Divorce for Men Unlike women who often seek out comfort from friends and family when

going though difficult times, divorces for men are often very private affairs. Many men don’t realize that there are people who can help them find the resources to deal with and understand the emotional and legal ramifications of ending their marriages. If you are a man going through a divorce, understand that seeking help does not indicate a sign of weakness; instead, it shows you care enough for yourself and your children to get the help you need Attorney James Quigley, a partner in the law firm of Beermann Swerdlove LLP, 2006 http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_for_Men

How Divorce Affects Men's Health
From About.com Updated: August 01, 2006 About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Research into the effects of divorce on men's health is fairly scant. What evidence exists reveals that men find divorce more emotionally problematic than women. Suicide rates, for example, are up to six times higher in men who are separated or divorced compared with those who are still in a relationship. Men appear much less emotionally prepared for separation. In large part this may be due to the fact that most break-ups are started by women. During the emotional upheaval that often follows, men are fairly poor at expressing a range of emotions, which may appear to reveal them as angry and/or indifferent. Men also react differently to women when they are depressed so their real emotional state may not be clear.

Just under half of all first marriages end in divorce. Where children are involved the emotional strain can be much harder on men. In most cases of divorce or separation small children stay with their mothers. To date, nearly all research into so-called single-parent families is focused on single-mother families. With relatively few exceptions men who bring up their own children are pretty much ignored. Men who are not in this position and who wish to retain a strong emotional bond with their children face many barriers. The rate of divorce coupled with the few known effects on men's health points to an urgent need for greater understanding about how divorce and separation affects men's health.


Factors affecting men in divorce and why

Men in particular often come out of the divorce process feeling aggrieved and embittered. A very common scenario is that the house is transferred to the wife's sole name, the children live with the wife and the husband pays maintenance for the children until they leave full time education while at the same time losing meaningful contact with them. All too often the man feels he has lost everything under such circumstances - wife, home and children and that what he has spent years building up has suddenly been snatched away from him.

This situation can be made to feel infinitely worse if the man feels the wife has been to "blame" for the break-up by, for instance, committing adultery. He very often feels that this "fault" ought to be taken into account in some way.

To understand why this happens so often it is important to know precisely how the divorce process works. There are, in effect, three SEPARATE issues. Firstly, there is the divorce itself. This is the process by which the marriage is brought to an end so that the parties are free to re-marry. The conclusion of this process is the decree absolute. Secondly, there is the process by which the marital assets are divided and financial provision is made for all the parties affected. This is described as "ancillary relief" although, in practice, it is often the most contested part of the proceedings and is very much central rather than ancillary. This part of the process may go on long after decree absolute has been granted. Thirdly, there may be proceedings relating to children - who the children are to live with, contact arrangements with the absent parent etc. Very often matters relating to children are resolved amicably and by agreement which is by far the best way. But if they are not and a court is asked to decide questions of residence and/or contact these proceedings can be very bitter indeed.



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