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From the book: "The Ciba Collection of Medical Illustrations: Volume 2, Reproductive System" Prepared by: Frank H. Netter, M.D. Edited by: Ernst Oppenheimer, M.D. Copyright 1954 and 1965 Ciba Pharmaceutical Company.
The complete photograph and annotations can be seen by clicking here. (Note: file size is 825K) .
so blood stained bed sheets are not a . During the early stages of fetal development there is no opening into the vagina. as the photographs and illustrations on this page reveal. Any activity that places tension on the vulvar tissues may stretch or tear the hymen. as the tissue divides completely while they are still in the womb. The size and shape of this opening or openings varies greatly from one girl to the next. It is. A doctor should examine an infant girl’s vulva soon after birth to ensure her hymen is not imperforated. horseback riding. resulting in an imperforated hymen. The hymen is also referred to as a girl’s "cherry" or maidenhead.It appears that many if not most people are under the impression that the hymen is located within the vagina. As a result. The hymen is a layer of tissue that partially conceals the vaginal orifice of some girls and women. since there may be little or no blood loss or pain experienced during this event. No one can determine by physical examination alone whether a woman or teen has engaged in vaginal intercourse.) The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. There are girls who do not have a hymen at birth. Sometimes. (If menses is not permitted to flow freely from the body. as should a girl’s parents. Only about 50% of teens and women experience bleeding the first time they have intercourse. inserting and removing tampons. The presence or absence of a hymen in no way indicates a girl's virginal state. and while masturbating. The layer of tissue that conceals the vagina at this time usually divides incompletely prior to birth. A girl may not know this has occurred. part of the vulva. external genital organs. this formation of an opening does not occur. It may also occur when she is too young to remember or understand what has occurred. extreme pain and cramping can result during menarche. It is located outside the vagina. many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while engaging in physical activities such sports. a girl’s first menstrual period.
If a woman's current partner has a larger penis than her prior partners. since the average penis is larger than her two fingers. they look for injuries to the hymen. The hymen does not magically disappear when something is inserted into the vagina. There are even hymen that are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing. If for example. Remnants of the hymen are usually present until a woman delivers a baby vaginally. the hymen may still be intact except for a single tear. or a couple tries a new technique or position during intercourse. her hymen may tear again. her hymen may still tear when she has vaginal intercourse for the first time. or for the first time. When doctors examine preadolescent and adolescent girls for evidence of sexual abuse. or tear only partially. The hymen of some women tear on more than one occasion. A woman who has had vaginal intercourse may still have hymeneal tissue present. . it will only stretch or tear sufficiently to permit entry of whatever is being inserted. this remaining tissue can be the cause of pain during intercourse. Virginity is a spiritual attribute. This is usually true only if the dilation first occurs very gradually with fingers or other objects over an extended period of time. a teen inserts two fingers into her vagina while masturbating. not a physical one.reliable indicator of prior virginity.
This woman has engaged in vaginal intercourse There is no obvious hymeneal tissue visible in this picture .
D. Johnson. By William H. and Robert C. M.From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving" Page 34. Kolodny . Copyright 1982.. Virginia E. 1986.1985. Masters.
From the book "Pediatric and Adolescent Gynecology" Page 17 Copyright 1994 W. B. Saunders Company .
A woman's vulva is as unique in appearance as is her face. Almost every book I used as a reference. This goes to show how little effort has gone into researching the anatomy and function of the female sexual organs. almost word for word. or at most. you have to wonder if the illustrator had ever actually seen the vulva of an adult woman. using medical terminology. at least a living one. Many of the illustrations are taken from life. A person should not take the position that all women's genitals should look similar to those shown. When new research is published. Few women's genitals are as symmetrical as those shown in these books.Anatomy of the Vulva First a note about the illustrations contained on this web page. Only a very small percentage of women will have genitals that look like those portrayed. As such. . it is usually presented in medical journals. presented the same information. which the average person cannot read or comprehend. Based on some anatomical illustrations. The information published one hundred fifty years ago seems to be the basis for the information presented in books printed today. they are usually inaccurate for the majority of women. Each anatomical structure is usually described in a single sentence. most anatomy and sexuality books show what the author or illustrator felt was the correct or ideal shape. a brief paragraph. nearly ten. Locating detailed descriptions of the anatomy and biology of the female sexual organs appears to be almost impossible. I will use multiple illustrations to provide some indication of just how varied in appearance the vulva can be. The shape and appearance of the female genitals vary considerably from one woman to the next.
which is both inappropriate and inaccurate. Hopefully the information presented below will help people to become more aware of female sexual anatomy. The vulva is comprised of many different anatomical structures and is much more complex than most people realize. Since most sex education classes are more about reproduction than sex. genitals. . their vulva is. increased numbers of women will find sex more enjoyable and satisfying. very few men can identify all the different parts of a vulva when shown a picture of one. are collectively know as the Vulva. for the majority of women. We have made the vagina the center of female sexuality when in fact. the anatomy of the female genitals is often times not taught in school. The reason so many people have no idea as to the anatomy of the female genitals is that we as a society have reduced women's sexual anatomy down to nothing more than their vagina.The external female sexual organs. I suspect the majority of women are just as unaware of their own anatomy. and as a result. Reportedly. We say girls and women have a 'vagina' instead of saying they have a 'vulva'.
pudendal cleft.. determined was an average vulva. perineum.C. The original is life size. While not depicted in this illustration. This illustration depicts what the illustrator.A. labia majora. F. The above illustration shows what the adult female genitals may look like when the labia majora are at rest. and anus.D. not spread open. a significant percentage of women will have labia minora that are always visible as they project out between the labia majora. a doctor. The visible structures are the. Copyright 1949 The Williams & Wilkins Company. that is. mons veneris. . Sometimes the clitoris or clitoral hood is always visible as well. based on his research of European and North American women.From the book "Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy" by Robert Latou Dickinson M. Illustrations showing vulvas with these characteristics can be found below and on the web page about clitoral and labial size.S.
"Mons veneris" means "mound of Venus" in Latin. It is usually covered by a thick growth of hair after the onset of puberty. What happens is.The black outline shows the placement of the pelvic bones that create the pelvic outlet. "mons veneris" has come to mean. the formation of this mound of fatty tissue causes the forward portion of the labia majora to be pushed out away from the pubic bone. This gives you the impression that the vulva moves. a woman may enjoy having this area caressed. The opposite is true of women with high concentrations of body fat. It is often very visible when a woman is naked or wears tight clothing. with the onset of puberty estrogen levels increase causing a distinct mound to form. . and urethral and vaginal openings are defined by the bones of the pelvis." It is so named because the fatty tissue located here is sensitive to estrogen. and out of sight when viewed from the front. The vulva of preadolescent girls appears to be positioned farther forward than that of adult women. The skin covering the mons veneris contains many nerve endings. The position of the clitoris. Women with very little body fat may not have a pronounced mons veneris. Venus was the name given to the Roman Goddess of love. "Mountain of Love. this results in her labia majora being pushed downward. when penetration is from the front. backwards toward the anus during puberty. or birth canal. Hence. As a result. resulting in their vulva appearing to be located further forward than that of other women. When a woman in standing. as well as having the hair that covers it stroked and tugged on gently. becoming parallel to the ground. as you can see a greater percentage of their labia majora and pudendal cleft when they are standing. The Mons Veneris is a pad of soft fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone. rotates. The vulva does not actually move. It is thought to provide a protective cushion between the pubic bones of a woman and her partner during sexual intercourse.
or when they press it against a firm surface while masturbating. Smooth muscles are those we do not have conscious control over. their male counterpart. The outer surfaces of the labia majora are sometimes of a different color than that of the surrounding tissue. such as brown and blackish-brown. and conceal and protect the more delicate structures of the vulva. The front portion of each labia majora is usually thicker than the rear. but may be other colors as well. The above illustration shows each labia majora having this triangle shape. tapering down and merging with the perineum. After the onset of puberty the outer surfaces are usually covered with hair. A woman may find this area more sensitive to stimulation when it is clean-shaven. The Labia Majora are two folds of skin. The inner surfaces are smooth and shiny. Between the inner and outer skin surfaces is a collection of fat and smooth muscle. The color of the inner surfaces is often pink in color. as the skin is no longer protected by a layer of hair.Some women find they are able to experience orgasm when their mons veneris is massaged. in some cases they are more like mounds than folds. The skin may have the same wrinkled appearance as that of the male scrotum. The oil and sweat glands are responsible for the smooth shiny appearance and helping to keep the vulva clean and healthy. that define the pudendal cleft. and nerve endings. the labia majora may become bright red in color because of the increased blood flow to the area. When a woman is sexually aroused. . and may be smooth or wrinkled in appearance. The skin on the inner surfaces is highly populated with oil and sweat producing glands. This is partly due to the clitoris being located beneath its lower boundary.
The size and shape of the labia majora vary considerably from one woman to the next. The labia majora of young girls are usually flat and smooth, having the same color as that of the surrounding tissue. With the onset of puberty and the subsequent increase in body fat, the labia majora often times become more prominent. Women with low percentages of body fat may have small flat labia majora and women with high percentages of body fat may have well defined rounded labia majora.
The flat area between the pudendal cleft and the anus is called the Perineum. Some references state that the perineum is hairless, this is not true for all women. The skin of the perineum is populated by numerous nerve endings so some women may enjoy having this area caressed and massaged during sex. Anatomy references, versus sexuality references, say that the perineum extends from the anus up to the urethra, so there is some conflict in what actually constitutes the perineum.
The Anus is the opening into the rectum and lower intestine through which feces passes during a bowel movement. The anal tissues are rich with blood vessels and nerve endings. Many women find their anus to be very sensitive to stimulation. The sensitivity being the result of a protection mechanism intended to keep foreign objects out, to prevent injury and disease. Two sets of muscles encircle the anus just under the skin. The involuntary contraction of these muscles can make anal sex and intercourse painful or impossible. For many women their anus is an important part of their sexual anatomy, sometimes being even more sensitive than their clitoris and vagina.
The above illustration shows what the vulva of a virgin may look like when the labia are drawn open to expose the inner genital structures. The illustration shown below reveals what a woman's vulva may look like following pregnancy and vaginal delivery. The
visible structures in these illustrations are the, labia minora, prepuce, clitoral glans, frenum, vestibule, urethral meatus, vaginal introitus, fossa, fourchette, and hymen. They demonstrate how a woman's genitals may change in appearance throughout her live. There are several events in a woman's life that will likely affect the appearance of her vulva.
At birth an infant girl's vulva and breasts may appear to be swollen or enlarged. This is the result of her having been exposed to her mother's increased levels of hormones while in the womb. After a short period of time the girl's vulva, labia minora and majora, and breasts will shrink in size as the affects of the maternal hormones slowly wear off. At birth, a girl’s clitoris is proportionally larger than it is likely to be during the remainder of her life. From the time a girl is one year of age until about the age of eight her genitals should not undergo any significant change in appearance, other than growing in proportion to her body. If they do, a doctor should be consulted.
The next major changes to the vulva occur during puberty. The genital tissues are highly sensitive to hormones. As a girl's ovaries and other endocrine glands start producing increased levels of hormones, male and female, her vulva will likely undergo a major change. The thin tissues of the vulva will become thicker and more elastic. Their coloration is likely to change as well. The structures of her vulva are likely to become larger and more pronounced. This includes her labia majora and minora, as well as her clitoris and hymen. Since pubic hair also develops at this time, a girl may not be aware of all the changes that take place. Teaching your daughter to examine her genitals with a mirror at a young age will make her more comfortable with her vulva, and perhaps more aware of these changes.
Masturbation and non-penetrative sex can have a minor affect on the appearance of the female genitals. Since the average girl does not start masturbating until she is in her late teens, these changes
are not likely to occur until after puberty. When a girl or woman is sexually aroused her genitals fill with blood, resulting in their temporary increase in size. If the engorgement with blood occurs frequently, the affects of this engorgement may become permanent. As with all other organs of the body, the more you use it, the larger it becomes, to a point. Daily masturbation and/or sex play may result in a slight increase in the size of the erectile organs of the vulva, labia and clitoris. This is normal and healthy. A doctor will not be able to tell if a girl or woman masturbates, even if this does occur.
The appearance of the entrance to the vagina, introitus, is likely to change when a woman starts having vaginal intercourse, or inserts fingers or other objects into her vagina. Using tampons should not have any significant affects on the appearance of the vulva or vagina. If a woman has a hymen, depending on the force applied to it when objects are inserted into the vagina, it will either stretch or tear. Over time the hymen may slowly disappear as it is repeatedly stretched open. If a woman has a hymen, it usually does not disappear completely until she delivers a baby vaginally. As the vaginal entrance becomes more elastic, surrounding folds of tissue may become more developed. If the vaginal muscles become stronger and more developed this too is likely to change the appearance of the vulva. Of course if the vaginal muscles become weak or torn, this to will change the appearance of the vulva as well. If a woman's introduction to vaginal penetration is slow and gentle, the changes to her vulva are likely to be gradual and perhaps unnoticeable.
When a woman becomes pregnant, the blood supply to her reproductive and sexual organs becomes greatly increased in order that they may be able to support the developing baby. As a result, a woman's vulva may increase markedly in size, her labia and clitoris may become much larger. Blood vessels may become more prominent and visible. The sensitivity of her vulva may become greater, this can be pleasurable or irritating for her. When a woman delivers a baby vaginally, her vagina and vulva must
stretch to accommodate the baby’s head, 9.5cm (3 3/4 inches) across. This can result in tears to the vaginal opening, labia, and clitoris. A doctor may make an incision at the vaginal opening, an episiotomy, to prevent tearing of the vagina and vulva, the resulting scar tissue changes the appearance of the vulva. Some of the changes that occur during pregnancy and delivery are likely to be permanent.
The next major change to the vulva occurs during menopause. During this time period, the level of hormones in a woman's body decrease, and as a result, the tissues sensitive to hormones, the labia and clitoris, usually decreases in size, but not to their preadolescent size. The reverse of what occurred during puberty occurs during menopause. This can make sex more of a challenge, but does not necessarily eliminate the need or desire for it. If a woman continues to masturbate or engage in sex regularly, the changes are not as great, and sex is likely to be easier to accomplish and enjoy.
From the book "Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy" by Robert Latou Dickinson M.D., F.A.C.S. Copyright 1949 The Williams & Wilkins Company.
Perhaps the greatest variation between the vulvas of women occurs in the size and shape of their Labia Minora. The labia minora are also called Nymphae. While the name literally means 'minor lips', for many women, their labia minora are large and prominent. Much larger than what most anatomy and sexuality references portray or mention. In addition, the labia minora may not be totally concealed by the labia majora as the references also state. Many women who have explored their vulva have come to believe their vulva is
While the labia minora have many nerve endings. as well as change color. They are usually very elastic. as one illustration reveals below. they can become quite painful. the same tissue as that which surrounds the urethra in the penis. frictional irritation. blood collects in them. While some women do have the heart shape labia typically shown in anatomy books. their sensitivity to stimulation varies considerably between women. causing them to swell and increase in size. Some women find them totally insensitive to sexual stimulation. or who only have one. but are devoid of fat cells. The illustrations by Betty Dodson shown below reveal the normal variations in labial size and shape. The labia minora are made up of soft spongy erectile tissue containing a dense concentration of blood vessels. because of the shape of their labia minora. do not. others find sexual stimulation of their labia minora very pleasurable. many if not most. When they become irritated. .somehow deformed. During sexual arousal. There are women who do not have labia minora. by infection. The labia minora are populated by many oil-producing glands. or chemical irritation.
They show the vulva of real women. she must love her vulva in its entirety. Copyright 1987. No two are exactly alike. women who posed for Ms. The illustrations shown above and below demonstrate the normal variations that occur in the size and shape of the vulva. the vulva comes in a multitude of shapes and sizes. For a woman to fully enjoy the pleasures of sex.From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. As can be seen. 1974 By Betty Dodson. Dodson. . Each one is equally beautiful. 1983. Betty's book is required reading for many reasons. these and other illustrations are just one of them.
It has only one purpose. It is as important to a woman. functions the same as a penis. and for the most part. 1983.From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. Copyright 1987. The only major difference between the two . to give women sexual pleasure. The clitoris is formed from the same tissues as is a penis. as is a penis to a man. The Clitoris is a very complex and specialized organ. 1974 By Betty Dodson.
While the labia minora merge with the prepuce. some clitorises are just as large as a small penis. This attachment results in the clitoris being indirectly stimulated by the movement of the labia minora as the penis enters and exits the vagina during intercourse. The point at which they attach is called the Frenum or Frenulum. There is no detailed information available on the prepuce of the clitoris that I'm aware of. which unfortunately makes some people feel uncomfortable.appears to be that the female urethra does not pass all the way through the body of the clitoris. Unlike the second and third illustrations shown here. The labia minora also merge with the Prepuce or Hood. The tongue has a frenum as well. The tissue that transports urine and ejaculate through the penis is present though. For a small percentage of women. "frenum" is simply the medical name for this type of anatomical structure. when combined with the sensations caused by the penis caressing the vaginal wall. The prepuce covers the clitoral body and all or part of the clitoral glans. The information available on the prepuce of the penis is . they are not made of the same tissue. The information presented below on the prepuce is based on multiple articles about the prepuce of the penis. the prepuce usually conceals the clitoral glans unless it is manually retracted. The prepuce protects the very delicate and sensitive clitoral glans from constant stimulation and irritation. in the form of the labia minora. Each labia minora attaches to the base of the clitoral glans. The frenum of the vulva and the frenum of the penis are not the same thing. this stimulation is sufficient to produce an orgasm. While the average clitoris is smaller than a penis. but the clitoral glans of some women is always partially or completely exposed as shown. Many clitorises look very similar to a penis. for example. The frenum indicates where the urethral outlet would have been located had the clitoris developed into a penis during fetal development.
masturbation. The shedding of these skin cells occurs throughout life. At some point the prepuce and glans should separate as the result of the skin cell shedding. The use of soap appears to increase the likelihood of infection. even after separation of the glans and prepuce. bathing. Sometime during late fetal development or childhood. an outer layer that is an extension of the tissue along the body of the clitoris. During fetal development the prepuce and the glans are fused together. within the mucous membrane. There are also oilproducing glands located on areas of the clitoral glans that lubricate the glans and prepuce. because of the oil and enzymes does not pose a health risk. If the prepuce and glans do not fully separate or if an infection develops between the glans and prepuce. produce enzymes that attack bacteria and protect the glans and prepuce from infection. that only smegma that has seeped out from under the prepuce be washed away with plain water. . The shedding of skin cells and the production of oil and enzymes results in the formation of smegma. and at times. the smegma may collect under the prepuce in the form of small 'pearls' or kernels. Because of the restricted space between the glans and hood. adhesions may develop between the two. I've done my best to make sense of the information presented in my references. both the glans and prepuce shed their outer layers of cells resulting in their separation. contradicting. and an inner layer made up of mucous membrane.often vague and confusing. Glands on the underside of the prepuce. the prepuce should be retracted so the glans can be washed with plain water. It is recommended that while the prepuce and glans are fused together. they are one. These oil glands are less active in childhood than after puberty. in the female it is reported to be 'fishy' in nature. It is comprised of two separate layers of skin. Parents should not forcibly retract the hood of their daughter's clitoris while bathing her vulva. The portion of the prepuce that covers the clitoral glans is just like the foreskin of the penis. Smegma. and bike riding etc. Smegma is a white cheesy substance that may have a strong odor. After separation occurs.
Its size is not necessarily based on the size of the clitoris. It is rarely necessary as there is no evidence to show the size of a woman's prepuce has any bearing on her ability to experience orgasm. A small percentage of women have reported that their long thick prepuce has prevented or impaired their ability to experience orgasm. It is more a cosmetic procedure that may have psychological benefits for some women. A short thin clitoris may have a long fleshy prepuce and a long thick clitoris may have a short thin prepuce.The size of the prepuce varies considerably from one woman to the next. It is believed that most women can retract their prepuce far enough to expose all or part of their clitoral glans. Some women have a prepuce that is so long and/or has such a narrow opening that their clitoral glans is always hidden. The process of trimming or removing the portion of the prepuce that covers the glans is called circumcision. so they had it surgically trimmed or removed. .
D. Ph. Shaft. Copyright 1974 By Helen Singer Kaplan. The above illustration shows the entire clitoris with most of the surrounding tissues removed. Ph.D." .From the book "The New Sex Therapy" by Helen Singer Kaplan. the Glans. and Crura. M. Some feel the Vestibule Bulbs should be considered as part of the clitoris. M. D.. referring instead to them as the "bulbs of the clitoris.D.. The three main parts of the clitoris are shown.
Tiny oil producing glands populate the surface of the glans. and usually more sensitive. just in a much smaller area.5mm ( 0. what is there is much like the mucous membrane of the adjoining prepuce. While the clitoris is usually very sensitive. Many women find direct clitoral stimulation painful. The cause of this is unknown. The size of a clitoris does not determine how sensitive it is. The prepuce serves to protect the glans from direct stimulation. diseases or illnesses that attacks the nervous system.04 . even indirectly. It still remains soft to the touch even during sexual arousal. a little more than half an inch ) in diameter. a little less than a quarter inch ) in diameter. but it may be the result of disassociation from one's body.6in. as the number of nerve endings is reportedly always the same regardless of size.0. When a woman experiences sexual arousal her glans fills with blood and becomes slightly larger. at least some areas of it. but ranges from 1 . as with a circumcised penis. There is more information about the size of the clitoris on the page about clitoral and labial size. This is the same type of tissue that comprises the glans of the penis.2in.The clitoral glans is made up entirely of soft erectile tissue called corpus spongiosum. and the natural oil present reduces the friction between the two.15mm ( 0. undergoes cornification. If the glans dries out. The surface of the glans is not covered with regular skin tissue. The average size of the non-erect glans is about 4 . The oil they produce gives the glans its shiny appearance and allows the prepuce to glide effortlessly across the surface of the glans. There are a small percentage of women who cannot tolerate any form of clitoral stimulation. unlike the body of the clitoris. This results in the clitoris being extremely sensitive. The glans of the clitoris has just as many nerve endings as does the glans of the penis. it becomes dull and rough in appearance. some women report their clitoris is insensitive to stimulation. This is probably why women generally masturbate by massaging the prepuce rather than the clitoral glans. or lack .15 0. they experience intense pain not pleasure when it is touched.
In the body of the clitoris. For some women with small clitorises. At the point where the body meets the pubic bone. beneath the prepuce. and on the elasticity of the connective tissues. when blood collects in it during sexual arousal. When the clitoris becomes engorged with blood. the clitoris is no different. The size of the average clitoral body is about three quarters of an inch. the clitoris is capable of projecting outward from the body. the only way to locate the body of the clitoris within the . chordee. it feels firm to the touch. that normally keep the clitoris pointed downward. Smooth muscles within the corpora cavernosa relax during sexual arousal allowing blood to pool within its chambers as the result of chemical stimulation by nitric oxide. The sensitivity of any sensory organ varies from one person to the next. making the average body and glans an inch in length. The crus are each about three inches in length making the average clitoris four inches in length. forming an inverted "V". If you lightly grasp the body of the clitoris as a woman becomes sexually aroused. the two cylinders separate and conform to the shape of the pelvic bones. a lot bigger than most people realize. This erectile tissue is enclosed in a dense fibrous network of tissue. The degree to which the clitoris projects outward is dependent on the size of clitoris.of use. This is the portion of the clitoris you will be able to touch and feel with your fingers. to which the glans is attached. the two cavernous bodies are joined to one another along their common side and the surrounding tissue makes it appear as if there is only one erectile structure. Due to the erectile nature of the body of the clitoris. you will likely feel her clitoris become firm and erect. The body and crura (crus singular) of the clitoris are made up of two cylindrical shaped structures comprised of erectile tissue called corpora cavernosa. becoming erect. The size of the body of the clitoris varies from zero to about two inches. The body is the portion of the clitoris that hangs downward from the pubic bone.
corpus spongiosum.2. This gives the impression that the glans is retracting up under the prepuce when it is actually just straightening out as a result of the increased blood trapped within. The bulbs of the clitoris correspond to the singular bulbus penis in the male.7cm (1. The Bulbs of the Clitoris are two erectile bodies that attach to the body of the clitoris and lay beneath the labia minora. but unfortunately it appears that no one knows for sure their exact function during sex and orgasm. A woman may be very aware of this change in her clitoris. A woman may also be aware of their firmness and congestion during sex. The Vestibule is the triangle shaped area below the clitoris and above the vaginal introitus. which causes the glans to move upward toward the pubic bone. They are called "Bulbus Vestibuli" in the above illustration. Just prior to a woman experiencing orgasm an increased amount of blood collects in the body of the clitoris resulting in a firmer erection. Some incorrectly say this is protection mechanism of the exquisitely sensitive glans. Because of their erectile nature and location near the vagina. These structures fill with blood during sexual arousal. The length of the bulbs varied from 3 .2 . Women who report experiencing waves of pleasure radiating outward from their clitoris during orgasm are perhaps feeling the pooled blood rapidly draining away from the clitoris in time with her orgasmic contractions. and feel as if she has a "hard-on" because of its intensity.prepuce is by feeling it become erect while the surrounding tissues stays soft. They are made up of the same erectile tissue as the clitoral glans. it perhaps ensures the penis is at full length so the ejaculate is deposited as near the cervix as possible. saying the clitoris retracts to protect itself from direct stimulation that may be painful just prior to orgasm.75 inches) in one study. they may firm up the vaginal introitus in preparation for intercourse. The labia minora form the sides of the . The penis undergoes the same increased rigidity just prior to orgasm and it in no way protect the glans of the penis.
female ejaculate. the vaginal passage is closed. though sometimes it is larger. through which urine. some or most of the concealing tissue remains. in affect indicating a dark empty space. The thin tissue membrane that conceals the vaginal canal is called the Hymen. . As the illustrations and discussion above reveal. and in anatomy books in general. Some women masturbate by massaging the urethral meatus and by inserting objects into the urethra. The urethral meatus can be very sensitive to sexual stimulation. if she does not visually examine her vulva. exposing the vagina to the outside world. its appearance is dependent on several factors. The opening(s) into the vagina come in many shapes. During the early stages of fetal development there is no opening into the vagina from outside the body. through the vaginal wall. the vagina is a potential space.triangle. The urethral meatus is located within this area of the vulva. The tissue that still conceals the vaginal opening after birth is what we commonly refer to as the hymen. The Urethral Meatus is the opening into the urethra. It may not be as large and prominent as shown above. The size and shape of the urethral opening varies considerably from one woman to the next. is that the vaginal opening is always shown as a dark area. and fluids from the paraurethral glands exit the body. can result in female ejaculation and the release of fluids from the paraurethral glands. Stimulating the urethra. a cave of sorts. When the opening forms. The walls of the vagina are normally in contact with one another. so sensitive in fact that a woman may mistake her urethral opening for her clitoris. The Vaginal Introitus forms the mouth of the vagina. It is incorrect to say "vaginal opening" because unless there is something inserted into the vagina. Usually at some point during fetal development this tissue divides. going solely by sensitivity. One problem with some of the illustrations on this page. not an opening as usually shown and portrayed.
This explains the common practices of getting married while a girl is menstruating. inserting a fertilized bird's egg into the vagina. If this opening does not exist prior to the onset of menstruation. the hymen returns to it prior shape. and the insertion of fingers into the vagina may also stretch the hymen. It appears that about 50% of women experience bleeding when they first have intercourse. it does not take much tension on the surrounding tissues to cause it to stretch open. Contrary to popular myth. menstrual fluid collects in the uterus and vagina resulting in severe abdominal pains and cramps until the fluid is drained. and the staining of the bed sheets with the blood from a chicken when proof of virginity was required. It is the forward edge of the perineum. and masturbating can result in the hymen disappearing prior to puberty. the presence or absence of a hymen in no way indicates that a girl or women has or has not had vaginal intercourse. Some hymen are elastic enough that when a penis is inserted slowly and gently. The hymen of some girls totally disappears prior to birth. The tissue of the hymen is very thin. Sometimes the hymen does not separate during fetal development and a girl is born with an imperforated hymen. so that when the penis is removed.illustrations showing the common variations can be found on the page about the hymen. The Fourchette is the area where the labia majora join together below the vaginal opening. it may stretch versus tear. . playing on the jungle gym. Later usage of tampons. riding a bicycle. Normal childhood activities like spreading the legs widely during gymnastics. A minor surgical procedure is required to create an opening in the hymen. meaning there is no vaginal opening.
please take part in the following survey: Genital Image Survey By Laura Berman.The Fossa is the name given to the depression that exists between the perineum and hymen.com Director. Clitoral & Labial Size Ladies. Newshe. below the vaginal opening. Berman Center . PhD Co-Medical Director.
textures. As young girls. Puberty: The Time of Change During puberty a girl's genitals can undergo a major transformation. Women have a vagina. What is there is small. and non-distinct. even if girls see adult women naked. they all look pretty much the same to the casual observer. and sizes. Even before noticeable breast . The fact that girls and women have a vulva is seldom mentioned.Women Have Them Too! It may be hard for many to imagine why women should be concerned about the size and shape of their genitals. everything is supposed to be inside their body and out of sight.) Young girls are not likely to know the vulva of their mother and other adult women often look much different from their own. What most people do not realize is women and girls do in fact have genitals that come in all shapes. This is what we are told in school and life. Not allowing girls to examine the genitals of their mother and other adult women. This is because we often do not envision women as having external genitals. they are likely to believe their genitals look the same. Before puberty the skin of the vulva is thin. Since pubic hair usually conceals the genitals of adult women. women may come to see their genitals as nothing more than a smooth dimple between their thighs. pink. While the genitals of young girls do vary. (There are normal and healthy preadolescent girls who have very prominent labia and clitorises. smooth. and by not permitting them to see pictures of vulvae can have a very negative affect on their self-image later in life. and is easily injured and irritated. colors. Only boys and men are supposed to have external genitals.
You do not want them to feel a need to hide their genitals. and texture. . to help improve their self-image. It is for these reasons that girls and young teenagers should be made aware of these changes. Not only may the size of a girl's genitals change. and as a result everyone who sees their genitals will know they masturbate. They may feel they are being punished for having sexual thoughts. Even if a girl bathes with other girls she is not likely to be aware that they too have experienced the same changes. They may feel they have deformed their genitals while masturbating. (Girls and women usually glance at the genitals of other girls and women when they have the opportunity. hood. feeling strange and perverse. and hymen often increase markedly in size. a girl's genitals may look nothing like they did during childhood. If teenagers and women examine their genitals they may become concerned about these changes.development the tissues of the vulva start responding to increased hormonal levels by becoming thicker and larger. because of natural curiosity. color. Since pubic hair also starts growing at this time girls are less likely to be aware of these changes unless they go looking with a mirror or notice while exploring with their fingers.) Following puberty. They should know these changes are normal and necessary. but also their shape. clitoris. During puberty a girl's inner and outer labia. Girls and women after all are not usually permitted to play genital show and tell. mutual exploration is not unusual among young girls.
Most anatomy books portray the female genitals as small and uniform. The truth is. Their own genitals were off limits. We tend to hide that which we are ashamed of and embarrassed by. This may have major repercussions on their sexuality. because women are not likely to compare their genitals with their friends. Today. If the illustrations are in color. women are more comfortable with their bodies and are more likely to explore their genitals. they feel very uncomfortable with the idea of looking at photographs of other women's genitals.Exploring Forbidden Territory In years past women would never think of looking at or even touching their genitals. and people looking at them. it is reasonable to believe that many women feel uncomfortable with the appearance of their genitals even if they feel comfortable about looking at them. Since so many women do view their genitals with some degree of shame. Women usually have an unrealistic expectation of how their genitals should look. A woman can spend all day in a woman's locker room and never see a single vulva. . as pubic hair usually conceals them from view. This was strictly the responsibility of a doctor. As a result. The only means most heterosexual women have of seeing other women's genitals is through photographs and video. are inappropriate. They feel such pictures. When they explore their genitals they may not be happy with what they find. the vulva is usually shown as being uniformly pink. these photographs hold the key to helping women come to appreciate and understand the normal diversity of the female genitals.
For many women. The concern over labial size and shape is perhaps greater for women of non-Caucasian races as most anatomy books are based on Caucasian ideals. or more when the labia are spread open. being almost universal. The amount of projection for all races of women can be up to a couple of inches when the labia are at rest. Alter's website. Popular men's magazines do not usually show such diversity. Many if not most women do not have the simple heart shaped labia shown in popular texts. There appears to be an example of this on Dr. . not pink. Women and doctors are not likely to be aware of the fact that girls and women of one racial group originating in South Africa normally have distinctive labia minora that project up to four inches passed the labia majora. and color of their inner labia. They may be thick and wrinkled versus thin and smooth.Wings of a Butterfly The area that seems to concern many women is the shape. These girls and women may be seen as deformed. These photographs and illustrations more accurately demonstrate the natural diversity than perhaps any other source. by themselves and their doctor. the inner labia come in a multitude of normal sizes and shapes. labia minora. The color of their labia may be brown or black. labia majora. size. As the photographs and illustrations on this page clearly show. Labia that project beyond the outer labia are common and normal in all races of women. as it is in these African girls and women. but it is not as common. their inner lips are larger than their outer lips.
If a woman masturbates regularly she may develop larger blood vessels and erectile tissues.Rubber Girl! The inner labia can be modified. which will result in slightly larger genital structures. They are often very elastic and easy to stretch. A rare few actually desire larger inner labia and pull on them regularly. women with large inner labia were/are considered very attractive so girls and women took to the habit of intentionally making them larger. If a woman happens to masturbate by pulling on her inner labia. Their internal structure is much like a sponge. They may have started the . at least drastically. Having large genital structures is not an indication of masturbation as some claim. This is an indication of health not disease. she can cause them to become longer and thicker. Contrary to popular believe most girls or women's masturbation practices will not change the shape of their genitals. Some have achieved this by piercing their inner labia and hanging small weights from inserted jewelry. Mine are Bigger than Yours! In some cultures. as they have nothing in their structure to maintain their size and shape if they are distorted for any length of time. causing this result.
when spread open. They often employed ritual masturbation. Estrogen Sensitivity The labia minora are very sensitive to estrogen and exposure to increased levels can result in their enlargement and increased sensitivity.5cm (3 inches) each. Most large labia occur as the result of genetics. not environmental causes. This may occur during pregnancy. They also applied naturally occurring irritants to cause the labia to swell and increase in size. How Big? Dickinson reports having examined a woman's labia minora that measured 7. These practices shocked the early European explores. Others used symbolism. In these societies labia minora four to six inches (10-15cm) in length were considered most desirable. 15cm (6 inches) tip to tip.5 inches).practice as very young girls and continued it into adulthood. in pairs and groups. like applying the ashes of burned bat wings to their labia. who were often representatives of European religions. when placed under moderate force.5cm (4. Some used a handful of grass to allow for a better grip on their labia. See the illustrations shown at the bottom of the page. sometimes mutual.5cm (2-3 inches) when spread open. This can become a very uncomfortable condition requiring a doctor's attention. . and were quickly eradicated or driven underground. Others wrapped their labia around a piece of animal horn or a small stick. and achieved a length of almost 11. Prescription drugs and creams can cause this. 23cm (9 inches) tip to tip. He further reports 5 cases that measured between 5 and 7.
or at least a clitoris that looks like a penis. having a penis is not the sole privilege of men and boys. While some object to this analogy. because of the sequence in which things develop. one of which is testosterone. presented by Dickinson. Women Aren’t Supposed to Have One of Those! It may shock many to learn that some normal and healthy genetic females have a penis.9 5. This results in males having a more visible penis.7 4-5cm (1 1/2-2in) 32 5-6cm (2-2 1/3in) 20 As gathered by Bergh. but not necessarily a larger one. the penis is usually exposed to increased levels of androgens. in proportion to the rest of their body. A penis and clitoris are made up of the same tissues and function the same because they develop from the same fetal structure.1 0. it is accurate from a sexual and biological perspective. . Actually.7 4. During part of their time in the womb. all females have a penis.Size of the Labia Minora Based on examinations of 2.7 1. all females also have a very large clitoris. In males. In the end. we just prefer to call their penis a clitoris.613 146 170 87. despite what society may dictate. in the womb.981 women Length 0-2cm (0-3/4in) 2cm (3/4in) 3cm (1 1/4in) Number of Percentage Women 2.
. one who does not question her sexual identity. If there are no medical problems. This is supposed to result in the girl growing up to be a normal and healthy adult woman. cutting off her "penis" will not change her true sex. A girl or woman may question the gender or gender role assigned her by society regardless of how her body looks. Instead of reassuring the girl's parents that she is perfectly normal. even if her large clitoris is removed. of either sex.What a Cute Baby ??? As a result of genetics or having been exposed to increased androgens in the womb. she may still question her biological sex. The truth is. on the premise of correcting a mistake by nature. there are no problems. A person's physical appearance may have no bearing on their true sex or sexual orientation. doctors often cut the girl's clitoris off or surgically reduce its size." She is not deformed or imperfect. some infant girls are born with a clitoris that looks much like a "penis. as biological sex is the result of hormonal and genetic imprinting." often to the dismay or embarrassment of her parents. It is important to keep in mind she is still a normal and healthy "girl. since male and female are physically slightly different versions of the same thing. Parents should not consent to cosmetic surgery on or frequent examinations of the genitals of their children. not to mention the medical personnel. If she is actually a he.
and can be felt with your fingers. Three fourths of the clitoris is hidden from view. . are capable of experiencing erections. When they are of this size. While urine may not travel out the tip of these large clitorises. it works just as well. The portion of the clitoris that projects out from the pubic bone.More than Meets the Eye! The only real difference between a clitoris and penis is the average size of the portion we can see with our naked eyes. where the urethra would be located on a penis. as well as women in general. These women.5cm) in diameter. the sensation of having a "hard-on.3cm) in length and nearly 1 inch (2. is then one inch in length (25mm) and a quarter of an inch in diameter. they do look and function like a penis. While the average clitoris is much smaller in size. The only other difference between the two is that the urethra of the clitoris does not extend all the way to the tip of the glans." producing ejaculate in their paraurethral glands. as is the case even with some penises! Measuring Up! The visible portion of the clitoris of some girls and women measures up to about 2 1/2 inches (6. and even ejaculating. The average clitoral glans is about one-quarter of an inch (6mm) in diameter and the body of the clitoris is three-quarters of an inch (19mm) in length. The average clitoris is about four inches in length. Illustrations in the Anatomy area reveal the true size of the clitoris. they look just like a penis. the same as a flaccid penis. by inserting their clitoris into their partner's vagina or anus. The only difference being a groove along the bottom side of the clitoris. Women with large clitorises are even able to engage in intercourse.
but with the advent of the Internet this may change. Using unusual force.There are clitorises that are very small and hard to locate within the folds of the labia and hood. can result in an increase in size as the vascular structures are slowly stretched and enlarged to accommodate the additional blood. as the result of mechanical forces. Others are completely hidden under their hood and cannot be seen. There probably are not too many women who do this. other than perhaps causing a slight increase in its size do to better blood circulation if they masturbate on a regular basis. the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved a clit pump for the treatment of female sexual dysfunction. a sign of health not disease. The masturbation habits of most women are not likely to affect the size of their clitoris. but may be felt. Will It Get Bigger? The structure of the clitoris does not lend itself to change easily. clitorises are capable of giving women intense pleasure. Since the intial writing of this article. Again. such as drawing increased amounts of blood into the clitoris with a vacuum pump on a frequent basis. . Regardless of size.
Some clitorises achieve a maximum length of about 2 1/2 inches (6. Androgen Sensitivity The clitoris is very sensitive to androgens like testosterone.Idolized Clitorises There are some references that indicate a large clitoris was also considered attractive among some cultures. a few women do have a form of penis . Female athletes who take steroids to increase muscles mass and strength often experience this side affect. not drugs as some presume. Penis Envy? While there is no evidence to support the claim that a bigger clitoris functions better. As do female to male transsexuals. so again girls and women engaged in practices to cause this result.3cm). but usually to a lesser degree. The validity of these claims is somewhat in doubt. Prescription and non-prescription steroidal drugs can cause a woman's clitoris to increase in size. The vast majorities of large clitorises are the result of genetics. believing a giant sized clitoris cannot be natural. if steroids are taken for an extended period of time and depending on the age of the woman. but seem likely. like lack of libido. Sometimes steroids are prescribed to treat other medical conditions. causing this result. The clitorises of these women may have been more visible versus larger. It is not known whether the clitoris was actually enlarged by these practices or if the clitoris was more pronounced as the result of increased mobility caused by the stretching of the connective tissues.
One Woman's Comments: Thank you for the honest information about labial sizes & the photos on your site. In addition. Even as a married woman I have repeatedly asked my husband if I am ugly. some are expressing a desire to enlarge their clitoris. At this time. regardless of the size of the clitoris. even if they are happy being a feminine woman. so I couldn't see how I could be normal. As more women are learning that their clitoris is much like a small penis and capable of being much larger. I thought "oh no!" Then I realized I should get some facts. But as you say on the site. as they are about 3 cm [1. I wanted information to share with her so . It is important to keep in mind the brain plays a larger part in female sexual pleasure than does the clitoris. I am not aware of any safe and proven ways of making the clitoris larger that does not expose a woman to undesired side affects. she is likely to be more sexual and more sexually responsive having acquired a larger clitoris. I have always been acutely self-conscious about my labia minora. Perhaps in hopes that if it were larger it would function better and be easier for their partner and themselves to find and stimulate. When I asked my doctor about it. no other woman I knew of looked like this. In high school I hated showering where anyone could see me. I thought I was ugly and was very embarrassed. all the books with diagrams etc. if he thinks it is disgusting etc.25 in] long & as far as I had ever seen. if a woman feels better about the size of her clitoris. I went on the web looking for something like this. A few women may even desire a little penis of their own. look nothing like me. Our brains are our largest sexual organ after all. or even a smaller one.envy. she dismissed my interest and just said it looks normal. and felt a lot of anxiety about this whole area of my body. My daughter is now six and I have noticed that her labia seem to be developing similar to my own.
Clitoral Size . I didn't want her to go through the same anxieties I did. Thank you for putting this info out there. I am thrilled to find your site.she would understand her body and why it is built the way it is. The following illustrations and charts demonstrate just how varied the female genitals are.
Labial Size and Shape .
and secretions of the vaginal walls themselves. glycols (including propylene glycol) ketones. All women’s vaginal secretions include pyridine. Krieger Publishing Company. complex alcohols (including cholestrol). endometrial. F.C.. All women produce acetic acid. Copyright 1994 by RE/Search Publications ISBN 0-940642-28-X "Vaginal secretions contain many things. . and secretions from Bartholin's and Skene's glands at the vulva. which increase with sexual arousal. or that play a part in these activities. and oviductal fluids (which change with the menstrual cycle).The illustrations on this page are just a small sampling of those in the book "Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy" by Robert Latou Dickinson M. Reprinted by the Robert E. a book documenting the vast diversity of human sexual anatomy. and aldehydes. acetic acid. exfoliated cells. lactic acid. Female Body Fluids This page will be used to present information about the different body fluids that a woman's body produces during sexual activities. Vaginal Secretions From the book The RE/Search Guide to Body Fluids by Paul Spinrad.S.D.A. But a more detailed chemistry of the acids in vaginal secretions separates women into two groups. including sweat. squalene. urea. cervical mucus. Copyright 1949 The Williams & Wilkins Company. sebum. It appears to be the only book of its kind in existence.
including Lactobacilli. rising from day one after menstruation and peaking mid-cycle. propanoic. " . propionic. some researchers have referred to them [as] “copulins” and “human pheromones. which include acetic. The short-chain aliphatic acids. healthy. the acid content varies with the menstrual cycle. For all women. and butanoic acids. and members of the socioeconomic class that attends a privately endowed university.” determined that people can reliably smell changes in an acid-producing woman’s vaginal secretions over the course of her cycle. Although no one has yet proven the acids’ role in the mating behavior of humans. Streptococci. The amounts vary more dramatically in the acid producers. and Staphylococci. but not in the secretions of non-acid producers. isobutyric. the vagina’s aliphatic acids come from the metabolic processes of resident bacteria. are a pungent class of chemicals which other primate species produce as sexualolfactory signals. isovaleric. and one study.” Like the volatile acids produced on the skin.but one third of them produce short-chain aliphatic acids as well. however. just before ovulation. whose authors describe their subjects as “young.
ears. L Ac. functions to reduce moisture loss through our skin. Copyright 1994 by RE/Search Publications ISBN 0-940642-28-X "Sebum. Most connect to hair follicles. skin oil. NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk. and anal region. It also makes hair shiny and waterproof and helps generate scents. From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981.95US Sebum From the book The RE/Search Guide to Body Fluids by Paul Spinrad. face. and lubricate it in contact areas. protect it from infection. forehead. Available from Barnes & Noble $19. and are largest and most numerous on the back. genitals. RNC. . The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. Sebaceous glands occur all over the skin.Click on each of the four circles in this illustration to see illustrations showing the sources of vaginal fluids. except for the palms and soles.
Meanwhile. along with the bacteria that lives . it does correlate with levels of testosterone and other androgens. But interestingly. and uncastrated men produce more than eunuchs. and 1. sebum production does not correlate with dietary fat intake. such as on scalps. empty directly onto the surface of the skin. "Especially strong scents will come from any areas where these desquamated epithelial cells can build up.but some. On some people. newborns secrete sebum at adult levels for a short time after birth. 12% squalene. 26% wax esters. and women secrete greater amounts during pregnancy and lactation.” Sebum consists of 57. the mixture of bacteria species varies over different body regions. and the sebaceous glands around the nipples and along the edge of the upper lip. Tyson’s glands (in the foreskin). and scaled-off skin cells. and under foreskins. As a result. Male sebum production increases fivefold during puberty. generating hefty quantities of local odorants. are a mixture of skin secretions and dead cells. Men produce more sebum than women and prepubertal boys. or “Fordyce’s spots. In these places. in navels. but despite its fatty waxy content. you can see the ones along the lip as pale yellow specks.5% glycerides and free fatty acids. the bacteria have a feast." Body Odors From the book The RE/Search Guide to Body Fluids by Paul Spinrad. causing acne.5% cholesterol. Copyright 1994 by RE/Search Publications ISBN 0-940642-28-X "Body surface odors come from microbial breakdown of sweat. " "Substances such as smegma and toe cheese. Different bacterial digest these materials into different sets of chemicals. then. the odor-determining chemical mixtures produced on the skin of different parts of the body also vary. However. such as the Meibomian glands (in the eyelids). sebum. 3% cholesterol esters. under toes-nails.
and anus. and soles. and Proteus. This has led some observers to remark that our toilet ritual has us wash away our own sweat and substitute the sweat of deer. at densities of around one to two hundred per square centimeter of skin. they typically put out from one to three quarts of perspiration per day. saprophyticus (more prevalent in winter). and as many have noticed.off of them and the cheesy. and fishy-selling waste products they produce as a result. and conceive more easily. These flora generate compounds such as androstenone ("stale urine" smell). Brevibacteria. apocrine. most prevalent on the back. An experiment conducted at International Flavors and Fragrances in New York showed that women who sniff musk develop shorter menstrual cycles. Copyright 1994 by RE/Search Publications ISBN 0-940642-28-X "The adult body contains from two to four million sweat glands. cabbage-y. Apocrine sweat contains an odor resembling musk. androstenol . These scent glands concentrate most highly in the underarms." Sweat From the book The RE/Search Guide to Body Fluids by Paul Spinrad. S. a substance secreted as a scent by deer and other animals and used in perfume. chest. palms. Escherichia coli. But we have another. including Staphylococcus epidermis (the most prevalent). ovulate more often. they respond to stress." "Most of our sweat glands are eccrine glands. but it is immediately broken down by bacteria. and various species of Corynebacteria. older type of sweat gland." "Apocrine sweat has no odor when it arrives on the skin surface. S. forehead. Propionibacteria (more prevalent in men). genitals. the salt-retaining cooling sweat glands. aureus (more prevalent in summer). Enterobacter. but also surround the nipples. which helps produce scents used for personal identification and mating. although a day of exertion and thirstquenching in the heat can make a body sweat out fifteen quarts or more. Together. Klebsiella.
Eccrine: Oil producing glands that open directly out onto the surface of the skin. etc. The vulva and vagina are home to a delicate balance between good and bad bacteria. especially your vulva and vagina." Caution! Despite what ads tell us on television and in print. Oviductal: Pertaining to the fallopian tubes. and isovaleric acid (sweaty or "goatlike" smell). . Desquamated: The process by which the outer layer of skin cells are shed. Sebaceous Glands: Oil producing glands that populate the surfaces of the skin. Be aware of exactly what you put on your body. Your body is quite capable of caring for itself if it is permitted to. Epithelial: The outer layer of skin that covers the body. By using antibacterial soaps and the like you kill not only potentially harmful bacteria but also beneficial ones. The inner most layer. Definitions Endometrial: Pertaining to the mucus lining of the uterus. Androgens: A group of hormones associated with male secondary sexual characteristics. killing off the good bacteria actually increases your chances for yeast infections. Exfoliated: Dead skin cells that have flaked off the surface of the skin. the bacteria present on our skin is most often beneficial.(nice "musky" odor). Some doctors are concerned that we will decrease our resistance to many diseases if our body becomes unaccustomed to fighting off other less harmful strains.
. They are located at the base of hair follicles.Apocrine: Oil producing glands that populate the hair covered areas of the body. they become active during puberty. Responsible for the strong odors associated with sweating. Anatomy of the Breast These photographs reveal how important breast-feeding is to our children.
it is interesting that there is so little information available on their anatomy and functionality. which is. and heredity. and several books on breast cancer did not address these topics at all. Unfortunately. These glands are connected together by a series of ducts. providing nourishment. much like grapes on a vine. Each lobe is made up of thousands of tiny glands called alveoli or acini. the most detailed reference appeared to be in a book discussing plastic surgery of the breast! Anatomy Each breast is made up of fifteen to twenty lobes of glandular tissue. The amount of fatty tissue is depended on many factors including age. Fatty and connective tissues surround the lobes of glandular tissue. I had to search through several references to find one that went into any detail when addressing these topics. The alveoli (alveolus and acinus singular) produce milk and other substances during lactation. Behind the nipple the lactiferous ducts enlarge slightly to form small reservoirs called lactiferous sinuses. Each lobe feeds into a single lactiferous duct that travels out through the nipple. .Introduction Despite the amount of attention the female breasts receive. A book about breast-feeding contained little. resulting in just as many openings in the nipple. and protection from disease for our children. percentage of body fat. books you would expect to cover these topics had little to offer.08-0.16in) in diameter. The number of lobes is not related to the size of the breast. Surprisingly. emotional and physical contentment. Each sinus is 2-4mm (0. As a result there are fifteen to twenty passages through the nipple. This is perhaps because the female breasts have come to serve a purpose in American society other than what they are intended.
giving the breast its shape and elasticity.D. Zuidema. 1986. ISBN 0-8018-5651-5 ISBN 0-8018-5652-3 Pbk. M. From the book The Johns Hopkins Atlas of Human Functional Anatomy Fourth Edition Copyright 1977.1980. .Cooper's ligaments connect the chest wall to the skin of the breast. 1997 The Johns Hopkins University Press Edited By: George D.
The nipples become erect as the result of muscular contractions. and darkens during pregnancy and lactation. Some nipples project inward or are flat with the surface of the breast. and a woman's nipples may not be erect when she is sexually aroused. These glands act to protect and lubricate the nipple during lactation. The nipple and areola are composed of smooth muscle fibers and a dense network of nerve endings. The area of the areola is populated by several oil producing Montgomery's glands. . Their texture can vary between very smooth to wrinkled and bumpy. not blood engorgement. The areola is the like pigmented area surrounding the nipple. The later are referred to as inverted nipples and neither condition appears to negatively impact a woman's ability to breast-feed. The nipples may become erect as a result of many forms of stimulation that are not sexual in nature. and some size variation is normal from breast to breast on the same women. They most often have a color and texture that is different from that of the surrounding skin. The size of both varies considerably from woman to woman. Erect nipples are not by themselves an indication of sexual arousal. The nipple usually projects outward from the surface of the breast. These glands may form raised bumps and be sensitive to a woman's menstrual cycle. Their color varies from very pale pink to black.The nipple and areola are located near the center of each breast.
to release two hormones called oxytocin and . which is important to a baby's health. The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. it does not trigger the production of milk.From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981. When a baby starts suckling on a woman's nipple. RNC. the resulting physical stimulation causes nerve impulses to be sent to the hypothalamus gland in the brain which in turn tells the pituitary gland. NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk. During pregnancy the breasts usually become larger as the number and size of the alveoli glands increases as a result of increased estrogen levels. It is not until an infant has been nursing for a couple days that actual milk production begins. Lactation While pregnancy prepares the breasts for lactation. L Ac. also located in the brain. For the first couple of days the breasts release colostrum.
RNC. It is common today to say the female breasts have two functions or roles in a woman's life.prolactin. I have explained the functioning of the breasts during sex in the process. The breasts should never be compared to milk bottles! From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981. the more they produce. NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk. is stored in the alveoli and lactiferous sinuses but the majority of the milk. foremilk. L Ac. is produced on demand. Sexual Versus Maternal You may wonder why I have explained how the breasts produce milk before addressing their functioning during sex. hindmilk. Between feedings some milk. Believe it or not. When the muscle fibers around the alveoli constrict causing milk to be secreted it is referred to as "let-down" and can result in intense sensations within the breasts and the squirting of milk from the nipples. The breasts do not store milk. as well as the muscles of the uterus. indicating how milk production is influenced by psychological and environmental conditions as well as actual nursing. The sound of a crying baby can also trigger let-down. This is not an . The greater the demand. Prolactin causes milk to be produced and oxytocin causes muscle fibers that surround the alveoli to constrict. but rather produce it based on demand. The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. one is sexual and the other is maternal. since this is a website about sexuality.
She may not expect to feel "sexual" pleasure when her baby nurses even though this is often the case. even though that is how it frequently benefits a woman. Nature has built in a means of positive reinforcement that encourages women to breast-feed their children. sexual arousal. The connection between nipple stimulation. In addition. It just so happens that orgasms also involve uterine contractions. but there definitely is not. There is a reason for why our body functions as it does. it will be easier to understand their role and function during sex and lactation. and at times embarrassed by. and orgasm some women experience is no accident and its primary purpose is not sexual. the uterine contractions resulting from nipple stimulation serve to cause the uterus to shrink rapidly in size. This belief has resulted in women being at odds with. It may not be instinct alone that compels women to care for their children. If you acknowledge the breasts have only one function or role in a woman's life. their desire for sex returned at a faster rate than it did for the women . Keep in mind it is society that has defined it as sexual versus maternal. There is no magic switch that changes the role of the breasts from sexual to maternal. perhaps allowing the mother to be better prepared to care for and protect her newborn baby. A study by Masters and Johnson found amongst a group of twenty four women who nursed their baby for at least two months. Why are the nipples so often very sensitive to touch? The likely answer is. and men. that reason is not always in agreement with what society expects of it. When a woman nurses her baby she expects her breasts to respond and feel "different" from when her partner sexually stimulates her. believe there is. I realize many women. to reward a mother for nursing her children. It is the breast's ability to feed our children that makes them capable of producing sexual pleasure.accurate statement to make as the breasts work the same during sex and lactation. their breasts.
I have to wonder if it was not actually the mother who was uncomfortable with the sexual sensations she was experiencing while nursing her "daughter" that caused the difficulties. it was very traumatizing for them both I'm sure. A woman mentioned to me several years ago how her baby daughter was having trouble nursing. The reasons for this are thought to be both physiological and psychological in nature. and as a result their children's. at least one American woman has ended up in jail as a result of admitting to experiencing "sexual" sensations while nursing her baby. they often experienced sexual arousal to the plateau stage.who did not. While the woman did eventually regain her freedom and custody of her baby. Society Conflicting with Biology Unfortunately. the let-down reflex can cause some pretty intense sensations and there is the aforementioned chemical and electrical connection between the nipples and uterus. As mentioned above. Some women have more sensory nerve endings located in their nipples and breasts than . This illustrates how people's misconceptions regarding women's breasts are having a significant and negative impact on women's lives. She attributed this difficulty with the baby girl perhaps becoming aware that female-female intimacy was considered inappropriate. There are women who find their breasts extremely sensitive to their own and/or a lover's touch. and three experienced orgasm while nursing. Sensitivity The sensitivity of a woman's breasts to stimulation varies considerably from one woman to the next. She called a "help-line" to find out if she was "normal" and found herself in jail and her baby taken from her instead. while just as many do not experience any pleasant sensations at all.
many experience periods of breast tenderness that makes any sexual stimulation unbearable.others. and genital sensations some women experience is the result of the electrical and chemical connections mentioned above. If a woman engages in frequent nipple stimulation. A woman's menstrual cycle often influences the sensitivity of her breasts. A woman does not have to find her breasts sensitive to stimulation for this to occur. If she likes her breasts and has a positive relationship with them she is more open to the physical sensations they produce. she will likely start to lactate. If she is aware of any sensations she is less likely to perceive them as pleasurable. A mother may experience orgasm while her baby nurses yet finds her breasts are insensitive to her partner's stimulation fifteen minutes later. and by women who breast-feed adopted babies. sexual arousal. for whatever reason. simulating having a newborn baby nursing at her breast. This is demonstrated by the fact that some women's breasts always produce a little bit of milk. If a woman does not like her breasts. Breast Size and Sensitivity . there is no one rule that applies to all women regarding breast sensitivity. As a result. As a result she is likely to perceive those sensations in a positive manner. she is less open to and hence less aware of any sensations they may produce. These chemicals are released during nipple stimulation regardless of whether a teen or woman has ever been pregnant or nursed before. starting at puberty. or vise versa. The connection between breast stimulation. The sensitivity of the breasts to stimulation may flip-flop during pregnancy and nursing because of physical and physiological changes a woman experiences during this time. A woman's relationship with her breasts also has an influence on their perceived sensitivity. Some of our physical responses are hard wired and out of our control.
Be aware of her menstrual cycle if she experiences breast tenderness. women with small breasts may have them overlooked by their partner because of this false expectation. perhaps because the nerve endings are distributed over a larger area. Her genitals may respond to breast stimulation. Women often enjoy having their breasts lavished with love. (Keeping a menstrual calendar is a good idea for women who need to keep their partner informed of cyclic changes in their body. large breasts are not more likely to be sensitive to sexual stimulation. tongue. Despite this expectation. nibbles. it is a good way to prolong sexual pleasure. which means gentle licks. based solely on their size. A woman's partner should be careful not to judge her breast's sensitivity. Stimulating a Woman's Breasts How do you stimulate a woman's breasts and nipples? That depends on the individual woman but gently is perhaps the best way. and caresses with lips. if they do. Since breasts have become sexual objects in Western society. Stimulate her entire breast. and she is expected to be inherently more sexual as a result. recent studies have found women with large breasts have less nipple and breast sensation than women with small breasts. A woman with large breasts is often seen as being more sexual than a woman with small breasts. it may be intensely enjoyable for her.The size of a woman's breasts has no bearing on whether she enjoys having them sexually stimulated. . large breasts have become symbols of greater sexuality. and fingers. or her enjoyment of breast stimulation. Keep in mind that a woman's emotional relationship with her breasts probably plays a larger part in whether she "enjoys" having them stimulated than their actual sensitivity to physical stimulation. While she is not likely to experience orgasm as the result of breast stimulation alone. and women with large breasts may find their breasts receiving too much attention. Unfortunately. Get some body lotion or oil and massage it into her breasts.) Be aware that there are women who need clitoral and nipple stimulation simultaneously in order to experience orgasm. not just the nipple. Take your time.
First size is relative. the most common is insecurity about their size. This enjoyment of intense stimulation may have more to do with the release of the hormones oxytocin and prolactin than with an enjoyment of pain itself. Her partner's enjoyment and acceptance of her breasts may be very meaningful to her emotionally. and they can inform and instruct their partner how and when to do it correctly. Intense stimulation of her nipples may result in a surge in the production of these hormones that may have a significant affect on her genitals.There are women who enjoy intense if not painful breast stimulation. are about as good for sexual intimacy as is faking orgasm. worn daily. Women with small breasts who wear padded or push-up bras may be reluctant reveal their true size to their partner. and even those who do need to be in the right frame of mind if they are to enjoy it. For some . but it is not something all women enjoy. Some women discover they like for their breasts to be treated roughly while masturbating. Do not treat a woman's breasts like loaves of dough you are kneading or bite her breasts or nipples. This is why it is important not to neglect a woman's breasts. A woman's breasts are often extremely important to her so she may enjoy having them stimulated even if it is not physically enjoyable for her. Hormones released during sex often increase a person's pain tolerance though. Padded or push-up bras. but they are not equally loved by all. but such stimulation needs to be discussed prior to trying it. What Size Breasts Do People Prefer? Everyone prefers large breasts right? Wrong. Some women do put their breasts off limits for emotional reasons. dashing past them on your way to her vulva and vagina. Some women do enjoy this. unless she consents to this type of stimulation. Yes. large breasts are sexual symbols and they receive an enormous amount of attention.
a person's preference does not change every other month. One study found twenty five percent of men preferred large breasts. but not necessarily women with large breasts. especially women. The remaining fifty percent preferred other physical attributes. it really does depend on the individual. Large breasts often receive a lot of attention. Unfortunately we often equate AA with an F-. and women of themselves. Of course in our competitive world no one wants to be average or below average. Mathematically B/C is average. base their pass or fail as a woman solely on the size of their breasts. often because they judged their desirability solely on the size of their breasts. In fact. What is attractive in a woman is a complex picture and depends on the individual. the majority of the women my male co-workers have found very attractive and desirable just happened to have small breasts. especially when they are large and erect. or had no preferences. What size do guys and gals really prefer? Well. and DD with an A+. It has been my experience that men find women attractive for many reasons. the same percentage preferred small breasts.large breasts are anything larger than AA and for others small is anything smaller than DD. This was even true of some women who had men lining up to date them. Contrary to what many magazines report. more than you would expect. but breast size is often of little importance. This leads to a lot of misjudgement of women. Some are attracted to a woman's nipples. Others prefer women with little or no breast development. We. There is a difference! Self Fulfilling Prophecy . Talking to the women whom these men found attractive. I sometimes discovered they did not feel they were attractive.
I believe the key point here is that we are talking about sex. their breasts usually are not mentioned or emphasized. Equally famous women with small breasts receive the same amount of attention. We often force reality to conform to our expectations. because it is expected. we respond to them differently. We are programmed to notice and admire large breasts. As a group. hands. and often do so openly. the breasts of these women are overlooked simply because they are small. then why do they receive so much attention? For the most part it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. and their breasts receive equal attention. We are expected to respond to large breasts. . so large breasts must be the most popular right? Wrong. While we notice breasts of all sizes. On the surface it may seem pretty cut and dry. Large Breasts and Porn What about all the large breasted women in porn you ask? With all the surgically enhanced breasts in the adult entertainment business today you would expect everyone to prefer large breasts. when in reality they have average sized breasts. Large breasts are seen as more sexual so women with large breasts are seen as more sexual and as a result as having a greater sexual capacity. At present the number of popular actresses and models with small breasts greatly out numbers those with large breasts. says they are better so they are. specifically the mass media. we simply have been conditioned not to notice. Society. but really it is not.If large breasts are not a big deal. In some cases those we expect or envision as having large breasts actually do not. This is especially true of super models like Cindy Crawford and Kathy Ireland. We have often been fooled by push-up bras and strategically placed tape. Popular "men's magazines" often feature large breasts. Actresses and models with large breasts receive a lot of attention. or arms. but in a different way. Sex attracts sex. They are super models so we expect them to have super sized breasts.
Now there are women who are famous because of their small breasts and have a large and supportive following. The sales of men's magazines and adult videos are not an accurate method of measuring what men. It is more an issue of selfconfidence than it is breast size. not in spite of them.all it means is. they will find there is no disadvantage to having small or even tiny breasts. As a result. In some cases women with little or no breast development have posted pictures expecting no one to notice them. but they got much more. If one broadens their perspective. At least one website that predominately features women who have small breasts has gotten tens of millions of visits. What about all those men and women who do not buy magazines. Why Do Women Have Prominent Breasts? . even the most popular men's magazine is bought by only a small percentage of the population. many women with small breasts. of those willing to buy a men's magazine. have received a lot of attention. or videos? In actually. They found men and women who desired them because of their small breasts. allows herself to be. Since it is a private affair a person can express their desires and wishes openly. The Role of the Internet The Internet has had a major impact on what people have access to as far as sexually explicit material. or simply do not care about the size of the model's breasts. They were seeking approval. as a result. as well as those with large breasts. or women consider desirable. more prefer large breasts than small breasts. or more importantly. not to mention tons of money. The women were often shocked to learn this because during their entire life up to that point they have been told they could not be found desirable. A woman is only as attractive as she feels she is.
In all other species the breasts only develop during pregnancy and lactation. Perhaps it is simply that human females experience a greater increase in estrogen levels during puberty than do other mammals. . There is no apparent benefit. I believe the reason why women's breasts usually develop during puberty is likely the side affect of some biological necessity that is not readily apparent. not during puberty. a breast is simply a breast. she is still able to produce sufficient quantities of milk to provide for her children. It over looks the fact that breast size has seldom been of major importance in most societies. not deformed. The problem with this concept is it is based solely on modern Western society's ideals of what is considered attractive.Scholarly people have often tried to explain why human females are the only mammals to have breasts that are prominent features even when they are not lactating. If a woman's breasts do not develop during puberty. In the majority of societies breasts are just a source of nourishment for infants and young children. The believe is that since women with large breasts are considered more desirable they would have more suitors and as a result reproduce more often. An example of a young woman with two perfectlynormal breasts that just happen to be of differentsizes. She is unique. I have never heard of an instance where a woman with small breasts could not or would not be able find a partner. Educated men have proposed women have prominent breasts as the result of natural or sexual selection. Most of the time.
their popularity sometimes sagged following surgery. first to show the degree to which size variations between a woman's breasts are "normal". and second in hopes of putting a woman's view of her own breasts into perspective. and probably not the most common. that breasts are actually more important to women then men! Women often judge their breasts extremely harshly. Actresses and models have undergone breast augmentation surgery even though they were already considered very attractive. Women who have small breasts often envy women with large breasts and vise versa.) While their size is often the cause of a woman's discomfort. Her breasts often define her in the public and private eye. The female breasts are very visible social sex symbols so they are often the primary source of a woman's anxiety about her body. and they enjoy being a woman. regardless of size. It is interesting to note that the author of the book Breasts: Our Most Public Private Parts. we must not loose sight of the fact that many women love their breasts dearly regardless of their size and shape. and shape are also the source of concern. Meema Spadola. There are some common shapes women's breasts conform to. This is also true of women who are considered very attractive by the men and women around them. A woman who has breasts that her peers admire. Both men and women feel perfectly justified in making verbal comments about them. (While their breast size increased. round is just one of them. because they were led to believe they were not as attractive as they should or could be. nipple and areola size and coloration. other qualities such as their firmness. far more so than men. They compare them to an unrealistic ideal. often finds fault with them. projection.Unrealistic Expectations The above photograph is presented for two reasons. Even so. came to the same conculsion as I. They are led to believe they should have perfectly round breasts that defy gravity by projecting straight outward from their body. Breasts are in part what make them a woman. When they are .
The above photograph gives an example of these two common shapes side by side. weight gain and loss. Bras: Bad for Your Health? This is a touchy subject and an area of some debate. it is a matter of personal choice. Please visit the links given below for the latest details. I would guess most breasts are slopping or concave frontally and rounded at their bottom junction with the body.round and project outward they are most often small in size. because of their rate of growth. and cause rather than prevent sagging of the breasts. . It is hard at times to separate fact from fiction. not as being normal and desirable. Most women do not benefit from their use. not to mention uncomfortable. This is a fact dictated by gravity. not their ultimate size or lack of support. it is often hard to convince them they have beautiful breasts if they feel otherwise. gravity. Women often view breasts with this second shape as flat or sagging. Increasing age. Wearing a bra may result in painful cystic breast disease. regardless of size. There is though increasing medical evidence that indicates wearing a bra could be harmful to your health. With the extreme social pressures women are under. These changes influence the size and shape of a woman’s breasts and they start to take place when women are in their teens. and pregnancy are the major causes of change in the breast tissues. there is no medical benefit in wearing a bra. We often lose sight of the fact that by the age of eighteen many women have had developed breasts for eight to tens years. at least physically. Stretch marks may form when the breasts first develop. time enough for some of these factors to influence the size and shape of their breasts. Even if these claims are not true. Wearing a bra also does not affect the size and shape of the breasts when one is worn during puberty. I have seen many instances where this was true. The concept of a "training bra" was an advertising gimmick that worked all too well.
Social and peer pressure plays a major part in a teen’s or woman's decision to wear a bra. Wearing a bra allows women to deny they are sexual.Bras allow. and just as beneficial. what fills them is sometimes of no importance. Free movement of the breasts and visible nipples are viewed by society as indications of a sexual woman. cup size has become a measure of a woman's womanhood. fulfilling society's expectation of them. A bra is no longer simply a bra. even more so than the breasts they conceal. and would prefer not to. women to mold their breasts into what society expects of them. would they wear the incorrect size? Does wearing a bra with "DD" on the tag really make you more of a woman than one with "AA?" If girls are proud of their developing breasts and eager for people to notice. While bra burning during the 60s is more myth than fact. The majority of women who wear skintight tops over a bra would never go without a bra under a loose fitting top because doing so would indicate they are sexual. or force depending on how you look at it. and girls and women wear clothing that openly shows off their bra. like a sex toy. Society and peer groups currently . women today probably should burn their bras. girls want to wear them prior to their breasts developing. This is demonstrated by the facts that 70-80% of women wear the wrong size. If women were truly concerned with function. even if they personally do not benefit from them. women who experience little or no breast develop wear them. they are also symbols of womanhood. Bras have come to represent nonsexual women and women in control of their sexuality. that expectation is that breasts defy gravity and time. why were they invented less than one-hundred-years ago? In reality bras are nothing more than modern incarnations of the corsets of old. even if their breasts were actually less visible by doing so. A woman who is not in control of her breasts is not in control of her sexuality. why do they hide them under a bra? If bras are truly necessary. or at least spend their hard earned money something more beneficial and enjoyable.
prevent natural movement. by providing her with the facts. they should remove their bra to allow their breasts free movement and permit unrestricted circulation of body fluids within the breast. but not tightly. . contain under-wires. and a coming of age party may be a healthier means of acknowledging her budding breasts and entrance into womanhood. If a teen or woman chooses to wear a bra. as if that makes sense. When relaxing at home. elastic cups that conform to your breasts rather than cups that force your breasts into an unnatural shape. A bra should not be worn while sleeping. seamless.allow women and teens to show off their bra but not their breasts. she should limit the amount of time spent each day doing so. Parents should delay for as long as possible the buying of their daughter's first bra. Feminine undershirts. and large breasts appear smaller are best avoided. there is no benefit in doing so. lift. camisoles. against the chest without altering their natural shape are perhaps the best choice. and encourage them to remove their bra when at home. If you do not benefit from a bra. it is perhaps best not to wear one. Choose smooth. Bras that shape. make small breasts appear bigger. Some recommend women frequently massage their breasts to improve circulation. Sports bras that hold the breasts snuggly. Wear camisoles or feminine undershirts if you want to add color and lace to your wardrobe. Pick the simplest bra available. They should be made of lightweight cotton so they do not trap heat and moisture.
1997 The Johns Hopkins University Press Edited By: George D. ISBN 0-8018-5651-5 ISBN 0-8018-5652-3 Pbk. . Zuidema.1980. 1986.From the book The Johns Hopkins Atlas of Human Functional Anatomy Fourth Edition Copyright 1977. M.D.
ISBN 0-8016-6356-3 (hardcover) ISBN 0-8151-1749-3 (package) .. 56. . Copyright 1996 by Mosby . Author: Lawrence H.Year Book..From the book "Clinical Anatomy Principles" Pages 55. Jr. Mathers. [et al].
Copyright 1971 by W. Saunders Company.From the book "Atlas of Human Anatomy" Pages 153.D.B. ISBN 0-7216-1300-4 . Illustrated By: Luis Amendolla Gasparo. Author: Luis Lopez-Antunez. [et al]. ... M.
Copyright 1996 by Mosby . 10. ISBN 08151-4012-6 . Editor: Emma D. 9.From the book "Clinical Anatomy Atlas" Pages 8.Year Book. Underdown.
NY "Not intercourse. But if you ask my boyfriend.com Survey Results: Jane Magazine. 18." -Savana. June/July 2004 Based on 2." -Lola.137 responses to an online poll this is what their readers had to say about their frequency of experiencing orgasm during sex: I have an orgasm (or five) every time I have sex 43% I've had "the moment" a few times 38% Still waiting for that one 19% "It's happened twice to me.Female Orgasm Illustration by Patsy Website FromLifeDrawings. . it happens every night. 28. Niagara Falls. but all the time in outercourse.
visual stimuli (seeing a partner nude). I suspect Jane magazine has a young readership. versus prior generations who read Penthouse. processes it. Many young women don't learn to masturbate to orgasm until in their late teens or early twenties. or they are always in the mood. audible stimulation (hearing a partner's voice). To be honest. 21. Pa. the data and comments provide some insight into how varied women's experiences with orgasm really are. and based on past learning and experience causes the body to respond to it. which brings the 43% into question. Female Sexual Arousal & Orgasm Female sexual arousal and orgasm is a complex process involving the entire woman. but on the other hand. the 19% who have not experienced orgasm exceeds the 10% usually reported. and some of the 19% who have never experienced an orgasm. olfactory stimuli (the smell of a partner's body). may have inexperienced sexual partners and/or experience the reality that every woman isn't going to be in the mood or able to experience orgasm every day of her life. one size does not fit all. I am surprised 43% report experiencing orgasm every time they engage in sex.Merced. mind and body. Leola. which may provide some enlightenment on how to please a woman. 24 Cincinnati "Only if one of us is double-clicking the mouse. "Sheet. The brain may start the sexual arousal process in response to thought (sexual fantasy). Young men today have access to the Internet. I am a one-minute man. The 38% who experience orgasm irregularly. being young and all. and taste (the taste of a partner's body). Overall." -TJ. Calif. The . The human mind receives in sexual stimuli from the body. which may explain a better success rate during partner sex and higher than expected preorgasmic rate. but perhaps this later group only engages in sex when in the mood. which for some may be masturbation. often times after being sexually active with a partner for several years." -Christen.
denying they occur. Orgasm is a simple physical reflex response at birth. as boys experience a tell tale erection. or her cloths stimulating her breasts or genitals. even if we cannot think of them in sexual terms. touching her genitals or breasts. at birth. if they categorize those feeling as bad. We know what "good girls" and "bad girls" are." They may tune out any sexual feelings. we will most likely respond to sexual stimuli very easily. As a result. Teenage girls. We may have been so isolated from our physical sexual self's that we are not even aware of it when we are sexual aroused. They may perceive sexual arousal as "being in love. By the time puberty rolls around we have already been taught "appropriate" sexual response. Some women do not have many negative feelings toward sex and are openly sexual. This is perhaps why the simple acts of nursing and exposing the genitals to air results in sexual arousal in infants. but orgasm takes place in both. The mind and body while able to experience sexual arousal separately. All the sexual stimulation and arousal may originate in one or the other. They enjoy being aroused and seek out sexual . This is more true of girls than boys. We know who a suitable mate is. At birth we respond to sexual stimulation based solely on instinct. and our minds have not learned "appropriate" sexual response yet. We perhaps know that any sexual response is bad. may not permit themselves to be in situations that result in them feeling sexual. and adult women. orgasm is probably controlled more by physical stimuli than mental thought processes.body may start the arousal process as the result of a woman. Mental thought alone may result in orgasm. If we feel safe and our basic material needs are met. cannot experience orgasm separately. Orgasm requires both the mind and body to work together. or they may respond so negatively to sexual stimuli that sex itself is impossible. or her partner. the feel of air flowing across her exposed skin. At birth we are very sensitive to sexual stimuli. but you still feel the orgasm in your body.
the change in color of the breasts and genitals." the build up of energy in the nerve endings and muscles of the entire body. Myotonia is the "sexual tension" I refer to in my masturbation advise for pre-orgasmic women." the pooling of blood in the breasts and genitals. a woman's sexual arousal and sexual enjoyment may be seen as "out of control" and "wanton. the point of no return. The first is "vasocongestion. This results in the breasts and genitals becoming larger.stimuli freely. The Sexual Response Cycle. You may experience strong myotonia as the feeling of fullness or tightness in your body prior to orgasm. A man's ability to achieve an erection and ejaculate is a symbol of his manhood. let go. Of course society views these "sexual girls" and "sexual women" negatively and labels them "sluts" and "whores." In our confused society. There are two physical changes the body must under go if a woman is to experience orgasm. but still very much true. Myotonia is not "bad tension" experienced as the result of negative feelings. the girl who shuns all sexual feelings is considered more "normal" than a woman who is openly sexual. Some women when confronted with strong myotonia cannot allow themselves to go over the edge. This is less true than it was twenty years ago. more so than it is for men. and hence they do not experience orgasm. and vaginal lubrication. . the body feeling warm or hot to the touch. they just enjoy it. as the result of the greater sexual restrictions placed on women. They do not care who or what causes them to feel aroused." This is perhaps why women are often times less orgasmic than men as one has to speculate that both are equally orgasmic at birth. The second is "Myotonia" or "neuromuscular tension. Orgasm may be more of a mental perception than a physical experience for women.
If you have a disease or illness that directly affects the circulatory. or muscular systems. you may not be able to experience sexual arousal and orgasm. If you feel you are not able to experience sexual arousal. Masters.D." From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 58 Copyright 1982. Virginia E Johnson. Pattern 1 shows multiple orgasm. and Robert C. 1985. M.D. please see the health and disability pages for more information. If you cannot experience myotonia and vasocongestion.It should be noted. Kolodny. If you have been diagnosed with one of these. nervous.. 1986 By William H. or nerves can restrict or prevent myotonia and vasocongestion. seek a doctor's advise. and pattern 3 shows several brief drops in the excitement phase followed by an even more rapid resolution phase. you may experience orgasmic impairment. pattern 2 shows arousal that reaches the plateau level without going on to orgasm (note the resolution occurs more slowly). "Three representational variations of female sexual response. M. that any disease. muscles. or illness that affects the blood flow. or only in a limited way. drug (prescription and nonprescription). .
The amount of time a person spends in each phase. When highly aroused the breasts may increase in size. The labia majora flatten and spread apart. within 10-30 seconds. even without her knowing it. The labia minora increase in size. orgasm. Once home she may quickly experience arousal and orgasm as the result of direct genital stimulation without experiencing the plateau phase. The uterus and cervix are pulled upwards. without her ever reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and the plateau phase during an intense session of dancing. The inner two thirds of the vagina expands. plateau. The manner in which a person experiences each phase is unique to them. and even the order in which they experience them may vary. excitement. .Sexologists have broken the sexual response cycle into four phases. but return to her un-aroused state during the ride home. The clitoris increases in size. Arousal may be accompanied by these physical responses to mental and/or physical stimuli: • • • • • • • • Vaginal lubrication begins first. and resolution. The nipples may become erect as the result of muscle contractions. A woman on a date may become sexually aroused several times. These are arbitrary definitions and a person is not likely to be aware of their body experiencing each individual phase. and even this will change depending on their mood and who they are with.
1985. Masters. Virginia E Johnson. Kolodny.D. M.. From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 62 Copyright 1982.Click on image to see it full size. and Robert C. Moisture "seeps" from the .D. As mentioned above. the vagina lubricates as the result of vasocongestion of the vaginal walls. 1986 By William H. M.
bring it to the attention of your doctor. The amount. which can be embarrassing when it occurs in a public place. and with the same woman depending on many factors. resulting in the vulva becoming moist. and smell of a woman's vaginal lubricant varies between women. such as K-Y Jelly. This too is normal. The process is called "transudation". thickness. These droplets may collect together and flow out of the vagina. if you experience a problem with vaginal dryness during intercourse.) While it may be perfectly normal or temporary. The presence of vaginal lubrication does not signify that a woman is fully ready for intercourse.vaginal walls as the result of increased blood pooling there. . (The use of petroleum-based lubricants can result in vaginal infections. and is just the result of variations in women's bodies. Some women produce very little moisture and require the use of water-based lubricants. Other women produce so much moisture they get everything soaking wet. Small droplets of moisture form within the vagina. and what she has eaten. nor does the absence of it indicate she is not sexually aroused. including her current menstrual state. as the result of this seepage.
Increased vasocongestion in the vagina causes the outer third of the vagina to swell. Virginia E Johnson. becoming more concealed by the hood. especially if prolonged. During the Plateau phase a woman may experience: • • • • • A marked increase in sexual tension.D. the glans moves toward the pubic bone. perhaps 30%. M. The clitoris becomes increasingly erect. 1985. Masters. The inner two thirds of the vagina balloons out.D.. The amount of vaginal lubrication may decrease during this stage. Kolodny. resulting in the vaginal opening decreasing in size. . M. A woman may experience a strong desire to be filled.From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 66 Copyright 1982. a vaginal ache. and Robert C. 1986 By William H.
There is a marked increase in the amount of sexual tension in the thighs and buttocks. perhaps beating noticeably. for women who have. the pigmented area around the nipples. from bright red to deep wine in women who have. The increased size of the inner labia may spread apart the outer labia resulting in the vaginal opening becoming more prominent. . The color of the labia minora change considerably. If you look at all the physical changes in the internal and external sexual organs.• • • • • • • • • The labia minora increase considerably in thickness. A woman's body is now fully ready for vaginal intercourse. you can see that women are not fully prepared for intercourse until late in the plateau phase. there is less or no increase in size. but not the marked change in color. Masters and Johnson report they never observed a woman experience orgasm who did not first experience the dramatic change in labial coloration. The areola. The heart rate increases. The breasts may increase in size 20-25% for women who have not breast-fed a child. she was more than likely to experience orgasm. exposing her vaginal opening. If a woman did experience this color change. 50-70% of women experience a "sex flush" on their chests and other body areas resulting from increased blood flow near the surface of the skin. Vaginal wetness alone does not indicate readiness. A woman's body signals her readiness by opening up her vulva. perhaps 2-3 times. begin to swell. The actual colors may vary. This perhaps indicates that women need prolonged mating rituals prior to vaginal intercourse(*). Going from pink to red for women who have not given birth.
the uterus.D. and Robert C. The "sex flush" becomes even more pronounced and may cover a greater percentage of the body. . 1985. the contractions become less intense and occur at a more random rate.From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Page 67 Copyright 1982. M. As the orgasm continues. A mild orgasm may have 3-5 contractions. and occur at a rate of a little more than 1 per second (0.. M. The first muscle contractions are the most intense. Kolodny.8 seconds).D. and anus. Virginia E Johnson. an intense one 10-15. 1986 By William H. Masters. During the Orgasmic phase a woman may experience: • • Rhythmic muscle contractions occur in the outer third of the vagina.
That should be all that really matters. At the peak of orgasm the entire body may become momentarily rigid. Myotonia may be evident throughout the body. she may not be able to tell if she has had an orgasm. and these usually spread through the body. most women feel . and women who are not sure if they have. The physical sensations of the genitals are often described as warm. as indicated by monitoring brain waves. quickly followed by an intensely pleasurable feeling that usually begins at the clitoris and rapidly spreads throughout the pelvis. Even if a woman is connected to monitoring equipment when she experiences 15 strong orgasmic contractions over a 10 second period of time. we cannot measure how a person perceives it. While the jury is still out on whether it is urine or female ejaculate that is expelled. Women who have never experienced orgasm. and feet. Orgasm also takes place in the brain.• • • • • Muscles throughout the body may contract during orgasm. women's pleasure. Not easy to do. often ask. especially in the face. Imagine trying to explain to someone what it feels like to sneeze or yawn. Here is Masters and Johnson's description of female orgasm: "Women often describe the sensations of an orgasm as beginning with a momentary sense of suspension. the source of the fluid is not of great importance. even if it too is messy. How our senses and brain interpret physical stimuli is subjective. that is dependent solely on the individual's perceptions. While we can measure the physical stimuli. Some women will emit or spray some fluid from their urethra during orgasm. women often report very strong orgasms when it occurs. This is often called female ejaculation. how do we know she experienced it more intensely than another woman who only has a 5 contraction orgasm lasting 4 seconds? The woman having the ten-second orgasm may be wondering why her orgasms are so weak! If a woman has experienced some form of nerve damage. hands. electric. "What does an orgasm feel like?" This is a hard. question to answer. or tingly. if not impossible. Finally. No one questions male ejaculation. A woman's facial expression may indicate that she is in pain when she is having a pleasurable orgasm. not just those in the pelvic area.
she is almost guaranteed an orgasm. Women experience total body orgasms. not vaginal stimulation. women will beg to differ. Is it reasonable to believe women masturbate in any way other than what works best? . and uterine orgasms. vaginal stimulation is less likely to result in orgasm than are activities that directly stimulate their clitoris. it seems practically improbable.muscle contractions in their vagina or lower pelvis. habit alone may dictate that she is most orgasmic from clitoral stimulation. How a woman experiences an orgasm during masturbation is usually totally different than how she experiences it during partner sex. While electronic gadgets may say they are all the same. Other sexologists do not agree with them. Even if a woman's clitoris was not her primary sensory sex organ. She may be more aware of her vaginal contractions when her vagina has something to clamp down on. women often report their most "satisfying" orgasms occur during masturbation. Masters and Johnson. A woman may experience an orgasm totally differently if her vagina is empty than when a penis or hand is inserted. and others. When a woman masturbates. feel all healthy women are capable of experiencing orgasm while being stimulated by vaginal intercourse alone since the thrusting penis will push and pull on the inner labia. and not worrying about or distracted by a partner. clitoral orgasms. While it may be technically possible. or when it is empty and contracts on itself. varying only in strength and length. often described as "pelvic throbbing. a woman may not experience them all the same. perhaps because they are the center of attention. resulting in there being indirect stimulation of the clitoris. In fact. and even they usually stimulate their clitoris at the same time. Ninety percent of women who masturbate do so by stimulating their clitoris. If women's masturbation habits are any indication."" While all orgasms are organically the same. vaginal orgasms. Only ten percent of women stimulate their vagina while masturbating.
but at a much slower rate. if she is highly aroused. and uterus return to their normal size. Some women will have one orgasm right after another. and vaginal opening. If there is a strong emotional bond between a woman and her partner during intercourse. If a woman is highly aroused then it seems possible that indirect simulation of her clitoris. If a woman's vagina is numb to penile thrusting she may find indirect stimulation of her clitoris alone is not enough to push her over the edge even if she is highly aroused. may result in a feeling of heaviness. clitoris. labia. There may be heavy sweating. could result in orgasm. If a woman experiences one orgasm. position. The vaginas. and pelvic discomfort. a woman may experience one or more additional orgasms. The "sex flush" disappears. and color. for as long . The heart may beat rapidly. The breasts. The clitoris and nipples may be so sensitive that any stimulation may be uncomfortable. a woman will still experience most of what is listed above. During the Resolution phase a woman may experience: • • • • • • • • If sexual stimulation continues. and at the plateau stage. The same may not be said of a woman who tries to go from a low degree of sexual arousal all the way to orgasm by means of indirect clitoral and vaginal stimulation.As I mentioned above. combined with vaginal stimulation. she can usually have many more in one session. as long as adequate stimulation continues. not having been dissipated by orgasmic muscle contractions. a woman's body is not fully prepared for intercourse until she is highly aroused. and breathing. that psychological stimulation alone may result in an orgasm. The blood trapped in the pelvic organs. It is reasonable to expect women to need direct clitoral stimulation to prepare them for intercourse even if they do not need it during vaginal intercourse to achieve orgasm. If orgasm does notoccur. return to their normal relaxed state.
Orgasm is a normal bodily function. women develop back pains and other health problems as a result of this unreleased sexual tension. enabling her to move onto her next orgasm. because of the excess blood trapped in her pelvic organs. Some report. their lives probably would have been more enjoyable if they had. requiring a very light or indirect touch. While orgasm is not necessary for female happiness. To a certain extent. and a vibrator is more likely to be utilized. they will probably have to forego their own pleasure. orgasm has become a chore. and for those who experience orgasm only with great difficulty. . If a partner wants to bring their female partner to multiple orgasms. unlike a woman's own hand. Practice seems to make this more probable.as the stimulation is continued. at least temporally. but to make their partner happy and to be like their peers. Women want to experience orgasm not only for their own benefit. The mass media is full of references to the joys of orgasm. there is a lot of social pressure on women to have orgasms these days. An electric vibrator does not get tired. Most multiple orgasms occur during masturbation as there is nothing or no one to distract a woman from her pleasure. or that of her partner. If a woman does not experience orgasm. Is orgasm necessary for female sexual happiness? While it is true that there are millions of women who have lived happy and fulfilling lives having never experienced an orgasm. she may find herself feeling very uncomfortable after sex. A male partner who has himself experienced an orgasm may find himself incapable of continuing his stimulation of his partner. The clitoris may be extremely sensitive after the first orgasm. Lets face it. Doctors in the past used vibrators to bring female patients to orgasm as a means of treating female health problems. deep breathing may help a woman recover more quickly. it does make life more enjoyable. achieving a balance between their desire for orgasm and their sexual happiness can be a challenge. For women who are pre-orgasmic. In this case. A woman may need only to slip a little ways away from the point of orgasm before she can have another.
It is for this reason that pre-orgasmic women may want to have partner sex simply for the pleasure and intimacy of it without trying to have an orgasm. you can loose out on the intimacy of sex. When you have faked orgasm. so they pay the price. that they soon find themselves avoiding sex altogether. If you become too preoccupied with the mechanics of orgasm. Saving their attempts at orgasm for masturbation sessions. so their inability to orgasm is their own fault. and their partners lack of skill. when they are alone and able to think only of themselves. for some women. A woman who fakes orgasm is telling her partner that they do not . or a partner.versus a simple pleasure. Women who fake orgasm face becoming so frustrated by their inability to orgasm. Women usually are not capable or willing to be selfish enough to make themselves the center of attention during partner sex. at least part of the time. Faking orgasm is definitely a bad idea. to experience orgasm. she is indicating to her partner that they have done a good job. When women try too hard to achieve orgasm. Women tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. usually ends up being a permanent way of life. you have to admit not only to not having had orgasms. What starts out as a means of saving face in front of a new partner. They try to fulfill the needs of their partner at the same time they are trying to fulfill their own. to hiding something from them. but their own needs usually end up falling by the wayside. and as a means of giving a partner a morale boost. and decide to tell your partner. that they do not need to do anything differently next time. real or faked. and to fooling them. You cannot force yourself. Women are afraid to tell their partner they have been faking orgasm because it will upset them. so they do not. sex becomes unpleasant and frustrating. but you must admit to lying to your partner. When a woman experiences an orgasm. It is usually easier for a woman to learn to orgasm while masturbating than it is for her to have her very first orgasm as the result of partner sex. for them and their partner.
No woman is going to have an orgasm every time she engages in partner sex or masturbation. In this case. and that there are negative consequences when they do not. and her “caring partner” always stimulates her to orgasm. try not having an orgasm.com In response to the question.need to change their sexual technique. An orgasm is no longer just an orgasm.500 women's responses to an online poll at Glamour. Making orgasm the sole goal of sex can actually make sex less enjoyable and even boring. "How often do you fake orgasm?" the women responded: I never fake it 45% 1%-25% of the time 34% 26%-50% of the time 10% 51%-75% of the time 7% 76%-100% of the time 4% When the majority. October 2000 Based on 1. the problem is that society is leading women to believe they should always have an orgasm during partner sex. if not extremely frustrating. If you want to experience intense and prolonged sexual pleasure. of women admits to doing something they are not supposed to be doing. it indicates a serious problem. This is just the way it is. It is important for women to realize this is a social problem. Pelvic Muscles Contractions During Orgasm . that is fake orgasm. In the past we ignored female orgasm. New Study: Glamour Magazine. Society leads us to believe "normal" women always have orgasms. today we perhaps place too much emphasis on it. which is totally opposite of what she should be telling them. fifty-five percent. Orgasm has become the benchmark by which we measure the quality of our sexuality and even our social standing within our community. not a personal one.
com has been gracious enough to provide visitors to this website with free access to a video clip that features a woman using a vibrator to masturbate to orgasm. MOV (377KB). A membership is required to access the full movie library. This video shows a close-up view of the vulva and anus during orgasm allowing you to clearly see the pelvic muscles contractions of orgasm.837KB). The muscles surrounding the vagina and anus can be seen contracting and relaxing during orgasm.com website is adult orientated and sexually explicit. and MPG (1. featuring movies showing female orgasm. Please click on one of the links provided to see the video. . The femorg.Femorg. The video is available in three different file formats and two different file sizes WMV (278KB). MOV (963KB).
Sex scenes in popular movies show orgasm occurring effortlessly for all women in a matter of seconds. This may cause you to feel alone and isolated.com You Are Not Alone If you are not experiencing orgasm during your sexual activities you may believe there is no common ground between you and your peers. women experience orgasm in what amounts to five to thirty seconds of passionate sexual activity. In movies.Information for Pre-Orgasmic Women Illustration by Patsy Website: FromLifeDrawings. The information we receive from the mass media does appear to indicate this is true. with no one to turn to for guidance and support. You most likely have been led believe everyone else is experiencing mind-blowing orgasms every time they participate in a sexual activity. This often becomes our expectation of a .
The woman who does not experience it is so rare she is more a product of fantasy than reality. in absence of orgasm. you are not a member of an exclusive group but rather an inclusive one. as do women with and without partners. because of greater feelings of personal frustration and failure. religion. dare I say all. in one form or another. We are shown fantasy but take it to be reality. a woman's menstrual cycle may cause her to be unable to experience orgasm at regular and frequent intervals because of hormonal changes within her body. The vast majority. taking into consideration the questions and comments I receive. ethnicity. and the possibility of decreasing emotional and physical intimacy with your partner. or inexperience. You are not alone.perfect woman and wonderfully fulfilling sex. From my perspective. or sexual orientation. they experience it too. Sexual experience. women will know what it is like to be unable to experience orgasm at some point in their life. Certain life situations and experiences certainly increase the likelihood of it occurring but no one is exempt from it. When this orgasmic impairment occurs. While we may attribute this situation solely to adult women. increasingly it is teens who are feeling abnormal. race. While lesbian sex is more likely to include and focus on clitoral stimulation. As an example. experience. can actually become an everincreasing hindrance. If you are pre-orgasmic. The well educated and financially secure are no more immune than are the less educated and impoverished. or presently unable to experience orgasm. In reality your peers experience sexual challenges too. Finding Answers . orgasmic impairment is a very common occurrence. how often. education. women with more than one partner. Orgasmic impairment does not discriminate based on age. and women in short and long term relationships. and the duration of each occurrence varies from woman to woman. Four out of every ten women report some degree of sexual dissatisfaction.
Discovering how other women have learned to be orgasmic may assist you in your journey. as this could very well be your primary obstacle to overcome. Learning to love your vulva may be achieved by learning about your anatomy and viewing the photographs of the vulva presented on this website. Allow sexual women to teach you how to be sexual. While female orgasmic impairment was once thought to always be psychological in origin.I will not profess to know the "10 Easy Steps to Orgasm. and how being one is not only normal but extremely desirable. the answer lies simply in giving yourself permission to be a sexual being. Instead of shunning sexual women you will want to join them. there is no single solution to learning how to be an orgasmic woman. Do not attempt to be like other women. but rather what you have been attempting to do with or to them. or your perception of them. Visiting the websites created by sexual women may be of assistance in doing so. Learning to appreciate masturbation as a positive female experience may be done by reading through the many masturbation experiences and techniques women have shared. You may want to immerse yourself in sexual women and their experiences rather than avoiding them. For many women. For most. Learn the rewards of being a sexual woman." Given the diversity of women and their individual experiences. Learning to accept and celebrate your sexuality may be as simple as reading through this website to gain a greater understanding of your body and sexuality. You will find links to some of their websites in the links section. This is very much an individual journey. as most women have been taught. it is not a question of creating your sexuality but accepting it in its current form. You need to define your sexuality rather than allowing others to do it for you. and at the associated Yahoo group. The path you take will depend on the path you are traveling now and the subsequent paths you choose. and by taking possession of your sexuality. The problem may not be your body and sexuality. but it is unlikely to provide a clear and easy roadmap to success. many medical causes are now being .
On a less subconscious level. and many other factors can all influence a woman's orgasmic and sexual potential regardless of age. masturbation. The Battle Between Mind and Body When we are born. or engaging in partner sex. on a subconscious level we may be saying no because of what we have learned throughout life. we have certain expectations and believes that control our actions. we caress our genitals because it feels good and as a result we have an orgasm. As adults. reproductive and emotional health. These factors can start influencing your sexuality when you are a teenager. and partner sex influence our thoughts. This means that while our body is . As we grow older. hormone imbalances. Factors like stress. guilt can be a barrier to pleasure and orgasm. We now think about what we are doing and know that we are engaging in a sexual activity. It is no longer simply. All the negative feelings and ideas we have learned from society about our body. because we want to experience pleasure and orgasm. even if your doctor claims otherwise. orgasm is a reflex response to sexual stimulation. If you started taking prescription medication like birth control or antidepressants. We are intentionally masturbating. heart disease. or had a preexisting medical condition prior to learning to experience orgasm. While on a conscious level we may want to experience pleasure and orgasm. prescription birth control. medication. it may be impossible to predict their influence on your individual experience. If our body experiences sufficient sexual stimulation and as a result sexual tension develops. orgasm becomes a conditional response. Your sexual pleasure is greatly influenced by your overall health. insufficient body fat.discovered. though most associate them only with maturity. Our mind creates conditions that allow us to be sexual and experience sexual pleasure and orgasm only when they are first satisfied. we will experience orgasm.
pleasure. whether they supported your sexuality. that women experience a barrier to sexual pleasure and orgasm that did not exist at birth. If you had received positive and accurate information about your sexuality and body it is unlikely you would be reading this article. unlike a two-year-old who may undress and proceed to masturbate in front of others without the slightest inhibition. partner sex. The extent this prior knowledge and experience are a hindrance depends on several factors: the amount of pressure that was placed on you to conform to gain and maintain the acceptance of your family and peers. She is less likely to be totally uninhibited about touching and stimulating her body. The knowledge you have gained throughout your life may have impaired your ability to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. and are denied orgasm. whether your peers.saying yes. ones that conflict with her genuine needs and wants. and when and if you had access to accurate and positive information about your body and sexuality. mother. It is important to get our mind and body working together. and many more. She knows social and family views on female sexuality. A twenty-year-old woman is not as fortunate as a newborn girl since she knows what sex and masturbation are and what is expected of and denied her by her family and community. A woman may have a sexual partner and peers who have their own expectations of her sexuality. It is for these reasons. our brain can be saying no. and female role models were/are sexual. while suppressing and ignoring their own needs. The longer your sexual development is delayed and distorted. the greater the barrier to orgasm may be. Use It or Lose It! . and her body. These are more often than not negative and cloudy views that impair her ability to be sexual and experience sexual pleasure. masturbation. the intensity and your age at the onset of your sex drive. Women are often raised to believe they will achieve fulfillment while making personal sacrifices that fulfill the wants of others.
These factors may cause a woman's brain to disconnect from her vulva and clitoris. Their vulva has been off limits and they simply learned to ignore it. or wish they did not have one. The more we exercise and train our body the better it performs and the healthier it is. they should always be separated by toilet paper. as if they were not connected to her body. becomes unresponsive and perhaps unusable. While boys and men are encouraged to hold their penis while urinating. Who then is likely to have an easier time learning to masturbate to orgasm. Given that society's position is often that girls and women have a "vagina. a toddler or adult woman? It Takes Nerve! . is it reasonable to believe it would work as well as one that had been used daily? Are the physical and chemical processes necessary for arousal and orgasm likely to be in good working order? What about the muscles that contract during orgasm? Will the blood vessels be able to carry the necessary amount of blood to permit sexual arousal and vaginal lubrication? Our physical and mental abilities adapt much more rapidly when we are infants and toddlers. a girl's or woman's hand should never come in direct contact with her suposed "dirty" vulva. An example being a broken arm that is kept in a cast for an extended period of time. If a woman's clitoris has gone unused for twenty years. Whereas the more something is used. What happens when we do not use a body part for an extended period of time? It shrinks. the more it develops and the better it works. they are after all expected to have penis envy. a wash cloth. or clothing. This is equally true of our sexual organs.A possible disadvantage a twenty-year-old woman may experience that a newborn girl may not is that the nerve pathways that carry the sexual stimuli to the brain have lain dormant her entire life. because she may wish they were not. which includes our brain." they may believe there is nothing "down there" for them to be aware of.
even if her clitoris does have a significantly greater concentration of nerve endings. Before she will be able to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm she must develop those sexual nerve pathways so they can carry subtle nerve impulses to the brain. or even knows how to process them. From a sexual perspective. The first orgasm is usually the most challenging to achieve.If a woman waits or is not permitted until she is twenty-years-old to learn to be orgasmic. Like a path through the woods. the more sexual she can be. the easier they occur. electrical impulses. pain. but not gentle sexual stimulation. in the majority of women. If this is true. If for some reason the nerve pathways are damaged or otherwise deficient. i. "The more sexual a girl or woman is. A strong connection between her clitoris and brain must be formed and developed. Her clitoris and arm may have the same degree of sensitivity. Numerous nerve impulses may have to travel from a woman's clitoris and vulva to her brain before they do so easily. A woman may be sensitive to intense stimulation. The more orgasms a woman has.e. keeping in mind exploration is often a time consuming process. a woman may need to crawl before she can walk. then run. unless of course it occurs by total surprise. There is a simple rule. Her brain may need to process numerous nerve impulses before it can do so efficiently. other forms of less intense stimulation may result in orgasm. it is much easier to follow the more it is used. and this true for many . to the brain unless they are intense. This is why it is necessary to explore and discover pleasure before you can experience orgasm. the nerve pathways may not be able to carry signals. This requires frequent caressing of the clitoris and vulva so as to stimulate and activate the nerve pathways." Vibrators may provide sufficient high intensity stimulation to overcome weak nerve pathways allowing a woman to experience orgasm. a vibrator may always be necessary if orgasm is desired. the nerve pathways that carry sexual stimulation to the brain may have never developed or they are weakened by lack of use. Once she learns to experience orgasm using a vibrator. the line between pain and pleasure is very narrow. and the nerve pathways develop.
but the creation of a connection between mind and body. pleasure. When prescribing medication.normal and healthy women. Girls and women often learn not to touch their vulva directly. . and they are required to wear panties twenty-four-hours a day. toilet paper or a wash cloth always separates their hand from their vulva. though preadolescent girls masturbate too. pleasure and orgasm are impossible. doctors may fail to mention their possible sexual side effects and women may need to look in a Physician's Desk Reference (PDR) to find out this information. Parents need to take into consideration their daughter's sexuality and pleasure when she is prescribed medication and treatments. If this connection does not exist. or orgasm. The absence of genital sensitivity could indicate a hormonal imbalance or deficiency. Here is an exercise that may help women to become equally comfortable touching their vulva. they are usually available at your local library and online. it may be impossible to predict their influence on her sexual pleasure. men are often much more comfortable touching and holding their genitals than women. The intent of this exercise is not sexual arousal. Making a Connection Since boys are taught at an early age to hold their penis when urinating. particularly during the teen years. Simply strive to learn and accept what works best for you. and prescription birth control can all influence genital sensitivity. If a teen or woman has a preexisting medical condition or began taking a prescription medication prior to exploring her sexuality and orgasm. Health issues. You have no control over your nerve pathways so if yours do not work quite as well as the next person's. medications. Estrogen and testosterone are equally essential for a healthy and sensitive vulva and clitoris. do not fault yourself. and to have a greater awareness of the sensations it produces when touched. young and old.
Keep a small bowl of warm water nearby if you use a water based lubricant. Your movements should be casual. not intentional. toy with your pubic hair. remember this should last at least half an hour. exploring as you go. movie. though all women should give them a try. Now apply a generous amount of lubricant to your vulva. but maintain physical contact. including turning off your phones and pagers. Using either hand. While not ideal. you can start out by doing it with your cloths or panties on. or Internet not your exploring hand. not what I am about to tell you to do. Go very very slowly. dim the lights. or watching a commercial free movie. and are safe to use on the vulva. but they can be re-hydrated by adding a little water when they become sticky. Get everything ready to engage in the chosen activity without interruption. Petroleum or natural oil based products will work best. it leaves your dominate hand free to do other things. Work your way into the folds of your vulva. Place the towel so it will be under your bottom to protect your furniture or bedding from the lubricant. Be careful to avoid lubricants with added scents and colors that may irritate delicate tissues. Either get naked or dress in a manner that provides easy and comfortable access to your vulva. . You will need to engage in at least thirty minutes of uninterrupted activity that you find relaxing. Water based lubricants tend to dry out quickly. or reading. you can type or hold a glass of water in your dominant hand for example. like reading a book. Take in some deep breaths and relax. You can sit in a chair or lie on a bed. start exploring the outer surfaces of your vulva. and then use one or two fingers to explore the contours. If you do not use the hand you write with. Focus on the primary activity you are engaged in. Cup your vulva and hold it in the palm of your hand. If appropriate. latex or vinyl surgical gloves may be necessary.You will need a bath towel and a lubricant that is safe to apply to your vulva. If your vulva is easily irritated or very sensitive. surfing the net. you want it dripping wet. It is okay to pause. The challenge is to remain focused on the book. Start the movie. surfing the Internet. but not in the vagina. whatever is most comfortable for you during this activity. You should be surprised to realize you are "playing" with your vulva.
learning to orgasm is going to be much easier. Your partner can be present during these activities as long as they are not a distraction or do not expect you to put on a show. but do not focus on it. as it requires you to set aside time for yourself on a regular basis and engage in a relaxing activity. You should be surprised when you realize you are holding or caressing your vulva when engaged in the primary activity. You have achieved success when you can explore and toy with your vulva for a full half hour. maintain it at a low level. the more out of reach it is likely to become. This is not going to happen overnight. like a young child. Do not try to bring about a high level of sexual arousal or orgasm. You want to repeat this activity as frequently as possible. You know you are doing it but it slips to the back of your mind. This is especially true if you find you hit a wall when trying to experience orgasm. If something feels good. easier said than done. daily when circumstances permit. If you notice yourself becoming aroused. you will hopefully discover ways of stimulating your vulva that feel pleasurable. sexual arousal and orgasm become more difficult to experience. fine. explore it. This exercise has several purposes other than the primary one. or at least noticeable. You want it to become totally natural. It should become a matter of habit. the less aware you are of what you are doing the better. not intent. touch. as if absent mindedly playing with your hair or a piece of clothing.You want the hand between your legs to have a mind of its own. You want to totally unlearn the believe that "good girls" do not play with. With time. With . You do not want to feel the least inhibited about doing it. It may take several month for you to go from being insensitive to vulvar stimulation to being acutely aware of it. The more you try to have an orgasm. If you learn to lie or sit there and arouse yourself. I know. If the primary activity momentarily distracts you from touching your vulva. but do not get yourself so aroused it is distracting from the main activity. more so than setting a goal of and attempting to experiencing orgasm from the start. If you are always on the go or wound up. second nature. or more. and not know that you have. These are very important to a healthy sex life. or fondle their genitals. and can maintain that arousal.
Engaging in twenty minutes of sustained physical activity each day will help with blood flow. and the longer blood engorgement is maintained. to a small degree. the more her blood vessels and erectile tissues may develop. This can be done through walks. Without the increased blood flow her vulva and clitoris may be insensitive or overly sensitive to stimulation and her vagina will not adequately lubricate. (Large genitals structures are the result of heredity. blood carries the chemicals that allow the physical aspects of arousal to occur. Sexual fantasy is another way of increasing blood flow to the genitals. not masturbation and frequent sexual activity as some claim.) Any activity that increases blood flow to the vulva may enhance arousal. bicycling. etc. Frequent stimulation of the vulva and clitoris will likely have the same result. but making a physical connection. If your . Pump Me Up! Blood flow is essential to sexual arousal and vaginal lubrication. this is not about sex. though the use of additional lubrication will most likely be a necessity.time. so do the blood vessels and erectile tissues. and relieve stress. The more frequently a woman stimulates and causes blood flow to increase in her genitals. jogging. overall health. If a woman does not have adequate blood flow to her vulva and vagina. they should become so accustomed to you doing it they are less aware of it than you. swimming. if they experienced satisfactory sexual response in the past. This is why the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a clit pump for the treatment of sexual dysfunction. Again. she may have trouble experiencing arousal and orgasm. Viagra may help women who have decreased genital blood flow. While nerve impulses may start the arousal process. Similar to how nerve pathways develop with use.
If you do not experience sexual desire. While in the shower after exercise is a good time to explore your vulva. A potential problem is created by society's frequent denial of female sexual desire. It is also a good time. while you are still warmed up. Before many women can learn to experience orgasm they must acknowledge and accept their sexual desire. if you are not horny. Desire's Influence If you try to engage in a sexual activity. increased blood flow will occur throughout your pelvic and genital region. prior to showering." Teens and women often learn to believe their sexual arousal is an indication of being "in love. As an adult. it is less likely to be an enjoyable experience. and when one takes into consideration the consequences of prior knowledge and social conditioning. or you are in denial of its presence. this is usually indicated by the frequency of sexual thoughts and arousal. when you are not experiencing sexual desire..heart rate increases. having learned to ignore it. If your body is not working with you. learning to experience orgasm can be significantly more challenging. You need to know if you are experiencing sexual desire on any given day. solo or with a partner. to engage in the activity described in the prior section. is a good time for sexual activities. it certainly aids in the processes." or suppress and ignore their sexual feelings altogether. you may be unaware of your desire. and its level in comparison to other days. In simple terms. While sexual desire is not essential too arousal and orgasm. Immediately after exercise. it may very well work against you. Since a woman's menstrual cycle often causes her desire to be . and learn to know its rhythms. "good girls" are not "sexually active" nor should they "desire sex. you may not be prepared for sex or sexual pleasure and they could be unattainable. Women are usually expected to be sexually passive. it may be essential to over coming those barriers.
One cannot fault women who seek sexual pleasure and relaxation on a regular basis. your estrogen level drops rapidly after ovulation and is at its lowest during menstruation. If your body is in a defensive mode it is unlikely to welcome sexual responses. While some women can and do masturbate to orgasm one or more times a day every day and others masturbate once a month. orgasm may require more mental than physical stimulation. Good Versus Bad Tension. The hormone estrogen is an anti-testosterone so as it varies during your cycle so does your active testosterone level. you are less likely to experience orgasm. If you want to have an orgasm you need to be relaxed and feel good about yourself and your current surroundings. and their daily level of desire. On days when your level of desire is lower. run. It is not a bad idea for women to keep a written record of their menstrual cycle. even if you are highly . mating. frequency of experiencing arousal and/or orgasm. If your body is tense as a result of negative feelings. You may learn you can engage in a sexual activity with the likelihood of orgasm occurring only a few days each cycle. Negative tension is a defensive mechanism. this requires her to acknowledge that cycle and the limits it may place on her sexual responses. The key is achieving an understanding of your body.cyclic. is an inherently risky activity so your body will say no to sex if you are feeling at risk. negative tension. If your mind and body are telling you to find safety. There is another form of tension that results from negative feelings within ourselves towards things around us. neither woman is better off or more "normal" than the other. and sexual activities. sexual arousal and orgasm are going to be more difficult to achieve. Orgasm is the release of sexual tension in the body. Sex. Sexual tension develops as a result of mental and physical sexual stimulation. but the body may not always be willing.
as a result frustration. release the negative tension. Crying is not a bad emotion or harmful. You will not be able to surrender control of your body. and then close your second hand around it making a second fist. sexual arousal and orgasm will be harder to achieve. prevents it. Releasing Negative Tension . this sexual tension is released very slowly and you feel sexually frustrated and may actually feel physically ill. Many women become so tense while masturbating. though frequent childhood masturbation could indicate emotional stress. It is a matter of degree and duration. You do not want to place yourself in that state very often as it is very detrimental to sexual pleasure. Not until you open your outer hand. If you had a really stressful day. you cannot because your second fist. it is less likely for you to be able to become aroused and experience orgasm. can you open your inner hand. If you try to open your first fist. have an orgasm. If you make a fist out of one of your hands. When orgasm does not occur. A toddler may masturbate because it helps her fall asleep. and apprehension that they in effect tighten their whole body into a tight fist. it simply has become impossible to release. negative feelings.aroused and want too. The sexual tension is there. trying too hard. You are likely aware of accounts of women who masturbate to orgasm to help them relax and fall asleep. the negative tension. If you are so tense you want to cry. but the stress she experiences is not likely to be as intense as that experienced by adults and teens. symbolizing the release of sexual tension through orgasm. though after a good cry relieves the physical and emotional tension you may be ready for arousal and orgasm. you demonstrate sexual tension combined with negative tension. A fist within a fist. Their daily stress induced tension is not likely to be intense or chronic and therefore does not become a barrier to orgasm. preventing orgasm.
floor. use it. Close your eyes. preferably loose fitting cloths like a dress or skirt and possibly take your bra and panties off beforehand. Take time to explore your body. Press your tongue against the top of your mouth to tense your jaw muscles. Squeeze your butt cheeks together. find a quiet corner. Scrunch your face up. do not clench your teeth. If nothing else. Concentrate on one area of your body and flex and relax the muscles there. and any time during the day you feel stressed. Then massage body lotion or oil into your entire body. If you live alone this may not be a challenge but if you live with family or roommates it can be. You can press your arms and legs against the bed. or sit in your car that is parked in a quiet area. Do not wait until the end of the day when you are exhausted to do this.You should learn how to release negative tension if you cannot avoid it all together. breath deeply in through your nose. have your spouse. explore. lay on your bed. Take deep breaths. When you feel good and relaxed dry yourself gently. parents. Think about your hand and make a fist. If your place of work has a shower. Imagine that you are urinating and want to stop the flow of urine. go to the park. Feel. to touch it. If at work. Think about your thighs and tighten the muscles there. hold for a couple seconds. relax it. If you have children. your pelvic muscles . When at home. or lay on a soft mat on the floor. which is very unlikely for the average person in our fast paced lives. or chair to cause some muscles in them to tighten. The simplest and quickest way is through deep breathing. exhale deeply through your mouth. Take a hot bath or shower and let the heat soak into your body. You should feel tension drain from your body. skip doing the laundry. Find time for yourself. and stimulate your body. You will then want to tense and relax each muscle in your body one at a time. Get in the habit of doing this before beginning to masturbate or participate in partner sex. or neighbors take them for an hour or two each week. nude if you are comfortable doing so. You can do this with your cloths on. stretch out on the couch. Ask your boss if you can work fifteen minutes extra four days a week so you can take an hour off on the fifth day. or take a long lunch. and repeat.
If you are able to show off your vulva. at least once so she can see and explore her genitals unobstructed. cleaning. out through your mouth. You should do this on a regular basis. when you do your monthly breast exam do a vulvar exam too. especially if has nothing to do with hygiene. they are perfectly normal. Start at one point on your body. You may be surprised to learn how much is there. say your left foot. you will be able to identify individual muscles. growing pubic hair. but with time and guidance from the information in the anatomy and Q&A sections you will soon be able to identify everything. no matter how your genitals may look. that there is a lot "down there". to keep tabs on your genital health. If you cannot look at your genitals and feel good about what you see. i. in through your nose. Every woman should consider trimming her pubic hair short. it can be confusing at first. these are called Kegel exercises. it makes it much more difficult for you to touch your vulva and enjoy it. and relax.e. any daily activity that requires you to look at and touch your vulva is beneficial. Basically discover/rediscover her genitals for the first time since puberty. it may give you a little more self confidence too. Learn to distinguish the difference between a tensed and relaxed muscle. With practice. and possibly shaving her vulva. There is more there than a hole and hair. It is also not a bad idea to get in the habit of doing stretching exercises to help relieve muscular tension. Identify all your bits and pieces. . and work your way up the left side of your body and then down the right side of your body. In addition. Learn Your Body It is highly recommended that you get a mirror and look at your vulva and learn what is there.will tighten. Yes. Do not forget about your deep breathing. Remember.
not something that turns them on. and enjoy the pleasure it can give you. An orgasmic woman is going to feel better about her body than a woman who does not experience orgasm. . and they learn this when very young. Nobody's body is perfect. you need to be able to look at and touch it. Don't allow yourself. Sexual Fantasy Sexual fantasy is often essential to masturbation and orgasm. to be misled by the anorexic airbrushed female bodies shown in magazines. They think about what they are doing or trying to achieve. they don't exist in real life. as hard as it may be. it is still very capable of giving you pleasure. The more pleasure you allow you body to give you. It is often the missing ingredient in many women's masturbation sessions.Try relaxing around the house while nude and letting it all hang out. allowing the air to stimulate your vulva. and outside if circumstances permit. with all its imperfections. They learn as girls to get approval from others by the way they look. read one in a book or magazine. boys traditionally get approval by what they do. Go shopping while wearing a dress or skirt with nothing underneath. and have unrealistic expectations too. You can certainly choose clothing that conceals the fact you are bare bottomed underneath. not how they look . the naughtiness may sexually arouse you. Women almost always judge their body and that of other women much more harshly than men. Not only is is healthier to do so. Despite how you feel it looks. Your partner certainly does not have perfect body so why must you? Even if you are not totally happy with your body. You have to be able to openly think about sex and create a fantasy world if you are to discover your full sexual potential. if you allow it to. wishing it was somehow different. no one's. You don't have to be a good girl all the time. the more you will find that you like your body. If you are not able to create a sexual fantasy of your own.
it likely means you are tired and stressed. as can watching an erotic video. so do . Remember to go-slow and stay relaxed and breath. only then start caressing your genitals. Another wonderful teaching tool is videos that feature women masturbating to authentic orgasms. Think about sex all day at work or school. pamper your body.Perhaps you can read a romance novel that sexually arouses you. go home take a hot bath or shower. Try to get yourself worked up and aroused before trying to masturbate. the better prepared you will be to discover your own unique way. While masturbation is simple in some ways. this may help you to know if and when you experience your first orgasm. apply lotion to your entire body. Learning to Masturbate One of the best ways to learn how to masturbate is by reading what other women have to say about their individual masturbation technique(s). and other sources. so the more methods you read about. Watching another woman masturbate to orgasm conveys much more information than written word can. Looking at nude or sexually explicit pictures on the Internet could put you in the mood. or sexual desire is absent. and then read a sexual passage in a book or look at erotic pictures. think about sex some more. the better prepared you will be to learn how to masturbate to orgasm. so consider giving them a try. and how they went about learning them. it is complex in others. think about sex some more. On the page about sexual arousal and orgasm there is access to a video clip that shows the pelvic muscle contractions of orgasm. Many women are sexually aroused by adult videos. When you are sexually aroused and feel as if your genitals are on fire. Every woman's masturbation technique is unique. The more information you acquire from this website. go relax on your bed or couch. it is falsely believed women are not turned on visually but this is very untrue. If arousal does not come about as a result of fantasy or erotica.
Caress your legs and thighs. but only for 15-20 minutes at a time. If you feel yourself get tense. Do not tire or stress yourself out. Do this exercise as often as possible. and know when you are relaxed. Massage body lotion or oil into your face and body. hence the need for sexual fantasy and desire. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. but at peace. or sit in a comfortable chair and slowly start to explore your nude or semi nude body. Pull and tug on your pubic hair. do so in front of a large mirror. Try to wake up those dormant nerve endings. If possible. try something else. Don't head directly for your clitoris. The clitoris of some women does not become erect or is hidden by surrounding tissues so they must guide . When you have learned to relax your entire body. The intent of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed. not compelled to go further. that may prove more beneficial. stop what you are doing. A good time to do this is when you climb into bed at night. Simply give yourself time and opportunity to learn. if you find them sensitive to sexual stimulation. You need the blood flowing to your vulva prior to clitoral stimulation. stand. If something does not feel good. breath deeply and relax. Feel the warmth and firmness of it. If you are not adequately aroused it may be insensitive or overly sensitive to your touch. fifty percent of women do not. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles while trying different pressures.not fault yourself it does not come easy to you. After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia. You want to feel a little aroused. but if you can arrange time earlier in the day. when you are sexually aroused. Run your fingers and hands across your body. If you do not find areas of your body sensitive to stimulation. lay on a bed. Explore your breasts. Perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. then it is likely you are not experiencing sexual desire and arousal. and a slow approach. play with your nipples. Do not try to experience orgasm. say upon waking. Do things that feel pleasurable to you. or if shaven toy with the stubble or explore the smoothness of the skin.
themselves by what feels the best. Some women may need to locate their clitoris with a mirror, as they may not be able to detect it with their fingers; this is not an unusual occurrence. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even jiggle them wildly over your clitoris. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina, or a dildo if you have one. Remember to breath deeply. Do a mental check, are you relaxed? If you are not relaxed, stop masturbating and start doing your relaxation exercises. Again, only do this for 15-20 minutes at a time, 30 minutes maximum at this stage. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise. If you are thinking about having an orgasm, you need to slow down, relax, and redirect your thoughts. You do not want your brain to know you are about to have an orgasm. Try relaxing and masturbating a couple times each session. Relax for 5 minutes, masturbate for 10 minutes, relax for another 5 minutes, and masturbate for another 10 minutes. When you find you can masturbate for 10 minutes without tensing up, do it for 15 minutes, then 20, then 30. If you find your fingers or body are getting tired or sore, stop and rest. You may also be pressing too hard, so trying using less pressure, and perhaps more mental stimulation. You probably will not experience orgasm the very first or first few times you try these exercises so do not try to. Simply enjoy the pleasures of touching yourself, as if you were a young girl exploring her body prior to knowing about orgasms. If you get to a point where you suddenly find your body is super tense you are trying too hard. Try to enjoy your body and the pleasure it gives you, not orgasm. You want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot, you are probably trying too hard. You cannot force your body to have an orgasm. If you reach this point, stop and relax. If you are frustrated, crying will actually help relax you and release the tension.
Become an Explorer
Not having an erect penis to contend with allows women to masturbate fully clothed and in public. If you are having trouble masturbating to orgasm by touching your genitals directly, leave your cloths on and start walking about your home and press and rub your genitals against everything you see. Try rubbing against furniture, appliances, beds, pillows, and your favorite stuffed animal (big ones work great). You name it, try it. Cool metal against bare skin may provide a pleasant shock. Try to picture yourself as a young girl who is realizing it feels good to press her vulva against things. When you find something that feels good, do it for a short while, stop for a few minutes, and start again or try something different. As a young girl, it is unlikely you would press your vulva against something for the first time, realize it felt good, and continued until orgasm in one session. You would keep going back and do it over and over again, until one day it felt really really good. Always stay relaxed, you want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. Remember, a young girl has no concept of orgasm even if she experiences them. You may want to try this wearing only panties, a nightgown, or even nude. Try wearing panties of different material, to get the right amount of friction. Placing a really thick maxi-pad or a small folded washcloth in your panties may recreate the feeling and padding a diaper provided as a young girl. Also try applying lubrication to your vulva, make it slippery, so your labia and clitoris slip and slide. You might try straddling a pillow while lying in bed, rocking your hips slowly, and sucking on the your thumb, role playing the part of a young girl in bed.
If you enjoy touching yourself with your fingers and can orgasm that way wonderful, but even then there may be times when you may want to experience the quick release a vibrator can provide. If you are trying to learn how to experience orgasm but your fingers get tired before you do, then try a high quality electric vibrator, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand. Not one of those cheap plastic phallus shaped vibrators, not that they are not useful at times, because they probably wont serve you as well as a $50 investment. While not always true with sex toys, in general you get what you pay for. Inserting a phallus shaped vibrator or dildo may not do anything for you, but on the other hand, inserting one into your vagina and/or anus may be the key to orgasm for you. Also consider trying a dildo as some women are sensitive to only vaginal/G-Spot stimulation, or need a combination of different types of stimulation. Other women require anal stimulation so consider experimenting with anal toys, and if your nipples are sensitive you may want to try nipple clamps, yes kinky but effective. If you are worried about going numb or becoming addicted to your vibrator, then use it on a low setting, and keep your pants on or place a folded towel over your vulva to soften the vibrations. You may not orgasm as quickly, but you will not condition yourself to intense sensations either. There is certainly nothing wrong with turning a vibrator on high and having a quick orgasm if you so desire. Keep in mind that many women are able to experience orgasm only while using a vibrator, they are not addicted, they simply know what works best. If something works, you use it. Vibrators were originally designed with the intent of stimulating women to orgasm, as manual stimulation was time consuming, or did not provide stimulation that was sustainable or intense enough to bring many women to orgasm. Vibrators were created as a labor saving device.
An Orgasm is an Orgasm is an Orgasm!!!
No matter what you find you need to do to experience orgasm, that orgasm is equal to one given to you by stimulation caused by your partner's penis, which in general is very unlikely. If you judge the cause or nature of your orgasms you are doing yourself needless harm. If you need your stuffed animal or vibrator to reach orgasm, then bring them to bed along with your partner. You are not abnormal, but rather like millions of women just like you. Never fake orgasm, this only tends to backfire. By faking orgasm you are telling your partner they are doing everything correctly, which is probably opposite what you should be telling them. While you may give them an ego boost, your own self esteem is perhaps lowered. This makes experiencing orgasm more difficult to experience.
No Orgasm: No Intercourse!
If you are pre-orgasmic, do not engage vaginal intercourse with your partner, at least not on a regular basis. The reason being, the majority of women do not experience orgasm as a result of vaginal stimulation alone. It is an activity where your partner is more likely to experience orgasm than you, and may cause you to feel left out and resentful. If participating in intercourse makes you feel good, womanly, and close to your partner, then engage in it occasionally but not always. If you engage in intercourse, ensure you clitoris is directly stimulated by you, your partner, or a vibrator, if you desire orgasm. Absolutely never fake an orgasm during intercourse.
During partner sex you want to ensure stimulation of your clitoris and/or other erogenous areas is the main event. Hug and kiss, give each other a full body massage, masturbate, engage in mutual masturbation, explore oral sex, and give anal stimulation a try. Consider engaging in non-penile forms of vaginal stimulation, perhaps use fingers or a dildo for G-Spot stimulation. Ensure your clitoris or erogenous areas receive as much, if not more, attention than his penis or her clitoris. Make sure your partner explores and stimulates your entire body, not only your clitoris. They will need to arouse you prior to stimulating your clitoris. Make sure you engage in periods of physical intimacy where orgasm is not the intent for either of you, do not confuse intimacy and sex. If your partner, male or female, is able to experience orgasm when you are unable to, it not unusual to feel left out and jealous, it is only normal. You may even become angry if they have an orgasm and you do not. Why do they get to if you cannot? You may feel they should go without too. If you do not experience orgasm, is it fair for them to go without, and would you want them too? On the other hand, who said life is always fair? While trading orgasms is not wise or realistic, your partner should probably go without at times too. They should focus their efforts on you, not themselves. While you do not need to have a fixed schedule, you certainly can take turns when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure. You both do not need to experience orgasm during every sexual experience to be happy or enjoy sex. Giving pleasure can be as enjoyable, if not more enjoyable, than receiving it. One day you can give them pleasure, the next day or time they give you pleasure. Take turns giving and being selfish. If you face major challenges to experiencing orgasm, partner sex may not be an option. If you are uncomfortable with physical intimacy, looking at or touching your body, or with masturbation, it is more difficult to enjoy sex with a partner. You simply may not be ready for partner sex at this point in your sexual development. If you have not explored and discovered your own sexuality, trying to with a partner could provide confusion rather than a solution. You are not responsible for your partner's sexual pleasure so it is certainly appropriate to tell them they must rely on masturbation to achieve their sexual pleasure. If they are truly concerned about your well being they will be understanding and supportive. If they
as well as most others. The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. Female Ejaculation From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981. L Ac. Female body fluids are even considered harmful by many. there are societies in . views all forms of liquid that are produced by the female body with great disdain.feel they have a "right" to have sex with you. Women are not permitted to openly perform most normal bodily functions. it is not seen as being feminine. they simply do not deserve to have sex with you. NP Female Body Fluids Before discussing female ejaculation I will first address female body fluids in general. RNC. Our society.
Their manhood is measured by their ability to produce large quantities of semen. deodorant and antiperspirant ads drive home the idea. If a man can cover his partner with his body fluids. normal. holding their urine all day until they get home. and is never questioned. in the mouth. she has made a dirty mess.which menstruating women are thought to cause crops to fail and livestock to die. Women are expected to maintain a dry pristine appearance regardless of their current physical activity. Today. This is an interesting double standard. Are they perhaps afraid to be seen as less than pure by others? Sweaty men are seen as sexual. Women who produce large quantities of vaginal lubrication. Tampon and sanitary napkin advertising stresses the products ability to conceal a woman's menstruation from others more than their primary task of absorbing menses. It is hard to relax and enjoy sex if you are worried about sweating heavily or producing too much vaginal lubrication. There are girls and women who learn to dislike the idea of urinating in a public bathroom. It is even idolized in adult movies. "Do not let them see you sweat. They write their name in the snow with their urine and see who can ejaculate the furthest." Women are told they need special stronger deodorants made just for them. Mothers once told their daughters it was unwise to engage in sports. This creates a significant barrier to sexual pleasure for women. as boys would see them sweaty and disheveled and this was seen as unattractive. virile. Most women would prefer to have their fingernails ripped out one by one than be seen having an "accident. Female sexuality is marred by these unwritten laws. and who ejaculate have . sweat. If a woman gets her body fluids on her partner that is another story. a woman should be able to do the same." menstruating in public. and on and in the body of their partner and it is seen as normal. Men making a mess with their ejaculate is seen as unavoidable. Men can ejaculate on the face.
As a result of the taboos concerning female body fluids. enjoy ejaculating. be it sweat. ejaculate. Give yourself permission to have fun and enjoy sex. let her. if she ejaculates uncontrollably. Before a woman can learn to ejaculate. There is nothing that is inherently bad about them. it is normal and she cannot help it. and enjoy sex in general she must accept her bodily fluids as normal. These fluids are a normal and natural part of women's lives. . A woman cannot allow herself to ejaculate and experience potentially earth-shattering orgasms if she cannot let go when the pressure or urge to ejaculate arises. vaginal lubrication. Social mores concerning female body fluids can significantly restrict female sexuality and pleasure. Why this great importance over the exact nature of this fluid squirting from women's bodies? Does it really matter whether it is urine or ejaculate? If a woman gets a thrill out of squirting urine at the moment of orgasm. so be it. she is normal. If she ejaculates urine they suggest she has a medical problem and is not normal. the main motivation behind the studies into female ejaculation appears to be the determination of whether or not the expelled fluid is urine. It is not our place to judge a woman's sexual pleasure. She must not question the nature or quantity of her wetness. Since women have no control over the release of these fluids during sexual activities some avoid sex all together rather than risk being seen as less than feminine by their partner. Some believe that if a woman ejaculates a liquid that is not urine like a man. Though a woman's desire for sex may increase during her menstrual period she may not engage in sex during this time because she fears she will make a mess of things and is inherently undesirable.been known to avoid sex rather than expose their partner or themselves to these fluids. Ladies. menses. give yourself permission to get wet and messy. or urine. are we to say she has a problem? Do we mean to take this pleasure away from her? If a woman squirts urine at the moment of orgasm. Authors who write about the G spot strive to persuade their readers that female ejaculate is not urine.
A Female Prostate? Click on Image to Enlarge From the book Eve's Secrets By Josephine Lowndes Sevely. From the book: The Ciba Collection of Medical Illustrations: Volume 2. Netter. Reproductive System Prepared by: Frank H. Copyright 1987 Josephine Lowndes Sevely 2. M. prior to the male fetus being able to produce its own hormones. As a result. the tissue that develops into the male prostate gland also exists in women. by the presence of the Y chromosome. Copyright 1954 and 1965 Ciba Pharmaceutical Company. The production of testosterone in male fetuses is not triggered until around the seventh or eighth week of fetal development.4cm equals approxitmately 1 inch During early fetal development both male and female fetuses start out being physically female. .D. This necessitates that female fetuses initially have rudimentary organs that could develop into either "male" or "female" reproductive and sexual organs.
even if they do not believe you. These glands produce the same alkaline fluid as the male prostate. There has been an ongoing debate concerning the presence of the female paraurethral glands for hundreds of years. it is not really appropriate to say women have a prostate gland." The largest of these glands. are located near the urethral orifice and may in some cases open into the vulva." people usually have no idea as to what you are talking about. These glands surround the female urethra on all sides and empty into it through many small ducts. as demonstrated in the illustration at the top of the page. The female paraurethral glands do not form together into a single gland that drains through two ducts into the urethra as in the case of the male. size. and simplifies the explanation. or Prostate? Since the female pararethral glands do not have the same structure as the male prostate. but not the debate.The female prostate is actually a collection of paraurethral glands. The term "female prostate" is often employed since people already have some familiarity with the "male prostate" and can make a correlation between the two. There are enough similarities between the two that it not a completely inappropriate statement to make. The quantity. Skene's Glands. "Paraurethral" simply means "near the urethra." These glands can be seen in the two illustrations shown above. If you say "paraurethral glands. Even before the . Urethral Sponge.) The paraurethral glands are also called "Skene's Glands. and placement of these glands varies from woman to woman. Paraurethral Glands. (Additional illustrations from the book Eve's Secrets by Josephine Lowndes Sevely can be seen in the Anatomy section. there may be as many as thirty or more. During sexual arousal the paraurethral glands fill with fluid and may in some cases be felt through the vaginal wall.
The two glands located closest to the vulva are often called "Skene's glands. the fluid produced by them had been known to exist since perhaps the dawn of time. as well as his name. Why such varying observations and opinions? Primarily the differences in their observations can be attributed to the fact the earlier observers did not have the same type or level of education.paraurethral glands were observed. a female prostate. . Early investigators. In the above illustration by Dr. others have supported the two gland theory ever since. two glands that drained into the urethra. he has labeled some of the glands as para-urethal or pari-urethral and the ones located closest to the urethral orifice as Skene's glands. for at least one hundred years prior. the mixing of the male and female fluids was thought to result in conception. of human anatomy have observed what appeared to them to be. the language barrier and confusion caused by translations and passage of time. The paraurethral glands and Skene's glands are though the same thing. As can been seen in the illustration shown below. 1700's to present. Female ejaculation was once thought to be required if conception was to occur. The difference in the names used to describe these glands and their perceived quantity has led to some confusion. and the anatomy of the paraurethral glands vary from woman to woman. It is likely they were all correct. or no ducts and glands at all. believing he was the first to observe them. given the circumstances of their observations. Netter. even though others had already known about the existence of a female prostate. Add to this. a mixture of small and large ducts and glands. multiple ducts that drained into the urethra." This is because Skene oberserved only two glands and named them after himself. or multiple paraurethral glands. His description of the paraurethral glands has taken hold.
C.A. The Williams & Wilkins Company What Causes the Swelling? In the illustration shown at the top of the page. If the end result is the same. This results in the tissue becoming firm to the touch. The corpus spongiosum tissue of the penis does not extend as far as the prostate gland. the tissue surrounding the urethra is labeled as the "urethral sponge. not female. I propose this may not be the case. the cause would have to be the same. corpus spongiosum. The tissue surrounding the female urethra is thought by many to be the same as that surrounding the male urethra. The tissue surrounding the female urethra fills with blood during sexual arousal.D.Click on Image to See Full Size From the book Human Sex Anatomy By Robert Latou Dickinson M. how can it also surround the paraurethral . The female inner labia and vestibule glands are comprised of corpus spongiosum and would have formed the tissue surrounding the urethra as it passed through the penis had the genetic coding specified male. this would seem to make sense.S. If we have already accounted for the erectile tissue in women. F." the paraurethal glands are imbedded in this tissue.. as is the case in the male. Copyright 1949.
a short distance into and above the vagina. is it not possible the paraurethral glands kick into high gear and fill with prostatic fluid? I propose the discernable swelling surrounding the female urethra is caused by the accumulation of alkaline fluid in the paraurethral glands. The female urethra is part of the vagina. and that in some cases can be felt through the vaginal wall. This would perhaps account for the small area that swells and projects into the vagina. The vagina and urethra cannot be separated as is usually indicated in anatomy illustrations." NOTE: The clitoris surrounds the urethra on three sides. as does the vestibule glands and bulbocavernous muscles. two photographs in Sevely's book showing the cross-sections of the male and female urethras do not appear to show the same type tissue surrounding the male and female urethras. The urethra passes through the tissue of the vagina. the vagina has a rich blood supply and fills with blood during sexual arousal. For these photographs to show the same types of tissue would they not have to be cross-sections of the male and female prostate? I believe these photographs show the male corpus spongiosum and the female paraurethral glands. especially since this is not the case in men? To my untrained eyes.glands. One would not then expect to see the same type tissue. one being quite large. In addition. . The tissue surrounding the urethra is rich in blood vessels. not a totally separate organ. as the below illustrations clearly show. along the outer third of the urethra. The clitoris and vestibule glands also swell with blood during sexual arousal. It may also account for the concept of a "G spot. If the tissue surrounding the urethra is engorged with blood. This increased blood flow has already been found to cause vaginal lubrication. sometimes in significant amounts. The illustration from Sevely's book shown above reveals a large collection of glands. not solely by the swelling of erectile tissue.
Copyright 1954 and 1965 Ciba Pharmaceutical Company. The glands may simply overflow with fluid and as a result it seeps out. Reproductive System Prepared by: Frank H. Urine or Ejaculate? . it is an alkaline liquid secreted by the paraurethral glands. The expelled or released fluid is not urine. The paraurethral glands produce an enzyme called prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP) and glucose (a sugar). Netter.From the book: The Ciba Collection of Medical Illustrations: Volume 2. M. These substances have been found in much higher quantities in female ejaculate than are found in urine.D. even if they are not aware of it. The fluid from the paraurethral glands is released or expelled during orgasm as a result of pelvic muscle contractions. Stimulation of the G spot or paraurethral gland is not required for this to occur and it may occur in the absence of orgasm. Do All Women Ejaculate? The latest research indicates the possibility that all women produce female ejaculate.
all of the fluid emitted from a woman's urethra is ejaculate. or only urine. There is no accurate way of determining whether a woman is voluntarily squirting urine. I'm not aware of any color. the liquid is likely a mixture of ejaculate and urine. that is only natural. It is clear though that most if not all women produce the alkaline fluid in at least small quantities.I have already explained above that the paraurethral glands do in fact produce an alkaline fluid. In some cases. There is research that concludes it is only ejaculate or that it is mostly urine with traces of ejaculate. he states his research has shown the majority of the fluid that is expelled originates in the bladder. NOTE: In her book The Clitoral Truth Rebecca Chalker states a simple smell test will tell you if it is urine or ejaculate. it is urine. but it is not appropriate to judge them. or scent test that can be applied to the expelled liquid that will accurately distinguish them from one another. taste. The research that has been done often provided conflicting results. These fluids all exit the body through the urethra so the visible source is the same for them all. It may seep out versus be expelled and be confused with sweat and vaginal lubrication. We are left with no other choice than to see them as indistinguishable. experiencing incontinence. in every instance. Gary Schubach. This may be true but what difference does or should it make? My concern is that if a woman or her partner decides she is squirting urine then they may see it as undesirable. If you read the information presented on the website of Dr. the same. Is a woman urinating or ejaculating? This is a question that cannot be answer outside a medical lab. If the fluid has a acrid scent. It is okay to be curious about these fluids. it really does not matter what type of fluid is expelled and being concerned about it may create a barrier to pleasure for women. There has not been sufficient research done to clarify exactly what the fluid is. In other cases. My position is. but this expelled . inappropriate. or ejaculating at the moment of orgasm.
but not for couples needing to practice safe sex. Research into female ejaculation is still in its infancy so I am sure we can find flaws in all the studies when looking back at them. the bladder sphincter is normally closed. urine would simply flow out and there would be no "ejaculation" of fluid.) Some have found their menstrual cycle influences the type of fluid expelled. consistency. Schybach's research is still important but it provides only part of the picture. There is one flaw with his methodology. In his research. the woman’s bladder was emptied using a catheter prior to orgasm. most women's ejaculate will vary with time. (It is safe for a person to taste their own ejaculate. especially as new research becomes available. If it were not. does this passage normally exists even if only momentarily? Some claim otherwise or that fluid enters the bladder rather than exiting from it. would it normally be expelled during orgasm? Are all women the same or are there "normal variations?" Dr. Analysis of the fluid expelled during orgasm is the basis for his claim. and even taste. During orgasm. other times thick and pungent. What you eat is likely to have an effect on it. It is safe to say. smell. a catheter was in place and connected to a urine collection bag. There are women who report that it is sometimes clear and odorless. as will how much liquid you have consumed. How Much Liquid is Released? . and for couples who already exchange body fluids. Others report that it sometimes looks and smells like urine. Women who expel fluid during orgasm report the color. What is the significance of creating an artificial passage and collecting the fluid expelled from the bladder during pelvic muscles contractions? During orgasm.fluid is not quite normal urine. Even if fluid does collect in the bladder during sexual arousal. varies from one occurrence to the next. even during a single sexual episode.
Who Has A G Spot? Defining the "Grafenberg spot" or "G spot" is not a simple task.8 ml]. more research needs to be done to clarify this. Two cups is a lot of liquid. Most would simply say it is an area of high sensitivity located within the paraurethral structures. One study found women produced 30 to 50 ccs [7 to 15 oz][30 to 50 ml] in 30 to 50 seconds. If the paraurethral glands can store less than 1 oz of liquid where does the other 14 ounces come from? Keep in mind these glands will continue to produce fluid for as long as a woman is sexually aroused. she may have a very distinct G spot.87 oz [26 ml]. as is often the case. Even if the glands were to swell to fill an area 1 inch (2. If this is all true. If the paraurethral glands do have the capacity to fill and empty at a rapid rate. If a woman is not sexually aroused. To produce this much fluid the glands would need to fill and empty once or more times per second.The amount of fluid released by the paraurethral glands is reported to vary from a couple drops to almost two cups. If the same woman is highly aroused and her paraurethral glands are engorged with prostatic fluid. releases of fluid occurred.30 oz][3 to 5 ml] per second on average.23 to 0. can it really be that much? The paraurethral glands surround the urethra in an area about half an inch [1. she may not have a G spot. and as result a woman could produce more than 1 oz of ejaculate if multiple.8 cm] in length. the sensitivity of this area is not likely to be constant.25 cm] in diameter and 1. There are . That means the paraurethral glands would need to produce 3 to 5 ccs [0. the more she would ejaculate. 15 ounces [444 ml].163 oz [4.5 cm] in diameter and 2 inches [5 cm] in length they could still only hold 0. Obviously. perhaps using ultrasound to observe the glands during sexual arousal and orgasm. it is possible for a woman to ejaculate a considerable amount of fluid without it being urine or liquid from the bladder.5 inches [3. that would explain the large volumes of fluid measured by some investigators. An area of this size when filled with water can hold 0. It would also mean the longer a woman's orgasm lasted. The problem with this definition is. or a continuous.
The urethra extends back from the urethral opening. Each woman will create her own definition. into the body. All women have these and it is likely that they all produce at least a small amount of fluid that may seep out and mix with the other fluids that are present in much larger quantities. below the clitoris. The urethral opening is located directly above the vaginal opening. This is in part why people have trouble finding it.8 to 5 cm]. The G spot indicates the "sensitivity" of a non-specific area of tissue. The next question for debate concerns whether or not "all" women have a G spot or G crest.perhaps women who are not aware of a G spot even though they ejaculate and experience a more intense orgasm if their paraurethral glands are stimulated." How Do You Locate the Paraurethral Glands? How does one locate these paraurethral glands? Quite simply. these glands can become infected and cause pain and discomfort during urination. along the front or upper wall of the vagina for 1. While you can see the urethral opening. one valid only for her. The "G-Crest" defines the swollen "condition" of the paraurethral glands during sexual arousal. There are no anatomical structures with these names. What one needs to look for are the paraurethral glands. you cannot . NOTE: As in the case of men. you locate the urethra. though it can be hard to find in some cases. This is not really a valid question. Women who experience chronic urinary infections or pain should consult with a doctor to see if they may have the female equivalent of "prostatitis.5 to 2 inches [3. You can see it with your bare eyes. urethral meatus. It is for these reasons that it is important for people not to form a concrete definition of what a G spot is.
If her paraurethral glands are not swollen she may not have a G spot. 1. Adventures people may want to slip a finger or two into their own or their partner's vagina while they urinate so they can feel the urine passing through the urethra. 7% have a prostate gland that is thickest near the middle of the urethra. The Importance of Clitoral Stimulation! The clitoris probably holds the key to female ejaculation for most women. This will help you locate its exact position. even if they cannot locate it or do not ejaculate. a G spot. If the clitoris is not stimulated a woman is less likely to become highly aroused. This means one must explore the full length of the urethra. If her clitoris is not stimulated she is less likely to reach orgasm. This research also indicates more than 90% of women have a well defined prostate gland.8-5 cm) along the upper wall of the vagina. He found 70% of women have a ramp-shaped prostate gland where the thickest part is situated near the urethral opening. 15% have a ramp-shaped prostate where the thickest part is located near the bladder. Once you have located the urethra.5-2 inches (3. and 8% of women have a "rudimentary prostate" that has few ducts and glands. preventing the .see the paraurethral glands themselves. If she is not highly aroused. Using a speculum. when attempting to locate the G-Spot. Zaviacic and published in 1999. you might be able to see the swollen paraurethral glands projecting into the vagina through the vaginal wall. her paraurethral glands will not fill with fluid. The video mentioned below shows this. In her book Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot Deborah Sundahl presents information about the anatomy and location of the female prostate gland gathered by Dr. you have a bases for seeking out a possible area along it that is highly sensitive to stimulation.
There are women who are orgasmic and ejaculate when their G spot or vagina alone is stimulated. The dildos that do have a good success rate are those that are curved near the tip. soft flexible ones. So in addition to fingers. They have feeling and give you feedback. mirror handles. Some women find hard plastic dildos work best. (I will refer to both vibrators and dildos as dildos for the sake of convenience) Notice I used the plural 'dildos'. you must master clitoral stimulation beforehand. Choosing a Dildo How do you pick out a dildo for G spot stimulation? Trial and error. How Do You Stimulate the Paraurethral Glands? So now that you have an idea as to the location of the G spot. others. etc. not the singular 'dildo'. before you can go exploring for the G spot. So quite simply. Others prefer slim dildos that . brush handles. For the solo explorer though. and penis shaped dildos with a prominent ridge at the junction of the glans and shaft. dildos and/or vibrators are usually required for finding and stimulating the G spot. cucumbers. They are firm but flexible. Some find that makeshift dildos work great. There is a considerable chance that you may have to try many different dildos to find the right one. They just are not very long. this ability is likely to be discovered accidentally versus intentionally. fingers can be a problem. called G spot stimulators. if one hand is stimulating your clitoris. Plus.rhythmic contractions of the pelvic muscles that expel and release the ejaculate. how do you stimulate it? The most versatile tools to use are your fingers. it limits access to your vagina with your other hand.
This is because both urination and ejaculation require a woman to be able to let go and relax her bladder sphincter and her pelvic muscles. many women have found erotic enjoyment in urinating during sex. You have no control over which occurs. be prepared to buy and try many. If you are going to buy a dildo to use for G spot stimulation. soaking in warm water . While women often start out with one. not being able to tell them apart. Any woman who is seriously considering using dildos needs to be aware that she will most likely have a collection of favorites. Doing this gives your body permission to ejaculate. The sensations of both may be pleasant and indistinguishable. Hence learning to urinate intentionally at the point of orgasm may help a woman learn to ejaculate. and you wont be as concerned about the resulting wetness. You will just be aware of the physical sensations that occur. You will probably find it easier to relax. versus one special one. Women seeking to ejaculate are advised to push out when the urge to urinate or ejaculate comes over them at the point of orgasm. To Pee or Not to Pee Since the physical act of female urination is so similar to female ejaculation. Some women prize their collections. but it also gives your body permission to urinate. Doing this in the bathtub has some advantages. Learning to be able to urinate at the point of orgasm is likely to be easier done alone than with a partner.they can be directed at a specific area within their vagina. If you keep your bladder sphincter closed and tighten your pelvic muscles. others prefer their vagina to be filled and stretched to the maximum. many soon find they have a drawer full of them. As women's moods change. Women seeking to learn to ejaculate may find themselves squirting urine versus actually ejaculating. so do their dildo needs. one you do not have to worry about the wetness. solo and with a partner. you cannot urinate or ejaculate.
the greater the sensations are likely to be. It takes practice to be able to let go spontaneously. The closer you are to the point of orgasm. using your fingers or a dildo stimulate your urethra by massaging the top of your vagina." Learning to Ejaculate Moving on to ejaculation only requires a couple slight changes in technique. Scream "YES. It may also help to vocalize the release. Think about the act of urinating. using only light pressure at first. just not be the result of a full bladder. Massage the full length of your . Lie back in the tub. of letting go. The stronger the force behind the urine. make some noise. Caress your clitoris. Hold back on your orgasm until you feel you cannot hold your urine a second longer. since you have been conditioned to maintain strict control over your urination habits. Empty your bladder first. allow your bladder to fill. As you massage your clitoris. the stronger the urge to urinate is likely to become. commonly called Kegel exercises. Intentionally crying out will help with the release. welcome the feeling of the urine escaping from your bladder. Slipping your fingers or a dildo into your vagina may feel nice. This is likely to require the use of a dildo if you are alone. Allowing your bladder to fill will result in you feeling the need to urinate. or lay on several towels on your bed. The urge should still develop. At the point of orgasm press out and relax your pelvic muscles. but you do not want it to be empty either. So push and try to squirt your urine. Allow the sexual buildup to occur slowly.will help relax you. and cleanup is a snap. It does not need to feel full. Start to masturbate. Practice tightening and relaxing your pelvic muscles. You do not need to necessarily move them back and forth inside your vagina. The urge to ejaculate may not occur without there being stimulation of your paraurethral glands. you will want to let go without a full bladder producing the pressure or urge. Drink a couple glasses of water a short while before starting.
If you ejaculate you will likely feel a new and strong sensation. When orgasm occurs. Continue to the point of orgasm. reeducating them about female fluids and ejaculation may persuade them to at least accept the ejaculations as normal even if they do not like the associated wetness.urethra. . If you find a spot that is highly sensitive. Hopefully they will see your ejaculations as erotic. you may want to concentrate solely on it. Relax and breathe deeply. when your pain threshold has increased. even if you are able to squirt urine during orgasm. at least prepare them for it. Do not fight the urge. you will still experience a strong orgasm. not pray that it will not happen again. You may not be aware of any increased wetness until after the orgasm has subsided. but you may find it is too sensitive to stimulate directly. Keep up the clitoral massage. you may find you are only able to tolerate its stimulation when you are very close to orgasm. She should discuss the increased wetness that occurs with her partner. With a Partner A woman's partner can bring her to an orgasm that includes ejaculation. Keep massaging your clitoris and urethra. It is not known whether all women can ejaculate. If your G spot is highly sensitive. In any event it should be pleasurable. literally. Try different pressures and strokes. from the opening of your vagina back into your vagina a couple inches. so nothing is lost. she should let her partner know. Stimulating your urethra may cause you to feel the need to urinate. go with the flow. so you just have to experiment. Being able to ejaculate may take practice. If they do not. if not. Massaging the urethral opening may feel pleasant as well. relax your bladder and press out as if urinating. as is desired. If a woman already knows she is capable of ejaculating. with lots of teasing. may help produce the greatest urge and strongest orgasm. A slow build up.
Imagine you want to signal to someone standing across the room that you want them to come toward you. if she enjoys it. Continue the clitoral stimulation as you massage her urethral glands.There is perhaps one big advantage to having a partner stimulate you to orgasm when you are trying to ejaculate. is to create a hook with your index finger. How do you stimulate your partner's paraurethral glands? Your hands provide excellent tools to use. Massaging the upper wall of the vagina. Maintain a constant and steady rhythm. Start out with a very light touch. You turn your hand palm up and signal with your index finger by making a hook. Then switch to a very light caressing touch as she comes . The best way to stimulate the inside of their vagina. along the upper wall. As you sense her getting closer to orgasm. Ask your partner if there is a specific spot or area that produces intense or enjoyable sensations when you massage it. Start out by getting her aroused with manual and/or oral clitoral stimulation. even if she is dripping wet. even if you say. they need to be forceful without going to far. Use a generous amount of lubrication. You can do the same thing with one or two fingers inside the vagina. Press your fingers up and toward the front. This could prevent you from experiencing orgasm and ejaculation. or clitoris. With a partner you can agree beforehand that they will not stop. curling it up and straightening it repeatedly. they will not stop the stimulation unless you tell them too. "stop." (Doing this requires using a "safe word" that indicates. "Stop!" for real. This is a word you are not likely to say accidentally during sex. pointing toward the pubic bone. without thinking about it. continue the massage up through her orgasm. If you are masturbating and you start to feel uncomfortable. her G spot. out of control. Of course you should only do these things if you really trust your partner. Follow through. apply a firmer touch. from the opening back two inches. you will likely stop immediately. you can ask that they hold or follow you so you cannot move away from the stimulation. Use the urethral opening as a guide.) If you find you pull away.
or when she is on top controlling the direction and force of the thrusting. others may prefer a full feeling. . This requires more verbal communication as you cannot feel exactly what the dildo is doing. You can also stimulate your partner to ejaculation using a dildo. with a penis or a dildo in a harness. Some women may ejaculate during intercourse without even trying. others may find it a challenge. This is especially true of virgins and women with tense pelvic muscles as they are too tight. What does seem to work best are positions that result in the penis or dildo stimulating the upper wall of the vagina. her vaginal muscles may squeeze them very tightly. resulting in painful urination and infection. The urethra is highly sensitive and is easily irritated.down from her orgasm. A woman may also ejaculate during intercourse. If she experiences multiple orgasms her orgasms and ejaculations may become more intense. The stretching and pressure created by large dildos or an entire hand may stimulate the urethra enough to cause an ejaculation. the more orgasms she has. It is more likely if she already ejaculates frequently during manual massage. press in gently. and the amount of ejaculation may increase. there can be some negative side affects to massaging the urethra. Like when a woman's partner kneels between her knees when she is on her hands and knees. Some Health Concerns Unfortunately. Practice makes perfect. or bad. She needs to let you know what feels good. Some women may like for the tip of the vibrator to be pointed at their urethra. Even normal intercourse can irritate a woman's urethra. do not pull out. even if that is not the intent. If she orgasms with your fingers inside her vagina.
The urethra may become accustomed to the stimulation with time. or infection. Just try to keep a positive attitude and be prepared with extra towels and sheets. The Wetness Dealing with the wetness. then towels may not be enough. They also recommend women drink cranberry juice. or inflict multiple infections. or sex in general if you are prone to urinary tract infections. If you are intentionally squirting urine or ejaculate repeatedly. If you gush. try using less pressure when massaging or stimulating the urethra. They are sometimes sold with incontinence supplies at your local store as well. You can try having sex in the tub or shower. If you ejaculate there may be just a little liquid expelled or there could be a lot. cleanup can be bothersome at times. but do not torture yourself. Having a plastic cover on the mattress and extra sheets may do the trick. simply keeping a couple towels near the bed may be the solution. For women who ejaculate every time. and does take some getting use too. ejaculations can present a problem. regardless of whether they want too. . If you experience irritation. Intentionally stimulating the urethra increases the chances of there being irritation and infection. though changing the sheets and cleaning up may not be the way you want to relax after sex. painful urination. as they are absorbent and have a plastic backing.resulting in there being too much friction between their vagina and the thrusting penis or dildo. there may be a liquid everywhere. Just release a little bit of urine before sex if you are trying things with a full bladder. A supportive partner always helps. but do not hurt yourself. a woman should drink lots of water and urinate just before and right after urethral stimulation. To help prevent infections and reduce the chances of irritation. Consider having a second bed or an air mattress to have sex on. If you only ejaculate a little. or take a cranberry supplement. You can buy the bed pads hospitals use. Since you usually sleep where you have sex. just say you are caring for a sick child or parent. Have fun. as its acidic level helps to ward off the bacteria that cause infections.
"Women ejaculate. The proof of this is the shear volume they expel. Even in a video produced by women. there's a whole camp of doctors who believe that all women ejaculate when they have an orgasm. but keep in the back of your mind that it is all fantasy. In one study from Florida State University in Tallahassee. and I highly recommend it to those who want to learn how or to just see female ejaculation. while appearing to be having real orgasms. the women seen ejaculating in adult movies are most likely urinating. titled 'How to Female Ejaculate'. When I mentioned I thought this girl was urinating. too There's more than one way to make a wet spot . From the May 2000 issue of Self magazine. "But research has demonstrated that all women ejaculate a substance through the urethra that is not urine. Counselors and Therapists. so it is entertaining to watch. professor at Rutgers University and president of the American Association of Sex Educators. Enjoy mainstream ejaculation videos. it is over in a blink of an eye."” .Real or Faked? I hate to be the barer of bad news.in fact. She does enjoy herself immensely though. not just ejaculating. it sometimes doesn't come out. not ejaculating. The other women in the video do appear to actually ejaculate. Haven't noticed this yourself? "Since most women are lying on their backs during sex and the amount of fluid is so small [about a teaspoon]. They are intentionally squirting urine to simulate orgasm and true female ejaculation. lots of urine. True ejaculation is almost impossible to capture on film." explains Beverly Whipple. she did not deny it. but the chances are. is obviously squirting urine. features one woman who. 82 percent of women said they experienced a release of fluid at the moment of orgasm. not ejaculating to the star and producer of this video.
if she is to be considered a normal and modern woman. because it is required of her. "Well of course I did!" or "If you really cared about me you would know!" That is if she is still on speaking terms with you and you are not sleeping on the couch. . Society leads us to believe she would naturally have had an orgasm. This is because of the social expectations placed upon her. real or faked.Orgasm: Did She? Illustration by Patsy Website FromLifeDrawings. Her reaction to this question may be very negative regardless of whether she had an orgasm.com Of Course I Did! One of the most inappropriate questions to ask a woman after you have made love to her is reported to be. "Did you have an orgasm?" A woman's likely response to this question will be.
and she is not usually permitted to ask. They are also expected to be orgasmic regardless of the type of stimulation their partner provides. now it is assumed all women have them. These indications of orgasm are based on watching multiple women experience orgasm in a laboratory environment. and automatically. as well as movies. All the women on television and in the movies do. it is not always easy to tell if a woman has had an orgasm.Social Pressure While female orgasm was overlooked in the past. especially adult movies that show people having "real sex. These common responses have become "expectations" versus possibilities. Women should simply lie there and have an orgasm right? If they do not have an orgasm. they are not fulfilling their obligation to their partner and society. discarded. or their partner's sexual skill and knowledge. it is hard to be aware of them during sexual passion. A woman may believe all her friends have orgasms during partner sex since they have never told her otherwise. are full of women who are orgasmic at the mere touch of a man or woman. now they may be required to have more than one and to have them quickly. The "data" collected was used to compile a list of common physical responses. Women are never taught how to have an orgasm so orgasm must occur instinctively." The front covers of women's magazines at the store checkout counter inform us how every woman can have "mind-blowing orgasms" if they follow the "simple" suggestions inside. Even if they do. not the bedroom with the lights off and the bed covers pulled up. This is where mechanics can interfere with pleasure. Romance novels. Perception of Orgasm Despite our expectations. Few women present all the classic signs of sexual arousal and orgasm as presented in textbooks and on this website. In fact. when one tries to meet a definition for which they were .
We consider it abnormal and harmful if a child or teenager should witness a woman having an orgasm. which can at times be more enjoyable than an orgasm. because it really comes down to whether she has "perceived" that she has. Are movies and television a good source of information. she has witnessed women having orgasms when they did not perceive that they had. society makes every effort to prevent young people from having access to it. There is no foolproof way of knowing if a woman has had an orgasm. not knowing for sure. sounds. and as a result her perception of them. . The physical qualities of a woman’s orgasms. There are times when she may not know whether she has actually had an orgasm versus experience intense sexual pleasure. If a woman is not likely to know whether she has had an orgasm in every instance. Society makes little or no effort to teach people about female sexual pleasure and orgasm. is likely to change from orgasm to orgasm. even for the woman herself. that does not automatically mean she experienced pleasure. An orgasm can be boring! A woman's orgasm may produce so little physical sensation she may wonder if it really was an orgasm. not whether it looks or feels like she did. and feels like during orgasm because they have never been taught this information. Other women just do not know if they do. According to Betty Dodson. is it reasonable to expert her partner to know? Learning to Fake It! Add to this the fact that most young men and women have no idea what a woman looks. The only way to know if a woman has had an orgasm is by her telling you that she has.never intended to. If anything. If a woman has an orgasm. or at least intense pleasure. What we do teach people is not an accurate representation of reality. You cannot check off boxes on an orgasm scorecard to determine if you or your partner has had an orgasm. but they think they do.
The more important it is. the question that needs to be asked is. she must see her partner as an instrument for her pleasure. to be used for her benefit. all you can do about it is feel a little disappointed. Taking Responsibility The primary thing that must occur is for a woman to take responsibility for her sexual pleasure and satisfaction. As a result. This is because you are likely in a situation of not being able to do anything about it if they did not.especially given that most often the orgasms and sexual pleasure they portray are faked? If anything. She must also define what is pleasurable to her. fifty-five percent of women fake orgasm at least occasionally. While it sounds cold and unromantic. you cannot go back in time. not mold herself into someone she is not. and the desire and opportunity for sex may have passed if you wait until after sex to ask her. this is why orgasms are frequently faked during "real" sex. We teach girls and women how to fake orgasm and their partner is taught to expect fake orgasms. You want to be proactive versus reactive. not her partner. it is perhaps not the best one to ask. If they have not. She cannot leave it to chance or dream of finding her knight in shining armor. This is how society . the more effort she. they usually only exist in fairy tales. Should You Ask? Should you ask your partner if she experienced orgasm? While it is not a bad question to ask. or both. as a tool at her disposal. Each woman must decide how important her sexual pleasure is to her. either in yourself or your partner. must put into experiencing it. By this I mean. "Do you want to have an orgasm?" and that question needs to be asked at the onset of sex.
Women often fake orgasm because they do not want to have an orgasm. and you did not come with an owner’s manual! . As long as both partners hold this same view of the other. "Tonight is for you. Does She have the Desire and Ability? Next a woman must decide whether she wants or is able to have an orgasm at the onset of each sexual experience. or know their body well enough to know one is not likely to occur during the forth-coming sexual experience. A woman really needs to be honest with herself and her partner if she is to truly enjoy sex." or "I want to give you pleasure. If a woman wants to have an orgasm and if one is possible." She also has to be able to say "no" and "stop. even if that entails clearly stating you do not know what you want. "Please stop." If she does not want to have an orgasm. A woman must communicate clearly to her partner what she means by her statements and actions prior to the sexual act. "You can stop now if you want. she needs to say. She can be forthright by saying. but then neither is faking orgasm. "I want to have an orgasm. neither becomes a sexual object because in the process of fulfilling their own desires. she can say. they will fulfill their partner's." If during cunnilingus she realizes she is not going to experience orgasm. she needs to communicate this to her partner up front. She can say. A woman must clearly state what she wants and needs." or she may request a form of sex that will most likely result in an orgasm. regardless of whether orgasm occurs or not." I realize this does not fall within the guidelines of what we consider romantic sex. Ladies." or simply. "Give me oral pleasure.permitted men to view women in the past. That is if they are both honest and as equally giving as they are selfish. your partner is not a mind reader. or is not likely to have one. They may want to engage in sex because they enjoy the physical intimacy and pleasure even if orgasm is not a possibility.
Increasingly. not their own. to make their partner happy. They want to feel good knowing they achieved this "goal. Since these are unrealistic expectations. They want women to orgasm quickly and repeatedly during every sexual experience. women frequently fake orgasm as a result. to live up to their partner's and society's expectations. To prevent this. I would prefer that you did not. If you have felt the need to fake orgasm in the past. They want to live up to society's expectations. tell me so and tell me how I can best help you to have an orgasm. If you do want to have an orgasm. . I want you to know you have my permission not to have an orgasm if you should feel you cannot or do not want to have one." Open communication is essential. Not simply because they want to give their partner pleasure. and ask her not to fake orgasm. even if they cannot actually brag to their friends and family. and should feel the need to do so in the future.Whose Pleasure is it Anyways? What should a woman's partner do? They must acknowledge and accept that her pleasure and orgasms are for her benefit." This has understandably resulted in women feeling pressured to have orgasms. "I understand women often fake orgasm and there are times when you may do this. men and women expect women to orgasm on command. a woman's partner must give her permission not to have an orgasm. They want bragging rights. Perhaps a woman's partner can say to her. but also to demonstrate their own sexual skill and prowess.
her partner must act as if they .Illustration by Patsy Website FromLifeDrawings. do you expect her to want the same thing over and over again? Just because something worked one hundred times before does not mean it will work one hundred and one times. This is because you do not know what she really wants until she tells you. we do have a very narrow view of what our partner wants and desires. If you have been together for twenty years. are not machines with a set program of needs and responses that never change. Women. Society tells us what they should want and we assume that is what they want. A woman's partner must be adaptable and accepting of her needs. After she has told you. To really fulfill a woman's needs. as well as men. even if we have never asked and she has never told us. you do not know what will satisfy her needs until you try. a woman's partner should look at each sexual experience with her as if it were their very first. Doing this is a big mistake. and just because it worked the last time does not mean it will work again.com Treat Every Experience as if it Were the First In addition. Most often.
you have to ask her. which is very likely not what she really wants and needs. What Does She Want and Need? Once you accept that you do not know what her needs are. and acceptance of her sexuality. If you really want to know what a woman wants. How do you do that? Many would say read a book about female sexuality. or have . you must find out what they are. guide of who she is or what her needs are. or perhaps visit a website such as this one. they wont always know what they want and need. To be a great explorer. The problem with that is. because of changes in their mind and body caused by their menstrual cycle. The greater a woman's level of knowledge. you first have to be a great explorer. the better idea she may have of her needs. Become an Explorer If you want to be a great lover. She may only know what she is expected to enjoy. You have to look at it as an adventure. pregnancy. you have to put the books and keyboards away and go do some field research. If she has never engaged in masturbation or partner sex. Since women do change over time. your partner probably did not write that book or create that website. The same is true of men of course. You have to ask questions and test your ideas. experience. While she may know. though some may try to convince otherwise. and life's ups and downs.know nothing and be accepting of her expressed wishes and desires without reservation. Neither may be an accurate. or at least a complete. she also may not. she probably has no idea of what her needs are and how best to meet them. If in the process of exploring you do not make some wrong turns and find yourself at times lost.
"I had an orgasm. even if she thinks or feels it was obviously so. do not be afraid to . This happens because it is not uncommon for women to present the common signs or indications of orgasm during sexual arousal. When Her Wants Go Unfulfilled Couples should be open to the possibility of situations occurring where the woman's partner thinks she has had an orgasm when she actually did not. if that is what you want." She should not expect her partner to know that she did. not expect them to know intuitively. you never challenged yourself. but you will never be a lover your partner cherishes. One way to help prevent this is for a woman to be aggressive during sex. If you never experience failure. you may be an okay lover. She can simply state. He or she who has never failed has never experienced greatness! Eliminate the Need to Ask What if orgasm does occur? If a woman does have an orgasm. even if orgasm does not occur. Do not allow your partner to stop until you have had an orgasm." or "Thanks for the wonderful orgasm. she needs to communicate this to her partner. If at times you are not frustrated or embarrassed. you did not really do any exploring. by taking control of what her partner does.some failed attempts. After a sexual experience a woman’s partner may be feeling content when she is feeling disappointed because of this misinterpretation of events. A woman's partner on hearing her suddenly cry out or upon feeling her thighs or vagina twitch may be led to believe she has had an orgasm and stop their sexual stimulation. Tell them not to stop. It is also a good idea for both parties to thank their partner for the pleasure they are given.
and then explain why. If you sense they are stopping or slowing down. Do not abuse your partner in the process though. she will likely find her desires are never fulfilled. even though she wanted to. She needs to be sensitive of her partner’s feelings. but be honest never the less. they can consider possible solutions. do not be afraid to ask otherwise. and not before. she needs to communicate this to her partner. The couple needs to address ways of preventing this in the future. It may also be a case where they do not know how to stimulate her to orgasm and she needs to teach them. It may simply be a case where her partner did not know she wanted them to stimulate her longer but were willing had they known. Communication If after sex a woman did not have an orgasm. When Orgasm Becomes a Barrier to Pleasure . Once she has presented her side. or they were simply too tired to continue. when possible. she needs to ask her partner to present theirs. you have to let them know.use mild physical force to get what you want and need. She can then explain how she wanted to have an orgasm but was not able to. They may need to discuss the possibility that she needs and/or wants to masturbate if this situation should occur again. If a woman does not communicate her desire for orgasm to her partner. Both need to ask questions until they understand what each is saying. Perhaps during or after dinner the next day the woman can ask her partner if they can "discuss" their prior night’s sexual experience. If you really want something. Once they both know both sides of the situation.
not necessarily the most ideal form.Couples need to be open to the idea that orgasm can be a barrier to sexual pleasure. Which couple has the greatest potential for experiencing sexual pleasure? Surprisingly. it becomes a means of frustration. Even when people do like it. What if both partners have an orgasm within five minutes? Compare that to a couple where one or both have trouble reaching orgasm and they engage in sex for thirty to sixty minutes. not a means of relaxation. sex can become boring and unsatisfying. Both partners go for as long as the light is green. That means any sexual pleasure only takes place prior to and during orgasm. but one must not place unreasonable expectation upon it. meaning orgasm has not occurred. Orgasm is like a fireworks show. Giving your partner an orgasm does not make you a great lover. Do not make orgasm the sole goal of sex or intimacy. dazzling while it lasts but always over too soon. When orgasm is expected. Couples often see orgasm as the red light of sex. and there are times when you can have it but know it is better to go without. not the couple who experiences orgasm quickly. Yes. Having an orgasm does not mean you will experience intense sexual pleasure or achieve sexual fulfillment. the signal to stop. orgasm can feel great and make life more enjoyable. . Once orgasm becomes the sole purpose of sex. if at all. There is More to Sex than Orgasm Orgasm is simply a form of sexual pleasure. Look at orgasm as if it were chocolate ice cream. Some people do not like chocolate and others are allergic to it. they usually do not want it every single time they have ice cream.
It allows women the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure without relying on a partner and to release sexual tension when "they" choose to.Masturbation From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. Masturbation is a great teaching tool. For many . Copyright 1987. how it responds to sexual stimulation. Masturbation can be very empowering for women as it gives them increased control over their body and sexuality. 1983. it teaches women about their body. Masturbation is Rewarding! Masturbation gives women the opportunity to explore their body while at the same time giving them a high degree of sexual freedom. 1974 By Betty Dodson.
Why Learning Early in Life is Important Masturbation is the first and most import sexual skill a girl or woman should learn as it frequently holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. early twenties. Learning to masturbate to orgasm at an early age is often easier than later in life when we have learned social mores and expectations that frequently create barriers to sexual pleasure and orgasm. It is often better to learn to masturbate and potentially experience orgasm prior to knowing what you are doing . she will always have herself. childbirth. their body is not truly prepared for pregnancy. While a woman will not always have a sexual partner. The reason it should be learned.normal and healthy women masturbation is their primary or only means of experiencing orgasm. or later. As we get older and become educated we tend to think about things too much. this skill is learned prior to puberty but far too often it is not learned until a women is in her late teens. If a teen knows how to masturbate. while girls start menstruating between the ages of ten and fourteen. from infancy to maturity. prior to puberty is so teens have a constructive means of addressing their developing sex drive. Many women experience their most intense orgasms while masturbating because they can provide the ideal mental and physical stimulation they require without worrying about the wants of their partner. It also increases their awareness of their ever-changing body. or at least known about. and nursing until late in their teens. she is less likely to be compelled to seek out a sexual partner before she is emotionally and physically ready. and provides some sense of control over it. Masturbation is extremely beneficial to women throughout their life. Ideally. Masturbation provides young women with an option other than sexual frustration or sex with a partner.
and furniture. The vagina appears to play a limited role in the masturbation practices of women. Some use water spray. Fantasy often plays a major role in a woman's masturbation activities. How Do Women and Girls Masturbate? Women and girls masturbate in an endless list of ways. Innocence and naivety does have its benefits. but vaginal insertion is by no means rare or unusual. and dildos to stimulate their vulva or vagina. The Right Way? It is important to understand there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. bed cloths. girls often continue to even if they feel guilty or fear being punished. vibrators. They may massage their clitoris with hands and fingers or rub their vulva up against pillows. The brain is the largest and most important sexual organ and as a result physical stimulation alone is frequently not sufficient to trigger orgasm. It is important to keep in mind that each woman’s anatomy is a little different and her psychological makeup is a lot different. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method because they hear other women do it that way. stuffed animals. This results in every woman . When masturbation is learned early in life. Things teens and women have learned and experienced may cause orgasmic impairment.and how others view those activities. Some women employ nipple and/or anal stimulation in addition to clitoral and vaginal stimulation. because of the pleasure and relaxation it brings them.
If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique. While many women can masturbate to orgasm employing several different techniques. Remember. masturbation should be fun and enjoyable no matter how you do it. Partly because of conditioning and partly because of differences in woman's bodies. For the Wrong Reasons . Copyright 1987. even if they use the same basic technique. From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. 1974 By Betty Dodson. There is nothing wrong with this. feel free to experiment. others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. learning new techniques can be difficult or even impossible.masturbating differently. 1983. but do not feel you have to reach orgasm in other ways too.
should. "I enjoy masturbating daily. "I need to masturbate weekly. even though they may masturbate frequently." or "I do not need to masturbate very often. they sometimes will as a last resort. A Question of Need Women often use the word "need" to describe their masturbation habits. If they did not have to. this results in them not masturbating as often as they could.There are women who masturbate for the wrong reasons. Some women say. A woman who feels comfortable masturbating would not avoid masturbating." These women are unknowingly saying that while they would prefer not to masturbate at all. or would." or "I masturbate once a week. By using the word "need" to describe their masturbation habits. They are implying they do not have a choice. Women are sometimes concerned by the fact that they masturbate and the frequency at which they do so. This frequently results in them not masturbating as often as would be emotionally and physically beneficial to them. Other women say. She would not forego masturbating for so long she felt she absolutely had to or go crazy with sexual frustration. women are saying they feel masturbation is inappropriate. at least not as often. Those reasons are explored below." By saying they "need" to masturbate they are unknowingly trying to justify their frequency of masturbation. We often have negative feelings about masturbation and feel guilty when we do." or "I need to masturbate daily. they would not." Lack of Peer and Social Support . "I only need to masturbate once a month. A woman who is comfortable masturbating is more likely to say.
Madonna's touching of her genitals on stage was seen more as an obscene gesture than as a public display of a normal sexual act. Even if it is acceptable to do something. From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. This is in part due to a lack of slang words to describe female masturbation. people are less likely to do it if they do not know their peers do it. movies. In my experience. or the use of vibrators. she is less likely to do it. 1983. Only Single Women Masturbate . they are not expected to. men and women are more likely to make mention of boys and men masturbating than girls and women. even though it is commonly accepted that it is okay for them to. and television shows make mention of female masturbation. 1974 By Betty Dodson.In spite of the sexual revolution. but for girls and women. she feels guilty. It is given that men and boys masturbate. or if she does. If a woman does not know that her peers masturbate and that they presume that she does. Since women do not generally talk about it. it is not a common topic of discussion. it is presumed that they do not masturbate. female masturbation is still somewhat taboo. Even though popular songs. Copyright 1987.
and they should do so without feeling guilty. They do not because if they have a partner. their partner. If they were not single. How often do you see a woman by herself at a restaurant. Since there are so few single women. there are not many women who masturbate. it does describe the premise behind why some women do not masturbate. they do not feel they should have to. Plus. the movies. they go in search of a sexual partner. masturbating would substantiate their single status. they would not have to masturbate. Their peers and partner most likely do.There is a negative social stigmatism attached to the label of being a "single woman. if you have a partner. It is socially acceptable to be a single man but less so to be a single woman. it is believed your sexual activities with them should fulfill all your sexual needs. does not fulfill the sexual needs of many women. it is important for them to understand it is perfectly okay and normal to masturbate. but everyone would prefer to see you with a partner. While a nice ideal." The majority of women I know refuse to go to a public social event alone. Some view masturbation as a form of adultery when you have a partner. This results in many unhappy unions and sexually unsatisfied women. Instead of masturbating. in real life. Masturbation Equals Infidelity Since masturbation is seen as a "solo childhood" activity. or the theater. no matter how good and loving they are. or if they are single. While this is hardly true. and only single women need to masturbate. Having a Partner Equals Less Masturbation . compared to men? It is "okay" to be single. some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them. For women with partners.
especially those in their teens. Having a partner does not mean masturbation is no longer fulfilling or there are not times when you want to enjoy some solitary pleasure. A woman's partner may be facing in the wrong direction or their arms cannot reach her vulva. You are not denying your partner anything by having orgasms alone. Masturbation should always be considered a normal part of partner sex. if not most women. Masturbation is not a sexual activity you engage in only when you are alone. nor is it necessarily beneficial if they are. Knowing how to masturbate to orgasm is important to women because it is often necessary for them to stimulate their clitoris during intercourse if they desire to have an orgasm. As a result of watching your partner masturbate you develop a better understanding of what forms and techniques of stimulation they find most enjoyable. Many enjoy watching their partner give himself or herself pleasure. they do not need to be the sole means of having an orgasm and they do not need to be present during all your orgasms. It is also . When you have a partner. It is simply easier for the woman to provide the stimulation. it is also a means of "sharing pleasure" with your partner. will find masturbation allows them to experience and share sexual pleasure without those risks. During pregnancy both partners can masturbate together when vaginal intercourse is no longer possible or desired. the frequency at which they masturbate should not decrease when they go from being single to having a sexual partner. some women actually find they masturbate more when they have a partner as having a partner makes them feel more sexual and increases their desire for sexual pleasure and orgasm. Couples. Knowing your partner can experience orgasm without your involvement helps to reduce some of pressure you may feel and allows sex to be more enjoyable for both partners. Many sexual positions do not provide a woman's partner with easy or comfortable access to her vulva. and get intense pleasure from sharing this activity with them.For many. While this may be the expectation. who do not wish to risk pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Copyright 1987. A woman stimulating her clitoris should not be taken as indication that her partner is not a good and caring person. Couples frequently have different levels of sex drive and expectations regarding physical intimacy. even when they sleep beside you. From the book "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson. This is why women frequently masturbate secretively in the shower. it is that a woman has taken responsibility for her own sexual pleasure. A Perfect Partner Equals Perfect Sex There are times in all relationships when your partner is not available for sex when you desire it. If it means anything. or has poor sexual skills. Masturbating when you have a partner is normal and . 1974 By Betty Dodson. 1983. or masturbate silently in the early morning hours while their sleeping partner lies beside them.easier for a woman to stimulate her clitoris because there is no need for verbal communication with her partner and she provides herself with the ideal stimulation she requires each and every time.
Unfortunately. they are just as sexual as men. Forgoing masturbation and sexual pleasure because you have a partner does harm to you and your relationship because you will slowly begin to blame your partner for your sexual frustration. Society frequently creates outcasts of women who are openly sexual. most women have probably done it at some point in their relationship. they become "horny. Women are Less Sexual than Men While it is extremely untrue. sexual desire should not be the primary motivation for them to masturbate. many women are ashamed to admit they have a strong sex drive. An affair or divorce may soon follow. We are led to believe women think about sex and desire sex much less often than men. Women with strong sex drives may masturbate frequently. This results in women believing they should not have strong sexual feelings and desires. she is more likely to feel comfortable with her desire to masturbate and the frequency at which she does." This results in women introverting and denying their own sexual feelings and desires. Low or Absent Sex Drive Even though women are very sexual beings. the majority of people believe women are less sexual than men. so does your frustration with the relationship. While a woman's desire for sex may change with time as the result of hormonal influences. As your sexual frustration grows. but they do so because it feels good. It is often a necessity.a woman should not feel ashamed for doing so. The main reason a woman masturbates should be because it simply feels good. If a woman accepts that she is as equally sexual as a man. not because they are driven .
you should still enjoy giving yourself pleasure. This positive attitude is transferred to their daughters. there is no reason to expect adult women not to.to. This results in increasing numbers of adult women who find masturbation as normal as breathing. women will often discuss their masturbation habits with pride. it does not have to end in orgasm. it is not likely that they would. Eighty to ninety percent of young women do it at least occasionally. Women are increasingly developing very positive attitudes towards masturbation. Young girls do it for no other reason than it feels good and helps them relax. I see accounts of mothers who cannot contain their pride at seeing their daughter learning to masturbate at a young age. If given the opportunity. In addition. or that they need to masturbate daily to . Even if you have no desire for partner sex. These statements are intended only to help women feel better about masturbation. without the least amount of guilt. or less often if she so desires. The fact that preadolescent girls masturbate proves that a hormonally induced sex drive is not the only reason to masturbate. The Growing Acceptance of Female Masturbation I do not want readers to get the impression based on the above statements that all women have negative views of masturbation or that all women need to masturbate more often. Masturbation may involve no more than placing your hands against your vulva when you go to sleep at night because it feels good. Note: A low or absent sex drive and/or lack of genital sensitivity can be an indication of low testosterone levels or sensitivity. A woman should not forgo masturbating just because she does not have a strong sex drive. Since it does feel good. For masturbation to be pleasurable. It appears that more young girls are being permitted to masturbate by their parents. not to make them feel that they have to masturbate to be happy. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving herself pleasure on a daily bases. If it did not feel good.
because their peers. Children may consider what they do at home and with their parents and siblings as private as well. If you bathe. it was okay. and daughters most likely do. parents need to treat it as such. dress. dress. I just want women to see masturbation as normal. One young girl started to masturbate in front of her older sister. . as they are not in public. siblings." I can understand why they recommend this but they overlook one major point. When her sister told her she should not do so. how much privacy do children have? Is it then reasonable to expect them to understand the concept of privacy or private? As a result. Children and Privacy I believe every article or book I have read that endorses childhood masturbation recommends parents tell their children it is a normal activity one engages in when alone. her reply was that since they were both girls. bathe. and use the bathroom together. we send mixed signals to our children. Young children will likely believe their parents really do not want them to masturbate.benefit from it. regardless of whether they masturbate. If you sleep. If it is normal. They may masturbate in the living room when no one is around but when someone walks in they may be accused of not doing it private. wipe their nose and bottom. it is an activity one does in "private. why hide masturbation? Children often have a different and more honest view of sex and masturbation than do adults. and walk into their bedroom unannounced. young children have no privacy. why hide it? Why do their parents not want to see them masturbating if it normal and everyone does it? If it really is normal.
"We recently observed a female fetus at 32 weeks' gestation touching the vulva with fingers of [her] right hand. If you have nothing better for them to do. Having witnessed several children explore their genitals and masturbate in public with no harm being done to them or those around them. Set appropriate times and places. Parents should be as supportive of their child's sexual activities as their individual circumstances permit. the fetus contracted the muscles of the trunk and limbs.It is perhaps best to recommend children masturbate in their bedroom or when they bathe versus telling them to do it in private. Finally she relaxed and rested. rigid movements of the pelvis and legs. Movements stopped after 30 to 40 seconds. We [several doctors and the mother] observed this behavior for about 20 minutes. Fetal Sexuality: Who Could Have Imagined? The following quote was printed in the book The Clitoral Truth by Rebecca Chalker. it originally appeared in a letter in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 175. do not scold them. parents may not need to be as concerned about the possibility of this occurring as they may believe. If anyone does act inappropriately in these situations. If they do it at other times or places. it is the adults. and the climax. and started again after a few moments. The caressing movement was centered primarily on the region of the clitoris. Further. distract them with something else. clonicotonic movements [rapid muscle contractions] of the body. Sept 1996 page 753. in addition to this behavior." . followed. then it is perhaps best to leave them alone. not the child. these light touches were repeated and were associated with short. After another break.
They may already know what sexual pleasure is and how to obtain it.com . or is she demonstrating what she learned or knew prior to birth? What are the psychological consequences of pushing her hand away? Would we do the same if she were sucking on her thumb? This one obscure record of fetal sexuality challenges our perceptions of human sexuality. Is it possible that fetal thumb sucking and masturbation are equally necessary and beneficial to the developing fetus? When an infant girl touches her vulva. may have some sexual awareness at birth.This raises the possibility that infant girls. as well as boys.j@attbi. if it does not in fact destroy them. is she just then becoming aware of it. Methods of Masturbation Illustration by Mia Jennings E-mail mia.
being alone is important. fantasizing. and I alternate hands because one gets tired. but it's better to start with patting motions or light rubbing motions over the general area. The Hite Report by Shere Hite. Indirect Clitoral Stimulation: "To masturbate. my legs tend to spread apart and my pelvis . But usually I use my fingers rubbing around the base of my clitoris. As excitement increases I began stroking above the clitoris and finally reached a climax with a rapid. for me. I use the vibrator on the base of the clitoris. and occasionally I also stimulate my nipples with the other hand. the number of women who utilize a particular technique may have. Plus." "If I'm in a hurry (pressed for time). Type 1A. my legs apart. and those women seeking to explore new ways of reaching orgasm during solo sex. women have much easier access to sexual aides like vibrators and dildos than they did twenty years ago. I move my fingers to a circular motion on top of my clitoris. rubbing up and down in short strokes right over my clitoris. Also. at least less talked about. way to feel "normal". The methods described may help guide women in the process of learning to masturbate. If nothing else. as rubbing the clitoris itself directly is just annoying. jerky circular motion over the clitoral hood. As I get closer to climax. My legs are always apart. we see the extreme diversity in techniques. The data was collected between 1972 and 1976. I use the tips of my fingers for actual stimulation. I use one hand. and when I'm near orgasm. And I move my body a lot when I have the orgasm. since women's attitudes towards themselves and their bodies have changed with time. While the methods of masturbation probably haven't changed. two fingers together. with my legs open. My other hand will caress my breasts or just rest. Usually my legs are apart." "Wow! What a question! Usually I lie on my back. It may also help women who feel they are the only one who masturbates in a particularly unusual.The following are methods of masturbation women reported using in the book. or getting into an aroused state mentally is important. I almost always have my panties on.
mostly around the head of my clitoris. using a slight circular motion. back and forth motion. I touch only my genital area when I masturbate. but they usually come together involuntarily. (Actually." "I stimulate the clitoris on either side with my legs apart. then a brief touch of fingers and it's over." Type 1A. by which time I am very wet. then gradually switching onto the head . and do not move any other part of my body. I use my finger to stimulate the clitoris.always with a rubbing. I really think what goes on in my mind (just who I am fantasizing I am with) is more important than the mechanical aspects. I usually apply it to the right side of my clitoris." "When I masturbate I simply think locally stimulating thoughts. etc. It is as though I allow myself very efficient masturbation without guilt because anything else (touching myself all over. I start with my legs apart. I alternate the rapid clitoral rubbing with a slower rub of the vaginal entrance. because I am not stimulated by touching my body in general. my knees up-not much torso motion until orgasm.tilts up more. as I am if my partner touches me all over. to stroke and rub on and around my clitoris. and have probably tried every imaginable position and motion . keeping a gentle tension on the clitoral area. isn't it!" "I use a simple battery-operated vibrator. but sometimes during climax I roll from side to side.the basic simulation remains the same. since it is a very light touch until just before orgasm. 'rub' is hardly the right word. moistened. My other hand pulls back the lips.) My legs are wide apart. Ha! Sneaky. I don't move around too much." "I use my hands and my imagination. when there are strong spasms in my torso and pelvis" "I masturbate with one hand only . My other hand helps to hold the . sometimes inserting another finger into my vagina at the same time.) would be sick. Direct Clitoral Stimulation: "I use my third finger.
to achieve orgasm. Thus. The action is all with the hand/vibrator and my clitoris. Sometimes I rub up and down. pressure is one factor. but on the skin above and around it. then I place the fingers around the clitoris and move them back and forth rhythmically and with a bit of pressure. sometimes I leave it in one spot. strained and straight out. With my left hand. I alternately have my legs together and apart. Sometimes I move it up and down. and protection of the clitoris from direct stimulation is another. If I want to come again I start over. My legs are closed. but not usually. in contrast with having orgasm with a partner. and I hold the vibrator with my right hand and gently press it on my clitoris. rhythmic movement another. My left hand holds the outer lips of my vagina open. The I slow down according to the sensation I wish until the orgasm is completed. I use my left hand to pull the top of my genitals tight and apart so I can use my right hand to stroke my clitoris. I lie on my back with my legs spread. and I also make much less noise.I usually do that after I've masturbated a few times and I'm still frustrated." "I use my fingers only. I do not move my hips." "I masturbate with an electric toothbrush. I don't move very much. and my right forefinger and second finger rubs the right side of my clitoris. Clitoral Stimulation and Occasional Vaginal Penetration: "I usually masturbate by gentle stroking of the clitoral region. tightening my asshole and concentrating on having an . depending on what feels good." "I lie on my back with my legs together tightly. I use a circular motion starting slow with a light pressure. I put a dampened washcloth over the toothbrush and lubricate my clitoris with lotion. But I never really get excited until I start fantasizing. and then increase the pressure until I start to come. Finally. It's a lot harder . but usually I rub in slow circular motions. I spread the labia to expose the clitoris. Sometimes I will do this lying on my stomach. This last one is achieved by using the surrounding skin to stimulate the clitoris.skin so firm contact can be gained." Type 1A1. not the clitoris directly.
and also a vibrator. opened. the other. I get out the vibrator. which does seem to enhance the act." . I don't move very much. moving with my feet under my behind. One leg is usually with the knee in the air. and later with my hand. since reading the literature. Sometimes I stick my finger in my vagina as this seems to stabilize the clitoris and is a bit exciting. ending up with my chest and torso and sexual area pushing up and facing the sky.orgasm helps bring it on. I use the middle finger of my right hand in vigorous up and down motions which speed me up even more toward climax. I have tried contracting my vaginal muscles. sometimes I fantasize. When I come I close my legs with the bottle in me as far as it will go. which is what I still do. First I rub my clitoris and then insert the bottle. My greatest release is with my legs pushed way apart to give the sensation of the greatest opening. and just manipulate it. and then I put them together. My legs are apart. I move the vibrator up and down along the slit between my legs. usually because my finger doesn't really turn me on much. Sometimes I use a mirror and watch . Clitoral Stimulation and Vaginal Penetration Always: "I put one finger on my clitoris and with the other I move a bottle in and out of my vagina (a plastic bottle). Sometimes I put a finger deep inside my vagina with my thumb maintaining clitoral contact. Sometimes I lick my fingers and wet my tit. Recently. shake it around." Type 1A2. Sometimes is tick the vibrator in and out of my vagina. but that gave me the feeling I was out of myself a little ." "I usually start out rubbing my clitoris on the side of it. I have my legs apart at first until I orgasm. I once tried a cucumber.not just me. I move my lower body up to meet the downward motion of the vibrator. like screwing" "My earliest masturbation was with tub water. on the bed. Sometimes I get out the baby oil and rub my breasts and stomach. Sometimes I read pornography.I used to stand up in front of a large mirror. that is. with my finger. Sometimes I will thrust my whole body up. Then.
and move with it. Sometimes I use an object . but then for orgasm I lightly and then more firmly rub my clitoris in a circular or up and down motions. It's just easier . Yes. Now I usually use my fingers to rub the whole genital area in a circular movement. I can come very quickly if my legs are together." . First I caress the outer labia. Among all my associates there seems to be an unspoken taboo against all such 'unnatural' things. but usually I am on my back.it's hard to reach inside one's own vagina. lying on my stomach. for purposes of enlarging the sensation in the general area. Sometimes I rub my whole body on the bed. I am defensive about mentioning that I use something other than my hand. My wrist gets tired." Type 1A3. using a circular motion. and occasionally come that way. especially if I'm slow in coming.usually the nicely rounded."I use my fingers first to penetrate my vagina. Sometimes I use the finger/fingers (first and second or just second) of the other hand for vaginal stimulation. Then simultaneous stimulation of both clitoris and vagina. Clitoral Stimulation with Vaginal Penetration at Orgasm: "When I was a child. I have no object fetishes." "I fantasize first until I am lubricated. but there is a better orgasm when my legs are apart and I work harder for it" "I begin with manual stimulation of my clitoris. then around the clitoris.. I'm generally turning the pages of the pornography book I'm reading. I am not into hurting myself. thank you) for vaginal stimulation. it's awkward. The I usually put one or two fingers inside my vagina before orgasm to feel the contractions. Legs apart. then I insert a finger in my vagina. With my other hand (left hand0. while laying on my back or side. Often I tease myself and hold off touching until I am quite aroused. I would masturbate by holding both hands between my legs very tightly and gently bouncing my whole body. smooth handle of my hairbrush (no spiked dildoes for this me. Also I guess I find needing vaginal stimulation is also unfashionable and I'm somewhat sensitive about that too.
Fingers Inside Vagina: "I hold my hand palm flat on the clitoral area. I stimulate myself with . Clitoral Stimulation and Anal Penetration: "Upon thinking certain sexy thoughts my blood pressure feels like it's increasing." Type 1A4." Type 1A. I rub my clitoris with my left index finger." "I begin stroking the vaginal opening. then insert my fingers into the vagina and at the same time rub my clitoris with my palm. then insert a finger into my vagina and move it up and down very fast while the palm vibrates the mons. I rub my clitoris in a back and forth motion. and just massage gently. then insert two fingers in my vagina and stimulate my clitoris with the palm of my hand with very rapid patting motions."Just after I climax I often put a few fingers just inside the mouth of my vagina to feel the contractions . and look at pornography." "I masturbate in a darkened room." "I caress my nipples to get started. especially anal-oriented. and make it wet up and down.each tickling more than the one before. I penetrate my vagina and/or rectum with the index and/or middle finger of my right hand and move them in and out at whatever speed I wish. Palm Over Clitoris. Sometimes I suck on a rubber penis." "I use one hand and clutch the mons. vibrate my hand over it until I get a warm feeling. My clitoris tickles and within a few seconds my vagina gets slippery.not just to see if they happen. for penetration. I sometimes read erotic literature. it is very satisfying sexually. My genitals reach two or three stages of tickling intensity . My legs are together. and fingers inserted in my vagina about one inch or so. Sometimes I use household items which have the shape of a penis. my heartbeat instantly becomes quick and hard. Then I gently massage my mound until I am generally aroused. then open my labia with a finger. My legs are wide apart.
I use the side of my electric woman's razor to masturbate. One hand is used for the clitoris. Clitoral Stimulation while Laying on Stomach: "I use my forefinger." "Sometimes I use my fingers on my clitoris with one inside my vagina." "I masturbate mainly on my stomach and use my right hand to stimulate my clitoris in a hard up-and-down movement. I lie on my stomach and hug a pillow with my other hand. one on the anal area. the other holds the two vibrators in place. So I rub and stroke my external organs. but not always. I use a circular and up-and-down motion on my clitoris and usually keep my legs a little apart. I usually make circular motions on my pubic area with one hand and touch my anus with the other hand. sometimes inserting my finger or an object into my rectum. and genital organs. Legs are usually apart. but as I get closer to orgasm. and raise my legs into the air (wide apart) and then rub a little more vigorously .which leads to orgasm or orgasms. Sometimes I use two hands on my genitals. Sometimes I move a lot and other times just a little. I bring them tight together." Type 1B. using my . or just on the clitoris.lubricated fingers or a vaginal foam applicator or a douche or enema tip." Type 2A. Clitoral and Vulvar Stimulation: "Dig this. I rub up and down and sideways and usually use the other hand to stimulate the rim of my vagina meanwhile. because if I am not moist I usually have difficulty in achieving orgasm. gently. It does not matter if my legs are together or apart. I often wonder if other women are the same." "I use my fingers primarily. Usually I use one of two sizes of vibrators .a small one for my anus and a large for my vagina. It seems necessary to raise my legs or I don't come. I move very little. I try to wait until I feel moist before touching myself. I begin by softly caressing my body and breasts. Circular motions.
with the pulsator working the mons area. I don't use my hands until orgasm approaches. whatever." . I usually wet the pulsator before starting. bed. pressing on my clitoris with the fingers of both hands (index and middle fingers). or insert my fingers into my vagina." "I masturbate on my stomach with my right hand between my legs and gently and circularly massage my clitoris. Just before orgasm. the knuckles of the right hand providing direct pressure to the mons. My left hand fondles my breasts. Sometimes I fondle my breasts or buttocks with one hand. using both hands. index. when I move the vibrator slightly with the left hand so that it is at exactly the right place. one on top of the other. Occasionally I masturbate on my back and find it hard to reach orgasm that way. I keep my legs open in the beginning and as I feel myself coming to an orgasm I close my legs and pull my body up off the floor. The motion of a moderately rapid frontto-back movement provides the clitoral friction I need. my hands and neck become rigid and my hands wise into the air a bit just before I move my left one to manipulate the vibrator at the critical time. but not usually." Type 2A1. Laying on Stomach with Occasional Vaginal Penetration: "I masturbate on my stomach with my legs together.middle finger. I move a lot in a rotating motion and up and down. I move much less than in intercourse." "When masturbating. Then I lie completely quiet on my stomach with my arms and legs making a wide V." "Sequence: I put a towel on the bed. I mmmmm a lot and say 'fuck'. I rarely touch my breasts or the rest of my body because I've found that physically that does little for me. put the vibrator on the towel with the pulsator pointed up (the pulsator has a rubber cup of about 1 inch in diameter). Sometimes I masturbate standing up and use the same motion and move quite a bit. with the left hand adding more pressure to the right hand. and ring fingers. I lie on my stomach with my legs slightly apart.
I really can't say. squeezing it. I have tried using two or three fingers. but this had the disadvantages that then it doesn't extend up as far as one finger. either rubbing against the pillow or also using my fingers. I love the folds and crevasses. Anyhow. Laying on Stomach with Vaginal Penetration: "I lie on my stomach with my legs as far apart as possible and put about three pillows under me to further arch my back. I massage my body at the genital region and insert the middle finger of one hand up my vagina and press my other hand hard against it . I often enjoy having my ass out from under the covers . as my body comes down on the finger and the hand behind it. Then I move to my crotch and slowly apply pressure with the tips of all four fingers. turning on my stomach really improves my ability to reach my fingers deep into my vagina. With my right hand I check to see if my vagina is wet."I am on my stomach lying with a pillow between my legs. and sometimes begin to move my whole body up and down. My other hand is on my nipple.cool air stimulates it or perhaps it's a desire to be exposed. but sometimes open. and sometimes I have a vibrator in either my vagina or ass. My body is rigid and stiff as I rub my clitoris in a circular motion. but that can be painful. at the region of my clitoris. Then I turn onto my stomach." Type 2A2. then I flex all my muscles in my legs and ass. I begin to use a circular motion with two fingers on my clitoris and occasionally an up and down motion with my clitoris between my fingers. Legs vary. and fantasize. I continue to stimulate my clitoris with my left hand and then insert two fingers into my vagina. This way I can strongly stimulate both my clitoris and cervix (which is often sensitive but not as much as the clitoris). or maybe just move my hands. My legs are usually closed." "I use my hands beginning with a general overall rubbing of myself to warm my hands and my body." . If I haven't orgasmed by then. It is amazing to feel the inside of oneself. My breath becomes short and gasping and my body starts pulsating and contracting violently. I also sometimes stimulate the opening of the urethra.
sometimes toward the anus." "I lie on my stomach with a pillow between my legs starting at my waist and kinda bunched up in the middle. Anyway its mere presence is erotic. I like my legs together. of a small vibrator. sometimes very little. Legs together is easier. It is important that my right hand keep it from vibrating too much (the reason for the pillow). at which time my left hand steadies it or plays with my clitoris or my vaginal area." "I use the curved plastic back. and I hump the pillow rhythmically. and while it remains stationary. with my ankles crossed. Clitoral/Vulvar Stimulation while Laying on Stomach: "On my stomach with both hands (one over the other) cupping my outer genital area. The more aroused. Sometimes I tap the muffled vibrator in a special way. especially with ankles crossed (it makes muscular tension . the more movement. I kind of hold the vibrator more or less steady under me as I lie face down. and I fantasize. My hands are under the pillow just under the clitoral region. My legs are tight together. which I find to slow and not as interesting and more fatiguing. Clitoral/Vulvar Stimulation while Laying on Stomach with Penetration: "I place my vibrator on my clitoris and labia minora and vaginal entrance.Type 2B. until I am so gluttonous I have to turn it on. I have been doing this every day since I was for or five. I prefer this because I very seldom have long periods of time alone to use the manual methods. Then I put my vibrator just above my clitoris. Legs together. I rub against it for a few moments. I gently squeeze the area with a finger pushing against the back curve of the lips and the palm of my hand pushing pressure on the front and the pubic bone. and move my body on and around it. That way." Type 2B1. I can use my legs to control the amount of contact with the vibrator. plus sometimes a candle in my vagina. When my partner joins me he simply lies on my back and helps me squeeze. I use it pretty exclusively against my clitoris and vaginal lips. Sometimes the vibrator points toward the left. not the pad. Sometimes I move a great deal. lips remaining closed.
With or without cloths on. "Yes I enjoy masturbation.I ride it like a horse.either one. I really move very little. I make a clump in the bedding about the size of a fist (I used to use the head of my poor teddy bear. I then move my hips in a circular motion until I climax . but it seemed redundant. I have masturbated since babyhood and don't see any reason to stop ever. I always have an orgasm and usually several of them." "I cross my legs." . I usually end up sort of with my weight on my knees and elbows. together sometimes feels better.pressing harder and harder. thrust my pelvis against a soft object (a pillow is best) and fantasize. Thrusting into a Pillow or other Soft Object: "When I masturbate. depending on the mood I'm in. then bounce gently until orgasm. I usually lie face down on the bed with some cloth. And I used to move my hands more than me. This is the tried and true way. like a blanket or spread. I do enjoy touching myself.greater and satisfies a reflex desire to press my knees together). it works with legs apart or together . a wad of the sheets has to suffice) and then lie on my stomach on top of it so that it exerts pressure on my clitoris. I don't masturbate like anybody else I ever heard of. I prefer sex with a partner because I like company. but it's just not as good as this. so I can't do to much with my hands." "Masturbation: I usually 'hump' a pillow or a rolled-up robe or even a laundry bag . However. pressing down and easing up repeatedly .very simple. only when ready for orgasm do I get into any real action. but since I became to old to sleep with a teddy bear." "I lie on my stomach with some material pulled firmly between my thighs and pressing against my entire mons area." Type 3. I used to touch my breasts and stomach. although when I am in a particularly frenzied state. now I move me more. pulled together so there is a mound I rub back and forth on.
then faster and harder. I move up and down slowly." . The sequence is like this ." Type 3. and sometimes 'flap' them to vibrate the vulva.Type 3. Crossing Legs and Tightening Thigh and Pelvic Muscles: "I lie on my back. or several. but at an early age it gave me a quick orgasm. I squeeze the whole pelvic area that way and the cheeks of my ass are very tight. then raise myself so I am above it. it's a good way. This method allows much freedom of movement for my body. and stroke downward. roll over on the pillow. and move quite a bit until right before I come." Type 4. Sometimes I revolve my legs to press harder.I insert the object. slow. Thrusting Against an Object while Suspended: "I stand on a chair with a protruding but low wing back and rub first against it. The sink is stimulating because it is cold. circular motion. only it gives you calluses on the palms of your hands. with my legs together. Thrusting into a Pillow or other Soft Object with Vaginal Penetration: "Lying on my stomach with something small (like a Tampax) in my vagina and a pillow clamped between my legs." "I draw myself up slowly against a bathroom sink. then I am pretty rigid. squeezing my vagina on the inside. then move rhythmically to orgasm. I first learned it as a child while playing on a chair my mother had. which I like. and press my mons against it very hard. But it's the clitoral stimulation and squeezing inside that makes me come." "I usually suspend myself against a piece of furniture and rub myself against it in an up and down. I never heard of it being done like this before and I don't know where I picked it up. moving slowly.
I squeeze my legs until I achieve orgasm. especially my clitoris. using no hands. rhythmically squeezing my thighs together. on a bus. I caress my breasts and lightly bounce up and down as the stimulation builds. and cloths my thighs on my arm. which are tightly pressed together.like any slightly elongated object. ). or up my vagina. I rub them rhythmically. place part of it between my legs. etc. just hip and leg movements. I never use my hands or touch myself . Usually I keep it on the outside of my . Occasionally I use my fingers or hand for my labia. I rock my hips or pelvis for friction. usually lying down. towel. or else play with my nipples." Type 4. on my clitoris. or other object held between their legs: "Initially. fantasize and occasionally touch my nipples if I have difficulty reaching orgasm by thigh-squeezing alone." "I cross my legs twice . I get stimulated either from the outside. and then I rub the sheet into and on my cunt." "I bunch up a blanket or sheet. with pillow. I have very easy orgasms. The tension gradually builds to an orgasm. My left hand may support me ( if I lie on my side ). I keep squeezing my breasts and then I have an orgasm."I masturbate by rubbing my thighs together. but it can be done sitting up ( in an office. moving only slightly. cross them and tuck an ankle around the other leg.that is." "I lie flat on the bed. I begin to fantasize a situation and come in minutes.don't have to." "My legs are crossed as I tightly squeeze some object which touches my clitoris and the entrance to my vagina ." "I lie down ( mostly when I bathe ) and cross my legs. then I lie down and put my right arm through my crotch with my wrist or lower arm on my labia and clitoris ( I can be either clothed or naked ) and my hand or my ankle or calf. which creates a pressure on the clitoral area. putting subtle pressure on the clitoris. or tell myself stories or I fantasize. lock my ankles together.
Lying down is more beautiful. The water can be slightly hot for more stimulation. In fact. but you get your hair and face wet. I move quite a lot but don't need to therefore I prefer it out of the covers." "I remove the head from my shower to allow a steady stream of water to come out. Water Massage: "I masturbate with shower water only. I open the vaginal lips exposing my clitoris. and clitoris." Type 5. with my ass and feet. with pressure on my uppermost thighs against the labia." . I rarely use my hands." "I lie in the tub on my back with a stream of very water on my vagina. and use a nice steady stream of water.underwear. My masturbation is just basically the placing of objects and rocking of my pelvic region. especially. I usually press my legs hard together ( or wind them around each other ) and use a towel. and can be multiple. the quicker the orgasm. and hips can be moved slightly to tantalize and prolong the enjoyment. I just press my uppermost thighs together against the labia. legs spread apart. My legs have to be clasped on the pillow. I'm better off wearing pants so I don't become too directly stimulated. and let the shower water strike my clitoris if it is hard enough. I usually do it standing up. mons. This orgasm tops them all for me. I aim it at my clitoris. exposed. but can't touch my clitoris. Sometimes I hook up a hose and sit on the side of the tub. pulling it against my clitoris rhythmically until I come. The harder the pressure and hotter the water. Or I lie down on the tub." "When I masturbate. I can get stimulated somewhat by rubbing my fingers directly on my genitals." "I use a pillow or some other object that is firm but soft. as it is too sensitive. I hold it between my legs and rub it up and down or squeeze it with my thighs. they can't be apart.
Sometimes I move a lot. First I excite myself with fingers. or just hold my fingers there a while. My feet are braced on the wall about two feet apart. I start with the water warm or cool and at a low pressure on my clitoris. I end up going inside to masturbate ( when I'm alone in the house )." . then I let the water on and get into an acrobatic position so my vagina is directly under the faucet." Type 6. Vaginal Insertion Alone: "I usually masturbate with my finger and touch my breasts with my other hand. I usually use a back and forth movement in my vagina. and I am lying on my back. My legs are quite wide apart with my knees up near me." "Occasionally I bring myself to orgasm in the bathtub. depending on the intensity of my feelings at the time. preferably a half-inch stream that is arched so my butt does not stop the drain. but not always. Sometimes when I'm lying in the sun in my swimming suit and I'll start to feel sexy. When I have gotten excited I run the water harder and lift myself closer to the water and let it pound into my vagina and then I come and it's the most fantastic feeling."I masturbate with water.
If you would like to share how you and your partner masturbate together please e-mail them to technique@theclitoris. Please limit your information to mutual masturbation. heterosexual and lesbian. Hers is 3 inches long and 1/4 inch in diameter.com. to share their mutual masturbation techniques and experiences. We enjoy watching each other hit the orgasms at the same time. mine is 10 inches long and 3/8 inches diameter. We sit facing each other and she inserts mine into me . Both of us have TEN's units and various instruments for masturbation from special vaginal and anal inserts to clitoral and penile stimulators. but the most exciting and intense orgasms we achieve together are from urethral inserts. it reaches my prostrate.de This page has been created to allow couples.Mutual Masturbation Techniques & Experiences Courtesy of Yoni-Massage. Russ and Judy My wife and I are into masturbating together. You can include activities you do while together and during phone sex.
one for her and one for me. The next thing we are going to try is getting two Sybian Sex Machines. again hitting an intense orgasm. but my wife hits orgasm after orgasm until she has hit ten to fifteen and then she is just spent and we have to stop for a while. Gspot and clitoris and my anus. Thanks for letting us write our experiences to you and the readers. . It tends to be QUITE the orgasmic time for the both of us. then when the orgasms start coming we hold the units at that frequency. This site has actually helped me to understand that what we're doing isn't necessarily a bad thing and that when the time DOES come for us to actually HAVE intercourse that I will now know what to do with her and what turns her on. At least 5 or 6 times a week. They're WRONG. and at the same time we insert an anal probe into each other. Its SUCH a turn on. Anonymous I'm a 21 yr old guy and I met my girlfriend a few weeks ago and since we ARE so far apart I've decided to start having phone sex with her. She has been using a vibrator recently and I LOVE to hear when she cums. and then we have our sex together.. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised. I've cum MANY times over and I've actually gotten her to cum many times as well.and I insert hers into her. lubrication is KY-liquid. We do this a couple of time over about an hour. She controls my TEN's unit and I control hers. This is so that the electrical contact is made between the anus and the urethral probes and the vibrational sensations are working on her anus. She loves it VERY much and we do it AS much as we can. I have had some multiple orgasms about one to two minutes apart and maybe three to four at the most. Take the chance and call them up. For those who say that phone sex can't help a relationship. We both start out at a very low frequency and then continue to build it higher as the orgasms get closer. If you get the chance and your away from your bf/gf. She imagines my penis in her vagina and I imagine myself inside her when I masturbate. See what they say about that type of sexual relationship. prostate and penis.
I am close to a climax myself. pushing it inside. A video always seems to get us in the mood quickly. that she is going to "cum" soon. still continuing to pinch her left with my other hand and fingers. I put my right arm underneath her and reach around so I can pinch her right nipple. I can barely keep myself from orgasm. She tells me how good my cock feels in her hand. She's moaning loudly now. Her fingers circle her clit. moaning. and once aroused by the video. I can't stop cumming. Soon she slides her hand down between her legs. She's moving her hand up and down me so quickly now that my "cum" shoots up and all over the both of us. for she will climax just from nipple stimulation. her fingers squeezing me hard. Her left hand continues to stroke me. I'm throbbing in her hand. screaming obscenities. I'm jerking around the bed like I'm having a seizure. her nipple. middle finger. caresses her clit. uncontrollably now. She starts to climax. I'm hard just anticipating about our mutual masturbation session. Then back to her clit. began to slowly touch each other. her sensitive side. Her hips began pushing her pussy upward straining to meet her fingers.Anonymous Mutual masturbation has given us the most incredible orgasms we have ever experienced. she begins moving her hips up to meet my caress. It is so intense I can barely control my body. I can't stop it. stopping from time to time. Her stroking has increased. I pinch it gently feeling it grow and harden under my touch. how hard. She's telling me how wet her pussy is. She slips a finger between her lips. Our breathing gets harder. screaming how hot she is. rubbing harder. She uses her thumb to rub her clit while her fingers are moving in and out of her pussy. touching her clit. Her nipples are large and long and very hard from my pinching. spreading her lips. she pushes two fingers deep between her lips. I'm throbbing. I'm beyond excitement knowing she is touching herself. I'm cumming. how big. reaching for her g-spot. Knowing she is bringing herself to orgasm begins mine. Her left hand stroking me while my right hand. She's moaning loudly. how good her fingers feel caressing her clit. We lie next to each other. Her orgasm seems to last forever. I have to be careful. She begins to beg me to . her hips grinding upward trying to force her fingers deeper between her lips. Her legs are spread wide. She is in full orgasm by now. caressing the right side. how hot she is. She is normally already wet from watching. She moves my hand to her breast.
it has made me feel absolutely confident with me and my sexuality. the sheets under her are soaked. she grabs at it and quickly pushes it between her pussy lips. We started mutual masturbation since we were dating especially because we didn’t have a place where to make love so. a life like 9" dong. my shoulders. She asks me to very slowly pull that wonderful 9" dong out from her pussy. She buries it. My husband and I just love it. she's telling me her "pussy is aching for something hard". Then I returned him the favor by masturbating him and some times with a blowjob which by the way excites me very much because I have been always very attracted to cum its texture. breasts and getting closing to my waist that used to make me very hot so when he finally decided to go down I was already very wet and almost begging him to touch my clit. Each stroke ending with all 9" fully inside. It was another terrific night of masturbation. she pushes it deep into her pussy. exhausted. I reach over to caress her pussy. After her last orgasmic ripple her body collapses into the bed. I’m 29 years old and have been masturbating since I was 13. She rests her head on my shoulder. Her dong filling her now soaked pussy. she needs to be filled with "cock". She's screaming "fuck me. She can barely contain herself. we both sleep. a sensuous pleasurable finale to her climax. I hand her a favorite. we used to do it in the car after long beautiful kisses. Maria Hi. She quickens her strokes. pushing upward to meet each stroke. first I want to say how much I like your site. Soon she's pounding this 9" wonder into her pussy. . But this my friend is a masturbation session. she slowly moves it in and out. fuck me" as she starts her 2nd orgasm of the night. her hips bouncing off the bed."fuck" her. all of it. then begins moving it in and out in 4 or 5" strokes. This one is more intense than her 1st. we have a very open relationship so we know that we both masturbate. She's so wet it slides in effortlessly. tears coming from her eyes. He then used to start caressing my body. crying. Her two hands now on the dong. I have tried different techniques and there are quite a few that work very well for me but probably what I enjoy the most is mutual masturbation with my husband. She's moaning and screaming. her legs are wet to her knees.
Cheers Maria Wim and Katrien Like Russ and Judy. I also like getting my fingers wet and then suck them. nobody could believe because we are very classy and normal looking. She has a real masturbating-body look and addicted already before marriage by her earlier lover before we met. We consider it as an excitement to enjoy in the perverse way. Quite often at this point he is very excited again so we make love and he can cum one more time but now inside me. without any sexual intercourse.. and to have trained our genitals to a development state of flesh and mind kicks receiving the most intense masturbation techniques. very deep introductions in both bodies. love the taste. also with toys if demanded.smell and taste. We usually start with oral sex but when he is getting close I let him finish on me be his self. We can talk with nobody about it because it is considered as a disease and perversion by most people. we have as a nice married couple also in secret a mutual masturbation relationship together. dilatations. After few times I started guiding his fingers when he was masturbating me. We have been married for more than 3 years now and we still like including mutual masturbation in our sex life. We love doing it very slowly but anyway it is a matter of minutes till I reach the orgasm. both ways are great. One of the most beautiful techniques we have discovered is making him finish on my pussy (I love this word) and then using his semen as lubricant to masturbate me. She introduced me in . I love seeing it while I open my lips with my fingers and then I can feel his warm semen running all around I cannot wait any more so I usually start rubbing my clitoris immediately with this beautiful warm fluid and then he puts one or two fingers inside me to reach my G spot and also plays with all this wet a little bit around my anus (love it). electric orgasms etc. this opened the door for talking about our own masturbation.We are 38y and 56y and practice together since marriage 12 y ago.. Some times we swap hands and he plays with my clit while I put my fingers inside. always perverted.
there will never be adultery because of the immense variationpossibilities and because nobody else can give this joy.this sexual discipline and makes me addicted to her in all the masturbation perversions she knew and practiced before. Wim and Katrien . only the real married . We can only recommend to couples who want more and more to try.
In Search of Nirvana .D.Vaginal Intercourse Rear-entry Intercourse..D. 1985. M. Virginia E Johnson. Kolodny. M. and Robert C. Masters. 1986 By William H. "doggy style" From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982.
Participating in intercourse for the first time at the age of twenty or thirty may not cause us to feel more "adult" than if we had done so at the age of twelve. the ultimate in sexual fulfillment. The physical simply cannot guarantee the spiritual. It is "sex. This is what society tells and expects of us." We expect to experience intense sexual pleasure and an emotional connection with our partner during or as a result of this activity.We are led to believe that if a couple engages in vaginal intercourse they will discover nirvana. On a personal level. kissing. We have "sex" to prove we are men and women. Intercourse should never be considered the ultimate sexual experience. We may be left wondering what the big deal was. The reason they are "potentially" equal is one must take into consideration the uniqueness of the individuals involved. Striving for Adulthood Young adults often feel pressured to engage in vaginal intercourse to demonstrate they have achieved adulthood. Couples should not engage in intercourse for the sole reason of achieving or demonstrating adulthood. We may not feel differently about our partner or ourselves. The rewards vaginal intercourse has to offer are no more or less than those possible when holding hands. giving a massage. Intercourse is said to be the absolute best sexual experience. we may come to realize after having intercourse for the first time that nothing has changed. it is just as likely to occur during other activities. as it is unlikely to fulfill their expectations. The physical joining of our bodies should result in the merging of our spirits. It is after all what defines sex. While this is certainly possible. Intercourse may not fulfill our lofty expectations. and during mutual masturbation and oral sex. but rather all sexual activities should be seen as potentially equal. . We keep having sex because that is what adults do. that we are no longer children. as adults.
We may engage in sex with a partner. graduate from school. Many cultures have public ceremonies to provide a clear demarcation between childhood and adulthood so a person is not left wondering when they have achieved adulthood. start wearing a bra and menstruating. but find these events leave us wanting more. and buy a home. and in the case of women. Since a person may have partner sex for the first time at any stage of their life. it was a clear indicator of passage into adulthood. vote. Unrealistic Expectations Vaginal intercourse is one aspect of female sexuality that has a lot of misinformation and confusion surrounding it. adulthood is something we are always striving to achieve but find is always just out of reach. Unfortunately in our modern society. Many women believe that in order for them to be a good sexual partner they should. have children. It should be noted that the concept of "adolescence" came into existence only recently in Western culture and leaves young people in limbo for ever increasing amounts of time. . and usually took place when couples were in their early to mid teens. clearly no longer a child but not quite an adult either. Women who do not. We are left forever in a state of perpetual limbo. seldom does anyone ever tell us when we have achieved adulthood. Adulthood is achieved not so much by what we do but by how others judge us. serve in the military. Adulthood is a social status that no physical accomplishment can guarantee without social recognition of that event.As many adults discover. There is a common expectation that women should experience orgasm without difficulty during intercourse. marry. start a career. it is no longer a clear indicator of adulthood in today's society. there is no common indicator of adulthood that applies to everyone. Since we all live such varied lives. When loss of virginity was closely linked with a public marriage ceremony.
Not only may the . Freud Led Many Astray Thanks to Freud and others. This simply is not a reasonable expectation. The media leads us to believe a woman should be squealing with delight and multi-orgasmic the moment a penis enters her vagina. dictates that the majority of women require clitoral stimulation if they are too experience orgasm. We are told girls may masturbate but women should desire and enjoy only vaginal intercourse.often believe there is something wrong with them because everything they have been told supports this believe. sex becomes something many women avoid rather than looking forward to. as a result of having the greatest density of nerve endings. As a result. many people have been led to believe "mature women" have vaginal orgasms and "immature girls" have clitoral orgasms. This results in women faking pleasure and orgasm so as to save face in front of their partner. Anatomy. It is my understanding that prior to Freud everyone knew the clitoris was most often the center of female sexual pleasure. commonly known as the G-Spot. as the clitoris is most often a woman's primary erogenous area. to appear normal. Freud basically made up his theories and they were never proven to be true. The vagina does not have this high concentration of nerve endings and is usually less sensitive to stimulation. not sexual maturity. lends support to the idea that clitoral and vaginal orgasms are uniquely different types of orgasm. This takes an enormous emotional toll on women. understandably. Vaginal Orgasm The presence of a female prostate gland. mature. and to make their partner feel good about themselves.
No Easy Answers Unfortunately. I would say clitoral orgasms are the most common experience. so may the resulting orgasm. A person should not take the position that women must experience both. A third and perhaps larger group of women falls in between. There are women who are very orgasmic during vaginal intercourse and love experiencing it.stimulation feel different." Regardless of how a woman experiences vaginal intercourse. Women have traditionally prevented vaginal orgasms from occurring as there is often a sensation much like the urge to urinate just prior to orgasm. whatever that is. or do so infrequently. what some women have always known. Trial and Error The only way for a woman to find out how her mind and body respond to vaginal intercourse is through experimentation and . and many need to unlearn this response. she is perfectly normal. At present. or one is better than the other. they enjoy vaginal intercourse to varying degrees but are unable to experience orgasm as the result of vaginal stimulation alone. or one or the other. Many women discover intercourse feels "nice" but not "wonderful. Some women experience both while others experience one but not the other. as mentioned on the page about vaginal orgasms. the truth concerning vaginal intercourse can be very confusing. Women that experience both. Another group of women find it boring and devoid of any pleasurable sensations at all. are not automatically happier or more satisfied lovers. Men and women are just now learning about and accepting. the existence and role of the female prostate gland in female sexual pleasure.
for them intercourse is more a reproductive than sexual act. face-to-face intercourse position From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982. M. . Couples should be open to the idea that penile-vaginal intercourse does NOT have a place in their sexual experiences together. Virginia E Johnson. As a woman’s emotional and physical states change. Masters. so do her sexual capabilities and wishes. There is no way to predict if a woman will be orgasmic as the result of vaginal stimulation alone. Factors like the shape and size of their partner's penis..D. Kolodny.D. and this will likely change over time and with different partners and techniques. and the level of emotional involvement can all influence how enjoyable intercourse is.practice. M. the strength of a woman’s pelvic muscles. Man-on-top. and Robert C. 1985. Note: Self exploration and preparing the vagina for intercourse are addressed on the pages about virginity. the amount of vaginal lubrication. 1986 By William H. the presence or absence of a G-Spot. A woman’s potential for enjoying intercourse is therefore not etched in stone.
The distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening also does not influence a woman's orgasmic potential. She may prefer the friction of fingers caressing her vaginal walls. pregnancy. though some misguided doctors have used surgery to shorten this distance. touch. The inner two-thirds of the vagina is usually less sensitive to touch and friction than the outer third. she should not fault herself if her vagina is totally insensitive. and with the use of medications. The type of stimulation an individual woman enjoys varies as a result. friction. The sensitivity of an individual woman's vagina varies as well. Additional Anatomical Factors While many have assumed the size and placement of the clitoris and inner labia influence a woman's orgasmic potential during intercourse. the fullness of a large dildo. and is most often sensitive to only pressure. or other forms of vaginal stimulation. varies from woman to woman. including birth control. The vagina's sensitivity to different types of stimulation. as a woman with a large clitoris. and the type of stimulation she is most sensitive to.Vaginal Sensitivity The reason why women experience vaginal intercourse differently is partly the result of varying degrees of vaginal sensitivity. Others have . a deep thrusting penis. Since a woman has no control over the sensitivity of her vagina. or is sensitive to a form of stimulation other than penile. and other forms of sexual activity. no correlation between these factors has been found to exist. she is hardly alone. A woman with a very small clitoris is just as likely or unlikely to experience orgasm during intercourse. and pressure. causing disastrous results not understanding the complexity of the vulvar anatomy. Sensitivity also changes over time as hormone levels change during the menstrual cycle.
assumed the clitoris should be sufficiently stimulated by the movement of the inner labia. When indirect forms of stimulation do occur. If the nerve impulses are weak. This greatly impairs a woman's ability to experience sexual pleasure. this could not possibly be true of all women. vary considerably from one woman to the next. and the brain. because her brain does not know how to process this form of stimulation. It is even possible that "vaginal orgasms" result from GSpot stimulation rather than clitoral stimulation. Since these are "bad places" only "bad sensations" can come from them. The inner labia may not even be in contact with the penis during intercourse. or otherwise be unaware of these sensations. Instead they are taught to ignore. Disassociation Another factor that affects vaginal sensitivity is disassociation. they may feel little or . if a woman has inner labia. meaning the clitoris and labia do not play a part at all. the absence of a conscious connection between the vagina. as they are typically located nearer the clitoris than the vagina. A woman or her partner may touch and stimulate these areas yet she feels nothing even though nerve impulses are getting to the brain. as if they did not exist at all. they are seldom in sufficient intensity or duration to result in orgasm. and they may be reprimanded or punished when they do. As a result of not touching and stimulating these areas the brain and body do not learn how to transmit and interpret nerve impulses from them. this movement being caused by the thrusting penis. so they do their best to block them out. Social believes and expectations usually do not permit young girls and teens to explore and stimulate their vulva and vagina. because the nerve pathways are undeveloped from lack of use. deny. Since the size and shape of the inner labia. keep in mind the inner labia would have formed the erectile tissue surrounding the urethra if the clitoris had developed into a penis during fetal development. or clitoris and vulva.
and perseverance. Interfering with or preventing sexual development can have major repercussions on a woman’s sexual pleasure. as when having sex with a new partner. Our brain can cause a state of intense physical arousal. vulvar and vaginal stimulation. a person we love deeply. as the line between pain and pleasure is very thin.nothing. This means a woman should set no limits or expectations and simply be open to whatever does occur. This also occurs during puberty when hormone levels are high and on a hair trigger. we are . a woman can learn to connect with and be more aware of. as a five-year-old there would be no time limits or expectations placed on these exploration sessions. The key is frequent stimulation. Chemicals released by the body when we are very excited in turn stimulate the brain causing a state of euphoria. By stimulating these areas while looking at them in a mirror and concentrating on the point being touched. or a person we find extremely attractive. The use of a dildo may be appropriate for vaginal stimulation though the feedback provided by the fingers would be beneficial. The formation of this connection is unlikely to occur during a single fifteen-minute session. If the impulses are strong they may feel pain because the sensations are beyond the limits of what the brain expects and can handle. They in turn learn to avoid partner sex or do so simply because they are expected to. and sensitive to. The way to overcome this is through exploration and stimulation. The sensations they experience will not be pleasurable or erotic. Something to keep in mind is. The Role of Emotions Our emotional state can significantly affect our physical pleasure. This is particularly true when there is considerable emotional evolvement. This is best done when alone in a quiet room with no distractions." Not only do we feel wonderful as a result. We experience a "natural high. Any discoveries would be a total surprise. five to fifteen minutes each day.
more than the physical act. triggers orgasm. There are women who experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse because their brain finds the activity extremely stimulating. and during their daily activities. Most cannot will themselves to have an orgasm. pleasure and orgasm result from equal parts of emotional and physical stimulation. The idea of what they are doing or whom they are doing it with. . for the majority of women. For most. It simply means the brain can have a significant influence over whether a woman experiences pleasure and orgasm during vaginal intercourse. but I do not believe this is the case for orgasm. it is not often that simple. This is not meant to suggest or imply the pleasure many women experience during vaginal intercourse is all in their head. a wet dream. During wet dreams sexual arousal is a common occurrence. it's not. and sex in general. Their thoughts are more the cause of orgasm than the physical stimulation. The physical and emotional pleasure we experience can continue to intensify the longer we have sex.also capable of experiencing increased levels of pleasure. Arousal and orgasm does occur in the absence of physical stimulation. ending only when we must stop because of physical exhaustion. Many if not most women experience sexual arousal and orgasm while dreaming about sex at night.
If a woman or her partner does not directly stimulate her clitoris. This is in part why masturbation is so important to women and couples. Virginia E Johnson.D. Clitoral Stimulation It is the popular consensus today that the majority of women must have their clitoris directly stimulated during vaginal intercourse if they are to have a chance at experiencing orgasm. The best means of doing so is by caressing and massaging the clitoris with hands and fingers. it is not usually sufficient in intensity and duration for .. it is often easier for a woman to caress her clitoris than it is for her partner. M. and she is usually more proficient at it. 1986 By William H. and Robert C. Masters. face-to-face intercourse position From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982. M.D. Because of the position of our body's during intercourse. If a woman's clitoris happens to rub against her partner's body during intercourse.One variation of the woman-on-top. 1985. she is much less likely to experience orgasm. Kolodny.
possibly as a result of being nervous or feeling vunerable. The expectation that a couple's orgasms occur at the same time is more likely to impair rather than enhance sexual pleasure and fulfillment. there are women who find it uncomfortable or even painful. this position is not very conducive to orgasm as their clitoris is not easily accessible.orgasm to occur. too sensitive in fact. This discomfort and pain may occur if a woman is not sufficiently aroused. It is also possible for a yeast infection to involve the clitoris but not the vagina. While women may enjoy feeling the weight of their partner on them in the missionary position. If a woman has clitoral adhesions her clitoris may be irritated by trapped smegma. Many things can irritate the delicate clitoris. or where her partner is behind or beside her. She can in turn use her pelvic muscles to grasp and stimulate her partner’s penis. thrusting is not necessary. a woman's clitoris is likely to be very sensitive. or in the case of adhesions. . When a woman is on top. she can reach down and stimulate her clitoris as she slowly rocks her hips. When Clitoral Stimulation is Not Appropriate While clitoral stimulation is often desired and required. orgasm is much less likely. If clitoral stimulation is left to chance. If any of these should occur. hidden from stimulation. The sexual positions that permit direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse are those in which a woman is on top. she is not likely to be adequately lubricated resulting in too much friction and an absence of the necessary chemical messengers that make orgasm possible. as mentioned on the pages about hygiene and vaginitis. then her partner. If this should occur. A woman can bring herself to orgasm first. unless a special effort is made to maintain this contact.
They enjoy giving their partner pleasure. outer labia. This too is certainly acceptable. or lower pubic mound. Orgasm Not Required An orgasm is only enjoyable if a woman seeks to have one. at some point a woman needs to require that it be her turn. Keep in mind orgasm is simply one form of pleasure. and receive emotional pleasure in return. she may enjoy and look forward to it because of the emotional bond between her and her partner. in the form of water or silicone based sexual lubricants. Some have to rely on the gentleness and familiarity of their own touch. especially if a woman is not orgasmic through other forms of stimulation. and when possible explain why. not just receiving it. She enjoys the closeness and intimacy of the sexual act. There are also women who are happy if her partner experiences pleasure and orgasm even if they do not. . Her partner should be accepting of her needs and wishes. nor necessarily the best. Note: Men too should not see their own orgasm as a requirement of intercourse and sex. they cannot tolerate any clitoral stimulation. or only indirect stimulation by means of massaging the clitoral hood. men fake orgasm too. Even if vaginal intercourse is not an orgasmic experience for her. she needs to clearly communicate this to her partner. more so than the physical sensations she experiences. When this occurs. If a woman does not desire or cannot tolerate clitoral stimulation. A woman may require the use of generous amounts of additional lubrication. if not done to extreme. It is certainly possible for vaginal stimulation to be very enjoyable for a woman in the absence of orgasm. and it is certainly acceptable for her not too. Couples should try to discover the cause of extreme sensitivity and a potential solution rather than dismissing clitoral stimulation completely.There are women who have a clitoral glans that is always exquisitely sensitive and cannot be directly stimulated.
D. and Robert C.Intercourse. In addition.. Even so. Kolodny. M. trying to live up to those false expectations. What they do not realize is. Men and women are usually very uncomfortable using or being used as a masturbation aid. or any sexual activity for that matter. 1986 By William H. Couples end up going through the motions of sex even though neither partner finds what they are doing enjoyable. social and partner expectations may cause persons who do not enjoy certain sexual activities to withhold this fact. 1985. may not be an appropriate activity for a couple if one partner does not enjoy it physically and/or emotionally and the other is uncomfortable knowing this. Masters. resulting in both loosing interest. Another variation of the woman-on-top. . they are presuming their partner enjoys the activity. Virginia E Johnson. face-to-face intercourse position From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982.D. which certainly may not be the case. sex cannot be fulfilling if you cannot be honest with and accepting of your partner. M.
Body position during vaginal intercourse can have a major impact on the amount of pleasure a woman experiences, as well as her partner. A change in position may result in a woman going from feeling nothing at all to being orgasmic. The entire vagina is not equally sensitive to stimulation and as a result the angle and depth of penetration can determine whether a woman experiences intercourse as being pleasurable. The location of a woman's area of vaginal sensitivity, if she has one, will determine the positions she finds most enjoyable. In addition, the amount of clitoral stimulation a woman experiences will also be dependent on body position. While couples do not need to be acrobats, exploration of different sexual positions is recommended.
If a woman has a G-Spot, she may enjoy intercourse the most when her partner's penis presses into or rubs against it, which is more likely when they are penetrating her from behind or when she is on top controlling the angle of entry. Some women find anal intercourse stimulates their G-Spot and they ejaculate during this activity, but not necessarily during vaginal intercourse.
It should be noted that our bodies are designed to have intercourse when a woman is bent at the waist and her partner penetrates her from behind, the "doggy" position. This is the "normal" or "natural" position, not the missionary as is commonly accepted. It is my understanding that this is the position used by couples in many tribal and non-industrialized societies. Unfortunately, some have proposed only "animals" have sex in this position in an attempt to raise humans above other creatures, which has resulted in other positions not only receiving unpopular press, but also persons of different cultures. Do not allow false social believes and expectations to restrict your pleasure.
The "spoon position" From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.
Couples may want to consider experimenting to see if rhythm plays a part in a woman's enjoyment of intercourse. A woman may prefer long fast strokes, short fast strokes, long slow strokes, or short slow strokes. She may enjoy any combination of these. What a woman enjoys may vary depending on her level of sexual arousal, her nearness to orgasm. She may want it long and slow at first to allow arousal to build but then a steady fast pace when she nears orgasm. Experimentation and practice is the key to learning what works best. Do not forget, what worked yesterday may not work today or tomorrow.
Skill and Stamina
Being an active participant during intercourse requires skill and stamina. Young men quickly learn this when their penis keeps slipping out, they get sweaty, their muscles start to ache, and they tire quickly. This is something women are sometimes very surprised to learn when they get on top or explore using a dildo in a harness. It may look easy in movies but intercourse is a very physically demanding activity, especially if one tries to do it for any length of time. The old in out is not as easy as it looks. The only way to learn how to do it correctly is through practice and patience. A sense of humor is essential during sex and intercourse, as you will undoubtedly have funny and potentially embarrassing things occur, like slipping out and not being able to get it back in by yourself. Sex is never as easy as it looks in the movies where all the mistakes are edited out.
A Penis is Not Always Best
A woman may enjoy having her vagina stimulated by her partner's fingers, hand, vibrators, dildos, etc., but find penile stimulation is not at all pleasurable. There may exist within the vagina only a small area that is sensitive to stimulation. As a result, a penis attached to a man may not be the best tool to use if a person seeks to stimulate this area. By exploring other forms of stimulation a woman is able to take advantage of these potential areas of sensitivity. The size, shape, and texture of the object inserted can be chosen so as to provide the appropriate stimulation. Men should not take it as an indication of personal failure when their partner prefers a dildo or other objects to their penis for vaginal stimulation. Hopefully, men are primarily concerned with their partner's pleasure, not by how it is obtained.
Lesbians and Vaginal Penetration
One misconception surrounding vaginal intercourse involves lesbians. We often assume lesbian couples do not engage in vaginal intercourse and penetration. We are more likely to envision them hugging and kissing than having "sex." Within some areas of the lesbian community vaginal stimulation is taboo as it is too closely associated with men and penises. While many lesbian couples do not engage in vaginal penetration or intercourse, a significant number do. The reason they do is quite simply because they enjoy it, it feels good. They are not pretending to be a man and woman, though sometimes they engage in role-playing. They are naturally using all the body parts at their disposal to experience sexual pleasure. Dildos, alone and in a harness, just happen to be an enjoyable and proficient way of stimulating the vagina. Wearing a dildo in a harness is pleasurable for some women, as having a "penis" and penetrating their partner gives them a sense of power and control; this applies to heterosexual as well as lesbian women. Vaginal stimulation is potentially enjoyable for all women, regardless of their sexual orientation.
While we may assume there is a difference between what lesbian and heterosexual women do sexually, this is not true. They potentially have the same interests, needs, and desires and engage in the same activities as a result. Every type of sexual activity heterosexual women engage in, lesbian women engage in as well, and vise versa. The fact that the vast majority of women, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual, are raised in heterosexual families and communities results in the same role models and sexual expectations, not to mention the same anatomy and sexual diversity. The anatomy of a woman's partner does not affect her wants and needs. Society, social groups, and women themselves should be careful not to restrict what women can do with their partner, based on their sexual orientation or their partner's anatomy.
Learning from Lesbians
Something men and their female partners can learn from lesbians is the use of fingers and hands to stimulate a woman's vagina. Lesbians do not have a penis so they often rely on their flexible and sensitive fingers and hands to stimulate the vagina in ways no penis ever could. They use their fingers not just to thrust in and out, but also to slowly explore every detail. They caress the vaginal walls and awaken hidden nerve endings. They may seek out and explore her G-spot or slowly stretch and fill the vagina with their entire hand. For some women a single finger is all they need and desire so discuss things prior to getting too carried away. Use plenty of lubrication, trim and file your fingernails, and perhaps use vinyl or latex surgical gloves. A woman's partner may actually feel closer to her when they use their hands instead of their penis to give her pleasure, because they can observe her pleasure with greater ease and are less distracted by their own body and desires.
Side-to-side, face-to-face intercourse position From the book "Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human loving" Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 By William H. Masters, M.D., Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.
The Pressure Placed on Men A penis is made of flesh and blood and our expectations of it are seldom realistic. even by those who are not impotent. it is just that a penis functions only as well as a clitoris. While not a reliable means of birth control." Note: By learning and using Kegel exercises. When men fail to achieve these unrealistic goals we not only deal them an emotional blow but also take away their pleasure in the process by causing them to feel guilty. men may voluntarily learn better control over their erections and orgasms. As a result. We place enormous pressure on men by expecting them to achieve and maintain an erection while not ejaculating for long periods of time. on occasion. when they attempt intercourse. but also their partner's. increasing not only their own pleasure. A woman is led to believe if her partner finds her attractive and desirable his . We do not allow them to enjoy their orgasms if they occur prior to their partners. This is a very large order to fill and is why Viagra is in such demand. In the rush to fulfill women's sexual needs we may expect too much from men and their penises. not ejaculating may have its benefits. Women often judge themselves based on the performance of their partner's penis. Fear of failure is causing teenagers and men to be unable to achieve an erection. causing them undo feelings of failure. men are becoming the ones with the "headache. From an evolutionary and reproductive perspective this probably is not a realistic expectation. They may be so nervous and agitated they ejaculate quickly. or their erection quickly diminishes. We must not forget there is a living breathing man attached to that penis. This is not meant to suggest men are inferior to women.
Placing a vibrator directly against a woman's clitoris may not be necessary or desired. When a woman's partner does not experience an erection.penis will automatically be erect when they desire intercourse. and is mentioned again below. is one possible choice. While some may see their partner as oversexed. If the vibrator is powerful. place a small folded towel between a woman's clitoris and the vibrator. they also expect frequent erections to demonstrate how desirable they are. While she may say it is not a reason for concern. A wand shaped vibrator. Because we seldom want to look inward. Vibrators Many couples have found placing a vibrator on or near a woman's clitoris during intercourse increases the likelihood of orgasm. they simply will not find it. she may project these feelings onto her partner. This is very harmful to women. and even when they do not. Placing it against the pubic mound or outer labia often results in sufficient clitoral stimulation for orgasm to occur. Vibrators should be seen as a way of enhancing sexual pleasure. and is perhaps a selfprotection mechanism. blaming others is much easer to do. like the Hitachi Magic Wand. The small but powerful battery powered Pocket Rocket works very well. to soften the vibrations. she often feels at fault. Rechargeable vibrators may be more convenient as there is no power cord to get in the way. She does not want to feel at fault so she blames and perhaps belittles them. and their relationships with men. . While a woman may see her partner's inability to achieve an erection as a personal failure. not as taking away from it. A woman may reject her partner rather than addressing her own feelings of failure. her expressions and actions may state otherwise. If women are looking to their partner's penis for validation.
There is simply much less for them to worry about. A woman can sit straddling her partner. i. including penile-vaginal intercourse. while rocking her hips for as long as her heart desires. They can literally lie back and relax. They do not have to be concerned about ejaculating too quickly or loosing their erection. There may actually be increased intimacy because there will be fewer things to distracted a couple. If they experience increased pleasure with fewer fears. sex is going to be more pleasurable and fulfilling for both. While some may be concerned about the possible loss of physical intimacy. When and if a man seeks to experience orgasm." intimacy will not be adversely affected. not holding to the false expectation that a "man" must have an erection and ejaculate for there to be "sex. The use of a dildo in a harness can increase the number sexual activities a couple can explore and the length of those activities. and possibly caress her clitoris. If a couple has the appropriate mind set. allowing her partner to observe and share in her pleasure with . The amount of physical contact decreases very little by using a dildo. Emotional intimacy is always of greater importance.e. By using a dildo in place of their penis men can actually relax and enjoy sex with their partner to a greater degree because there is far less pressure to perform. Keep in mind. this will not occur.Dildos and Harnesses: Not Just for Women While we may assume only lesbians would have a use for a dildo in a harness. stress. By removing some of the fear and self-doubt many men experience they will find increased sexual happiness. a couple can engage in whatever sexual activities they desire. men can and do use them too. penile/vaginal contact does not guarantee intimacy. He will not be worrying about not lasting long enough and she will not be worrying about taking too long.
As an interesting side note. They can simply cuddle while the woman enjoys the feeling of her vagina being filled. She may prefer a small flexible dildo during fellatio and anal intercourse but a large firm one during vaginal intercourse. as well as dildos made from cyberskin. A couple can choose a dildo of a size. Women naturally have varying needs and desires when it comes to penetrative sex. Using a dildo in a harness is just one option available to couples. but these are more expensive and harder to care for than silicone. A dildo and harness will enhance rather than take away from a couple’s sexual experiences if they are open to the idea. A couple should invest in a high quality harness and dildos because the cheap plastic ones simply do not work. A couple can explore changing roles by having the woman wear the harness and penetrate her partner. to stimulate their partner's vagina. It should be noted that silicone dildos are perhaps the best choice of materials. she can choose one with bumps and ridges. the all in one $20 specials belong in the trash not the bedroom. If a woman finds deep penetration painful. A woman can explore and discover if bigger really is better. Important Note: Men can use their fingers. She can choose a dildo shaped in a way that stimulates her G-Spot. there are lesbians who feel they are better sexual partners because their penis. . or switch to smaller when necessary. a dildo in a harness. This allows "heterosexual" men to explore fellatio and anal penetration. she can choose a dildo of appropriate size. firmness. If she desires more stimulation. as mentioned above. A couple can take turns doing the pelvic rocking or thrusting and extend the duration of intercourse. but as a consequence their partner may expect marathon and acrobatic sex. A $100 investment will serve a couple for many years. is always erect and they never have to worry about ejaculating too quickly. It is not necessary to use a penis or dildo to stimulate the vagina for it to be pleasurable for both. as an example.fewer distractions. Parents should note that gift certificates for on-line adult stores make great gifts for young adults and the economically disadvantaged at Christmas and birthdays. and texture that fulfill a woman's individual needs and desires during each sexual activity.
Given the social significance of this event in a person's life. it is surprising how little factual information is available on the subject.e. What information is available is often incorrect and harmful to young adults. Who is a Virgin? .The First Time Illustration by Patsy Website FromLifeDrawings.com One of the most common subjects I receive questions concerning is virginity. vaginalpenile) for the first time. Young men and women often want to know what to do and what to expect when they have intercourse (i.
Your definition of a virgin depends on your point of view. Taking Reproduction Out of Sex .A girl or woman who has not permitted a male partner to insert his penis into her vagina is commonly accepted to be a virgin. still a virgin even if she has had twenty sexual partners? Virginity is a spiritual attribute. she is a virgin. is that the same as consenting? If a bi-sexual teen is a "technical virgin. or that it was simply a mistake. not a physical one. with the same desires and apprehensions. The above definitions do not take into account homosexuals and intersexed individuals. as odd as that may sound. From an emotional point of view. it was not as enjoyable as she had hoped. Still others say a virgin is a girl or woman who has an intact hymen. A virgin and virginity are what you believe them to be. As time goes by. a woman can be a virgin more than once in her lifetime. her reluctance to engage in intercourse may increase. Since virginity is a spiritual attribute. The best example of this may be the young teen that tries intercourse once and realizes she was not really ready. will she always be a virgin? If a girl is born without a hymen. Others define a virgin as any girl or woman who has not had sexual contact with another person. is she never a virgin? What about sexually abused girls and raped teens? If you did not consent. There are always exceptions to every definition of what constitutes a virgin. Strict religious doctrines require virgins to not only forgo physical sex but also sexual thought. or becomes greater than it ever was. and does not engage in intercourse again for several years. At what point does a lesbian become a non-virgin? If an intersexed individual without a vagina accepts a female identity." a person who engages in sexual touching and/or oral sex but not vaginal intercourse. and who has not explored her own body as well. because she comes to expect more.
is not free. that abortion. her first option should be not to have intercourse. specifically female sexuality. not as a mother. Another problem with this preoccupation with intercourse is the resulting unwanted pregnancies and the children that result from them. which is equivalent to ignoring the role of the penis in male sexual pleasure. While many have tried to separate female sexuality from reproduction. unavailable to her. not rely on unreliable birth control that may be too expensive for her to buy. having babies. If a woman does not want to have a baby. If we want to give women the option of not having babies.Western society has a preoccupation with intercourse that no longer benefits our society. . We ignore the facts that no form of birth control is one hundred percent effective. many forms of birth control have adverse side effects. we need to allow them not to engage in a reproductive act. We as a society do not view reproduction as favorably as we once did yet we still place an emphasis on an activity whose primary and evolutionary purpose is conception. when it is an option. appropriately or not. they have done so by trying to take the reproduction out of women versus taking reproduction out of sex. and that we make social outcasts of teens who have babies. In addition. Sex is and must be more than penile-vaginal intercourse if it is to benefit women." not "the real thing." If everything other than intercourse is not "real" it cannot or does not exist. This is partly because all other forms of sexuality and sexual activity have been defined as something other than "sex. A woman should not have to forgo sexual pleasure or put her health at risk because she does not want to reproduce. The role the clitoris plays in female sexual pleasure is not taken into account. By this definition of sex. Intercourse is great for reproduction. but it does not necessarily benefit a woman seeking sexual pleasure and sexual fulfillment. a "modern woman" is defined as a businesswoman. or adversely affects her well being. female sexual pleasure is almost precluded from existence.
which in the end does not benefit men. This can and does result in orgasm. Girls have been observed masturbating to orgasm when they were as young as three months old. . It certainly does not benefit women. As a result of exploring her body she discovers her vulva and other body parts are sensitive to touch. the opposite was true. As a result. If a woman is to be a healthy sexual adult she must first be a healthy sexual child. We expect a woman to receive all her sexual pleasure from her partner's penis. but also that of her parents and care givers. If she were heterosexual she would not be given that choice. One of the reasons she benefited by being a lesbian was that she could choose whether or not to engage in vaginal penetration because it was not required of her. The first sexual act a girl usually engages in is self-exploration. Sex is a life long learning process that involves more than three minutes of intercourse. Sexual Development The current female sexuality paradigm suggests that all a young woman needs to do to prepare to become sexually active is to spread her legs. it effectively defines our concept of female sexuality. The idea that if you are a woman with a male partner that you must absolutely without a doubt take his penis into your vagina is ridiculous. Not only her own touch. Society would prefer that she did not. if anything. she does not need to do anything to prepare herself for partner sex. The process of preparing for "adult" sex involves engaging in sex and being sexual when you are a child. or specifically intercourse. Because it feels good to touch these areas she may do so frequently. While this is a crude statement. when they bathe her etc.A lesbian made a comment to me that sums things up concerning women and intercourse.
since her body is not ready to reproduce. What a girl does not discover for herself she learns from her peers. While we may not agree on the age when this sexual development should or does occur. Engaging in intercourse having had no past sexual experiences is equivalent to trying to drive a car on a major highway during rush hour when you have never driven a car before. Since she knows it feels good to touch her own genitals. In addition.As the girl grows she gains the ability to move about and explore the world around her. Just as the process of learning to run first involves learning to crawl and walk. As a result of this exploration she discovers other children. Out of curiosity it seems likely that mutual oral sexual stimulation would soon start to occur as well. sex is also a learning process made up of essential steps. Essential Sexual Skills . she may actively encourage others to do the same. it is essential that is does. young children stick everything in their mouths. Sex is not an instinctive or natural skill we are born with. As parents are well aware. her male partner's penis has been too small to permit deep vaginal penetration. Until puberty occurs. All this sexual development and sexuality takes place in the first few years of a girl's life. When she explores these other children she explores their genitals and they explore hers. and that it occurs in about the order described above. protecting her undeveloped "reproductive" organs from injury. By the time puberty starts to occur she has been "sexually active" for several years. older adult men would not see her as a potential reproductive partner. if her sexual partners are boys. Lets just say there would be a lot of painful accidents.
This means not only knowing where your clitoris is.Before any young woman considers engaging in vaginal intercourse she should have already developed the following sexual skills and knowledge. Do men. Vaginal and anal stimulation may be explored and this prepares the body for intercourse later on if that is desired. if your future partner has not developed the ability to stimulate you to orgasm. Plus. Mutual Masturbation: This simply means you learn to give and receive pleasure with your hands. the better they work. It is being aware of when you are sexually aroused. The aversion people often have to oral-genital contact is the result of social conditioning. not just your clitoris. The greater your awareness of your mind and body. you still have the means of achieving orgasm. and what arouses you. it is not a skill you are born with. it is usually easier for a partner to stimulate you to orgasm when the time comes. You explore your partner's body as they explore your own. or both arouse you? It means acknowledging that you are a sexual being with sexual feelings and thoughts. • • • • Self Awareness: A girl or woman should first learn about her own body before all else. This applies to your entire body. There is no reason why two healthy people . you do it repeatedly and discover the pleasures of orgasm. In the process you both learn to give each other an orgasm with your hands. but also what is looks like and how it responds to different types of stimulation. Oral Sex: Our lips are very sensitive. and saves you from becoming sexually frustrated. Masturbation: You need to learn to make love to yourself before you can make love to a partner. This is because your mind and body are already conditioned to the process of sexual arousal and orgasm. Watching your partner masturbate to orgasm is a great teaching/learning tool you have at your disposal. You do not need to rely on a partner to fulfill your needs. should we be surprised the act of using one to stimulate the other is very pleasurable? Just as with any skill. oral sex requires practice if you are to become good at it. Because it feels good to touch these sensitive areas. If you are able to give yourself an orgasm. As a result of exploring your body you should discover some areas are very sensitive to touch. women. as are our genitals.
We interrupt or preempt the normal sexual development of our girls at birth and then try to postpone it until later in life. In general though. the younger she likely is when she becomes sexually active. Even if she does other sexual activities in order to postpone this event. This skill should also be practiced until both partners are able to experience orgasm. puberty and peer pressure. When Should a Young Woman Start Exploring Partner Sex? At what age should a girl or woman be before starting to explore sex? The social mores of each girl's family. Two factors. When a teenage girl expresses an interest in partner sex. During normal . and society will likely determine when she is permitted to become sexually active. and perhaps because she is not able to ignore her developing sex drive indefinitely. community. When we do return their sexuality we usually hurry it along. the better off she is. namely breasts. She is often less reluctant to have sex than are older girls. attract the attention of older boys. Whether a girl's female friends are sexually active or not plays a larger role than puberty. This is because her secondary sexual characteristics. it usually occurs too soon. Perhaps expecting them to become fully sexual the night of their wedding.should not have the option of engaging in this activity. Western society certainly does not permit girls to be sexually active right out of the womb. The younger a girl is when she starts puberty though. usually determine the age at which girls become sexually active. The reason young women should postpone partner sex is because our society does not prepare them properly for it. when they are at least eighteen and married. the pressure is on for her to engage in intercourse. not because it is natural for them to wait. the longer a young woman waits to explore partner sex.
They usually did not fully develop their basic sexual skills until five. ten. I wish I could tell young women who read this exactly when they should start exploring their sexuality with a partner. even if they have positive feelings about those early experiences. if you live in a family or community that does not permit young women to be sexual. It certainly does not harm a young woman to wait until she is in her twenties to start exploring her sexuality . it is not right either. If your parents permitted you to be sexual as a child. then you are not ready and need to wait. On the other hand. but I cannot. could cause you more harm than good. Most of these women look back and realize they just were not ready to become sexually active when they did. This often left them wondering. the social ramifications of your becoming sexual. even if sex is not wrong. and as a result.sexual development there would be ten to fifteen years between the times she started exploring sex and her first experience with intercourse. Sometimes. Each woman must determine for herself the right time. If you are not sure if you are ready. no matter how much you may desire to. you may be sexually active long before you are even able to read this. "Is that all there is?" The expected fireworks were absent. The reason they were not ready is they did not know enough about sex. In our society that time span is anywhere from a few minutes to at most a few years. orgasm was often absent. Women who did become sexually active at a young age usually wish they had waited longer to do so. or even twenty years after they started engaging in intercourse. While they may have enjoyed sex on an emotional level. It depends on each young woman's individual situation. They probably did not masturbate and may have only dabbled in mutual masturbation and oral sex. They did not fully develop these basic skills since they were not supposed to be necessary. without being selfish. it was not as enjoyable as it could have been.
you "should" or that you "have to. If your partner truly loves you. There is no reason for a young woman to feel she "has to" engage in sex. it's far better for women to wait.with a partner. just that is usually a wiser choice if they decide not to. . You should only have sex because you want to." they would never make her feel she should be sexually active. and because you want to give AND receive sexual pleasure. Reasons Why a Young Woman Should Not Explore Partner Sex There are definitely situations when young women should not become sexually active. then you should be running away from it. If a young woman's partner and friends really "care for. Girls facing this situation need someone to be available to them for emotional support. If she does feel this way. they will not ask you to become sexually active before you are ready. You do not do it because of love. If someone is telling you. because everyone else is doing it. namely sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS. it is not right and you need to remove yourself from it. I'm not saying teenage girls should not have sex with a partner. because you want to explore it." and "love her. Love is the last reason to have sex. If anything." you "should not. there is something terribly wrong with the situation. even if she knows she should not." If you do not feel you can walk away from a situation without having sex. given our current society and the risks involved." There is absolutely no reason you have to have sex. or because it is "adult. In the absence of this person. she will more than likely start having sex." "respect her. period. If you do not feel totally comfortable with the situation. Parents and primary care givers are essential in a young woman's life. Each girl needs to make this decision for herself.
forgetting that teenage girls are in the same situation. and men. Besides being illegal in our society this would result in a lot of young girls becoming pregnant.When is a Young Woman Ready for Intercourse? If a young woman decides she wants to explore vaginal intercourse when is it the right time or age to start this exploration? If one goes by the sequence of development I outlined above. Becoming pregnant is NOT a "miracle" for the vast majority of teens and women. If a teen has started having menstrual periods. Since she would already have been sexually active for several years she would likely be physically and mentally prepared to do so. We often joke about how teenage boys are walking hormone factories. Engaging in intercourse when the biological urge to do so develops is not a good idea. she can become pregnant and is likely to do so if she allows sperm . This applies to all women. their body. and certainly their mind. A young woman is ready for vaginal intercourse when she has learned her basic sexual skills and knows she is ready to do so and not before. she would likely start engaging in vaginal intercourse during puberty. is not ready to reproduce at that age. as her secondary sexual characteristics and pheromones would attract the attention of older males. of reproductive age. While many girls may start menstruating at the age of ten. Most teens and women are VERY fertile and become pregnant easily. which would likely increase the number of maternal and infant deaths that occur. One must acknowledge though that teenage girls often have very strong sex drives that are hard to ignore. Are You Ready to be a Parent? Any person who desires to engage in intercourse should first ask himself or herself if they want to have a child with their partner.
if she is not using birth control. . women in school. and on rare occasions even girls who have never had intercourse become pregnant. should view pregnancy as very undesirable. No form of birth control is one hundred percent effective.to come in contact with her vulva or vagina. If you know you do not want to have a baby and that having one would have an adverse affect on your life. There are women and teens that become pregnant the very first time they have intercourse. up through college. If you do not want to have a child. In general. you are perhaps better off not engaging in intercourse. Even when birth control is used correctly. you may want to choose not to engage in intercourse with your partner. which the inexperienced person is less likely to do. there is still a chance of pregnancy.
You do not need to love them or be married to them.Courtesy of Yoni-Massage. A long-term partner is a good choice. Teens and women should choose the sexual partner they have intercourse with for the first time with caution. but you should be good friends who trust and respect each other.de Who Should be the First? Which sexual partner should a teen or woman chooses to have intercourse with for the first time? That depends on the individual. if you are not sure . This is because sex is a learning process that takes time and communication. You should already enjoy sex together. You should enjoy being together and hopefully you are able to express your thoughts and feeling with them freely. You should be able to envision the relationship lasting years versus days or months. Before you get to the point in the sexual relationship where you consider intercourse you should have already spent a lot of time developing your basic sexual skills together.
it does not mean you HAVE to either. or for that matter. but do not put a lot of pressure on yourself to be a sexual dynamo. it usually is not good for the marriage or committed relationship if pregnancy occurs within the first year. anything more than hugging and kissing. The problem lies in that having had no past sexual experiences you probably are not ready for intercourse. My advise to these women is to slowly develop their sexual skills one at a time over an extended period of time before having intercourse with their partner. they're not. The thrill of doing it will not wear off if you wait. Have fun and explore. Even if they are the right one. Sexual Compatibility . In addition. You are likely to be married for years.they are the right one. It might be a wiser choice to celebrate your first anniversary by having intercourse for the first time versus doing so on the night of your wedding when you are probably stressed and tired." and any women who postpones engaging in all forms of sexual activity until they are in their twenties or later. Women who do so often value their virginity greatly or else they would not have waited so long to become sexually active. if anything. As such it means a lot to them and becoming a non-virgin means a lot to them and they have high expectations regarding their first time. so there is no need to try and do everything the first night or week. Virgin Brides A word of advise for "virgin brides. the anticipation will grow as you and your partner develop your relationship.
We may place great importance on having the same interests in music and foods. things you might try in another column. and many times we are not even close. you probably are not compatible out of bed. Sex often becomes a part of the relationship where one or both partners make great sacrifices or does things unwillingly. and desire for children. You will want the lists of thing you each want or might try to be very similar. Communication A way to avoid facing this potential problem is to discuss your sexual interests and desires prior to marriage. If you list fifty things you want to try and your partner five. but never compare our sexual compatibility. If you have not explored sex with your partner.One potential drawback of waiting until after you marry to explore partner sex is. If you are not compatible in bed. Are you simply curious or desperate to try it? Have your partner do the same and then compare the lists. You can also . and the things you definitely do not want to try in another. Both partners must complete their list BEFORE showing them to their partner as one partner may try to fulfill their partner's expectations of them versus being honest otherwise. If a lot of the things you want to try are in your partner’s definitely not list. or starting a sexual relationship. Since society does not place significant emphasis on sex within a relationship. religious beliefs. this is not a good sign. do you believe you are going to be a good sexual match? To determine if you have compatible sex drives you might want to write down how often you masturbate. We may just guess as to what our partner does or does not want sexually. rank your interest level in trying each sexual activity. sexual incompatibility. List on a piece of paper all the things you want to try in one column. how do you know their sexual interests and desires are compatible with your own? We often underestimate the importance of sex and intimacy within a relationship. You can use the index pages out of a book about sex to get a list of potential sexual activities. The quality of a couple’s sexual relationship is often a direct indicator as to the general health of the entire relationship. couples may do the same. If you want to get more specific.
Pain and Bleeding It appears that in order to persuade young women not to engage in sex and intercourse our society has employed scare tactics. While most women do experience some pain or discomfort. Society has tried to make teens fearful of their first experience by leading them to believe it will be painful and bloody. The cause of this bleeding is usually the tearing of their hymen. Couples will likely need to complete new lists many times during their relationship as their expectations and desires may change with time and experience. it is rarely extremely so. it is not as bad as we are often led to believe. Be honest during all of this because your future marriage or relationship will likely depend on it. There is usually very little bleeding.write down how often you become sexually aroused. or so some believe. or the first couple times. While a woman's first experience with intercourse can involve some pain and bleeding. the vaginal wall or vulva can be injured and this too can result in some bleeding. desire partner sex. you are less likely to do it. the powerful influence of sexual desire is often overlooked. but this is the exception and women should not expect this to happen to them. there can be a lot. a tablespoon or less (In comparison. There may appear to be more blood loss than there actually is as the blood will mix with the vaginal lubrication and sweat that are present. about four tablespoons of blood are lost during each menstrual period. they have intercourse. If you know it will be so. or have a sexual thoughts or fantasies. . Sometimes.) On rare occasions. About fifty percent of women experience some bleeding the first time. pain is an indication that something is wrong. In any event.
In the beginning.Preparing the Vagina for Intercourse The way to avoid pain and bleeding is to slowly and gently stretch the hymen and vagina prior to engaging in intercourse. slowly work your way up to three fingers. you should slowly notice your finger entering into your body. Over time. the opening in the hymen will permit the insertion of at least a single lubricated finger or tampon. but not so much that you feel pain. . only the tip of your finger may enter. for a couple seconds. Initially. Use one hand to caress your clitoris while the other explores your vagina. Press until you feel some resistance. then repeat pressing in a new direction. to help you locate your hymen and vaginal orifice. In this case. Some will find they can do this without difficulty within a week or less. A woman can do this herself using her fingers. just press against the vaginal orifice versus trying to push your finger into it. With your finger or fingertip inside your vagina. While pressing gently in. move your finger in a slow circular manner. You must be sexually aroused when you do this. Lubricate your finger with a water based lubricant or saliva and then slowly and gently insert it into your vagina while masturbating. It will also help to explore your vulva with a mirror. or an object of equivalent size. the hymen would be slowly and painlessly dilated long before intercourse occurred for the first time. others will require several months. Work your way around the clock face. Imagine your vagina is at the center of a clock face and gently press your finger towards each number on the clock face. the pelvic muscles surrounding the vaginal orifice may be very tight and the hymeneal opening small. It all depends on how elastic your hymen is and how relaxed and flexible your pelvic and vaginal muscles are. In most cases. This stretches the hymen and muscles. perhaps over a period of days. It seems if the normal course of sexual development occurs. This may make the insertion of even a single finger uncomfortable or even impossible. With patience. gently press your finger outward from the center of your vagina.
A woman's partner can also do this during partner sex if they go slow and are gentle. Good communication is essential, as the woman needs to inform her partner if they are using too much pressure or going too fast. The woman's partner needs to go slowly and be very gentle. Young men tend to be overly eager and rough, they need to make a special effort to be otherwise. (Men often use much more pressure when masturbating their penis than women can tolerate on their vulva.) A woman needs to be able to spread her legs fully and relax her muscles. Doing this with pants and/or panties on will be awkward and cause needless discomfort, as will doing it in a cramped space like a car.
Women who are in their late teens or older may have access to dildos of various sizes that can be used to help stretch the hymen and vagina. If a woman is able to insert an artificial penis of appropriate size, 1.5 in. (3.8cm) in diameter and 6 in. (15 cm) in length, into her vagina, she is certainly going to be more comfortable with the idea of a real one entering her body. Realistic silicone dildos also allow teens and women to explore what a penis may look and feel like and practice fellatio (oral stimulation of the penis), putting a condom on a penis, anal sex, and may just be fun to play and experiment with, even if they are a virgin or a lesbian. Small and medium sized butt-plugs may make dilating the vagina and hymen easier because of their tapered shape.
A healthy vagina is one that is both strong and flexible. In addition to dilating and stretching the vaginal and pelvic muscles they should also be strengthened. The vagina of a virgin is tight because the muscles are atrophied not because they are strong. If the vaginal and pelvic muscles are not strengthened as they are dilated they may not develop the ability to grasp things inserted between
them. This will lessen the friction between the vaginal walls and anything inserted between them and can result in vaginal penetration not being as enjoyable as it could be, for both partners. Young women should learn and get in the habit of doing Kegel exercises.
The best way for a young woman to learn to do Kegels is to practice stopping the flow of urine from her bladder when she urinates. Instead of just letting the urine flow freely, get in the habit of starting and stopping the flow several times each time you urinate. With practice it should become easy. Once you get accustomed to doing it while urinating and learn to know when your pelvic muscles are both tight and relaxed, start doing them when you are not urinating, while sitting in class, while at work, while riding or driving in a car, talking on the phone, or while watching TV. Tighten the muscles for one or two seconds, ten times per session, as many times per day as you can.
If you learn to do Kegels before starting to dilate your vagina you may find it easier to do so. This is because you will know when the pelvic muscles are tight, and when they are relaxed. Before inserting your finger or other object into your vagina first tighten and then relax your pelvic muscles. This makes you aware of your pelvic muscles, and ensures that they are relaxed. Once you are able to insert at least the tip of your finger into your vagina you can practice grasping it with your pelvic muscles. You will find it easier to move your finger when the muscles are relaxed. Being able to relax your vaginal muscles will come in useful when a partner inserts their finger(s) or penis, and when a doctor needs to insert their fingers or a speculum during a gynecological exam. Having strong pelvic muscles can increase the intensity of orgasm. Kegels also increase a woman's self-awareness.
Since a woman's vaginal muscles are not under her direct control they are less easy to control and develop. The way to prepare them for intercourse is to use them, which means inserting something
into the vagina for them to grasp. The way to relax them is to relax the whole body. If a woman is relaxed and her vagina is empty, her vaginal muscles are likely relaxed. When she is relaxed and her pelvic muscles are relaxed she can insert her finger into her vagina. She should feel her vagina, past the pelvic muscles, conforming to the size and shape of her finger(s). A woman's vaginal walls are not smooth, they are made up of many small folds or ridges of tissue since it must be able to adjust to the passage of a baby's head.
A good way for a woman to prepare her vagina for intercourse is to insert a finger or other object into her vagina while she masturbates to orgasm. This not only gives her vaginal muscles some exercise but also allows her to get accustomed to the sensations associated with having something inside the vagina when she is sexually aroused and experiences orgasm. This would also make the possibility of vaginal orgasm more likely since all the associated sensations are not foreign to her.
Why does it Hurt?
There can be several factors that can combine to make not only the first time but also the first few times painful or uncomfortable. Women who have not engaged in intercourse for an extended period of time may find themselves in the same situation. The potential causes for pain and discomfort are listed below. They are not presented in hopes of persuading women not to explore intercourse, but rather to better prepare them for it. I receive many e-mails asking, "Why did it hurt?" or "Why does it still hurt?"
Nervous Tension: While not necessarily a major factor, a young woman may be apprehensive or even fearful of intercourse and as a result her muscles constrict. This as a natural defensive mechanism intended to protect our body from injury. A woman may be concerned about how much pain she will experience or she
may not be fully prepared for intercourse emotionally. She may also fear becoming pregnant. Other factors that contribute to nervous tension are fear of being caught or found out about by parents, or friends if a girl's peers are not sexually active. Often, youthful enthusiasm and a strong sex drive overcome these feelings.
If a young woman finds herself all tensed up, or if her partner notices that she is, this is an indication she is not ready to have intercourse. If a woman is lying there motionless with her hands and teeth clenched, she is extremely tense. Ideally, she should be as relaxed as a bowl of Jell-O. If a woman is tense, intercourse should not be attempted. The couple should discuss and figure out what is making her feel this way. Efforts should be taken to resolve these issues. Some cannot be resolved easily and intercourse may need to be postponed, perhaps for an extended period of time.
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Courtesy of Yoni-Massage.de
Inelastic Pelvic & Vaginal Muscles: Many people believe the hymen is the sole cause of pain and discomfort during a woman's first experience with intercourse. In actuality, the hymen probably plays only a small part. The largest and strongest barrier to vaginal penetration is likely a woman's pelvic muscles. In addition, the vagina itself can resist and even prevent penetration because of its muscular structure. In order for anything to enter into the vagina it must stretch and dilate both the pelvic and vaginal muscles.
From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981, The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage, L Ac, RNC, NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk.
The illustrations presented above and below show the vagina and the surrounding structures. The open space shown between the vaginal walls does not actually exist when the vagina is in its normal relaxed state. The space exists in anatomy illustrations so the different structures can be shown more clearly. The vagina is
ISBN 0-394-55438-8 . Author: Josephine Lowndes Sevely. The vaginal and pelvic muscles are highlighted in color to show their position within the body and their relationship to one another.not a "hole" or "cavity" in the body. From the book Eve's Secrets Page 110. Copyright 1987 Josephine Lowndes Sevely.
The above illustration shows the superficial and deep pelvic muscles. the vagina. The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. and anus are not open passages inside the body. urethra. that surround the outer portion of vagina. urethra. the superficial muscles have been removed so the deep muscles can be seen clearly. NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk. In the illustration shown below. RNC. located just below the skin. L Ac. and anus. Again.From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981. .
in the above illustration they called the bulbocavernosus muscles. like the muscles of your heart. they are often called bulbospongiosus muscles. This is the muscle a person constricts when they stop the flow of urine from their body. RNC. Smooth muscles are those that you cannot voluntarily control. L Ac. The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers Illustrated By: Suzann Gage. as shown in the illustration below. and a woman uses while doing Kegel exercises to strengthen her pelvic muscles.From the book A New View of a Woman's Body Copyright 1981. A woman cannot grasp things with her vagina. Several muscles surround the vaginal orifice. There is also a set of muscles that lie on either side of the vaginal opening. The main one is often called the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. in the above illustrations it is called the pelvic diaphragm. NP ISBN 0-9629945-0-2 Pbk. The walls of the vagina are composed of two layers of smooth muscle. she can only . It surrounds the vaginal and anal orifices in the shape of a figure eight.
The muscle fibers of one layer are aligned so as to run parallel to the path of the vagina. M. Netter.do this with her pelvic muscles. Edited by: Ernst Oppenheimer. Imagine trying to insert three fingers at once! Needless to say it would be difficult and painful. The muscle fibers of the second layer are aligned to encircle the vagina.D. Since . tampon.D. If you held your hand in a fist for fifteen to twenty-five years the muscles would be more than just a little tight and ridged. The young woman who does not prepare her vaginal and pelvic muscles for intercourse faces this situation. Copyright 1954 and 1965 Ciba Pharmaceutical Company. The best way to envision the vagina that is not accustomed to dilation is to compare it to a clenched fist. that is. Reproductive System Prepared by: Frank H. it would be difficult to insert a single finger into the passage created by your curled fingers. M. The best way to prepare the vagina and pelvic muscles for intercourse is to follow the steps outlined above. From the book: The Ciba Collection of Medical Illustrations: Volume 2. As a result. or penis. These muscle fibers constrict so as to grasp whatever may be inserted into the vagina. from the uterus to the vulva. no matter whether it is a finger.
even if a woman is able to insert her fingers or a tampon without difficulty she will find herself unable to have intercourse. An unusually thick or strong hymen can also be the cause. It takes time for a woman's mind and body to prepare themselves for intercourse. If penetration is attempted it is extremely painful. A woman who has a greater awareness of her body will be able to sense that it is her pelvic muscles and not her hymen that is causing this pain. preventing anything from entering the vagina. Vaginal wetness by itself does not mean a woman is ready for intercourse. A woman may be dripping wet after thirty seconds of sexual stimulation but she may not be ready for intercourse quite so quickly. In some cases. or the act of penetration itself. On the other hand. • Inadequate Sexual Arousal and Lubrication: The process of becoming sexually aroused is a complex process for women as described on the page about orgasm. along with her partner. things happen too fast and as . It is less of a problem if a couple does not place too much emphasis on intercourse in their relationship. as soon as anything touches the vulva or the vaginal orifices the pelvic muscles constrict painfully. If penetration is attempted repeatedly the problem worsens. The cause of vaginismus is sometimes a fear of pain or pregnancy. it takes an extended period of time for vaginismus to be treated. It just means something has sexually aroused her.the presence or absence of a hymen in no way indicates a woman's virginal status. a doctor for a complete medical exam. Women are often not physically ready for intercourse the first time they engage in it. Other times there is an injury to the vulva or vagina that has gone undetected or untreated. The reason being. Sometimes. Sometimes. there is no reason why a young woman should not. A woman who is in this situation should visit. • Vaginismus: This is a medical condition that can prevent anything from entering a woman's vagina. it certainly is not required of her and is her personal choice.
A couple needs to take the time to explore each other's bodies. It takes time for a woman to learn to trust her partner enough to be willing and able to make room within her body for their penis. If a woman's body is not producing any lubrication at all. "Lets just get it over with. the same holds true for the vagina. The more time a partner spends exploring her vulva and vagina the more aware they will be of when she is ready for intercourse. Just as there are different kinds of lubricants to use in the engine of your car depending on where and how you use it. watery. The tighter a woman's vaginal and pelvic muscles are. If you use the wrong lubricant in your car. the thicker the lubricant will need to be." they and their partner often see no need for all that other stuff they have been doing up to that point. it does not work correctly.a result they are not adequately aroused. it is better to spend two hours building up to intercourse only to both realize that she is not ready. this likely means she is nervous and not ready for intercourse. Why play around when you can finally do "it?" The woman's partner has an erection so they figure she is ready as well. I realize it can be hard for a young enthusiastic couple to take it slow and easy." Even if a woman is literally dripping wet with vaginal lubrication she may not be adequately lubricated for intercourse. Sometimes. Once a woman consents to intercourse. The attitude should never be. . there are also different lubricants for women to use during sex depending on their needs. so they both learn to know when she is sexually aroused and ready for intercourse. to provide sufficient lubrication. but they should try to go as slow as possible. She said she was ready! Foreplay is often absent or cut short when a woman consents to intercourse which often means her body is not given enough time to prepare for intercourse. It takes time for a woman and her partner to develop their basic sexual skills. The way to avoid this situation is to acknowledge that time is your best ally. the "real thing. A woman's natural lubricant may be too thin. than it is to ruin the experience for both of you in five minutes.
• Soreness: If a woman does not take the time or is unable to prepare her vagina for intercourse it can be very sore after the first few sessions of intercourse. This is normal and just means a woman needs time to heal. Applying the lubricant can be a very erotic experience for both partners. Only water-based lubricants should be used as petroleum based lubricants coat and adhere to the vaginal walls. This means even after the first experience.All couples should acquire some additional lubrication to apply to their genitals and her vagina when they first start engaging in intercourse. Many believe the pain. a woman may use or strain muscles she has never used before. Pain is a bad thing. In addition. patience and additional lubricant are essential. Couples in their late teens and twenties can acquire other forms of lubricant at their local adult novelty store or through mail order. The site of the injury is likely to be very tender. even during intercourse. Even so. penetration should be slow and gentle as her muscles may resist . The more force a partner uses the greater the chances of injury. the more injury there likely is. The vagina may be injured if there is any resistance to penetration. bleeding or discomfort will occur only during the very first experience of intercourse. The body does not usually adapt quite so readily to penetration. She may do so only because she feels it is expected of her. a woman may find intercourse painful and rightly resist her partner's efforts to engage in it. If a woman bleeds there is at least one injury to her vulva or vagina. Most stores stock this product and keep it near the sanitary napkins and tampons. A woman with a sore vulva and vagina is not likely to be eager to engage in intercourse. which can result in vaginal infections. Once she is healed. The more pain a woman experience during her first experience(s). K-Y Jelly is a popular and readily available personal lubricant in the USA. It is better to be overly lubricated than to not have enough. A young woman can buy a tube of K-Y Jelly and a box of tampons and people will be less likely to suspect she is planning on having intercourse.
After one or more sessions of intercourse during which this occurs the irritation can become pretty severe.dilation once again. The irritation occurs because the tighter a woman's vagina is. and cause damage to her body or worsen a pre-existing condition. A woman likely becomes aware of this when she urinates and it feels like flames are shooting out from her urethra. • Cystitis: The urethra is located along the upper wall of the vagina and can be irritated during intercourse. but then neither is a bladder infection. a woman should drink lots of liquids. the tighter it grips the penis. The irritation may allow bacteria to infect the urethral lining resulting in an infection. and urinate before and soon after intercourse. Since a woman may expect to feel pain. resulting in more pressure on the urethra. It can also occur as a result of repeatedly attempting to insert a penis into the vagina when the hymen is thick and will not tear. Just because a woman has engaged in intercourse once in her life does not mean she is forever ready for intercourse. she may tolerate it. vaginismus. The way to avoid this is to prepare the vagina for intercourse so it does not grasp the penis quite so tightly. It is far . The inflammation may be present prior to attempting intercourse. If a woman does not engage in intercourse for an extended period of time. her vaginal and pelvic muscles may return to their "virginal" state. Not exactly romantic. The thrusting penis then irritates the urethral lining. This irritation is commonly called "Honeymooner's Disease" because virgins on their honeymoon often experience it. • Vulvar Vestibulitis: Another potential cause of pain is when the vulvar tissue surrounding the vaginal orifice becomes inflamed. or when the pelvic muscles are in spasm. This is where the expectation that your first experiences with intercourse should be painful can be detrimental to a woman’s physical and sexual health. but does not make itself evident until you attempt to insert something into the vagina. If this is not possible. Not a very pleasant experience. especially cranberry juice. The stress on the delicate tissues results in inflammation and severe pain.
The repeated experiences of pain can result in a woman developing vaginismus in addition to the vulvar vestibulitis. If it is painful. If your hymen is still intact. you may have vaginismus. under Vulvar Pain. most doctors do not know how to address sexual issues. To determine if it is vaginismus. which strains the relationship. Use gentle pressure. A teen or woman with either of these medical conditions cannot have vaginal intercourse and she should not be expected to. You may come to fear intercourse. Pain is bad.better to slowly and gently prepare the vagina for intercourse than to use the brute force method. and there can be major emotional damage. If you suspect you have vaginismus. These medical problems should not be taken lightly. If your pelvic muscles tighten prior to or during your attempts to have intercourse. Both vulvar vestibulitis and vaginismus can be difficult to treat. The way to see if vulvar vestibulitis is the cause of pain is to use your fingers to press in on the tissue surrounding your vaginal orifice. period. you may want to consider having a doctor surgically remove it. learn to do Kegel exercises so you can determine if your pelvic muscles are relaxed when you attempt intercourse. bring this to the attention of your doctor. If they are not correctly diagnosed or go untreated further physical damage may be done. You can read women's firsthand accounts in the Questions and Answers section of the website. you need to see your doctor. for both the man and woman. You can learn more about vulvar vestibulitis and vaginismus by following links listed on the Links page. and a sex therapist. Then examine your vulva with a mirror to see if your hymen is still intact and try to determine if it is thick and resistant to stretching. A man may find he cannot get or maintain an erection if he fears hurting his partner. Did I Miss Something? .
Afterwards she may not feel any different than she did before. It seems there is just as much a chance a woman will find her first experience enjoyable as she is to find it a let down. This readiness has nothing to do with age. It is only traumatic when she is forced or force is used. The actual experience may not live up to the hype. The reason young women often do not enjoy their first experience is because it happened too soon and they were hurried. The woman and couple who seek to make their first experience as enjoyable as possible should strive to develop their basic sexual skills fully before having intercourse. This amounts to rape. other than experience "sometimes" comes with age.A woman's first experience(s) with intercourse are often a let down emotionally. The place and time they choose for this event should allow them to feel . A twenty-year-old woman with no sexual experience is no more ready for intercourse than is a thirteen-year-old teenager. even if she consented prior to actual penetration. If a woman sees having intercourse as a sign of her affection or maturity she may be happy just having done it regardless of the physical aspects. Physical pleasure may be absent. She just was not physically and emotionally ready for intercourse. a woman would normally engage in sex for at least ten years before having intercourse. As mentioned above. Getting Prepared The environment in which a couple engages in intercourse for the first time can have a major impact on their level of enjoyment. and orgasm is most often absent. Since this is seldom the case in our society women are often not ready even if they feel they are. They did it because they were pressured to or it was expected of them. A woman may enjoy it even in the absence of any physical pleasure. On the other hand it is seldom a traumatic experience even if there is pain and bleeding since this is somewhat expected.
relaxed. it is not the right time. dorm room. If you are worried that your parents are going to come home and yell at you at any moment. The place and time a couple chooses should allow for at least a couple hours of uninterrupted privacy and room for both partners to lay down next to each other comfortably. and unhurried. This means a bed in bedroom.de How Do We Do It? . or a bed in hotel room are good places. It is usually harder for younger teens to create this environment than it is for older couples that have their own apartment. a comforter on a living room floor. The time should be chosen such that you can just about guarantee that no one will interrupt your activities for a couple of hours. The back seat of a car is not such a place.comfortable. or money to get a hotel room. One advantage of waiting to become sexually active Courtesy of Yoni-Massage.
the genitals should only be rinsed with plain water. you will most likely feel more comfortable with the idea of manually and orally stimulating each other's genitals. your hands should glide over your partner's body not press into it. you are not ready for intercourse. Tease each other. This allows you to explore your partner's body and for them to get accustomed to your touch. A couple . A good way to get ready for sex and intercourse is to take a shower or bath together. Sex and orgasm releases hormones that help relax the body. Wash each other from head to toe. The next step may be to give each other a full body massage. even though you have just seen each other nude the appeal of dressing sexy does not change. Candles may add a nice romantic touch. alcohol and drugs should have no part in this activity. Do not have intercourse for the first time in the dark as it literally leaves you in the dark. It will make vaginal penetration easier if orgasm occurs first and it helps take the nervous edge off and quells some of the sexual energy. The touching of breasts and genitals is okay but should be playful. Other than a single glass of wine or champagne. During all of this there should be a lot of touching and kissing going on. If you are not comfortable being naked in front of your partner with the lights on. After bathing you can stay nude or put on some sexy lingerie.How does a couple have intercourse for the first time? The desired place and time have been described above. This is meant to relax you both. You want to stimulate the skin versus massaging the muscles. Using very light strokes apply massage or baby oil to one another. Having done so. The room should be adequately lit for the couple to see what they are doing but probably not so brightly lit that you can read a book. Being too rough is probably the number one complaint women have in regards to men's sexual technique. The next step is to give each other an orgasm. Men generally need to make an effort to be gentle.
Her partner may not know if they are pushing their penis too hard or in the wrong direction. Only she will know these things. or other object to prepare her vagina may want to introduce this into their sexual activities at this point. She lowers herself down onto her partner's penis at whatever rate is comfortable to her. and in the wrong direction if she is not careful. she should be in control of intercourse and in a dominant sexual position. Even couples that have not had sexual contact before can do this. This position gives her the greatest freedom of movement and control. while controlling the angle of penetration. at least initially. . if there is a problem. The method used does not matter. She needs to have full control over how her partner's penis enters her. Her partner's penis cannot sense what she is feeling. Even if the couple has good communication skills. A woman who has been using her fingers. it is easier for them to enter if she opens the gate herself. The only person who is really going to know what is going on inside her body is the woman herself. The Woman In Control At the start of intercourse a woman's partner is poised at the gate to her castle with a battering ram. as it is likely that they both know how to masturbate to orgasm. it is possible for a woman to put too much pressure on her partner's penis.should be quite versed in ways of bringing each other to orgasm at this point in their relationship. as he is likely very excited. Since a woman needs to make room within her body for her partner's penis. If a man ejaculates at least once prior to intercourse it will lessen the chances he will ejaculate quickly during intercourse. A couple can even choose to watch each other masturbate to orgasm. Obviously. a dildo. It is for this reason that a woman should be on top of her partner during their first experiences with intercourse. she may not be able to communicate this to her partner quick enough to keep from ruining the moment. Of course.
Many women enjoy this position as it is more intimate since they are lying so close together but orgasm is less likely for her. There is also the missionary position where a woman's partner lays on top of her. If her partner has not experienced orgasm at this point she can slowly move up and down on their penis until they do. The caressing of her vulva and clitoris should not be stopped unless it absolutely necessary. and then only momentarily. A vibrator can be used if that is what the couple has found works best. A man should not feel he has to ejaculate inside her for this to be a "successful" experience. She should then slowly lower herself down onto her partner's penis. This second position is the position our bodies are designed to have intercourse in. Her vulva and clitoris should be stimulated until she experiences orgasm. In this position. unless she is uncomfortable. rocking your hips is more than sufficient at this point. her partner should hold still while she presses back and receives in their penis. . At this point she can sit on her partner's thighs with their penis before her. Practice makes perfect. Putting It All Together After both partners have had at least one orgasm they can precede to intercourse. There is no need to thrust. but it probably is not as good as when the woman is on top. If they are not able to continue intercourse until her partner experiences orgasm they can switch to oral or manual stimulation. Her partner can stroke their penis or she can do so. At this point she can choose to sit still or move about on her partner's penis. They should make and maintain eye contact. Prior to having actual intercourse a couple can practice this technique without actually engaging in penetration. Now is the time to put a condom on if you have not already done so.Another possible sexual position is for her to be on her hands and knees with her partner behind her. When she feels herself nearing orgasm she should raise her body up and with her partner's help guide their penis into her vagina. She should then start to masturbate or her partner can start to caress her vulva and clitoris.
she may enjoy anal intercourse immensely. It is not necessarily always the correct or best way for all women. orgasmic for twenty-five years through masturbation. I just wish to introduce or acknowledge the possibility of the existence of a thirty-year-old woman who has been married for ten years. Couples who acknowledge they should not have children should not have to play Russian roulette with birth control. This . Intercourse Maybe I do not wish the reader to feel I have anything against vaginal intercourse or penetration. This does not mean she has never explored vaginal stimulation or penetration or forgone all forms of intercourse. sexually active with a partner for fifteen years. I just do not feel it is appropriate for society to place so much emphasis on this one aspect of human sexuality. This is because she is on top and in control.The above technique is recommended only because it creates the greatest potential for a woman to experience orgasm from a "technical" point of view. A couple that foregoes intercourse should not feel strange or question their sexual orientation. Sex is more than just intercourse. so she does not want other types of stimulation to be occurring at the same time. There is no one truly correct way to have intercourse for the first time. Sex Yes. The more experienced a woman is sexually when she has intercourse for the first time. A woman may have no desire for orgasm and only wants to feel close to her partner and chooses the missionary position instead. the greater the likelihood she will know her desires and the means of achieving them. who has never engaged in vaginal-penile intercourse. It is not appropriate to define heterosexuality as penile-vaginal intercourse. If a woman is uncomfortable with the idea of this technique she is less likely to enjoy her first experience and is therefore less likely to experience pleasure and orgasm. She may not want to be distracted from the sensations caused by the penis moving within her. and she has the ability and option of stimulating her own clitoris to orgasm.
I also believe the lesbian community's frequent condemnation of vaginal penetration is inappropriate as well. No Penis Required The above discussion of virginity and a woman's first experience with intercourse applies to all women regardless of their sexual orientation. it may just as well be made of silicone. or medically healthy for any woman to ignore or deny the existence of her vagina. or plastic. glass. or deny the possible sexual pleasures it can provide her. I certainly do not believe any society or social group has a right to deny her that. and while the reader may assume the penis is flesh and blood. What About Men? . stone. or be a woman's hand. I do not believe it is emotional. physically. Lesbians are women who are sexually attracted to other women versus men and whom find emotional fulfillment in a relationship with another woman. Lesbians and Vaginal Sex While I see heterosexual society's emphasis on intercourse as inappropriate. The definition of lesbianism and lesbian sexuality has often been based solely on the concept that lesbians are women who do not have penile-vaginal intercourse. but there is nothing unnatural about it. This is more a political statement than statement of fact. The gender of the woman's partner has been left undefined whenever possible.concept of female sexuality may seem pretty weird given our current social mores. wood. What that female couple does as a couple should not have any bearing on their lesbian identity.
being the penetrator versus the penetrated. a man may be expected to do so to prove his manhood and sexual virility. This has no bearing on a man's sexual partner. If anything. This is a statement of fact and occurs much more often than we would like to think. The social pressures described are the same. About the only difference men may experience comes from having a penis. which many times occurs in the absence of any emotional involvement. so do men. Contrary to popular believe men are not walking erections. Just as women often find themselves unprepared for intercourse and sometimes physically unable to engage in this activity. It is the same social pressure on a man that compels him to have intercourse that can prevent him from getting an erection or ejaculating during intercourse.The above discussion has pretty much ignored male sexuality and the male experience. can prevent erections from occurring. While we do not talk about it or acknowledge it socially. The supposed benefits of being male do not always hold true in reality. The pressures that accompany a man's first experience. the pressure of being in this situation is what made getting an erection impossible. . I remember from my high school days a hushed discussion concerning a boy who was not able to get an erection when he had the opportunity to have intercourse with one of the most desired virgins in school. there is no guarantee that a man's penis will become erect when he or his partners desire it to be. Just as a woman may be expected to have intercourse to prove her womanhood and her desirability as a woman. The male experience probably is not much different than that of a woman's.
Positions for Intercourse New Study: Glamour Magazine. women as a whole do not. Andrew and Penny Stanway Copyright: Dr. women do not in general find this position more pleasurable than other commonly used positions. or more appropriate. This is because social expectations do influence what women enjoy sexually. A woman is just as likely to enjoy being on top or having her partner enter her from behind as she is to have her partner lay on or over her. Philip Cauthery and Drs. which it may very well be. October 2000 Based on 1. From the Book: The Complete Book of Love and Sex Authors: Dr. couples should not employ the missionary position just because they are led to believe that is what others do or prefer. Andrew and Penny Stanway 1983 ISBN: 0 7126 04588 .500 women's responses to an online poll at Glamour. It seems possible that if couples do not presume the missionary position is best.com In response to the question. While the missionary position is assumed to be the most commonly used position. "What positions do you prefer?" the women responded: Missionary 30% You (woman) on top 28% Doggie-Style 21% On your sides 16% Other 5% This indicates that while an individual woman may have a preferred sexual position during intercourse. Philip Cauthery and Drs. As a result. that other positions may some day be at the top of the list.
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