May 28

I woke up. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I walked into the living room. Bella, Edward, can I talk to you please? They came over to me at once, and sat down on the sofa. I told them that I was going to South – America with Nahuel, and that I had to sort out my feelings before I could go on with living my life. Edward said that they understood. Just tell us what you need, and we will try to help you as best as we can. They really understood. No one could ask for better parents. Thank you, I said. Now I need to talk to Nahuel, and tell him that I am going with him. Nahuel woke up an hour later. I told him that I was coming with him. He was so happy. His eyes were glowing. He had planned to stay in Forks for a while longer, but due to the circumstances, we decided to leave tomorrow. He gave me a big hug, and kissed my cheek. I had to tell Jake. I hated to do this, but I had to sort out my feelings. When he answered, I asked if he could come to the cottage. I wanted to spend the day with him. He told me that he could come in an hour. He just had to get something sorted out with the Pack first. So when we hung up the phone, I went to my room to pack my things for the trip.

When Jake came, we walked hand in hand to our special place, the place where he had asked me to marry him. Jake, I’m leaving tomorrow, but don’t be sad. I’ll be back soon. There is something I want to ask you. I know that it is hard for you to stay away from me for long periods at a time, but I need to go alone this time. Please say that you understand. I don’t want to stay away from you either, but this time we have to. Nessie, how can you ask this of me? I have tried to understand this, but this is just too hard. I don’t know what to do. He sat down for a while. I have a solution. Would it be okay if Leah came with you? Fine, I said. Leah and I got along with each other well. We weren’t exactly best friends, but we understood each other. We spent the whole day together in our place. When nighttime came, I told him that I needed to get to bed, because we were leaving early in the morning. He followed me home and kissed me good night. Then he left.

May 29.
I got up early. My things were already packed. My family came to say goodbye to me. I hugged and kissed them all. Jake said that he wanted to drive us to the airport. I liked that. I was happy that he wanted to see me off. Leah sat in the back seat with Nahuel. She was so silent. I thought it was because that she was sitting next to a half-vampire, and that she didn’t want to leave La Push. But then I saw her expression, the way she looked at Nahuel. I recognized that look. She had imprinted on him. How bizarre this was. Jake was in love

with me. I was in love with Jake and Nahuel. Nahuel was also in love with me, and Leah was in love with Nahuel. I was jealous, but since I knew that he was in love with me and wanted me, I wasn’t really worried, justannoyed. Poor Leah. Would she ever be together with the man she loved?First Sam, and now Nahuel. What if I chose him? What would that do to Leah, and what about Jake? Would they still follow us, still be around? I was hurting so many people. I had to sort out my problems fast. When we got to the airport, I kissed Jake goodbye. See you soon I said. He whispered in my ear: Hurry back to me. I love you. I told him that I loved him to, and then he left. Before he had turned around, I could see tears in his eyes. I wanted to run after him, but Nahuel took my hand, and didn’t let go until we were on the plane. For the first time in my life, I was exhausted when I got of the plane. I usually loved flying. We decided to stay at a hotel the first night, before we began our trip in to the rainforest. I couldn’t wait to go to sleep. Leah and Nahuel wanted to stay up for a couple of more hours, so they went downstairs to get something to eat, and to talk a bit. They asked me to come, but I was too tired. This had been a couple of very emotional days for me. I said good night, and went to bed. I fell asleep before my head had hit the pillow.

May 31.

It was a beautiful morning. My spirit was really lifted today. I couldn’t wait to go to see the rainforest again, and Nahuels house. I was happy I had decided to put all the sad things behind me, and to really enjoy myself. I also wanted to explore my feelings for Nahuel. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door. It was Leah. She asked me if I was ready, and if I wanted to go downstairs to eat breakfast. As soon as she mentioned food, my stomach growled. We both laughed. We met Nahuel in the restaurant. After a large breakfast, we went up to our rooms to get our things. We wanted to get started as soon as possible. After travelling for seven hours straight, we finally reached Nahuels house. I was really glad to be here again. He didn’t have a big house, so Leah and I shared a bedroom. It was okay. The last couple of days had made Leah and I become really close. She was a good friend. She told me so many stories about the Pack. We had a great time together. Nahuel was a bit upset at first when I told him that Leah was coming with us. But he didn’t say much about it. As our trip went on, Leah and Nahuel became close friends as well. Sometimes I could hear their laughs from a distance, but I just smiled. It was easy to love them both. The first week we explored the rainforest. Nahuel showed us so many different things. We also hunted, and that was really fun. I had a great time. When I wanted to stay at home to read a book, Nahuel and Leah went on trips of their own. I could see that their friendship was changing. It was about time I got Nahuel for my self so that we could talk. I had postponed this for too long. I had to sort out how I felt. Nahuel, can you take me to your special place today please? I would like to talk to you. He looked so happy. Leah decided to stay

at home and do some washing. She had to wash her clothes, and she said that she would make dinner for us today. We agreed on five o’clock. Nahuel and I walked outside. Run with me he said, and we sped of. After an hour of running, he stopped. We are here he said. Look up. I did what he said. In the big tree there was a little house. He had built a tree house. This is my special place he said. I come here to think, and to get away from other people. Sometimes I stay here for weeks at a time. It has only got two rooms, a bedroom and a kitchen/living room. It is not very big, but I built it so that I could have a little place of my own. It’s my home away from home. I understand I said. He looked at me, and I looked at him. He started to lean over to me, and bent his head down to mine. He was going to kiss me. I felt my whole body tremble with excitement. I had waited for this for a while now. Imagining how it would be. The kiss was soft at first, but then it got deeper. He licked my lips, and then his tongue met mine in a little dance. He broke of our kiss, and started to kiss my neck. I closed my eyes. He started to nibble on my ear. It was really good, and I started to get really excited now. Oh Jake, I murmured. He stopped, raised his head and looked at me. I had said Jakes name. Nahuel, I’m so sorry. I apologized again and again, but he still looked hurt. I, I, I don’t know what to say. I feel so bad. He sat down, and then he said: Renesmee, I have wanted to kiss you for so long. It was truly better than I had dreamed, but I think that we both know that if you truly loved me the way I love you, you would have said my name and not Jacob’s. I think that you just got your answer. You know who you really want to be with. As he said it, I knew that he was right. I knew now that Jake was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was my life.

Nahuel saw it on my face that I had made my decision. All I wanted to do now was to go home to see Jake, to feel his warm arms around me again. Let’s go back to the house again he said, and then he started to run. I ran after him. Wondering what he was thinking. When we got back to the house, Leah looked at us. She saw that something was wrong. You came back fast, she said. I haven’t even started to make dinner yet. I looked at her. Ohm, Leah. I think I want to go home again tomorrow. I want to see Jake. Is everything okay Nessie? Are you and Nahuel….. She didn’t finish the sentence. No, I said. I love Jake, and I want to be with him, I need to be with him. I know who and what I want now. Jake. He is my whole life. I can’t wait to see him again, to tell him how much I love him. I’m going to call the airport to order our tickets, we are leaving tomorrow. Ohm, Nessie. Do you mind if I stay here for a little while longer. There is so much more I want to see. This is my first time abroad, and I want to enjoy my self a little bit more. Leah, you don’t have to ask me if you can stay. I am okay with it. Just ask Nahuel. I am sure that he will like it. She came back to the kitchen with a big smile on her face. She was going to stay. After dinner we talked for a while. Nahuel and Leah were going to take me to the airport tomorrow. We had to leave early, so we had to go to bed soon. I packed before I went to bed. I wanted everything to be ready when I woke up in the morning. I wanted to be ready to leave at once. I was going to see Jake again in a little more than thirty hours. I couldn’t wait. This time I enjoyed the plane ride. It was a comfortable way of travelling. Bella and Edward met me at the airport. I was disappointed that Jake wasn’t here to see me, but I knew that he would come to see me soon, and if he didn’t, I would go to La Push to see him.

Didn’t he miss me? Didn’t he want to see me as much as I wanted to see him? Had he changed his mind? Had I hurt him to bad?

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