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Happybucket

by Matt Coughlan

like me you wait for god(s) / aliens / faeries / devils / the government / death to descend from on high / beam from spaceships / escape their mushroom rings / ascend from below / pass a law / harvest your soul and then you will finally know the truth about good / the universe / enchantment / evil / area 51 / oblivion though while we wait we might as well make our own version of

heaven / science / magic /

justice / power / life ...

I fall in love / at least twenty-seven / times a day / you'd think I'd be / used to it by now ...

kids I thought a helicopter was going to fall on me today so heres everything you need to know in case it does dont hit

dont throw stay where you can see me Ill be in your heart now some toys are share toys some toys arent look both ways when you cross the street in fact, look both ways all the time if you see something bigger than you moving at you quickly then get the fuck out of the way unless you know kung fu (you should probably learn kung fu) okay, you can hit if they hit you first but chill out with it someone needs to learn to not hit it might as well be you same thing goes for throwing though if youre in a sport or whatever youll probably need to throw dont spank though since spanking is hitting and hitting is wrong be right enough to be safe be wrong enough to be fun curse when you feel inclined love someone even if they leave or if you need to leave then learn from that if anyone tells you something is simple they are full of crap unless it is then you should probably listen just enough to get the idea we are all fuck ups we are all crazy in one way or another we are all insecure if someone isnt theyre probably actually insane

remember to get out of the way dont get discouraged when love doesnt solve everything the way you want it to life isnt fair no reason it couldnt be a little more fair though life is boring life is a stack of shit you dont want to do that you have to do anyway so enjoy momentary happiness whenever it happens believe everything is going to be okay even if it isnt because if a helicopter falls on my head it will be your turn to make everything okay ...

sea and I / spoke about moon / and he said / sooner or later / stones become sand ...

I want a nerdy girl I want our glasses to clink when we kiss I want bruises on her shins from her perpetual war with coffee tables

I want us to argue about her overdue library books then make up and watch something with subtitles preferably with laser beams or dragonfire or both while we burrow on our threadbare couch I want her to tell me about sandcrabs or free trade coffee or tanzania then I want to talk about poetry or video games without her eyes glazing over like deer in abstract headlights I want her to know she's not really elizabeth and I'm not mr. darcy with a pemberley in my pants since patriarchy is primitive unless she growls softly when I grab her frizzy ponytail then grind her geeky hips ...

how I'm a beach curious thoughts tunnel in me I'm malleable if you hit me I'm rock from afar I shimmer up close I'm birdshit and seaweed I remember mountains people visit for a time then leave often never to return sometimes I keep their footprints and their trash I'm hot and cold

dry and wet hard and soft I circle infinitely you can tell time with me as I slip through your fingers I grate your soft places like all artists I'm a bridge between people and the infinite if you built your love on me your house would collapse I'm a desert without the ocean people say they're different though when they visit me they all gaze the same way at the horizon ...

this is me / I am real / I say to the sun / that has no recognition / of my existence ...

he says, there is no I and I wonder what no I looks like the space in a whirlpool the gap in a canyon the inside of a bubble the photograph of the empty place where we used to talk when you checked your phone and me with my hands on my head like I know I'm under arrest by the metaphorical police who charge me with a false identity then take me away ...

you will not find me in a field of discontent since I am hollow like the rabbit holes abandoned under your hawkish gaze if you flood my tunnels with downcast rain I will vanish along the spaces where our clouds went astray ...

the observable universe is 93 billion light years across with more than 100 billion galaxies each with billions of stars so I'm relatively certain at least one star exploded when you left ...

what if solar / beings flew from the sun / handed us a bill / for five billion years / of keeping the light on ...

pragmatic people with the scent of common sense often berate me for posting on the internet since it will last forever meanwhile the artist in me is giddy with the thought that anyone will read my words for eternity like hieroglyphic graffiti on the pyramids

...

if you ask me where I've been I'll lie and say I was training a giraffe to tightrope walk across a dental floss bridge when actually I was floating around my house like a phantom while wondering where all the BBQ chips went ...

life is a field of stones we pick up stones as we go along

drag them behind us we might see a stone as a goal we might covet another's stone we might throw a stone at another we might construct a fortress we might carry so many stones that we cry out to the wind to unburden us carry away the stones we can no longer hold so we can be useful with the stones we hold the wind might push us away from the stones we desire we might not hear the wind in the stillness when the wind rages we know a hand with a stone is a fist so we let go of stones with open hands we touch the wind ...

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