Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown - Telegraph

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown
The snobs and critics will have a field day with the US author’s latest work – but I’m not joining in

Dan Brown's new novel will no doubt be a bestseller, to the annoyance of critics Photo: AP

By Michael Deacon
7:46PM BST 10 May 2013

Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. The critics. Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol.
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html 2/3 . The thriving ink-slinger’s wealth had allowed him to indulge his passion for great art. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white.” commented the pecunious scribbler. or something else that didn’t sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment’s thought.” informed the new voice at the other end of the line. it’s literary agent John Unconvincingname. Among his proudest www. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket. and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29. ungrammatical. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday. “They’re just snobs. He was grateful for his good fortune. “Hello. “I’m worried about new book Inferno.” told the voice at the other end of the line. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen.” “Mr Unconvincingname. thought the 5ft 9in man. That was true too. His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. Instantly the voice at the other end of the line was replaced by a different voice at the other end of the line.5/11/13 Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown . like a shark about to attack. “Think of all the money you’ve made. Wasn’t it? I’ll call my agent.” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. it’s client Dan. pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. repetitive and repetitive. like a mighty oak toppling into a great river.Telegraph The critics said his writing was clumsy.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom. “Hello agent John. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.” That’s true. mused the accomplished composer of thrillers that combined religion. high culture and conspiracy theories.telegraph.” recommended the literary agent. it’s renowned author Dan Brown. this is renowned author Dan Brown.co. You have millions of fans. using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards.95 was sure to be a hit. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. I think critics are going to say it’s badly written.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown. “Who cares what the stupid critics say?” advised the literary agent. and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.” The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh. “Hello.

he would move into romantic poetry. and got back into the luxurious four-poster bed. what did it matter whether you knew the difference between a transitive and an intransitive verb? “Thanks. either.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown. He felt as happy as a man who has something to be happy about and is suitably happy about it. The Mozart Acrostic. Then he put down the telephone and perambulated on foot to the desk behind which he habitually sat on a chair to write his famous books on an Apple iMac MD093B/A computer.5/11/13 Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown . Renowned author Dan Brown gazed admiringly at the pulchritudinous brunette’s blonde tresses. New book Inferno. thought the successful man. I like the attractive woman. The Michelangelo Wordsearch.” he thanked.co. Perhaps one day. He had all the sequels mapped out. Renowned author Dan Brown smiled. © Copyright of Telegraph Media Group Limited 2013 www. The Newton Sudoku. Still asleep in the luxurious four-poster bed of the expensive $10 million house was beautiful wife Mrs Brown. was inspired by top Italian poet Dante. opined the talented person. flowing from her head like a stream but made from hair instead of water and without any fish in.Telegraph purchases were a specially commissioned landscape by acclaimed painter Vincent van Gogh and a signed first edition by revered scriptwriter William Shakespeare.html 3/3 . like market-leading British rhymester John Keats.telegraph. John. He felt much better. That would be good. She was as majestic as the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin. The 190lb adult male human being nodded his head to indicate satisfaction and returned to his bedroom by walking there. the latest in his celebrated series about fictional Harvard professor Robert Langdon. It wouldn’t be the last in the lucrative sequence. If your books brought innocent delight to millions of readers. the ends of his mouth curving upwards in a physical expression of pleasure. inspired by beautiful wife Mrs Brown.

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