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Chhavi Swarup (Academic Co-ordinator & Counsellor) GIIS Noida

How to convert “upsets” into “setups”
One day Sam came back very excited from the school as he was chosen the captain of his soccer team. His parents were happy as they knew that he is passionate about the game. But two days later he came back little upset as his practice did not go well according to his coach. The next day again turned out to be good for him as he won the match and he was full of enthusiasm. In this process of indefinite state of mind his parents really started wondering what the next few days have in store for him. The parents try hard to cope with the mood swings of their teenager son or a daughter but somewhere fail to do so. They have to be on their toes to keep up with their child’s ever changing moods. The mood of a teenager changes very frequently, sometimes even hour to hour. They might be euphoric one moment and gloomy the other. They might also be loving, caring and thoughtful one day and critical, harsh and hurting the next. The question often arises as the reaction formation may be distinguished from a genuine expression of an impulse feeling. In course of normal development the personality passes through a series of ups and downs, rather well defined immature stages until it reaches maturity. Each new step taken by the age group of 13 to 17 however entails certain amount of frustration and anxiety. With the advent of adolescence the differentiated dynamics erupts and then gradually settles down as it moves to adulthood.

The shifting moods of your child might result into great anxiety, frustration, and irritability and so on. Therefore as a responsible parent let us know the core reasons of this problem and find the best solutions and keep intact the fragile entity of our loved ones. Some important reason of this erratic behaviour: 1. Searching for their own identity which separates them from their parents. Neither they find themselves fit to play with children nor do they adjust in the adults. Complete confused state of mind. 2. Worried about their appearance especially in their peer group. 3. Physical development with flow of Hormonal changes which further leads to emotional disturbances. 4. Attraction towards the opposite sex or a simple crush. 5. Desire to become independent; love to explore and to do things on their own. 6. To become secretive and withdrawn; do not want to share things easily. 7. Continuous nagging of parents on certain issues like Studies, eating habits, mobile phones or watching TV. 8. Academic demand and pressure of performing. 9. The small oddities which gets magnified like; a pimple, slight obesity, wearing spectacles or even forced to have a particular hairstyle. 10. Fear of losing good friends. 11. Finds themselves most introspective and analytical than anyone else. 12. Always tries to figure out the root cause of own mood swings which leads to massive problem. 13. Hero worshiping which again leads nowhere. 14. Wants to become like their favourite celebrity or sometimes even tries to imitate a famous personality. We can’t change the direction of the wind but we can always adjust our sail to reach the destination. But like the tempest which changes the very nature of the sea, motivation appears to be powerful and overwhelming.

Parents should gradually build up the confidence and self esteem of a child and this is only possible once the positive mindset has been established, careful training is needed in the process. 1. Parents need to make it amply clear that they are always willing to listen without being judgmental. 2. Take good care of your child’s diet. 3. Working parents should give some extra time to your teenager as they feel neglected in due course of time. 4. Prior guidance about their biological changes and hormonal attack will lessen the problems. 5. Take their crush in a normal way and tell your own tales to them. 6. Be positive in helping them sort out what’s bothering them. 7. Do not impose your thoughts on them and constantly shoot them down. 8. During disagreements always negotiate towards the solution rather than forcing your opinion down their throat. Struggling with mood process, possibly acclimatize to difficulties and may advantage in dealing with adversity Your guidance, warmth, love, care and personal relationship will aid in leaving healthy coping skills which will be put to test in their hard times. This will help your child develop their inner strength. Tell your child they are remarkable and also tell them that you love them unconditionally. These exercises are all designed to support our development as a communicator. We practice this to convert “UPSET” minds into beautiful “SETUPS.”