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Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Tom Cruise or Madonna (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question). Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only). Bring a "Word-a-Day" calendar on board with you. Read every single word aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly. "'My, you have a very irate home,' she said governessly." Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here. . . ." Bring a duffel bag packed with pipe cleaners, styrofoam balls, construction paper, etc. Organize a "Kraft Korner". Make a craft likeness of the person sitting next to you. Give yourself an "F." Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra. Bring your computer keyboard without a monitor. Place it on your lap. Stare into the palm of your hand. Wait. Push the return key a few times. Yell out "Yes! Alright! I told them I didn't need a laptop!" Plug the headphones into your nostril and play Doom. Call the stewardess "nurse." Continually offer to share your "Beano." Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea. Disco dance in the aisle. Don't use deodorant, then "accidentally" stick your armpit in someone's face. During the in-flight movie, ask to share headphones with someone. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar. Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't." Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!" Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preparation H to your hemorrhoids. Hum the Monty Python theme song. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH! I left the stove on!" Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!" Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason. Show off your Batman underwear. Sing along with the songs on your Walkman. Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, "You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person's photograph...you own their soul...," while smiling maniacally. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to cover it. Snort when you laugh. Speak in Spelling Bee-eese: "Hello. H-e-l-l-o. Hello. Nice weather we're having isn't it? Weather. W-e-a-th-e-r. Weather." Spill soda "Accidentally" on the person next to you. Start a hot dog stand. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask someone if they have a bat you could use to test.
pretend that you don't know and you have to go ask someone else. write "for sensual massage. With a desperate look. and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person. 11. 24. Tell the person next to you your life story." 18. 14. Name your dog "Dog. In the memo field of all your checks." 5. and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub. spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. Tell your fellow passenger that you just heard the bathrooms were out-of-order. Sniff incessantly." 15. and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace. Speak only in a "robot" voice." 19. 7." 10. ask the stewardess where the bathroom is. "How are you today?" "How can I help you." "what would you like to order") When two people kiss in the film. tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 17 inch paper. 9. Repeat with every question.. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often. 25. Insist that your drive-through order is "to go. 1. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard." . 6. from DNA to that afternoon. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. then look relieved and say "Nevermind. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%." 20. and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy. Declare your apartment an independent nation.. 8.Tell corny jokes and laugh like it's absolutely hilarious. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen." 4." 26." 16. If you have a glass eye. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations. then expect others to do the same 46. Practice making fax and modem noises. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show. (ie. "Did you know that peanuts are a natural diuretic?" Smile. extra dark. 12. Then pause and say. Do you have any towels?" Keep blabbing on and on and on about something totally dumb and keep branching off the subject. Learn Morse code. seeing if anyone notices. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 17. say "Hey! He/she must be real cold!" When they ask something. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss. 23. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 3. and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up. 13. 2.. Follow a few paces behind someone. Forget the punchline to a long joke. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 99 copies. 22. belch real loud. When there's any nudity. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 21.
call out a random name and if someone looks keep calling it out for the rest of the flight :P Chew really loud while you eat Start clapping loudly for no reason While pretending to sleep. Bring a novel and read the book out loud. 30. slowly make your head "fall" onto the strangers shoulder.27. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. Make weird faces at people. 29. . producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at any moment. Rest your head there for a while. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. 31. and snort a couple of times. mumble something in the likes of "oh baby I love you". 32. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences.