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hair backing away to entire table. Through the neon sign in the window we see a man with children in the park across the street. Bartender Hey, wake her up! ANNE My mother taught me to sleep standing up. She was a mill rat. Hard work doesn’t faze me either and there is no point in complaining. JACKIE Get your head off the table. Try to look like you’re still alive ANNE Save the phony moans for the customer. If I had to I could turn twenty tricks in an hour for five dollars each if I needed a quick hundred. One hundred is still what a ten dollar bag costs, right? Finding twenty hard dicks is the challenge. Accommodating them would be no problem. Oh my god it drives me crazy listening to you old ladies bitching and complaining. ANNE - NARRATION I know my goal and I go after it. There were six of us growing up. Four older sisters and I had to take care of my little brother. That’s why I stopped after two. I could not see doing anything like that to kids of mine. Do you know what it‘s like having 3 different fathers? The damage that can do to a kid? That should be obvious. I was the second one with the milkman. Little Michael’s father is American or so our mother claimed but it didn‘t do her any good. ANNE My mom raised us poor but proud. We lived in a beautiful home and my parents were so in love.
(Scene: CROWDED BUNGALOW IN THE SNOW. INT: MODEST, RELIGIOUS, COLORFUL BUT SERENE. FATHER IN REPOSE ON AN ELEGANT COUCH. BABY ANNE WITH FATHER.) POV BABY ANNE, BIG SISTERS ARE ABOUT AND MENACING BUT SHE IS SAFE WITH FATHER. FATHER Leave the baby alone. Go away ANNE- NARRATOR Years later my mother told me he was not my father but he was the only one I ever knew. MOTHER Please, Joe, if you don’t do anything else while I am at work, fix the outhouse door. (SCENE: A PARK, ANNE PLAYS, FATHER SIPS COFFEE AND READS PAPER) (SCENE: BUNGALOW HOME) MOTHER It’s a shame how the neighbors have to see us when we want privacy. SHOT PAN ACROSS: Three outhouses in 3 backyards. The center outhouse door is off the hinges. MOTHER Don’t you have any pride? How can you live like that? If not for yourself than for the shame of your wife and daughters. FATHER All right girls, let’s see what we can do. SHOT: Father hands off baby Anne to mother, he and older daughters turn the outhouse until the door faces the woods. ANNE - NARRATION
By whatever understanding my parents had my mother worked 2 jobs and I stayed with my dad. Even at night SHOT: Baby Anne is with or near Father as he carouses by gambling and smoking cigars. SHOT: Return to Whore’s Table ANNE Actually tonight I am all itchy, I feel like I have ants crawling under my skin. I think I have some kind of environmental allergy. Maybe to someone’s perfume. I had the runs at home all day at home. I must have ate a green apple, Slept on the couch after the kids left for school or camp or where ever (QUICK CUT. Fingers at his table with bodyguard ) I know what would help get this off my mind. But I can control myself. Fingers always has a boot with anyone’s name on it. But I know I am better off saving my money. (Coughing she goes to the front door. She coughs, sticks her head out to spit and looks around.) ANNE Looking good Johnny. When are you going to visit me upstairs again? SHOT: JOHNNY enters, SHOT: Anne sees Man and Kids across the street JOHNNY I just need to win 2 more races. I’ll have the pick 3. Then me and you go upstairs. ANNE Baby I am waiting for you. It’s the same all over. (ANNE: RETURN TO TABLE)
Did any of you see that guy in the park with kids? JACKIE Don’t get me started on kids. Did I tell you how much my grandkids are costing me? I am too good to them. I was good to my own kids but look at my daughter. A junkie. You can’t raise children when all you care about is drugs and going out. SYLVIA Kids in the park, they better not get that bench dirty. I use that bench. It‘s very romantic.” JACKIE They have women’s Viagra now SYLVIA Always a smart ass, who the hell asked you? ANNE We should have it covered in plastic SYLVIA And cushions. ANNE (to VANESSA) Do you know who that guy with kids in the park is? VANESSA Of course, I do. I know every body. ANNE They’re over there VANESSA What does he like? ANNE I don’t know I never saw him before VANESSA I don’t know them. Hey, but check out my new pants
Easy access and no cum stains because they’re machine washable JACKIE Tell me, do you do your own laundry? Or do you have your mother do it? VANESSA I’m not minding you ANNE -NARRATION That’s so great. I felt so happy suddenly like I want to say, ‘I met someone.’ Jackie Your husband does that too. He has custody of your kids. Right? How old are the kids? SYLVIA Stay clear of men like that. The ones who like kids are trouble. (ANNE and Vanessa are actively spying out the door and window) JACKIE I’ve had fathers bring their sons to me. Because I can teach them things, you know because I have taught you a thing or two. They want to make sure their boys get busted by a pro who knows what she’s doing, not some pom-pom girl from school who only knows how to tease. SYLVIA There are all kinds of freaks you have to stay away from today. Not like when I started out. Then you just had to look out for cops and wives. JACKIE We had syph and the clap back then too. I’d rather have clap than another kid. ANNE How do I look Vanessa Turn around. You look fine. You just need to update your wardrobe. ANNE
I know and lose thirty pounds. JACKIE Ohhhh, if I was thirty years younger. Haven’t we all heard that before? I’ve got to keep saving my money for Botox. VANESSA Do you think he has any money? I’ll get a camera and then… Snap! Busted! We’ll finally blackmail a rich man. JACKIE We don’t need grown men with kids around here. Someone ought to go across the street and get rid of them. ANNE I did see him first ANNE - NARRATION Since high school I made money with my body. That was my childhood dream. I imagined this role put me in a position to be found by that elusive man who would settle me down and deliver me to a happy life. Like my mother tried to teach my sisters and me. ‘It is as easy to love a rich man as a poor one,’ That’s why the man on the bench feels so right, a savior, that one who would take me away, to remake me a good and honest wife. VANESSA What’s wrong with the husband you have now? ANNE My mother used to look at me and shake her head. It will be a miracle if you get asked. Anne, she’d say to me, you like men too much. Marry anyone who will have you. So I listened to my mother and the first chance I asked Joe to marry me. But I can still dream. Maybe someday a rich one will come my way. JACKIE You spotted him. Go out there and get rid of him. SCENE: ANNE EXITS BAR AND CROSSES STREET TO PARK ANNE Want a blowjob and a good fuck? Wanna party? Hi Sugar, looking for a blowjob and a good fuck?
(ED looks at her) I said, do you want the best blowjob you ever had? ED I can remember every woman with whom I ever had sex. And every one told me that her skills were the best or her body was the best and I should never expect to have it any better. I thank you but don’t think I can help you. Being called on to perform sexually would be more pressure and of the sort that would add nothing positive to my existence. ANNE Slow down sweet cheeks, this is not charity. I’m a working girl. ED I see SHOT: CLOSE UP OF DEBRIS IN PARK ANNE Why did you bring children here? ED Don’t worry, I’m watching them. ANNE Are you waiting to buy some dope? I can help you out. You don’t want to get busted with your kids along. Believe me, I know, 5 years. Right here and then another 2 year stand. ED My kids are visiting me. I live over there. Their mother and I are having a trial separation and the rent around here is cheap. ANNE Do you get to sleep much with the screaming, the gunshots and the sirens all night long? You can get hit by a stray bullet. It’s mathematical. Like one girl in four gets molested by the time she is
14. And of those one in four there is a number who are getting constantly molested I’m lucky. It only happened to me a couple of times. You know ED It’s quiet around here if you ask me. Would you like a sandwich (ANNE ACCEPTS SANDWICH AND EATS WITHOUT HESITATION AND UNSELFCONSCIOUSLY) ED - CONTINUE The neighbors in my building are almost all alcoholics and they settle down pretty early with a few exceptions. ANNE Why did you leave your wife? ED Philosophical differences. Mikey, don’t swing so high. Danny, stay away from the garbage. ANNE What? (laughter) I thought I had heard them all in my line of work but now I have really heard them all. Is that why you don’t want to fuck me, I don’t appeal to you philosophically? ED Why else? Philosophy guides the decision making of all intelligent beings I didn’t free myself from a marriage to become a slave to my lower biological urges. Marriage is a roll playing game. I was living a narrow, stereotype identity What about you? Aren’t you dressing and acting out a roll? I want to be myself maybe for the first time.
ANNE How did your wife take the news? Philosophically? (ANNE FINISHES LAST BITE WITH A FLOURISH and lights cigarette) ED She immediately thought there was another woman. After I convinced her there was no one else she thought I needed for her to ‘spice up’ our sex life. I responded at first like a typical hormonal male but after a while I didn’t want to go through all the moves and preparation. My self image had become completely distorted by my need to please another person. I didn’t want to have sex with anyone - which of course made her think I was turning gay. My philosophical and spiritual life is headed in another direction. ANNE Hmm … I see … Sounds like bullshit to me. If there isn’t another woman maybe there should be. If you aren’t turning gay. ED Now you’re talking out of your own pigeon hole. You don’t know me. Michael, Danny, come on boys, it will be getting dark soon. Don’t make daddy nervous. Danny Five more minutes, dad, please? Mike Please, Dad, please? ANNE It’s summer. It won’t be dark for two more hours. ED Okay. ANNE What were we saying? ED You said you were caught hiding drugs in your babies’ diapers and
were given a five year sentence. ANNE I like you, you’re a good listener. You could do good on the street. Not just a five year sentence. I was never put up for parole. I served everyday of five years in prison. That was the first time. ED Why no parole? ANNE I wasn’t a good conformist, I was a slow learner and I had issues. My second time up was only two years. I knew better and left my boys at home with their father but because it was the second time I got a seven year sentence. Narcotics and prostitution. But I already learned my lesson the first time and was in and out in two. ED That is something to be proud of. ANNE You have beautiful kids. ED Thank you. Hey, if you are a working girl shouldn’t you be heading back to work about now? ANNE No, it’s too slow. The weather is so hot and sticky nobody even wants to fuck. The only thing more pathetic than hot sweaty hookers is a hot, sweaty and bored stripper. I know, I’ve been both. It was a hot sweaty day like today, a day when even your pubic hair uncurls and lays flat that I met my future X husband. I was hired as a pole dancer at a strip club. Laying on my back I can get my feet behind my head but I could never get up in the air like that holding a pole.
The only time I tried pole dancing I fell and almost broke the plywood stage. So I became a chair dancer. No one complained. I have two boys also, fifteen and thirteen, about ten years older than yours. I spent half of their lives locked up. I couldn’t be much of a mother three hours every Sunday. And some of those Sundays I missed because I was being punished for fighting or being such a bitch to the guards and the other women. Imagine that, my family drives three hours to see me and ’Surprise, she can’t have visitors today.’ It might be for something I did that morning or the day before. I just didn’t want to see them and I did not want them to see me. ED You were ashamed of yourself, I guess. ANNE That’s what you’d think at first but it was deeper than that, like I told you… ED You had issues. ANNE That’s right … According to my mother I was sexually abused by my father who she told me later was not my biological father but my step father. One of many but I don‘t remember anything like that. There was only my one father who I remember and he looked like Elvis. That dad, Elvis, He protected me from my wild sisters. I was tender to my daddy, something he had been long deprived of, tenderness, something none of the other women around him possessed. ED Was he an alcoholic? Or an addict? ANNE No, quite the opposite. I don’t think he ever took a drink although most of my memories of him are only things that my mother told me after. He was always shy and quiet, a gentleman. His hair was like a crown of black luster and light. Like Elvis. My mother was devoted to him.
He would lay on the couch all day and watch cartoons with me. When my sisters and mother got home he would excuse himself to the social club. He played cards all night. You can’t blame everything on alcohol. My mother says, ‘That’s impossible. You are making it all up. He left when you were only six. You can’t remember that.’ But I would correct her, ‘He did not leave us, we left him.’ That would shut her up. I could tell her every detail of how he looked, even how he smelled of Vitalis and honeyed tea. I would describe this father I supposedly had never seen and she would go all crazy. She was in love with him. Then she would accuse me of making him go away. That I had destroyed their happy home. It was crazy. ED Crazy ANNE The sexual abuse, I was told, started from birth. That’s one version. My mother told me some of it but not until I asked the right questions and I was already an adult by then. That’s why I have so many issues. ED It sounds like you are confessing something but you haven’t done anything wrong. And that behavior is precisely what I am philosophically rebelling against. Lying to yourself to make other people happy I don’t know what happened but it sounds like everyone in your story was a slave to urges. Sex is a survival urge, very low and primitive and it should be treated that way. Yet for so many sex is the focus of their lives. To me it is a source of embarrassment and for you a source of pain. ANNE What is embarrassing for you? Because I have heard it all and if it is something new I’d like to try it. ED That’s not what I mean at all. I married a sexy woman who really turned me on when I was thirty. Now that the thrill is gone when she
says a word I cringe. The sound of her voice makes me shrink, even her noises in bed. That’s the kind of embarrassment I’m talking about. ANNE The two of you definitely have a problem. At least you sound more like my husband and not my father. ED That’s why I thank god for divorce. (Both laugh) ANNE Sex is a source of income for married women too. NOTE: ED GOES FOR A SECOND TO HELP ONE OF HIS KIDS ANNE My X is great with the kids when I am not around. I wish I had a parent that good He had to divorce me. If he didn’t divorce me he would lose the kids not because I am a convicted felon but because of the drugs. ED A shame. Two people in love I am sure ANNE I am a woman who always needs to be in love but that’s not the way life works. A man wants to keep a tight control on his woman and most women do not like that. Both sexes always want their options open without letting the other person do the same. No one in a relationship should be trusted. ED I married a woman I hardly knew and I saw us like my parents. My parents never came to anything. They never taught me anything. They were a couple and we were kids at loose ends around them. ‘Eighteen and out,’ my father said more than once, ‘then me and your mother can finish our honeymoon.’ When I was young I didn’t know what he meant. When I got older I understood but then I couldn’t understand why he would say that to a kid by then it was too late. He made me feel completely unwanted which carried over into my marriage. Later in life it became impossible for me to form a relationship. My parents
never imparted any wisdom. They were a horny, loveless couple. ANNE Your father could have been a bastard. You don’t have to be. ED Why is it so dark here? ANNE Whenever they fix the lights the junkies come and shoot them out again. I know, this is my second home. ED Let me get Mikey out of that grass. ANNE Let me help. Is your name Dan or Danny?” Dan My name is Donald. Donald Duck. ANNE Let’s go sit on the bench with your dad and brother. Dan All right. ANNE I have two little boys at home. Dan So, that’s your problem. ED Be nice. ANNE You’re supposed to respect adults. ED I don’t teach my kids that either. Respect has to be earned. ANNE What a dirty face.
(ANNE takes baby wipes out of handbag) ED Still carrying wipes, I thought your boys are teenagers. ANNE They are, I use these for my business. On my customers It makes such a difference to have a clean face. And other places. (REACTION SHOT OF ED, VOMITOUS) ANNE Thank you for trusting me for a few minutes with your kids. I don’t have much contact with babies anymore. MIKE AND DAN (Voices together, almost) Hey We’re not babies. ANNE You are to me. I’ve been cut off from my nieces and nephews. Maybe we can do this again sometime. I won’t press you. I just work over there … ED Okay Be careful. CAMERA ON ANNE VOICE OVER FROM THE PARK ED … Guys… Lets go… It’s supper time Dan Dad, do you like her?
ED We should stay away from her. Dan I didn’t let her know my name like you told me. What’s wrong with her? ED I think she doesn’t like to change her underwear. (ED, MIKE and DAN laugh) SCENE: INT BAR ANNE A lot of good that did. One of those hot married guys. Two beautiful kids. I bet he’s a lawyer. He seemed pretty smart VANESSA What the hell would he be doing around here? (General laughter at Anne) SYLVIA Maybe he needs a lawyer ANNE - NARRATION There was something about him. I could sense it the moment I first saw him from across the street. Like our fates were about to intertwine. And after talking with him I must have been aglow or something because the slump was over and I was working steady again. DROP IN SHOTS OF ANNE AS POPULAR WHORE ANNE - NARRATION CONT. Do you know what it’s like being a whore and having someone to fantasize about? And that doesn’t hurt business either. Now I was getting high again regularly and I felt like I was in love. It had been years since I really felt like that. Both high and in love. Or just being in love
SCENE: SMALL OFFICE IN BACK OF FAMILY RESTAURANT (At this time ANNE is 18, a fresh HS grad) NICK THE GREEK You’re not afraid to work hard? ANNE (HOLDS UP ONE ARM AND MAKES A MUSCLE) I am a hard working woman. NICK THE GREEK I don’t want to regret hiring you. If I hire you you will be like part of the family. Don’t quit on me. What are you waiting for? Go see Jena. Get an apron and go to work. NICK’S WIFE Are you Greek? You look Greek to me. ANNE Thank you. French Canadian. I’m a Canook. NICK’S WIFE French Canadian, that’s all right. MONTAGE OF TIME AT WORK ANNE - NARRATION The young generic blond waitress sucked up all the greek boys‘ attention. It was all I could do to generate interest for the occasional pinch or bump but the young men could only screw the blond . Mrs. Nick was keeping the boys away from me TIME PASSES, RAIN, ANNE WAVES CIGARETTE IN OFFICE WINDOW In the office Little Nick, 28, owner’s son, waves ANNE in. ANNE
Do you think it would be all right if I take my cigarette break in here? LITTLE NICK (ON NAME TAG) Go ahead You can do what ever I say I get all this when Dad retires. He might build me a dealership. ANNE These are your kids pictures? Little Nick He’s got to do more for me. I have three kids. He has to build me a car dealership at least. ANNE I only have older sisters, I have one younger brother. But my mother says he is my sister’s. I have a messed up family. There are six of us with 3 different fathers. Half my family still doesn’t speak English. Since coming here they never leave Little Quebec. Little Nick If my mother doesn’t miss you I’ll show you my new car. ANNE Do you talk Greek with you mother? Little Nick We all talk Greek. I was born in America. ANNE You could have fooled me. NICK’S WIFE Never mind that, she has work to do. Don’t make me yell at you in front of costumers SCENE: IN LITTLE NICK’S CAR LITTLE NICK A present I bought for myself. ANNE Christmas in July, eh? LITTLE NICK Do you know how much it sucked where I went to school because we
don’t celebrate Greek Christmas on the same day as the other kids? ANNE Didn’t you have a real American Christmas? LITTLE NICK Aren’t you Greek? What church did you grow up in? ANNE I’m not Greek. I don’t know, the French Church? Little Nick It sucks so much being Nick’s son. He won’t accept my wife or my kids because they are not Greek, they don’t even look Greek. ANNE I saw your kids on the desk, they’re cute. Well not ON the desk. LITTLE NICK Sometimes I just want to kill him for ruining my life ANNE No, no, don’t do that. When you feel that way come and talk to me. Regular Christmas isn’t that great. It sucked in my family. My dad never worked and my mother was always on a power trip. LITTLE NICK You’re lucky your parents aren’t Greek. They never liked my blond wife and now that we’re having trouble they blame me for marrying her. They think because she is blond she is a tramp. My parents call my wife a slut to my face. SCENE: RESTAURANT, CROWD OF WORKERS EAVESDROP AT OFFICE DOOR. NICK THE GREEK IS YELLING AT LITTLE NICK. ANNE What are they saying? Come on. I know you speak English. COUSIN 1 Uncle Nick is telling Little Nick to ‘Be a man, Greeks do not divorce, the blond is making you into … something she wipes herself with.
COUSIN 2 He’s always got something to complain about. He even hates Christmas ANNE Did he tell you that too? SCENE: RESTAURANT AT NIGHT. ANNE IS MOPPING, LITTLE NICK IS SULKING AT THE CASH REGISTER ANNE If it is that bad for you you can drive a truck for anyone. LITTLE NICK You don’t understand what it is like for me. I could not turn the key on any other truck. I must follow in the family business. He is my father, I owe him too much. What kind of son would I be? ANNE I stopped living with my family. Think about it. LITTLE NICK You told me your sisters are whores and your mother cleans other people’s houses. You can’t teach me anything. It is not your place to question me. No Greek woman comes between a father and a son. He is teaching me what it means to be a man. You are a woman, you have a very easy path to follow, have the babies and take care of the house. I am a man, alone, I fight the world to bring home money. Do not get in my way with questions, a true Greek woman respects her King because it is he who makes her a Queen. ANNE Are you coming up tonight? LITTLE NICK You are so sexy, you could pass for a Greek woman ANNE I could, couldn’t I?
LITTLE NICK I’m sick of Greeks. ANNE Have you been drinking? LITTLE NICK I am drinking but I’m not drunk I will leave my wife and kids for you. When I see you running the cash register there is nothing else I can think of so I go next door for a drink. I make love to you and then I know there might be someone else after I leave you. ANNE Why not Nick? You go home to your wife. It’s the same for me. LITTLE NICK No it’s not. I am a married man. ANNE I don’t want to fight. I like you too Nick but I don’t want to come between you and your wife and I don’t want to raise more little kids my brother’s age. Have you ever tried putting your wife behind the register? ANNE - NARRATOR That way I tried to be a psychiatrist for Little Nick. He talked about his problems and we fucked. Now I see what a loser he was but then I was falling in love with Little Nick and the idea of family life. I started to picture myself beside the register, a respectable lady The restaurant was turning into a soap opera and I knew some of them were talking about me and I didn’t like it. Quit or be fired by Nick or his wife for screwing with their son’s family. Besides, Little Nick was a shitty father. If I didn’t tell you Little Nick had 2 kids you would never know it. If I was to ever have kids it would be with someone who would be a good father. I never had a good father None of them. I quit Nick the Greeks Athens Restaurant just in time. I was lucky, have to blow God a kiss for that one. I don’t think I could have stood that environment after what happened - That’s when I got the job dancing at a bar where my best friend and
roommate Meme‘s boyfriends was a bouncer. I was hired as a daytime stripper I wasn’t yet used to all these guys sweating beer and stuffing dollars against my skin. The money was great but I missed The Athens Rest. After my shift when I was still new there, I hung around to talk with customers who were getting primed for their wives or dogs or whatever until Jimmy, my new boss at the strip bar told me to get the fuck out if I was not working. Everyone in that place was very jealous over those sticky dollar bills. I got the urge then that I should check up on Little Nick. SCENE: ANNE VIEWS THE RESTAURANT WINDOW WHERE LITTLE NICK IS MOPPING AND BLONDE WIFE IS COUNTING THE MONEY. ANNE - NARRATION CONT. It made me glad for a minute, I was happy imagining Big Nick and Little Nick coming to an understanding about the slut. ‘This is what it means to be a man,’ . Little Nick had finally stood up to his father. So what if she is a blond who celebrates Christmas a week later or the forth of July in January? What difference does it make? Somehow I felt a little responsible for saving that family. I could have had Nick make me a Greek goddess and 2 pre made kids part of the time. And all the Pizza and Calzones for the rest of my life. For me the point was he could have been mine and now he would no longer want me. He was with his wife It was the stress of the new job and seeing everything change as I left working with Nick. It ate at me the entire way home. This time the pain was unequaled. The family that could have been mine was taken away from me. I cried out his name as I lurched from my car, fell to the lawn and crawled the stairs to the apartment. I don’t even remember stopping anywhere but Meme said I seemed drunk, crying like a baby over Little Nick and his wife . Everyone in the apartment building knew something was wrong that night. I don’t keep secrets. I was so upset between the liquor and the pills I could not keep anything down. That wasn’t the first time I tried to kill myself over
some man SCENE: INT A CRAMPED BUT FEMININE APARTMENT FULL OF PARTIERS (retching sound behind closed door) MEME What are you doing in there? ANNE Go away. I can’t keep anything down. Don’t come in here. MEME Move over, open the door. You are killing yourself over Little Nick? Are you out of your fucking mind? It stinks in here. Open a window. Tequila and pills. ANNE (puking and in tears) I can’t keep any of it down. I guess it’s an omen that I am just going to have to try and live without him. ANNE - NARRATION I have never been able to stomach tequila since then. I guess I am a delicate flower. Good thing it was tequila and not wine or I would be dead right now MEME Get out of here you sleazebags. (NOTE: guests exit) ANNE That night Meme helped me into bed. She told everyone I was sick and kicked the crowd out of our little apartment. Some of them gave her a hard time, underage kids drinking booze, druggies, and married men with nowhere to go but home. Meme even stayed in bed with me. But the next morning … (ANNE and Meme cleaning apt)
ANNE Meme was my best friend. I guess she still is but I haven’t seen her in years. We could not have looked like a less likely pair. Her, a tall athletic blond and me, a potato, pair shaped at best. We met in middle school. She already had men coming at her from all sides … if you know what I mean. I was never innocent but at that age I was already suspected of far more than I ever did. I was a curious child. I liked to investigate things. I still do. THE BANSHEE (NOTE: ANNE IS NOW 10) SCENE: INT OF A PARENT’S BEDROOM. ANNE’;S FEET DANGLE FROM THE BED, SHE IS OPEN FOR INSPECTION. ANNE This is what you have to do If you want you can wiggle it around Boy 1 I’m supposed to feed Lucky ANNE It’s all right, don’t be embarrassed, I still like you. We’ll try it again after you feed Lucky SCENE: EXT WITH DOG FOOD. DOG AND MORE BOYS APPEAR
Boy 1 Come on, ANNE, show my friends what you showed me. Let them see your umgina Boy 2 Seen it! ANNE
All right, let’s go inside. SCENE: NEAR PARENT’S BEDROOM ANNE Since you already seen it you can wait here to be the lookout. No one say a word to anyone about this. Is that clear? SCENE: PARENT’S BEDROOM Boy 3 Yuk! ANNE You’re just immature. Or gay (Boys laugh) Boy 2 Go ahead, touch it, she’ll let you Boy 1 I dare you.
SCENE: EXT DOOR BEING SLAMMED BOY’S MOTHER Go away filthy girl ANNE - NARRATOR I knew how to get a look. How to shock adults and make the other kids laugh. I knew all the dirty words and all the body parts. Thank God before I could get pregnant I learned that I didn’t have to act dirty to be popular when I could get the same results by just talking dirty. Acting dirty and talking dirty amounted to the same thing as far as reputation. Through middle school and high school I never had a boyfriend, but instead I always had a heavy crush which it never failed resulted in a
broken heart. I am a passionate woman, mostly I cried and got drunk. When it came to love I was just like the passionate women I grew up around. Can you see me? A sweaty and guilt ridden little girl too happy and relaxed, riding a wave of popularity. Inside I felt empty and unloved. Behind my dirty mouth I showed enough intelligence to win the grudging respect of the teachers. The class drafted me when we were high school freshmen to be a school officer and by senior year I was class president. Leading the other students down a merry path. Meme and Me, we go back to middle school When the blood of my very first period came around lunchtime in school I thought I had broken it for sure. By the age of ten I had read enough books to know that masturbation is both healthy and normal. I was 12 before I found out what ‘masturbation’ meant. I was afraid when I saw blood, I thought the blood came because I had broken it. Imagine that. After everything I learned I could not even dare to guess what was happening. Cramps and stomach aches where a regular part of my life and so that went with little noticed. I had to go through the humiliation of asking the man teacher at the door of the cafeteria for a bathroom pass then ran and took the first seat, the one without a door. SCENE: 13YR OLD ANNE IS SITTING ON THE TOILET WITH MEME SITTING IN A SINK, SMOKING, AMUSED. ANNE Can you help me! Look MEME (Laughs) ANNE It’s not funny MEME I got a dime ANNE I can’t wear this underwear.
MEME Do you go to Catholic school? Why are you wearing that skirt? ANNE I have no clean underwear It’s from the priest. He brings clothing to our house This is my first time, it’s so embarrassing. I have no underwear. How can I get to the nurse? MEME You want me to lend you my underwear? Is that it? ANNE Is this normal? MEME Normal? It’s never normal. I’ve been bleeding since I was ten. You think these girls came without a price ANNE They are big, they look nice though. MEME Shit, they’re perfect. But they hurt like hell ACTION : BELL RINGS, ROOM FILLS WITH GIRLS. NOTE: THIS IS THE HAPPIEST TIME OF ANNE’S LIFE THE ATMOSPHERE SHOULD BE LESS OPPRESSIVE DROP IN SCENE: ANNE AND MEME LIGHTING UP AFTER SCHOOL. DROP IN SCENE: MEME SHOWS ANNE HOW TO PUT CONDOM ON BANANA. DROP IN SCENE: ANNE SHOWS MEME AD - “MODELS WANTED”
SCENE: HOTEL ANNE AND MEME FLOUNCING ALONG MEME I fucking hate it at home. My father told me last night that he didn’t remember my face since I started caring milk jugs. And melon jokes When he compares me to my mother It makes me feel sick. They grew from mosquito bites to sacks of potatoes overnight. That hurt. Plus the jokes SCENE: GIRLS IN ROOM WITH YOUNG CAMERAMAN AND SEVERAL GRAY-HAIRED MEN MEME Why don’t you boys show me your money and I decide how much you get to see. These pictures will be worth a lot when I am a super model or movie star. SCENE: HALL, GIRLS ARE EXCITED AND EXITING WITH MONEY MEME We gave those old guys everything they came for and more. This is almost two thousand dollars. (To man in lobby)Don’t look at me, scumbag RETURN TO ANNE AND MEME CLEANING APARTMENT ANNE - NARRATOR By summer’s end having become experts in married men Meme and I decided to move out of the apartment. The place had become a dump, one that held too many bad memories. ANNE
This is like the real end to the summer beach movie. I had plenty of sex with lots of men but I never had one real boyfriend. I got in bed with other girls’ boyfriends buy not one of my own. Why don’t you want to be seen with me? And the threat of suicide rarely leads to a lasting relationship. Meem, are you putting on weight? MEME I’m getting all saggy. I’m turning into a cow. My perfect nipples are starting to point to the ground. I’m going to have to start wearing a bra ANNE Who’s your little friend? (Points to eruption on Meme) MEME Fuck you. ANNE-NARRATOR Meme met a rich guy at the casino, he had a boat and took off for the Bahamas. I enrolled in community college. Meme turned up under a different name in a porn movie. No one believes I knew her before she was famous. Stripping is the perfect students’ job. (In the dark corner of the bar ANNE makes a quiet exchange of cash for a bag of heroin. More than once.) I wasn’t born at Tony’s Bar I know what you are thinking After a few weeks staying home with your husband can be SO BORING. I would go out for a pack of cigarettes and then go out again an hour later for a gallon of milk. I even stopped to visit with my mother in law. But she just shoo-ed me home and called my husband to make sure he knew. She didn’t like me, or trust me. And he didn’t like me but he was in love with me . Something about this place reminded me of my dad’s card club. The
place I had been as a child. DROP IN SCENE: SMALL GIRL WITH FATHER ENTERING CLUB It’s the layout of the place and the sounds. The smells and the laughter. ANNE (NOW A YOUNG WIFE VISITING TONY’S ALONE) I just got to get out of the house sometimes. My husband is always watching me. HAG That’s a good idea sweetie, leave the old sour puss at home. You’ll have more fun here without him. ANNE I do chores around the house all day waiting for him to get home to inspect me and question if I’ve done a thing all day. HAG Doesn’t your husband trust you? ANNE He trusts me. He criticizes me and everything I do. He goes around the house clearing his throat and inspecting. He’s always correcting me HAG If he trusts you then you can do whatever you want. ANNE I was taking out the trash. I told him we needed milk and not to wait up for me.
Later that night ANNE No one can touch my reputation for inebriation Hey! Handsome! I’ll suck your dick if you buy a round of drinks for me
and my new friends. My husband would be so proud of me for saving the family money. He doesn’t give me any money. Cheap prick This is a sweet dive. (voices and laughter) Here I could get a fifty cent beer and smoke without being cast out onto the sidewalk. Or being looked down on. A place to let lose and laugh the way I can’t at home. It‘s a fun night out where everyone appreciates me and my humor and my wild woman attitude. Flirting from table to table. Telling dirty jokes and talking trash. Stuff my husband would never want to do
Park Encounter No.2 (SCENE: PARK BENCH She has just injected drugs and sits uninvited next to ED. AN OPTICAL EFFECT THAT WILL SEPARATE THE PRESENT AND BEING NOW HIGH FROM HER MEMORY IN THE NEXT SCENE) ANNE Kids can be such a burden. Can’t they … ? ED I would say just the opposite. ANNE Those are your kids aren’t they? Are you their sitter? ED For now, while they are young they are as attached to me as a green apple is to the tree. They make me feel immortal. ANNE One day a week
ED And weekends For the present. I have always been a child centered parent. Adulthood will be enough of a let down. I want to spoil my kids and giving them everything I can now. ANNE I am the exact same way. More contact, isn’t that the dream of every estranged parent. My husband always criticized me for being at their level. That’s so true they are. ED Are what? ANNE Like what you said. The apple of your eye, the center of your world, everything you work and strive for I missed so much of mine. For seven years … ED Yes, in jail, I know. You told me that. Are you a sex offender, does it require you start every conversation that way? Are you proud? I am trying to raise my kids a different way then my parents who butted out of my life and were happy when I met someone like you This divorce may not be the happiest thing in my kids’ minds and like my parents did to me, I may have twisted my kids a few ways but you totally fucked your family over ANNE I just came here to say hello. Let me apologize for being a flawed human being. I also had a father and he raped me and a mother so in love with him that she fled Canada so that he wouldn’t go to jail.
I was taught appropriate behavior with a bunch of horny teenagers so naturally my step fathers also fucked me. If you believe my mother. ED My father used to call us kids his prison sentence. My parents were a pair of horny goats and did everything to get rid of us. ANNE Now you’re talking about prison. Life is a prison ED I was just going to say the same thing That is so weird She so hated my detachment. To me that is what it means to master yourself and not let base wants and the needs of others control you. I so hated her involvement in this illusion, this life. She watched television just for the advertisements. ANNE “You know them women they loves shopping” And for that you walked out on these beautiful kids? That’s no excuse. What would the Dolly Lama say? ED Hello Dolly? (Laugh together) ANNE That is so weird. My husband would never get a joke like that (Anne stands to leave) ED He gets it. He just doesn’t want to admit to it. Marriage can be so invasive of the mind of one partner or the others. It becomes an identity crisis Partners become cold and callous. Eventually cruel.
(Anne crosses street) ANNE You’re right. It is cruel not to laugh at someone’s joke ED Unless of course if that is your joke. (Bar door opens and whistles and cat calls follow) ANNE I got to go check in with the girls ED You punch a clock? CAMERA DIRECTION: ANNE TAKES A STEP TOWARD ED TO TALK BUT THE LENS SHOULD INTENSIFY THE CLOSENESS ANNE What did you say? ED Do you punch a clock? A time card and punch clock? ANNE (GETTING CLOSER) I thought you said punch a cock and I was going to come over there and make a date with you ED No. Please don‘t punch me in the CLOSE UP ED AND THEN ANNE ANNE Yeah. I know all about those too. I spent my whole life hearing about them from my mother. Bye sweetie. Talk to you later. (Exits into bar) SCENE: INT BAR JACKIE You two have been chatting it up.
SYLVIA What is he, a charity case? Does he need one for free? If he does set me up. I like ‘em young. You know I do. Is he good looking? I can’t see that far. If he’s ten years older than you he’s still twenty years younger than me ANNE Sylvia, how the fuck old are you? VANESSA (NOW WEARING MINISKIRT AND FRILLY SOCKS) Check this out. ANNE You look like a ballerina JACKIE A ten year old ballerina ANNE You look like a ballerina whose underwear has fallen down VANESSA I don’t have to dress young to look young. I am young. Bunch of cows. I’m the only one of you who’s not fat. SYLVIA You have a beautiful figure (Aside)What a figure I had 40 years ago. I was a dancer VANESSA That’s right. ANNE Hush up sluts here comes the rush. (Zombies crash through wall and sexually devour girls) SCENE: ANNE INJECTING DRUGS WALKING OUTSIDE AND PUTTING HERSELF ON THE BENCH TO WAIT
Park encounter No.3 ( ANNE is alone and slouched on the park bench. In this scene she is torn between the pleasure and relief of H while wanting to be clear headed for the conversation.) ED Now I’m starting to think it would be rude not to say hello We’re getting to be old chums Play nice kids So let me get this straight because I am not street savvy. ANNE Well you better be if you are living down here ED When you said what you said to me. ANNE What? Do you want a blow job and a good fuck? The best you have ever had in your life ED So you were not just being cordial. You do it for money. ANNE I would blow you for free, not to worry, Mr. Man ED Did you ever get a short old guy with skinny legs, a big belly and dancing girls tattooed on his biceps that are sagging into his armpits? Cause that would be my dad. He regularly came home wearing that whore house musk after mom died. ANNE You just described half my customers ED He loved my mother physically of course but he hated being responsible. He hated being a parent and mom died soon after the last
of us kids were out of the house. ANNE There are a lot of reasons not to want to be a parent ED That was the first thing my wife said when it started getting rough for us, ‘I hate being a parent.’ She claimed she only had the children for me. I remember it a little differently begging her to wait to get pregnant. Do you think we take the lessons of this life to the next? ANNE You’re not that old. ED I want to grow a beard and move to India eventually ANNE Don’t give up. you’ll meet someone. Most women are attracted to older men. ED I don’t want to meet someone. You women all think the same. I want to be on a spiritual journey. Do you know how hard that is to do in this country? When I started removing myself from the physical to the spiritual my wife swore at me and threw dishes at me. She was sure it was another woman. ANNE Don’t forget to send back some post cards to remind yourself what it was like. You might not always feel that way ED Postcards? ANNE You know Picture postcards of the sights along the way on your spiritual journey. ED The X and I never had this conversation She could smile or sneer with either side of her face and I just made it
a point to always stay on her smiling side. There was nothing I so desired more than peace at home. So long as I was on the smiling side and she was in control I was her number one, superior to all other men. But I can not remember an interesting conversation I have ever had with her. Once I got the rhythm of the marriage in the early years we became compatible. She had no desire for intellectual stimulation. She could have been a doctor of philosophy but that is not what the relationship was based on. I only had to reject sex a couple of times for her to put together the big picture as she imagined it. By the look in her eyes I could tell you the exact minute on the clock that it was over. Like a bank vault closing, our relationship changed. Soon it stunk like a half buried corpse. We became strangers while we were still living together She landed a new lover so quick she could barely hide it from me. I’m happy for her. I envy her ability to change. Her happiness was no longer my concern. She found someone to make her happy SCENE: ED’S VOICE FADES AS ANNE’S WORD REPLACE HIS SCENE: DARK INT, FINGERS IS REMOVING THE SYRINGE FROM HER ARM FINGERS I should be a surgeon. Because I didn‘t feel any pain ANNE I was an innocent girl until heroin. Until that moment I had never experienced freedom. For the first time I was light and airy. I loved my body and being me I was a princess when my husband was enabling me by letting me spend all our money on drugs.
The Cute newly wed code of ‘take the garbage out and I’ll do what ever you want tonight’ became a direct exchange. He would put money in my hand the next morning. I would rather still have sex with Joe than with Fingers. I wish he was still enabling me but he can’t afford my habit. Those were the happiest days of my life. I was truly happy. Number One! Numero Uno! I was sexy with Joe Whatever happened? The drug made me feel good about my body for the first time in my life. But in the end drugs became my world In the beginning heroin comforted me in my world until now when I can not have a clear thought, laugh at a joke or remember where I live without it. The first time I went to prison I met all of my ghosts and saw myself for who I was. Out of prison I struggled to make amends with my family and live without the junk. Until I met heroin I suffered in silence, living my life, not thinking it could be better. Even after the initial rapture passed, when I had it, it made life seem like a warm and pleasant dream and gave me the feeling that I was living a charmed life. I had my dealer and my johns. It seemed all I needed. I returned to the happy state of mind like back in my high school days. Note: Anne’s voice is serene VISUAL EFFECT: Anne’s son trying to wake her is comparable to men she is with as a whore. Her body being shaken rhythmically, crying child, lecture by unsympathetic husband - he tells her repeatedly over time to snap out of it. Transitional scene ANNE being arrested for having too much fun
with a customer.
PRISON SCENE: ENTRANCE OF THE HOLE, ANNE IS GIVEN 2 IDENTICAL BUCKETS. DARKNESS TURNS TO BLACK AS THE DOOR SLAMS AND IS LOCKED. AN L SHAPE LIGHT FRAMING THE DOOR APPEARS AND SLOWLY ILLUMINATES THE CELL AS EYES ADJUST TO LOW LIGHT GUARD This is your food and this is your toilet. Don’t mix them up. In the morning you will return the buckets and the blanket to the guard. ANNE In prison the hole had become MY latest addiction. SCENE: GREY PRISON CONFERENCE ROOM ANNE Do you really want to see me? COUNSELOR Anne, what’s the problem? You’ve been here 2 years and I can’t check the box that recommends for parole. That hurts me. I like to see my girls get out early. Had you not spent so much time in the hole. Perhaps? You’ve spent so much time in the hole that you have missed family visits. The parole board would reject you for that alone. Your family drives several hours and then gets turned away. That is so sad. Imagine the disappointment of your children. Boys I can’t say I know you because you have missed most of group. Or when you are there you don’t say a word. ANNE You don’t really want me to say anything. Those women are crazy. They’re all so unhappy. I tune them out when I am there
They sound just like me but I know I am not like them. I never hurt anyone COUNSELOR That’s not true. You’ve been in repeated fights since you’ve been here. You’ve hurt yourself and others. ANNE Maybe you should let me out then. Only kidding. COUNSELOR You like it here, don’t you? Far be it for me to interfere with your plans. I won’t recommend you for early release We will discuss this again next year. If you don’t want to get out I won’t recommend it. Try to keep your violence to a survival level And please try to be more available for your family. I promise I won’t hold that against you SCENE: ANNE IN GROUP PRISONER 1 After I cut my boyfriend I went down a list of people I wanted to hurt. That started with my mother. First she passed me around in my own family. I have a long list in my mind. SCENE: LEAVING ROOM ANNE CHALLENGES AND FIGHTS WITH PRISONER 1. ANNE IS DUMPED IN ISOLATION AGAIN SCENE: RESUMPTION PARK VISIT 3 FROM MID SENTENCE. ANNE DROPPING IN AND OUT ED Aren’t you ever afraid of catching something? ANNE
That is so sweet SOUND OF HER HEART ANNE AT HOME (SCENE: INT HOME, ANNE KEEPS ESCAPING TO KITCHEN. The children are very little) ANNE You are always criticizing me. I can not take it any more. I want to tell you how much I hate it but I can’t. I take it out on the kids. JOE And that’s another one. You should be able to talk to me directly. Didn’t I tell you the dinner was delicious? ANNE You made dinner. JOE I’m saying I’m not negative about everything, am I? ANNE Every time I look up you always want something. You can get off your ass and do something. I don’t live to serve you. JOE That was the same thing you said last night. There better not be anyone else. ANNE Do you remember our first year? Your friends came to visit you here and it was half time at the game . Do you remember what I did for you and your friends? But mostly you. Because I would not have done it for any of them. JOE You hate my friends. That is a well known fact. ANNE Do you remember that day? JOE Maybe ANNE
Getting up and dancing on a table is no biggie for me. But it was humiliating to have to do it in your home that was about to become our home. My tits were flopping around in front of your friends for their amusement. It was the worst I ever felt knowing you. And while I was dancing I told myself that if it ever felt this way again I would leave you. Joe That only happened once. Is this about sex? ANNE Why don’t you understand? Joe I do remember that and I thought you enjoyed it. I know I did. I remember it well, it’s turning me on just thinking about it now. ANNE You are not hearing me. I’m lying to myself. It has been that bad for years. Everyday you belittle me. JOE I am just trying to teach you. I want you to be perfect. I want to perfect you. ANNE You think I am so stupid. I run this house on the little bit of cash you trust me with. Why won’t you let me have a credit card? In high school I was the class president and graduated with honors JOE You … ? ANNE You don’t even know me What the fuck! Why is there no fucking milk here? JOE Because you didn’t buy any ANNE
I’ll be back, I’m getting milk. (Joe and holding baby boys in window of house, ANNE drives into night) DROP IN SCENE: flashback of Canada and an affectionate faceless older man FACELESS MAN You are a good girl VOICE OF UNSEEN CHILD When is mom coming home? SCENE: EXT ANNE FLEES FROM HER HOME TO HER CAR AND HEARS MOTHER’S VOICE ANNE’S MOTHER Where were you? What were you doing? What is wrong with this child. You are a curse on me. SCENE: INT ANTHONY’S BAR ANNE It wasn’t enough just getting out of the house to come here. There was still a line I dared not cross. That was a line in the back of the room. I dared not return his gaze until that night. But like everything else in my life I had to try that too. Yet the light that came from the back of the room of Three Fingers’ laser eyes put up a wall that I didn’t want to, I dared not cross. Not at first, until I had grown weary of my own fear at the edge of his territory. I had watched his trade come and go, I figured out immediately who he was and I was experienced enough not to go where I was not wanted. The rebel in me was what did it. I grew up hearing that if you ever tried heroin you would end up addicted. That was a challenge to me. Now I had had it all. A beautiful home, kids and a husband who completely trusted me and let me do what ever I wanted. You can say that curiosity finally won out.
SHOW IMAGE: Fingers and his 3 fingers poised to give an injection in a dark dreary place intentionally out of view. A thumb on the plunger and two fingers in the handle of a syringe. SCENE: ANNE AND JOE HOME AGAIN Joe Anne, please, stay home with me tonight We’re supposed to be together as couple I need you ANNE I’ll be home before you know it. Joe It’s fine if we have separate lives but we’ve got to have some life together too ANNE I spend almost every night by your side Joe This is so crazy, it’s raining out I really don’t think you should be going out tonight Drive carefully, please Please, come home soon SCENE: ANTHONY’S BAR KALEIDOSCOPE WITH IMPRESSIONS OF FATHER’S SOCIAL CLUB OF HER YOUTH CUT QUICK: ANNE NARROWLY AVOIDS A COLLISION BUT OTHER CAR DITCHES, WAIL OF CAR HORN FOLLOWS HER
DISCERNABLE BACKGROUND CONVERSATION, ABOUT CAR CRASH. SIRENS FOLLOW. SCENE: INT ANTHONY’S, ANNE GRABS UNATTENDED PITCHER FROM BAR HAG (to Anne who does not hear) Did you see what happened? SOUND: RESCUE VEHICLES WITH SIRENS PASS ANNE I know what you’re looking at. 3 FINGERS What’s that? ANNE Here‘s your beer 3 FINGERS No, thanks ANNE What do you do here that’s so interesting? 3 FINGERS If you like to try I can make you feel real good ANNE You’ll have to be pretty good to please me. NOTE: IN FRIENDLY MANNER HE MAKES SAME INJECTION PANTOMIME, NOT SINISTER THIS TIME ANNE - NARRATOR On Monday I smoked a line that he sprinkled on a cigarette… Tuesday, I bought some that was caked and yellow, at home I made an aluminum foil pipe, it bubbled, the smoke was hot but numbing. On
Wednesday I snorted a powder Fingers said he had saved for me before starting my car to drive home. I smoked some more of the yellow stuff once Joe left for work. I went through the grocery money so on the way to the bar I stopped at an ATM and withdrew the limit. That was Thursday and on that day I woke up thinking that drugs are bad and I was eager to do more. By Friday when I finally woke up I felt hung-over and extremely nervous. I was restless and my skin was crawling Needles have always been a phobia for me. Despite fear I paid Fingers the twenty and could not look as he fixed my arm for the injection. ANNE This is exciting, when it comes to needles I am still a virgin CAMERA NOTE: 3FINGERS PREPARES THE INJECTION SITE WITH TENDER TOUCH. A PLEASURE TO ANNE ANNE I want to dance, I feel so energetic and relaxed 3FINGER’S MOUTH MOVES INAUDIBLY AND HER HEART BEATS LOUDLY ANNE - CONT. Every sensation brings pleasure and my thought are brilliant insights. I feel free ANNE I got out of my chair after a while It gave me a sense of happiness and well being like I had never experienced in my life. I wanted to dance but I was pinned in my seat. I felt both weightless and anchored. I felt light for the first time in my life. In the beginning it comforted me in my world, over time it became my world and now I can not have a thought, laugh at a joke, or remember where I live and how to get there without it. The first time in prison I thought I had found within myself the desire to
make amends with my husband and boys and live without the junk. But that’s not what I wanted to do. That’s what he wanted me to do. Having failed at making him happy or my life bearable it was no surprise I’d be going to prison again. And the second time in the only thing that held back my anger toward prison authorities and the other girls was the reality that the better I behaved the sooner I would be out and getting high once more. I was an innocent girl living my life until heroin. Until I met Three Fingers and he opened the way to drugs, I never felt a sense of inadequacy and self hatred, or a desire for violent revenge. It’s like finding out how poor our family was growing up. After being high everything else is like being cheated SCENE: ANNE IS TALKING TO ED ON THE BENCH ANNE After the second time in prison I did everything to be away from the house. As soon as he drove in I drove out. He was so much better with the boys than me. That time was my gift to them. SCENE: BARE AND BLEAK PRISON WAITING ROOM. ANNE ALONE UNTIL JOE ENTERS JOE Congratulations. Is that what you say to someone finishing their sentence? You lost a lot of weight. I never noticed before. ANNE Me neither until I put on these old clothes Let me get my stuff I got this coffee from a guard who used to beat the shit out of me when I first got here. It’s amazing the way people changed. It was like he didn’t know me. He wished me luck and hoped I didn’t ever return JOE How does it feel stepping out into freedom?
NOTE: HE OPENS THE DOOR FOR HER AND TOGETHER THEY EXIT ANNE Wonderful, I think. Is that our car? I don’t remember how to drive. Where are the boys?” JOE It’s a school day There’s no snow at home You’re shivering INT: NICE CAR ANNE I don’t want to fuck up on my first day out. I need to take a personal inventory like I was told to do in group. I am terrified and I don’t want to fuck up my freedom. JOE Like you fucked up everything else in your life. ANNE I’ll show you. I can’t wait to get home and clean the house Just like it used to be You still like a clean house? Along with predictability and no surprises You look so tired, now things will go back to the way they were supposed to be. I’ll be by your side ED Yes, that will be great Now tell me what was it like? ANNE It was terrible. It was cold all the time and there’s constant fighting. It’s loud and the food is disgusting ED
No, not that. What was it like being a hooker? A whore? I’ve had a hard-on for five years wanting to know the details. You have no idea what it was like for me. I’ll never forget it. Waking up that first morning and your side of the bed was empty, I thought you were killed in a car crash coming home from, you said, a PTA meeting. Back then I was afraid to miss work. I thought we couldn’t afford it. I found out later, your habit had already cost us our savings. Not only did my work suffer As bad as our marriage was I relied on it. I was dependant on it. When you were gone I became a shell. I was warn out from the inside. After that morning the phone could not ring, a car door slam outside or even a dog bark with out the first thought in my mind - it was you coming home. ANNE Stop it. You’re making me sick with guilt. ED The kids had to live with this too. Even though our name and your picture were only on the news for a minute it stuck in everyone’s mind. The phone calls started coming in immediately. So many ‘I told you so’s from your sisters rubbing it in. And the rest of your family telling me you’re no good and they knew this would happen all along. Your family always hated me for having an education and a decent job. Helping me was the last thing they would ever do. I always had to put on an exterior for the kids but to your face I will tell you how you sickened and disgusted me. Instead of coming to me, your husband about your problems you ran to my mother and your mother. And the lies upon lies. Night after night. ANNE Do you trust me anymore now that you know? ED I don’t trust anyone anymore. It seemed too fantastic to be believed that my wife is a prostitute having sex with men to support her drug habit. You told me you were going to church bingo or the PTA and I believed you. Why shouldn’t I? If not for me then for the kids. I had no reason not to trust you before. Now … now, I am not going to let myself get in any situations where I
have to rely on trusting you or anyone Tell me what being a whore was like. SCENE: ED IS ALL OVER ANNE SEXUALLY. SHE RECLINES THE SEAT AND LIGHTS A CIGARETTE SOUND AND IMAGE : The sound of a match being struck, intense sound to stand in for the smell of sulfur - a screaming sound and burning. Sex in a moving car and hell in a cigarette. JOE (A voice of passion) Oh, you slut, you whore. Where they big, real big. How many? Two? Three? Four? Oh, oh ... Ah ANNE - NARRATOR In prison, in isolation I learned to relive in detail what I could not even see myself doing at the time. Such was the gift of years of isolation and months spent in the punishment box. The memories of so much that was frightening and wrong Joe did not even know about nights when I parked on quiet streets with small houses like the very one I was escaping from and I wondered, Why? SCENE: ANNE AS A STRIPPER SITTING ON A CHAIR HER LEGS MOVING BACK AND FORTH ANNE - NARRATOR CONT. I met Joe when I was stripping. It was a job I got through Meme, models worked the nights but the club always needed dancers for the day shifts. It came naturally for me like Meme predicted it would. It didn’t matter if I wasn’t dancing if I needed a break I sat on my chair and opened and closed my knees. They couldn’t see me past my tits. I recognized a few of my old teachers and I got to know others, they were bankers, construction workers, students and sports fans. Not one could tell you the color of my eyes. The tips were amazing and from what I heard mine did not even compare with the girls who danced at night. What does someone
do with that much money? I was chair dancing when some college kids rolled in. When they sat away from the stage I knew they were not tippers. SCENE: DANK STRIP JOINT WITH FOUR COLLEGE BOYS STREAM IN AND AWKWARDLY SEAT THEMSELVES AWAY FROM THE STAGE. CLACK OF BILLIARD BALLS AND DRONE OF MUSIC. COLLEGE KID 1 Drunk in the middle of the day ANNE - NARRATOR I quit a waitress job where I was on my feet 8 hours a day now I was 20 minutes on stage and got a 40 minute break It was a good job to have at the time since Little Nick had just broken my heart. Again. I met a lot of men when I was stripping I tried to ignore the table of smart ass college kids, they came in drunk and acted like everything was a joke but except for the bikers playing pool they were the only customers. COLLEGE KID 1 Don’t get too close or you might catch something (laughter at table) COLLEGE KID 2 Joe, hey Joe, where you going? (NOTE Joe is transfixed, leaving his friends to stare at Anne) ANNE - NARRATOR He was the cutest one of the bunch ANNE See anything you like, sweetheart? JOE Why are you up there doing that?
COLLEGE KID 1 AND 2 Hey, Joe. Joe. COLLEGE KID 2 Don’t touch her or you will never get the smell off your fingers ANNE Stay here and when I get off stage I’ll give you a free lap dance. Maybe then you’ll get the point Your friends look like they want to leave. JOE Screw those guys. I hardly know them SCENE: ANNE IS OFF STAGE, THROWING A SHIRT ON, NEXT TO ED. ANNE I’ll give you a ride home, Cutie JOE Are you a prostitute? Am I going to owe you money in the end or some big guy is going to come and beat me up? ANNE No, I like you. You can do anything you want. ANNE - NARRATOR We each had our own place and I would only sleep over two nights a week and no surprises I was there when I said I would be. He never slept at our place. I said Meme wouldn’t approve. I think that summer was the happiest time of my life. What was a cozy boyfriend-girlfriend dating relationship would be considered infidelity in a marriage. I never knew if Joe saw it that way because I made sure he never found out. SCENE: EXT CHILDHOOD HOME,
DAY ANNE’S MOTHER Get her away from those men! (Sister takes little Anne in hand and drags her from truck. ) GALAXY I’ll throw you under the truck the next time you try that (Mother and man enter house. Galaxy drops Anne to follow.) INT. EMPTY DIRTY BUNGALOW (Mother and TRUCKER with clip board inspect. Mother is flirtatious and frustrated when Anne appears at mothers knee. Disapproving look from mother. Galaxy appears next. Trucker stands by and get impatient.)
ANNE’S MOTHER You are not to tell HER where we are going and if you think you know don’t say anything What is wrong with you? ANNE Where’s Daddy? When is he coming? ANNE’S MOTHER (EXITING) He is not coming and he is not your real father. I am so sick over this. Get away from me … Come back here where I can see you. Hold my hand. What is wrong with you? Go and hold your sister‘s hand. You make me so sick. (Outside mother hands wad of cash to trucker) ANNE Look at all that money. Oh mother, you are so lucky
ANNE’S MOTHER What’s left after I buy train tickets won’t be enough to wipe our asses with It’s all your fault. SCENE: ENTERING NEW HOME, AN EMPTY SQUALID APARTMENT ANNE’S MOTHER They must think we are such filthy and disgusting people to put us in a hole like this SCENE: EXT LITTLE QUEBEC, DANIELSON CT. CONGESTED BRICK MILL HOUSES. SCENE: INT SMALL ROOM WITH DIRTY CRACKED WALLS. ANNE AND A BOY. ANNE- NARRATOR Alone in a strange place I went back to my old tricks for a while ANNE Want to feel something nice? ANNE - NARRATOR The questions, the touching and the desire for approval and attention just flowed out of me. If nothing else held my family together it was the blame they put on me for everything that had gone wrong. It seemed to never end.
WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS ANNE - NARRATOR PJ, my brother, the little baby who you saw me holding on my lap when I was little, he died when he was fifteen. Joe and I had only been living together for a few weeks then. I wanted to keep Joe a secret from my family
No one was shocked when a fifteen year old who did not go to school crashed a stolen car while drinking and taking drugs. My brother’s death was not looked into, our family had no social standing the authorities didn’t care. The risk was what made life fun and exciting for those boys who lived in the row houses. He was just one of a number of statistics to be expected in Little Quebec. My family gathered once more as they did for weddings and funerals. The funerals far outnumbered weddings. Canook Boys seemed to die younger than girls and the deaths of teens made a rare commodity of young men and eventually put them at a premium as bridegrooms. That’s another reason my older sisters were still single. Lack of men plus their ugly personalities. If scarcity put eligible men at a premium, then boys, by the way they live don’t seem to know it. They seem to die haphazardly in train yards, at the foot of grain silos, poisoning themselves with alcohol, or like my little brother, in a fireball on the highway. They drive themselves to these deaths wit a mad desire to opening forbidden doors marked Men Only, to get a glance into the world which they will not live to enter. And we good little girls grew up praying for that day which we feared might not come. The games we played as pretend brides, rehearsing imaginary weddings with secret anxiety. In the cemetery young girls gathered babies’ breath and lady slippers which grew at the base of the surrounding stonewall. They clutch the flowers like a plain ands simple bridal bouquet. SHOT: A SMALL BOUQUET IS DROPPED ON PLAIN COFFIN. OTHERS FOLLOW NOTE: ANNE’s sisters knife Joe with their looks and arguments keep breaking out. COSTUME NOTE: JOE WEARS SOMBER COAT AND TIE THE OTHERS WEAR TYPICAL STREET CLOTHES. TEES AND TUBE TOPS
For lack of chairs ANNE’s sisters sit on one side of the grave, restless kids lay on the mounds of dirt by the opening in the earth and laugh rolling in pebbles and dirt clods. Before the service begins Joe tails behind ANNE. Mother and sisters sit on the opposite side of the grave. Glaring at Anne. ANNE Look at the beautiful flowers COSMOS It must have cost a fortune. We could have used the money NOTE: When the ceremony begins the immediate family is seated flanking the coffin. The kids are threatened into silence and then released by their mothers to run wild. UNEASILY JOE LOOSENS HIS TIE NOTE: FROM CATHOLIC LITURGY words are spoken over the grave which did not interrupt the constant grumbling, snorting, throat clearing, of the older folks, playful screams of the kids or the unconcern of teenagers in the far back passing joints, drinking beer and laughing. ANNE We’re a close family, always at each others throats. The fighting never stops. ANNE’S MOTHER I expected this, he was marked to die ANNE Why mom? Why do you say these things?
ANNE’S MOTHER The men in this family are cursed. COSMOS This is all your husband’s fault. You had no right to get married without permission from us. ANNE You‘ve never even met my husband GALAXY Look at the 2 of you. You’re 18 and he’s at least 50 He’s a child fucker. JEANINE Make sure he buys you a nice house. It’s not fair, how could you have had time for a steady boyfriend and get married? You should be punished for not watching PJ. Does he know what a whore slut you were when you were young? She sucked every dick on the row. ANNE’S MOTHER Please, your sister is no fool, your sister has always known how to get whatever she wants. She drove your father away from us. Now this, Mr. Fancy pants. JOE You don’t have to stay here listening to this. NOTE: ANNE RUNS AWAY, JOE FOLLOWS ANNE You don’t have to follow me. You don’t want to be seen with a slut. I didn’t get to place a shovelful of dirt on my baby brother’s coffin. JOE I don’t want to be seen with a slut, I want to be seen with you. You’re no slut. ANNE
Yeah, I was JOE No ANNE You don’t know where I’ve been and what I’ve done SCENE: IN THE CAR JOE Where do you want to go? (Silence) Let’s go home then. ANNE No. Go this way You should dump me, I’m no good. I am just going to bring you down. JOE I’m from a big family too, I understand. Assholes don’t know how to drive around here.
ANNE Here SCENE EXT: old factory houses, granite like the old factory itself and trimmed with vinyl. Skinny dogs reluctantly share garbage in the road near a dumpster. SCENE INT: mother’s crowded, noisy and sweaty apt. everyone had a beer in hand and there were bottles of hard liquor and Dixie cups on the kitchen table. COSMOS PJ died drunk. He didn’t just fall out of a car. You boys were all drinking with him. It’s all your fault
GALAXY You should have been watching him. ANNE PJ wasn’t a baby I was working, I don’t even live here anymore All of you should have been watching out for him NOTE: FOR STAGING ANNE is in the circle of accusation with Joe at her side. Joe tried to be supportive and looked concerned but he was clearly not in the bullring. His attitude tells us he has never seen people like these, they are all habit and dependency, smoking and drinking. Like loose hands at an orgy, reaching out to grab onto any vice. Cards and dice. JOE I think some of the young girls are testing me and testing our marriage ANNE What are you talking about? JOE Some of your cousins and your brother’s girlfriends are sending out some strong signals. That’s why I wanted to get you home I am getting so horny. ANNE Most of the kids my brothers age think you are a cop or a nark JOE I know but after I told them I was married to you they were really trying to tempt me. These young goddesses! No longer girls and not yet women. They’re driving me crazy ANNE - NARRATOR We went home and as usual I let him do what ever he wanted but after that he changed in my eyes, no longer a man, just another over eager
little boy I know he laughed at me from the moment we met and he and invited his friends to laugh as well. Like the rich boy who picks the worst dog in the litter. I think he loved me because he knew only he could love me. Joe admired other women, the ones he considered too beautiful for him to bother. His love never grew beyond the sexual desire. He always made love with his glasses on. He never wanted to do it the same way twice. I got bored with variety, it never became comfortable with him. Emotionally he was cold and full of regrets. Having me by his side was his way of telling the world, ’I know I can do better but I am not going to try.’ SCENE: ANNE AND JOE IN THEIR BEDROOM IN BED TOGETHER. JOE Not too many wives would let themselves do that. Wow! ANNE I’m glad I can make you happy that way. JOE I don’t think any man would cheat who was getting that at home. It’s like the world’s greatest porno ANNE Only for you. Is that why you wear your glasses in bed? To see the movie better? JOE Don’t you ever leave me. You make me want to do things I never dreamed of before. ANNE Most men your age are too out of shape JOE If I ever lose you no other woman could take your place, she would think I am sick!
TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER (Continuity with her release from prison can be achieved using the winter weather.) ANNE ENTERS HOME NERVOUSLY, BOYS CHEER HER RETURN ANNE I haven’t seen you in so long. Do you know what I want to do? I want to make a birthday party for you this year. To make up for the ones I missed and so I can see all of your friends. LITTLE JOE Ma, I will be eleven years old. I am too mature for that. Just give me some money so I can go to the movies with my friends. Parties are boring You don’t even know me. I don’t want my friends to meet you. Most of them think you’re dead - that’s what I told them LEO (younger brother) I’ll come to the party, mom ANNE Good boy. Because even your little brother knows a party is fun. At a party you get a little crazy and do things you don’t remember the next day. Parties are great. JOE I guess the boys don’t yet appreciate a party girl like you. ANNE We should just let Daddy be in charge and do what ever he wants. What do you want to do, Daddy? LITTLE JOE Hey mom. I still remember when you locked me in the trunk.
LEO Me too LITTLE JOE You do not. You were only one ANN Why do I bother trying. I might as well go back to jail now. JOE Trying????? You just got here. I lived for the last five years with a little boy obsessed with having been abandoned. Locked in a car trunk by his own mother Settle down, at least now he only asks about it 3 or 4 times a day, whenever he is generally tired or when he is going to bed. It’s an icebreaker for him, a conversation starter ANNE I said I am sorry. What more can I do? Do you want me to leave? BOYS TOGETHER No mom ANNE Do you? JOE It’s still your home ANNE This has always been your home You and the boys. I don’t want to stay here if you don’t want me I don’t want to be a bad influence Can the boys at least stay up late to celebrate? (NOTE: Joe turns that heavy
disapproving look at her. She could not withstand her husband’s withering looks without the drug craving rising up from the depth of her being.) JOE It’s Monday night. The kids have school tomorrow ANNE You’re right daddy (TO LITTLE JOE) How can you stand the pressure here? Do you get high? LITTLE JOE Sure, Mom ANNE Well first thing tomorrow morning you got to take me to your dealer JOE Oh my god!? What the hell is wrong with you? ANNE I was just joking. Can’t you tell when someone is not being serious? JOE I am very shocked. At both of you ANNE Joe, how can you allow our children to know about drugs? You son’s should not even have known what I was talking about Maybe you should be investigated JOE I was investigated - right after you were arrested. All our friends and neighbors were questioned about my parenting. Your family’s home was crawling with social workers ANNE I tried to be a good mother. I’m sorry if I have a problem with drugs.
Maybe it would be safer if I didn‘t live here. I wish you would help me. LITTLE JOE I still remember it. ANNE You do not. Neither of you remember anything like that happening. You were only 3 years old. I was stupid back then. I am sorry. I was going someplace unsafe for children and I thought the car trunk would be a good and safe place for you You see, even in the condition I was in I still wanted to keep you safe. LITTLE JOE But it was cold and we could have died ANNE I hate the way you look at me like that. You look like my mother. My mother used to accuse me of fornicating. Do you know what that means? She thought I fucked every man I met including her husbands, my step fathers, when I was not even in school yet. She looked at me like that, like I tore her heart out My mother only loved working and being a martyr she never loved us LITTLE JOE You had to go away, I know. DROP IN SCENE: EYES OF 3 YEAR OLD AND ANNE PARTING, SHE CLOSES CAR TRUNK ON KIDS. ANNE’S VOICE: Watch your brother. Get your fingers in. I have to go someplace. I will be right back
ANNE Why won’t you let me make a party for you? I want to be a part of your life again. I need to catch up. Won’t you help me
LITTLE JOE Maybe you should have got to know me first, so you would know I hate surprises. And Chuckey’s is just for little kids. I am not going. Go without me then you can see what my life was like when you were away ANNE No, I missed your birthdays and I want to be with you like I was all those years ago when you were little LITTLE JOE What are all your friends and our relatives going to say when even you don’t show? JOE They’ll assume your mother had to go away again ANNE Then we should go out tonight since I might not be here tomorrow (Family’s eyes are all on Anne) SCENE: Anne is once more entering the bar ANNE Is this seat taken? Bar patrons lukewarmly great Anne’s return. Look whose back. When did you get out. What are you drinking? It looks like nothing has changed MONTAGE OF ACTION: QUICK SHOT ANNE AND CUSTOMERS, HER COUNTING MONEY, MAKEUP GONE HAIR DISHEVELED, BUYING DOPE SCENE: THE FAMILIAR PARK BENCH. DEPICT THE BENCH, ITS GENTLY CURVES AND TEXTURE
ED Mostly I call sex, marriage, and relationships ’clutter’, The mind fascinates me. I don‘t like to watch TV but I like to watch people watching TV ANNE You know, I’m the same way. So much of my life I do and say things to make people happy. I cook all the time when I am at home. I love feeding the hungry, these milk cans forced that work on me ED That’s good. That’s important to be a provider. But the ability to make others feel good is another requirement of the slave driver of the mind, the ego. It’s one of the biggest dead weights. Like marriage Make everyone else happy and then leave ANNE I wouldn’t have a place to stay if it weren’t for the kids. Joe doesn’t want me at home All I have is this ED Summer vacation is almost over ANNE SHE BECOMES UNACCUSTOMEDLY FAMILIAR, SHE EXTENDS A HAND AND TOUCHES HIM
SCENE: PARK VISIT - NEXT TO LAST SHOT FROM GROUND LEVEL OF HER FEET APPROACHING BENCH AND BENCH CREAKING UNDER HER COLLAPSING WEIGHT
BEFORE ANNE HAD BEEN GOOD HUMORED AND CLEAN. NOW SHE IS BRISK AND HER CLOTHES DIRTY
ANNE Wow You’re back I was starting to think I had dreamed you up. Dave? Right I’ve been busy. I was tired. I spent most of the day sleeping on the couch. A coffee and a shot and now I am ready to go to work. Bring ’em on Hey, is my make-up on straight? How unprofessional of me. I don’t even remember what you like. I can start by licking your … ED Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately. When was the last time you washed your face? I have soap and a shower up at my place. That’s what I would like; for you to come back down to earth ANNE I am just so happy to see you. I feel like you are someone I’ve known all my life yet I know nothing about you. It’s like every time I see you you are throwing me a life preserver. You are the only one who cares if I live or die. There’s never been anyone like you in my life First let me apologize for greeting you in this manner. I just came from a party where I was down on my knees polishing door knobs for at least an hour. What am I saying, an hour at least Dan, I wanted a happy marriage. I had no idea that drugs would be so appealing to me.
Before that I did not realize how soon I would get sick of him and end up exactly like my parents. Except I sleep on the couch ED I’m ED, you just called me Dan, my name is Ed. ANNE Oh, your kid’s name is Dan ED David is one of my kids, remember? ANNE You are so brave to bring your kids out here How do you like this outfit?” ED Fine. Very professional … Short skirt on a girl like you is ANNE My husband’s the problem. I’ll bet a good looking guy like you hears that all the time. ED I don’t listen to other people’s conversations Or barely my own ANNE You’re a really decent guy You would never talk to a girl like me I contribute what I can to the family and I pay my own bills I work pretty damn hard. The way my husband treats me I am like a stranger in my own home. Or an unwanted guest. I sleep on the couch but that is my decision. Believe me, any night I want to I have his number. When he laughs he thinks he’s laughing at me. It doesn’t bother me. ED Maybe you should go home and get a good night’s sleep ANNE They don’t want me at home because I will fuck anything that walks ED
Forgive me for being so middle class and all but this has been in the back of my mind since we met. Doesn’t it bother him? Other men having sex with you? ANNE I don’t think I would make it in this business if I wasn’t having sex. It’s obvious you don’t know too much about men. You see I survive on return business from my steadies, this city is not so big. You see every man has the same two or three fantasies; come in my mouth, shoot it up my ass, two women at once And all of them involve having sex. ED I used to have the same fantasies. But every time I talk with you … I mean you are a woman but I don’t need to have sex with you ANNE You would probably be happier with an escort service. Blackmail is the other way to make money Are you rich? Do you have a deep dark secret you are hiding ED I can’t think of anything I am ashamed of ANNE Oh, me neither. I am just talking about sick pervs like my husband and my customers. And they come here knowing what sick, disgusting thing - in their minds - that they are after. Straight sex is just a warm up and usually right after that they spill their guts because if they just wanted sex they would stay home with their wives or get a girlfriend or a pet ED You mean like spanking? I’m grasping at straws ANNE There is that element, spanking. I once had a guy after a couple of sessions of straight fucking he broke down and told me what he really wanted
He wanted me to pee on him while he was talking on the cell phone making business calls There’s dressing up. Playing little girl and school teacher, or priest and parishioner. Then there are diapers and the entire urine and feces scene but that requires too much special equipment and a place to wash-up. But most of that stuff is nothing and those freaks go on television, they’re not even ashamed. ED It’s another world out there, another level. Once you learn what that is and how to massage it, you can just go for crazy ones. One who pays a hundred bucks for the hour and just talks ANNE That’s how I would like to keep a roof over my head and a couch under my ass. To be a shrink for the sick-o’s. Just by talking about it without getting on my back. That was my plan when they let me out of prison. It didn’t bother my husband that I had a secret life, or that I lied when I told him I was doing volunteer work at the church or going for a nine hour walk at night. It did make a difference and it rose up his interest when he found out what my life was. It’s a three hour ride from the State Penitentiary and it was the first time we were alone since that night five years before. We never talked about it during visits when the kids were around. And I couldn’t read him during the visits either. He had completely hid himself for the sake of the kids. I’ve got to give him credit for that. But as soon as we were in the car together it was the first thing he wanted to know. ‘What was it like fucking all those guys?’ I knew I had him and felt safe with him after that. Because I had been so scared he would turn me out. I was desperate to get back with Joe and the kids. Tony and Three Fingers are nice guys but I didn’t want to be completely dependant on them. The days of slavery are not over ED Are you talking about your pimp? ANNE I don’t have a pimp. I am an independent contractor Three Fingers is my dealer in there and I pay Tony the bartender ten dollars for every john I meet in his bar.
ED I take it there are girls who do not have such tidy arrangements? ANNE Oh yes. These might be days of racial equality in this country but there are still places where a white woman commands a price. And an American. The human cargo goes both ways, my dear. I may not be good at marriage but at least I have that ED And you are happy to see yourself that way? ANNE The marriage was never any good. At first I thought the pain I felt was love. But the pain was bigger than our marriage. It took time away and a quiet place for me to realize that ED That’s something this society can not tolerate, quiet thought ANNE Think about it. I locked my children in a car trunk on a November night and thought I was a good mother for doing it. Their father was home and I could have easily made an excuse to him. That was what I sometimes did. Maybe if I had felt something, if I had realized the cold night for what it was. But I was desperate, I was too far gone and I was taking them with me. I nursed my first boy until he was over a year old and could bite, I suffocated him with my boob I held him as he fought for air biting me and crying. Then I let go But again I held him tight to my breast. He squirmed a little first and then settled back down. I was pinching his cheeks telling them not to bite and then using my breast to silence and suffocate. When the first one out grew those games I thought I wanted a second but right after the second was born I was sure I didn’t want him or his brother. The feeling was mutual, I’m sure. I love them but I was not born to be a mother. The funny part was I did not suspect anything was wrong with me until I was in prison talking about it with other women who also took the past out on their kids. Remember that mother who killed her family then laid them out in
their Sunday best? I understood her completely. I had no qualms about what she did. That’s how close I was to doing the same to mine. ED That sounds like a cry for help. You’re lucky your kids survived ANNE They were lucky they survived. For a long time I believed it was my right to kill them, no court would convict me. I wanted to get away from them. For the longest time in my mind I wasn’t in jail. When I was locked up I was free, I had escaped temptation and escaped my past. And in case I ever forgot, just to make sure I would never forget, that they were his responsibility now and like endless torture he would drag the kids up to visit and remind me every single week And I heard it in the other women. Sure, there were ones who cried and worried and were sorry for what they had done and how they missed their children but the other ones, like me, who were glad to be removed from their sight and were now finally able to put aside the anger. Especially hating their boy children. If I lined up all the women who killed or tried to kill a man and were glad they done it, and would do it again. the women who were glad to be locked up and felt relieved from the prison without bars they had been living in of raising kids and serving some man … a lot of us in there. Most of us would do it again. That’s right, I spent most of my incarceration in the box. The best thing that ever happened to me. Everyone should try it. It was there that all of the buried memories came back to me. From there I began to understand some of the things I did. ED It sounds like we were both misunderstood. When I told my wife how bored I was with weeding and trimming the lawn she was right that I was talking about our sex life but she was wrong to assume I was cheating the way she was taught all men do. Even when she turned inward all she found there were clichés. One of our misunderstandings blew up and in my mind I was already so tempted to leave. When she told me to get out I packed quickly, for once I did not resent being told what to do. I saw myself dancing my way out. How could I have any anger for what was handed me, this gift of freedom?
I hate to admit I do need a little distance from my own kids. What made you change? You have changed, haven’t you? ANNE I’m a lot like my father. He loved his family but he was useless. He couldn’t do anything. He liked to wear his hair in a tall, shiny pompadour and keep a sharp crease in his pants while laying on the couch It’s what the French Canadian women back in Quebec lived and died for. My mother’s twisted concept of love. A passion so strong to energize a woman, a mother to carry her family to a new country and alone raise five children. The power of misguided love. It is a thing that can not be explained A missing star that turns dark night into blinding, brilliant daylight when one finds the simple He who completes the complex She. You’re not French and you are not a woman, you could never understand Long twilight evenings in summer when mother worked our father promenaded us to mix with tourists before the gates of the Frontenac Hotel. It sadden me to see him, a relic of French supremacy. Past splendor, that was his dream. To see him now hat in hand begging money from wealthy tourists. He was like the prince in his mind that he could support his family without working. My mother more plainly put it when we wanted her to come with us. The Frontenac, she told us, a hotel for our betters. Where tourist and other fine people stay and ones like us wish we could work. He dressed us in white and he showed us off in front of the gate then he took us home to our own cramped and shame filled castle. I hardly remember any of my step-fathers now. For a long time it was all secrets and lies. There were knowing looks behind my mother’s back as my mother and sisters increased the tension among us kids and our cousins. But when my brother died that all changed. From then on we were marked, liked the old ladies dressed in black mourning clothes. That put the stamp on us, the world was free now to offer open pity.
Since coming to America my mother hung on shreds of hope but now she was free to turn on her children. Like back in the old country it was again my fault because I did not watch over my brother and protect him. Just like everything else because she did not know how to care for her children and love them. It was more important for her to hunt down and grab another husband. When I go home I have to barter for my food, shelter and contact with my children. There’s more dignity in prison. That’s how my husband gets revenge for the humiliation he suffered in front of his family, friends and the guys at work, for a wife he could not control. Men assume all women are guilty and every husband is a jailor I rent a room in my X husband’s house and pay for it with my body. He’s turned everything I taught him against me. He was different after I was away when I came back Maybe because he learned my secret. I was born able to make the same amount of money on my back with my eyes closed as he makes having gone to college, in a job where they compete with each other and work themselves to death. The advantage goes to women Joe has what he always secretly wanted, a whore, not a wife. A sex servant, not a partner. I guess now the relationship is perfect for him NOTE: ANNE PLANTS A KISS ON ED ANNE What’s wrong? Do my kisses disgust you, like my X husband put so tactfully, ‘I don‘t know where your mouth has been.’ ED No. I just wasn’t expecting it
ANNE AND ED IN THE PARK FINAL TIME ANOTHER OUTFIT, ANOTHER DAY. ANOTHER INJECTION
ANNE’S BODY LANGUAGE SIGNIFIES THAT SHE IS TRYING TO BEHAVE BETTER THAN LAST TIME ANNE My mother had enough and when I was six we left Canada. We never saw our father again. My mother made no secret that she blamed the families’ plight on me. She thought I corrupted and stole her husband A natural fool, she tried to land a man while working nights in a textile mill and cleaning other people’s homes by day. She ended up with six children by three or four different men, that‘s how screwed up my family was. And remember the one who touched me and she told me he wasn’t really my father, I found out later he was my real father. The way my mother talked she cared more for her employers children than us. Those children were always good looking, smart and talented while we were her cross to bear We were crowded into a small damp apartment that shook when the trucks thundered by bringing stuff to the stinking mill across the street. The apartment and the neighborhood always stunk so bad of burning plastic that it would make your eyes tear. Our cousins who lived next door and upstairs were constantly teasing us that they had seen our father in the area and he was looking for us. There were men, she had her men but when a woman in her fifties with six children brings home a man he is only interested in one thing ED Or she is. ANNE What? NOTE: she is stopped short by Ed’s assertion ED Do you think men are the only ones who can have only one thing on their mind? She could be interested in that same thing too. ANNE You think my mother was like me? Horny all the time and using it to make money
ED If not money, U S citizenship. Which is the same thing ANNE Maybe that’s why he slept on the couch because she cheated on him but he did not want to lose the kids. Is that what it looks like to you? ED That was 20 years ago and men did not commonly get custody back then. Just like today ANNE My miserable older sisters cared for me. Mostly I got the backs of their hands. I was outcast from my family. By the time I was twelve I thought my name was Little Tramp. ED Feels like summer is over. I better take the kids home. Kids starts back at school the end of the week SHOTS: AUTUMN, THE EMPTY BENCH, ANNE WAITING, DISAPPOINTED. RAIN. SCENE: ANNE GETS OUT OF PARTY CAR, TAKES BABY WIPE AND WIPES HER FACE HANDS AND CROTCH. SUN IS RISING AND A LIGHT IS ON IN ED’S WINDOW. BRILLIANT AUTUMNAL SUNRISE. SHE STUDIES HIS WINDOW. She follows her feet up a slight rise, stopping at the base of a tremendous hill, the deadly incline rising to the clouds. She imagines someone watching her hidden by drapes, another peeking out from behind trees and then hiding by running hunched over behind the cars parked on the other side of the tree lined street. The numbers
on the houses change slowly until she is in front of the steps leading to the front door. ANNE - NARRATOR This must be how my mother felt leaving her native country to search for the peace she could not find at home. ANNE I’m cheating on my X NOTE: ENTERING THE FOYER OF THE APARTMENT ANNE CHECKS HERSELF AND FINDS A BLOODY MESS AT THE MOST RECENT INJECTION CITE ANNE - NARRATOR I didn’t need a rich man that my mother wanted for me. But was my dream as foolish as hers? He has to be strong, sincere and single ANNE He’s spying on me Anne shakes off her suspicion of being followed by Joe She struggles up the stairs Music is coming from the apartment, on the door an autumn wreath of dry leaves, pine cones and dried flowers with a single artificial candle in a plastic reflector little more than 3 inches high in the center. ANNE straightens her skirt and pulls back some of the mass of her course hair then knocks on the door, waits then calls his name and knocks again. HIS DOOR OPENS, THE APARTMENT IS BRIGHT AND
BLINDING TO HER ED Anne, come on in ANNE It’s like a little church in here What’s this? ED My sewing pile, mostly socks. Here, you better wash up. Your arm ANNE How rude of me to come to visit you when I’m dripping blood. Of course some men like that ED Can I offer you anything? Coffee? I just put some cookies in. ANNE INSTINCTIVELY SHE PICKS UP HIS DARNING This feels nice ED You sure can sew Thank you. No one ever admired my handiwork. My mother used to take in sewing when I was a girl. The young ones would get to do the darning. This is darning, sewing is when you make something or alter it. INSERT SCENE: MOTHER ‘NO, NO, WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? ANNE How strange and rare for me to be with a man and proud of something
I can do with my clothes on. ED I don’t think I ever saw my wife sew a button ANNE Did you ever know someone who every time you talk with them is like having great sex? I wish I had found someone like you back when I was still looking. ED SERVES COFFEE ANNE For the first time I feel like I am seeing a man who is good for more than that one thing. This is nice, thank you ED Here’s to domestic bliss I had a wife, a good job, a fast car to get me to work from my big house. I bought into the entire set of illusions. The same can be said for involvement in a relationship. Sex is another form of materialism, a pleasure to the body paid for by disease, filth and lies. All I want is something simple, a mat to sleep on and chores to earn my keep WHILE ED SPEAKS ANNE LOWERS HER HEAD TO THE TABLE ED I just want to pull down the illusion. I think that’s why you and I can talk and I would never say this in front of my kids but I think in the larger philosophy of the tools we might use to unseat the mind from its dominance in this illusion there is a place for drugs It’s a real dilemma, how to proceed without lying to your children. I’m glad to see you, since my kids are back at school I’ve been thinking a little heroin might help me focus my meditation Some kind of aid to my struggle for detachment. You don’t have to.
I would pay ANNE A little heroin For you I really shouldn’t be here. I am a married woman SCENE: ANNE IS DRIVING AND BARELY IN CONTROL ANNE - NARRATOR I wanted to but I could not get angry at Ed. It was my fault. I could not release this ideal man who by being around me I had transformed into a jackass. My mother said, that how I appear to the world would determine the sort of men I would meet. This was nothing less than a disaster. What I had done was tragic SCENE: ANNE’S HOME JOE You’re late. What did you do, wreck the car again? Because you’re late now I am going to be late for work. The kids are dressed and eating breakfast just get them on the bus. Things ran more smoothly when you were away in prison. ANNE Stay home with me daddy, today, please. I’ll give you something you like. JOE Why don’t you clean this house for a change, that way you can give me two things I like EXIT ANNE - NARRATOR When he got home I desperately wanted to make love to the man who used to be my husband I knew when he got back he would be cold and mocking as he always had been
KIDS LEAVE FOR BUS WITHOUT CONTACT WITH ANNE ANNE HAS FOLLOWED CHILDREN AND IS SEEING HERSELF IN HALL MIRROR ANNE I’m only thirty eight, still months away from thirty nine. ANNE - NARRATOR I was thinking about how I could change. I was still depending on others for my happiness and still being a victim ANNE I need to live through a husband, and my kids. I can’t trust myself anymore. What ever I want turns to nothing WEARILY ANNE APPROACHES THE COUCH. TAKES THE POSE HER FATHER HAD IMAGES: MORNING BECOMES AFTERNOON AND KIDS ARRIVE HOME, SHE RISES FROM THE COUCH. BURNS DINNER. AFTER DINNER FOUR FAMILY MEMBERS GO IN 4 DIRECTIONS SCENE: ANNE LOCKS HERSELF IN BATHROOM With force she ties off her arm as she had been shown ANNE This has got to stop. ANNE - NARRATOR Look at me sitting on a toilet bowl to have some relaxation I was so good at bulk buying, economizing and getting value for my smack dollar. I don’t care anymore, this is the last time, I told myself. Look at me, feeling like a rich lady with my wealth heaped for my inspection, all of what was bought today meant to be a week’s worth
NOTE: Locked in the bathroom at home she studied her face in the reflection of the metal cover while the smack dissolved and mixed with the water. ANNE You all use me. I get no thanks, that would be small enough payment. ANNE - NARRATOR Now I am making up the speech I would use to get out of the house for the night. He was not going to attempt to stop and question me. I was going out, as usual ANNE They must cheer as soon as I am out the door and gone. Joe is a pretty amazing father. The boys are lucky to have a father like that. I would have settled for a husband who was a lot worse. A long time ago, when I was a girl, I decided for the right one I would let him beat me. No one wants to be alone. Joe never hit me. I never got hit by a customer either. I’ve never been mugged. And I don’t have AIDS or hepatitis. I guess I’m lucky that way. My face is still young, and despite Ed shooting me down today, I think Ed asking me in for coffee is the proof that I am attractive to him. Maybe I will bring him some heroin ANNE - NARRATOR One thing they never tell you is heroin is wicked constipating and some days are totally wasted praying for one to drop I was getting ready to shoot up when I felt something move inside, it’s like reverse birthing. Just like this I went. Just like this I quickly pulled my skirt up and was just straining on the toilet. That’s all Free to die feeling completely empty and alone ANNE’S HEAD HAIR INDICATES SHE IS FALLING FORWARD SLOW-MO
CAMERA PULLS BACK: WE SEE ONE SON PLAYING WITH FRIENDS THE OTHER QUIET IN HIS ROOM. JOE IS DOWNSTAIRS WATCHING TV SOUND: DULL CRASH ABOVE JOE TV NEWS IN BACKGROUND What did she break now? Hey, Anne, Listen to this one Another one of your girlfriends was arrested downtown for locking her children in the trunk of the car while she was on her back earning money to score drugs. Hey Anne, hear me? One of your girlfriends was arrested RETURN TO ANNE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR. THE CAMERA REPEATS THE MOTION THAT OPENED THE FILM OF ANNE’S SWIRL OF HAIR.
NOW OUR 2ND FEATURE -----HER TWO MEN (a tragic bedroom farce)
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