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Ravings Of A Diseased Mind aka I’m only serious when I’m not laugh-
Full Moon Rising
ing aka HHRBS Blurbs aka No Opinion, No Brain!
March 10th, 2202 pm
by c james

“The biases the media has are

much bigger than conservative or Feelin’ E:Mail • ESP • entre nous • Pony
liberal. They're about getting rat-
ings, about making money, about Awwwright! Express • Courier Pigeon • USPO
doing stories easy to cover.
– Al Franken – OMG, pirates! Headlines around the
country squealed with glee as our
Navy SEALS took out the Somalian
Eviction baddies, freed the newest American She Can’t Help It
hero and helped PrezO’ with the to:
"dodging of a PR bullet," as USA From: southerntransplant@
Convictions Today put it. Meanwhile, "Pirates
around the Indian Ocean vowed Where do you get off criticizing our
revenge," the New York Daily News President in such a manner. What
Holy molé and holy shi† too can ya’
chimed in, letting us know that we kind of a publication is this? Who do
believe some of the madness Franklin
could have an exciting new war on you think you are? My husband has
our hands, as speculation continues been brining this thing in the house for
that at least one of the old ones will be a few years now and I have never, not
cancelled (someday). And if you think once, seen such a month to month
this sounds kind of like reality TV, diatribe on a President or any other
well, it is. E! Online reported that US leader. What gives you the right?
"Spike TV has closed a deal with the
U.S. Navy to chronicle pirate-hunting Our future as a great
special forces in a new reality show, Country is now in the acceptance of this kind of fraud in our
'Pirate Hunters: USN.'" culture? Fifty two percent of America's
hands of a full basket-
So fasten your seatbelts, folks. The voters recently elected this man pres-
“War on Pirates” is an idea that's win- case AKA Obama, ident ... and his wife is now the first
win-win an’ win some’ore as Military Pelosi, Reid and Hillary lady.
recruitment will soar, the dying MS Tell yer hubby hello for us will you
media will rejuvenate (or at least go southerntransplant, try taking a few dear?
into remission) as it reports the play- deep breaths sweetheart. We know
by-play and a depressed, fragmented you can’t help it. It’s called excercising
gets hisself into referrin’ of course to
nation will reunite!
Does anybuddy know what this hillbilly just said?
our 1st amendment rights and if you Ammunition Run
th’ boy subjecting himself to a force- don’t think that knowing our future as
able evicition jus’ to save a few bucks a great Country is now in the hands of
and get some stuff for a little story A Billion Iz a full basketcase AKA Obama, Pelosi,
Reid and Hillary Clinton doesn’t just
From: TNTony@

he’s been wanting to tell and then Hey Cork, Tony here. We always
claiming that he didn’t know it was Think about it folks, a billion sec- piss me off royally, then perhaps you talk about the Calverts when we run
comin’ which th’ point we’re tryin’ to onds ago it was 1959. should be reading Pink instead of the into each other. I tried to call but your
get to here is that Franklin claims that B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was Rail. Let me remind you of something greeting is about an hour long.
there are folks right here on the Island alive. you may have forgotten. Thought you might like to know that I
having such a hard time makin’ ends C. A billion hours ago our ancestors FACT: A young man is elected to took your advice about buying a hand-
meet that they’ve taken to hunting for were living in the Stone Age. the state legislature. His wife is given gun. I found a nice 25 calibre semi in
food jus’ like the cowboys an’ Indians D. A billion days ago no-one walked a make believe job as director of a pawnshop in Beaufort but forgot to
used to do which leads us to believe on the earth on two feet. "community services" for a large hos- buy ammo while I was over there. I
that Franklin may be losing it? (see E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 pital that receives state funds. The went to WalMart but they were out.
“Eviction” pg.6 hours and 20 minutes at the rate young man runs successfully for the Where else can you go for ammo
He may be good buddy, headed for a padded cell! PrezO’ is spending it. Holy shi†! U.S. Senate. His wife's salary is around here?
tripled because the hospital receives
more federal than state funds. Tony, good move sir, now go to a
The young man leaves the senate shooting range and learn to shoot and
for another position. His wife no handle your weapon safely. The
longer needs the "job" -- and the hos- loonies in Washington are gearing up
pital decides that it no longer needs a for gun restrictions as we speak.
director of "community services." Sorry but you’ll have to go to
Instead of facing a criminal investiga- Sanannah or back to Beaufort for the
tion for accepting bribes and illegal shells. Stock up while you’re there as
political contributions, the young man the guy I talked to at WalMart a few
and his wife are lauded for their "serv- months back told me that they can’t
ice." How bad has the venality get them in fast enough. That ought to
become? How ingrained is the tell you something heh?
The Posh Rock Rail ❼✪PI❘❊M❘❑✼I❊✏✯I❊✏✮GMI◗I❘❊❘❍❚❊◗❚IM❘❑❼ May -2009 page 5

First Time Rail Reader? Great! We luv when that happens! From our ‘09 Spring Staff, The Supreme Masters of
“Money’s Worth” Relaxed Living of the World, We’d Like to welcome Y’all to our little neighborhood..,

Welcome Folks.., to one of the Low Country’s finest hours. If you don’t find something inside that moves you,
there’s a very good chance that you may be dead. Otherwise, we’d like to welcome the good folks of..,
Hilton Head, B’Town, Daufuskie, Moss Creek, Buckingham, Heritage Lakes, Colleton River, Sawmill Forest, Westbury park,
Woodbridge, The Farm, Lake Linden and now Pineridge. Welcome, you’ve got Rail! – Rail staff 2009 –

May-2009 InSide: May-09-Spring in Session


Rail 2009 Staffers

❀LI❘✽LII✪I✪❘✏LI “The Couch Potato’s Tomatoes”
✫G❖❙❚✻❙❑I✯❊❘❖PM❘ COVER Credits:
• Rail MAILBOX: R A N T S , R AV E S , M O A N S & G R O A N S pg. 5
• THE SCHEME:: E V I C T I O N U P C L O S E / P E R S O N A L - pg. 6
• LJ-6’S WORLD: Chaos Cops, Fact or Fiction? P 7
Regulars • STUFF/FYI: Cyber Scams- G E E K S & G A D G E T S pg. 10
❼✬✳❊◗I❼✳✭ ✽GGMPPM
Op Ed • FILM: Simms sez State Of Play is a waste. pg 14
"The greatest tyrannies are always
❼✻✶❊LM❼✼❊❊L✼M◗◗ perpetrated in the name of the noblest • LOCAL BARS • LIVE MUSIC NIGHTLY Pgs 18-19
causes." –Thomas Paine –
Guests & Ghosts
Both party’s propaganda and spin
✵MPI✳❙I✶MG❖I✱MP❙❘ machines are in high gear these days
• TREND WATCH: The Nightlife By Day pg 17
as the ideaology and culture wars rage • JAZZ TALES:Sippel Revisits “Fathead”Newman pg 20
Creative License as the system continues to tank. As the
conservative leaning-Libertarian sort, • Neighborhoods/Child sex offenders pg 22
✽❙❊PPL❙MI✏❍IM❑❘✏ we’ve become intrigued by the current
❚L❙❙❑❊❚L✡❍MM❋I state of the cable news media’s reporter
Photography actresses as it seems that orders from
way above somewhere obviously think
it good for business to have all of the
most devastating economic, depressing PLUS: • Travel+Leisure recommended
social lunacy and personally debilitating
news delivered mostly by women with

Distribution bright, smiley faces w/extra-bubbly
✫✼G❊GL✡✵II✏✱✱M demeanors.
The most interesting part of it all is
All letters re. E:mail-V:mail- that these actresses are much too obvi-
Nitelife News starts
Snail:mail will be published ously in the same boat as the majority
unedited when submitted by of Americans re. fear for their jobs,
the 25th of the month. shock and awe at the growing numbers pg. 16
of mothers and fathers slaughtering
HHRBS Publications their families and the sinking ship that is
America today.

PO Bx 6233, HHI-29938 It’s almost macabre to watch obvious-
ly stressed people attempting to put on

E:mail: a happy face as they constantly stum-
ble over their words while reporting truly bad news back to back all day long. No
843-842 5156 wonder MSM is tanking. What ever
happened to somber reports delivered
with straight faces? rf
RailTrail #6
✲➠❊PP❊❋❙ The Scheme Of Things
❀❊✭❙❘✼❙L❙❏✽LI✸P➠✫❙❊❍✻MI By Roger Franklin
notice, he led me outside and pointed
to the notice, posted high on a fence

Eviction: Up Close & Personal In February, we nevertheless drop- rialized which ultimately resulted in
and totally obscured from anyone
entering or exiting the door that I had
been using for several years. I began
breaking down the computers while
the Gou's, with self rightious indigna-
By Roger Franklin, HHI ped off a check for $1500.00. The our having to purchase and install. tion on their faces, began rushing
next day, Mrs. Gou came to the house Living in the South with no screens on through the house gathering and bag-
People all over the Country are and, in our opinion, demanded hyster- your house is not a simple matter and ging the various and sundry remnants
being foreclosed on and forcibly evict- ically that we be out that afternoon. as the right to quiet, peaceful exis- of roommates of old including an
ed from their homes. Details of the We quietly informed Mrs. Gou that tance is just about the only right a ancient sectional couch, several
forcible eviction itself never make the she was being silly and that it was a renter has in this State, we got little of lamps, garbage containers and
news which of course makes it ever simple take it or leave it offer and that that for almost 3 years. numerous odds and ends left as
more important that it should. It is of if she wasn't going to take it, then she We could carry on with the lengthy instructed by the movers of two days
course a sign of the times which will should leave it. As she refused to story of the bathroom tile replacement prior. It was at about that time that this
undoubtedly continue to worsen in the leave the check, in effect taking it, we promised but not delivered, the Gou’s story started taking shape and the
foreseeable future. This little tale then elected to inform Mrs. Gou that actually painted the tile, but perhaps atmosphere changed. With the
comes from a single personal experi- we would furthermore be applying our the reader can make up his/her own Deputy standing there, Mr. Goulet
ence, and how one chooses to handle $1750. deposit to the March rent and mind at this point regarding the MO began making remarks and got what
a forcible eviction procedure, or not, would be out by April first. Mrs. Gou employed by many landlords such as we have to opine "mouthy". With this
will of course be left to the reader. left an unhappy camper and the next the Goulets. story writing itself as minutes went by,
knowing it's coming and dealing day initiated the eviction. The eviction notice is served by we elected to take a few photos. Mr.
with it while it's in progress are two Lest we be accused of complaining a BC Deputy that comes to the resi- Gou's expression of indignation
very different things. We had known ir about the cards we were dealt, per- dence for personal delivery and sig- changed. (see story intro on Cover)
was coming, but we weren't aware of haps a little history is in order to clari- nature of receipt. The court date is In a quandry as to how to get our
the timeline. At the eviction hearing, fy our decision to ignore the ultima- included and ours was scheduled for computers and office equipment off
the Magistrat issued misleading infor- tum. Before taking the house at 13 Friday, March 12. We stood before the the premises, we were stacking the
mation or we would have otherwise Sandpiper in June of 2006, we magistrat along with the Gou's and boxes out in the drive next to the car
simply not been there, sound asleep, stressed the importance of having a stated our cases. I related the events when a neighbor came strolling up the
when a BC deputy by the name of quiet enviornment in which to live and concerning the take it or leave it offer street to check his mail. “You need
"Jimmy", came crashing in like a one- work which Mr. Goulet assured us of only to discover that the Gou's had yet some help? I've got a truck and noth-
man swat team. A "rude awakening" even though he knew quite well that a to deposit the check for $1500 which ing to do for a few hours”. Thank you
indeed. weekly rental was in the works next the magistrat interpreted to mean that Mattie Hosey, we owe you one sir.
We had for several years been leas- door. Within 2 months the construc- no rent for February had been ten- It was the start of one hell of a
ing a 4 bedroom house in North tion began which would for the next 3 dered. (?) The court appearance ter- week. As the new digs were still being
Forest owned by Fred and Lonnie months result in the daily endurance minated with the magistrat misinform- cleared and repainted etc., checking
Goulet. (Pronounced Goo-lay.) While of hammering, sawing and digging ing us that she would be filing the into a local motel later that evening
dropping off the lease check for machines grinding away beginning forcible eviction order sometime became another eye opener. I never
January -$1850.- we opened rent daily at 7am. Then came the weekly between Fri the 20th and Thur the imagined that there would be such a
renegotiations with the Gou's stateing renters with all night parties etc. 27th of March, and that it would take 5 shithole on Hilton Head. I mean this
that the current rent was too much for Also worthy of note was the 2 weeks to 7 working days before the date of place was rife with decay and
too little and that we'd have to relo- spent without an AC, in June no less, eviction was posted on the property. "deferred maintenance" and the
cate to more affordable houseing which came at a time when the The following Monday, March 15th, theives and homeless in this area
unless the rent was reduced. Mrs. Goulet's were "out of town". After sev- we began moving our personal fur- were apparent. We’ve since begun
Gou became recalcitrant re. the pro- eral messages left at their residence nishings to a new NFB location and by referring to it as “Motel Sick”.
posal and left a note in the mailbox were ignored, 3 days passed before Tuesday afternoon had cleared the The odds are pretty much stacked
the following day declaring that we we elected to call in a repair service house with the exception of a make- against the evictee from square one
had 60 days to vacate. No discussion, which resulted in a total of 2 weeks shift bed, cooking and eating necessi- and for all those who have, and the
no negotion, refusing to budge. We before the AC was back up. ties, shower articles and the office many, many more that may be going
discovered that the Gou's had refi- Ultimately, the Gou's refused to pay equipment including the computers thorough it in the future, we can per-
nanced the mortgage in February-08, the repair bill claiming that it was us necessary to complete the deadline sonally assure you that you don't want
for a half a million-plus, -upside down- that had “made the call" and that they for the April issue. After 14 years, this to be there when the SWAT team hits.
which we further opine pretty much "had a service repair contract deadline was memorable. Knowing that this is happening to fam-
explained their dismay. Like so many, arranged with a different company" We were there, dead asleep, when ilies across the Country, we don’t
the Gou's were laboring under the which they claimed "relieved them of one BC Deputy, with the Gou's in tow, envy Jimmy’s job these days.But
false impression that the housing the obligation". We kept the documen- came bursting in loudly declaring that because we've had such an under-
boom would never end. Since then tation from Gray Heating and Air. we vacate the premises immediately. reported experience, and possess the
however, it has of course and, in our And then there were the screens With a serious case of the blinks, I wherewithal to express it here, we'd
opinion, their hubris as well. Mr. Goulet promised that never mate- asked the deputy about the required have to do it all over again. cj
Chaos Keeping
June Cops? Sheep
Little Joe is a bit wor-
ried about illustrious editor
6 Pack Sleeping
Franklin these days. He’s Little Joe can only hope
directed me to a couple that all the bowing and
web-sites that address US scrapeing our President is
social unrest response doing for the Arabs, and
and as one was the the “talks” that he’s plan-
Department of Justice, I ning with the maniac of
cumstances to put its broad resources
spent some time there and It is food Iran, has some underlying logic. I can
at the disposal of civil authorities to
for thought indeed. only pray that Obama has conspired
contain and reverse violent threats to
According to an excerpt from the with the Jews and is not really leaving
domestic tranquility.”
DOJ, “An American government and them out while he sits down with men
OK fine. But, as Franklin put it, “why
defense establishment lulled into who have declared that the Jews
are they addressing this now”?
By C. James complacency by a long-secure must be wiped off the face of the
The more I read the more I wanted
domestic order would be forced to Earth.
to read. The piece continues with,
rapidly divest some or most external Time and again we are told by the
“Under the most extreme circum-
Holy Molé folks, if I’m inter-
Calvert stances, this might include use of mil- politically correct "experts" not to
itary force against hostile groups worry about Islam posing a threat to
preting this stuff clearly, inside the US. Further, DODefence our way of life. We are repeatedly lec-

UpDates they’re talking about the

possibility of all out rebel-
would be, by necessity, an essential
enabling hub for the continuity of polit-
ical authority in a multi-state or nation-
tured that only a very small minority of
Muslims are troublemakers who are
giving the peaceful masses of
Hard looks at the circumstances lion. A “nationwide civil wide civil conflict or disturbance.” Muslims a bad name. We are also
surrounding the dissappearance of conflict or distrubance”? Holy Molé folks, if I’m interpreting informed that the terrorists, who hap-
the Calverts leave few realistic this stuff clearly, they’re talking about pened to be Muslims, are the disaf-
security commitments in order to fected and the young. And not to
opportunities for the inarguable the possibility of an all out revolution.
address rapidly expanding human worry, since as the fire of youth turns
unobserved snatch. By plane would A “nationwide civil conflict or dis-
insecurity at home. Already predis- to ashes of old age the rebellious will
have been as impossible as trubance”? Franklin may have some-
posed to defer to the primacy of civil- mellow, as they always have.
Gerwing acting alone. It had to have thing here. The Nat’l stage does seem
ian authorities in instances of domes- With heavy assurances like this,
been either by land or by sea and to be evolving into something radical
tic security and divest all but the most coming from so many know-it-all
two doable opportunities have pre- but a “nationwide civil conflict or dis-
extreme demands in areas like civil authoritative figures, we can sleep
sented themselves. It is also signif- trubance” would require some organi-
support and consequence manage- soundly without the aid of sleeping
icant to note that whether by land zation. There is civil unrest, no doubt
ment, the DOJ might be forced by cir- pills. After all, people reason that
about that, but if the DOD and DOJ
are concerned enough to discuss these pundits are "experts" whose job
prepardness, then they know some- is to know and tell it like it is. Those
thing they’re not saying. The last who voice contrary views must be a
statement is telling: “While likely not bunch of racist, alarmist hate mon-
an immediate prospect, this is clearly gers. Who is right?
a “Black Swan” that merits some visi- The point is, that Little Joe is hav-
bility inside DOD and the Department ing a hard time giving the gurus in the
of Homeland Security. This is largely Whitehouse the benefit of the doubt.
un-charted strategic territory. Wide- On one hand, I have to agree that the
spread civil violence inside the US general public must be kept in the
would force the defense establish- dark about how dangerous the situa-
ment to reorient priorities in extremis tion really is. On the other, I have to
to defend basic domestic order and doubt our leaders ability to accurately
human security.” assess the situation. LJ6
Is anyone thinking “Civil War”? lj6

Grins: Semper Fi Moment

Last month, as PrezO' got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he
was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard
snaps to attention, salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies:
"These are not pigs....these are authentic Arkansasas Razorback Hogs. I got
one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the
House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention,
salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir."
man oh man oh man.
Our Gangs
A Rail staff report

Criminal gangs in the USA have

U swelled to an estimated 1 million
members responsible for up to 80%
of crimes in communities across the
nation, according to a gang threat
assessment compiled by federal offi-
cials. We’re convinced that they are
alive and well South of the Broad.
The major findings in a report by
the Justice Department's National
Gang Intelligence Center, which has
not been publicly released, conclude Time Warner’s
gangs are the "primary retail-level
distributors of most illicit drugs" and Bluff Called
several are "capable" of competing
with major U.S.-based Mexican drug- Outrage Prompts Time Warner To
trafficking organizations. Drop Tiered Pricing Until We Can
"A rising number of U.S.-based Be “Educated”.
gangs are seemingly intent on devel-
oping working relationships" with U.S. Score one for the consumer-- Time
and foreign drug-trafficking organiza- Warner Cable has decided to tem-
tions and other criminal groups to porarily shelve their tiered pricing
"gain direct access to foreign sources plan in response to "unprecedented
of illicit drugs," the report concludes.
The gang population estimate is up
200,000 since 2005.
Bruce Ferrell, chairman of the
Midwest Gang Investigators Assoc,
whose group monitors gang activity in HH Rugby Seeks
10 states including SC, says the Individuals interested in
number of gang members may be
even higher than the report's esti- trying-out for the -08 HH
mate. Rugby Team should contact
The report says about 900,000
gang members live "within local com- “Irish” Murphy @ 842 3448.
munities across the country," and
about 147,000 are currently in U.S.
prisons or jails.

Know Your Neighbors?

Okay, here's the deal... go to this link and near the bottom left,
it has a "Click Here" button... click on it and enter your
address... it will show your neighborhood and a tiny "house",
that's yours... all the little colored boxes are Sex Offenders...
click on them and get his/her name & picture along with the
Geeks • Gadgets • Digital Goodies pg 9

customer protests. moments, even company

Ultimately, it’s a rate hike that will M a x t o r me traveling around the
of course be monitored by Big
Brother and the Democrats for the
Black world. However because
of the size of the old cam-
sole purpose of additional taxation. Armor corder, which was big, I
Our Government is broke and in des- 160GB USB Drive got trouble in taking care
perate need of more bailout bucks. By R. Mathis, HHI of it. However now,
In a statement released by TWC, Panasonic launched
this is how Chief Executive Officer They say that good SDR-S10 “The World
Glenn Britt explained the situation: things come to those who Smallest Cam-corder”
"It is clear from the public response wait. Like us you once measures 1.2 x 2.5 x 4.5
over the last two weeks that there is a looked at the super-secure Maxtor inches, 10x optical zoom, 2.5-inch
great deal of misunderstanding about BlackArmor drives and thought
our plans to roll out additional tests on "Wow, I'd really like one of those, but
consumption based billing. As a they are way too spensive." This is a
result, we will not proceed with imple- drive you could feel safe about put-
mentation of additional tests until fur- ting your pr0n tax returns on, with its
ther consultation with our customers hardware-based full-disc encryption
and other interested parties, ensuring technology and all. Hmm, what's
that community needs are being that? BlackArmor drives are only $59
met." at TigerCompUSA? Whoa! allows 100 minutes recording time
Apparently, the new plan is to roll
whereas the 2GB SDHC memory
out some sort of meter system that Mathis’ Gadget of the month: card will allows 50 minutes recording
will “help” customers gauge their
time. SDR-S10 designed in a stylish
internet usage and, in most cases, World’s Smallest look, easy shooting that allows you to
realize that the bandwidth caps will
not really affect them. As far as I can Camcorder shoot your precious moment comfort-
ably in the palm of your hand.
tell, there is no "misunderstanding" Panasonic launches World Smallest Unfortunately no word on the price
here. No matter how you break it
of SDR-S10 however it will be avail-
down, it's pretty obvious that TWC When Camcorder joins your daily LCD. With the ability to record on
able in Europe around the beginning
customers are about to get screwed. life, capture all your precious SD/SDHC format, Panasonic reveal
of this month.
that a 4GB SDHC memory card will
Rail’s✱❙❙G❙❚I Quote of the Month: Page 11
"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups,
parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche–
Page 14

By Sara Simms, HHI
Classic Film Quotes:
State Of Play Simms sez..,
When all was black & white
Stop the Presses! • See It • Go For The Ride • Take A Hike • Get Out’a Town "My nerves could use a
A thriller torn from the pages of the
'Daily Bugle.' noble ex-military employees killed.
by Sarah Simms Well, whatever. It's a corporation, It's unfortunate Frances "Francie" Stevens (Grace
Directed by Kevin Macdonald
and it's bad, and Iraq is bad, and the economic crisis Kelly)
Afghanistan is bad. Another con- -To Catch a Thief (1955)
gressman who complains when hit after filmmak-
I t must be difficult, crafting a
political conspiracy thriller
someone takes the Lord's name in
vain is bad, and he's in it with the bad
ing was completed, Hot on The Horizon in May:
these days, what with all the corporation, which is attempting to because maybe
conspiracies to choose from. One privatize homeland security, which is Affleck could have Angels & Demons
almost has to feel sorry for the team bad-I mean the privatization is bad,
of screenwriters responsible for the not homeland security, although that's
blamed that on Release Date: May 15, 2009
new Washington thriller State of Play almost certainly bad too, only the part Blackwater too. Director: Ron Howard
when they get all tangled up in theirs. of the movie in which it's explained Screenwriter: Koepp and Goldsman
Ben Affleck, playing a congressman why it's bad was probably cut and will Evil, who's been in the deep freeze Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan Mc-
who seems to be a Republican, calls be on the DVD. since the 1960s, says he wants to Gregor and Ayelet Zurer,
a hearing in which he upbraids the It's unfortunate the economic crisis blackmail the world for $1 million. And Genre: Suspense Thriller
head of a firm clearly based on hit after filmmaking was completed, the event that gets the plot moving,
Blackwater. First he accuses the because maybe Affleck could have the death of a congressional staffer, The team behind the global phe-
firm's ex-military employees of being blamed that on Blackwater too. evokes the murder of Chandra Levy nomenon "The Da Vinci Code"
"mercenaries" who commit "atroci- Indeed, in its focus on Iraq and in the spring of 2001, a moment in returns for the highly anticipated
ties" in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Afghanistan, State of Play seems time that, in some strange way, "Angels & Demons," based upon the
then a minute later he says the instantly dated, like the moment in the seems longer ago than the 1960s. bestselling novel by Dan Brown.
Blackwater-like firm is getting its first Austin Powers movie when Dr. Having said that, save your money.
✭❊❖ ✼❚M❘❑✖✔✔✢✼❙L❙❏✽LI❙P➠✫❙❊❍✻MI
By Cork James
Some speculate that
Spring Kicks ‘09 will be a pivotal
year for F&B destina-
2009 tions choosing to
Chinese Year of The Ox ignore the need to
aggressivly address
More like a pissed off alligator their competition.
Regardless, for those
who do it has to be a
pleasure for patrons
who consider the

Lookin’ evening meal as the

highlight of the day!
While Prez rhetoric portends “glim-
While The Tavern has had it’s
share of live music woes it’s still man-
aging to keep the real music happen-
ing regularly there and with the frugal
minded F&B staffers seeking steal
mers of hope” these days and both
deals more than ever (see pg 2)
party’s spin machines continue to
One Hot Mama’s has been ruling
rage pro to con the local scenario has
the Triangle’s local appeal thanks in
a bit more concrete reason to be pos-
part to aggressive marketing and the
itive this month as good word from
outside smoker’s bar there.
Rail sources re. Resort/Hotel/Villa
Wise Guys continues to enjoy
Rental Agencies and transportation
steady numbers there with good num-
companies offer upbeat speculation
bers week-nights and 30-45 minute
re. not what Hilton Head is, but what
waits on the week-ends.
it isn’t.
Prana International’s overwhelm-
The bottom line appeal for the Island
ing success to date is undoubtedly
these days appears to be cheap easy
due to the myriad of diverse high
access for regional states seeking the
Making the smaller spots last month took us –clockwise from the top-L– from energy offerings presented nightly
beach within a day’s drive offering
Main Street Cafe, to the Electric Piano to the 10th birthday doin’s at the JAzz there which embraces the 21-30 yo
money’s worth F&B and a myriad of
Corner to the most affordable bar on the S-end re. $2 Bills as well as Catch 22 seeking upbeat festive atmospheres.
diverse and entertaining nightlife des-
for scratch soups and homemade hot bread. As the economy continues to tank Ushering in a new era of Island
tinations. While airfare may be com- it will surely be the Island’s smaller eateries that sustain the competitive edge. nightlife the Prana MO appears to be
petitive across the board it neverthe-
recession driven as nightly numbers
less results in the lease car and whether mid-range or upscale it
Stellini’s has locked in the early continue to challenge Dark Spots
Hotel/Motel additionals that have tra- appears that they will have the com-
diner’s appeal that most large restau- Island-wide.
ditionally made the summer vacation petitive edge this Summer which may
rants strive for and the off the beaten Monkey Business has the Nat’l
a splurge for the family unit’s tight protend a trend in the works as so
path location has for 20 years served Concert schedule back up and run-
budgets. Good word from Villa Rental many of the Island’s larger restau-
as a haven for locals and visitors pre- ning and with current GM and former
agency contacts familiar with the toll rants continue to struggle under the
ferring a more subdued dinner desti- Monkey Biz DJ Mike Taylor enjoying
this economy has taken to date are weight of fewer diners and higher
nation. good numbers on the weekends there
enthusiastic about the bookings fixed monthly expenses,
Murphy’s is likely the most popular it appears that the Island has yet
they’re receiving which appear to be
jock destination on the Island as good another viable concert destination
looking good on thru the Fall. The Sea Shack keeps on rocking
numbers of Rugby/Soccer players and dance club combo. That the
and continues to host more bodies on Shoreline’s concert schedule is
and fans alike huddle there Thursday-
any given day than 90% of the eater- growing steadily means more Nat’l
Trends: ies on the Island. WIth a focused crew
Saturday and with the walking dis-
tance convenience of the Forest acts to choose from than ever.
Small Standing Tall and streamlined service MO this
small spot is set to weather whatever
Beach residents and dozens of near- The Jazz Corner continues to rule
live music venues Island-wide and as
by white collar workers the lunch,
With so many bar restaurants just economic conditions come along. co-owner Bob Masteller continues to
happy hour and dinner numbers con-
hanging in there and banking on the Good word at Catch 22 has num- add and tweak the weekly stage per-
tinue to be steady.
Summer season to make up for lost bers up over last year and is enjoying formance schedules while dropping
Frugal minded locals have got to
revenues over the Winter our focus the hard earned rep of offering noth- the cover for locals and adding a
be loving the all new Two Dollar
last month was on the smaller eater- ing but inhouse prepped cuisine from value minded late night menu has us
Bill’s now up and running which fea-
ies that have been enjoying the bene- soups and homemade bread to believing that little will change the
tures $2 wells, domestics and house
fits of lower fixed expenses and scratch desserts. steady turnouts 7 nights there.
vinos all day, 7 days a week.
•Chow• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Live Music• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •NiteLifeNewz• pg 17
The Wild Wing’s value formatted
menu and regular live music schedule
is producing steady all you can eat
lunch numbers and accentuated by
Lodge Goes
good turnouts Thu-Sat for the no
cover real music offerings there we
have no doubt that the growing num-
WIth an elevated stage, lighting
ber of frugal minds will be the driver and sound now completed The
behind this spots continued success. Lodge whas added a long overdue
live music venue to the Barmuda
Sign of The Times The Nightlife Triangle and good word has it all
about high energy and class acts.

Shoreline by Day –more as it comes– .

Shine Blues & BBQ

The unexpected success of a
2500 seat capacity concert venue
@ The Dock
A Sunday afternoon safe haven
has taken many Islanders by sur- from the touristas featuring high
prise and Savannah’s concert halls energy blues w/butts, chops and
cannot compete with the diverse ribs all Summer. Bands seeking
numbers of National names that new venues should contact Ritch at
Shoreline entertainment directors 842 9775 for booking info.

Isl Bistro
From basic eggs, grits and biscuits
July @ $5 to filet, eggs & muffins @ $9
The Dry Dock’s all day 15 yr birthday cele was a slam dunk full house with long-time to crabcakes and egg for $10 the
5th Island Bistro has brought a legit
locals we hadn’t seen in years. That same week-end the HH Rugby Club slipped by unde-
Anthony Marsbanian and Freddie feated Birmingham for an undefeated season. Hat tips and elbows are bent for the Gators. money’s-worth option to the Pope
Ward continue to bring in. From Ave Beach area.
Snoop Dog coming this month to Aunt Chilada’s frugal to high-end the breakfast/brunch locals seeking
Hank lll in July this spot is hot. The Lodge will be gearing hard for
menu offering continues to draw variety and prompt in and out access.
the warm season with the addition of
steady lunch and happy hour num- Cap’n Woody’s continues to do
an elevated stage equipped with
bers and as one of the S-ends most steady lunch and good happy hour
Station 70 visible restaurants will sustain
through the tougher times ahead via
numbers and accentuated by the out-
door dining and water-side Hurricane
lights and sound which will add anoth-
er legit live music venue to the Island
at a time when tighter wallets are
B’Town’s New Star first time visitors and the steady local Bar will be doing festive numbers on
seeking more bang for the buck.
clientele there. nice days on into the Summer.
Kurama’s long time local sushi lov-
While Bluffton has several local Remy’s has been offering more The Zone is the N-ends hottest spot
ing clientele and table-side Chef
haunts doing good numbers these value-minded lunch, happy hour and currently and we have to believe that
entertainment combines to keep
days the now 1 year old Station dinner hour deals there and with the the billiards room and successful con-
numbers steady there and we see
70 continues to make steady real music 5 nights weekly will likely certs at the Shoreline Ballroom just
this as one of the Island’s few
strides as owner MariRene and be able to eke out ends that meet this across the hall are adding to this
Japanese restaurants sustaining by
staff work it for all its worth and this year. Remy’s 2 fer 1 lunch offering on small sport’s bars popularity.
year’s end.
month will feature Paul Kerns late wednesdays there have resulted in
nite Fridays. one of the busiest midweek offerings
May 2 – Mr. Bill out of beaufort on the S-end.
May 9 – Sloppy Seconds with PB Sunrise Cafe has ruled the 3 - 5 pm
Silicone Sister breakfast hours Island-wide for years
May 16 - Souls Harbor now and we see little change through-
May 23 – Habitual Offender out the Winter months there as PBSC
May 30 – Noise on Vine Street continues to attract the lion’s share of
✭❊❖✼❚❙ •No ad-driven BS Guides to Live Music nightly ✭❊❖✼❚❙
Spare Parts alternating w/Martin
Lesch Trio at Remy’s and w/The
Beaggles @Big Bamboo @7 will like-
ly make for 3 of the most locals fre-
quented Friday nite live music desti-
nations. The Mezzaluna features the
Target Band at 9pm and B’Town’s all
new Station 70-formerly One Hot
Mama’s will feature live bands all
month. The Simpsons at the Hilton

Day Weeks XO and the Wild WIng will keep

regional bands -see display ad back
cover- and continues to offer some of
Music, Wine, Food & Bodies the best local/regional entertainment.
(Not Ad Driven/UpDated Mar 25-09)
Saturday’s: will offer more diver-
HH Islander’s of 10 years or less sity than ever this Spring as Remy’s
may not recall weeknights when find- will maintain the latest Spare Parts
ing a jumpin’good, fun lovin’ scene on around 10 w/Coyne & Lesch. The
any given night could mean a road Mezzaluna features the Target Band
trip. at 9pm. and with the Simpsons at the
During the mid-80’s to early ninties new XO Sat night crowds should be
Tribute is picking up steam there and Bobby Ryder with Earl Williams will brisk this Spring. On the mainland
little was happening with any regulari-
Hinchey’s local fave sax-man/enter- continue to be a popular local 8 to Station 70-formerly One Hot Mama’s
ty throughout the peak season to
tainer Earl Williams goes til 4 am. midnight destination and @The will feature live bands all month.
speak of, pitiful actually, and short of a
Bamboo Patwa plays Reggae til late
half dozen or so guitar solo’s doing a
predominant tourista formatted, slow-
Tuesdays: One Hot Mama’s is and its the The Coyne Band Trio now Sunday’s: may not be the slackest
hosting 16 yo Sara Burns from 6:30 to at Remy’s around 10pm. day of the week for live music this
hand Jimmy Buffet routine, festive
9:30 there and The Jazz Corner’s all Spring beginning early with Jessie
week-end only dark spots like The
Golden Rose, The Crows Nest ---
new line-up featuring Martin Lesch Thursdays: Spare Parts with a Watkins @ Brick Oven. Late nite
and the Multi-Jazz Quintet is breath- newly formed 3 pc. will be replacing atmospheres such as Hinchey’s Chi
now The Marriott Grand Ocean on
ing new life to early week-day offer- MArtin Lesch @ Remy’s as the The Bar ‘round midnight featuring alternat-
SFB-Scarlet O’Hara’s -now the
ings. Craig Coyne goes unplugged at Mezzaluna features the Target Band ing soloists Mike Kavanaugh and
Hilton XO- The Old Post Office -now
Remy’s and On the mainland it’s now at 9pm. Sterling & Schuvette have Reid Richmond and no doubt The
Adelphia Cable Co on Pope- Jim’s
Station 70 with GAME NITE featur- return to the Electric Piano 9-mid- Jazz Corner’s Sunday nite doin’s
Paradise -now Mezzaluna, and
ing Wii, Corn Hole and Beer Pong. night there. with Deas Guys will continue to be the
Remy’s were just about all of the off-
accentuated by $3 Olive Vodkas hottest Sunday might destination
seaon options there were.
there. Friday’s: is of course the SOTB’s throughout the Spring.
hottest real music night w/Tavern On
Monday: Slim pickin’s this month Wednesdays: Early on 8-mid- The Park late with Tommy Simms
but The Jazz Corner’s new Blues
night at the Jazz Corner alternating open mic gets fair crowds and with
•Music• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Concerts• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Local Bars• pg 19
ular clientele base that year’round local’s destination one of the most No ad-driven BS Guide
Local Bar UpDates: May-09 local bar status has become apparent. popular year’round. Pass MM #10 & Updated April 25th

From any approach take the
SeaPines circle to Greenwood
Drive to first (L) w/eyes (R)
left on New Orleans and 1/2 mile w/
eye’s left. Steal Deals
Located via 278 Mile Markers w/entrance behind Reilley’s-S. F&B steal deals are more scrut-

Traditionally, a genuine Island local

bar was characterized by peaked bot-
The Wild Wing Cafe continues to
be one of the S-end’s hotter local
spots featuring live entertainment
AdultDoin’s enized than ever. Not only by the
skimping family units, college stu-
dents and week-end warriors, but
tom lines during the off-months and Wed-Fri-Sat & Sun accentuated by Thee Diamond working year’rounds and the savvy
reflecting the year's slowest as May the Island’s most frugal minded menu, Club has been an bar/restaurant owners that are wisely
thru August. However this year’s -never a cover-. (see back cover) 278 integral part of the addressing their competition.
recession atmosphere has most post- to Seapine's circle and 3/4's around nightlife of Hilton Ck out a few of our faves.
ing weaker #’s and as many longtime to Pope Avenue, go half mile to cir- Head Island for • Sundays @ B’Town’s new
residents tend to stay closer to the cle center complex w/ eyes R. Say the past six years Station 70-$2 Bloody Marys all day
house during the warm months citing hello to Brian Corey behind the bar and as the only • Monday’s @Hinchey’s-$2 Beam
the crowds, the traffic, awful drivers there. competitor in and $2 Merlos, Pink Martinis and
etc. this Summer’s pump pain is shap- Hinchey's Chi Bar is one of the adult nightlife re. Mojitos @ Big Bamboo and at Wise
ing up to be the slowest in many South-end working local's fave wee Club Paradise Guys it’s 2 fer1 small plates for F&B
years. hour destinations featuring the real closeddoors per- staffers after 8p.
music from around midnight on Thur manently in July TDC is once again The Jazz Corner’s new Blues
As the N-end’s latest The Zone and Sunday nights there. Take the only game in town. The beautiful Tribute Monday offers $3 domestic
located at Beach and Tennis is one of Seapines circle to Pope Ave, go to women that this popular adult gentle- brews and $4 house liquor & wine.
a handful doing steady numbers along the end re. Coligny Circle and 3/4's man’s club attracts have wowed any- •Tuesdays @The Lodge-$2 Tinis &
w/the heavy boosts from the new around with an immediate right at one who is an island native or a fre- Trinities’ for $1 pitchers of MHL
Shoreline’s concert nights is combin- the first drive for convenient under- quent yearly visitor. All of these beau- • Weds@ Remy’s 2 fer 1 lunches.
ing for some of the better local bar ground parking. tiful women are dancing all night for • Thurs $1 Vodkas @ Wild Wing,
numbers Island-wide. Happy Hour The Frosty Frog now in a 7th year your pleasure and enjoyment. The and also at Prana.
offerings 4-8 as well as 10-2am fea- has recently reached local bar status gowns are stunning. These ladies Two Dollar Bills now offers wells.
tures $1.50 house drafts, $2.00 Rum and much like the Earl’s annual know how to dress to impress. They vinos and domestics for $2
and Vodkas, and daily 1/2 price appe- Summer/Tourista to off-season/locals all know how to treat a gentleman. every day, all day long there.
tizers running daily from 4-8pm there. transition caters to a mid-aged group Have a drink with a southern belle or Prana offers 50¢ drafts daily
Go 278 from either direction and early and the 21-25 set post midnight an exotic princess. NEW:
take the turn @ Folly Field Rd-3 there.Take SP circle down Pope Located on Dunnagan’s Alley @ Island Bistro offers $2 vodkas &
blocks to Beach & Tennis & (R) Ave and (L) on Lagoon & (R) @ 3rd Palmetto Bay near the Seapines $2 Fish tacos all day, everyday.
w/eyes (L) driveway. Eyes straight ahead OK Circle. Say hey to John Laney & Mom.
Remy’s has no doubt reestablished for parking@ Nash Drugs after
itself and long time Islanders are tak- 7pm.
ing to the new diggs very well. The Drydock has over the past 14
Maintaining consistency from the years become one of the North-east-
meat and 3 lunch offering, a $5 happy ern transplanted local's regular desti-
hour menu offering and regularly nations and home away from home
scheduled live music Tues-Saturday for many NY Yankee fans. The
nights there. Dock’s frugal minded lunch and
From the seapines circle take Pope Sunday Pig roasts will run throughout
ave & go (L)@ lagoon Rd. w/a quick the Winter there. 278 to Seapine's
(L) @ 1st drive past the bike shop circle and 3/4's around to Pope
to the end with eye’s straight Avenue and left at the 2nd street re.
ahead. Pope Ave Executive Park w/eye's R.
Park Plaza’s Tavern On The Park While Aunt Chilada’s long time
maintains a regular post shift F&B year’round gathering gets interrupted
destination due to a consistant menu during the warm season this bar nev-
and when the live music plays Fridays ertheless has a loyal patronage
there. From any approach take the envied by most Irish and Sport’s bar
SeaPines circle to Greenwood formats due to the 4-7 happy hour and
Drive to the 1st street and L to 2nd all the action taking place during NFL
Park Plaza entrance w/eyes straight and MLB seasons. Take SP circle to
ahead. Pope Ave and U-turn @ Lagoon & 2
While The Lodge was initially for- blks w/eyes (R).
matted and generally most frequented Callahan’s Featuring a money’s
during the off-season’s cooler months worth median priced lunch and brisk
this cozy Barmuda Triangle nightlife 4-7pm happy hour Callahan’s casual
destination has over the past few dinner offerings ranging from $6 to
years acquired such a substantial reg- $10 and post midnight burgers and
finger food makes this long-time
May 17th M

May 3 @ The Drydock • May 8 @ The Tavern


From the Cradle

For the blues/jazz’d confused By John Sippel ❀❊GL
David “Fathead” @ The ✭MMIP❊❘❍
As a high school student, David
"Fathead" Newman was admittedly The Dixieland Jazz Society
bad at reading music, and learned to jams the last Sunday of every
play by ear and from memory in band month @ The Jazz Corner from
class. His teacher discovered he was
Hilton Head, SC 3-5pm.
pretending to read music when he
saw Newman’s part upside down on
his stand. He struck Newman with his
conductor’s baton, and angrily called
1st- Hot Sauce
2nd- Wormsloew
7th- Loose Cannons
him “Fathead.” The name stuck for the
8th- EPDMK
rest of his life.
9th- The Gullah Roots
ophone, and became a lead soloist in
14th- Tokyo Joe Friday Nights @
15th- Permanent Tourist
Bebop and Blues: Charles’ groups, helping to define the
Newman grew up in Dallas, Texas, soulful jazz sound of the great singer
16th- The Plaids
21st- Villanova
where he studied piano and alto sax-
ophone at Lincoln High School. He
and pianist.
22nd- McFly
23rd- U-Phonik
was heavily influenced by bebop, but Newman played with Charles for ten
out of a desire to work as a musician, years, recording on baritone, alto, and
24th- Silicone Sister
he became schooled in the more tenor saxophones. Charles also
28th- Airiel Down
locally popular R&B and blues styles. helped boost Newman’s solo career,
29th- Johnny Swim
After attending Jarvis Christian supporting his first solo record,
30th- The Notion
College for two years, where he stud-
ied music and theology, Newman
Fathead: Ray Charles Presents David
Newman (1958).
2nd- Zach Deputy
decided to drop out to pursue a per- 9th- Liquid Ginger
formance career. He began touring After his tenure with Charles, 16th- Stoneking
with Buster Smith, an alto saxophone Newman went on to record almost 40 23rd- Radio Cult
player who had played with many of albums as a leader, and many more 30th- Silicone Sister
the top musicians of the swing era, as a sideman. He performed and
including Lester Young and Count recorded with Herbie Mann, Aretha
Basie. Smith had helped develop the
raw, bluesy sound that became asso-
Franklin, B.B. King, Donny Hathaway,
Natalie Cole, and others. In his later
May @
ciated with Southern saxophone play- years, Newman brought his bluesy,
ers, and also mentored Charlie effusive sound to large concert and
Parker. festival audiences as well as the big Wednesday :Craig Coyen
screen, appearing in Robert Altman’s Thursday: Martin Lesch
Newman played with Smith and oth- film, Kansas City. At age 75, he died
ers until Ray Charles hired him to play of pancreatic cancer in Kingston, New Fridays : Craig Coyne Tommy
baritone saxophone in 1954. A year
later, Newman switched to tenor sax-
York. Saturday : Spare Parts Simms
Blues Tribute

Mon nights @ The Jazz Corner featuring Martin

Lesch, Whitney Deputy, Chris Russell & C Williams
Kingfisher on
Mike Sun’s B
@ r
Wed-7-10pm Kavanaugh i
Thu-Fri & Sat 8-12:30 @ The c
Mezzaluna Thur k

Nights O
@ Hinchey’s Tues & Sat Nights e
@ Remy’s Jessie Watkins n
‘round Midnight The Spare Parts

The Sun@

The Simpson Beaggles Hinchey’s

Brothers Friday @ 7 Midnight
@ the new XO Lounge Wed-Sat
The Big Bamboo

Thursday nights this month @
The Jazz Corner, HHI

✼IPM❘✡ ✼GLII
Back this month on Thursday @
The Electric Piano

Grins: Right Place, Right Time

A mid-day fire destroyed a four-plex in South Los Angeles. A Nigerian family of six con-artists lived on the
first floor, and all six died in the fire. An Islamic group of seven Nigerian welfare cheats, all illegally in the
country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Hispanic, gang-banger ex-cons
lived on the 3rd floor, and they too, died. One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple did not per-
ish. Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into L.A., and quickly demand-
Deas Guys ed a meeting with the fire chief. The news media found out what they were doing, and showed up to record
the event. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims, and Hispanics all
Sundays nights this month died in the fire; but only the white couple lived. The fire chief quietly replied, "Simple -- they were both at
@ The Jazz Corner-HHi work." Man oh man! Now how unPC is that?
Rail Trail #22
Rail’s Community Series re. Parental Alerts
SLED is currently undergoing program changes to the Sex Offender System. If
you feel the information is incorrect, please contact the Sheriff’s Department in the
county in which the sex offender is registered or SLED Sex Offender Registry at
(803) 896-1440.

Offender Information
Sexual Predator: No
Ht: 6' 01" Wt: 240 lbs.
Eyes: Green• Hair Color: Partially Gray
Skin Tone: Light
Status: Residence
Criminal Charges: Statute: 18 USC SEC
2252 A (A)(5)(B) Date of Conviction: 2005-
Sentence Release Date: 2007-08-09
Offense: Statute: 18 USC 2252 Date of Conviction: 2005-02-28
Conviction: SC
the line ups.
Hilton Head

5.1 - Hot Sauce
5.2 - Wormsloew
5.7 Loose Cannons f. Nikki Lixx
5.8 - EPDMK

5.9 - The Gullah Roots
5.14 - Tokyo Joe
5.15 - Permanent Tourist
5.16 - The Plaids

5.21 - Villanova
5.22 - Mighty McFly
5.23 - U-Phonik
5.24 - Silicone Sister
5.28 - Airiel Down
5.29 - Johnny Swim
5.30 - Notion

Memorial Day Bluffton

Weekend at the Wing! Tuesdays - Kirk O' Leary
Thursdays - The Free Shotz
Fridays - The B-Town Playaz
Saturday Bands
5.2 - Zach Deputy
5.9 - Liquid Ginger
5.16 - Stoneking
5.23 - Radio Cult
5.30 - Silicone Sister

HHI - Memorial Day Weekend Line-Up!

5.21 Thursday - Villanova • 5.22 Friday - Mighty McFly
5.23 Saturday - U-Phonik • 5.24 Sunday - Silicone Sister
Bluffton - Memorial Day Weekend Line-Up!
5.21 Thursday - The Free Shotz • 5.22 Friday - B-Town Playaz
5.23 Saturday - Radio Cult • 5.24 Sunday - Live Music TBA
HHI • 72 Pope Ave. • 785-WING ◆ Bluffton • 1188 Fording Island Rd. (278) • 837-WILD ◆