Ficsor Károly

Hidden treasures III.
6. The training of our children

Orgovány 2007

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CONTENT

THE

TRAINING OF OUR CHILDREN...................3

Foreword....................................................................................................4 Introduction................................................................................................5 A child is a gift from God, a reward of His.....................................................7
Or is it not a gift?....................................................................................................... ............7

The relationship between Jesus and children................................................8 God’s promises...........................................................................................9 Training children.......................................................................................10
Training is a task, and means responsibility...................10
An order from God to the parents: Teach your children .......................... ............................15 God’s order to children - honour your parents and obey them....................................... ......22 Giving an example....................................................................................................... ........24 Training for obedience – forming of respect of authority in the child................................. ...26 asj4.................................................................................................................................... ..29

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Chapter 6

The training of our children

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FOREWORD
Deu. 4,9-10 ’Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.’ Hidden treasure 3 is an integral continuation to the first two parts. There is a thematical collection of Scripture verses, with quotations, commentary and testimonies. The ratio of the latest has changed. In this collection, called The training of our children, I tell a lot more about myself and about my family’s life. I consider it necessary and right to present the past to the next generation, which would not be known by them unless somebody tells them about it. Who else can tell them about the great works of God, if not the one who has experienced them? I am obeying God’s command when I try to collect and tell all those miracles, thematically, that I have gone through with my parents, brothers and sisters and my other family members. In this volume my brothers and sister, my children and even my grandchildren write. Also other people share their experiences. I would like to make these testimonies available for many in a written form. Throughout our lives we have experienced the following numberless times, ‘Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands’. Deu. 7,9 This is the fifth generation we have been experiencing it, but I do hope, that it is true for the generations to come, too. From scriptural sowing springs blessings. It is the responsibility of the prevailing generation that the sons would learn to honour and love God, His Word, and, of course, their parents. I hope my book will help you in making it real. We are not perfect parents, neither our children are perfect, but in spite of our imperfectness, our Lord, to whom we are very grateful, has been standing by us, has given us strength, love, patience and wisdom to be able to fulfil the duty he had trusted us with. We praise and worship Him for everything. Orgovány 19th September 2007
Károly Ficsor

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INTRODUCTION
All my grandparents were born during the last quarter of the XIX. century. All four of them asked Jesus Christ into their lives in the beginning of the XX. century. They were still young then, which meant that their children were brought up in faith. Their decision determined the life of their descendants through generations. Their way of live had a big part of my and my sibling’s being born into a believing family, and, with the help and guidance of our parents, adjusting of our lives according to the Bible’s teaching.  When I am talking to young parents about training their children, I am often told, ‘You see, it was so much different when you were bringing up your children.’ I agree. They were different days from the recent ones. On the other hand, there were only a few parents clinging to the standards of the Bible. I can remember coeval parents having said, ‘You can’t do it the same way our parents used to did. We live in another time. The culture is different.’ But I have to answer them that the truth of the Bible hasn’t changed. God’s word is as valid today as it was thousands years ago. That's another matter that in the world of Television, computers etc it is more difficult to spend all of their time on their children. However, if they don’t do it from the very early age of their children, the problem will become bigger and bigger. They will get to the point when TV, internet and other things won’t be enough, either. I am stating the following firmly: There is only one good solution even today rearing, teaching and disciplining the children exactly as it is told in the Bible. If the parents don’t do so, the pitiable situation will occur when one person won’t be able to hold the attention of even one child. The first three daughters of ours were born within less then three years, our fourth and fifth child a bit later. We have always taken them to church. We have had our jobs there, too. There was a period of half a year when I was studying and working abroad, so my wife, Ágika, was bringing them up on her own. She has taken the 3 little ones to church for every meeting. The oldest was only three at that time. She didn’t employ others in entertaining the children, not that there would not be any happy volunteers to do so. All the people in church were nice, helpful people. But we experienced that when we had let the child go from hand to hand, we lost control over him, and also, he wanted to do that from that time on. Our children got used to sitting in one place nicely and quietly. You might say that was possible in those days. But it is not so. Other parents hold their children in long leash, and had as many problems with them as parents today have. Strictly speaking, we were given much criticism. We were threatened by having been said that when our children would grow up, they would stop going to church. We just kept quiet not having dared to answer because we didn’t know what would happen later. But we have decided to follow the Bible’s teachings. We have felt in our spirits and have seen in other families that there are limits, and confrontation happens at the limits. What does it mean? If I let my child do more things, he will get to the point later where he has to stop. In the beginning it makes the parent’s job easier, but soon they have to face the consequences of the missed points. It usually causes so big problems in the child’s early teen age that the parents can’t handle them any longer. The past can’t be change. If someone is very determined, he can try to change his earlier methods, but most of the missed chances can’t be replaced. I encourage my own children very often, saying, ‘Take on the temporary harder task return for the bigger blessing that is to come.’ I dare to state the following firmly: They won’t be ashamed if they choose this way, and they will have much joy not only

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in their happy toddlers, but later, too, when they are grown-ups, in their twenties, thirties. Our children’s ages are between 26 and 36, and we have lots of joy in them. I am thanking God for having blessed our flapping of wings in the area of childrearing and letting us enjoy their tasteful fruits.

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A

CHILD IS A GIFT FROM

GOD,

A REWARD OF

HIS

Psalms 127,3 ’Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.’ Genesis 25,21 ’Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.’ 1 Samuel 1,27 ’I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.’ Luke 1,13-14 ’But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. 14He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth…’

 I was nine years old when my youngest sister, my parents’ eleventh child, was born. (I am sad to write that the first and the fourth babies died, at the age of two months, as a result of infantile disorder.) I can remember that they were expecting Rebeka with much joy. I can remember another fact very well, namely, that in spite of their big amount of work they always found time for spending time with the little one just having started to toddle. I will never forget the time when my so hard-working father, having finished breakfast, squatted himself down on the concrete of the outside corridor, about 12 feet away from my mother, and they taught their baby girl to walk by calling them to each other. Three years later my father was tortured and put into prison as a political prisoner. My mother was left there alone with the so many children, without a father, on an abandoned farm. Our entire crop was taken away by the bailiff the following year, getting hold of our daily bread was a real challenge. My mother has made soup and vegetable dishes of the freshly grown vegetables from her garden; this is how we survived the summer-time. An even harder time came, the winter. I all these times I have seen my parents’ careworn face several times, still, they never complained! They never said, ’Why do we have all these children? They bring only trouble. We can’t give them food or clothes.’ Instead, they were searching the Lord in their prayers day by day. They considered their children as gifts from God. Even now, I can’t understand how they managed to feed us in those days. I think they couldn’t give a reasonable explanation to this, either. All I can say is that God has blessed the little and multiplied it. We have received five children from God. We are very grateful for them to the Giver. They all have different features. But they are one in following the Lord and loving us, their parents, very much. And we, who have received them as gifts from God, are happy to serve the Lord together with them, the One, who has given life to them and to us. We can rejoice in 8 grandchildren, gifts given to our children. We are expecting the time in faith when it is time for our youngest child to receive a gift of child. Or is it not a gift? I have met a few couples that didn’t want any children. The little one, than the one growing up would hinder them in their freedom, and would put financial burdens on them. They want to live their lives, enjoy themselves and save money. They want to make a carrier. In this picture there is no room for a child. They think that a child would be not a blessing, but a burden. (Count your blessings!!) They stand against

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God’s will and command (be fruitful and increase in number; Genesis 1,28) However, they loose, not win. They are deprived of blessings. The aftermath of this way of thinking is that in the welfare states the number of inhabitants is always decreasing. Sadly, it is true of our country, too.

THE
HE’CALLING

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN

JESUS

AND CHILDREN

AND BLESSING THEM

Matthew 19, 13-14-15 Luke 18,15 (15-18) Mark 10,16 (13-16)
HE
IS SETTING THEM AS EXAMPLES FOR US

Matthew 18,3 Matthew 18,4
THEY
BELIEVE IN

JESUS

Matthew 18,6
HE
IS WARNING US AGAINST STUMBLING AND DETESTATION

Mark 9,42 (Matthew 18,6) Matthew 18,10
HE
IS TALKING ABOUT THE ANGELS OF CHILDREN

Matthew 18,10
 Our son loves learning from his older cousins. This is how he has learnt the little tricks of swinging. Although I tried to teach him swinging ’the classical way’, it was not enough for him. One time they were swinging in a big metal swing, standing in it. The swing is very close to the fence. Viktor has turned a somersault backwards in mid-air, not purposefully though in lack of the ability, and fell on his face in the sand. The swing did not hit him, he did not hurt himself with the fence, he did not inhale the dust. We just cleaned his face and he was ready to go back to play in a minute. I believe that it was his angel who has protected him. Although there were several ways that could have killed him or caused permanent damages in this fall, no tragedy occurred.
Mrs Renáta Ficsor Vandlik

HE

DOESN’T WANT ONE OF THESE THEM PERISH

Matthew 18,14
HE
PRAISES THE

FATHER

FOR HIS DECLARATIONS TO THE CHILDREN

Luke 10,21 (Matthew 11,25)

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GOD’S
Isaiah 54,13 Isaiah 59,21 Isaiah 61,9 (NRV)

PROMISES

Looking back with greying hair to the time of our children’s arrivals and to God’s promises, my heart is being filled up with gratefulness for seeing the fulfilment of the promises. Not that I had doubts when our dear heavenly Father encouraged me and my dear Ágika about the future of our children. In the Book of books we have received promises in addition to the pieces of advice. One of these is as it follows, ‘all your children shall be taught by the LORD’ (NRSV) and then in another passage the Lord has lead us on, saying ‘My spirit that is upon thee, and my words which I have put in thy mouth, shall not depart out of thy mouth, nor out of the mouth of thy seed, nor out of the mouth of thy seed's seed, saith the LORD, from henceforth and for ever.‘ I can still remember the time like as it happened yesterday when God has confirmed his promise given in Isaiah 59,21 through my nephew, Tihamér, in December, 1992. I, with my Ágika, am privileged enough by God’s grace to see God’s promise about our children being fulfilled. He has given such a spouse to all five of them, with whom they live happy testimonial lives, and they are sawing the seed continually. Alongside us they can see as lives of people are getting changed, going to life from death, as a result of having heard the good news, the voice calling for mercy, through one of our children. We can have delight in our grandchildren, too. The older ones are at school already. They sometimes say with their words, other times they show with their lives that it is possible to live as children of the Lord Jesus. So I am not surprised at the fact that our family is well-known, and that we are considered as blessed people. I have to make a shameful confession. Though I have never questioned the reality of God, still it occurred that in certain cases His promises regarding myself seemed impossible to get materialized. In some cases I thought that those were only my wishes and I just tried to explain them as promises. Up until today there is no reasonable answer of how we became known ‘among the nations’ (NRV). Usually it is not us who go, but we are visited by others. They come because they heard that (they are the seed which the LORD hath blessed.) They come and want to receive from the spiritual wealth. They travel hundreds and thousands of kilometres so that they would be renewed, refreshed and healed in their spirits.

Isaiah 44,3
 When I was a fiancée, a friend of mine told me about the promise that had been given to her regarding her family-to-be. I found it very enviable. When both of our sons were born already, years later, at my quiet time, the Lord spoke to me. The words from the Bible came to life in front of my eyes: (Isaiah 44,3) I knew it was a promise for me.
Mrs Pálma Bodrogi

 My parents told me several times in my childhood that God had given them a promise, according to Isaiah 54:13, that all their children would be the followers of the Lord, and their peace would be great. I didn’t give the matter much thought at that time, but it was good to know about it. It provided safety and encouragement to me. Since then I regard the above

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mentioned scripture verse as a promise of God for myself and my family: I believe that it refers to me. For this is what verse 17 says, ‘( ).
Donát Ficsor

Psalms 115,13 Acts 2,17 Acts 2, 39 (37-39) Acts 16,31 (30-34)
Sixteen children were born in a family. The mother got saved as a child, the father as a young man. They are following the Lord faithfully and are bringing up their children in faith. As a result of the parents’ unshakable faith all of the 16 children became followers of the Lord. Several ones of them are busy serving the Lord with their spouses.  I always find great pleasure in families where all the children of God-fearing parents follow Jesus. From a certain view this result on its own shows an effective and glorious course of life. I am very grateful for the miracle of living in a family like this. It is a miracle indeed, because is of God’s grace and gift. We don’t deserve it, it was only given to us. But, above this, I am sure that it was attained because my parents were good follow-members in God’s team throughout the whole time. They were united with each other and with God in the question of the practical ways of our training.
Donát Ficsor

TRAINING

CHILDREN

Training is a task, and means responsibility

Proverbs 22,6
In the beginning of my twenties I realised that the most meghatározó factor in one’s future is his upbringing. One can be very enthusiastic in his Christian life, can be very obedient to God etc, but his upbringing is a much stronger guarantee that in 20,40, 60 years he still does things like he used to do when he was a youngster. During his long years of childhood actions become ingrained in him so hard, that even a very little purposeful change uses every effort, and it might never change on its own. Even as an elderly you live according to the way of thinking that was absorbed in your childhood. I view this topic from a slightly different angle, and I think that God’s plan has a more important part in a man’s life. I do believe that the righteous man lives by faith, trusts in the Lord and doesn’t count much on human power (Jer 17, 5-8). I don’t count on my upbringing as much as on God. He is the solid rock that never falters, on which I can build my life. However I find the vers in Proverbs 22,6 true indeed, because the training I was given is very decisive in the formation of my life. It is said that ‘Blood is thicker than water’ – maybe it is true of this area, too. I can’t throw my skin. The direction given by my parents will saty with me until the end of my life. Only God can change it, if needed, according to His will regarding me – if I let Him.
Ficsor Donát

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Proverbs 29,15 …..
I don’t like saying it but I have to: Child-rearing is in crisis. The following, dangerous obsession is ruling our age, Don’t make your child, moreover don’t force him to do things or to form certain behaviours that he does not want to do; let his personality be sorted out. This way of thinking is making this new generation unrespectful, disobedient, unruly, rebellious and ruling over their parents. The fact that there are things they don’t want to do is not abnormal, but it should not mean that they don’t have to do it. It’s not only the job of the parents but their responsibility, too, to train their children. He has to practise the very important instrument of training, namely the discipline, according to the need and age of the child. 

Proverbs 29,17 …..
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame. Being disciplined is not only the interest of the child, but it makes the parent-child relationship ideal, too. The atmosphere of the family is so much different if the children are disciplined. The brawling of the non-behaving, disobedient children takes a heavy toll of the parents nerves. As a result of being edgy child-raring is difficult. It causes even bigger mess, then more jangled nerves, and so on. It is a vicious circle. Choose the way given in the Bible! Make it a custom within the family that everybody should have a disciplined, decent, quiet everyday life, and you will see a great change. In an atmosphere like that you can train your children on a different way, and day will accept training much easier. You will have much joy in it. If you make clear boundaries and live by them consistently, not letting the familiar order come apart, you will have much joy. The way is called discipline. Step on it! You and your spouse have to be the first ones. If you walk the way of discipline in your life and in practical child-rearing in unity, your good example will be effective. You will not have to worry about your children, and you will have much joy in them. 

Proverbs 23,13-14
You need to be careful not to back away from discipline when your child starts crying!  With right discipline we can prevent spiritual illnesses that should not occur later on in our child’s life. The parents who recognise this fact don’t use undeserving expressions regarding the child. They don’t humiliate him by calling him a brat etc. Their child is considered equivalent with the parent and other adults. Being equivalent with my child does not mean equality of rights. My tasks and responsibilities are different from his. My job is to train him with much love and trust, while he should feel and know that he is very important for me and for the community. And it is his job to trust and obey me, thus enabling me to secure appropriate protection.  I have recently found a slip of paper with my corresponding with a friend of mine, written during a church service. TV was one among other topics. ‘How come you don’t have a TV, he asked. ‘I don’t know. My parents aren’t keen on it. ‘What about you? ‘I would believe in it, and I am actually. I can’t find anything bad in it.

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‘Neither can I. I was about ten at that time. I am startled to read it now. I can’t remember having had thoughts like this. But I must have, because that’s what stands on the paper. If it was my decision, I would have watched TV. What a good thing it wasn’t my decision! I missed it back then, but with my knowledge now I am very grateful for the fact that I wasn’t raised in front of the TV. I do not miss it at all today. I don’t even care to think of it. But, to tell the truth, I felt the lack of it only at the times when the other kids drew my attention to it. There were so many activities to take part in that we never thought of watching it. All sorts of homework, attending music-school, preparing supper, watering the plants, sweeping the floor, family get-togethers, outings, chatting, serving the Lord in other settlements, dressing up as Santa Claus for families-in-need, playing nativity play for the elderly, visiting with relatives, doing crafts, cooking and baking, sewing and knitting, and I could make the list a lot longer. It was not like everybody had to take part in everything. Choices were given and we were able to choose. I preferred gardening the most. I was hardly big enough to hold the wheelbarrow with open wide arms, but even this did not stop me. It was very hard work for me to open and close the pruning scissors, but it was always me who pruned the raspberry bushes. When I developed blisters on my palms they made me proud. I planted flower bulbs in spring, with or without any adult supervision, depending on my age. But it was not like the mother working hard in the garden and the kid watching TV. Neither with mother staying behind with her work in the garden having to take care of me in the house as a result of my not wanting to go outside, either for lack of the mood or for the sake of a good movie. Things did not work like this. We did have a mind to do these things. Certainly, there were exceptions and jobs we did not like, but at those times we had to do it no matter what. So we tried to be over with them ASAP. We did not count on being fare-dodgers. When I was little, I loved helping with baking: to measure the flour or sugar, to soften the margarine with a fork, to mix the batter and add the milk little by little, and the best part of the whole thing, to lick the bowl. I must have been between the age of 7 and 11 when I was busy with such jobs. Also around this age, I was taught to sew buttons and to darn socks. I also learnt knitting, but I did not have enough persistence for that. I managed to put together a nice vest with great difficulty, with some cables on the front, but I didn’t go far. I did start to knit a scarf, but it proved to be such a boring job, that after the first 60 cms I gave up, Renáta finished it for me. However, I still wear it regularly. It feels good to put it around my neck, remembering that the first 60 cms were knitted with my very two hands. These activities were lot better than watching TV. Though these weren’t means of rowdyism (they were nothing to boast of) at school, we found much joy in them, not mentioning how much we learnt through them. They did not cost much, and at the same time we relieved our parents of some of their burdens. Firm determination was needed, sometimes strong parental actions, and, mainly in the beginning, lot of extra work was caused to the parents. But it is worth! And later the extra work will pay off as help. And the parent will enjoy the latter longer. I experienced these for myself, and can recommend them to everyone. Donát Ficsor  The possibility was given to me to read the manuscript of this book about child-training. I have found very useful things and ones worth considering. I felt sorry for not having been able to read it 35 years ago when I started bringing up my three children. I know that I can’t bring the past back, we live in the present. But I thought that maybe, if I jot down my thoughts and give them to the author of this book, others can learn from my past. Yes. I do know now, that children should not be forced but trained. If only every parent get to know about it on time. For the realisation of how many things we deprived our children of can hurt very much. We need to show good example to them firstly with our lives. His training should begin at his birth, and what is more, before his conception. According to God’s law, our pleasures should not be the most important, but the child’s life, eternal life, so that he would be the joy of God and his parents. You cannot give this to him with money, chasing of earthly things, working long hours, or buying horrid toys. These are things a child’s heart wants the

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least. He needs love, care, chatting and making him take part in our work. So that they would feel being part of the family and enjoy themselves. I find it a very sad fact that many parents make don’t only let, but make the kids watch TV, so that the parents would not have problem with them. I recommend it to all loving parents with a baby or a toddler to get rid of the set until the children grow up. You have no idea of its destructive, subversive effects on children. It destroys the nervous system. This is the cause of much illness. This is why many children start crying or wet his pants during the night. Parents get frightened, they seek advices: what to do, where to take the child. They expose their children to physical and mental suffering. Because in addition to having to face these problems, those little ones are afraid of having to go to the doctors’ and of the treatment they might get. And the solution would be so easy, not buying a TV. Or, if you already own one, take it out of your house. You, parent, should be ready to give up watching it for your children, if you love them. Tell them stories, read them books, talk to them. You can teach them every important thing, even about giving up things, which is very important, while you, the parent, give up something which is not very important at all. It is nerve-wrecking even for adults, not to mention children. Mészáros Lajosné

Let’s rear our children for the Lord
1 Samuel 1:27-28

It is desirable to learn from Hannah, mother of Samuel, that our children were given to us as gifts in order to rear them for the giver, the Lord. The realisation of this fact will make us free from selfishness so that we would not want to form them in our own image, but the desire of our hearts will be that their lives would reflect God’s glory. I wish you, child-rearing father and mother, would understand not only with your mind but with your heart, too, that your child was given to you so that while he is under your wings, you would rear him as a faithful steward. If you complete this task, it will bring joy to the child and to yourself, and you will fulfil God’s will. Plenty of parents pray for children, but I am not sure they think of offering the child to the Lord. Not to mention the way Hannah did it: for his whole life. She has taken him to the temple. She did not do the rearing personally, she trusted the priest with the boy, and she prayed for him at home continually. We know it from the Word that Samuel became a child then an adult with a life sacrificed to the Lord. My dear Reader, let me ask you the question whether you have offered your child to the Lord. Have you offered him to be the Lord’s servant? When should we start the training? According to the (Hungarian) saying, ‘A small child causes small trouble, a big child causes big trouble.’ It is true. Still, parents with little children don’t find it a realistic statement. Later they realise it to be true. First we, ourselves, believed it only, and later we experienced it for ourselves. This is why it has a huge significance to start the training of our children in good time, when they are very little. If your child learns the most important thing, namely to obey his parents, then later, when he is older, you will have a way of keeping his life on a good track. But if you fail to teach him the most important thing, he will slip out from your hands. You won’t be able to teach him to obey when he is 10 years of age. Instead, a painful harvest will start then.

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 Proverbs 4,3-4

The boy hasn’t attended school yet, but there were plenty of noticeable disorder in his behaviour. We have also felt that something is not in perfect trim with Balázs. My parents never thought that they should have had a word in the training of the child, but they did talk with the father about the boy occasionally. He has known his son being extraordinary mischievous, but in his opinion the time has not arrived yet when the child understood what the parent tried to say. The ideal time to start training is about the age of 12, thought the father. I don’t know whether he started training his son when he reached the age of 12, but I know that he has never learnt to act properly or to be orderly. And I never saw the father and the son working alongside. As the years passed, the little boy grew into a nice young man. He got acquainted with a girl of means. They fall in love and got married. The wife fond a good job with a decent salary, so there is “no need” for the husband to work. They can live well of one wage. The wife can get everywhere on her bike or on foot, the husband uses the car going wherever he wants to. He has the time for he is not bound by a job, and the wife earns the money for the petrol. For the sake of peace within the family the wife endures the loose life style and the exploit of her husband. But you can never expect more of someone who hasn’t been trained, even since the age of 12.

It would be difficult to set a certain age as the ideal time for training a child. In fact, it can’t be set at all. But the sooner, the better. I can remember a certain case which meant a lot to me in this topic. The meeting at church hasn’t started yet, and a young couple were talking quietly. The wife was expecting a baby. Suddenly the lady put her right hand on her swollen abdomen, and drawing circles on there she said, ‘That’s all right, my little one, just calm down. We are in church now, worship is to begin any time, I will stand up then.’ It is clear for anyone that the baby had no idea what the mother was talking about. At the same time it is clear for me, that this lady has already started training their child. As weeks passed by, the baby was born. We haven’t seen the mother for weeks, as she was staying with the baby in hospital and later at home. Then the infant was considered to be ‘old’ enough to come to church with them. The three of them started coming Sunday by Sunday. I often saw the mother talking to the baby. She has never received an answer, still she told her about everything, even who the preacher was. She told the baby that her siblings are in Sunday School, being taught about Bible stories by a lady. Some more months passed by. The little girl still can’t answer her mother, but she smiles and waves her hands. She responds to her parents’ speaking, but also to their keeping quiet. Older children and adults are being introduced to them. I am sure that by the time she starts speaking, she will be familiar with plenty of ways of behaviour. She will know not only her mother and father, but some other people, too, ones she meets often. I wonder, dear parents, if you know that you have already started training your child. You might have never considered it to be training, even more, discipline, but it is indeed. Before she started speaking, you have already taught her plenty of things. Are you getting it? You have taught her a lot. I’m asking you now, from now on be careful what to tell him, moreover, what to tell to each other. Your little one comprehends a lot more about what is happening around him than you would think. I am grateful to the Lord for you, for the fact that you are

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not too late in starting the training of your child. If you continue training her as you have started, you will have much joy in her when she grows up. This ‘conversation’ got quite personal. Let me turn to you now, my dear reader. I am doing it hoping that you substitute the life of this couple for yours. Though you don’t know them as much as I do, you can learn from them. If you are waiting for your little one to be born, it is good to act likewise, but even if he is older, don’t get discouraged, you will get answers for your questions in the coming chapters, jut keep reading.

We could have been called liberal parents. We weren’t afraid of letting gour children go on class outings, sport activities, dance classes etc. Our sons have been and still are allowed to take part in nonchristian activities. I believe that they will see the difference between the two optional ways. Of course, we have been praying for them and encouraging them recently to find more and more Christian occupation. But our insufficiency in the past causes much headache now. For instance, the two eldest, being in their twenties, told me they wanted to go to the discos. They don’t go regularly, but occasionally they do. What should I have said? Though I don’t recommend them to go there, I can’t stop them either, I thought. ‘You need to feel if it is the place for you.’, I told them. I did not worry about them having anything dangerous, because that is something they can do anywhere today if they want. But I would never send even my biggest enemy’s child to the discos. Then we came to an agreement. I will give them a lift and fetch them in the early morning. The way I felt that night is something I would not wish to anyone to go through, either. The 80 kms done in that one night counted nothing. Neither their behaviour caused me trouble. But the fact that I simply did not know what to pray did. I found myself impudent and hypocrite. ‘What could I say to my Jesus in this case?’ I felt ashamed in His eyes. I never feel sorry for myself, I don’t want to look like others, and neither do I want my children look like others. But I realised that the thanks go to me. Likewise others, I could have brought them up according to the orders of the Bible, because I did have the knowledge. That night and others could have been spared if we start training our children in good time. Lajos Mellár
An order from God to the parents: Teach your children
Ecclesiastes 11,6 Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

apa , Doni szövege 35. oldal
Psalms 148,12-13 Both young men, and maidens; old men, and children: Let them praise the name of the LORD: for his name alone is excellent; his glory is above the earth and heaven.

Apa szövege 36. oldal
 In a Christian family, with parents in tune, singing was an every day activity in our family. When I got into age for it, I was enrolled in music school so that I would learn to play the piano. Everything was OK for the first 2-3 years, I was good at both playing the instrument and also

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at musical theory. But by 4th grade I reached puberty, and I started complaining for having to go to music school. I felt the thing very unfair, because among the five of us it was only me who had to study music. My sisters have graduated already, and my brother was let to do other things instead. I neglected practising; I only practised my pieces of music when a certain time of practising was ordered for me by my parents. No wonder my teachers kept condemning me – to which I responded sulkily, and practised less and less. Meanwhile, I was crying and begging at home for letting me quit, but my parents were immovable, saying, that it was for my good in the future, and also that one day I would be grateful to them. Not that it is any comfort for a teenager… After 7 years of attending music-school the very much waited day has arrived, and with my leaving of primary school my piano-studying period was over, too. I felt neither gratitude, nor other nice stuff, I was just glad to having got rid of that clog. Of course, when you are not forced to do something, you think about that from another view. That happened to me, too. At the time of attending high-school I enjoyed playing the piano, just for fun, and I accompanied the family’s singing at home on the piano. A few years passed, and my parents started a ministry where there was call for a pianist. Though not easily, but I did give in. I have been leading the worship on a keyboard in the Good News Fellowship for years. I am far away from being a musician, but I know that God has delight in my playing, and also those attending the church have pleasure in worship with me. And yes, my parents were right. I am very grateful today for them not having let the things happened that I had wanted, but, trusting their common sense and the Lord’s leading, who has known what His plans for me were, they made me do what they thought was best for me. They must have felt pity on me again and again, having seen my anguish, but as they were convinced about their act being the right one, they weren’t moved into a bad decision by their little girl’s throwing a tantrum. Thank you, Daddy and Mommy.
Mrs Lilla Király

Singing was part of our family life. Whenever I recall my mother, I can see her working on the sewing-machine and singing. Many times I went in there when I had enough of playing, and the two of us sang together. I was very little when I decided that my favourite song was the following, ‘Ama szép hon felé száll az én óhajom’. This is still my number one song. As I am getting old, many times I am wondering how was I able to pick this very song in such an early age, for all three verses are about Christian life, analysing it. A child can not understand this as much as an adult. Or can he? Vasas Margit

Deu 11,19-20. ’Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates…’

It is not enough to know the truth; a parent has to talk about it, too. Find some time and reason to share about God’s answers on you prayers, about His doings, great things, miracles, the things that He has done for you. Tell your children about these things. You can do it at home or while being on a walk or a drive.  Though not on the gate, but on the doors in our house there are little cards with Scripture verses on them. We can see the Lord’s messages on them whenever we pass by, and I do believe that our sons read them occasionally. The other day our first-grader son came nipped into our bed, and deciphered one of the verses, namely ’Do not be afraid’ Mark 5,36. With reference to this we discussed that we need not to worry in any situations, for He is great to protect us from any trouble.
Mrs Pálma Bodrogi

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In my childhood and in my younger years it wasn’t a wise idea to decorate the house with Scripture verses. I couldn’t say there were no verses on the wall at all, but the adults have done it quite secretly. On the wall of our bedroom there was the verse from Matthew 5,7, ’Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.’ This very wall chart, written neatly, was near the clock even in the most dangerous days. Most of the people who came to spy on us didn’t enter that room, but the ones forging the most bad things against Christians, went into bedchambers, too. I can’t recall an affront that would have occurred because of that very verse. I think that, as a Godgiven reward for their faith, they met no detrimental distinction regarding this wall chart. Searching through my memories I can remember bookmarks, hand-made tablecloths and wall charts reminding us of God’s great things in a written form. More determining were the things we have heard daily from our father and mother regarding God’s love and provision. The things heard from them are graved into my heart so deep, that the Evil was not able to wipe them out even with his most fierce tactics. In those days every child had to work hard, to help our parents in producing material goods. We haven’t had much time left for studying, but it didn’t hinder us from getting to know the Word of God better. We always had a pocket-sized Bible with us, and when we were looking after the animals on the fields or when we were trudging after the plough, we were memorising verses from the Bible. I can remember a time when I was staying in bed with pneumonia for a day or two, and I used my free time there to memorise Hebrews chapter 11. I can’t remember why I chose that very, long chapter, but I do know that all those that I have learnt about the heroes of faith means a lot to me even today. Today I can understand very well why God has given the order to His chosen people: (‘Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Deu. 6.7, New Living Translation) The very things we have seen and heard from our parents, we pass them on to our children, moreover, even older children show example with their lifestyle to their younger brothers and sisters. Youngsters copy everybody, but mostly those who are close to their age, because those are the ones they spend most of their time. It happened to me, too. I have seen my older sister taking her Bible with herself when going to work with the horses, she was preparing for her Sunday-school teaching there. In a few years’ time, when I got older and was entrusted with ploughing, I took my Bible on me, too, and memorised lots of verses. I was at the age of 17 when the family Almási moved to Orgovány from Kiskunhalas. The father became our pastor. His deep faith was combined with creativity. He has used such methods that motivated children and young people in getting into the depths of the Word. He organised competitions of telling Psalms. He has put together a Biblical Highway Code of Bible verses to learn. He has made a Golden Alphabet of the verses to memorise, too. When we have recited them in the church, children and adults reminded each other of the messages proclaimed in the Verses. Elderly people on their sleepless nights and young people in their short breaks of work repeated these verses, and through these the Word of God has been forming our lives. Even today I go to sleep while repeating the Golden Alphabet. When I wake up in the morning, I can decide how fast I fell asleep from which letter I was when quitting.  Mihály Almási, my grandfather on my mother's side, understood the language of children and young people. (At least this is what we say in Hungarian, meaning, he was very good with them.) During his many years of pastoring he has prepared many visual aid, and also had some skilful people to carry out his ideas. He has stored all these things in the storage room of their house. I was only 10 years of age when Grandfather died, but I have seen many of those treasures. And later, when I got older and started teaching in Sunday-school, it was such an experience to go through them with Grandmother searching for certain things. She was happy to lend us those things, and we were treating Grandfather’s illustrative materials like valuable treasures.

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Ma father is a jack-of-all-trades, many of my Grandfathers ideas were accomplished by him. I can remember very well of the Gate of Heaven, from a kids’ camp up in the mountains in Tahi. It is a door of the height of a child, with a special combination lock on it. Instead of numbers there were letters, and it opened only if one knew the password, JESUS. Jesus is the only way to Heaven. My Grandfather had a young lady in Dömsöd to make drawings of the stories from a book of Paul White called ’Jungle Doctor’. I have used these A0 sized strip cartoons in several groups. The parable-like stories and the capturing drawings are committed to the youngsters’ hearts. Grandfather used to have a ‘television’, too. I even made a copy of it. I took an empty box of washing powder, cut a wide hole on one size, and covered the other sides with self-adhesive wallpaper. I made two holes both on the top and the bottom sides of it, and put through two empty rolls of tin foil. I used perforated printing paper for drawing the ‘movie’, and fastened the beginning and the end of these sheets to the rolls by blue-tack. There were 8-10 pictures fro a movie. It gives variety to the meetings, if we mix different methods – e.g. using flashcards, flipcharts, Suede-graph stories, and even a television. I have put together countless sheets of activities during my years of Sunday-school teaching. In the beginning I used my mother’s old sheets, and then I started translating activities from English, and also using my own ideas. We have received a great and very valuable inheritance from our grandparents and parents, as they have shown and are showing very good example in working with children.
Mrs Lilla K

 Remembering the verses written in Deuteronomy 6,6-9 and the promise saying that God’s word shall not return void, I don’t get tired of quoting the Bible to my two sons instead of telling wise proverbs to them. For instance, if one teases the other impertinently or bullies him, I simply say the following: Do whatsoever you would like that others should do to you! Usually I don’ say it word by word from the Bible, but make it simple so that the child would understand it. If he uses bad language: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is useful. If he has got into mischief but does not dare to tell the truth: If you do not act well, sin is waiting at the door of your heart and has desire for you, but rule over it!
Mrs Palma B


Deuteronomy 31,12-13 Psalms 78,6-7

Let us tell them about our experiences so that they would be encouraged to trust in the Lord. Our children, especially when they are little, can understand messages given in parables more easily then the not very easily understandable Scripture verses from the Old and the New Testament. To attain our goal we can use different Picture Bibles and other flashcards, flap books and even electrical equipments. We used to travel by car quite a lot. We always took our 5 little children with us. We wanted to make good use of these hours, so we shared practical stories and events from our life with them. At the beginning of our journey we always asked God’s protection on us and on the families or churches we were to visit. When we arrived home in the evening or sometimes after a few days’ stay we always gave thanks to the Lord for having taken protective care of us. Our children joined in the praying, too. We have learnt it together with them that we can put our trust in God. We did have some harder fights of the faith, too. They personally did not take part in those, but when we overcome them and told the children how our precious God had delivered us from a difficult situation or another as a result of our prayers, they were able to see how compassionate our Heavenly Father is. We regularly shared stories from our lives with them so that they would learn from their early childhood that we can put our everyday lives in the providing hands of our God.

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 According to the teaching of the Bible Scripture verses should be running through our heads continually (Deuteronomy 11,19-20). The brain of the children absorbs all information, both good and bad, like a sponge. This is what television, internet and all sorts of multimedia resources take advantage of. They spread all sorts of rubbish, harming and, most of the time, unnecessary information. And the children recite the words from the ads, movies and clips. I am very thankful to the Lord that there are Christian multimedia resources with music and stories, teaching Christian morals. You can buy tapes, videotapes, CDs, DVDs. It’s not easy to get hold of them, and you can’t compete their prices to those rubbish that you can buy in hypermarkets for pennies. But neither their value can be compared! Our daughter, Karina, is only 19 months old, but we pick very carefully what she can watch and listen to. In the mornings and evening she can watch/listen to only Christian movies and music, for the beginning and the closing of a day determines it. She can watch other, very carefully chosen, movies during the day. We hope she will acquire good biblical values through these, too. Therefore, it is very important to have such music and movies at home which are not only kind, sweet and capturing but also ones with Biblical values, because they love watching them. You can go to the heart of the teaching with saying, Sit down, sweetheart, and watch this story. You might want to summarize it afterwards. But they are also useful as background ‘noise’, while eating or travelling. According to brain-researches, main part of our knowledge comes from background noises. What would you prefer? To bring out God’s word from his mind in a sudden moment of need, or to remember something from TV? Let me mention a few types of Christian multimedia resources: Donut-man, Treasure Attic, Cedarmont Kids, Veggie tales, The PraiseBaby Collection, The adventures of Gus etc.
Mrs Lilla Király

 Years ago we started a motivating system, based on the idea of James Dobson, rewarding our children with red dots. Our aim was to get our little ones into the habit of doing their chores. They can get one point daily for fulfilling their chores. We mark the points in a chart. For instance, when I wanted them to wash their teeth, I have added this into the chart. Also other things were put on the list, such as making of the beds, tidying of their room, clearing off and putting away their shoes, saying ‘hello’ to others. Usually it took 3 to 5 weeks to learn to do something. When they were accustomed to doing these, we changed the list and put some new things in. They were a lot happier to do the things for rewards. Red dots can be changed into, in our family it’s money they get. Every weekend we add up the dots and they get the previously set sum. This is their pocket money. But they have to ‘work’ for it. We did several changes in the system during the years. First we started giving black dots. They each kill a red dot. Second, we started rewarding them for their obedience and punishing them for their disobedience. It increased the number of points very much, because they could easily get 30 points a day. Unfortunately, sometimes half of them were black dots, meaning they earned nothing during the day. Third, we wanted to make it possible for them to earn more money, so we made an offer of extra red dots for memorising Bible verses. I am very happy to let you know that we have been learning verses daily ever since, and also passages of 3 to 5 verses every week. Our children have learnt many verses during the last year. Of course, so did us, parents. We consider it a great success that our children are more obedient and more easily manageable since then. They also learn to handle their money wisely, to be economic and to save for a reason. They also learnt it from the memorised passage of Malachi 3,7-12 that it is worth giving the tithe of their money to their heavenly Daddy. Glory to God for all of these, and a big ‘thank you’ to my dear Husband.
Mrs Hella Körmöndi

 I can remember of the Sunday school years ago that we played lots of biblical games. There must have been other activities, too, but this is what I remember even now. So nowadays, preparing for my Sunday school lessons, I make an effort of extending the truths of the Bible stories with the help of some activities, such as board games, written or oral activities, a quiz or anything else.

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These activities are very useful in our family devotions, too.
Mrs Pálma Bodrogi

 I can remember the Evening Magazines from my childhood very well. The name came from a programme on the radio. It took days for us to decide what to call our family devotion until we agreed on the name ‘Evening Magazine’. I can’t remember everything very well, but I do know, that it was exciting and child-oriented. We were allowed to choose the songs etc. I can remember very well that occasionally there were quizzes. All of us had to fetch a pencil and a piece of paper quickly, and mommy was already ready with her questions. We had to jot down the answers as fast as we could. All the questions were of/from the Bible! They caused no difficulty to us at all. We were given points, and somebody won. It was not that easy to win among five clever kids… I can remember some of the types of the problems. 1. Make a list of names from the Bible with the letter L, A, K, J, etc. 2. Names, objects and places – how do they connect? 3. Who was his father? Write down. Isac Abraham Joseph Jacob David Jesse Phinehas Eli Judges Ruth - 1 Samuel Job Psalms - Proverbs Hosea Joel - Amos John Acts - Romans Questions like these were asked from us. We knew most of the answers, there were hardly any difference between us. Maybe the younger ones had a few gaps occasionally. One day the Magazine had an extra addition. That is to say that some mice moved into our garage, to our greatest astonishment. The last question in the quiz that day was: ‘Will you deliver the dead mouse from the trap to the bin?’ For an extra 50 points! Even 25 years later I can remember how it made my stomach turn to hold that dustpan. But it was worth. I won that day! 4. Who are the neighbours?
Mrs Pálma Bi

 During the years, with getting more and more experiences in child-rearing, I had to realise that God uses this work in two directions. When we are training our children, our aim is to make them better, more obedient, to teach them that there are barriers in this life, and we can’t always to whatever we would like to. There will always be someone we will have to obey, teachers, bosses, and not least, God’s guidance. With training we are forming the personality of our children, with God’s help. My dear Father is training me by my children, too. They can’t see it, though; it’s not a conscious act. They are not behaving badly to make mommy practice patience. I had to realise how much I need the holy Spirit, that I can’t be patient, good, gentle. God teaches me through my children to look like Jesus more and more. It is very important for the parents to be well-balanced spiritually. God helps us in this, too. If our relationship with Him is real, if we are devoted to Him and His Word, we won’t be ill but strong spiritually. Only parents of this type can give their children a consistent training. It is not a problem if the mother is quiet voiced, her children will know where the barrier is. (I did think in the old times that soft-spoken mothers must have more difficulty with her children, because her voice will hardly be heard in the much noise.) Sometimes, when seeing other parents struggling with older kids, I think that I would not do this or that. It is not right to think so. I heard a telling warning recently saying, ‘Mothers of little girls should not tell of mothers of older girls’. This is right. We will definitely have some interesting moments in our lives… I find it very useful fro mothers to talk to each other about child training. In our church within the Group of moms we talk and pray about these things. We try to get to the point from different directions. It’s a very good thing that not only mothers-to-be or moms with toddlers come to these meetings, but also ones with children in

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primary or even with teens. So we can see the question of child training in all ages, and we can encourage each other and learn from one another.
Mrs Rita Somogyi

 THE
PARENT REJECTING

BIBLE

VALUES

1Samuel 3,13

There are many people who don’t know the values of the Bible, thus they cannot teach them to their children. This book of mine will reach mainly Christian people, so I would like to help them. Even men busy serving the Lord neglect to teach these Bible values to their children. Uncle Sándor did many preaching in the church, but he was never bothered by what the Bible says about the way of training his children. So it’s not a miracle that his son went astray from the Lord. I was very sad to see how this spoiled child ruined his life and died young as a result of heavy drinking. Uncle Péter, leader of a local church, thought that it was the Sunday school teacher’s job to teach the children. Having referred to it he neglected accomplishing what God’s word teaches to fathers about training their children. I certainly don’t think that the rejection was done on purpose. He simply had not been given good teaching or he had not understood that the Bible not only gives advices to parents regarding training their children but gives these as orders. If the parent does not take on his task in training his children, for any reason, later his children will fall victims, too, but also the parent, for it comes from the preceding. Eli was not indulgent towards his children because he wanted to offend against God’s law intentionally. Simply, he was too indulgent and he kept postponing calling their attention. And then it was too late, there was no more chance to make up for the missed training. God told him: …xxxxx… 1Samuel 3,14. I can imagine what it felt like to the young Samuel to see the fulfilment of God’s sentence in the very family where he had had to deliver judgement.  The Good News Foundation, located in Orgovány, has been organising retreats in Jánoshalma for years. They are led by the family Ficsor. I took part in one of these meetings for the first time in 2003. It was only me from my family, for I had just started attending to church. Ágika was teaching about sawing the seeds, and the teaching about sawing and harvesting lasted for several days. I realised what I had done and had not done in the previous 20 years which I had spent in the world. I have established and trained a family of 6 earthly people, neglecting, having forgotten about and having taken no account of all values of the Bible. A huge burden and responsibility came upon me. I thought that it might not have been possible to make amends for these. But God’s word was written so that it help us and would give us hope. When Ágika got to the verse saying, They that sow in tears shall reap in joy, Psalms 126,5-6, hope was born in me again. By the end of the retreat I was able to forgive myself and was able to believe. Today I know and talk about the importance of the Word and the Bible values in our lives. I am very grateful to God and his servants that I was able to learn these after 20 years of gap.
Lajos Mellár

 Only one child of ours attended kindergarten yet, but I was the prod dad of two sons. I felt awful having seen my son coming home from there every day with tears in his eyes. On e day he was hit by this kid, the other day by another kid. I had enough. I did not remember the Bible, only my affront. I gave him an order to strike anyone hard on his mouth that goes against him, without waiting and seeing what he wants. I even added that if he did not do this, I would strike him at home. I was delighted with the success because he never came home crying from that day on. I even felt proud. Then, one day I was called to go and see the teacher in the kindergarten. I was informed that my son was just like what I wanted him to be. He was hurting the others, without any reason. Of course, I wasn’t touched, but told them why it was so. I blamed them for not

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having done their jobs well. They did not agree with me, and told me it was the law of wolfs not of men; I wasn’t to train my children like that. Having been a Christian or not, that teacher was right. I have to confess that Balázs fires without thinking even today, but I am thankful to God that he does not come to blows any more like he used to did, having been forced as a kid by me.
Lajos Mellár

God’s order to children - honour your parents and obey them
Luke 2,51. Exodus 20,12

A very committed Christian widow was bringing up her only child in much poverty in Georgia. She was working as a laundress, but she never complained about it. Her talented and diligent son got the best result in High-school. Next to the Lord, he was the greatest joy of his mother’s. On the evidence of his results he was chosen to give the school-leaving speech on the speech-day. He was also rewarded with a gold medal fro his excellent achievement. He was surprised to see that his mother wasn’t getting ready to go the ceremony. So he said: ‘Mother, I am going to receive my certificate of final examination. Why are you not getting ready to go?’ ‘Oh, I won’t go’, she said. ‘I don’t have a proper dress to wear. All the important people of the town will be present in full bloom. You would be ashamed of your old mother wearing her faded linen dress.’ The son’s eyes were full of admiration and respect. ‘Mummy, don’t talk like this. I will never be ashamed of you. Never. Everything I have is given by you. I won’t go there without you.’ Finally, he managed to convince her to go, and he helped her making the best of her appearance in her simple dress. They went along the road arm in arm. When they entered the ceremonial hall, he showed her mother to one of the best places in the first row. There she sat; wearing her freshly ironed best dress, among all the elegantly dressed posh people. The son gave his speech without any failure, followed by a courteous applause. Then he was awarded with the gold medal. After having taken it over from the director, he walked down from the pulpit, went to his mother and pinned the gold medal on her dress saying, ‘Here, mother, it is rightfully yours. It is your achievement. There was a storm of applause now. The crowd stood up and there were tears in many eyes. This son has known the fifth commandment. He has learnt to honour his mother who had made so much sacrifice for her son. He wasn’t ashamed to pronounce the lovely words of mother, mommy. This young man reminded me of an old case. A man of my age was walking with his father on the street, and at the corner they bumped into a friend of his. He went on with his friend, having left his father behind. Over his shoulder he pointed back with his thumb, saying, ‘That’s my guv’. I am very sad to hear similar disrespectful, improper expressions even today, like ‘My old man’. I am very grateful to my heavenly father that it is not a common symptom. I know plenty of respectful young man and ladies in my milieu. Proverbs 4,1-10-27 Ephesians 6,1-3 A mother of two was telling me about her son and a few years younger daughter, who had challenged their parents’ patience on so many ways. They examined them again and again in the area of child-training. One time the 14-year-old boy has put on poster of his adored singers all over the walls of his room. The clothes those people are wearing, the music they play and the words they sing were offending for the parents, and moreover, they hurt God’s glory. Having explained the reasons they asked their son, Zoli, to take them off the wall. First the boy offered resistance, then he took them off with much grumbling. After a few days the falls were covered by

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similarly shameful posters. Now it was the parents’ turn, they personally took of the shots from different papers. Well, Zoli was not impressed at all. The mother and father realised that the spirit of rebellion took possession of their older child. Remembering the teaching of Ephesians 6,11 they started a spiritual battle. They confessed their faith. They proclaimed that God can enable them to win. They not only gave orders to their son but prayed for him, too. They knew that they can stand against the evil only by putting on God’s armour. Soon, they started to see changes in their son’s behaviour. He hanged up pictures and shots from magazines on the walls again, but this time they were perfectly suitable to the Bible values accepted by the parents.  Having heard this latest story I was reminded of another family. I visited them with my wife 30 years ago. After lunch they showed us their nice, spacious house. In the boys’ room the walls weren’t seen because they were full of pictures. But they showed the spirits of the boys, for the pictures talked. I said nothing, but I grew very sad. The father must have seen it on my face because he tried to explain things… As a father of little children at that time I was wondering, ‘Is this what we have to count on? Is it what will happen to us when our children are teenagers?’ On the way back home I was conversing with my wife. Training of our children was in our mind. We agreed again that we would be very carefully studying the teaching of the Bible regarding this question. We searched the Bible for answers to our questions and we were answered. It is not right at all for the boys and girls to behave like that. It is not only a possibility for us, parents, to train and discipline our children according to their ages, but it is our duty. I think that the view of that room helped us to a certain extent to obey God’s words: to teach our children to obey their parents, the adults and certainly to God’s Word. I am very grateful to my Lord for having taught us how to train our children.  We have two resourceful, self-willed children. One of them had enough of having to obey and he complained last week, saying ‘Mom, this is absolutely unfair. You are just bossing us around. And we always have to do whatever you want.’ It was so sudden, that I hardly knew what to do. I was angry, because it was the third time that day that he did not obey me. But I knew that a simple punishment won’t solve this problem. Then I had an idea. I told him with forceful but not angry intonation that he was to do what I had asked him to do earlier, but afterwards he should come into my room. I did not tell him that he wasn’t invited to be punished but for a conversation, so he was careful enough when entering my room. He was so despaired deep in the misery of disobedience. I gave him a hug and asked him to sit next to me. Then I said to him, ‘Sweetheart, it’s not only you who has to obey. We, adults, can not do whatever we want, either. Sometimes it’s very hard to do something that God wants us to do, something hard or something we don’t feel like doing. But for His sake, to express our love to Him we accomplish it.’ Then he went, ‘That’s all right, Mom, but you do it because you know what the reason is.’ I replied saying, ‘Yes, I honour and love the Lord Jesus. And I know that whatever He wants me to do will have a good ending, even if I don’t feel it or feel like doing it.’ He couldn’t have given a better answer, I thought. Then I continued, ‘If you don’t feel like obeying my “bossing you around”, remember, that IT IS EASIER IF YOU KNOW THE REASON(S). 1, Because God asks you to honour your father and mother so that you have a long life on the Earth. 2, Because the Bible gives the command to you, children, to obey your parents for that is right. 3, And you know that I want good for you, and I will never ask you to do something that you are unable to accomplish or something that would cause you harm. He seemingly calmed down. At least there is no more obeying without any reason. He might have needed to talk over this question of ‘who gives the orders to whom, and why?’ 

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We make a big mistake if we don’t teach our little ones that as long as they are children, they ought to obey. Not because it is comfortable to us, but because this is what God commands, and also because this is what helps us to drive them into the good direction. Just think of it. It is so much easier for them to learn it in their childhood that they have to give up their own will and desires, and accomplish something else instead. They can’t do what they think is right but they have to do what daddy or mommy says. They have to accept that this is right even if they don’t like it. Certainly, there is often whimpering or grumbling, but is also happened more than one time that, at a later date, they said, ‘How good it is to having done what you asked us to do’.
Mrs Gyula Fülöp

 I am eight years old. Mother told me in the evening that I had to take a shower. I really did not feel like taking one, and I just wanted to do my will. I would have preferred having a bath, because I don’t like taking a shower. Then my mother pulled me into the bathtub, made me climb in and ordered me to take a shower. So I took a shower, though I didn’t even remember the verse from the Bible saying, ‘Children, obey your parents”. I think I did the right thing, though I did not like the fact that it wasn’t my will that was accomplished. But Jesus was very glad that I obeyed my mommy.
J Bodrogi

CHILDREN

REJECTING

BIBLE

VALUES

2Timothy 3:1-3 Genesis 26,35 (34-35) Genesis 27,46 (1-46) Proverbs 15,5 32 Proverbs 19,26-27 Proverbs 29,1 I know of a lady who started rebelling in her teens. She has rejected her parents’ teaching. She still attended church for a while, but she wasn’t interested in the things she heard there…

This story is not translated yet.
Giving an example
1Tim 4,12 ’Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.’ 3John 11. ’Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.’ 2Tim 3,10 ’Now you have closely observed and diligently followed my teaching, conduct, purpose in life, faith, patience, love, steadfastness…’ (Amplified Bible)

Children and young people can be good examples among their mates, even to Christians. It is most desirable that our growing children would have such effect on their surroundings.  Both good and bad qualities are learnt. So it is not all the same what is taught to our children. We might not teach bad things to them on purpose, but if our lives show a bad example for them, we may train bad qualities in them. There is a church-attending couple where the husband is always pestering his wife, talking to her rudely, condescending towards her. His son is only 6 years of

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age, but hearing and seeing how father treats mother, he starts to treat his sister two years his junior the very same way. If there is no change, no repentance in the father’s life, we can’t expect much of his son either, because that’s what he sees at home, and for him it seems to be the normal way of treating of a wife.  When I was a child, the whole family lived in one room, no matter how many children were there. As there are 9 brothers and sisters in our family, the situation was settled by my father, who has bought bunk-beds made of steel to use up the space more efficiently. We, the older ones, used these beds, the four small ones all in one bed. I can remember several occasions when not only the four little ones shared one bed, but there were children sleeping at the feet of my parents of small stature. In circumstances like this everybody saw and heard everything, regardless whether good or bad. For the children their parents’ life was an open book, there were hardly any things they were able to keep from us. We always knew if somebody got out of the bed on the wrong side or when a headache was killing one of us. We got the news of a happy or sad happening straight from the horse's mouth. And what is more, it came to light very fast if someone did not practice what he preached. In such an atmosphere our parents’ example and way of living was more powerful than their teaching. In my recollections decades later I am trying to summarize the way we were brought up. I have to realize how little I remember of details. But I do remember that our mother, not fruitless, has tried to save us from having to get up early and from demanding work, still, I have never felt my parents working against each other, having different ideas of things. I can remember of occasional conflicts. But the fact that is the most remarkable is that the two of them, in harmony with each other, have brought us up and teaching us with the responsibility given by God. This teaching didn’t come through only by giving of orders; they caught much of our attention by their examples. I am using plural because I know that my older and younger brothers and sisters experienced these things likewise. We have seen that in addition to their hard work came social responsiveness and honouring of God. They knew Jesus’ words very well, ’But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’ Matthew 6,33. For them it meant spending time with reading the Bible and praying even in the busiest time, and they have never neglected the fellowship with God’s people. They have attended every meeting, not only the ones on Sunday but the midweek ones, too. It meant that, first, they rather have let the downy mildew destroy the grapes or the already cut and dry grass to get wet again as a result of not having finished the collecting of them on Saturday, but they never did work on the Lord’s day, on Sunday. Secondly it also meant that on the evenings of a church meeting my mother, who was very neat and was known of her gleaming house, exceptionally didn’t get bothered with solid washing and changing into something proper; but instead of going home from the vineyard to our farm, we went straight to the church in the village. Thus we didn’t need to stop working early; still we gave food to our spirit during the week. However, at that time the time of the beginning of a weekday church meeting was changed regularly according to the sunset. In June and July it might have started as late as 8pm or 8.30pm. I am very grateful to God for the fact that being a child of such parents, having followed their examples, I, together with my brothers and sisters, was taught things worth passing on.  In our recent church, which was founded eleven years ago, there are only a few of us who got saved as a child. Most people here don’t have a committed Christian background, as they came to Christ as adults. I think they can feel the contrast between their sinful past and the cleansed present. Katika belongs to the latest group. She has brought hardly any examples worthy of imitation. Nor she has religious traditions. She got saved 11 years ago and ever since her life is being framed. She loves Jesus Christ very much. She spends much time having fellowship

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with Him. She learns more and more on the way leading to Heaven. She often experiences the blessings coming through worshipping and adoring God, which often makes her kneel down. She always brings her two youngest children to the church, and they sit next to her, other times they stand or even kneel down alongside her. Especially Fanni, her 9-year-old daughter, follows her mother’s example. I heard the followings from Katika a few years ago: ‘After having got saved for a long time I haven’t thought of falling on my knees when I pray. But one time some hard things came to my life. I didn’t see any solution, for me it seemed a no way out situation. In my misery I fell on my knees and begged to the Father for mercy. I have stayed on my knees for a long time; it felt good to express my humbleness in front of the Lord. I have received an answer for my prayer. Since then I love praying on my knees in order to express my reverence to the Lord.’ Lately, Fanni often falls on her knees alongside her mother and worships the Father with lifted arms. You might say that she only copies her mother. I might say that, too. But let me ask something from you. What does your child do when he copies you? What does he imitates from you? What does your little son or daughter see when looking at you? Does he see you reading your Bible regularly, sanctifying Sunday, going to each of every meeting at church, having a loving attitude to your husband/wife, bearing suffering patiently? Or does he see you shouting, being furious, keeping grumbling? Does he see your being afraid of death? If that’s what he can see, that’s what he will imitate. He will be shouting, furious, grumbling and will be afraid of death. Do remember that our child imitates you. Because that’s the way they learn.  Another personal example of giving examples. It’s been almost two decades since we have been in a mission in which God takes care of our financial situation through others. I and my wife serve the Lord full time. We want to use the given goods wisely and we don’t want to heat the yard, for instance. Every time before leaving a room I turn off the heating not to heat it unnecessarily. This action has become a lifestyle of mine during the last years. Our children have seen it. They, too, are careful to turn off the heating. This happened again today. Lilla alongside her mother was selecting the aid. As it is very cold outside, I put the heating on for them in that very room. At noon they stopped for lunch and turned the heating off immediately because it seemed that they would not be able to continue working in the afternoon. But while eating we learnt that our daughter Hella would be at home and she can look after Lilla’s little one, so that they could go on grouping the aid with my dear Agnes. So I hurried over the next-door building to put the heating on again. Responsibility wasn’t a burden only on Apostle Paul’s shoulders but on mine, too. I would like to walk in front of my family and my church in such a way that there would be blessing coming out of others’ following of my teachings, life-style, faith, patience, love, steadfastness.  Training for obedience – forming of respect of authority in the child
Colossians 3,20 (Ephesians 6,1) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. KJV 1Tim 3,4 ’He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him.’ NLT Rom 12,10 ’Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another.’ Amplified

Respect of authority is not is the child when he comes to this world. The parents have to help it develop and teach the child to actually be respectful. It has to be done with love, consistency and teaching.

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Obedience is the first thing to learn in order to attain right discipline. Parents can not teach any other more important thing to their child than obedience. For he can not teach anything without the child being obedient. It is a regrettable fact that Satan has misrepresented this biblical truth. It’s not only the children who protest against obeying, but often the parents, too. They say that it might cause damage in the child’s personality, so they don’t require obedience. The very first sin in the Garden of Eden arose from disobedience. Ever since, even in the 21st century, the root of every sin comes from disobedience. A child, who has learnt to obey at home from his parents, can be called happy without a question. You can trace it that those youngsters who were taught to obey can adjust to real life a lot easier. They will be better wives/husbands, and they will also prove to be better employees in their more and more demanding workplace. A child who has learnt to obey will obey easier to God’s teaching and discipline, too. He will learn self-discipline easier and with more likelihood. While teaching about discipline, parents have to establish rules. It is very important for the husband and the wife to be in unity as they are defining the rules. If a child breaks the rule, he has to be punished. It is also important that the child knows what the punishment for certain contravention is. If a child does not get punishment for contraventions, he will commit an offence again and again, because this is what comes with our sinful nature. This is not abnormality at all. This is why the Bible warns us several occasions to punish our children (Hebrews 12,4-11, Proverbs 23,13-14). Let me mention only one example showing how much harm we cause to our child when neglecting punishment, if we don’t teach them to move according to the Highway Code. Being careless can cause accidents on the road, causing much trouble to himself and his parents. He can even cause a fatal accident either to himself or someone else. I have mentioned the following before, but I feel it important to repeat it for it is very important. The most important condition of discipline is to happen with a loving heart. The parent has to do everything possible to let the child understand and see it clearly that parental severity is not against him but for him, and this is the proof of his parents love.  I would like to mention a special way of honouring the parents. In addition to bringing up their 9 children, my parents worked hard on their fields. They went to the market regularly to sell the crop and do the necessary shopping. Usually it took two mornings. On these mornings either one of our older cousins was asked to come over to babysit, or a man of my father called Mátyás Fehér, who helped him throughout the year. When he was ordered to look after us for a few hours, he was given all the authority and rights, which meant that we had to obey him in everything. He was a very trustworthy but very strict man. My parents didn’t need to worry, but we did worry, for we know that he would be very rigor. To make use of the morning, he has brought with him his simple radio with earphones, and listened to it all morning. But he did not wasn’t negligent of his duties as a baby-sitter. He had a very long withy on him, and he was holding it in his right hand. If any of us was too loud, he cracked him down for having disturbed his listening. He never hit to big so he didn’t hurt us, but still, it was not a desirable thing to be cracked. So in order to avoid penalty we respected the authority given to him.  In our family parents were held in reverence. Both of them. I can’t think of a situation in which we would have been less obedient to one than to the other. As any child, we tried everything for the sake of the cause. Muttering, bitching, caterwauling, turmoil, begging, beseeching did often happen, but was stopped very quickly, but we hardly dared to say ‘no’ to them. Even if we happened to say it, it made no impact at all. Parental authority was above all. We weren’t in the same weight category. There was no equality, no democracy. We weren’t given a choice to decide: is it good for you or not. Our desires and wishes were listened to, but we didn’t have the right to make a decision. We very rarely managed to change their decision with beseeching or sweet-talk them into something.

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It meant that there was a certain distance between the parents and the children. We weren’t buddies. Sometimes it was hard for me, for I wanted to keep friends with them. To make merry with them. But it wasn’t possible on the way I had imagined. The point wasn’t taken. They could have joined in, but they did not want to. They knew that as soon as they handle us as a partner in a question, we will start negotiating. And if they don’t want to give the leading post over, there is no point in negotiating, because it will only cause an argument. If it is a decision that the parents should make the decision not the child, why argue? It is a wonderful thing when the parents get on very well with the child. And it also seems to be desirable to be buddies. There might be ways to accomplish it in a parent-child relationship without causing any damage. Still, I don’t mind any more that we weren’t buddies with my parents. In our family this was the price for order, discipline, authority and obedience. The positive effect of these is a good enough consolation prize for the lack of having been buddies.
FD

p.65.

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