HUSBAND MATERIAL

IVY OTTO
The KEY RING is a monthly publication by the Kampala Baptist Church Men’s Ministry that seeks to provide an avenue where men can share knowledge and understanding of the word of God, experiences, encourage one another as the older men also perform the act of ‘paralambano’ to the younger men. Our prayer is that the Lord will speak to you through these publications.

Issue 15 - July 2013

1.Did you have any fears before you got married? By the time I got married I was 24 and most of my friends were already married and had been for 5 or 6 years. So I felt like I would be single forever. When I finally met Dick and knew that he was a godly man; that he loved the Lord and that the Lord was first in his life that took away the fears. But also I wanted to get married so badly and the fact that it took some time for it to actually happen created fear in me. I had finished university and wasn’t married, started teaching and still wasn’t married and I feared. At that point I thought maybe that was what the Lord had for my life. I then started telling people that I am engaged. And when they would put on that surprised look on their faces, I would tell them I was engaged to Jesus.………………………………………………………………………………….... In retrospect, coming to that point, I think is how I managed to attract Dick because I was not looking for a husband, I was simply serving the Lord which made me more attractive. 2. Between those fears and now, it’s been 50 years, how have you found marriage?

4. What are some of those things about Dick that you think have played a role in holding your marriage together for the last 50 years? Well he is very creative, he is always in the word of God and learning new things from God and he is able to communicate those to people. So I have seen him mature as well as I have matured. And so because we both really love the Lord, I begin to admire more and more his depth of knowledge and wisdom and helping others and his love for the Lord. I mean He just really has matured and I have matured and changed and so together we have learned really so much more about God, His love, how to share that with other people and so this has bound us together. It is like I said at our anniversary. If Christ is first, your partner second then you that spells JOY (Jesus, Others, You). I have seen that in Dick all of my life; he has not walked away from the Lord. 5. Some young men get confused about what ladies want in a husband. Auntie Ivy, are there any tips you can share with the young men? Well first of all they are looking for their commitment to Christ and their commitment to them. But they want to be a friend and so I encourage young men to look to a friend; someone that they laugh with, they enjoy being with-a friend. Because then when they begin to have feelings for this friend and begin to love her, they will continue to walk in that friendship. I think the wife doesn’t want someone who doesn’t know her………………………………………………………………………………... And I think a girl of course wants love; she wants a man to be concerned about her but hopefully you as a young man will see; is she selfish or is she also willing to respect and give to me? 6. Do you have a personal message for the men at K.B.C? The man that mentored me as a young youth used to say “Keep chopping the wood” which means don’t give up: keep going, keep at it, keep loving, keep forgiving and as you do that, there will be victory. And so I would suggest to the young men at KBC that they look for a young lady at KBC. The reason is because you have both been in the church together, you know what they believe-you have the same goals. Now I know the Lord doesn’t always do that; Pastor Francis married from another church and its worked out beautifully. But the young lady has got to be willing to come where you are but that will be a struggle as you get married because you will have different views. So that is one suggestion. Also make sure that they love and are serving the Lord when you meet. And realise you are not going to change her much and she not going to be able to change you much; you are who you are. So accept the way she is now and husbands accept your wives, love her as she is even if she is very bad-you must love her! And of course wives need to respect their husbands but if the husband loves the wife literally, she will respect him and it is kind of like a cycle. So I challenge you to pray together, talk your problems out, don’t have any, any secrets at all. If you have any secrets then you cannot be trusted. You must share every secret, every thought, and every burden. Share and communicate with your wife and then you will have a smoother marriage. When struggling with temptations, you need to have a mentor, someone that you can talk to about that; a male that you respect. Talk to that person every week and tell them “I saw this girl the other day and ooh I just really got feelings for her and I know I am married and I shouldn’t” and pray together and ask God to help you get over that temptation. So you need a mentor who will hold you accountable to your marriage, your family and let your wife be your other mentor. Have joint accounts, talk about your finances, put them together and have an understanding. Have a budget so you will know how you are spending your money because money is a big problem that often separates couples. So just keep chopping the wood, don’t stop and stay close to the Lord-

Above: Dick and Ivy Otto

Haa, it has had its ups and downs but I can say it’s been absolutely wonderful, marvellous and fantastic. Dick and I love each other more now than when we first got married. The depth of love is so much deeper, it is so much precious but I must say it was a constant choosing to love. When arguments would come up of course I could say “this man” or he would say “this woman”. There was some anger and one could even start to ask, did I do the right thing getting married, I could have done this without him but for me during those times, I chose to say no I am married to this man until death do us part. And so I better work this thing out: forgive and ask for his forgiveness and try to solve the problems because if I don’t I’m going to be miserable. The Bible says, don’t let the sun go down on your anger so I tried so hard to obey that command and to confront and to talk to him, to listen to what he was thinking and feeling and then to forgive. And when the sad things came like the death of our daughter or being deported from UganBelow: The Ottos da. Dick and I would just bind together and go to the Lord and ask for His strength and for His mercy and that He would take the pain away. We celebrating their 50th prayed and had devotions together every day. 3. So are there any specific things you saw in Dick that attracted you to anniversary. him and not anyone else? Let me tell you this story. We were at camp hydro-haggy both working as counsellors helping young people. At camp I was Dick’s teacher because he had not been in our state before. There was another young man on the team who was very flambuoyant and all that goes with it. But this was when I had already said I was engaged to Jesus. This young man was already engaged to someone else so I said to myself “oh I can be friends with him”. When we got to camp all the children just flocked to this flamboyant man. I noticed that all the children liked him so I wondered why? But in a couple of days, they stopped flocking to him and started flocking to Dick. So I went to the children and inquired “Why do you like Dick better now than Don?” And they said “oh Auntie Ivy, Dick is funny but he loves us. Don didn’t really care about us; he was just funny”. And I felt “wawoo, if the children can see that, I am going to start looking” because I hadn’t even really noticed him before that. As I got to see him he indeed loved the children; he counselled them and he cared about them. Then I said “If he can care about children he doesn’t even know!” And as we began to date and I went back to teaching, he would come to visit me on weekends and indeed he cared. He drove those sixty miles through Los Angeles traffic to come see me. He cared about me and that is what attracted me to him; his love, sincereness and he was very it gets better! funny, he is always cracking jokes-fun to be with.

‘’If you have any secrets then you cannot be trusted. You must share every secret, every thought, and every burden.’’

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