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THE STANMORE SEXUAL INTIMACY SURVEY FOR COUPLES The following questions are meant to encourage couples currently

in an intimate relationship to expand their communication, and to allow for open, honest, and respectful discussion regarding their feelings about intimacy and sex in their relationship. Studies have shown that couples who are more open about their feelings, preferences, concerns, and ideas in regards to intimacy have stronger and longer-lasting relationships. Studies have also shown that couples who avoid discussing intimacy and sex are more likely to end up separated, divorced, or unhappy in their relationships. Please answer the questions in each section honestly, without holding back due to fear of what your partner may think. At the same time, when your partner reads his/her answers, be respectful, non-judgmental, and considerate of his/her responses. There is bound to be a question or answer that will make either partner feel hesitant or uncertain about sharing their feelings on the particular topic or apprehensive to know what the other person might feel about the same question. If there happens to be a question that you feel uncomfortable answering, simply mark it with an X, even if you provided an answer. This survey does not introduce questions involving sexual experiences outside of your relationship together. It is based on the assumption that the couple maintains fidelity within their relationship, no matter their relationship status. There may also be a few things you have never tried or are unfamiliar with, and this survey may give you some new ideas to consider. If you are not certain what a question is asking or you are unfamiliar with the subjectmatter, place a question mark next to the question (or you could search the Internet to better understand what it means and then answer the question). You and your partner will have the opportunity of sharing your thoughts on all of the questions together after you finish. Make sure to read the instructions carefully before each section because each section varies with how you will answer the questions. Enjoy.

FOR HER
Breaking the ice questions: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy having sex: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 In your estimate, you two have been having sex: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ Y Y Y Y N N N N Once per month (or less) 2-3 times per month 1-2 times per week 2-3 times per week 3-4 times per week 4-5 times per week 5-6 times per week Every day More than once per day Ideally, you would like to be having sex at least: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ Once per month (or less) 2-3 times per month 1-2 times per week 2-3 times per week 3-4 times per week 4-5 times per week 5-6 times per week Every day More than once per day

You would like sexual intimacy to be more exhilarating and passionate You would like sexual intimacy to be more adventuresome You would like him to better understand your feelings regarding sexual intimacy You would like to better understand his feelings regarding sexual intimacy

For the following questions, respond with one of the following numbers regarding how YOU feel: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) You/him have tried this and you REALLY LIKE it. You/him have tried this and SOMETIMES you REALLY LIKE it but other times it isnt your favorite thing. You/him have tried this and usually you think it is OK, but it isnt your favorite thing. You/him have tried this and you DO NOT LIKE it. You/him have NEVER tried this, but you would LIKE TO TRY it at least once. You/him have NEVER tried this, and you are pretty sure you would NOT LIKE TO TRY it You are NOT SURE how you feel about it, or you are NOT FAMILIAR with what this is

BEFORE SEX: Things to do before sex that can or could enhance lovemaking. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Watching a romantic movie together Going on a date together Flirting or talking about sex with each other Touching or rubbing each other in places that sexually arouse you (while clothed) Making out with each other When he smells really nice (cologne, etc.) When he buys you flowers (unexpectedly) Lighting candles in the room Filling the air in the room with sensual scents Putting on some appropriate music Taking a shower together Spending some time together in a pool or a hot tub Going skinny dipping together Receiving a sensual full body massage Giving him a sensual full body massage Having him give me a breast massage Reading or perusing a book about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Looking for lingerie or other intimate products online or at a store (together or by yourself) Looking online for information about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself) Watching a video about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself) Playing a sex-related game together (obviously before engaging in sex) Dressing in something sexy to surprise him Having him completely naked and waiting to surprise you Getting completely naked and waiting to surprise him Reserving a hotel room or other private place away from home to spend alone time together A surprise get-away to a hotel or other special destination for each of you that he planned A surprise get-away to a hotel or other special destination for each of you that you planned Him shaving his whiskers really well before you start getting it on Him trimming down his pubic hair Trimming down your own pubic hair

THE ACT OF SEX: Things that can or could make sexual activity more satisfying Things you have experienced or could experience TOGETHER: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Sex in other places around the house/apartment besides the bedroom Sex in the shower Spontaneous sex Scheduled sex Sex with the lights on Sex with the lights dimmed Sex with the lights off Watching in a mirror while having sex Sex in a pool or tub Sex outdoors (not in a public area) Sex in the rain Sex in a car, van, or other vehicle Sex during your period Having a quickie Slow, long-lasting foreplay with lots of touching, kissing, caressing, and fondling Lots of deep heavy kissing during sex (after foreplay) Using massage oils or lotions Using flavored lubricants or other flavored materials for oral sex Using clitoral or erectile stimulating creams Using a vibrator Mutually masturbating each other during foreplay or sex Giving each other oral sex at the same time Trying creative sex positions (there is a section on favorite positions later) Both of us having sex blindfolded Videoing us having sex together Anal sex Simultaneous orgasm during intercourse Simultaneous orgasm during oral sex Simultaneous orgasm during mutual masturbation

Things HE does or could do during sex: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Eat, lick, or suck edible items off your body Nibble on your earlobes Run his hands through your hair Caress your butt Caress your breasts

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Gently touch, squeeze, and/or caress your nipples with his hands/fingers Lick or play with your nipples with his tongue Gently suck on your nipples Rub the head of his penis against or around your nipples Work his way down your body and next to all your erogenous zones with his hands and/or mouth Run his hands all over your body during sex Lightly scratch your back during sex Make more noise during sex (moaning, groaning, oohing) Exclaim that he is about to orgasm (just before he does) Verbally communicate what he wants you to do to him during sex Physically direct you or demonstrate to you what he wants you to do to him during sex (not just verbally) Stimulate himself while you are focusing on other parts of his body Stimulate/massage your clitoris with his fingers Stimulate inside your vagina with his fingers Stimulate your G-spot with his fingers Perform cunnilingus (oral sex on you) Lick and/or flick your clitoris with his tongue Firmly press and stroke your clitoris with his tongue Move his tongue from side to side or in circular motions around your clitoris Gently suck on your clitoris Insert his tongue into your vagina while rubbing/massaging your clitoris with his fingers Insert his fingers into your vagina while sucking or licking on your clitoris Slide his penis over your clitoris and between your labia without penetration Having his penis get really big inside you Rub/massage your clitoris with his thumb/fingers while he penetrates you Penetrate you in and out really fast Penetrate you in and out slowly Blindfold you before and during sex Tie your hands and feet while he does whatever he wants to your body Give you an orgasm during intercourse Give you an orgasm during oral sex Give you an orgasm while he masturbating you Masturbate you to orgasm if he reaches it before you do during intercourse Give you multiple orgasms during sex

Things YOU do or could do during sex: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Eat, lick, or suck edible items off his body Nibble his earlobes Run your hands through his hair Touch, squeeze, and/or caress his nipples Lick, nibble, or gently suck his nipples Work your way down his body and next to all his erogenous zones with your hands and/or mouth Caress his butt Run your hands all over his body during sex Lightly scratch his back during sex Make more noise during sex (moaning, groaning, oohing) Exclaim that you are about to orgasm (just before you do) Verbally communicate to him what you want him to do to you during sex Physically direct him or demonstrate to him what you want him to do to you during sex (not just verbally) Rub/touch your breasts and nipples while he is focusing on doing other things to your body Stimulate your clitoris while he is focusing on doing other things to your body Massage or run your fingers along his perineum Stroke his (lubricated) penis while clasping it in your hand Gently slide or tap your fingers up and down the shaft of his penis

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Lightly touch or massage the frenulum of his penis with your fingers Take his penis and rub it over your clitoris Gyrate or move from side to side around his penis during intercourse Perform fellatio (oral sex on him) Lick or suck the head or shaft of his penis Run the tip of your tongue along the frenulum of his penis Suck gently on the frenulum of his penis Blindfold him before and during sex Tie his hands and feet while you do whatever you want to his body Give him an orgasm during intercourse Give him an orgasm during oral sex Give him an orgasm while masturbating him Give him multiple orgasms during sex

POST ORGASM: Thins that might be enjoyable after reaching orgasm. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Cuddling Talking Falling asleep in each others arms Passionately kissing Sleeping nude all through the night Doing some other activity and then having sex again a short time later Having another orgasm as soon as possible Falling asleep without ever pulling apart after orgasm Taking a shower together

SEX POSITIONS: Rate how much YOU enjoy the following sex positions using the same 1-7 scale. ___ COWGIRL (You on top facing him while he is lying down) ___ REVERSE COWGIRL (You on top facing away from him while he is lying down) ___ MISSIONARY (Lying down with him on top facing you) ___ SIDE-TO-SIDE (Lying down side-by-side facing each other) ___ SPOONING (Lying down side-by-side with him entering from behind) ___ DOGGY STYLE (He enters from behind while your hands are on the bed or another object) ___ SLOW DANCE (Standing up with him facing you) ___ BODYGUARD (Standing up with him entering from behind) ___ TOP 69 (Oral sex at the same time with you on top) ___ BOTTOM 69 (Oral sex at the same time with you on bottom) ___ SIDEWAYS 69 (Oral sex at the same time lying side-by-side) ___ FACE STRADLE (He gives you oral as you sit over top of his face) ___ SPREAD EAGLE (He gives you oral between your legs as you lie back, sit, or stand) ___ THE USUAL (You give him oral between his legs as he lies back, sits, or stands) NOTE: There are many other creative positions which you may already know or that you could look up and list below, along with your rating of what you think about those positions. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________

For the next set of questions, please rate how you view each topic using the following scale: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ You would like this to occur a lot more often than it currently does You would like this to occur a little more often than it currently does This occurs about as often as you would like it to happen You would like this to occur a little less often than it currently does You would like this to occur a lot less often than it currently does, or not at all

Sex is initiated by you Sex is initiated by him You initiate sex without him expecting it (surprise or sudden sex) He initiates sex without you expecting it (surprise or sudden sex) Foreplay before or during sex You taking more control during sex Him taking more control during sex Giving him cues about what to do (or not do) to you or what youd like to do to him during sex Him giving you cues about what to do (or not do) to him during sex or what hed like to do to you Telling him that what he is doing feels really good when it does Him telling you that what you are doing feels really good when it does Expressing to him things you would like to try during your sexual activities Him expressing to you things he would like to try during your sexual activities Oral sex is initiated by you Oral sex is initiated by him Prolonged alone time together where you can have lots and lots of sex together Spending time talking about sexual intimacy in your relationship You create an atmosphere that makes sex more inviting He creates an atmosphere that makes sex more inviting Exploring new ideas together about how to enhance your sexual activities Spending time together in the nude, or barely clothed Sex in the morning Sex when going to bed Being woken up in the middle of the night by him sexually stimulating you Waking him up in the middle of the night by sexually stimulating him Spontaneous sex Having sex where you can both be as loud as you want Having fun during sex Having really wild sex You having an orgasm during sex He has an orgasm during sex

For the next set of items, use the following scale to rate how often you think each item occurs: 1. 2. 3. 4. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Often Sometimes Rarely Never

You worry about how you look during sex You worry about how satisfied he is during sex You feel like he doesnt enjoy having sex with you You dont enjoy having sex with him You have sex and he enjoys it but you dont as much You have sex and you enjoy it but he doesnt seem to as much You feel like he is disappointed in the amount of sex you have together You are disappointed in the amount of sex you have together You are not in the mood for sex even when there is plenty of time available He is not in the mood for sex even when there is plenty of time available You feel like your sex life could be better (not just the amount of sex but the kind of sex) You are afraid or nervous to mention things to him that you would like to do before or during sex You feel like sex is too much of the same routine (not enough variety or new things involved) You would like to have sex but you dont feel comfortable initiating because he may not want to You feel like he wants to have sex but youre not up for it so you try to give signals youre not in the mood You worry about making mistakes during sex You worry that you will get pregnant from having sex You worry that you will be too tired in the morning if you have sex You dont feel sexy You want to do things that help you look and feel more sexy You wish he would do some things to look and be more sexy You have an urge for sex but he is not around at the time You think in detail about having sex with him while he is not around You are in the mood for sex but when the time comes to get around to it the urge has dissipated You cant focus on sex because there are so many other things clouding your mind You think he only wants to spend time with you so you can have sex You only want to spend time with him so you can have sex You feel obligated to have sex with him rather than being eager to have sex You think he feels obligated to have sex with you rather than being eager to have sex You feel like changing or improving something about your body You feel like he could change or improve something about his body You wish there was more time in your life for intimacy You wish you could spend more money on improving intimacy in your relationship You worry that sex is going to become less enjoyable as you get older You want to get away with him and have amazing sex but just dont have the resources or time Sex is amazing Sex is good, but not amazing Sex is ok, but not good Sex is disappointing

Open-ended Questions: Be creative, open, and uninhibited in your responses. Just write down ideas as they come to you, dont worry about making sense of it before writing anything down. Three intimate things you havent done together, or havent done in a while, that you would like to do: 1. 2. 3. Some things you would like (or might enjoy) doing to him that you havent done yet: Some things you would like (or might enjoy) him doing to you that he hasnt done yet: Some things you like him to do (or wish he would do more of) before or during sex: Some things you wish he would do less of before or during sex: Some things you would like to do more of during sex: Some things you would like to do less of during sex: Some things you really enjoy that he does to you during sex: Some things you really enjoy doing to him during sex: Some things you really enjoy doing together during sex: You would like to try having sex in/on/at: When he touches/caresses you here, it turns you on: When he touches/caresses you here, it turns you off: Foreplay is best when: You like when he uses his mouth/lips/tongue to: Some things he could do that would make you desire to have sex more often: Some things that make you less desirous to have sex: You really like this/these part(s) of your body: If you could enhance some things about your body (even if they are great right now), it would be: You really like this/these part(s) of his body: If you could enhance some things about his body (even if they are great right now), it would be: If you had the time and money, you would do the following to improve sexual intimacy between you: Some things you think he might not like to do, but you would like to at least try: Some things you think he likes or might like to do that you dont or probably wouldnt like to try: Some things youve thought about doing, but arent sure whether or not youd like it, so youre hesitant to try:

Some things youve heard of but arent real familiar with that you would like to learn more about: You like to wear (or would like to try wearing) the following just before or during sex: You like him to wear (or would like him to try wearing) the following just before or during sex: A place or places you would like to be touched more during foreplay/sex is: A place or places you would like to be touched less during foreplay/sex is: You really like it when he does this to your breasts: You really like it when he does this to your clitoris and/or vaginal area: Orgasms are best when: One of your favorite sexual experiences with him was: If you could imagine an ideal or amazing place to have sex together, it would be: If you could imagine something he, you, or you together might do to create the perfect atmosphere for an amazing sexual experience it would involve: If you could imagine you both having an amazing sexual experience together, it would involve: If he had magical powers you wish he could do this to you during sex: If you had magical powers you would enjoy doing this to your partner during sex: If you both had magical powers, you think sex would be even more amazing if you could: What things outside of sex itself do you think are the most important in maintaining a strong intimate relationship with each other?

Your own questions you wish had been asked:

Read the answers to these True/False questions to each other before reading any other answers to questions you answered: ___ You are nervous about him seeing your answers to some of these questions ___ You are nervous about seeing some of his answers to these questions ___ You are sometimes afraid to tell him things you would like to do before or during sex because you are afraid of what his reaction might be ___ You think he doesnt tell you everything he would like to do before or during sex because he is afraid of what your reaction might be ___ You would like him to feel like he can be very open with you about the desires, ideas, and concerns he has about sexual intimacy ___ You would like to be more open about the desires, ideas, and concerns you have about sexual intimacy ___ You felt uncomfortable answering some of the questions in this survey (mark which ones) ___ You think this was a really helpful exercise for improving sexual intimacy in your relationship ___ You think improving sexual intimacy in your relationship will strengthen your relationship overall Comments:

FOR HIM
Breaking the ice questions: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy having sex: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 In your estimate, you two have been having sex: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ Y Y Y Y N N N N Once per month (or less) 2-3 times per month 1-2 times per week 2-3 times per week 3-4 times per week 4-5 times per week 5-6 times per week Every day More than once per day Ideally, you would like to be having sex at least: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ Once per month (or less) 2-3 times per month 1-2 times per week 2-3 times per week 3-4 times per week 4-5 times per week 5-6 times per week Every day More than once per day

You would like sexual intimacy to be more exhilarating and passionate You would like sexual intimacy to be more adventuresome You would like her to better understand your feelings regarding sexual intimacy You would like to better understand her feelings regarding sexual intimacy

For the following questions, respond with one of the following numbers regarding how YOU feel: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) You/him have tried this and you REALLY LIKE it. You/him have tried this and SOMETIMES you REALLY LIKE it but other times it isnt your favorite thing. You/him have tried this and usually you think it is OK, but it isnt your favorite thing. You/him have tried this and you DO NOT LIKE it. You/him have NEVER tried this, but you would LIKE TO TRY it at least once. You/him have NEVER tried this, and you are pretty sure you would NOT LIKE TO TRY it You are NOT SURE how you feel about it, or you are NOT FAMILIAR with what this is

BEFORE SEX: Things to do before sex that can or could enhance lovemaking. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Watching a romantic movie together Going on a date together Flirting or talking about sex with each other Touching or rubbing each other in places that sexually arouse you (while clothed) Making out with each other When she smells really nice (perfume, etc.) Buying her flowers (unexpectedly) Lighting candles in the room Filling the air in the room with sensual scents Putting on some appropriate music Taking a shower together Spending some time together in a pool or a hot tub Going skinny dipping together Receiving a sensual full body massage Giving her a sensual full body massage Giving her a breast massage Reading or perusing a book about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Looking for lingerie or other intimate products online or at a store (together or by yourself) Looking online for information about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself) Watching a video about enhancing your sexual activities (together or by yourself) Playing a sex-related game together (obviously before engaging in sex) Her dressing in something sexy to surprise you Having her completely naked and waiting to surprise you Getting completely naked and waiting to surprise her Reserving a hotel room or other private place away from home to spend alone time together A surprise get-away to a hotel or other special destination for each of you that she planned A surprise get-away to a hotel or other special destination for each of you that you planned Shaving your whiskers really well before you start getting it on Her trimming down her pubic hair Trimming down your own pubic hair

THE ACT OF SEX: Things that can or could make sexual activity more satisfying Things you have experienced or could experience TOGETHER: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Sex in other places around the house/apartment besides the bedroom Sex in the shower Spontaneous sex Scheduled sex Sex with the lights on Sex with the lights dimmed Sex with the lights off Watching in a mirror while having sex Sex in a pool or tub Sex outdoors (not in a public area) Sex in the rain Sex in a car, van, or other vehicle Sex during her period Having a quickie Slow, long-lasting foreplay with lots of touching, kissing, caressing, and fondling Lots of deep heavy kissing during sex (after foreplay) Using massage oils or lotions Using flavored lubricants or other flavored materials for oral sex Using clitoral or erectile stimulating creams Using a vibrator Mutually masturbating each other during foreplay or sex Giving each other oral sex at the same time Trying creative sex positions (there is a section on favorite positions later) Both of us having sex blindfolded Videoing us having sex together Anal sex Simultaneous orgasm during intercourse Simultaneous orgasm during oral sex Simultaneous orgasm during mutual masturbation

Things SHE does or could do during sex: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Eat, lick, or suck edible items off your body Nibble on your earlobes Run her hands through your hair Caress your butt Touch, squeeze, and/or caress your nipples

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Lick, nibble, or gently suck your nipples Work her way down your body and next to all your erogenous zones with her hands and/or mouth Run her hands all over your body during sex Lightly scratch your back during sex Make more noise during sex (moaning, groaning, oohing) Exclaim that she is about to orgasm (just before she does) Verbally communicate what she wants you to do to her during sex Physically direct you or demonstrate to you what she wants you to do to her during sex (not just verbally) Her rubbing/touching her breasts and nipples while you are focusing on doing other things to her body Her stimulating her clitoris while you are focusing on doing other things to her body Massage or run her fingers along your perineum Stroke your (lubricated) penis while clasping it in her hand Gently slide or tap her fingers up and down the shaft of your penis Lightly touch or massage the frenulum of your penis with her fingers Take your penis and rub it over her clitoris Gyrate or move from side to side around your penis during intercourse Perform fellatio (oral sex on you) Lick or suck the head or shaft of your penis Run the tip of her tongue along the frenulum of your penis Suck gently on the frenulum of your penis Blindfold you before and during sex Tie your hands and feet while she does whatever she wants to your body Give you an orgasm during intercourse Give you an orgasm during oral sex Give you an orgasm while she masturbating you Give you multiple orgasms during sex

Things YOU do or could do during sex: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Eat, lick, or suck edible items off her body Nibble her earlobes Run your hands through her hair Work your way down her body and next to all her erogenous zones with your hands and/or mouth Caress her butt Caress her breasts Gently touch, squeeze, and/or caress her nipples with your hands/fingers Lick or play with her nipples with your tongue Gently suck on her nipples Rub the head of your penis against or around her nipples Run your hands all over her body during sex Lightly scratch her back during sex Make more noise during sex (moaning, groaning, oohing) Exclaim that you are about to orgasm (just before you do) Verbally communicate to her what you want her to do to you during sex Physically direct her or demonstrate to her what you want her to do to you during sex (not just verbally) Stimulate yourself while she is focusing on other parts of your body Stimulate/massage her clitoris with your fingers Stimulate inside her vagina with your fingers Stimulate her G-spot with your fingers Perform cunnilingus (oral sex on her) Lick and/or flick her clitoris with your tongue Firmly press and stroke her clitoris with your tongue Move your tongue from side to side or in circular motions around her clitoris Gently suck on her clitoris Insert your tongue into her vagina while rubbing/massaging her clitoris with your fingers

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Insert your fingers into her vagina while sucking or licking on her clitoris Slide your penis over her clitoris and between her labia without penetration Having your penis get really big inside her Rub/massage her clitoris with your thumb/fingers while you penetrate her Penetrate her in and out really fast Penetrate her in and out slowly Blindfold her before and during sex Tie her hands and feet while you do whatever you want to her body Give her an orgasm during intercourse Give her an orgasm during oral sex Give her an orgasm while masturbating her Masturbate her to orgasm if you reach it before she does during intercourse Give her multiple orgasms during sex

POST ORGASM: Thins that might be enjoyable after reaching orgasm. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Cuddling Talking Falling asleep in each others arms Passionately kissing Sleeping nude all through the night Doing some other activity and then having sex again a short time later Having another orgasm as soon as possible Falling asleep without ever pulling apart after orgasm Taking a shower together

SEX POSITIONS: Rate how much YOU enjoy the following sex positions using the same 1-7 scale. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ COWGIRL (Her on top facing you while you are lying down) REVERSE COWGIRL (Her on top facing away from you while you are lying down) MISSIONARY (Her lying down with you on top facing her) SIDE-TO-SIDE (Lying down side-by-side facing each other) SPOONING (Lying down side-by-side with you entering from behind) DOGGY STYLE (You enter from behind while her hands are on the bed or another object) SLOW DANCE (Standing up with her facing you) BODYGUARD (Standing up with you entering from behind) TOP 69 (Oral sex at the same time with her on top) BOTTOM 69 (Oral sex at the same time with her on bottom) SIDEWAYS 69 (Oral sex at the same time lying side-by-side) FACE STRADLE (You give her oral as she sits over top of your face) SPREAD EAGLE (You give her oral between her legs as she lies back, sits, or stands) THE USUAL (She gives you oral between your legs as you lie back, sit, or stand) NOTE: There are many other creative positions which you may already know or that you could look up and list below, along with your rating of what you think about those positions. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________

For the next set of questions, please rate how you view each topic using the following scale: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ You would like this to occur a lot more often than it currently does You would like this to occur a little more often than it currently does This occurs about as often as you would like it to happen You would like this to occur a little less often than it currently does You would like this to occur a lot less often than it currently does, or not at all

Sex is initiated by you Sex is initiated by her You initiate sex without her expecting it (surprise or sudden sex) She initiates sex without you expecting it (surprise or sudden sex) Foreplay before or during sex You taking more control during sex Her taking more control during sex Giving her cues about what to do (or not do) to you or what youd like to do to her during sex Her giving you cues about what to do (or not do) to her during sex or what shed like to do to you Telling her that what she is doing feels really good when it does Her telling you that what you are doing feels really good when it does Expressing to her things you would like to try during your sexual activities Her expressing to you things she would like to try during your sexual activities Oral sex is initiated by you Oral sex is initiated by her Prolonged alone time together where you can have lots and lots of sex together Spending time talking about sexual intimacy in your relationship You create an atmosphere that makes sex more inviting She creates an atmosphere that makes sex more inviting Exploring new ideas together about how to enhance your sexual activities Spending time together in the nude, or barely clothed Sex in the morning Sex when going to bed Being woken up in the middle of the night by her sexually stimulating you Waking her up in the middle of the night by sexually stimulating her Spontaneous sex Having sex where you can both be as loud as you want Having fun during sex Having really wild sex You having an orgasm during sex She has an orgasm during sex

For the next set of items, use the following scale to rate how often you think each item occurs: 1. 2. 3. 4. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Often Sometimes Rarely Never

You worry about how you look during sex You worry about how satisfied she is during sex You feel like she doesnt enjoy having sex with you You dont enjoy having sex with her You have sex and she enjoys it but you dont as much You have sex and you enjoy it but she doesnt seem to as much You feel like she is disappointed in the amount of sex you have together You are disappointed in the amount of sex you have together You are not in the mood for sex even when there is plenty of time available She is not in the mood for sex even when there is plenty of time available You feel like your sex life could be better (not just the amount of sex but the kind of sex) You are afraid or nervous to mention things to her that you would like to do before or during sex You feel like sex is too much of the same routine (not enough variety or new things involved) You would like to have sex but you dont feel comfortable initiating because she may not want to You feel like she wants to have sex but youre not up for it so you try to give signals youre not in the mood You worry about making mistakes during sex You worry that she will get pregnant from having sex You worry that you will be too tired in the morning if you have sex You dont feel sexy You want to do things that help you look and feel more sexy You wish she would do some things to look and be more sexy You have an urge for sex but she is not around at the time You think in detail about having sex with her while she is not around You are in the mood for sex but when the time comes to get around to it the urge has dissipated You cant focus on sex because there are so many other things clouding your mind You only want to spend time with her so you can have sex You think she only wants to spend time with you so she can have sex You feel obligated to have sex with her rather than being eager to have sex You think she feels obligated to have sex with you rather than being eager to have sex You feel like changing or improving something about your body You feel like she could change or improve something about her body You wish there was more time in your life for intimacy You wish you could spend more money on improving intimacy in your relationship You worry that sex is going to become less enjoyable as you get older You want to get away with her and have amazing sex but just dont have the resources or time Sex is amazing Sex is good, but not amazing Sex is ok, but not good Sex is disappointing

Open-ended Questions: Be creative, open, and uninhibited in your responses. Just write down ideas as they come to you, dont worry about making sense of it before writing anything down. Three intimate things you havent done together, or havent done in a while, that you would like to do: 1. 2. 3. Some things you would like (or might enjoy) doing to her that you havent done yet: Some things you would like (or might enjoy) her doing to you that she hasnt done yet: Some things you like her to do (or would like her to do more of) before or during sex: Some things you wish she would do less of before or during sex: Some things you would like to do more of during sex: Some things you would like to do less of during sex: Some things you really enjoy that she does to you during sex: Some things you really enjoy doing to her during sex: Some things you really enjoy doing together during sex: You would like to try having sex in/on/at: When she touches/caresses you here, it turns you on: When she touches/caresses you here, it turns you off: Foreplay is best when: You like when she uses her mouth/lips/tongue to: Some things she could do that would make you desire to have sex more often: Some things that make you less desirous to have sex: You really like this/these part(s) of your body: If you could enhance some things about your body (even if they are great right now), it would be: You really like this/these part(s) of her body: If you could enhance some things about her body (even if they are great right now), it would be: If you had the time and money, you would do the following to improve sexual intimacy between you: Some things you think she might not like to do, but you would like to at least try: Some things you think she likes or might like to do that you dont or probably wouldnt like to try: Some things youve thought about doing, but arent sure whether or not youd like it, so youre hesitant to try:

Some things youve heard of but arent real familiar with that you would like to learn more about: You like (or would like to try) wearing the following just before or during sex: You like her to wear (or would like her to try wearing) the following just before or during sex: A place or places you would like to be touched more during foreplay/sex: A place or places you would like to be touched less during foreplay/sex: You really enjoy doing this to her breasts: You really like it when she does this to your penis and/or genital area: Orgasms are best when: One of your favorite sexual experiences with her was: If you could imagine an ideal or amazing place to have sex together, it would be: If you could imagine something she, you, or you together might do to create the perfect atmosphere for an amazing sexual experience it would involve: If you could imagine you both having an amazing sexual experience together, it would involve: If she had magical powers you wish she could do this to you during sex: If you had magical powers you would enjoy doing this to her during sex: If you both had magical powers, you think sex would be even more amazing if you could: What things outside of sex itself do you think are the most important in maintaining a strong intimate relationship with each other?

Your own questions you wish had been asked:

Read the answers to these True/False questions to each other before reading any other answers to questions you answered: ___ You are nervous about her seeing your answers to some of these questions ___ You are nervous about seeing some of her answers to these questions ___ You are sometimes afraid to tell her things you would like to do before or during sex because you are afraid of what her reaction might be ___ You think she doesnt tell you everything she would like to do before or during sex because she is afraid of what your reaction might be ___ You would like her to feel like she can be very open with you about the desires, ideas, and concerns she has about sexual intimacy ___ You would like to be more open about the desires, ideas, and concerns you have about sexual intimacy ___ You felt uncomfortable answering some of the questions in this survey (mark which ones) ___ You think this was a really helpful exercise for improving sexual intimacy in your relationship ___ You think improving sexual intimacy in your relationship will strengthen your relationship overall Comments: