Proctor & Gambling By Marshall Layne Dungan

@doctahmushi on twitter

INT. KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL - DAY BLEARY-EYED STUDENTS trudge into the local community center hall, where a GRID of DESKS is laid out for them. Two jockish teens, KYLE and BRETT, walk together. KYLE I never should have taken AP English. BRETT No course substitution is worth listening to Ms. Thun Thun. Across the expanse of desks stands MS. THUNNELL (28), blonde, well-put-together, with nametag to match. Her pretty figure is only matched by her icy demeanor. KYLE I dunno man, she’s worth watching, anyway. BRETT Don’t. Drop that thun-thun-thun... As they begin to laugh at her, an impish young man, NICO WALKER, catches them. He isn’t pleased. NICO Really guys? Even today? You might wanna save some of that blood flow for your brain. Kyle grabs his crotch. KYLE This is the only head that thinks for me, loser. BRETT So what, you’re about to ace this test? NICO I’m well-prepared, if that’s what you’re asking. BRETT (mocking tone) I’m well-prepared, if that’s what you’re asking. I did my taxes and balanced my 401k just before I came here, huh huh!

2.

The rest of the students file past. INT. KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL - LATER Ms. Thunnell stands before the students, hands clasped together tightly. MS. THUNNELL Today is a very big day for you all, but I do NOT want you to stress out. We’ve provided coffee and donuts for everyone, I want you to take your time and really think about your essays. Kyle and Brett are seated on each side of Nico. Kyle raises his hand with a shit-eating grin as he picks a BOOK off Nico’s desk. KYLE Hey, how am I supposed to focus on The Sun Also Rises when Nico’s got...Runes for Fun and Profit? Do you even want to see a vagina before you’re 30? MS. THUNNELL Enough. Nico, put the book away. Kyle, I sincerely hope you actually read Hemingway, otherwise the last 9 months will have been a severe waste of your time. KYLE (to Brett) Tell that to my spank bank. The two chortle. INT. KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL - LATER Testing is underway. MONTAGE TESTING: shots of students under VISIBLE STRESS. ERASING, CROSSING OUT, STARTING OVER. Nico writes. And writes. Until his hand cramps. He looks up at the CLOCK: 30 MINUTES LEFT. He’s scrawling on his paper, faster than ever now. From the pressure, his pen tip BREAKS. Ink spills on the page. He looks around, everyone is BUSY. He looks back at the clock. Time is RUNNING OUT. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

And, oh god no--his STOMACH GURGLES. Terror sweat begins to form as his breathing becomes more labored. NICO Hnnnnnnn... He fights back nausea as Kyle and Brett give him a pitiful "you’re fucked" look. He, holding back vomit, BURSTS out of his desk and to the bathroom. Ms. Thunnell sees him dash off and she’s immediately worried. Kyle and Brett laugh silently at the scene. Ms. Thunnell heads for the bathroom. INT. KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL BATHROOM - DAY Ms. Thunnell walks slowly, looking around suspiciously for Nico. MS. THUNNELL Nico? Is everything alright? NICO (weakly) No... Ms. Thunnell zeroes in on the stall. The click of her heels draws closer, and finally, she undoes the latch and OPENS the stall door. There’s FIRE in Ms. Thunnell’s eyes. NICO ...But I’m feeling better now. Nico stands, and meets her gaze. In heels, she’s just a few inches taller than him. The two KISS PASSIONATELY, Nico suddenly more a man than anyone outside. This goes on for a while. Ms. Thunnell holds him close to her by the lapels. MS. THUNNELL You finished your test, right?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

NICO Like an hour ago. MS. THUNNELL Perfect. Can you come in under 30 minutes? NICO That’s really up to you. INT. KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL - BACK TO SCENE MUFFLED SOUNDS of something sick. Kyle and Brett share a look. BRETT (whisper) What a spaz.

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