You Can’t Pick Your Family

2010

Crash.
“What was that?” Mike Corbin asked as he looked toward the kitchen. The tension in the living room was palpable, as no one wanted to be stuck there with each other but for the sake of the kids they had no choice. “Carly probably beat Alexis over the back of the head with the frozen turkey,” Ric said, then he took another sip of his scotch. The only one who smiled at his joke was his girlfriend Claudia. Everyone else seemed to be calculating the odds of that really happening. “Maybe I should go check,” Jason said “I’m sure they got it under control in there,” Sonny said. “The last time I went in all I got was screamed at so don’t waste your time.” Mike said “I still can’t believe you turned your kitchen over to them.” Sonny gave him a look that said Like I had a choice. Mike added “Its not too late for me to go back to the diner and whip something up.” “Alexis wants to cook this meal herself and when my wife wants something, she gets it. Just relax everyone. I’m sure we’ll be chowing down in no time.” XXXXXXXXX “What are you doing?” Alexis shrieked at Carly as she watched her pour an ungodly amount of pepper into the Spanish style white bean and sausage soup. “Back off, I’m following the recipe.” Alexis grabbed the cookbook and read. “Its calls for white pepper not black and one-fourth of a teaspoon not one-fourth of a cup.” “What? Let me see that. Oh.” “Oh.” Alexis mocked her. “Well, you’ve ruined another course.” “You ruined the turkey so I wouldn’t talk.” “How was I supposed to know it would be so heavy? Do I look like superwoman to you? Besides, what about all that stuff that fell out of the cavity. That was your fault. Don’t you know you remove the organs before you cook it?” “I should have known you’d find a way to blame the turkey on me too.” Carly tasted a spoonful of the soup and started coughing. “I’m calling a caterer. That’s it. This exercise in madness is over.” She started to wrestle her for the phone. “Give it to me. Give it up. Alexis, I swear to God, if you don’t give me that cell you’re going to be wearing the cranberry sauce.” She jerked the phone out of her hand. “Its in a can.” “What?” “The cranberry sauce is still in the can. It’s the one thing you haven’t managed to mess up yet.” “Just get out of my kitchen. I promised Michael a homemade meal and that’s what he is going to get.” “Excuse me but this is my kitchen in my home and if anyone is going to prepare a meal for my family in this kitchen then it will be me.” Carly ignored her and dialed the cell. Alexis said “Finally. You’ve seen reason. How fast can The Metro Court deliver?” “Max, hi, its me. Yeah, I need a favor.....You’re so sweet. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.....Oh, its simple, just sneak in the backdoor without anyone seeing you and drag Alexis down to the basement until I finish cooking dinner....what? What do you mean you wish you could, Mrs. C, but you can’t? Yes you can. I’ll handle him...oh, Max. Fine.” She hung up. Alexis smirked at her. Carly reached out, grabbed a handful of jello and flung it at Alexis. It hit her forehead and slid down her face. Alexis grabbed some stuffing and threw it at Carly.

Soon food was covering both of them and the kitchen. A pot of water was boiling on the stove for so long all the water evaporated and the pot started to burn. Meanwhile the rolls in the oven caught fire. The smoke alarm went off. Jason came running into the kitchen to find Alexis and Carly rolling around on the floor. “GET OUT! We’re trying to cook,” they said in unison. XXXXXXXXX One Hour Later “I think I better go see if I can speed things along,” Jake Martin said, as he sat at a table full of uncomfortable people in Sonny’s dining room. He had moved to Port Charles the summer before and fallen into a steamy relationship with Carly, without realizing that meant he would be getting in bed with the mob too. As Jake started to stand up, Sonny said “Take a seat there, doc.” Jason gave him a cold, menacing look and Jake sunk back into his chair. “Daddy, I’m hungry,” Morgan said. “Me too,” said Molly. “I’m starving,” said Kristina. “Lets just order pizza,” Michael said. “I think the kid is onto something,” Mike said. “The Jackal has the Pizza Shack on speed dial.” “No,” Jason said. Max and Milo were steadily devouring the appetizers that Sam had brought with her. While Claudia and Ric were on their third drink each. Carly had called Sonny’s phone and told him to get everyone to the table because dinner was almost ready. But that was twenty minutes before. Finally the dining room doors opened to find Carly and Alexis, with flour in their hair and food on their clothes, standing there holding one container each. They walked toward the table. Carly was walking unevenly because her heel was broken. Alexis set down her dish: popcorn. Carly set down hers: a frozen pizza she had cooked that was slightly burnt. Alexis said “Bon appetite.” Carly said “Not a word....not one word.” They both took their seats. Sonny cleared his throat, doing his best to hide his laughter. “Lets say grace.” They bowed their heads as Sonny said a prayer. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed that Sam, Claudia, Max and Lucas all had their cell phones out. Soon the room was filled with the sound of their ordering take out. At the same time, Carly said to Jake and Alexis said to Sonny “Its all her fault.” THE END

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