CHAPTER TWELVE

THREE QUESTIONS

***

The sun was slowly setting on a summer evening as the noise of children playing
echoed off across the fields from the now abandoned industrial site. The plant had once
been used for making all sorts of things but it had been years since anybody owned it,
now it was just an exceedingly dangerous playground. Not that the danger was ever
considered by those who played there, and especially not by one child in particular.
‘Just admit it, you’re scared,’ Jeebus said triumphantly. Waldo gave a bark of agreement,
his tail wagging vigorously.
‘I am not!’ Max frowned indignantly.
‘Then what’s the problem?’ Jeebus asked incredulously, folding his arms.
‘Duh!’ Max replied. ‘The sign says “No Trespassing”, idiot.’
‘What sign?’ Jeebus asked, covering his eyes and strolling forwards until he was well
past it. ‘I don’t see any sign.’
‘Yeah!’ Coby added. ‘Who cares about what the sign says?’
‘Guys, we’ve got the whole of this place to mess around in,’ Max frowned. ‘Why do you
have to go into the one part that we’re not allowed in?’
‘We’re not allowed in here at all really,’ Dexter pointed out, straightening his spectacles.
‘You know what I mean,’ Max sighed.
‘That’s fine,’ Jeebus shrugged. ‘You stay on that side of the sign then … by yourself …
alone!’
The three boys gave a laugh and sprinted off into the new section of the plant,
Waldo following them eagerly.
‘Damn,’ Max commented bitterly and followed them.

The new section was disappointingly the same as everywhere else and clearly
whatever it was that warranted no trespassing had long since been removed.
‘This is boring!’ Coby grunted after a while.
‘Yeah, there’s nothing here, let’s go do something interesting!’ Dexter added.
‘Fine,’ Max said. ‘As long as we do it somewhere else.’
‘Manhunt,’ Jeebus said suddenly.
‘What?’
‘Manhunt,’ Jeebus said, grabbing a stick and holding it like a gun.
The other three didn’t need telling twice. Manhunt was Jeebus’ forte. No matter
where they ran to or how cleverly they hid, Jeebus would find them. He very rarely let
Waldo help and if he did it would only be once he’d already spotted them and needed to
chase his targets down.

He crept silently through the old buildings. The windows were all broken, doors
were non existent and the roofing tiles had mostly fallen through to the concrete floors
where weeds were growing through.
Jeebus narrowed his eyes, spying for any signs of movement, there were none. He
moved onwards across the floor a giant warehouse and stopped suddenly, pressing
himself against a wall. He could hear voices.
‘Gotcha,’ Jeebus mouthed silently to himself as he crept over to a large pile of bricks that
were all that remained of a giant factory chimney and crouched, listening. Then he got a
little worried. The voices were not his friends. The voices were not like anything he had
ever heard before. Cold and menacing, full of evil and hatred.
‘Are the plans moving forward as expected Corporal?’ the first voice croaked.
‘Indeed Sir. Our base is secure. We have set up several armed guards and are currently
constructing security posts around the perimeter. Nobody will be interrupting us.’
‘Excellent,’ the first voice replied in high spirits. ‘Ensure everything is in working order. We
are not yet strong enough to take the humans by force.’
‘Humans?’ Jeebus gulped quietly.
‘It has been a long journey from the home planet,’ the second voice said. ‘Surely High
Martial, you should rest.’
‘I shall rest once I am sure everything is in perfect order,’ the first voice clucked back. ‘We
shall be playing the waiting game for some time Corporal. Soon, our agents will be in
strategic positions across this wretched globe. We need not show force, the humans are
weak-minded. It will not take much persuasion and coercing from our intelligent probing to
perpetuate their annihilation.’
‘It shall be glorious!’ The second voice declared.
‘Indeed it shall,’ the first voice replied. ‘The humans that are not destroyed will be enslaved
in the mines of the Home World, and those who are not fit for the labour will be ground
down and made into rations.’
‘I like your thinking,’ the second voice said haughtily.
‘The humans know nothing of our treachery,’ the first voice said quietly. ‘We must remain
as secretive as possible until all is ready. Until our forces are in every corner of this
miserable planet. Once everything is in place, WE SHALL STRIKE!’
‘Oh, it’s just like Kisangani all over again.’
‘Yes … but this time, let us not leave quite so many of them alive,’ the first voice laughed.

Jeebus couldn’t help it any longer. Whatever was doing the talking, they meant to
invade planet Earth and destroy everything. They were already mounting an invasion.
They had to be stopped at all costs. Waldo was growling quietly, Jeebus had to shush
him several times before he gulped heavily and cautiously peeked over the bricks to see
who or what had been talking.

What he saw, he couldn’t believe. This was utterly impossible. There was no way it
was true. But there they were. There was nobody else around. Just them.

Jeebus took to his heels and ran. He had to warn people. He had to let everybody
know. He ran from the factory, ignoring the shouts of people he passed by the gate,
ignoring the sound of cars screeching to a halt as he and Waldo tore across the street.
There were horns and a loud bump as Waldo let out a howl, but Jeebus knew he’d be
okay. He was Waldo, he could handle himself. Jeebus had an important task. Only he
alone had heard what had been said. Only he could possibly save the world and h had to
let the adults know. The Police, they were the people he should tell first.
Everybody had to know … Pigeons were out to take over the world.

***

‘SO,’ Elysium hummed as the team stepped through the portal she had torn open in the
middle of Dorian Gray’s Library, leaving the Immortal and his painting behind. ‘FINK
FINALLY DID SOMETHING WITH ALL THOSE GRAND IDEAS OF HIS.’
‘Yeah,’ Red replied, holding a cloth to the back of his head that was cut slightly. ‘They
should be opening it … tomorrow,’ Red said after checking his watch.
‘THE DAY THE UNIVERSE ENDS?’ Elysium frowned as she set off walking along a rocky
outcrop beside a large thundering waterfall.
‘Well, it’s not like they planned it like that,’ Elion shrugged.
The air was humid in the dimension they had travelled to. A vast jungle stretched
out from the foot of the mountain they were standing upon and spread off further than
the eye could see. The sky was overcast, but the sun here was powerful and still beat
down upon them.
‘If it weren’t for that damn DDOS, we’d all be sat in the Mercury Room Lounge smoking
Havana cigars, making Victory Toasts with Scotch and roasting a dozen glazed pigeons
over funeral pyres hewn from the carcases of millions of other dead pigeon bones …’
Jeebus growled.
‘Seriously,’ Elysium whispered, pulling Elion close to her. ‘Is that guy alright? In the
head? … I mean … I think that dog he’s carrying is dead.’
‘Just ignore the dog and don’t mention Pigeons,’ Elion whispered back helpfully. ‘… In
fact … just … say nothing to him if you can help it …’
‘So, how far to this Oracle bloke then?’ Jeebus’ voice came from the back of the group
where he was diligently keeping a lookout for any attack that might come from the rear.
‘Yes, how far is it to the Oracle?’ Elion said sternly so Elysium could answer to him and
not give Jeebus any kind of reply that might set him off looking for an opportunity to
perform a feathery massacre.
‘WELL,’ Elysium replied, coming to a halt. ‘THAT DEPENDS.’
‘Depends on what?’ Red frowned incredulously. ‘You can’t want more from us; one of our
friends has already taken your place in another dimension. What more do you want?’
‘A MORE RESPECTFUL TONE FOM YOU TO BEGIN WITH MORTAL!’ Elysium snapped.
‘BUT IF I AM TO LEAD YOU TO THE ORACLE I MUST ASK OF YOU, A REQUEST.’
‘You’ve had your request,’ Red glowered.
‘NO,’ Elysium said, forcing a smile. ‘YOUR FRIEND GAVE HIS FREEDOM SO THAT I WAS
ABLE TO COME HERE AND BE FREE TO LEAD YOU TO THE ORACLE … IF I SO CHOOSE
TO DO SO. NOW, IF YOU WANT ME TO LEAD YOU THERE, I MUST ASK ONE THING OF
YOU. IT IS A SIMPLE THING.’
‘What?’ Elion asked.
‘WHEN YOU MEET THE ORACLE,’ Elysium said. ‘YOU MAY ASK HIM THREE QUESTIONS,
NO MORE, NO LESS. ONCE YOU HAVE ASKED THE QUESTIONS, HE WILL DISAPPEAR
AGAIN. NOW, I MUST ASK YOU TO USE ONE OF THOSE QUESTIONS TO ANSWER A
MATTER OF GREAT IMPORTANCE TO ME.’
‘You’ve got some nerve,’ Jeebus observed, scratching Waldo under his chin idly.
‘We only need one of our questions,’ Elion said stiffly. ‘We only need to know where to
find somebody capable of fixing The Black Hole. Have your question.’
‘What if some of us had something else to ask?’ Red cut in.
‘Why?’ Elion frowned at him. ‘Did you want to ask the Oracle something?’
‘I may have,’ Red replied icily.
‘Were you planning on consulting us any time soon about it?’ Elion asked with a groan of
exasperation.
‘Does it really matter?’ Jeebus grunted. ‘We need a question to save the Universe,
Elysium wants a question, the last ones a freebee. I don’t need some loony know-it-all to
tell me anything … … … and Waldo doesn’t either,’ he said after listening intently at the
dog’s mouth.
‘I need nothing from this Oracle,’ Totoro nodded. ‘I do not wish to know about my future.
It is a path that should be shrouded in darkness until I come upon it and …’
‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,’ Elion said, waving his hands. ‘Thanks.’
‘SO WE ARE AGREED THEN?’ Elysium questioned.
‘I suppose we are,’ Elion said, shaking Elysium’s hand.
‘Though, now that you come to mention it … he could help me find the Pigeon’s main
base of operations … then I can destroy it!’ Jeebus plotted from the back.
‘You’re not asking The Great Oracle about pigeons Jeebus!’ Elion shouted back over his
shoulder.

***

‘Good morning Jeebus,’ Doctor Kessler said as he pulled up a chair, the legs scraping
across the tiled floor. ‘How are we feeling today?’ He asked, depositing a large box and his
briefcase under the table.
Jeebus clucked to himself and deliberated the matter for some time before looking
up to meet Kessler’s eyes.
‘I’m feeling fine Doctor,’ Jeebus nodded. ‘How about you?’
‘Perfectly well thank you Jeebus,’ Kessler replied pleasantly as he took a file from his
briefcase and a pen from his pocket. ‘So … I thought that today, we could continue the
little chat we were having last week, if you can recall?’
‘I can,’ Jeebus nodded.
‘The one where you were trying to tell me you no longer believe that Pigeons are really an
evil race from another planet here for the sole purpose of initiating mankind’s ultimate
destruction?’
‘Yes,’ Jeebus nodded. ‘I remember it well.’
‘Do you also remember throwing me to the floor and calling for all the guards to come
quickly because you saw what you believed to be a … … … bird at the window?’
‘It was a pigeon,’ Jeebus said defiantly. ‘And yes, I remember it, don’t think I don’t realize
why I’m in a straight jacket this time,’ he said casually, testing the strength of the jacket.
‘Well, its good to see you’re being calm today,’ Doctor Kessler nodded appreciatively,
making a note of it in his file. ‘Being calm is what we want Jeebus, isn’t it?’
‘It certainly is, Doctor,’ Jeebus replied with a smile.
‘So, tell me now,’ Doctor Kessler said, clasping his hands. ‘Before we were rudely
interrupted last time …’
‘It startled me,’ Jeebus cut in. Doctor Kessler waved a hand dismissively.
‘Before we were rudely interrupted last time,’ Doctor Kessler said. ‘You were telling me
that you were having doubts about your theories.’
‘That’s right.’
‘Care to elaborate Jeebus?’
‘Well,’ Jeebus mulled. ‘Its just plain madness isn’t it? Pigeons aren’t evil. They’re just
birds, and even if they were, what could they accomplish? They don’t have thumbs so
they can’t build weapons or anything. They can’t talk and they certainly aren’t that
smart.’
‘But, you’ve said before now that pigeons are just play-acting in order to … … …’ Kessler
searched through his notes. ‘Ah-yes, here it is … “In order to lull the foolish humans into
a false sense of security so that they might set about their evil ploys without
disturbance” …’
‘Yes, but clearly …’ Jeebus shifted uncomfortably. ‘That’s madness, isn’t it.’
‘I believe we’ve been telling you that for quite some time now,’ Doctor Kessler said, taking
a long sip of his coffee.
‘I’m starting to believe it,’ Jeebus said coolly.
‘Well, I’m glad to hear you’re making progress,’ Doctor Kessler said, reaching into his
case. ‘Now, tell me Jeebus, what would you say, if I were to show you this picture?’
Kessler held up a picture of a pigeon.
Jeebus bit his lip and moved awkwardly on his chair.
‘I … err …’ Jeebus spluttered. ‘I’d say … “oh, look … that’s a pigeon” … or something like
that.’
‘This image doesn’t bother you then?’ Kessler questioned.
‘Not in the slightest,’ Jeebus meeped.
‘And … this?’ Doctor Kessler produced another picture of a pigeon; this one was much
closer to the lens of the camera, staring into the shutter with its beady eye.
‘N-nope, no-siree, nadda, zip, zilch … nay’ Jeebus said, shrugging despite the sweat
trickling down his forehead. ‘Can’t say that it bothers me … at all …’
‘I see,’ Doctor Kessler nodded sagely. ‘I see. I’m glad that you are learning not to be afraid
of these animals Jeebus, it means you’re making good progress … now … tell me, what
you think about … this …’ Kessler reached under the desk, pulled up the large box he
had brought with him and opened the front. Inside, was a pigeon.
Jeebus’ eyes widened as the pigeon cocked its head and cooed at him. He recoiled
as far as he could before he fell over backwards.
‘BASTARDS!’ Jeebus shouted. ‘YOU LET ONE INSIDE! IT’LL KILL US ALL! THEY KNOW
I’M ONTO THEM! THEY’LL KILL US ALL! FILTHY! BASTARD! PIGEONS OF DOOM!’
‘Yes,’ Doctor Kessler said nonchalantly, replacing the front of the box and standing to
leave. ‘I thought you’d say something like that. Its clear to me you are convinced of your
theories about as much as I am of your utter insanity. I see absolutely no reason to do
anything other than recommend that you be transferred to a more secure facility … good
day to you Jeebus.’
 ***

If nobody had told Elion that this mountain was the current residence of an all-
mighty omnipotent being, then he could have easily guessed it when he saw the temple.
There was no gold or precious stones in the architecture, but the giant structure
rose out of the Earth as though it had been grown from the rocks it was embedded in.
The grounds were littered with giant obelisks of black stone that rose up successively
towards a giant stone stairway that disappeared into the clouds high above them.
‘Is this it?’ Elion asked Elysium, just to be sure.
‘YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?’ Elysium puffed. ‘OF COURSE THIS IS IT.’
‘Just checking,’ Elion shrugged as they began to ascend the stone steps.
For almost ten thousand years the Oracle had been in this Universe, simply
waiting for the person who was destined to seek him out and ask him three questions
that he would have to answer truthfully and that answer could never have been more
right.
If the Oracle said that the Earth would suddenly and without reason turn to pink
custard, then such an event would occur. He knew all that was, all that is, all that would
be and all that would possibly come about no matter what the improbability.

They walked through the clouds for some time, moisture clinging to them until
they came out onto a great expanse of stone slabs that made up a huge courtyard.
Fountains, statues and more of the black obelisks occupied lonely positions about the
area under a neat blanket of powdery snow that lightly fell around them.
‘This is quite a magnificent structure,’ Totoro commented, slicing at the snow slowly with
the tip of his sword. ‘It must have taken an eternity to construct.’
‘PROBABLY,’ Elysium shrugged. ‘I NEVER DID CARE TOO MUCH FOR HISTORY AND
ARCHITECTURE. LOOKING INTO THE PAST IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO
LOOK FORWARD TO IN THE FUTURE.’
‘It’s still nice though,’ Red added. ‘It’s peaceful.’
‘IF YOU ENJOY THAT KIND OF THING,’ Elysium huffed.

They trudged through the snow all the way across the courtyard until they came
to a great tiered pyramid, almost Aztec in design, but made of electric blue blocks that
glinted in the light with some sort of mystical energy. A giant wall surrounded the
structure with a large iron gate separating the group from their way inside.
Elysium tested the gates, they were locked.
‘He’d better be in,’ Red frowned.
‘FEAR NOT,’ Elysium said. ‘THIS IS MERELY TO KEEP UNWANTED SEEKERS OF PURILE
TRIVIA FROM GAINING ACCESS TO THE ORACLE. ONLY HE WHO IS DESTINED MAY
SPEAK WITH THE ORACLE HIMSELF.’
‘I’ve got to go in by myself?’ Elion asked, startled.
‘OF COURSE YOU HAVE,’ Elysium snorted. ‘WHY? WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HOLD YOUR
HAND?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ Elion snarled, looking up at the gates. They remained firm and unmoved. ‘So,
do they like, open by magic or … is there a password or something?’
‘No, you have to wait for me to bring out the keys,’ an annoyed voice came from the other
side of the gate where a man dressed like a monk in a large green and white wide-
brimmed hat had appeared from inside the pyramid. ‘Always when I’m in the middle of
dinner,’ the monk muttered in irritation to himself as he approached the gates and glared
out at the group of travellers. ‘Yes?’ the monk frowned at them.
‘WE’RE HERE TO SEE THE ORACLE,’ Elysium puffed.
‘No shit,’ the monk replied wearily. ‘But you’ve made a mistake. The only person allowed
to see the Oracle is the one ordained by the powers of …’
‘… THE POWERS OF DESTINY WHO SHALL SEND FOURTH AN AGENT IN A TIME OF
GREAT PERIL TO SEEK THE WISDOM OF THE ILLUSIVE ORACLE TO PREVENT THE
GREATEST TRAGEDY THE UNIVERSES HAVE EVER KNOW …’ Elysium drolled in a bored
fashion. ‘THIS IS HIM,’ she said, pointing to Elion.
 The monk looked closely at Elion and shook his head. ‘He doesn’t look like a lion,’
he commented.
‘WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS ALREADY,’ Elysium fumed, pushing Elion up against the
gates themselves. ‘THIS IS ELION … APPARENTLY HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE.’
A feeble ‘Hi,’ was all Elion could muster. The monk looked him up and down
disdainfully and finally nodded. ‘Fine,’ he growled, unlocking the gate. ‘But no shoes on
the carpet, it takes forever to get mud out of.’
‘YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU ARE TO ASK HIM FOR ME?’ Elysium said as Elion passed
through the gates into the short walkway on the other side that was strangely devoid of
snow.
‘I remember,’ Elion nodded, giving a glance in Red’s direction.
Red simply shook his head.
‘What do you want me to ask him for you?’ Elion inquired pointedly.
‘I don’t know,’ Red said, frustrated. ‘It’s not something you can ask with just one question
… never mind,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Ask him what you like; I’m probably better off
not knowing.’
‘You sure?’
‘GO!’ Red frowned. ‘Before I realize what I’m saying.’
‘Come then, e-lion,’ the monk said, taking Elion by the shoulder and guiding him
towards the stone steps that led up the side of the pyramid. ‘The Oracle is waiting.’

***

Sirens were sounding from somewhere in the compound as Jeebus dropped from
the ledge onto the grass of the front lawn. Breaking out had been a much simpler matter
than he had anticipated. Up until today, his last meeting with Kessler, Jeebus had been
operating under the belief that there might be somebody who would believe him.
Somebody who might see sense and help him to stop those filthy flying vermin from
taking over planet Earth. But not now, there was clearly no hope. Everybody he told
thought he was a maniac. So be it. He could handle the mocking and the jeering, he
could take the snide remarks and the sarcasm, but there was no way on this green Earth
that he was going to let the ignorance of others bring about the downfall of Earth.
If he just sat back and ignored the task that had been laid out before him then he
would be just as bad as the wretched alien-avian bastards he was fighting. Perpetuating
the downfall of mankind … well, Jeebus wasn’t going to sit down and take this. He would
kill every last one of those vermin on his own if he had to.
The guard dogs were barking ferociously now as spotlights suddenly burst into
light across the grass. Perfect. Jeebus made for the trees, keeping out of the lights as
they danced to and fro in the darkness. He could se guards on foot wrangling the
snarling hounds as he disappeared deeper into the thick woods.
He clambered up into one of the trees and waited there silently as the dogs and
guard began to fan out through the forest in a search line. A search line that was coming
this way.
Luckily, the facility was under-staffed and there were very few of the armed guards
that could be spared to search the grounds for escapees. Their search line was incredibly
sparse and the men were quite some distance apart. Luckier still, the one that passed by
Jeebus’ tree was one of the few without a dog. And even luckier further, nobody heard
his muffled cry as his neck broke or noticed that his torch disappeared for several
minutes before reappearing in the hands of a completely different man dressed in the
regulation grey camouflage gear and bearing a heavy assault rifle. A man that
disappeared into the darkness of the night with two tasks to accomplish. To rid the world
of the pigeon menace, but firstly, he had to find where the idiots had gone and buried
Waldo. He’d only been hit by a car for goodness sake. He was Waldo, he could survive
that. He’d be pretty annoyed at being shut underground in a box all this time. But he’d
soon perk up as soon as the pigeon body-count started to mount.
Ah, that Waldo, what a character.
 ***

‘So, you’re like, The Oracle’s caretaker or something?’ Elion asked as they marched up
the steps.
‘Hardly,’ the monk snorted. ‘I am Asawin, the All-Knowing Cloud of Smoke!’ The monk
clapped his hands and with a poof, turned into a cloud of smoke that drifted silently on
the breeze higher up the steps. Elion chased after it and was soon panting for breath as
he reached the top where Asawin was waiting patiently back in his human-form. ‘Told
you,’ Asawin smirked.
‘Hang on,’ Elion wheezed. ‘So … if you’re … all-knowing, then … what’s the point … of
the Oracle?’
‘Well,’ Asawin shrugged. ‘There’s a difference between all-knowing and being the
omnipotent seer of all there is to see within each and every universe that is, has been
and ever will be.’
‘Only if you’ve got your definition of all-knowing messed up,’ Elion frowned.
Asawin glared menacingly at Elion and tisked. ‘Subtle differences,’ he said icily.
‘The Oracle knows everything whereas I’m simply all-knowing. There’s a huge difference,
plus, The Oracle has to tell you … I can simply ignore you if I choose.’
‘So, you’re just kinda a know-it-all then?’ Elion laughed.
‘You’re making this complicated,’ Asawin snapped as they proceeded down a tunnel that
sloped steeply downwards into the heart of the structure. Torches of blue flame lit their
way as they travelled downwards and reached a great archway that led out into a
massive fissure, deep inside the mountain. The blue torches burned brightly here and
Elion could see the chamber beyond extended off further than the eye could see.

‘I can go no further with you,’ Asawin said. ‘It’s up to you now to see the Oracle and
prevent the tragedy. Remember,’ Asawin said as he ushered Elion off through the
archway. ‘Any question you ask in there will count as one of your three. So don’t ask him
how he is, don’t ask him how his day’s going, don’t even ask him if he is The Oracle.
There’s only one person other than myself you’ll meet in here and it’s him. So don’t go
wasting your destined right to talk with him by being a moron.’
‘Okay,’ Elion said, not too sure how he was supposed to take advice that was for morons
being directed towards him.

He walked through the archway and found himself on a narrow outcrop that led
off into the distance. It was a thin ledge with a severe drop on either side, making Elion
exceedingly aware of his footing as he moved onwards through the bright blue light.
He finally spotted something off in the distance and quickened his pace. It was a
large stone chair upon a dais with several different stone pieces of furniture dotted
around it. A young man in a brown suit was lounging on a large stone bench reading a
magazine, wholly unaware of Elion’s presence until he made a quiet cough to announce
his arrival.
The man looked up at him and casually glanced at his watch.
‘You’re late,’ he announced.
‘Late?’ Elion frowned.
‘Well, no, not late,’ the man said, getting to his feet and stretching. ‘You arrived exactly
when you were meant to. But since I’ve been sat here for nearly eight-thousand years
waiting for this moment, I think I’m entitled to say that you could have gotten here a
little faster. Don’t you think?’
‘I errr …’ Elion said, making sure of how he was going to word what he wanted to say. ‘I
came here to see the Illusive Oracle.’
‘You found me,’ the Oracle shrugged at him and raised an eyebrow. ‘Not what you
expected?’ e smiled. ‘It throws a lot of people who meet me, they usually expect either a
… a big massive talking ball of energy, or a giant or at least something weird, y’know?
But, no, it’s just me … forever and always … all by myse-e-elf,’ he sang before clapping
his hands and leaping into the stone chair. ‘So then, Elion Hempher, Moderator of The
Mercury Rooms … you’ve come here to ask me something … somethings … whatever …
you need my help.’
‘Yes,’ Elion nodded, suddenly aware that up until now, he had been the one answering
all of the questions.
‘Then, ask away,’ The Oracle said with a smile. ‘I have been waiting for eons; so, try not
to screw it up.’
Elion frowned as once again the insinuation was made that he was in some way
going to blow this operation.
‘Okay,’ he said with a frown of adjitation as he recalled the question he had formed word
for word. ‘The Black Hole Operating System of The Mercury Rooms has been damaged by
a DDOS attack. If we don’t find someway of fixing the mechanism, the Black Hole will
expand and destroy the entire Universe.’
‘Yes, I know,’ The Oracle nodded.
‘You kn-’ Elion stopped himself before he finished blurting out a statement which was
undoubtedly a question. Of course the Oracle knew, the Oracle knew absolutely
everything. In which case, he probably knew the questions that Elion was going to ask
before he asked them. How boring life must be for him. ‘Where can I find somebody who
is both willing and able to repair the Black Hole Operating System of The Mercury Rooms
in time to save the Universe?’
The oracle leaned forward in his chair and winked. ‘Good one,’ he smiled. ‘Well
worded and everything, now, let me see,’ he said sitting back as his eyes flared and
glowed a gentle blue colour. ‘You must seek out the man in the red velvet coat,’ the
Oracle boomed. ‘Once you leave my presence, you must travel to the place known as
Dailymotion. There, you must locate Room Fifty-eight; a room that is currently
unoccupied, for he who you seek is falling through time. He will arrive moments after
you, and will leave when he realizes he is not where he thought he would appear. Should
you fail to reach him in time, your Universe will be destroyed, for there will be no further
opportunity for you to speak with this man.’
‘Dailymotion, room fifty-eight, man in the red velvet coat.’ Elion said, quickly writing it on
his hand with a pen.
‘Hey, this is going well so far,’ The Oracle smiled. ‘Go on, ask me Elysium’s question if
you like next.’
Elion frowned and shook his head, this was a little strange. What was the point in
asking the questions if the Oracle already knew what they were? ‘Where can Elysium find
the one whom she has been seeking?’ Elion asked stiffly. The Oracle nodded, his eyes
lighting again as he spoke with a wide smile. ‘Once you leave my presence, she must
travel to the place known as Dailymotion. There, she must locate Room Fifty-eight; a
room that is currently unoccupied, for he whom she seeks is falling through time. He will
arrive moments after she does, and will leave when he realizes he is not where he
thought he would appear. Should she fail to reach him in time, her quest will have been
in vain, for she will never again have an opportunity to speak with this man.’
‘But that’s the-’ Elion spluttered, slapping himself on the forehead. ‘That’s the … that is
the same man, we’re looking for the same guy.’
The Oracle scrutinized Elion with his gaze. ‘I will assume that was an affirming
statement to yourself, and not a question,’ he beamed.
‘It was,’ Elion said with irritation.
‘Then good,’ The Oracle nodded. ‘You have one question left. But we both know that you
have nothing to ask me. You do not wish to know your future and you have no
unanswered questions about your past. So, might I make a suggestion?’
Elion laughed, this was so silly. ‘It doesn’t really matter,’ he said in a defeated and
exasperated fashion. ‘You already know which choice I’m going to make. You know the
question I’m going to ask and you know the answer, so there is no point.’
‘Actually, I don’t know the questions,’ The Oracle puffed. ‘I know everything there is to
know, past, present and future, but I don’t know what questions you are going to ask
me. I know what has brought you here and for all intensive purposes my informed
guesses about what question specifically you ask will be pretty sound, but goodness no, I
don’t know for certain, which is why this third question is so exciting, Mister Hempher.
You have no motivation to ask me anything and thusly, I can’t guess what its going to
be.’
‘Oh,’ Elion mused. ‘Well, that’s a little better I suppose … okay then, what’s your
suggestion? …’ Elion’s jaw dropped as the words left it. He slapped his forehead again
and gritted his teeth. ‘Damn,’ he said with a shake of his head.
The Oracle laughed a deep and throaty laugh and sat back in his chair. ‘I was
going to suggest that you ask about the Meaning of Life,’ The Oracle shrugged and gave a
small sigh. ‘Though don’t feel too disheartened. You have what you need, and you didn’t
fuck it up nearly as badly as most people do. Now, you’d better get going. You have a
Universe to save, and I have some moving to do.’

***

‘The humans know nothing of our treachery,’ Grand Martial Sinnox said quietly. ‘We must
remain as secretive as possible until all is ready. Until our forces are in every corner of this
miserable planet. Once everything is in place, WE SHALL STRIKE!’
‘Oh, it’s just like Kisangani all over again,’ Tannakus, his Corporal rasped.
‘Yes … but this time, let us not leave quite so many of them alive,’ Sinnox laughed.
There was a terrified start and the sound of running footsteps from somewhere
behind them.
‘What was that?’ Sinnox hissed in alarm.
‘A HUMAN HATCHLING!’ Tannakus cried.
‘If he warns his people we are finished!’ Sinnox growled as the pair set off over the bricks
in pursuit. ‘ALERT THE GUARDS CORPORAL! HE MUST NOT GET AWAY!’
The two aliens scrambled up the bricks in order to chase the young human who
might undo their plans. They reached the top and found themselves being hurtled back
by a huge pulse of energy that sent them careening to the floor, scattering a group of
pigeons that had been mulling around the yard.
The alien’s invisibility suits failed and shorted out as they recollected themselves
and locked eyes with the one who had attacked them. A tall man with curly blonde hair
in a long red velvet coat held out a metal device in front of him. He narrowed his eyes are
their shapeless doughy forms and sneered.
‘I should have known,’ he growled. ‘As if a treaty spanning this entire Galaxy is going to
be adhered to by the Great and Powerful Crouton Empire. Ponsing around in your
invisibility suits waging war on the Sultanas, never caring which planet you invade and
destroy in the process. What are you after this time? The resources? Slaves? The
Strategic positioning of the planet? All of the above? Or is this just a convenient
weekend-getaway for the Officers?’
‘HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE IN OUR AFFAIRS!’ Grand Martial Sinnox thundered.
‘Quite easily,’ the blonde man in the red coat snapped. ‘It’s what I’m her for … now, I’ll
give you one chance … one chance to pack up your things and leave Earth forever in
peace without any violence.’
‘Or what?’ Tannakus scoffed.
The blonde man’s eyes blazed at them as he raised his weapon in the Crouton’s
direction. ‘Or I’ll make you,’ he said. ‘…Violently …’

***