The Process of Stealing

Confessions of a Used Car salesman By Sandon Leon Hatt

Read this book and you will never buy a lemon again, or over pay for another 2nd hand car.

Written by an industry expert This book gives you the knowledge – understanding and insight into the “process of stealing” that every 2nd hand car salesman participates in.

- ever heard of a struggling second hand car salesman? I wonder why not?!!!

“Car Language, Car Talk” 1. MSRP…Manufacturers Suggested Retail Price{please note: all of our sticker prices are 5% higher than everyone else’s, as we print our own stickers: so we can show you more discount or more money for you trade, lol} Wolfgang…Me, the “process” car salesman Showroom…Dragons Liar DP…Dealer Principle..{The big guy} GM…General mangler..{Circus leader} Manager…Mangler Box…Business office Finance Guy….Mr. Grinch Lot guy…Lot lizard Experienced salesman…Veteran Inexperienced salesman…Monkey 101...Psychology 101{basic psychology} Up…..Customer is on the lot Laydown…..Easy sale, Big money, Dumb customer Larry and Lyla…lay downs, easy sale big $$$ Bobble Head…Up and down head movement Gross….Lots of money, The amount of money Stroker…Tire kicker, or wants a free hot dog

2. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 13. 14. 15.

16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 26. 27 . 28. 29 30. 31. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34.

T.O…Turnover to mangler Turnover…Get a mangler to “Help” Change of face…mangler jumps in to get more $$ Bolt…Customer leaving Heat….Serious Problem {hide or get a mangler} Doink…Great deal, Lots of money Big Hit…Big deal. Big money GR…Gross Juice…Big money Flat…$150.00 Order Taker…as opposed to being a salesman Spiff...Bonus cash money to salesman Brain Damage…..Bad customer, Bad deal Skinny Deal….No money…Flat -$150.00 .Phone Pop…Incoming sales call, grab it! Penciling…When a Dp/Gm steals money Ball park figure…Do you like Wrigley or Yankkee Buyers are liars...Buyers are just scared shitless Cheese…“Free deal“, given by a manager House Mouse...the salesman that gets the “cheese” If I could, Would you? Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

35.We do chicken right!…We gross a lot of people 36.Put a dollar down, I’ll follow you around 37.Tree toping, Flock shooting, Floor whore 38.If you wanna be a bear, be a Grizzly bear 39.If I was doing any better, I’d be you 40.If I was doing any better, I’d be twins 41.Its like clubbing baby seals 42.Don’t be a day late or a dollar short. 43. Check up from the neck up... ready to go 44. Headspace…Clear mind, no brain damage 45.Dialed…Bad head space, personal issues.. etc 46.Rope…No credit 47.Roach…Bad credit 48.Get Me Bought…Please get me a car, somehow!

Content “What’s Under The Salesman’s Hood”
1.Things I Really Hate 2.Pre-Qualifying 3.Classic Customer Objections 4.Handling Objections 5.Meet and Greet. 6.Guest Sheet. 7.Check With Manager 8.Get The Car 9.Product Presentation/Walk around 10.Demonstration Drive 11.Write It Up 12.The Close-Foursquare 13The Business Office 14.When Buying a Used Car 15.When Buying A New Car 16.When Calling A Dealership 17.Car Sales Shit 18.My Favorite Bumper Stickers


The Process of stealing is a highly developed, highly skilled, highly proven method of taking all of the money in a car deal!

It is very simple, I will sell you a car for as much as I can irrespective of value, and I will give you as little as possible for your trade. After that part is down it is on the box, to finish up. Once again the process in place so that you will spend another $4000-$8000 dollars with hardly noticing a thing, except that your payment might be slightly higher and your term is now 84 months instead of 60 months. To achieve this the Process of stealing uses a set of procedures, some basic steps, and some simple but powerful psychology. Every salesman and every manager follows the Process religiously. There is no deviation from the Process. The process insures that every deal is handled the same way. It also insures the greatest amount of profit for the dealership, the managers, and all the salesman. If it wasn’t for the Process, I would not be able to buy my own home, drive a nice sports car, take two nice holidays a year and have money in the bank. The Process is a deadly weapon, customers don’t stand a chance. There is a saying in the car business, “the ones you gross the most, love you the most!” Time after time people leave the dealerships with big smiles on their faces and hug the salesman for everything! Its quite common for customers to drop off a bottle of wine, flowers or tickets to a baseball game! The Process is wonderful, it creates such a powerful,“ win win” situation, lol lol lol



“Every Customers Nightmare”
Have you ever wondered why no one likes a car salesman, or why no one likes buying a car? Why is it that, when everyone gets near a car lot, the fear of God comes over them and they start to sweat and get nervous? Question, which is worse, going to see your dentist, or going to buy a car? Everybody knows, that when you go to buy a car, you are gonna get screwed! The problem is, no one really knows how bad they got screwed, until its too late!! Let me put your fears and anxieties to rest.! I have been in the car business for 15 years. This “little book” will show you what NOBODY wants you to know! This “little book” is the “Process” on how I sold you a car, and “stole” as much as I could from you! This little book will put you back in control when buying a car! This little book will save you thousands of dollars, and give you the confidence you need when buying your next car! Once you see and understand the “process”, you will be confident and knowledgeable, before your next car purchase! As my father said, ”knowledge is power” Here is the knowledge, here is the power, it is called, “the Process”. “The Process” is a salesman license to print money. You won’t learn this kinda stuff in Sunday school, lol. I only wish I had learned this knowledge years’ ago, I would have saved thousands of dollars!


Things Salesmen Hate

First of all you need to know what really pisses off a car salesman, you never know, it could come in useful…
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. Early morning meetings about nothing When keys for cars/trades go “missing” When a mangler farts, doing a deal Being disturbed while eating lunch Having a monkey ask me questions Having “mistakes” on my pay check No gas in the cars, flat tires...etc Having managers go thru my desk Shit being taken off my desk A customer with dragon breath Not being able to find a manager A lot lizard with attitude

And there is more…..

13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31 32. 33.

A receptionist with a very low IQ Fresh snow on the cars Ordering lunch, as customer walks in Extended use of the main washroom Broken photo copier, in middle of deal Manager looses registration for trade Manager looses keys for trade A manager telling me to make calls A manager telling to watch the lot Cancelling my free demo program Lot lizard taken 4 hours to clean car Not being able to read my messages A receptionist with attitude A monkey grabbing a lay down A salesman kissing the managers ass A salesman grabbing all the calls A salesman getting all Internet leads A customer “grunts” when I say hello The question, “What’s your bottom line?” The question, “Is that tax included?” Question, “how late are you open?”

And finally….

34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40.

A customer arriving just before close Stupid unattainable monthly bonuses Only getting one day off a week Constant yelling at by managers Management always “shuffling #s” Getting shit for having a smoke Some idiot asks for my “bottom line”

As they say “Forewarned is forearmed”


Pre Qualifying “Looking For a Real Buyer”

Manglers hate it when a salesman “pre-qualifies”, but I don’t really care cuz I wanna see what I’m getting into! I am here to make money, not deal with “tire kickers”. I am on the hunt for “real buyers’, a real deal. I am looking for any and all the right buying signs and glues! I know what I am looking for, and I sure as hell know what I don’t want! The monkeys will go after anything with a pulse, or anything that is breathing! It is done out of fear, insecurity and pure ignorance. So, I let the monkeys do what they do, lol.. As a grizzled veteran, I hang back and watch and look for...”the average Joe blow, with his wife{know as “Larry and Lila Laydown“}

1. 2 3

Are both buyers here,{husband and wife/girlfriend. whatever} Making sure that the trade is not too new That they are not driving a Subaru, Volvo, or Infinity, etc {brain damage}


I look for any firefighter stickers, and check for any signs of teachers, real-estate agents, or lawyers..{Big brain damage…No money…Time wasters} Anyone carrying a notepad or binder…means it time for another coffee or cigarette break!! I am watching body language big-time. I wait to see if they just want a free hotdog or free popcorn. Do they have a job, I ask myself. Are the children going bizerk Is it a full moon? {just take the day off} Are they driving a rental car{awesome} Are they looking for a certain salesman...“That’s ok he no longer works here, My name is Mr. Wolf, how can I help you” Same sex couples, I don’t do, cuz they cant make up their minds together!


6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.


14. Anyone carrying a newspaper ad, I let a monkey take {no money deal} 15. Certain ethnic groups. I don’t do. too much time not enough money 16. Anyone getting out of a taxi cab. I grab

Disclaimer: Pre-Qualifying is only for the veterans like myself, However, it is a double edged sword, as I have lost thousands of dollars by doing this! The good news is, I have always finished my lunches, finished my smokes, talked to my girlfriend and my buddies on my cell phone a lot, and jerked around on the internet a for hours!! Oh well, I’m not worried because month after month my pay check gets bigger. I liken selling cars to casino, were all of the machines set to win. The process is my casino, and yes I win most every time!!


Classic Customer Objections

“Scared Shitless”
It’s always good to keep these in mind 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. We are just Looking…! This is our first dealership I need to talk to my wife/husband.. The roast is in the oven.. I need to take the kids to soccer.. I need to go to the dentist/lawyer… I don’t like the colour… It’s for my daughter/son… I need to look around some more… I’ll come back on a nicer day… I need to go for dinner… I’m running out of time…

13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34.

I think it’s too expensive… I need to pick the dog up from the Vet… I don’t think my wife/husband will like it… I want to try another one at XYZ motors… It’s too Hot/too Rainy today… I want to do some more research… I wanted an automatic. a 4x4..{Whatever} I need to think about it… I need to pray about it.. If the car is here tomorrow, it’s meant to be… I need to go my bank… I am waiting for my insurance claim… I’m not sure about my credit… How much will you give me for my trade… There’s a dent in the door and a scratch as well Do you know the history of this car.. The price is too high… Has this car been safety inspected… What kind of warranty do I get… How long is this sale on for… Will I get the free trip to Vegas? Will this take long?..

35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47.

We are from out of town… What is your return policy?… I need to talk to my financial advisor… I need to go to my bank first… I don’t like that manager… The kids are going crazy… I can’t drive standard… The car is dirty and smells funny… I don have anymore time today… You don’t have what I’m looking for.. What are your interest rates… How late are you open… Its Thanksgiving, waiting for the roast


How I Handle Your Objections…“You Cant Win!”

No-one gets away! Everyone will buy within 48 hours maximum. I know the customer didn’t come to ABC motors to buy groceries. They are all buyers! Regardless of the objection or excuse, I have the answers!! The guest sheet overcomes a lot of objections, however, here are some standard “lines” that are well used.


I know this is your first dealership. but you have to start some were, no problem!. I know you said that you are just looking, come with me {guest sheet} I know you have to go somewhere and or do something; no problem, I will put a demo plate on it for you, take it for a good drive and bring it back tomorrow! I know you don’t like the smell and the scratches, no problem, I will have that taken care of for you! I know the price seems high, let me see what I can do for you.






Our return policy is simple, you have 60 days to trade it, or exchange it for something different {lol} For all those customers that say they need to leave for whatever reason, they leave in our car for a 24 “test drive”{chances are they fall in love with it, plus I take them out of the car market!} As a standard rule of thumb, I do the “bobble head” and say, not a problem, not a problem…let me take care of that. If a question comes up about anything that I’m not 100% sure of, I say, no problem, that’s a very good question, let me get an answer for… If a customer really wants to “bolt” in a hurry, I do a “T.O” to a manger, to slow things down an regain control.





11. The “guest sheet” is a powerful tool and quickly shuts down most objections!!


The Meet and Greet “The Process Begins”

I’ve had my check-up from the neck up for the day, my shoes are polished and my shirt is freshly pressed. The lot is grabbing me a Starbucks coffee, without that ignitable white stuff that dealerships have been using for 50 years! I even smell nice as my ex-wife bought me some nice cologne for my birthday!?. My breath doesn’t smell too bad from having some tequila with the boys last night. We have now finished our daily ritual meeting, just more repetition of what we know {process, process, process, painful drivel especially with a hang over}.Once I have had my Starbucks and cruise the Internet, I will be good to go!! First impressions are very important, so looking good, feeling good and great headspace are key.! At this point, every “monkey’ and “veteran’ in the dealership is waiting for You! You are the...“fresh blood”...“fresh meat”.” big it”,” big gross” and, “someone’s paycheck”. As you pull onto the lot, every salesman is scrambling to get to you!!.

The “process” begins,. Hi,…my name is Wolfgang, welcome to ABC Motors, while giving a firm hand shake first to the woman, then the man { cause I know she makes 80% of all buying decisions,101},and at the same time I am handing a business card to the woman ,and I say, And your name is?{waiting,101}…they will give me their names}…I’m Jane and you are?{waiting,101}..Bob,….Nice to meet you! Jane and Bob{always repeat their names because names are very powerful, they make you feel important and understood {101} We chit chat about the weather, how nice the kids look, what a nice dog they have, bla..bla..bla..The process continues!, how may I help you today? Or what brought you to ABC motors today? I pretend that I’m listening and I start walking and talking and at the same time, I say,“Come with me inside for a moment and we will have a coffee or cold drink, so I can write down what it is you are looking for, so I can help you better…besides it way too hot{or cold, or too rainy} out here today….and we have a play station for the kids if you like??….Yes, dogs are allowed, no problem,…come on in!!{I know that people will follow me 95% of the time!!..{101} I casually mention as we are walking towards the Dragons Liar that we do thinks different here at ABC motors! Our way of saying thank you to our customers, is we give them a really nice free gift or a trip for two to Vegas {101, seed planting} *The key here is to give a professional first impression, a firm handshake, getting the names ,repeating the names, give them a business card, create rapport right away, take control and lead these sheep, into the Dragons liar.!


The Guest Sheet… “Qualifying”

I open the door for Jane and Bob and welcome them once again to the Dragons Liar. I promptly walk over to my desk and pull out a chair for Jane. I ask them once again for coffee or tea and show them were the play station is,{if there are any children} At this point I casually ask them were they live and what they do…etc, trying to grab as much info and common ground as I can. As they start to feel somewhat comfortable, without much notice I pull out the “guest sheet”. I ask simple but very important questions, such as, do they want a two door or four door; do they want automatic or standard transmission… bla..bla..bla. I ask them what they liked about their old car? then I tell them that “we pay the most for trades” or “that we have a buyer for it”, surprise, surprise lol. I take down the info on the trade, year, make, model, mileage. Now that they are starting to warm up a little, it’s time for the more important questions. I already know what they do, so I ask if they rent or own? Now comes the “biggy”, what sort of budget do you folks have in mind? Jane and Bob do the deer in the headlights thing briefly…I wait and they say, about $350.00 a month. I quickly come back and say, as high as…{wait}…Jane says $400.00 a month. Quickly I say, Not exceeding…{wait}…..Jane comes back once again, saying $425.00 a month. Meanwhile Bob is pissed off kinda, but who really cares. No that I have bumped the monthly payment up, I’m starting to get a smile on my face cuz I know were this is going!

I excuse myself from the table for just one moment. I cruise over to the mangler’s desk and show him my guest sheet. *The guest sheet is an extremely powerful tool! It allows me to control the deal and dictate how much money can be made on Jane and Bob. With a little brainstorming and some “creativity” a deal can easily be put together now because we are in control and we have all the needed information! *filling out a guest sheet is like being naked at the doctor’s office…NEVER EVER FILL A GUEST SHEET OUT!!!!


Check In with The Mangler “2 heads are better than 1”

At this point I talk to the mangler about the “info” that I have gotten from the customer, nicely written down on a “Guest sheet” The guest sheet gives me all of the valuable information, so I can sell the “right” car, for the most amount of money! Here’s what I found out about Jane and Bob. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. I know their “budget”….payment per month. I know about the trade…year, mileage, model, options..etc I know were they live and what they do I know if they rent or own I know how much is left owing on the trade. I know if it is leased or a purchase. I know their “true” budget now because when they said $350 a month, I said,” as high as…{wait}…they said $400,I then said not exceeding…{wait}…they said 450.{I just put a couple thousand dollars in my jeans by “bumping” the payment}

8. 9.

The manager quickly looks at the black book value He then quickly goes to his computer...and put some numbers into the screen The manager now tells me which car to go get for the customer, even though it may not be what they want.! I have already done a lot of math in my head and have picked out “their” car to sell them {as a back up}. I have put together a $6000.00 Front End Gross deal…of which I get paid 50% on, thanks to the info on the guest sheet and the mangler’s knowledge of the inventory and costs. He’s even done his own math and calculations to make sure we are on the right path! Now that our ducks are all lined up, I go back to my desk and tell Jane and Bob that I’ll be right back, I’ve got the perfect car that you are really gonna love {101-autosuggestion} I’ll be back in a jiffy. There is no time for any questions or answers as I go to get their car and bring it up from of the dealership! *We do have a second car picked out, IF, this ones doesn’t work out *I don’t let people walk around the lot, allowing them to pick and choose what they might like. *People like to be lead {101}, and that’s what the guest sheet does. It shows me how to lead them very effectively!! *Its simple, Jane and Bob have told me what they are “looking for”…now its show time






Get the Car - Finding The Keys - Finding The Car

It’s time now to pick up the pace and find Jane and Bob’s new car, somewhere on the lot. I now begin the maddening task of trying find the key for this car. Quite often the key is not in its proper place, so I now try to look for the spare keys. No luck, so now its off to the service department.. etc. I’m running against time now cuz I don’t want to keep Jane and Bob waiting too much, at this time. A twist of luck, the lot lizard found them in a salesman’s desk{typical}This scumbag salesman had the keys in his desk because he knew how cheap we got this car for, and was trying to avoid someone else selling it. I quickly try to find the car, hoping that it doesn’t have a flat tire, the battery is ok or that it hasn’t been damaged! I’m running around acres of cars trying to find Jane’s new car! I hunt high and low, but still can’t find it I’m starting to get pissed off now. Out of desperation I talk to the mangler. He tells me that he thinks another salesman drove it home last night. I’m trying to control myself as I hurry out to the very back of the lot. Sure as shit there it is, still with a demo plate on it. Before I bring the car up front, after seeing if it runs or not... I swing it over to the lot lizard to empty any and all garbage out of it, i.e. McDonalds bags, empty pop cans, condoms, crack pipes etc,., and makes sure it has enough gas to get around the block. As usual the car is on empty, so I send the lot lizard to put some gas in it and grab me a pack of smokes. What a hassle, to get a car ready and up to my customers! I’m finishing my last cigarette, hiking that this ordeal has taken too long and Jane and Bob are probably getting ready to bolt. Oh well, they always wait, so I call my girlfriend to chat and see what going on for tonight. She’s kinda brain dead or something, so I tell her that I’ll see her later, after the bar that is!

The lot lizard finally returns, I double check the car .Everything seems ok, so I pop a breath mint and race up front to the dragon’s liar. The car is warm and actually looks great. It time to show Jane and Bob their new car!


Product Presentation The Walk around

“Bullshit Baffles Brains”…. Once I have brought the car upfront, I quickly go to my desk and say, you folks are really gonna love this car{101},I walk towards the door, open it and yes they follow me. Its time to talk about the “features and benefits” of this car{hot buttons}.I begin by opening up the drivers side for Jane. I talk to her about safety, reliability, low cost maintenance, warranty that’s left on the car...etc. Without excluding Bob, I now talk to him about horsepower, torque,…bla..bla..bla. I go on to rattle off a some of car industry standard features, such as: Double side intrusion beams, second generation air bags, side air curtains{bags},break away motor mounts, fire resistant interior, the balance of factory warranty, dextrin coolant, platinum tip spark plugs, power windows/locks, air ,cruise control, tilt wheel, CD, solar tinted glass...bla..bla..bla. I looks and sounds like I know what I’m talking about. It gives them a sense that I know what I’m talking about {I’m creating trust, supposedly..}I keep babbling on, trying to score as many “bobble-head points as possible“. The more up and down yes affirmations, the closer I get. The walk-around is classic example of “bullshit baffles brains” Not only is this a great car, it won’t break the bank! I remind Jane and Bob that this car will fit their budget {payment} very comfortably {101-auto suggestion}.The walk around is simple as I am appealing to Jane’s “hot buttons” and to Bobs as well. My car babble enforces theses hot buttons, along with some humor to loosen everyone up. The truth is 70% of all new car buyers known more about the car, than the average salesman. So when Jane or Bob mention something about the new foo-foo thing, I simply smile and agree with them about how great it is.


The Demonstration Drive “The Demo”

To get from a product presentation, to a test drive is easy! You just have to ask a silly rhetorical question. Jane, Bob, have you ever bought a pair of shoes, without trying them on first? The answer is always the same, Jane and Bob, will always look at each other, like a deer in the headlights, and say no. I quickly jump into the “drivers” seat, and tell everyone, lets go for a drive! I start off {cuz I’m in control}and drive for 2-5 minutes maximum, keeping up any small talk as possible. I slow the car down on a quiet side street, and tell Jane that’s it’s her turn now. I now ask a subtle question. Jane cant you just picture your new car in your driveway? {101}My route is planned out, always with “right” turns in mind{ 101}.Along my route, if anything negative comes up, like a strange sound, my answer is always the same; I will get that checked out right away…no problem! I always mention how quiet the car is, or how nice it handles, bla..bla..bla…,yes most of my attention is still on Jane, the “buyer”. If Jane wants Bob to have a spin, that’s ok as well. I will be in the passenger seat navigating the way. The demo is over now, so I tell Jane were to make the final turn “home.” I tell Jane to park the car in front of the showroom, in the “sold” parking spot. As I step out of the car, I start walking for the dealership door, saying, come on in folks lets have a coffee,” and lets

see what I can do for you!!” At this point Jane and Bob will follow my lead into the showroom,90% of the time because I have been leading them ever since I said hello. Apart from that “101’ says that we are like sheep and like to be lead. This is a strange moment, I call it the “kiss of death” Jane and Bob know intuitively, what’s coming next. However, having created such a nice relationship and having won them over with small talk, product knowledge, a sense of professionalism and so many hypnotic bobble head movements and verbal affirmations, how can they say no? Besides,” I am just gonna see what I can do for them”

10. The Write up Put It On Paper

Now that Jane are in the showroom, I sit them at my desk and get them coffee or water. I also make sure the children are at the Play station with a DVD on. Next I call the switchboard, and tell the bimbo to hold all of my calls. Psychology 101 Jane and Bob feel special and important. My desk is clean and order, with a couple of family pictures on my desk, to make Jane and Bob think that I am a human being. I just hope they don’t ask about the people in the pictures, cuz I don’t know either. I just bought them that way at Wal-Mart. I ask them, whose name will the car be registered in? Jane says hers…I say great and ask her for her name, address…etc and her drivers license. I start filling out the “worksheet” with all of the pertinent info. I fill in all of the info on the “trade”, registration, mileage, etc as I asked earlier on the demo if they were gonna keep it or trade it in. I told them our dealership pays the most money for trades {bullshit}

Once I have all of “required” info on a worksheet, I ask Jane and Bob, if the numbers are right and you are 100% happy…can I earn your business today? Once again,“ deer in the headlights”….and Jane says, I think so…but do we get that “free” trip to Vegas?...No problem!…All I need is an “ok’ {signature} here and a visa or debit card and I will go to work for you and get you the “best numbers”, and if you are not 100% satisfied, PASS.I tell them to relax, there is lots of coffee, this will only take a “moment” lol I quickly grab all the needed info, and rush to a mangler’s desk!

11. The Close Foursquare
“Say Good Bye to Your Money” Bob and Jane have been waiting at least 30 minutes by now. The manager and I have “test driven” their trade and have probably stopped at 7/11 for a slurpee along the way. We have talked about the new receptionist and which bar we are going to tonight. The manager is fully armed with all of the info,{Remember Jane and Bob gave me most of that info on the guest sheet when they first came in}It is already put into his computer with a deal# on it. The deal is set up and presented so that the customer thinks and feels that their “choices” are good! Keep in mind Jane and Bob have already told me their desired payments... bla..bla..bla, for me to earn their business, to be100% satisfied…lol…” The manager loads the deal with full M.S.R.P for the car that is being bought. He loads the deal with wholesale “black book” for the trade. He also allows about 5000.00 minimum for the “box’, insurances, fees, car protection, nitrogen… etc. To get to the desired payment, “presto“...just lengthen the term from a tradition 5 year term to 7 or 8 years. Tadaaah…….!! I’ve got all my ducks lined up in a row, now its time to show Jane and Bob what I have done for them{lol} I find Jane and Bob at my desk, getting frustrated, almost ready to leave. So I say, thanks for your patience folk, you are going to be very happy with what I’ve done for you!!{101-expectation} I sit down at the desk and say,“ Are you excited?”… wait.. then I turn over “the deal” See Four Square diagram.

The four square diagram is a classic old school trick. You have heard the expression,” bullshit baffles brains”, well this is it! The entire premise of the foursquare is the “rejection of one, means the acceptance of another” I start to guide Jane and Bob thru foursquare. I begin by directing their focus to the upper left hand side of the deal. I quickly show them a DISCOUNT on the car that they are buying. I then direct their eyes to the top right part of the deal .I tell them the black book price of their trade, then I tell them what wholesalers will pay for their trade. Now I give them the really good news, our dealership ABC motors will pay the most!{we are the good guys, the winners}I now mention that they are only paying tax on the difference so in “reality” the trade is worth 12% more! I now direct Jane’s and Bob’s attention to the bottom left of the deal. I say the banks usually want some money down?…wait…Like most people

they say $1000.00,maybe $2000.00..{it doesn’t really matter, but it sure helps, lol}The eyes are now focused to the bottom right of the deal. I ask them if they want to purchase or lease? At this point Jane and Bob do what almost everybody does, they choose the lowest payment, either accepting a purchase and saying no to a lease. As it turns out so often {cuz buyers are lazy}, Jane and Bob look at each other and say,” we only have $500.00 to put down” I say ,what if I could get you the same payment with only $500.00 down? Jane and Bob are really confused now, thinking how the hell can he do that? At this point I say, if we can make theses numbers work, can I PLEASE earn your business?... wait…wait,{Just like shooting turkeys}..Jane and Bob look at each other again, and say yes! I get Jane to “ok” the deal and I quickly remind them that our way of saying thank you for their business, is with a free tv. or a free trip for two to Vegas, sound familiar!? People always want something for “free”,{101}. I shake Jane and Bobs hands, thank them for their business and go see my “mangler”, and put their names up on the board, to get them in line for the box.

12. “The Box” The Business Office

Jane and Bob, I would like you to meet “Mr. Grinch”. As Jane and Bob settle in to the box, oxygen is slowly being emptied from the room, while being replaced with either and very subtle subliminal background music,…lol. Meanwhile, I am on my cell phone, having a smoke, talking to my girlfriend about tonight, while keeping my eyes on the lot. Mr. Grinch gives the proper {meet and greet},hello, smiles, jokes, handshakes’… bla ..bla..bla….He has already pulled up,” the deal” on his computer and knows everything there is to know, about the people on the other side of the desk. The “deal” has been “pre-loaded”, with all of the “extras”! !This may be an extra $2000,to $9000 dollars, hidden in the deal on the “F” screen which Jane and Bob never see!! After looking at Jane and Bobs credit information, and after “spending some time together”{gathering info},Mr. Grinch casually swings around the computer monitor, and shows Jane and Bob their “payment”. The Grinch puts on his poker face…and waits for a response. At this point, Jane and Bob have been on the lot for about 3 hours, they are tired, hungry, and still in the “either” lol. Once again the classic “deer in the headlights” looks begin. Jane looks at Bob, Bob looks at Jane…finally Jane says, That payment is higher than what we thought? Mr. Grinch says, how much to high? Again Jane and Bob look at each other, Jane says about $50.00 a month to high! Bob is now mad as a hornet cuz Jane ,“spilled the beans”.

At this point Mr. Grinch will stretch the term as long as possible, to “lower the payment”, know as “the never never plan”, or Mr. Grinch can take out some of the “hidden fees”, or do a combination of both. Jane and Bob squirm and fiddle a bit, but agree to the “desired payment”….that was set up by me when they first entered the dealership. Mr. Grinch now quickly sends the final numbers {contract} to the bank, gets the “instant approval” and prints off the contract for Jane and Bob to sign. Mr. Grinch shakes their hands, and takes them over to the insurance office{in the showroom}to get the vehicle insured and “plated”

13. Used Car Buying Tips

“Always Do” 1. 2. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 6. 8. 9. 10. 11. Do buy a local car Do buy a one owner car Do a declaration search Do a lien search Do a car facts search Do an independent mechanical check Do a complete safety inspection Do buy from a know dealership Do read up on history of the car Do read lots of car adds for prices Do go online get blue book value Do buy a car with warranty left on it

12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

Do buy a car,2-3 years old Always do a deal without a trade Do the deal first, then add the trade Test drive the car for at least 2 hours Buy your car at late at night as possible Ask for free oil changes, new tires, etc Do check your banks for rates Do pick the salesman that you like Check for any maintenance records Check lemon aid...etc Be prepared to walk from the deal Ask for the manager soon on Tell him that you want to write a check now. Get up from the desk and walk around When the manager returns say, taxes included Make the manager squirm, wait. take your time Go have a coffee or a smoke Wait for the final offer Try one more counter offer Do not buy anything in the business office Only buy some extended warranty, just chop the price in half Read and re-read the paper work!!

14. “New Car Buying Tips”

“Just Do This” Go online, spend $29.95 and find the real cost or invoice for the car that you want! There are several great web sites like, they charge you a few dollars to get the right info and right invoice on your next car. Just print off a copy of your particular car and take it to your dealer of cost. Most dealers will gladly do a simple skinny deal and be done with you. The only thing a dealer might try now is to bullshit you about freight, destination charges, extra costs or fees or that the car has “extra” options. It amazes me that more people do not buy like this? I can’t figure it out! It’s good for me if they don’t cuz I will make lots of money if they don’t! When buying a new car always buy within the first six months when that car was made. Just check the white sticker on the inside of the driver’s door to get the date and vin.

Do not trade in a car when buying a new one. You will get a lot more for it privately!! Its simple dollars and sense, you buy for the cheapest price and you get the most {retail money} for your car. Do not buy anything from the business office. It is way overpriced and you don’t need it! In other words, it’s all bullshit. The only thing you need to buy is replacement insurance from the insurance agent. You may or may not get the free trip to Vegas, don’t worry about it! With all the money that you just saved go to the French Riviera for 2 weeks. Oh and thank the salesman for his time, lol.

15. When calling A Dealership

“Be Very Careful” A common mistake most customers will make is to call a dealership about a certain vehicle. Don’t do it, it’s always a waste of time! The salesman either doesn’t have all the info, or he lies about it to get you down to the dealership. Most of the time something is wrong about the vehicle, i.e., improper mileage, wrong options, wrong price, Its from a different country.. bla..bla..bla. The most common trick is to give the lowest price for the selling vehicle and a very high price for the trade. The dealership will do and say anything to “get you down’. From there, the salesman will “switch” you to a different vehicle. The customer always pays more than expected!. Quite often the vehicles you see advertised are the ones that have been on the lot for a long time. These vehicles are usually problematic and or have lots of negative stories that go with them.

If you call me, I will send the car you want to your house and pick up your trade at the same time, no problem. In the meantime I will give you my best numbers, so you know were you stand no obligation! I will also ask you 5 simple questions to get you pre-approved now! I then get your date of birth, sin#..etc I am in control, because the customer now has to come to the dealership! Besides, I always kook forward to the old “bait and switch routine!“ Plus my customers get a free trip for to Vegas.!

16. Car Salesman Shit “Miscellaneous Ramblings”
1. Veteran salesman usually throws pennies on the lot to pay homage to the “car gods”. Its always amusing when customers stop and pick one up and say,” its my lucky penny”! We try not to laugh to hard and too loud, as we just took A LOT of money from them. Its always funny to watch a salesman’s face as Mr. Grinch tells him that he couldn’t get his customers financed, major brain damage! Words you never wanna hear from a manager are ;“this isn’t working out”,{you are fired, get your shit and leave} Most veteran salesmen are starting their cars or having a smoke at least a half hour before close because they don’t want a late customer, cut into their boozy time. When the DP shows up its time to quickly exit the building, go for a smoke and or lunch A smart salesman never “dips his pen in company ink” The reason why there is never any coffee, or its always empty at a dealership is because the salesmen are too lazy. Most older veterans have full blown addictions, one way or another, and are on their second marriage. Some managers refer to us as prostitutes, as we stand outside smoking waiting for an up. There is a saying,” we all lead lives of quiet desperation”, for many salesmen this is true. Salesmen make very good money, but don’t have the time to enjoy it or their families.





6. 7.






The best part of selling cars is eating lunch then leaving at the end of the day, to have a beer lol. I hate it when I see to monkeys rushing towards a customer, parking their car. I guess I sound a little jaded huh? Maybe I’m burnt out, maybe I’ll just retire


14. 15


My Favorite Bumper Stickers

“ Every Car Needs One!”

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Look Out!. I Drive Just Like You SHHH!.. I’m Listening To A Book If The Screams from My Trunk Bother You….Turn Up Your Radio I’m Not Tailgating.. I’m Kissing Ass Beer: Now Cheaper Than Gasoline So Drink…Don’t Drive Slick, Smooth & Flashy{And I Don’t Mean My Car} Horn Broken. Watch My Finger My Other Car. Also A Piece Of Shit Real Men Don’t Ask Directions Ever Had A Loaded Weapon Pointed At You….Keep Honking!!

6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30.

Bad Cop…No Doughnuts For You Drive Like You Stole It Caution. Driver Legally Blonde If You Can Read This, I Lost My Trailer Go On…I’ll See You At The Next Traffic Light Boldly Going Nowhere…. Give Me Coffee And No One Gets Hurt Keep Honking, I’M Reloading The Earth is Full Go Home Lord, Save Me From Your Followers Jesus Is Coming…Look Busy! My Wife’s Other Car Is a Broom I Don’t Brake Honk If Anything Falls Off Horn Broken, Watch Figure Help I Farted And Cant Roll Down The Window Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway My Karma Ran Over My Dogma Don’t Wash This Vehicle. Undergoing Scientific Dirt Test Jesus Loves You, Everyone Else Thinks You Are An Asshole

“Thanks For The Love”

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say “Thank you”! It has been a business doing pleasure with you all!! I have decided that after 15 years of this madness, it was time to retire. As we speak, I am finishing off the final touches to this e-book, as I relax in my hammock, sipping on a Corona. The weather here in Cook Islands is 78 degrees in the shade, with a warm breeze blowing in from the ocean, ahhhhh. Any left over “brain damage”, is slowly fading away. Oh well, I need to get this off to my publisher, as I am going deep sea fishing this afternoon, and a cocktail party tonight, with some friends from Hollywood.

I kinda like this retirement thing,” hanging” around doing “nothing” all day, but then again I’m kinda used to it!! Lol… Thanks once again for making my dreams come true!! PS. Yes, I sold my customer and contact lists and made very good money!! PSS. The reason why I wrote this book was to sleep better at night!!! The truth is I am a nice person. I just fell “victim” to the “PROCESS” PSSS.I hope that you can use some of this information in this little book, to save you and your family thousands of dollars on your next automobiles. Just think, with that extra money you save, you can take a nice vacation. I’m easy to spot come by and visit, I will buy you some drinks, no problem!