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The Office: Michael Sighting By Luke Rutan

December 13, 2012

COLD OPEN INT. OFFICE - DAY 1 - EARLY MORNING KEVIN comes bursting into the office, panting. KEVIN Everyone stop what youre doing! ANGELA Kevin, how many times do we have to tell you. No ones eating your breakfast bagels in the morning. ZOOM IN ON: PETE secretly spitting a breakfast bagel into the trash. KEVIN This is way bigger than breakfast bagels Angela! You guys will never guess who I saw in Wal-mart last night. PAM An old lady in her pajamas? KEVIN No. OSCAR A baby with a mullet? KEVIN No... PETE Oh! One of those smokers with a hole in his throat? PAM I sense that were on the right track. KEVIN I was buying my usual Tuesday double-dozen donut special in the bakery, and there he was, across the parking lot. The one. The only. Michael Scott. Everyone reacts with surprise.

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CREED TALKING HEAD CREED Michael who? END OF COLD OPEN ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. OFFICE - D1 - CONTINUOUS PAM Wait--are you sure you saw Michael in a Wal-mart? Maybe the guy just looked like him. DWIGHT (laughing) Yeah. I mean, do you really think Michael would support a mega corporation thats selling this country to the Chinese? Give me a break. KEVIN It was pretty clear. I saw the back of his head. If anyone knows the back of Michaels head, its me. MEREDITH What was he buying? Something kinky? PHYLLIS Why didnt you say hi? KEVIN Donuts dont stay fresh forever, Phyllis. But dont worry, I took pictures! Kevin whips out his iPhone as everyone gathers closer. He displays several pictures, but theyre all blurry or pointed at Kevins feet.

3. OSCAR TALKING HEAD OSCAR Kevins sister sent him an iPhone 5 as an early Christmas gift. Needless to say, its been a pretty high learning curve. INT. OFFICE - KEVINS CUBICLE - FLASHBACK Kevin activates his phones Siri feature. KEVIN Siri, take me to the bathroom. SIRI I couldnt find any public toilets. Confused and disappointed, Kevin returns to his cubicle and "holds it." OSCAR TALKING HEAD - PRESENT OSCAR If you ask me, technology is a privilege, not a right. INT. OFFICE - D1 - CONTINUOUS Everyone backs away from Kevin, appearing doubtful. ANGELA Those pictures are all terrible Kevin. And it looks like this persons buying alcohol. PHYLLIS Besides, if he and Holly were back in town from Colorado he would tell us right away. Just then, Pam notices something outside the window. PAM Hey look, someones pulling in! The camera hurries over to REVEAL just that. Pam, Kevin, ERIN, PHYLLIS, DARRYL, Oscar, and Angela crowd the window. The door opens, and a JANITOR steps out. The crowd lets out a sigh.

(CONTINUED)

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NELLIE (from her desk) You all are acting like a bunch of giddy, half-naked schoolgirls. DWIGHT Agreed. CUT TO: Petes confused reaction to this line. BACK TO: NELLIE (CONTD) You havent accepted the fact that Michael abandoned you for some bimbo, Andys left to play with his toy boat-ERIN (politely) Oh, actually its a real boat. NELLIE And now Jims leaving us to be some hotshot sports agent, a regular Mark Maguire. PAM I think thats-(then, soto:) Pick your battles Pam. NELLIE I say, were better off without all of them. What do you say? Pam rolls her eyes. But Erin looks concerned and returns quickly to her desk. ERIN (V.O.) Andys been out at sea with his brother for a week now. ERIN TALKING HEAD ERIN He seems to be really learning a lot about himself. From what I hear. He doesnt call much. (laughs nervously) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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ERIN (contd) Except for one time when he was drunk and thought he was talking to Shamu. Erins smile turns to obvious sadness. PAM TALKING HEAD PAM Hows Jim? Hes great. I mean, I miss him already. But hes pursuing his dream. Our dream. Something he cant do from here. INT. MANAGERS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Nellie is sitting with her feet up on the empty desk, eating pork rinds and leaving crumbs everywhere. PAM (V.O.) I just hope he and Andy get back soon. PAM TALKING HEAD PAM (looking around nervously) We really, really need a manager. INT. BREAK ROOM - D1 - LATER SPY SHOT: Stanley is doing a crossword puzzle at the table. Toby walks in, glances over awkwardly, buys a granola bar from the vending machine, and looks over again. He glances at his watch. TOBY You know, its 3:00. You should proabably think about finishing up your lunch break. STANLEY (Not looking up) Got a complaint? File it with your superiors. Toby glances at the camera as he exits, defeated.

6. INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION - D1 Pete approaches Erins desk, flirtatious as always. PETE Hey, hot stuff. ERIN (uncomfortable) Oh, hi Pete... PETE Relax, Im just kiddin around. I know you and Andy are still lovebirds. ERIN (laughs nervously) Yep, hes my soulmate. No doubt about that! PETE Right. So, do you think Kevin really saw Michael at a Wal-mart? ERIN No, thats crazy. Hes like, a thousand miles away. PETE Yeah. But you cant blame Michael for it. Choosing love over his own pursuits. So noble. But dont worry, Im sure Andy would never abandon you like that. Pete smiles at her and walks away. Erin turns away dazed, and tries to focus on her mundane computer chore. INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING - CONTINUOUS Oscar and Angela are hard at work, while Kevin is sifting through hundreds of terrible photos on his phone. ANGELA Ugh, are you going to play with that thing all day? KEVIN Im telling you guys, I saw Michael. Hes on this thing somewhere.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: OSCAR Im sure he looked similar, Kevin. (glancing over) Geez, how many did you take? KEVIN I got this app that lets me take like, a bazillion pictures a second. That way I could guarantee thered be a good one. OSCAR (cringing at the bad pictures) Youd think so.

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Dwight walks out of the break room behind them and sees over Kevins shoulder. DWIGHT Give that to me. You want to pinpoint someones identity? Let the expert handle it. Dwight yanks the phone and cord from Kevin, walks briskly back to his desk, plugs it into his computer. CUT TO: CU: Dwights Facebook page. Friends: 15. PAM TALKING HEAD PAM A couple weeks ago, Jim convinced Dwight that Facebook is actually just advanced facial recognition software. INT. OFFICE - D1 - CONTINUOUS CU: Facebook has tagged a blurry photo, and asks "Who is this?" Dwight begins typing Michaels name, and it pops up. DWIGHT (yelling) Ladies and gentlemen. I have confirmation: this man is in fact, Michael Gary Scott! Everyone perks up. DARRYL steps out of his office to take a look.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DARRYL Isnt that just Facebook?

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Everyone goes back to their work. Dwight looks confused. DWIGHT Yeah, a book of faces! He came up in the database! PAM TALKING HEAD PAM (smiling) Jim will be so proud of himself. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. PHILADELPHIA - BUSY STREET - EVENING - D1 Jim enters a very classy bar in a happening part of town. INT. CLASSY BAR - CONTINUOUS Jims "Athlead" business partners, BRYCE, JASON, and GRANT, are already waiting for him, beers in hand. BRYCE There he is. We were starting to worry. JIM Sorry guys, Pam called right as I was pulling in the parking lot...you know how that is. JASON Right. Well lets jump right in where we left off. Looking at these market projections for the Philly area-Jims text alert RINGS. The screen displays Pams name and picture as Jim glances down. The message reads: "Almost forgot. 2 words: Dwight. Facebook." Jim laughs, glances up, and sees the guys eyeing him. (CONTINUED)

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BRYCE Jim. I know its hard to disconnect, but try to treat this like an actual work meeting. JIM Right. Just like work. My bad. INT. OFFICE - EVENING - D1 Kevin comes rushing in again. De ja vu. KEVIN Okay, youre really not gonna believe me this time. But I think I saw Michael again. The entire office groans. STANLEY Yeah, and I saw Santa poop out the Easter bunny last night. ANGELA Uggh. Thats horrifying. ERIN Stanley, this is no time for tall tales. (to Kevin) Where did you see him? KEVIN At the bottom of the stairs! OSCAR What are you talking about? KEVIN It looked like he was hiding, so I didnt bother him. Darryl gives the camera a look. "Really?" PAM (standing up) Lets go check it out. Whos coming with? DWIGHT (on edge) Ill lead the way. It might be Stu.

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DWIGHT TALKING HEAD DWIGHT Stu is a homeless man that I ran into outside the dumpsters last week. EXT. DUNDER MIFFLING PARKING LOT - EVENING - FLASHBACK WIDE SHOT: Dwight backs out and literally runs over STU in his car, a ragged homeless man, knocking him to the ground. DWIGHT (V.O.) I rushed to his aid, but was met with unwarranted hostility. As Dwight goes to help him, Stu whips out a .22 and holds it to Dwights head. DWIGHT TALKING HEAD DWIGHT I managed to calm him down and get his name, but nevertheless, hes on the loose. Im not scared of Stu at all. Its just...more logical to park across the street for awhile. INT. OFFICE - LOBBY/STAIRWELL - CONTINUOUS Dwight, Pam, Darryl, Oscar, Angela, and Phyllis make their way out of the office and down the stairs. KEVIN I saw him right...here. He points to a large plant near the stairs, but the camera WHIPS over to a side door, which is still in motion from being closed. EXT. DUNDER MIFFLIN PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS The crew rushes outside to see MICHAEL squealing away in his car, running over a curb, backing up, and fumbling with the clutch. He can barely control the vehicle.

(CONTINUED)

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MICHAEL Damn stick shift! Everyone expresses their surprise ("Michael!", etc.) and rushes over to his car. Michael concedes; hes been caught. PAM Michael! Oh my God, what-- what are you doing here? MICHAEL (out of breath) Wow guys, what are the chances?! How funny. I was just in the neighborhood, just cruisin through, thought Id check out the old office scene again. DWIGHT Just cruising through from Boulder? MICHAEL Yeah. Why not. Seemed like a good idea--at the time... PHYLLIS Michael, its good to see you, but whats going on? Michael pauses and glances at the camera. EXT. DUNDER MIFFLIN - MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL Okay, hiding in a plant under the stairs, yes. Strange. Its just...the battle-ax in the lobby wouldnt let me in the elevator without clearance, and she confiscated my booze, and I panicked, and... (gathering himself, smiling) Guess I still surprised them, huh? INT. OFFICE - EVENING - D1 Dwight, Pam, Darryl, Oscar, Angela, and Phyllis return to the office.

(CONTINUED)

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PAM (to the rest of the office) Ladies and gentlemen, at this time would you please welcome back to the stage-An off-camera WHISPER interrupts Pam. PAM Oh, my apologies. Would you please give a round of applause to-MICHAEL (walking out, a little annnoyed) No Pam, you killed it. But thats okay. Classic Pam, right? Pam looks at the camera: "What?" The rest of the office reacts in surprise and stands. MICHAEL Wow, it feels like I never left. He walks over to his former office, now empty. MICHAEL (CONTD) Arent you supposed to have a branch manager around here somewhere? I dont count guys, cmon, stop it. Nobody had said anything. Nellie stands up from her desk. NELLIE Actually, Andy is a little MIA at the moment. Took a little boat ride it seems. Away from us. ERIN Its self-discovery. Maybe we could learn something from his adventurous spirit. OSCAR So Michael, where are you working these days? PHYLLIS Yeah, and hows Holly? Where is she?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: MICHAEL (clearly avoiding) Mmmm...you know what? I dont think we should focus so much on me right now. So, who wants to go celebrate my return? Dinner on me? Right now?

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Stanley suddenly perks up, hops out of his seat, and shakes Michaels hand. STANLEY Great to have you back Michael. PAM You wanna buy us all dinner? MICHAEL Absolutely. Its what any self-respecting former manager with loads of cash would do. Chilis? TOBY Actually I have a lot of paperwork to finish-MICHAEL (clapping his hands) Great, lets go! Everybody in the car! MEREDITH Pam cant go to Chilis. She was banned for getting totally wasted at the Dundies, remember? PAM Thank you Meredith. MICHAEL Oh yeah, hmm, well that really sucks you cant go. Hate for you to miss a classic Michael Party. Its going to be classic. DARRYL TALKING HEAD DARRYL Yeah, its great having Michael back. I almost kinda missed him. Although its a little weird that he just showed up. And I dont know why he keeps saying "classic" over and over.

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DWIGHT TALKING HEAD DWIGHT I knew this day would come sooner rather than later. Which is why I made a list of everything I still need to talk to Michael about. (unfolds a list) #6: Our favorite German operas. #18: What our most terrifying nightmares are. #37: Our preferred ways to die. (Mines death by instant bear attack). Ah yes. Lots of pleasant conversation to be had tonight. PAM TALKING HEAD In the background, everyone else is filing out and putting their jackets on. PAM He wouldnt change the restaurant. He actually wouldnt change the restaurant. I think I liked Michael better when he was in charge for real. INT. PHILADELPHIA - GRANTS APARTMENT - LATER Jim is walking through the hallway toward the guest bedroom where hes staying. Grant, an athletic trainer type, catches up with him. GRANT Hey, you sure youre alright on my pull-out couch again? Four nights in a row on that thing is punishment to your fascia muscles. JIM Yeah, of course. Weve always had good fascia muscles in my family. GRANT Alright man, goodnight. Oh, and sorry Bryce has been maybe kind of a...jerk lately. Hes just trying to balance a lot with this business, you know?

(CONTINUED)

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JIM (politely) Oh yeah, no, havent noticed. GRANT Just know that were all thrilled to have you on board. Lets stick it out for the long haul. Jims phone RINGS. Jim and Grant gesture goodnight once again as Jim picks up the phone and Grant exits. JIM This is Jim. David Wallace, funny you called. Ive been meaning to call you actually--no, its not too late at all. What can I do for you? END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - EVENING The whole crew (sans Pam) enters the restaurant. Its mostly empty. MICHAEL Wow, I dont believe it. Two whole years, this restaurants hardly changed a bit. Classic hangout spot. (to the busy host) Excuse me Miss, could you put us down for the best seats in the house? Special celebration. Its okay if we have to wait. HOST (thrown off) Alright, um...follow me. The host takes three steps to an average table, large enough for everybody. They all sit. MICHAEL Wow, this is perfect. Thank you.

(CONTINUED)

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OSCAR So, Michael, what brings you back to Scranton for a visit? MICHAEL Oh you know, sometimes you just have to reminisce. Go back to your roots to remind you where you came from. Otherwise it would be easy for me to get a big head, with all the success Ive had lately. ERIN What kind of success? MICHAEL Oh, a little of this, a little of that. A little of this and that. Pete and Gabe give each other a look. "What does that mean?" MICHAEL (CONTD) (to waiter) Can we have some wine over here please? A lot of wine please? WAITER What kind would you like? MICHAEL (reading the menu verbatim) Lets have the..."cabernet sauvignon." I love the "hint of oak and velvety texture", wouldnt you agree? WAITER Sure thing. ANGELA TALKING HEAD (REMOVED FROM TABLE) ANGELA Hes definitely hiding something. Probably an affair. I wouldnt know anything about that, of course...but yes. Definitely an affair.

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INT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS The waiter comes back with wine for everyone. Meredith naturally grabs two glasses, leaving Kevin empty-handed. INT. OFFICE - EVENING - SAME Pam is killing time alone behind her desk, by aiming paper footballs at the trash can and missing horribly. She stops, picks up the phone, and dials. JIMS VOICEMAIL (on phone) Hey everybody, I cant wait to take your call as fast as I possibly can, especially if youre my beautiful wife, in which case I probably should be answering anyway. Leave a message! PAM You will not believe who we found today below the stairs. And no, its not the homeless guy Ive been telling you about. INT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS MICHAEL So while were waiting on our food. What classic zany stories have I missed that youve been dying to tell me about? CREED I dared Kevin to eat a whole pack of sticky tack. MICHAEL Doesnt count, Kevinll eat anything. Next. Kevin gives a look of disappointment. DARRYL Alright then, our branch manager is practically dying in the middle of the ocean and our best salesperson is trying to quit for something better as we speak.

(CONTINUED)

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MICHAEL (passing it off) So things are pretty crazy as usual, huh? Classic Scranton branch for ya! ZOOM IN ON: Erin. Depressed yet again, she takes a swig of wine. PHYLLIS How long are you in town? MICHAEL Oh, I thought maybe a couple days. ...Or weeks. One or the other. PHYLLIS But why? Are you taking vacation? And wheres Holly? MICHAEL Holly is...in the mountains. Of Colorado. Shes hiking. And skiing. Thats what we do there. In Colorado. Everyone shifts around a bit. MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL (nearly at his breaking point) I think people can sense somethings not right. I dont know how--Ive always been an excellent liar. (looks back) But yes, Holly and I are...taking some break time. Its like a sports timeout. Except one teams mad at the other team because they havent gotten a job yet. So the other team has to leave because the first team is busy taking care of their old, dying coaches. Its a pretty close analogy.

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INT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS OSCAR Michael, can I ask you something? MICHAEL Yes Oscar? OSCAR Why....what are you doing here? What are we doing here, exactly? ANGELA Yeah Michael, whats going on? MEREDITH Not enough booze, too many questions, thats what. MICHAEL I just thought youd all wanna casually catch up, take me out to dinner, and share some memories of me. DARRYL I thought you were paying... MICHAEL Darryl, ugh. Look guys, I know this all seems a little strange and sudden to you-KEVIN And really weird. MICHAEL Okay, I said strange...anyway, let me be honest here-Everyone stops and stares at him. Michael is trembling and twitching, like hes about to explode in an emotional breakdown. And he does. He stands up and projects for the whole restaurant to hear. MICHAEL Its because I have to confess, ladies and gentlemen, that...Im a failure. Its true. The crowd and staff start to turn and look at Michael.

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MICHAEL The consensus is in. Holly hates me (thats my wife everybody. My wife hates me), I cant get a job in the paper business, and I run away and hide in plants a thousand miles away to get away. DWIGHT Michael. Maybe you should take it easy on the-MICHAEL NO. Its not the wine Dwight. Everybody in here listen. You cant trust love. And you cant trust Colorado. I knew I was right--I couldnt leave you guys. Did you know that old people in Colorado smell like dead buffalo? And thanks to Colorado, I know what DEAD BUFFALO smell like! A lot like this crappy wine, actually! WAITER Sir, I think its time you leave now. MICHAEL Time I leave? Maybe its time you leave, Brad. WAITER My names Phil. The waiter and manager escort Michael out of the building. EXT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - TOBY TALKING HEAD TOBY Im not sure what exactly is going on with Michael. But I do know that he and I will be having some very productive talks to get to the bottom of all this as long as hes here.

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EXT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL Please, for the love of God, dont let Toby talk to me about this. INT./EXT. GRANTS APARTMENT - NIGHT Jim puts his coat on and steps outside as he talks to David. JIM Yeah, David, I got ya, one second. Jim closes the door behind him, looks at the camera, and puts the phone on speaker. DAVID (O.S., on speaker) Great. Let me put this matter-of-factly Jim. Jim looks at the camera again, concerned. DAVID (CONTD) (O.S., on speaker) Your sales performance has been incredible this year. And...Ive always felt that you should have the chance to move up in Dunder Mifflin. (beat) I want to promote you, Jim. JIM Um, sorry? I think youre breaking up or something. Davids not breaking up. Jim is just incredulous. DAVID (CONTD) (O.S., on speaker) I said we want to promote you. Now that Im back I need a new Director of Sales here at corporate. I think youre the man for the job. JIM Wow David. Im honored. But you should know that--

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DAVID (O.S., on speaker) Did I mention it would double your pay? And this companys only going up now Jim. Youd have job security for a long time.

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Jim freezes in confused shock and looks at the camera again. INT. MICHAELS CAR - NIGHT Michael, Oscar, Angela, Dwight, and Erin are crammed in Michaels sporty little Mazda. Everyone sits in awkward silence. ERIN I...really like your car Michael. Very spacious. Shes in the front passenger seat. Clearly no one else shares her sentiments. Michael starts the car, but doesnt drive away yet. MICHAEL I know this all has to be shocking for everyone. I realize youve always looked up to me--almost like an idol. DWIGHT Were here for you Michael. Anything you need, Im here to talk. About anything. At all. EXT. CHILIS RESTAURANT - DWIGHT TALKING HEAD DWIGHT (pulling out his list) This list has 217 topics. Im not about to give up on it now. INT. MICHAELS CAR - NIGHT - SAME MICHAEL (CONTD) I just...things have been hard. I needed to get away, and remember when things were easier. When it was just me and my crew, you know? Michael starts driving out of the parking lot. He glances down at this gas gauge. (CONTINUED)

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MICHAEL Id still do anything for all of you. (beat) Oh crap, I need gas. Someone give me a twenty. As people awkwardly search their wallets for him: MICHAEL (V.O.) If theres anything Ive learned in the last couple years, its that even great people eventually hit hard times. EXT. DUNDER MIFFLILN - MICHAEL TALKING HEAD Everyone is heading inside the building except Michael. MICHAEL Muhammed Ali. Rome. Nicholas Cage. But you know what? Its just a phase. Theyll all rise again. Except Nicholas Cage. I mean, did you see Ghost Rider 2? INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - SAME Pam is looking in the fridge. Still all alone. She picks out Kevins sandwich. PAM (to camera) Kevin has 5 sandwiches in here. You dont think hell miss it do you? Pams phone RINGS, and she picks up cheerfully. INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION: PAM Jim! Ive been trying to get a hold of you...you wouldnt guess how many games of Solitaire Ive lost in the last hour. JIM Somewhere around 300, I take it?

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PAM 73. Dont be that guy. They both chuckle. JIM (CONTD) Look, I just got off the phone with David. Pam hears and sees people start to file in the main office outside the door. PAM And? Will he let you go down to part time? She takes one huge, frantic bite and throws the sandwich back in the fridge. JIM (unsure) Well, its funny actually. I was thinking about maybe a slight change in career plans. Pam, her mouth full of salami, freezes and looks at the camera. Confused. END OF SHOW