofread and
make useful comments about what I would write. He re-worded the initial paragraph quite well, and
added an "insider" flavor to the writing which probably got the abstractaccepted for the conference. I
mailed the abstract to SSI, still filled with misgivings about the possibility of having to actuallymake
the long expensive trip and do public speaking. And later one lunchtime while at work, the PA system
called me to the phone: it was Leik Myrabo of the Space Studies Institute, chair of theTransportation
Session, advising me that my abstract had been accepted for presentation at the conference to be held
early in May, 1995. I felt a mixture of excitement and foreboding about doing this task. 

MY PAPER

 My paper was limited to the use of "wet-launch" concepts for enabling the relatively safe,
inexpensive, reliable construction of prototype space colonies in low earth orbit; although I also
alluded to the greater concept of using kinetic structures between earthsurface and the Clarke Belt to
enable billions of people to live in artificial gravity space colonies ringing the Earth in the Clark Belt,
22,300 miles above the equator... a concept so "off-the-wall" that nobody yet responds to it at all.

 EACH MODULE IS ITS OWN FUEL TANK DURING LAUNCH 

"Wet-Launch" is the concept of building something to be launched intospace, built to also be its own
fuel tank during its launch. It is said that the 1970's SpaceLab was going to be launched through such
a technique, but instead was dry-launched when a Saturn V launch vehicle became available due to
the cancellation of the last two moon landings of the Apollo project, freeing up the two massive
launch vehicles already mostly built. The other Saturn V was used in the subsequentApollo-Soyuz
docking in space, which contributed to the easing of relations between the USA and the USSR at the
time. However, the concept has not yet been actually tried yet. Using a module of a spacehabitat as
its own fuel tank during its launch seemed to me to be a way to use the fuel tank structural mass as a
major part of the payload. Each module would be built for dual use, both as apre-equipped modular
segment of a wheel-like space habitat, and for temporary use as its own fuel tank during its trip from
the earth surface up to orbit. Re-useable rocket engine(s) would be temporarily attached to the
module's underside during the launch & positioning to dock with earlier similar modules into a circle,
to make the wheel-like structure in orbit. Those rocket engines would be builtinto enough airframe to
be able to return to the launch site for use in launch of another module, like the Space Shuttle Orbiter
now returns, and using much of the same technology. I guessed that even such an efficient launch
would not be able to achieve "Single Stage to Orbit", I included in the concept another propulsion
assist during launch, vaguely fulfilling the function of the strap-on boosters of the Space Shuttle, but
this one would function only in the atmosphere, and would use conventional jet engines as are used on
conventional aircraft today. This booster would be like a high-thrust jet fighter clamped onto the
module during
the takeoff part of the launch, and disconnect from the module while still in the atmosphere and fly
back to the launch site to help launch the next module. This would bedesigned to serve as both a
booster and an aircraft, and might be piloted. The re-useable rocket reaction engine module would be
remote controlled, including being "teleoperated" from people on the groundduring the docking of
each module in orbit. This would reduce risk of lives, and greatly reduce the launch weight, making
larger modules possible.

EMPLACING A 1000-PERSON ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY HABITAT IN ORBIT 

It had been calculated long ago by others that a wheel-like, toroidal,space habitat needs to be at least 1
or 2 miles in diameter, to provide the same apparent weight inside the space habitat as on theearth's
surface, while also avoiding much of the expected disorienting coroilis force effects in such a rotating
home. Such "artificial gravity" is necessary, in my opinion, to live reasonably normal livesup there,
and to enable the agricultural processes to use the same crops and livestock as is used on the earth
surface. (This opinion is not shared by the current powerful space corporations, which proclaim free-
fall weightlessness as being the ideal way to live in space.) If each wet-launched module were 100
feet long, and 25 feet in diameter, it would take 219 of them to make a one-mile-diameter space
habitat with a single diametrical spoke (the spoke is necessary to reach the center of rotation, to
enable entering and exiting the rotating habitat without risking being flung off into space.) Thus it
would take 219 successful launches and dockings to the habitat during its assembly, or 236 of them if
it had a triangle of 3 spokes to its center of rotation. If 14 sets of booster and tugs were part of
theproject, and an average of two successful launches per day were made, and no modules were lost
during the process, it would take only about 5 months to launch and assemble in orbit. A lost module
would be replaced by modification of a generic module, and launched in an added orbital
emplacement boost. 
BUILD AND TEST IT IN THE GROUND FIRST 

An essential part of the concept I proposed is the building of the complete wheel-like toroidal space
habitat on the ground first. The modules would be connected together and lived in as a semi-closed
residential/agricultural town, to debug everything first on the ground, where it is easier to change
things than after it is in orbit. Then, when it as ready as possible, the people, livestock, crops,
allthings which would not survive the extreme cold of the launch propellants would be removed, and
bulkheads be bolted into place to seal the chambers to be filled with fuel and oxidizer to provide
theenergy for the launch into space. The modules would be disconnected from each other, and moved
over to the launch site one at a time, to be there connected to the engine tug and jet engine booster,
filledwith fuel, and launched to the orbital construction site, where they would be re-connected to
each other like they had been on the ground, in a circle a mile around, with two or three spokes into
their center. When docking assembly is complete, all done before the first person arrives there in
orbit, the Space Shuttle brings up the first of the people and fragile supplies, who install the safety
cable compressing the entire structure, and who clean out the residual fuel and remove the bulkheads
that separate the modules, and spin up the space habitat to provide the artificial gravity. Subsequent
space shuttle flights bring up more people, seed for crops, livestock, and seedlings of trees,
reconstituting the habitat much like it was originally on the ground. 

MAKING THE CAMERA-READY SCIENTIFIC PAPER 

Anyway, at the time I was advised that my abstract had been acceptedfor the conference, I had no way
to make camera-ready printouts on my home computer. The place where I work, a small automotive
electronics manufacturing plant, is very stingy, and does not allow creative homeprojects to be done
there. So I sent for some shareware (test copies) of some possible software for my own computer at
home, one of which called "EnVision Publisher" was able to provide the two column formatrequired
by the AIAA publication standards which were required by the SSI publication. I taught myself how
to use the publication software, and found a way to to do computer sketches using the DPAINT
program, which I had not yet really taken the time to learn how to use either. My TurboCad program
somehow had lost the ability to make drawings in various computer formats, although I remember I
bought it because it supposedly had the ability to do so; it was useless now. I sent for aregistered
version of EnVision Publisher, costing me $74, only fair since I was using it for my paper, and it
would be nice to have for other things. Time was running out for mailing the completedcamera-ready
paper to SSI. Once something happened that destroyed the EVP program and my paper as it was up
till then, so I started with another copy of the program. The registered version of the EVP
programarrived in the mail the evening before I had to mail the competed document, so after loading
it into my computer, I did not have time to use its expanded font set for my paper. I took time off work
to takemy completed paper to where my mailbox is in Chatsworth, since they are not open before I
start work; it got mailed on time. 

PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY 

The conference package from SSI gave suggested hotels and a travel agency phone number, enabling
me to get airplane tickets and hotel reservations. I arranged with my boss at VSE, Dale Curtis, to take
3 days off work, May 3, 4 and 5, unpaid of course. (The way this companyhandles vacation time, is
that the employee gets paid for a week -or two weeks in my case having worked there for 9 years -
and then if the employee takes vacation time off or gets sick, the money comes out ofthat 1 or 2
weeks pay... or the employee uses the money to pay for expenses, taking no real vacation. I only took
off one week's vacation previously in the 9 years working there, the pay rate being so low.)The lock
on my apartment's door fell apart one evening when I returned home after work; I had been trying for
months to get the manager to replace the door lock since there had been a lot of things, documents,
stolen out of my apartment, which apparently gets broken into quite regularly. Luckily I found a
replacement lock the next weekend, installed it myself, gave a key to the manager. The door to my
tinyone-room apartment is a sliding door of the type normally used for patio entrances; I think it was
originally built for a daytime apartment manager's use, and the lock was an unusual kind for
anentrance door. I worked Monday and Tuesday for VSE, then drove my car to the Flyaway parking
lot in Van Nuys, rode the bus to Los Angeles International airport, boarded the Continental Boeing
757 airliner,flew non-stop to Newark Airport in New Jersey. Took some pictures of the desert
canyons from the air enroute, but was dark when nearing the east coast so did not get pictures of it. I
noted vast expanses of water below as we flew over the Great Lakes.
 MY FAILURE TO MEET THE DESPERATELY NEEDED WOMAN  My only hoped-for reward
for this whole thing was that I might be able to connect with a woman to form the desperately-
needed relationship. The flight to Newark was my first such opportunity but no woman was assigned
to the adjacent seat, so that opportunity was lost. Nor did I meet one on the Princeton Airporter
shuttlebus, which cost an unexpected extra $19 each way to and from Princeton, where the
conference was held. Nor did I find a woman at the motel, which served complimentary breakfasts.
Nor did I meet a woman at the conference. By the time for the return flight, I was very discouraged,
and sure enough, instead of a woman there was a man assigned to the seat next to me during the
flight back to Los Angeles, so I sulked in despair the whole flight back. 
AT THE PALMER INN 

I stayed at the Palmer Inn, cheapest of the recommended hotels. It had a nice room, very lonely of
course without a woman to share with, and had an electronic card-operated door lock which was
interesting. The short, first night there was quiet; I was too exhausted to do theEdu-K exercises
before my talk. The second night was noisy, a guy & gal were whooping it up in the next room,
accentuating my awareness of my failure to find a woman for myself; and as I left the next morning,
synchronized with my exit so did a dark-suited guy exit that room, giving me a knowing cunning grin
as he did so. I walked to a nearby huge grocery-drug-store looking for castor oil, but they had none
andlooked at me strangely when I asked for it. At the hotel, I finally figured out that if the "do not
disturb" sign was put on the door, the maids wouldn't invade my room while I was gone. The last three
morningsI went to the internal restaurant for a "complimentary continental breakfast, a serve-
yourself buffet of cereal, toast, coffee, etc. When checking out, the clerk let me keep the disposable
card key as asouvenir. Each day a van load of conference participants was driven to Princeton
University, where the conference was held.

HOLISTIC TOOLS TO HELP ME 

I hoped that my holistic skills would offset my handicaps of social ineptitude and relative lack of
formal education's keenness. Educational Kinesiology can give a temporary powerful boost to the
thinking processes, but they took time to do in private. Rainforest concentrated nutrients, preserved in
alcohol, would give me extra alertness and competency despite the exhausting stressful ordeal. And
the new Resonance Balancing would possibly provide emergency repair if needed. However, I was
too exhausted most of the time to use any of them except the Rainforest nutrients, which could be
quickly downed in the form of several dropper-fulls of the stuff in a glass of waterupon awakening in
the morning, and it helped greatly. One time I did some of the Edu-K exercises, and felt more aware
for several hours afterward in the conference because of doing those exercises. 
I GIVE MY TALK 

My paper was to be presented the morning of the first day of the conference. There were a couple of
presentations made before mine was scheduled, and I soon realized that transparencies for overhead
projections were required; I had none. During the morning break, I frantically asked re a copier, but
none was available, so one of the coordinators and I took black marking pens and hand
drewtransparencies from the drawings in my paper, very crude-looking compared to the other
participant's projections, but served the purpose. My turn arrived, I walked down to the podium, gave
my transparencies to Bruce Mackenzie who was operating the projector forme, apologized to the
audience, and stumbled through the talk, partly reading from my paper, partly paraphrasing it, too
exhausted from stress and lack of sleep for two days already to feel the fear ofpublic speaking. Time
ran out before I was able to say the important final parts, and I began to hastily return to my seat when
I realized that part of the process was to answer questions from the audience,hands were up in the air.
I returned to the podium, pointed at one person with his hand raised, answered his question then
several other people's questions, as best I could. They politely applauded as iscustomary, and I was
done, returned to my seat high in the slopingComputer Science lecture hall. 

EVIDENT HOSTILITY TOWARD MY CONCEPT A PUZZLE 

Soon I realized that there were rival interests on hand; in fact, it was part of the conference process to
have these rivalries. Having grown up alone, I never really learned a sense of competition, ofrivalry
activities, and was almost incomprehensible to me: did we not have to work together to get space
colonization going? The builders of free-fall space habitats were the primary rivals against my
concept, especially one who had beautiful artwork showing artists' concepts ofa commercial free-fall
module cluster built of modules designed for the Rockwell-Boeing's "International Space Station" to
be built in a couple of years, and I felt struck by concealed hostile vibes from themain presenter of
that concept. Such conflict is still a puzzle to me. 

TRANSPORTATION SESSION LEADER WAS HELPFUL 

The leader of the Transportation Session of which I was a part, Leik Myrabo of Rensselaer Polytechnic
Institute, presented a concept of a small manned spacecraft which would be propelled into space
through microwave power heating from a beam of microwaves aimed at it duringits launch. He also
was staying at the same hotel I was, and once we had a breakfast talk together, and chatted some at the
banquet later in the conference; he seemed helpful.

MY HAND-OUT COPIES OF MY PAPER DISSAPPEAR 

Near the end of the first day of the conference, I discovered it wascustomary to put out a stack of
copies of one's paper; I originally had assumed that each would already have the printed book of
everybody's papers, since they had to be received by SSI so long before the conference, but that book
was not available. I had made some copies of my paper at Kinkos Kopies prior to the trip, so I put
them out on the table late in the day, but the whole stack disappeared before most people could have
seen them, apparently one person took them all ... a rival?

LUNCH TALKS, EVEN WITH RUSSIANS 

Lunches were provided by SSI, held at the Third World Center building,normally a submarine
sandwich, can of soda, cookies, other munchies. One time at the lunch table I was at, I talked with the
lady (married) who helped with my frantic artwork on the transparencies for my talk,she had been an
art teacher in earlier years. Another day's lunch found me at the table with a Russian and his wife and
an interpreter, he had designed the docking ring used in the Apollo-Soyuz event longago, and had
designed the docking ring for the Space Shuttle mission soon to dock with the Russian Mir Space
Station ... since docking rings are of major importance in the concept I am proposing, hepromised to
look at my paper. His wife was very friendly, the interpreter said she was an engineering leader too. I
had to go by feeling and the interpreters words, she could not speak english, andhe spoke English
only with difficulty. 

ASTEROIDS 

Asteroids were the focus of the major paper presentations. Most of the asteroids are large rocks just
beyond the orbit of the planet Mars, some are hundreds of miles in diameter, but some are in orbits
that occasionally pass by our planet Earth. There is enough of the right materials in them to build
space habitats aggregating 1,000 times the surface of the whole Earth. They were, on the other hand, a
potential threat, since many of them have left scars on Earth's surface already,such as the Barringer
crater in Arizona 5 miles across, and the Chixalube impact in the Yucatan Peninsula which is believed
to have caused the extinction of much of life on earth including all thedinosaurs, when it hit our
planet 65 million years ago. Techniques for discovering all the asteroids and projecting their paths in
the future, and ways to prevent their destructive impact with Earth were presented at the conference.
For example, it is not advisable to send a nuclear bomb to an asteroid in attempt to blow it up, because
that would just have more scattered massive impacts and would also now be radioactive from the
bomb. One of the most interesting ways was to use nanotechnology to send tiny pre-programmed
molecular robots to the asteroids, have them use its material to build replicas of themselves,modify
their program to have them re-assemble into the form of a spacecraft and fuel, and put itself in a new,
non-threatening orbital path. The asteroidal material could then be re-configured to be usedfor
building more space colonies for people to live in. Thus a terrible threat could be turned into great
opportunity. 
THE SATURDAY NIGHT BANQUET 

The banquet Saturday night was held on the grounds of the Center forAdvanced Studies, home of
several famous scientists in the past. Each attendee was given a colorful small pin as a momento from
the Russian space program. I endured the banquet, not liking such things, andunfortunately being at
the only table where it was all men. 

THE JOURNEY BACK TO LOS ANGELES 

I took pictures of buildings at Princeton University, and of some of the conference activities, including
a demonstration of use of microwave beams to power a model helicopter's flight. 
I retraced the path back to Newark Airport, riding the PrincetonAirporter shuttlebus, which left from
Nassau Inn near the University. I was really discouraged about any hope of meeting a woman this trip,
 and sure enough, they assigned some guy to sit next to me during the 5.5 hour non-stop flight back
to Los Angeles. I did get some pictures during the flight on the 9-seat-wide L-1011; the pilot dipped
the wing on takeoff just enough to let me get a glimpse of the Statue ofLiberty; he flew the plane
well even though storms drove the plane clear into Canada partway. Seatbelts were required most of
the time. But I was so angry at having no woman to talk with - and having toshrink in my seat to
avoid getting jabbed more times from the guy's elbow -- there were plenty of women around in the
plane who could have been assigned to sit next to me - that I did not eat or drinkrefreshments the
whole flight. As I sulked in loneliness, the pair of seats behind me further aggravated me, as the guy
with the isle seat was talking much of the time, initially asking the woman boarding thenif she were
assigned to the seat beside him (behind my seat), then he began a long rhythmic inane chatter at her,
pausing occasionally to get a polite response from that cute young lady; her replies becameweaker
and weaker, even sweet, then there were long pauses, and after a couple of hours' silence a stewardess
came by them and said with an embarrased voice, "Are you two just married?" My lonely despair
justinches away from that scene took on a new low. The plane finally decended through the clouds
and smog to land at LAX; I found a place to catch the Flyaway bus back to Van Nuys; my car started
easilydespite the car alarm blinking away for the previous 5 days drain on the battery, drove back to
my tiny cluttered apartment, cooked myself the usual rice dinner and exhaustedly went to sleep long
after midnight, alarm going off at 5 AM to return to work Monday morning at VSE, back in the
world of a mere peon electronic technician again. 

MY CHATSWORTH MAILBOX HAS AN EXPLANATION FOR MY MISERY 

Going through my mail that evening, found another ad from Neo-Tech: "Neo-Tech is a knowledge
that has nothing to do with positive thinking, religion, or anything mystical. Once a person is exposed
to Neo-Tech, he can quietly profit from anyone - anywhere, anytime ... can automatically take
control of most situations involving money and power and romantic love ... his hidden techniques let
him win consistently and comfortably ... he can subjugate a business or personal adversary; he wins
any lover at will. He is armed with an unbeatable weapon, can financially and emotionally control
whomever he deals with ... all except the Neo-Tech man will die unfulfilled, without ever knowing
wealth, power, and romantic love." Hmm, this ad reeks with a similarity to what difficulties I endured
on this conference trip, even of the difficult years since my wife divoriced me in '72. I've known of
them for years, and suspect that what they do really works for them. I wonder if my problems are all
just of my social ineptitude; maybe these "Neo-Tech" people have been using their hidden
manipulation skills to grab my share of the goodies of life. 

LOOKING BACK AT THE EXPERIENCE 

Looking back at my experience at the space conference, there seems tobe some room to hope for the
vast resources of space to alleviate mankind's problems fast approaching. I need to establish
communication with some of the attendees of the conference, especially through theE-Mail system.
However, it would cost a lot to upgrade my home computer to use the World Wide Web
communication system, which is the main communication path they use. There is reason to continue
to write about my space transportation/colonization concepts, communicating themto others.

ONWARD FROM THE MIRE OF THE PITS OF DISCOURAGEMENT AND BLAME 

Life goes back to just "keeping on keeping on", toughing it out day byday, continuing to be without a
woman to love. Something keeps interfering with my initial goal of establishing E-Mail contact with
those I met at the conference, to keep the concept alive and perhaps to expand on the space program:
the same harrasing "energies" were lacing my apartment before the trip and are even more intense
now that I am back... Luddites?... Neo-Tech?... Industrial spies assisted by apsychic? Who could be
so incredibly unwise as to deliberately interfere with my project so potentially important to
hamanity's future? And I'm late for work doing technician work at VSE, rent and groceries need to
be paid for somehow. 

UPWARD 
Somehow I created the energy for these problems to be happening to me.The principle reflected in the
sayings "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", "what goes around comes around",
"karma means action cause-effect", "casting bread upon the waters", "reaping thatwhich you sowed"
... all say I inadvertently brought it all upon myself. To be sure, the environs had to be able to supply
the effect, but I created the energy for it to happen to myself. So the key might be to sow the seeds of
something more desireable to me. The human need for "drama" seems to be involved here. Since I do
what is possible to avoid getting swept up in the widespread energy of shoving into one's face
endless murders, trials, bombings, manhunts, slayings, via the news media and even fictional
portrayals on TV; yet I still have a need for drama, appearantly. Emotional feeling, it must be
experienced by humans, if not in daily life then at the crowds roarat the football game, the fear at the
news reports of violence, of the violence portrayed on the screen. Emotional energy will be
expressed somehow, even cold bloodedly vicariously enjoying the sports games asseen on TV. So
my method has been this game of being victim of the nameless monsters, my struggle to invent ways
to save humanity and myself with it, being dragged down by greedy invaders of my home andmy
files and computer, my sleeping space bombarded with electro-acoustic deprecations, and blocked
from the needed sexual loving relationship with woman by the same ugly-minded
deprecatingthieving nameless monsters who are probably actually humans just like I am.
Paraphrasing the old saying seems appropriate : "When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is hard
to remember you came here to save the swamp." Yet, I must remember, I must remember. 

Humanity has developed enormously, from the tribal energies not much better than those ruled by the
herdbeasts of ancient ages. A few of us have left footprints on the moon, set cameras on mars,
designed computers, developed healing pharmaceuticals, created empathic healing energies, built
bridges, the nightly love of man to woman so passionately brilliant, the transcribing passage of
collected knowledge from generation to generations unborn. And it may yet be possible to build
cities in space near here, move most of humanity's abundant population to them to start an incredibly
vast civilization using solar system abundant resources, and restore earth's ecosystem to worldwide
lush diverse splendors for us to cherish and sample. 

And, for reasons unclear to me now, I have been given a lifelong interest aimed in that direction, and
an unusual mental quirk that enables an assembly of concepts which most others do not do.
Apparently I am to play a "bit part" in this greater human drama. Instead of shirking my duty by
complaining of impediments, I can choose to do what assembly I can do, assembly of some available
parts of this wonderful option still perhaps open to mankind and most of the other earth life forms.
So I can expand upon my "Wet-Launch..." paper presented at the SSI conference. I can bring in more
pieces of the kinetic structures concepts, modelmaking components on many levels. While the great
learned institutions and powerful corporations havethe manpower and resources to do this far better
than I can while just struggling to survive day by day in the mateless poverty bracket, clearly they
are unable to do it because clearly they are not yetdoing it. I need to show them the way, until they can
do it for themselves. Like a "scout", going ahead a little ways to observe the terrain, then returning to
show a better possible path than mereego-driven hunter-gathering wandering; then going back out into
the incompletely known terrain again ... it can be a lonely, dangerous, thankless task, but if the scout
does not do it, then the whole massmust do it together blindly, and thus as in the drunk's walk around
the lightpost, not be able to go far from the starting point despite raucous rampaging around. I am as a
scout, one of a few who know thatit may yet be possible to build cities in space near here, move most
of humanity's abundant population to them to start an incredibly vast civilization using solar system
abundant resources, and restore earth's ecosystem to worldwide lush diverse splendors for us to
cherish and sample for magnification in that vast space civilization.