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Economics Mathematics Statistics Physics
Preface: Unlike some theorems in awful thick books, the purpose of this collection of jokes on scientists and other professions alike is quite practical, that is these jokes serve as hint or opening in certain conferences or like a quote which help people to focus on certain topics. While that purpose appear to be quite off the wall, there is a quote saying that reading a witty joke can be as refreshing as reading a mediocre scientific paper. In certain jokes, you can even grasp with clarity and in concise way certain ideas from specific subjects in science. While none of those jokes are very new, we categorize them into four different subject of interest in order you can quickly search for quote. All in all, we hope that this collection is not only refreshing but also helpful in your daily tasks.
21 September 2010 Best wishes
TEN THINGS TO DO WITH A GRADUATE ECONOMICS TEXTBOOK 1. Press pretty flowers. 2. Press pretty insects. 3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk. 4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates. 5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic. 6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play. 7. Just throw the damn thing away. 8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with. 9. Read it (ha ha ha), and weep. 10. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy weekend's beer supply. Source:  ------An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy. Source:  ------Economics has gotten so rigorous we've all got rigor mortis. Presumably said by Kenneth Boulding A possible correction by Mike: Kenneth Boulding said, "Mathematics brought rigor to Economics. Unfortunately, it also brought mortis." Source:  ------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. Source: 
------In Canada there is a small radical group that refuses to speak english and no one can understand them. They are called separatists. In this country (USA) we have the same kind of group. They are called economists. Nation's Business Source:  ------A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off: - The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital. - The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy. - The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck." Source:  ------Light bulb jokes are always in... Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it. Source:  ------Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? A1: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in. A2: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
A3: None, they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium. (The above light bulb jokes were mostly stolen from an article in The Wharton Journal, Feb. 21, 1994, by Selena Maranjian, who undoubtedly pilfered the humor from someone else.) Source:  ------Q: Why did God create economists? A: In order to make weather forecasters look good. Source: 
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination. Source:  ------"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." (P. Erdos) Addendum: American coffee is good for lemmas. Source:  ------An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care. Source:  ------Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. -- Goethe Source:  ------A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. Source:  ------Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. Source:  -------
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. Source:  ------A mathematician, scientist, and engineer are each asked: "Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a horse have?" The mathematician answers "5"; the scientist "1"; and the engineer says "But you can't do that!” Source:  ------A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black." "Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black." "No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!" Source:  ------A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!" Source:  ------A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the food!" And he gets up and storms out.
The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach the food?" The physicist smiles and replies: "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!" Source:  -------
There once was a statistician named Maximilian Who gained his fame as a nonparametrician He fondly professed his preference for rank Though most of his colleagues thought that this stank And after many failed rejections of the null he was tagged an antiquarian. Source:  ------Husband returns home from a doctor's visit with a sad face. Wife: "What did the doctor say?" Husband: "I have Dyscalculia. It's a math disorder." Wife: "How bad is it?" Husband: "The Doctor said not to worry. 100 out of every 15 people have it." Source:  ------How is a normal probability distribution like a lion? They both have a MEAN MEW. *Thanks are in order to Cynthia Gadol, an AP Statistics Teacher at Thomas Jefferson Classical Academy, for sending me this neat little pun. She claims she heard it years ago from Professor Rolf Bargmann at the University of Georgia. Source:  ------A freshman college student had the misfortune of having several auto accidents while living at home with his parents. One day his statistics professor told his class that 83% of all auto accidents happen within 20 miles of your home. The very next day the student moved 22 miles from home and never had another accident during his entire college career!!!
*This young man found a neat way to beat the odds. Source:  ------A statistician is a professional who dilegently collects facts and data and then carefully draws confusions about them.--- Author unknown thank goodness! Source:  -------
If it wiggles it's biology... If it stinks, it's chemistry... If it does not work, it's physics.. Source:  ------The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results. Source:  ------I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost... Source:  ------Someone once said that the point of higher education was so that you could understand more jokes. Source:  ------The USDA once wanted to make cows produce milk faster, to improve the dairy industry. So, they decided to consult the foremost biologists and recombinant DNA technicians to build them a better cow. They assembled this team of great scientists, and gave them unlimited funding. They requested rare chemicals, weird bacteria, tons of quarantine equipment, there
was a horrible typhus epidemic they started by accident, and, 2 years later, they came back with the "new, improved cow." It had a milk production improvement of 2% over the original. They then tried with the greatest Nobel Prize winning chemists around. They worked for six months, and, after requisitioning tons of chemical equipment, and poisoning half the small town in Colorado where they were working with a toxic cloud from one of their experiments, they got a 5% improvement in milk output. The physicists tried for a year, and, after ten thousand cows were subjected to radiation therapy, they got a 1% improvement in output. Finally, in desperation, they turned to the mathematicians. The foremost mathematician of his time offered to help them with the problem. Upon hearing the problem, he told the delegation that they could come back in the morning and he would have solved the problem. In the morning, they came back, and he handed them a piece of paper with the computations for the new, 300% improved milk cow. The plans began: "A Proof of the Attainability of Increased Milk Output from Bovines: Consider a spherical cow......" Source:  ------What is "pi"?
Pi is the ratio of circumference of a circle to its diameter. Pi is about 22/7. Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Engineer: Computer Programmer: Nutritionist: Source:  -------
You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
References:  JokEc. http://economicscience.net/content/JokEc  economics jokes. http://www.uh.edu/~trdegreg/econjoke.htm  econ jokes. http://www.nd.edu/~jstiver/jokes.htm  statistics jokes. http://my.ilstu.edu/~gcramsey/Gallery.html  physics. http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/6.html  mathematical humor, collected by A. & E. Cherkaev, email: firstname.lastname@example.org, http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html  assorted jokes from physics, engineering, math etc., http://wilk4.com/humor/humore30.htm
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