10 laws of choosing the right partner John met joy in a party of one of his friends; right from that

day, they seem glued to one another. He loved her passionately and in three months into the relationship, he proposed that they get married the following month. Joy however, saw a reason why they should not be married; she discovered that John genotype was AS and she was AS too. She kept quite about this discover because she, loved him passionately. She also knew that John was not of the same faith that she uphold, but since he was liberal when it comes to religious issues, she believed that all will be well. The marriage took place with lots of fun; it was a quite one, but well attended by family members and friends. Challenges began between them after the birth of their first child; he was medically diagnosed to have sickle cell anemia. He (their son Jack) would experience crisis in his health which gulped their income; all the attempts of Joy to persuade her husband to take him to her religious place of worship for prayers fell in deaf ears. Their second child’s genotype was again diagnosed to be SS; this almost destroyed the thread like nature of their relationship that was left. Today, John is considering getting married to another wife, while Joy live in the misery of having to leave her job to take care if her children. When I wrote my recent books (Don’t fall in love and Why ‘good’ women marry ‘bad’) I had in mind to help singles make the choice of a partner practically and not emotionally. I believe that if a relationship will succeed, it must be founded on established rules. I will like to share with you some of the rules I have observe over the years that singles should obey… Thou shall choose a partner from the faith you belong- I have heard singles make funny statement involving religion, how insignificant it is when it comes to two love birds. Most single women believe that they do not have a religion of their own, but will integrate the religion of their future husband as their own. I believe that this is bogus; religion actually plays a vital role in the success of a relationship that will lead to marriage. I heard a Muslim scholar make a profound statement once that every single should obey; he said that Muslims should get married to Muslims, Christians to Christians. I will add that Atheists should get involve with people who uphold their belief. Marriage should never be seen as a medium of converting people to your faith. Thou shall choose a partner who is matured- Maturity will play a vital role in the success of any relationship; a single who is less than 22 years should stay away from intimacy in relationship with the opposite sex. Lots of the heart breaks singles (women especially) go through is between their teenage years and their early twenties.

Time prepares you for the future; if you will not keep going through pain in a relationship, do not rush into one. Spend time to go through the growth process, and ensure the other party is matured too. It is vital that you both are matured, psychologically, emotionally, and to a measure financially. Thou shall choose a friend and not someone you are emotionally attached to as partner- One English proverb that I have observed to be true over the years with singles is, ‘Familiarity breeds contempt.’ Singles are on the look out for a partner that is far away, who can trigger powerful emotional feelings in them. Some single men even believe that the beautiful ones are not yet born; they look afar for the love of their life while ignoring the ladies they have known for a period of time because they seems to believe that they knew everything about them- most of what they know is bad. I have come to a conclusion that the best suitor for a single is the one you have known over the years; someone that you have both over time, develop platonic relationship. That person is far better than the one that makes your heart skip beats. Thou shall choose a partner based on purpose- It is so easy to be emotionally attached to the opposite sex, and the only thing you have in common is that feeling. Yet one area in determining the future of any relationship is the path that you both are walking in. If you have not yet discovered what you have been created for, do not get involved in any intimate relationship with the opposite sex. If you are already in a relationship, chances that you are in a wrong one is over 90%. Isaac Digi said, ‘If you are a young lady, for instance, and you are asking me how to know a man I want to marry, I will say, look, ask the man, what is your vision in life? This is because where ever you are going or whatever your vision is is where you are taking me. I may not want to go there.’ Thou shall choose a partner based on character rather than the emotion call love- In my book, don’t fall in love (The secret that couples with successful marriages knew before they got married.), I wrote the following, ‘Permit me to say that, people who fall get up with pains in their body to the degree of the impact of the fall they had. So also people who fall in love get up with a broken heart, unforgiveness, sometimes with psychosis, and suicide tendency. When your love makes your heart to skip a beat in the presence of your partner, then you need to sit down and let your mind ruminate on the relationship you are in objectively before you take it to the next level. Medically it’s not healthy for a person’s heart to skip beating.’ Love is more of a character thing than an emotional one; feeling is not stable, so care must be taken not to make a choice of partner based on it. I define character as a consistent pattern of behavior. Every single should observe the consistent pattern of behavior of an individual they may be interested in before taking the relationship to the next level. One way to know a person who truly expresses the right kind of love, is the one who love not just a particular individual but express love to anyone he comes in

contact with. The way you treat people is the way you will eventually treat the person you get involve intimately relationship. Thou shall not choose a partner that is too emotional- I have come to discover that people who are too emotional do not make good partners especially for marriage. To judge a person as good for relationship because of the emotional out boasts he/she display is not really a wise move. There should always be balance in all that a person does; excessiveness reveals that something had gone wrong somewhere with that individual. Always look for balance: for instance, a man is created to act primarily out of logic rather than emotion. So if you see a male single who whines, cries and can be easily controlled, stay away from anything beyond platonic relationship with that individual. Thou shall choose your partner based on what your heart tells you than peoples opinion- Man was created with an inner bell that goes off when he wants to make decisions that are wrong; if you observe yourself over the years, you will discover that before you made most of the mistakes in the past, you felt an unconcomfortableness in your heart that you could not explain. You actually got affirmation from others to take those actions, yet they boomeranged on you. In choosing a partner, examine the state of your heart on the issue of relationship with the person before you go into it. People may encourage you to just go ahead; situations may say that he is the perfect guy. However, if your heart says no, move on. I must point this out though; you must make sure that you separate emotion from logic before you can do this. I met a lady once who listened to her heart despite the fact that every other indices pointed to a guy as the right partner for her. She felt uncomfortableness about going into relationship with the guy and she seemly listen to her heart. That uncomfortableness got thinking her thinking, and she logically concluded that what she felt for the young man was mainly emotional feeling. Thou shall take care of your mindset before you choose a partner- In my book, ‘Why ‘good’ marry ‘bad’ men’, I wrote the following, ‘The mind of a woman is one of the powerful tools that she was given; if anything goes wrong with it, the life of that woman will gravitate towards a direction that will lead to her destruction. Like water poured into a container that turns into solid ice taking its shape when placed in a freezer, so also the mind of a woman can be set to think in a particular pattern when it is consistently bombarded with certain information.’ I believe the same goes to the male singles too; I have come to a conclusion that the destination a man will end in is a product of his mindset and not his desire alone. The mindset you have if it is wrong will affect the choice of the partner make; if this is faulty then your choice will be wrong. Never let informations from films, novels and songs form the basis of your opinion of the opposite sex. What I also wrote in the book is the following, ‘The truth is that most of these films and songs only carry false impression of a relationship, especially that of marriage. Do a research into the lives of those that have

sang love songs, written or acted love films, you will find that very few of them have successful marriages.’ Thou shall choose a partner that you appreciate- Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder? Over the years I am beginning to question that statement because I have counseled singles who love the person who they are in relationship, but they are not willing to take it to the next level because their friends do not give their approve. Beauty actually is tied to appreciation than outward appearance. I have seen men get married to ladies that you will call ugly, yet they damned the opinion of people in other to have a fulfilling future. If you are giving a piece of diamond and an imitation and you do not know how to tell the difference, you will likely pick the fake. The original diamond always comes with a flaw; it is never perfect like the imitation. If you ever want to make the right choice of a partner, you must learn to appreciate people beyond the looks they carry. You must learn to view beauty from the heart a person carries than the looks they have alone. Thou shall not be sentimental in your decision- I love saying to singles that when it comes to making the decision on who to get into relationship with, they should be very selfish because when a relationship is taken to the stage of marriage, selflessness is required to make it succeed. Sentiment is really one key reason some singles go into relationship, and it is really not a good parameter in determining its success. I once responded to a question in a social network that I am a member on the internet; a lady asked if it is right to get into relationship out of pity? My response was, date him out of pity; marry him out of pity and live in pity all through your life. I know this may sound heartless of me, but the reality is that, for you to enjoy the relationship that you will be involve requires that the decision be made with one objective- your happiness. Do let me have your comment on this write up and you are free to ask questions relating to your relationship issues. Olufemi Fasanya 08037257479, 08083906495 (no flashing please) www.relationship-singles.blogspot.com