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Now, my tone is for the men. We speak to men differently than women.

Were this a women‟s conference, I would not call you all idiots and imbeciles and fools, that you‟re a joke, okay? But you men, this is where it needs to go. You‟ve been glad-handed and buddied up and positive thinking and you‟re a winner and Jesus loves you and you can do better. And I‟m telling you, you‟re a joke. And the real men in the room know it and they see it. And maybe there‟s one woman that you fooled and she doesn‟t see it because like Eve, she‟s deceived. First Peter 3:7, here‟s what he has to say: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayer may not be hindered.” In the previous verse, 1 Peter 3:6, he said that women, when it comes to marriage are prone toward, what? Fear. Fear. And you know what? Those fears that the women have about marriage are legitimate, they are. If a woman marries a man, she‟s trusting him with the rest of her life that he won‟t hit her, cheat on her, that he‟ll work hard, that he‟ll pay the bills, that he‟ll love their children, that he‟ll finish the race well, that he‟ll walk with Jesus „til the end, that if she gets sick, he‟ll look after her, that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man. As a man, I don‟t think I fully understood this until I had daughters, and now I have some understanding of that fear. The thought of taking one of my daughters and walking them down the aisle and handing them to a man and trusting that he will love them and protect them and serve them and care for them and look after them, it causes me fear, grave concern. The women have legitimate fears and what Peter is saying is that men need to be a particular way so that those fears are alleviated. And I love his words, “in an understanding way, showing honor.” That‟s a man. That‟s a man. Now as I say this, many of you guys will nod your head and say, “Yeah, that‟s me.” No, you‟re not. So let me practically unpack this for you. Every man who hears this, even the best men among us, has areas of repentance and growth that are required. And so I want to talk to you men about some things that your woman will fear.

1. Honor your wife maritally.
What this means is, gentlemen, you‟re not looking for a girlfriend if you are single. You‟re not looking for a roommate. You‟re not looking for a cohabitation partner. You‟re looking for a wife. You‟re looking for a wife. If he can‟t even honor you while dating, that is when he is on his best behavior. I don‟t care if he apologizes, does he repent and lead? Being sorry is not enough; being Christ-like is what is necessary. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Is he selfless or selfish? Does he give himself up for you or does he take from you?

A man who picks on a woman. You‟re not the “I got another gal on the side I always keep in case of emergency” guy.being of the woman? See. See. Honor her physically. it‟s not a fair fight. you are to be a one-woman man. I‟ll pray. You‟re not the download porn guy. you should just shut up right now. See the women have seen this so many times that they‟re fearful of men. I‟ll pray imprecatory prayers in the closet. Peter says that the woman is the “weaker vessel.” What that means is that generally speaking. You‟re not the flirt guy. I‟ll pray. she has an 18-inch waist. It‟s gonna go bad for you”? Do you get right in her face? Do you intimidate her with your presence? Shame on you. 2. If we get in a fight. men. angry. violent. Do you ever hit her? Do you ever shove her? Do you ever push her? Do you ever grab her. I have an 18-inch neck. That‟s the requirement of an elder and that is the example for all men. glazed. Grace. gentlemen? You are stronger than your woman. If you are. She will become yet another single mother. If you don‟t honor marriage. don’t-push-it-now’s-a-goodtime-to-shut-up look? Do you tell her. You‟re not the female buddies guy. she is statistically going to go into poverty upon divorce. . If someone breaks into our home. they like to take their wedding ring off when they go out to the sports bar with the boys. I‟ll give you an example. You‟re the tough one here. what a joke.When you get married. Do you honor your marriage covenant? Do you take responsibility as the head of the marriage covenant. if a husband and a wife get in a fistfight. I‟m not “Go get „em. he‟ll win. baby. I‟ll pray.” You know what. I know some complete fools. you‟re not honoring marriage and you‟re not honoring your wife. What a joke. Many of you have seen my wife. these fears are very legitimate. that pierced. restrain her? Do you ever raise a hand and threaten her? Do you ever intimidate her with physical violence? Do you give her that look. “I‟m getting very angry. take responsibility for the well. You‟re not the wandering eye guy. She‟ll have to find a way to explain to the children of why they shouldn‟t be embittered against you even though you‟re a loser. a woman has great fear.

He will shed a few tears. that it means you get to be the bully. vilest thing is a man who hits a woman. You didn’t pursue her. no excuse. Some of you say. what? He knew her. She wants you to open up. I know a lot of women who do. “You know when you do that. especially his daughters. he’s in sin. some absolute block-headed idiots who think when the Bible says that you‟re the head of the home.” Yeah. particularly if she‟s got children. She feels stuck. Men and women have the same emotions. and the man who hits a woman is willing to hit his own daughter. If he‟s ever even threatened you with violence. run for your grandchildren’s life.” It‟s never your fault. She can‟t leave. . There‟s nothing uglier than a guy who then takes this same disposition toward his children. and there‟s no emotional connection whatsoever. “She‟s my wife. when someone is attacked. and she wants to know you and she wants to be known by you. it must be my fault. You didn’t connect with her. She wants you to be passionate and loving and honest. You didn’t encourage her. And the Bible says that Adam was with his wife. harms you. tell you he is sorry. 3. Their husband is physically intimidating. but you didn’t love her. it just makes me really angry. I didn‟t yell at her. He knew her. There are too many guys that turn marriage into a job description. what is even worse is torment. And there are some guys. Eve. You‟ll say.” You should. Does she feel safe with you? Ladies. “I didn‟t hit her. There is something sincerely wrong in that man. Most men don‟t walk around thinking about their personal safety. It doesn’t matter what you say or do. She wants to know you. And see. Honor her verbally. Some of you guys are tormentors and abusers and rapists and husbands and Christians. she does hers. run for your children’s life. I don‟t connect. As horrible as that is. they express them in masculine and feminine ways. So ultimately. Don‟t do that again. Honor your wife emotionally. She‟s afraid of him. It‟s disgusting. and he. The grossest.” “Oh.Have you ever forced yourself on a woman? You‟re a rapist. you failed her. This is like prisoners of war and those who are held captive in slavery. He does his responsibility. if a man hits you. those are guys whose sins are sins of omission. She wants you to know her. and that is absolutely inexcusable.” You‟re a rapist. say it will never happen again and he will subtly shift the blame to you. run for your life. their version of slavery and captivity and torment is called marriage. He will then apologize. Torment is when you‟re abused and you can‟t get out. For some women. at least that‟s what she thinks. Your wife needs intimacy. “I‟m not emotional. 4. if you’re dating a guy who has ever been physically violent. there is something profoundly demonic in that man. You know. okay. we call it abuse.

” What he‟s saying is “I‟m in charge and I command you to sin. but about her.” There‟s a verse. Honor your wife financially. God sees everything. If you want any men to respect you. worthless men among us do is “Oh.” And I know that some of you guys are gonna hear this. Titus 2. God. You‟re gonna say. you forget. Jesus isn‟t there. you gotta work.” Men. You‟ve gotta out-work the other men if you want to feed your family. 40 percent of all children are born out of wedlock. “Hey. My wife isn‟t there. get a good job. That’s your responsibility as a man. Jesus is there even when your wife‟s not there. but this is outdated. The man‟s curse was providing for his family. I know yours is heavy. some of you guys. See. they‟re stuck in the middle. the woman‟s curse was her children and submitting to her husband. Not just speaking to her in her presence. he‟s denied the faith and worse than an unbeliever. See a division in a marriage includes the children. most impish. and the husband keeps saying.” “We can‟t have kids. if you want your wife to respect you. and the children will be left in this horrible position of choosing between their mother and father and invariably some of the children will despise their own mother and speak evil of her in an effort to remain loyal to their father. It is now at the point where women aren‟t even pretending they‟re gonna ever get married.” Shame on you. “I‟m the head of the home. have a kid. “I would never hit a woman. See. You gotta work hard. Speaking honestly. you pay the bills.” to deny all of your maternal instincts. They go to college. When you wife is not there and you‟re with the boys. I get to say whatever I want. but speaking about her in her absence. and I would say look at the condition of marriages and families in our culture and ask if it‟s working. We live in this day where there are guys telling their wives.” “We’re a culture that is working hard to protect women and children. abortion. “Well. if you want your children to respect you. lovingly to her and about her.” How about with your tongue? How about with your tongue? Not just speaking to your wife. birth control. “Oh. God knows everything. You say.” “I don‟t like responsibility. and no one has the common sense to beat on the guys who are the cause of so much of the pain. you feed the family.” Yes.How do you speak to her? Do you have nasty nicknames for her? Do you raise your voice? Do you threaten her? Do you give back-handed comments? Some of you guys would say. And what the weakest. You start saying horrible things about your wife. see God hears everything.” No. “If a man does not provide for the needs of his family. how do you speak of her? What do you say about her? You know what? Your children will pick this up as well. respectfully. They‟re casualties of the war. “The woman should be homeward in her orientation. The latest statistics. You make the money. no. They‟ve lost any hope of ever finding a guy . but I need you to carry half of mine too. 5. get pregnant. There‟s nothing sadder than a woman who loves Jesus and wants to be a mom. You men could defuse this and take away this fear by honoring her verbally. and you‟re not getting away with anything. my load is heavy.” “You make too much money.

invest well. dry cleaning. The taxes alone eat a huge portion of it. I know it‟s hard. 6. She wants you to love them. disorganized. can‟t go out to coffee with the girls „cause he‟s a total control freak and tightwad. Honor her practically. car. And I know it‟s hard to live on one income. to pursue them. “Well. Be honoring of your wife financially. your wife wants you to love the kids. Honor her practically. saying. you make a budget. But what I am saying is this: you live within your means. shoulder half of my curse. they‟re not generous. We‟re a culture that is working hard to protect women and children. I know guys as well. throw-it-together-at-the-lastminute. cell phone. She wants you to pray with „em. They don‟t have a plan. the other costs that are associated. get a job. then why am I even going to work?” Good question. “You‟re providing nothing to the income of the family. and no one has the common sense to beat on the guys who are the cause of so much of the pain.works nightmare. And you know what? You should too. She wants you to get daddy dates with the girls. Some guys. you tithe. things of that nature. spend. eating out. come to find it‟s not really helping. the guy‟s just a zoo. She wants you to do Ephesians 6 and be their pastor. second phone. Statistically as well. it‟s a built-in excuse to be irresponsible. “Put the kids in day care. It’s your job . They don‟t have a budget. She wants you to read the Bible with „em. unplanned. save. It’s your job to love your kids. hope-that-it. This guy makes decent money and he‟s totally chintzy with his wife. you‟ve abdicated your responsibility to others.” Honor her financially. I‟ve done my Christian duty. I forgot to run the numbers.” and the women are bawling.who can actually carry the load. having a nervous breakdown on television. It‟s never finished. the house is a wreck. I know it‟s particularly difficult in this economic climate. I send the wife and kids to the Christian church. The car hardly starts. She doesn‟t know what‟s going on. He‟s not smart enough to find somebody tofigure it out for him. So many guys who are even Christians think “I pay for Christian school. plus the increased tax breaks and costs and burdens… The truth is very rarely does a wife go out and get a job and contribute anything to the bottom line of the family. They don‟t have a schedule. Gentlemen. and I‟m not saying you‟re gonna live at this lavish and high level.” No. Oh and by the way. just an absolute. Do you have a budget? Do you have a schedule? Do you have an integrated plan? Do you have a life? 7. he‟s such an idiot. because that guy doesn‟t even know how to run numbers on taxes. They live far away from community. and put them in day care so mom can work. but for some of you boys. The furniture‟s broken. She wants you to get guy time with the boys. if you have children. It’s your job to pray with your kids. She wants you to help raise them. He just says. MSNBC did a big study on this years ago and they brought the data to the mothers who dropped their kids off at the day care. take-out. She gets no spending money. The practical stuff of life. Honor her parentally. I know one guy. and that‟s tragic.

” . my daughter Alexie. gentlemen. that he‟s tender with them. What this means. I need that as much as Alexie. employee. “Christian. blond hair. I need a piggyback ride and a Bible story. your goal is not to stand before God and tell him what level you got to on “World of Warcraft. blue eyes. husband. I weep thinking of the day that I‟m not gonna be giving her piggyback rides.to teach the Bible to your kids. your projects. You‟re not gonna have a lot of time for a lot of other things. that he‟s Pastor Dad for them. And gentlemen. that he cares for them. it’ll take most of your life.” You know what? I do too. This is wonderful. is your priorities will be Christian. So few children actually have a father. guys. “Poppa Daddy. your car. your hobbies. father. It‟s your job to discipline your kids. it‟ll take most of your life. it‟s something you get to do. And I‟ll tell you what. employee. So few of those actually have a Christian father and how few of those actually have a dad who‟s doing his job. You‟re not gonna have a lot of time. that he serves them. It‟s your job to encourage your kids. Those are your first four duties. I mean every night. Those are your first four duties. father. this is not something you have to do. husband. Probably gonna need to put down your tools. your Xbox and probably going to need to put down the remote control and your laptop and your iPod to honor your wife parentally. You’re not gonna have a lot of time. so I give her as many piggyback rides as I can „cause it‟s a great season and a wonderful opportunity. looks like Tinkerbell. your golf clubs.” A wife will be so forgiving of so many things if she actually knows that her husband desperately loves their children.