Adapted from Asia Pacific Dispute Resolution Center’s Peer Mentor Training

 What is conflict?

Conflict is normal. The conflict outcome is affected by the way the people involved in the conflict resolve the situation. Some points to remember about conflict: 1.

 

Conflicts arise no matter what you do. Conflicts are inevitable and are a natural part of life that must be faced and resolved in constructive (positive) ways. 2.

 

 Any conflict has the potential for destructive (negative) or constructive (positive) outcomes. 3.

 

Whether a conflict is destructive or constructive depends on your skill in managing conflicts in positive  ways

Conflict

is a disagreement between two or more people. Conflicts can end up in three different ways:

•

 

Lose/Lose

 – nobody is happy  with the outcome

•

 

 Win/Lose

 – only one side is happy with the outcome

•

 

 Win/Win

 – everybody feels good about the outcome

Conflict

is an opportunity for two or more people involved in a disagreement to:

•

 

Communicate about the situation

•

 

Share how they see the situation differently

•

 

Understand each other better

•

 

See if they can agree upon how they will settle their differences in a way that makes each person involved feel better

 

 Adapted from Asia Pacific Dispute Resolution Center’s Peer Mentor Training

“I” Statements

•

 

Tells someone how you

feel

 when

something

 happens that causes an

emotion

.

•

 

NOT AN “I” STATEMENT:

Why can’t you ever be on time?

 

•

 

“I” STATEMENT:

I feel angry when I am kept waiting because I value my time and feel that I am not a priority if others do not value my time.

 

•

 

NOT AN “I” STATEMENT:

You are always on time.

 

•

 

“I” STATEMENT:

I feel happy when my friends are on time and we have more time together because this shows the value of our friendship.

 

FORMING AN “I” STATEMENT 1.

 

I feel

(emotion)

 2.

 

 When

(specific action/what bothers you)

 

 

 Adapted from Asia Pacific Dispute Resolution Center’s Peer Mentor Training

Roadblocks to Communication

 

Ordering

You must… you have to… you  will

Threatening

If you don’t, then… You better

Preaching

It is your duty to… You should You’re wrong because… Do you realize…

Lecturing Providing Answers Judging Excusing Diagnosing Prying

What I would do is… It would be best for you… You’re bad… lazy! You’ll feel better… It’s not so bad… You’re just trying to get attention… I know what you need… Why?... What?... When?... How?...