1."There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't cause I thought because I'd be happy alone.

It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love. And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then... it falls apart. Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is – death ends. This? It could go on forever." 2."They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. They’re smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way ‘cause who wants to remember the rest of it? We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing. And it’s worth the pain. That’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything." [Season 6 Ep. 17 "Push"] 3.[Burke:] Cristina… I could promise… to hold you… and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say… till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for… optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. And I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. Okay, um… I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I know. I am a heart man. I take 'em apart. I put 'em back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So of this I am sure… you are my partner… my lover... my very best friend. My heart… my heart - beats for you. And on this day,the day of our wedding, I promise you this… I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands. I promise you... me. 4."Stop for a second, enjoy the beauty, feel the magic, drink it in because it won't last forever. The romance will fade, things will happen, people will change, love will die. But, maybe not today." 5.We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears, and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain: When it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it." 6.Practicing medicine doesn’t lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down death every day, we’re forced to know that life, every minute, is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about… is just one more loss, somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just don’t bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line, to push each loss, as far away as we can." 7."As surgeons, we live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best, because too many times, the best doesn't happen. But, every now and then, something extraordinary occurs. And suddenly… best-case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then, something amazing happens. And against our better judgment… we start to have hope." 8."First, do no harm: Easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world, but the fact is… most of us do harm all the time. Sometimes, even when we’re trying to help, we do more harm than good. And then the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt, is up to you. We’re left with a choice… Either let the guilt throw you back into the

" 14. Play as if there’s no tomorrow. change the rules… cheat a little. we break the rules we make for ourselves. In or out." 12. Play. The day you commit to something or someone… The day you get your heart broken. but maybe that’s the point: all the pain and the fear and the crap. or not. We wish because we need help. and do your best… to move on. it changes our lives. That’s the important choice. there are so many things we have to know. We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until its happening.When we're heading toward an outcome that's too horrible to face. Play loose and free. And then there are the choices that matter. And everything that happens in between. The day you realize there’s not enough time… because you want to live forever. and we forget… just how connected we all are. Without parents to defy. lose or draw." 13. With a whole new set of questions." 18. Those are the biggest days. you finally find what you were after: the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends. Or die. That's just where you begin again. The mind holds out hope that the body can be whole again and the mind will always fight for hope. against all experience. out of reach.behavior that got you into trouble in the first place." 11. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. it can shed new light on the problem. just confirms our worst fears. The perfect days. Play fast. Things that are ambitious. Not until you’re right in the middle of it. Until it finds a way of understanding its new reality and accepts that what is gone is gone forever. And sometimes." 10. and for a moment. Otherwise. Make you see it in a whole new way. And we hope… against all logic. I’ve just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Play hard.You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. We still wish though. it’s what pushes us. go ahead. Love or hate. the game is in progress. But play. Win. So. tooth and nail. Maybe we have to get a little messed up." 9"The body can be stubborn when it comes to accepting change. Like children. take a break… and tend to your wounds. But sometimes.The human life is made up of choices. We need support. We wish for big things. or… learn from the guilt. We have to know we have . So instead. argue with the refs. we choose love. we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help. we never give up hope."We enter the world alone. and we know we may be asking too much. Up or down." 15."We don’t wish for the easy stuff. To live. And it’s not always in our hands. To fight or to give in. before we can step up. because sometimes… they come true. Live or die. we choose life."As surgeons."Doesn’t matter how tough we are. the answers we get. and we leave it alone. cut off from each other. Strangers. We look for comfort where we can find it."I’ve heard that it’s possible to grow up. Yes or no. whether we want it to be. and we’re scared. we feel just a little bit less alone. Trauma always leaves a scar. we’re in it by ourselves." 16. It follows us home. that's when we go looking for a second opinion. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. Trauma messes everybody up. To be a hero or to be a coward.Life is not a spectator sport. After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered. The day you meet your soul mate." 17.

they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. We tell ourselves that reality is better. Because eventually. We go into denial. there may be fear… but there’s also hope. impossibly. And. it's the moving on that's painful. It won't hurt this much. One cry meant you were hungry. whatever it is that was getting us high… stops feeling good. has to hurt so bad. we plead." 22. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations. in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream at all. surround yourself with trusted advisors. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. But in the end. the strongest of us. we move through five distinct stages of grief. But.It's one of those things people say. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. We have to know how to take care of our patients. That's how you survive. Because no matter how painful it is. angry with ourselves. somehow. That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe. As surgeons. The one that's almost always right. if we're lucky. But as human beings. Standing. we realize in the face of everything." 19." 26. We become angry with everyone: Angry with survivors. because the expected is just what keeps us steady. The one telling you what you already knew. it's life. And. put up walls." 27. We can't imagine it's true.what it takes." 24. the only voice that matters is the one in your head. we have to be in the know. sometimes. But sometimes. so it no longer needs the thing it can't have. They start to hire feelings. And when it's time to act and you're all alone with your back against the wall. the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. You can move on until you let go of with the past. sometimes it’s better to stay in the dark. It adapts. 20. Letting go is the easy part. Move on. At some point you just have to let it go. holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. By remembering that one day. we become masters of disguise. Still."Maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. trying to keep things the same. The expected's just the beginning. . we were easy. another you were tired. when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss.It isn't just death we have to grieve."The thing about addiction is. letting it go hurts even worse. Then we bargain." 21. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes. the decision is always yours and yours alone. the unexpected is what changes our lives. and the body can't compensate on its own." 25. So sometimes we fight it."According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. It's the only way we grow. it never ends well. the loss is too great. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. the most determined of us. Because in the dark. feeling hopeful. Without meaning to."We all think we are going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. you won't feel this way."You can seek the advice of others. it's change."A human body is designed to compensate for loss. Things can't stay the same though. we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. it's loss. It gets to the point where we don't really know what anyone thinks or feels. We beg." 23. But how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us. and starts to hurt. because the loss is so unthinkable. We wake to find ourselves. Still."As babies. Eventually. It's only as adults that we become difficult. against all odds. how to take care of each other.

Still. we offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day. preparing the lists. trinkets. unpredictable thing there is. you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. Things to remember us by even when were gone. what curve balls will be thrown our way. when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. We leave little bits of ourselves behind. they fence you in. Going over your plans. The turn of events we never would've chosen for ourselves. there’s only one thing about life we can be sure of… it ain’t over. We put things to rest. We let go. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is just too hard to maintain. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. Sometimes not necessarily in that order. So if death is not the end. But. the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. It’s what makes things so bitter sweet. when the battle chooses us and not the other way around. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. Too often. We prefer to know. If you’re in just the right place at just the right . that's how we're made." 33. and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. The people we never expected to show up. photos. what can you count on anymore? Because you sure can’t count on anything in life."Lightning doesn’t often strike twice. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. The people who suffer the most. You never really stop feeling the loss. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow. little reminders. 30."At some point." 38. unstable. Of life. of course. that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear." 35. Accept it. the shock will wear off." 31. Life is messy. till it’s over. And not one lesson in how to go on living. Until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. And you start to heal yourself. So before you go into battle. despair.We’re born. it wears us out. To recover from something you never saw coming. And it's nice or it takes some getting used to. Desire leaves us heartbroken. Eventually the pain will go away. the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming. we live. going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. sometimes the odds are in your favor. A lifetime of memories. Sometimes it’s impossible." 34." 32. Of course." 36. We let go and move into acceptance. Life is the most fragile. we fall into depression. No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be. and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow we never know how our day is going to end up." 37.A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. But as tough as wanting something can be. only to have them rise up again."Too often. When that happens. you have to make a decision.we offer everything we have. are those who don't know what they want. we die. you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Boundaries don't keep other people out. you know you'll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. Desire can wreck your life.They say death is hardest on the living. All of a sudden. It's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day."Your life is a gift. In fact. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again.In medical school we have a hundred classes that teach us how to fight off death.

But when things fall apart. conscientious. ignore it. At some point we all have to choose. Some things we just don't want to hear. We have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves. feel. humane. we may feel trapped. thoughtful. we dream. even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying. even just a little. we adapt.There’s a little animal in all of us and maybe that’s something to celebrate." 46. And still have a shot at surviving. Makes the rest of the world fade away. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. So we change. Then there is the kind of pain you can’t ignore."We have to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute because the world can change in an instant. We have opposable thumbs. A stitch in time saves nine. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. 39. embrace it. dream and love.time you can take a helluva hit. We have to make our own mistakes. 42." 45. Grab all the opportunities we can to live. after time. Do we fall back on what we know? Or do we step forward to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. Our history resurfaces time after time. We’re desperate to get there. Some things you say because there's no other choice. We’ve all heard the proverbs. a bit of soreness. We may feel caged. there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things you keep to yourself. and we make the most of them. we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there’s a beast inside all of us. that waking is better than sleeping. Sometimes the changes are forced on us. scratching out an existence in the cold. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. it becomes clear we are not better than animals. clawing. And not too often." 40. we create new versions of ourselves. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort. but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. And against all odds. and there's no time for looking back. dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths. He who hesitates is lost. The small twinge. and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. sometimes they happen by accident. against all instinct. we think. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. So we have to remember. we don’t think about the fact that it’s . heard the philosophers. ride it out. what Benjamin Franklin meant. what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think. heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time."We all want to grow up. civilized. That knowing is better than wondering. some things simply speak for themselves. until we finally understand for ourselves. We anesthetize." 41." 44. warmth. but every now and then. We are each other’s keepers. We have to learn our own lessons. and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. a pack to run with. the random pain. heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day’. Some things are more than what you say."Some people believe that without history our lives amount to nothing. we evolve. we speak. And that even the biggest failure. Our history is what shapes us… what guides us. We just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over the last. How we manage our pain is up to us."The early bird catches the worm.At the end of the day. We’re so busy trying to get out of that mess. we walk erect."Pain comes in all forms. biting. the normal pains we live with everyday.We like to think that we are rational beings." 43. but deep down we are still routing around in the primordial ooze. sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today. they're what you do.

going to be cold out there. Because.to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo? (.) 55.. We have to learn our own lessons. Fear of failure. Time. 54." 47. Maybe we're wired that way. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. the more confused we get . heard the philosophers. All any of us wants is more time. That waking. Really freaking cold. “Never leave that ’till tomorrow.to be happy. Time waits for no man."A couple hundred years ago. what Benjamin Franklin meant: That knowing. We have to make our own mistakes. the universe throws us a curve ball. heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Time to get up. fear of rejection… Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision. It’s about acceptance. As children we are told to smile. We find happiness in unexpected places. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough."Maybe we like the pain. most intractable mistake. And that even the biggest failure. As adults we are told to look on the bright side. heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time." 53. We find our way back to the things that matter the most. everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. is better than wondering. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug. A stitch in time saves nine. I don’t know why we put things off. and be your true scared unhappy self. Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Instead we just keep smiling . You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. fear of pain. It’s okay to let down your guard. Youre hope can fail.Just when we think we’ve figured things out. The universe is funny that way. “which you can do today. boyfriends can cheat. the comfortable.trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. but if I had to guess. and put on a happy face.Time flies. we’re standing there alone.. until we finally understand for ourselves. sometimes. drop the act." ."Deep down.” This is the man who discovered electricity. we have to see for ourselves. it's been there all along. Time heals all wounds. sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong. We’ve all heard the proverbs. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though." 50."Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple . to make lemonade. when you just want to get real. be cheerful. Until it eventually hits us. and see glasses as half full. Because without it. beats the hell out of never trying. I don't know. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. maybe we just wouldn't feel real.The early bird catches the worm. is better than sleeping."It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely." 52. Time to let go. So we have to improvise." 48. even the worst. He who hesitates is lost. And by the time we stand on our own two feet. It's in these moments. the familiar. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss." 51.” he said. Time to grow up. friends can disappoint. Still. until we can’t anymore.

or we get left behind. The pressure to be better than we think we can be. the random pain."Change… We don’t like it. A fight with the boss. The frog turns into a prince. 57.. a bit of soreness. [Dr. traffic." 66. Who's going to do your job? Who's going to take care of your family? The only good thing for you is you don't have to worry about it. Wyatt] Yes. or not." 65. It hurts to grow."It's the pressure we put on ourselves that's the hardest to bear. is .When the really terrible things happen. We either adapt to change." 64. horrible things do happen. working your job. sure.You can't prepare for a sudden impact. the world just keeps on going without you. We just have to feel our way through. that's the point." 61."I had a terrible day.56. [Meredith:] What? [Dr. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. 58.Meredith:] It makes absolutely no sense to try to be happy in a world that's such a horrible place. It just builds and builds and builds. Would it have helped if we could see what else was coming? Would we have known that those were the best moments of our lives?" 59." 60. Wyatt] Yes. It seems quaint now. ease the pain. So… we lie. fairy tales don’t come true. Once upon a time. People you never knew would be living in your house. But we can’t stop it from coming."At the end of the day. Fairy tales. the life you knew before is over. Repair the damage.. The normal pains we live with every day. the stomach flu. It just hits you. when we break down." 67. Flesh tears. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t. doesn’t it? The flood in the kitchen. here’s the truth about the truth: It hurts. The problem is. And suddenly. That’s what we describe as terrible when nothing terrible is happening. It’s the other stories. But when life breaks down."Bones break. It never ever lets up. And then they lived happily ever after." 62. Then there’s the kind of pain we can’t ignore. There is the emotional fall out. The small twinge." 63. Organs burst. we fear it. We say it all the time. the poison oak. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. eventually the lies fall away… whether we like it. You can't brace yourself. the fight that leaves you shaking with rage."Pain comes in all forms. We can sew the flesh. The shoe fits Cinderella. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. we start begging a god we don’t believe in to bring back the little horrors and take away this.No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it. Feeling the horrible and knowing that you're not gonna die from those feelings. Out of nowhere."Dying changes everything. But there's also the practical stuff."We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. Happiness in the face of all of that… that's not the goal. The pressure to be better than we are. the fact that we have the courage to still be standing… is reason enough to celebrate. Forever. there’s no science. Makes the rest of the world fade away. But. no hard and fast rules. The stuff of dreams.

We want more than just to survive. sometimes. put an old story to rest. we want success.) We all think we’re going to be great. Or. The problem is. Bye. This is where I learned to be a doctor. Hope you're good. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. So we fight like hell to get those things. I'm gonna choose to look at it that way. People I've lost forever..The unexpected… is what changes our lives. the lesson doesn't get any easier. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations."Biology says that we are who we are from birth. like death. not a new year." .This is a place where horrible things happen.. When you get older. old memories. So I figure this place has given me as much as it's taken away from me. 75. This is the place where I fell in love. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. Self doubt… loneliness… regret. It’s an event. and you're right."I don’t know anyone who isn’t haunted by something. I practically grew up here. But I have a lot of other memories too. finally to rest. We’re human. And though you may be older and wiser. Sometimes.. Where I learned how to take responsibility for someone else's life. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page. we don’t recognize ourselves. because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. Finally. The expected is just the beginning. But. The risk.lying."When you’re little. You're probably escaping disaster.. Big or small."Who gets to determine when the old ends." 71. we're human. it's hurt me in ways I'll probably never get over. As many times as we've heard it. We want love. Anything else feels. become less territorial. We develop new traits. (. For better or worse. We wanna be the best that we can be. Life changes us. unchangeable. our efforts usually fail. though. The place where I found my family. and remember you that way. and the new begins? It’s not a day on a calendar. You were right to go. We face our greatest fears. Our DNA doesn’t account for all of us. we find ways to become more than our biology." 72. Look at me." 73. A new way of living and looking at the world. Something that changes us. 74. the expe cted simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. We stop competing. it gives us hope. I have a lot of memories of people. is that we can change too much to the point. And it's the place where I met you." 70. of course."No one believes their life will turn out just “kind of” okay." 76. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet." 68. It just depends on how I look at it. that our DNA is set in stone. Ideally. Or someone. I've lived here as much as I've survived here. night time is scary." 69."Adapt or die. the monsters are different. our expectations sell us short. Letting go of old habits. We learn from our mistakes. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady… standing… still. not a birthday. you still find yourself scared of the dark.

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