The corporaTe ninja’s guide To saniTary ninjuTsu-based habiTs shuriKen, snipers, poison, quarTerly evaluaTions— for protection from these and countless other threats, the modern ninja relies on years of training in martial arts and corporate best practices. Likewise, against infection, disease, and tailored killer bacteria, trust in your secret ninja weapon: good personal hygiene! meTaphorically, we’ve all goT blood on our hands When metaphor becomes reality, use disposable latex gloves while handling blood, sweat, saliva, miscellaneous excretions, organs, and brain matter. your masK or cowl does NOT protect from airborne viruses! Wear a surgical mask over your cowl. Witnessing your target’s last breath should fill you with pride, not tuberculosis.

safe Kill clean


G ood Ninja Always T idy

elecTronic devices virus-free—
all of them, not just the kind you attach to your victim’s extremities—by washing them regularly in warm, soapy water. A clean gizmo is the way to go!


diseases You’re exposed constantly, assuming you’re any good. For protection from sprays of blood and errant bodily fluids, use an ordinary umbrella. Upgrade to Kevlar for protection from small arms fire.



is The ninja’s venerable Tool Remember, only FDA-approved prophylactic latex can protect you from STDs, as well as from possible paternity headaches down the line. Ancestral sharkskin provides dubious protection and also chafes.

Management is not mistaken:

Cleanliness can save your bacon! Remember GNAT on every mission. Hygiene keeps a ninja ninjin’!
Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Greg Ingber. Layout by Allen Varney. For further helpful counsel in ISO 9000-compliant corporate espionage and assassination, visit

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