THE REAL ADRIAN MOLE

by Terry Ravenscroft[www.razza.fsnet.co.uk]

November 2001 - March 2002

Compilation v2.0 by Nicholas Wordsworth [Solarplasmoid@yahoo.com] May 2009

 

Hiya, I'm Adrian Mole, aged 14 ¾. I live with my parents, Geoffrey and Una Mole. My father is an air hostess and my mother is a traffic warden. I suppose it's possible that there could be more embarrassingprofessions for a boy's parents to have, but I can't think of one. Lavatory attendant, maybe. But even lavatory attendants keep a low profile, they don't walk down aisles pushing a duty free trolley or parade the streets harrassing motorists, like my parents do. Fortunately none of my friends know what my parents have to do to make a living because I've told them that my father is a pilot and my mother is an undercover policewoman. To say that I don't get on with them is a bit like saying that George Bush doesn't get on with Osama Bin Laden. In fact I'm far from convinced I'm their son, and suspect that when I was born they mixed up the babies at the hospital and their real son is some nerdy no mark or other and my real parents are Pierce Brosnan and Carol Vorderman. When I was born in 1987 they christened me Adrian, thus saddling me with the name Adrian Mole. What on earth possessed them to do this remains a mystery, but they're adults, right? When I was very young I wasn't aware of the effect that being called Adrian Mole would have on me in later life, otherwise I might have topped myself there and then. It was only when I started school, and the older children started making fun of me, that I realised how much grief it would give me, but I didn't find out the reason why until after I'd learned how to read and my parents bought me the book 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 ¾'. I mean what is he like? And I've been given the same bloody name as him! Anyway the thing is, because of that book, all my life I've been compared to the fictional Adrian Mole. I've lost count of the number of times people have asked me how my spots are, or how are things with me and Pandora. Some daft sods even think I am him! So I'm starting this diary to show everybody

 

what the life of the real Adrian Mole is like.If you enjoy reading my diary, and like me you're a kid, put the name of this website, www.razza.fsnet.co.uk on your school noticeboard so that your schoolmates can log on as well. Then tell any friends you have who go to other schools about it, so that they can do the same, because the greater the number of people who know that I'm nothing at all like that wet twat in the book the better I'll like it! *******November 1 2001Thursday

When I got home from school today my mother was still out so I watched my 'Ibiza Uncovered and Uncut' tape. Cool. Then I cleaned out my father's rabbit hutch. The smell wasn't any better. According to my father cleaning out the rabbit hutch is one of the things that will 'make a man of me'. It won't. The most it can hope to achieve is to make me into an expert rabbit hutch cleaner, but as that is unlikely to be my chosen career path it's a complete waste of time, but try telling my father that. Doing the garden and cleaning the car are other things I have to do that will 'make a man of me'. Apparently no pleasant things, such as chilling out with my mates or going to the pictures, will make a man of me. I suspect that even if the picture I wanted to see was called 'How to make a man of yourself'